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seventh-fantasy · 5 months

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friendships as marital ties (and other notes on relational ties) in mlc

this is sort of a third installment in the series of meta on 'mlc as an exemplar of constructing queer narratives out of chinese ideological frameworks' (1. jianghu as queer space and 2. how it manifests in li xiangyi) - focusing on the nature of relationships in it. (which I've briefly mentioned in the first one and finally actually getting to it!!)

I would like to first call attention to chinese ideological frameworks as a premise of queer reading in mlc. the goal of chinese philosophy is to explore the becoming of human, taking two broad paths of the (mainstream) secular vs. escaping the secular. (these two paths are not a strict dichotomy, and rather, are ever in flux and in conversation with each other.) as said by @markiafc too, chineseness is so much about the rigidity of structures, and in equal part, a desire to break out of them. thus, chinese ideological frameworks can very much offer a rich reading of queerness - that mlc, a story very deliberately structured based on chinese ideologies (more accurately, with good reasons for me to believe that it is as such), has managed to materialise.

if the conceptualisation of queerness is premised on a defiance against mainstream norms, then a reliable way to read queerness in chinese ideological frameworks can be to deconstruct it by the mainstream confucian frameworks.

in mlc, this is implicitly set up with its stage of wulin/martial jianghu. then it is further broken down by asking, hey wulin jianghu is still closely related to the hegemonic values and the mainstream structure of authority (historically, 侠 xia being politically involved says a lot about this), so what is the true meaning of jianghu? what does it then really take for jianghu to be a queer space offering comfort and freedom to those who have escaped to it - to be the space that allow the transcendence of rigid roles and labels? mlc took a step further to resist the proxy to mainstream values that wulin jianghu has become.

this is why there can be a very strong buddhism reading of mlc (suggested here, expounded in the A+++ meta by @markiafc here and here, and also what I've seen discussed by cnet as well), given that buddhism is one of the 'extra-secular' ideologies, alongside (philosophical) taoism. I've also touched on a taoist angle in this meta. both schools are articulated in different sets of languages, but ultimately convey a same ideal of what it means to be human and how to live well - that is, to resist the roles and labels defined by the norms.

so, back to confucian frameworks.

a lot can be discussed about mlc with it. but in the context of this meta about relationships in mlc, it's specifically drawing on how confucianism conceptualises social relationships with familial ties as a cornerstone, and how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self'.

as such, one of the things about mlc that has fascinated me is how deliberately it seems to ignore and reject the conventional familial ties (the kind by blood and marital ties). I've joked about how it is a miracle for me to love mlc as much as I do, as a prime dysfunctional family story enjoyer, despite none of its main characters struggling with any complicated feelings about their (biological) parents. but on closer examination, mlc is also making a comment on the model of familial-based relationships that dominates mainstream society - but through the absence of it.

with this, I want to talk about 1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties; and then 2) how it repurposes these ties in its own ways.

the five relational ties in confucianism:

father and son 父子有亲 - (natural) affection between father and son

ruler and subject 君臣有义 - righteous relationship between ruler and subject

older and younger brothers 兄弟 (长幼有序) - this is actually about seniority within the family; the order between older vs younger family members

husband and wife 夫妇有别 - differentiation between husband and wife (demarcated by the 内外 spectrum of gendered inner-external spheres)

friends 朋友有信 - trust between friends

logically inferred, all these ties are hierarchical and familial-based except for the last one: friends. ruler-subject is sort of an extension of the natural familial ties, while friendship is the inverse space of 1-4 (ie. you fall back on 5 to define a social relationship outside of the familial sphere that cannot be qualified as 1-4). while all are premised on mutuality, it is only no. 5 that is defined by a sense of choice and equality.

on the surface, 1-4 don't quite exist in mlc in particularly meaningful ways to the narrative or are even outright overlooked, and friendship is the relational tie most valued by mlc. we can tell it's true just by looking at the most meaningful relationships in mlc of difanghua. but at the same time, it is more nuanced. we can take a closer look at how the story plays around with most of the ties as part of a broader queer narrative.

