#IM PRETTY SURE I PANICKED THINKING TUMBLR ATE IT :’]
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BESTIE BAEEEEEEEEE
I’m back 🤭🤭🤭
Tbh its been a rough few weeks 💀 ALSO HELP HOW COME EVERY TIME I DISAPPEAR YOU WHIP OUT SO MANY SCRUMPDILIUMPTIOUS FICS LIKE??? Not that I’m complaining tho 😋😋
Firstly, Occupied… hmmm mhmnn yeahh lemme just say that your impulsive thoughts are so valid 😔🙏 buT J E S U S DID YOU HAVE TO PUT MY HEART IN THE CROSSFIRE- I think I had to stare at my ceiling for a bit afterwards cause like damn… I love my man🗿
Secondly, Rhapsody Anonymous… had my kicking my feet as per usual 🙄🙄 and tbh the fact that both parties were valid in their reasoning for not wanting to out each other and tbh I would also be struggling on deciding whether to spill my identity or not 😭😭 but it was saUR SITIEKR CUTE 😭 man I feel like I set myself up each time I read/re-read the love in unity series cause each time they just call me more and more single and alone 😔💔 BUT FRET NOT I WILL USE THIS AS MOTIVATION AND LECTURE NOTES ON HOW TO GET A GOOD MAN 😤‼️
ALSO OMG DID YOU WATCH BARBIE YET??? Ok I think I gotta calm down I’ve been using too many caps 💀 but Lip Gloss is so Barbie too and the MV is literally a bunch of Kens doing Beach and you can’t convince me otherwise 😤☝️
My personal ranking of the album would be:
1. Fantasize
2. Fire Eyes
3. Passion Fruit
4. Lip Gloss
5. Lighthouse
6. Fairy Tale
But I honestly love all of them and I’ve listened to the album non-stopppppp!
Also yesss I did watch the zeneration behind and tell my whyyyyy New and Kevin ATE 🫣
Also the newest lip gloss mv behind took me OUT esp Changmin wiping TF OUTTTT with the volleyball net like eye- 💀💀
Also just to sneak in a lil abt the pcs… you din’t want to see the Totoro pcs… TRUST 😨😨 not safe for my mental health at ALL
Ouuu also my turn!
1. My fav bread would have to be seed bread! Not like, multigrain bread and idk if the right name is seed bread but it’s just in the name it’s bread made with a bunch of seeds mixed in 😭😭
2. My quirky snow app filter pics… oooooohhhh I hope those never see the light of day again 💀
3. No. 🗿
(But also just like you said, I’m patient but I’m also getting a lil bit impatient at the same time 😔)
4. The Robinson’s kid from meet the Robinsons…. Also Diego,,, and the Kratts broth-*gets shot*
Oh and maybe a few more questions!
1. Are you a tea person or a coffee person? What’s your fav drink?
2. Do you have a sweet tooth? If so, what’s your fav pastry?
3. If you could recommend any MUST HAVE food from your culture, what would it be?
(Can you tell that I’m craving a midnight snack rn 💀)
Oh also! I finally decided to start of my getting-back-into-reading journey with reading a book that has intrigued me and has been floating around a lot, Bunny by Mona Awad! I’ll let you know how it goes in a lil solo book club way 🫡
“I don’t know what they’re called, the spaces between seconds— but I think of you always in those intervals.” (Salvador Plascencia)
- Smooches + Smooches, 🌷 anon
omgg hi bestie 🤧🤧 what's been rough for u 😔 have u started school yet ☹️💔 im like,,, not ready to go back to uni, i wanna be a professional couch potato pls and thanks 😔
LOL pls (´Д⊂ヽ occupied was such a spur of the moment thing 💀 literally was going through MAJOR eric sohn brainrot and just had to get my thoughts down before i Combusted. bro... stared at my ceiling for a good while trying to find the perfect pics for that banner 😭 why's he gotta look that yummy 😭
aknfksnfkdkdk glad u liked rhaps anon bffie !!! bro frfr like this series is just me PROJECTING 💔💔💔 im projecting so VIOLENTLY it's embARRassing 💀 omg low-key i just remembered i pretty much based sunwoo's anonymous situation w how tumblr anons work 😭😭 but yeah for sure, i would also be kind of panicking over secret identities skfnkdnf
OMG I DID WATCH BARBIE I WATCHED IT ON PREMIERE NIGHT AND GOT GLAMMED UP !!! ur sooooooo so right omG??? lip gloss really is just a bunch of Kens doing Beach 😭😭 they're all Kenough for me tbh skcbsjnf but ugh omg im like obsessed w kevins little kick in the beginning of the choreo, and eric's one other jump thing, and chanhee's red light green light skfnkenfkdnfj such a good mv w so much fic potential tbh !!
hmmmm i haven't been listening to it as obsessively as i did be awake tbh 😭 maybe i'm just tired of summer songs 💔 but i would have to say i liked fantasize, fairytale, and fire eyes the most!! the whole album is a bop tho i do agree 🤸♀️😋
OH MY GOSH DO U MEAN NYUKEV ON THE STRIPPER POLES WKFNKENFKDNF HELP I SAW THAT CHANGMIN CLIP TOO 💀💀 I LAUGHED SO HARD IM SORRY CHANGMIN DONT HURT ME— omg but they were filming a variety show too and changmin lost a game and abused his gopro 😭😭😭 i felt so bad for that camera, but also low-key....... can that be me...
