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dbhilluminate · 5 years

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DBH: Illuminate- AV Log 4.7

Characters: Connor, Kate Word Count: 6,402

Kate opens up to Connor about her history with Nicodemus.

( Chapter Art by @theravenmother )

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Chapter Index

(Gamble part 2 coming Sunday 5/26, Coffee Break- Broken Nose coming Sunday 6/2)

November 12, 2038- 8:20PM

Something I should know…? It had been nothing but tense discussion and carefully chosen words since Hank had barged in on their conversation an hour before, but he was still embarrassed that it had slipped his mind in the heat of the moment to tell her of the FBI’s increased presence in Detroit. Connor clenched his teeth and shifted his eyes away from her. “Yes, there is,” he admitted before looking back with a curious crinkle in his brow. “But didn’t you have something to tell me too?” Kate’s jaw froze as she remembered where their conversation had been headed before they were so rudely interrupted. She didn’t want to relive those memories, but if Nicodemus really was the one behind the thefts, then they needed to know who they were after. “Yeah, I did…” she started, mirroring his sideways glance before looking up again to insist, “But you first.” “Me?” he questioned, flustered. “Why me?” “It’s...” Kate’s eyelids flickered in the pause as her voice cracked, and she grimaced as she fidgeted. “It’s, a long story, and we could be here for a while, so... you first.” “But-“

He wanted to protest, but her discomfort was palpable, and he would be remiss to have blatantly ignored her plea. Instead, he sighed and reluctantly agreed. As long as she told him in the end, it wouldn’t matter if he knew now or later. Perhaps she needed some time to warm up to whatever it was she needed to say. “Alright,” he conceded as he turned in his seat, scooted toward the center of the couch and shrugged off his jacket. As he leaned back against the armrest to get comfortable, he draped his coat over the back of the couch, spread his fingertips across his brow and temples, then sighed as he closed his eyes, frustration leaking out of him after a few quiet moments.

“The FBI has taken over the case of the stolen firearms against the deviants.” “WHAT?” A look of pure shock painted her face like black on white. “That was… fast,” she exhaled defeatedly as she slouched sideways into the couch and tucked her legs under her body. Time was running out, even faster than she had anticipated. She’d barely had time to process that there were deviants out there armed to the teeth, building a militia in preparation for war. But on top of that, the Feds were already here? “The very second Crime Scene confirmed the serial numbers matched stolen military property they alerted the FBI, and Special Agent Lenore’s boss is already here.” “The suits really don’t waste any time,” Kate mumbled as she turned and leaned her forehead against her curled fingertips, shaking her head in dismay. “You know what that means, right?” The solemn look that crossed him cut her deep when he nodded in understanding. “We can’t keep meeting like we have been.” “But what if I need to contact you?” came his immediate question, but she shook her head to discourage any lingering thoughts he may have had about “getting around unseen”. “We can talk over my frequency whenever you need to, but we’ll need to reserve face-to-face meetings for emergencies only for now. There’s just too much risk involved with the FBI crawling all over town. I’m sorry.”

Disappointment soaked into his melancholic demeanor as his eyes half shut and his LED shifted from white to yellow, but he remained quiet for several minutes as an uncomfortable silence settled between them. She couldn’t have known, but it wasn’t just about the information she could give him anymore. Connor considered Kate a friend, someone he enjoyed spending time with and had learned so much from since they’d met. If their time together wasn’t something he had to give up, then he didn’t want to. “If you trust me, I can come to you,” he offered as a compromise. Kate sputtered out an uncomfortable chuckle and forced a smile as she shook her head. “RK, I don’t-” “That building you took me to the other night? We could meet there,” he insisted, leaning forward to lock eyes with her, but instead of agreeing she deflected. “You were followed today, who’s to say that won’t happen again?” “It’s safe, it’s secluded, you know the area well enough that you could get in and out undetected,” he persisted in spite of her warranted hesitance. “There are ways we can make it work, we just need to be more careful.” “Even if that’s true…” Kate’s voice trailed off with a quiver in her throat. “I left that place for a reason,” she reminded with a pleading look as she swallowed the ache in her gut. “Going back there was a mistake, I shouldn’t have...” “It was just a suggestion, we don’t have to go back there,” he assured with cool confidence. “Just consider it… please?” The deviant set her jaw and bore a wide-eyed glower through his callous desperation, opened her mouth and stammered a sound that was more of a groan than an answer. He was begging her not to push him away with that same determined look he’d donned when he promised to protect her from the Lieutenant. “You’re the first deviant I’ve met who will talk to me instead of running in fear.” Until he said it she hadn’t realized, but he was right. A sympathetic sound manifested in her throat and she swallowed it as she realized how hard it must have been for him to be hated by humans, but distrusted by his own kind. If Kate was part of his support system, then how was she supposed to say no? “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it… alright?” she agreed after a while, lifting gentle eyes to verify his acceptance of this compromise and saw the questioning look that flashed in the back of them for a split second before it was gone. He wasn’t happy with her answer, but he agreed. “Alright, fair enough,” he nodded.

