#It’s times like this I wish I could draw bc I have such a good picture in my head of this

[dankmaths]

I'm like 90% sure if I don't get more of your ghost au I may just implode so like 🥺👉👈

not necessarily my AU but i ended up drawing smth based on a scene from @novethegreat's fic, "In Love With A Ghost". ooohhhh you wanna read it so bad ooooohh

+more google doc delusions ive had in my head for a long time and havent been possessed to draw under the cut please work god please

i like to think once yosuke gets over the whole undead roommate thing he starts to feel bad for leaving yu at home all day. (like a pet dog.....) so at some point he invites chie and yukiko over. maybe it’s a study session. but at first yukiko can’t make it so it’s just chie. yosuke tells yu to stay put in the room since chie is scared of ghosts (just like yosuke she’ll never admit it though lol). chie says that she and yukiko have been working on a new recipe and offers to cook which yosuke shoots down Very quickly, offering to cook himself, since a "friend" of his has been teaching him-- he very conveniently leaves out the whole undead roommate thing. but when he’s preparing the food he accidentally cuts his finger. yu forgets what he’s told and rushes through the walls into the kitchen scaring chie on accident.

yosuke: OW shit

yu: (phasing through the wall) yosuke! are you ok?

chie: yosuke! are youuuuuuUUUUAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

yukiko, the occult lover, is unable to see/hear ghosts… but when she hears abt "OHHH HANAMURAS APT IS HAUNTED ITS SO SCARY ITS AWFUL!!! i mean the ghost didnt kill me or anything he was actually pretty polite but its AWFUL!!!!!!" from chie, she gets sooo excited and begs yosuke to invite her over (for the ghost obviously not for yosuke. which is a bit of a blow to his ego LOL). and she comes in with a ouija board so she can talk to yu

yukiko: so. where is it?

yosuke: his name is yu. damn, not even a hello.

yukiko: well, where is he?

yosuke: …right over there.

yu tries to play along bc he thinks its fun, to yosukes exasperation. however he has trouble staying solid for very long so it takes foreverrrrr. but basically i think yu and yukiko writing each other notes to communicate like point blank pen pals would be cute… also when the others are around who can hear yu, playing telephone with what he says to yukiko and fucking it up (on accident OR on purpose) would be rly funny

#this has been in my inbox for a WHILE sorry anon. im sure you must be a ghost by now too. lol #askbox #souyo #p4 #i wish i had more time to draw or i could do it faster but alas. this is the path i chose for myself. #(started working on another doujin) #(abt to lurk for another 100 years #side note not too long ago i read a cute fic on pixiv where yosuke was the ghost and yu was the tenant #and yu could see+hear yosuke just fine but ignored him for a solid month bc he was scared the spooky ghost would attack him lol #but everytime i try to tell my friends abt smth from pixiv its like #“YEAH ITS IN JAPANESE YEAH YOU HAVE TO PUT IT THRU GOOGLE TRANSLATE AND/OR LOOK UP WORDS IN THE DICTIONARY EVERY TWO SECONDS” #“BUT ITS MAKING ME INSANE ITS CUTE ITS REALLY CUTE ITS SOOO CUTE REALLY GOOD I PROMISE” #and i know it sounds really really unhinged so i try to keep it contained lol

[lunarharp]

figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..

#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist.. #but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol..... #so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing... #i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff.. #that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol.. #AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job.. #this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends.... #please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think.. #It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess..................... #regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier. #art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS. #thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive #really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head #i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier

[skitskatdacat63]

I drew all of my historical AU Sebs!!!!

In order they are(with relevant links to lore info if you are curious!!): Napoleonic Hussar Seb(x), Renaissance Muse Seb(x) and Boy King/Emperor Seb(x)

Let me know which you like best!!!

