#HOW DARE YOU SUBJECT ME TO THIS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slocumjoe · 1 year

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I always thought it was weird that Hancock's drug addiction (or at least dependency) was never addressed.

And honestly I just look to fanon to finish Danse's character arc and I forget that isnt canon

Although why do you say that Cait's backstory was fetishized? And why was Nick Valentine's quest messed up?

YOU FOOL, YOU'VE OPENED A DOOR YOU CANNOT CLOSE

I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR...

THE CAIT BREAKDOWN

(TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR S/A, ADDICTION, AND ABUSE)

Firstly, some ground rules. This is directed at a Certain Kind of Contrarian, the kind of person who thinks characters are free-thinking entities with free will, who seemingly thinks they pop up fully formed out of the ground with no liberties taken by a writer. I need to preface this because these people always show up when discussing these kinds of characters.

We need to look at Cait in a Doyist lens. She is not a real person. Everything she does and went through was decided by her creators. It is a waste of time to justify something by saying well, this happens in real life, people go through this, people do this, because those actions and people are real. Cait is based in reality, but she herself is a puppet being pulled around with other puppets.

It can be viable to consider Cait in a Watsonian lens, but ultimately, we won't get anywhere picking her apart like that. Doing so would be taking her at face value, when Cait has a lot more going on behind the curtains. The Person and the Character Cait is, they're very different. One is a Person, the other is what decides that Person's personality, history, everything. Character comes first. You cannot defend Character by pointing at Person and saying that the Person exists in a world where anything is possible. Character comes first. Yes, Person exists, but Character defines it, and with Cait, we are discussing her Character.

We need to talk about the decisions made about Cait's Character, 'cause oh boy, ol' Beth really made some, didn't they?

FUCK UP 1: BETHESDA DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE ADDICTION

Cait's Psycho use starts after killing her parents, and at some point, she becomes addicted. Later, as it starts negatively affecting her, even causing her cough up blood, she no longer views it as worth the high. Why did Cait start using, though?

Well, look at everything she had gone through. We'll get to how poorly her backstory itself is handled, and how lackadaisically Bethesda throws various traumas at her with all the grace and care of a small child throwing rocks at cars on the highway, but for now, we're focusing on the Psycho use.

Cait uses to cope with her trauma, that much is obvious. That's usually why characters and IRL people turn to substances. The issue here is how Bethesda treats both the use, and the...fuck, is it fair to call that fucking chair recovery?

The chair. That Fucking Chair.

I wanted an option to say nope, we're not doing this to you, we're leaving. But...no. The actual solution to Cait's 20+ years of trauma was to lock her in an interrogation chair and have her tortured for a few minutes.

Okay. Let's discuss this.

Cait used Psycho seemingly as a way to both punish herself and never think about the shit she went through. Psycho makes the user aggressive, so it stands to reason, also cruel and capable of using that aggression. Perhaps Psycho influenced her feelings at any moment, allowing her to not care about killing her parents, or about her slavery. Either way, Cait is already being hurt, and it very much is self-harm.

So, the solution, the thing to help Cait, get her on the first step to recovery from both her trauma and her addiction, is to hurt her. Punish her. It very much reads like punishment, you are locked into a chair. She sits there whimpering in pain. Now, this makes sense for Vault Tec and their experiment with this vault.

But...as the end of Cait's arc?

We're getting into some potentially controversial territory, but...it's proven, time and time again, that compassion and sufficient resources are the best, and pretty much the only, way for an addict to recover. It isn't enough to just stop using, get off it. You have to address the circumstances that lead to the addiction. Yes, some people will choose not to stop using, they'll choose to remain addicted and never attempt to get help for their issues. But that doesn't mean the ones who want to shouldn't get the opportunity. And those opportunities need to be compassionate.

A TORTURE CHAIR IS NOT COMPASSIONATE.

It reads as a scare tactic. Don't do drugs, kiddies, or else you'll get so bad, you'll have to be locked into a chair and get tubes and needles attached to you, and be tortured for a few minutes. Jesus H Christ.

You know what makes this even worse? The blatant condemnation and mockery of actual recovery. The AA meeting in the overseer's room, in that vault? Bethesda makes a joke of it! Cait calls it bullshit! Motherfucker, AA meetings are one of, if not the, most effective ways to keep someone off a substance! It gives people a community, an echo chamber reminding them how bad their circumstances were and how much better they are without their substance. AA meetings are crucial for addicts, and Bethesda mocks it, criticizes it as stupid, and then portrays torture as the solution. They do this with their addicted character. You are supposed hear Cait call it stupid, ineffective, a waste of time. That is so fucking irresponsible.

Here's the obvious answer as to how Cait's addiction should have been handled; Cait herself either mentions wanting to come off it, or the Sole Survivor intervenes and suggests she stop using. From there, the Sole Survivor acts as a sponsor, or just a friend keeping an eye on her. Y'know, how substance recovery actually works?

Yes, it's not that easy IRL, and it doesn't have to be in game, she can relapse, even. But whatever happens, you cannot address a trauma-based drug addiction with more trauma being the cure. Holy shit, dude.

FUCK UP 2: BETHESDA STUCK EVERY TRAUMA TAIL ON THIS DONKEY

Cait's backstory is bloated with every kind of trauma, and it reads as very...last minute?