VRO I ALREADY SAW THE TOTORO ONES AKDNKSNFJD i was debating getting the album or joining a go for those special pcs but i ended up not doing it 😔
LMAO IM SORRY but when i saw seed bread, i just immediately thought of birds 😭😭 unrelated but i got a birb plush from daiso a couple days ago and i named him clyde 😎😎 THE SNOW FILTER APP SJFJKSJDJD I FEKT THAT DW 😭 OMG DIEGO UR SO RIGHT !!! (゜-゜) like sorry dora, ur cousin is much more entertaining ksnfkend
OMGGG i really need to start reading again 😭 it's awful how i can't even pick up a book anymore it's so embarrassing being an english major like this 💔 BUT YES PLS LMK HOW U LIKE IT o7
"& how many times have you loved me without my asking? how often have i loved a thing because you loved it? including me." - D. Smith, acknowledgements
— i love love loved you, and i'll love you all over again too 💖
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Chapter 25, pt. 3 - My Everything
Turns out that even though Tumblr ate my queued draft, it still posted at the right time - yay!
Also...trigger warning for brief mention of multiple pregnancy losses.
I hope you all enjoy!
(previously... ch. 25, pt. 2 - Bailey’s & Ice Cream)
It was nearly 11pm when I heard his soft knock at the front door. I took a breath to steady my nerves, then hurried over to let him in. Once the door was open and I saw him nothing else mattered, and we were at once in each other’s arms.
“I’m so sorry, Ed, I- .”
“ -shhhh. It’s ok.”
“No, I was awful...the things I said, and then I just left...?”
“It’s OK, you were upset and needed some time.”
I shook my head. How could he be so kind after what I did?
We stepped apart but I didn’t let his hand go, needing his touch as reassurance. He somehow knew and gave a squeeze as we moved into the living room.
“The kids are at my parents’ for the night.”
“Ok.”
We sat on the sofa, turned toward each other. He had a leg tucked under the other, as he often does. I kept a toss pillow on my lap, on which our hands were still clasped.
“I’ve made a mess of everything. Ed, I’m so sorry.”
“No, no, I should’ve...I told you I’d be there for you when things get rough, but I didn’t do that, and I’m sorry.”
“I blindsided you,” I shook my head. “You have every right to be upset.”
“I didn’t come through for you, love. I won’t let that happen again, I promise.”
How do I even deserve him?
“You’re really too good to me.”
“Nooo,” he murmured, squeezing my hand. We shared a look before coming even closer together. I needed to touch him, to feel him - a physical sign of reassurance, I suppose, and it appeared that he did, too. I laid my head on his shoulder while he rested his free hand on my knee. We sat together like that, tentative and hopeful, until Ed finally broke the ice.
“Hey,” he murmured, his voice soft and soothingly low. “I…can I ask you something?” We both were hesitant to disturb our fragile peace, but things needed to be said.
I lifted my head and met his eyes, nodding.
“Do I...does being with me bring more stress to your life? Because that’s the last thing I wan -”
“ - no! You...you’ve brought happiness back to me. I feel loved, and I’m in love, and it’s...it’s so good. Ed, I’m really, really happy with you.”
He was quiet for a few seconds, studying me, so many questions evident in his eyes.
“That’s good...I feel that way, too. But, you’re so unhappy tonight, and I don’t understand why.”
“It’s...it’s all me. I think, well, remember when I told you about...my anxiety?”
“Yeah. I was wondering if that was it.”
I nodded. “It was...pretty bad today. When it gets like this I tend to hyper-focus on...something until it’s huge in my mind - like, way out of proportion. I don’t even realize it’s happening until it’s seriously out of control - like tonight. And then I panic and just...want to disappear, or want everything else to disappear, so that feeling will go away. I think that’s why I was like that, like telling you you’d be better off with someone else, and when I just...left. I was trying to make everything just go away. God, I’m so sorry, Ed.”
I covered my face with my hands, completely appalled at myself.
“I’m trying to understand...? You wanted me to go away? Like, how? Like breaking up? Is that why you said I should be with someone else?”
“I - I don’t really want that, I swear. I was panicking and saying anything to try and make that feeling - that fear - go away. It was my stupid brain being a bitch and I didn’t mean any of it. Please believe me.”
“I do, I believe you. I know you, and I...whatever that was, I knew it couldn’t be right. I promise I believe you.”
“OK,” I nodded. I felt like such a piece of shit.
But, love, what has you so upset?”
