#I'm so sad I didn't get to see them

[kosmogrl]

#honestly..... #I'm so sad I didn't get to see them #cause the sky was so cloudy where I live??? #and they were visible here in portugal so it makes things WORSE! #northern lights

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #yakuya #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival kuya

[buttercupshands]

MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...

Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.

The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.

She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.

Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.

We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.

Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.

Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.

After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.

Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.

It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.

The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.

The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.

But that was before AFO resurfaced.

Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.

Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.

Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.

Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.

Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.

With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.

In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.

The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.

For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.

As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #bnha analysis #league of villains #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #toga himiko #mha twice #midoriya izuku #ochako uraraka #todoroki touya #dabi #spinner #shuichi iguchi #not art #While writing this I've been rewriting it time and time again #But by the end of it I just started crying because god... I didn't want them to end like this #Also I finally found the tracks that connect to the scene of Twice's death #Which may or may not have been a reason I started crying #Anyway the reason I wrote this was as simple as that - I read Twitter got sad and needed some way to cope #Because I'm getting sick from all 'oh they'll survive' yes HEROES might survive all of this VILLAINS would not #Magne died Twice died wnd Kurogiri literally became a cloud in the sky #I do hope that Spinner would be at least alive because leaving Mr. Compress alone with no sushi too is just too cruel #While writing this I suddenly found myself so frustrated with Izuku that my last tries to write this ended in a trashcan instead #it's so fucked up #To be a LoV stan and see how Class 1-A is getting the best ending they can with so much hope while LoV is... Dead :( #this is a mess

[marzipanandminutiae]

wanting to talk about having a different Millennial Teen experience than the former "popular kids" who make all the nostalgia tiktoks, but not wanting to sound NLOG-y about it because you're 30 and you realize that Different doesn't mean Better

#musing #nostalgia #millennial #no I cannot relate to rolling your Soffes four times. I rolled them once because the label itched if I didn't #but these people probably can't relate to getting witchy in the woods with your friends because of the Gemma Doyle series #so we both had unique experiences of being Millennial teens! #I'm just kind of sad that I seldom see nostalgia for the things ~I~ miss and remember fondly

[starfables]

i'm in my outer wilds angst era everybody back up

" Shh, it's okay, everything's gonna be okay. Don't look. Just don't look. "

this one was more out of my comfort zone (i drew a background!! woah!!! lighting?!??!! woah!!!!!!) and i still don't know how i feel about it haha.

#outer wilds #outer wilds fanart #outer wilds spoilers #maybe? #art #fanart #my art #the hatchling #tephra #galena #tumblr annihilated the quality #i get so sad everytime i think about all the kids back on timberhearth #none of them knows whats going on #hatchling is doing their best #i'm not good at lighting so if you see any mistakes where it doesn't make sense #no you didn't <3 #i know it's likely not canon but i just like the idea that hearthian's ears go back/down when they feel overly threatened or upset #starfables art

[wonder-worker]

I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the death of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die) #elizabeth woodville #woodvilles #my post #to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not) #I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way #writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about #and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually: #the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another; #her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months; #how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old); #how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress; #and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft #(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was) #the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized #what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her. #(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether) #nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens #and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented #and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened #I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be? #apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared' #and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund) #rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least) #more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead #it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly #anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break #her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it #it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall #makes for a great story tho

[robinsceramics]

Oh yeah, I forgot to update this blog with the news that I sold out my entire stock at the art sale! I have a small batch of sculptures going through the kilns now and plan to drop them online all at once sometime in late May, but yeah, I sold like. forty sculptures there

#college students in Iowa really like Little Guys it seems!! #shop update #not ceramics #it was INSANE it was SO cool to help run the show #people would come by the tables look happily at the teapots and bowls and stuff and then do a delighted double-take at the sculptures #and not gonna lie that made my entire year worth it #people would boop them on the nose in passing..... precious........ #I'm sad I didn't get to see most of them sell tho :') about thirty of them (the best ones in my opinion) sold within the first three hours #and I wasn't there yet to see them go... I don't know who bought my favorites... ah well!! It was still wonderful :3

[sysig]

DAX is just so expressive ♥ (Patreon)

