#I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes since that day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

me-loving-woso · 1 year

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Prompt List

Hi everyone, I hope you are having a great day! This is my prompt list for some imagines/ficlets that I want to write, if you like you can decide to chose up to 3 prompts per fic. If you like any other prompt other than this, feel free to write me, and I’ll try my best to write it.

Angst/Emotional:

“Just please, don’t leave me.”

“It hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much? I just want it to stop.”

“Forget it. Just like you forget everything else.”

“I never ask for help because I’m not sure I know how.”

“It’s alright to feel broken every once and a while. And it’s alright to take time to heal.”

“I feel like I’m falling apart.”

“What is it about me that isn’t good enough?”

“I wish I was brave.”

“Whats the point in trying if only one of us is willing to?”

“You almost died and you’re making jokes?”

“I would give up everything for the chance to hear your laugh again. To see you smile. To see you happy.“

“You don’t have to hide your tears from me.”

“For once in your life, do what you want! Be selfish!”

“Being strong doesn’t mean never asking for help or admitting you’re in pain.”

“No matter what they made you think, you are worth saving. You are worth loving.”

“You said you wouldn’t leave, and then you did.”

“I’m a fool for believing you meant what you said.”

“You are not your past.”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Fluff/Romantic:

“I just cant see myself ever living without you.”

“If there was ever anybody meant for me, it’s you.”

“I didn’t believe in soulmates until I met you.”

“You owe me a kiss.”

“Go with me?” “Only if you hold my hand.”

“I’d feel much better if you’d let me walk you home.”

“If I asked you to stay, would you?”

“You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe.”

“I’ve never felt this way before, and truthfully it scares me. But, the idea of never trying scares me even more.”

“I promised to love you forever, and that is a promise I intend to keep.”

“Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”

“You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”

"All I’ve ever wanted was a place to belong. Somewhere I could call home. And you gave me that. Because you are my home.”

“They don’t compare to you. No one does.”

“No matter how much time we’ve spent apart, I never stopped loving you.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“You brought me breakfast?” “Well you said you always forget to eat before you go to work, so I thought I’d make sure you ate something.”

“Everything feels right when you are with me.”

“I don’t care what others say, I want to be with you and that’s all that matters to me.”

“You bought me flowers?” “Yeah, well I noticed you’d seemed kinda down, so I wanted to cheer you up.”

“I’ll be damned if anyone makes you feel like you aren’t worthy of being loved.”

“I wasn’t sure what love really felt like until I met you.”

“I can braid your hair for you- I mean, only if you want.”

“Maybe if you stopped staring at them and actually talked to them, you might have a chance.”

“I want you. All of you, and not just halfheartedly, but wholly. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care.”

“Can you stay? Just for tonight, please. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.” “'l’ll stay for as long as you need.”

“You are my family.”

“We’ve been by each other’s sides for years, you think I’m gonna leave now?”

“Take my jacket, I don’t want you catching a cold.”

“I’d wait a thousand lifetimes for you, because you are worth waiting for. So when you are ready. I’ll be right here.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re always on my mind”

“Don’t go on that date.” “Why?” “You know why.” “Say it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.”

“How long have you had this planned?” “Since the moment I fell in love with you.”

“You came all the way here for me?”

“Why are you staring at me?” “Because I think you’re beautiful.”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” “I think I’m okay with that.”

“What are you doing here?” “I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“The world gets a little brighter when your around.”

“They say we wont last.” “Then lets prove them wrong.”

“You kissed me.”“You kissed me back.”“And I’m not here to apologize.”

”you deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten,”

“maybe we could go get coffee…tomorrow?” “yeah, i’d like that.” “you would?!? uh- i mean great, i’ll text you the details.”

“i missed you.” “you just saw me,” “yes, but i missed holding you.”

"Perfect,""What?""You're perfect,"

Miscellaneous:

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone screw something up that fast before.”

“I’ve never told you that before.”

“You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”

“At least it couldn’t get any worse.” “I really wish you hadn’t said that.”

“I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”

“Wake me up when it’s over.”

“I think… everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves.”

"Abort mission, I repeat abort mission.” “What? Abort what mission? All you were doing was introducing yourself to your neighbor?” “Yeah, and they’re too attractive. I can never speak to them again.”

“At least I kept my promise.”

“I saw you looking at it last time we were in the store together, so I got it for you.”

“…Did you just sniff me?”

“Of course I noticed, I notice everything about you.”

“Are you alright?” “Yeah, why?” “You look mad.” “That’s just my face…”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Since when did you open a bakery in your house?” “Since I got bored.”

“Can someone explain to me, in not so many words, why they are here?”

“For the most part, I am, in fact, an idiot. But I fully admit to it, which should count for something.”

“I hate that I let you convince me to do this”

“What are you doing here?” “I got locked out of my house.” “Again?”

“Where are we going?” “It’s a surprise.” “I hope the surprise involves food.”

“I am nothing if not consistent.” “Yeah, a consistent pain in my ass.”

“What happened?” “Do you want the long version or the short version?” “Uh, short?” “I made a mistake.” “Okay, long version.” “I made a very very big mistake.”

“Do you take constructive criticism?” “Not without crying.”

“Are we all on the same page?” “Yes. Just of different books.”

“Why did you break up with them?” My dog didn’t like them, and that is never a good sign.“

Scenario Prompts: *For prompts with Characters A and B; you can choose who is who in your request (who is reader and/or character)

Fall asleep in same bed, on opposite sides, wake up in each others arms.

Separated forcefully or for reasons you can’t control, run into each other again years later on accident.

Get locked in somewhere together.

Continuously running into one another for days after having a meet cute.

Hands brush as you stand next to each other, you think it’s on accident until their hands gentle wrap around yours.

Caught staring too many times for it to be a coincidence.

Size difference hug; they engulf you.

You refuse to leave so they pick you up and throw you over their shoulder.

Character A can tell Character B is getting nervous in a big crowd, so A slips their hand into theirs to help them calm down.

B taking care of A when they are sick.

Holding hands underneath the table.

Bandaging the other and then kissing the injury gently.

B sitting/standing behind A and leaning into them as they show/teach them how to do something.

As you begin to fall asleep, you feel a gentle kiss pressed to your temple and a blanket draped over you.

B comforting A as they wake up from a nightmare.

A realizing that they have feelings for B when they see them with someone else.

A game of 20 questions that ends with “Can I kiss you?”

There’s a big storm going on outside while A is at B’s house, so B insists they sleep over.

A hears that B got hurt and rushes over in a panic to see if they are okay.

A falling asleep while sitting next to B, as there head falls onto B’s shoulder, B stays as still as they can, afraid to wake A.

Cloudgazing or Stargazing together, as you lie next to each other, their hand slips into yours.

Looking around for the shirt you left at your s/o’s house; only to find it in a drawer with other clothes and items you’ve left.

B get’s so nervous about their dinner date with A that they accidentally make enough food to feed ten people.

A hand written love lover left at your doorstep.

B dancing to music as their cooking or cleaning, and as they spin around A suddenly appears, grabbing onto B and continuing to dance with them.

A buying B groceries because they knew they forgot to buy themselves food again.

A finding a hand-sketched photo of them on B’s desk.

B helping A step down from a high place by taking their hand, and then not letting go as they continue to walk.

Comparing hand sizes, then linking fingers together.

Dancing around the living room of the first home you’ve bought together.

Long distance relationship; receiving a good morning text every morning, until one day you don’t. You are worried, but then there is a knock at your door.

B is sunshine, rainbows and kindness. A is night, rain-clouds and anger. But when A meets B, they bask in the sunshine and never want to leave.

B asking A to attend a wedding with them, to get out of going with someone their parents tried to set them up with.

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theskystillwakesup · 2 years

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hayley's message via discord

(text below)

Hello again, dear friends. It feels like it’s been a thousand lifetimes… Not only since we’ve put music out into the world but even longer since I’ve sat down with my computer to type out a note meant just for you to read.

The last few years at home were so crucial. We’re all in our 30’s now. Almost every single time the guys and I are together - and that’s a lot - we find ourselves reminiscing on the last 2 decades of friendship as if we’re ancient. It may sound silly but none of us can actually believe that we’re still here and that somehow, people still seem to care. It’s a massive deal… something we don’t take lightly.

From late 2018 until today, and for the first time in my adult life, I’ve been able to spend consecutive days, months, years, etc., at home. I kept weekly appointments (shouts to my many doctors), I cooked many meals (still wish it’d been more) in my own kitchen, and saw family (in person) any chance I could. The realization of just how luxurious all of these things are for anyone, anywhere, also became more apparent than ever. The lessons have been endless and they’ve been so different than any of the lessons I learned from living on the road, doing Paramore 24/7/365. This was a real break from whatever living I’d done before. Looking at our calendar for the next couple of years, I know that I would not be ready to give myself back to the band and the music and the life that I love so much had we not voluntarily given it up for a season.

