#But in reality? My stomach hurts.

[gary-goldstein-law]

All this money and you don't even tell your chef I get incredibly sick from lactose. #sufferingfromsuccess . That's a joke.

#But in reality? My stomach hurts. #So bad. #garyposting #hatchetblr

[buckttommy]

i don't want anything to hurt tommy. i don't want anyone to hurt tommy, even buck, and the fact that he's going to because it's inevitable, because he doesn't even have a choice in the matter, because the choice to fall in love with eddie was made long ago before he even realized he was making it, makes me so fucking GRUMPY, man !!!! like. having to choose between my three children, one of whom is completely traumatized but healing, one who needs to be chosen, and the other who's just trying to do and be good to make up for the harm he put into the world (y'know. presumably), all the while KNOWING i will ultimately choose buck/eddie and their happiness makes me completely want to kill a man. i am so serious. like

#i'll literally throw up about it i'm sick to my stomach #everything hurts and pain is my reality and what not #tv: 911 #jack.txt

[stromuprisahat]

I'm making myself re-watch the first season of Loki, before I'll start the second one, and I can't with the cruelty of it.

Mobius: "I want you to be honest about why you do what you do."

Loki: "Liar."

M: "I'm serious. All I seek is a deeper understanding of the fearsome God of Mischief. What makes Loki tick?"

L: "I know what this place is."

M: "What is it?"

L: "It's an illusion. It's a cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate attempt at control. Now, you all parade about as if you're the divine arbiters of power in the universe."

M: "We are."

L: "You're not. My choices are my own."

This is freshly post-The Avengers Loki. He believed to be always the second best, then learned he's a monster, attempted suicide, got tortured somehow for gods-know-how-long, while being under the influence of one of the infinity stones. He didn't even get a break before learning he's "a mistake" AGAIN, destined for extermination (not to mention that "funny" What-if-I'm-a-robot-and-don't-know moment.), only to be saved in the last moment by Mobius.

Pretty nice of him, right?

Well, aside from the fact he's obviously planning to use Loki somehow, he knows Loki and plays him in the most heartless, personal way. He's flattering Loki, while mocking him with the same breath, telling him he doesn't matter, yet pretending he wants to get to know him. For someone, who isn't nearly over his whole identity being a lie, for someone, who's been recently mentally tortured, who's acting all important, yet obviously hides a whole shitload of insecurity ...

Yeah, I'm not gonna buy their budding friendship. This is a nice set up for traumabonding.

#MCU #01×01: Glorious Purpose #Loki (TV series) #Mobius #Loki #rewatch #V #anti Lokius #because that ship turns my stomach. #MCU critical #BuT MoBiUs Was LiEd to TOOOO! #Yeah #don't care. #I want that fucker as far from Loki as possible. #'Sorry I hurt you I didn't know what I was doing.' #How many times do you think Loki was lead to doubt his own reality recently? #How many times did he find understanding only to realize it's all in his head? #He's a god of stories. #How many did he tell himself? #'My choices are my own.' #Sound very much like a defense mechanism.

[entropicthymes]

whoever decided that deadlines should make you physically unwell should be killed with a psychic beam attack

#i have disconnected from reality everything is laggy i dont feel like i have a stomach and my forehead is made of static #vent #ig #im pretty much done with the thing and i have several days to get the last few paragraphs done and print it and stuff #So Why Am I This Stressed #anyway im gonna go curl into a ball for several hours until everything stops hurting so much

[blue-kyber]

I remember what happened.

I'm Caesar on the Ides of March.

