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starrynite7114 · 4 years

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two sides of reality: one

A/N: My lovely readers, how are you all?! Some states are reopening, please stay safe and practice social distancing! I come to you now with a new story. Absolutely no worries, my other stories will not be abandoned. Also, the next drabble will be posted later tonight, just wanted to post this first. This is a bit different from my usual stories, I’m nervous, but I hope you all will enjoy it!

Thank you for continuing to like my writing, I truly do appreciate all the love you’ve given me and I hope you continue to like my stories!

Snapshots should also be updated by the end of the weekend!

If you would like to be added on the tag list for this story, any other stories or for all my works, please let me know!

Love you all!

tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic ; @iambabyharry ; @thegirlwhowritesfics

Rhian was making her way towards the office her brother occupied. He had summoned her for some reason and it was the last thing she wanted to do. Her whole morning consisted of changing oil, car after car, it was tedious work. Tying up her burgundy colored hair that she recently got colored once again, she tightened her ponytail, hating how the heat just stuck to her skin. Her hair wasn’t too long, a little past her shoulders. Tugging at her baggy shirt, she regretted wearing such a baggy T-shirt on a day such as this, but she forgot to do laundry and it was one of the clean shirts she had. She dressed with baggy clothing for pure comfort. The joggers she was currently wearing made it flexible for her to work under the hood of a car and not worry about showing her ass crack.

She should wear a jumpsuit, but again, it was too fucking hot.

At times she wondered why she stayed in Santo Padre with her brother, Daniel instead of moving to Los Angeles with her sister, Erica. She would have more opportunities in Los Angeles, but she couldn’t leave her older brother. Besides that, Erica was much more controlling than Daniel and she really appreciated the freedom she had. Though, there were other factors on why she decided to stay in Santo Padre, but the main reason was the side gig she had with Daniel.

“Dan, honestly, you know I can do more than change oil right?” Rhian immediately commented when she arrived in his office. She raised an eyebrow when her eyes landed on her brother’s best friend, Sergio. “I thought you were still in LA?”

“Just got back squirt, come join us for lunch.” Her eyes landed on Daniel’s desk which had various boxes of Chinese food. “You have her just changing oil again? This is why I can’t leave her with you.”

Sergio was her pseudo older brother that at times she preferred more than her own brother. He trusted her and Daniel, well, he did, but you were also his younger sister. Overprotective tendencies was his niche.

“Look, there was nothing that interesting and she needs to do scut work every once in a while.” Daniel made a plate for Rhian, handing it over to her. “Are you going up to LA this weekend?”

Rhian looked over at Sergio before shaking her head. “Not LA, I have something to do in Seattle, I’ll be gone for a few days.”

“Seattle? You got some secret boyfriend there?” Daniel wasn’t exactly sure why his younger sister traveled to Seattle often, but he figured whatever it was, she would let him know in due time, even though it’s been three years. His sister has always been secretive and he’s never forced her to disclose information unless she truly wanted to. It’s not that they weren’t close, they were, he just let his sister come out of her own shell.

It’s always been this way.

Erica and Daniel were outgoing. They had plenty of friends, loved going out to enjoy the town and loved being the center of attention. Rhian was not the same way. She wasn’t a loner, she had her fair share of friends, but high school was a breeze for Rhian. She never made too much noise and kept to her group of friends, especially after sophomore year.

Boys could be cruel, especially teenagers.

“A secret boyfriend,” Rhian scoffed. “I wish, but you know, Clouie moved there a few years back, I just like visiting her.” That wasn’t a lie, one of her closest friends did live in Seattle. She visited Clouie every once in a while, but the reality of her situation was much more complicated than that.

“No, I get it.” Daniel held his hands up. “I’m just saying it wouldn’t be so bad if you put yourself out there.”

“Right, with you two doing chastity patrol? No way.” She appreciated their protective ways, but it was hard to meet anyone in Santo Padre. Besides being a person non-grata due to her pesky older brothers, she also didn’t entertain guys. She didn’t exactly know when they were talking to talk or talking to hit on her. Regardless, she didn’t want to make any ties in Santo Padre. Once her deal was done, she was going to either Seattle or Los Angeles. She would get the fuck out of Santo Padre, a place that was never kind to her.

“Chastity patrol?” Sergio scoffed. “Cockblocks are so much better.”

Rhian just rolled her eyes and sat beside Sergio. “I can’t wait to get out of here.” She mumbled under her breath.