For all of that, on behalf of us all, I want to say thank you for being so loving and supportive of us as humans first. The music industry is not a human-first industry. It’s not even a music-first industry. Look, we don’t even live in a human-first society!!!!!!!!!!!! So choosing to walk away for a spell simply for our own sanity was not an ill-considered concept.

I must admit, coming out of our respective holes in the ground and back into the “real world” is kind of terrifying. Watching and reading the news is like having the wind knocked out of you on a daily basis. The idea of getting out there and doing what we do at a time like this feels heavy and futile and necessary all at once. It also feels like the perfect time to take advantage of every opportunity we are given to leverage our platform and all of that for good causes. Whether those are literal causes or whether it’s just about showing ourselves and each other that music is still a good place to be. A show can still be a gathering and not simply a crowd. That’s what I’m looking forward to the most.

And I guess I’ll end this here.

Tomorrow, we start again!— And yet, really, we’re just picking up where we left off. For so many reasons I don’t even have words for, I think we are about to experience our happiest, most fulfilling moments as Paramore. And when I say, “WE”, I do hope by now you know what I mean.

You’ll hear from me again before long. Sending you love and all my gratitude and hopes and solidarity and all that exists in between.

Miss Williams

#paramore #hayley williams #taylor york #zac farro #im just going to politely cry in a corner #i'll wait another 10 years for their music if it means they're so happy and ready to share it with us

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freneticfloetry · 5 months

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#4 & #34 for the writer asks. Please

4. What piece of writing are you most proud of?

God, I must sound like a broken record, but I’m totally going to say to build a home once again. I’d gotten so badly burned by the ship I’d been writing since 2019 that it literally blocked me from writing anything else for a while, and feeling the urge after watching 4x04 live was a bit of a welcome revelation. It started much smaller, as most of my longer fics do — just the idea for a single post-episode scene. And what it became was the perfect blend of exactly the story I set out to tell — the fic that lives in our heads when bunnies are born, that we then have to wrestle onto a page — and something that took me entirely by surprise at times. It’s my favorite thing that I’ve ever written, partly because I’m proud of the actual words I put out, mostly because it’s my love letter to Carlos, and I’m immensely proud of myself for both starting it and seeing it through.

34. What's the weirdest thing you researched for a fic?

What’s sad is that there’s probably more than one answer to this question. I’m almost positive I looked up the exact day of the week for every May 2nd — thirteen in total — that appears in Shells of a Long-Ago Lifetime. And to All a Goodnight involved finding the most popular toys for tween holiday gifts in the year 2002, and the answer (the very first Xbox) spawned the longest, most ridiculous scene in the fic. There’s the random mentions of booze — I spent way too long searching for the perfect obscure wine to reference in one fucking line of scenes from an unfinished story, and for The Once and Future I got to Google how to make moonshine from scratch (also a single line appearance). For By Any Other, I went down a brief but deep medical research rabbit hole, trying to accurately document the timing and effects of tetrodotoxin poisoning via ingesting improperly-prepared fugu sashimi. But the winner is probably unpublished, actually — I have thousands of words of an unfinished Sherlock fic for which I researched where in the greater UK one might find a meat grinder large enough to fit a full-grown man. I’m almost positive those last two put me on a list somewhere.

Back at you, Lim. Both questions.

#asked and answered #fic meme

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naturaldisatr · 2 years

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𝐈 | 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐄

summary - the fate of your life is in your hands, and your hands alone

✫ pairing - dragon!min yoongi x fairy!reader

✫ genre - arranged marriage, fantasy au, everyone has cool powers, slow burn (as the talented usher would say, let it burn)

✫ warnings - talk of wars, death, murder, sprinkle of misogyny, seokjin on big brother duties

✫ word count - 1.2k

ᴛᴇᴀsᴇʀ | ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ ʟɪsᴛ | ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ

A/N - Helloo! This is the first official chapter of my story, I hope you guys enjoy it! It is a little short but I want to introduce the world properly because there’s a lot of moving parts. The next chapter will be the wedding (which you got a glimpse of in the teaser) and the first official meeting with the dragon king himself so be on the lookout! Thanks for all the likes, follows, reblogs, etc that I’ve gotten so far, I really appreciate it!

You were getting married.

It’s something you’re supposed to be happy about. It was a moment you had wished for ever since you could remember. You had always longed to find someone to experience life with. Someone to be there during the bad and good days. Someone that would hold you and kiss all your worries away.

But, this was nothing to be joyous about.

There was no whirlwind romance or being swept off your feet. There was no intimate proposal that made you cry, only a hundred-year-old war. A war that you now have the responsibility of bringing to a close.

You’ve grown up in the last years of the war, seeing firsthand how it affected your people. Thousands were dead for reasons unknown to many. No one knows truly why the war has gone on this long. For many, it started before their lifetime. As it continued more issues began to appear, which means more reasons for Ild and Terria to stay at war.

You know that you have no say, it had to be done. If you backed out of the war it continuing on will forever be your mistake, your burden to live with. Blood will be directly on your hands, and that wasn’t an option for you.

You felt heavy with grief. With this marriage, you would lose a part of yourself that you haven’t had the pleasure to explore fully. The part that would dream and hope for a love unique to you. This was no happily ever after, you wouldn’t let yourself think it could be.

You have to marry a cold man. A man that has never seemed to care about others. You were given little information about who he was, but what you had heard so far wasn’t good. The Dragon King of Ild has never been known for being lovely. He took the throne five years ago, the youngest that anyone had, and turned the tide of the war in his favor. Before that, the war was something that just was, no one side had any real control. It wasn’t until the new Dragon King pushed troops off his land and ruined a supplies shipment that the war had lit anew.

You had heard horror stories of the battles that had taken place - the rain of terror that had fallen on the outer parts of Terria at his hands. It was something that weighed heavily on your heart as you thought about having to live in his territory - having to marry him.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a rapt knocking on your door. You hurriedly hop to your feet, the knocking only coming to a stop when the door is pulled toward you. Your brother, Seokjin immediately walks in and embraces you.

“I’m so sorry, I tried to suggest another option but was out-voted.”

It didn’t take long for you to realize he was referencing the decision for a wedding to unite the two kingdoms.

“It’s okay, Seokjin. It’s not your fault.”

“It feels like it.” You can feel the shift in your brother’s demeanor, tension starts to roll off of him. “Look, __ - there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What’s wrong?” Seokjin walked over to the chair in the corner of your room and sat down. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“Dragons just don’t marry, they mate.” You furrow your eyebrows, not understanding where he was going. You knew this already, it was common knowledge.

“Our dear uncle has recently found out that dragons die when their mate dies. ”

Your uncle was once a kind man. He took on the responsibility of you and your brother when your parents passed. He was appointed King due to your brother not being of age and as the years went by the more corrupt he became. To the citizens of Terria, he was a good King, to you, he was no man fit for the crown.

He made it his mission to shut Seokjin out of the royal court. He assigned him meaningless tasks and repeatedly told him he wasn’t ready to be a part of it, just so he can build his own connections. As long as he had the numbers he was untouchable. That’s what makes Seokjin’s findings nerve-wracking. You know that he’d do anything to stay in power, to prove that he’s the only one fit for the crown. It didn’t matter if the war was coming to an end.

“And I will be mated to the Dragon King.”

Seokjin nods, “Exactly. I don’t know how this information got into his hands. Dragons are very secretive, we have never known much about their kind.”

That’s true, even during your schooling you never learned much about them.

“Now it makes sense why he was so adamant about the marriage, my suggestion to open up trading posts wasn’t enough for him. I could see it in his eyes, this is just one piece of his puzzle.”

Fuck. This is too much.

You get up and walk to your balcony, opening the door to let fresh air in.

“Will he try to kill me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation in his answer. “That’s why you must do what it takes.”

You look to your brother in confusion, “Do what it takes?”

Seokjin mirrored your confusion, not understanding your apprehension, “Yes, will you just let yourself fall victim? Let yourself die?”

“No, but I don’t have many options Seokjin.” Your words came out harsh, you could feel the anger bubbling under your skin, “I wasn’t able to train like you were. I don’t know the first thing about protecting myself.”

Seokjin’s face softens at your comment, knowing how much it pained you to not be able to have full control of your abilities. Even more so to not have the proper tools to protect yourself. He’s aware that uncle kept you more isolated than him. Your uncle has a particular disdain for women not knowing their place, and since birth, you have challenged that. You were shy by nature but always curious - eager to learn things that caught your eye. It never mattered who traditionally learned it.