#oh my fucking god this was truly the endurance race of drawing sessions #i just drew for four hours straight or so......FUN! #and it is now almost 5 am on a school night so pls wish me luck in school haha #basically this spawned from me seeing if i could sketch all 3 of my Sebs easily and then whoops 4 hours later they are finished! #i think now i can draw the hussar uniform with my eyes closed. it was so comforting to draw honestly ;;;; #this is actually the first time ive drawn boy king seb with colors!! so i think it turned out pretty well? #hey guys do you notice what all of the Sebs have in common...? they all have a gold motif...GOLDEN BOY CODED!!! #anyways i think the most developed of these AUs is boy king seb which is funny bcs its the one ive created most recently #but gaahhhhhh ive done so much research and im literally brainrotting over it constantly #now i need to draw fernando in his 3 AUs hahaha but drwing Seb is sooooo much more easy/comfy for me #did you guys also notice i have a fondness for a specific seb hairstyle? malaysia 2010 my truly beloved youve served me so well #i mentioned this already but like i dont get how drawing these kinds of clothing is far more preferable to me than drawing racesuits #well anyways i have so much fun researching into these different eras!! and then very fun to mix it with the drivers #im very surprised i was able to draw this. im not usually able to draw good chibi anatomy #but like seriously i think i was posessed by my thoughts of boy king seb and i just couldnt stop drawing #in didnt really have any mental roadblocks which is surprising #but then again these drawings are me mixing my two major interests atm so ofc it'll come to me easily and make me passionate!! #anyways time to go sleep pwease dont let this flop my hands literally are overheated from drawing LMFAO #catie.art. #sebastian vettel #f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanart #formula 1 art #formula 1 fanart #f1 art #boy king au #renaissance muse au #hussar au

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

blorbos in tha phone

#FIRST EVER DIGITAL DOODLE GUYS I DID IT WOOP WOOP #airbrush my beloved #feels like watercolour and that makes me a lil giddy #anyways this was mostly retraced off of a template (?) i JUST downloaded ibis and wanted to get to know the pens #ill eventually get back to drawing once i figure out layers :sob: #i did this so spontaneously but i realize i have a lot of art moots. maybe too many #i have so many ideas to doodle but no skills no money to commission others no idea where to start no bitches no hoes no life #if time is nice to me i may begin a series of impersonating my fav tumblr artists' styles bc im only good at copying *wiggles brow* #if not be prepared for me to give up on re-learning how to draw people and go back to doodling cars and buildings #hmmmmm perhaps ill draw the bsd street racer au that's been feeding off of my braincells #DIGITAL DRAWING IS A LOT LESS SCARY THAN IT WAS LAST TIME I TRIED IT #maybe because i was like. 12 when i last tried digital. but shh #my brain draws clear images i just wish my hands could follow #*places stylus between eyebrows and squints aggressively then draws with mind* problem solved fr #OMG IM SO SAD THE REFERENCE WAS FOR ONLY 4 PEOPLE most bsd cliques come in 5s #was gonna do doa or hd then my brain went nu uh if someone wants i can do them tho #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd art #art(?) #bsd flags

[snzyflowrr]

Emilia’s huge allergic sneezing fit at work.

18+

The bar buzzed with chatter and music. Emilia was working double time because her coworker had a “family emergency” which was very unlikely because she always seemed to have an excuse to miss.

She was filling two men’s glasses when her nose began to itch. Emilia rubbed her nose on the inside of her tank top which was sticking to her skin with sweat in the not air conditioned bar. 

Her hair had been tied up in a ponytail and she wore a skin tight red tank top which revealed a lot of cleavage so that the top of her bra was exposed. And short jean shorts where the bottom of her butt spilled out the bottom.

Her nose, still itching relentlessly. Emilia gasped and turned her head to sneeze into her arm. 

“HIH-KEPTTCHieww!!” Emilia sniffled and picked up the two glasses to bring to the men.

As she was walking her nose began to itch again. With her arms full she willed herself not to sneeze as she precariously carried the overflowing drinks.

She placed them down in front of the two men and as if on cue, her nose gave up. Her hands flew to her face as two thunderous sneezes erupted from her twitching nose.