#My art #SCII #Helix #DAX #Lol #Have I mentioned I love him lately #As if I ever stop talking about how much I love any of them lol #Okay but genuinely these were really nice as warmups they were really easy to just knock out one by one #He's very expressive as Dexter! *handwaves about human neurochemistry and expressions* lol #I had to make his Neutral look extra dead inside to make up for the rest haha #Funnily enough I have actually been watching a series of streams of like VAs and visual artists and writers and stuff #And they are constantly uptalking 2D talksprites as mood-setters for dialogue #So it was really fun to make these with that in the back of my head like ''Yeah! :D They /are/ good at that!'' #Very cool expressive medium :D #See if you can spot the first drafts for a few of these :3c #I'll give you a hint: Scared and Sad(? Regretful ig lol) were from some posted doodles #His grumpy one was also a doodle but I didn't post it so it doesn't count lol #Oh yeah and and a lot of these had little accessories like the fear bursts and the little sigh bubble lol I just...forgot them here lol #They're there in spirit please feel the grump lines and sweat drops in your heart <3 #I had a heck of a time trying to keep his face consistent with different angles lol aren't VUX nervous to move their necks me #Just gotta actually get into 3D modeling properly smh #I keep finding myself wanting to make more now that this set's done but I'm not sure what expressions! Confused? Focused? He's so subdued #Oooh he'd suit an expression meme wouldn't he <3 Now there's an idea #Might even open an ask game for that if I can find a good one :3c Hehehe

[cinnamon-phrog]

A mutual reblogged a pr*ship post and their dni is now neutral. Unfallowed. Bolcked.

#see if i joke i don't CHOKE. on my tears. because this just keeps happening #i'm so scared to interact with mutuals for this exact reason #most i've made have either left me. became toxic over minor differences or become a degenerate. #which is sad because i really enjoyed this friend and all those friends before they or i cut ties #but this kind of shit is unforgivable to me. i've had bad experiences with a friend turning out to be a pr*shipper #everyone flocked to me to fix their traumas but i had talked to that person often. it hurt a lot. they harassed people who harassed them #i was only 15. and i was threatened but what the hell is a sheltered kid SUPPOSED to do back. i wasn't taught shit #people in their fucking 20's were trauma dumping to me in dms and sadly still go to me when they catch wind of this person- #'i need support' you need to get offline. please. just block and ignore. i'm tired. #i should not have had to be babysitting adults and older teens when i didn't know what half those words were at the time. #months ago i did something stupid when i was at my limit and mirrored the pettiness i saw. i was told i would drive someone to suicide. #over saying the person was a bit mean and bringing up some posts i thought they made #i did apologise when i got it wrong. but got threatened with the person possibly killing themselves in my inbox. #this person and the pr*ship person were famously at eachothers' throats #i do not stand by the pr*ship persons' actions. their opinions on the other person were honestly right though. the only thing i agree with. #once again i complain about proshits and gatekeeps. the two are almost as bad as eachother to me #or at least two awful sides that have affected me and my ability to make friends online. #so that's what this remined me of.

[belle--ofthebrawl]

A few days late but I've only just gathered the emotional strength to go through my concert goodies. Bracelets, a sticker and one banana.

#my most vivid memory besides the pick #is looking up at the ceiling during dance macabre and reaching out my hand to catch all the confetti floating in the air #i think i might have cried a little bit then #because if you'll permit me to get personal in the tags of my own post in my own blog #but when i saw them last year i was so miserable where i was and so stressed out #and i cried the entire three hour drive home because I didn't want the dream to be over #and this year everything and everyone was so wonderful and added to the experience in their own little ways #and now the dream is over. but I'm not sad about it. i put the pick in a velvet lined silver box #put the signed photograph in an old frame #and went to bed in a place that was finally my home. #I can't wait to see what's in store next.

[birb--birb]

What kind of love are you?

Violet: Love as a Threshold

Your love does not ask for much. Your love does not take. Your love is free, and unquestioned, and here for wherever needs it. When you fall in love, it is as gentle as a breath in the night. It is quiet, and it is effortless. It is tender. If your love was a house, it would readily welcome all who come through. If your love was a hearth, it would warm the hands of whoever stopped by, whether for a day, a month, a year, or forever. When you fall for someone, it is without strings, without conditions, without need. You love for the sake of loving, for the sake of caring for those who need it. You love with a giver’s heart and a giver’s hands and are made so much stronger for it. Being loved by you is to always feel at home. Your love may not always be well-received by those unprepared to linger, but it is unforgettable all the same

The second I saw this answer for Violet I knew it was perfect. Their entire romance with Astarion was about patience. Waiting for him to realize that he's truly safe with them, that they doesn't expect anything from him, that he is in the lead here and they'll follow only when he's ready and okay. And waiting without judgement, Violet knows these things take time and they were more than willing to wait, to be there, to just sit and exist with him while he figures shit out. And when he truly let Violet in, I like to think it was like with a comforting sigh, the feeling of coming home, that feeling when all pressure is lifted and you can just *exist* without fear, without judgement.