“I know, but you have the will. I don’t know what you’ll face in Ild.” You grow somber at the thought of not having your brother - or anyone with you in Ild. It wasn’t something you wanted to do alone.

“I won’t be able to protect you from uncle or him. You’ll have to do what you deem necessary, even if that means killing the Dragon King before anyone can kill you.”

The finality in his voice was unmistakable, you knew he meant it.

You tried to breathe as you suddenly felt the weight of the conversation. This will end with you, and only you. Whether you’re murdered at the hands of your own family or killing the infamous Dragon King yourself. You now had to choose how you wanted to live or die.

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask.”

#min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x poc #min yoongi x you #min yoongi x y/n #yoongi x reader #yoongi angst #yoongi fanfic #bts fanfic #bts x poc #bts x reader #min yoongi fic #yoongi imagine #yoongi fic #min yoongi fanfic #suga x reader #suga fanfic #suga x y/n #suga x you #suga x poc

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batwynn · 3 months

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Ok so since my last post about Palestine on this blog*, which I spent multiple days writing to try to make it as clear as possible where I stand and how I feel about both what is happening and how people are using their couch activism to do nothing but get internet points against other people on the internet, I’ve received a bunch of ‘go girl give us nothing’ kind of anons praising me for ‘not taking a stance’ or yelling at me for ‘not talking a stance’.

Which, for one. No. Just because don’t talk about everything that I do to support important causes does not mean I don’t do anything. I’m not posting my donation receipts online for your approval.

I’m also… I’m genuinely lost as to how that was the message received. I know I’m autistic af, but don’t feel like that’s what I said at all and I can’t figure out why that’s what people got from it.

This will be another long post with basically the same information as the last one, but put more bluntly. If you are still struggling to understand where I stand, I genuinely don’t know how to help you with this anymore and I’m not spending more energy hashing it out for you.

I thought I said, pretty explicitly, that I think colonizing entities and terrorism is bad. That genocide is bad. I thought it was very clear that I don’t support the murder of many thousands of people—tens of thousands of children. I included the USA in this previous statement explicitly because we are backing a genocide, yet again. (If not, you know, directly doing genocide against people ourselves.) I expressed clearly, I thought, that I did not support anyone killing innocent people, as a reminder to the ‘what-about-ers’, who like to say that people who don’t agree with a genocide ‘cheer on’ what the Hamas did to random citizens. I cant 100% say I know enough about the Hamas and their desires to tell you much more of my thoughts about that. It’s been a constant struggle with misinformation, in general, but a lot of it surrounding them and their beliefs/actions.

I thought it was also pretty clear that I am so far removed from this that I’m constantly aware that me saying anything could be based on wrong, outdated, or mistranslated info at any given point. I’m catching up as fast as I can, continuously educating myself, and voiding years of propaganda from growing up in this shitty ass country with its shitty ass education propaganda system. I mean a lifetime of messages directly from the media, our politicians, teachers, etc. to not pay attention because it’s ’not our problem’ as a country and there’s ’always a war there’ so ‘don’t care about it’ and ‘don’t react.’ Which is part of the reason why I made the original post, because I do care and I am reacting, and it does matter.

So, I guess I have to say it again, because as hard as I tried to get the message through last time, it apparently got lost somewhere.

I do not support the ongoing genocide of Palestine. I do not support the crimes against humanity that I have seen happening there. I do not support murder and terrorism. I do not support the country I am forced to live in, and its involvement in this. (USA)

I do love my Jewish and Muslim friends. I do not believe in a bigoted hatred against either religious grouping based on the actions of some people. I support the Jewish people standing up for Palestine. I do want peace. I do want healing. But I am also aware that peace and healing is something heavily owed to Palestine for many years now, and that it can’t be achieved until something massively changes in how the world and Israel treat them.

Now, if this statement is not clear enough or is said the ‘wrong way’ or isn’t ‘right’ or just isn’t what you want to hear. I’m sorry. I always struggle with communication, and I’m genuinely not good at this. I tried so hard with the last post, and I was still told that I was doing nothing and saying nothing. The only thing I can ask is that you give me the smallest amount of kindness and understanding, and assume that I am trying to communicate compassion for people suffering. Give me the benefit of the doubt, if you can, that I just fucking care about people who are being hurt.

And lastly, please keep your ‘what about’ bullshit out of my inbox. I can’t address every single thing, all the time. I can’t know every single thing, all the time. I’m aware of multiple horrific things happening in the world right now and how important it is to pay attention to them. I do share and talk about them on my side blog* that is dedicated to that kind of thing, but this one thing in particular is something people keep coming to me about in my inbox here and I’m addressing it this one last time.

*Again, my main blog here has always been mostly about my art and projects, and after years of people outright screaming at me to keep it that way and to not include any current events, political, or ‘too personal’ posts I’ve long since moved most of that over to my side blog. Many of you already follow me there or know what blog it is. I am not sharing it again because I’m tired of having personal life things I share being used to hurt me. Also, one last reminder that you can’t have it both ways. You either want to know my personal stuff and political stuff, or you don’t and only want to see my art. You don’t get both. And this will be the last time I address this here.

#I’m not saying this again #palestine #important #tw: genocide #tw: murder #tw: islamophobia #tw: antisemitism #Batwynn Talks #blacklist the previous tag to never see personal or political posts on this blog #as always #again #this is the last time #if you genuinely want to know what charities I have donated to or recommend #for yourself to donate to or to signal boost #message me #I’ve got a few posts saved with lists of them #but one or two that I donated to were GoFundMes that reached their goal or were more personalized and ‘small’#so those aren’t generally on the big lists #and finally #I’m begging you to take your time to read this thoroughly #and sit with what I’m saying for more than a minute #and grant me the understanding and compassion that #I am trying to express care and love for people suffering #and please do not twist my words into something its not #if this is not possible for you and all you see is hatred or whatever #i can highly recommend some intro to reading comprehension books and education materials

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tayley · 2 years

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via discord

—

You’ll hear from me again before long. Sending you love and all my gratitude and hopes and solidarity and all that exists in between.

Miss Williams

#discord #hayley williams #paramore #6more

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jennyboom21 · 12 days

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It was small, minor even. In all of the pageantry, hoopla, stunts and shows that come with the annual Met Gala — celebrities decked in haute couture, multiple costume changes, group chats and social media timelines rushing to outdo one another for jokes. But in the middle of all that, Queen Latifah walked the 2024 Met Gala Carpet with her longtime partner Eboni Nichols.

When I first saw it, well, I screamed a little. Ok, maybe I screamed more than a little. But you have to understand, it’s not that we haven’t seen Queen and Eboni walk a red carpet together before, they walked the Oscars carpet together in 2022 and more recently they walked a different red carpet together for an AmFAR benefit in 2023. She first publicly acknowledged Eboni, and their son Rebel, from a BET Awards stage by thanking them both as her “love” while accepting her Lifetime Achievement. But if you’re a queer person and especially a Black queer person, who has been a part of this community at any point in the last 30 years, I also know that you get it. This is the queen. After rooting for her journey for so long, after she was a queer awakening for so many of us across so many years, every forward step still feels lucky somehow for us to witness. Each one feels like a breath of fresh air.

I posted my all caps emotions to Twitter because for better or for worse, I am chronically online. I thought it would do maybe a few hundred likes. Some love from a few other fans. Again on some level I intellectually know… we have been here before. But somehow still, the Met felt different. Walking the world’s most famous carpet, with every camera trained on you and your partner in your matching black & white gowns felt different. Anyway, it ended up with over 45 thousand likes in a day. And that’s when I knew — I wasn’t alone.

To be very clear here, I do not believe that Queen Latifah owes us Dana Owens. In 2008, after being arguably the most famous woman rapper for nearly two decades and an Oscar-nominated actress, she told The New York Times that when it came to her romantic life, “You don’t get that part of me. Sorry. We’re not discussing it… Nobody gets that. I don’t feel like I need to share my personal life.” And she’s absolutely correct. We are not owed hers (or anyone’s) coming out. We are not owed beyond what she has left for us on stage and screen.

But it’s also hard not to feel this as a homecoming, deep in your bones. And I hope that if Queen sees this joy spreading across the internet as pictures of her and Eboni go viral, that she knows its meant with pride in her and gratitude for all that she already gave us. Everything else is a bonus.

