#He felt it was the least he deserved

[catsharky]

The Joker comic I talked about is finally here!

I can't lie, I was pretty disappointed with how the reunion with Joker went in ME2. Out of all the characters, his should have been the most emotionally impactful (he saw Shepard die!!) yet all we got was "Sup?" as though Joker wouldn't have spent the 2 years dealing with insane survivor's guilt. Well to that I say pthhbt. My Shepard would have been beside herself seeing him again for the first time, so he's getting hugged whether he likes it or not.

Also while this is technically part of my ongoing Shakarian comic, please feel free to interpret this as romantic as well as platonic.

Part 1 • Previous Part • Interim Comic 2

#mass effect #mass effect comic #mass effect joker #femshep #commander shepard #sharky shepard #jeff moreau #shoker #jeff joker moreau #If anyone was wondering the reason Joker flinches back is because he's expecting to get decked in the jaw #He spent two years thinking about what would happen if he could bring Shepard back #Over time he convinced himself that she'd be pissed at him for getting her killed #At least enough that she'd punch him if he ever saw her again #He felt it was the least he deserved #sharky art

[twinstxrs]

so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!! #this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally- #changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!! #anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

[haunted-xander]

Wholeheartedly

#(but not willingly) #they makr me insaaaaaaane bc its like. #wanting to be who you used to be. wanting to go back to when things didnt hurt all the time #ignoring the fact that even back then things were still bad #it was bad and it still is bad but now its bad and also painful constantly #and just bad is better than pain #but its not possible to go back bc ur not that person anymore #and 'that person' is now seperate from you #and he doesnt know anything #and all you want anymore is to join with him so you can both be the 'you' that was sad and lonely and abused #but at least you werent in pain #this actually doesnt have much to do with the art itself i just felt like rambling about vanitas bc hes fucked ip #and deserves therapy for *gestures vaugely* all that #vanitas #ventus #vanven #in spirit #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[thegoldenhoof]

That Izzy is a changed man was dripping in every interaction he has had since episode 4... He didn't need the closure of the death scene. He was always there. Always willing. Ed was the one being a moppy twat and running away from his feelings. So yeah.. Izzy died for Ed's arc.

Only thing I will accept as good for Izzy is Con's explanation. About being vulnerable to Ed and being held. Because yeah.. He never had that till the end.

And isn't that the tragedy. The man who was the center of all his attention his whole life wouldn't look at him and hold him till he was dying.

#except in violence but thats another story #it was violence izzy sought because it was the only way he felt present... but thats another story too #But I still maintain that Ed at least deserved to have that conversation without death hanging over it. #he deserved to be able to process it with it being muddled up in grief. #izzy hands #ed teach #ofmd

[supercantaloupe]

What is the antisemitism in TUC season 1? Does it have to do with Wally the golem?/gen

[ID: an ask from an anonymous tumblr user that reads "would love to hear more about the antisemitism in unsleeping city! was a while ago that i watched it and can't remember what you might be referencing but definitely want to be aware of it.]

no, it's not about willy the golem -- i actually think willy is a great addition to the season (even if i wish we got to see more of him), and an indication to me that brennan/the showrunners were definitely trying to be sincere and inclusive. i want to make it clear that i don't think anything antisemitic in tuc is there intentionally; i think it's there out of simple ignorance, which is also why i think fans don't frequently see/comment on it either. but i don't think that's an excuse, either.

my grief with tuc1 is largely centered around its portrayal of robert moses as the villain. especially by making him a greedy, power-hungry lich working en league with bloodsucking vampires. (also his mini is literally a green skinned skull man in a suit. yikes.) here's the thing; i know robert moses was a real life horrible person, who actually was racist and powerhungry etc etc. and i know that robert moses, the real actual person, was jewish. my grief with tuc1 is not that they chose to use robert moses over literally any other person (real or fictional) to be their season villain (though i'd be really curious to know what tuc1 would have looked like with a different villain), but that they chose to take a real jewish person, turn them into an antisemitic caricature, and then only barely add other portrayals of judaism to balance that out.

like, tuc isn't completely devoid of other jewish representation. as you mention, there's willy the golem -- and again, i really like willy, and i love that it's a portrayal of a golem that's faithful to jewish folklore (ie as a benevolent, guardian construct rather than a mindless destructive monster. i am not a fan of how 'golem' is so frequently misused as a generic enemy creature in other fantasy and ttrpg spaces, including other seasons of d20). but as i said earlier, i wish we see more of him in the season, because he's not around very much, and feels a little more like worldbuilding than a full character to me. also, he's not human. jews are people.