Actually look at it. She was grotesquely abused for 18 years, sold into slavery for a few more years, killed her parents, got a drug addiction, and then basically enslaved in a fighting pit for a few more years as a means of a suicide attempt, and then she gets traumatized when she gets clean because, again, that chair literally tortures her.

Starting at the beginning...why did her parents wait until she was 18 to sell her? Would the slavers not take kids? Did her parents not want her being raped underage, for some reason? Why 18, specifically?

Because Bethesda are cowards, and I mean that. They wanted all the abuse and trauma for Cait they could get, but...child rape? That was a little far for them.

Rule 1 of writing dark shit: If you, at any point, feel like you've gone too far, back the fuck up. Don't start walking left instead of forward. Bethesda wanted her nightmare upbringing, but child rape bothered them. So, they just had her sold at 18, but that's incredibly contrived. Hey, Beth? If it bothered you, you shouldn't have gone near it. Skirting the topic is a cowardly writer's way out. Shit or get off the pot.

Now, you can write a character with this much trauma. You just have to actually handle it.

Cait should be way more unhinged. You should be able to look at her, speak to her once, and figure out oh, this woman has been through hell. Instead, Cait is surprisingly well-adjusted. She's a little rude and doesn't care much for good-guy morality.

Here's where those Contrarians come in, saying "People don't have to act like their trauma!" They don't. But those are real people. Cait was made, and she was made with a normal personality and a horrifically detailed nightmare origin story. It isn't that Cait just powered through and got out okay despite all odds, it's that Bethesda didn't fully think about how her trauma would actually affect her.

If anyone played Silent Hill 2, remember Angela Orosco? She was also incredibly abused and mistreated all her life, and actually, her story is remarkably similar to Cait's in every way. And Angela, she acts like a person who's been traumatized at every single turn. Watching Angela is heartbreaking even if you don't know what she's gone through, because you can tell there was something.

Cait's backstory could be significantly pared down. Again, the dialogue and 4 affinities talk system butcher the character arc, but Cait suffered the most, I think. She tells you about all of her trauma at once, in her second affinity. Second. Other characters talk about their most intense/emotional shit at the final talk, but because Cait's third talk needs to start Benign Intervention, and her final talk needs to be about being clean now, they have to rush through her trauma at the second one.

For Cait, I think it'd be better to pare down the trauma, but it could work to just...move her opening up about it to the final talk. That makes the most sense, her explaining how she got that way.

Also, why was it Cait that got all of this?

No, really, why was Cait selected to be the trauma donkey de jour?

She's one of 3 female companions. Piper and Curie's trauma is both their dads died. Cait's trauma is endless rape, beating, drug addictions, slavery, and fights to the death. She sticks out. It's like the other girls got nothing so Cait got everything.

Cait is compared to Cassidy from New Vegas, but...why? Cassidy got off nice and easy compared to Cait. Everyone gets off easy compared to Cait. It's like she's the heaviest thing in the room, the odd one out because she's gone through significantly more and worse than anyone else. Can you seriously compare Cait to anyone in Fallout 4? MacCready lost his wife, Cait was raped for years on end. Hancock feels guilty for not doing more in his younger years to help people, Cait was constantly beaten and tortured by her parents for her entire life. Nick has some identity issues and body dysmorphia, Cait killed her parents and now is always attempting suicide via bare-knuckle combat for the same people who raped her.

It's like she was meant for a different game. I could easily see her in say, Wasteland 3, or the other Fallouts, which had much darker tones. Everyone else in 4 is lighter to slightly darker shades of grey, and then Cait is pitch black.

I especially find this suspicious, given that Cait is the addict character. No, it's not Hancock, because Hancock's addiction isn't addressed, it's just...seasoning, some texture thrown on top. His addiction doesn't matter, by the game's standards, you're not supposed to care about it. Cait, you are. She's the addict character.

It's like...weirdly implied that it's only incredibly fucked up stuff that makes you an addict. Like, there's a certain bar of trauma you have to have before you start using. First of all, incorrect, grossly so. Secondly, patronizing as shit. Thirdly, if you think like this, you shouldn't be allowed to write anything. Ever. Or vote, for that matter.

FUCK UP 3: THE IRISH SHIT

I will not bring up the accent, beyond that it, specifically, is pretty obnoxious. Katy Townsend, her voice actor, is Scottish, but...the accent is bad enough, I was sure she was American. Listening to this video, you can hear her natural speaking voice, and it's nowhere near Cait's thick, caricature Tough Irish Gal voice.

I have previously described Cait as a 'too many cooks in the kitchen' scenario. On one hand, she's a Trauma Donkey, as described in the last section. On another, she's a haha funny Irish lady love booze and fighting, ain't nothing better than getting pissed and picking a fight, am i right!

I have a theory that Cait was two separate characters that was merged into one. Fallout 4 tries to represent/dickride Massachusetts culture and history, and Massachusetts has double the national Irish population. New York and New Hampshire are more Irish, but Massachusetts is still very Irish. So, Beth made an Irish character, but then, like, Frank down the hall wanted his sadgirl babe, and they got stuck together.