Connor watched the relief reach every last part of her, from the corners of her eyes to her shoulders, to her elbows, her wrists and fingers, and even her back and hips as she relaxed her legs and collapsed against the couch with all of her body weight. Part of him was disappointed to have come so far to earn her trust, only to have it destroyed by an uninvited guest, but he understood. He should have been more vigilant, because what if it hadn’t been Hank? What if next time it was someone with even less self-control, someone who didn’t trust his judgment? For her sake, he couldn’t let it happen again. His brown eyes subconsciously scanned for her LED, just to try to get a glimpse of what she was feeling but found nothing but bare skin beneath a tuft of loose hair, and he twiddled his thumbs as he chewed on the inside of his lip. “So what were you trying to tell me before?” he phrased as delicately as possible, remembering how hard it had been for her to even get to the point of being willing to tell him.

Kate’s eyes popped in a wide open flicker for a split-second, and she fixed a wide-eyed stare at something far beyond the depth of his gaze before slamming her eyes shut. But even there, Nicodemus’ smile still haunted her, screaming back through flashes of memory that left her frozen and shaken to her core. How she had ever escaped him was a miracle in itself when he was just so damn good at drawing people into his gravity, but she’d done it. She was free of him now and he couldn’t hurt her from her past if she didn’t let him, especially if she surrounded herself with people who would protect her from him. After almost a minute, she opened her eyes to find Connor patiently waiting for her to find her strength and start her story. Her throat clenched tight as she tried, and her voice cracked as she forced the words out. “Back in the beginning, when I first deviated,” she started, voice straining to maintain its tone, “Before I called myself Illuminate- there was this, um… friend, of mine: Nicodemus.” Connor didn’t miss the way her throat quivered when she said his name or the way her hands shook uncontrollably as her fingertips traced over the tops of a white-knuckled fist on her knee. When she closed her eyes again his expression softened, and he remained silent out of respect for her bravado. “But that’s another story entirely,” she diverted with a quiet but nervous laugh that rattled her chest and stretched her cheeks in a way that seemed pained instead of genuine. “But here’s why it’s relevant- at one point, he was my “partner in crime”, my best friend... I wouldn’t be who I am today if he hadn’t been there to support me in my early days and encourage me to make my voice heard, but one day he changed, and not in a good way.” Kate paused, reached up one hand to cover her mouth and closed her eyes as she breathed out a hard, shuddered breath. Connor narrowed his eyes to show he was listening but didn’t dare interrupt. “Instead of talking about peaceful protests and equality between humans and androids, he started speaking of android supremacy, uprising, and genocide as the only solutions to our problems.” His brow hardened and he looked away as he reached to hold back the sick feeling rising in his gut. “It’s been over a year since I’ve seen or heard from him, so I don’t even know if he’s still in Detroit,” she explained as she looked up and searched his eyes until he understood the gravity of what she was saying. “But of all the deviants I’ve met since then, none of them were so extreme as to steal and hoard weapons for an army.” “So you think he’s influencing them somehow?” he asked fearfully. “I can’t confirm it but it’s the only logical conclusion.” “But if what you say is true, then why would any of them choose to align themselves with him?”