the only other human jewish character in tuc1 is...stephen sondheim. which, again, yeah, that's a real person who really was jewish. but i really wouldn't blame you if you had no idea of that when watching tuc1. maybe from the name you could guess he might be jewish, but i don't think people ought to make a habit of trying to 'clock' someone being jewish by having a 'jewish-sounding' surname. as he's portrayed in tuc1, you'd never know he's jewish, unless you happen to already be pretty knowledgeable about the man in real life. it's far more likely you'll know him as a theater legend than anything else (may his memory be a blessing).

now i'm not saying that brennan or the showrunners should have played up the jewishness of Real Person Stephen Sondheim to counterbalance the depiction of robert moses; that just feels weird to me, especially considering that sondheim was literally alive when tuc1 was filmed and released. it's a tricky thing to portray real people in fiction alongside made up characters, especially when they are contemporaries, and i don't think 'outright caricature' is the way to go about that. nor do i think that moses' jewishness should have been played up at all, because again i don't think that would have been particularly true to the person/character, and also Fucking Yikes. but, c'mon, if you hear the names 'moses' and 'sondheim' next to each other, which one do you associate more with judaism?

and as it stands, these are the only representations of judaism in tuc1. one admittedly nice but very minor nonhuman character; one human character you'd never be able to tell was jewish; and a third human character who, while never explicitly referenced as jewish, plays into some really hurtful antisemitic stereotyping. and it was a choice to not include anything else. maybe not a deliberate one, probably more likely one made out of simple ignorance than anything else, but a choice nonetheless. in a city with one of the largest and most visibly jewish populations in the country, and a culture that is inextricably influenced by that jewish population. a jewish population which has been and continues the target of rising hate crimes for years. i know that nyc means different things to different people, and everyone's nyc is their own -- but my nyc is jewish, and it sucks that that its jewishness is referenced directly in only one very minor way, which is greatly overshadowed by its, in my view, really insidious indirect references.

i don't know exactly how to go about addressing this. obviously, the show can't be changed by now. even if it could, i think the final product would be very significantly different from what it is now if the villain was something/someone else. i think including more references to jews in new york, more (human) jewish characters, hell, even mentioning hanukkah celebrations and menorahs in windows (it takes place in late december, after all; depending on the year it's not at all out of place for hanukkah to coincide with xmas!) would help. having literally any more positive jewish representation in tuc1 would, i think, help balance the bad stuff that's there. because, yeah, robert moses was real and he was terrible and he was jewish. but he's one jewish guy in a city with over a million jews, the vast majority of whom are just normal people. i don't want him to be the only vision of us that people get, in tuc1 alone or in any media. i'm not saying that jews can't or shouldn't be villains in fiction; but especially if you are a goyische creator, you should be really careful in how you're portraying us, and if there are other contrasting depictions in your work, too, in order to not (even accidentally) demonize jewish people as a whole.

#sasha answers #anon #unsleeping city #the unsleeping city #long post #sorry for not putting this under a read more but i think people ought to see this. or at least #if two people felt the need to ask me about it then at least they would want to see the full thing uncovered #also fwiw i do think that they tried to address this to some extent when they made tuc2 #with more scenes with willy (and incorporating more golem folklore with the animating word in his mouth -- nice touch!) #the jewish immigrant family in the photo flashback encounter (even if the hanukkiah in the picture isn't exactly kosher lol) #and ESPECIALLY rabbi mike. i ADORE rabbi mike. i think he's a WONDERFUL addition #i do still wish he was a more important/prominent character. cause again he isn't in it all that much. #(and he's still like. the only new jewish human character in the campaign.) #but i recognize what he represents and i am happy about it #i do think brennan & the d20 crew tried to improve after tuc1. i do. i see their efforts and i applaud them for it #but still to my knowledge they haven't ever directly addressed the errors made in season 1 #and it's extremely rare that i even see other fans mention it #and like. sorry but i am tired. i am. we deserve better. we deserve portrayals in media that show us as People #not just as evil monsters #anyway you're welcome to rb this but be cool in the notes esp if you're a goy #other jews are welcome to (respectfully) disagree with me if they want #also if you so much as mention the word israel on this post you're getting blocked end of

[sansbyshipper]

I have a Theory on what happens next in Cass's apocalypse series.

