#I really did smile at my phone like that

[the-blind-assassin-12]

So… Aphelion is one of my favorite stories of Oberyn Martell’s (and the first ever fic I’ve ever read for this character) and I am OBSESSED. You and @something-tofightfor are so amazing!!! Also, the premise of the story isn’t something I’m used to reading but my god, you both have me HOOKED!!! Can’t wait for an update🩵

🥹 Hi. I need you to know that this message made me so flipping happy and I have been reading it over and over like this:

I am THRILLED to hear that you’re enjoying Aphelion! That story is so important to @something-tofightfor and I, and we are having a GREAT time writing it. We both love the Prince of Dorne a whole heck of a lot.

And It’s your first Oberyn story?! That’s amazing! There are SO MANY great ones out there so I hope you find others to read and enjoy, too!

To hear that you’re not usually into this kind of story but that you’re still enjoying it this much is a HUGE compliment! I’m so glad that you gave our story a chance! I hope you like what’s coming next - we’re both VERY excited for things to pick up speed.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending this message and for reading and for saying all the incredibly kind things you said. I can’t express how much it meant to me to see this in my inbox. You’re wonderful and I hope you have a great day. ✨

#🥹🥹🥹 #THANK YOU!!! #jwritesfanfics #this was such a nice surprise in my inbox #I really did smile at my phone like that #this made my day #aphelion asks #aphelion oberyn #oberyn martell vampire au #cowritten with rachael

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks #i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me #but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world #tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of #but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets #this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me #i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items #i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em #its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there #the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students #mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression #in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me #no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings #if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask #but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself #and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding. #words #mr octopus #mental health #doodles

[oh-gh0st]

ok i actually need ot ramble ab that wip

#ghosts rambles #in the tags ofc. smiles #no cause i have been DYING to actually animate something and the thought popped into my mind the other day #like i was rereading the isolation imagine and i was seeing it play out vividly in my head and i just. what if i animated that #i had a couple hours to kill tonight and i was stupid bored so i got to drawing ! #the good thing about this is that i dont really have to quote on quote animate??? #like no over the top frame by frame stuff. its a lot of still frames and only slight movements #or repeating ones #there was only 15 storyboard images i did for this so i think that says a lot #plus i like leaving it at a cliffhanger technically. u get to imagine how they work it out ^-^ #there's 11 unique backgrounds i have to do and Hopefully the editing of frames wont be hard. like the phone turning on and off #and light sources from like the sun outside w choro or the light from the shades in ghosts bedroom #and obviously this will take a while. like i cant promise a definitive date of when itll be done #earliest is like prob by the end of november depending on my schedule and motivation #OK RAMBLE OVER. if u have any questions feel free to ask ^-^ i heart talking

[tillbonesshow]

Hey everyone back on another episode of why the fuck is my mother like this?

#ok rant time #i was thinking about enjoying a movie since i haven't in a long time and she was sleeping #i turned off the lights and sat down to watch it but she woke up and got into the room asking why I'm in the dark multiple times in an- #-aggressive way and turned on the lights #she then started asking 'what are you hiding from me you would only be in the dark if you're hiding something' #she ruined the whole mood and my night and then fucked off to sleep again #i can't enjoy a movie or really anything anymore cause she's glued to my fucking hip #if i smile at my phone she asks what I'm doing if I'm texting with my phone she asks who I'm talking to if I'm laughing she asks what I'm- #-laughing about if I'm watching something she asks what I'm watching if i woke before here she asks what i did and what i ate before she- #-woke up #stop just fucking stop i don't want to see your stupid fucking face anymore shut up get away from me I'm a fucking adult leave me alone #I'd be happy with her being annoying if she wasn't a terrible fucking human but she is i fucking hate this so much just shut up shut up #i fucking hate this house so much i want to burn it down with me in it #why the hell do i have to live with her constantly annoying me venting to me taking out her anger on me but my siblings can have their own- #-lives outside of this #this isn't fucking fair i never fucking asked for this any of this why why the hell is it always me that has to suffer #why the fuck is it me that got bullied and hit by my eldest brother for years but then i got threatened to be kicked out of the house by my- #-mother i was a fucking child why the fuck do she always side with anyone else that isn't me then has the fucking nerve to demand i treat- #-her like a friend she will fucking never be my friend i won't forget what she did and what she does she will never be my fucking friend