1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties

mlc's rejection of mainstream relational ties can be best seen in fdb escaping from marriage. and it was not just any engagement with anybody but an engagement with the imperial family. he struggles with the prospect of being married to princess zhaoling, but generally, it's about the idea of complying to mainstream conventions and expectations that includes compulsory heterosexuality. all these point not only to a defiance against amatonormativity - the resistance of the traditional husband-wife tie, but also an irreverence for the ties of ruler-subject (the engagement being an imperial decree) and father-son (matters of marriage being sole decisions made by parents).

of course this is on top of how fdb's own biological father is a p-o-s, and the narrative gives fdb minimal struggles in this aspect, allowing him to sever this tie without looking back (I love it, yeap). along the same line is how lxy is an orphan, who came to gain important relationships that are built on natural compassion among people rather than innate, blood-based ties - even as llh. the sense of defiance from the narrative is especially stark to me considering that he could have a completely different familial-based life - as a son, brother, and ruler, if his biological family was still around. the narrative also deliberately treats his biological brother as a phantom, replaced with an older brother who he was bonded with neither by blood nor marital ties. on dfs's front, absolutely nothing is to be known about his biological family. his childhood history with the toxic patriarch of his life - who is not even his biological father - was afforded a clean break and closure.

we can keep going on, but that's pretty much the point.

ritualisation is one of the most important things of the confucianism school, especially to the honoring of these social relationships (and the officiating of social roles). the one ceremony/ritual we saw in mlc involving the main characters - or more accurately speaking, came closest to seeing - was the imminent wedding ceremony of dfs and jlq. even in that case, it was premised on non-mutuality with dfs being the unwilling, passive party. (fem-coded dfs? 25 marks.)

and that brings us to the next part.

2) how mlc repurposes these ties

that particular wedding ceremony gets hijacked by dfs and lxy/llh, and gets turned into an important milestone in their relationship. they consummate - what is on text - their friendship after a long time being more enemies and rivals than friends. it is a clear establishment of the trust they have for each other. and here it is where I circle back to the subject of this post: friendships as marital ties.

in this article, as a part of a feminist, egalitarian reframing of confucianism, there is a proposal for spousal relationships to be reframed as a friendship tie. (this aligns with the interrelatedness of the five ties eg. the ruler-subject mirrors father-son dynamic, with the confucian belief that rulers have an obligation to their subjects alike parents to their own children.) by doing so, it removes the functional, gendered differentiation assigned to marital ties, and shifts it to something equal, and independent of gender. you exalt the value of trust between spouses, instead of basing marital relationships on gendered roles. as such, spouses become more like friends, and conversely, friends can also become more like spouses. (romance not a prerequisite. it has never been about romance anyway.)

given that mlc has repeatedly applied marital motifs to llh and dfs's characters in their joint narratives, this opens up a reading friendships as a marital tie. seeing marriage as a bridge for strangers to become family, marriage in mlc becomes a metaphor for the chosen commitment and mutual trust put in by strangers/friends (non-familial ties) into the becoming of family. the blurring of lines between marital ties and friendship encourages a genuine space of queer experience that goes beyond any pressure for strict labels - of sexuality, and relationships as romantic, sexual, etc etc.

(note: despite the borrowing of a feminist concept, I strongly hesitate to call mlc a feminist story. it's a whole discussion - or debate - on its own. nevertheless, it is definitely a gender-conscious story that lays foundation for a strong queer and egalitarian reading.)

it is to be noted that it is intended - and also beneficial to take the confucian framework of relational ties beyond face value. the framework offers what it believed to be the most fundamental social relationship dynamics, and sees room for extension and matching to other kinds of relationships (all if not, most). a relationship such as teacher-student, which is outside of the five ties stated, can also mirror the affection of father-son ties, albeit not in a literal and identical way.

speaking of which. fdb and lxy/llh.