There is no bigger clash than a historical cruel/tragic cartoon caricature and the darkest, most horrific character in a story, and it's the same person in Fallout 4. Again, Cait can be Irish. She cannot be a Tough Irish Gal, while being everything else that she is.

HOW IS THIS FETISHIZED?

I mean...look at it. I should preface that I've been writing for, like, three hours and am Quickly Losing Steam, so this conclusion is not likely to be great

I've also described Cait as getting sprayed down with a pain hose. Just drenched in every kind of suffering imaginable. It's not handled properly, it's not addressed properly, it's just kind of there for you to figure out on your own. Another thing I've called Cait is Whedonesque, for Joss Whedon loves makes strong female characters, making them tiny, not-like-other-girls waifs (Cait is very thin and skinny), and then putting them through trauma, making them cry. He's been accused of making strong women just to see them break.

I don't fully think that last part applies to Cait, but it gets close. Cait is one of three girls. She's the only masculine/androgynous, Piper and Curie are both rather feminine, even if in different flavors. Cait is all tomboy, and she's all trauma and addiction, and misery. She falls into the Whedon trope of "I can kick ass but I need someone to fix me". Cait is, very much, a fixer fantasy. She's broken and desperate and Sole is supposed to be the white knight on a shining horse to save her, fix her. That's why she makes a big deal about how they're the first person to ever be nice to her. It's a fantasy.

And finally, Cait has something in common with the two other ladies; Piper exists to serve a plucky, girl-next-door romance (she's the intended romance, even, the one you're expected to pick), and Curie is a french virgin maid fantasy. Y'know Lusty Argonian Maid? Literally Curie.

And that is at least half of why Cait's Character was made the way it was. It's to appeal to a fixer fantasy. Even if unintentional, that's what Cait's character adds up to. Compare to 500 Days of Summer, if the movie wasn't self-aware.

#was always very nervous talking about cait.#because criticizing addict and abused characters always brings out the hyenas #HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ADDICTS AND VICTIMS my point in this essay is that Bethesda disrespects addicts and victims #YOU CANT JUDGE HER im literally not I'm judging bethesda for not treating her with grace #I WENT THROUGH/KNOW PEOPLE WHO WENT THROUGH WHAT SHE DID you are real people cait is not. everything was decided for her #this is also why i dislike trauma donkey characters because at some point you cant critique the writing without bad faith counter arguement #that are always just. this is a sensitive topic so you're not allowed to say anything bad about it!#if it was too sensitive to me to critique they shouldn't have put it in the story #look at all this heavy subject matter but don't think or talk about it???#fucking ace combination right there #ill write abt nicks quest later. now it is time for stardew valley

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arealtrashact · 8 months

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Are you planning to watch the Priscilla movie? I’m not really looking forward to it, or the online commentary about it (which has already started) :/

Yes, if I can carve out some time between work + life I would like to see it. Crossing my fingers for a post credits scene where she's approached by L. Ron Hubbard, Nick Fury style.

#Actually I suppose it would be John Travolta.#I carry so much miscellaneous information about the subject matter - I'm sorely tempted to make a bingo card for my viewing #trashtalk #anonymous #Sofia Coppola is a very nothingburger director to me but I actually think that flavorlessness might just suit this movie #as for the commentary - I don't feel any which way about it because this 'discourse' concerns a person who has been dead for half a century #to quote a favorite tweet of mine 'how DARE you give obscure up and coming musician Elvis Presley a platform'#'where is he platforming from? HELL?'

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magioffire · 1 year

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cant believe we are still having debates about whether or not nonbinary people are trans and if we belong in the trans community at all....

listen guys im gonna make this REAL simple

transgender = when you do not identify as the gender you were assigned at birth cisgender = when you do identify as the gender you were assigned at birth

as far as i know, people generally are not assigned ‘nonbinary’ or ‘genderfluid’ or ‘agender’ or literally anything besides ‘male’ or ‘female’ at birth. therefore all nonbinary identities are by default under the trans umbrella

people need to stop mudding the waters, gatekeepng shit, and complicating stuff that doesnt need to be complicated it by creating all this discourse. pls stop complicating the definitions of transgender and nonbinary by claiming suddenly its *only* binary and/or full transitioning trans people who are the *real* trans people, and everyone else is a poser whom is....trying to get popular and positve attention by....identifying as one of the most misunderstood, marginalized, targeted minority group in the world??? yeah im sure everyone would just love to jump on the trans band wagon for funsies and shits and giggles in a world where people want to fucking KILL US.

not only have concepts of androgyny and gender-noncomformity been around since humans had gender roles to subvert, but modern terms for nonbinary identities (lke genderqueer and genderfluid) are also a lot older than the 2010s. we’ve been here with the lgbt community since the beginning. we aint new. its like asking “do the people with gender fuckery belong in the gender fuckery club????” (spoiler, they do)

remember kids: throwing some of the most vulnerable, mischaracterized, least accepted members of your already marginalized community under the bus may get you brownie points in the short term with the party of leopards eating bad!!! evi!!! groomer!! trans people’ s faces, but once all the so called ‘degenerate’ trans people, gender-nonconforming cis people, and questioning people either have their faces eaten off or have to go so far back the closet just to avoid getting their faces eaten off, the party of leopards eating (actually every single) trans people’s faces will turn and eat your face too.