I have loved Queen Latifah since I was eight years old. I loved her longer than I’ve known I was gay. In so many ways, she taught me a lot about strength, and independence, and loving other Black women and not taking any shit and womanhood. So it’s impossible, now, not to gush when Emma Chamberlin interviewed Queen and Eboni together on the carpet and asked, “Is this a date night?”

Queen takes a deep breath and smiles before teasingly calling Eboni “Eb.” Eboni fills in their banter and says that she playfully threatened Queen that this was the year they were doing the Met, and she better make it happen. Like an old married couple who’s been here a thousand times before, Queen Latifah picks up the story there, saying that she wanted to be “the hero of my household.” And so now, here they are.

I’m saying… this is Queen Latifah… being flirtatious and chivalrous to her partner, live and in front of cameras? I am on my knees. We used to dream for days like this!!

(No, literally. Do you know many times I have wished I could be silly and thirsty and overdramatic on the internet for their love story??? To even be able make a joke like “I’m on my knees” in same that’s usually reserved for an umpteenth number of white skinny lesbians in their 20s and 30s. To borrow even more internet speak: I cry 😭)

I think a lot about what it means to be Black and a lesbian or bisexual or queer and a woman over a certain age. In part, I think about it because of this job (writing about gay people on the internet), but also it’s because of this job that I know so many of the queer icons I grew up loving — for whatever reason, they’ve never felt like they could come out. Not fully. Not in such a way that we can openly write about them.

And there are a lot of days where, to be honest, that doesn’t matter. Everyone, even celebrities, is entitled to their own life story. It’s truly probably none of our business. But Queen Latifah did an interview with her longtime partner and after loving her for what feels like my entire life now I get to all caps yell SHUT UP YALL, THEY ARE SO CUTE and they are and it’s perfect. Sometimes, that matters too.

#queen latifah #Dana Owens #Eboni Nichols #black celesbians #2024 met gala

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tkblythofficial · 20 days

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i'm curious to know what made everyone here start to ship zeglyth. if anyone would like to share.. ill go first: hot tub pic and the tarot readings

The hot tub pic always at the scene of the crime. It’s so funny how quickly zeglians buried those pics and went silent for like 2 days after it dropped 💀 the way people tried to gaslight us saying that’s what friends do. The mental gymnastics that moment created was hilarious. They avoid that pic like the plague.

Not the tarot readings pulling you in 😭

Tbh I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes since I started shipping them back in November. I don’t remember the exact moment anymore. All I remember is their interviews had so much chemistry and I honestly thought they had rare chemistry on screen too. I binge watched all their interviews right after the movie and my fixation kicked in so hard 🤭

Their connection is very gripping and I love snowbaird so I guess it was a natural progression to ship zeglyth?

#my answers #zeglyth #written in the stars #about me

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your-mom-friend · 2 months

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I hope that you’re really not upset with my question, since I’m a Muslim as well, and I genuinely wanted to know what got you into this state, and I’ve been including you in my prayers for the longest time now, especially since I’ve been following you for years.

You’re a kind soul, a caring one, and you’ve suffered a lot in your lifetime as had millions of other children, some that I know personally who endured this type of sexual trauma from priests. I know the anger you experience regarding the abuse, and unfortunately I know it too well that it’s engraved into my bones. But hear me out, won’t you? Give it a last chance this one Ramadan, forget the priest—may he burn in hell for his wrongdoings—and forget the extremists you’ve encountered, just for a while. I promise you that you’ll find all the answers you are looking for when you read the Quran of your own volition, your own will, in your own time, instead of it being forced upon you and down your throat and just being taught the words without explanation. Remember that you are never alone in the struggle, never. The Prophet himself has survived countless hardships, and so many of the Companions—both female and male—have endured the worst torture from their parents and their siblings and their families just for declaring that they are now Muslims—their stories are there for us for a reason, and they’re one of the things that changed my entire worldview. And remember with me, that in Islam, in its core, that we are beings created for Heaven, Jannah, not for eternal existence in Dunya that we cannot survive without suffering, and that this entire world is but a passage and a test, and soon enough it’ll be over once and for all, and your patience and forgiveness and kindness will all be rewarded adequately, and you’d watch those who have wronged you burn in hell for eternity. He, the priest, might be dead now, but he’s being tormented in his grave for what he did, and he’ll be questioned about it on the day of judgement, so fear not, this world is but a temporary stop that we’ll all soon get out of.

I know that at first glance you might think that I’m just trying to coax you back into religion without knowing what I’m speaking of, just like so many have tried to do before, but I’m someone who almost became a complete atheist until two and a half years ago for the same reasons. And there must be a reason why there’s hundreds of thousands of converts to Islam over the past five months, right? So I’m reaching out to you out of love and respect, and that you’ll always be dear to my heart 🤍

Ramadan Mubarak to u, Rem <33

Ramadan Mubarak to you too, darling. I hope you’re able to fulfil all your fasts and that your prayers are answered.

But respectfully, I’m not going to be approaching Islam again. I’ve met no extremists, and if there is a hell then that guy is absolutely there. I carry no doubts over this.

But it seems you didn’t read my last answer. My decision to leave Islam ultimately has little to do with trauma, and more to do with the fact that I don’t believe in a perfect god. I don’t believe in a divine plan. I don’t believe in the core concept of Allah

I’m not looking for answers, I’m happy with my current spiritual outlook. I do good for this world no matter how small and I see it reflected back at me in a million tiny ways, and I can live with that.

I understand how you feel. You as a Muslim have likely grown up hearing that non-Muslims go to hell, that apostasy is one of the greatest crimes there is. To be a Kafir is to guarantee your place in hell, and you genuinely care for me and don’t want me to face that. It’s terrifying to imagine that people you know to be good could go to hell just because they were too prideful to accept Allah into their lives.

But understand, this fear is a contributing factor to why I’ll never go back. How can I believe that Allah is Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim when he will send good people to hell just for not believing in him? By this logic I could do all the good in the world, I could give sadqah every day for the rest of my life, dedicate myself to housing the homeless, and still I’d go to hell because I did these things in the name of helping people and not in the name of Allah

I’m so happy you’re able to find peace within Islam, and I truly, genuinely hope this Ramadan goes well for you. I have wonderfully fond memories of Ramadan, from the energy to the iftars and of Eid, truly, Ramadan Kareem, my friend, and thank you for keeping me in your prayers. May Allah bless you with all that is good for you, Inshallah

But please respect that I will continue to live my life the way I see fit.

Jazakhallah Khair

#rem rambles #ask and ye shall recieve #anon asks #Muslim anon

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sweepseven · 2 years

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Cirque du Soleil: O and KÀ viewing notes, post-pan edition!

First trip to Las Vegas since the pandemic and holy shit!! Was it a TIME. The When We Were Young festival was my excuse to be there, but I can’t set foot in that town without fitting in at least one Cirque show. I managed O and Ka and a last-second Atomic Saloon decision and oh my god did I have the visit of a lifetime. I’ll keep this post strictly to the circus shows, but like. Truly it was nuts.

Anyway! O! I cannot overstate how happy I was to see this show again. This turned out to be my 50th ever Cirque performance and I couldn’t have asked for more. The detail most worth reporting is that according to a friend in the box office, whispers say the show is due for a refresh in January! It's been 24 years and O has never had a facelift! This is so so exciting! There's so much new technology they can integrate into the show, potentially new acts (though I can't imagine O without any one of its current acts), maybe even new music...I can't wait.

Richard MacDonald refreshed the sculpture gallery the very day I arrived in town and of course they're all incredible. He was there and apparently I just missed him when I went to pick up our tickets - too bad, I wanted to say hi!

Our performance was flawless, as always. One flyer fell during bateau but every other detail in the show went beautifully. I had three contortionists, and for some reason I am cursed to only ever see solo swinging trapeze but whatever, it was amazing regardless. The singers were going fucking hard, especially on Tzelma, and their little dance during Simcha was worth the cost of admission alone. I just love seeing them have fun. Crowd was solid, probably 75% full, which for O is more than plenty. There were nothing but empty rows behind us so my friends and I moved back a little ways so we could chat. I've never gotten to talk through an entire performance and it was such a treat hearing my friends react, ask questions, and just engage with the show with so much enthusiasm.

Last thing for O is that the day of the show I received a kind of "keep the magic going" email from Cirque offering up to 50% off LOVE and Ka, which is insane! Like, an almost alarmingly steep discount! And of course everyone likes to say both those shows are on the eternal chopping block, so I was a little 👀 about it. Still, hot tip for all: if you're seeing multiple Cirque shows in LV, maybe take the gamble on seats and wait until the day of your first, get that email, then book the others. I wouldn't expect to see an offer for a discount on O or Mystere, but worth a shot!

