#I’m losing everything in two weeks

[lauryn-order]

I am not okay.

#I’m so beyond depressed right now #I can’t sleep #I’ve been all alone #unable to move because of my ankle #I can’t shower #again because of my ankle and being too scared to shower when I’m alone because what if I get stuck #I’m losing everything in two weeks #I’m terrified #spiraling #have done nothing but count down the time until I might get a glimpse of human interaction #while scrolling TikTok to pass the time #I can’t do this #I don’t know how to do this #I’ve had self harm thoughts and urges for the first time in ages #and it doesn’t help I don’t have my full dosage of antidepressants rn because my doc screwed up #I just want to be held #and feel safe

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages #i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible. #i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns. #and i want these people to get their stuff #yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed #i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered #i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt #but got distracted #so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email #delivered an hour ago #i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore #it is like this every single day #like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me. #if i have no future and no hope. #if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library. #if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to. #can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible? #i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living #man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l #can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it? #can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly? #this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years #my grandma is fucking 91 #my great grandma died at like 93 #i can’t even do another year of this man #i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september #i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30 #let alone anything after that #my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long

[butch-himbo-king]

besties i am worrying that my mental health is rapidly deteriorating due to repeated brain injuries 🤪🤪🤪

#personal #realizing more and more things that i’ve been doing recently that are No Bueno and i’m starting to actually get a lil worried lol #like movie montage of elderly person coming to the realization they shouldn’t be living alone anymore type shit #i’ve forgotten to turn off the stove twice this week #like just up and walked away from it as soon as i was done cooking #i’ll set up a load of laundry in the washer and put everything in and get it all ready then just walk away without actually turning it on #turned the shower on yesterday to take a quick one and then two hours later realized the water was still running and i had never gotten in i #that’s all i’m simply losing it and falling apart LOL #but at least i stay sexy 😌

[jocelynships]

Ngl I’m getting tired of people asking me about my start date for the new role im gonna be taking up soon. Like. The area isn’t done being built yet. The SECOND I know a start date I’m gonna be frolicking around my current location cheering about it, Y’ALL WILL KNOW. I WISH I had a start date but I don’t 😭

#even worse the MANAGERS are asking about it #LIKE WON’T YOU GUYS KNOW BEFORE I DO? #it’s probably gonna be by May or June. HOPEFULLY earlier? #then one person had the audacity to say they lied to me about it like no? #i literally had a meeting about everything the other week. I have the job #sorry it just pissed me off and I need to rant lmao #I know people are just excited and one of the hosts is waiting for me to leave so she can transfer into bussing #which idk why she wants that downgrade but whatevs #but trust me. I wanna get out of here I’m losing my sanity more and more each day lmao #but luckily I don’t close the rest of this week #off at 10 tonight I open the next two days #off Tuesday bc someone thankfully took my shift #then work 4-10 Wednesday and Thursday #and off Friday and Saturday #having a lil’ potluck with some friends on Friday then taking my niece to her first ever convention on Saturday!

[nownothingcantouchyou]

/

#soooooo i have two presentations the week after my eras show and i’m losing it bc i should not be going to a concert the weekend before the #last week of the semester but i am doing That and it is VERY IRRESPONSIBLE of me #and i feel like a terrible student #and i know i’m going to be verrrrrrrrry stressed and most likely sleep deprived for the next two weeks and the show might make it worse #but like……………. i am STILL going to that show #it IS a Very Very Bad Idea #but i still just don’t have it in me to care enough to decide not to go #after everything that’s happened in the last 3-4 years i’m going to that fucking show #the pandemic was just icing on the most terrible cake ever #anyway <333333 these are my thoughts for today #hope u all are well :)

[hrina]

#im likely gonna lose my v-card sometime within the next two weeks or so and um. i was wondering if anyone had any advice for me? #kinda nervous it’ll hurt even though ik it shouldn’t. i feel like i’m in my head about it and thus blowing the whole thing outta proportion #i just need somebody to tell me that it’s not a big deal and everything’s gonna be fine skjdnsnd

