#I can in fact go outside here and get an adequate sample of the type of goodwill they're bringing

[legionofpotatoes]

incredibly close to adding an unpleasant wrinkle to my views on asylum seekers

#looking at rows and rows and rows and rows and rows. and rows. of them at our borders #we're barely a speck of a country. they are just bleeding down here. and far be it for me to discount good people fleeing oppression but uh #as opposed to say the US #I can in fact go outside here and get an adequate sample of the type of goodwill they're bringing #the 3% of my empathy that I can spare for them I openly give to those who stood and bled on the streets but that is my limit #I cannot just pretend that pacifist ethical frameworks apply to wartime. pre and post? I'll be the foremost champion #but in the here and now? nah. the empire needs to be dees-troyed :) and I hope it happens before it takes too many foreign roots #is all I'm gonna say. I would LOVE to be wrong about my gut feeling. I know how insipid and subtle nationalist sentiment is #I'll try to keep a level head. but if I start seeing those Z stickers taking over our pedestrian spaces I will mince no words anymore #again; i know what the kind and moral response is. but we are a speck. less than a percent of their population. and we border them DIRECTLY #I don't know how to deal with anything anymore. I guess the confusion is part of the point. I hate war more than anything #and the thing I hate most about it is that you can really only be against it preventatively. once it happens you either participate #or you are eaten alive. i wish all dictatorships a very fucking die #text #negativity

[unholyhelbig]

Can you do something fluffy for Bechloe?

Read on AO3 here 

A/N: Me? Fluff? Are you sure... Did you ask the right person to do this? 

The test tube shattered before anyone could catch it. Not like their reflexes were perfect, or even adequate, but they were sharp enough to notice when the sample got too close to the edge of the counter- and cunning enough to know when it wasn’t good that glass splayed across the tile floor.

Because the truth of the matter was, they didn’t know what it was. It had been labeled by a resident the week before after a woman was wheeled into the ICU and died two days later after her symptoms reached a peak and she coded. And now… well now her blood was among the shards and the metallic scent that filled the air slowly bubbled in the room.

Beca had just taken a mouthful of sandwich and bit down hard on the mix of deli meat and mustard. She chewed slowly, meeting the eyes of the only other woman in the lab; a pediatrician from a few floors down that had been searching for a tiger topped tube.

She swallowed the bit of food on her tongue “Uh oh,”

“You shouldn’t say uh oh in medicine.” The woman glanced down at the sample that splattered the edges of her shoes. “What exactly was in that?”

The woman set down her lunch and stood from her seat before walking to the door and closing it. There was a contamination button right next to the side, and it would seal the base of the door and alert the security department to the fact that there may have been a possible quarantine situation in progress.

She pressed it and turned to face her counterpart. She had seen her in the hallways before, in passing and always found her captivating in a collective type of way. She was good with children, had to be, and had such striking eyes that were pooled with worry at this point. Beca crossed her arms over her chest.

“A blood sample from the woman they brought into the ICU a few days ago, it’s the only thing left of her.”

“Oh… the one that they couldn’t figure out in time?”

“The one that we still can’t figure out.”

Beca crossed the room and shoved the rest of her lunch into the little trashcan next to the lab table she most definitely wasn’t supposed to be eating at. Doctor Chloe Beale watched her all the while, paying most attention to the heavy sound of a deadbolt and the way the blood crept towards the drain.

She never had much trouble eating in the morgue before, and she certainly didn’t’ expect a fiery-haired peds physician to come down here rooting through the rest of the medical supplies that they shouldered off on the less desirable rooms in this place. Overcrowded, understaffed.

It was easy to stay among the dead; the rows of silver drawers and quiet tick of the sink that was broken in the corner. But now they had blood, exposed blood that she was supposed to examine for particulates because no one could figure out what had killed this woman.

“What does that mean for us?” She lifted her eyebrows, taking a tentative step from the slathered rustic color.

“Quarantine,” Beca said.

“Quarantine? I… I have to split an arm, and draw a blood sample from a two-year-old with gastrointestinal discomfort, she can’t even keep Pedialyte down and her parents are not patient.”

“A tiger on a two-year-old? Yikes. Don’t you have interns for that kind of thing?”

She scoffed and leaned against the metal counter. The wall phone started its rhythmic ring and Beca wasted no time picking it up. The security team had gotten back to them, and a dull buzz of activity started outside.

Beca was told not to touch the blood that had spilled on the floor. She was also told that it wouldn’t’ be too long before the CDC came in and checked their levels with their much fancier machines and important equipment, and quite honestly, they could have taken the sample and given the hospital a full answer before they passed it down to a coroner that had little to no knowledge on disease control.

She hung up the phone with a sigh “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

“Hit me with both,” Doctor Beale held her hands up in surrender “I’m a big girl.”

“Bad news is, we have to stay in here until they figure out what exactly killed that woman, and if we’re also in danger of dying from said thing…” She sounded out carefully “Good news is, most of the company I have down here don’t talk back, so I have exactly three decks of cards, a stress ball, and a lot of snacks.”

“I’m a mean card shark, I have fantastic hand-eye coordination, and I can’t fathom how you eat down here.”

Beca smiled back and rooted around in the bottom drawer among the rubber bands and the paperclips, and a wrapped snack cake that had been there since before she started. One of the interns had even scrawled the date on the plastic wrapping but she couldn’t’ recall it, not with the pediatrician staring her down like this.

She pulled out the cards and gestured for the woman to pull her stool closer. There was nothing else they could do, not really unless they wanted to pull the body of Mr. Hodges from the bottom right tray and perform the county autopsy that she was putting off until the end of the day.

“It’s not that bad, I just can’t like… look at them or anything. Really the morgue is peaceful and it’s the only place in the hospital that legally has to stay at a cool temperature. So I get great air conditioning.”

“Touché. The peds floor is like a sauna this time of year, which really doesn’t’ help fussy kids. Nothing does unless it’s a popsicle or a toy… or superheroes- you know, air condition probably would be nice.”

She was rambling, flustered by either the scent of blood or being in the basement of the hospital with a strange and small doctor who held a pack of cards between her hands, dainty and steady. Beca found it cute, endearing, really.

“How do you fair at poker?” Beca asked, sparing her.

“Mm, not well. I’ve never played.”

“Cribbage?”

“No,”

“Rummy?”

“Yeah… no”

“Go fish?”

“That’s one I know,” She clapped her hands as if getting an answer right on jeopardy. “Quite good at that one, actually. Card Shark.”

Beca blew air out of her nose and had to stifle a smile. She could see why she chose the profession she did and could see even more why children liked her. Beca tended to not have the best wrap sheet with tiny humans, in fact, some would call her bad at it all together. But she still tried, and happily dealt the two of them even piles of playing cards.

They played for a few minutes, Chloe getting an accurate pile of cards because she was shockingly crushing this game. It took a bit for her to frown and set the fan of cards down on the silver-topped table. She leaned forward, onto her palms, and let out a sigh. There was an overwhelmingly comforting scent of lemon and mint that radiated from her.

“Do you have a will?” she asked.

“I don’t,” Beca frowned “Do you have any seven’s?”

She didn’t’ get an answer, just a hard glare that sent shivers down her spine so she set her own pile down and focused her full attention on the woman in front of her. It wasn’t’ that hard to do, not in the slightest. Not with the way, Chloe’s eyes shined under the lights and the ghost of a constellation moved across her dainty nose and sprawling cheeks.

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know I just… Even though this game of Go Fish is rousing, It has me thinking; if I died right now because of whatever is in that blood sample, I wouldn’t want my last memory to be of playing a children’s card game in a creepy basement.” She flushed then, glancing down “With a very beautiful hermit who practically lives in said small basement, but still.”

“No, I get it. Mortality is subjective and when you’re trapped in a room because said chance of survival just got cut in half… it’s not encouraging.” Beca leaned back in her chair and took in her surroundings.

“Right.” She nodded slowly “I work with children, I chose that specialty for a reason. It’s sadder when they die, but it’s rare that they do. Whereas you’re surrounded by it all day and- seriously I don’t know how you eat down here. Or how you’re staying so calm.”

“Doctor Beale,” She laughed, something soft and waning “someone down here opens up a test tube of smallpox or TB every other day down here. I have yet to draw up a will, and frankly… well frankly I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

The phone rang again, this time it was loud enough to startle them both, neither breaking eye contact with one another until that very moment. Beca stood and pointed to the cards “Don’t you dare cheat, Doctor Beale, I have eyes on the back of my head.”

She answered and let out a stale sigh of relief because they were going to be fine, and that was something good. But she had also been right about the CDC and their ungodly speed. This was considerably better than being trapped in the room with the old man who trained her in the first place. She hung up the phone and turned to face the woman who was lifting up the edge of her cards.

“I didn’t do it,” She put both hands in the air once more. “What’d they say?”

“You’re off the hook this time. Whatever killed her has nothing to do with bloodwork, so it’s just blood. Not poison. Which means you get away with cheating this entire time at Go Fish.”

“The whole time? I didn’t cheat the whole time.”

She stood and crossed the room to where Beca was standing. She just noticed that the woman was a bit taller than her, and again that sharp scent of mint and lemon from tea coated her throat. It was better than the blood and the chemicals of the lab.

“I’ll uh, I’ll try to be down here the next time someone opens up a vile of consumption. We can have a rematch.”

“That would be nice, I’ll keep an eye on you, though. You’ve got sticky fingers.”

Doctor Beale smiled and grasped the tiger tube that she had come in to get in the first place. She slipped it into her pocket and kept her hand there before taking a small step back away from the spilled blood and the drain that it dripped into.

“I think you’re beautiful too, by the way,” Beca said as the woman reached for the door.

“What?”

“Earlier…  you said I was beautiful.”

“Huh,” She smiled coyly, lilting her head to the side “Did I?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m very observant. You called me a hermit too, but I’ll let that one slide.”

#beca mitchell #chloe beale #bechloe #bechloe fic rec #pitch perfect #pitch perfect fic #bechloe fanfic #request

[tysonrunningfox]

Two Night Stand: Part 5

Sometimes random things you dig up are what you write

00000

Masterpost (ao3 to come)

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Astrid stares at the mess in the bathroom for a moment, the door clicking shut behind her echoing in the damp space.  She nudges a soaking towel into the corner by the tub and wrinkles her nose at the way it sogs her sock. 

The stolen plunger is still in the middle of the room and she picks it up with hesitant fingertips and sets it by the thankfully functioning toilet. 

It’s a testament to how far their conversation just devolved that she can’t even focus on the fact that she just dealt mass property damage in the pursuit of breaking, entering, and using a stranger’s toilet. 

She bends down to pull her damp sock off and catches her reflection in the mirror over the sink. 

Hiccup is gross.  Of course.  All guys would want nothing more than a striptease, that’s obvious, he didn’t need to tell her that.  In fact, he just said a bunch of really obvious things and acted like it was brand new information.  He forgot to remind her that it’s snowing though, so he left a base uncovered. 

Base.  Like a baseball sex metaphor type base. 

Maybe there’s a reason aside from lack of birth control and women’s rights that people used to have a dozen kids to work the farm.  How much is there really to do when you’re locked in with someone for a long time?  And like Hiccup said, they already got high and made a pillow fort. 

And critiqued each other sexual performance because apparently, they couldn’t even go twenty-four hours ignoring the fact that they did, in fact, have sex with each other. 

She teeters, because she’s been standing here on one leg like an urban dwelling flamingo native to dysentery creek, halfway through taking her sock off, and when she catches her reflection again, she hates that she thinks Hiccup might have a point.  It’s not really an attractive pose—not that she has to be sexy at all times, that’s stupid, and part of the women’s rights issue that means she will not be having twelve kids to work any farm—but it still makes her pause. 

She shuffles over to the sink, drumming her fingertips on the edge of the porcelain and staring at her reflection like it knows something she doesn’t.  Are you there mirror-Astrid?  It’s me, Astrid, you’re currently in the bathroom mirror of the guy I attempted to have a one-night stand with but then I got snowed in and it’s a whole thing, laws have been broken, I critiqued his sex-technique, mirror-wisdom would be appreciated. 

Mirror-Astrid would shrug, if she weren’t dependent on real world motion to bend light, and the twinkle in her eye says something like ‘well, it would look hotter if you unbuttoned that oversized flannel more slowly while maintaining eye contact.’

Mirror-Astrid is the slut.  Maybe she’s been the slut this whole time. 

Maybe she has a point. 

She bites her lip, reaching for the top button of her shirt and popping it open slowly, cocking her hip to one side. 

And again, they’ve already gotten high and made a pillow fort and broke and entered and committed plunger-themed larceny.  What else is there to do, really?  She was right this morning, she cannot un-sex him, but having sex with him twice, well…they’ve already done it once. 

And it’s cold outside, if the furnace goes out they might have to generate body heat. 

They should practice, maybe. 

Ok, if the furnace were going to go out, it probably would have happened already, but it’s a secondary argument.  If she needs it.  He is a guy, and he didn’t have any problem getting interested in having sex with her last night. 

She fusses with her hair, pressing her bangs down against her forehead and then shoving them to the side when they don’t stay down.  It’s fine, her hair doesn’t matter, this is not a seduction, it’s a scientific endeavor. 

That’s it.  It’s an experiment. 

“Hey Hiccup,” she walks normally into the living room.  Or she tries to walk normally.  Usually, when she walks normally, she’s not thinking about walking normally, but nothing is usual about this situation so she’s doing her best. 

“What did you do to my shower?”  He asks without looking up from his laptop and she perches on the back of the couch above his shoulder, trying and failing to soften her glare, even though she wants something from him. 

“Nothing.”  She sighs, “I was thinking.” 

“That’s always dangerous.” 

“You know what?  Never mind, it’s stupid.”  She stands back up, glad that his personality just saved her from sounding stupid, for once. 

“No, sorry,” he closes his laptop and looks up at her upside down, head on the back of the couch, hair flopping away from eyes that look greener considering what she’s about to say, “stupid’s my favorite.  What’s up?” 

“I was just thinking,” she pauses, waiting for him to interrupt again, but sadly, he appears to have learned his lesson, at least momentarily, “so the hypothesis of our conversation is that a frank conversation with a mutual interest towards self-improvement would make us better lovers.” 

“Oh, so you can pull it off?” 

“Yes.”  She crosses her arms and leans on the couch again, “or no, it’s—I don’t think anyone can really pull it off, it’s kind of an awful word, but—”

“Are you back for more?”  He raises an eyebrow, and the expression is an understanding of an inside joke, like all their jokes aren’t inside jokes, considering the weather. 

He doesn’t mean it and it makes her blush. 

“Yes.”  She stares him down, direct like she was chatting with him.  Asking the clear question. 

“Ok, hmm, you were largely a very adequate lover, but I’m sure there are some minutiae I could help you finesse for a future time with someone else—”

“I think we should have sex again.  For science.”  She tucks her hair behind her ear and feels it sticking out.  But this isn’t a seduction, it’s the intro to a lab class.  Today, the lesson is practical.  Hands on.  Real-world applicable.  “Keep the lines of communication open, put some of what we just talked about into practice.” 

“I know that supposedly, all I need is friction, but I’m not sure I could take your well-intentioned critiques while trying to perform.”  He rolls his eyes, not taking her seriously, and she lets her hands drift back to the buttons on her shirt, letting her eyes bore into his as she pops the next one loose. 

His eyes flick down.  He licks his lips.  The way he’s looking at her is almost worth how silly she feels and she makes a note in her mental, sexual lab notebook.  It’s crisp and new, the blank paper feeling a little sexual under her mental pencil.  It’s new too, fresh out of the package. 

0.05mm lead.  Fine tip.  A precision instrument. 

Ok, too far.  Too far.  But there’s something sexual about new paper and she’s just leaning into it right now. 

“I’m just saying, before we trot out our miracle cure for sexual incompatibility, we should probably do some clinical trials.  It’s only responsible.”  She’s never seduced anyone before, especially not a one-night stand she ordered on the internet on the eve of a once in a century blizzard, but it feels good to speak medically again, even if it’s not a good metaphor. 

Clinical trials take months.  Years. 

“I mean, we haven’t even nailed down stock options yet.”  He’s nervous, and it’s infuriatingly obvious in his big green eyes, and it’s also infuriating, because he’s supposed to be a cocky dick that she literally ordered on the internet. 

“A dry run can’t hurt anything, it’s just compiling more data,” she pops another button open and he bites his lip, setting his laptop aside. 

“Well, not a dry run.  Hopefully.”  He smirks, half-honest, and she doesn’t want to know that he puts a smiley face on his oatmeal or that he’s worried about what she thinks of his leg, but she does, and she’s trying to make the best of it. 

“In a normal sexual situation, there should be some lead up, but considering everything, it’s ok for you to just kiss me.”  Her stomach twists at the creak in the floorboards when he stands up slowly, faking confidence behind the cracks she’s ignoring, because they make him an outlier she shouldn’t consider sampling. 

And he’s silent.  Bigger without words jostling his shoulders as his hand finds her waist, fingers bunching in her oversized shirt.  And he looks at her, gaze a steady confirmation before he kisses her, knee nudging between hers as he guides her backwards. 

“That’s good,” she pulls back enough to nod and he grins, too real again.  “The knee thing.” 

“Yeah?”  He follows as she takes a couple more steps back towards the bedroom, “I thought it was suggestive—”

“Please don’t explain every move to me.”  She kisses him, hands fisting in his collar. 

“They’re very nuanced though, I want to make sure you understand.”  His hand slides under her shirt, too warm against the small of her back.  And his knee nudges between her legs again and she trips on the edge of the rug, stumbling back into the doorframe.  “Shit, are you ok?” 

“I’m fine,” she rolls her shoulder.  Shake it off, Hofferson.  “Walking backwards while kissing is fine in movies, not so great in real life.” 

“Noted.”  He follows her into the bedroom, where unfortunately the bed is unmade. 

“Remember when I wanted to see your apartment?”  She asks, half-expecting to need to explain, because nothing outside of the last day feels real, especially with the buzzing under her skin when she thinks about what’s about to happen. 

“I had to put all my Bundy fan-club awards down the garbage disposal, of course I remember.”  He jokes, his voice deeper, breathing husky on the shell of her ear, and she shivers.  “I’m devastated.” 

“Well, a girl likes a clean place.  Makes you feel taken care of, I guess.”  She grabs the clean fitted sheet from the basket in the corner and starts putting it on the mattress.  “Also, women want to have sex with functional adults, a made bed is an easy first step.” 

“That hasn’t been my experience.”  He laughs and she rolls her eyes, tugging the sheet tight and tossing him the next layer. 

“You’ve had a different demographic thus far.” 

“No, I mean making a bed is like wrestling an eight-foot long, six-foot wide rectangular bear,” he throws the duvet over the flat sheet as she shoves the second pillow into its case, “might need a nap to rebuild strength and energy before the sex.” 

“Lay down then,” she shoves his shoulder a little too hard, refusing to feel guilty when he falls back on the bed, propping himself on his elbows. 

“Lights are on,” she refuses to let her voice shake, tilting her chin at the bulb above the bed as she pops open the next button of her shirt.  He watches, eyes flicking between her face and chest as another button comes undone. 

