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365days365movies · 3 years

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May 1, 2021: The Prestige (2006) (Recap: Part One)

What’s that old Arthur C. Clarke quote again?

Not that one, although that’s...that’s fantastic, and I need to know more context to that conversation. But no, no, not that. The other one.

Not that one, although that’s...horrifying. Let me explain something first, then. Clarke was the author of the classic science-fiction novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, which definitely didn’t go on to become one of the most widely regarded films of all time. Anyway, he was a big-shot in science fiction, and was even knighted for his prominence in pop culture in the UK and across the world.

Fellow famous sci-fi author Isaac Asimov is well known for three rules of robotics, but Clarke has three rules of his own. A futurist, his laws describe conjecture about scientific development in the future of out societies. Those laws are:

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Magic, huh?

God, I love Weird Al. Anyway, as a child of the ‘90s, I am well-acquainted with the boom of stage magicians that appeared during that time, and during the early 2000s. David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, David Blaine coughed up a live frog, Criss Angel freaked minds; lot of stuff back then.

And yet, despite other recent magicians like Penn and Teller or Dynamo, the greatest age of stage magic isn’t even CLOSE to the 90′s. No, no, to really see magic in its heyday, we need to go back to the late 1800s and early 1900s, to the days of the stage illusionist.

Obviously, the first person that comes to mind is Harry Houdini, a man whose feats have lasted the test of time, and may have led to his death. Not only did he get buried alive, not only did he escape from a straitjacket in chains underwater, NOT ONLY did he hold his breath inside a water-filled milk can inside of a wooden chest repeatedly for FOUR YEARS, but he was also the greatest enemy of spiritualists and mediums everywhere!

Yeah, despite being a stage magician, Houdini was OBSESSED with exposing those who claimed to be actually supernatural. After all, as a showman, he was interesting in exposing tricks that were meant to defraud the innocent public. Dude was awesome, is what I’m saying. He died from a burst appendix, which miiiiight have been caused by a student who punched him in the stomach after asking if he was actually resistant to abdominal damage. Yeah, not a great death. And he wasn’t the only illusionist to die of tragic circumstances, but that’s a discussion for another day. Because of this is sci-fi month...why am I talking about magic? Well...imagine a lighter.

Now image that you went back 5,000 years, to any civilization, and showed them a lighter. The ability to create fire with seemingly nothing but your bare hands? You’re basically a wizard! Fire from no visible fuel? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, O SORCERER OF THE FLAME!!! And that’s just a goddamn lighter.

What about a light bulb? Light from energy you’ve harnessed from metals and from the air itself? Jujube! A camera? With the ability to capture a moment in time in the form of a tangible image? WITCHCRAFT!!! A smartphone? A FUCKING SMARTPHONE???

And so, in celebration of the blurring of magic and science...why not start this month with an unconventional form of science fiction, huh? Something that blurs magic and science in a way that’s indistinguishable. And so, I can FINALLY watch a movie that I’ve wanted to watch for YEARS!

I am so excited, and this is a hell of a way to kick off the month! Why this? Well, I’ll explain that later. But for now...LET’S DO THIS.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Recap (1/2)

There are three acts of magic.

First is “the pledge”, where the magician shows something normal. Then, there’s “the turn”, which is when the ordinary becomes extraordinary. And finally, there’s the act of bringing the show full-circle; bringing back a disappeared object, in a new way and with a new technique. That final act, the showmanship, the establishment of the mystery, is called “the prestige”.

So is told to us by John Cutter (Michael Caine), keeper of canaries and stage engineer to magicians, via narration abut magic. Intercut with that narration, and with a disappearing canary trick, is the presentation of an act being performed by Robert Angier (Hugh Jackman). In it, he turns on a machine using electricity, with lightning bolts flying freely. He steps inside of it, and disappears.

Meanwhile, coming from the audience, a man pretends to be part of the act, and goes backstage and underneath the machine. There, he witnesses Angier fall through a trap door into a water tank, unable to get out, panicking and drowning. Which is just super fun to watch, lemme tell you! And that is where the story starts.

The man from the audience was Alfred Borden (Christian Bale), who is quickly put on trial for the murder of Angier. A rival of his during the 1890s and early 1900s, Borden is sent to jail, and sent to death by hanging. This is as his young daughter watches on. In court, Alfred testifies against Bruce Wayne on how he murdered Wolverine, because this is all I could think of the entire time. Anyway, the court asks for more details on the trick that killed Angier, called “the Transported Man”. He refuses to divulge it publicly, but agrees to tell it to one of the judges in secret.

In prison, Borden’s visited by a representative of a wealthy collector of items, Lord Caldlow. He asks if he will sell him his most prominent trick, the “Transported Man”. But Borden also refuses, as it’s HIS trick. Still, in response, the man gives Borden a journal of Angier’s’, and asks him to think about selling the secret. And from there: flashback!

Angier is on a train, heading to Colorado Springs, where he’s surprised to see that the whole town has electricity. His plan is to go up the mountain, which is closed for scientific experimentation. Which isn’t ominous at all! That completely banal revelation is followed by a walk up the mountain in the fog, past a fence that says no trespassing and LITERAL WARNING SIGNS.

There, he’s greeted by Alley (Andy Serkis), the assistant of the estate’s owner. Apparently, said owner made a machine for Borden, and Angier wants to learn the secrets. Another flashback, and we learn that Borden and Angier, rival magicians now, met a long time ago at the show of another magician, both volunteering to tie up the female assistant, Julia (Piper Perabo). Which would be creepy out of context, and then is creepy IN context when Angier kisses her thigh. Ew.

Anyway, they drop her into a tank, with a pretty stereotypical trick. After the show, we also learn that these two men are actually working for the magician, Milton (Ricky Jay), which makes that thigh kiss less creepy. Talking to Cutter and Julia, Borden mocks Milton’s trick, noting that the old magician won’t even try something like a bullet catch. Cutter mocks this idea, and asks if Borden has any better ideas. It’s around this time that Cutter suggests seeing Chung Ling Soo. Huh. I won’t say anything about that until later.

Or right now! And, uh...oh shit, this is extraordinarily awkward. Here’s the thing: this is NOT Chung Ling Soo. I know this for two reasons. One, Soo didn’t really pretend to be crippled, as Borden and Angier suggest. Wasn’t really his bag. But something that IS interesting about the guy is how he died! BULLET CATCH TRICK!! Yup! He tried the bullet catch trick, and he died when the bullet actually fired at him! Yeah, awkward.

And you know what else is awkward, and really different from this story? Chung Ling Soo was...not Chinese. Even a little bit. His real name was William Ellsworth Robinson, he married his assistant, cheated on her with another assistant, never divorced and still married his new assistant illegally, etc. He was an interesting guy. Ignoring, y’know, the whole disgustingly shitty yellow-face thing. Different times, unfortunately.

Borden’s frustration with an act he considers boring and obsolete erupts during one of Milton’s shows, where we see him KILL A BIRD, FUCK ME MAN. Yeah, I get it, Borden, this is terrible! This coincides with meeting a young woman and her nephew, who is also upset to see a bird die in front of him. The woman is Sarah (Rebecca Hall), and the two start a romance. Meanwhile, the romance between Angier and Julia is a straight-up marriage, making that thigh kiss fare more understandable. And, the two are about to have a baby, to both of their delight! Nothing bad will happen now!

We flash forward to the future, where Cutter is showing the judge what’s what with the device. He claims that a wizard built it, and that the machine can actually do what magicians have only pretended to do for years. They also look at a tank, and Cutter reveals that the tank has a terrible history, especially for the two magicians.

Flashback again, to a night of yet another show. That night, Milton and the group go through with their trick, as per usual. However, Borden decides to make it a little tougher and more exciting by tying a different knot this time. And unfortunately...Julia can’t untie it. They try to get her out in time, but alas...it’s too late.

Julia dies, and Angier blames Borden, who isn’t even entirely sure if he tied the knot that killed Julia...allegedly. Not a big fan of Borden right now. The act is over, and Borden decides to split off and do his own act, calling himself “the Professor”. Now having a child of his own with Sarah, he decides to do a bullet trick, with the help of new stage engineer, Fallon. But this is a tricky trick to perform. And the understandable mental breakdown of Angier causes its own problems.

