#Echo and Wil end up talking every day on her way to work at this crossing

[the-insanity-of-mojiru]

Crossing Guard(ian)

The story of an office lady who is bullied at work, and a middle school student who patrols the nearby railroad crossing.

#The full story for those who are curious #Echo and Wil end up talking every day on her way to work at this crossing #However one day the usual route to work is blocked off due to a police investigation #Echo later finds out from the news that a middle school student jumped in front of a train at that crossing #He didn't have any ID on him but he was carrying around a piece of paper that said 'I'll go first' #Echo and William just have this dynamic a lot #In truth there's another story with the two of them where Echo talks to Kokkuri-san which is the spirit of a dead student aka William #I drew a panel for it way back when but I can't remember if I posted it or not #Maybe I'll end up doing a full comic but no promises #Insanity Draws #Insanity of Mojiru #Femme Fatale Series #Night Jasmine #透明な無名世界

[dreamifics]

Love and Monsters

Steve Harrington x Reader!Henderson

Oneshot

Y/N Henderson's life was not like any other normal teenager's life, on a very young age her only friends was her brother, Dustin and his friends.. She was not popular in highschool, but she was not a nobody neither.. Y/N was just invisible, lost in the sea of students.. She was almost through highschool though, one day her life was turned upside down, literally and figuratively.. It's been months since the 'thing' happend, but she was still shaken up.

Y/N was laying in bed, My Generation blasting from her stereo.. She was home alone, her mother was out with some friends, her brother was hanging out with 'King Steve'.. Ever since Steve helped them about Dart, she grew closer to Steve but their short lived friendship ended when Dustin left for camp and Steve worked on their family business while she was stuck preparing herself for college.. Y/N misses Steve, his unfunny jokes and oh god--his laugh..

A loud knock startled her, she shot up from her bed, memories of what happend was flashing back to her.. Despite what she tells her friend, she was not okay.. She almost died twice and that opened up trauma's and issues within herself..

Another loud knock startled her, Y/N shakes her head and just ran to the door.. Reaching their front door, her icy hands made contact with the cold steel knob..

It revealed a disheveled Dustin and Steve, she could tell that there were excitement dripping all over them.. Steve was still wearing his sailor work uniform, he looked cute to Y/N but she once threw that thought in the back of her mind..

"What's up?" She questioned the two.

Dustin just smiled and pushed pass her, while Steve was reluctant to go in.. Steve avoided Y/N for almost the whole summer because of the daunting realization that he was catching feelings for her and that scared him.. Y/N was the kind of girl that likes to watch nerdy movies, spend hours playing games with a bunch of kids and save the world two times.. However, Steve was scared, he was still stuck in the unjustified rules of highschool and popularity. . He still wanted to be 'King Steve', but he also wanted to be Y/N's..

"Nice outfit, sailor boy.." Y/N winked and laughs at Steve, he just shakes his head and went inside their house..

Steve made his way to Dustin's room with Y/N right behind him, but before reaching Dustin's room, he passed Y/N's room.. He unconsciously stopped as he looks around, observing every corner of her room.

There were posters plastered all over her walls, books were all around her room in her bed, shelves and even floors.. In the other side she had a small collection of music that made Steve smile.. Because they had the exact same taste, she is the perfect girl.

"If you want to go in, you're free to wander around my room, anytime.."

Steve turned around to face Y/N, he misses her.. How Y/N sarcastic remarks leave her sweet lips or how she rolls her eyes whenever she see something stupid.

"I might just take you up on that.."

"Hm-mm.. You didn't even talk to me when Dustin left, you broke my heart, Steviee.." She jokes, but it sounded a little bitter.

Y/N did get hurt, Steve stopped talking to her when Dustin left, it seems like Steve didn't really like her as much as she thinks he did. Y/N was bored and got stuck just studying and sometimes hanging out with the party.. It was fun but she was looking forward to hanging out with Steve.

"I'm sorry about that, I didn't want to see my old friends hanging out with someone like yo---" Steve stopped his sentence, he didn't mean that.. His mind was a mess, he said those things because he didn't want Y/N finding out his stupid feelings

"Right..Yeah, I get it.."

"Y/N that's not what I me--"

"Cause King Steve shouldn't be hanging out with people like me?Gotcha.."

Steve didn't even had the time to reply, he was met with Y/N's slamming door.. He didn't mean that.. Steve loved hanging out with Y/N, he want to give her something special.. Steve wanted something more from Y/N.. He knew exactly what and he didn't need a reason why but Steve wanted to give Y/N something more..

Y/N was hurt, she didn't know why but Steve words brought devastation to her.. She felt disappointed and upset, Y/N was expecting something special.. She didn't know what or why but she was expecting something more from Steve.

Y/N was dropping off Dustin to the mall where Steve was working, her lips were in a unsual frown.. Y/N wasn't usally like this, she was having a bad week, Steve just hurt her feelings and she was taking it much harder, it was very unsual.. The two Henderson was making their way to the Scoops Ahoy shop, Dustin was rambling about a message he picked up while contacting his girlfriend.

"Are you listening?" Her brother asked as they reach the store.

"Yepp, you should go in now.."

"Y/N, this could be a good thing!"

"I know..If you need my help, you can find me in the food court.."

"Y/N.."

"Yeah, Dus?"

"Are you okay?"

Y/N's mind went blank, she hated lying to her brother but she didn't want to worry anyone.  She laughs and messed Dustin's hair.

"Of course.. Now go, you know where to find me.." With that she left..

Y/N was not okay, the last time she slept was a month ago.. Nightmares kept crawling back to her, she was growing more paranoid by the day.. She was not okay, but she couldn't tell anyone that.. Everyone else is okay, even Wil who had it more rough than her. And to top that up, she was broken hearted by Steve's rejection of their friendship.. Y/N just massaged the bridge of her nose, when will she be fine?

Dustin and Steve was in the corner of the mall with binoculars in their eyes, Steve saw Y/N.. Sitting alone in the corner, a walkman in her ears and a book in hand.. Y/N was mouthing the word as her eyes read every word on that book and Steve couldn't help but feel all giddy and guilty inside.

"You see anything?" Dustin snapped Steve back to their current task.

"Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.'' Steve answered honestly, Y/N distracted him again.

"Evil Russians."

"Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like."

"All blond, not smiling."

"Mm-hmm?" Steve's eyes didn't looked for any Russians, his eyes drifted to Y/N spot but she was gone.. Where did she go? He couldn't help but worry, was she talking to someone else?

"Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing." Dustin added.

"Right, okay, duffel bags." Steve darts his eyes away from Y/N seat but it only fell on a girl he asked out earlier.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Steve mutters.

"What?" Dustin questioned.

"Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky."

"If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars."

Dustin got annoyed by his distracted partner, he should have brought his sister along.. But he knew that Y/N was not okay, she seemed distant and lost in her own mind.. Always spacing out and Dustin can hear her cries from his room, it killed him to see her loving and hyper sister transform into a walking corpse.

"Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards?"

"I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench." Steve rambled on, annoying Dustin.

"Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?"

The two fought for the binoculars, but they just looked stupid.. Dustin initially gave up and gave the binoculars to Steve.

"I don't get why you're looking at girls. You have the perfect one in front of you."

"Seriously, if you say Robin again..." Steve closes his eyes waiting for Robin's name to come up but it never did.

"No, Y/N.. My sister.."

Steve's heart clenched at the mention of her name, he wants Y/N too.. What can he do? Y/N hates his ass now, he was a jerk and he didn't deserve Y/N.

"No, man, she's not my type." Steve answered while he diverts his eyes away from Dustin.

"I saw you staring at her closed door for about 5 minutes."

Steve eyes grew wide at the realization that Dustin was watching the whole time.. Dustin just shakes his head, if he was asked he'd say that her sister felt the same way..

"She's not even... in the ballpark of what my type is, all right?"

"What's your type again? Not awesome?"

"Thank you."

"Hm."

"For you information, your sister is too sarcastic, she's too nerdy for me.."

"Also, she's too...boyish.."

Beautiful, that's what he wanted to say..

"Dude, that's my sister you're talking about, and besides she's not like that.. She's nerdy but so what? Y/N's also not boyish, she's just secured with her masculinity.."

Dustin's word echoed throughout Steve's system, he already knew that.. But somehow hearing it from another person's perspective made him like you more.

"Y/N's just not my type.." He lied..

Y/N was everything he ever wanted in a girl.

"Thanks for the clarification, Harrington." A voice surprised the two.

Y/N was standing behind them, her arms crossed..  Steve's eyes widen in surprise, did she hear everything? He didn't mean that, what did he mean?

"I didn't mean t--"

"Dustin, if you told me you'll stalk people in malls, I should've brought you to a psychiatrist.." Y/N ignored Steve and just focused on her brother.. Y/N would be lying if she haven't felt more hurt by the words Steve dropped.. She had been listening since the talk about girls came up, Y/N spotted the two doing eccentric things and she decided to eavesdrop.

"No, it's called spying.." Dustin rolled his eyes at her sister remarks while Steve was still frozen..

"What's the difference?" Y/N asked, her eyes still focused on he brother..

"It's just different, okay? Were looking for the--" Dustin stopped and looks around to see if anybody was near..

"Russians?" Y/N continued in a loud tone.

"Shh!" Both Steve and her brother shushed her. Y/N was surpised, she glares at the two and moved closer to them.

"Fine, can I tag along? I'm bored and it'll be nice to be a national hero."

The two looked at each other, Steve was nervous.. Y/N obviously didn't want him around, but this could be a chance for him to apologize to Y/N.

"Sure, you can help us look for russians with dufflebags and camo." Dustin pulled her sister to his side.

"That's kinda racis--"

"No, it's not!" Dustin cuts her sister off making Y/N laugh..

"Whatever you say Dus.."

And that's how she ended up inside a theater with two kids and two drugged teenagere.. Y/N's breathing was heavy, they were captured by Russians just moments ago.. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she thought this town was finally normal again, but turns out she was wrong.. Very very wrong..

They needed to get out of this hellish mall, Y/N need to find out if there's still russians lurking out, looking for them.

"The two of you need to stay here and take care of them." Y/N instructs to her brother, she pointed at a floopy Steve and Robin.