I took a breath while trying to sort out my thoughts. Ed remained the picture of patience with me.
“You...you’ve become very important to me. You’re my everything.”
He gave a hint of a smile, then, and very slightly nodded and squeezed my hand, still in his, showing me he knew exactly what I was feeling.
“I never thought I’d feel like this again.”
“But, you’re worrying about something.”
“I’m probably being irrational or paranoid or something, I don’t know. But, since Jason died...I’m really, really freaked out about losing anyone else who’s important to me...including you, now.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Kate.”
“But how do you know? Anything can happen, right? We could break up, or what if something...bad happens to one of us?”
He held my face in his hands, fingers splayed out and thumbs tenderly brushing my cheeks. “Sweetheart, you’ve been through something really horrible, and I can’t imagine how hard that must have been...and still is. I get why you have this fear, now. You’ve seen first-hand how tragedy is so...random.”
I nodded, glad he seemed to get it, but also pretty sure I was about to hear a counterargument.
He affectionately combed his fingers back though my hair a few times, and then rested his forearms over my shoulders so that we were face-to-face, quite close. “I don’t mean for this to come across as insensitive at all, but...we’re all gonna go someday. And knowing that, wouldn’t you rather live your best life than hold back?”
“What do you mean?”
“OK. Umm, do you ever regret marrying Jason?”
What? “No.”
“Of course not. The fact that he’s gone now doesn’t make you wish you’d never married him, right? You had a good life together...a beautiful family. And in the same vein, worrying about losing...me, or anyone you have a relationship with shouldn’t stop you from keeping that relationship. That would lead to a lot of hurt and regret, I think.”
He was right, and I knew that, logically. But a part of me was trying to protect myself from reliving the pain of the worst loss I’d ever experienced. I didn’t think I could endure something like that again, and I was really scared that once he was aware of my pregnancy issues, then it was only a matter of time before I’d be headed that way again.
Still, he needed to know.
“You’re right, and I do know that, but part of me is...pretty terrified.”
He shook his head, obviously trying and failing to understand. “Why?”
Taking his hands again, I mustered up the nerve to tell him. “Earlier tonight you said that you want it all...with me - a family, and children, and - ”
“ - Yeah, I...I shouldn’t have dropped that on you like that, both of us being so upset. I guess I was kinda panicking, too, though, and it just - ”
“ - it’s...no, I know - I know, it’s ok, I - I get it. But you...did you mean it?”
He took a breath through his nose, not breaking eye contact with me, and gave my hands a squeeze. “Yeah.”
I was so afraid he’d change his mind after hearing me out, yet my heart still swelled, because god knows, I wanted that, too. He smiled at me then, albeit a bit nervously, and how could I not smile back?
“I...I know I did it completely the wrong fucking way, and it’s probably too soon, too, but I - ”
“ - Ed. I’ve been thinking about those things, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And I worried that it’s too soon, too, so I didn’t say anything. But, I probably should have, because it might have saved me from my damn anxiety-brain. But, no, instead, I just worried more, and then assumed things, and everything built up, and got worse, and...god, I feel so so stupid.”
“Kate.” He murmured, shaking his head. “Nothing about you is stupid - please stop saying that.”
“OK,” I nodded.
“Good. And this is good, though, yeah? We both want the same thing?”
“Yeah, but…”
“No, no ‘buts’...”
I took a steadying breath. “I’m sure my perspective is completely...fucked up, so I need you to tell me if it’s a real ‘but’ or not.”
He kind of half-heartedly huffed out a small, uncertain laugh. “Alright.”
I didn’t know how to start, and shook my head in frustration. “Sorry. OK, umm, yeah. So, you mentioned that one of the things you saw in our future was children...babies. Our babies.”
“Umm, yea…?” His eyebrows shot up then. I saw surprise, and then the question in his eyes.
“Ohhh, no. No honey, I’m...I’m not pregnant.”
“Ahhh, ok.” He made a small, self-conscious laugh. “When you said ‘babies’, and seemed kinda...nervous, I thought maybe…”
“I know, but...no. I’m sorry, no.” Damn. Am I sorry for inadvertently misleading him or for not being pregnant? Both? Jesus...
“What I’m trying to say - and doing a terrible job of it - is that...well, that’s something that might not be very easy for me - having more babies.”
He was quiet, his face etched with uncertainty.
“I haven’t told you any of this yet, but, I have a history of fertility...problems. We - Jason and I, we - you know, we wanted more kids. It’s weird, because I didn’t really have any trouble getting pregnant with the twins, so we assumed it would be just as easy as it was then.” I frowned, feeling that familiar heartache and frustration all over again.
“But, it wasn’t.”
“No. We tried on-and-off for...like, god, almost 6 years? I...well, I actually did get pregnant a few times, but I miscarried them pretty early on.”
“How...how many times?”
“Three.”
“Oh, god, love. I had no idea...I’m sorry.”