[pebblezone]

Feeling like a Yuma morii Pokémon card

#talkingcore #got my little book prize and tell me why books are heavy I was surprised with the hellsing manga and now this why are books heavy #don’t get me wrong it’s cool but this thing barely fit into my backpack twas intimidating #oh yeah so excited for next week when everything goes to shit! yay strikes! not good that they have to be striking #but no discussion sections means more brain silly time. we love brain silly time :) #also every day I get more pissed about March madness I am not emotionally invested in basketball but they’re letting the wrong teams win #like last night I’m sorry but you let Michigan state get fucked so another willie the wildcat could win??? fuck Kansas state #msu has like one of the only bearable mascots in the big10 and you let them lose? in overtime too??? #Xavier’s still in though I’m holding out for Xavier I love the blue blob I love stupid looking mascots #Western Kentucky? W. Syracuse? W. Pepperdine? W. Mizzou? W. Ohio State? MASSIVE W. #okay like Akron? they got zippy!! he looks a lil stupid but where else do you have a kangaroo!!! #either you’re intimidating ugly cute or silly like I think Arizona state is intimidating silly because it has a sleek sharp design #but also the dude looks a lil dumb #or like penn state is just ugly but berkeley is ugly cute (actually I really don’t like oski but other people do so I shall be less hostile) #and like all those blobs? Xavier western Kentucky Syracuse? cute silly!! #I need to do my little charts again because I got distracted at like Arkansas and frankly a lot of my knowledge is limited geographically #like my state and where I’m at school I’m pretty good with as well as places I know people have gone #but like not many people where I’m at are going to say Tennessee so I’m not as familiar with a bunch of schools there #which I need to fix because there must be so many epic mascots there that I’m clueless about!!! #okay some states like Wyoming I know have like Two Colleges so it’s easier to know things there but like Mississippi? no clue what’s there!!

[londonfoginacup]

.

#does anyone know how to get over burnout #without like losing productivity #i have too much stuff to do #I’ve got my adoptables project and inktober and kinktober and Christmas cards and advent fic #plus Big Bang and I wanted to do a whumptober and a Halloween fic #i don’t have time for burnout guys someone tell me how to solve this I’m gonna cry #it feels like I have no imagination I can’t write anything I can’t think up any plots my art is getting worse?? #help meeeeeeee how do I get over this I don’t have tiiiiiiiime for this #i have one (1) week of vacation to get everything figured out in and it starts in two days #i hate being an adult I had time for so much more in college or even when working from home #🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ (that’s the thankful bowing emoji but imagine it as a placeholder for th Louis 1DDAY collapsed on the groun

[msfcatlover]

Working my way through these comics, and I gotta say…

…at the very least, I’ll be able to throw all this canon out with insufferably smug authority by the time I’m through.

#my life #dc comics #mine #// #The NTT 1st Starfire wedding had me frothing at the mouth with rage though #Everyone out here acting like Dick walking away after being repeatedly told to sit down & shut up by everyone in Kory’s family #(INCLUDING HER) when she was clearly miserable but refusing to advocate for herself (OOC WTF) after speaking up so often & aggressively on #her behalf at one point he was accused of trying to PICK A FIGHT WITH THE ROYAL FAMILY. Like he somehow needs to PROVE himself after risking #his neck for her happiness repeatedly for weeks. Like he’s abandoning her by saying ‘’Hey just a heads up but if you really don’t want to #marry that guy than I’m gonna need some support here. Also you should know I’m not just going to be your side piece back on Earth #so if this wedding goes ahead do not expect us to be more than friends going forwards.’’ #Dick says he’s respecting her choice & her bro’s like ‘’If you do not fight for her you will lose her’’ #SIR YOU WERE ACCUSING HIM OF PICKING FIGHTS WITH YOU NOT THREE DAYS AGO! #’’Why didn’t Dick say anything to stop this?!’’ #BITCH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HE HAS SAID & DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO STOP THIS SINCE THE SECOND HE FOUND OUT?!?! #Everyone out here acting like he needs to pull a Graduate to ‘’prove himself’’ or something like relationships aren’t a two way street! #and then #after disaster & the wedding & everything #her mom finds out the rescue team also picked Dick up out of the fucking prison Kory’s new hubby was rotting in while they were there #and she’s like ‘’How dare that earthling come here! Does he not realize he’s only hurting her worse?!’’ #MA’AM. LADY. DO YOU THINK HE’S FLYING THE RESCUE SHIP? DO YOU THINK HE HAS ANY SAY IN WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? #WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO JUST SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR BLACKFIRE TO PUBLICLY EXECUTE HIM?! #He gets there. Kory walks straight past him to reprocess her dedication to her husband. Not even acknowledging Dick. #He walks away rather than explode at anyone and she’s like ‘’He didn’t even say hello!’’ NEITHER DID YOU! #WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THIS IS HIS FAULT #MY MAN DID EVERYTHING RIGHT #(And then just to prove the writer hates Dick they throw in ‘’Oh yeah. Then his birthday passed while waiting for pickup back to Earth.’’ #Bruce is insensitive to the point of cruelty about it. And Donna also acts like this is allDick’s fault.) #… #I read that arc months ago