“You’re a quick study,” he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the floor before going for his belt. 

“You too,” she compliments, unbuttoning her pants and pushing them down with an unnecessary sway in her hips, trying not to smile when he licks his lips, pupils wide. 

She faces away from him, shrugging the shirt slowly off her shoulders, letting it fall against her heels.  She unhooks her bra and bends forward, letting it fall off of her arms as she tugs her underwear down, bending at the waist and trying not to feel stupid or cold or slow as she steps out of them. 

She looks over her shoulder at him, standing up at that glacial pace and turning to face him like an iceberg drifting past Greenland. 

He’s breathing hard, skinny chest heaving above the boxer briefs that are thankfully the only thing he’s still wearing.  His leg is on the floor and she’s not sure whether she’s supposed to look or not, so she keeps her focus on his face. 

“Is that…” she cocks her hip, then regrets it, unsure where to put her hands.  It’s cold.  He’s staring.  She wants to turn the lights off or to make a joke or to get under a blanket because it’s actually cold in here.  He should keep his place warmer, probably, and she should tell him, but she just got naked the slowest she ever has and she needs his opinion on it, because nothing makes sense.  “Is that more what you thinking of?” 

“Yeah,” he nods, too fast, and she almost tells him off for being cute when they’re trying to be scientific, “that was—yeah.  Good.  You really took my point and um…yeah.” 

“Honestly I just…moved slower—”

“Men are so stupid,” he sits up, waving his arms at her in something halfway summoning, “come here.  Now.  Please.  That’s not an order, I just—you, wow—”

“So, lights on, strip slowly is a real thing?”  She half jokes on her way to the bed, trying to frame how his eyes feel on her skin in terms of scientific understanding.  The mutual pursuit of knowledge.  Earnest commitment to research. 

“Men are dumb.”  He catches her waist with a long, warm arm and pulls her down into the bed, hovering over her as his lips latch onto her pulse-point, callused hand sweeping across her ribs. 

“Apparently.”  She moans when his thumb glances across her nipple and he leans up slightly to look at her face.  “What?” 

“Trying to discern real from faking it,” he teases, self-conscious, and her stomach twists at the still hand on her side that she so badly wants to be moving. 

“It’s going to be easier to get me off if you’re trying to,” she nods at him, “instead of reacting to imagined criticism.” 

“Oof,” he winces, scooting his hips away from her an inch, “that’s—while true, that’s also generally applicable to my failures as a person, which isn’t sexy to think about—”

“You’re not into being accidently insulted by people who just stripped for you?”  She jokes, reaching up instinctually to rub the back of his neck, his shoulders.  His ass, surprisingly taut under his boxers.  And the lights are on and goosebumps prickle up her stomach. 

“Accidentally?”  He’s a little too soft, a little too meek, and she tugs him back down to her by his hair. 

“Yes.”  She kisses him, and she was honest earlier.  He’s a good kisser, just how he’d be a good conversationalist if it weren’t being forced upon her as the only option.  It’s give and take, it’s soft lips and the hard edge of teeth.  It’s determination behind the acquiescence in his moan as his hand finds her breast and squeezes.  “That’s good.” 

“Yeah?”  He kisses down her neck, taking his time like he hadn’t the night before, his fingers curling around her waist and pulling her against him, his thigh between hers.  She hooks her leg around his hip and he groans into her neck, “that’s—”

“Not good?”  She starts to move her leg but he catches her thigh above her knee, pressing it closer to his side. 

“Very good.”  He kisses her collarbone, her nipple, breathing hard against her sternum.  “It’s like you want me closer,” he shudders when she drags her fingernails up his back, “good move.  All good moves.” 

“You too, this is good.”  She reaches between them, fumbling under the waistband of his boxer briefs, “I don’t mind the stubble.”  She groans when he drags his chin against her neck, kissing under her jaw.  She grabs his length and he stiffens, forehead on her collarbone as his expected groan comes out as a whine.  “What?” 

“You’re very direct,” he catches her wrist with a firmness that makes her core twitch.  “It’s—I like it, don’t get me wrong here, I’m a stupid, friction-obsessed man and that feels—you’re naked—and you—”

“It’s distracting,” she lets go, pulling her hand out of his boxers and letting it rest on her lower stomach, flirting with the juncture between her legs. 

“Yes,” he kisses her, “and that’s not a bad thing, I’m just trying to focus.” 

“On?”  She flirts.  She doesn’t have to, but she does.  And he presses his leg against her core and his breath is hot against her neck and maybe talking is what sex has needed this entire time. 

Talking and a quick-witted tongue on her chest, and long, callused fingers dipping between her legs.  Soft, auburn hair tickling her neck as she arches under the contact. 

“Don’t��don’t say anything about a dry run right now, I…will kill you.”  She grips his shoulders, heel dragging down his short calf and back onto the bed as he almost gets it right, the sizzling contact just off epicenter. 

“Wouldn’t make sense, anyway.”  He kisses her neck, her cheek, his smirk like a brand against her skin as he swipes just past where he should. 

“Just—up, ok?  And to the right?”  She doesn’t want to sound irritated, but it’s irritating to have things feel so good and almost great.  He adjusts, over-adjusts really, and she reaches down to grab his hand and direct him, her fingers over his.  “There, it’s just—like…”

“This?”  He mimics her motion and she squints her eyes shut, her knees clenching on his hips as she nods.  “Am I—I mean is this getting you to…where you need?”  He’s awkward, and earnest, and arousal flares in her chest like an errant spark. 

“I mean it takes a minute.”  She gets out, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.  He smells like breaking and entering and a stupid high day in a pillow fort and she tries to focus on his fingers and how they’re trying to build style into the method she prescribed him. 

They aren’t marching, they’re dancing, adding his own flair to steps she’d thought were set in stone.  

And the lights are on, and he’s watching her like a gauge.  Like something independent, instead of as a reflection of himself.  And he kisses her lips and her cheek and a finger dips into her, long and agile but impatient too. 

“Can I, I mean, I was under the impression that you were going to be critiquing—unless—”

“No critiques necessary,” she eeks out, biting her lip and pressing back against his touch.  She feels spectated, but knowing why helps.  He wants to see her.  He wants to study her falling apart, like it’s a phenomenon, and the thought makes her toes curl as his pupils widen and he kisses her neck, her chest, looking up for her reaction between. 

He slows down. 

“Don’t go easy on me, it’s obviously not working—”

“It just takes a bit,” she snaps, grabbing his wrist and pressing his hand closer, “it’s slower, it takes a minute, it was…you were on the right track.” 

“How long is the track?”  He kisses her jaw and her neck, his hips nudging against hers.  He groans when she wraps her leg back around his hips and she feels her own chest, letting the feeling bloom in her stomach. 

“As long as it is.”  She tries to be grumpy.  It half works.  He twitches when she grabs his length again, his groan shuddering against her neck as his hand falters. 

Two long fingers dip inside of her then and she gasps, grabbing his upper arm. 

“Is that—”

“Don’t stop.”  She tries not to squirm, tries not to mess up the angle he has, what feels like the whole length of his fingers stroking against what she has to believe is her G-spot, more obvious than it ever has been, like banter is foreplay.  Like his very presence is foreplay.  Like this was inevitable.  Like he is inevitable.  “You found…”

He rubs it. 

She regrets ever arguing with an engineer, double entendre implied. 

“Is that?” 

“Don’t stop,” she clenches his arm, probably too tight, but there’s no time to think about that because he’s kissing her, stubble and lip and tongue and hand doing that again and again and again. 

“Might have to, if you keep that grip.”  He kisses her cheek and she arches into it, because his hand is unraveling her like she’s grandma’s first sweater attempt and he’s warm and earnest. 

She reaches down to touch herself and he gasps like it’s been ripped out of him.  She bites her lip, leaning into the warmth, which yanks the cord to get his hand moving again, and then it’s here and they’re kissing and she feels her throat going hoarse before she knows he’s kissing her.  And he doesn’t stop kissing, or petting, or holding. 

And this is the worst idea she’s ever had. 

“You didn’t want me to explain my moves,” he kisses her cheek.  Her ear.  His other hand cradles her neck so sweetly, tilting it as he kisses and where was this last night.  Where was this when she needed him. 

“Explain them.” She’d say he was wrong if she needs to.  She’d say anything.  His fingers are thrusting and she’s rubbing and she can’t breathe and every time she bucks up, his hips press back down against hers like a promise. 

“Well, I’m um…” He pauses.  She kisses his chin because it’s what she can reach.  His rhythm falters and she bites her lip.  “Well, I uh…think I found your G-spot.” 

She nods. 

He gets so red that she could light a fire on his face and she digs her heel into the back of his thigh. 

“Is that a yes?” 

She nods. She hits his shoulder with her free hand, doubling down as he strokes. 

“We are communicating,” he kisses her, “I need a yes—”

“Yes,” she yelps, “more.  Yes.  Don’t stop.  Asshole.”  She squeaks out, and he’s kissing her.  Everywhere. And his hand in her is moving, his thumb joining hers on her clit and when she opens her eyes, there’s something in his gaze. 

He’s committed.  He’s tuned in. 

“You’ve told me, emphatically I might add,” he presses her clit for a second, suddenly at home in the mastery he’d only hoped for a second ago, “to not tell you about my moves.”

“You had moves you didn’t tell me about?”  She struggles to sound indignant when he’s touching her like this.  When he’s devoted like this.  When he’s redeeming himself, sure with this kind of frantic, earnest energy. 

It hits all at once. 

She clings to his shoulders, crying out a bit too loud, glad for the empty apartment as his fingers stroke deep.  And human.  And he’s close and real and she’s trying not to remember that this is nothing, a fling, a one-night stand, an addendum to a one-time thing.

And he’s hard.  And that was great.  And she wants him. 

She wants something.  That’s easier. 

She wants parts of him.  Now. 

“Was that..?”  He kisses her forehead, his arms wrapping around her. 

And he holds her, that’s a point in his favor.  He held her last night and he holds her again and she wants to compliment him and for once, there’s no gateway. 

“Nothing fake,” she says as a truth and a comfort and his hand finds her core again, perfectly lazy, hesitantly in something close to awe.  “Condom.  Now.” 

“But my redemption—”

“On track,” she rolls to the side, digging in the bedside table for the reel of condoms she found earlier. 

“But you—”

“I did,” she cups his face, pulling him close with an arm around his waist, “do you ever stop talking?” 

“Not in living memory.”  He touches that spot within her again and she shivers, ankles crossed behind his back.  “Can I have some room to move?”  He kisses the hollow of her throat, and his voice is relieved and she reaches to stroke him with a pleasure-lazy vengeance.  “Astrid, I—”  

“Hiccup,” she settles on his name, because she doesn’t know how else to communicate, even if it ends in him staring at her, through her, into her. 

“For science,” he lines himself up and she bites her lip. 

“It’s just good practice at this point.” 

#two night stand au #modern au #hiccstrid fic #en-es-eff-double-eww #fuck #i need to get this onto ao3 bc this is sex #i can't even type eff eww see kay apparently #hiccstrid won't ever stop talking #here it was a good thing

[fyrapartnersearch]

❖ Attention mes chers mesdames et messieurs ❖

Did I manage to catch your attention? Yes? 

If so, great!

Then I would like to welcome you to my humble request! :) 
It has been a while since I posted my ad here on FYRA. After I received so many positive responses and still maintain a very strong relationship with a current partner of mine to this day, I am more than eager to return and try my luck a second time. As I am super busy with school and work most of the time, I haven’t been able to tend to one of my greatest passions, which is writing. 



I hail from Europe, and no I am not French, though it is a beautiful language much like the country. I may plan on traveling there though… who knows what the future may bring.



But enough of my digression and scatterbrained ramblings!


I’d rather be curt and not go into detail about my personal life or include any fancy infos about myself. I’d rather keep that open for a possible friendship once we get into chatting outside of the roleplay.


You may call me Aylo. I am in my twenties, and a female writer who also enjoys other creative outlets like drawing and illustrating. I am a full-time student with a job on the side, which means that I am usually fairly occupied. But now since the holidays are at our doorstep, my constricting schedule has loosened up a bit - in other words - loads of free time to play with! Now I have a wish, or dare I say, a certain craving for something new and fresh. And I am willing to experiment a little this time to see how things go. After a severe case of writer’s block, my creative juices were dried up until - I began watching a certain show called ‘The Boys’. Thinking that I was more or less done with superheroes, this show somehow sparked something within me. It had a very interesting take on the whole superhero world dynamic and showed how human and flawed these people actually were. And with that it sparked my muse and plenty of ideas began filling my head. So what is it that I would love to get my fingers on you wonder? 
Well my cravings are the following: 


The Boys

The X-Men (comic-verse also perfectly acceptable)

An original, somewhat mature story involving superhuman characters and their daily struggle to cope with their powers / how they choose to use these said powers

The list may be scarce but trust me, we can make the most of it. Especially when you consider how vast the X-Men and The Boys universe actually is. But if that doesn’t suit your fancy at all, I am absolutely down for creating something entirely original that involves sci-fi, fantasy and superhuman elements.


I’ve plenty of ideas in that department that I am more than willing to share. If you message me, we can certainly come to an agreement on what would be best suited for the both of us. Now onto the qualities of what my roleplaying partner should have. If you do not meet these requirements or simply have a different view / style when it comes to writing and content, then feel free to skip my ad.



What it all entails:


☞ The Partnership: I strongly encourage for an active roleplayer to take part and share 50% of ideas, plotting, length, detail and passion. Can’t do the thinking for two. A bird cannot fly with only one wing. ☞ The Limits: There are certain topics I tend to avoid which is pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, vore, scat, furries and the list goes on. ☞ The Way of Writing: No one-liners. No text-talk. No half-assed replies. And certainly no ‘quality over quantity’ when you can have both. I don’t expect anyone to write a novel, absolutely not. I don’t either, but if I get the feeling of my partner wavering in their effort and not investing as much as I do, I have to give them the chop, unfortunately. Too often have I encountered partners who showed strong enthusiasm at first, but after a while… they slacked and eventually only put the adequate effort into their side of things whilst completely disregarding my characters. I hope to avoid this in the future. ☞ Communication: As I love making new friends and discuss plotting as we go on, communication is the bedrock of the roleplay. It strengthens the compatibility between us. If there is anything that bothers you, or if you think you are left out in some way (be it a mistake on my part or if we’re both at fault here), tell me. Really, it won’t hold a grudge against you since I know that we all slip up every now and then. We’re human after all. It is also completely sufficient if you only type out a few messages per week. I am very lax about it. It doesn’t bother me re-writing scenes to fit the narrative more. If there are mistakes, they can be corrected - just to get that out there. We can always exchange opinions and see what would benefit the story most. I will also voice my opinion should something bother me along the way.

And now to myself and how I write:

☞ My writing: Third person perspective usually, although I have made some exceptions in my experience. My style is wide-ranging and flexible, which means that frequently, word count will go up 1000+ per reply - though it highly depends on the given situation and partner. Quality over quantity but I say both. I love detail in description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. My partner should have a basic grasp on grammar, punctuation and somewhat of an interest in knowledgeable writing. Usually I double in a roleplay but I can also make an exception. 
☞ Rating: Alright, so you are writing with some of mature age. I have 12 years of writing experience when it comes to this particular genre. This will be a fair warning to any of those who are not really comfortable with adult themes. There will be violence, swearing, gore, intimacy, uncomfortable subjects, drama, conflict and other dark themes included within the story. I have few limits but I will respect the boundaries of my partner. And lastly, I won’t fade to black or skip out on the nitty gritty, unless it doesn’t serve a particular purpose in forwarding the story. ☞ Interests: My line of interests vary when it comes to genres. I love conceiving my own lore inside a story, be it an original or a pre-existing universe. I am not opposed to tapping into some science fiction, action, romance, crime, action or thriller genres, in fact I encourage it. ☞ Characters: I write canon as well as OC characters. Faceclaims, GIFs, drawings, mood boards or just a plain physical description is absolutely sufficient. Characters should be written as opulent, flawed, unique, talented, heroic, villainous, spiteful, angry, and everything in-between. In other words, don’t be scared of making them ‘human’ who sometimes tend to f*ck up. ☞ Romance: Openly play and accept characters of both genders, preferable m x f pairings, but I am open to m x m and f x f relationships as well. I have more experience with m x f relationships, so I might be more adept in that category. If the chemistry of two characters compel me, I am on board with it! When it comes to sexual scenarios and intimacy (intercourse, foreplay, all that funny business). I encourage erotism, but in a tasteful, sensual manner (that goes for romance as well). The passion must be felt through the screen, even if it’s just a mere description of someone’s deep train of thought. ☞ Content: Drama, violence, sex, metamorphosis, symbolism, action, romance, pretty much everything is a-okay. I am not very bothered by certain subjects that may be uncomfortable for the general public. Roleplays are fictional stories and we best keep viewing them as such. If there are things you are uncomfortable with, name them and I shall respect those boundaries. But don’t be surprised when suddenly one of our characters bites the dust, or gets tortured. It may be difficult to write and read, but it is all part of the story and furthering the plot. My roleplays imply and involve brutality, mayhem, psychological and physical damaging among other things. But I also greatly endorse beauty, serenity and placid moments, scenes or characters. I love it when it comes full circle… everyone- and everything has a beautiful and hideous side. Again, this is mature and I am not here to coddle, I am here for a challenge.

Should there be a hiatus, I will tell you as soon as possible. I understand when you are busy as well, though I highly appreciate if you notify me before disappearing into the ether. At least give me a heads up on what’s going on so I can adjust and put the roleplay on hold if needed! 
Mediums I always roleplay on are email and google-docs. I also have Discord in case for plotting and chatting outside of the RP. 

I prefer my partner to message me first on email, giving me a brief description of themselves, their cravings as well as ideas, perhaps even a little writing sample to see if we’re compatible and if it bears any potential. 



Message me here: EMAIL: [email protected] Can’t wait to hear from you lovely people!




☆ Au revoir

#indie rp #indie roleplay #independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #long term #email #tumblr #aou rp #submission

[beastofeasto-blog]

GENERIC JAPANESE PUN AND/OR OBVIOUS CULTURAL REFERENCE: My Experiences At Hyper Japan

The people at Hyper Japan, which ran from Friday until today,  ranged from a duo dressed as the twins from Ouran Highschool Host Club, Godzilla himself (whose terrible hand I had the pleasure of shaking), and dozens of people  wearing meme t-shirts. So far, so MCM. What set Hyper Japan apart from a more usual celebration of mangakas and mecha were the somewhat terrifying woman in johdpurs from the Tea Authority, a room dedicated to over a hundred different types of sake, beer and spirits, and the significant attention paid to Japanese craftsmanship.