#rottmnt #cass apocalyptic series #not my character #rise donnie #rise raph #Victor #This just felt acurute #side characters deserve time to shine #so I read the last chapter and this audio imidutly started playing in my mind #Imagine getting thrown into the past #guys having a crisis #least he's going to have a husband soon

[j-restlessgeek]

Ahhhhhhhhh, am finally done with my project. Am so freaking happy and proud. I made a häärijä plushie :3😺.

He‘s 62 cm tall (that’s what I get for working without a plan and just jumping into it).

Big thanks to @morbid-things (we were talking about how mean käärijä was to häärijä and that he deserved better, so I decided to make one myself) also big thanks to @carpblu (beloved hobbies georg) who gave me a lot of tips on embroidery, so neat and nice. Big thanks to my sibling @rockingpeeble who pushed me to finish him and his clothes :3 To his clothes, they work like real clothes, he can be dressed and undressed :3, the shoes took the longest with around 1,5 hours per piece. Also the hello kitty buttons and kitty paws on the soles are there cause I wanted them to be there :3😺. The pockets are fake tho cause I got tired and just glued them on.

Am so happy and proud how he turned out for stitching and sewing him by hand especially since the last time I did both was over a decade ago. Might have to darken his nose and mouth since making it the same colour as his skin was prob not the best option. 😅

Thanks for listening 😺

#häärijä #i freaking love this lil guy #i didn’t look up a pattern and just went and did what felt best #am so happy how he turned out and that am done too #hes so freaking cute #and cuddly #and so freaking tall #really overdid it in that part 😅 #käärijä #häärijä plushie #i saw at least three käärijä plushies on Jere and decided he deserved one too #love for häärijä #plushie

[sunnys-aesthetic]

Dear Pops

oh, how fickle can the good times be, huh?

#Pops #mafia eclipse #fnafsb dca au #dca #detective au #I WAS TORTURING ECLIPSE A LIL TOO MUCH SO #i felt too bad i had to have him and pops hugging at LEAST once #he deserves a hug #they both do

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

[samuraijackpostdump]

dude I was looking through clips for a reference image and it literally makes me sick with anger that Genndy chose to portray Africa like That. Literally racist caricatures like come onnnn man. The worst part is that I really want to LIKE that episode aside from the art direction. His mentor is a very sweet guy and I like Jack’s little rivalry with the other kid. I dislike that Jack has to save everyone and the other tribe is portrayed even worse, but at least Jack isn’t fighting by his fucking self the whole scene. there was so much potential in this episode if Genndy hadn’t been so fucking racist with his character designs. I do not fucking understand why he chose to make them absolutely pitch black in color. That’s not what humans look like. It’s like how he colors Jack straight up yellow sometimes. I know during the time this came out it was not very likely for bigotry to get called out but that had to have made some people uncomfortable. Jeeeeesus Christ. The guy portrayed China more respectfully than he portrayed literally any other culture including Japan lmao. Actually I take that back he gave quite a few Chinese characters racist accents. The man wanted a ‘multiethnic’ feel to his show but could not fucking stop being white and racist for it

#samurai jack #I HAAAAATE ITTTT #I love the character of the African Chief I just can’t stand his fucking character design. you didn’t deserve that king #I say he didn’t portray Japan well bc he barely even did. it was like some hand wavey Vibe of Japan and nothing concrete #he at least bothered to portray Shaolin monks without just making them aggressively Chinese #Genndy straight up knew more abt China than he did Japan bc there are SO many times #where what Genndy thinks is a Japanese culture thing is more just him considering all East Asians the same #listen I love samurai jack but I think it got away with this a little too easily. I think Genndy should get some flak for that #that whole ‘great ancestors’ prayer is cool and all but Jack wouldn’t be praying to them like in fucking Mulan. that’s not his religion. #in Japanese culture you can and do pray to your ancestors but not like. in the middle of nowhere in battle? #it made for a cool moment to show Jack wasnt abandoned by his culture but it was. not even a little accurate LOL #I GGUESS the argument could be made Jack was just sending a little prayer up but it still felt. off #not even people in China prayed like that to nebulous ancestors in the sky LOL #it’s just kind of an orientalist thing. idk maybe Genndy pulled the idea from somewhere like most of his Jack scenes but #it’s not Japanese in nature LOL #I can see it coming from a Conan scene. a goood chunk of Jack was inspired by Conan #anyway. the most accurate fucking Japanese culture scene was when the Jack robot was praying to what he could scrounge up as a small shrine #and it WASNT EVEN REAL JACK.