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #I am so overwhelmed with work #and then trying to process like 3 pieces of bad news at the same time #all received within hours of each other lmao #it’s…….been A Week #I haven’t been able to stop thinking about work for like a month #maybe two #losing sleep bc I close my eyes and my brain is still thinking about which student needs what #then spending my waking hours doing work #and whenever I catch a break it’s already past midnight #and thinking about Bad News past midnight is always a terrible idea #it’s so hard trying to be normal about everything when I’m stressed out of my mind #I googled some New Symptoms that came up and te results said ‘stress’ lmao #that’s apt #my neighbours’ karaoke party just ended half an hour ago #and I’m still wide awake #it’s 1:45am and I have to get up at 7:30 for work tomorrow #so this is fun #watch this spiral beat my month-long spiral record from when I had Covid lol #I’m so fucking exhausted #and I don’t have anyone I can talk to who will Get It #I have friends who can provide sympathy but I just want someone who Knows what I mean #and the one person who probably would barely even talks to me anymore #I hate it #I hate it so much #I have to sleep #I’m gonna wake up in 6ish hours and I’m gonna make a class of 60 kids do random shit and it’ll be fine #I know this will blow over #it just fucking sucks that I’m in the middle of it rn

[crabussy]

got told off because I couldn’t remember something important even after being told. I have memory loss of some sort and it’s getting worse every day and they decide to berate me for it instead of trying to find a solution

#I forgot one of two food items to buy for the family #TWO ITEMS. that’s all I had to remember #and I could only remember ONE #I didn’t even remember the fact that there was more than one item to remember #god I feel sick with terror I’m losing my memory at age 16 #vent tw #robin shut up challenge #I hate this brain it does everything it can to disable and scare me and make me a nuisance and a hazard to interact with #had to leave the room after having a breakdown earlier this week because I what. hung out with my friends for too long? #god so many of these Basic Human Functions are broken or faulty for me #I’m just. scared

[steviescrystals]