See, during one of Borden’s shows (which is going TERRIBLY), a disguised Angiers shows up and loads a REAL bullet into the gun for the trick, and BLOWS OFF TWO OF HIS FINGERS FUCK ME!!! Borden’s not exactly happy about this, but he recovers quickly. Shortly after, Cutter finds Angier at a bar, and offers him the opportunity to make a new show of his own. Reluctantly, he accepts, and takes up the moniker “the Great Danton”, a name that his late wife suggested.

With a new bird/cage trick, one that lets the bird LIVE (THANK YOU), they’re almost set. But they also add a new assistant, in the form of...Black Widow. I mean, sorry, Olivia Wenscombe (Scarlett Johansson). Yeah, um...Wolver, Alfred Pennyworth, and Black Widow are working together in competition against Batman. Also, Gollum is in the movie, too. God, what’s next, David Bowie?

Anyway, the show is on once again, and Angier asks for some volunteers in the audience. But, uh oh! One of them is Borden in disguise, and he sabotages the trick in front of EVERYBODY, breaking an audience member’s fingers, and killing the bird, completely fucking up Angier’s career, in revenge for his fingers. Oh, also, MOTHERFUCKER YOU KILLED HIS WIFE (maybe)!!! Doesn’t justify Angier shooting off your fingers, but you could’ve just let bygones be! No wonder you’re rivals in the future! Batman’s a dick (which, given Christian Bale, isn’t that surprising).

Well, since his trick, Angier’s fucked. They’re kicked out of the theater, and in need of a new act. Cutter suggests that Angier goes to the upcoming science exposition for ideas. And yes...that’s where the science fiction angle starts in. See, like Clarke said, any science that’s sophisticated enough LOOKS like magic to audiences who don’t understand it. And Borden has the same idea, as he also heads to the expo.

It’s there that a presentation of a massive electrical generator is being held, with the machine having been invented by...Nicola Tesla! YO!

I don’t think I need to tell anybody about Tesla at this point, but he was a brilliant physicist and inventor from the early 1900s. His legendary Current War with Thomas Alva Edison for the current to be used by the United States (Tesla’s DC vs. Edison’s AC) is the stuff of science legend...and is a conflict that the far less charismatic Tesla lost. Still, his mastery of electricity (such as the above Tesla coil) is remembered today. If you want to go sightseeing, check out New York! In Niagara Falls, he’s got a massive statue overlooking the falls; and in Bryant Park in NYC, you can sit on the bench where he fed his beloved pigeons. Yeah, he loved pigeons, which I respect.

Anyway, the expo’s shut down due to presumed danger of the exhibit, possibly spurred on by Thomas Edison and his PR team. Which is pretty accurate, not gonna lie. Still, the experiment interests both Angier and Borden. Still, Angier doesn’t do much with this information. Right now, anyway.

Flash forward to Angier in Colorado Springs, and a group of men from Edison’s employ are there for some reason. But undeterred, Angier heads back to Tesla’s lab, where Alley shows him a gorgeous sight: lightbulbs dotting a field, making a gorgeous grid of light. He reveals that the source of the electricity is 15 miles away, as a testament to Tesla’s scientific genius. Stellar.

A great place to pause. See you in Part Two of this Recap!

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years

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pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned.

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why.

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases.

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one.

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time.

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly.

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp comte #can you feel me going through 800 different emotions in the course of writing this #fucking hell #he absolutely kills me i love him so much #would do ANYTHING for him #if you listen v closely you can hear the soft sound of me grabbing tissues #god i was just rewatching some of his events and i just #THE SHEER WARMTH OF HIS PRESENCE HOW IT WASHES OVER YOU WHILE READING #IM SHAKING AND CRYING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like leo is just one of those routes where its like 'my life was before and after this moment'#otome is honestly destroying my standards OTL #he just makes me feel So Much my coherence disappears #brain cells???? don't know her only Leo tiddy #in conclusion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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1zashreena1 · 4 years

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The Homicide is Hot -12

18+, m/f/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess struggles with her own morality. But all cats are gray in the dark, right? Oh, and Diego has an epiphany.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Literal murder guys, seriously*** Protective Diego, feels, a blow job, plus size woman+fit man, insightful and helpful Julio, f o r e s h a d o w i n g

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic @symbiont13 @nicke0115 @bunnykjm @rosee-sensuelle @girlpornparadise @mandoplease @heresathreebee @xxsteph-enrixx @jetiikad @joalsglasses @mutantcookiesecrets @demoncatstone @squidlywiddly87 @lockedoutofmyotherblog @poeedamerons

gif by @el-cheung

"Its hot when he's homicidal." There. You said it.

Okay but remember that time when he stabbed two dudes and carved an ear off of a third? And you were gonna like, die if you didn't blow him IMMEDIATELY???

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

Wait, wait. Maybe this is … good? That is not the correct word but you know what I mean. If I'm going to be with someone in his position then I need to be able to handle everything that entails, right?

You glance over at TMP, the small stuffed panther is facing you on the breakfast bar. You know its ridiculous, but you feel like he's watching you. It only takes half a second, but you flip the stuffie around so he can't be a voyeur just like his namesake.

The small dry erase board in your lap reflects sunlight back up into your face. Its covered in anxious scribbles regarding last weekend, you're desperately trying to sort them into some semblance of helpfulness. It isn't going well.

I already know he is in love with me, straight out of the horse's mouth. Lol 'horse'.

Seriously. You cannot go one day without a dick joke.

I love him. I mean, how can I claim to love someone if I don't accept all of them? He doesn't maim indiscriminately, it has a point. Is it justified? I don't know. Do I trust his judgment on it being justified? I think I do. I guess the better question is: Do I care?

I'm already in it. He's paying half my bills, he already paid off all my debt. I've accepted so many gifts with the knowledge that they were bought with laundered drug money. Hell, every article of clothing I'm wearing right fucking now was purchased by Diego. Also, he said that those guys lost a shipment to the tune of EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, so you know, that's an accessory charge. At this point, even if I decide I have some arbitrary moral high ground, I'm definitely rolling around in a ditch, legally speaking.

You've always known that your morality was a bit off center than most people's, but being with Diego has put it into sharp relief. There are so many things that are illegal that you just don't care about. And your very visceral reaction that night was irrefutable proof.

-----------------------------

Last weekend

Diego does not like the cold. The heat in the SUV is turned way up, you already closed the vents on your side of the backseat. You're on your phone, pretending to ignore the massive hand sneaking under the hem of your dress while your legs are flopped over his lap.

Diego rumbles at you, the phone comes down just enough for you to peek over the top at him.

"Yes? Is there something you would like, my Murder Panther?" Your smirk is damn near audible as you question him.

His eyes trail down to your lap then back up before he answers in a growl, "There is something I would love." The rockiness of his voice never fails to make you quiver just a tiny bit.

Just as those long fingers brush your thong his phone chirps. Repeatedly. And then starts ringing.

Diego snatches the cell out of his jacket pocket and hisses at the screen. Not good, you think. He answers it with a tirade of Spanish, shoots you an incomprehensible look, then retreats from you. Nooooo.

Being the only one in the car who doesn't speak Spanish is its own variety of delightful hell. Bastian and Julio are exchanging meaningful looks in the front while you just have to wait. Diego has gone quiet, which is utterly terrifying.

He disconnects the call, then passes the phone to Julio, who shows it to Bastian, who then changes course.

Diego reluctantly pulls your dress back down as you drop your feet to the floor. He raises a thick arm and tucks you into his side underneath it before kissing the top of your head apologetically.

"We have to run an errand."

-----------------------

The warehouse looks like it came straight out of a Law and Order episode. Its abandoned yet eerily lit from the inside, there is a suspicious assortment of motley vehicles parked outside, and two tattoo covered dudes toting semiautomatics appear as you pull up.

"Please tell me those belong to you." You mutter quietly. Your immediate concern is Diego's safety.

Diego gives you the shark smile. "The men or the guns, Princess?"

In the dark, at this incredibly sketchy location, and with the threat of violence thick in the air, he is actually a little bit scary.

You swallow the apprehension and glare at him with a raised chin. "Yes." You snap, crossing your arms in a stubborn huff. Holding his gaze right now is kind of intimidating but you manage it.

"Si, everything here is mine." His voice is hard as steel but the hand that comes up to grip your chin is gentle. It takes a second for you to realize that he is including you in that group. And that you like it.

You take in his features, those eyes are black in the darkness, but the silver in his beard glints in the partial moonlight. The defined jawline, his long straight nose, those perfectly framed velvet lips, thick brows and even thicker hair. So fucking gorgeous. Cupping his bristly cheeks, you whisper one requirement, "Just make sure to come back to me, baby."