"Wait--Where are you going?!" Dustin stopped her by pulling her arm.

"I'm going to see if those fuckers are still looking for us.."

"No, we'll come with you.."

"Dustin, you need to stay here and keep a low profile.."

"Y/N don't be a hero.."

"Hey, Dipshit!I'm not trying to be a hero, what I'm doing is protecting you guys because our two friends are drugged and beaten while we brought a little kid into our mess!And I will do everything to keep you all safe, even if that means I get hurt or killed!"

Dustin knew that there's no talking Y/N out of this, her sister was right.. Taking a deep breath, he just nods and hugs her sister..

"Just please, stay safe.." Dustin was in the verge of tears but Y/N held him tight in her arms.. Dustin pulled back, Y/N gave her brother a comforting smile, she rubbed his cheeks and pat his head.

"I'll be okay, I'm a Henderson for god's sake.."

Dustin laughs as tears stroll in his face, she kissed his forehead and walked away, trying not to attract attention.. Taking a deep breath she left the theater, she'll do whatever it takes to keep her brother and her friends.. Y/N's mind flew to Steve, she was pissed off but she was not sure anymore.. The way he saved them and got beat up for them, she couldn't find a reason to be mad at him, all she can think about is his childlish look and how hot he is in his sailor uniform. Y/N just shakes those thoughts away and tried to focus on her task..

Russians..

Steve and Robin were throwing up in a seperate cubicles, they were getting the drugs out of their system.. Retching and puking can be heard all through out the theater bathroom, Steve groans and flushes the toilet.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?" Robin's voice can be heard from the other cubicle.

"Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?" Steve rested his back to the mini wall inside the cubicle..

"Maybe. Ask me something.."

"Interrogate me." Robin said in a mocking russian accent.

"Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um... When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?"

"Today."

"What?"

"When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw."

"Oh... All right, my turn."

"Okay. Hit me."

"Have you... ever been in love?"

"Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year." Steve imitates a gunshot.

"Are you still in love with Nancy?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I found someone else, she's a little bit better for me.It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, 'You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.' "

"Wait, who's Suzie?"

"It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real."

" But that's not- that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody that I... didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why."

"Maybe 'cause Tommy H. would've made fun of me or... I wouldn't be... prom king. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this girl the whole time."

"First of all, she hates me now because of a stupid thing I said but when we hanged out, we were bonding and shit.. She was perfect for me, she's nerdy, hangs out with kids too much.. She likes the same things I like, her brother is my bestfriend.. Sometimes I wonder if she's real, because she's too perfect."

"Wait--You like Y/N?"

"Yeah, ever since last year.. I like her so damn much, I can't even believe that I said to her that I shouldn't be hanging out with someone like her."

"YOU SAID THAT?" Robin's voice boomed out all over the bathroom, Steve just sighs and slids out of the cubicle..

"Unfortunately, yes.."

Steve slid in to Robins cubicle, she was glaring at him.

"If you ask me, Y/N doesn't deserve someone like me.. She--She's too nice to be caught up in my miserable life.. And besides she would never like me.."

"I think you're still high.."

"No, I'm not.."

"Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?"

"Yeah?"

"It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you.."

"Mrs. Click?" Robin chuckles and just shakes her head.

"Y/N Henderson, I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- And you didn't even like her then and... I would go home... and just scream into my pillow."

"But Y/N's a girl.."

"Steve.."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, now listen..Don't give me the 'she doesn't deserve me' and 'she doesn't like me back' crap.. Y/N was inlove with you since highschool, now you will tell her all about your mushy mushy feelings and you'll two will get married, have kids and you'll have me to thank for. "

"But what about you?"

"Please, I moved on.."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, with my pretty face?I could find someone in a jiffy!"

The two were laughing when Dustin and Ericka burst into the bathroom.. Annoyance and frustration written all over their face..

"Okay.What the hell?!" Dustin asked very annoyed.

"Dude, we're normal again.."

"That's not the problem now, we need to find Y/N and go with the rest of the party."

"Y/N's not with you?"

"Do you see her?" Erica asked with the normal sass in her voice. Robin rolls her eyes at Erica who just glares at her.

"Where did she go?" Steve ignored Erica's sarcastic question

"She said she'll check the perimeter, but she hasn't come back since." Dustin answered, she was worried for her sister.. In their situation, who wouldn't?

"Shit." Steve and Robin both utter at the same time.

Y/N was changed into a much more inauspicious clothes, it was just some pants and a shirt tucked into it.. She fixed her disheveled hair and wiped her sweat.. She needed to blend in, her eyes wander around the mall.. There were Russians walking around, bviously looking for someone and that someone was them.. All the exits are heavily guarded by guards, there's no way out..

Taking a deep breath she walked back to the theater, praying that her brother and friends was safely still there but before she could even reached the theater, a russian man spotted her..

"I got eyes on one of the target!" The russian said into his earpiece, making Y/N run to the higher level of the mall, her heart racing and she was starting to feel tired.

Y/N just ran until she lost the russian, her breathing was getting shorter by the second..  Y/N's leg was starting to hurt but she ignored it and looked down to see if she can spot her brother..

And there they are, getting chased by guards.. Worries pumped into her brain as they run.. She needed to help them, if not they could get killed.

"Hey stupid spies!I'm right up here, morons!" Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs as she waves her hands around..

Steve and Dustin was horrified as they hide into the counters, Y/N was risking her life for theirs..

The guards that was chasing them made eye contact and targeted Y/N but before they could do anything a car honk.. The russians looked at each other, confused and dazed.. Eleven can be seen controlling the car, she throws it at the bad men and all they could hear were groans..

Y/N felt a surge of relief, she made her way to her brother.. Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve pop out from behind the counter, steam hissing.. Y/N saw her brother and they all rushed up to hug her..

A tight hug welcomed Y/N, but this hug wasn't just from Dustin.. It was also from Robin, Erica and Steve.. Suddenly they all look up to see the rest of the party.. The hug was cut off by Dustin running to hug Mike and Eleven.

"Lucas?" Erica saw her brother and it made Lucas confuse..

"What are you doing here?"

Y/N who was just taking in deep breaths smiled to herself.. They were safe, but she knew this was not over.. Steve stayed in Y/N side, Robin's word replayed in his mind.. This is his chance to say his undying love to Y/N.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" Y/N saw Steve besides her, she was growing tired but Y/N needed to keep thriving for everyone.. Y/N saw that Steve was hesitant, he was nervous and it made her felt nervous too.

"I--I uhh.." Steve mumbles, his tongue was backing out.. Y/N had such a powerful effect on him, to the way she says his name, and everytime Y/N calls him, his heart skips a beat.. It sounds corny, but it was true..

"What?Do you need a speak and spell?" Y/N joked, it didn't help a struggling Steve.. He started to grew more anxious, he needed to get this off his chest.. This could be the last time they all see each other alive, there's no telling what could happen to them.

Y/N was just staring at him

"I have something to confess---"

Steve was cut off by El who was in pain and grunting in the floor..  They all ran to her aid and helped her with the pain she was going through.. Steve slightly curses at himself, maybe this was not a great time for a love confession.. He needed to focus on surviving this hellish adventure.. Again 

It finally ended.. Y/N was relieved, it was over.. They were safe, Y/N and Dustin were sitting in the back of an ambulance, a blanket around them as they hug each other..

"If this shit happens again, we're moving.." Y/N jokes.. Dustin chuckled, maybe they should.. However, the adventures were growing more fun and dangerous..

"Nah, we love being heroes.."

Y/N laughs as she held her brother tighter, she fixed his hair and wipe some dirt off his face.. Even if he's old now, he'll always be Y/N's baby brother.. She smiled at the memory of Suzie and Dustin singing in the middle of mayhem and chaos.

"Stooop, I'm all grown up now!" He stood up and made his way to his friends..

"Don't get too far, lover boy!" Y/N shouted causing Dustin's cheek to blush..

Y/N sighs at the sight of her brother walking away from her, this is the last time she'll save the world, she was tired of monsters.. Y/N was just enjoying the cold air of the night when someone cleared their throat.

"Hello to you Harrington.." Y/N smiled at Steve, he was just standing infront of her.. Y/N can't help but feel giddy when Steve's in his sailor outfit.. It saddens her that Steve was still stuck in his highschool mindset..

"I have something to tell you.." Steve mumbles incoherently, but Y/N understood it.. Steve was always nervous when Y/N's around, he remember the first time he saw Y/N..

Steve saw Dustin on the street asking for help, and he didn't believe at him first but he was soon convinced by how Dustin was nervous and scared.. They pulled up at the Henderson's residence, that's where he first saw--no that's not the right word..

That's where he first acknowledged Y/N..

She was sitting on the porch steps on her pajama's, there were dirt on her face and her hairs a mess.. Y/N's face lighten up when he saw Dustin getting out of the car..

"Hey Dus------What is he doing here?" Y/N's face dropped when he saw Steve also getting out of the car.

"He's our back up.." Her brother answered short and continue walking into the entrance of the basement.

"I'm back up..'' Steve said cocky at Y/N, she just scoffs and followed Dustin..

"For a guy with a black eye, you're awfully confident.."

"That's what seeing a pretty girl like you does to me.." Steve didn't know what he ate that time but he had this whole new confidence when he started talking to Y/N.. However, Y/N didn't seem impressed to his corny jokes and pick up lines, she was always scoffing and rolling her eyes..

"Yeah, you said that too when we were inside..That" Y/N's voice pulled him back to the present.. Y/N gestured at the burning mall infront of them.

"Yeah.." Steve cleared his throat, he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now, the clocks run out, times up, over, blaow   .

"Are you gonna say something?" Y/N was starting to get nervous, did she do something to make Steve act strange? He was shaking, the sweat on his forehead is flowing like the Niagara Falls.. That's not attractive yet for some reason she found it hot..

"Oh--Yeah--Uhh.." He failed to say words again, why can't he just go straight to the point?

Robin who was with the rest of the party was staring at a stuttering and nervous Steve.. The rest started to notice even Jonathan and Nancy who was in each others arms..

"When is he gonna tell my sister that he likes her?" Dustin ponder as he stares at the two..

"I don't know, he's taking forever just uttering one sentence.." Lucas pitched in making the others laugh..

