#I'm not in a good place rn

[offrozenmemoirs]

Got the overwhelming urge to write seraph committing violence after today's session.

#I'm not in a good place rn #so it's probably venting

[niageri22]

I'm so fucking tired

I'm tired of feeling lonely even if I'm not

I'm tired of feeling stupid 24/7

I'm tired of not knowing what to do with my life

I'm tired of feeling stuck

I'm tired of being paranoid of someone leaving me

I'm tired of not knowing who I am

I'm tired of everything and I just want to feel alive again

#depression #mental breakdown #i feel numb #sad rant #idk what this is i just want to write this down #I'm not in a good place rn

[theladydrgn]

As an ace person, the more I see other ace people being upset at a queer kiss the more annoyed I get. Crowley and Aziraphale sharing a canon kiss doesn't invalidate ace headcanons or interpretations. It doesn't invalidate aromantic headcanons or interpretations. HELL. Them having sex on screen wouldn't invalidate those headcanons either!!! Canon is a guideline, not a set of rules you have to follow! If you don't like it just fucking ignore it jfc

#good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #spoilers #I'm very annoyed rn and this is the best place to vent while getting caught in spoiler tags #seriously only this fandom would get upset about a CANON KISS

[uncanny-tranny]

It's okay to be angry at your body, especially when it's disabled or in pain or anything. In fact, it's imperative that you allow yourself to feel these "negative" feelings so that you may get it out of your system, at least temporarily.

#disability #hate that the way my body naturally developed is causing pain i hate it #like my body compensates (usually) for the differences it has but it only compensates to a certain extent #i'm grateful that it has yes but also... it's still painful and it makes me fearful that it only gets much worse after this #this was inspired by disability but it doesn't solely apply. i don't think this is a unique experience to one type of person ig #not feeling in a place of good will rn and grrrrr

[iovesia]

erotic horror prompts: john wick with "sex or violence as tools for domination"? i love u jo ur my favorite keanu writer, literally carrying my life rn 🎀

favorite?? ily nonnie pls 🌷🐰

john wick + sex and violence as tools for domination.

violence is his love language.

violence is love.

it's all he knew: how could you love if you weren't willing to kill for it? you just didn't understand, but he'd make you. he'd show you. his love was intense, scary, and violent— and as much as it hurt your ego, it kept you under his devoted, but iron fist.

his violence was never directed at you, never you. but being surrounded by it left, right, and center, it might as well have been at you. the utter fear of knowing he could if he really wanted to.. is what made you subservient to him.

knowing that the hand that holds your face so softly— holds guns for a living. has been covered in the blood of hundreds, even thousands (you learned the hard way it's better not to ask..).

"you don't want to know," his faux-gentle tone did not soothe your tears, as you shakily help take off his blood soaked dress shirt, exposing the blood and cuts on his burly chest. it was routine at this point. but it scared you no less to be so close to him in this state.

in all fairness, the sex helped.

aside from his overt attractives; a mane of raven hair you loved running your fingers through, a thin stubble which grew shivers on your skin when it tickled along your thighs, or his calloused hands that held you tight like a chain— it was his violent passion.

he fucks like it's his last. each hard and slow thrust, which felt like a slap to your guts, and the litter of love bites on your neck that you swore were his attempts to cut your skin; you got addicted fast to feeling like the only one in the world who could tame him.

or at least the only one to handle a baba yaga's violent love.

#love letters. #... this got Kinda dark Sorry i'm Not in a good place rn 🤗🤗🤗!!! #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #john wick x reader #john wick imagine #*⠀john wick. #tw abuse implied #dark john wick

[sandrune-art]

I love watching a show and headcanoning everyone as asexual/aromantic/somewhere on the aroace spectrum, every show would be so much better with at least one aroace character

#asexual #aromantic #aroace #aroace spectrum #I know I'm kinda being delusional every time it happens but it makes me happy #I don't have any specific show rn on mind #hazbin hotel por example #the good place too #this is half a joke but also true

[signed-manny]

when a piece of media is so good that it completely changes your brain chemistry and you don't know how you will ever move on from it

#i'm actually crying rn #the good place #this is about the good place #i rewatched it and OMG #i just appreciate it so much more than i already did #i just i can't #i'm gonna miss them so much

[tiniest-hands-in-all-the-land]

do u have any tvdint fic reccs? <- has been combing through the tvdint ao3 tag several times

If you've been through the AO3 tags, then chances are you've read most of my reccs, but i'll list em anyway as well as the few i've read through on Pixiv :0

Please keep in mind that you should always read through the tags and warnings of these fics (and ANY fic) before proceeding. I tend to like darker/angsty storylines, so just be aware. Most of these reccs are SFW, but there are a couple that dip into NSFW territory.