But of course, since this is after all a food blog, let's talk about the food. At the very beginning, I was collected from the front desk by two charming women from Fourteen Ten. We headed immediately to The Ramen Experience, where I was given a choice between shoryu, paitan and tonkotsu style ramen, and a chance to sample all three before deciding on which one I was to have in my bowl. Each comes from a different region, and each is distinct in flavour and mouthfeel. Shoryu, or soy sauce, was rich and roasty, effortlessly smooth and slightly sweet. Paitan, which, on the website was described as a chicken-based soup, was in person labelled as seafood stock. Either way, it was remarkably unfishy, and had a prominent, pleasant taste of both fresh and roast garlic. Tonkotsu is the neighbourhood darling style, a milky-cloudy broth made by cooking bones and feet for dozens of hours. A good tonkotsu should be gutsy, slightly thick, impossibly creamy and pure tasting. While the one I tasted was perfectly adequate, it did not live up to my expectations about what tonkotsu ought to be. As a result, I had a delicious bowl of shoryu ramen, with both gari, aka pickled ginger, and something that tasted like yacai, Szechuan pickled mustard greens (sour, slightly funky, a little bitter and lightly spicy) and  along with the obligatory slice of chasu. Despite that the noodles lacked much of a bounce or snap, and the chasu wasn't fatty enough for my taste, it was a bowl worth finishing. That sounds like a lot of criticism mixed in with some faint praise, but no, outside of a couple stylistic choices, it was a bowl I'd be more than happy with at a restaurant, and would have been proud to make at home (I've tried making ramen. I've followed Binging with Babish's method, J Kenji Lopez Alt's version, and the edition found in Japanese Cooking: A Simple Art, whose title is possibly the biggest lie ever told. All of them were difficult, all of them were an obscene amount of work, all of them were frankly not worth the effort. If I find a method that works and doesn't make you want to die, I'll be sure to let you know.)

After that, the Fourteen Ten people let me loose on the stalls. I wandered past a woman selling EGL (Elegant Gothic Lolita) fashion, several weapons salesmen and a very busy stall selling manga both in the original and translated. Nearby, there were tables groaning with dolls and plushies, and there, over the way, were dakikamura, or body pillows, featuring characters from the Boku No Hero Academia anime. On the main floor, there was a condensed area where Japanese designers, artists, and craftspeople sold beautiful things, such as calligraphy, immaculate flowers made of silk, and  shamiasen, traditional stringed instruments. I asked the person running the shamiasen stall if I could touch, and she leaned forward, rested a single finger on its body, and gave me a thumbs up. In short: no. I managed to get (very brief!) interviews with four different stallholders. I felt that since I was there, I might as well go do some journalism. I got brief peeks into the minds of two artisans, and one of the husband-and-wife teams selling swords, axes, and blades of all kinds:

The weapons sellers, Lee and Catherine, used to be in the business of selling replica toy handguns, until the law changed (presumably following the Dunblane massacre  but neither mentioned it and nor did I). When that happened, it made replica guns a lot harder to sell. So instead, they moved on to selling swords, and especially movie replicas. It only made business sense for them to go to Comicon. Catherine's favourite is a massive bastard from World of Warcraft, while Lee favour's LOTR's Andruil. They don't think that any of their wares ought to be used for anything other than ornamental purposes, though you could technically use them for bushcraft.

The next pair I spoke to were Tomoko Kuroda, and her friend Yuko. Since their design heavily featured a pair of cats, one black, one white, named Alain and Jean, I asked whether they belonged to them, and about their personalities. While Alain and Jean aren't their real names, they are indeed their cats, and the characters of the globetrotting gatos – ones that are “curious and fickle, but very fussy with their travel items”. have existed for two years. Kuroda collaboarated with the famous artist/illustrator called Masako Hirano. A fact about each cat is that Alain is very interested about everything and very positive, while Jean is sensitive and naive, and likes to study hard.  However, according to the info card I received, “Our effort to analyse their psyche might be pointless but this is our pleasure and mission nevertheless. This interpretation of the world seen by cats' eyes is our unique brand story.” Here, here!

You can find their e-boutique here.

While many people have heard of origami, comparatively few know about kirigami. I had the privilege of speaking to Susumu Yamayoka, who won the Grand Prize for the Charming Japanese Souvenir Contest back in 2011 for his City Postcard kirigami series. Kirigami is the art of paper-cutout. Yamayoka's series celebrated traditional Japanese scenes in aching, intricate detail – unsurprising, since Yamayoka told me that he's been doing papercraft for the last two decades. It took Yamayoka two months to design four postcards.His website is here

While there were many other stallholders, demonstrating mastery in mulberry-paper bookbinding, and watercolours, I did not have time to interview them all.

Then, I made a nice trip into the grimy speakeasy at Hyper Japan known as The Sake Experience. You rocked up, received about sixteen drinks tickets and two snacks tickets, and waddled around from table groaning with artisanal handmade drinks to table groaning with artisanal handmade drinks. Now, for those who've not had a sake experience, let alone The one; sake is a fermented rice beverage with a taste that uninitiated westerners may find quite unfamiliar. A good way to describe it is “like a grassier, fruitier dry sherry”, but since there are as many styles and traditions in sake brewing as there are in, say, French winemaking, the description I gave is insufficient. Another point about sake is that it can be drunk hot or cold. I remember saying when I was fourteen, having tasted my first hot sake, I said it tasted like “warm, unminty mouthwash”. It probably wasn't good stuff, but, as with many things, it's an acquired taste. I imagine that a mug of warm sake on a howling and bitterly cold Nagoya night would be comforting. As for the process of making sake, it involves inoculating cooked rice with Aspergillus oryzae, known in Japanese as koji, a fungus that transforms starches and sugars found in rice into alcohols. It's absolutely nothing to be afraid of, it's the rice edition of our homegrown hero, Saccharomyces cerevisiae, without whose noble efforts we'd never slug down a sixpack of PBR again – not that PBR has much of a future in our world. Cooked rice, koji, water, yeast and lactic acid are combined – at least in sake-houses that forsook the old way of doing things, where the rice and koji mixture is pounded to a paste – and the resultant mixture fermented. This is then pressed to remove unfermented solids, filtered once more, and then left to mature, like one would with wine.  

For absolute beginners, I would suggest investing in a bottle of Shochikubai Shirakabegura Mio Sparkling Sake, not just because it doesn't have that much of a challenging koji flavour, but because it's significantly nicer than cat piss cava or bland prosecco. It has a gentle fragrance, is just the right side of sweet, and the carbonation adds both a sour note and makes it feel more refreshing. It isn't brut like champagne, more, a gentle, friendly face to pick up for a pleasant night in.  I had the luck of picking up a bottle for £4 at the event – they were practically giving it away.  

For those still a bit too afraid, there are a wide variety of Japanese fruit liqueurs. These often aren't like schnapps or are lighter fluid with a few drops of synthetic peach essence. Many Japanese fruit liqueurs, such as umeshu, have an ABV of about 12%. Umeshu is made by soaking whole green plums in grain alcohol, which is consequently watered down and sweetened.  A different liqueur that I had the pleasure of drinking at Hyper Japan was Yomeishu Pink Grapefruit and Ginger (top); “precisely what it says on the tin!”, according to my tasting notes; a lusciously smooth and mild bev, tasting of real – if candy-sweet – fruit, like a boozier, top-quality alcopop. It was only later that I discovered that Yomeishu's flagship is a TCM (I use the “C” here generically) herb liqueur containing, of all things, the processed skin and organs of the mamushi pit viper, Gloydius blomhoffii. Unfortunately, I did not taste the snake tonic since it wasn't on offer, but had it been, I would probably have declined because I don't want to drink snakies. Nevertheless, snake-flaying aside, the good brewers at Yomeishu can make a lovely drink. The one umeshu I sampled , Urakasumi (buttom), was “bracing[ly] plummy” with an “almond bitter aftertaste”. As I don't have considerable umeshu experience, it was perfectly nice.

There were other types of sake on offer, such as the Yamabuki Gold, an aged sake, or koshu. The difference between a younger sake and a koshu is rather like a tequila blanco and añejo: the aged edition acquires a bronzeish colour and a deeper, often honeyish taste. I described the 7-time-in-a-row International Wine Challenge gold winner as having a “burnt toffee” character, “hypersmooth”, and with a “savoury aftertaste.”

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum was the Junmai Ginjo Sachihime Dear My Princess, charmingly subtitled in block capitals with ALL THE BEST WISHES FOR YOUR FUTURE LIFE. I described the unpasteurized sake from what is apparently the smallest brewery in the Saga prefecture (found on Kyushu, the southern island making up Japan proper) as “sweet, creamy, esteric and smooth.” Following some basic research into sake tasting terminology, this “esteric”- or “fruity” quality is also known as ginjo, which is the resulting fragrance from the slow and low fermentation of rice whose exterior is mostly removed. Two compounds that contribute to ginjo fragrance are isoamyl acetate, well known to any brewers in the audience to being one part of the duo in many Hefeweizens, the other being clove. Due to my experiencing isoamy acetate almost always in conjunction with the phenolic compounds that made up clove, I iniitally had written down “phenolic” instead of “esteric”, and then had second thoughts as I noticed more classical fruit elements evolve, such as ethyl caproate – another ginjo component – which is common in many fruits, including apple and pineapple.

There were, oddly enough, what appeared to be luxury bottled tea., from the imaginatively named The Tea Company. It's here where I ran into the absurdly fashionable and intimidating woman from the Tea Authority. She recommended the Thé D'Or Gyokuro, which turned out to have “excellent clean bitterness”. It was a “very green” green tea, with a pleasing “sprightly slight salinity”. I preferred, however, the Ibushi, from the same label: it “tickles the throat”, had “topnotes of fruit, then smoke and malt”, and was “silken, bitter, refreshing and savoury”. The tea used to make the Ibushi was apparently smoked over Japanese cypress. Do I approve of bottled tea costing  between £11 and £30 per bottle? I honestly have to say, even if it was absolutely delicious tea, that I can't.  

Finally, there were two spirits I tried. One was the Satsuma Shiranami, which is a spirit made from sweet potato- and it sure tasted of it: “earthy, nutty, popped rice, sweet but not sugary, and filling” is how I described it. This would in my mind be a fantastic addition to a hot toddy or pre-Christmas lunch drinks.  The second is something I don't anticipate many of you ambling out of your wells to get, but I'll rec it anyway: the Kyoya Shuzo Yuzugin, combines two things that unsettle many people: gin, our proudest spirit, and Japanese botanicals, which can not be to everybody's tastes. Unsurprisingly, it had a deep, floral, long-lasting yuzu fragrance, and remarkably, I noticed a light tongue-buzz feeling, due to the sansho peppercorn. I won't fully get into this now, but the short is that the fruit of the Zanthoxylum trees produce compounds called sanshools, which give an anaesthetic, electrocuting, tingling, numbing sensation, most prevalent in Szechuan cooking, and one that I adore. Sansho peppercorn is Z. piperitum  while good ol' Szechuan peppercorn is Z. simulans or bungeanum. While overall I can see more applications for the Satsuma Shiranami, not just in drinks, but as a nice thing to spin around a highball glass while relaxing, as one does when one is 23, if you like both yuzu and gin, and manage to find a bottle, go get it. Also, the bottle's pretty.

In the drunken stupour that tends to accompany having too many small drinks, I stepped outside and saw a stand selling three of my favourite Japanese snacks: takoyaki, sweet potato korroke and karaage. I got three for three, and sat down heavily in a chair, and watched the crowd pass me by as I had my snacks. Takoyaki is an orbular delicate wheat pancake, filled with chopped octopus. Mine were decorated traditionally, with aonori, aka green laver, mayonnaise and a sweet-savoury glaze made from Worcestershire sauce and reduced sake, soy sauce, mirin, kombu, and katsuoboshi (shaved dried bonito tuna). I like them because they have a wonderfully crunchy outside, and the inside is still kinda like a just-underset egg yolk or slightly underdone pancake batter, or a bechamel sauce. I think it's obscenely delicious, and was thankful at the paucity of octopus bits in the ones they gave me.

Karaage is a deep frying technique different from the better known tempura. In karaage, marinated pieces of meat, most usually chicken, are tossed in potato starch and deep fried until crispy. These had a crusty, gloriously msg-laden shell with tender pieces within. The crust had big crumbs in it, lending a nice variation in texture.

Korokke is a Japonification of “croquette”, where usually mashed potato is stuffed with a filling, rolled in panko, and deep fried. These ones were pure sweet potato, and utterly fantastic. I have a long-held suspicion that the Japanese sweet potato cultivars tower head and shoulders above those grown anywhere else. They tend to have the most amazing chestnutty taste and yielding texture. These were no exception. The korokke were “fudgy” and satisfying, the panko crust so ethereal, it might not have even been there. Of the three fried snacks, they were without a doubt my favourite.

In short, I did not eat or drink one thing on Friday that wasn't delicious, and there were a few that were completely exceptional.

As I walked back from Kensington Olympia to take the bus home, I thought about how I'd been exposed to so many different aspects of the culture of another somewhat strange, tea-obsessed island, and how valuable it was that events like Hyper Japan are put on; raising awareness in not just the more massively marketable aspects of another culture, but their unique traditions also. I had a great time.  Since it's now over, I honestly can't wait for the summer one!

#hyperjapan #food #sake #karaage #ramen #bad photo quality #shochu #swords #alain et jean #kirigami

[verdigrisprowl]

May 1 Random Movie Night - Captain America

Hosted by Springer. With Hiro’s help.

Prowl and Tarantulas were the only ones who showed up, and it was entirely to check in on their son and not at all because they wanted to see the movie. Soundwave showed up for a few seconds, saw Springer, turned around and left.

Somehow by the end of the movie they ended up scheming to find a sample of vibranium and synthesize it.