“You know you’ll never leave,” Daniel never wanted to part with his sister. Their mother lives in Chino with their aunt and uncle, while Erica was in Los Angeles. She was the only one who decided to stay with him and he couldn’t let her go. Besides, she was better off in Santo Padre. They established their livelihood there, she wouldn’t want to leave.

Sergio looked at Rhian and just gave her a knowing look. He wanted to get her out of Santo Padre. There was no future for Rhian in Santo Padre and the further away she was from here, the safer she was.

“What did you need to talk about?” Rhian asked once she was done with her food, throwing her plate in the trash can beside her brother’s desk.

“I need a racer tonight, you up for it?”

And in some Fast and The Furious reality, Rhian, Sergio and Daniel were part of the racing world of the Inland Empire of California. Stephanie, Aaron and Sean were also part of their little crew who also worked at the garage. Daniel built a reputation, encompassing neighboring cities that had people coming to Santo Padre to just get their cars modified by him. It was thanks to his part in the racing community, which he now has retired from. It was mostly Rhian, Stephanie and Sean who partook in the racing, while the other three took care of the cars and set up their races.

“Not tonight, I have an exam tomorrow morning.” Rhian was currently finishing up her Bachelor’s Degree, which took her some time, but a few personal issues kept her from finishing.

“Come on, you know you’re going to ace that exam, which you have been studying for since last week. Take a break,” Daniel was always such a terrible influence on her. While he encouraged her to study, if the opportunity presented itself, he also encouraged her to do other activities instead of studying. She knew it was due to his immense faith in her, but at times, she felt that it was that immense faith that kept her rooted in Santo Padre.

“Wow, you’re such a great influence.” Sergio shook his head, handing Rhian his plate so she could throw it. “Rhi, if you don’t want to go, it’s fine. I can have Sean race.”

“No, it’s okay, I need the money.” And she did, she’s been saving up so that when she finally got out of here, she didn’t have to look back.

“What are you saving up for? You’ve won at least ten thousand dollars the last few months.” Daniel wished that she opened up to him more. The only plan he knew she had was that she wanted to become a doctor, but then again, that was her dream when she was younger. He wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do now. Every time he asked her, she just avoided the question. “You still trying to be a doctor?”

“No, not anymore. Too much work,” Rhian sat back, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m majoring in graphic design, how do you not know this?”

“Cause you don’t talk to me Rhi.”

She glanced over at her brother and smirked. “I do, you just don’t listen. Sergio, when do I graduate?”

“In a few months.”

Daniel was somewhat envious of Sergio and Rhian’s relationship. She seemed to run to him for everything. He began to question if he ignored his sister and it was the reason she ran to his best friend instead. But he always gave Rhian her time to speak to him. He didn’t want to force her, but he might have to actively try and get his sister to talk. Contrary to what she may believe, he did care about her and he wanted to know about her.

“I knew that too.”

“Did you?” Rhian chuckled. “Look, I’m not trying to give you a hard time. You have a lot of things going on, the last thing you need to worry about is me.” In a few months time, her deal with the cartel would be over and Santo Padre could be a distant memory after that.

“You know I love you, right?”

“I do.”

Daniel nodded his head. “I need you to give this to Uncle Taza, before he comes here trying to come for my head.” Daniel handed her an envelope. The MC had issued him a loan for the shop, he was almost done with the payments, which he was thankful for. They didn’t charge him interest, which definitely helped out some.

Rhian laughed, shaking her head. “Using me as protection again.”

“You’re his favorite, he doesn’t give you grief whenever you go over there.”

“I’m not his favorite, you’re just an asshole who doesn’t like criticism.” Rhian pointed out. Taza was their father’s younger brother. Ever since their father passed, Taza helped out their mother to take care of them. Rhian was quite close to Taza and she agreed, she was his favorite. And being his favorite, Taza frowned upon Rhian being part of this crew her brother had, but he knew that when Rhian put her mind to something, there was little to nothing that could stop her.

“Look at her, trying to play off she ain’t the favorite,” Sergio teased, trying to ease the tension in the room.

“Whatever,” Rhian stood up, rolling her eyes at the two. “I just want to let you both know, you’re the bane of my existence.”

“We love you too!’ The two men said in unison.

=========================

Rhian waved at Riz, thanking him for opening the gate for her. Parking behind the motorcycles, she turned off her car and opened the door. The Santo Padre heat immediately hit her, causing her to groan.

Riz laughed, giving her a hug once she was out of the car. “You know, it still surprises me that you’re not used to the heat.” Riz swatted her ponytail. “Nice hair, did you get new glasses too?”

“Maybe because no normal human being could actually get used to this.” Rhian quickly made her way to the shade the clubhouse porch provided. “Thanks Riz, and yes I did, I stupidly stepped on my previous ones and I could have just taped it together, but my brother insisted we get new glasses.”