Besides grouping them from English AO3 fics, Non-English AO3 fics, and Pixiv fics, there is no order to this list

"I'm Not Going Anywhere" by AruiI: Ronaldo gets critically injured during a hunt. Draluc does his best to keep him alive until he can get to a hospital, and is forced to realize just how scared he is to potentially lose him

Stages of Grief by WyvernQuill: Draluc decides to prove to his friends that Ronaldo doesn't care about him, and plays a prank where he seems to have permanently died. Author wrote this fic before discovering that Chapter 47 was a thing that existed, but is a lovely tragic take on the Draluc permadeath concept

Underground by MerrilyAround: Ronaldo and John return to their apartment to find Draluc and his coffin mysteriously missing. Meanwhile, a very vocal anti-vampire group are being very cryptic about what could have possibly happened to him

Don't Lie to Me by AruiI: Draluc gets sick and tries his damnedest to hide it, at the detriment of his own health. Needless to say, Ronaldo finds out, and does his best to take care of him, while having no idea what he's doing

The Invicible's Opponent by tori1116: Ronaldo ends up with a broken arm after a job, and realizes he's gonna have a lot of trouble bathing with one working arm. Draluc offers to help. This is a Chinese fic, but the story is rewritten in English in the second chapter. NSFW warning. Some absolutely killer characterization in this one, chef's kiss

I'm going back to 505 by Insane_fangurL: Ronaldo offhandedly wishes that Draluc would stay dead. Little does he know that someone who is very willing to make that happen was listening

Something Bothered. by CowboyAdvice: Draluc's cousin is getting married, and Draluc and Ronaldo are invited to the wedding. Draluc is less than thrilled for reasons he won't delve into, and the arrangements for their involvement are a little eyebrow-raising. NSFW warning

you're gonna carry that weight by notreally: Ronaldo gets kidnapped by a vampire with a grudge. He has to resist and fight tooth and nail if he wants to survive. Love this one purely cuz it showcases Ronaldo's ability to truly fight that we rarely ever get to see in canon lol

Case #94 by Moana230: A reimagining of Chapter 1 of the manga. Ronaldo is a private investigator hired by a woman to figure out where her kid keeps sneaking off to. This leads him to a decrepit castle with lots of still-active booby traps and a mysterious voice leading him around

The Inverse Relationship between a Gentleman and a Contradiction by ferret: A lovely Inverse!AU story. Draluc dwells on this strange, overly-flowery hunter who has taken a fancy to him, and realizes a lot of their sweet, innocent words don't line up with the rest of them

thinner than water (thicker than blood) by awesomecookies: A wonderful take on Hiyoshi's earlier years. A story of a kid who was thrown into adulthood too early, and didn't want to let go of that freedom that came with being young, even when it came at the detriment of neglecting his responsibilities with his little brother and sister

And I Taste Milk (Please, Please Runaway) by awesomecookies: A Coffeeshop!AU fic. Ronaldo works at a crappy coffeeshop and has begrudgingly taken a fascination with the snarky, chronically ill man who looks a little too much like a vampire for comfort and his two adorable kids. (Sidenote i think this is genuinely the first coffeeshop au i've ever read f;aoiefna)

Okay from here on out, the fics are not written in English and don't have any official translations. I shucked them through a translator, and they read mostly coherently, and these are my favorite ones that i've found

月白 by overdriveojoj: Draluc has a secret that he's never told anyone, not even John: when he dies, he can see the auras of everyone around him. He becomes infatuated with observing the differences between them, and becomes especially entranced with Ronaldo's moon-white aura

昼夜交替 by Qi_U: A collection of oneshots, ranging in tone and humor. My personal favorite is chapter 2, where Draluc decides to move away from Shinyoko and takes many trips down memory lane as he packs his things

【羅納德拉】A Thousand Years by SSilverse: A short fic Ronaldo and Draluc have a discussion about vampire and human romances, and why they typically don't work out.

his little color game by rodionychh: Draluc muses about all his favorite colors, and shockingly realizes that all of his favorites tie into Ronaldo in some way

【羅納德拉】旅行 by leci1028: Ronaldo decides that he wants to escape his current life and go on a roadtrip with Draluc and John with no real destination or ending; he and Draluc discuss the theoreticals of how it would all work out. I will be honest: this one guts me every time

I bet on losing dogs by a_ailema: After another stressful deadline crunch, Ronaldo realizes just how much Draluc means to him and how much he's improved his life. Draluc realizes the same about Ronaldo. A wonderful character study