[creature-from-unknown-orgins]

I’m so tired and emotional, anything slightly positive you say will make me sob

#/neutral #I did cry for half an hour about an event ending…. #BUT OTHERS DID TOO #ITS FINEEEEE #I’m just very tired #please say hi to me in my ask box if you see this #I’ve missed all of you little people in my phone #<- has only been gone from tumblr for 4 days #I could not survive without this app /hj #this is one of those unhinged tired rambly Jamie tags isn’t it #typing that name makes me so happy :) #I wish more people used it with my legal name #so like switching between them #but most of my cis friends don’t really get it #which is fine #but every time someone says it #it makes me smile #oh well #good night #and well done if you got to the end of the tags #have a cookie: 🍪 #good night for real now :)

[stitched]

i cant give details because every time i think about it i freak out but i have like... fair reason to believe that they mixed my spine xrays up with someone elses somehow ^_^""

#i cant be fully honest about it until ive had my ct scan to be sure. but its like kindof scaring the hell out of me *awkward forced laugh* #but if that one comes back the same im going to need to make a whole fucking lot of phone calls and thats terribly inconvenient... #not dying btw. still fine hopefully. unless they really did mix up my xrays and then i have no clue *serene smile* #sorry for being vague i know its annoying but i dont want to say anything if i have no proof of it being true yet #1

[circularcatinspace]

Has anybody ever seen this show called Jay Jay the JetPlane? It’s really weird and has poor cgi, like so bad that it reminds me of uncanny valley. It had to have been made in the early 2000s are something, you know, when cgi was considered super cool and amazing? But I hav a firm belief that there are some things that just shouldn’t be cgied and that show was one of them.

#It shouldn’t have been done #Why did anyone make this? #it’s so weird and kind of creepy #Definitely reminds me of uncanny valley #one of the talking airplanes has a southern accent #It’s so strange and disturbing #CGI will never be the same for me again #For the record I was bored #i was really bored #like so bored #Okay #maybe not bored but just not interested? #Like not in the show #the show was..something #I meant I was uninterested in sitting in a really quiet room on my phone #So smile tv seemed like a good idea at the time #And while we’re on the topic of uncanny cartoons #has anyone seems the show called Mickey’s farm?

[peachcitt]

thinking about him (the gnc man i met at a tattoo shop in my dream who decided to take a taxi to south dakota to find himself after one night of knowing me)

#peach stuff #dreams #he also had memory issues ? he stayed the night at my house because ?? i actually don’t know but i did know he had memory issues #and i was scared he would forget me by morning because i had stuff to do and couldn’t immediately see him and reassure him after he woke up #because i had stuff to do. but when i finally got the chance to see him he told me he remembered meeting me #and i was so happy that i ran up to hug him and he hugged me back and the. he started telling me that #now that he’s confident he can remember things he wanted to go out and live on his own #and i was thinking . like the city 30 min away from where i live where i found him at the tattoo shop #but then he was like ‘you know im really glad i got the chance to meet you before i take that taxi to south dakota’ #and i actually pushed him away (we were still hugging during this conversation) and i was like HUH⁉️⁉️⁉️ #first of all WHY would you take a TAXI to SOUTH DAKOTA that is SO MUCH MONEY #(he had been robbed before i met him so he didn’t have a phone or cash but he did apparently have a card with a lot of money on it somehow) #and also SOUTH DAKOTA⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ WHAT⁉️⁉️ #i said these things to him but he was adamant about leaving literally that day #so to be supportive i helped him get ready and then a friend of mine came in and started doing his makeup because he expressed curiosity #and then he looked BEAUTIFUL and SO HAPPY in the makeup and after my friend left he kept on retouching his makeup and smiling at himself #in the mirror while i got ready to see him off #anyway i miss him. gnc king i hope your life is wonderful in south dakota i hope you remember me

[bitbrumal]