"I thought Steve was a suave and cool guy?" Mike jokes causing some of them to laugh, some was just quiet.. They were still having a hard time grasping all of this, especially Max..

"He's a nerd just like you guys.." Nancy answered, they all shake their heads as they watch Steve nervously fidgets..

"Alright, I finally had enough.." Robin whispers, the party turned to Robin, carefulky watching to what she had under her sleeves..

"HEY Y/N!" Robin shouts..

Y/N broke her gaze with Steve and brought it to a shouting Robin, not far from them.. Steve just froze to his place, panic started blaring out through his mind..

"WHAT STEVE'S TRYING TO SAY IS HE FREAKING LIKES YOU!" Robin shouted, and it all made them freeze.. Y/N blinked rapidly, did she hear that right? Steve l-likes her? What? When? How? Where?

Steve felt embarrased, he wanted the crawl in a hole and die.. Robin was dead to him, how could she do that? Now Y/N's gonna start to avoid him, she obviously doesn't like her back.

"I-Is that true?" Y/N finally asked the question she was dying to ask, she never really thought about Steve that way.. Fine, she's not gonna lie, there were some thoughts about Steve that kept her up at night..

"I can explain--If you don't feel the same it's totally fi----" Steve panicked and randomly said any excuses he can think off, not giving Y/N a chance to speak..

Y/N rolled her eyes at how Steve was rambling on, she smiled and stands up.. Pulling Steve sailor outfit, she kissed him..

Steve pressed his lips harder on Y/N, he wanted this kiss to happen since he first saw her.. And now it's happening, Y/N puts her arm around Steve's neck.. This was her first kiss and she was glad that it was to Steve.. They both kissed as the burning Star Court crumbles infront of them.  Y/N didn't knew that you can find love and monsters in this terrifying situation..

Dustin groaned at the sight of her sister and bestfriend kissing, he wanted to vomit and scoop his eyes out.. This was not a sight for sore eyes..

"Ugh!I don't want to watch my sister exchange salivas with Harrington!" Dustin sigh under his breath

"Get used to it, you'll be seeing a lot of him.." Robin teased making Dustin die inside.

"Dammit!"

Y/N was just thinking that some people lost someone special, Eleven lost Hopper.. Max lost Billy and the rest will wake up in the morning with terrible memories haunting them everyday, they can no longer feel the assurance that they're safe in the quiet town they grew up to. They knew everything that lies withing the depths of this ground, all the horrible things that Hawkin Labs brought.. Chief Hopper and Billy Hargrove died for them, they were heroes.. And the sad part is, no one will ever know.. Those who deserves to be recognized is no longer here, the heroine act they did save the world yet the world doesn't even know about them.. But Y/N and the rest knows that the sacrifices they made won't go to waste, they'll do everything in their power to keep whatever haunts this eerie town at bay.

I found this highly nice but cringey at the same time so bear with it, I also wanted to update my series about James Potter but I just can't seem to end it ughhhhh..Anyways, I hope you guys like this one..

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[notbang]

the pursuit of happiness

or, an examination of happiness and the chase as recurring motifs in the character development of Rebecca Bunch and Nathaniel Plimpton

rethaniel appreciation week day 2 → pursuit

I could write a small novel cataloguing the endless parallels between these two—I have, in fact, thought about attempting it many times—but honestly the list is so long and varied and sprouts off in so many different directions that I’ve yet to think of a logical way to go about it. Which is why for the time being, I’m choosing to focus instead—in some degree of detail—on this particular mirrored thread between them.

As our protagonist, Rebecca functions as a major catalyst for change in West Covina, and just as surely as she stumbles along in her journey we see the (for the most part) positive effects of her friendship on those around her. With perhaps the sole exception of White Josh, all of the characters end the show as happier and healthier iterations of themselves, with many of the major aspects of their growth traceable to their involvement with Rebecca in some way. Nathaniel is no exception to this rule; arguably, his development, more so than any other character’s, is directly tied to Rebecca’s influence on his life. The main difference here lies in the fact that he moves to town good a season and half after her—putting him that much further behind in his inevitable development.

One of the major, ongoing setbacks Rebecca faces over the course of the show is her tendency to conflate happiness, or personal fulfilment, with romantic love, and more specifically, for the first half of the series at least, conflating it with a single person. Nathaniel, by comparison, at the time of our introduction to him, has little interest in the concept at all, something Rebecca is quick to sympathise with in 2x09—‘You know Nathaniel, I used to be a lot like you. Ruthless. But then one day I was crying a lot, and I decided to flip things around. Decided to put happiness before success. And when I did that, the world rewarded me with true happiness.’ Nathaniel doesn’t verbally dismiss the sentiment, but the wealth of facial expressions he supplies in response suggest what he thinks of that: happiness is frivolous, and he doesn’t have space for it in his busy schedule.

Nathaniel, probably: Sounds fake but okay.

In the season two theme Rebecca declares that as a girl in love, she can’t be held responsible for her actions, and the sweeping duet Nothing Is Ever Anyone’s Fault follows a similar thread of eschewing culpability. While this certainly works to help dismiss a season’s worth of questionable behaviour from the two of them—including, but not limited to, infidelity and conspiracy to murder—I’m not convinced the touted concept behind the song—that Nathaniel has learned the wrong lesson from being in love with her, as explained in post-finale interviews at the time—flies in the face of our understanding of Nathaniel’s character thus far. As a rich, straight, white, cis male whose privilege the show has only made clumsy attempts at dismantling, a disregard of consequence seems a lot less like something he needed to be taught by anybody and a little more like something that was probably ingrained in him at birth.

If we want to talk about misguided takeaways within their relationship, though, their relationship to happiness is the perfect place to start. Nathaniel begins the show with no concept of the pursuit of happiness, so it makes sense that when he does adopt an interest in it, he takes a page right out of the book of the person that introduced him and pins it all in the one place. Unlike Rebecca, though, Nathaniel’s preoccupation seems to be less wilful delusion and more of a case of ignorance being bliss—being with her feels good, so why change anything or interrogate the situation any further? For all his earlier talk, he is quick to give up the thrill of the chase under the hedonistic guise of contentment. Unfortunately, what he lacks is the emotional intelligence to navigate the implications of Rebecca’s disorder, highlighted by his belief that the mere fact that he and Josh are two vastly different people is reason enough for him to be able to dismiss her obsessive behaviour as ‘cute’ and ‘flattering’. Rebecca’s recent breakdown and consequential suicide attempt can’t exist as warning signs in their (what he perceives as superior) relationship because he isn’t planning on leaving Rebecca at the altar; he isn’t privy to the realisation that it ‘wasn’t about Josh, and maybe it never was’.

Nathaniel: I don’t want to get in the way of your therapy thing, but isn’t the point of all this to be happy? We’re happy. That’s what matters.

It’s a shame because despite there being so much more going on with Rebecca than Nathaniel is capable of comprehending at this point in time, he actually, perhaps entirely by accident, manages to get a few things right—he checks in with her about her therapy when her appearing on his doorstep contradicts the information she’d given him earlier (even if he is, at this point, all too easy to convince), counters her suggestion that they play hooky at Raging Waters with the compromise of a more sensibly scheduled dinner they’ll both enjoy, and, when they do come in to conflict over her obsessive behaviours, takes some time for himself before having a serious conversation with her. Though it’s certainly naive of him to think it’s a problem as easily solved as getting Rebecca to promise she’ll never do anything like this again, it suggests the capacity exists (given, with great guidance) for him to approach Rebecca’s mental illness within their relationship in a thoughtful way.

(This of course completely ignores the inherent issues in their boss/employee relationship, which come to a questionable forefront when Rebecca makes the decision to return to work after having broken things off, but we’re starting to get a little off-track from the intended scope of this discussion.)

The idea of romantic love as a chase—if not already sold to us by Rebecca literally moving across the country in pursuit of Josh—is hammered home most effectively in episode 2x11, but Nathaniel actually brings it up in the episode prior; before Rebecca and Josh leave for New York, at the same time as setting up the whole ‘man of my dreams’ idea that also carries on into the next episode, a sweaty Nathaniel beseeches Rebecca to imitate a land-based predator so he can amp up his workout under the threat of chase. Within this alignment, Josh, who ends up proposing to Rebecca at the end of 2x10, becomes even more clearly representative of an end goal—love, marriage, and, as an expected by-product, ultimate happiness. Nathaniel, by contrast for the time being, is all about the chase that comes before. After his speech at the beginning of 2x11 boasting of his dogged approach when securing clients, his passionate buzz words begin to permeate Rebecca’s subconscious, with ‘pursuit’ in particular going so far as to in an echo in a similar way that ‘happy’ does in the pilot. Such is the effect of his words on her that she parrots them back to Josh when she tells him she’s moved up their wedding—‘Finally, it’s coming to an end. The pursuit is over and I just want to celebrate that’. The title of the episode title may pose the question Josh is the man of my dreams, right? but in the most literal sense, the star of her dreams becomes Nathaniel, along with his personal brand of terminology.

Where Nathaniel thinks life is all about playing the hunter, Rebecca insists she doesn’t care for the chase, which makes sense—she doesn’t want to be chasing Josh, and furthermore, admitting that she’s chasing him would only be contradictory to her belief that they belong together. She wants her happy ending. She wants to arrive at her final destination—her destiny—because thus far all her journeys (which have in actuality been more of a kind of stagnation) have been left her unfulfilled. However obsessing over an idealised future only postpones her happiness with her inability to focus on the present. Ironically, the point at which she makes an active choice to begin shifting that focus—in 3x07, when Dr Shin encourages her to live in the messy in-between—is right around the time Nathaniel starts buying into her idealisation himself.

In a similar way to Rebecca, regardless of his purported love of the pursuit, Nathaniel’s infatuation is seemingly tied to the concept of a destination—several times quite literally. In 3x04 he’s ready to whisk her away to Rome to evade any obstacles to their being together, and in 4x01 proposes a similar escape to Hawaii, causing him to lash out when Rebecca turns him down—‘I want us to just be happy and be together. That’s what I want. You just said you love me, right? So can you just do that for me? Can you just stop overthinking everything? …seems like every time we’re happy, you try to ruin it.’ He sees their shared happiness as a nirvana state he’s caught a glimpse of that Rebecca is now determined to deny him access to, to the point that he seeks to make their version of a love bubble a physical one, where no outside interference (or, more accurately, internal reflection from Rebecca) can keep them apart. Still degrees behind Rebecca in the parallel arcs of their development, he’s stuck in the mindset that them being happy and in love is the only thing that matters. His behaviour is far from flattering, but with a quick review of his history of being on the continual receiving end of her rejection, it’s not entirely difficult to see where he’s coming from.