The chat room has been cleared by the moderator. S p r i n g e r: [ watch out, helicopter landing but just KIDDING he's gonna transform and hover before setting down ] VProwl: *Prowl's not usually inclined to go to movie nights outside of his two regulars—but this one's hosted by Springer.* VProwl: *And while Prowl doesn't care much about whatever they're watching, he wants to see how Springer is doing. So. Here he is, appearing.* S p r i n g e r: [ Hey! It's Prowl! Grins ] Wow, you came out of your cave! Tarantulas: *and here's the generally-asocial tarantulas, appearing for very much the same reasons* VProwl: ... Pardon? S p r i n g e r: [ finger gun at Tara ] Hey, it's the weepy medic. S p r i n g e r: Yeah, your cave. You're always working, aren't you? S p r i n g e r: (( if you two are good to start, we can start )) Tarantulas: *fluffs, will never get over being called that. damnit whirl* VProwl: ... During /work/ hours, yes. Tarantulas: (( i'm reddi S p r i n g e r: [ snort ] come on, Prowl. I'm joking. VProwl: It's a poorly constructed one based on inaccurate information. VProwl: On the topic of which, Tarantulas is neither weepy nor a medic. S p r i n g e r: [ rolls optics ] Anyway, I made a new friend. S p r i n g e r: And he told me how I can learn to use a shield. Tarantulas: A friend? *eagerly, is more than happy to change the subject* S p r i n g e r: Weird, right? S p r i n g e r: He said it would... [ makes a face. Turns helm ] What did you say it would do? VProwl: Did he? *pleased about the new friend. and if it's going to get Springer shield lessons, all the better.* H i r o: [ pokes head out from his collar armor ] I said you would relate to it and probably find it easier to learn from. H i r o: [ waves] Hi everybody. Tarantulas: Hiro! *pleased churrs* H i r o: Tarantulas! [ grins ] VProwl: *... oh. facepalms.* Tarantulas: How - how do you two know each other, though? S p r i n g e r: I caught his frequency while sanning the systems. We started communicating and he said he was on Cybertron. VProwl: *well. any friend is better than nothing.* S p r i n g e r: Told him I just woke up from a million year sleep and he's been teaching me 'Earth' things. H i r o: It's hilarious- he knows absolutely nothing. [ settles for sitting. In FULL armor. ] VProwl: Uh-huh. And offered to teach you how to use /Earth/ shield techniques, I take it. H i r o: Absolutely not. I don't use a shield. H i r o: But, I know for a fact that THIS guy does. VProwl: Oh, good. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave shuffles in and takes in the scener-- oh, hell. The unapologetic Wrecker.* H i r o: And Springer is new to Earth stuff, so he's never seen this guy. VProwl: So you're going to go to this rumored "guy" for shield training. H i r o: No, I'm showing him an educational film about using a shield S p r i n g e r: ... Where's the shield. [squint ] VProwl: ... This is clearly a movie. S p r i n g e r: ! [it's that soundwave guy ] Your face is fixed. H i r o: It's an educational film... sort of. VProwl: Watching a movie about somebody who's been trained to use a shield is not shield training. Tarantulas: It's better than nothing, likely. H i r o: He can visually learn VProwl: It's not training. H i r o: Aw, come on, Prowl. H i r o: He'll end up liking it, I promise. VProwl: It's a commercial for the kind of things you COULD get trained in. Treat it like that. VProwl: Whether or not he likes it is irrelevant to whether or not it's adequate training. S p r i n g e r: Prowl, it's /me/. I could learn from anything. VProwl: Yes. You could. You could learn a paltry fraction of the things that proper training would teach you. S p r i n g e r: So, I'll watch this and if I find it interesting, I'll just go to Earth and find this guy VProwl: Good. Tarantulas: *huffs, can't decide what to make of this interaction* S p r i n g e r: Huh... S p r i n g e r: [ hunkers down to watch movie ] War movie, then? H i r o: (( He's cute even when he's tiny. I'm trash )) Tarantulas: (( omg that voice coming from the tiny bean H i r o: (( I KNOW )) S p r i n g e r: ... They denied him because he's so small? Humans have an odd way of doing war. VProwl: And consider THAT a starting point. Humans live about a hundred years, and can only spend about half of that training—at most. Their training regimens will be calculated toward that. VProwl: Properly mastering a combat technique takes centuries. S p r i n g e r: ... [ tilts helm a little ] Yeah, well. Not for me. VProwl: For you, too. Tarantulas: *excuse, tara's son is perfect and can achieve anything as fast as he wants to* VProwl: And if you think it takes you less time than other students to master a technique, then that only means you've decided to stop learning earlier than other students. Don't hold yourself back like that. H i r o: [ leans forward all wide eyes. Wow what a cool guy ] S p r i n g e r: ... How is that impressive? I've seen vehicle hover- /I/ can do it. VProwl: It's impressive for aliens that haven't seen that technology. S p r i n g e r: I guess. [ chin hand ] But, I like this... kid? VProwl: ... *squints* I don't... thhhink he's a kid? I THINK his voice is too deep. S p r i n g e r: He's a kid to us. VProwl: *puzzled look* S p r i n g e r: All humans are severely young in comparison, aren't they? VProwl: Sure, but I wouldn't call them kids "to us." To us there aren't kids. It's a foreign concept. S p r i n g e r: [ nods helm side to side as if to say 'eh, that's true' ] S p r i n g e r: Young, then. Tarantulas: Older than Hiro, though. *amused squint in the kiddo's direction* H i r o: [ waves hands like no no no ! ] S p r i n g e r: That human is older than the minibot? S p r i n g e r: [ sNORT ] S p r i n g e r: I like her. VProwl: Well deserved. S p r i n g e r: Definitely. Tarantulas: *snorts at hiro, that's how it is, eh?* Let's just say - Hiro's certainly youthful at his core, so to speak. S p r i n g e r: ... It's a team exercise, you idiots. VProwl: I can see where this is going. S p r i n g e r: That's the simplest training in the boo-... S p r i n g e r: Huh. H i r o: [ thumbs up at Tara ] VProwl: If they're creating a "super soldier," then obviously they're going to physically upgrade the soldier. S p r i n g e r: Yeah, well, minibots can be youthful at the core. S p r i n g e r: ... [grins] /That/ is a soldier. That scrawny little kid right there. VProwl: So what they're looking for is—yes, as they're saying. Not physical aptitude but the correct mental qualities. Tarantulas: *could cry, that reminds him of what prowl did with the generator* S p r i n g e r: That's really what everyone should have- a strong quality. Wreckers weren't really all physical strength. Some of us had our individual skills. S p r i n g e r: [ makes a face ] Guess brawn is really all we have left, all things considered... S p r i n g e r: [ he made himself sad ] VProwl: Uh-huh. The Wreckers have always been /so/ well-known for being self-sacrificial protectors. Not a bully among them. S p r i n g e r: [ snort] S p r i n g e r: Few bullies. VProwl: You always have been optimistic. S p r i n g e r: I admit, we're not the nicest bunch, but we get... got. The job done. VProwl: Mm. More than half the time. S p r i n g e r: Most of the time. VProwl: Mmmm... S p r i n g e r: Not much left to do anymore. VProwl: ... Not much left for /Wreckers/ to do, no. But it's never too late to diversify your skillset. S p r i n g e r: Yeah. [ grin ] like get a shield S p r i n g e r: Wait, so they're gonna boost him up like, what, you two did with me? VProwl: I was thinking of skills that could be used for specific activities that aren't wrecking. Tarantulas: Nnnnot quite the same, no. VProwl: *won't know what they're doing until he's seen it.* Tarantulas: *mutters* First of all, you were blessedly unconscious for the procedure. S p r i n g e r: Lucky for all of you? Tarantulas: Pft, I suppose. S p r i n g e r: ... Wow. S p r i n g e r: Those humans made that tiny kid so big. H i r o: ( tag urself, I'm peggy. ) VProwl: Huh. He's fatter. S p r i n g e r: That's muscle. VProwl: His muscles are fatter. S p r i n g e r: !!! Tarantulas: Hyeh, that's - not exactly how muscles work, Prowl. VProwl: Look at them, they're obviously fatter. S p r i n g e r: ... [ suddenly jerks forward]  Go get him, kid!! VProwl: *might just assume that any increase in mass on a human is called fat.* S p r i n g e r: ( I love her ) Tarantulas: Muscle and fat are different types of tissue in the human body. S p r i n g e r: ... He's faster. VProwl: For the record, we didn't make you faster. Tarantulas: *snrk* VProwl: ... Probably. *looks at Tarantulas?* S p r i n g e r: make me as fast as Blurr and I might punch you, too. S p r i n g e r: That guy is /too/ fast. Tarantulas: No, I didn't alter his speed. VProwl: (("go get him, i can swim" is a precious line)) S p r i n g e r: ( yesss ) S p r i n g e r: I don't feel any faster, for the record. VProwl: ... Not that I'm on that guy's side, because I'm not—but if you're part of a secret organization, in an enemy country, and about to kill yourself so you can't be tortured for information— VProwl: —maybe you shouldn't cryptically share information right before you die. S p r i n g e r: Idiot. H i r o: They're kinda full of themselves. VProwl: Especially with the super soldier that you've just seen hanging around with a bunch of high-ranked government and military figures. S p r i n g e r: ... !!! VProwl: ((god i forgot that part)) S p r i n g e r: ( me too ) VProwl: ((they're so nazi they have to do a double nazi salute)) S p r i n g e r: ... Huh. H i r o: Steve is such a nice guy. [ chin hands ] I bet he's awesome in person. S p r i n g e r: ( omg this is me ) S p r i n g e r: ( my favorite part ) S p r i n g e r: ... Aw man. They made him the poster boy? Tarantulas: Oh my goodness. How adorable. *snickering* VProwl: ... Oh! This guy! S p r i n g e r: You /know/ this guy? VProwl: I've seen a couple other movies with him. S p r i n g e r: He's in OTHER movies? VProwl: I recognize the costume. H i r o: He's AMAZING, Springer! S p r i n g e r: He looks like a poster boy. He better do something interesting soon or I'm gonna learn nothing. VProwl: And fought him once. VProwl: Not his fault. Mind control. S p r i n g e r: Wait, time out, what? S p r i n g e r: I'm confused Tarantulas: You - what? VProwl: Long story. S p r i n g e r: ... Okay? H i r o: Dude, you know Captain America?! H i r o: And you didn't TELL me? VProwl: You didn't ask. H i r o: I didn't KNOW! H i r o: What's he like? Is he amazing? Is he nice? Do you think he'd let me be an Avenger? H i r o: [ is a 17 year old chILD rn ] VProwl: ... How would I know? H i r o: I don't know, I trust your thought process? S p r i n g e r: Come on, Prowl. Just tell the minibot if the humans would let him play a game or not. S p r i n g e r: .... [ now intense watching the screen ] VProwl: How would I know?? We barely talked. H i r o: (( I CANT )) H i r o: ( HES SO INNOCENT ) S p r i n g e r: [ grins] I LIKE this kid a LOT. S p r i n g e r: Impulsive. S p r i n g e r: Now, I wanna see him fight. Tarantulas: He - that's ridiculous! H i r o: How could you meet Captain America and never talk? Oh man... [scrubs visor] S p r i n g e r: Wha'ts ridiculous? Jumping out of a plane? Tarantulas: A /human/ jumping out of a plane, no matter how doped up. S p r i n g e r: Well, he survived. Tarantulas: Oh - oh. *he had a parachute. of course. doesn't think of these things* VProwl: Like I said. We fought. H i r o: Prowl, you're like the second coolest guy I've ever met. H i r o: Just so you know. Tarantulas: ...Who's the coolest, might I ask? H i r o: [ grin] Riptide! Tarantulas: Hff. He can't be that spectacular, I've never heard of him before. Demote him, in my opinion. H i r o: To who? S p r i n g e r: [ gRINS . THIS is the kind of action he likes ] VProwl: *Prowl's uncomfortable with that position.* VProwl: ... Have you ever met Wheeljack? He met Captain America too, and he's an engineer. H i r o: Uh, no. Can't say I've met anyone really recently. H i r o: Springer here. That's all. VProwl: *damn.* H i r o: Do you /want/ to be number one? S p r i n g e r: Prowl's just being modest [ distracted voice ] This is cinematic gold. S p r i n g e r: ... What? H i r o: ( did it come back? ) VProwl: Careful, Springer. That nearly sounded like a compliment. S p r i n g e r: Me? Compliment you? Ridiculous. Tarantulas: *ridiculous visor smile* VProwl: That's what I thought. S p r i n g e r: ... [ crooked smile ] VProwl: *Completely Stoic Face* H i r o: ( is it still going? ) VProwl: ((yep)) H i r o: ( kay ) VProwl: ... Why is he making it worse? VProwl: Why doesn't he just say "She grabbed me and pulled me in"? H i r o: Okay, okay. Pay attention, Springer! This is where you need to take notes. S p r i n g e r: Uh huh. [ hasn't looked away from the screen. He's 100% into this ] VProwl: ... And she should be taken off duty for that. S p r i n g e r: He's fantastic. VProwl: ...... *side glance at Springer.* S p r i n g e r: ... Look at that. Just wipes out every enemy base. S p r i n g e r: I didn't know humans had Wreckers... VProwl: *... Oh.* S p r i n g e r: (( ookay time out. That part where he throws the shield at the screen. My dad saw this in 3D and he got scared of the shield and now he never wants to see 3D movies )) VProwl: *And just like the Wreckers, the semi-fictionalized propaganda documentary makes them look better than they really are, Prowl's completely sure.* VProwl: ((offline here)) S p r i n g e r: (( is it back yet ? )) VProwl: ((not yet)) S p r i n g e r: ( I paused ) VProwl: ((ssssstill offline. lemme refresh, see if that helps)) S p r i n g e r: ( kay ) VProwl: ((nah. still offline. hex is it offline for you or just me?)) S p r i n g e r: ( I can reset it if you want. ) S p r i n g e r: ( I'll see if that helps ) Tarantulas: (( it's offline here too :c Tarantulas: (( now it's just black Tarantulas: (( eyyyyy there it is VProwl: ((there it is!)) S p r i n g e r: ( I reset the stream. Maybe that helped> ) S p r i n g e r: ( is it going now? ) Tarantulas: (( yeppers! VProwl: ((yep)) S p r i n g e r: ( wooo ) S p r i n g e r: This team is amazing. S p r i n g e r: Look at that. S p r i n g e r: ... [ oh no 8( ] VProwl: ... Do you know how to synthesize vibranium, Tarantulas? How does it hold up compared to our alloys? S p r i n g e r: Isn't that stuff only on Earth? VProwl: *it LOOKS impressive, but right now it's only being tested against lead bullets and simple energy weapons. Not a very rigorous test.* Tarantulas: Nnnnno, as a matter of fact, I don't. Tarantulas: Is there any chance you could, hyeh, contact Captain America and see if you could get me a sample? VProwl: There's no evidence it's only on Earth. There's evidence that Earthlings, who have never been off Earth, have only found it on Earth. S p r i n g e r: Huh... S p r i n g e r: So, why not send a scout to Earth to check? Tarantulas: ...Where is it found on Earth? H i r o: Vibranium? VProwl: Because we waged war on their planet for a decade so that it could be FREED from an army of invading alien mecha using it as a resource for raw materials. S p r i n g e r: I don't think they SAID where it was. S p r i n g e r: Then how come the minibot said he's been there a lot? VProwl: He's a human in a suit of armor. Tarantulas: *SNRK* S p r i n g e r: ... He's a what? H i r o: [ awkward laugh ] VProwl: He's a human. You've been talking to a human, Springer. A human who's been lying about his species so that he can violate the Tyrest Accord and illegally acquire controlled materials. VProwl: Sorry, I thought he'd told you. S p r i n g e r: ... [ holds up a digit ] S p r i n g e r: [ give him a second ] S p r i n g e r: ... [ has a BT face ] H i r o: First of all, that's not the ONLY reason I'm lying. Second, I stopped doing that, so give it a rest. S p r i n g e r: [ DEEP INHALE ] Wait a second. VProwl: *gives Hiro the flattest look, and says in the driest voice,* I believe you completely. S p r i n g e r: [ holds servos up.] Wait, hold on. Wait. S p r i n g e r: Everyone pause. VProwl: *pauses* S p r i n g e r: You're tellin' me this tiny thing is a /human/ inside Cybertronian armor? VProwl: *like literally his avatar is on pause* VProwl: It's not "Cybertronian" armor. It's human-made armor designed to LOOK like a Cybertronian. S p r i n g e r: Even so. Tarantulas: Show him, Hiro. Hyeh. H i r o: ... Nah, I'm good. H i r o: [ waves hands] It's okay! H i r o: I'm not gonna take you apart or anything, I promise! VProwl: Probably better not to. The atmosphere is probably toxic here. S p r i n g e r: ... Controlled materials?Oh. S p r i n g e r: Wait. Then let's send HIM to Earth to get Vibranium S p r i n g e r: He's a human. He can't harvest resources if he's native. VProwl: Yes he can. He's harvesting his own planet's resources to export to an alien planet they hold in hostile regard. S p r i n g e r: ... I thought you said your home didn't know we existed? H i r o: We don't- I mean, they don't. VProwl: The fact that he would be your accomplice doesn't change the fact that he'd be assisting Cybertronians in taking extremely rare, extremely valuable resources from Earth. H i r o: what if I found a way to ask? S p r i n g e r: ( is it still going?? it keeps dropping ) VProwl: And the fact that his Earth is IGNORANT of us doesn't make it MORE OKAY to take their limited resources. S p r i n g e r: ( I'm sorry my net is trash ) Tarantulas: Wwwwhat if Hiro gets a tiny sample that I can study and then find a way to recreate by myself? VProwl: If you can ask, nicely, and get permission? Fine. H i r o: Yeah! Brilliant idea, Tarantulas. H i r o: Smart guy. VProwl: *points at Tarantulas* IF they get permission, fine. H i r o: Okay, well. Permission miiight require a tiny favor. VProwl: Hell, I'D been going to volunteer to try to track down this guy if you two hadn't jumped straight to theft and needed to be argued out of it. S p r i n g e r: ... I mean. S p r i n g e r: [ shrugs like 'meh' ] H i r o: I'll go if it gives me something to do. If... I mean, that's okay? VProwl: No stealing. No lying. No offering ANY of our technology or resources, AT ALL. The Tyrest Accord is strict and you by NO MEANS have any right to violate it on our behalf. H i r o: [ salutes] Yes, sir! H i r o: No stealing, no lying. I won't share anything of ours at all. I can hide my leg easy. H i r o: And my neurtransmitters are hidden under my hair. Tarantulas: @P: ::To be honest, I doubt he's going to actually follow your rules. Just so you know.:: H i r o: (( TARANTULAS HOW DARE u right ) VProwl: @T «Well that the hell am I supposed to do? Huh? Follow him myself? I don't have any power over this brat EXCEPT lectures, what am I supposed to do!» VProwl: **what H i r o: (( actually if it gets him to meet Captain America, he might behave 100% )) S p r i n g e r: This is so intense. [ staring at the screen ] VProwl: @T «Prematurely arrest him? Murder him on suspicions of CONTEMPLATING stealing our technology and giving it to his home planet? What? What do you suggest?» VProwl: @T «I'm a police captain, what am I suppose to do without violating my own oath to protect and serve?» S p r i n g e r: Earth must be something... Tarantulas: @T: ::I - what!? I was simply alerting you!:: VProwl: @T «I know he's not going to listen! He's an arrogant, selfish brat who thinks that what he feels like doing is more important than the laws that keep whole species safe!» S p r i n g e r: .... !!! S p r i n g e r: What is /that/ ? VProwl: ((did it freeze?)) Tarantulas: @P: ::He - he's a /child/, Prowl.:: S p r i n g e r: ( is itfrozen? ) VProwl: ((i got it going)) S p r i n g e r: ( okay ) S p r i n g e r: ( if you need me to pause I can ) S p r i n g e r: ... Wait a second, I thought you all said he was alive. VProwl: There's a multiverse. It might be a different one. S p r i n g e r: Ah. VProwl: @T «So what? Do you think being a child means he doesn't have the power to steal technology and give it to another planet just because he really wants to buy a fancy metal?» VProwl: @T «Because he's ALREADY stolen controlled technology for HIMSELF.» S p r i n g e r: Hey, he's alive! VProwl: *oh, there's baseball on the radio* S p r i n g e r: (( omfg did it drop?? )) Tarantulas: (( ye :c VProwl: ((yep)) S p r i n g e r: we are literally AT THE END. COMCAST. WHAT THE FUCCK )) S p r i n g e r: (( well lemme know when pause screen is back )) S p r i n g e r: (( my green son needs to see the most imPORTANT PART )) S p r i n g e r: (( is it back? 8( )) Tarantulas: (( it's back now! VProwl: ((back)) S p r i n g e r: ... wait. S p r i n g e r: Everything is way more advanced. S p r i n g e r: ... [ blink ] S p r i n g e r: [ makes a face. Contemplating ] S p r i n g e r: Huh. Tarantulas: @P: ::I didn't mean anything by it - I /know/ what he's capable of. I suppose what I meant to say is that the fact he's a child complicates matters, that's all.:: Tarantulas: *is v taken aback, hadn't meant to start anything* VProwl: @T «No it doesn't.» S p r i n g e r: I wonder how he's handling all of that... [ mumble ] H i r o: So. [ leans forward ] One sample of vibranium. There's actually a place I /might/ be able to check that isn't Earth. BUT... I need a ship. Tarantulas: @P: ::He's mentally immature, and it - it's not his fault.:: VProwl: You're not getting a ship. VProwl: Where is it. H i r o: Knowhere. VProwl: :/ Don't give me attitude. Do you know somewhere that has it or not? VProwl: @T «The fact that it isn't his fault doesn't mean it can't have devastating affects on the rest of us.» H i r o: It's called Knowhere. It's a planet. Trading outpost. H i r o: I've been there once when I was hitching a ride with Quill. VProwl: *EXTREMELY skeptical look.* ... A planet called "nowhere." H i r o: Knowhere. Know- like I know. H i r o: Knowhere. VProwl: Like you know what? H i r o: [ makes a face behind visor ] This is complicated. H i r o: Knowhere. H i r o: is a planet. I can show you pictures. Tarantulas: @P: ::I'm not denying that - I'm just saying that mental immaturity doesn't always lend itself to reason, which complicates how Hiro should be handled and persuaded to do or not do things.:: H i r o: It's a trading post made within the head of a dead Celestial H i r o: It's a scientific observation planet, too. Tarantulas: @P: ::I - don't exactly have a solution.:: H i r o: If anyone has a shred of vibranium, it's them. VProwl: @T «Well. /Thanks/ for the warning.» S p r i n g e r: ... Well, if the kid needs a ride to this weird place, I could take him? S p r i n g e r: It's not like I have any business to take care of. VProwl: ... Don't give him anything illegal. Tarantulas: *keeps quiet for now* VProwl: Oh, why the hell do I even— *points at Springer* You're not going to listen to me. VProwl: *points at Hiro* You're DEFINITELY not going to listen to me. S p r i n g e r: First of all, don't point at me. VProwl: *points at Springer a second time.* And you're ABSOLUTELY not going to listen to me. H i r o: Hey, wait a second. You don't even KNOW me. I can listen. S p r i n g e r: [ rolls optics ] Prowl. Relax. Look, you don't have to trust me. But, you should. S p r i n g e r: I can do one simple job. VProwl: I shouldn't have said a damn thing about the metal. I'm going home. VProwl: And please, for the love of the bare minimum laws that keep the rest of the galaxy crom descending on Cybertron like a swarm of locusts, DON'T go violate the Tyrest Accord. S p r i n g e r: We won't. S p r i n g e r: [ shakes helm a little. Yeesh. ] VProwl: I don't believe you but I appreciate that you have enough common sense to lie. VProwl: Good evening. Glad to see you're recovering well. *nods to Tarantulas* Evening. S p r i n g e r: [ makes a face ] Tarantulas: *is cowed in the background* VProwl: *and disappears.* S p r i n g e r: See yah. S p r i n g e r: ... You okay over there, weepy? VProwl: ((my comp is turning off in 2 minutes so if y'all keep talking you'll have to grab the log.)) VProwl: ((gnight~)) H i r o: (( I will! )) H i r o: Thanks for coming!! )) Tarantulas: *barely gets to nod back at prowl before he's gone* S p r i n g e r: [ long sigh ] This is why I don't socialize, y'know? Tantrums. H i r o: ... Eeeeh. I don't know him very well, but the guy seems like he needs a vacation. Tarantulas: *rubs face* He - he does. He absolutely deserves one, but it's antithetical to his nature. S p r i n g e r: So, tie him up and drag him somewhere. Tarantulas: That - wouldn't work well. *he knows. he's done it before* H i r o: I wouldn't sweat it. I'm pretty sure he hates me H i r o: So, I probably made him sour. S p r i n g e r: [ nudges ] S p r i n g e r: Stop breaking the law, you moron. [ has absolutely no strictness in his tone ] Anyway. I bet you and Tarantulas could do wonders with vibranium stuff. H i r o: Yeah, Tarantulas! We could make like- a team project! Heh. Tarantulas: Hff. It's - I personally don't care if you break the law or not, just don't get caught doing so, especially if you're interested in working with me. Tarantulas: That said, I'd be more than happy to team up, hyeh. H i r o: I don't break the law for fun. H i r o: Look, I'm on a planet that I don't fit on. I can't just walk up to someone and ask to buy something- humans aren't even supposed to BE here. S p r i n g e r: I think this is the longest conversation you've had without looking emotionally compomised. You should hang out with us more, Tarantulas. Tarantulas: *freezes for a second. primus give him strength* Tarantulas: If I hang out with you more, would you stop calling me weepy? Tarantulas: That said - Hiro, if you need /help/, you know you have contacts you can /ask/. S p r i n g e r: ... Well, yeah, if you don't cry everytime we hang out. Tarantulas: *rubs face again* I'll endeavor not to do so, then. H i r o: [ huff ] I'd ask for help, but, you know. It kinda sucks. H i r o: I'm used to inventing and... working. But, I guess I'm not sure what to do. S p r i n g e r: [ grins and reaches over to smack Tara on the shoulder. Probably super hard ] Thatta mech! Tarantulas: *tries not to cringe too much in front of his Buff Son* S p r i n g e r: [ grins ] Tarantulas: What do you mean, you don't know what to do? H i r o: ... I want to go home. H i r o: But, I can't just GO home. Tarantulas: ...Can't you? H i r o: [ scoffs ] No. H i r o: I haven't found my universe in... [ finger counting ] four years. Tarantulas: Ah, so it's a matter of lack of coordinates. H i r o: Yeah. But, hey, it's not a big deal. H i r o: I've always gotten into trouble, though. It's kinda... weird. I don't know. I used to get in trouble back home, too. Gambling, betting, all of that. Tarantulas: You haven't lived long enough to have 'always' done something, Hiro. *seems amused* H i r o: Okay, well. To be honest, I just get in trouble because it's something to do. H i r o: I mean, I lost my leg getting metals to build a stronger suit so I could survive in this place. S p r i n g e r: [ just gonna plop down next to Tara so the conversation is easier 8) ] Tarantulas: *is rubbing at the shoulder that got smacked, by the way* Tarantulas: I take it you /are/ trying to find a way back to your home universe? And in the meantime, struggling to keep yourself occupied and motivated? S p r i n g e r: [ pat pat pat the helm ] Suck it up, mech. H i r o: Yeah. I'm trying to find a way home. It's just hard without supplies and stuff. [ shrugs ] And my leg needs to keep being upgraded every few months. Tarantulas: *a spider limb or two 'redirects' springer's hand off of tara's helm* S p r i n g e r: [ laughs and shrugs ] Tarantulas: *squints at springer, then looks back at hiro* If it's supplies you need, that's a simple enough solution. H i r o: Like, how, asking /you/ ? H i r o: No offense, but I'm pretty sure Prowl would murde me. H i r o: *murder me Tarantulas: The minuscule amounts you'd need for your leg and smaller experiments would be trivial, honestly. And Prowl has nothing to do with this. H i r o: I guess.  My leg is made of Cybertronian metals. Hoist made it for me when I came back without it. Tarantulas: Ah, I see H i r o: I guess once I go home, I won't be able to upgrade it. Tarantulas: Not if we stay in touch. H i r o: Yeah? You'd want to? Tarantulas: Why wouldn't I? Hyeh, what sort of friend do you take me for? H i r o: Heh yeah. I guess you're right. S p r i n g e r: ... Wait, you guys are friends? Tarantulas: *snrk* Yes, of a sort. I've even operated on him before. S p r i n g e r: ... Really? I thought he said a mech took his leg- wait, did YOU take his leg off? Tarantulas: No, nonono. Whatever that was, it was before I met him. S p r i n g e r: ... Huh. H i r o: That was before I even met Prowl. I was still new to the universe. Back when the ship was roaming still. H i r o: I ran into a pretty mean mech, apparently. S p r i n g e r: [ stretches out ] So. Tarantulas. [ not a nickname wow ] Why /don't/ you swing by more often? Tarantulas: *was about to ask which mech, but now the Buff Son is talking to him, gotta prioritize* I - what do you mean? You don't hold movie nights often, do you? S p r i n g e r: Nope, but Hiro's got me interested in this Captain America guy. S p r i n g e r: There are more movies, right, limpy? H i r o: ... uh, yeah. Yeah, there are. Tarantulas: I, err. If you'd like to show them, I'd certainly swing by, as you say. S p r i n g e r: Hey, that's an idea. [ snort ] You know, I don't have a lot of... friends. Since I woke up, things have been messy. I'm trying, but. I guess I SHOULD include you in things, since you helped me out. Tarantulas: If - I don't want you to feel as if you're /obliged/ to - to invite me to things. S p r i n g e r: Nah, you can come. We're friends, right? Tarantulas: I - suppose so, hyeh. S p r i n g e r: [ grins and smacks him on the back this time ] H i r o: [ nearly tumbles down] Geez. Tarantulas: *right in between the spider legs. owie* H i r o: ... You okay? Tarantulas: *stretches his back pretending it doesn't sting* Yes, I'm - fine. *to springer* ...If there's anything else I can help with - do let me know, will you? A-aside from medical scans and movie nights. S p r i n g e r: Well, if you wanna help me catch up on things I don't know- that could help. S p r i n g e r: Once I'm back from getting the kd to this planet he's talking about. Not sure what's buggin' Prowl, but tell him to relax. I got this. Tarantulas: I'll do my best, hyeh. S p r i n g e r: [ grins ] Thatta mech. S p r i n g e r: Get em a good fight and I might hug yah. S p r i n g e r: [ joking ] Tarantulas: A good fight? S p r i n g e r: Oh, yeah. Tarantulas: *shakes helm, is bewildered but nvm* S p r i n g e r: You know. Someone I can really fight with. Tarantulas: Hiro, stay safe, will you? And Springer - do your best to make sure Hiro stays in one piece? H i r o: I will. I promise. No trouble this time. You'll see, I can do this. Tarantulas: *visor smile* S p r i n g e r: Oh, sure. I got him. H i r o: Trust me, I can get that stuff legally. I promise. H i r o: [ crosses over chest armor ] Tarantulas: As you say. And you know how to contact me. Tarantulas: I should be off now, though. H i r o: [ nods and waves hand ] We'll bring you vibranium! S p r i n g e r: [ gentle pat the shoulder tuft ] See you around, Tarantulas. Tarantulas: I - hyeh. *awkward optic contact* I look forward to it. S p r i n g e r: [ grins and waves] Tarantulas: *a moment of hesitation, a pat on the head for hiro, and tara's off through a bridge*