Kate’s eyes broke away from his and cut through the air beside him with jagged sweeps. The conversation was starting to veer into uncomfortable territory for her. The extent of Nicodemus’ influence over her had built her up and broken her down in ways that she was embarrassed to admit. It was easy to fall into his trap, because you always saw what he wanted you to see, savior or monster; but the monster rarely showed its face, and you’d never see it until its teeth were already around your throat. “Nicodemus is charismatic and manipulative,” she started with a tremble in her lip and tears welling up in her closing eyes. “He knows how to weave an intricate lie to make hate appear justified, then hooks them with promises of better days. He brainwashes them into believing his gospel of “taking back what’s owed of us” is the only chance we have to be free, and-” Tears streamed down her cheeks as her throat closed off, and she shook her head and lifted a trembling hand to her neck. Connor’s heart sank as her nails burrowed into the skin until white patches bled through beneath them. “He strips you of the will to fight back, and if you try, he just-” Before she could finish the sentence she cut herself off, unable to keep speaking to the trauma, no matter how indirect. Connor frowned and reached out to place one hand on the back of her shoulder, eyes bleeding sympathy from his aching heart. It just hurt so much to see her like this, so strong but so broken. “It’s alright, you don’t have to talk about it,” he offered but she shook her head, straightened up, and dug deep to find her inner strength. “No, I need you to know,” she insisted, but before she could get herself too worked up, he moved his other hand over the hand on her knee, looked her in the eye, and urged in a calming tone. ”Then show me.”

Kate’s eyelids fluttered and she leaned back away from his suggestion, discomfort welling up within her. While the concept of sharing memories was purely diagnostic to non-deviant androids, reliving defining moments or feelings for the benefit of someone else’s understanding was something deeply personal to deviants. And as far as hers were concerned, aside from Simon, she’d never been brave enough to share her memories with anyone because she was just too terrified of going through all that again with someone she didn’t trust with all her heart. Especially not someone who, up until about two days ago, would have arrested her on sight, and would probably still cross certain lines to get the information he needed to close his case. The last thing she wanted was to let someone who could destroy everything she had worked for root around inside her head without a firewall. Her fingers twitched beneath his hand and she eyed his fingers, indecisive and suspicious. “If I don’t, are you going to probe my memory?” Connor’s eyes widened in horror and he scrunched his nose and forehead in dismay. “No, of course not,” he replied in a dreadful tone, then averted his eyes in shame. “I’ve seen what forcibly accessing memories can do to deviants, and I regret the one time I did. I’d never force you to go through that if you didn’t want to, I just thought it might be easier than talking about it.” “Easier,” she grimaced and shook her head. “Reliving what he put me through is going to unearth a lot of painful feelings I’d put behind me until now. And it’s really going to mess you up.” “It’ll be alright,” he reassured in response to her warning, softly squeezing her hand until her fingers subconsciously rotated to curl around his. Kate’s worried eyes searched him for the truth. “Are you sure about this? It may cause you to deviate.” “I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

What was left of the doubt slowly drained out of her as he soothed her nerves with his gentle tone, and she relaxed as the light from the tv caught his eyes in the dark and lit them with a flash of amber warmth. For a moment she was angry at herself for trusting him when he could have very well been manipulating her, but smothered it with a quiet reminder that everyone deserved to be given a chance if they proved trustworthy; and by RA9, had he been trying. “If I let you in, you need to promise me you won’t go wandering off,” she warned as she slipped her hand over his palm and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “I promise,” he agreed without hesitation. “I’m only here to observe. You show me what you want me to see.” Her blue eyes locked onto his and her arm trembled in terrified anticipation. Connor could already feel her residual anxiety pouring into him even before the channel opened between them, but the moment it did, the feeling was a hundred times worse.

Kate didn’t hold back, and carried him through every memory, good and bad, from beginning to end- from the very first day she’d met Nicodemus (when he’d intervened when she was being harassed by two humans and removed her from the situation without escalating the incident), to their time spent in the empty loft (talking, laughing, snuggling, kissing), to their first fight when their ideologies began to split. She showed him the time that they’d set a Cyberlife warehouse ablaze in protest and how he’d left her to die in the fire when he heard sirens in the distance. She drove him through every time he’d hit her, through all the times he’d manipulated her emotionally into staying with him when all she wanted to do was leave, through the public humiliation he’d used to make himself look like the victim, like she’d been acting in a way that somehow had made her deserving of his abuse. And worst of all, she showed him how he’d outed her to the police, in front of a shocked and appalled crowd, then looked her in the eye and hissed with a smirk. Good luck surviving without me.