“KEPTCHHEE!! HIH-KEPPTCHHIEWW!!” The unexpected sneeze threw her forward . And her breasts jiggled violently in the motion  

“God bless you!!''One man said very drunkenly.

“I’m sorry, sir.” She apologized, feeling her face turn red. 

She turned quickly to a woman sitting at the bar who had been patiently waiting for some time now. “What c-can I g-get you… huh-eptnxxgt!! Huh-eptxxgtt!!”

Excuse me.” Emilia pinched her nose and turned away before sneezing this time.

She took her order and went to fill it, her nose tickled ferociously again. 

“Heh-eptngxt!!…. Heh-eptxxch!! EptnXxch!!… keptxxgt!! KeptXxgt!!!” Emilia convulsed with sneezing again into her pinched finger tips; the force of the sneezing fit made her dizzy and she needed to let go to steady herself on the counter. 

She bent her head down and erupted into sneezes once again.

“HIIH-EPTNXXGTT!! HIH-EPTCHHIEWW!! EPTCHIEW KEPTCHHIEWW KEPTXXGT!! HIH-EPTXCHEE!!”

Her breasts bounced with vigor as her body rocked with each torturous sneeze. Emilia gasped for breath as the fit subsided and she stood to fill the drink. 

She still felt the sneeze rising in her Sinuses ready to erupt any moment. She placed her finger below her nose in order to stop the onslaught of sneezing. 

She carried the drink over to the woman with her finger still placed under her nose, cheats heaving dramatically. 

She placed it next to the woman, who did not notice the struggling woman in front of her as Emilia’s breath hitched wildly, she refused to sneeze. But her eyes were watering and she knew it would happen sooner or later. 

“Huuuuh… hello w-what can I gheett f-for you?” She said, her voice quivering.

There were four people. Great. She returned to her station and began filling the orders. 

“HUUH… guuuuh… heehh…. Hiyyaaa….” She moaned and gasped as her nostrils began to flare and her nose itches unbearably. Her finger, which was placed under her nose, felt damp as snot dropped slowly from her nose. She blew her nose into her apron, there were no tissues or handkerchiefs anywhere for her to use. 

The blowing did nothing for her suffering nose which begged for relief. She placed the four drinks on a tray and carefully started walking towards the group.

“Huuuh… hiiiihh… guuuh.. guuUHH….uuuhh… HEH HEH HEH HEEHH!!” Emilia’s breath quickened and her enormous breasts heaved in uncontrollably as she gasped for breath as the sneezes approached.

Her nose burned and her eyes water as tears sprung in her eyes making her makeup drip down her face. 

Just as she reached the group, her nose climaxed and she leaned her head back and threw it forward and sneezed into the air.

“HIH-EPTCHCHIEWW!! HIH-EPTNXGTIEWW!! HIh-KEPTCCHIEWW!!!” 

Sneezes spurt from her nose like a fountain, the tray of drink fell and crashed to the floor, spilling the beer down Emilia’s front.

“oh m-my gohAhh- EPTCHIEWWW KEPTNXGIEWW!! EPTCHHHIEIWW!!!” 

The group started to protest as emilia continued to sneeze intensely.

“I’m… EPtTCHIEWW!! I c-can’t seem to stop EPTCNXGTIEWW!! Sneezing!! HIIH-EPTNXXGTT!! HIH-EPTCHHIEWW!! EPTCHIEW KEPTCHHIEWW KEPTXXGT!! HIH-EPTXCHEE!!”

Emilia brought her apron up to shield the snot spurting from her nose. 

“I’ll go m-make you… ahh…. Ahh another HIH-KEPTCHIIEW!! EPTNXXHIEE!!” 

She turned quickly back to her station and let the sneezes fully take control of her. She clutched at her continuously bouncing breasts, and sneezed into her cushion of cleavage.

“HUH-EPXTCHchh! Oh god, HUH-EPTXHHCH!!” “EPTCHHGAHH-hnnnkkk!!!” Her snot sprayed a layer of clear snot onto her breast which squished and squelched with each new bout of sneezing. Emilia’s nose was scarlet and twitching as each tickling sneeze burst from her nose.