             NEW ACTIVITY NOTICE !  on top of what’s mentioned in my pinned comment, i will no longer be 24/7 available or responsive. i used to lurk & comment on everything so even when i’m not writing i’m interacting - but now i’m going to be taking multiple days of just staying logged out  ( incl. logged out of discord! )  in between one day of being online. or smth like that. it’s that ✨mental health management✨ babeyyy. convoluted explanation but i wanted to explain the change for ppl who might notice & misinterpret it. & also vent a lil :joy: i’m not less interested. i just literally could not sleep any more. logging out everywhere instantly solved that problem lmfao. i’ve spent the last 3 days working on my original novel & just, chilling & shit... the fear draining from me. #nice. but then also this is what i love to do & what lets me be creative & explore & learn new shit, & despite having social phobia i am still a social creature. so. a new routine! i won’t let it steal joy from me :muscle:

social phobia does affect irl life ofc jfdjdf it’s wild. real life reminds me i don’t need to be scared of tumblr, & tumblr reminds me i don’t need to be scared of real life :joy: that works. guess that means i’ll do both uwu oh it’s just what the doctor ordered.

anyway! #rambling. rattles my cage HI it’s nice to see u again 3 days of isolation can be a lot LMAO ❤

#ooc ✦ we don't leave room for jesus. #y'all probably didn't even really notice BUT I DID AND I JUST. hi c: like to be transparent. logging out of discord on my phone made the #world feel different djakdjaksdfjf DON'T U JUST LOVE BEING SICK IN THE HEAD IT'S GREAT. don't get me wrong i'm smiling bc #i found the cure c: well solution. at this point i'm just happy when i manage to do that y'know? #dfjfjajjk social phobia follows me into irl life too in sort of the opposite way. i'll have to deal with that... but y'know. slowly chipping #away at it all!

[todayisafridaynight]

can I see a picture of your dad 👉👈

yeah of course here you go

#snap chats #he IS my dad idc. i do call him my dad every other time i post bout him so 😔 #BUT ON THE REAL uhhh no <3 #i might overshare every bit of my life but i feel weird sharing pics of my fam #even if my dad Is Also chronically online and loves taking selfies and pics of me to post every time we hang out #no guys listen he's a menace whenever we hang out we usually go out to eat or we eat in #and Every Fuckin Time i be eatin and i look up i see him with his phone like :) smile :) #and then i make a demon face and hes like no !!!! an actual smile !!!! and then i do actually smile cause its really funny #wait im just talking about my dad now sorry everyone you can stop reading these tags #i just remember when i did my daigo cosplay and i saw him he was just like 'omg you're like a mini me' #old man you wish you had hair like mine ok ENOUGH 😭 #but yeah guess thats what you can imagine if you want a pic of my dad. like. like daigo but if he had a buzz cut and smiled 500% more #so not daigo in the slightest HAH GOTTEM i can bully him that's my boy #idk how i made myself hungry but im hungry. ouuugh curry sounds good but i spent a lot and i dont wanna spend $2 on a cup of rice #cheap ass #noodle time then ;] #ok bye while on the one hand how dare you go against my word when i say 'you can stop reading' #but on the other hand... omg :) hiiii thanks for readin <3

[beauceronn]

I've acquired a bit of an old man sleep schedule. I can't stay awake till 11 most nights and usually wake up naturally around 445-530. Not that I'm complaining, I am much happier as a morning person than I was as a night person, but it is a bit funny.

#i woke up at 530 this morning after falling asleep at 11 last night #thank you for the pet pics in my inbox i fell asleep looking at them i guess #since thats what my phone opened to this morning #i did intend on going back to sleep but then the fire alarms went off and i felt well i ought to get up in case somethings amiss. #nothing was or is #but i got up anyway #ordinarily id go to the coffee shop to do my work but the sunday morning shift always kills my vibe and i dont want to go to starbucks #because their coffee isnt very good and they dont have solid decaf options #and so on. anyway im almost done with the book i have to read for class and then i can start on the essay due tonight #i already have a good idea of what i want to say. its the how thats the problem #its only 800 words which i can churn out very quickly but theyll need some refinement #and then i do have homework that will probably keep me up past 11 #alas. the semester is almost over. #i get to go to school tomorrow and then work the rest of the week. im tired of it really #i want a real break #but im 20 and the time for real breaks has passed. i need money and a degree. #on a positive note the collie guy im fond of liked my fb post this morning #i didnt think hed see it #no comment of course but the acknowledgement makes me smile. #i miss dog shows #so much #i think im going to reach out to one or two more breeders. unfortunately theyre out east so itll be a little more difficult #to meet their dogs #because most of the dogs we have here are out of one breeder out west #but id like to make more connections. im still exploring what id like to do with puppy outside of confo #herding seems like heaps of fun and i know a lot of places in co and wa that are really great for euro style herding #i need to attend more sports events #ive only been to herding and bitework #herding is definitely my fave though. nothing beats seeing those dogs in their element lol #anyway i cant imagine anyone read this far