Diego leans his forehead down on yours briefly, then kisses your nose. "Wait here for Diego, my Princess." His voice is dark and dripping with emotion. Julio opens the car door from outside and Diego steps out, adjusting his jacket and tucking the abalone-inlaid gun into his pants. He doesn't look back as they walk away.

Bastian steps out and closes the driver's door to smoke. The only door left open is the rear passenger next to where you sit. You're too preoccupied to stay focused on your cell. You look up to see that Bastian is on his phone, Probably his boyfriend checking on him. You can certainly understand that.

Faint voices float out of the open warehouse garage door, but everything is in Spanish. You slide down to the pavement and pace slowly. Its been almost twenty minutes, should you try to check on him? Each lap of pacing takes you ever closer to the empty doorway, purely by happenstance of course, until finally, finally, you can see people inside.

There are three men kneeling on the floor, surrounded by at least two dozen others armed to the teeth. There are more guns than you have ever seen in your life, all being handled casually. Diego paces slowly in front of them, rattling off some rambling array of options, judging from his tone. Whatever he just said must have been unfavorable because two of the kneeling men start crying and begging. I should not be here.

Diego digs both hands deep into his pants pockets, as though searching for a lost item, only to pull out the larger of the switchblades that you know he always carries. Ambling forward, he snatches the man furthest from you by the hair and yanks his head back. The angle looks excruciating, but what happens next is infinitely worse. The blade glints under the overhead lighting as Diego slides it smoothly across the man's throat, triggering a cascade of red.

Diego just slit his throat.

Diego just killed that man.

Diego just committed murder.

You're frozen. Think. Think. If you move now someone will hear your shoes, you stuff a hand into your mouth just in case you make any noise. Your plum dress and black booties should blend into the night, thank fuck the dress is longer so there's less gleaming pale leg to reflect the moonlight.

I should go I should go back to the car I should go home. Your thoughts are racing but you can't look away as Diego skirts the rapidly expanding pool of blood and approaches the next man. He leans down to listen to the doomed man's pleas, one huge hand on his shoulder in mock comfort. Almost faster than your eyes can follow, Diego stabs him three times in the chest. The man coughs, then chokes on blood. Diego nudges him backwards to the floor with an expression of mild disgust before he can cough blood onto those exceedingly expensive shoes. The noise of his death is a quiet gurgle.

You can't feel your legs. Your stomach plummets and your heart rate leaps. This is Diego. This is my man. This is who he is and what he does. And this is what happens if you wrong him.

Just like I'm doing right now?

Sudden understanding makes your palms sweat and your jaw shake. Breathe. I trust him. You know, all the way down to the bottom of your soul, that he would never do anything like this to you.

I'm different.

I'm special.

I'm important.

I have power.

The thrill of getting away with something courses up your spine.

All of these men are his to command, available at his beck and call, and his to dispatch as he sees fit.

And you? Diego belongs to you. This powerful man chooses to kneel at your feet and pleasure you with his mouth, he dotes on you with gifts and gourmet dining, he waits for your text responses with baited breath. You want nothing more than to belong to him.

Movement snaps you out of your own head; Diego is approaching the last man, all confident stalk and predatory grin. A different feeling settles low and deep in your abdomen. Murder Panther. MY Murder Panther.

Diego strokes over the man, no, this one is younger, the young man's hair. He is definitely an adult, but hasn't been for very long. Diego is whispering in his ear, the guy nods frantically and tilts his head toward you. You watch in morbid fascination as Diego carves off his ear.

Diego wipes the blade off on the man's shirt, then pats him on the head as he walks off casually. He gestures to the group as he puts the knife away and they close ranks to help the lone surviving man to his feet and carry him off.

Before you can jolt your body into retreating Diego turns to head your way. He glances up… and sees you.

His face, Oh no. Shock, horror, dismay, annoyance, and finally, determined resolution all cross his features in under three seconds. He uses his broad body to block you from his men's view and marches you back to the SUV. "Get in." He snarls, but he doesn't push you.

You slide all the way across the backseat to crash against the opposite side and Diego follows, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He scrubs a hand down his face and turns to you, expression grim.

You can't imagine what you look like, Probably a scared little bunny. But what you feel like? Oh, that is a different story. Damn near everything about what you just witnessed was so fucking hot. The actual homicides were kind of 'meh' (What is wrong with me???), but his power and ability and danger? Those you are definitely into.

He looks simultaneously defeated and defiant. "Well?" He barks with an expectant gesture. "This is me. This is what I do. You call me Murder Panther, but its different to see, isn't it, Princess?" The way he spits out his pet name for you hurts. He's lashing out in fear. He thinks I'm gonna run.

You keep your eyes locked with his as you reach out to his leg. He flinches at the contact but stays stiff. Your voice is smoky and dark, "I need you. Right fucking now. Give me your dick."

For the first time since you've met, Diego is speechless. His jaw hangs open while he watches you sink to your knees in front of him. Seemingly paralyzed, he just blinks as you rip his pants open and yank the material down over his hips. The instant you achieve clearance for his cock your mouth is on him. Your moan must vibrate the entire vehicle its so loud.

"Princess!" He finally gasps. "You. What. Fuuuck, what is. Oh, hell yes." His hips jerk and you dig your nails into his lower abdomen. He is fully erect in seconds, a little confusion isn't enough to cockblock Diego. Big hands flit through your peripheral vision erratically before settling on your head. The angle is finally correct and you slide him all the way down your throat, he practically howls with it. "Ahh, h-haaa. Jesus fuck, that feels so good. Shit, shit. Princesss."

The way he calls for you, writhing with it, is almost too much. You moan back but don't stop bobbing your head on his length. Firm suction intermixed with sporadic long licks of your broad tongue have him leaking steadily in no time. Your left hand cups his balls, squeezing gently just to feel him tense up. He's salty, but not bitter. You want it. You need him.

Your right hand snakes down to hike up the dress. Once it’s over your wide hips you spread your knees so you can sink down onto his shoe. He doesn't notice at first, not until your hips start rocking in time with your suction.

He grabs a fistful of hair to get your attention. "Are. Fucking christ woman, are you riding my foot?!" His eyes are huge, mouth open to pant.

You nod tightly, "Mm hmm." The moan vibrates all along his cock, causing his hips to rise off the seat.

"Ohh, oh fuck. You're so wet. I can hear it." He groans as though in agony. The thrusts begin to pick up pace and you grind down onto him. Your mouth can open just wide enough to accommodate the majority of his girth, you already know your neck is going to kill you tomorrow. Worth it. The skin of his cock is silky slick with both of you, he glides across your tongue easily but it requires pressure to fit him down your throat. Its like consuming fire, you're burning up from the inside out and its painfully perfect.

In the darkness of the unlit SUV you can't see anything, you can only hear Diego moan and pant while your nose is buried in the soft hair on his lower belly. The intensity of being engulfed in his scent drives you to distraction, you grind down hard on his foot and you're so, so close. His hips lift off the seat to push deeper and you ride his motions, swallowing around the head of his cock. One enormous hand sinks deep into your curls, he pulls gently just because he knows you like it. His purr is deep, "My perfect little Princess."

That's all it takes. You drop your entire weight onto his foot to shudder and whine as an orgasm rips through you. Hips jerking in time with each spasm deep inside, you ride out all the waves without ever breaking rhythm on his dick.

Diego is frozen in shock as he realizes what just happened. He pulls you off, much to your whining disappointment, to stare down at you in awe. He stutters a little, "Good. Girl."

The instant he releases ringlets you dive down onto him with renewed vigor. The emphatic praise only spurs you on even stronger. Everything is wet; his dick, your mouth, his pants, your chin, the seat, your dress, his shoe. Everything. The sounds, the way he tastes, you're desperate to have him.

"You want this? You want Diego?" His voice is so rough, so harsh. You nod tightly and moan for him, high pitched and hoarse. "Princess, so damn good, take it. Take all of me. Fuck, you look goddamn amazing on my cock." His hands stroke endlessly over your hair, his hips are jerking harshly and you know he is close. "Shit. Shit shit shit. Come," he is gasping, panting, "Come again for Diego, mi amor." His body stiffens, his legs shake, the grip in your hair tightens, and his head drops backwards to the seat as he pours down your throat in scorching jets.

Diego collapses, boneless and breathless, but you don't release him. Your right hand shoots down between your legs to work your clit furiously while you continue suckling softly.