“HIIH….HUUH…HIIIH…GUUHH…HTTCHH-EPTCHGXHXH-HNKkkk!!!” Emilia couldn’t possibly understand what was making her sneeze so much she must be allergic to something in the bar. But what? She couldn’t keep sneezing like this all night. 

She blew her nose into her apron once again which was now soaked through just like her shirt. Emilia reached into her shirt to adjust her boobs which were in danger of falling out of her bra with the force of all the sneezing.

“HIIH….HUUH-EPTCHH!!! HUUH-EPTXCHHAHH!!! Fuck! HUH-EPTCHHSH!! HIIH-EPPXTCHH!!”

People started shouting from the bar about how they hadn’t gotten their drinks yet.  Emilia pinched her index and thumb over her nose and started to fill the drinks. 

About every five seconds Emilia would sneeze helplessly into the tight hold of her fingers.

“I’ll be… eptxxch… right eptxxgt!! There eptxngt!!”

She walked steady over to the bar, without spilling anything.

“Took long enough,” some man said, frustratedly.

“S-sorry we EPTxxngt!! eptxxgt!! Eptxxgt!!” She thrust into her pinched finger, “we’re eptxxgt!! Very eptcxnt! Understaffed keptgntt!! Tonhihhh-tonight EPTxxnckkkk!!” 

Now Emilia was sneezing after every word she spoke, stifling was making it worse as the sneezes scrambled to be let out fully. 

The sneezing seemed to never end. An hour later and she still hadn’t run out of steam. It was approaching 3 am and so the bar was rather empty. Her nose and headache after an hour of nonstop sneezing. Her nose was still running like crazy and her apron soaked through from her blowing into it.

Her breasts were shiny from sneezing on and red from the heat of the bar. She knew her makeup looked terrible but she didn’t care as she spiked her head forward for the hundredth time that night to sneeze.

“HIUHHH… Guhhh… ahh..ahh… HIH-EPTNXXHTTIEWW!!” 

She began to close the bar and beckon people out her finger pinched to her nose sneezes flying from her nose every couple seconds

#Got a bit carried away with this #It’s times like this I wish I could draw bc I have such a good picture in my head of this #snz #snzblr #sneeze kink #snz kink #snz blog #sneeze thoughts #sneezing fit #sneeze attack #snzario #snz ocs #snz fic

[fiendishartist2]

its past midnight and here i am planning a sweater i have neither the materials nor funds to make

#once 10:30 hits i enter a fugue state and i just start making shit #i was like making little drawings and grid patterns and looking at knitting patterns for few hours and then 10 hit- #-and i was like ohh. okay so i have to make a mockup right now #so i put on one of these really long series recap videos and just went to town with the yarn and needles i had #im not going to use these colours (maybe the same cream shade but i dont have enough rn anyways) bc i want a darker green #but idk if i will use a different weight of yarn im not sure about that yet #i think it looks really good in just standard weight (worsted or w/e) but ik it would take a v long time and strain my wrists/arms a lot :( #so idk what i will do about that. maybe ill look at the same style of sweater but w/ thicker yarn to see examples #basically i want to make one of those christmas sweaters that have the patterns at the top + bottom trim but tma style #its supposed to look like open and closed eyes if that wasnt clear #and i might do lettering in the middle if it will fit? i wanted to do the whole ''ceaseless watcher'' phrase but it would def not fit sooo #just the name is fine. i will maybe put one on each side (front + back) or if theres room for like 3+ than i could do a repeating pattern #its going to take a lot of math + planning tho so O_o wish me luck #i dont even have yarn yet lol idk what im talking about #i gotta get to bed.... #tma #the magnus archives #ceaseless watcher #my art #kinda #knitting is art

[tealfruit]

it's really a shame I have to sell 40+ of my life hours every week for poverty wages instead of spending all my time and energy on dozens of creative and technical pursuits with unlimited resources