#tired of all the infighting and splittng hairs on people's identities #and people acting like they are some kind of authority on another person's subjective experience esp something as subjective as gender lolol #like who cares #really how miserable do you have to be to sit there and gatekeep how other people live their lives like omfg #also when a trans person completes their transition they dont just stop being trans #so stop acting like that is the ONE defining trait a trans person can have #and stop making up stupid ass insults for people who dont want to ruthlessly bully any trans person who doesnt fit into a box #stop fucking calling us stupid shit like 'tucute' and 'transtrenders' and 'theyfabs' and just say what you really fucking mean:#which we all know is 'f*ggot #'tranny'#'degenerate'#'sexual deviant'#'p*dophile'#like stop pussy footing around and pretending like you aint doing the far right's dirty work #and OWN YOUR DAMN BIGOTRY AND INTERNALIZED TRANSPHOBIA :)#tired of terfs and exclusionists doing the far right's dirty work of driving a wedge in the lgbt community and ruthlessly bullying #other trans people and any teenager who DARES to question their gender for a goddamn second #and then they have the gall to call themselves feminists or fighting for trans acceptance #or that they just are ~worried~ about the children or they are just ~concerned~ about detransitioners #ugh gag me with a spoon 97.5 percent of transgender teens who identified as trans 10 years ago stll identify as trans today #but shhh dont talk about that #cuz that destroys the narrative of:#'those evil groomer tr*nnies are brainwashng our poor little girls into hating womanhood and becoming evil stinky sex fiend men!'#or 'those evil p*do trans women are going through years and years of transition so they can corner ME SPECICICALLY in the women's bathroom.#'and as a white cis transphobic woman i am always the victim' (cuz lets be real its often those waspy types)#like transphobes get over yourselves #particularly if youre a transphobic trans person #sadly they exist :\#so much self hatred being projected onto innocent people #cuz its somehow impossible to understand everyone has their own experiences that dont require YOUR validation to make them legit

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makerscockandballs · 7 months

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HELLO MAYBE DO NOT GLORIFY THE GDR JUST BECAUSE THE USA SUCK

#i dont like interacting with posts that do shit like that bc i dont like fighting #but hey remember you can like some parts of what it did politically #without denying the FACT that it was a horrific government that practically imprisoned and tortured its subjects regularly #i'll assume ignorance and will ask you #go to one GDR ex-jail and then tell me this is something worth defending.#i know people personally who lived through it. heard their good and bad about it.#know people who smuggled others across the border to the BRD #saw the prisons laid out for torture and to break a person #dont you dare say shit about how the usa has that too #it does not matter. comparisons are nothing when a state does these things.#fucking hell read a history book.#basil yells at cloud #ok to rb #just. why are you so hellbent on making it black and white when it is not

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tezuka-brainrot · 3 months

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I have a little depressed man in my brain named Ryuunosuke who's inspired a lot by Tenma. And one of the earliest versions of him involved him pulling a Tenma to replace his dead son. Except it was with a whole ass pre-existing human child instead of a robot.

He's a fucked up man.

#astro boy #doctor tenma #oc #original character #Yagami Ryuunosuke (oc)#HIS LAST NAME ISN'T FROM DEATHNOTE BTW #IT'S BECAUSE OF THE JAPANESE SINGER JUNKO YAGAMI.#lmao #he's one of the main subjects of my frequent seven hour daydreams #and always I'm just screaming at him to be normal #but my daydreams are usually in third person #even if Ryuunosuke could hear me he'd be like “fuck off how dare you of all people suggest dealing with mental illness in a healthy way.”#Ryuunosuke is the punching bag of the inner world and he smells like tobacco and sulfur #you'd probably still all simp for him if he were a famous character #that's not just cause of my enormous ego ppl have shit standards including me.

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porcelainvino · 5 months

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anyway,,, coming up in better!glee: kurt being a darren criss hater, jesse being a crisscolfer shipper

#someone’s like ‘why do you hate him he looks like your bf’ and kurt’s like ‘hOW FUCKING DARE YOU—-‘#apologies to the darren fans ig 💀#to the crisscolfer fans? girl idk what you want me to say to you 💀💀#i do not have serious feelings towards either subject… this is all fun and games to me…#also it’s silly to me let me cook 😭#better!glee #b!g kurt #b!g jesse #porcelainposting

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kakusu-shipping · 11 months

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2 and 11 for your Mario S/I!!

Thankyou very much for asking!!!!!

My Mario S/I ref can be found Here and Info Here

2. How similar is your s/i to you? Are they a carbon copy, completely different or a mix of the two?

A lot of my S/Is are just straight me with a little idealization and a little warping due to just the nature of growing up somewhere different.

For my Mario S/I, he's a lot smarter than me, which isn't to say irl me is dumb, just not very good at retaining information, or using it to further a conclusion. My Mario S/I is, and is also very passionate about learning about the new world he lands in. (I like to think if I got isekaied I would be too but who knows)

He shares my special interest in Mushrooms, a lot of my taste in games, Bulling as a Love Language, Generally Chill Go with the Flow personality type, Fear of Bees, and a handful of other small traits that I don't wanna list too long.