"Yesss," he sighs upon noticing your actions. His voice drops low, overflowing with sinful threat, "You come for Diego. Pretty little Princess, all mine. Follow orders, come on your Murder Panther."

It breaks you. Your whole body seizes up as you wail for him, clenching down on nothing in painful ecstasy. Finally relinquishing his cock, you flop face down into his lap with an exhausted groan. Diego melts back into the seat and you both just lay there, panting.

Diego raps on the door window but stays slumped down and loose-limbed.

Bastian unlocks the SUV, then pops the driver's door to stick his head inside. "Yeah, boss?" The blonde studiously avoids looking lower than Diego's face. You can hear Julio chuckling behind Bastian.

"Fuck the club. Take us home." Diego decrees lazily. You sputter joyful laughter directly into his pants.

You ride home curled up in his lap, snuggled into that salt and pepper beard you love so much while Diego feathers kisses all over your face, the knife cradled in your hands.

------------------------

Diego stumbles down the stairs the next morning, yawning hugely, only to find Julio in the kitchen, unashamedly raiding the fridge. Bastard, Diego chuckles.

"Manito! We need to talk." Julio gets right to the matter. "Before Gordita gets up." He adds pointedly.

Uhh, what. "Fine. Talk. Also, are you eating carrots at 10:12am??" That is disgusting.

Diego plops down onto a barstool and stares dejectedly at the espresso machine until Julio rolls his eyes and turns it on for him.

"Look, you need a check, eh?" Julio sighs but stands firm while Diego side eyes him suspiciously. When no objection comes, Julio forges on, "She saw you murder two people and cut an ear off a third last night, right? And her response was to blow you in the car? Fucking ride your foot to come, what, twice?"

Diego smiles dreamily, "Yeah. It was a good night." So. Much. Licking.

Julio passes him the steaming mug, "If you don't put a ring on it, pendejo..."

Diego nearly drops the mug as his closest confidante walks off into the living room.

Shit, Julio is right.

#damnit diego #murder panther #rough me up then dick me down #24 fucking 7 hours in this house #zash writes #some whiplash #feels and dick #dick and feels

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theexecutionerssong · 3 years

Note

Okay Gaëlle, i hate to do this but I have to. What are your favorite episodes of Supernatural throughout the seasons 1-15🤔 shit you can even tell me why, i would very much enjoy to hear it. Because I am not ready to let this damn show go, so I’ve been watching videos/talking about different episodes all day long.

On are you kidding me sdfghjk i could make you a top 100 but I’ll try to keep it under... 40, in chronological order it is because do NOT ask me to pick my favorites among favorites. And if I start to tell you why, we’ll still be here in a week, so you can draw conclusions from the quotes ^^

2x20 What Is and What Should Never Be: Our happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life, Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?

3x10 Dream a Little Dream of Me: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He- He's the one who let Mom die. Who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me. And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

4x01 Lazarus Rising: You don't think you deserve to be saved

4x03 In the Beginning: On November 2nd, 1983, don't get out of bed. No matter what you hear, or what you see. Promise me you won't get out of bed.

4x16 On the Head of a Pin: For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.

4x20 The Rapture: I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it. - It doesn't matter. You take me. Just take me.

4x22 Lucifer Rising: You're not in this story. - Yeah, well... We're making it up as we go.

5x04 The End: What happened to you? - Life

5x10 Abandon All Hope...: Mom... This might literally be your last chance to treat me like an adult. Might wanna take it?

5x13 The Song Remains the same: It's okay, baby. It's all okay. Angels are watching over you.

6x15 The French Mistake: honestly how iconic, doesn’t need quotes

6x20 The Man Who Would Be King: It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it? - I was there. Where were you?

7x04 Defending Your Life: Hunters are never kids. I never was.

7x17 The Born Again Identity: You’re not a machine, Dean.

8x01 We Need to Talk about Kevin: It was bloody, messy. 31 flavors of bottom dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like 360 degree combat. But there was something about being there... it felt pure.

8x07 A Little Slice of Kevin: You can’t save everyone, my friend. Though you try.

8x17 Goodbye Stranger: We need you. I need you.

8x23 Sacrifice: Where do I start to even look for forgiveness?

9x06 Heaven Can Wait: Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You're just… shoved out kicking and screaming into this human life, without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels, or why this confusion, which feels like it's… a hair's breadth from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand, it'll turn out you're wrong. You didn't understand anything at all.

9x11 First Born: no proper quotes but it introduced Cain so that’s that.

9x22 Stairway to Heaven: his true weakness is revealed. He's in love... with humanity.

9x23 Do You Believe in Miracle: I'm proud of us.

10x05 Fan Fiction: Supernatural has everything. Life, death, resurrection, redemption -- but above all, family. All set to music you can really tap your toe to. It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck, it's... epic.

10x14 The Executioner’s Song (what a surprise): First, first you'd kill Crowley -- there'd be some strange mixed feelings on that one, but you'd have your reason, get it done, no remorse. And then you'd kill the angel Castiel, now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful. And then! Then would come the murder you'd never survive, the one that would finally turn you into as a much of a savage as it did me... Your brother, Sam. The only thing standing between you and that destiny is this Blade. You're welcome my son.

10x22 The Prisoner: When you finally turn, and you will turn... Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love... they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world.

11x04 Baby: because it was GENIUS

11x20 Don’t Call me Shurley: Fare Thee Well

12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Do it. You blast me away, you'll blast away every angel in the room. I'll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he's hurt. He might live or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall. Roll the dice... Yeah. That's what I thought.

12x12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): No, you listen to me. You... Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it... it's been the best part of my life. And the things that... the things we've shared together, they have changed me. You're my family. I love you. I love all of you.

12x19 The Future: It's a gift. You keep those.

13x10 Wayward Sisters: all of it and it’s a damn shame the spin off wasn’t picked off

14x13 Lebanon: I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would... get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family. - I have a family.

15x03 The Rupture: (just because i’m an angst hoe) You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and -- and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm... dead to you.

15x09 The Trap: You don't have to say it. I heard your prayer.

15x17 Unity: My entire life, you've protected me-- from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true.

15x18 Despair: I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. - Why does this sound like a goodbye? - Because it is. I love you.

#thank you anon i'm now an absolute mess #80% of these were written by the same 4 people sdfghjk #i should have done a top 5 per season it would have been easier #spn #gaelle parle #Anonymous

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''crazy train'' by ozzy osbourne

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pastwinter · 6 years

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there are some romantic plots below for each of my babes that i’m dying to write!! feel free to like this or shoot me a message if something catches your eye!

baek jinho | runaway manhwa artist | heterosexual | 24

a lil inspired by the truth untold by bts, i’d love!! a plot in which emotionally cautious jinho develops feelings for muse b ( a literal light! someone who really knows how to pull jinho out of her shell ) , and as is her habit, she keeps it all bottled in and hides it -- but! she’s awfully honest in her latest manhwa in which she depicts the protagonist finding the courage to admit her feelings, and it’s honestly so obvious!! that the love interest is a portrayal of muse b!! to everyone except muse b who has yet to read the manhwa ( or maybe they’re just oblivious ) . and maybe if we want to take it down the angsty route, muse b gets into a relationship with someone before jinho can confess her feelings??

ideally i’d like for muse b to have an outgoing personality seeing as jinho can lean towards reserved. age doesn’t matter so much really?? but she’s heterosexual, so muse b must be male.

jinho’s 24 and she has a little brother who’s 19, so anyone around that age she’ll label as a “ kid ” and dote on them like she would her brother so if anyone wants a classic “ i like you but you treat me like a child B(( ” plot, come at me!! and either gender could work here, but it’ll be angsty if your muse is a gal since jinho can’t return her feelings... and doesn’t that sound like fun : )))

“ you keep confessing your love for me and i keep turning you down bc i’m honestly scared out of my mind that i would ruin everything but good golly gosh you’re very persistent aren’t you?? and psh no this isn’t a date! i’m just humoring you bc i feel bad ( but we both know that’s a frikkin lie ) ”

lee gwangmin | youtuber | bisexual | 23

a second meeting with his first boyfriend!! bc while gwangmin cared for him deeply ( maybe even?? this guy was his first love?? ) , i can see the two having broken up bc gwangmin refused to acknowledge that his parents had an issue with his sexuality despite their uncomfortable words of support. he refused to talk about it and went to lengths to avoid having his parents and boyfriend around each other for extended periods of time, and that had to be frustrating!! and stressful considering this would have been around the time they’d be graduating/had just graduated high school. so maybe that’s why they broke up?