That said if anyone would like this offer, lmk and I'll gladly forward you the email. It's good until 12/31 and I won't be back in time to take advantage of it!

Next up was Atomic Saloon and I'll just say that show is an absolute fucking blast and if you can go, do. Fernando Miro is living his best life times a thousand. There's a dog. There's some of the most convincing physical acting I've ever ever seen, and I won't go into more detail for the sake of preserving the surprise for you. See this show. The end. Period.

So now Ka! By this point in the trip I am utterly fucking tapped. We had seen and done so so much between the shows, the festival, the partying, everything. I had the wildest nights I've ever had in that city and by that point it was all really taking its toll. So my attitude going in was very "Ka, I love you, but Jesus fucking Christ." Until then I thought it was impossible to feel disappointed that I had Cirque tickets. But I achieved it. Like that's how rough it was lol

That feeling lifted like a fog the minute the music started. I was so exhausted and out of it that I got an almost totally fresh perspective on a show I've seen now six times: it was just happening before my eyes and I was along for the ride. The boat rowed in and I was immediately transported. I forgot how much I missed this show, and watching each character go by as the stage rotated honestly felt like seeing old friends after years apart. And in a way that's exactly what happened! Watching the Chief Archer's Daughter put on her makeup so slowly and gently, the Firefly Boy sprinkling a handful of petals, the Jester eating his grapes, all of it felt as warm and welcoming as a long delayed embrace.

I'll be quick about acts for the most part: Pageant has some updated choreography that was very fun, Icarian games killed it, Storm isn't quite as fun to watch up close as it is from further back, the turtle scene was shorter and tighter (YAAAY), Pursuit was exact as tense and exciting as you could dream, batons remains perfect, idk why I can't care about that wheel of death act but I can't, and Battle was fine.

But listen!!! Kerren McKeeman as the Twin Sister is! A! Revelation! She's a phenomenal performer and utterly shines in the role. The straps act has some updates to highlight her strengths, and at one point she based the Firefly Boy in a lift and I lost my goddamn mind. Their chemistry together is unmatched, probably the best I've seen for this act. At the end she kisses him fully on the lips. Girl just goes for it. I wanted to cheer. I'll reiterate that I wanted to cheer, I who has spent thousands and thousands of words writing out the Firefly Boy entirely to make room for an impossible romance in goddamn clown fanfiction. Amazing act by amazing performers.

Other details of note: Forest has new bugs! The potato bug is BACK and badder than ever. Firefly Boy pets it like it's the family dog or something. Adorable. The snake was out tonight for some reasons, but there was a giant dragonfly-like one instead that I'd never seen before. There was also a green scorpion-ish thing that I don't think is new new but I don't recall from other viewings. The Counselor had new eyebrows - thicker and more sculpted. Both Firefly Boy and CAD had new, more extravagant costumes for the curtain call. Love Dance and Firefly Both have updated arrangements that I'm not sure I like yet: both give a more theatrical, sparkling impression but might not fit as well with the rest of the show's style. Def didn't hate either one. And did they turn up the volume on the seat speakers? Because holy shit were we rocking. The band killed it all night. The power of this show’s music cannot be overstated.

Okay, character details! Ie the most interesting part to me by a mile:

We had Tricia Woo as the Twin Sister and I completely adored her. She was so energetic and expressive and her chemistry with Peng was adorable. Specific shout out to her raw emotion as the ship sinks. She calls out the nanny's name over and over in this desperate scream, and never has that act had the impact on me that it did tonight. It made The Deep so much more powerful.

TS is visibly afraid of the Counselor's Son when he and his pops crash the function. In fact most everyone was, which was new and interesting to me. CAD isn't just perplexed by his pursuit of her, she's actively nervous of it and him. She turns from him in the Den, she startles when he touches her, and she cowers at his finale reappearance. It was a little chilling - you can’t help but wonder what he has done to get such a reputation.

Jason Biltz delivered yet another excellent turn as CS but it lacked the clarity I've seen in other performances. Tonight the character seemed to favor the path of least resistance and and tbh comes across as a master gaslighter: on multiple occasions he puts his hands up defensively as if asking "why are you so upset?" when he has clearly done something out of line, and he hunches his shoulders as though trying to appear smaller. He does appear to court CAD for 90% political reasons, but come Love Dance he looks truly heartbroken. And then later he doesn’t seem to give a remote shit that she just watched her father die right before her eyes, nor is he at all bothered by the way she's held with a literal knife to her throat. And if he’s always looking for an easy way out, why does he still protest the attack on the Imperialists at the beginning? What's the truth, Rensai, you goddamn snake??

Despite somewhat hazy motivations, Jason plays this bastard as ruthlessly, brutally passionate. It's honestly remarkable. His pride at his every entrance, the deliberate dramatics of his firepowder presentation, his restless and energetic pacing during the wheel of death’s construction, all of it makes him look like the real powder keg about to explode. And when that's exactly what happens, you can't help but feel like you should have seen it coming. I stand by my claim that almost every other singular character in this show could be written out except him: he is essential to the narrative and theme.

The first archer to try to present CAD with a gift was a WOMAN. It was something new, some weapon or something I don't know the name of. Kind of a weighted chain that she whipped around like water meteors. Regardless: BI CAD???? I lost it.

If anyone ever asks you to describe non-sexual human intimacy, show them Shadowplay. It is just desperately tender. The Court Jester tends to the Twin Brother's hand with such delicacy - he removes the bandage, of course, but then has TB hold his palms up so the jester can smooth them with his own. He passes the bandage gently over them, and the gesture is miniscule but it feels like something out of a broader practice. A way to prep TB for the shadow puppets to come while also guiding him away from the tragedy of what they just escaped and into this deliberate moment of peace and rest.

My hasty post-show notes say "TS and FB FUCK but TB and CAD are taking it slow :)" and I'm still kind of laughing about it. There's a distinct difference in the way the twins approach each of their new relationships. TS and Firefly Boy are magnetic and give the immediate impression that they can't keep their hands off each other. Meanwhile TB and CAD are very reserved - more whispers in ears, blushes, and hesitation to hold hands. It's an adorable contrast.

Noriko continues to reign supreme. She gave the most adorable, startled little sound when TB kissed her.

Peng for president. He’s the best. He’s the best. He.

And to cap it all off, I swear that theater was 80-90% full. Better than I’ve ever ever seen it. I was thrilled for the artists to get the recognition they deserve in a space so massive. I hope they felt the energy because what they gave to us that night was utterly electric.

All in all a wholly epic weekend. And O got to be my 50th! See ya at 100, CdS. Feeling very lucky, grateful, and verrrry tired. Back in LV in January for Mystere and hopefully LOVE. 💛💚

#cirque du soleil #o #ka #atomic saloon #reviews #las vegas #circus

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allegrosims · 2 years

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When feelings are heavy they become all we are.

This will get really personal now and is absolutely non-sims-related! It’s just something I need to write down somewhere... maybe it’ll help me to let go.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my baby in the tenth week of pregnancy. It was my second miscarriage. I’ve gone through multiple rounds of IUI/IVF/ICSI to get to that point because a mother is the only thing I really want to be in life, and honestly if I can’t achieve that, I don’t want this life.

It was a missed abortion. Maybe the cruelest way of pregnancy loss because you don’t know that the baby you’re carrying inside of you, the baby you want more than anything in the world and that you love and adore with all your heart, is actually dead already... until you go to an ultrasound appointment and have the doctor say the most dreaded words there are for someone pregnant: “I’m sorry. I can’t find a heartbeat anymore.”

The whole world stood still at that moment. What followed were some very ugly weeks. It wasn’t just the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced mentally but also physically. I’ll spare you the details. But I really did not know how to move forward. My baby died inside of me (and I didn’t even notice), and I feel like a part of me died too.

There were too many what-ifs. There still are. What if I never get pregnant again? What if I do and lose the next baby too? Can I survive it another time? I wasn‘t even sure I’d survive it this time for a while.

I was signed off work for some weeks. I actually only went back yesterday for the first time. I tried to get my will to live back. I tried to find some hope again. It was hard. Very hard. So mostly, I just tried to escape reality and push the sadness and sorrow away. And hey, that’s why I’m back here and posting again! Sims is a very effective way to escape reality. So is reading... and music.

Music is my second favorite thing in the world (my dog comes first :D). I feel very strongly and passionately about anything music-related. My favorite artist is Aurora... by far! I can’t even put into words how I feel about her and her music. Her music helped me through a lot. I listen to her on my best days and my worst days and all the days in between. Not a day had passed since I discovered her a couple of years ago that I haven’t listened to at least one Aurora song. I watched all the Interviews you can find anywhere, know every song lyric by heart, saw every performance that’s documented online - but I’ve never managed to see her perform live and in person.