[muttsterion]

Yes hello i just recently got into south park and have been watching and rewatching for the past few months (im in hell) and i am so very starved for content. I found your blog and you seem well versed in kenny lore. So i have been doing my research on the mythos because reasons, and im trying to figure out what the curse on Kenny is. I have some thoughts and i wanna know what you think. So i kinda like the idea that Kenny is Hastur. Lore wise i feel like it could fit and be interesting. Like at the very least i think it could make an interesting fan fic

Hello! And welcome to my madness that is immortal boi Kenny! I think I actually remember seeing quite a bit of Kenny/Hastur lore floating around the internet/Tumblr...in fact I remember some fanfics from even before Mysterion arrived on the show where he had some other worldly connections. Not sure if any were Cthulhu/Eldritch Abomination related/inspired but I remember a few of them that had Kenny searching for his origins and them being connected to somewhere far very from Earth in space...sort of like what canoniaclly happened to Mintberry Crunch. So the ending of that trilogy got pretty damn close before realizing the guy in the bubble wasn't talking to Mysterion. XD

But after the reveal Eldritch Kenny/Mysterion has been pretty popular…a form I'd love to see make a canon appearance but I love it even if just appears in fanon. This truly dark entity that's just waiting to be released from its Earthly shell. I myself have personally played with the idea of Kenny being a lot more powerful than he seems due to his immortality. He never really discovers just how powerful he is until later in his life. And this was way before it was revealed he had any connections to Cthulhu and his related mythos. So ha I feel Kenny secretly being Hastur or some other actual Eldritch entity/or any kind of immortal entity or deity would fit perfectly in my book. I do recall Trey saying something , probably in a joking manner of course, that he was a semi-deity, so who knows? Maybe the walking laughing gag has actually been a god in a disguise with the worse sort of luck. Unknown even to himself. I mean would explain why the Cult Leader just targeted Mysterion out of nowhere...maybe Cthulhu sensed a threat that he tried to take out and was unsuccesful? Ha maybe. That all would in fact make for a very interesting, in-depth fanfic or even if they decided to give us an actually in detail Kenny lore/origins episode/special.

#South Park #Kenny McCormick #Mysterion #always kind of felt since Kenny was force to endure his curse for our humor he deserved to be op or at the least more powerful than he seem #I do tend to give essay answers sometimes hope you don't mind I had to stop myself XD

[starcurtain]

No honestly the more you think about Genshin's 4.2 update the sillier and more unintentionally funny it gets.

4.2 spoilers:

Are you telling me that Arlecchino clocked, within one minute of meeting her, that Furina did not have a gnosis, was probably not an archon, and was a (physically) weak, cursed girl.

Meanwhile, the hydro dragon sovereign who worked with her for 500 years couldn't figure out that Furina had not an ounce of hydro power in her body?

Furina really said "I am the archon."

And Neuvillette said:

#genshin impact #genshin impact spoilers #furina #arlecchino #neuvillette #okay listen #I'm mostly joking #one would at least guess that he knew the gnosis was in the oratrice #but gods without their gnoses still have control of their element #did he really buy the whole “I have no power because I put it all in the oratrice”??? #is Neuvillette actually this easy to trick #IIRC he even says during the quest that he just thought the curse was what archons felt like lol #bruh is READY to throw hands with archons but probably cannot pick them out of a line up #I'm joking #please don't kill me Neuvillette stans #he's my main too #but sometimes he does deserve to get clowned on

[queeraliensposts]

Illymation: Don't be a dick to fat people.

The internet: EWWWW SHE'S GLORIFYING OBESITY LET'S DOX HER!!!!!!!

#illymation #doxxing #like jesus fucking christ #I felt so bad for her #all she did was make a video about her experiences #bitches hate nuance #At least I found out about a cool new youtuber #noah samsen #he's the goat #yes I know he's been doing youtube for years but I JUST found out about him now #anyways I hope Illy's doing okay #she doesn't deserve this #like probecita she had to move states #I'd probably kill myself if I was in her shoes #hope she's doing good #it was her video on her abusive ex that help me realize I was groomed and encouraged me to get psychological help #I'm not saying she's a saint but no one deserves to be doxxed and harrassed the way she was #also fuck tbys #he can suck my dick #man need to get a life

[braceletofteeth]

If you want to be happy, I hope it comes true.