the reason can always be discussed, but i’d love a second meeting in which both of them have grown up a little! and maybe confront the fact that gwangmin is STILL avoiding the problem.

also gimme a prickly pear who isn’t so prickly around gwangmin bc he’s such a wholesome sweetie pie and makes them feel so good about themselves and just!! happy in general!! and maybe they start to like him more than they should and gwangmin can tell but stays quiet bc... they’re so... CUTE when they’re trying to hide it!! and when it comes out on accident or they witness someone coming onto gwangmin and they get embarrassed and frightened of his reaction, he’s just grinning bc of course he likes them!!

y’all i’ll admit it right now -- i’m weak for cliche plots but who isn’t??

kim nari | professional dork singer | bisexual | 18-20

so my little ray of sunshine can be played during her time as a trainee or during her time as an idol

so pretty pls gimme a sunbae-hoobae relationship that’s 90% platonic and mentor-like and 10% something more. but is that something more acknowledge?? not if you want to avoid scandals and secret relationships!!

but maybe... it DOES get acknowledged... and they gotta sneak around... but nari’s just debuted finally, and if it’s revealed she’s dating, that could be really bad for her... “ the timing might be bad but n o we’re not breaking up bc of a ‘ what if ’ ”

“ you’re that boy i ran away from back in middle school when you confessed to me and continued to avoid afterwards but now we’re older and dating isn’t so scary and you grew up to be incredibly handsome wow... also i’m so sorry ”

maybe said boy is a fellow idol?? a producer?? or she just runs into him by chance?? either way, it’ll be awkward for nari B ))

bc i’m weak for the idea ( and is it cliche?? MAYBE ) , consider your muse joining a show in which idols are paired with their “ ideal types, ” and nari just so happens to be on the show, too. now, this could go a few ways!

the producers are mistaken in pairing nari with your muse bc the two of them HATE each other!! but maybe not as much as they first thought.

they’re utterly smitten with each other... but they’re not paired together! they’re someone else’s ideal types, so do they pine and never act on their feelings or do some sneaking about without anyone knowing??

choi donghae | lost soul | bisexual | 20

you know what i’d love?? an angsty plot in which your muse assists donghae in moving on aka brings his murderer to justice before danbi has a chance to kill him and before he’s able to take another victim. and while it’s a happy moment bc he and his sister can finally be at peace, it’s bittersweet bc your muse sincerely cares for him

i’d also give my left shoe for a plot where donghae starts acting as your muse’s guardian angel bc he misses them and doesn’t know what else to do with his extra time and they eventually figure it out bc no one has THAT much good luck

and if we wanna go down the human!donghae route, gimme that classic “ bad boy/girl meets good boy ” but instead of corrupting donghae, he starts to rub off on them and that’s not good for their reputation, dude

choi danbi | bitter specter | bisexual | 20

" i’ve been pretending that i’m not dead by appearing to you when barely anyone is around but you ran into my mom and mentioned me and now you’re confused and shaking bc according to her, donghae and i are still missing, so i suppose i owe you some answers now ”

“ i saved you from getting mugged one time and it was very freaky and ghostly and now you’re purposely looking for me in random allies?? are you dumb??? and why is this so endearing to me?? ”

and for human!danbi, how about a rival athlete who she Hates but kissed one time when she was tipsy and now... now she hates them even MORE bc they won’t let her forget about it!!

son daehyun | grim reaper | heterosexual | o l d... but looks 28

before i even start, let me point out that daehyun is based upon the grim reapers from tvn’s goblin, but he’s part of a unit who specializes in finding the souls who were never allowed to move on

so... how about he's assigned to find a soul who was supposed to die YEARS ago, but narrowly avoided death through a miracle only a greater being could have caused and like... he’s gotta keep an eye on her bc she shouldn’t even exist but there’s no way that he can reap her when she’s living her life! but every time she find herself about to die, daehyun is there against his better judgement to save her until he’s too late

but maybe... she finds their way back to him bc she refuses to let go of their memories :’ ))

and gimme senior reaper dae having to show this rookie reaper the ropes and he’s trying to act all tough and cool for her, and while it’s so obvious how soft he really is, the rookie lets dae do his thing bc it’s cute. and she tells him so -- and dae is flabbergasted

“ cute?? me??? nO i’m not blushing shut up ”

son soojin | old soul | pansexual | technically old as heck but 26 in this life

lil info before we begin -- soojin is a reincarnated soul who chose to keep her memories in hopes of being reunited with her lover one day

what if… her lover was actually an immortal being of some sort?? and they’ve been sad bc they’ve gone all this time thinking they’d never see her again but wait!! it’s her!! she just has a different face bc reincarnation is apparently a thing!!

or similarly – they were broken up about her death but it’s been centuries, dude… they’re Over It and have moved on and are in love without someone else. sucks to be soojin.

oR soojin’s fallen in love with someone in this life, maybe even contemplating marriage when who is that she stumbles upon?? her lover from her first life?? well fRIK

O R soojin finds her lover, they don’t recognize her bc she has a different face, and she withholds who she really is bc they seem so… happy with their s/o. happy without her. and maybe it’s time she lets them go bUT WAIT A SECOND THERE SHE SLIPS UP and says something only SHE would have known/said!! her cover’s blown!! uh oh : )))

and now just some general scenarios i’d love to see!!

polyships pls and thanks!! gwangmin and nari are one cute duo or could be paired separately with two other muses, as well as most of my other muses -- the only ones i don’t think would be up for it ( or at the very least be very difficult to convince ) would be jinho bc she's so wary of relationships to begin with and daehyun.

but give me the cute first date, the cuddling and kisses and before that, the proposition of dating each other. give me the angst where one thinks the other two don’t like them as much as they do each other. give me breaking up just to get back together bc it being just two of them doesn’t feel right anymore.

any sort of fan meets their idol plot! i’m Weak for them

also... baby plots. single parent starts dating again plots. gimme some kids and the difficulties and all the cute moments :’ )))

“ i’ve got a tough/cold image but i’m soft for you ” plots!!

#indie krp #krp indie #krp lit #open krp #indie rp #this is so long good gosh #i spent way too long on this #but now my shipper's heart is somewhat satisfied so i'm gonna call it a night #and by call it a night i mean spend more time working on partially written drafts before i pass out #; )

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mshelenahandbag · 6 years

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Best of ‘17 — TV

This year’s best include a wide variety: historical recreations of Hollywood, a fantasy medieval world on the brink of all out war, two separate shows with drag queens, the secret lives of soccer moms, a revival 25 years in the making, a documentary about America’s greatest shame and an Emmy-winning adaptation of a book hitting a little too close to home.

Honorable Mention: Scandal (ABC)

Shonda Rhimes finally got her damn groove back. After watching The Catch and Still Star-Crossed fizzle out and a less-than-stellar third season of How To Get Away With Murder, Shonda’s flagship Scandal was back on track after two seasons of stagnant WTF-dom. Season six brought us back into the world of Olivia Pope with a bang when president-elect Frankie Vargas is assassinated. And it just gets crazy in the best way possible from there. We really get a glimpse again of the Olivia we all have loved since the first season and probably the best performances to date for Bellamy Young as Mellie Grant and Darby Stanchfield as Abby. And with Shonda announcing season seven will be the show’s last, this season could have served as its conclusion, but now we get to see Shonda’s gloves off for this final season with nothing held back, and a darker Olivia Pope with no white hat, now running B-613.

Outstanding Episode: “Trojan Horse” (Original airdate: 4/20/2017)

Mellie’s future to the White House is suddenly in doubt when Cyrus is pardoned for Frankie’s assassination and makes his pwn play for the White House, despite a massive campaign against him. Olivia wants to help Cyrus, even as her father warns her not to, for so many reasons, the biggest of which remains the shadow cabal who arranged for Frankie’s assassination and Mellie’s eventual win. The meat of this episode comes when Mellie meets her unexpected benefactors, Plus and Ruland, who she tries to threaten, only for Ruland to off her chief of staff, Elizabeth North (Portia de Rossi) via a golf club to the skull. Mellie is broken down and a total pawn for whatever they want to her to do. Elsewhere, Fitz breaks it off with his girlfriend, the FBI director, who pushes for Rowan’s arrest, which Fitz has already done, for his protection. Fitz and Olivia FINALLY get back together as everyone gets ready to take the shadowy organization down once and for all.