It’s the second biggest lifetime wish I have. The first one, obviously, is becoming a mother. It’s probably not normal how strongly I feel about Aurora, but it’s as if everything she says and every word she sings goes through my ear and straight into my soul.

Last year, Aurora finally announced another tour after the covid break. I managed to get tickets for her only show in Germany. You can probably imagine how much I’ve looked forward to this day. But then the miscarriage happened, and I felt so horrible that I didn’t want to go anymore.

Fortunately, in the end, I still decided to go, and I finally saw her last night. I saw Aurora live. She was only a couple of meters away from me. It was insane! I’m still so mind-blown and can’t believe it really happened! It was better than anything I could have imagined. When she entered the stage, I started to sob, and I couldn’t freaking stop! It should have been embarrassing in a crowd of thousands of strangers, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t the only one. She entered the stage, and before she even began to sing, she started to heal us with her sole presence. I might be biased, but I don’t think any other artist has that power!

Ninety minutes passed like seconds, and I forgot everything around me. I hadn’t felt anything even close to happiness for weeks, but right then and there, all I felt was pure bliss. The whole audience was in an ecstasy of love. We screamed. We sang. We danced. It’s indescribable.

I finally feel alive again! In not even two hours, Aurora managed something no doctor, no friend, no family member, not even my therapist and especially not I were able to achieve in weeks. She filled me with new energy, and I’m so, so grateful to be alive again! It’s such a blessing to be alive at the same time as Aurora!

I know that it was “just” a concert and that Aurora is “just” a human. But she’s so much more to me, and last night meant so much more to me. It was so cathartic just to cry, scream, dance, and laugh. I’m still so scared of the future, but I feel strong enough again to take on whatever life throws at me next. I feel reborn.

And that, my friends, is the power of music! You can say whatever you want; after that experience last night, nothing and no one can convince me that there’s anything more powerful than music. I hope that every one of you has an Aurora in their life too or that you will soon find someone who touches you the way Aurora touches me.

And now, let me end this with another beautiful Aurora song lyric:

Don't forget who you are even though you are hurt You are caught in a wire and soon it will burst

You can cry Drinking your eyes Do you miss the sadness when it's gone? And you let the river run wild [...]

Don't forget who you are even though you're in need Like a bird in the night, your emotions deserve to be freed [...]

You can cry Drinking your eyes I don't miss the sadness when it's gone And the feeling of it makes me smile As I let the river run wild

#personal #non sims #Aurora #Aurora Aksnes

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inkfablesandstories · 2 years

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fluff prompt list

“I just cant see myself ever living without you.”

“If there was ever anybody meant for me, it’s you.”

“The closest thing to love at first sight I’ve ever experienced happened when I first laid eyes on you.”

“I didn’t believe in soulmates until I met you.”

“Did you just tell the person I was gonna go out with that we’re dating?”

“You owe me a kiss.”

“Go with me?” “Only if you hold my hand.”

“I’d feel much better if you’d let me walk you home.”

“If I asked you to stay, would you?”

“You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe.”

“I’ve never felt this way before, and truthfully it scares me. But, the idea of never trying scares me even more.”

“You’re telling me you believe in love at first sight?” “I’m starting too.”

“I promised to love you forever, and that is a promise I intend to keep.”

“Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”

“You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”

"All I’ve ever wanted was a place to belong. Somewhere I could call home. And you gave me that. Because you are my home.”

“They don’t compare to you. No one does.”

“I thought I had the worst luck, until I met you.”

“No matter how much time we’ve spent apart, I never stopped loving you.”

“I could see the worst parts of you and still think you are the most beautiful person I’ve met.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“You brought me breakfast?” “Well you said you always forget to eat before you go to work, so I thought I’d make sure you ate something.”

“Everything feels right when you are with me.”

“I don’t care what others say, I want to be with you and that’s all that matters to me.”

“You bought me flowers?” “Yeah, well I noticed you’d seemed kinda down, so I wanted to cheer you up.”

“I’ll be damned if anyone makes you feel like you aren’t worthy of being loved.”

“I wasn’t sure what love really felt like until I met you.”

“You owe me.” “I owe you $20 not a day of pretending to be your boy/girl-friend to get your parents off you’re back.”

“I can braid your hair for you- I mean, only if you want.”

“Maybe if you stopped staring at them and actually talked to them, you might have a chance.”

“You said you wouldn’t fall in love with me.” “I lied.”

“I want you. All of you, and not just halfheartedly, but wholly. And maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care.”

“Can you stay? Just for tonight, please. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.” “'l’ll stay for as long as you need.”

“You are my family.”

“We’ve been by each other’s sides for years, you think I’m gonna leave now?”

“Take my jacket, I don’t want you catching a cold.”

“I’d wait a thousand lifetimes for you, because you are worth waiting for. So when you are ready. I’ll be right here.”

“I will never stop fighting for you. I will never stop protecting you.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re always on my mind”

“Don’t go on that date.” “Why?” “You know why.” “Say it.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I don’t want you to die for me, I want you to live for me.”

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.”

“How long have you had this planned?” “Since the moment I fell in love with you.”

“You came all the way here for me?”

“Why are you staring at me?” “Because I think you’re beautiful.”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” “I think I’m okay with that.”

“What are you doing here?” “I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“The world gets a little brighter when your around.”

“They say we wont last.” “Then lets prove them wrong.”

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kingryosukuna-archived · 1 year

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In every lifetime, in every iteration and rebirth of my soul, I will find you, Ryomen. You are my one—a love that will last an eternity. Until the sun burns out and the stars fall from the sky. Since the day we met, you became the center of my universe and I would rather tear the world apart than be without you for a single moment of the rest of my life. I’ve said it a hundred times before, but once more can’t hurt, right? I cannot wait to be your wife.

Happy New Year, baby.

@saccharine-seductress

It seems that fate has a funny sense of humour when it comes to you and I. One that is never ending. You were put before me as a child and every day after that so that we may return to one another. But the torture of it all is losing you, having to live those few moments without your laughter, your smile, your light. Deprived of your beauty, your voice, your touch, your presence. It’s a sick joke really. But one I’d continue to accept if it means it’ll guide me back to you.

I’ve always wondered what it was like for you, to feel yourself wither away while I remain the same. To think of your love living in a world without you because fate… fate is so cruel. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who’d wish to watch the world burn if that meant I’d get the opportunity to not watch you die in my arms again. But that begs the question, have you remembered me through the ages? With every reiteration of your soul? Did you remember my voice? My face? My name? You’ve gone by so many, each one I keep a note of on the parchment of my heart. They’re inked there, like you scribed them with your own hand to ensure they remain for as long as I live.

There’s a point to all this rambling, I promise you.

My point it that through it all, the pain, the loneliness, the constant yearning, you’ve always found your way back to me. I’m never sure how, like I said maybe it’s fate’s sick joke, making me fall in love with you every century even with my desperate attempts to deny it. But it appears that even fate knows I can never stop loving you, that you’re a part of me just as much as I am a part of you.

So yes, my love. Our love will last an eternity, it has persisted for the last thousand years of my life. And may it continue, till the concept of time itself ceases to exist, so I can finally say I have all the time in the world when it comes to you. Because that’s something that’s always been against us. Time. But my promise to you, as it has been from the moment I first met you, is that I will never stop loving you, I will never let you go, my heart knows you too well to do that. It knows who it belongs to, and for however long I have to wait after you close your eyes in this life, I will endure it. I will always endure it.

I cannot wait to make you my wife once more, in this life and the next.

Happy New Year, my sweet. May we see as many in this lifetime as time allows.