#Got my memory back #Memory loss is fun to play with in fiction but in reality... #-10/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND #It is fucking terrifying #It's terrifying to have emotions you can't connect to anything. #It's terrifying not knowing. #You feel lost and scared and confused and scattered and directionless #You have no point of reference so it's like flying blind without a way to determine orientation #so you feel that stomach dropping roller coaster effect constantly and throw up from motion sickness. #Equilibrium can't tell you if you're up or down and you keep shifting directions out of your control. #Conflicting sensory information in your brain makes you nauseous hurts your entire body and you barf repeatedly until you have a way to tel #what's up and what's down. #And you're crying because it hurts You keep barfing and you can't stop it #You're helpless to stop it. You're helpless to stop the pain #It's a fucking horrifying torture #I've thrown up since this happened. #This is why I haven't eaten more than a few bites of food in the past 2.5 days #I still feel trapped in a living nightmare. #Again. I do not recommend memory loss.

[unohanadaydreams]

I threw up so hard the blood vessels around my eyes burst and I look like someone did a really bad job of trying to give me black eyes.

But it’s okay because my favorite Bleach gremlins would really love the look of it.

#Mayuri would already have a swab down my throat for traces of what made me sick #and Zaraki would think it’s hot and dare me to punch him hard enough to get him matching #and Giselle would draw on them to make them look like stars and hearts #in reality I looked insane coming back to a work meeting like :) ahahah I’m all good #on the upside they don’t hurt and my stomach is no longer rotating a painful hot rock 💅

[possumkingluca]

finally listened to will wood's explanation of tomcat disposables after just... not doing that (i don't have an excuse i listened to it multiple times just never actually went and got the full story) and uh yeah i get it now sorry for being late to the sob fest guys WHAT THE FUCK i am never going to recover from this actually

#william woodiam why do you hurt me this way :( #:((((( #“Is there cheese in the great beyond? Rinds of parmesan” ???? #“Not one bite smaller or lesser than yours” ???????? #“Do I belong in right and wrong? Nature I guess” ???? #“My dreams were finally reality My struggles had a happy ending They must want to be friends” ???? #“My stomach starts to turn With thirst why does it hurt?” ???? #“So I stumble back to bed Something's not quite right Guess I'll just go rest my head” ???? #“Now as I lay me down to sleep I expect no dreams And no sweet goodbye to me” ??? #“Flatline in the morning light I held on so tight For so long it's just not right” ???? #SIR...... #I am going to VOMIT......... #i didn't know the story behind it and I didn't understand why people were crying over it............... but now........ NOW........ #i've yet to cry over a song but god damn this might be the one that breaks me #“Is there cheese in the great beyond? Rinds of parmesan” and “They must want to be friends” hurt me the most i think actually #will wood #in case i make it #tomcat disposables #possum rambles

[animutate]

i havenot stopped feeling depressed sincei saw my fathers mugshot a couple weeks ago. i hadnt seen it or his face in years up to that point id forgotten what he looked like its been taking a toll on me

#i hadnt really processed it for a while but over the past 2 years the reality of it has really set in. ive been crying a lot recently. #objectively im in a better place than i was last year. i dont feel as isolated as i did before but emotionally i still havent felt great. #and then there was finals and elainas suicide attempt and my breakdown over delusions that i was turning into eric harris. #i know that itll get better i always try to stay positive i try to be a good influence on people as much as i can it just gets hard to do. #i think star just being present in my life has motivated me enough to get out of bed at least. it had been a long time since id been in #a relationship and i really missed that comfort. i never said anything about it though because it makes me feel like... a big loser. #they know that my past relationships were all distant and one sided and theyre so affectionate with me theyre so loving. #even with that though just. the thought of my father has been looming over my mind recently its been tainting everything i do. #the fact im related to him makes me feel sick to my stomach. i know that he wants to contact us he obsessively tries to write letters to us #its horrifying. its making my stomach hurt i dont want to think about it anymore.