“Can’t have you working on cars if you can’t see.” He teased her.

“I’m not that blind, douche,” Rhian stuck her tongue out towards him. “Is my uncle here?”

“Yep, templo, just wait inside, the AC is on.”

“This is why you’re my favorite!”

“Lies, but I’ll take it,” Riz called out after her as she opened the door.

Rhian found Angel and Coco sitting at the table, with Gilly sitting by the bar talking to EZ. The four men looked over at her. Coco and Gilly immediately stood up to greet her, while Angel stayed rooted at his seat. She wasn’t sure why Angel was so awkward around her, but she didn’t question it. She knew it had something to do with what occurred in high school, but she’s moved on, she’s spoken to him a handful of times.

“Rhi, what are you doing here?” Coco questioned as he pulled away from her.

“Money drop off,” she waved the envelope in her hand. “Daniel is just too chicken shit to come here cause my uncle always gives him grief.” Looking at EZ, she waved at him and then at Angel. The Reyes brothers were always so awkward with her and she wasn’t exactly sure why.

“Your brother is such a little shit,” Gilly laughed. “Heard through the grapevine there’s a race tonight, you racing?”

“Why? You guys are going to come?”

“You want us to?” Coco didn’t have anything planned and they already handled their Rebels business earlier in the day.

“Where’s Creeper?”

“Across the border,” Angel answered. “He got injured.”

Rhian nodded. “To answer your question,” she turned to Coco, “sure, but don’t come in your motorcycles, it makes people antsy.”

“Fuck them, we don’t give a fuck,” Coco scoffed. “You’ve been racing often lately, something going on?”

“No,” she gave him an odd look. They didn’t have to know she was saving for her escape from Santo Padre. It wouldn’t really bode well with Coco and Gilly. They’ve become quite close and she knew the Mayans men had a hard time letting go of people who become constants in their life. They would eventually be happy for her, they’ll understand. “My brother asked me the same thing.”

Coco and Gilly were the two she was closest with at the MC. It surprised her since Angel was their third musketeer, hell, he was their leader in this little group, yet, she still didn’t become close to Angel. It wasn’t on purpose, but they seem to always just avoid one another. Angel kept to his corner, was civil towards her, but he always kept her at two arms length.

Angel turned towards them, intrigued by their conversation. Rhian Ayala was an anomaly for him. She spoke to him every once in a while, but unlike other women, she just never gravitated towards him. Her sister, Angel used to have something there, but Rhian just avoided him. Or that’s what he liked to believe. After high school, she avoided him like the plague, but her sister always assured him that it wasn’t him. That Rhian was just like that and in some ways he agreed, but she also didn’t give EZ the time of day, which if he was honest, was a fucking breath of fresh air.

“Is there?” Gilly asked.

“No,” she shook her head. “I just like having money since you two are a pain to feed.”

Coco and Gilly laughed, nodding their heads. “That’s true, but you love us.”

“Well, it’s either you two or my brother and Sergio, the lesser of the pair of evils.”

“Damn, why aren’t we invited?” EZ spoke up. He was surprised he did since he hasn’t really spoken to Rhian since Sophomore year of high school.

Rhian chuckled. “You’re more than welcome to come Ezekiel.”

EZ slightly cringed. She was one of the few who called him by his full name and he felt it was to keep the distance between them. He used to be close to Rhian, they were best friends till sophomore year. Things just changed and he couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to do so.

“Is the invite extended towards me as well?” Angel joined in.

The silence was much longer than any of them would have liked, but Rhian wasn’t exactly sure what to say.

“Of course, the more the merrier.”

Before anyone else could say anything, the temple door opened with Taza, Hank, and Bishop walking out.

“Tio Taza!” She enthusiastically greeted him.

“Conejo, what are you doing here?” Taza fondly called her the nickname he had bestowed on her when she was younger. He gave her a hug, wrapping an arm around her shoulder once he pulled away.

Rhian waved the envelope. “Just my brother’s monthly contribution.”

“Your brother has no time to bring it in?” Bishop always found it amusing that it was Rhian that dropped off the money Daniel owed them. He knew it was only due to Daniel not wanting an earful from his uncle.

“My brother doesn’t want to hear Tio’s nagging.”

The Mayans laughed at her comment. She handed the envelope to Bishop.

“Have you eaten?” Taza questioned.

“Yes, you do know who my brother is right?” Rhian playfully elbowed Taza. “He’s like a human garbage disposal, there’s always food in the garage.”

“School good?”