Honorable Mention: American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

I was not expecting to put this back on my best of list. Roanoke was disappointing in so many aspects. So when season seven was announced, and a theme element of the 2016 election announced, I was already ready to tune out. But something about this season is a brilliant commentary on our hive mind ideology of democrat vs republican, liberal v conservative, etc. It’s also just flat out scary. We see the lives of a lesbian couple Ally (Paulson) and Ivy (Alison Pill) as they adjust to the post-election realities, especially since Ally is damn near afraid of everything. We also meet the charismatic Kai Anderson (Evan Peters in his best AHS role to date) - a cult leader who seems to be able to read his followers and get exactly what he wants out of them. Unlike the prior six seasons, there’s nothing supernatural here, it’s all things that, could, can and have happened in the last year. What I love is that the show is not just skewed to show the evils of the alt-right, we see the exaggeration on both sides. And yet it’s still got its funny moments (“lesbians we’re under attack”) and true terror. I was ready to dismiss this season but it has truly become the show’s best since its inaugural season.

Outstanding Episode: “Drink the Kool-Aid” (Original airdate: 10/31/2017)

First off, props to Evan Peters. He played not only his role of Kai, but four additional roles in this one episode. In a massive flashback tapestry we see Peters’ Kai tell the stories of the Branch-Davidians (Peters playing David Koresh), Heaven’s Gate (Peters playing Marshall Applewhite) and finally the People’s Temple (Peters playing Jim Jones and later Jesus in a lie Kai tells his cult about Jones’s fate). Through these stories we see how Kai has managed to shape his own cult from the past and learn from what has worked and what hasn’t. Kai announces his intent to run for Senate but also forces his cult members to truly declare that they would do anything for him in the times to come. So he brings the men and women together and has them literally drink the kool-aid. The men do it willingly, the women at gunpoint, all nervous about sacrificing themselves only for Kai to reveal there was nothing in the drink. The sheer terror at so many of those involved in this scene truly sell its horror (special shoutout goes to Adina Porter’s Beverly Johnson for finally cracking amid her to-date strength). The other standout is the “B plot” as it seems all is well again with Ally and Ivy - as Ally explains that she has conquered her phobias by using her energy on getting revenge. So, yeah, Ally has poisoned her wife’s wine and pasta as revenge for institutionalizing her. And then she plays her next card deftly forging donor records that claim Kai is her son’s father. Sarah Paulson continues to be the show’s MVP every year because her range shows so many different sides every time. In this one episode Ally stops being a victim and starts to plot her way out of the cult, and taking Kai down with her.

10) Game of Thrones (HBO)

Winter has finally arrived in Westeros and shit just hits the fan from here on out. Even with a HUGE threat to the entire region from the White Walkers, we watch as Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) FINALLY lands on her home soil and proceeds to try and make her claim for the Iron Throne. Cersei (Lena Headey) allies with Euron Greyjoy to cement her hold on the Seven Kingdoms; in the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) tries to keep things together while Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) schemes. Basically we get a season’s worth of plot in seven episodes, and they all were so fantastic. Lots of action, but for the final season I want Benioff and Weiss to remember their prior six seasons had far better writings and less contrived coincidences. But the stage is set for a truly epic finale that will determine once and for all who will hold the Iron Throne…if the White Walkers don’t kill everyone first.

Outstanding Episode: The Queen’s Justice (Original airdate: 7/30/2017)

The long-awaited meeting between Dany and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is just one of the many highlights of this episode. We see Dany overtly trying to get Jon to “bend the knee”in fealty to her. Jon tries to convince Daenerys to abandon her quest for the Throne and aid their fight against the White Walkers. It’s a very frosty exchange between the two, and it looks like the alliance we all want may not actually be happening. Cersei enacts her revenge on Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) for murdering her daughter Myrcella. The scene excels with a beautiful monologue performed by Headey where you see Cersei’s pain and anger. You might hate her like I do, but there’s times like this, you can’t say you’d do the same for your child. Cersei kisses Ellaria’s daughter Tyene with the same poison they used on Myrcella, and forces the guards to keep her eyes open so she can watch her die. Tyrion, meanwhile, gives Dany an inside scope of where to attack to let Cersei know about their presence: the Lannister stronghold of Casterly Rock. The Unsullied take the castle with little resistance, only to learn that Lannister forces have marched on Highgarden and taken it, and with it, Targaryen ally Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg). Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Olenna have probably one of the most epic scenes in series history. Olenna takes her fate - death by poison - as she has everything in the series, with her trademark wit and devil may care attitude. She flat-out tells Jaime she arranged Joffrey’s death and that she wants Cersei to know it was her. Diana Rigg’s performance in the series and this final episode are just one of the many things I’ve loved about Olenna and was so heartbroken when her time was up.

9) Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

Ryan Murphy continues a streak on FX that translates into brilliance…as long as he isn't the sole writer. We’ve all known about this infamous feud between Hollywood legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford that exploded during the filming of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. This new series from Murphy really highlights the sexism of Hollywood, the way the two stars were baited against each other and the lasting effect it left on the two of them. This is just a star vehicle of excellence for both Jessica Lange’s Crawford - obsessive, scheming, paranoid but refined and Susan Sarandon’s Davis - witty, shrewd and blunt. The supporting players like Alfred Molina’s Robert Aldrich and Stanley Tucci’s Jack Warner all help support them (but special note given to Jackie Hoffman’s Mamacita, Crawford’s long suffering and lovely maid, and Judy Davis’s pitch-perfect portrayal of gossip columnist Hedda Hopper) but it’s just a tour-de-force from both leading ladies. You almost feel pulled in both directions on who to root for: Crawford or Davis, but the end result shows how Hollywood works. One day you’re the talk of the town, the next you can't even get arrested and make the papers. Brilliant work!

Outstanding Episode: And The Winner Is-The Oscars of 1963 (Original airdate: 4/2/2017)

After Joan is denied a nomination for her work on Baby Jane, she and Hedda set out to ensure that Bette’s nomination is not going to get her a win. Crawford makes the rounds with the other nominees, convincing Geraldine Page (Sarah Paulson in a brief cameo) and Anne Bancroft to not attend the ceremony and allow her (Crawford, that is) to accept the award on their behalf if they win. Hedda, meanwhile, buries Bette with the Academy and the press with stories from the set of Baby Jane, some true and some not. Oscar night comes and Jessica Lange’s Crawford is in a full tour-de-force of rubbing it in. She presents the Oscar she is slated to, then in a brilliant tracking shot, goes backstage and gets ready for the Best Actress category. When Anne Bancroft wins, seeing Sarandon portray Bette’s heartbreak as Lange’s Crawford struts past, victorious, is the high point of this beautiful series.

8) The Boulet Brothers’ DRAGULA: The Search for The Next Drag Supermonster (YouTube)

This series has upped its game in a big way for 2017. After a very cool and very punk season one (voted one of the best year by IMDB), season two took off like a rocket. Bigger budget, bigger guest judges, more intense extermination challenges and a cast that spans the country. The Boulet Brothers have definitely made their little-series-that-could into the little-series-that-IS. We’ve upped the game, and these queens want to truly show the world they’re the next supermonster, whether it’s fashionable yet fierce Abhorra, the completely wacky Disasterina or the cosplay-themed-yet-fierce Erika Klash. This cast brought it and made this show even better, and that’s before you factor in how bigger the show got in a year. With the Boulets saying that anyone can audition, we may have something to answer the call for those who don’t fit the mold for other drag TV competition series. And that’s a good thing!

Outstanding Episode: Episode Three (Original airdate: 11/14/2017)

My fav on season two was Biqtch Puddin, and I’m 100 percent biased because she’s my sister. And she had a rough start to her run on Dragula - a misunderstood outfit week one and a low performance week two that led her to face her first extermination challenge. Going into week three, the Boulets wanted to give Biqtch a challenge, so in announcing the rock band challenge, both Victoria Elizabeth Black (the winner of the challenge) and Biqtch (who had performed low beyond the Boulets’ expectations) were given the role of lead singer for the two groups’ rock bands. And BIQTCH. TURNED. IT. OUT. For one she was the only contestant to turn out big ‘80s rock hair, and her outfit was a loving tribute to Pete Burns, glam rock and more. Her performance as lead singer, along with her entire group’s synchronicity boosted them to the top and gave Biqtch a much needed win after two low weeks. She really did it and I was so happy to see that. In general this week was a great episode: fun challenge, lots of tributes to punk and grunge rock and you can really tell the girls enjoyed this one. We also got to hear a little bit about Dahli’s touring with Blood on the Dance Floor - and how she quit touring with the band because of an HIV diagnosis. I love that this show is able to play with soft and hard so beautifully. We can be talking about real issues one minute, and the next you see these beautiful super monsters taking their pain and using it to their benefit on the runway. Sadly for Kendra Onixx, her time was up after missing the mark in her runway, performance and not being able to grin and bear the extermination challenge of getting the most embarrassing/trashy tattoo. This series continues to just be all pleasure and no guilt, and I love every second of it.