德拉羅納短篇 by tori1116: Another collection of one shots. Highly recommend chapter 5, where Delta!Ronaldo actually succeeds in dying, and meets Canon!Draluc in the death realm. Draluc recounts just how he got there to satiate Ronaldo's curiosity and make him feel better. NSFW warning for some chapters iirc (admittedly it's been a while since I've read this one)

These last ones are on Pixiv. I don't find Pixiv's filtering system nearly as intuitive as AO3's, so most of these fics are ones i've read off of others' recommendations

退治人と吸血鬼の非公開事件 by みる: Ronaldo is visited by a mysterious lady who tells him that in 3 days, she will die. Investigating leads him and Draluc down a rabbit hole of experimentation, disease, and a strange murder mystery

ワルツはもう踊れない(ロナドラ)【5/4再版し��す】 by 46/shiro: After solving a strange case where a vampire killed her lover and drained his body of blood, Ronaldo realizes that he can't remember too many of the details surrounding the case. Something is up with his shooting hand, and Draluc is looking for strange accommodations that he's never requested before

深海で息をする by 土鳩: Draluc has fallen into the sea, and his ashes are scattered in the waves. Ronaldo has spent years and years trying to collect his ashes and bring him back. This story is written in a mob character's perspective

Con Fuoco by tomioka: Ronaldo confesses his feelings for Draluc, and the vampire doesn't respond. Soon after, something is awoken in Draluc that makes everything he touches burn.

悪夢を憐れむ歌 by カルノ: Ronaldo goes to the library one night and finds an odd book. On his way home after closing time, he spots Draluc in the rain being attacked by an obsessed fan, and goes to intervene. But not everything is as it seems.

Aaaanndd I think i'm gonna cut it off here for now. My brain is dead fa;oewfinae I have a lot more faves than what's on this list, but some of them are a little too my tastes to really share, some of them are a little to scandalous to share, and some of them are just "I remember liking this one but for the life of me i can't remember what it was about and i don't have the time to reread atm"

But hopefully this helped at least a little! This fandom is very small, but the fics are wonderful ^^

#the vampire dies in no time #kyuuketsuki sugu shinu #anonymous #ask #fic recs #long post #if any of these links don't work or go to the wrong place or smth let me know #i checked them all so they should be good #but also i'm so eepy rn #it is time for me to go snork mimimi

[staarchild]

drove through this small village earlier. they knew what was up when they named it.

#i'm so sad we were driving too fast to get a good picture bc there was also a street called bottom lane which. mecore. #fun fact: shocking amount of english place names which contain words relating to the buttocks in them. including where i live rn. #thoughts #house md #hilson

[paradoxgavel]

just scheduled my first ever therapy appointment! ;v;

#hhh i'm nervous but. i think this'll be good for me #i need help real bad. i'm all over the place rn #i found a therapist who specializes in trauma and anxiety and is lgbtq+ friendly. gonna have a virtual appointment on sunday!!

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time: #but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place. #so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually! #growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(: #bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol. #mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

ah. im gonna leave this link here talking abt aventurine's real life 'inspirations' (link is to the leaks sub on reddit but the comment itself is just abt aventurine's background & its connotations from the 2.0 quest only)

of course this isnt something im overly educated about but its really disappointing and upsetting hyv went with this kind of portrayal when their storytelling isn't suited to be exploring real life cultural commentary with their characters & world building

#this really does sour my overall impressions of penacony and for a character that i'm already very attached too #im glad im playing ffxv rn so im not like super fixated on hsr after playing the trailblaze mission #because this does not feel good #im just here to pass on these comments and am in no place to actually talk & educate others on this matter but i can at least pass this on #for people to draw their own conclusions #yappin

[mattodore]

hello good morning happy thumb in his mouth tuesday (a day i just made up for matthias's slutty little whims)