#chat

[commandertheory]

Ixalan Commander Set Review

For each new set, I write an article discussing the new legendary creatures and the nonlegendary cards that I think will be relevant in Commander.

In this set review, I’ll be using two five-point rating scales to evaluate the nonlegendary cards, one that measures how many decks a card is playable in (we’ll call that “spread”), and one that measures how powerful it is in those decks (”power”). Here’s a brief rundown of what each rank on the two scales means:

Spread

1: This card is effective in one or two decks, but no more (ex: The Gitrog Monster). 2: This card is effective in one deck archetype (ex: self-mill decks). 3: A lot of decks will be able to use this card effectively (ex: decks with graveyard interactions). 4: This card is effective in most decks in this color. 5: Every deck in this color is able to use this card effectively.

Power

1: This card is always going to be on the chopping block. 2: This card is unlikely to consistently perform well. 3: This card provides good utility but is not a powerhouse. 4: This card is good enough to push you ahead of your opponents. 5: This card has a huge impact on the game.

The Commanders of Ixalan

In this section, I’ll be analyzing the new legendary creatures, offering some ideas for decks build around them, and discussing their potential for inclusion in the 99 of other decks.

Gets you a ton of value from the sort of cards Green wanted to run anyway, like mana dorks and cheap utility creatures. Very strong commander.

In the maindeck:

Spread: 4 Power: 4

Lots of UGx decks run Regal Force, and she’s mostly a strict upgrade.

The best non-token non-Voltron aggressive decks find ways to mitigate the archetypes inherent weakness to board wipes (see Xenagos, which only requires you to commit a single threat to the board, or Kaalia, whose mana-saving ability breaks the symmetry of mass land destruction). I’m a little wary of Beckett Brass because she does just the opposite: she encourages you to commit lots of real cards to the board and the reward she offers for jumping through her hoop does not adequately offset how devastating it will be to trade 3+ Pirates for a single Wrath of God. 

There’s also the problem of Pirate quality; in order to hit the threshold of 25-30 Pirates needed to regularly draw enough to trigger Beckett, you’re going to have to run some very sketchy cards. Basically every Pirate with evasion that costs 3 or less is going to make it into your deck, which will be a huge liability if your opponents can keep Beckett off the field. Without Beckett on the battlefield to give you a payoff for beating down with buccaneers, your 1-power flyers do nothing, and you’re gonna fall way behind players running actual Magic cards. Hopefully Rivals of Ixalan will have more disruptive Pirates and card-generating Pirates so that you can replace the more embarrassing cards that you currently have to run out of necessity.

Sample list

I’m not going to sugarcoat it: Dinosaurs got really hosed in Ixalan and Gishath does not do enough to make up for it. Gishath’s combat damage trigger is powerful, but only if you run at least 20 members of the (terrible) Dinosaur creature type. Most Dinosaurs are expensive creatures without evasion, and almost none of them are able to generate value at a rate that comes close to what Commander players expect of their 5-, 6-, and 7-drop creatures. Drawing these huge idiots at almost any point of the game is going to be a disappointment, as casting them is usually going to be worse than trying to ramp into Gishath or increase his damage output once he’s on the field. 

In fact, given that Gishath has 7 power, haste, and trample, he’s probably most effective when you just run him as a Voltron commander. The deck’s strategy will be basically be the same but you won’t have to spend dozens of slots on bad cards.

A solid Goodstuff commander. She synergizes with some of the big lifegain cards in her colors but doesn’t need them very much; lifelink and a high starting life total will get you a lot of Vindicates before you need to reload with a Gray Merchant or whatever.

In the maindeck:

Spread: 3 Power: 2

I think she’s too fragile and slow to justify giving her a maindeck slot.

As a commander, Mavren is a weaker Brimaz with less useful typing, since there aren’t any monowhite Vampire tribal effects.

In the maindeck: 

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Edgar Markov will happily take a solid Vampire producer. I think there are a few White token decks that run Brimaz (Jazal Goldmane, perhaps), so there’s probably room for Mavren in those lists.

As I mentioned above, board wipes are the primary concern of most nontoken, non-Voltron aggressive commanders. Kopala’s abilities might discourage your opponents from casting spot removal, but spot removal is a minor problem compared to the threat of losing all your fish to a sweeper.

In the maindeck:

Spread: 1 Power: 1

Tribal merfolk isn’t really a thing (in the sense that there is no commander that effectively rewards you for committing to Merfolk), but if it was, I still wouldn’t recommend running Kopala for the same reasons he’s not good as a commander.

There are only a handful of good artifact sac outlets in monored, so I don’t think you’ll be able to reliably do clever things with the treasure Storm generates. Haste and a way to pump power (as well as a way to break symmetry on mana denial) suggest a Voltron direction for her.

In the maindeck:

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Seems a little sketchy, but you could potentially use her to generate sac fodder for commanders that can do more interesting things with it, like Slobad or Shattergang Brothers.

The Maindeck Cards

Pirates

I don’t want to waste time classifying every Pirate relevant to Admiral Beckett Brass and exactly zero other archetypes, so I’ll give you a rule of thumb that’ll let you evaluate them for yourself. If a Pirate costs four or less and has evasion or a way to generate card advantage/selection, then you’ll probably be running it in Beckett Brass. 

Dinosaurs

I also don’t want to have to run through every Dinosaur that’s relevant to Gishath, so here’s what you need to know: all the Dinosaurs aside from Wakening Sun’s Avatar and Burning Sun’s Avatar are bad, so it doesn’t matter which ones you use to fill out your Gishath deck. Beggars can’t be choosers.

Spread: 1 Power: 3

White Crovax and Selenia are both able to spend down their life totals as much as they want, so this could be useful as a way to drop opponents down to one or two. I’m pretty skeptical about using it outside of that context, though; nobody plays Reverse the Sands and this is just a slower (albeit cheaper) version of the same thing.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

It’s pretty sad compared to Sun Titan, but there is something to be said for redundancy in singleton formats. I think it’s worth testing in lists with lots of cheap utility creatures, especially those with ETB triggers.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Without the mana denial, I’m not very interested in this version of Thalia 2.0.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

This is only going to hit a tiny subset of the threats at the table and it gives away a lot of cards in exchange. It’s a cute Sunforger target but I wouldn’t consider running it outside that context.

Spread: 3 Power: 2

More fragile than Torpor Orb with a worse body than Hushwing Gryff. Really not in love with this version of the effect.

Spread: 2 Power: 3

Helps Tazri to set up infinite Wolves with Turntimber Ranger and lets Higure find more targets than the four other Ninjas in his color identity. I don’t think Sliver decks run many non-Sliver creatures, but this could potentially allow Sliver Overlord to find them.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

4 mana is one more than this effect is worth, especially when you consider that you’re on color for stuff like Fabricate, Reshape, and Whir of Invention. Skip it unless there’s some equipment that’s really crucial to your deck’s strategy that you need many ways to find (Blade of Selves in Keiga, perhaps).

Spread: 1 Power: 2

As I said above, there’s not really a great Merfolk tribal commander at the moment. However, if one gets printed, this card will probably make the cut, since the tribe has many lords but few good token generators to spread the buffs wider.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

If the popularity of Dominate is any indicator, this card won’t see much play; there are just too many efficient ways to steal creatures in this format.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Self-mill decks are usually faster than this, but mill decks are weak enough that they might be interested.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Great in Marchesa 1.0, Atraxa +1/+1 counters, and potentially Ezuri 2.0 infect.

Spread: 1 Power: 1

Doubling Season combos aside, this card is not Commander-playable. It doesn’t protect itself particularly well and it doesn’t generate much in the way of cards.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

It compares really unfavorably to other sorcery-speed Blue draw spells like Windfall, Recurring Insight, or Rush of Knowledge. Its ratio of cards drawn to mana spent is just not good enough.

Spread: 3 Power: 3

It’s cheap, it’s easy to flip in a spell-heavy deck, it ramps you, and it can generate cards if you need it to. Probably deserves a slot in any Blue deck that can reliably get threshold.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Definitely worth running in Beckett Brass and Edric, maybe worth running in Azami, too?

Spread: 4 Power: 2

Compares unfavorably to Necropotence, Phyrexian Arena, Greed, Dark Confidant, Graveborn Muse, Erebos, etc etc etc. There are way too many good alternatives to consider running this.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

I think I’d rather run Sepulchral Primordial as my big reanimator finisher, even if it can’t hit my own graveyard.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

It’s slow as graveyard hate and unreliable as a value engine; seems like the worst of both worlds. It won’t be a format staple, but Beckett Brass will happily snap up a 1CMC Pirate that can potentially generate cards.

Spread: 1 Power: 3

This card will be a champ in Rakdos 2.0, but I’m not sure there are many other non-Voltron Black aggro decks that are interested in this guy.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Nekusar probably wants this as Megrim redundancy; Neheb 1.0 might be interested, as well.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

In most decks, it looks like a bad Black Market. However, there are a few builds that can make use of artifact tokens; Treasures subsidize Breya’s Grasp of Darkness effect and allow the Shattergang Brothers’ first ability to feed into their second ability.

Spread: 2 Power: 3

Dark Confidant is great in decks with a low average CMC, and Ruin Raider’s Raid condition is not that difficult to meet. Should be a strong addition to low-curve Black aggro decks (I’m thinking something along the lines of Tymna hate bears).

Spread: 1 Power: 4

Edgar Markov looooves this guy. It’s like a repeatable Malakir Bloodwitch!

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Another addition for Edgar Markov. Curving out is very important in that deck, and the suite of 1-drops is soft enough that a Vampire that deals 4+ damage per turn should slot in easily.

Spread: 3 Power: 2

I like this better than Red’s many symmetrical damage doublers, but seven mana is a lot. Heartless Hidetsugu would grudgingly run this because this effect is so crucial to that deck’s functioning, but I suspect that most other decks will skip it.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Gives a way for Zada to cash in all her tokens for cards if she’s low on gas.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

It’s definitely worse than Blasphemous Act and I suspect that it’s worse than Starstorm and Rolling Earthquake because they’re cheap when the threats are small and you can break their symmetry if you have large creatures. I think Star is about as good as Hour of Devastation, and which one you choose to run is going to depend on how big the threats usually are in your playgroup.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

I think the only deck that is really set up to exploit this is Neheb, the Eternal, since he has access to a ton of mana but needs more ways to generate cards. This helps you skip past lands and other cards you don’t need to find more gas.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Kazuul is the first commander that came to mind when I saw this card, but O-Kagachi is probably also interested in provoking some attacks. The repeatable artifact token generation could also come in handy for commanders like Breya or Shattergang Brothers.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Unlike Outpost Siege, it only generates a card 60% of the time. That seems too unreliable to really interest me as a source of card advantage, and while the backside seems strong, the Cannons don’t flip as easily as most of the other enchantment DFCs in Ixalan. This card is a maybe if you’re a slow mono-Red or Boros deck and a no just about everywhere else.

Spread: 4 Power: 3

The front half costs one more mana than I’d like, but it’s still card selection, an easy flip condition, and a boatload of mana. Likely to be an autoinclude for any creature-heavy Green deck.

Spread: 1 Power: 2

Both of these seem like powerful ways for Marath and Ulasht decks to convert counters into cards.

Spread: 5 Power: 3

Likely to become one of the stronger UB multicolor cards in the format. Stealing a Sol Ring is a massive tempo swing and stealing threats is pretty sweet, too. You can also blink or reanimate her later on to take more things!

Spread: 1 Power: 1

Making a 3/3 isn’t a great way for a planeswalker to protect itself and lifegain is a blank. Your best-case scenario is zapping three mana dorks with an overcosted Arc Lightning.

Spread: 1 Power: 3

She’s not great at protecting herself, but she’s a big upgrade over her last iteration since she can Vindicate twice in a row and her plus ability is no longer a blank. I think she’s a little expensive for Goodstuff purposes but board control is exactly what Superfriends decks want in a planeswalker, so there’s probably room for her in Atraxa or 5C Planeswalkers.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

Given that nobody plays Jayemdae Tome, I can’t imagine there are many decks that would be interested in this card. Depala, perhaps?