7) American Gods (Starz)

Neil Gaiman’s best non angelic/devil story (which has its own series coming soon to Amazon) took off like a bandit this year with this show that made me actually watch Star for the first time ever. The combination of Bryan Fuller’s beautiful creative direction with Gaiman’s text and imagination result in the one of the most creative and innovative shows this year. Ricky Whittle gives a star making turn as our lead Shadow Moon, released from jail as his wife has died, and meets a mysterious stranger. Ian McShane was the perfect choice for Mr. Wednesday, as we begin to get into the (literal) mythology, setting up the war to come between the Old Gods and the New. Gillian Anderson also must be praised for her seamless portrayals as Media in the forms of Lucille Ball, David Bowie, Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland. I love that we learn about the origins of so many gods coming to America, and setting up what’s to come for the second season and beyond!

Outstanding Episode: “Come to Jesus” (Original airdate: 6/18/17)

There were so many fantastic episodes in the first season, it was really hard to narrow down to what truly was the best. But seeing Shadow finally realize what world is was finally apart of is a thrill. Wednesday and Shadow make their way to a celebration thrown by Ostara (Kristin Chenoweth) for spring, just as Media, Mr. World and Tech Boy **and** the same time as Shadow’s not-dead wife Laura (Emily Browning) and leprechaun Mad Sweeney (Pablo Schreiber). So shit gets real VERY quick as Shadow finally catches on he’s among gods. And this is where the most amazing things happen. We learn Wednesday was behind Laura’s death in a car accident and when Media tries to persuade Ostara to join the New Gods, let’s just say shit get biblical. Odin, that is Wednesday, unleashes his power, and encourages Ostara to do the same. We get to see Ostara make things bloom…and wither. From here, Odin and Ostara — and Shadow have drawn their line in the sand that will be the big focus of season two!

6) RuPaul’s Drag Race (VH1)

Hot off a fantastic year of season 8 AND All Stars 2, Drag Race had won its first Emmy for mama Ru’s hosting AND made the switch to VH1. Season 9 upped the game with Lady Gaga as the show’s first guest judge and brought us some of the series’ best contestants to date, whether it was the slaytastic Shea Coulee, artsy Sasha Velour or even the amazing tucking talents of Trinity Taylor. The judges were bigger and better (Kesha, The B-52s, Joan Smalls, Cheyenne Jackson!), the challenges upped the stakes and the eliminations got more and more WTF as the season went on. PLUS mama Ru had had enough half-assed lip-syncs and completely changed the format of the finale to make the finalists TRULY work for the crown.

Outstanding Episode: “Your Pilot’s On Fire” (Original air date: 5/19/2017)

Bitch if ever we were to surpass “what did Willam do” - I’m pretty sure we did with this episode. Ru tasks the final seven to come up their own pilots for network TV. Sasha and Shea, whose chemistry and partnership worked previously in the season, slayed with their spy-comedy Teets And Asky; Peppermint, Trinity Taylor and Alexis Michelle were good for all the wrong reasons (But Trinity’s Sister Mary Kuhnt was HILARIOUS!) due to a lot of infighting mostly from Alexis’s perfectionist tendencies and capacity to throw her other team members right in the path of any oncoming bus. And then there was Valentina and Nina Bo’nina Brown. Woefully underprepared with no script, their attempts to ad-lib don’t wow Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley. The runway theme, club kid, is a true standout among the nine seasons of the show, but big shock, Val and Nina are bottom two, and lip-syncing to Ariana Grande’s “Greedy.” Valentina’s mask stays on at the beginning, and we ALL noticed. And for the first time ever, RuPaul has to stop a lip-sync to ask Valentina to take her mask off. Valentina, to that point, had been portrayed as the sweetest girl in the cast. So when “I’d like to keep it on please” came out of her mouth, the fanbase was shook (we’d be even more shook at the Reunion by her behavior). Valentina throwing in the towel officially, to me, ties Willam’s elimination for the most shocking moment in the show’s history. It also happens in one of this season’s best episodes, and just truly shook up who I thought would make it to the finale.

5) The Vietnam War (PBS)

If you are my age, and you were in high school learning U.S. history - your teacher probably rushed through the 20th century in the span of two weeks or less. If that. Vietnam is usually a day, or two, maybe a week if you’re lucky. And we don’t know nearly enough, my generation that is, about one of the greatest embarrassments in our lifetime. Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s 10-part, 18 hour masterpiece truly encompasses every single facet of the Vietnam War - the U.S.’s involvement, the North and South Vietnamese armies and governments, the anti-war protests, the U.S.government. There’s so much to unpack and Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s interviews, research, set to the music of the ‘60s and ‘70s and guided by Peter Coyote’s steady narration. By the end of it all it feels like you’re gone through the war your self and you will most definitely ask what the fuck were we doing there as so many have over the years. Ken Burns may be known for his Civil War documentary but I truly believe because he was able to tell these stories from the sources, that this will be his masterpiece.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 6: Things Fall Apart” (Original air date: 9/24/2017)

Most episodes cover a few years of the 20+ year war but this part covers one event that would change so much of the war. The Tet Offensive from January to July 1968. Hearing the stories of American veterans who were stuck on hills for months while the Vietcong rained down on them, and hearing the same stories from the other side is just incredible. But I think the point that this episode drives home is the perception and appearance of the fake activities of the war. We see one of the most iconic images of the war - the execution of Nguyễn Văn Lém. It’s a photo we’ve all seen in our history books, but we learn the whole story about this execution from this episode. I didn’t know there was video of this - color video. We learn Lém was found near a mass grave of bodies and that a general executed him on his own decision. Despite my very desensitized nature, seeing the video put a giant pit in my stomach…and if I wasn’t already against the war from the first five parts, this convinced me so much that this war was being fought for the wrong reasons.

4) Big Little Lies (HBO)

Limited series are completely in vogue right now, and this is without a doubt one of the best ever. A whodunit murder in Monterrey, California, occurs at a trivia night and we backtrack to meet all the players and suspects. You have high-strung Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), perfectionist Celeste (Nicole Kidman) meeting new single mom Jane (Shaleine Woodley). Things seems off when Jane’s son Ziggy is accused of attacking the daughter of Renata Klein (Laura Dern in what more than easily netted her an Emmy in my opinion) and a series of misunderstandings and power plays occur. (You think corporate greed is bad and under-handed? You haven't seen Witherspoon’s Martha outdo Dern’s Renata on a birthday party Jane’s son wasn’t invited to!) I am always in love with shows that show the dark underside of those “perfect, ideal suburbs.” And this is no exception. Everyone here fires on all cylinders, but the cream of the crop here is Kidman’s Celeste, especially when you learn her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard) is beating her. The way Kidman’s confidence is put on and later crumbles is haunting. But I also must give props to Laura Dern is truly having the best year of her career ever (more on this later in the list, twice, no less) and Renata is just a juicy and perfect role for her. People want a second season of this, but I strongly disagree. The majesty and brilliance of this show is in its limited form, and as much as I’d love to see more from all involved, it’s way better and far more powerful as a standalone limited miniseries.

Outstanding Episode: Burning Love (Original airdate: 3/26/2017)

It’s so hard for me to pick one episode, because literally every single of these episodes were brilliant. But the setup right before the epic revelations in the finale was just too perfect. Jane’s search for her rapist (and Ziggy’s father) hits a dead-end, just as Renata draws up a petition to suspend Ziggy. Woodley and Dern going toe-to-toe is just absolutely epic and I couldn't take my eyes off their confrontation. Kidman also excels this hour as Perry’s beatings finally give her courage to look for an apartment, in the first step to leaving him. Martha is livid that her daughter is auctioning her virginity off online, AND her affair from years back is still obsessed with her. Witherspoon more than makes up for lost time the other ladies have gained with this one scene. It’s just once again a complete tour de force of shade and style and substance.