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #echthroi #a burning house to live in #ts4 #blender #now i just have to make a pose where theo's thumb is in matthias's mouth so everything goes full circle #you already know matthias is gonna be on his knees for it 😌 #but anyway i finished making that first pose last night while recording a little video showing nene how i make poses #and then when i woke up i jumped back into blender to make another version of the pose but like. hornier. #i love making poses rn like i'm in blender so often these days... honestly i'm in blender more than i'm in the sims lmao #there's one i started working on like two days ago that is so... i wish i could share it on here but cock and balls are out in it </3 #placing so many curses on tumblr hq #...........i did make a pillowfort account tho so :) #i'll post the wip of it onto there when i get further along bc the pose is kind of messy atm. still trying to figure out the anatomy 😁🔫 #i actually made a pillowfort yesterday just to post an old screenshot from the casual oc save that i found again and had a good laugh at #i've been messing around on there and i really like how you can set posts to being just for logged in users / followers / mutuals #and there's an 18+ label you can slap onto your posts too #like it's great!!! tumblr sucks so bad why don't we have those options on here... seriously #ALSO you can turn off reblogs on pillowfort any time you want and you can set it so that it DELETES ANYONE ELSE'S REBLOGS OF THE POST!!! #WHY is that not an option on this website like i hate it hereeeeeeeeee #but anyway pillowfort also seems to not have that many people on it so like. that's literally perfect for me and my avpd #i'll probably end up posting on there a lot #...... oh and #nsft #?? just in case i mean matthias does in fact have a handful in that second pose there so. for the blacklists ☝️

[enumchase]

the very best good place architect

#me omw to babygirl-ify your old men #the good place #tgp #michael the good place #michael tgp #michael realman #HOW DO YOU TAG HIM #chase draws #i'm watching the show for a second time rn and i'm just... still obsessed with him

[essektheylyss]

Okay I did get distracted by a grade being posted and I am about to be both a nerd and a millennial but god ngl I do hate classes where you get full points on all your assignments but don't actually get any actual feedback on them. What is the point. If it's a class where everyone gets passing grades for making the effort but you get actual feedback and comments, that's great! But I would genuinely rather get points docked and get extensive comments on what I did well and what needed improvement and why than this.

#what is the POINT #like at that point it feels like busy work frankly! it doesn't feel like anyone's worrying about whether or not I learned something! #and like I can self reflect on my own learning. I'm good at that. that's fine. but a) not everyone can #and b) it REALLY does not help the perception that a degree is something you pay for but don't actually need to learn anything to get #which is a MASSIVE problem rn. there's no actual value placed on LEARNING THINGS. #like I know for a FACT that I have turned in B+ average assignments at best in this class. #just cuz I only have finite time and I gotta stay sane and it's not an area I'm going to go any further than surface level in. #the overview is good and important! but the work I'm doing is reflective of my investment and frankly it should've earned a B+ at most. #like at least if you're docking a point and telling me what for I know you READ the damn thing. christ alive. #you may ask yourself 'oh my god why are you like this' and the answer is. have you looked at my blog. #anyway. okay nOW I'm going to bed.

[jichanxo]

sunday six ✌

tagging @four-white-trees @passthroughtime @overdevelopedglasses @skysquid22

decided to get back to my itokura-kitakata fic again! here's the two of them arguing about whether romance belongs in mystery fiction, lmao

“There’s no objective way of reading a text, and no objective way of interpreting one either. ‘Objectivity’ is just an idea made up by boring people who think mystery fiction should be logic puzzles and nothing else. If that’s what you want from mystery, just do a crossword or something. Intellectual stimulation, with no frills. That’s what you want, right?”

“Ugh, you’re just impossible.” Itokura threw her hands up in the air. “You don’t get it.”

He leaned closer, focused. “What don’t I get? It sounds like you’re the one who doesn’t understand.” 

“You don’t understand the beauty of an elegant trick. All this extra stuff just obscures it. It’s cheap.” She raised an eyebrow. “And what are you saying I don’t get? Love? And you’re saying that you do?” 

Kitakata floundered at that. He forced himself not to glance over to where Yagami was at the computer, talking to Amasawa, lest he make everything obvious to Itokura. Besides, he wouldn’t know what he’d do if he found Yagami looking right back at him, listening to their conversation. 

“That’s not what I was saying.” 

“Then are you going to explain what you meant, or are you going to keep beating around the bush?” 

#sunday six #feels good to get back to this one after taking a break! #this is like. the single kuwagami moment in this fic (most of the fic takes place before yagami is even around) #but i've been itching to write out this idea for ageeeeees and it feels good that i finally have #not just them arguing. but kitakata being embarrassed about being called a romantic when yagami is like. right there. lol #this is gonna be a multi chapter fic though i wasnt planning on it #but the pacing and relationship needed breathing room. and i'm happy so far #have been thinking of chapter names for the stuff that's done! and that's also fun! #the name for chapter 1 rn is “cool teacher” which is. what kitakata wants to be. lol #how lame of him... #i should keep that chapter name cause it makes me laugh #it's looking like 6 chapters right now #6 chapters of itokura cockblocking kitakata from a book from the library. beautiful #something intensely hilarious to me about writing a multichapter fic where kitakata tries to get itokura to come back to school. and fails #then yagami does it in One Afternoon 😭