indeed they're known by others to be good friends. fdb thinks they're good friends too - insists on it, and puts his best efforts in keeping it that way. but does it really go both ways? if it does not, then can it really still be friendship? my humble take is that, ultimately - weighing in with llh's perspective - this is a relationship that is not so much based on trust, and rather, based on an innate affection that is only unique to family. (in this case, not blood/marital-based but one that was chosen and built aka lxy's relationship with sgd.) in other words, less of a friendship, more of a familial one.

it is a lot clearer considering their relationship from llh's point of view: some brat you never wanted in your life came barging in, and whether he was going to bring any positive effect to your life was secondary to the tranquility - which you have carved for yourself in the past decade - that is so integral to your personhood. no way. but the moment you hear that he's family? well, that changes the game completely. even before learning about fdb being sgd's son (then beginning to take initiative in showing greater acceptance), it is apparent in llh that there was an instinctive resonance with fdb as his shixiong's nephew. (eg. he remarked to his shifu's grave about how alike fdb is to himself.) this is unlike with dfs whom he had taken a much longer time to build trust with. you do not apply trust - aka the quality of friendships - to family. family is something deeper, more instinctive than that. if fdb was never family, I find it hard to imagine given llh's personality, that he would have let some brazen, bratty stranger intrude for that long. (boy invited himself to llh's home, sat himself down eating the owner's dinner and nosing in his cooking abilities!!! ily bb but that was uncalled for 😭)

of course there are many more layers in their relationship. there is a substantial degree of their history as (unwitting) teacher-disciple: fdb is still healthy and alive all thanks to the existence of lxy as a spiritual teacher role model in his life, regardless it being one-sided or not. there is also indeed some part of friendship in it, especially from fdb's point of view. he sees llh as a kindred spirit who he could enjoy a life of freedom with for life. but llh never reciprocates. he knew this was short-lived. and so ultimately, the hierarchical layer of their relationship overpowers the equal one, where llh's treatment of fdb as a nephew/小辈 younger family member and a disciple is the one that sealed the fate of their relationship.

if (blood-based) familial ties are irrelevant in jianghu, then the closest proxy to a father-son relationship in the martial world would be a teacher-disciple relationship. lxy and his shifu are a clear, indisputable example. for fdb and llh, their teacher-disciple tie is murkier and not consistently applied. they were also never ritualised as teacher-disciple, and thus are not teacher-disciple in any official capacity as far as confucian ideas are concerned. yet in crucial moments, it is invoked by llh as a card of authority over fdb to get out of sticky situations with fdb. and there was their final scene together: in a moment of sincerity, llh gives the approval to fdb as his disciple - then entrusting fdb with the secret manual of his techniques, up until his final letter in which fdb was recommended to dfs as a successor to his martial abilities.

in an imperial setting, this would have been the relationship of an emperor and his crown prince that straddles both ruler-subject and father-son ties aka a tag-team of disaster. the teacher has an obligation to nurture his disciple as a successor to himself, and love him like a son too. on the flipside, he holds the final power in their relationship - withholding knowledge and feelings from the younger one. they are only equals in a way a parent-child can be. they are only equals as much as the parent allows. and this is how fdb got left behind in the dust of llh's departure. he was the child treating his parent like a friend, supporting him emotionally and begging to be loved back the same way he loves his parent - but the parent had a lifetime way ahead of him and stayed out of his reach, physically and emotionally.

llh and fdb operate with the trapping of a friendship but have always been family in the core. llh had known that way before fdb did, just like everything else he had known and put out of fdb's reach. because. fdb did not have to know. fdb is different and will forge his own path. and that's a kind of love llh has for him that nobody understands (in fact not even fdb himself) - one that is on a different plane from friendships.

by repurposing the framework of relational ties, mlc showed that the essence of familial relationships aka its intimacy and closeness can be independent from biology and formalised rituals. and it is important to myself for stories to say that people can build close ties and deeply meaningful relationships even without being born or ritualised into any.

then back to how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self' in confucian worldview: the roles you play in these relationships are intended to define you. there is no 'self' independent from it. while the concept of a social, relational self is fully rooted in reality, being locked into social roles can be a painful way to live - a way that llh has experienced as lxy the sigu sect leader. so, in order for lxy/llh to realise a sense of self that exists outside the norms, it inevitably points to another way that requires a cut from these relationships. that is then the buddhist (or taoist) answer of looking past attachments to the world such as the confucian idea of relationships defining your being. only with a dissolution of a sense of 'self', can there be true liberation.