(As an aside, Rebecca’s relationship with the destination versus the journey as it pertains to the mural on her wall is something I’ve already discussed in a previous meta.)

When she breaks up with him at the beginning of 3x09, Rebecca responds to Nathaniel’s protest of ‘but we’re happy!’ with the qualifier that she’s ‘happy, but it isn’t real’, which probably isn’t the most pleasant thing to be told, even before you factor in Nathaniel’s implied inexperience with serious relationships. While her behaviour prior to this definitely calls for some self reflection, it’s an interesting backflip from extreme infatuation to sudden dismissal, and while it does align with the black and white thinking associated with BPD, it’s easy to see why Nathaniel feels blindsided and, consequently, spurned. She begged him not to break up with her not only to then turn around do exactly that, but to also (presumably unintentionally) throw in the humiliating implication he cared more than she did.

Dr Akopian: Maybe now you can see that your father’s behaviour in the past has set a pattern for you, seeking the love of men who don’t fully love you back. Who you have to pursue. Men who are taken or emotionally unavailable. Like your father. Like Josh. Like Greg. Like other men, I’m sure.

Nathaniel is an outlier amongst the three main love interests in that, for all his grandstanding about humans being hunters by nature, he’s the one constantly falling over himself to win Rebecca’s affection rather than the other way around; it’s ironic that the love interest that asserts himself as being all about the chase is the one that ends up later having to assign himself the title of ‘king of declarations’ based on his ongoing habit of blurting out to Rebecca how he feels, never achieving the level of emotional standoffishness he hopes to exude. Nathaniel’s unavailability—and subsequent cementing as one of the types of men Dr Akopian calls Rebecca out on being predisposed to pursuing—comes only when he enters into a relationship with Mona, and Rebecca, who supposedly ‘never cared for the chase’, with interest reignited finds a skewed sense of security afforded by the romantic roadblock, something Nathaniel seems to understand on some unspoken level, as hinted at by his eagerness to maintain the fragile status quo of their morally questionable arrangement.

As a result of this subversion of power dynamics within Rebecca and Nathaniel’s relationship, in amongst the many other parallels between them that only serve to support this, it starts to become apparent that, narratively speaking, Nathaniel is to Rebecca as Rebecca is to Josh, something that is visually co-signed by the show during 4x03, when we see the same golden glow of romantic epiphany crest behind Rebecca in the church during her speech at Heather and Hector’s wedding that suffuses across Josh when Rebecca encounters him in the streets of New York.

Nathaniel’s takeaway from Rebecca’s speech is that because he loves her, he should do everything within his power to get her back, which of course leads to his (frankly embarrassing) attempts to manipulate her and win her over in 4x04. (Fittingly enough to this discussion, the opening line of the Slumbered quote he plagiarises is ‘you are the only thing that makes me happy’. The irony of his failed use of her teenage diary to win her over is that I honestly do believe the speech is an accurate summation of how he sees Rebecca, and had he only chosen to put it in his own words, that final scene between them might have played out a little differently.) The part he probably should have focused on, though, is the part Rebecca is currently pouring all her professional energy into (and not so coincidentally, it’s right there in the episode title)—love (and therefore happiness) being about finding your own path.

Rebecca: I don’t believe in destiny anymore. I just believe in taking responsibility for your own happiness.

This is not the first time Nathaniel makes the decision to actively pursue Rebecca while her attention lies firmly fixed elsewhere. In 3x03 and 3x04, he is forced to grapple with his feelings alone when a distracted Rebecca eventually goes where he cannot follow, putting an abrupt end to any potential for chase when she flees back to New York in 3x05. Consequently, Nathaniel embarks on a mini-arc of struggling to accept the idea that Rebecca may never come back—initially incomprehensible to him, owing to the fact that she bears importance to him, personally—to conceding that his (thus far relatively unexamined) need for her to be in his life is secondary to her own wellbeing, something that acts as a precursor to a major thread in Nathaniel’s (often one step forward, two clumsily-written steps back) character development in the back end of the series.

Nathaniel: I just hope wherever she is, she’s happy.

In 4x11, Nathaniel’s dream world amalgamation of Maya and Rebecca begs him to let her be happy, and as the former fades into the latter we get another callback to the pilot—an echo of 'happy, happy, happy…’ reminiscent of the empty shell of New York Rebecca latching onto Josh’s description of laid-back West Covina. Unlike its instance in the 1x01, however, this is a wake up call of an entirely different kind—it is not the blossoming of a brand new delusion but the sobering dissolution of one. And unlike the speech a radiant Rebecca gave at Heather’s wedding about finding the one you love and holding on tight, this particular iteration is here to impart the contradictory wisdom ‘if you really love me, you have to let me go’.

Nathaniel: I want you to be happy, I do.

This moment is arguably the true beginning of Nathaniel’s lesson that his happiness isn’t necessarily (or in this case, due to the current circumstances, can no longer be) inextricably linked to Rebecca—she has the opportunity to find happiness independently of him and that in itself is something that should make him happy, as someone that loves and cares for her. His assertion to dream Rebecca that he wants her to be happy manifests in his concession to Rebecca in the real world—‘I’m glad you’re happy. I really am. And it makes me happy too’—an exchange that echoes two similar moments between them back in season three, during which Rebecca expresses the same sentiment regarding his relationship with Mona, first following the cool down from their 3x10 conflict, and again in the aftermath of their ended affair in 3x13: 

Rebecca: I’m happy that you found someone else. Mona seems lovely.

Rebecca: I’m happy for you… I want you to be happy.

The more interesting callback here though, of course, is to Rebecca’s conversation with Greg at the duck pond way back in 2x02. After finally tracking down an AWOL Greg with the intention of breaking the news of her involvement with Josh, Greg makes peace with the situation by way of reassuring them both that everything worked out fine as long as Rebecca is happy. ‘You and Josh—you should be happy together. You’re happy, right? And he treats you well?’ Rebecca responds to this in the affirmative, though her expression—and the context of the episode—belies her answer. In contrast, her exchange with Nathaniel goes a little differently:

Nathaniel: Because you’re happy, right? You’re happy with Greg. Rebecca: I mean, I don’t know. I’m not there yet. But I could possibly be, yeah.

The evolution of Rebecca’s response is of course evidence of her development as a character and her own understanding of her relationship to happiness, but what I find most noteworthy is not that she lies in 2x02, but that in 4x11 she chooses to tell an unusual truth. She could just have easily have said yes the second time around and it would have functioned as a clear enough juxtaposition of what she considers close enough to happiness; after all, at the time of 4x11 she and Greg believe they are approaching their relationship in a mature and thoughtful fashion, they are warm and affectionate towards one another and, unlike in 2x02, she is not having to compete for her partner’s attention. She would, by all accounts, be completely justified in giving what could be considered the normal response to being posed such a question—that yes, she is happy with Greg. So even though it’s encouraging to hear Rebecca verbalising her newfound knowledge that happiness is so much more than such a simple dichotomy of yes and no, it feels significant that Nathaniel, as a person currently knee-deep in untangling his own complicated relationship with happiness, is the one that gets to be privy to this particular brand of truth.

And while it can be argued that all the strides Nathaniel makes in 4x11 are undone over the course of the following episodes, setting aside the very real fact that human emotions are fickle, and we can’t always stick as completely to our guns as we’d like, his blessing here still comes with a telling caveat: ‘I’ve got to let you go… because you’re happy’. And who shows up on Nathaniel’s doorstep during 4x12 to poke holes in that perceived state of happiness between her and Greg? None other than Rebecca herself.

Rebecca: You just want me to be happy, which is what I want too, and god, Greg… Greg doesn’t know what happiness is.

Such is the shared significance of this concept of happiness between them that the second Rebecca alludes to their conversation in the foyer, Nathaniel’s previously good-natured, albeit slightly confused, response to her drunken presence in his apartment quickly and very clearly dissolves into alarm bells and he eventually sends her on her way. Though he could easily have wielded Rebecca’s visit as a weapon to create dissonance between her and Greg in 4x13, he merely probes for clues by way of a convoluted metaphor, resigning himself to the fact that the issue has been resolved, while Greg, in actuality, is at this point none the wiser. It’s only once Greg himself tells Nathaniel that it is over between him and Rebecca that Nathaniel returns to entertaining his feelings for her.

Though we the viewers are all too aware (and at this point, probably screaming at the TV!) that Rebecca’s happiness is not, contrary to recurring belief, a vacant role that she needs someone to fill; unlike us, the characters have not had the good fortune of being able to watch the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend on the CW network. Nathaniel is still a fledgling in terms of self enlightenment, and it makes total sense for him to be nudged towards into pursuing her again once the clearest obstacle to her affections—her relationship with Greg—is no longer an issue.

When she breaks the news of her decision to Nathaniel in the finale, Rebecca is quick to assure Nathaniel that ‘the times that [they’ve] spent together have been some of the best of [her] life’, which is an interestingly bold statement all on its own, but it feels somewhat satisfyingly like finally giving Nathaniel a real-life answer to the ‘we’ve had such happy moments, you and I, haven’t we?’ that he throws at his Maya-shaped projection of Rebecca in 4x11; affirmation that contrary to what she says in 3x08, something in there between them was real.

‘You only get one life,’ he tells her in return. ‘And you’ve got to live that the way you want.’

Neither of them uses the word ‘happy’ in this exchange, but as we fast forward in time, we get:

Nathaniel: Happy to be here.

Rebecca: For the first time in my life, I am truly happy.

Nathaniel (who in an amusing reflection in 2x09, reveals that he, in a roundabout way, moved to West Covina because of Rebecca—‘it’s kind of your fault that I’m here’) has finally made the actual change that Rebecca taunted him with on their first meeting. And unlike Rebecca, he’s had a chance to interrogate what happiness for himself, removed from another person, might look like before he does so. Rather than starting with a life-altering change, he gets to make incremental changes along the way—which very much are tied to his entanglement to Rebecca—in order to make a more meaningful and deliberate life change for himself later on.