3) Twin Peaks (Showtime)

I’ve waited patiently for this - since I first started watching the original on Netflix three years ago. And it’s so hard to try and describe this without giving crucial plot points away…AND because David Lynch’s brilliant work is sometimes so hard to dissect. OK, so…after the ending of season two, NegaCoop/Evil Cooper/BOB is still in our world, Dale Cooper himself is still stuck in the Black Lodge. And some transference has to happen for Nega to go back and Dale to exit…but Nega has planned for this and created dimwitted Dougie Jones, whose body Dale switches places with. Does that make any sense? No…well it’s David Lynch so fuck it! Now CONFIDENTLY, I can say that Kyle MacLachlan delivers three fantastic performances, that we connect to the original two seasons wonderfully and Fire Walk With Me perfectly and the entire thing is shot to Lynchian perfection. Everyone involved with this, from Sherilyn Fenn’s return as Audrey, to Robert Forster as new Twin Peaks sheriff Frank Truman (Harry’s brother) fire on all cylinders, but my hat goes off to Laura Dern as the previously mentioned but never seen Diane for delivering a chic character with a LOT of panache. (Special mention also has to be given to the late Catherine Coulson’s Log Lady and Miguel Ferrer’s Albert Rosenfeld for giving their characters more depth and final performances that will continue to make their stars shine). This limited series was something I was looking forward to each Sunday and feel honestly honored to watch a true work of art play out every week. Even if the ending was beyond frustrating, it was all about the journey this summer and honestly one of the best summer TV journeys I’ve ever had.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 16” (Original airdate: 8/27/2017)

The first fifteen weeks were amazing Lynchian art, but the penultimate week had plot development for days. After Dougie stuck a fork in an outlet (it’s a very long story, just watch this brilliant season), he’s in a coma BUT wakes up as the Dale Cooper we’ve all loved. And he’s ready to head back to Twin Peaks. Meanwhile, NegaCoop (he’s called Mr. C in most press but it’s just more fun for me) takes wayward fuckup Richard Horne (Eamon Ferren), Audrey’s (and later revealed HIS) son with him to coordinates given to him. Richard dies by electrocution meant for NegaCoop and knows that one set of coordinates is false, and the other will lead him back to Twin Peaks and to a showdown with his doppelgänger. Meanwhile (see what I did there, Peaks fans?) in North Dakota, Diane Evans (Dern) is contacted by NegaCoop and seems to convulse. She meets with her FBI allies Gordon Cole (David Lynch), Albert (Ferrer) and Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) revealing what happened when she met “Cooper” years ago. In short, NegaCoop raped her, took her. And then Diane freaks, saying she’s in the sheriff’s station and pulls a gun on her company, only to be shot by Albert and Tammy. Diane then vanishes to the Red Room, where MIKE (Al Strobel) realizes she’s been manufactured. Meanwhile meanwhile, Audrey Horne (Sherilynn Fenn) after two episodes of will she/won't she FINALLY goes to the Roadhouse with her husband. After a performance by Eddie Vedder, it’s announced the band will play “Audrey’s Dance.” Audrey then recreates her iconic dance from the pilot episode only to be interrupted by a sparring match between two men. “Get me out of here” Audrey says to Charlie, only to awake in a white room somewhere in front a mirror, crackling with electricity. And we still don't know where THAT is! (Seriously, David Lynch, do what you want but why include Audrey only to leave us hanging?!)

2) Stranger Things (Netflix)

One of the best surprises of last year has rightfully become a pop culture phenomenon and become one of the best made, best acted and just most fun shows on any medium right now. Set a year after the Vanishing of Will Byers, we rejoin the gang in Hawkins as Lucas and Dustin (Caleb McLaughlin, Gaten Matarazzzo) vie for the attention of new girl Max (Sadie Sink) who just might be able to hang with the gang, Mike (Finn Wolfhard) still coping with the loss of Eleven (Millie Bobbie Brown), Joyce (Winona Ryder) has a new beau (Sean Astin in a role that is just awkward HIL. AR. ITY.) oh and Will (Noah Schnapp) is having episodes (flashes of the Upside Down) on the regular. Things all begin coming to a head as something new from the Upside Down is coming, and it’s not going to stop with Will, it wants Hawkins, it wants the world. And it provides some of the best TV this year. This show’s word-of-mouth in season one is what contributed to its success, and I think the Duffer Brothers were able to build on that and make this season a standout, a great companion to the first and reset everything for its next two seasons.

Outstanding Episode: Chapter Two-Trick or Treat, Freak (Original airdate: 10/27/2017)

After we find out that not only is Eleven alive, but out of the Upside Down AND LIVING WITH HOPPER - you know I clicked NEXT EPISODE and FAST! We learn how El escaped, setting up a great set of small flashbacks for the rest of the season. But the main event here is Halloween with our heroes, taking full splendor of 1984 with Ghostbusters. (And being the only kids in Hawkins to wear their costumes to school - didn’t you hate when this happened to you?) I really enjoyed seeing the gang begin to try and let Max (Sadie Sink) into their ranks. But our focus this episode is two fold. We first get to see the boys trick-or-treating and we see Will being bullied as “zombie boy” and other nicknames (kids are the worst and its even driven home more later when Joyce, knocked back into the Upside Down. But this time with a video camera that will prove to be very crucial later. We also are privy to the high school’s Halloween party as Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Steve (Joe Keery) begin to have issues. Nancy, especially, still wracked by guilt over the death and disappearance of her best friend Barb. It’s weird to see the dynamics shift of Steve being the responsible one and Nancy spiraling out of control. We’re still setting a lot of things up here, but the binge continues as Halloween winds down as Dustin finds something in his trashcan that changes the course of the entire season.

1) The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)

Even if the election of 2016 hadn’t essentially made this work of fiction a bit more real, I would still have given this the #1 slot. Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel has been a favorite of mine for years and the world of Gilead has needed an onscreen revival after its entertaining but bare ‘90s adaptation. Enter creator and show runner Bruce Miller who took the novel and made a series that is equal parts terrifying, inspiring and breathtaking. The world of Gilead is expanded, lived in, and utterly terrifying in a post-11/8 “45” presidency. But it’s the best show on any platform right now. This is Elisabeth Moss’s show, because she absolutely vanishes into the role of Offred. We get to see how Gilead came to be, through Offred’s eyes and it’s one of the many strengths Miller has made for the series. A first person narrative is amazing, but can only go so far. The series goes beyond only what Offred sees in the novel - we see WAY more here and it sets a lot up. And it’s not just Moss, the entire cast is just fantastic, whether it’s Yvonne Strahovski’s cold and calculating performance as Serena Joy, Samira Wiley’s inspiring Moira - a Handmaid that has escaped, or the Emmy-winning talents of Ann Dowd as the cruel Aunt Lydia. Atwood’s novel is seen during season one and I’m curious what season two is gonna bring us with things never seen in the novel. This is the best 2017 gave us and I knew on its first day of release. The series is a warning, it’s a rally cry, and it is also an inspiring message to never give in, even when things are absolutely horrid. As was written by a Handmaid, and found by Offred: nolite te bastardes carborundum.

Outstanding Episode: “Late” (Original airdate: 4/26/2017)

This isn’t even Elisabeth Moss’ best episode. The reason this episode is the best of the year is because of Alexis Bledel’s Emmy winning performance. AND DOESNT EVEN SAY A WORD DURING THE WHOLE HOUR. We focus on Offred adjusting to the new Ofglen that has replaced Bledel’s. Aunt Lydia interrogates her and Serena assumes Offred is pregnant and defends her against her treatment. (She’s not.) Later when Serena finds this out, Strahovski’s anger and malice play beautifully as she forcibly drags Offred upstairs to confine her to her room. But that’s not the highlight and not why this is the best episode of TV this year. For this we must go back to Ofglen/Emily and Alexis Bledel. She’s been removed from her assigned residence for being a lesbian, a gender traitor and a crime in Gilead, especially the fact that she’s had a secret relationship. She and the Martha (another class of female servants) are sentenced - the Martha hanged (in a tracking shot as a van pulls Bledel away to her own punishment and sentence. We don’t see that until the episode’s end when Dowd’s pious Aunt Lydia comes in to tell Emily she won't want for what she can’t have. We then look down to see she has under gone genital mutilation. Bledel’s silence is finally broken as she screams, and it’s a chilling end to a brilliantly tragic hour of TV.

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