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhlmeta #lhl #my posts #dihua #can't believe this is how i choose to spend an inordinate amt of my free time 😐😐 being a broken recorder of brainrot 😐#anw the handful of fanghua moments that have moved me are the ones that are about the unbridgeable gap between them as 长辈小辈 as 徒弟师父 #(me realising lxy telling fdb 这个徒弟我没有白收 actually drives me nuts)#me: a brainrot-level dihua shipper first and foremost. also me: dedicating more of this meta to fanghua than dihua #about how fanghua's relationship is its own unique kind in the story. equally deep as dihua. just in a wholly different way.#dihua are friends and married and familial. but fanghua is family through and through #-> tl;dr of this meta actually #i just have extremely strong feelings about fanghua as a complicated little family unit.#which is independent of “shipping” FOR ME. but for anyone else though you can make anything out of it.#(gotta admit i'm a bit antsy about posting this and is uncertain how it's gonna be read. bc my reading of fanghua is so specific...well)#anyways. obsessed with dihua appropriating the heteronormative rituals <3 #edit: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT DIFANG aaaAAAGHHHHHHHHHH #but. it's true they're very purely friendship-based i think

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weak-nude · 3 months

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Annihilation, Jeff VanderMeer

#I felt so seen reading this part #I am not mysterious #I am who I am who I am #sometimes I feel so surface level #other times so deep #I don’t know which interpretation is right #w #jeff vandermeer #annihilation

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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the secret to happiness is doodling something catered to You Specifically. one second you're normal the next you're biting your own arm

#ouaghasfaifadkj WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #having a great time rn #barnaby/eddie/howdy is affecting me more than i thought it would #its soooooo surface level but WHO CARESSSSS IM EXPERIENCING JOY #literally have to pause to bite my hand/arm tho its making me insane #sometimes happiness is drawing a puppet sandwiched between two bigger puppets & getting smooches from Both #delight delight delight De-fucking-light!!!!#happy chemicals in my brain!!! hello! i have not seen you in Days!!!#slamming my face into a wall but in happiness #absolutely unprompted #ouuugasahgshagfshaksjas #the ship is Not That Deep but its so Ough yk #pure indulgence!!!#again!! catered to Me Specifically!!!#im feeling so indulgent that i will treat myself to takeout tonight #i do not have it in me to cook #and im sick of canned soup & microwave meals!!!#sushi tonight babey!!! bento box!!#ill even force myself to do the rancid dishes ive been putting off for nearly a week #that will make the takeout even More of a treat!#i will feel more deserving of it and less Guilty!

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rainymoodlet · 9 months

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Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[Ep. Ten] A Night on the Town!

Congratulations to our third date winner, Fabian! 🍾 Daniel decided to take him to the beautiful and masterfully built (😉) Wakabamori Walk for some bowling and a bar crawl!

The two had a hell of a time drinking, nailing trick shots, and talking the night away! It was classic bowling hall date: pitchers of beer, snuggling between pin resets, and laughter abound!

They also get two extra pics because for whatever reason these two decided to get drunk off their asses and go for a swim! 🥹 @rebouks come get your boy!!! djdjhs

[ Part 1/2 ] 🌹

#ts4 #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #ts4 bachelor challenge #ts4 challenge #;kmik #sim: daniel #fabian hawkins by rebouks #||#i legit went to look for fabs and he was in the water and dan was followin him fhdhhdd #this lot was built by becca @rebouks!!! and it is FUCKING GORGEOUS omg #the bowling hall i built 2 basements down from the level fhdhd #but omg these two had such a good time!!#sorry this was a little late! stressful day #but seriously they spent the time talking abt granite falls and dan’s travels #and he asked fabian all about his scar and his lumber job and the places he’s been #fabian opened up to him in some deep conversations abt his relationship w alcohol and the fact that he feels #like he hasn’t done ‘enough’#and it was all in all so fucking wholesome omg #it felt like an absolutely perfect and delightful lil bowling date #that they could have had in the world outside of the show on their own #and it was just so fun to play omg 🥹#and yes: fabian won!!! dan was surprisingly awful at bowling fhshdhd he fumbled almost every shot!