“Thanks...yeah. I needed a lot of help getting pregnant, but then, even when I did…” I shook my head. “We saw specialists, did all the testing…and they couldn’t find a reason for any of it. ‘Unexplained infertility’, ‘unexplained pregnancy loss’. I...well, so...I think you should know all of this before you make any big...life decisions.”
He brought his fingers to his mouth and started slowly shaking his head. “No, wait,” he murmured. “Are you...do you think I wouldn’t want to be with you because of this? Is this what...oh god, is this why you said I’d be better off with someone else?”
“I know how you feel about having a family, Ed, and now we’re...starting to see this as being a very permanent kind of relationship. What if I can’t have any more kids? I’d hate to do that to you.”
“Whoa, wait, hold on.” He shook his head adamantly. “How...that’s not doing anything to - fuck, love, you think...like I’d blame you?”
“I don’t know...I guess I’d blame me. I just know how important family is to you, and I wouldn’t ever want you to...miss out on that because of me? Or...change your mind about us down the road because of it?”
“No...how could...I’d never do that!”
“But you want kids.”
“Yeah...but I...Jesus...” He rubbed a hand through his beard, visibly disturbed. “I’m not with you for the purpose of having children. I - I love you and want us to spend our lives together, and that is not dependent upon whether we have babies or not.”
I started to reply - about to question him on how he’d feel if he never had any children, but he cut me off before I could begin.
“- wait.” He fervently waved his hands in order to stop me. “You’re only focusing on what you think I want. But, this isn’t just up to me, right? You - you get a pretty big say, considering that you’re half of us and it’s your uterus.”
Good points...
“For all I know, maybe you don’t want more kids. Maybe you feel like you’ve already been there, done that.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t feel like that at all, I just don’t know if I ca-”
“- stop. Let’s not focus on the ‘maybes’ right now, OK? I want you - you’re the one. But what do you want, Kate?”
I closed my mouth then, realizing that I’d started to fall right back into listening to that unhealthy anxiety-monologue, focusing on the negative, and not on what was actually right in front of me.
“I’m sorry, I - ”
He shook his head slightly, watching me with a small smile. “Stop apologizing, you’re amazing. But tell me what you want.”
What I want. I knew, but I was still hesitant to say it without a qualifier - an excuse or a way out for him, just-in-case. Which I knew was ridiculous, since he’d already basically said he wanted the same thing. Finally, with a very nervous smile, I just said it.
“I want...you - I want us. And, if possible, I’d love to add...to us”.
There were a few beats of silence as we stared at each other, and then he let out a barely-audible breath - he’d been holding it. I’d been holding mine, too.
“Then we both want the same things.” He practically whispered it, and then we shared an OMFG-grin for a few seconds.
“This is...wow?”
“Kinda crazy, yeah?”
“Do you think it’s...is it too soon for all of this?”
“It’s kinda how we do things though, innit? Seems to work for us.”
“Yeah.”
Without warning I found myself wiping tears from my eyes.
“No, don’t cry, sweet girl.” He cupped my face in both hands again, gently brushing his thumbs across my wet cheeks. “I love you.” He pulled us together and kissed me so gently, almost reverently, on the mouth. When it ended I could see that he was pretty emotional, too.
“I love you,” I whispered back, and returned his soft kiss with one of my own.
He exhaled again, much more loudly this time, looking elated, relieved, overwhelmed, and exhausted all at the same time.
“It’s late. You probably have a lot to do before your flight tomorrow...er, today, I guess.”
“Oh! No, I forgot to tell you - I canceled it.”
“Your flight?”
“Yeah. After you left earlier I...well, I didn’t want to leave without fixing this.”
“Ohhh, hon, thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing - this is where I belong right now.”
“OK.” I started fiddling with his hand in mine, sliding my fingers between his, lightly tracing each one with the tips of my own. “When do you go back?”
“Dunno, I didn’t reschedule it, yet. I figure we’ll work that out later.”
“But you have a lot going on at home, though…?”
“It’s fine, nothing was set in stone.” He captured my roaming fingers in both of his hands, brought them to his lips and peppered them with the sweetest, softest kisses.
With my other hand I tenderly combed through the copper curls at the back of his neck, eventually guiding those beautiful lips back to mine and whispered, “Stay tonight.”
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likes, reblogs & feedback are LOVE!
There will be a pt 4. :-)
#becausepurple#becuzpurple#ed sheeran#ed sheeran fic#ed sheeran fan fic#ed sheeran fanfic#ed sheeran mature fanfic#Ed & Kate#Ed & Kate love story#ch 25 pt 3#My Everything#they finally have the talk#pls leave feedback!