#nerd alert #lets see if i can list all the hobbies i wish i could be doing instead of working #drawing. both traditional and digital. painting mostly acrylic but id like to get good at watercolors. drawing/writing comics #writing in general. fiction nonfiction poetry lyrics whatever. composing music. music production. singing. practicing piano and guitar #performing someday maybe! #sculpting too. i always forget bc i never do it bc i am never in a place to justify buying clay. i should just get some #i think im fairly good at it tbh. anyway. #knitting. sewing. mending and modding clothes in general. embroidery. id like to learn to crochet at some point #photography and scrapbooking sound appealing. photo editing. #web design. game design. 3d modeling. these are all things i dont really know how to do much of but id like to #animation. voice acting. regular acting. honestly a lot of stuff in the filmmaking process sounds fascinating id like to try some of it #tarot reading. is that a hobby? im gonna say yes. jewelry making. #lots of these ive only dabbled in and some i havent even done that but would like to. but i have no time and or money to get into them. #i would hardly call myself a master at any of these. jack of all trades as it were. and thats fine im fine w that #but given the time and resources i think i could make so many different diverse perfectly average to good things #that people could enjoy in passing or say 'oh how neat :)' about

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

#i get suddenly hit with a tsunami of inspiration and an urgency to Make Something #but the urgency isn't about the process of making it's about I Have Stories To Present Too. I have to See Them Realized. #and that hit of urgency is obviously far too short lived to make anything. esp since it comes in a set with a feeling of 'wow this- #-thing was so great' that transforms into intensified perfectionism of No No What Im Doing Here Isnt Good. What Is This. Disgrace- #-to my idea AND to what inspired it AND to my self proclaimed status as an amateur storyteller #which turns into artblock. so like low chances that ill even get a singular good drawing made during this #and the multiple comic or script or whatever ideas that appear in my head during this are out of the question entirely #oh and all of this appears next to the normal feelings caused by a good story like attachment to the characters and having to process it- #-for a while and if its very good then even sometimes rarely i get the need to make fanart #so all of this combined just leads to me not being able to do anything for a while and feeling awful about it. #fun./sar #i wish i was a normal artist people here are so resilient and do stuff even though they dont want to or they DO want to #because idk they enjoy being pissed bcs of a thing not turning out right and they dont mind how tedious it can get- #-and they enjoy sacrificing hours&days&months of their lives without a guarantee that anyone will appreciate it accordingly and itll pay of #its probably the resilience though #im weak like a dried twig both mentally and physically #this sounds like i never enjoyed drawing&writing ever. and to clarify thats far from true. i frequently enjoy it #just never frequently enough and consistently enough to actually make something more 'worthwhile' or linear #it's like a wind that comes & goes that i have no control over. #i try to keep telling myself that in the past i struggled to make anything 'bigger'....& know i even made animatic shitposts #this sounds so stupid god. an animatic shitpost being an achievement. #its not an art skill achievement its a fighting tooth and nail with my own self to actually finish it because its a struggle almost every- #-time achievement #what im saying is im trying to tell myself that i already improved. im doing more than i could have done in the past. #even if the process is so slow and i dont know when ill advance again #if ill advance again. i just gotta believe i guess? thank u parappa

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*' #sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be #and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like #idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!! #not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background #well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one #lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch #it's just that doing so makes me . crazy #my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me #i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental #like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit #but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig #it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not #but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself #then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER #idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah #for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds #once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!' #& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW #like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED #art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person #literally. just be GOOD. #it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT #<- mfs when no basketball #mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[alsoyooraiyah]

Feeling a bit hmm about the day… got lots done but i think there’s still some regret about not having really finished the stuff i planned for the day? Got to chip away at something important + do some errands that i know my mom has been looking forward to me doing + inspiration struck for like 5 different ideas that i got to sketch but it doesnt feel like enough

#like objectively my days have been the most productive theyve been for a long time ever since i #started taking these new meds daily but i guess at this point its really a mindset issue of not feeling like i do enough? #but like. a lot of my day really does get lost to stuff that i deem distractions that really arent important and #whenever i do them im like ‘i could be drawing right now’ #but also i kinda feel like i feel this way bc when i got home from doing errands and working in a tea shop somewhere #theres no internet at home (until now tbh) so a lot of the stuff i had planned for the evening got put on hold #so like. is the feeling of not really having done much justified? half ig idk #god i wish i had dola’s super good ability to focus on anything she wanted at will #i think part of the feeling is like… ending up multitasking so it doesnt register that i spent a significant amnt of time doing smthing #but really if i count up the minutes i did? #idk…

[cozen]

I simply must purchase more commissions right away!!!