#[sukuna and kelsi]

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that-is-just-so-typically-me · 1 year

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Getting better is such a mysterious process. I know I’m always making progress, even with my stumbles and valleys, but I never expected progress to look exactly as it does. I’ve gone entire years of my life without crying, absolutely numb. That fact confused me then, but with hindsight I later understood that was a symptom of being in an unhealthy pattern that prohibited growth and kept me at a stagnant, stale safety. I’ve opened up in the years since, but recently, I’ve faced the opposite phenomenon. I think I’ve cried at least a little bit almost every day for a couple of months now (it’s hard to be sure). Sometimes from sadness, but mostly just from how overwhelmed I am at the impossible, fragile beauty I notice around me. I’m so easily moved watching shows or films these days - even though I can see the intent of the creators to pluck my heartstrings from a mile away, I buy in every time even if it’s embarrassing. I cry watching videos of people waving goodbye to the baby goose they rescued as they finally fly off with the flock. I cry listening to songs that remind me of my sisters’ love for me. I cry when my cat puts his paw on me as I get up because he just wants to stay connected to me. I cry thinking about how precious a gift it is to earn someone’s trust. I cry when my friends achieve something that they worked so hard to do. I cry seeing people choose every day to be soft when the world has given them every reason to be hard. I cry when I see two beautiful self-expressive teens holding hands and eating ice cream on the hood of their car in the Baskin Robbins parking lot at 9:00pm on a Sunday (god, how lucky are we to live in a world where two young hearts get to know love and ice cream and warm late nights in the springtime). I cry when I realize the two mascs hugging outside the grocery store haven’t let go for a whole minute, even though one of them has a skate board rolling off, and I know it’s the kind of hug where someone’s holding their loved one so their pieces don’t come apart and shatter on the pavement. I cry when I get a text from a loved one saying they are thinking of me. I cry seeing my farm boss’s grandchild pull up his first carrot from the soil she worked so hard to bring to life, the earth she tends while fighting for her life, that she cares for so well and receives care from in turn. I cry seeing my friends get back up every time life has pushed them down, pushed down one thousand times and yet always one more time. I cry thinking of my mother’s aging hands, her infinite capacity for acceptance and love, how I can feel her love deepening for her children (how is it possible?) as every year goes by. I cry with gratitude for the old me who never gave up each time it was all too much, waiting for me to come home into my body and love myself for the first time in my life, because I think I’m finally coming home. For the first time in my life I cry with gratitude for the lessons of pain, I cry for how much four years of this pain has taught me, how I feel like I became an adult for the first time in my life but how I feel like a child again in the best of ways. How the pain has made and is making me bigger after a lifetime trying to be small, how my anger and sadness and loss have lit up the moonless night of my life like a meteor, how for the first time in my life I feel I’ve begun to see. How I notice the entire world alive and rich and aching in the faces around me and the air and earth and seasons, how it’s expanded my capacity for empathy and joy (so much love and connection and compersion in places where only fear and envy and dismissal lived before), how all the loss has made all I get to have and have to lose so much more precious to me. I sit with the sadness and anger and fear and pain in ways I never could before. For the first time, I invite them inside for a cup of tea and let them all cry - and I do not dismiss the joy and acceptance and hope from the table. For the first time I am trusting myself to feel my way through this.

I don’t know how I can be living on this knife’s edge between pain and gratitude all the time, but I am - what I’m going through is the worst and the best thing that’s ever happened to me, somehow.

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everlasting-elegy · 2 years

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Lesson 16.5: Obey Me Brothers x GN!MC

How I think Lesson 16 should’ve ended, with the MC returning to their original timeline.

Genre: Angst, Fluff Word Count: 3.1k TW: Mentions of violence/death

It was jarring to see yourself die. It was even more jarring to experience it. Your body had no bruises but the crushing pressure of Belphegor’s grip was painfully squeezing your heart. It numbed your body, barely registering how you were led to the living room and sat down on a chair by the brothers. They were bickering about you, which was no new occurrence but the words went in one ear and out the other. Their piercing voices couldn’t knock you out of your daze. Only one voice did.

“There must have been so many things you’ve all wanted to do for Lillith over the years!”

It was an innocent comment from Diavolo who stood before you, waking you out of your stupor. Ah yes, Lilith. The one you’re descended from, the one who saved you. The one whose blood coursed through your veins.

“Do you think I’ve warped history?” You murmured to no one in particular. But Barbatos’ keen ears picked up on your query and he stepped forward. He explained his immense powers to pick a sole reality. You asked why this timeline specifically and he simply said it was more advantageous. And how could you complain? You were a mere mortal whose experience paled in comparison to Barbatos’ experiences spanning not only thousands of lifetimes but thousands of timelines. If this ending was for the best, then so be it.

You slipped back to dwell in your empty mind as the brothers fought over who would provide you tea.

The following days, the sinking feeling in your stomach would not go away. Everyday was the same, with every waking - and non-waking - moment with a brother beside you. You were escorted everywhere by at least one if not all the brothers. In class you were hastily seated in the corner, the only available desks around you being taken by the brothers. You saw how Simeon and Solomon’s faces would drop at you clearly being occupied with the demons. One day you slipped up and Luke saw your solemn expression. He was personally dragged away by Lucifer as the little angel demanded to be with you, barking about how you were clearly unhappy. Of course, the brothers quickly turned to you for reassurance. There was no way you could be unhappy, they adored you to all the layers of Devildom and back. Were you not feeling their love? They assured you they’ll be more diligent with earnest smiles.

You didn’t smile back.

As the brothers eagerly greeted you for breakfast, you explained how you forgot to do schoolwork last night and you’ll quickly do it before class today. Before they could complain or try to go with you, you left. Every moment with the brothers hurt your heart. The brothers bickered over who spent time with you before but it was no longer endearing and you didn’t know why. But you’d get your answer sooner enough.

You were about to settle in bed one night, calling it a day until there was a knock on the door. Grumbling to yourself, you opened it to see Beelzebub with a shy smile on his face. He always treated you respectfully since day one as long as his appetite wasn’t overtaking him, so you responded in kind with a small smile of your own, albeit void of emotion.

“I was wondering if you could join us and sleepover?”

You didn’t reply instantly. Us? But with every passing second you watched the smile on Beelzebub’s face fall until he held a puppy-like pout. Unable to bring yourself to turn him down even now, you agreed. Like a switch the smile returned to his face and he took your hand, bringing you… not to his room? You frowned, taking a step back as you passed his bedroom but Beelzebub’s grip only tightened at the feel of you slipping away. You were dragged up the stairs and into the attic, the slight gnawing in your stomach growing into an unmistakable pain. Your heart dropped to see the youngest waiting for you with an innocent smile.

“It was my idea,” Belphegor said proudly as Beelzebub led you to the bed. Once you sat Beelzebub immediately wrapped his arms around you, gently leaning you back until you felt the mattress on your back. To your right, another pair wrapped around you as Belphegor snuggled into you, deciding to have you as his pillow as he rested his head on your chest. He didn’t comment on your heart which pounded unbelievably fast against your ribcage but you did see the teasing smirk on his face. As he slipped further into slumber his arms naturally tightened around you. It was far too tight. Even though there was plenty of space to breathe you held your breath, the last time he embraced you like this had different motives and very different outcomes.

You didn’t sleep a wink that night.

Another day you heard a distant bang as you were scrolling through your D.D.D. in your room. Figuring you’d likely be called with the fallout of whatever happened, you took the initiative to head down to the kitchen to see what the commotion was. Although the kitchen was a mess, before you was a beaming Asmodeus who giggled sweetly.

“MC, my dear! I tried cooking something for you. Quick, have a try before Beelzebub comes and eats it all.”

He took a spoonful and held it out to you.

“Say ‘ah’...”

You complied as Asmodeus rambled on and on about how excited he was to make the dish as well as apologising for the mess which was some food exploding.

“It’s just been so long since I last had it. But I just knew you’d love it! It has all the ingredients you like!”

When you asked what the dish was called, you hesitated as Asmodeus offered another bite to you. You knew of the dish, many of the brothers reminisced about it and told you all about it.

It was Lilith’s favourite dish.

You headed back to your room without another bite, despite Asmodeus’ distant protests.

A theory was growing in your mind and you dreaded how it was becoming more and more plausible with every interaction you had with the brothers. It had been so long since you had a meaningful conversation with anyone besides the seven demons and even then, you doubted the conversation was ever truly about you.

So, you tested your theory. You refused to study for the next test on magical potions, even going so far as to purposely put answers down wrong to end up with an abysmal score which inevitably got you called to Lucifer’s office. When you entered the room, Lucifer was standing expectantly behind his desk, test results in hand. He dropped them on the desk for you to see the bold red score. He inhaled deeply before exhaling in a drawn sigh. The demon looked at you, face unreadable. Your back straightened in anticipation. For some semblance of normalcy, you were ready for him to chastise you on your tardiness, then command you to find Mammon for a similar talk.

“It’s rather unfortunate, isn’t it?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, your jaw dropped as Lucifer tilted his head down to your test. There was a ghost of a smile on his face.

“You’ve always been hard working. I trust next time your score will be more impressive. If there is ever content that is troubling, do come to me and I’ll assist you.”

You nodded numbly in response before snatching the test scores off of his desk. Lucifer asked you to send Mammon up to his office, his voice immediately losing its warmth. When you agreed, you won’t forget his crucial mistake.

“Thank you, Lil- MC.”

Immediately sending him a glare, your heart dropped as Lucifer regarded you plainly. He saw no error in his ways, or just how devastating his blunder was. Likely because to him it was no mistake. Your theory was proven. You were no longer MC. You were Lilith.