ignore this post i’m just whining again

#i HATE being new with a passion like it is one of the most uncomfortable situations for me to be in #i had extreme social anxiety as a kid (still do i’ve just learned how to manage it better) that had a huge impact on me in school #i switched schools 3 times between the ages of 5 and 10 and tbh i made friends pretty quickly every time #but i was still so indescribably anxious every time bc i just hated being the new kid so much #and i thought that was all behind me bc at the time it was bc i didn’t know anyone and everyone else already had friends #but as i’ve gotten older that same feeling has come back and this time it’s when i’m starting at a new job instead of a new school #i started working when i was 16 and for the first month or two i was so stressed and uncomfortable all the time #and i thought it was normal bc it was my first job ever #which was reinforced when i was 19 and got another job and the adjustment period was a million times better #but i started working there 2 weeks after the business opened so literally everyone was new not just me #and now i’m realizing that was probably the only reason i settled in so easily #bc now i’ve started another job and i’m right back to feeling incredibly anxious whenever i’m there and it’s driving me crazy #like everything’s been super easy so far and it’s the exact same type of work i was doing before so i already know what i’m doing #and everyone i’ve met has been nice and chill but i’m still so uncomfortable #like every time i talk to my coworkers i’m just thinking ‘oh my god this is so awkward’ the whole time and i can’t stop #and i just feel so out of place and it sucks bc i was so excited about this job and rn i just feel so anxious every time i go to work #and the worst part is i felt the same way when i was new at my first job and (to a lesser extent) my second job #so logically i know it’s just bc it’s my first week and it takes time to adjust and it’ll be fine eventually #but knowing that doesn’t make the feeling go away or help me deal with it #like what can i do besides just accepting that work is going to suck for the next month?? #the whole thing is just kind of making me spiral bc i desperately needed a new job and this is literally the only one i wanted #but at the same time i’m still so upset about getting laid off from my last job even though it’s been 3 months #and the more anxious i feel at this new job the more i miss my old job #and i cannot allow myself to fall back into the headspace i was in for all of march after losing that job #maybe this is irrational bc it was just a job but the layoff genuinely sent me into one of the worst depressive episodes of my life #so idk i guess i was just really hoping i would love this job right away so i could finally see a bright side to getting laid off #and i mean i don’t have any complaints about the job so far but my anxiety is just making me so unhappy anyway #and i just miss my old job so much and i think about it nonstop and i really fucking hate being new and idk what else to say or do #vent #lj.txt

[mrbitches]

i think I’ll just use this to vent tbh

#I’ve got a lot on my mind #I’ve had a very stressful week #or month #or year #or life tbh #but it’s hard #everything is expensive #being in a relationship is expensive #I don’t have the expenses for college #I don’t have the expenses for a car #I can barely afford to go to my own job bc I can barely afford to eat at home or have lunch ag work #and I dip into my paycheck everyday to feed me and my partner #my 500 checks turn into 40 bucks every two weeks #I’m losing it #i just want to curl up and cry #but I have to keep it together #because I always do #because I’m always the one who has to pull it together for everyone else #I have to make sense of college enrollment bc nobody else has done it before (news flash neither have I) #I have to make sense of insurance and pharmacies #and hound down parents #and find information #and always be understanding #and I can’t vent out loud bc I’ll undo so much of the progress I’ve made with my partner #I just want to cry

[manicdragondreamgirl]

Work is destroying my sanity and I’ve barely been here 30 minutes

#everything is on fire 24/7 and it doesn’t have to be #I tell people how to fix things in simple terms and we fuck that up #I get an email w less than 24 hours notice that someone wants to do a cameras-on interview which I distinctly Do Not Like Doing #my office set up is not camera friendly rn and I would rather die #but on top of that it’s just like people complain we don’t have enough people so I modify hiring just enough to get people in the door #but now another team is upset bc somehow it didn’t get to them and they’re worried abt training not being done correctly #so which is it do we need people as desperately as we’re complaining we do or do we need to train people? #people are arguing and being dramatic and the stress is so unnecessary #I have never wanted to just quit more #I had to go home early yesterday bc I had a horrible migraine and now that I’m back at my desk I can already feel another one #this job doesn’t have to be this hard but everyone is making it hard #and third party people aka corporate or literal outside companies keep adding more and more and more to my plate #acknowledging that we’ve got a lot going on but can we do this or can we get this done or can we do xyz #and it’s stuff you can’t say no to #I am losing my mind and I don’t even know how to explain it in a way that would matter to anyone who could make something change #so I just. want to scream #I have to be here every fucking day of the week for so many hours and I only get two shitty days to recover from this place #even tho I got a generous raise I still don’t feel like they pay me enough for what I am dealing with rn

[warmtone]

.