“When you find someone that melts the iceberg that is your heart…” - 3x03

“Provoking me, and zinging me, and challenging my world view. And warming my heart.” - 3x04

“You make me feel like I can be a different kind of person.” - 3x08

“You’ve awakened my heart and unlocked my soul.” - 4x04

“You’ve changed my whole life. Who I am, who I can be.” - 4x11

Rebecca describes her moving to West Covina in Nathaniel’s first episode as ‘[deciding] to flip things around. [Deciding] to put happiness before success. And when I did that, the world rewarded me with true happiness.’ In the finale, she tells the audience how he, by comparison, ‘upended [his] life’—‘You changed everything. But unlike me, you did it for the right reasons. And I am in awe of you.’ Alongside the nice progression from her proclamation in 2x09 that she ‘came to West Covina to search for happiness’ to her more self-aware announcement at the open mic that ‘for the first time in my life, [she is] truly happy’, (which feels like a subversive callback to a certain infamous butter commercial) we also get a reiteration of the sentiment— ‘I came to this town to find love. And I did. I love every person in this room’—that conflates happiness with love in what is now a healthy and satisfying way. It’s the perfect twist that she’s rewarded with the thing she was searching for all along just as soon as she realises she was looking in all the wrong places, and that the place itself still gets to play such a large part in that. And she is able to see Nathaniel’s journey as all the more meaningful in light of her own missteps along the way.

While I have my reservations on the bow they tied Nathaniel’s arc in for the finale (because despite Rebecca’s realisation that there is no such thing as ‘ending up’, there is in the sense of the scope of this series) being a well thought out resolution as opposed to leaning on a previous gag without laying any actual groundwork, the truth is it’s unclear what the true nature of Nathaniel’s sabbatical is/was/will be—mere extended vacation, permanent new career path, or just the initial spark of inspiration in some extended self discovery. That being said, much like Rebecca evolving towards a point where she can appreciate the interconnectedness of love and happiness in a less troublesome way, it is neat that Nathaniel’s resolution follows on from his tendency to want to escape to far-off destinations in an attempt to control his desired status quo. Though his fleeing town is still inextricably linked to having his heart broken by Rebecca, Guatemala, for once, isn’t about transposing his current circumstance to another place in order to cling to something, but rather a carefully selected, specific site for welcomed change.

Independent of any potential that may or may not exist between them as the show closes out—romantic or otherwise—it’s undeniable that these two characters have left indelible marks on each other, and without their respective involvement in each other’s lives, their journeys—and resulting transformations—would not have been the same.

#crazy ex girlfriend #rebecca x nathaniel #rethanielaw #rethaniel #rebecca bunch #nathaniel plimpton #crazy ex meta #stop! meta time

[twiceblackvelvet]

Tipsy

pt. i. pt. ii. pt. iii.

April 2nd, 2022. 22:31 PM. Seoul.

Apart from being aesthetically pleasing for photography, high-rise balconies with nothing but the night sky and light breeze for the company have always been a place of peace for Yeri. Somewhere to gather all of her thoughts and contemplate her next move, whatever that may be. Several times throughout her career, she’s stood atop a balcony, looked out over the landscape surrounding her, and tried to put everything around her into perspective. The view alone is a big part of why she bought this apartment for herself after it became clear she couldn’t stay with her parents any longer. That and it’s close to the studio where most of her time is spent nowadays.

The wine glass placed on the table beside her has been empty for the past hour, not that it matters. The bitter taste still lingers heavily on her lips as if she’d only just gulped it down. An empty bottle sits discarded on the kitchen counter of her apartment. As of late, those bottles have been piling up more and more to where her mother has grown concerned with the amount of alcohol she’s been consuming whenever she calls over to check on her. However, if it helps with getting a good night’s rest and blocks out the lingering thoughts of self-doubt that threaten to turn her into an insomniac, that’s all that matters.

Falling asleep as the sun rises used to be perfectly fine when there were several managers around and people to make sure she was on-time to different events no matter what. But, she no longer has that luxury with just one manager who barely even checks in with her anymore. A lot has changed in the last few months since the split of Red Velvet, and yet, Yeri still feels like compared to her other former members, she has achieved nothing at all. 

Joohyun has turned herself into a Mother Teresa type for plants the last she heard and is enjoying the simple life. Joy is acting again and appearing on billboards throughout the city for some cosmetic brand that is likely paying her way too much. Wendy has begun the process of kick-starting her career in America, which will no doubt end up being a success. Seulgi, well, she’s probably the only one of the group who truly understands how lost Yeri feels, but even she is preparing to debut solo. 

Whilst everyone moves forward, she can’t help but feel stuck in place. Despite the leap outside of her comfort zone after leaving SM, the creative freedom she so desperately was seeking for years is not the kind she assumed she’d have once becoming a producer and songwriter for an exciting independent label. 

“The artists don’t believe a former girl-group member with such little experience can give them the hit song their career desperately needs.” The words float through her mind once more. A constant alarm within her that triggers a deep sense of hopelessness whenever they appear in her thoughts.

A harsher breeze blows her flowing hair across her face, blocking her from pondering on the darkness inside of her head for too long. Probably for the best. It never ends well when she lets her insecurities get the better of her. The cold air sends a shiver down her spine and threatens to infiltrate her body with the flu if she doesn’t step back into the warmth of her home soon, which she does immediately. 

Like usual, her hands drift back to the empty wine bottle, sullen to find the contents missing but mentally refusing to believe that she is the one who has consumed it entirely. Light background noise stemming from the television is the only sound audible once the doors to the balcony are closed. A re-run of a drama that Yeri has tried to binge-watch three times now, every time her intoxicated brain has prevented her from picking up on the storyline. 

Her back pocket on her jeans holding her phone which is vibrating through the material. Someone is calling. Twisting her arm to grab it, her fingers almost lose their grip and drop the device which would no doubt have smashed it against the hard flooring. However, she catches it before disaster strikes and answers the call all in one motion.

Had she gotten the chance to check who it was that was on the other end of the line, she may not have wished to speak to them. But no, she has no choice. She heaves a deep sigh before putting the phone to her ear, immediately regretting how close she pressed it against her head.

“Hey! Yeri! Hello? Are you there?”

“Wendy. I’m here. You don’t need to shout, you know?”

A short laugh can be barely heard before Wendy once again bursts Yeri’s eardrums.

“I’m not shouting! There’s just an echo in my bedroom. Anyway, that’s not important, I have something to tell you!”

“If this is about the place that sells muffins that are also doughnuts again, I don’t want to hear it. I know they’re the best thing you’ve ever had but if I can’t taste them then what’s the point in telling me about it?” Yeri fires back. In Wendy’s words “heavenly food mash-ups that get the Seungwan approval,” is frankly wearing her patience thin.

“No, silly! I just woke up, I haven’t eaten yet, but I got some good news. Are you ready for it?”

“I’m practically on the edge of my seat.” 

That’s the first honest thing Yeri has said to Wendy in weeks during these phone calls that have become a bit of a habit. Her tipsy state has made sitting like a normal human being relatively difficult, it seems. 

“Well, prepare to be blown off it. The label finally got back to me about including the song you wrote for me on my album, they want it to be a bonus track, isn’t that amazing?” 

It takes Yeri a moment to recall what Wendy is talking about. The closest her hands have gotten to completing a full song lately was a poem she wrote on a napkin whilst out for breakfast with a mean hangover. However, it suddenly clicks when Wendy hums the melody, and Yeri realizes she has made a big, huge, major error. 

“Wait, Wendy. You can’t use that song! I don’t want it on your album!” She practically screeches and this time it’s Wendy’s turn to feel a sharp pain in her ears.

“Why? You were so proud of it and you know I love it too, I’ve already recorded and submitted it, I’m not sure they’ll let me take it back now.”

A throbbing sensation settles itself dead center in Yeri’s forehead. There’s absolutely no way of getting out of this one alive. Either Wendy will kill her, or… even worse…

“It’s fine, ignore me. It’s your song Wendy, I’m sure the album will be amazing but I really need to go.” 

Without waiting for Wendy to tell her goodbye, Yeri has already hung up on her and is quickly scrambling to find the right contact hoping to be able to stop what could be a disaster waiting to blow up. The phone rings for several moments before finally a robotic voice reads the age-old script of “this number is unavailable, please try again later.”

For the next thirty minutes, Yeri calls and calls, desperately hoping that on at least one of these occasions she’ll finally hear anything other than a dead end. Pacing the floor of her apartment, she deeply regrets drinking all of her wine earlier. A nice glug would go down well right now to stop her entire body from shaking. 

Just as she’s about to give up and try to sleep this awful situation away, her phone finally rings and there in bold letters lies the person she’s been aiming to speak to. Seulgi.

“Hey, Yeri. I have a bunch of missed calls, what’s going on? Are you okay?” 

The sincere, worried tone to Seulgi’s voice only makes Yeri feel even worse about what she’s about to request of the person she’s been relying on heavily these last few months to help her through the slump she’s fallen into.

“Hey, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, about all the calls I just really need a favor from you.” 

“You called me 216 times for a favor?”

Yeri pulls her phone away to check the number for herself, shocked that it’s even possible to call someone that amount of times in such a short period. But there it is, clear as day. 

“Um… Yeah. It’s kind of important, you see.” 

It isn’t. It’s just a stupid mistake that’s all her fault that she now needs to hope Seulgi will bail her out of without her finding out the real reason behind her request.

“Okay, what’s up? You’re worrying me, kid.” 

“Well, you know Beautiful Love Lost.” 

“Oh, yeah, I was just listening to the final version, funnily enough. The company loves it I even heard some people talking about how they regret letting you go.” 

Things could not get any worse, Yeri thinks.

“Well, I need you to delete it, please.” 

Silence is all that follows her words for a few seconds until finally Seulgi releases a deep exhale. 

“Look, Yeri. I know you’ve been kind of down lately with things not working out at the label. But once this gets released, they’ll see that you’re the most talented person they have there. I promise you, you don’t need to doubt yourself.”

Things did get worse. 