You decided to take a brief respite to watch a horror movie with Mammon. Purely by association, you found yourself drifting away from him but he was the most tolerable of the brothers. The one who cared about you since practically day one. Despite his words, his actions always showed just how much he cared about you. When you entered his room, even he brought up your absence from him in his round-about way. You couldn’t help but chuckle. You couldn’t remember the last time you made that sound.

The movie reached the peak, a crucial jumpscare and Mammon was clutching onto you like his life depended on it. The volume was turned up to the max so that the monsters in the movie were blasting your eardrums, so much you could barely hear Mammon’s cries beside you, even with his face pressed against yours. Even still, his stubborn self tried to keep a brave front before you, his trembling voice spouting reassurance to you.

“Oi, the Great Mammon is here, you’ve got nothing to worry about, Lilith!”

“I’m not Lilith.”

The demon froze and the movie went quiet as the jumpscare passed. He stared at you, wide eyed and you responded with a challenging look. You tried to harden your gaze but you figured even he, as blunt as he could be, saw the hurt in your eyes. Even the Avatar of Greed, greedy for your attention, prideful over the fact he was your first, forgot who you were.

“S-sorry, human... don’t know why I said that.”

But you knew why. The rest of the movie flew past you, you couldn’t care less. Mammon tried to make a quip or two but you never responded. Your eyes drifted around the room until it landed on a door. The very same door you exited out of that made you enter this damned timeline. Would the door still work? You lost track of time, you couldn’t care less what happened in this world. If you missed meetups with the brothers they’d just brush it off and compromise, still spending time with you. At this rate you could steal the grimoire and Lucifer would only give you a slap on the wrist. You could tear all of Satans’ books to shreds and he’d find a way to repress his rage. You could shame all of Leviathan’s interests and passions and he’d agree just because he didn’t want to go against you. No, he didn’t want to go against Lilith.

You organised another movie marathon with Mammon. He was noticeably relieved that you seemed to overlook his past slip up. You entered his room and waited until he needed the restroom for you to approach his closet. Hands wrapping around the doorknob, the cold metal sent a shiver down your body, freezing all your muscles.

Was this really the right decision? Barbatos’ himself said this timeline was advantageous. Although you were hurting, in truth everyone else seemed to be doing excellently. At least, that was what you assumed from the brief glimpses of people who weren’t the brothers. Was it really worth resetting a whole timeline for some mere mortal who would become irrelevant in a century? Then again, with how these brothers were acting, they’d likely find a way or convince you to become immortal so you’d never leave their side. They’d treat you with the same sugary sweetness they have been in this timeline but you loathed it. As daunting as the arguments were, as terrifying as it was to be on the verge of death multiple times by the very demons you lived with, there was a certain pride to it wasn’t it? You survived those hardships and most importantly, you grew closer to them after it. They were a testament to your hard work and your efforts, how you managed to make a bond and unite the demon brothers. Not Lilith.

“MC? What’re you doin’?”

You whipped your head around to see Mammon watching you. Without a second thought, you made your decision, twisting the doorknob and falling through the doorway…

… and into the cold, decrepit room of Barbatos.

The door worked.

Leaving Barbatos’ room, you couldn’t hear anything in the Demon Lord’s Castle. Surely Barbatos was aware of your departure from the other timeline. You didn’t dwell on it, leaving the castle and heading to the House of Lamentation. Despite you teleporting from Mammon’s closet to Barbatos’ room, there was always a chance that the door’s magic had worn off and you were still in the same timeline.

The sun high in the sky, you estimated it was around lunchtime but when you approached the House of Lamentation it was eerily quiet. Usually the place would be bustling, even outside you’d be able to hear the shouts of the brothers as they messed about. You silently entered the building. Approaching the dining room you could hear the gentle clicks and scrapes of utensils against plates. Mealtime was so quiet, you couldn’t even hear Beelzebub unintentionally eat the dinnerware. The brothers were solemnly eating, none of them making a peep. Only when Mammon got up with a finished plate did he freeze at the sight of you. Hands opening, he dropped his plate, shattering on the floor.

“Mammon, what are you-” Lucifer lifted his head in annoyance but he also froze. The brothers followed Lucifer’s gaze and now eating was the last thing on their minds.

“I’m back,” you said simply but you doubted they heard as Mammon yelled your name, leaping over the mess of porcelain he left on the floor and tackling you into a hug. Even though you were sure you’ll wake up with a bruise on your backside, you laughed as you hugged Mammon back.

“Did you miss me?” You asked softly, covering up your genuine concern with a teasing lilt.

“N-no,” Mammon shot back, but his wavering voice and the wetness where he dug his face into your neck told otherwise. “I just felt bad because I’m responsible for ya!”

“You went to MC’s room everyday,” Leviathan stated.

“I was keepin’ the room spick ‘n’ span.”

“I could hear your wails from my room,” Satan deadpanned.

“Those were sneezes! Room’s a dusty mess,” Mammon muttered as you led the both of you to stand back up. His arms still loosely around you, he refused to look you in the face.

“Oh cutie, if only you told us you’d be coming back today I’d have worn waterproof makeup,” Asmodeus whined as he used his fingers to delicately remove the tears from his eyes. He gently pulled you away from Mammon and into his arms despite the second oldest’s protests.

“MC! All these normies were so annoying, you’re the only one I can handle,” Leviathan complained. You took the initiative and hugged him instead. He yelped in surprise, spending a second to flail before accepting his fate. He mumbled to you about the new game he bought, waiting for your return before he played it.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and you parted from Leviathan to be given a one-sided embrace from Beelzebub. With his other hand he brought up a plate of mounted food to eye level.

“You must be hungry.”

“Beelzebub? Offering food instead of taking it?” Asmo exclaimed with wide eyes but Beel just smiled.

“I presume your trip to the past was successful?” Satan asked you as he placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“Very.”

Everyone turned to the front door where Diavolo responded, with Barbatos standing faithfully beside him. “Barbatos has informed me of your ventures, MC. It’s good to have you back.”

“I thought you said the other timeline was more advantageous,” you challenged Barbatos.

“Only because you were there,” he admitted with a light smile. “Even if you had no magic, you underestimate just how powerful your presence alone can be. The moment you left the potential benefits of that timeline left with you.”

He discreetly tilted his head, gesturing to the brothers surrounding you. Before you could think further on his statement, Diavolo clapped his hands to grab everyone’s attention.

“Ah, and since MC’s task was an overwhelming success, as promised…”

Diavolo stepped to the side to reveal Belphegor. There were audible gasps of excitement by the brothers but you held your breath. The youngest’s eyes immediately landed on you and in that moment time seemed to freeze. He took a slow step forward but your legs were like lead and you couldn’t keep the distance between you. As he got closer and closer, you tried to read his face. Would it contort to the maniacal laughter moments before he killed you? Will he scowl at your very existence? Will he whisper ominous words of how you should be careful around him, especially if you’re alone?

He reached a timid hand forward, getting higher and higher until it landed on top of your head.

“I guess… Lilith wasn’t the only good human,” he mumbled. His voice was strained, his muscles tensed and you were just the same. But still, he gave your hair a ruffle.

“... thanks…”

You accepted his gratitude, a silent but mutual understanding now between you two. Behind you, Lucifer audibly cleared his throat.

“I understand these are exceptional circumstances, but in two days there’s a test on curses and hexes. I can’t have a lacklustre score reflect on this family-”

Lucifer was interrupted by the appalled groans of his brothers. As he sent glares to all of them he lost his composed demeanour as you went up to hug him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it done,” you reassured. Lucifer blinked once, then twice to register what was happening. He let out a quiet sigh before putting his hands on your back, reciprocating your affection.

“It’s good to have you back, MC,” Lucifer stated simply. Although you couldn’t see his face, you could hear the smile in his voice.

“I also suggest that you pay a visit to Purgatory Hall,” Satan piped up. “I’m sure Solomon and Simeon miss you but Luke in particular is not fun to bully- I mean, have light-hearted banter with anymore.”

“Of course,” you chuckled as you pulled away from Lucifer to look at the demon brothers before you through your blurring sight. Even as you wiped your tears of joy away, you recognised the familiar look the brothers held. Not the obsessive infatuation you had to put up with for so long, but the genuine look of companionship. You are the one who argued and fought with them. You are the one who pushed past their rough exteriors and developed bonds with them. You are MC, and you’re back home.

Obey Me! Masterlist

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me angst #obey me fluff #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me shall we date #obey me lesson 16 #everelegy-writes #everelegy-obey-me

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