“Yes tio, it’s good.” Rhian’s phone began to ring. She slipped it out of her pocket, checked the name, and slipped it back inside. “I’m gonna go, nice seeing you all during our monthly drop off.”

The members laughed once again. Rhian left the clubhouse then, with everyone going about their business.

“She’s racing tonight,” Coco informed Taza.

“You know the drill,” Taza sighed. “Make sure she’s safe.” He never tried to control Rhian. She was a big girl, she could make her own mistakes, it was part of life. But that didn’t mean he didn’t protect her.

“Always.” Coco picked up his pack of cigarettes, making his way out of the clubhouse.

“Hey Coco,” Angel called after Coco who had walked out of the clubhouse.

“What’s up?”

“Let Gilly stay behind and I’ll come with.”

“You?” Coco chuckled, taking out a cigarette and lighting it up. “Why? You’ve never been interested in Rhian’s activities.”

“You won’t let me be interested.”

“I’m not the one that avoids her like the plague.”

“The fuck you mean?” Angel’s eyebrows furrowed at Coco’s suggestion. He didn’t avoid her, he just didn’t have anything to say to her. More like he didn’t know what to say to her. After high school, there was just this unseen wall between them and as much as Angel wanted to break them down, he didn’t know how.

“Come on Angel, you know you do. Ever since I’ve known Rhian, you never really gave her the time of day.” Coco always found it odd that Rhian never spoke to the Reyes brothers, but he never pushed her. Rhian was very cordial towards them, but he never questioned why EZ and Angel just seemed to become awkward around her. The two men he knew that could charm a wall could not even look her in the eye. He wondered what occurred, but he never tried to ask Rhian. So he asked Taza and it all made sense. He thought it was childish that Angel and EZ avoided her, but it must be shame that truly did it for them.

“I can’t give her the time of day even if I wanted to, she won’t even talk to me.”

“Have you tried? Answering her questions every once in a while isn’t really trying Angel, did you do something to her?” Coco always found it amusing when he observed Angel while Rhian was around. He could tell his friend was having a difficult time talking to her. He could just tell how perplexed Angel became, thinking of how to approach her.

It was amusing to say the least.

“This might be my opportunity to open the gates.” Angel knew he did her wrong, and he’s been trying. Well, he believed he was, but every time he would make a joke, she would just crack a smile and nod her head. Nothing else. He was a funny guy, there was no way his jokes were not working on her. She was suppressing it and he wished she wouldn’t. He refused to believe that she didn’t find his jokes amusing.

“Are you interested in her? You know Sergio and Daniel would never let you near her.”

Angel smirked. “They can go fuck themselves, they’re the least of my concerns.” He wasn’t the biggest fan of Sergio. Daniel, he could handle, but Sergio, he just rubbed him the wrong way, always did, even while he was dating Erica.

“So you are interested in her?”

“No, I’m not. She’s just frustrating. Every time I try to speak to her, she just keeps it very short and professional.” Angel took a cigarette out as well, sitting on the porch stairs. “It’s been years since high school and it’s like she still hasn’t forgiven me for what happened.”

“What did you do?” He was wondering if Angel would admit to him why they stopped talking, but he doubted it.

“Just some childish shit.”

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem, Rhian wouldn’t hold it against you. She’s far too mature for that shit.”

“What time is that race tonight?”

“Eleven, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go.”

Angel scoffed. “When has that ever stopped me?”

#angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fanfic #tsor #angel reyes

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peyocchi · 4 years

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Tips/Advice for University (or any!) Students !!

So, as I have mentioned before, I recently graduated from university and looking back at the time I had throughout, I thought about a lot of different things I wish I had known earlier or had done differently. So! As to not waste it away, I thought it would be helpful to share them for those who are currently in university/college or future students!

Beginning your first semester:

♡ People have told me to apply to around 10 schools to be safe, but in reality, we all know some schools require application fees and it can get costly and nobody got money for that. SO, I recommend only around 4-6 depending on your budget at the time.

♡ When writing your application essay, make sure you specifically follow their guidelines for what to write! If they do not have an outline, some good points to mention are your goals and aspirations for why you want an education, what you plan to do with it in the future, any previous volunteer experience you’ve done, academic awards in high school, etc. are all great content to add!

♡ When accepted, DO NOT be afraid to start off as undecided if you don’t know what you want to study yet! I felt pressure to choose a major right off the bat and ended up changing my major 3 times.