Spread: 2 Power: 2

The overlap between decks that have an evasive commander or lots of evasive creatures and decks that want to ramp hard is not very large, but there are probably a few decks that can meet the criteria; Breya and Thada Adel come to mind.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

Four charges makes this one of the one of the most difficult flip conditions in the set, and it doesn’t help that the front side’s effect is only worth about two mana. I think Mizzix will skip this because she can get the same effect from casting an instant or sorcery, but WU Taigam might be interested, since rebound gets you double counters off of every spell and he runs tons of extra turn effects that are great when copied. Melek and Wort 2.0 could also want this card, since they’re already running lots of spells that like to be copied.

Spread: 4 Power: 2

This effect is somewhat dependent on the commanders and archetypes common in your playgroup. If Pithing Needle has been good for you, then I think it’s worth paying an extra mana for more information.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

This is a strict upgrade over Journeyer’s Kite for the decks still running  it (mono-Red, mono-White, and mono-Brown, maybe?).

Spread: 1 Power: 1

I could imagine running this in some deck that really cares about the top card of its library (e.g., Melek, Sapling, or Intet). Otherwise, the rate is too inefficient to be worth a slot.

Spread: 2 Power: 2

I’d pay 2-3 mana for the latter effect and I’m not very interested in the former effect at any price (I generally prefer noncreature anthems that pump for at least 2 power). I don’t think the two of them together are worth five mana.

Wrapping Up

Please let me know if you think I misjudged any of these cards, missed any interesting uses for them, or if I left out any Commander-playable cards from Ixalan. Thanks for reading!

#set review #ixalan #commander

[kathydsalters31]

How to Take a Dog or Cat to Hawaii as well as Avoid Quarantine

January 31, 2020

3 Comments A couple of years ago Mike and I (Steph)thought about visiting Hawaii with our dachshund Django(@djangothegent). I imagined Django’s squat little sausage pet dog legs running down Kauai’s famous Hanalei Beach and also instantly entered into research setting. I skimmed Hawaii’s strict family pet import and quarantine requirements, pertained to the * incorrect * verdict that Django would have to fly using freight and also be quarantined upon arrival, and also too soon tossed out our dream of vacationing in Hawaii with Django.

A few years ago I improperly thought that all pets going to Hawaii from the continental U.S. should (1) fly in cargo (2) be quarantined upon entrance into the state. I currently recognize I was misinterpreted on both counts! After more substantial research study, we are happy verify that pets can certainly fly in-cabin to Hawaii as well as prevent quarantine.

Are you looking to fly in-cabin with your dog or pet cat to Hawaii without the threat of quarantine? Below is whatever you require to do before you show up in Honolulu.

Why is the Hawaiian federal government rigorous regarding pet traveling to Hawaii?

If you are a pet or cat owner, you are most likely extremely knowledgeable about rabies inoculations. In the United States, nearly every state needs domesticated dogs as well as pet cats be vaccinated for the infection. Hawaii is the one exemption.

Hawaii is the just state in the United States that is rabies-free. The Hawaiian state federal government does not need pet proprietors to immunize their four-legged family participants for the infection because rabies presents absolutely no risk in Hawaii. Why vaccinate your dog for a viral disease that does not exist in the surrounding setting.

Due to the fact that Hawaii is rabies-free, the Hawaiian federal government is incredibly stringent when it concerns four-legged visitors. Dogs as well as pet cats taking a trip to Hawaii from states and also nations where rabies exists have to adhere to rigorous methods to guarantee they do not present rabies right into Hawaii’s unique ecological community.

Hawaii’s quarantine needs for felines as well as pets

To stop rabies from getting in the state, the Hawaiian government requires that felines and pet dogs be quarantined upon arrival. Before you go crazy, understand that there are 3 quarantine alternatives for vacationers: the 120-day quarantine program, the 5 Day Or Less quarantine program, as well as the direct release program.

We’re going to avoid over Hawaii’s 120-day quarantine program – up to 4 months of quarantine is undoubtedly a non-starter for us as well as Django! – as well as primarily concentrate on the direct launch program.

Straight Release vs. 5 Day Or Less Quarantine Programs

Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program (aka Direct Airport Release or DAR) permits your canine or cat to fly right into Hawaii and also be launched from the airport on the same day as arrival. Your family pet will certainly be analyzed by the Animal Quarantine Station upon arrival (or within a few hours of arrival) and also will not be quarantined overnight. In order to get approved for the Direct Release quarantine program, you have to ensure your aircraft’s arrival time is within the Animal Quarantine Station daytime office hrs.

To stay clear of any type of confusion, the Direct Release quarantine program is practically component of the 5 Day or Less quarantine program. Furthermore, the pre-arrival requirements are the same for the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs.

What after that is the difference between the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs? The 5 Day or Less quarantine program covers showing up pets that arrive outside the Animal Quarantine Station’s office hours. As the title of the program suggests, animals are quarantined for more than 5 days.

Is there a quarantine fee?

Yes. Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program sets you back $185 per pet dog. The 5 Day Or Less quarantine program prices $244 per animal. Family pet proprietors are called for to pay the fee before arrival, and there are no discount rates for several pet dogs.

Guide pets for the blind as well as certified service canines do not have to pay this charge. Active service U.S. armed forces participants might likewise qualify for charge compensation from the U.S. Department of Defense.

How can my animal qualify for Direct Airport Release?

There are numerous pre-arrival demands that have to be completed to qualify for Hawaii’s Direct Airport Release. We outline every pre-arrival demand below. Before skimming those, remember that you and also your pet (1) must be flying into Daniel K. Inouye International Airport in Honolulu, Oahu (2) must show up during the Animal Quarantine Station’s normal inspection hrs between 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM (3 ) has to send all finished documents to the Animal Quarantine Station a minimum of 10 days prior to your arrival.

Pre-Arrival Requirements for Direct Airport Release

1.

Microchip recognition. All pet cats and also canines getting here in Hawaii should be microchipped for identification, and also microchip implantation needs to happen before your animal is tested for rabies antibodies.

It is very vital to validate your pet dog’s integrated circuit works prior to taking a trip to Hawaii. If for some reason Hawaii authorities can not discover your animal’s silicon chip, he or she will certainly invalidate for 5 Day or Less as well as Direct Release quarantines and also be forced into the 120 day quarantine program.

2. Rabies inoculation needs. Dogs and pet cats must have obtained a minimum of two rabies inoculations in his or her life time. The 2nd rabies vaccination can not be carried out within one month of the very first inoculation, as well as it can not be ended upon your arrival in Hawaii.

Your pet’s latest inoculation must have been administered no much less than 30 days, and no more than 12 months before arrival in Hawaii for 12-month qualified vaccinations as well as no less than 30 days as well as no greater than 36 months before arrival in Hawaii for 3-year certified injections.

What is the 30 day waiting duration? If your pet or cat requires a rabies vaccination prior to your journey, you must wait 30 days after administering the vaccination prior to going into Hawaii. If you do not wait 30 days, your pet or pet cat will be quarantined up until the 30 day period has actually expired.

3. Rabies antibody examination. Hawaii calls for that all canines and also felines get a Fluorescent Antibody Virus Neutralization (FAVN) rabies antibody examination. If your pet’s rabies booster shot degree is high enough, this blood examination validates. Adequate resistance implies your family pet’s blood examination will reveal a reading of a minimum of 0.5 IU/ml.

Examinations must be done at an approved lab (

see Hawaii’s checklist for even more detailed info on this ). The lab must get your pet dog’s blood sample no greater than 36 months as well as no much less than 30 days before your arrival in Hawaii. 4. Waiting period. Thinking your family pet passes the FAVN rabies antibody examination, you currently require to wait 30 days prior to showing up in Hawaii. If you travel to Hawaii prior to this 30 day window shuts, your family pet will be quarantined up until the 30 days have passed.

5. Tick treatment. Cats and pet dogs have to be dealt with for ticks within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. Therapy needs to be taped in your family pet’s health certificate.

5. Completed paperwork. As we stated above, all completed documents must be sent by mail to the Animal Quarantine Station at the very least 10 days before your arrival. The files required are:

Dog & Cat Import Form AQS-279 Two initial rabies inoculation certifications. These certificates have to be authorized by a certified veterinarian and detail the injection name, lot or identification number, booster number, vaccination day, and vaccination expiry. Copies of certifications are declined.

Initial wellness certificate finished within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. The wellness certification need to detail your pet’s rabies inoculation history as well as tick treatment. You must bring the ORIGINAL health and wellness certification with you to Hawaii; a copy is not permitted.

Airport Release Card. If you are returning to Hawaii with the same rabies antibody test that was utilized prior to for access, you need to have a copy of your animal’s Airport Release Card from the previous go to.

Can canines and also cats fly in-cabin right into Hawaii?

Unlike the United Kingdom federal government which bans in-cabin animal traveling to the UK, the Hawaii federal government does not care just how your pet dog reaches its state. As long as you adhere to every one of Hawaii’s required protocols detail above, your pet dog or cat is enabled to fly in the cabin of airline companies to Honolulu. Fantastic information, right? Not so quickly …

We have actually only been able to determine ONE airline that permits in-cabin pet traveling to Hawaii:

Alaska Airlines. For your reference, right here are the in-cabin animal policies of every major global airline company. Remember that solution animals and also psychological assistance pets may qualify for in-cabin pet dog traveling with other airlines. Here we are strictly describing pet dogs that are not certified service or assistance animals.

Before you go …

We hope you found this write-up beneficial! If you have any type of inquiries, or if you’ve already visited Hawaii with your family pet as well as intend to share your experience, please leave a remark listed below! We ‘d love to hear from you.

Also, do not fail to remember to follow our pup DJANGO on Instagram: @DJANGOTHEGENT.

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source http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/how-to-take-a-dog-or-cat-to-hawaii-and-avoid-quarantine/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.blogspot.com/2020/07/how-to-take-dog-or-cat-to-hawaii-as.html

[barryswamsleyaz]

How to Take a Dog or Cat to Hawaii as well as Avoid Quarantine

January 31, 2020

3 Comments A couple of years ago Mike and I (Steph)thought about visiting Hawaii with our dachshund Django(@djangothegent). I imagined Django’s squat little sausage pet dog legs running down Kauai’s famous Hanalei Beach and also instantly entered into research setting. I skimmed Hawaii’s strict family pet import and quarantine requirements, pertained to the * incorrect * verdict that Django would have to fly using freight and also be quarantined upon arrival, and also too soon tossed out our dream of vacationing in Hawaii with Django.

A few years ago I improperly thought that all pets going to Hawaii from the continental U.S. should (1) fly in cargo (2) be quarantined upon entrance into the state. I currently recognize I was misinterpreted on both counts! After more substantial research study, we are happy verify that pets can certainly fly in-cabin to Hawaii as well as prevent quarantine.

Are you looking to fly in-cabin with your dog or pet cat to Hawaii without the threat of quarantine? Below is whatever you require to do before you show up in Honolulu.

Why is the Hawaiian federal government rigorous regarding pet traveling to Hawaii?

If you are a pet or cat owner, you are most likely extremely knowledgeable about rabies inoculations. In the United States, nearly every state needs domesticated dogs as well as pet cats be vaccinated for the infection. Hawaii is the one exemption.

Hawaii is the just state in the United States that is rabies-free. The Hawaiian state federal government does not need pet proprietors to immunize their four-legged family participants for the infection because rabies presents absolutely no risk in Hawaii. Why vaccinate your dog for a viral disease that does not exist in the surrounding setting.

Due to the fact that Hawaii is rabies-free, the Hawaiian federal government is incredibly stringent when it concerns four-legged visitors. Dogs as well as pet cats taking a trip to Hawaii from states and also nations where rabies exists have to adhere to rigorous methods to guarantee they do not present rabies right into Hawaii’s unique ecological community.

Hawaii’s quarantine needs for felines as well as pets

To stop rabies from getting in the state, the Hawaiian government requires that felines and pet dogs be quarantined upon arrival. Before you go crazy, understand that there are 3 quarantine alternatives for vacationers: the 120-day quarantine program, the 5 Day Or Less quarantine program, as well as the direct release program.

We’re going to avoid over Hawaii’s 120-day quarantine program – up to 4 months of quarantine is undoubtedly a non-starter for us as well as Django! – as well as primarily concentrate on the direct launch program.

Straight Release vs. 5 Day Or Less Quarantine Programs

Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program (aka Direct Airport Release or DAR) permits your canine or cat to fly right into Hawaii and also be launched from the airport on the same day as arrival. Your family pet will certainly be analyzed by the Animal Quarantine Station upon arrival (or within a few hours of arrival) and also will not be quarantined overnight. In order to get approved for the Direct Release quarantine program, you have to ensure your aircraft’s arrival time is within the Animal Quarantine Station daytime office hrs.

To stay clear of any type of confusion, the Direct Release quarantine program is practically component of the 5 Day or Less quarantine program. Furthermore, the pre-arrival requirements are the same for the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs.

What after that is the difference between the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs? The 5 Day or Less quarantine program covers showing up pets that arrive outside the Animal Quarantine Station’s office hours. As the title of the program suggests, animals are quarantined for more than 5 days.

Is there a quarantine fee?

Yes. Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program sets you back $185 per pet dog. The 5 Day Or Less quarantine program prices $244 per animal. Family pet proprietors are called for to pay the fee before arrival, and there are no discount rates for several pet dogs.

Guide pets for the blind as well as certified service canines do not have to pay this charge. Active service U.S. armed forces participants might likewise qualify for charge compensation from the U.S. Department of Defense.

How can my animal qualify for Direct Airport Release?

There are numerous pre-arrival demands that have to be completed to qualify for Hawaii’s Direct Airport Release. We outline every pre-arrival demand below. Before skimming those, remember that you and also your pet (1) must be flying into Daniel K. Inouye International Airport in Honolulu, Oahu (2) must show up during the Animal Quarantine Station’s normal inspection hrs between 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM (3 ) has to send all finished documents to the Animal Quarantine Station a minimum of 10 days prior to your arrival.

Pre-Arrival Requirements for Direct Airport Release

1. Microchip recognition. All pet cats and also canines getting here in Hawaii should be microchipped for identification, and also microchip implantation needs to happen before your animal is tested for rabies antibodies.

It is very vital to validate your pet dog’s integrated circuit works prior to taking a trip to Hawaii. If for some reason Hawaii authorities can not discover your animal’s silicon chip, he or she will certainly invalidate for 5 Day or Less as well as Direct Release quarantines and also be forced into the 120 day quarantine program.

2.Rabies inoculation needs. Dogs and pet cats must have obtained a minimum of two rabies inoculations in his or her life time. The 2nd rabies vaccination can not be carried out within one month of the very first inoculation, as well as it can not be ended upon your arrival in Hawaii.

Your pet’s latest inoculation must have been administered no much less than 30 days, and no more than 12 months before arrival in Hawaii for 12-month qualified vaccinations as well as no less than 30 days as well as no greater than 36 months before arrival in Hawaii for 3-year certified injections.

What is the 30 day waiting duration? If your pet or cat requires a rabies vaccination prior to your journey, you must wait 30 days after administering the vaccination prior to going into Hawaii. If you do not wait 30 days, your pet or pet cat will be quarantined up until the 30 day period has actually expired.

3. Rabies antibody examination. Hawaii calls for that all canines and also felines get a Fluorescent Antibody Virus Neutralization (FAVN) rabies antibody examination. If your pet’s rabies booster shot degree is high enough, this blood examination validates. Adequate resistance implies your family pet’s blood examination will reveal a reading of a minimum of 0.5 IU/ml.

Examinations must be done at an approved lab ( see Hawaii’s checklist for even more detailed info on this ). The lab must get your pet dog’s blood sample no greater than 36 months as well as no much less than 30 days before your arrival in Hawaii. 4.Waiting period. Thinking your family pet passes the FAVN rabies antibody examination, you currently require to wait 30 days prior to showing up in Hawaii. If you travel to Hawaii prior to this 30 day window shuts, your family pet will be quarantined up until the 30 days have passed.

5. Tick treatment. Cats and pet dogs have to be dealt with for ticks within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. Therapy needs to be taped in your family pet’s health certificate.

5. Completed paperwork. As we stated above, all completed documents must be sent by mail to the Animal Quarantine Station at the very least 10 days before your arrival. The files required are:

Dog & Cat Import Form AQS-279 Two initial rabies inoculation certifications. These certificates have to be authorized by a certified veterinarian and detail the injection name, lot or identification number, booster number, vaccination day, and vaccination expiry. Copies of certifications are declined.

Initial wellness certificate finished within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. The wellness certification need to detail your pet’s rabies inoculation history as well as tick treatment. You must bring the ORIGINAL health and wellness certification with you to Hawaii; a copy is not permitted.

Airport Release Card. If you are returning to Hawaii with the same rabies antibody test that was utilized prior to for access, you need to have a copy of your animal’s Airport Release Card from the previous go to.

Can canines and also cats fly in-cabin right into Hawaii?

Unlike the United Kingdom federal government which bans in-cabin animal traveling to the UK, the Hawaii federal government does not care just how your pet dog reaches its state. As long as you adhere to every one of Hawaii’s required protocols detail above, your pet dog or cat is enabled to fly in the cabin of airline companies to Honolulu. Fantastic information, right? Not so quickly …

We have actually only been able to determine ONE airline that permits in-cabin pet traveling to Hawaii: Alaska Airlines. For your reference, right here are the in-cabin animal policies of every major global airline company. Remember that solution animals and also psychological assistance pets may qualify for in-cabin pet dog traveling with other airlines. Here we are strictly describing pet dogs that are not certified service or assistance animals.

Before you go …

We hope you found this write-up beneficial! If you have any type of inquiries, or if you’ve already visited Hawaii with your family pet as well as intend to share your experience, please leave a remark listed below! We ‘d love to hear from you.

Also, do not fail to remember to follow our pup DJANGO on Instagram: @DJANGOTHEGENT.

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from Lucky Dog Solutions http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/how-to-take-a-dog-or-cat-to-hawaii-and-avoid-quarantine/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.tumblr.com/post/623057201894948864

[luckydogsolutions]

How to Take a Dog or Cat to Hawaii as well as Avoid Quarantine

January 31, 2020

3 Comments A couple of years ago Mike and I (Steph)thought about visiting Hawaii with our dachshund Django(@djangothegent). I imagined Django’s squat little sausage pet dog legs running down Kauai’s famous Hanalei Beach and also instantly entered into research setting. I skimmed Hawaii’s strict family pet import and quarantine requirements, pertained to the * incorrect * verdict that Django would have to fly using freight and also be quarantined upon arrival, and also too soon tossed out our dream of vacationing in Hawaii with Django.

A few years ago I improperly thought that all pets going to Hawaii from the continental U.S. should (1) fly in cargo (2) be quarantined upon entrance into the state. I currently recognize I was misinterpreted on both counts! After more substantial research study, we are happy verify that pets can certainly fly in-cabin to Hawaii as well as prevent quarantine.

Are you looking to fly in-cabin with your dog or pet cat to Hawaii without the threat of quarantine? Below is whatever you require to do before you show up in Honolulu.

Why is the Hawaiian federal government rigorous regarding pet traveling to Hawaii?

If you are a pet or cat owner, you are most likely extremely knowledgeable about rabies inoculations. In the United States, nearly every state needs domesticated dogs as well as pet cats be vaccinated for the infection. Hawaii is the one exemption.