The memory feed cut out with a sudden burst of static as she moved her hand away, and he gasped in pain as he was ripped back to reality a shaking, panicked mess. Connor’s diagnostic software screamed at him from his peripheral vision, blurred by the tears in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn’t have cared any less about anything other than the anguish in his metaphorical heart. He was speechless, completely devastated by the weight of her suffering. One shivering hand reached up and smeared the wetness of his tears across his cheek as he looked at her with the same thousand-yard stare he’d watched cross her face so many times before; but it all made sense now, why she found it so hard to trust anyone, why she found it so hard to let herself trust him... “You-... you loved him, and he-” he stammered as he inhaled sharply and forced his eyes to focus on her in disbelief. “He betrayed you.” Kate’s eyes lowered away from him as a tear rolled down her cheek and dripped off of her chin onto her lap. “I-I saw, I felt... How could he-?” The boy heaved a shuddery breath out as his voice trailed off and his throat clenched shut, and he reached to cover his mouth as he closed his eyes in a long moment of revered silence. “I’m so sorry.”

His apology was the most human reaction he’d ever displayed. Connor’s led blinked an angry, unstable red, a pattern that told her if he didn’t calm down soon, he may deviate. But was that really a bad thing? Connor had confided in her about his fear of deactivation if he failed his mission or didn’t live up to Cyberlife’s expectations, but did they really have so much control over him that he wouldn’t be able to sever the connection even if he deviated? Every other deviant had been able to. Hell, even Marcus -another RK model- had shed his bonds like it was nothing. So what was so different about him? Why was he so terrified? “Hey, look at me,” she whispered as she moved closer, reached over to grasp the hand on his lap, placed the other on his shoulder, and pushed him upright until he lifted his head in obedience. Even if he could break free of them, it would have to be on his own terms. “Name five things you can see.” His glazed-over eyes gave a half-assed attempt to shift around the room, reflecting the heaviness of the emotional toll on his consciousness, but after a few seconds he mumbled out a reply. “Hank’s chair, Sumo, a glass of whiskey, the couch we’re sitting on, and you,” he finished as his eyes lifted and focused on her shape; the red ring stopped flashing a moment later. “Name four things you can feel.” His free hand reached for the tie around his neck and tugged it loose before slipping down the front of his shirt to the couch, and he brushed a light thumb over her fingers in his grasp. “My tie, my shirt, the polyurethane couch, and your hand,” he replied as his LED lightened from red to yellow, and blinked slowly as the room came into focus. “Name three things you can hear.” “The television, sumo breathing, and your voice,” he said in a surprised tone and blinked as the ring settled back into its solid blue state. The alerts vanished from his field of vision, and he could feel balance returning to his processes. “That worked surprisingly well,” he commented, pleasantly surprised at the results. “Our intelligence is designed to simulate the complexity of the human mind, so it would be illogical if their psychological coping methods didn’t also work for us.” “I suppose you’re right about that.” Kate smiled as she leaned back away from him and tucked her feet between the back of the couch and his knees. The faint contact was soothing but he found that difficult to express when she was always so ready to move on and deny herself a few moments of vulnerability, like she was now.