“It’s not that, I just think it’s too personal, I don’t want you to release it.” A lie, the biggest lie she’s ever told to Seulgi.

“I don’t understand… You were happy for me to have this and now… you’re not?”

“Yes, exactly. Now I’m not. I don’t want people to read too much into it and think they know me.” 

She doesn’t speak, but Yeri can tell that Seulgi is taking in everything she’s saying to her and trying her best to digest it all. Even to her own ears, the words don’t quite make sense, nor do they feel truthful. Seulgi has always had a way of reading between the lines and Yeri knows she’s doing exactly that now, she knows that Seulgi knows this isn’t the real reason she doesn’t want her to release the song. However, she surprisingly doesn’t question it.

“Fine, I won’t use it. But you owe me another song and fast. The album is due out on the 16th but I have four more days to resubmit anything I’m not happy with.” 

“Yes. You know you’re my favorite person, right Seul?”

“Sure kid,” The doubt clear in her tone. “But I mean it. Four days or I can’t do anything for you. I’ll have to use one of the SM producer’s songs.”

“I will, I promise.” 

They say their goodbyes to one another with Yeri breathing a deep sigh of relief she had been holding during the entire call. However, the anxiety rises in her chest once more with the realization that Seulgi, despite her stubbornness on the subject of Wendy, will probably listen to her solo project even if it’s just to be overly and falsely critical. 

Her mind goes into overdrive with worry about just how Seulgi will react. Will she bring her death slowly? Or will she simply ignore her existence as she has done with the rest of their former members? 

Before the fear consumes her completely, however, several messages from Wendy appear in the notification bar of her phone. 

00:13 AM  [Wendy]

It’s fine Yeri, I won’t use the song if you don’t want me to. I know this is personal for you.

I hope you release it one day instead. I miss hearing you sing. 

Don’t forget though, the album is out on the 15th. You better listen to it!

The only feeling Yeri is capable of at this moment is relief, however, had she took the chance to pay attention to what Wendy had said, she’d realize that another disaster was still steaming ahead on two different tracks ready to collide on the same day as each other for her two friends.

pt.v

#red velvet #kpop #kpop scenarios #red velvet scenarios #girl group scenarios #disbandment au #kim yerim #yeri #red velvet yeri #bae joohyun #kang seulgi #son seungwan #park sooyoung #red velvet irene #red velvet seulgi #red velvet wendy #red velvet joy #irene #seulgi #wendy #joy #girl group imagines #kpop imagines #girl group reactions #kpop reactions

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 15x04

BEWARE! SPOILERS AHEAD!

That was… pretty dark. And unexpected. Unexpectedly dark. I mean I liked the episode for the most part, but it also felt like somebody kicked me. Several times. The actual monster-of-the-week part is… there. It gets interesting in the way that it responds to the characters and the other plot of the episode, Chuck and Becky. Of course Supernatural has long since given up to be pretend there is a fourth wall, so we are meant to see the interactions between Chuck and Becky as those of the Supernatural writers vs the audience. And I really can’t think of any other show that is as self-aware as Supernatural is and who puts that in the actual text of the show. Apart from the paranoid feeling that the creators of Supernatural read all of our Tumblrs, Twitters, etc, it feels much more like a dialogue between creator and audience. But unlike Chuck I would say that the actual creators of Supernatural do listen and care about what the fans have to say. Just like last week’s episode break up between Dean and Cas made me hopeful about their ending, this week’s darker elements made me hopeful about the show’s end. It’s always darkest before the dawn. Where we are now is not where we will end.

But, as always, let’s take a closer look.

“You don’t have children, do you?”

So, let’s start with talking about the atomic monsters of the episode, family Whitman. The Superwiki suggested that the title of the episode might refer to the nuclear family the episode centers around. They are monsters in their own way, not just because Billy was turned into a vampire, but because of the things his parents to do for him. Sam is self-aware enough to admit that they would have done the same for Jack (and for each other) and we have the situation from 14x20 mirrored here in this episode. A child kneeling in front of Dean, waiting to be executed because they turned into a monster. The outcome of course is different; Dean couldn’t kill his own son, couldn’t kill Jack. And I admit I was surprised to see this ending here. I was sure Sam and Dean would have found a different way to deal with Billy, despite him being okay to die, not wanting to kill anybody else. It felt a lot like the black and white morality we saw in the early seasons, where a monster was just that, a monster, with no way to change or redeem themselves. We might come back to this scene later this season: a loved one that asks to be killed, that became a monster, someone who thinks this is the only way to deal with this situation. The outcome though might be different.

Which actually brings us to Sam’s vision at the beginning. I admit at first I thought we saw one of Chuck’s drafts coming to live, reusing an old plotline (Sam’s demon blood addiction). I don’t think this is a vision (because why would Benny be suddenly alive again?) but rather a presentation of Sam’s worst fears. He feels responsible for Rowena’s death and is reminded of everyone else that died because of him (like Jessica). He still feels unclean, still feels he can become evil. Benny wasn’t originally there, Jensen added the character because he liked him so much. But thematically it makes sense: Sam had always been jealous about Benny, so in a dream were his worst nightmares come true of course not only did he turn bad (and killed people he loved like Jody and Bobby) but Dean would abandoned him for Benny. (This is to me another proof that this is not a vision of the future, otherwise the producers would have told Jensen Benny can’t come back for this scene)

And speaking about the future. Sam feels pretty hopeless at the moment. When they started to investigate the case he felt isolated from the normal world, from the seemingly normal family, that is unaware of the horrors Sam and Dean have to deal with every day (while ironically the family was living in their very own horror movie). Sam has given up his dream of living a normal life; “we don’t get normal”. Again, this might mean we get the exact opposite at the show’s end. Supernatural has always played with the idea of the Apple Pie Life, and we saw both Sam and Dean trying to have one and failing at it. In the last seasons however we saw a more balanced approach: they can have a home (the bunker), they can have a family (Cas, Jack, Mary etc), and can still be hunters. Now however their family is either dead or moved on.

And speaking of Cas. Dean, unlike Sam, is more optimistic, falsely believing Chuck is gone and can no longer control them. He says they are free to move on, echoing Cas’s words of moving on, though in a different context. I think that Dean mostly puts on a brave face for Sam; they can’t both be feeling hopeless at the same time, right? But losing Mary, Jack and Cas will leave its trace on Dean as well. He might misinterpret the Cas situation, thinking that now that Cas is free from Chuck’s influence the first thing he does is to leave them. However, as Cas told Dean, he has always been free when it came to his feelings towards the Winchesters. He chose them as his family, that was not Chuck. Right now though he also thinks it is better for everyone to be separated. Dean has to realize that is entirely up to him now to get Cas back.

“It’s awful! Horrible. It’s hopeless.”

Just when we thought we couldn’t hate Chuck anymore he gives us 3000 reasons more (see, I can make Endgame references as well). Through Chuck we meet a character that I honestly didn’t think we would see again (I guess the final season is the opportunity to bring back every character): Becky. Becky had always been the stand-in for the fans, and not a very flattering one. The show has since then done some damage control. Charlie was a very positive image of someone who is a fan (and I would love for ‘our’ Charlie to meet this improved Becky) and so were the girls doing the Supernatural musical. It is ok to be a fan, to be passionate about something. And Becky represent now a different kind of fan: a grown up married woman with children, who dedicates her little free time to her hobby. There is nothing pathetic about her, the show doesn’t make fun of her or portrays her as a psycho. Becky has grown and is at peace with herself. Just like Amara is by the way. And Chuck is used to control the women in his life, be it his sister or his ex-girlfriend, he needs them to boost up his ego. He no longer has power over Amara, but poor Becky is helpless (and I really really hope she gets her revenge).

Becky in this episode functions at the voice of fans. It is interesting that she is neither dependent on Chuck or worships him and his work, but instead she took the thing that she loves and made it her own. She writes (and we acknowledge that fanfiction is writing as well), she creates. It doesn’t matter to her that Chuck stopped writing the Supernatural books or that he dismisses her own work. She isn’t even afraid to tell him off, to criticize his work. Her commentary on his first draft is pretty much a commentary on the episode itself: the stakes are too low, there is no classic rock, nobody even mentions Cas etc. And that is yet another thing: Becky seems to have changed from a Wincest shipper to a Team Free Wil fan. The message here is pretty clear: this is no longer a show just about two brothers and it hasn’t been for a long time. And more so, what the fans are invested in are the characters, not so much the story. We care about Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, Mary etc. and because we care, the story gets interesting, not the other way around.

Concerning Chuck’s new dark end, there was also something interesting Chuck said: that he knows the ending but doesn’t know how to get there yet. At Chuck being Chuck means he will bend the story in whatever way he can to get, no matter if it makes sense or not. Which is pretty much what the showrunners on Game of Thrones did, a show which ending Chuck thought was great (spoiler: it wasn’t). Chuck also think that the fact that the dark ending is making Becky feel something is a good sign, which yeah… not so much. Of course a story is supposed to make you feel something, and as a Supernatural fans we are familiar with some angst. However a story ending should not make you feel angry or disappointed. In the best way it should always feel that what you see is the natural conclusion of the story you have read/seen, no matter the genre. Supernatural has long since stopped being a tragedy, a dark and hopeless ending seems no longer fitting. But again, as this is where we are now this won’t be where we will end. Chuck is the villain, therefore his ending should not be what we actually get to see.

Also, it is interesting that Becky mentioned that Chuck channelled Sam and Dean’s story. He pretty much wrote down what he saw, unlike Becky who created her own stories. And now Chuck admits that he no longer has this connection: he can no longer see what Sam and Dean are doing (thanks to his weakened status), so at the very moment they are free.

Looking forward to next week. Until then my lovelies <3

#supernatural #spn 15x04 #atomic monsters #spn meta #my meta

[iamvegorott]

could you—could you maybe have a darkstache fic where wilford conspires with like everyone in the house to mess with dark and dark like *knows* it's going on but he doesn't say anything because he wants to see where this is going sorry i'll shut up now

Took me longer to get to this than it should have, my bad. I believe I twisted this a little bit but I hope you enjoy it. And there’s no need to apologize and no shutting up for you, I like your idea

Big Surprise 

It all started when Dark saw Chase Brody running past his office in the Iplier manor. The Septiceyes occasionally come over but there was a rule of letting everyone know when there were guests. Bing still complains about the day he stepped out of the bathroom after a shower, wearing only a towel, and being greeted by Anti telling him to either put clothes on or join him in a different room. Bing would go out of his way to avoid Anti most days because of that. Everyone has told the search engine that Anti makes those kinds of jokes to literally everyone and rarely means it, but Bing still gets a little red-faced around the virus when he winks at him.