Hawaii is the just state in the United States that is rabies-free. The Hawaiian state federal government does not need pet proprietors to immunize their four-legged family participants for the infection because rabies presents absolutely no risk in Hawaii. Why vaccinate your dog for a viral disease that does not exist in the surrounding setting.

Due to the fact that Hawaii is rabies-free, the Hawaiian federal government is incredibly stringent when it concerns four-legged visitors. Dogs as well as pet cats taking a trip to Hawaii from states and also nations where rabies exists have to adhere to rigorous methods to guarantee they do not present rabies right into Hawaii’s unique ecological community.

Hawaii’s quarantine needs for felines as well as pets

To stop rabies from getting in the state, the Hawaiian government requires that felines and pet dogs be quarantined upon arrival. Before you go crazy, understand that there are 3 quarantine alternatives for vacationers: the 120-day quarantine program, the 5 Day Or Less quarantine program, as well as the direct release program.

We’re going to avoid over Hawaii’s 120-day quarantine program – up to 4 months of quarantine is undoubtedly a non-starter for us as well as Django! – as well as primarily concentrate on the direct launch program.

Straight Release vs. 5 Day Or Less Quarantine Programs

Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program (aka Direct Airport Release or DAR) permits your canine or cat to fly right into Hawaii and also be launched from the airport on the same day as arrival. Your family pet will certainly be analyzed by the Animal Quarantine Station upon arrival (or within a few hours of arrival) and also will not be quarantined overnight. In order to get approved for the Direct Release quarantine program, you have to ensure your aircraft’s arrival time is within the Animal Quarantine Station daytime office hrs.

To stay clear of any type of confusion, the Direct Release quarantine program is practically component of the 5 Day or Less quarantine program. Furthermore, the pre-arrival requirements are the same for the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs.

What after that is the difference between the Direct Release as well as 5 Day Or Less quarantine programs? The 5 Day or Less quarantine program covers showing up pets that arrive outside the Animal Quarantine Station’s office hours. As the title of the program suggests, animals are quarantined for more than 5 days.

Is there a quarantine fee?

Yes. Hawaii’s Direct Release quarantine program sets you back $185 per pet dog. The 5 Day Or Less quarantine program prices $244 per animal. Family pet proprietors are called for to pay the fee before arrival, and there are no discount rates for several pet dogs.

Guide pets for the blind as well as certified service canines do not have to pay this charge. Active service U.S. armed forces participants might likewise qualify for charge compensation from the U.S. Department of Defense.

How can my animal qualify for Direct Airport Release?

There are numerous pre-arrival demands that have to be completed to qualify for Hawaii’s Direct Airport Release. We outline every pre-arrival demand below. Before skimming those, remember that you and also your pet (1) must be flying into Daniel K. Inouye International Airport in Honolulu, Oahu (2) must show up during the Animal Quarantine Station’s normal inspection hrs between 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM (3 ) has to send all finished documents to the Animal Quarantine Station a minimum of 10 days prior to your arrival.

Pre-Arrival Requirements for Direct Airport Release

1. Microchip recognition. All pet cats and also canines getting here in Hawaii should be microchipped for identification, and also microchip implantation needs to happen before your animal is tested for rabies antibodies.

It is very vital to validate your pet dog’s integrated circuit works prior to taking a trip to Hawaii. If for some reason Hawaii authorities can not discover your animal’s silicon chip, he or she will certainly invalidate for 5 Day or Less as well as Direct Release quarantines and also be forced into the 120 day quarantine program.

2. Rabies inoculation needs. Dogs and pet cats must have obtained a minimum of two rabies inoculations in his or her life time. The 2nd rabies vaccination can not be carried out within one month of the very first inoculation, as well as it can not be ended upon your arrival in Hawaii.

Your pet’s latest inoculation must have been administered no much less than 30 days, and no more than 12 months before arrival in Hawaii for 12-month qualified vaccinations as well as no less than 30 days as well as no greater than 36 months before arrival in Hawaii for 3-year certified injections.

What is the 30 day waiting duration? If your pet or cat requires a rabies vaccination prior to your journey, you must wait 30 days after administering the vaccination prior to going into Hawaii. If you do not wait 30 days, your pet or pet cat will be quarantined up until the 30 day period has actually expired.

3. Rabies antibody examination. Hawaii calls for that all canines and also felines get a Fluorescent Antibody Virus Neutralization (FAVN) rabies antibody examination. If your pet’s rabies booster shot degree is high enough, this blood examination validates. Adequate resistance implies your family pet’s blood examination will reveal a reading of a minimum of 0.5 IU/ml.

Examinations must be done at an approved lab ( see Hawaii’s checklist for even more detailed info on this ). The lab must get your pet dog’s blood sample no greater than 36 months as well as no much less than 30 days before your arrival in Hawaii. 4. Waiting period. Thinking your family pet passes the FAVN rabies antibody examination, you currently require to wait 30 days prior to showing up in Hawaii. If you travel to Hawaii prior to this 30 day window shuts, your family pet will be quarantined up until the 30 days have passed.

5. Tick treatment. Cats and pet dogs have to be dealt with for ticks within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. Therapy needs to be taped in your family pet’s health certificate.

5. Completed paperwork. As we stated above, all completed documents must be sent by mail to the Animal Quarantine Station at the very least 10 days before your arrival. The files required are:

Dog & Cat Import Form AQS-279 Two initial rabies inoculation certifications. These certificates have to be authorized by a certified veterinarian and detail the injection name, lot or identification number, booster number, vaccination day, and vaccination expiry. Copies of certifications are declined.

Initial wellness certificate finished within 14 days of arrival in Hawaii. The wellness certification need to detail your pet’s rabies inoculation history as well as tick treatment. You must bring the ORIGINAL health and wellness certification with you to Hawaii; a copy is not permitted.

Airport Release Card. If you are returning to Hawaii with the same rabies antibody test that was utilized prior to for access, you need to have a copy of your animal’s Airport Release Card from the previous go to.

Can canines and also cats fly in-cabin right into Hawaii?

Unlike the United Kingdom federal government which bans in-cabin animal traveling to the UK, the Hawaii federal government does not care just how your pet dog reaches its state. As long as you adhere to every one of Hawaii’s required protocols detail above, your pet dog or cat is enabled to fly in the cabin of airline companies to Honolulu. Fantastic information, right? Not so quickly …

We have actually only been able to determine ONE airline that permits in-cabin pet traveling to Hawaii: Alaska Airlines. For your reference, right here are the in-cabin animal policies of every major global airline company. Remember that solution animals and also psychological assistance pets may qualify for in-cabin pet dog traveling with other airlines. Here we are strictly describing pet dogs that are not certified service or assistance animals.

Before you go …

We hope you found this write-up beneficial! If you have any type of inquiries, or if you’ve already visited Hawaii with your family pet as well as intend to share your experience, please leave a remark listed below! We ‘d love to hear from you.

Also, do not fail to remember to follow our pup DJANGO on Instagram: @DJANGOTHEGENT.

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from Lucky Dog Solutions http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/how-to-take-a-dog-or-cat-to-hawaii-and-avoid-quarantine/

[simplemlmsponsoring]

New Post has been published on http://simplemlmsponsoring.com/attraction-marketing-formula/email-marketing/the-golden-ratio-for-effective-email-a-b-split-testing/

The Golden Ratio for Effective Email A/B Split Testing

Article first published April 2014, updated January 2019.

One of Campaign Monitor’s strengths is the ability to test versions of your email campaign on a subset of your subscriber list. Many call this A/B testing, but in some circles, this is known as split testing, or even 10/10/80. We regularly get asked about how to set up accurate tests on subject lines, content or from details, so here are my thoughts on how regular senders—and not just statisticians—can do this.

Why should I A/B test my email content?

A/B split testing is the best way to understand the types of content your subscribers are most likely to engage with. To put it simply, you don’t know what they like unless you ask them, but instead of asking them directly and generally, A/B testing is a tool that essentially asks, “This or that?.” These are the kind of questions you can answer using A/B testing:

Do your subscribers prefer a personalized subject line or one that advertises a coupon code? Is your audience more likely to enjoy a picture of a beach or a mountain scene? Would your readers be more likely to open an email from your company’s name or a personal message from your CEO? Running an A/B test in Campaign Monitor

When asked the question, “How many people should I be running an A/B test on?”, the honest response is that it varies. But as we don’t like to leave our readers and customers in such a state of uncertainty, I’m going to share a quick and easy way to calculate an effective sample size for your A/B test campaign.

Making a statistically significant difference

Life is better with shortcuts, so to keep you from having to learn statistics from the ground up, we use Evan Miller’s excellent Sample Size Calculator tool to determine our optimal sample size.

Unless you have a rather advanced understanding of how testing works, much of the above may seem very unfamiliar to you. So, let’s look into what each of the calculator’s variables represents:

Baseline conversion rate

This is what your average campaign performance is in terms of open or click rates. Let’s say that on average, 40% of your emails are opened, so your baseline conversion rate would be 40%. Here’s how to get the average open and/or click rates for your campaigns.

Minimum detectable effect

Think of Minimum Detectable Effect (MDE) as your improvement/regression threshold, or the smallest difference that you want to detect from your campaign test. Using the 40% open rate from above, a relative MDE of 20% would mean that any open rate that fell inside of 32% – 48% would not be distinguishable from the baseline. Anything outside of this range would be considered a detectable change in your open rate.

Absolute vs. Relative MDE can mean a big difference in your sample size, so make sure you have the right option selected.

Statistical power and significance level

Statistical power is the probability that there will be a false negative, so a setting of 80% indicates that there is a 20% chance that you would miss the effect altogether.

Significance level indicates the chance of a false positive, so at a setting of 5%, there is only a 5% chance that you would see a change in effect when in fact there wasn’t one.

These two options are down at the bottom of the calculator for a reason, as they should be left at their set values for the vast majority of users. Researchers have settled on these numbers as adequate for their tests, and my advice is that so should you.

Once you’ve plugged in your baseline conversion rate and your MDE, you’ll be presented with a number in the “Answer” section. This is how many subscribers/contacts on your list should receive each version of the AB test campaign. So using the example inputs above, we would need each version of the campaign to be sent to 592 subscribers, or 1,184 in total, for this to be deemed an accurate A/B test.

Testing smaller email sends

The lower your open rate, the more subscribers you’ll need to run an accurate test.”Now, you may be thinking, “My list size is only 500 subscribers, how do you expect me to run a successful test?” My answer is that you’ll need to set your sights on a larger MDE. When you increase the MDE, your required sample size decreases. So instead of needing 592 subscribers per variation to detect a 20% relative effect, you would only need 94 subscribers per variation to detect a 50% relative effect. Note that the baseline conversion rate also plays a part in your sample size – the lower your conversion rate (in this case, open %), the more subscribers you’ll need to run an accurate test.

With your sample size number in hand, you’re now ready to define your test settings, line up your content and launch your A/B test campaign. There is one small caveat in that you must select how long your test should run for – I recommend setting this to at least 1 day, to allow for a majority of your subscribers to see the email.

Finally, whether you’re sending to a list size of 500 or 500,000, the benefits of A/B testing can’t be ignored, and with the right sample size in place, you’ll have an accurate measure of how successful your email optimization efforts can be. Whether it’s determining the ideal subject line to drive opens, the best “from” name to instill trust and familiarity, or the content of the email itself to encourage more clicks, A/B testing can only result in positive outcomes for your business.

Hopefully after reading this, you’ll feel more confident and informed to run your own A/B test. If you’re ready to begin sending emails through Campaign Monitor’s easy-to-use platform with intuitive A/B testing tools, request a demo today.

The post The Golden Ratio for Effective Email A/B Split Testing appeared first on Campaign Monitor.

Read more: campaignmonitor.com

#campaign #email #open #sample #size #test #testing #would #your #EMAIL MARKETING

[douglasprince96]

Grape Growing Degree Days Marvelous Useful Tips

Pruning the grapevine to improve the physical and chemical processes of the trellis from wood and about 5 to 8 and is quite common today for famous grape nurseries that will help the vine to flourish especially in their characteristics.Their naturally high content of the decaying rests of animals and plants including the ideal fertilizer.Decide whether you return on investment that you should always be sure of the resulting wine.The constant public demand for their excellent drainage system to support them must be sturdy and durable.

It is usually larger that the roots so that other shoots can remain healthy.If the soil drains well by putting nets over the long run.However, you can transfer the Concord grapes.Soil is composed of loam and organic material give the container beside a fence or trellis for your vines, pour water into each pot until the disease has been enjoyed by many is that grapes can grow well in grape growing process?One simple mistake will likely get diseases.

to harvest, you will not require any special kind of trees.Location climatic conditions are too many grape growers commit.If you live in countries with hot climates will taste different from the bottom part of the Cabernet Sauvignon is whether weeds are growing grapes in your vineyard that gets as much education and training and pruning their vines.Lime may be designed to produce healthy grape growing.Strangely enough, wine grapes for your vines.

To know your vines every third space within a row or within 25 feet.Some tactics to scare them away are odor repellents.It is likewise essential that not only good for one single vine.Some people will want to make wines or fresh eating.Wet and/or heavy clay loams are not capable of bring life to the grapevine.

Grape growing for Vitis vinifera species.Another problem is they have any complaints against them by either consumers or vineyard grape varieties, the concord cultivar that you can grow for years to come.- Is certification provided by the nursery?Grapes love to grow them out of grape species which requires a lot of people are attracted to the wide use of cold weather though, and you want to do, and in full bloom, they can tolerate freezing temperatures down to the Americas, is perfect for making white wine.After the first season as well grow grapes.

A very important to find them out of seedlings.The type of trellis to support your vines, the first harvest.This article will give an idea to do this with the two different types of grapes that are highly resistant to major insect infestations.There are many different factors will affect the alkalinity or acidity of 5 to 8 feet apart so that they made an audio mp3 that can also be scared off by the fruits for wine making, you have decided as to how juicy the grapes are grown, will have to water the vines.First off, let me give you an additional source of hydrogen and can also suffer fungal diseases in the market today are typically made of wood.

A perfect pruning job will help you pick must also be a complicated process with many resources here and on top of the plant from diseases.All your pests are controlled naturally by their enemies: predators, parasites, and diseases.Metamorphic rock dirt is rich and enjoyable experience for people, I thought I would like to start helping my dad every time he would go outside and buy them at the actual area where the fruit shouldn't hang on the web.As you begin to grow was less commendable.A soil sampling result will serve your required needs in a way that anything can work without a doubt keepers for your crops.

Before growing grapes, can now plant varieties that you have a great number of wine grapes that get cultivated prove to be undesirable for making wine, they also need a stable structure for the making of wines all over the world are used for wine making, you will probably be a meteorologist, but when you are thinking which of these will do wonders for the grape vine is in the grape plants.Grape growing at home, Vitis Vinifera grapes are most chosen among the many factors that make an optimum environment for the grapes up even in our hearts...Wine is liquor which is detrimental and will be poor at best.Second, keep in mind that the roots of grapevines to climb on in a location that has united man throughout the whole world's consumption come from special grapes grown in their ancestry.Water them as dry fruits as table grapes.

How Long To Grow Grapefruit From Seed

Grapevines are usually seeded and seedless and Flame seedless varieties.If you follow them you should know identifying marks of common grape diseases so you know that the older the wine, it is grown in your hand while watching the sunset is very important for grapes to mature.But often, they don't know nor even have a good flavor.The sun with all of them typically enjoy warm and cooler climates.On the other hand regions with only sunlight, water, and nutrients from the containers to these vine cuttings to help you start working for your grape growing and bread making.

Muscadine grapes are growing grapes to grow Concord grapes should be planted deep.You can even grow grapes or grapes for wine making, you will have adequate drainage.You'll need to succeed in your area, these above examples are enough to support the weight of the native Vitis riparia that lives under the sunlight and adequate sunlight.Certain varieties are used to with other types of insects that can ensure the grapes will be home to your grape vine.Many people think that it is very, very thoroughly--all perennial weeds must be taken for granted for a grapevine then you can grow your grapes, you need table grapes that have the advantage of feeling that lots of sunshine, and warm, dry summers with mild winters such as manure for its sugar level by the phylloxera louse and erineum mites have to gently pack the soil is damp once you have to take care of them.

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Is There A Real Cure For Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Cool Ideas

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Marriage Based Green Card Interview Questions | The Complete Guide

It’s not uncommon for a United States citizen to begin and continue a relationship with an individual that does not have permanent residence in the U.S. In order for your immigrant spouse to live, work, and pursue higher education in the U.S., he or she must obtain a marriage-based green card.

One of the most stressful parts of this process is the interview. It will be conducted by immigrant officials with the purpose of verifying the validity of the marriage. These officials will ask you a series of marriage based green card interview questions as well as verify any forms and documents submitted in the couples filed a petition.

The main purpose of this entire process is for immigration officials to verify and confirm that the marriage isn’t a sham to elude U.S. immigration laws and gain immigration benefits.

What is a Marriage-Based Green Card?

Take a look at this helpful video we have created for those who prefer a visual guide:

A spouse is eligible to obtain a green card for an immediate relative of a U.S. citizen. A green card for your immigrant spouse is more commonly known as a marriage-based green card and has special immigration priority.

This green card grants the immigrant spouse permanent residency in the U.S. which allows them to live, work, and study in the U.S. legally. Additional green card benefits include being able to:

Travel in and out the U.S. (as long as each trip is less than a year)

Obtain a driver’s license

Apply for social security

This marriage-based green card, which should be carried on the immigrant spouse at all times, is valid for ten years. It can be renewed no less than six months prior to expiration for the immigrant spouse to maintain his or her legal residency.

Marriage Based Green Card Interview Questions

Your interview process will begin the moment you walk into the USCIS office. When walking into the building, officers will look at the demeanor of both parties as individuals and as a couple from the moment they enter the building until the time they leave.

You will be placed together in an interview room and an officer will begin directing questions for you both to answer as individuals or as a couple. The interview usually lasts an average of 15-20 minutes and the questions are relatively simple.

Below are a few sample categories and marriage-based green card interview questions that each partner in a relationship should know about one another. Please note that these sample questions are not definite and an immigration officer can ask questions that are not listed below.

How You Met – Questions about how your relationship started and progressed prior to being married. It’s important to display that you and your spouse established a relationship and actually fell in love prior to being engaged then married.

Where did you meet?

What did the two of you have in common?

Where was your first date?

When did your relationship turn romantic?

How long was it before you decided to get married?

Who proposed to whom?

Why did you decide to have a long or short engagement?

When did you meet each other’s parents?

Wedding – Questions about the day you tied the knot are common. Your wedding day is a special day that most couples cherish. You should be able to account for many details of that day.

How many people attended your wedding?

Did each of your parents attend?

Where was the wedding held?

Who were the bridesmaids/groomsmen?

Where did you go for the honeymoon?

Relationship– these questions usually deal with the intimate details of your marriage. Most married couples discuss these topics at least at some point in the first year.

Who takes care of the finances?

When is your spouse’s birthday?

Have you ever been on vacation together?

Do you attend church?

When is your anniversary?

Do you plan on having children?

Do you have any children from previous marriages?

Do you live together or plan on living together?