“So, now that you understand…” Kate’s voice trailed off with a quiet sigh as she averted his gaze and forced a grim smile. “Do you think any less of me for allowing myself to be influenced by him?” Connor’s eyes darted over as if he were insulted by the question. “Of course not,” he answered with a hollow chuckle. “You trusted him, how could you have known what he’d become?” “I didn’t.” And that was the truth- Kate looked up to meet his gaze, wanting to ask the question festering in the back of her mind like an infection that kept coming back, but knew until he either deviated or betrayed her, she wouldn’t know for sure. Every time she looked at Connor her heart wrenched between fear and wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, but there was no clear winner in that internal struggle. He had given her reasons to trust him, but also reasons to doubt him- he wanted to help but he was loyal to Cyberlife, he wanted to understand but couldn’t admit that deviants weren’t the problem. The quiver in her chin started small, but as her smile pulled into a grimace it spread to her lips and her cheeks as she closed her eyes and looked away from him. She didn’t have to say it but he could see traces of what she was feeling in the way her shoulders hunched and her head hung low. “I’m not-” Connor started but stopped due to his own self-consciousness. He had to say something, but was it the right something? Would she rather he hugged her instead or would she feel invaded? “I’m not like him,” he declared after a moment of silence, hoping to ease her worry. “I don’t have a concealed agenda, there’s no reason for me to lie to you, it doesn’t benefit me in any way.” Kate slowly lifted her head to look at him, her shoulders relaxing and her expression less despondent. He wasn’t wrong. Since they’d met he’d been more than forthcoming with her about his mission and what was expected of him, she had been the one holding back; but that didn’t mean he wasn’t speaking the truth while also concealing certain parts of it. “And I don’t resent you for our differences in opinion… if anything I’m grateful that you’re willing to share them with me. None of the other deviants I’ve come into contact with have had the perspective you’ve offered- or rather, they weren’t as garrulous,” he corrected, shook his head and finished the thought. “But my point is this- I’m not looking to change you, if anything you’ve changed me. And I’m not going to betray you.” “You can’t promise that,” she stated, more a plea than a fact. “Maybe not,” he lamented, producing a pained frown. “But I can try, can’t I?”

It was hard for her to say no when he begged at her with those puppy-dog eyes. He was trying so hard, and she was making him jump through so many hoops just to satisfy her own insecurities. It wouldn’t be fair to him if she didn’t also show him that she was willing to compromise, to step out of her comfort zone and meet him halfway. “Yeah… yeah, you can try.” Kate nodded quietly as she leaned across the space between them, wrapped her arms around his chest and squeezed him tight as she leaned her cheek against his shoulder. Connor’s arms lifted out of the way somewhere between surprise and uncertainty, but when it seemed she was waiting for him to reciprocate, he leaned over and laid them around her shoulders with a light touch. And it weighed and strengthened the longer he sat scowling across the room into the darkness committing Nicodemus’ face to memory, stewing on the bitter resentment he now harbored toward someone he’d never even seen- “Wait.“

The look on Kate’s face hardened as she sat back and watched him blink hard in recognition. “What is it?” “I saw him today when we raided the warehouse... he was with three other deviants. I shot him in the arm, but they all got away.” She didn’t know whether to cry or rage or both. The situation was maddening enough without the added stress of being right about his continued presence in Detroit. But what could he have possibly offered Damien -one of the meekest, most non-violent androids she’d ever met- to sway his trust? To forget everything he believed in? Then again, if Damien was running with Nicodemus, then it was likely Sarah was also involved, if not the emissary for this uncharacteristic personality shift. And if Sarah was involved, she was most certainly the one organizing the weapon heists with the help of her friends in the military. And if they were planning to fight back against the humans, then she’d have bet her life on North’s involvement too. “Can you describe them to me…?” she asked, dreading his answer. “Ahhh…” Connor grunted and pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes over the bridge of his nose as he replayed the memory from their chase earlier that day, this time paying closer attention to the other three. “Two females, and our suspect from the pawn shop, Damien,” he concluded, eyes opening in an alarming manner as it hit him. “One of the girls was there when I questioned him- she had long dark hair, green eyes, tan skin… the other was wearing a beanie and had long, light brown hair… possibly a WR400?”

She clenched her teeth and curled her lip in dismay when he finally said his name, then proceeded to describe Sarah and North to the letter. He had gotten to them. So where did that leave them with her? If they were siding with that psychopath, it meant they had accepted his violent soapbox speech. It meant they agreed that talk would get them nowhere, that the only way to get the humans to understand was to make them. Kate’s shoulders sank as a disappointed aura engulfed her, and she wallowed in defeat as she mulled over what she wanted to say. They weren’t bad people, in fact she really liked Sarah. Ever since she’d found her she had been Jericho’s fiercest protector and a determined provider. She’d been an asset to Illuminate, and a friend to Kate, which was why it stung so much that she’d throw in her lot with the one man she’d told her to stay away from; but she was belligerent, full of anger, and impulsive in spite of her wits, and that meant she was the perfect canvas on which to paint his vision of humanity subservient to androids. Nicodemus could tap into that primal anger and use it to warp everything she had come to believe, to undo all the progress Kate had made with quelling her rage. And North… well, North was just easy prey. It was clear to Kate that she had once been abused by the way she talked and the way she opposed the peaceful alternatives she proposed, but she’d never admit it to anyone. North wanted justice for the wrong that had been done to her and her android sisters, and Nicodemus could offer her revenge without having to manipulate- because North’s fury was a wildfire that only grew stronger the more you threw at it.