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Oh ok! so sorry about that, I'll be sure to tag or be more vague with the ur trigger mentions. I finally remembered one of my dreams, it was a very stupid 1st dream ive remembered in a while tho I got called out on tumblr twice and I was panicking trying to find a response / or find words for an apology 🤔 what does it all mean? im one of those 'your dreams say something abt you' people. Let's go to the beach each. I went to a pond and swam😊 surprisingly hot outside today 94°f . I woke up at 2pm shock I did wake up at 7am and couldn't go back to sleep until 9 tho. So its even and ok. I was annoyed today, very much got deadnamed, and I just got argued with when I tried to correct. Even more heartbreaking because it was kids 😟otherwise pretty swell day. 😁 I hope yours was also swell🌷
oh its okay!! literally like anything triggers me so😭😭 like ok my 1. will be i saw this cute girl who cosplays WILL GRAHAM on tiktok amd she out of cosplay dresses how i'd like too if i was skinny😐😓. depressing af. anyway IVE HAD THAT DREAM BEFOREEEEE i think its bc someone "called me out for being a terf" once and it scared me so awful i was like im abt to lose every tumblr friend ive ever had over some bs abt rbing one (1) post. i did not tho! yahoo! this is an old dream but it was that i was at like idk olive garden or smth and they were like we did our research. we found your callout post. we already called the police.😭. 2. will be.... hmmm umm. been searching for any type of normal hannibal merch. im.poss.ible. its all either like "im sexually attracted to hannibal lecter" or "i kill people for real." like none of that is anything i would want people to attribute to me. 😔 sigh. 3. ate the second, and last, apple CIDER actually donut. i heated it up and i ate it literally instantly. 4. my friend made me food for dinner!!!! it was out of character extremely but i appreciated it smmmmm. 5. i watched the haunting of bly manor for like 5 hours straight fr. whatsherface.. dani. im in love w her/her actress. shes so pretty. in the haunting of hill house i liked theo's char the best but NELL. NELLLLLLLL oh mt god. ohhhh. (same actress) and then i forget his name BUT HER BROTHERRRR. THE EMOTIONS. ruined me that show reached into my chest and just fucked things up. it was an okay day i kind of hurt everywhere tho
#hm 6 will be just me saying something im thinking abt#i always think im like faking being autistic or smth bc i mask so hard but then im like#no i have and will continue to study body language and facial expressions and what they mean#like idk having my mom be so awful also made me like hyperaware like shed fold the laundry angrily. so its like yea duh i can pick up -#- social cues sometimes. sigh. so hence the uh what is it. imposter syndrome. idk what that actually means btw#anyway ive been reading all these hannibal fics and will is all Im The Empathy Master#and irs like i would KILL for that. my empathy goes from 'idc abt anything like im shutting off the empathy fo today'#orrrr 'if you seem even a little upset i will empathize sympathize and cry and sob'#like idk once i saw this guy throw up and I HATE THROWING UP like everyone does but its awful so i cried like i started sobbing i was lik#that poor guy:( i hate throwing up and i can tell he does too awww ughhh misery#but idk i cant be like that 24/7 its exhausting i cant take it😭😭#like idk i could blame it on my mom being her overdramatic crying sobbing screaming self tbh but rlly it is just a flip i can switch#sometimes. maybe um hannibal lecter moments idk. my will graham kinnie identity is dying /j#5 daily things#well 6 but the tags dont count to me❤️#asks#i use the tags as like my little personal diary i dont even care. the embarrassment will hit later
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ok time for 2 days worth of journaling
yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well
I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand. for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her
#thanks for coming to my ted talk#April 2021 daily#2021 daily#wow new mont new tag#Ii gotta change over my calendar to see what the new baby animal will be#march was a baby seel#June is going to ba a money which I think is very homophobic because I HATE MONKIES>:(
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5 Times Mitch Wanted To Kiss Jonas and One Time He Did
submitted by: @pasiiphaes
okay, so im relatively new to tumblr and submissions and whatnot, so sorry if this is formatted weirdly or anything!! i’ve been working on this randomly for the past week or two, and it’s finally done :P hopefully it’s enjoyed!!
—
I.
It had been raining, yet Jonas had insisted that yes, of course they needed to go out and catch that Gengar, whatever the fuck that was. After around 17 minutes (Mitch had counted each dreadful second, though the smile on Jonas’ face was worth every one.) They rushed into a dingy gas station, an uninterested, acne-infested teen sitting boredly at the counter. Mitch was sure that there had never been anything more soft and beautiful than the moment Jonas had shook his head gently, a few droplets of water flying off his hair. He shivered softly, so of course, Mitch did the only thing he could think of, quickly shrugging off his jacket and shoving it into Jo’s arms. “Go grab a fuckton of food, Spots. And warm up.” He said quickly, hoping the younger boy wouldn’t notice the angry warmth rising to Mitch’s face. And when Jonas smiled at him gratefully, Mitch figured that was the first time he might have actually kissed him.
II.