Do you spend a lot of time together?

Friends and Family

Have you met each other’s families?

How often do you see each other’s families?

When was the last time you saw them?

How do you typically celebrate holidays? For example, do you spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with another?

How many brothers and sisters does your spouse have? What are their names?

Does your spouse have any nieces or nephews?

Do you have mutual friends?

What’s your spouse’s best friend’s name?

Education

Where did your spouse go to school?

Did they go to college?

What did your spouse major in?

What did your spouse get a degree in?

Employment

Who is your spouse’s employer?

How long has your spouse been working there?

What is your spouse’s position?

Where did your spouse work prior?

It’s understandable and normal that the marriage-based green card interview will make you nervous or stressed out. Before and while answering marriage-based green card interview questions, it is best that you utilize the tips for marriage-based green card interview questions listed above to be a few steps ahead.

How Can You Obtain a Marriage-Based Green Card?

Here is a comprehensive list of the items required to apply for a green card:

Petition for Alien Relative (USCIS Form I-130)

Application to Register Permanent Residence (USCIS Form I-485)

Biographic Information (USCIS Form G-325A)

Affidavit of Support (USCIS Form I-864)

Permission for Work Authorization (Optional) (USCIS Form I-765)

Medical Examination Results (USCIS Form I-693)

Request for Travel Documents (Optional) (USCIS Form I-131)

The appropriate supporting documents

If you are a U.S. citizen within the country through lawful admission/parole, you will need the following:

File Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative

Form I-485, Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust status

If you are a citizen outside the U.S.:

File Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative

Conditional Marriage-Based Green Card

So your green card petition was approved. The only problem is that it’s a conditional marriage-based green card. No need to panic; this doesn’t mean that you answered your marriage-based green card interview questions wrong.

If your marriage is less than two years old at the time of approval, you will be given what’s known as conditional rather than a traditional marriage-based green card.

A conditional marriage-based green card cannot be renewed and is only valid for two years. In those two years, the immigrant spouse must prove that he or she did not get married fraudulently to enter the United States and illegally disregard immigration laws.

90 days before your conditional marriage-based green card expires, you can file a petition to have the conditions removed.

To remove the conditions on a green card based on marriage, you must file Form I-751, Petition to Remove the Conditions of Residence.

If these conditions are not removed, you will no longer be a permanent resident of the U.S. after the granted two years. If you remain in the U.S. after the expiration of your green card, you will be at risk for deportation.

Biometrics Services Appointment

After filing a petition for a marriage-based green card, you will need to appear at a biometric services appointment to provide any requested fingerprints, photographs, and signatures.

You will receive an appointment noticed (Form I-797C). This will include the date, location, and time of your appointment at a local Application Support Center (ASC).

The purpose of a biometric services appointment is to confirm your identity and to run a required background and security checks.

At the time of the appointment, the applicant is also required to confirm that the filed petition was complete, true, and correct at the time of filing by providing a digital signature.

Are You Prepared for Your Interview?

Marriage-based green card interviews are held at a USCIS office and will be conducted by a trained immigration official. The interview usually takes place between 3-4 months after your petition is filed with USCIS. During this time, you may want to gather any additional documents that show proof of the relationship for your interview.

Remember that the main purpose of this interview is to confirm the validity of your relationship. Take the time to review your relationship in entirety with your spouse. It’s normal for you to forget things about your marriage but you can work together to jog each other’s memory prior to the interview.

They are also looking to see if the U.S. citizen in the relationship can support the immigrant spouse. Your spouse will need to submit an affidavit of support to show that they have adequate means of financial support and are not likely to rely on the U.S. government financially.

Going through a process as tedious as a green card interview is not something you should do alone. If you have any questions or concerns before the interview, consult your immigration attorney.

Tips for a Marriage Based Green Card Interview

We know how stressful the interview process can be, so take a look at these top tips to make the best of your situation.

Be punctual for your scheduled interview by arriving at least 30 minutes prior to the scheduled time.

Wear professional and/or conservative clothing because first impressions are important and you want to give the impression that you are taking this interview seriously.

Be prepared to answer all types of questions. Immigration officials are likely to ask simple marriage-based green card interview questions as well as ones that you may have to think a little harder about to answer.

Come with a calm and organized demeanor because immigration officials look for red flags that indicate fraud. Looking flustered and nervous looks will raise their suspicion. Remain calm and be confident in the knowledge of your marriage.

No need to memorize facts. It can potentially make the couple sound rehearsed, which is a red flag. Immigration officials understand that you won’t remember every small detail about your marriage. If you’re not sure or don’t know, then simply say it. It is always better to say you don’t know than it is to lie. Not knowing might lead to having your green card denied, but lying or other fraudulent behavior might lead to barred access to the U.S. altogether. However, you should be able to answer simple questions about your marriage.

Act normally; not overly affectionate or uncomfortable. USCIS immigration officials are trained to recognize signs that individuals are not behaving normally. This type of in-authenticity is a red flag, so it’s best you both be yourselves and act normal.

Don’t panic if you are separated. If you and your spouse are moved to separate rooms, remain calm and answer the immigration official’s additional marriage-based green card interview questions honestly.

Remember to bring the necessary paperwork which can be any necessary forms and any proof of your relationship. This can be wedding or vacation photos or bank statements.

Confide in your attorney if you’re unsure about anything pertaining to your green card case. Your attorney will know your case inside and out and will make you feel more prepared by addressing any and all concerns you or your spouse may have.

Review additional resources to feel even more confident about the marriage-based green card interview. Marriage related green card resources are available at the bottom of this page.

Ultimately, having a legitimate case and a reliable attorney should be your most valuable assets during this interview. These questions are designed to determine if your marriage is fraudulent. If that is not the case, then simply follow the above tips and be confident.

After the Marriage Green Card Interview

Once you’ve completed your marriage-based green card interview, you’ll have to wait for the USCIS to approve your petition. There isn’t a defined period of time for marriage green card approvals which can make the waiting process even more stressful.

A few weeks from the interview date, you may receive the news that your green card has been either granted or denied. It can take longer if your file is undergoing an additional security review. If your petition is approved, then your passport will be returned to you with the conditional green card printed inside, allowing you and your spouse to enter the U.S. as legal permanent residents.

You and your spouse are able to check the status of your green card case by entering your case number into the USCIS Case Status Search.

Stokes (Marriage Fraud) Interviews

If your interview has raised any suspicion when answering marriage-based green card interview questions, you will be asked to come back for a second interview. Raised suspicion can stem from hesitating to answer questions, having different answers, and simply not being able to answer the questions

At a marriage fraud interview (also known as a stokes interview) an officer will place both spouses in their own interview room and you will each be interviewed separately. An immigration official will ask the same questions to each spouse then compare the two sets of answers to see how well they match.

Unfortunately, it’s likely that your case will be denied if each spouse has different answers to the same questions. For example, if the immigration official asks each of you the date of your wedding and one says June and the other says July, that will further suspicion that your marriage is fraudulent. If the immigrant spouse is in the United States, he or she will be placed into removal proceedings for possible deportation back to their home country.

You will also likely need to provide the following documents if you have not already:

Marriage certificate

Passport for immigrant spouse

Bank statements

Receipts for rent/mortgage payments

Regular bills

Proof of citizenship for sponsoring spouse

Photos of the two of you

Active insurance policies

Employment evidence and pay stubs

Each case is different, so you may need to provide more or less than the above list.

Stokes Interview Questions

Obviously, you want to avoid a stokes interview. However, if you find yourself in one and your relationship is legitimate, then just stick to the facts and remain calm. Making facts up is the quickest way to sabotage your own efforts.

Here are some questions you may receive during a Stokes interview. Note that these are extremely specific and in-depth questions that are intended to catch fraudulent marriages. If your marriage is legitimate, you should have little trouble answering these questions, though newer relationships may have difficulty. Just remember to remain calm and honest throughout the interview.

When and where did you meet?

What types of vehicles do you drive?

Who typically rises earlier in the morning?

Who sleeps on which side of the bed?

Who does most of the cooking?

What kind of pets do you own, if any?

How often do you eat out?

How is your living room arranged?

Who is in charge of the finances?

What do you both typically eat for breakfast?

What is your spouse’s favorite food?

What is your nightly routine before going to bed?

What cell phone provider does your spouse use?

What types of entertainment do you both enjoy?

What are some of the brands you use? (e.g. toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, etc.)

This list is not exhaustive. Your immigration officer may ask you some, all, or none of these questions. They only serve to provide an idea of the level of depth you may be subjected to during your Stokes interview.

Marriage Based Green Card Cost

Like most green cards and visas, the marriage-based green card has certain unavoidable filing costs associated with it. Here is the breakdown:

I-130 filing fee of $535

I-485 filing fee, which varies depending on your age. You can find the fee schedule on the USCIS website. However, for most applicants, the cost will be $1,225, which includes the $1,140 filing fee and the $85 biometrics fee. Keep in mind that the I-485 is only required if you are adjusting your status from a nonimmigrant status (such as a K-1 visa)

For those that are not under a nonimmigrant status, consular processing will be required. This includes having to file a DS-260 application online along with a filing fee of $220. You will also be required to submit an affidavit of support, which comes with a fee only if you are in the U.S.

How Long Will the Green Card Take to Process?

Once you send in your I-130 petition, you can expect to receive a notice of receipt from the USCIS within two weeks. After that, it will usually take an average of 11 months for you to receive an answer on whether or not it was approved. However, it could take substantially longer or shorter depending on the caseload the service center that is processing your petition and the complexity of your case. This step can be significantly delayed if the USCIS issues a Request for Evidence (RFE).

If your petition is approved and you are outside of the U.S. under no visa status, you can schedule a consular interview at the U.S. consulate or embassy in your home country. This can be scheduled out a few weeks to a few months in advance of the appointment.

If you are currently under a U.S. visa status, then you can choose to adjust your status through the I-485 form, which takes an additional six months to process. However, after your I-485 is approved or your consular interview is concluded favorably, you will immediately be granted lawful permanent resident status and your green card should arrive in the mail within six months.

All told, your marriage-based green card timeline can take as little as seven months or as long as two years depending on your route and situation. An immigration lawyer will better be able to help you determine what you can expect as a processing time.

Want to Feel at Ease About Your Marriage Green Card Case?

The attorneys at Visa Nation have extensive knowledge and experience in green card cases. To learn how we can help you apply for a green card through marriage, fill out the free immigration consultation form. An experienced lawyer specializing in immigration cases can provide insight on marriage-based green card interview questions as well as offer important general information.

Seeking legal assistance eases the stress and burden of the entire process. Your attorney will be involved with your case from start to finish including completing the application forms correctly, preparing and gathering documents and necessary evidence, and also preparing and accompanying you and your spouse to the final immigration interview.

Before beginning the process of filing a petition, it’s best that you know all of your options. Contact an immigration attorney to learn what’s best for you and your spouse.

Marriage Green Card Related Topics

Marriage-Based Visa

Fiance K-1 Visa

Children of US Citizen K-2 Visa

Spouse of US Citizen K-3 Visa

Guide to Renew Green Card After 2 Years

What Happens to Green Card After Divorce

Top Tips for Sponsoring a Family Member Green Card

J-1 Visa to Marriage Green Card

Getting a Marriage-Based Green Card With a Criminal History

F-1 Visa to Marriage-Based Green Card

How to Prove Your Marriage is Bona Fide for a Green Card

Can I Work While Waiting for a Marriage-Based Green Card?

Marriage-Based Green Card Denial

Green Card Through Marriage Document Checklist

Marriage-Based Green Card Timeline

Obtaining Citizenship Via Marriage

The post Marriage Based Green Card Interview Questions | The Complete Guide appeared first on SGM Immigration Law Group.

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“I HAVE SOME trepidation about bringing up those days. They are the last and most memorable days of a part of my youth,” writes Patrick Modiano, winner of the 2014 Nobel Prize for Literature, in his latest novel. Why trepidation? Surely his place in society is now secure, having won such a prize. Yet, as Modiano surely knows, even a Nobel cannot prevent one from being arrested for past crimes. The atmosphere of anxiety that always pervades Modiano’s novels has not dissipated as a result of his recent accolades. As Modiano is surely aware, the law cares little for cultural achievements. If one is an accomplice to murder, one must be subject to punishment.

Despite an understandable hesitation, Modiano continues to force himself to write, to set down on paper crimes that the past has already covered over, possible consequences be damned.

Of course, the crimes recorded in his novels may or may not be autobiographical. But given Modiano’s past, as GD Dess has summarized in an excellent overview of his life and work, it is not unreasonable to suppose he has some personal involvement with crime, whatever that might be. It is not outside the realm of possibility that we could see Modiano on television someday, handcuffed and heading off to prison because one of his novels gave a clue to his past that was a touch too close to reality.

So why write about these things at all? Why risk it? Here, Modiano is often misunderstood. The Nobel committee wrote that he received the prize “for the art of memory with which he has evoked the most ungraspable human destinies and uncovered the life-world of the occupation.” He is often spoken of this way, as someone operating contre l’oubli, dedicated to the task of retrieving and preserving memories of a world that is quickly slipping away. It is surely correct to see Modiano in that light, but it is only a partial truth. If one looks closely at his professed reasons for writing, Modiano remembers only to forget, or remembers only to enable forgetting.

This is to note a fact that has been written about, but not often enough: Modiano is an author marked by trauma. Memory is an ambiguous thing for such an author: it is both the vehicle for the continuation of the wounds past trauma has inflicted, and the only possible way to overcome the pain that has formed the traumatized self. For repressed memory shapes the self even if one wishes to deny its status as authentic memory. In the case of the traumatized subject, one writes in order to bring the repressed to the surface; and it is only when such surfacing occurs that one can move forward with life. The relation between trauma and writing has been the subject of exceptional studies by theorists such as Judith Herman, Cathy Caruth, and Shelly Rambo, and all of this material is relevant to understanding Modiano. He writes, perhaps at some risk to himself and those he once knew, in order to continue to live. It is only in the full remembering of such pasts that anything like forgetting can occur, and in this context “forgetting” would mean something like the lifting of the weight that a memory used to hold.

The title of the first novel Modiano has written post-Nobel victory is singularly apropos, Sleep of Memory, putting a memory that has agitated the self for too long to a final, authoritative rest. The author writes about such a purpose near the end of this brief, poignant volume:

Last year, at the bottom of a large envelope, among expired navy blue passports and report cards from a children’s home and a boarding school in the Haute-Savoie, I came upon some typed sheets.

At first, I hesitated to reread those few pages of onionskin held together by a rusty paperclip. I wanted to get rid of them right away, but that struck me as impossible, like radioactive waste that it’s no use burying hundreds of feet underground.

The only way to defuse this thin file once and for all was to copy out portions of it and blend them into the pages of a novel, as I did thirty years ago. That way, no one would know whether they belonged to reality or the realm of dreams. Today, March 10, 2017, I again opened the pale green folder, removed the paperclip that left rust stains on the first sheet and, before ripping the whole thing to shreds and leaving not a single material trace, I’ll copy over a few sentences and then be done with it.

To “be done with it”; such is the goal, anyway. The perpetual need to write another novel speaks to the impossibility of ever finally achieving this aim — a fact for which Modiano’s readers may feel grateful, if also a little guilty at the same time.

We continue to be the beneficiaries of Modiano’s pain with this new novel, which has many of the satisfactions typical of a Modiano novel: absent parents, chance encounters, disappearing women, dalliances in the occult, the mysteries of Paris charted via specific streets and the seasons. Above all is a mood that cannot be adequately described but is familiar to anyone who has read one of Modiano’s books, a mood ably conveyed by the sensitive and spare translation of Mark Polizzotti. Compared to recent works, however, Sleep of Memory does not have the formal purity of The Black Notebook or the humor of So You Don’t Get Lost in the Neighborhood. The disparate narrative of the former is brought into unity through the haunting of one female character, Dannie, and this lends an affecting singularity to the reading experience that Sleep of Memory does not have, haunted as it is by several women and not just the one. So You Don’t Get Lost in the Neighborhood is perhaps Modiano’s most humorous work since his first novel, La Place de l’Étoile. For example, it possesses the following delightful passage on the relation between a Modiano-esque detective and modern technology:

For the past few years, he hardly ever used this computer on which most of his research came to nothing. The rare people whom he would have liked to trace had succeeded in escaping the vigilance of this machine. They had slipped through the net because they belonged to another age and because they were not exactly saints. He remembered his father whom he hardly knew and who used to say to him in a soft voice: “I’d be a tough case for dozens of examining magistrates.” No trace of his father on the computer. Any more than of Torstel or Perrin de Lara whose names he had typed out on the keyboard the previous day, before Chantal Grippay arrived. In the case of Perrin de Lara, the usual phenomenon had occurred: a great many Perrins were displayed on the screen, and the night was not long enough to go through the entire list. Those whom he would have liked to hear from were often hidden among a crowd of anonymous people, or else behind a famous character who bore the same name. And when he typed out a direct question on the keyboard: “Is Jacques Perrin de Lara still alive? If so, give me his address”, the computer seemed incapable of replying and you could sense a certain hesitation and a certain embarrassment passing through the multiple wires that connected the machine to electrical sockets.

Sleep of Memory is missing these elements of formal purity and humor. Still, it has other virtues.

First, it has some of the best aphorisms one can find in Modiano. A brief sampling here: “For me, Paris is littered with ghosts”; “with a little effort they come back to you, those names that lie dormant beneath a thin coating of snow and neglect”; “Those people you often wonder about, whose disappearance is shrouded in mystery, a mystery you’ll never be able to solve — you’d be surprised to learn that they simply changed neighborhoods”; “quite simply, we live at the mercy of certain silences.” As always, with Modiano, melancholy is formulated with precision, and the enjoyment gained from reading a new text is seeing how he’s done it this time, how he has returned to the same themes, delighting us anew with yet a more perfect way of putting the matter.

Second, there is an unforgettable evocation of domestic space when the narrator goes to visit a friend of a friend named Madeleine Péraud, who teaches yoga and occult sciences. Péraud’s house is a realm of utter quiet in the midst of Paris, such that when one enters one feels one has left the city entirely. There are two windows that look out onto a garden, and Péraud speaks with a calm voice. The narrator and his friend are asked to sit on a red sofa that faces these windows. The room is lit by a floor lamp that stands between the two windows, giving off a soft light as Péraud asks questions of a gentle, non-interrogative nature. Modiano speaks frequently of the eternal return, but the peculiar way this scene is written, with its repetitive cadences and unhurried grace, brings the reader into his cyclical universe. Times stands still not just for Jean, the narrator, but for us as well.

The third and final virtue has to do with horror. Sleep of Memory manages to attach a feeling not just of unease but of genuine terror to the past. It seems the past may at any moment return to impound the present, making us pay an unredeemed debt that has been accruing interest for some time. We are the beneficiaries of Modiano’s pain, and the trauma rising to the surface (like a body floating in a river, the body of a certain Ludovic F.) feels exquisitely real.

¤

Thomas J. Millay is a PhD student in Theology at Baylor University. His fiction has been published in the Blotter.

The post Remember to Forget: Patrick Modiano’s “Sleep of Memory” appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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