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daily-hanamura · 5 months

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#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #“i should be the one thanking you though” god yosuke GOD he still sees so much of this as him seeking justice for saki huh #nearly one year in and he still feels like this was a responsibility of his. that it was his burden that he had put on to yu.#that initial moment when he asked yu for help in entering the tv world like he still saw it as yu following through with his word primarily #i feel like there's an implication here that he thought yu might/could abandon this task for something else.#rank 10 when yosuke says “somewhere deep down I didn't trust you... no it's more like... i was jealous of you” idk i think on some level #yosuke didn't trust yu. i think yosuke who is used to being let down and used to only being paid lip service and superficial relationships #he didn't believe that someone as competent and as beloved and as enviable as yu would pull through for someone like yosuke #which again i want to shake yosuke like a snowglobe BECAUSE BBYBOY PLS HAVE MORE FAITH IN YOURSELF #DO YOU STILL NOT SEE HOW MUCH YOU'VE CHANGED YU AS MUCH AS HE'S CHANGED YOU #DO YOU KNOW UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YU WAS THANKING YOU IT WAS FOR THE SAME REASONS??#THAT YOU STAYED UNFLINCHINGLY BY HIS SIDE THROUGH GOOD TIMES AND BAD??#THAT YU ALSO HAD HIS BURDEN OF BEING A WILDCARD DESPITE BEING SOMEONE THAT STAYED CAREFULLY DETACHED SOCIALLY #BUT YOU. YOSUKE. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CHANGED HIS MIND AND HELPED HIM AND MADE HIM BETTER AND I #YU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOYALTY AND DEEP MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS LOOKED LIKE EITHER UNTIL YOU AAAA WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT #srry idk why that was in all caps i got very passionate for a moment #anyway. them.#he's good with his queue

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ride-a-dromedary · 5 months

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Alright, the jack in the box is wound, and the coherence is coming to me. Halsin and the dryad, I was talking about his response if the PC indicates that he is most comfortable after a supper large enough to induce hibernation:

"Mindless gorging...? No, that is not right. I did not realize you thought that of me."

And why this keeps catching in my mind is not necessarily what he says, but how he says it (so I am commending Dave Jones' voice acting here). The rest of Halsin's responses to incorrect answers are generally even toned and corrective; firm, usually, but not inherently overly emotional. Much like a teacher correcting a student. But this one...he sounds genuinely surprised and taken aback that the PC would even suggest that. The "no, that is not right" is even firmer on its heels. And the last part...the last part, his voice is smaller. Less forward. I would not go so far as to suggest hurt, but it is approaching that territory. It comes so fast after his firm no, that it almost sounds like something that slipped by accident. Like something that was meant to be muttered under the breath, but it slipped from him because the surprise was so organic.

Alone, it doesn't mean too much. It's a slight offense to an obviously nonfactual statement. And that's likely all it is. I'm about to read too deep into this, I am aware.

But combined with the other things spread throughout Halsin's dialogue, particularly the implication that he is otherwise used to people making commentary on his physical appearance or the physicality of his being, it suggests an extra layer of hurt. An extra layer of: "I did not expect this from you, of all people." Not quite a betrayal, but approaching one.