♡ I recommend getting your general education courses out of the way your first 2 or so years in uni/college because generally the friends that last are the ones that will be in your major courses since you’ll be seeing them in your other major classes as well. It makes sense to get your GE classes out of the way so that the rest of your time, you only need to enjoy the classes you are interested in and can make friends with people you know you will see often throughout the week and the next few semesters.

♡ Take time to explore the area with close friends or family so that you know generally where everything is! (The market, the mall, hospital, etc. if you’re new to the area!) Also, check in with your school to see if they offer free bus rides or other transportation if you are lacking a car!

During school:

♡ If you had staggering social anxiety or general shyness like I did, you do NOT have to force yourself to interact with people. A lot of people around me tried to tell me that once I put myself out there I would feel better and it actually made me retreat more into my shell and made me feel awful for not being able to do it when they made it sound so easy. You are free to do it when YOU’RE ready!

♡ What I have found is that socializing becomes a lot more fun when you find yourself looking forward to it. It seems like common sense, but we have this unsaid pressure in society to be outgoing and “happy go lucky” with everyone. But this is just unrealistic. Take things at your own pace, it’s okay if you feel more comfortable eating lunch alone to relax!

♡ Buy some cute stationery that will motivate you to be organized and be on top of your tasks. Every year, I buy a big planner that has a month page and a week page so I can map out big events throughout the month and write in daily small things under each day. I also double use my planner as a diary so I’ll tape memorabilia or write short entries about my day so everything is in one place! No need to switch out multiple notebooks. Add cute stickers or color in it as well, if you wish!

♡ School supplies do NOT need to be expensive to be cute or useful. I get most of my stuff online where they have cheap deals for huge packs of things.

♡ Amazon is a HUGE help because if you are a student, you automatically get Amazon Prime! Take advantage of it, plus other student deals you can find online!!

♡ If you think you’re up for a little socializing, join a club. It’s one of the fastest ways to make friends since you’re all interested in at least one common thing. Dorming on campus is also a fast way to make friends if you can handle sharing personal space with others. Staying on campus for longer hours allows you to socialize more compared to driving right back home after class.

Studying:

♡ HUGE POINTER: My professors always swore by the fact that they think studying in groups is the only way to study but for me, I found that to be the opposite. I had way better grades studying alone than I did in a group because I was too distracted by others to focus on the actual content. So experiment with your own study methods! Whether it be in a group, alone, 1 on 1, with music or without, whatever works!!

♡ Do NOT cram the night before for an exam, quiz, midterm, final, whatever. This is not high school and I can guarantee you it usually does not work. However, if you’re like me and cannot remember things for longer than a few days, start skimming through your notes 2 weeks before the exam and then the actual week of, start studying the content in blocks. The day right before the exam is when you can review it altogether.

♡ Depending on your professor, you might also want to pay attention to the captions under images in your textbook. I have had teachers who asked questions about captions under graphs and didn’t know how to answer (embarassing).

♡ Unless you know you’ll read it again even after the class is over, NEVER buy the textbook. It’s way too pricey so I never even bought a cheap used copy, I always rented e-books or paperbacks on Amazon. That way, after the semester is over, you just give it back and you don’t need to worry about selling it or anything.

♡ MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR PROFESSORS. Later on, whether you choose to pursue graduate school or a job, their recommendation letters about you will surely come in handy. And not just for that, but they can be great mentors to you about the field you’re studying, or just life in general. I’ve met professors that have given me so much wisdom and still keep in touch with them after I graduated! (Also, it’s really awkward asking them for recommendation letters last minute when they don’t even know you.)

♡ This is sort of a part two: if you get close with your professors and excel in their classes, you can also ask to be their teacher’s assistant, class grader, lab assistant, etc. for extra side money or an on-campus job. Extra cash never hurt and you don’t even need to commute!

♡ Scheduling: Know when your brain needs a rest. When scheduling your courses for the semester, do not sign up for 8AM classes if you know you’re not going to get up on time. For me personally, I knew I would want the evenings off to myself to work or spend time with friends/family, so I scheduled all my classes for the morning so my latest class ended at 1PM. Understand how your body would handle school the best!

♡ While you’re at it, I would plan out your whole 4 year plan from the beginning (unless you’re undecided, then just plan out your first 2 years until you decide) so you can plan for any unforeseen changes or possible accidents in the future.

♡ If you fail a class or receive a bad grade, it is NOT the end of the world! What matters is that you tried your best and at the end of the day, your letter grade is not equal to your self worth. It is okay to retake a class if you felt it was too difficult the first time. You’ll have more experience for the second time around!

♡ If you experience any kind of mental illness and are struggling, please don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, and look into possible therapy services your school provides! The one in my university was free for students and no payment was required.