He handles a bad situation way better than me. Like I said he's better at rationalizing and drawing conclusions, he's a lot more calm in a high stakes situation, good at talking something down, and reacting quickly to chaos.

For example in the events that'd be eventually rewritten as Paper Mario, Emile was the one to throw Luigi out of the castle, as he hung behind to find Toadsworth. He talks Bowser into instead of shoving him in the prison in his own castle to instead let him stay in his own room is the castle, and spends the rest of the game slowly sneaking all the trapped Toads out of said prison and back to his room until Mario storms the castle and saves them. I could never do all that, but he could, because he's cool under pressure and smooth with his words.

Side note this is also how my Mario S/I gets top surgery; He takes a very neutral stance to most schemes Bowser does, so when he was brought to Bowser for sneaking around the castle, and learned he had the Star Rod, he asked if he could get a wish, sense that's what the thing's for anyway. Bowser agreed as long as it wasn't something stupid like "I wish Mario had the power to defeat Bowser". "I wish for Top Surgery" is considered a Selfish wish by the Star Spirits and would never be granted, but Bowser did it, cause why not. He loves a selfish wish and is very Trans Rights

11. Does you s/i have one outfit they're always seen in or multiple?

He does have multiple outfits! Like Mario and Luigi he has all kinds of fits for different activities, not sports he doesn't do those, but like, Casual Wear and such. I actually drew us in a bunch of outfits you can see Here!

Though also like Mario and Luigi, I do typically just stick him in the Overalls look, for consistency sake. Either that or the basic Sona outfit of Big Orange Sweater

Oh! But actually a while ago I drew him in a few of my favorite Power Ups from the Main Series, I never posted it cause the image was more long than wide, and the sketches were pretty Eh in my opinion, but I'll post them now just for the sake of putting out all my art, even the stuff I'm not the proudest of.

The main concepts are his eyes and freckles change color to match the power ups, though he doesn't use them all that often sense he's an Adviser and not typically in any kind of direct line.

#Thankyou for asking #Long post #oh wait now I have to give it the #Emile's Arts #tag #aaaaaaaaugh man #Sorry this got so long this is PEAK brainrot as I've shown #I love you Bee Suit you're so cute and also I Hate you Bee Suit the buzzing hurts me so physically #A LOT of my S/Is are either Me but able to Fully use their Brains or Me but Able to lift a truck with one arm #That's it that's the self insert a good 90% of the time #I have a lot of Medical Field Idealization I think if I was able to Process better I would have a Doctorate #But because I'm kinda pea brained and have poor processing and struggle to retain information I can't #Also getting a Doctorate is VERY expensive??? I could never #So a good portion of my S/Is are Doctors in some way or another #Some gender of Mad Scientist #This will include this S/I he may not actually be a Doctor per say but he could he's very smart #Again I'm not irl stupid or nothin just really reeeeeeeeally slow #And they don't like that in public school how dare you struggle to memorize 9 subjects at once #Anyway!!!!#Thanks again for asking!!!!!#I looooooooove talking about my Mario S/I right now!!! It's a lot of fun!!!!!#ngl when I first made him despite it being the Mario Movie that pushed me to do it #I'd completely forgotten the Power Mechanic from the main games #fdkgjfdjgkfd I don't play the platformers I'm BAD AT THEM #VERY SLOW!! BAD HAND EYE COORDINATION!!! dfgjfdgdkfjgk #It took a different friend with a Mario S/I posting their S/I with power ups to remind me that was a thing

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dorianwolfforest · 4 months

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when i get to the horse section of the book im writing and i finally get to feel smart

#i've been struggling.#who told me to write about being an earl who owns a bank #how dare you.#i know nothing of those subjects. ill look stupid

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byanyan · 4 months

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@chronal-anomaly sent:ㅤShe knows holidays are difficult for them. They're difficult for her too, in a different way, with Christmas spent celebrating in freezing tents while distant sounds of war rocked the Earth beneath them. Then it was days spent at the VA, surrounded by friends and family alike. Lena always enjoyed the feeling of coming together, but there was always a part of her that ached for something of her own. Something of her own came true, crashing through her window and stealing her booze and fighting over the TV remote. A wet cat of a sibling, all claws and hissing comments, that chose her to curl up against. And Lena was so incredibly grateful for them, a balm against the yawn of independent loneliness that had followed her since discharging. Lena knew that holidays were hard for them, surrounded by the promise of what they should have had as a kid. Safety. Security. Love and appreciation and gifts. So Lena decided that Christmas would be whenever they returned to her flat next, where she had finger food and snacks waiting, cubed ham and leftover prime rib from the VA Christmas party, and three small gifts waiting on the table for them. In the first one, a decent multi tool with some heft, complete with two knives, a pair of scissors, pliers, some screwdrivers, and a litany of other random but helpful tools. The second, a gift certificate for a few free nights at a nearby hotel, and a gift card for their local delivery service, for those nights they had to get away. And the third gift, a large, awkward box sitting in the middle of the table. Lena had spent the most time working on it, pulling out ancient leather tools from a bag in the back of her closet. It was a custom harness, just like hers, designed for tagging and spray painting. A large D loop sat in front, just over the pelvis, to clip onto a safety rig. Other loops surrounded the rest of the harness, intended to clip bags onto, and three braces designed to hold active paint cans sat on the right and left hip, and against the lower back. A large buckle sat in the front and between the legs so it would be adjustable for them to be comfortable. And just before wrapping it up, she had dyed the whole harness a dazzling pink and red, complete with sparkles. Stars and other bright marks were stamped into the leather around the belt, marking it as their own. Merry Christmas, Byan.