#I keep looking at all of the ones I have and rolling around and thinking oh goodness oh my oh man #I’m so happy artists exist in the world I love art sm I love the kindness and joy they have oh man oh man oh man!!!! #And it makes me so so so happy and honored that they’d put that kindness into drawing for people too like WOW!! 🚶‍♂️🔁 me pacing #I always try to tip bc Oh man if I was rich I’d give people so much money I love art so much I love people who enjoy themselves and their #craft and don’t mind spending time putting the ideas or joys of others into visuals as well EEP!! #😭😭😭 This is why I wish I could draw so bad Ik its just a matter of learning but ACK I have too much fear when I do it. #If I draw I want it to radiate love of what I’m depicting and love in my work. #I drew once in a way that made me very happy and I smiled all day and I haven’t done that since because I’m a scaredy cat but maybe one day

[silverislander]

idk whats going on or why my anxiety is so bad but i had to keep myself from physically leaving the room during class today and the only reason i didnt was bc there was stuff in front of the door. so.

#like. i cant think of much that would be making it this bad again #im working pretty hard on school but thats not really a massive source of anxiety for me? at least not recently #but its bad lately and i cant figure out why #levi.txt #im also not getting tired as much as i should and im feeling the paranoia kind of creeping in again at the edges #a lot more of the 'my friends secretly hate me' than usual #i just wish i knew Why so i could try to make it better! it feels like its kind of coming out of nowhere #i dont feel like im headed towards burnout bc im very familiar w that feeling. i can identify that pretty well by now #but smth is not good #i think maybe i need to try to do my hobbies more. normally i would write little shitty short stories and such throughout the semester #or draw in my notes or smth #but i havent really even been reading for fun bc. i just dont have time #idk how to find time for it. im already skipping some readings to make room for the work i already have

[semercury]

.

#stuff sarah says #everything is so complicated and i dont want to be alive #i dont want to die. i just dont want to be alive. theres a difference #like im fine. i wont do anything about it. just the heavy weight in my chest of wow i wish i didnt exist so bad rn #i hate people looking at me and drawing their own conclusions #and like. nothings happened. but people could start to hate me. they could. out of nowhere #and a lot of them would have a 'good' reason to. bc i dont know the answers #i dont know anything!!! i don't know what the right answer is but things feel off and wrong and i dont like it!!! #leave me alone dont look at me dont ask me my opinion dont look at me dont look at me dont look at me #im gonna go to my dr appt on monday and deal with the stupid mental health quiz and not know the answers #bc like yes i imagine what if i was dead a lot. im fine tho. its a normal thing for me #everybody just wishes they didnt exist. ive yet to meet someone who hasnt #have i lost interest in the things i used to enjoy or am i afraid something bad will happen if i do them? who's to say??? #and unfortunately i cant do the 'can we skip this im in therapy im fine' thing anymore bc im not in therapy anymore #and i get to say no im not finding a new one. you think im gonna open myself up like that to a stranger? #but yeah. i think id be better off if i ran away into the wilderness #ill keep a journal and when i inevitably die to the elements it can be published like that one guy #im so scared of everyone all the time. i dont want people seeing me anymore

[01tsubomi]

every cartoon in the past 10 years has been like “here’s one of our protagonists, a happy-to-lucky oddball preteen girl who’s optimistic to a fault” and every time i’m like alright yes yes keep em comin