[aeide-thea]

i love and cherish my armpit hair (which i realize is like. Smacks of Hella Basic White Feminism, except, you know, possibly a little more complicated when it's for very extremely trans reasons), but the fact that it's so blond and wispy as to be almost invisible in photos is a serious disappointment to me every time

#if i could wave a wand and get fuzzier armpits i for sure would #non-vellus thigh/stomach hair ditto #chest hair is scarier but also pretty interesting #lotta uncertain confused feelings abt like. what changes i would and wouldn't want exactly #and of course the reality is that you can't really pick and choose #but like. being a fuzzier creature... wistful face #love my fuzzy calves a LOT. like. visually good‚ tactilely extremely good. comforting and satisfying to run my hands along. #like. idk. there's the piece of Gender that's abt perception and there's also the piece that's like. the body you wanna inhabit #i sort of feel like. i wanna be a boy in a girlbody and i wanna be a girl in a boybody #and like. you can't really do both those things simultaneously #(i mean like. you can if yr defining yr terms differently‚ which wld be valid) #(and i don't really totally endorse the way i'm using language here but like. ykwim) #anyway boy-in-girlbody mode is obvs easier to access given the givens‚ but #that mode has girl-in-boybody-mode body hair envy #anyway all of this is like. such rarefied world-of-pure-imagination stuff and it's like. is anyone even willing to meet me there tbh #maybe. outside chance of it. but am *i* willing to meet *them* there and to *ask* to be met there. ouf idk. scary scary scary vulnerable #and then of course i feel like feeling scared and shy is Intrinsically Feminine of me which is SO extremely bullshit #for so many reasons incl that every man i know and love is scared and shy sometimes if not often #(also incl. that plenty of women are confident and/or outgoing! which i feel like is more self-evident as an assertion but. #never hurts to both-sides yr objections to binarist stereotypes so yr not just centering men) #but it just feels like. do you remember those bodycon dresses years ago that had like. a smaller curvier silhouette on them #so there'd be like. the wearer's actual body & then the smaller curvier imagined body carved out of theirs by the colorblocking of the dress #and i feel like. there's whatever the essential 'me' is or was and then like. the more-feminine shape they got traumatically carved into #and now it's just like. any moves i might wanna make‚ i gotta make with the carved-up psyche that's the only psyche i've got #and it just immediately intrinsically undermines anything i might try #anyway. idk. these tags have gone a LOT of different places lol i just. mrrrh. #maybe the actual thing to do is worry less abt gender possibilities and more abt getting physically stronger. cultivate meatiness #good for all genders #anyway uh. apologies for the 4 AM spiral lol #embodiment (is violence)

[jacqcrisis]

Every time Chili ruins something, I have to take a moment to calm down cause I tend to get unreasonably angry very quickly and need to logic my way back to baseline by reminding myself of two things:

A) so far, objects needing to be thrown out/intensely cleaned due to dog have mostly been involuntary ruined due to sickness: her bladder infection when I first got her to just now as she regurgitated all over three (cheap) rugs

B) she has still cost me less money with a couple of wrecked dog beds and rugs than if I had bought a puppy as was my original plan for dog ownership, who would've wrecked way more shit by now along being attached to a potential 2k price tag.

I got a great dog who came mostly pre-trained, who only destroys her stuffies and tennis balls, who never makes any noise save to cry at me when I don't let her sleep in my lap, and who only cost me 100 bucks at the shelter. She can ruin 40 fifty dollar rugs and I'd still come out on top.

#jacq life #chili dawg #i make her go sit in the hall while i clean and fume #and rant about her puking specifically on the rugs and not the faux hardwood floor #before i have the reality check talk to myself #and then give her pats since she isnt feeling well #i think she either ate something off the sidewalk when we walked and it didnt see it #or she got something that dropped on the floor on the kitchen (thats making my stomach hurt) #hopefully we'll see how she does with breakfast in the morning as she isnt dry heaving or anything #if she cant hold that down then off to the vet we go@