What makes it particularly catching, is that one of the things you are able to wrench (and I say wrench because getting Halsin to share mundane personal details about himself is a production - and it makes *sense* it's a production if a. We keep in mind that Halsin himself doesn't seem all too sure who he is beyond his preoccupation - which elves are prone to but Halsin also just has...a lot on his plate that have evidently stunted his identity formation - to the point where he even claims he was forgetting who he was, and b. If he is used to questions concerning himself and his experience leading into questions regarding his sex life or his physical activities, see: the companion banter with Wyll and Karlach, he likely...doesn't really keep ready details about himself personally on tap anymore. He's so unused to people being interested in Halsin, that he's taken aback when they are. It becomes the "In the moment, I forget everything and anything I like to do for fun" mentality - no one really cares about what I like to do anyway - if you will. He even goes so far as to joking that the PC may be a doppelganger because *why else would they want to know these things*) out of Halsin when you ask him about himself is that he has a sweet tooth. That he likes honey, and people find that amusing. He chuckles, but his face falls, evidently prepping for the PC to make a similar comment (and he attempts to beat you to the joke about that, though a PC can still call that "on the nose" to which he responds that there is little point in denying oneself if it doesn't hurt anybody - indulging isn't a bad thing). If the PC instead chooses that he should pay little attention to what others think, he gives that infamous: "sometimes I think people look at me and imagine my feelings can't be hurt" line. Which implies - regardless of whether he verbalizes it or not - things in this thread hurt his feelings. Comments or assumptions about his body and his person hurt his feelings. He won't say it, but they do. The PC is likely aware of this by this point in the relationship.

Halsin does not otherwise bring up eating or food to any level of significance or directness - the sweet tooth comment was the only time (you could assume outside of canon interactions that they've had other conversations between them and that perhaps this was brought up, but we are going to base this solely in what Halsin reveals in canon). He brings up hibernation, but specifically the sleeping part of it. Nothing else.

So, the PC then potentially goes ahead and makes an assumption of him during the dryad. How'd they arrive at this conclusion, as it obviously surprises Halsin that they did? It reads, very much, that the PC is making this assumption based on the comment about his sweet tooth, his comment on indulgence, and his physicality (note: the ha ha bear and hibernation thing almost seems like an afterthought - Halsin latches *very* quickly onto the "mindless gorging" part). All things that he has shown very evident discomfort (which is ironic because the question is when he feels most comfortable) or hesitance towards (he claims there is nothing wrong with indulgence, but never seems to indulge himself beyond sex, if that. Gee, what does that remind you of?)

Halsin entrusted this individual with this information, as frivolous as it was, potentially revealed that it hurts his feelings when people make assumptions of him, and this individual then went used that information and made the assuming connection: "So, this is a big man. He said he liked sugar, so he must like to eat and indulge. It must be his favourite thing to do because look at him." I am going to essentially ignore everything else I could have possibly heard, and make a bear hibernation joke that has nothing to do with sleeping being a comfort, but emphasize the eating part.

So, yeah, he's a little taken aback - incredulous, you might say. A little hurt. Resigned, almost. Because at that point, you can make a very logical assumption that Halsin came to a very quick snap realization that perhaps this person was not so different from the others as he thought. That it always eventually comes back to that. What else was he expecting? When has it ever been any different for him?

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #does this make sense i don't think it does but it's like...jumping from a - z based on assumption and you know what they say about that #note: this isn't actually this deep i am just making it this deep - also yes i'm aware it probably means none of this #i have a degree in bullshit #but this is also why halsin should have had a legitimate bear like build of a body #i understand why he didn't - but this is *verbatim* what fat individuals receive as assumptions on their person #*all the time* that oh you must overindulge yourself you must eat a lot you must you MUST #and in that thread of thought of halsin's relationship with his body #there's also something to say when halsin says 'my ears are all yours...any part of me is yours should you wish it'#because he *begins* by offering his sympathy and understanding...but follows it up with 'but if i am more valuable to you in this way #then that's fine too - i'm used to that'#almost parallels (inadvertently) astarion's:#'i think i'll enjoy having halsin around not for his wit or wisdom he'll just make an excellent shield if we're attacked'#he's self aware #and in regards to how halsin sees his body as a separate entity - a. body dysmorphia and b. i don't think he truly does #halsin claims he sees his body as a vessel to serve nature and wrinkles his nose at vanity - but i feel there is enough old hurt in him #that this can never be true of him even is he so desperately wishes it was #does he have a level of confidence in himself? obviously he does - but it is marred - it's an exchange #there's always going to be that little voice in the back

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deathsweetblossoms · 1 year

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Just sitting here thinking about how Azriel admits he kept the headache tonic "just to stare at", which means by the time he received it he was already down bad enough for Elain to add that type of sentimentality.... to...headache tonic.