I hope you will be happy too.

#ploy's yearbook #1x10 #jaochan #pongtawan dejdamrong #kapook ploynira #joong archen #gifset #* #// #congratulations on the divorce 🎉 #this was one of the most BEAUTIFUL break-ups I have ever seen everybody SHUT UP 😭 #they have so much maturity and respect for each other #it didn't work between them because of xyz (Tawan sacrificing his life and dreams for his family/previous lover) #and the only reason she was still by his side was because he was afraid of being alone with no purpose #but none of them deserves to live like this. they deserve to be happy. #to keep Jao tied to him when there is no more love between them is a selfish thing to do #she finally tells him that. they need to move on and Tawan is holding them back. they deserve better than this. #/// #side note #it's in moments like this that I really appreciate the process of growing up‚ learning‚ and changing ideas/beliefs #younger me would probably have been offended by the idea that love can expire #or at very least looked down on a love that ends for not being strong enough to perdure #but the thing is #sometimes the love is there and the love is strong and the love lasts for a long time #and the love still expires. it becomes something else. or it doesn't become anything. it just stops. #and to insist that it should continue to validate the love you felt before is disrespectful to your past self #it's gone now‚ but it was there before. it was as real as the love that doesn't stop growing. #love may not last forever but every bond we create with another person leaves a mark‚ and the mark does. #the experience and how it influenced us. the memories‚ the good and the bad ones‚ all of it‚ is ours. it doesn't expire until we do.

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[pink-wysteria]

more people need to talk about how

1. Gale thinks the world is better off without him in it.

He thinks the mistake he made was so monumental that it's not even worth him being alive anymore. He thinks that if he does as Mystra asks and blows himself up to kill the elder brain, then at least his folly would amount to something. He's lived for a year in darkness and isolation and convinced himself that the only way to move forward is by somehow regaining his goddess's favour, and if he can't do that then he's not worth the air he breathes. He wants so desperately to matter, to mean something, that he's willing to throw his whole life away to garner even a fraction of the love Mystra used to bestow upon him. He's a brilliant man, an incredible wizard, kind-hearted, and trying so damn hard to do the right thing, but somehow he fails to see all those qualities and puts his worth solely on a single mistake he made that he made out of love. Out of ambition and out of desire, but ultimately out of love. And now, after spending months in self-imposed isolation, the only future he sees for this world is one where he's not in it. And,

2. That he doesn't think he's worthy of Tav. He doesn't believe that anyone can love him as he is, no matter how often Tav tries to convince him otherwise. If a literal god deemed him unworthy, then who is he to claim he isn't? He finds the ability to love again with Tav, starts the slow and excruciating journey of healing together with them, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he still believes he's not good enough. He wants to be more. He wants to be everything that Tav wants him to be. He wants to be everything Tav needs him to be. He wants to prove to them that he can be a good fighter, a good lover, a good friend. That's why he asks again and again if they wouldn't love him better if he were a god. If he was perfect - truly perfect. If he could command armies and fell kingdoms, if he could give them everything they could ever dream of. Wouldn't Tav want that? Why would they want his battered, broken, mortal self when they could have a perfected version of him? What beauty is there in failure, in making mistakes, in being flawed? Even when Tav insists that they love him for who he is, not for the power he would wield, he struggles to accept it. He trusts that they're telling the truth, but he's been a wizard of renown for so long that he doesn't quite know how to be a regular man any more. His whole notion of worth has been tied so tightly with power and control for so long that he's forgotten what it is like to be loved simply for being who he is. Not the Wizard of Waterdeep. Not Mystra's Chosen. But a man, wandering in the dark like everyone else, afraid, but so full of hope.

#i have Thoughts #and a lot of them are about my husband #gale dekarios #and his issues of self worth #larian wheres the option to give him a big squeezy hug #he offers so much #and asks for so little in return #baby i love you #you deserve all the planes #also hot take but i dont hate mystra #im putting this in the tags because im a coward #she sucks but shes a god #like #theyre all fickle #its kind of a god thing #and at least she had reason to be angry #not reason enough to give my man depression #she could have handled it better #but she was threatened #and i guess felt betrayed by the man she loved #like opening up an old wound #anyway gale is baby girl and i unironically want to have his children #ive never felt the mother instinct before #but gods damn it i will mother his children #and give him a happy blissful domestic life #where he can malewife to his hearts content #bg3 #bg3 gale #gale bg3 #gale of waterdeep