ㅤit's the evening of the twenty-fifth when they show up at her window again, only a few days since they last came around, and with only the softest amount of hesitation due to the holiday attached to the date. ...and maybe also a little bit due to not wanting to have the gift they left for her addressed in any way, shape, or form.

not sure that lena will even be home, uncertain as to whether or not she has plans they aren't aware of with people they don't know about, byan approaches their usual entry point as they would on any other day: expecting nothing and perfectly content to have company or have the place to themself. some of the lights are on, but that doesn't always mean anything; not when she often leaves one or two running just in case they do show up. pulling the unlocked window open with habitual ease, they clamber through the same way they always do, the soles of their boots squeaking in the wet spot they've created as they turn in place to close the cold off once more.

ㅤㅤ" ey, lena, you home? "ㅤvoice raised so it can be heard through the entire flat, they begin shedding themself of all their layers — their backpack hits the floor first with a dull thump, quickly followed by their coat, gloves, and beanie, all tossed into a treacherous pile atop their bag. boots kicked off last, left to sit in the small, growing puddle of snow and mud which melts off of them, byan steps through the familiar surroundings, smoothing down ruffled hair with both hands and tying it all back with an elastic pulled from their wrist. a delayed and rather muffled call in response to their greeting draws a cursory glance down the hallway before they're continuing on their way to the kitchen for a snack.

it feels like it's just any other day and, for the briefest of moments, they almost forget that it's christmas, almost forget the present that they left for her in earnest, and almost forget that fear of her drawing attention to it and the obvious love and care it's representative of.

ㅤ—that is, until they step into the kitchen only to have it all slapped in their face with the sight of a small pile of presents sitting on the table.

freezing in the doorframe, all byan can do is stare in a stunned, wide-eyed silence. immediately, the thought 'don't be stupid, those aren't for you' echoes through their mind, urging them to drop their hopes back down to the floor. it wouldn't be the first time they were fooled by a stack of gifts left sitting around, after all. would be the first time it happened after the age of ten, though. but lena has friends and colleagues, people in her life other than them, and surely these are simply the gifts she hasn't been able to deliver yet. she's given them gifts before, sure — incredibly meaningful ones which they still treasure — but they've never expected any and still don't. it's going to be embarrassing when they walk over and see unfamiliar names on the gift tags, but at least she isn't in the room to witness them dashing their own stupid hopes.

circling the table like a nervous kitten who isn't quite sure of what to make of a new toy left on the floor, they cast an almost wary glance over their shoulder just in case lena and her scarily silent footsteps have managed to sneak up on them again. with no sign of her, and them now being close enough to catch a glimpse of the writing scrawled on each of the gifts, byan leans over in a failed attempt at nonchalance and scans for the names. then reads them again. —no, no, one more time, because they have to be misreading it.

ㅤㅤㅤ...byan. they all say byan.

caught up in processing this, they're only jerked back to the present by the excited click-clacking of chickadee's approaching footsteps, presumably with lena not far behind. the dog comes trotting in to the room, making a beeline straight for them, and although bewilderment still marks their features, byan doesn't do anything to stop the smile that spreads. in spite of their shock and the muddle of numerous other emotions all battling to take center stage, they drop to a crouch as chickadee comes closer, hands reaching out to rub the sides of her face in greeting.

ㅤㅤ" hey you. "ㅤa laugh escaping in a quiet chuff, they scrub their hands vigorously along her face and neck, head turning to the side with another bubble of laughter when she tries to lick their face in a greeting of her own. although they've allowed themself to be distracted, the teen watches out of the corner of their eye as lena moves toward the fridge and reaches inside. the sound seems to get the dog's attention as well, her head whipping around as her attention is thoroughly diverted. chickadee pads over to where lena rummages around, and byan slowly rises back to their feet, gaze flitting for a fraction of a second to the presents before finding lena once more.

ㅤㅤ" you— "ㅤthey begin, hooking a thumb toward the table with a dubious and almost nervous look now marking their features, only to find themself cut short in their attempted protest by a brusque shushing. mouth hanging open, body still, byan's eyebrows furrow, but all lena does is pull out a tray of various finger foods and smile warmly. there's a nod toward the table, and then she's gone, taking the food to the living room with chickadee quick on her heels.