The second time they were at the cove. “Why do you even like that Carmen bitch?” Mitch had exclaimed loudly, and the soft yellow lights surrounding Jonas had quickly shifted to a much more aggressive red. “Don’t call her that… You don’t know her like I do.” “Spots, she’s just using ya! I dunno how you can’t see that! Are you fucking blind?” He’d spat back angrily, raising his hand in a wide gesture. Only when Jo flinched back, covering his face with his hands and letting out a barely audible whimper did Mitch realize. “Wait, no, Spots, I’m sorry! Fuck, fuck me in the fucking ass I’m sorry!” He said quickly, trying to soften his voice as he rushed over to Jonas and pulled him into his arms. “No, Spots, I was just mad, ya see? I’m sorry, Spots. I’m a fuckup, okay?” “I don’t think you’re a fuckup.” Jonas had replied intently, looking up for a split second before shifting his teary eyes downwards and burying his face in Mitch’s shoulder. He had never wanted to kiss him more, not even that time at the gas station, when he’d felt more helpless and head over heels than ever.
III.
Technically they weren’t even together the third time. Jonas was with his respective “friends,” Mitch waiting for him against a wall around a hundred feet away. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Joey’s friends. They all hated him, but surely they were doing something right if Joey liked them. He’d never admit it, of course, but part of him was envious. It didn’t take him long to hear the nervous, venom-laced words dropping from Lewis’ mouth. “Dude, are you seriously going with him again? I still think he killed his mom. He could stab you too! And what about his dad?! People don’t go to jail for no reason, Jonas.” Of all the rumors made about him, none of them bothered Mitch more than ones about his mom. His beautiful, trashy, loving mom. Mitch couldn’t even stomach the thought of stabbing her, much less killing her. He was about ready to just roll his eyes and walk away when he heard his Joey retort a bit angrily. “He didn’t kill anyone! That’s just a rumor… You don’t know him the way that I do. I’m going now.” And when Jonas came rushing over to him, he’d done something he rarely did to anyone, unless it was a joke. He hugged Jonas tightly, ruffling his hair and chuckling. “Took ya long enough, Spots.” Jonas laughed softly, and Mitch was seriously thinking about kissing him. He grinned, leaning towards him, maybe to kiss his forehead or the top of his head or something when Jonas looked up. He quickly blew on Jo’s face so his hair would stick up, and the younger boy quickly recoiled and scrunched up his nose. “Aw, Mitch! Your breath is bad!” “Only for you, Spots.”
IIII.
Mitch figured the fourth time hurt him the most. He’d never hated anyone more than he hated Carmen and Neil when it happened. He’d been okay with Carmen, if not uncomfortably jealous, with only an average hatred for Neil. Of course, that had changed when Jonas ran up to him after school, bleary-eyed and smiling weakly at him. Mitch frowned, opening his arms as Jo went to hug him. “Hey, what’s wrong Spots?” Jonas frowned, and hell if Mitch didn’t know that look- whoever hurt him would fucking pay. “Oh, it’s- it’s nothing. Doesn’t matter.” Mitch raised an eyebrow, scowling at Neil as he made eye contact with the boy standing a bit aways. “Spots.” “Look, Mitch, it’s fine! I’m okay, I always am. Neil just shoved me around a little for talking to Carmen. It’s fine, I’m used to it.” That elicited an eyeroll on Mitch’s part, though he looked back to Neil after a moment. “What’d he say to you, Joey?” “What? No, don’t do anything… he just called me a fag and some other stuff, nothing new…” He watched, looking away pointedly as Jonas bit his lip, and he felt a hand on his arm. “Joey, I gotta go.” Mitch drawled for a moment, then quickly stormed over to Neil. He doesn’t remember much of anything, other than Jonas and Javi pulling him off of Neil, and some people recording. And Joey wiping down his lip, looking down as soft red and blue lights floated around them. “Mitch, I… I told you not to! You got suspended, in case you didn’t hear. For a week, I’ll add! Look, I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. I…” Mitch sighed, leaning in some as Joey’s fingers brushed against his lip. Inches- inches apart, and Mitch’s heart was racing faster than it had since he blew up a bounce house and someone called the cops. He instinctively jumped away when he heard the door open, and looked awkwardly at Sidney. “He needs to go, Dean said.” She said pointedly, crossing her arms. “He says he doesn’t want “criminal blood” staining the furniture.“ Mitch nodded as she walked out, then looked at Jonas with a smirk. "Thanks for cleaning me up, Spots. See ya.”
IIIII.