♡ To maximize your academic success, let your counselor know of any illnesses you are struggling through so they can help you get set up for any classroom accommodations you may need. (I asked to always sit in the back of the class because my social anxiety was really bad at the time and couldn’t handle sitting in the front or even the middle.)

♡ Make good use of the library! There are actually so many interesting books pertaining to most or any of your academic disciplines, and it will definitely come in handy when writing your essays/papers!

Writing essays:

♡ Alright, this is one that I have purposely made a section for because I LOATHE writing essays, they are the bane of my existence.

♡ I usually start by just picking a topic. If the topic is already picked for you, take a sheet of paper and make a general outline. It usually consists of:

- Introduction: A brief summary of the issue or topic you’re addressing, why it’s important to address it and a general overview of what you’ll be discussing in detail.

- Your argument or point of the paper: Include what past research or other people have said about it before and why you agree or disagree. Why do you agree/disagree?

- Point 1

- Point 2

- Point 3

- Include a popular opposing argument to your stand and explain why it is a reasonable point but you still think it is wrong/Or include an interesting related real life case to your topic

- How this argument furthers your side of the debate and what people who support this argument should do in the future about it/Or why it is important to know about the topic you’re presenting

- Conclusion

This is honestly all I can think of for tonight as I write this, but if you guys want to ask me about anything else I can answer or I think of anything else, I’ll edit and add to this post! I hope it’s somewhat useful for you guys! Good luck!

#university #college #studying #student #advice #tips #help #guide #please send any suggestions in my ask box!!

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kyemeruth · 4 years

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Proof of life

Two weeks now without Twitter, so I felt like I was out of the news-chismis loop. I sometimes feel the itch to re-download the app, but so far, our conscience is winning. I’m turning either to games or googling or online shopping to steer clear from it. I love Twitter, but most of the time, the environment’s toxic. So I pushed myself to take a one-month hiatus for the meantime. It also gives me space for endeavors I need 100% focus. You see, I’ve been using Twitter as an escape or my go-to app whenever I’m bored. I’m updated, but I’ve noticed I’m more irritable about the little things and my focus is short-lived. Instagram, I’ve already managed to rarely open it because there’s no photo to curate. Hahaha! I tried to document my quarantine life, at least for the hard lockdown period. It was good, but it was also tedious. Twitter is like a drug really, so I had to detox. Messenger is turning out to be one, but because most work concerns are easily sent there, I had to stay. Hayy. Anyway, connectivity is inevitable; we need to really discipline our screentime. Here’s to hoping I can wean away from Twitter. As an accompaniment, I’m reading a Bible plan on reclaiming our relationship with social media.

***

I also haven’t written much here. Regularly liking some tumblr posts, though. Three things I am grateful for this quarter, and also hopeful for the coming last quarter of 2020. One, I happily presented an updated research paper on disinformation trends in Southeast Asia. This time, I focused on assessing ASEAN’s approach and then also attempting to flesh out perspectives towards decoloniality. It was a difficult undertaking, especially because disinformation is a global problem so how can it be decolonized, and should it be a concept on decolonization to begin with. Apparently, it is. The way we view media here in the region is quite different from that of the Euro-American context. Could it be because they are “steeped” in a more liberal set-up or because media plays a larger role in their societies? Not necessarily. Initially, I see a different socio-cultural dynamic here in our region when it comes to media and the public. We’re a region that is more dependent on personal networks, and so we also get our news / information from our family, friends, and those close to us. Media amplifies news, but we’re generally distrustful of them. It may also stem from our mentality even before that media could be coopted by the powerful, by the colonizer, and so we’re wary of whatever they say. Our wariness and dependence on personal networks are both boon and bane to how we deal with disinformation. On one hand, we could be critical of whatever information’s provided; but on the other, we could be very trustful of our personal networks that we forget to validate these info. Another aspect we could look into is the political economy where disinformation thrives. There’s a lot of incentives and leeway for disinfo to flourish-- it’s a lucrative economic opportunity, the regulations are vague so one can play around it. Finally, the way we define fake news could also be a decolonial question. This I would have to further study. Anyway, if you want to listen to my ramblings, you could watch our panel here. We’re Team PUP hahaha! So happy to do this with good friends in our university.