“Chase?” Dark called out, standing up.

“Oh, shit!” Dark heard Chase curse and when he stepped out of the room, he found Wilford standing at the end of the hall with Bing attempting to hide behind him.

“I could have sworn that I saw Chase run past my office.” Dark said with a hum.

“Chase isn’t here. You must be imagining things, dear.” Wilford had a large smile on his face.

“Yep, just imagining things, seeing things when they’re not there, hallucinating-” Bing stopped when Wilford slapped a hand over his mouth.

Dark just sighed and rolled his eyes. Bing most likely invited Chase over, since the two got along very well with their personalities being similar, forgot to inform Dark and Wilford was covering for him.

“I was thinking about having Anti over, what do you think of that, Bing?” Dark grinned when Bing yelped and ran away, heading to his room to hide.

“You tease the poor boy about that too much.” Wilford chuckled as Dark walked over to him.

“And you’re too soft on him.” Dark said.

“You’re soft on me.” Wilford fell forward a little and wrapped his arms around Dark’s neck.

“I’m not in love with Bing.” Dark stated.

“Aw, my little demon loves me?” Wilford sang.

“Could you two be gross and not block the hallway?” Bim said with a huff from behind Dark. Dark raised a questioning eyebrow and Wilford twitched his mustache with approval before Dark grabbed him and lightly shoved him against the wall, pressing his lips against the other man’s. “I just wanted a snack!” Bim yelled before going back the way he came.

When Dark began getting suspicious of what was going on was when he found Anti sitting in the middle of the Iplier living room, tied up with rope with Dr. Iplier and Marvin trying to free him while Wilford sat on the couch and laughed.

“It works, you asshole!” Anti yelled, kicking a leg in an attempt to unloop some of the rope.

“What works?” Dark asked, all four men freezing when the demon spoke.

“Some really kinky shit.” Anti quickly answered, earning a groan from Marvin and a thump to the head from Dr. Iplier.

“Do not imply that I would partake in sex with you. I like having a clean bill of health.” Dr. Iplier said.

“Did you just imply that I’m diseased!?” Anti snapped.

“You are a virus.” Dr. Iplier stated.

“Say that when these ropes are off, you medical school drop out cock!” Anti yelled.

“I did not drop out!”

“You dropped out faster than you’ll drop to your knees to suck my-”

“Why are you two here?” Dark asked, stopping Anti from finishing his comment. He knew how it was going to end and he was not in the mood for that.

“Marvin wanted to test out a new magic trick.” Wilford answered, standing up from the couch. “Anti volunteered to help and Dr. Schneepelstein was busy so they came over here to have Dr. Iplier nearby just in case something went wrong.”

“I see.” Dark did not believe a single word that came out of Wilford’s mouth but he didn’t say anything and decided to challenge himself to discover what was really going on. “I’ll leave you to it.” Dark turned around and walked away, a little excited to do some investigating.

Dark learned about everything when he about to enter the kitchen and he heard hushed talking.

“So the Jims will lead him to here and then that is when Bing will set everything off.” Jackieboy asked.

“Yep. I have everything drawn out in detail.” Google stated. “We’ll make sure that everything is set, all you and the other Septiceyes have to do is show up on time and be in position.”

“This is gonna be great.” Jackieboy chuckled.

“If everything works. Make sure that all of you look over your copies of the plan. One mistake could ruin the whole thing.” Google said. Dark smirked and walked away from the kitchen, he could wait for his chocolate ice cream.

He went to his bedroom and heard Wilford singing from the connecting bathroom, the running water telling Dark that he was showering. Dark went over to the dresser Wilford had claimed and pulled open the top drawer. Underwear, socks, bowties…

“There it is.” Dark said to himself as he pulled out a rolled-up sheet of paper. He had been tempted to tell Wilford to use a different hiding place, but he was thankful he hadn’t gotten to that yet. “Wil. Honey.” Dark sighed when he saw the title of the blueprint was ‘The ultimate prank of all pranks’. He knew that Wilford did that because it was written in bright pink and with blocky lettering. Dark took the paper and folded it up, tucking it into his back pocket and chuckling. He had some studying to do when Wilford fell asleep.

“I’m gonna be a bubblegum bitch.” Wilford’s voice echoed as he reached his favorite part of his favorite song.

“I should probably make sure my bubblegum bitch goes to bed early tonight.” Dark slipped off his blazer before going over to the bathroom door and walking in, locking it behind him when he shut it.

Dark knew every single little detail of the plan and he had to force himself not to smile when the Jim twins an into his office.

“Demon! Demon!” Reporter Jim shouted Dark’s nickname, waving his arms.

“What is it?” Dark asked calmly.

“You are needed!” Dark would normally scold Reporter Jim for grabbing his arm and pulling, but he went with it and allowed himself to be lead out of the room and down the hall. Cameraman Jim had his camera pointed at Dark the entire time, face showing that he was very nervous. “Are you okay, CJ?” Dark exaggerated the softness in his tone. Cameraman Jim stiffened and quickened his pace, walking in pace with Reporter Jim.

“Here! Here!” Reporter Jim released Dark’s arm and ran into the dining room, Cameraman Jim going in right behind him.

“What’s going on in here?” Dark stepped into the room and threw and hand up, catching the bag of flour that was flying towards his face. He yanked on the sack and smirked when he heard Bing yelp and a thud following soon after. Dark then threw the bag to the side, knocking over several small panels and laughing as he watched the elaborate set-up tumble over. Anti cursed when water got dumped on him. Jackieboy found himself covered in glue while Marvin coughed up feathers. Dr. Iplier and Dr. Schneepelstein fell to the ground and landing on multiple pies. Bim and Google were both pinned to the ground by several mattresses. Chase was now tied to King of the Squirrels. Yandere was pouting about colored powders getting all over her white shirt while Jameson tried to wipe it off of his own shirt. Wilford stood in the center of the room, a bright pink liquid dripping down his face.

“Host would like to say ‘I told you so’.” Host stated from the top of a tower of boxes, clicking on and off the flashlight he was holding.

“How did you know?” Wilford asked as Dark laughed.

“You can’t hide anything from me, I thought you knew that, dear.” Dark teased and went over to Wilford, giving him a quick kiss. “Strawberry?”

“I know you don’t like cherry.” Wilford said.

“How come the Jims didn’t get fucked with?” Anti protested.

“I could never hurt CJ and RJ.” Dark chuckled, glancing over Wilford’s shoulder and seeing that Jameson was signing very quickly at Chase with a look of annoyance on his face. “What’s this about making a video for Chase?” Dark asked.

“Are we really blaming everything on me?” Chase huffed, sticking his tongue out at Jameson when the silent man made a fist and made it nod towards Chase, saying that, yes, yes they were.

“Explain.” Dark said to Wilford.

“Well…Chase wanted more views, so I thought that a video of the Darkiplier getting pranked would be amazing.” Wilford said, gesturing wildly with his arms as he spoke.

“I guess you do have a great video, just not one that you were expecting.” Dark chuckled. “I hope you all have fun cleaning up this mess.” Dark sang before walking out of the room, glad he had let all of this happen.

#darkstache

[mayor-damien-protection-squad]

Femininity

A quick one-shot I wrote for bigender Darkiplier because I can’t stop thinking about this headcanon now…

~Mod Carbz

Warnings: Slight unintentional misgendering, implied Wilford/Dark, WKM Spoilers

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12377511

Read Below The Cut!

“She/Her pronouns today,” Dark said quietly to Wilford, passing him on the way to the meeting room. Most of the other egos were already there, ready to spitball ideas for how to take over Mark’s channel and then eventually just end up doing their own things for the rest of the day when that fell through.

Wilford nodded in reply, continuing to work on his most recent script without a second thought. Dark nodded back, feeling a bit more satisfied. It didn’t really matter if Wilford knew it was a feminine day because they almost never talked one on one, and she would murder him if he said anything to the other egos, but she felt just a little better knowing that at least one person knew in the long run.

She couldn’t let the other egos know about her past and risk them thinking she was weak. That meant they couldn’t know that she wasn’t one person. That she was the conglomeration of three broken people, pushed together into one being fueled by revenge and betrayal. That this caused her to have days where Celine- wonderful, beautiful Celine- would be more present, causing Dark to prefer she/her pronouns.

As Dark walked closer to the room, she could hear The Host casually narrating the things happening inside the meeting room, a common nervous tick of his when there was too much silence. He had explained once before that it was because without any sound filling the void he felt like he was sans two of his senses instead of just one.

Dark pushed open the door, quickly assessing the room in a single glance. It seemed that she was the second to last ego in today, Wilford being the one lagging behind as always.

The Host continued his rambling. “Darkiplier walks into the room. She strolls over to her chair, then stops, staring at The Host in concealed shock. Everyone in the room looks at her.”

It was true. Dark was staring at The Host, barely concealed shock tearing at her seams, rippling through her form.

“Shut. Up. Host.” She grit out, wringing her hands in the air like she was gripping something that wasn’t there. A familiar reflex from the past.

This is not how she wanted to be outed. If she had her way, she’d never be out, no matter how male pronouns felt like knives sometimes. She couldn’t let them think she was weak. She couldn’t afford it.

“The Host does not understand. He was simply narrating what she was doing,” Host replied.

Everyone in the room could see Dark’s shell beginning to crack, although instead of the red and blue echo that usually surrounded her when it happened, this time it was almost entirely red.

“Um, Host, I know you’re blind, but Dark isn’t a woman,” Bim spoke up, finally gathering the courage to break the thick silence that had descended upon the room.

“She is today. The Host is never incorrect. He simply narrates the world around him.”

“I know you liked to manipulate people’s lives when you were The Author, but I thought you were past that, Host,” Silver Shepard admonished, trying to stop The Host from making the situation any worse, lest they bear the full front of her ire. “You can’t try to change a person’s identity for your own amusement.”