ㅤ...damn. she's good. and she knows them far too well. knows that they'll try to protest an act of kindness, that they'll need time to process, and that they're as uncomfortable being watched opening gifts as they are directly delivering them. that's what they assume she's doing, anyway — giving them space — once they hear her settle down on the couch the next room over, leaving them alone with the presents she's now directed them toward.

practically bracing themself, byan looks back to the gifts stacked on the table and slowly sidles closer. there's no denying the little thrill of looking down at them all and wondering what's inside, the same way there's no denying the tightness in their throat that comes with knowing that lena picked all of it out for them. tentatively, they reach out for the first, the one closest to their hand, and pick it up. the heft of it has them instantly concluding that it's probably a knife and, once the paper has been shed, they think they're right. ...for all of a second. they aren't wrong, exactly, but they realize it's more than just that as they find themself pulling a variety of different tools free of the base and end up laughing to themself by the time they reach the third screwdriver. well, lena never did love their fondness for knives. they suppose that this way, she probably feels less like she's giving them a weapon. and they can't say that the multitude of tools won't come in handy, even if it is a lot less fun than, say, a new butterfly knife.

when they move on to the second gift, they no longer know what to anticipate. even with all the time in the world, they'd have never thought a free hotel room and food, much less multiple nights in a hotel. after reading the gift certificate several times over, byan is left dumbfounded, gazing down at it while they bite at the inside of their cheek, willing away the returning lump in their throat. they've never stayed in a hotel — at least, not that they can remember — but even they know that that shit's expensive for even just one night. more than one night and a gift card for delivery and there's still one more, much bigger gift waiting to be opened? what the fuck is she on, spending this kind of money on them? on some random fucking kid she has no relation to and no reason to care for?

for all of a moment, they come close to grabbing their things and running out the door. it's too much, it's too much, they don't deserve this, there's no reason for it—

ㅤ...and then they take a breath. remember all the hours they poured into not only lena's christmas gift, but all the others they've made for her as well. remember all the other things that she's done for them that she had no business doing; the way she's opened up her home to them, and the way she's listened with absolutely no judgement in those moments where they've needed to get something off their chest.

they think of her as a sister at this point, it's just... sometimes weird and kind of hard to remember that that goes both ways. she thinks of them as a sibling too, and that's okay. —it's better than okay, it's great. she's become their family, and they... have to work on accepting that.

still fighting the urge to take flight, yet relaxing some again, byan sniffs as they find that tears are now dangerously close to falling. tongue pinched between teeth as they beat back their emotions with a baseball bat made entirely of their own pride and shame — a bat that may as well squeak with the way it seems to fold against that which it's meant to fight — they swallow around the ever-growing lump in their throat and wipe at their eyes with the fuzzy pink sleeve of their sweatshirt. gift certificate set next to the multi tool because they can't handle looking at it any longer, dark eyes fall on the final, most mysterious package. with the way everything else has hit them... they're almost afraid to open it and find out what's inside. tempted to leave it, even. to step out onto the balcony and get absolutely zooted so they have an excuse to leave it unopened for the time being.

ㅤcuriosity, however, gets the better of them. as it so often does.

back to biting the inside of their cheek, byan tears through the wrapping paper, hoping desperately that this is some joke gift so they can laugh and stop dwelling on all the things they don't want to address or acknowledge. but that would be hoping for too much with a gift from lena, wouldn't it?

the crinkling of the paper stops abruptly the moment the box is opened to reveal the harness inside. identical to the one which they've admired every time she's pulled it out, perfect for tagging places they'd never been able to reach and doing pieces bigger than they've ever been able to before, but personalized specifically for them in its vibrant pink and its sparkles and its other very visible and present markings across the leather. god fucking dammit. of course the last one would not only be the biggest physically, but the biggest time and effort investment on her part, and biggest emotional impact on theirs. they have to hand it to her, she's a goddamn pro. no amount of biting or blinking or backing away and pacing across the room is enough to stop the tears from spilling now, and they have half a mind to be real fucking pissed right about now.

when lena has the audacity to come walking into the kitchen about fifteen minutes later like everything is completely normal, the harness is still sitting in its box and byan is all but flying at her. before she has a chance to react (or to look at their still very red eyes), they're wrapping around her in a constricting hug, hands bunching in the back of her shirt.

ㅤㅤ" fuck you. "ㅤcursing her out in a wet half laugh with no real hostility present in their tone, they swallow thickly and shut their eyes tight. damn her for taking everything they ever learned about the world and turning it on it's head. damn her for actually caring and making them feel loved. damn her for being so stupidly fucking thoughtful and making them think that maybe they are worth something. damn her for making them feel things and for making them cry like some pathetic child over the simplest things on more than one occasion!!

ㅤㅤ" what the fuck. like, what the fuck?? "ㅤvoice catching slightly on the repeat, byan gives lena a weak shake inside the hug before closing their arms even tighter around her and making a face into her shoulder. it's an expression of how much they like the gifts, how much all of it means to them, just... not in so many words. they think she'll get it though, considering how well she so obviously knows them.ㅤ" i hate you. thank you. —can we have dinner now? 'cause otherwise i'm prob'ly gonna break somethin'. "ㅤㅤi love you.