#if that isnt the cutest and most pathetic (affectionate) level of pining #like *omg*#elriel #on first read I *NEVER* would have guessed it was that deep for him ykwim?#also you dont really do this sort of thing unless on some level you feel you're going to lose that person #you know? like maybe he wont receive another tonic and wants to just keep this one to remember #or like “this is all i'll get so i'll cherish this small thing forever”#ive done that before

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pastel-twilight · 8 months

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✨ An Analysis of Shiki Misaki ✨

Neku, Beat, & Josh were all bitter towards the world because they felt like they couldn't be understood. Shiki stood out from them in that she outright wanted people to perceive her in a different way than she actually was.

It's interestingly ironic since she's the most accepting & empathetic out of the whole group. She's more than willing to encourage others to open up so she may understand them, & yet, she's very unwilling to show her "true self" out of fear that she's not good enough to be cared about in return. It shows how unworthy she feels in comparison to those around her. She even puts herself down at several points, subtly or not.

She was patient with Neku, gentle with Beat, & she'd likely be kind with Joshua. But she believes she's not like them. She shouldn't be herself. If she were, it'd expose just how unimpressive she truly is. Nobody would like her & her friendships would fall apart.

However, as good as her intuition is, she's very incorrect about that. Eri, who's apparently a large source of her self-hatred, adores Shiki. Claims to be nothing without her. Neku, a guy who hated humanity & pushed everyone away, warmed up to Shiki in a matter of days because of the cracks in her façade revealing someone he could have better respect for. He outright says he likes her as she is & to discard the notion that she has to be like Eri.

Shiki - insecure lil Shiki - caused a domino effect that led to the city she dreamed of basing her future in being preserved. It was Neku who proved Joshua wrong in the end, but it was Shiki's influence that inspired Neku to become better to begin with. She's simply that amazing.

Sadly, being able to change & befriend the previously uncaring Neku didn't fully clear her doubts. This led to the telling question, "Once you see the real me, will we still be friends?"

"Count on it. You'll always be Shiki," wasn't something she expected to hear in return.

I theorize that during the ending, she was only mostly shown & not completely because her arc wasn't finished. It symbolizes that her journey towards self-love has not yet reached its conclusion. We can't see Shiki at her (literal) fullest until she's ready to accept herself.

NEO is where that changes. She's living out her dream, being herself down to a fashion sense that might seem tacky to others, but feels cozy to her. It's what she feels about herself that matters, after all, & she's finally acknowledging it. This is why I like her new design.

Shiki used to base too many of her feelings on how others may or may not feel about her, but now that she knows she's good enough, she can be confident in whatever she does. Wear sneakers with a dress & oversized cardigan, then top it off with large, nerdy glasses? Sure, why not! She even succeeded in starting her fashion brand with flying colors. Now she can simultaneously make herself & others happy! Sad as it is that Eri didn't show up alongside Shiki, it goes to show that the seamstress can be iconic even if her bestie('s appearance) isn't involved.

Also, contrary to popular belief, Shiki's not shy. She was awkward when it came to herself & her needs, but was loudly eager to befriend & aid others. She was mostly super capable of putting her foot down when she felt disrespected. That strength can't be faked. It's no persona.

Shiki Misaki's bountiful optimism & compassion already helped her stand out. She never needed to be someone else to shine bright.

When we finally get to see her eyes, we note that they're big, beautiful, & brown like Eri's, but with a different hue. Shiki's hue. 💚

#i love this girl so much you don't understand #she's done so much for others and she's finally learning to love herself #i relate to her on such a deep level #does that make me conceited? adoring a character i feel so similar to?#i dunno but i don't care since i gotta love myself as well #twewy #the world ends with you #ntwewy #neo the world ends with you #shiki misaki #kiki's analyses #twewy spoilers #ntwewy spoilers

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