***

The second thing I’m grateful for is the opportunity to join this year’s Asian Ecumenical Institute. It’s a month-long course / workshop on the significance of ecumenism and its contribution to community-building. Received the good news this morning. Hahaha! My father forwarded the invite and encouraged me to join. At first, I was hesitant because of the length of the workshop but also because I am not particularly sure I’d enjoy the topics. I’m still not sure if I’d enjoy it but I think I am interested with how the discussions would play out. Recently, I’ve been praying about God’s calling. Ecumenism and the nexus between secular politics and Biblical foundations to it has become increasingly interesting for me; it really quirks a lot of my curiousities. So there, I’m trying it out. If it weren’t for the pandemic, it would have been held in Bangkok. That would have been good. But if it weren’t for the pandemic too, I may not really be able to participate as I’d be forced to take a month-long leave at work, in the middle of the semester.

The time not spent lounging in my office desk has been redirected to online MOOCs. Our previous director encouraged us to join free short courses on journalism and then the other one was on data ethics. I completed both, which is also good for office productivity targets because the MOOCs have equivalent hours of training. Hahaha! More importantly, I enjoyed answering the quizzes and reading the free materials given to us. They’re mostly investigative pieces, well-written blogs, and some online lecture transcripts. But I still wouldn’t have actively sought those out were it not for these courses. The video lectures were also insightful-- from invited speakers to the actual lecturers, I really learned a lot. It also gave me ideas on how to set up asynchronous online classes during the summer term and for the coming first semester. So, time well spent, I think.

***

The last thing I’m looking forward would be the IELTS exam I’m taking by the end of this month. Really nervous and still not fully ready, but I’m reviewing the structure of the exam so I won’t panic on the day itself. Days, actually. Speaking test comes first on Friday, then the rest on a Saturday. To be fair, it is part of my 2020 list; I’m just moving it to a later date (first March, then June, then end of the year nalang) because I’m chicken but also because the exam’s quite expensive. I planned on taking time to prepare but as it would turn out, critical junctures push us to take leaps of faith. Here’s one of those moments. Hahaha! I have one more week for intensive study, praying for this one and working it out too.

***

In the chiller side of life, we’re done with AppleTV’s Little Voice! I love the soundtrack. It has been on repeat for 2 weeks now. The story is average, but this is Sara Bareilles’ material so we’re supporting this one. Hahaha! Also, I love Louis’ character and his friends. Done also with Dark S02. S01 is a tangled web; I was hoping S02 would untangle some of it, but it made it more complicated. S03′s the last so I hope I’d understand it much better. I’m still thinking if I’d watch Sarah Paulson’s Ratched, but looking forward to the star-studded Enola Holmes film. We’re halfway through S02 of k-drama Stranger (Secret Forest). The story took some time to build up; S01 did a much better job on that. Bae Doona is such an adorable person. I would like her to be my ate or tita. Hahaha! We’re also making good progress with our online Korean classes. I hope to practice this with Tita Paulie soon. :D

***

There. I’m still alive, still breathing. Ocassional bursts of anxiety fill some of my nights, but with God’s grace, we’re pushing through.

#life update

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docandprof · 7 years

Text

In Which I Pick Up The Pieces

Buddy,

May I just say you really have a way with words - so eloquently expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing. As I sit here thinking about all the things I want to say to you I feel like they are many, so let’s take the plunge.

It has not been a week yet since my last post, but I haven’t just sat around all day, technically. I had an accounting exam Monday night and you know I went into accounting with confidence that “it’s easy” and “I’m so smart,” but in the days leading up to the exam I realized that it is precisely when I feel like that that I need to work my hardest. I actually just recalled something Mrs. Merchantz told me sophomore year and it is this: “Don’t become complacent.” Now I’m telling you the same thing, because complacency is the enemy of improvement - moe on that later. So I studied for the exam, and I just hope it went well. Later that night, or rather very early Tuesday morning, was spent exploring the Ringed City - the final installment of the Dark Souls saga. I haven’t completed it yet (tough bosses!), but it makes me sad that a franchise that I honestly feel has changed my life is coming to a close (just look at my username for crying out loud!). Yet it is still tons of fun and a great challenge. It also reminded me the magic of uncovering new little lore notes within the Souls universe and I hope that I am able to imagine amazing worlds like that of Souls when I become a game designer. (Since watching One Piece and the exploits of Monkey D. Luffy, I’ve realized that the best way to accomplish your dreams is to cut out the “ifs” and the “maybes” or “hopefullys” and just deal with absolutes - which is a fallacy in itself, but moving on). *segway* I’ve been watching quite a bit of One Piece this week too, which is a beautiful feat of the importance of friendship thus far. I also just got DJ started on Attack on Titan since season 2 is coming this weekend! Last night also featured RENT, the musical. Which was totally awesome! The Honors College still had free tickets left, so I said what the heck and went. Amidst all of this my week has consisted of trying to figure out housing for the summer which is such a pain. Legal documents are the bane of reason and belief in human decency. So that’s been my week, now to address your situation.