#chronal anomaly #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ answered: ic ⋮ i am a vulture that feeds on pain.#2187 words :|#i've been working on this for like 4+ hours #I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS OKAY u knew what u were getting urself into #byan 'i have to immediately change the subject or i'm gonna cry again & i might punch smth' byun #'fuck you' but like. affectionately. like 'how dare you care about me and make me emotional what the actual fuck dude'#these tags are nonsense my brain is gone please just take this i'm sorry that it's a mess #they love her sm and they don't know how to deal with that sometimes #i'm not cutting this bc i hate cutting replies so #long post cw

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constantvariations · 1 year

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Adam was a cringy edgelord ever since the trailers, he simply got worse in different ways later on

How can people even like that character is beyond me

It's called "seeing the potential in a character that the writers fucked over from the start because they couldn't give the racism plot they started and refused to drop any nuance or compassion thanks to their 'violence is uwu bad' white supremacist politics"

Also, cringe edgelord is not inheritely a bad thing. Just look at Shadow the Hedgehog - he's cooler than you or I will ever be. Or my current hyperfixation husband V from Devil May Cry, who is 100% a cringe edgelord and I love him for that specifically

Kill not the cringe but the part of you that cringes and you will know freedom

#rwde #exactly what is the purpose of you sending this to me?#do i look like a confessional to you?#what even is the point of going up to strangers and declaring an opinion?#'ugh i hate the color green' cool. didnt ask buttface #and coming to me - a doylist analyst - w subjective shit is 100% a recipe for disaster #did you expect me to forget that the same guys who gave the face of the racism plot a LITERAL FUCKING BRAND #ON HIS FUCKING FACE #are the exact same people who were chill w calling their coworkers slurs? even modifying them to be said on air in a cutesy manner?#you really expect me to forget that these chucklefucks laugh abt stalking women from their cars #are the same ones who continually fridge or underwrite the female characters to spotlight the men?#and then have to backtrack bc this is supposed to be a ☆~female empowerment~☆ show?#do you expect me to forget how they have fucked over every character with trauma #traumas that thousands if not millions of people deal w every goddamn day #traumas like abandonment. dismemberment. alcoholism. ptsd. poverty. starvation. prolonged isolation. suicidal ideation #every character that dared to not be sunshine Sally was killed off or written out or harassed into silence #there are so many more things i can say here but if you don't get the point i will gladly find you for an in person lecture #it will be 15 hours w only 1 bathroom break so think wisely before committing #either way fuck off w your flaccid opinions that a monkey on a typewriter would send off in less than 5 minutes #say something interesting or shut the fuck up #anon hours

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no1ryomafan · 5 months

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The subject of the getter manga spin offs came to my mind randomly today talking to some of my friends and I’ve been thinking about how IIRC the only major spin off manga to not be translated is High, aka the Mahjong one with a all girl team. The only other ones to follow are a manga made for the PS game and the “try to remember” manga that arma’s first 3 ep director made, but those are in a weird territory of spin off classification, at least compared to the others, but I also chalk up their lack of translations being their hard to find, especially because try to remember was considered lost media. (Until my friends randomly found it lol) But I’ve been wondering to myself something regarding that: While High simply could’ve never been translated because finding the proper scans could be hard, I feel another factor people gloss over it compared to the other spin offs is because there’s a absence of the OG getter team.

Because even though I talked about how Go team been not adapted properly in animes and the toei go show was likely overlooked because of that-to manga readers-I also note it is the only Getter show to NOT be fully subbed even though getting the footage doesn’t seem to be a issue. All the other getter manga spin offs feature the OG team in some capacity, most of them are their own tellings of getter so we get adaptations of the team. The only example I can think of that didn’t do this was Hien, but that had Hayato in it. Meanwhile High is a new getter team completely so people seem to turn an eye to it, even though the girl pilot is- very much clearly “Ryoma but gender bent” lol. (And I do know a handful of people who like her but not a TON)

I don’t wanna make bad assumptions about the fandom because it’s just more so how it goes, the first line of protagonist’s will ALWAYS be the most popular with there only ever being a few exceptions to this, but it is kinda a shame Getter falls victim of most of the fandom either liking Ryoma and/or Hayato the most-mainly Ryoma but I met plenty Hayato fans and y’all are insane /pos-and don’t really bother to bat a eye to the other characters which I just feel leads to these things getting neglected. And I’m- guilty of this but I’m trying to talk about the others more.

#meg text #getter robo #I will say I only haven’t read the spin offs next to “my ass struggles to read” for a particular reason #that being I’m always scared to go down the nichest pipeline of a multi media fandom because I’ve been there before and it fucking sucks #Not in the content sucks more so “oh wow this is good- wait five people know this”#(this is a certified mega man starforce fan moment)#Granted given how I’m- obsessed with this series and already know they exist I may read them eventually (once I like reading again maybe)#Though for toei go case I know a lot of other things factor like peeps just shitting on toei in general because it’s more light hearted #which how dare getter not just be edgy! /s #it’s not like only Armageddon was really the brutal one since the others had humorous moments in between #oh wait arma the most popular one that’s why rip #will say I do have hope High might spark interest eventually because it was in the now dead SRW gacha and devo got into mainline #so now they have a excuse to bring High into something but who knows when that’ll be (and if devo actually does bring forth the spin offs)#that said if the spin offs join DONT USE DARKNESS (I hate to be that guy but- why)#of all the iffy shit in getter that whole fucking thing is probably the worst because it can’t be excused by “oh it’s old”#it’s more recent and the writer just sucks ass with subject matter #if I ever read it to fully see how bad it is you have to pay me but keep that shit OUT of SRW #that or like- add it but take away the gross shit (but preferably pretend it doesn’t exist)

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