Violet has seen violence and hatred and yet chooses to show up for those they love as a place of calm and stability, without judgement, without expectations. Violet's love is patient, it doesn't expect anything back but will give you everything just because we all deserve to feel warmth and safety. They feel so much warmth in their heart that they were able to help Astarion get to a place where he feels safe. I think even if they didn't fall in love or end up together, Violet would have still shown up for him in the same way. They know what suffering is like, they've gone through enough of it themselves and come out the other end alive. They know how much it hurts, but also how much easier it is with someone to lean on.

tagged by @cleric4vampire ty for enabling so many feelies about my bbys

Tagging: @justabiteofspite and @dragon--sage (I know yall were already tagged but doing so again for funzies cause I'd love to hear about your Tavs/Durges) and anyone who wants to join in, please do!!

#I kinda went off in the tags I'm so sorry (not really) #oc #Violet #Tav #astarion x tav #bg3 #I know this is about my astarion romance but I'm constantly thinking about violet and halsin also #how quiet and strong their love was #violet and halsins love would be like your parent tucking you into bed after you fell asleep on the couch watching late night tv #but they both knew a romantic relationship would be selfish #theres no way in hell violets monogamous dont get me wrong but they wanted and needed very different things #violet's warlock patron isnt like mizoura but they do have orders and a contract still #so i like to think they have this sadness of what could have been #but also joy for what they both have now especially after the epilogue party #the epilogue gave me so many feelies about them yall I cried #I remember going through Cazadors dungeon and just thinking about the absolute pain violet felt seeing how much astarion was suffering #they wanted to just protect him destroy everything burn it all down anything to make him stop hurting #but they knew he had to face this. and they didn't let him walk away from it #sometimes love is facing the hard things #sometimes its calling your sins by name #but the key is that patience again #you can't force someone to get over their trauma- recovery is not linear #and it doesn't make him any less worthy of love #boys got a lot to unlearn but violets not gonna push him away because of it #they're really fucking proud of him #and I know they're out there finding weirdo artifacts and exploring the shit outta faerun together #Astarion

[tenok]

.

#I want complaine not only about bad takes in this fandom but also about theories that just!! so!! stupid!! but also I'm a good person that #doesn't shit on other people's fun #so I mostly suffer in silence #and block people in bunches #'you see! this theory absolutely doesn't take agency from character and doesn't minimize emotional impact!' #says person about theory that roughly summariasized as 'Crowley AGAIN knows more than Aziraphale and it's all so SAD because if only #Aziraphale knew he wouldn't make this desicion!' #I want to scream #somehow it also never about what kind of monster Crowley would be to willingly hide memories Aziraphale supposedly erised and never gave it #back in whole four years they had before season two #like. maybe not be a cowards and embrace 'I was a pussy and somehow didn't get a courage to RESTORE MY FRIEND'S MEMORY with some kind of #VITAL INFORMATION that could've IMPACT HIS LIFE OR DEAT DESICIONS #and now he's in place where he could be abused erased or killed and IT'S MY FAULT' angle hmmm? #at least it could've made it interesting #but noooo #also how the fuck them kissing in 1941 should've impact Aziraphale's desicion anyway I can't get logic behind this theories #(the angle with 'memories are not about some stupid kiss but about what Crowley saw in heavens' could've work but like first: Crowley didn' #saw anything Aziraphale won't hear from Metatron in next scene or can extrapolate using base logic #and anyway if Crowley wanted to use it as argument he like. should've start with it and not with 'blah blah you're an idiot we should run #from earth' #AT BEST I could've get behind him giving Aziraphale some kind of weapon or possibility of safe out or like. hell's fire to self destruct as #last resort. but memories? and especially Aziraphale's memories??) #anyway yes it's me being a hater. I just have no place to vent about it but I sure hope that no one that likes this theories will see it. #you do you!!! but I hate it so much!!!