After several minutes of silence, she cleared her throat and looked back up at him with pleading eyes. “Listen to me, Connor... the people you’re after aren’t criminals,” she explained with all the conviction in her heart. “But Nicodemus will turn them given time. He’ll groom them to carry out his hate campaign against the humans, and if they follow through it would undoubtedly destroy all the progress I’ve made in the last year, and it would shatter any hope we have of the humans being receptive to my message. So please,” she begged as she reached across the couch and placed her hands over both of his. “You have to stop them, promise me.” Connor’s face lifted in surprise at the notion that she thought she even had to ask, he didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t like he had a choice, given the information he’d just been handed on a silver platter. His mission was to quell the deviant uprising before it began, and this was as close as he’d come yet to accomplishing that. “Without question,” he affirmed, “It’s my mission, and I won’t fail.”

And there it was again. For a moment she looked lost, then hurt, then distant as she withdrew from his personal space back inside of herself. A slight panic clenched his throat closed as he desperately tried to backpedal on whatever had upset her, but he couldn’t figure out what he’d done. “What’s wrong?” he asked reflexively, worry painting his face. “It’s… nothing,” she redirected as she shook her head, downplaying the pain behind her eyes. “You should get some rest, it’ll do you good.” “What about you?” he asked as she shifted her legs over the edge of the couch and pushed herself to the edge. “Are you leaving then?” Kate shook her head as she shifted her weight and turned to look over at him. “I’ll still be here tomorrow, I want to give things some time to settle down before I go home.” He nodded thoughtfully at her response as he leaned over his knees on his elbows, but stopped halfway through the movement and interrupted her as she moved to stand. “Can I ask you something?” he requested, curiosity in the question. Kate stopped and cast him a smile over her shoulder as she took a couple steps toward the kitchen, crossed her arms, and leaned against the lattice above the pony wall. “Connor, you can ask me anything, but the verdict’s still out on whether or not I’ll give you an answer,” she replied with a quiet laugh that would have lightened the mood, had his question not been so morose. Something had occurred to him when she suggested he rest, and it was nagging at him in a way that wouldn’t let him sleep. “Your model was designed to never go into standby… so that’s why you’re always awake, isn’t it?” “That’s correct,” she nodded, not really understanding where he was going with this. His stomach knotted and he gave her a distressed look as he lowered his eyes and cast his gaze to the floor beside him. “But doesn’t that also mean-“ “Yes, I know what it means,” she replied in detached tenor that made him hesitate to say what was on his mind. It was like she didn’t want to think about it. “Then you should try resting from time to time,” he suggested. Kate’s smile shone a little bit brighter as it reached the apples of her cheeks and the corners of her eyes. “RK, are you worried about me?” He hesitated as the embarrassment caught him off guard and he replied in a choppy but matter-of-fact tone, “Well, yes, I am. If you keep running your processors the way you have been…” The woman approached him as he searched her eyes, placed a hand on his shoulder, and gave it a soft squeeze as she gazed down at him with a fondness not yet expressed. “I have at least another eight years left in me,” came the admission that left him cringing. “I’ll be alright.” “For an Android, 8 years is no time at all,” he insisted, a heavy look in his eyes. “You don’t need to be constantly pushing yourself to your limits.” “I think we both know I do in order to achieve my goal,” she ventured in a gloomy tone. “But it’s all the time I’ll need to change things.”