The last time was Mitch’s personal favorite. They were, of all things, grocery shopping. It wasn’t much of an activity, but any time he could spend with Jonas, he’d take. Even if Jonas did happen to be scolding him. “Mitch, you can’t live off of frozen spaghetti meals! Those have no nutrients, at all! Jesus, no wonder you’re so skinny…” Mitch frowned- was he too skinny? Did Jonas find it unattractive? He wasn’t normally the type to worry about people’s opinions of his body (let him do the judging, thanks.) But this was Jo. His Spots. “Eh, they’re quick and easy! Just like-” “Mitch.” “Okay, okay. Sorry.” He smirked, watching as Jonas piled random food into the cart till it was about the same height as him. “That’s… This is so bad for you! You need to eat healthier! When was the last time you ate anything of substance?! What the heck, man? I-” He grabbed Jonas’ shoulders after a moment, giving him a stern look. “Joey. Shut up.” “You’re going to die if you keep living like this.” Jonas whispered back, and Mitch noticed him blushing at the little space between them at this point. “I’ll be fine.” He mumbled, and he could swear Jonas was leaning in too. He was so close- so, so close to resolving the tension that they had ignored for the past 6 months. He could feel Joey’s breath on his lips, and he could almost-. All of the groceries in the cart came tumbling down, like Mitch’s will to live when Jonas jumped back and let out a yelp. “Oh, uh… Must have put too much in the cart, you know me.” He muttered awkwardly, and Mitch raised an eyebrow though he didn’t comment on it. He let out a soft chuckle, helping Jonas pick up the fallen food and put it back in the cart. “Ya know I’ll probably just get McDonald’s right after we buy all this healthy food, right Spots?” “Yeah. I do.”
IIIIII.
“Mitch?” Jonas piped up, voice soft and hazy with something Mitch couldn’t quite understand. “Eh?” “What is this?” Jonas said softly, and Mitch looked up at Jonas’ phone for a minute, heart dropping. “Fuck, fuck, Joey, you weren’t s'posed to… Shit, no, I don’t fucking…” Words spilled quickly out of his mouth- how could he have been so careless? Jonas had, of all things, looked at his tumblr. Inbox flooded with asks about the younger boy, blog filled with him gushing over him and… Other things. “Fuck, Joey, you said you never wanted to look again! Why did you?” “I don’t-… I don’t know, Mitch, sometimes I worry, and I thought maybe you’d be venting on your tumblr or something!” Mitch bit his lip, running his hands through his hair. “Wait, Spots… You worry?” He questioned gently, glancing up for a moment. “Well, of course! I… You never eat enough, your mom isn’t around right now, you seem really panicked sometimes… I notice these things, Mitch! I notice a lot of these things! I- I notice every time you try to kiss me, and every time it gets interrupted! Other people notice, and I just wish you’d get it over with so I don’t have to notice anymore!” Mitch’s eyes widened, and he noted the mix of red and pink lights floating around them. Jonas was never able to control his lights very well when he got emotional. “Mitch.” He turned, looking questioningly at the younger boy. “Please… Please kiss me. Just get it over with.” And he did. He did, and he didn’t stop. He cradled Jonas’ face in his hands, pressing their lips together with the intensity of every time that it had been ruined. Mitch pulled back after a moment, leaning back and crossing his arms as a smirk grew on his face. “You’re a pretty good kisser, Spots.”
SOBS INTO MY ARMS OH MY GOD ANOTHER FIC
I ADORED THIS SO MUCH, IT WAS SO SWEET AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT MADE MY HEART HURT. MITCH IS SO GONE FOR JOEY… AHH H HH.. ..I LOVE 5+1 FICS SO MUCH, MMY WEAKNESS!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!
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now im tired
1. Height:
5’6?
2. Virgin?
Nawp. Not no more.
3. Shoe size?
7
4. Sexual Orientation:
Straight, tho lately i think i may be asexual. Never said that before.
5. Do you smoke?
Nope.
6. Do you drink?
On occasion. Even then glass of wine at most. Tequila shots kill me.
7. Do you take drugs?
Do Antidepressants count?
8. Age you get mistaken for?
16
9. Any tattoos?
Nooooo
10. Want any tattoos?
If the time is right.
11. Any piercings?
All closed up.
12. Want any piercings?
I never wore earrings so I think it would be a waste.
13. Best friend?
Caitlin. She’s more of a sister tho.
14. Relationship status:
Single, not ready to mingle.
15. Biggest turn ons?
Big hands, gentle demeanor, sweet smile?
16. Biggest turn offs?
Rude, don’t take care of yourself, just a general “idc about anything” attitude.
17. Favorite movie?
Breakfast At Tiffany’s, of course.
18. Someone you miss?
Not gonna say.
19. What I hate most about myself:
Trichotillomania and anxiety.
20. What I like most about myself:
Lips and cheekbones. When I’m in a good mood I’m nice so that too I suppose.
21. My relationship with my parents:
Pretty good.
22. My relationship with my sibling(s):
Pretty good.
23. My biggest pet peeves:
Rudeness, lying, cheating, picking fights. Bad, bad stuff.
24. What my last text message said?
Idk a tinder match talking about his job at Whole Foods.
25. Last thing I ate?
Oreos
26. Ten facts about myself: Ain’t got time fo that.
27. Favorite animal?
Fruit bat
28. Where I would like to live:
NYC
29. Favorite ice cream?
Cookie dough
30. Celebrity I would love to meet and why?
There’s three: Diane Keaton cause she’s a cool chick, Audrey Hepburn cause of her poise and class, and Anna Karina cause she’s just divine. A dinner party with all three would be major.