[zarovich]

cant even hide that fact that im doing so poorly. everyone can tell i know it

#personal #im so scared man. so stressed lately and stress makes my psychosis worse like i struggle telling reality apart from things #and i do things i dont remember doing. i keep fliping and considering to go see a doctor but im afraid #afraid ill be hospitalized again. i dont have the money i dont have the energy to deal with it either. it wont help #afraid to get back on meds. i want to but antipsychotics are not fun. being a lab rat is not fun #nothing ive tried has helped. ppl think im.being dramatic but ive tried well over 50 different medications of different kinds #ive done therapy like 4 times. ive even done other treatments and they did not help me #ive done better on my own. isolating from others. i dont understand ppl. i dont feel... real. alive. human #its not that idk how to socialize. i just dont like it. i know how but i will never understand what it means to be human #this may be the worst ive been doing ever. i just sleep. all day. if i wasnt so tired and lazy i would be dead already #i just hurt man. im so tired of everything and everyone. i know ill never be normal. ive come to terms with that #but im not okay with knowing it yknow. and how others treat me bc of it. im tired of being seen as a project to fix #my stomach is growling so loud. i cant remember when i ate last. i dont need to eat when im not human #vent

[iwatcheditbegin]

I spent all day cooking a beautiful meal for my family and I’m too scared to even take a bite

#this always happens #tw ed relapse #tw ed mention #what a waste of time but at least they love it #it sneaks so good but my stupid brain #I took a tiny tiny bite abd my stomach started hurting bc I haven’t been eating solids #the reality is even if I could it would upset my stomach so much bc I’ve been eating nothing but tea #I even tried to make it as safe for myself as possible and I’m still scared

[vakta]

havin my lil snack while watching ro mitchell on youtube <3

#sounds like recovery vibezz but in reality i havent felt so hopeless in quite a while #bc of the conversation we had with my parents yesterday #and my stomach kinda hurt too in the afternoon but i think its better now #i will try to think about and focus on good things now #avoiding my problems?? well.. you dont have to say it that way

[merinarasauce]

it's the kind of night where i'm wishing i was never born, but not in a suicidal way, rather- now that I've had a taste of existence, if nothing lies beyond, i really don't know what the hell i'm going to do without it

#addicted to being alive. having withdrawl symptoms. you know the vibe #i may sound chill but in reality i am having such bad anxiety that my stomach hurts

[amerasdreams]

researching about russia does make you paranoid because they do go to such extreme lengths sometimes to persecute people who do barely anything against the regime.

like, i know they're not trying to poison ME for just some social media posts, i'm not russian or near russia, but that comes to mind when i feel sick (when I haven't been sick since covid in 2022), or if I get some sort of scam online, I think they're targeting me specifically

It's almost 99% unlikely... but you can't put anything past them at this point.

i mean, if i were actually being effective, which would be more likely if i had a wide audience, i can see they might -- might-- try something. but i'm a nobody.

plus i'm really tired rn which makes me irrational (I'm sooo tired that I think i might be sick, which triggered all this. More than even the normal tiredness after running around all weekend - just 4 visits 4 miles away.... but also with some paranoia about them bc I HAVE had incidents before. when you've had something happen it does appear more prominently in your mind)

I do comment and share things I can't help but share... because I can't stay silent. when people are so immune to seeing evil in front of their face

and I don't look at replies to comments on youtube or instagram bc I know a lot are probably negative, perhaps trolls (i've seen some and I don't need that negativity)

#i unfriended my uncle bc he was making irrational comments on fb #i can't keep replying to his conspiracy addled comments #every time i write about russia he's like waht about america it does all this bad and we aren't free and i'm like #don't you see #and he's like we're propping up ukraine #ha maybe he's targeting me #all this silliness online about nazis and Jews being nazis or wahtever #i literally saw a post today about how Jews are causing the war because they want to make a nother jewish state or??? some nonsens #you have to have integrity and sense of reality #and i know ppl aren't targeting me #perhaps with words i'm not listening to them bc they're iditos #most likely trolls #im' so tired i feel like i may be sick both today and yesterday #my mind isn't working. that sounds like covid #but i have no other symptoms #stomach hurt some last night but... #it's novichok!! #ahah

[s1renidae]

having a.body is so goddamn fucking ANNOYING im gonna kill someone

#i have the worst fucking migraine rn #like 'reality is falling apart' level migraine #AND my stomach hurts #i had. PLANS??? that i actually wanted to not fall through???? #this is RUDE