You mentioned there were a couple things bothering you, so I’ll try to say things that maybe help you feel better about them. Let’s begin with FOMO - that crippling fear that keeps us out far too late into the night and keeps us up even if we’re in. Personally, I think it’s great that you feel this way about your group of friends. I know I definitely felt that fear a lot back home, so I usually made sure to hang out with everyone, because feeling like you’re missing out on a good time sucks. However, I think this fear is rooted in insecurity in the self. I sometimes felt like when I missed out on things people had more fun than usual, which made me feel like I was no fun to be around, but you call these people your friends. They’re your friends for a reason and I think you should remember that the next time FOMO strikes. We all have responsibilities to family, work, school, etc. so we can’t be there for every experience with our friends, but we can make sure to make the most of the time we do share with them. Hang on to those memories you make, and don’t forget that your friends care about you!

Boy - you are a strong independent woman and you don’t need no man for validation. But seriously I think you have self-imposed expectations and that’s not right. (Keep in mind during this section that there are lots of exceptions). You said you feel something in your life is lacking, and the first thing you mentioned was a significant other - a girlfriend, if you will. Now, is it okay if you want a girlfriend? Yes. Is it okay if you think you need a girlfriend? No. There are a lot of expectations put upon American youth, but I just want you to know that what others think isn’t as important as what you feel. We never talked about feelings much because we’re “men” and we don’t do that often because society said so, however, I’m pretty confident that you only liked one girl from junior high through high school, but you had a couple other girlfriends along the way anyways. I’m not trying to judge or offend, but I wonder if that’s just because you felt like you needed a girlfriend. I feel like I’m going to start talking in circles so I’ll stop myself, but I just want you to know that you have lots of great friends and shouldn’t feel like you need a girlfriend unless there’s someone you really feel a spark with (more on that later).

During high school, I don’t think we appreciated physical education enough because I have definitely lost some physical ability too. I’m going to put my foot down on this one and say that a healthy lifestyle is important and that involves being physically active. Although we like to pretend that walking to class constitutes enough exercise, or come up with all sorts of excuses not to work out, neither of us is in the physical shape he wants to be. For me, the biggest challenge is getting to the Rec center. So my advice is to just get there. If I try to think of a workout or come up with a plan of when to go, it doesn’t really work out. But yesterday I was walking back from class with some friends and said I was going to the CoRec and that I just wanted to hurry up and get there before I changed my mind - and I finally went for the first time in the past few weeks.

As for the challenges of academia, just don’t give up. You floated through high school on a zephyr because you are just a smart kid. You’re in the big leagues now and that means you need to bust your ass, and I think you’ve realized that by now too. I don’t think you’re struggling because you’re being lazy or the course material is too hard, I just think that adapting to change is difficult and that’s what you’ve had to do. You didn’t have to work hard in high school, but now you do. You probably knew all that already, but sometimes it’s nice to hear someone else agree (I hope).

The bottom line is just as you said - all of these things are controllable. In RENT one of the main characters, Roger, has this dream of writing an amazing song before he dies of AIDS and struggles to do this throughout the play. He wants to be able to look back on his life and say he did something amazing, all of which is made clear during “One Song, Glory.” In One Piece there is a young boy whose father was killed by the Arlong pirates and all he can think about is revenge and is obsessed with the fact that the pirates killed his father. However, when our beloved protagonists defeat the Arlong pirates and liberate the island from their tyrannical rule the boy reacts differently than expected. He is talking with a supporting character who comments that she thought he would be more upset that they didn’t defeat the pirates sooner so that his father would still be alive, and his response is very mature. Thanks to Crunchyroll’s subtitles, I know he says this: “But now I’m thinking about the future...starting tomorrow we have to start from scratch on our own. There’s no way we can forget what happened in the past, and I don’t think we need to. But, I think what’s most important is what happens from now on! What we do now. What things we need to do.” And I still remember what Merchantz told me three years ago about not becoming complacent. We all want to make a difference in this world, leave a legacy, but to do that we can’t dwell on the past. We need to look forward with confidence and remember that nothing of great value ever comes easy. I’ll tell you what you told me - trust in yourself (and in God) and things will work out.

Thanks for reading to the end. My recommendation of the week is live theater. Nothing quite like it, and I doubt you can ever have too much of it. Remember I’m only a phone call away if you ever need anything. If all of that above wasn’t enough to think about I will ask you this - what is it about stories that grabs our interest as humans so much?

Wishing you well

#inspiring? onepiece RENT life problems

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