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao #a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head #sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so #i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet #at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me #location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take #measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring #at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which #was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im #just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for #and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do #something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move #like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which #would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data #processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for #vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to #without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding? #idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and #that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it? #anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so #when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok #but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we #just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece #pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked #hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done #unrelated

[rosielav]

Wishing desperately I could be normal about people I enjoy

#This goes for my blorbos my baby girls and for irl people #Someone asked me if I was in love w my best friend bc of the way I described her and how she made me felt #Bc most people can't separate platonic and romantic love I guess? Idk that's what they said #And then also like there is a streamer I find very attractive #One of the few people I find attractive in the way I find him #And it makes me yuck myself lmao #Every time I see a Pic of him I'm like wow so handsome what a great Pic what a great smile #But I never say these things bc first he doesn't thonk he's attractive like that so he doesn't really accept compliments #And secondly and more pertinent why can't I think normal things and not wow he's hot #I love his content and I watch every single stream #He genuinely makes me laugh so so so much #And yet the only thing I keep thinking is wow he's hot when I see a Pic of him #I have a Pic on my phone saved of him??? Bc he did a thing and it wasn't perfect but it was perfect for me #I ditn really wanna go into detail bc if I did everyone would know #Anyways I wish I could just be normal about things gaga

[fingertipsmp3]

Maybe it’s the delusions again but maybe… just maybe….. everyone is out to get me

#so i got my passport photos taken today because.. it’s a thing you have to so sometimes #*to do #and the lady was like ‘can i take an email address to send the photos to?’ so i began to say my name #and girl tell me why this woman knew how to spell my last name #i’m obviously not going to dox myself here so this has to remain vague but i have a french last name that is notoriously hard to spell #like i have never not had to spell it out to people. but she heard me say it the one time and then spelled it for me???? #never happens. absolutely disarming experience #and then she saw my confusion and gave me this weird little smile??? #i was like. what does that mean. why do you know how to spell my name that less than 1000 people share #did my mom piss you off at some point. did my dad piss you off at some point. did i piss you off at some point and i’ve forgotten? #was it my niece?? maybe a distant relative??? who in my family line do you have beef with #like maybe it was a lucky guess and she also has a weird awkward french name but i doubt it somehow #and THEN i went in coopland’s for lunch and managed to snag a table that was next to where people were queueing for the counter #and while i was eating someone walked past me to join the queue and said ‘hiya’ #i just gave the world’s most awkward nod because whoooo is this person #so then i looked behind me to get a closer look at her and make sure i hadn’t snubbed a really obvious person who i do in fact know #and she did not look familiar At All. which made the fact that she was giving me the evil eye that much weirder #maybe she was confused about why i was looking at her. maybe she just has rbf. maybe she was on the phone? maybe she thought i was someone #else and was mad at me for not being them. idk. but it was all a bit much #i didn’t like any of this. i don’t like when it feels like people know me but i don’t know them. feeling very truman burbank-esque #🎶I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY’S WAAAATCHING MEEEEEEE (AND I HAVE NO PRIVACY)🎶 #anyway if you need me i’ll be rehydrating because i definitely didn’t buy a drink in coopland’s because i didn’t want to pay £1.25 #for bottled water ✌🏻 #personal

[scientia-rex]

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

[alchemiclee]

who needs sleep when you can make a really cool arlecchino music video instead :DDD

#i think its done!!!! going to render it and then check to make sure everything is in place...then probably find mistakes and mess with it #might try to upload it to youtube but theres no promises it will work 😅 #internet is awful right now and cant even upload a pic on tumblr. have to turn wifi off my phone and use data to do anything #but i really wanna share this. i think its so cool and i had so much fun making this!!!!!¡ #im smiling like a goofy nerd while watching it because I DID THAT :DDDDD #I MADE A THING!!!!!!!!