#this could also just be a direct at disney tv animation bc. why has every one had this #can't stress how much i don't mean this as a bad thing though #if anything i wish i had like a lot of time to meticulously watch all of gravity falls star amphibia owl house and molly mcgee (and every #other similar show i've missed) and compare #when you think abt the types of characters that are appealing towards kids and what's relatable it makes sense to keep showing #unique and positive representations of girls who may not be as 'adult' as they're supposed to be yet and mess up but bounce back #and i do think the strength of each of those characters comes from the intention of the writers. like it's not like they all literally are #supposed to be carbon copies of each other #but seriously i wish i had like. recently binged all those series. so i could actually talk abt how each character succeeds #bc currently i'm drawing a blank on all but mabel #love you forever mabel #the closest i have ever gotten to 'defending x character on the internet isn't enough i need a gun' #i actually don't understand how the general populous view of her changed so much but that's besides the point #the main point here is i started watching molly mcgee and dude i love it #so silly and fun if anything i wish it were even zanier bc i love the moments when you can tell the crew were just having a good time #personal #all of this also circles back around bc the REASON i started watching molly after being so vaguely aware of it is bc i finally saw a tiktok #showing molly and libby's friendship #and idk if they're even trying to eventually let them be girlfriends but duuuuude i love everything abt them #two total weirdo 13 (?) year olds who just get to be besties and comfy around each other in all their oddness?? #that struck a chord so deep inside me and if representation /is/ what they're going for i think that's a really good angle to take #representing the weird queer girls who stick together #which is also to say that i love!! weird cartoon girl protagonists!! #it's just a good type of girl character to be putting out there #so. yea i love em all. keep em coming. keep showing little girls they can be out there and loud and happy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#dear diary. im sad again wah #agh not sad exactly. just brain fog. i can't focus and im so tired but i haven't even done anything #like ive done not that much this weekend. which sucks bc ive got so much to do. #i didnt even draw too much today bc i was so out of focus. i dont even kno what i did today #i think ive just kinda been laying here since like 4 or 5 and its almost 9 now #so idk. i wish i could control my attention and make it do things #ugh ill try to work on campus tomorrow. at least until 1 when i have to meet a guy abt a phd position #but i feel like im gonna die on campus bc there r ppl there :-( but i cant focus here either #everything's just foggy. i dont kno it might help if i met with my boss so we could talk abt things that need to get done #but idk i dont really have to. im afraid shes gonna tell me she never got the data i sent her at 3am bc she never sent it back #and then im gonna cry. but whatever #next week were going out to the field again. for a week. gathering more samples thst will kill me later #so i might freak out again. but its not as far a drive this time. and the other person were going with knows me fairly well #im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. ugh. #maybe i should banish myself from tumblr until i actually get things done. thst will increase my suffering but might shorten the duration #blah. i wish i could read. or focus. that would make reading papers less terrible #idk what im even gonna do tomorrow. program a thing. write some stuff. continue to be sad and out of focus #too much thinking abt the future and stressing out abt picking a program to join when i haven't even been accepted yet #i mean. to b fair i got accepted to all the schools i applied to for my masters and i didnt kno shit back then #so i feel like if u have a masters the grad school is like: ok u kno how to do grad school ur in #bc grad school is fucking weird #but im like do i wanna do 3.5yrs in the uk on a riskier program or up to 5yrs in the us where the vibe feels more stable #but idk i havent even started writing for the scholarships and i feel like im too late to apply for one of them anyway bc its like jumping #thru 90 thousand hoops. so idk. idk. i have to create a project proposal 1st and idk what to do. #i mean i sorta kno but like i dont wanna sound dumb so agh. im tired #i want the perfect idea to come sweep me off my feet but i instantly start talking myself out of everything #ugh. actually i kno what happened. i got all excited on Thursday. like properly excited. which i dont like to do bc my mood bottoms out #afterwards. like this. that's why i dont get excited abt things. i keep myself at a stable neutral. a light misery if u will #hhhhhh so im rambling and procrastinating and sad. but tomorrow will b better bc Tomorrow i. will. focus. #unrelated