[dredshirtroberts]

i have acquired a mystical and powerful ointment (hydrocortisone cream) from the village herbalist (rite aid) to assist with the curse set upon my bloodline from many generations ago (eczema)

#feel free to reblog #ironically this is the one thing i know the least about and it's the one i've known about for sure for the longest #never seen a doctor for it (everything online says you probably should) because my parents never took me #they told me that's what it was because that's what my dad had and it looked close enough #they also said i'd grow out of it like my dad did (just as he was growing back into it hmmmmm) #so i'm not like shocked that this is cropped up again i'm mostly like. annoyed? and sad. #i'm annoyed because like - they treated it so casually it was a non issue #get some anti-itch cream moisturize etc #and be quiet about it until it goes away #so it came back every now and then and i stopped telling them i was getting flare ups i'd just get into dad's cortizone and put some on #until it went away #there was never like a plan or a regimine in place for how to deal with it #dad's whole routine was preventative (lots and lots of baby oil) with the steroid cream you pick up at the pharmacy if there was a flare #and i didn't even know when he'd get a flare because it never got brought up - so i didn't know to look for patterns or anything #and now it's hitting me and has been for probably longer than i realized and i'm just like #*how do i take care of this???* *why is it not going away???* #and like yes i absolutely should also still see a doctor about it just to like. Fucking get shit in my records #jesus christ the realization that eczema isn't even probably in my medical records fucking hell #IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT'S AN IMMUNE RESPONSE AND DOCTORS PROBABLY NEED TO KNOW I'VE GOT A FUCKY IMMUNE SYSTEM IF THAT'S A THING #LIKE CHRIST IN HEAVEN MOM AND DAD A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR IS LIKE NORMAL FOR SMALL CHILDREN #FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DID I NEVER SEE A DOCTOR AS A CHILD FUCKING MARY MOTHER OF GOD MA WHAT THE FUCK

[katiehwang]

Detective Conan: The Phantom of Baker Street

a.k.a the father & son moments I absolutely love and wish we can see more!

#I'm sad we didn't see much of the Kudous in the 1000+ chapters n episodes of the manga/show #And while it's a popular opinion that Shinichi kinda want to avoid his childish parents at all cost (which I also believed is true) #But here it seems they have mutual respect and miss each other #Perhaps it lacks the dorkiness and childish behaviour because there's murder case and danger involved (and Yukiko's absence) #Although I can't really tell which is the true dynamic since this is just movie #And we know some character are portrayed quite differently from manga sooo #I don't know what's the point of this post other than maybe I want to complain about the lack of this kind of plot in DC movies #Forget the flahsy action. I want to see the og character bonding moments and maybe some in depth stories about them #Although perhaps they won't get it right and I won't be satisfied anyway #But whatever #Yeah I love this movie because of Yuusaku and Shinichi's scene #But seriously must they act so professional all the time? #Kudou Yuusaku #Kudou Shinichi #Edogawa Conan #Detective Conan #Anyway it's nice to see Yuusaku caring about Shinichi while trying to solve a murder case #The Phantom of Baker Street

[thedreadvampy]

idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.

#red said #the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early #metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of #Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together #but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant #i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning. #what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose. #i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy #so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that #but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person. #but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go #i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it #but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving #i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry #right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone. #that kind of thing. it's a safety thing. #it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it #but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that #and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time #anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.

[sysig]

Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)

#Doodles #I wonder what this is in reference to lol - could be anything really! #Bit funny actually - I was reading something else in overlap at the time - a fic from another fandom though it ended up not being for me #Different authors just speak to different people! It was fun to come back to something familiar and realize Just how much I appreciate it ah #Novel and familiar! My very favourite <3 And of course it was a wonderful experience on top of that hehe ♪♫ #Numbers lol - I really have done way too much age headcanon math pfft #I just love timelines! And even if the hints aren't exact they /are/ hints and I'm going to use them!! #The numbers that are established are such fun markers - and using characterization as hints towards how many years have passed! Ah! ♪ #Like how it's definitely possible that Max took a two year but considering his family he was probably pushed to do a four year #There's no confirmation either way but it's just so fun to consider what they'd do based on how they're written! #These are the kind of written math problems I enjoy hehe #I was being a bit self-deprecating for that doodle actually tho lol - art mimics life and all that pfft #Also confirmation of him being a Lit Major ❤️💕💖💞💗 Small details give me big love you must understand this lol #As evidenced lol ♪ Adding to my playlist definitely didn't help it very strongly upgraded to Big Love for like a week straight lol #Terrible ♪ Couldn't stand it <3 Genuinely painful ♫ #Lol - ''finding'' more - it's what had my blood on fire! I'm so grateful for mirrors #Anyone who's been following me for a while knows I have this whole thing about Legacy and what you leave behind and the internet in general #That the internet is forever except when it's not - that plenty of things get deleted or lost etc. etc. and it makes me very sad :( #So seeing that there was an in-built preservation - it only saved Some things but anything saved is precious!! It made me very happy <3 #And then finishing off 💔💕 Beautifully heartbreaking ah #Even skim-reading later made me cry again! It's deeply affecting hhh #Another experience I'm so happy to be able to have ♥ Another tally on the wall haha <3