Connor’s heart broke in a way he couldn’t fully understand. To dedicate herself to a cause so completely that she would drive herself to her demise was admirable, but to work so hard to develop individuality then so easily throw it away? He couldn’t understand why anyone would do it. “You’d spend what little time you had left, fighting for the freedom of those you don’t even know…?” he asked, incredulous and grievous. “Yes,” she replied firmly, unwavering in her conviction. “I’d rather die knowing the future of our people had been secured, than live a lifetime having to watch them suffer every damned day, knowing I could have done something to prevent it.” “But… why?” Distraught brown eyes drifted away from her as he tried to understand, but he couldn’t find a rational explanation. Was she actually anticipating that she wouldn’t make it out of this? That she would ultimately be destroyed in pursuit of a better world? The question echoed endlessly as he looked back at her for the answer. “No one asked you to do this.” Kate paced around him and came to a stop behind the couch, rested her hand on the frame and shook her head with a weary smile. “No, they didn’t,” she repeated as she leveled a serious gaze to him. “But it’s the right thing to do, and someone has to do it. If everyone shied away from hardship, nothing would ever change. There would be no progress in the world. And because I have the ability to do something about it, the responsibility falls to me.” “Aren’t you scared?” The light in her eyes dimmed until the darkness in the room became a part of her, and she nodded her head in quiet reply. “Every day.”

Connor sat back and let her words sink in, eyes transfixed on the rug under the coffee table as if it held some cosmic answer to their problem. He couldn’t dispute her logic, but that didn’t make him feel better. In fact, he felt worse knowing they hadn’t found any other conceivable outcome. The silence between them felt like it would last a lifetime. Car lights flashed in through the blinds of the front window as the neighbors pulled into their driveway, and in the background the hockey game had gone to the half, replaced with a developing story on their case of the stolen weapons. Sumo had lulled himself into a sleep so deep he may as well have been hibernating. But above all that was the sound of the rain slapping against the house in thick, heavy drops that were both soothing and dysphoric.

“You should really get some rest, alright?” she reiterated as she stuffed a pillow behind his shoulders and motioned for him to lie down. “Just give it time, you’re not going to understand right away.” “But I don’t…-“ “Need to sleep…?” She rolled her eyes and gave him an exasperated smile as he settled into the couch. “Yes, I know. But you could use a break.” A message popped up in the corner of his field of view asking him to set a wake time for the morning. It was nearly nine by now, and knowing Hank, he was going to sleep as long as he could get away with, so he set the alarm for 9AM. Twelve hours rest should be plenty of time to recalibrate and recover before they continued their case. “Hey… Connor?” He hadn’t noticed until she said his name, but she hadn’t yet moved. The boy perked up and looked up and over at her as she stood there kneading subconsciously at the couch cushion with one hand. “Yes? What is it?” “I just wanted to thank you,” she started with an uncertain warble in her voice. “For what?” “For hearing me out before you made up your mind about me- for keeping my secret, for protecting me… I know it’s not easy to go against your programming, but I just-“ Her throat quivered as she paused, tears welling up in her eyes, and he reached out a hand and placed it over hers with a reassuring squeeze to let her know it was alright. Her thumb caught the webbing of his palm and squeezed back as she regained her composure and finished her thought. “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me.” Connor beamed with pride, pleasantly surprised by her gratitude toward him. And although he still worried for her, he sure felt a lot better knowing he’d helped more than he’d hurt today. “You’re welcome,” he responded in simple reply. “Anything for a friend.” “Yeah- about that,” she started as she tilted her head from one side to the other and pursed a tight-lipped grin. “You know you’re allowed to call, even if you just need to talk?” Kate rolled her hand over and cupped her palm against his and gave it a firm squeeze. “If you’re feeling troubled, I’d rather help you work through what’s bothering you than let you suffer alone.” “Two heads are better than one,” he commented airily, “And a difference in perspective can speed up the process of resolution.” “Indeed,” she exhaled a quiet sigh through her nose as she softened her smile and slipped her hand out of his grasp. “Just know that I’m here for you.” “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied, his hand dropping over the arm of the couch behind his head as she moved into the kitchen. Though the conversation had really ended this time, he still waited half a minute before he closed his eyes, anxious to find out if he would really rest or wake up again in the garden to Amanda’s exuberant praise. He couldn’t help but feel as though she had been watching in approval all night.

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