“The Host is not manipulating anything,” Host replied, words more tense than before, not wanting to be challenged on something he held pride in being exceptionally skilled at.

“You can’t just change someone’s sex, Host,” Dr. Iplier said angrily. “Dark is a ma-.”

Suddenly, everyone stopped, frozen in their tracks as the color seemed to drain out of the room from every corner. Dark was twitching violently, her shell cracking at the seams, a thousand splinters trailing down her body. No one knew what was going to happen next until-

“Celine.”

Dark froze. Wilford had come up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around and in the corner of her eye she could see the egos flinching back, prepared for her to lash out at Wilford. Instead she simply stared at him, relaxing just slightly as she saw him standing there, a comforting and familiar presence.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said, motioning his his head toward the door and guiding her away from the room with his hand on her shoulder. She didn’t protest for once. None of the egos said anything as they left, afraid to shatter the tentative peace that might have just saved their lives.

Once they were outside the room and walking down the hallway, Wilford asked softly, “Do you want me to help you put on some eyeliner?”

She was about to scoff and say that she could do it herself, but she stopped herself. She knew she honestly couldn’t- Celine’s muscle memory in that regard hadn’t translated to this body- and she really did want to have some eyeliner on.

“Fine,” she replied stubbornly, letting Wil lead her to a room out of the way. There he began to apply the dark eyeliner around her eyes with perfect accuracy, not saying anything else, just letting the comfortable silence surround them. They didn’t need words.

Wilford. Her oldest friend. Her old lover in one sense, despite the fact that she was no longer that person and neither was he. It was in these moments that she felt the most peaceful. The most human. Where the rage and revenge that fueled her existence seemed to simmer down just slightly, allowing the three people that fused to create her to calm, reminding her of the old days. The days when it was just her and Wilford, where she didn’t always have to worry about enacting her revenge on the man who stole her- Damien’s- body. Reminding her of the days when she was three separate people, none of them weighed down by the constant agony of murder and desire for vengeance.

After Wil completed her eyeliner he moved on to bringing out some black nail polish, carefully applying it to her nails without a word.

They stayed like this for a long while, falling into an almost meditative state, the repetitive action of painting her nails lulling them into a calm trance. Finally, the silence was broken as Wilford stood up.

“I’m going to go… talk to the others,” he said, pulling out his gun with a wink and a smirk. Dark didn’t do anything to stop him, simply watching him leave with the shadow of a smile gracing her lips.

She could work with this. The others could know her identity, and if thought her weak because of it then she would simply show them the full extent of her powers until they understood exactly what she was capable of. Then none of them would ever question her again. That is, if Wilford didn’t get to them first.

—–

The next week when Dark was feeling feminine again and walked into the meeting room ready for another day of accomplishing nothing, The Host narrated her walking to her seat with feminine pronouns. No one even blinked.

It was a nice feeling.

#Mod Carbz #Markiplier fanfiction #who killed markiplier #Markiplier #fanfiction #bigender #bigender darkiplier #wilford warfstache #markiplier egos

[rebeccaheyman]

reading + listening 9.21.20

The Bookshop of Second Chances (Jackie Fraser), eBook ARC (pub date May 2021). Four-star NetGalley review:

At first, THE BOOKSHOP OF SECOND CHANCES just seems like a charming tale of a down-on-her-luck, 44-year-old woman finding a new life in a small Scottish town. But in a neat trick of smart plotting deft characterization, Fraser turns the narrative into so much more.

Thea is a refreshingly direct, introspective, infinitely relatable woman who's been dealt two very different hands at once: she's been laid off from her job right around the time she discovered her husband of 20 years has been having an affair, but she's also inherited a house -- complete with rare book collection -- and a not-insignificant sum of money from a dear but distant great uncle. With little keeping her anchored to her old life, Thea travels to Baldochrie to see about the house. Once there, she finds life in a small town on the Scottish coast suits her rather well, and then of course, there's Edward.

Edward has, like too many of us I suspect, based much of his life on the hurts of his youth. He's a modern-day Heathcliff who's moved past the romantic fixations of yesteryear long enough to become a curmudgeonly adult with a rather dysfunctional sex life. He's at war with his brother, the literal lord of the manor in Baldrochie, and spends his days holed up in his rare books shop. Until Thea walks in, and something like friendship begins.

I savored the slow unfolding of these two characters, who I grew to care about immensely. Fraser's is a nuanced portrait of a woman in middle age, facing the necessity of beginning again. To say Thea is an "everywoman" discounts her uniqueness, wit, and rather special charm, but she's not *not* everywoman, either. She feels like someone I know, or someone who could, in another life, be me. So it's a particular kind of triumph to see her grow and change and find joy.

Comps to EVVIE DRAKE STARTS OVER are warranted only in the loosest sense; the storytelling and writing here are far superior. Readers who enjoyed WOULD LIKE TO MEET will appreciate Thea and Edward's later-in-life romance, and fans of Graeme Simsion will find a lot to appreciate in Fraser's three-dimensional characterizations and excellent dialogue.

Tall, Duke, and Dangerous (Hazards of Dukes #2), (Megan Frampton), eBook ARC (pub date October 2020). If you’ve been reading these reviews weekly, you’ll know that I listened to the first-in-series, Never Kiss a Duke, last week. The sophomore installation was... not good. Two-star NetGalley Review:

If you, like me, felt that the first installment in the Hazards of Dukes series was a knockoff version of Kleypas's DEVIL IN WINTER, you're going to feel more of that "recycled trope" vibe in the second book-in-series, TALL, DUKE, AND DANGEROUS. While Ana Maria and Nash, our main couple, were introduced in book 1, the characterizations here seemed to come out of nowhere; our heroine is a literal Cinderella -- a girl of noble birth, forced to act as a maid by her now-blessedly-dead stepmother, and newly restored to her proper place in society -- while our hero was the victim of parental abuse at the hands of his father, which has left him isolated from his emotions and hopelessly taciturn. Ana Maria is fluent in Grunting Duke, so she can decipher Nash's true feelings even when he can't. And lucky for both of them, he wants her to be a Regency-era MPDG, and she's totally fine with it: "I want you to help me find the good parts of being who I am, of using who I am to do better for everyone. Joyfully." In other words, "I'd like you to make me the best version of myself, because that should definitely be your responsibility, o ye of the lesser sex." 

I've given Megan Frampton a very fair shake -- in fact, I've read three of her books in the past seven days. Each has felt like a faint echo of better HRs I've read before. While the writing is serviceable enough, the storytelling is weak. Here particularly, the ending comes fast; there's no denouement, not even the Epilogue one expects in this genre. I'd wager my last crown that book three sees Thaddeus and Olivia making an unlikely pairing. All in all, I have to let go of my hopes for Frampton's work, which seems derivative and predictable at best, and dangerously familiar at worst.

Lady Be Bad (The Duke’s Daughters #1), (Megan Frampton), aBook (narr. Jilly Bond). Please let us never try to parse why I leaned in so hard to Megan Frampton this week. After NEVER KISS A DUKE last week, I just... wanted to see what she was about, I guess? Which makes no sense, because if we’re talking about HR authors I read for the first time last week, I should have latched on to Julie Anne Long, whose LADY DERRING TAKES A LOVER I actually really enjoyed. Like I said -- we shouldn’t overthink this. 

Here’s the deal with LADY BE BAD: If Sarah MacLean’s NINE RULES TO BREAK WHEN ROMANCING A RAKE (2012) and Tessa Dare’s SAY YES TO THE MARQUESS (2014) had a scandalous affair, this book would be the chaise longue they fooled around on in the drawing room. That’s it. That’s the review.

The Mighty Oak (Jeff Bens), aBook (narr. Adam Barr). You might be wondering what business I had reading a literary character study about a violent, drug-addicted hockey player, so I will tell you: Blackstone Audio, publisher/producer of innumerable aBook titles I have listened to and loved, started a GoFundMe to help those employees who have lost everything in the fires raging across the western US. I don’t personally know anyone at Blackstone, but I can hear the echo of Mary Jane Wells saying “Blackstone Audio presents...” on every intro track to The Ravenels series. This company is responsible, in part, for many hours of joy in my life, and now their employees are suffering, and if we’re not committed to small acts of kindness to help those who have totally, inadvertently helped us, what the hell are we doing with ourselves? Cutting this tangent short to say that Jeff Bens saw my tweet about the GoFundMe and very kindly emailed to say thanks for donating, so I said hey let me know when your forthcoming Blackstone title releases and he said actually it’s today and I think you know what happened next. Before I get to my review, I’m going to repost the link to the Blackstone Audio GoFundMe, and I truly hope you will donate even a single dollar. The book community is vast and beautiful, and for all its flaws, I want to believe we take care of each other. SECOND ACTION ITEM is to peruse the catalogue and buy or borrow a Blackstone Audio title. Might I suggest...

THE MIGHTY OAK is about Tim “Oak” O’Connor, a hockey player lauded for his violence and intensity on the ice. Tim’s body is breaking down under the stress of his lifestyle, which involves a lot of OxyContin, and it’s pretty clear his mind is likewise struggling under the weight of drug abuse and, probably, CTE. The thought that kept resonating with me while I listened to Adam Barr’s excellent narration was this: Tim O’Connor is a drowning man who doesn’t realize he’s wet. The portraiture in THE MIGHTY OAK is powerful, visceral, and heartbreaking, even as Tim’s journey resolves in something like victory. CW for drug abuse, physical violence, and -- no other way to say this -- an eyeball dangling from its socket. 

Ready Player One (Ernest Cline), aBook (narr. Wil Wheaton). I’m generally a sucker for books about puzzles -- even puzzles based on 80s pop culture and video games. RPO is what would happen if The Westing Game and Ender’s Game made crossover appearances on an episode of The Twilight Zone. The world-building is top-notch, if belabored at times; in a version of our world that has departed so completely from the reality we know, the temptation to narrate quotidian minutiae was too strong for Cline to resist. It’s not uninteresting, for example, to hear every painstaking detail about how Wade sets up the gaming system in his apartment, but it’s not exactly page-turning either. The story’s peaks more than compensate for its valleys, and you can’t beat Wheaton’s narration. 

#the bookshop of second chances #the mighty oak #lady be bad #tall duke and dangerous #ready player one