#i officially have reactive arthritis which about 1% of people get from foodborne illness #just can’t believe it’s happening to me until I wake up every day in hell level pain #idk why I’m writing this here I guess just to mark the time so one day I can look back and remember that everything resolves eventually #mentally it’s so hard for me to imagine this could go on for two more months after a month already of not being able to walk #some people get better after about 6 weeks so I’m praying these next few weeks I get better #but there’s no promise and there’s no real treatment and I’m just feeling a bit hopeless #how can I lose a quarter of a year of my life to literally rotting in my bed #diary #trying to stay hopeful and I know it will pass and I could have worse extra symptoms so I’m grateful it’s just pain and swelling #but at the same time I’m so scared and this is probably the hardest thing I’ve gone through in life

[augustinewrites]

cw: it’s just angst

“i’m not mad.”

satoru closes and locks the front door, trailing after you into the kitchen, apprehension rising in the space kept between you. “really? because you seem kind of mad…”

“it’s fine, gojo.” you snap. “i’m fine.”

he watches you, quiet as the two of you go about your evening routine. leftovers from meals brought to the infirmary stowed away. week-old laundry tossed into the basket. you don’t say a word to him, emotions you don’t know how to make sense of still simmering.

“i’m sorry,” he says plainly as you’re both putting away the dishes. 

you wipe your hands on the tea towel, glancing over at him. “do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”

he shifts, unsure. “no…”

“of course you don’t,” you sigh. 

“then tell me,” he insists, exasperated. “i don’t want to fight.” 

“i don’t want to either,” you snap. “but you’re doing it again.” 

“doing what?”

“you just spent a week in the infirmary. you were hurt.”

“c’mon,” he laughs weakly. “there was no real chance of me dying.” 

“that’s not the—” you voice rises, then immediately quiets when you realize the kids are asleep. “that’s not the point. you’re losing yourself in it again. soon you’re going to drift away from us— from me,” you tell him, bleeding into the pain you’ve felt the last few days. “like you did when we were in school.”

because for as long as you’d known gojo, his drive was to constantly do more. be more. the period of time after the failure that was the star plasma vessel mission was the first time you’d witnessed it. gojo satoru doesn’t do anything halfway. he won’t permit himself to.

that’s what really scares you. he doesn’t know when to stop.

“i’m sorry that i worried you,” he apologizes, sincerity etched into his expression. you know him, know that he’s scared to say the wrong thing, that he’ll mess this up or somehow make it worse. “i had to. the higher ups—”

“satoru,” you interrupt, walls crumbling right in front of him. “i’ve always liked that you care about the jujutsu world. i just don’t want you to only care about it. not with where we are in our lives right now.”

“i don’t—”

“you do! you always have, and i get it. i know the world needs you…but things are getting worse, and we need to start thinking about the future—”

“everything i’m doing is for the future. for the future generation of sorcerers all over the world—”

“i don’t care about the world! i just care about you, and that’s the problem. one person always cares more in a relationship and that’s always been me.” 

“that’s not true,” he insists, a desperate edge in his voice. “all i’ve ever wanted is you. all i’ve never needed is you—”

“i need you too! maybe that sounds selfish or needy, but i don’t want there to be a day where i have to tell the kids that you’re not coming home. if you can’t understand that—”

he doesn’t think you realize you’re crying, frustrated tears gathering in your eyes and threatening to spill over. satoru reaches for you out of instinct, your argument the furthest thing from both your minds at this moment. you let him pull you into his arms, let him hold you. 

but you’re exhausted. 

this is fight you’ve been having since the moment you’d met him, and you don’t think he’ll understand the impact of it until you walk away.

“if you don’t understand that,” you continue softly, “then maybe we need to take a break.”

_____

outside the apartment door, nanami and shoko sit side by side, sharing a bottle of "welcome home" wine.

"guess they forgot we were coming over," the doctor mutters, pressing her ear against the door to see if jujutsu tech's favourite couple was still fighting. “it’s way too quiet in there. you think she killed him?”

nanami sighs, loosening his tie. “it’s quite possible.” 

“i’ll be the alibi and you’ll get rid of the body?”

“of course.”

#fushigojo breakup fic part one #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #keeping up with the fushigojos #jjk angst