31. My insecurities: Too much at the moment. Next. Actually, my teeth. Yeah.
32. What I find attractive in Men/Women? Vulnerability.
33. Favorite quote: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - The legend herself, Maya Angelou
34. Age: 19
35. Top ten tv shows: I don’t watch TV. Big Little Lies on HBO was a good one.
36. Top five favorite tumblr blogs: Idk.
37. What I want to be when I grow up: As of now, fashion journalist. However, I’d love to write a book. Let’s just say writer.
38. A book or film that changed my life: Not sure. I don’t let movies or books affect me that much honestly. They’re just an escape for me.
39. Five bands that I like: Bombay Bicycle Club (current favorite), White Lies, Keane, The Cure (for a classic), and Panama Wedding I suppose. My playlist changes on a daily basis so tomorrow it will be different.
40. Three things I think about the most: “IM PANICKING!”; I think this a lot in my head, where my past “lovers” are, and my future.
41. Five things I want to do before I die: I’m getting tired. Idk I just hope I can look back and say that I really lived my life.
42. Favorite book?
I don’t read that much… not good. But I do like self-help/spiritual books.
43. Favorite color? Black
44. Last person you hugged? Dad
45. Addiction:
Mac and cheese and pulling out my eyebrows/lashes when nervous. Lol what a weird combination.
46. Hobbies:
Dancing, writing, shopping. I don’t have any cool hobbies.
47. Favorite band? Everyday I have a favorite so I can’t say cause tomorrow it’ll be different.
48. Favorite singer? Tom Chaplin, formerly of Keane
49. Zodiac sign: Virgo
50. eye color: Hazel
51. hair color: Brown
52. Birthday? September 3, 1997
53. Where were you three hours ago? In my bed, same as now.
54. One food you hate: Pickles
55. Biggest fear? Losing my parents/brother
56. How many followers do you have? Idk I don’t pay attention to that shit. If you follow me, thx. If you don’t, that’s fine.
57. Five people you find attractive: Anyone who’s kind and passionate
58. Top song played on your ipod? Lost my ipod.
59. If you went back in time what would you change? Taking swim lessons.
60. Have any pets? Turt burt burtle turtle
61. Favorite subject in school? English
62. How is school? Eh, kinda over it. But kinda can’t be cause degree.
63. Lucky number? 3
64. Your name: Mary
65. Favorite body feature? Not nuts about my body lately but my perky lil bum I guess.
66. Favorite flower? Hydrangea, or ROSES. Yeah, roses. Either are pretty.
67. Cats or dogs? I love both
68. Boats or trains? Train cause I can’t swim
69. People or animals? Animals
71. Favorite holiday? I read that “I love Reeses” day (May 8) is a thing and I really connect with that and consider it a holiday.
72. Favorite season? Fall
73. Favorite candy? Reese’s and kit kats
74. Ten likes and ten dislikes: Pfft
75. Self harmed? Nope. Too afraid of sharp objects near skin. Have a big fear of that.
76. Worst mistake?
Eh.
77. Last time you cried?
Today lolz
78. Any scars?
Yes, internally... Lol naw none that I know of.
79. Best day of your life? Landing in London for the first time.
80. Special talents: I can vomit just by thinking about vomiting. That a talent?
81. Watch the movie or read the book?
Huh? Well, If I made a movie or book about how many times I vomit it would be used for curriculum at medical schools across the world.
82. Obsession: replaying the past
83. Kiss or hug? Kiss and hug. One after the other. Consecutively
84. Ever dated someone? Ya mon
85. Do you love someone? Ya mon, I love a few people.
86. Nicknames people call you: Mare, Dolly, Mom
87. Favorite sport? Used to play tennis but not anymore. Still think it’s cool tho.
88. Suicidal thoughts? Sometimes. Not at the moment tho.
89. If today was your last day on earth how would you spend it? Cuddled in a bed with my family
90. Something I would like to change about myself: Anxiety. But that ain’t gon change.
91. Worst thing I’ve lied about: Idk in second grade I lied that I took a plane ride to florida for the super bowl, that I had a dog, and that my parents were divorced. The parents being divorced was easily the worst out of the three. I was a fuckin brat.
92. Best thing I’ve lied about: That I couldn’t meet up with someone that I genuinely did not want to meet.
93. Favorite cuss word?
Fuck
94. One of my bad habits:
Spacing out
95. Favorite childhood toy?
Barbie car. Threw a fit in toys r us until my dad bought it. Fuckin brat.
96. Story of my first kiss?
On the couch at my first “boyfriend’s” house. It was underwhelming.
97. Favorite celebrity?
Idk. I don’t think of celebrities as celebrities. I see them as people. That’s a dumb question.
98. What I’m doing tomorrow:
Laundry, school work, the usual.
99. Favorite disney movie? Beauty and the Beast or Snow White
100. If you could be any animal what would it be?
A big ol safari cat. Like a cheetah or tiger. That would be sweet.
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