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#LET ME HAVE SOME THINGS DAMMIT
unfunnyaceartist · 1 month
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Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it
I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.
Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.
Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.
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sorry im dumb haha
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hakusins · 6 days
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cw // tattoos, piercings
why are they so loud about liking blondes .... i haven't slept in months pLEASE (<- not a blonde enjoyer)
even the version thats not in DOL universe likes blondes too 😭😭😭
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slight cameo of whitney the faithful that belongs to moosen/jdolh !! (no tag cause its just smol cameo 😭)
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iridescentoracle · 10 months
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i totally get why LfW isn’t covering the novels (aside from that early bit of Study in Scarlet) but it does kill me a little that we didn’t do Hound at some point because like. man.
'Well, I am glad from my heart that you are here, for indeed the responsibility and the mystery were both becoming too much for my nerves. But how in the name of wonder did you come here, and what have you been doing? I thought that you were in Baker Street working out that case of blackmailing.'
'That was what I wished you to think.'
'Then you use me, and yet do not trust me!' I cried, with some bitterness. 'I think that I have deserved better at your hands, Holmes.'
'My dear fellow, you have been invaluable to me in this as in many other cases, and I beg that you will forgive me if I have seemed to play a trick upon you. In truth, it was partly for your own sake that I did it, and it was my appreciation of the danger which you ran which led me to come down and examine the matter for myself. […] As it is, I have been able to get about as I could not possibly have done had I been living at the Hall, and I remain an unknown factor in the business, ready to throw in all my weight at a critical moment.'
'But why keep me in the dark?'
'For you to know could not have helped us, and might possibly have led to my discovery. You would have wished to tell me something, or in your kindness you would have brought me out some comfort or other, and so an unnecessary risk would be run. […]
I was still rather raw over the deception which had been practised upon me, but the warmth of Holmes's praise drove my anger from my mind. I felt also in my heart that he was right in what he said, and that it was really best for our purpose that I should not have known that he was upon the moor.
'That's better,' said he, seeing the shadow rise from my face.
like. man. passages to have been published within a year or two of “Empty House,” huh
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mushroom-for-art · 1 year
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Back to our regularly schedules beat downs with part 4 of this au with the wonderful Syn belonging to @seasidemew being put in situations!
Rainstorms
Rain lashed down hard and fast and Syn groaned from under his psychic protection as wind whipped up and slapped raindrops in his face. He did not like the rain, especially with it interfering with his flight and tracking, he couldn't sense anything past the heavy clouds and the rumbles of thunder. It'd been a few weeks since he last actually knew the location of the pair turned trio, he'd left to let their dynamic settle not wanting to deal with the fight and resistance as a new social dynamic formed and when he finally lazily backtracked to locate them he couldn't sense a trace! Nada, zilch!
He thought he sensed a ping of shadow energy far off east one day but it was too far away, with the pairs' travel pace even with Citrus' abilities they couldn't have gone that far could they? Not with May walking at least and from what he gathered from watching them she wasn't exactly the most confident when being carried around either.
Another harsh gust saw raindrops flying right into his eye and he snarled at the sky, "FINE," he growled as if it could hear him and was intentionally trying to provoke him. He shot up through the clouds' psychic energy creating a shield to protect him from any rogue lightning that may decide to take issue with him. Fighting through the storm he finally broke through and flew above it looking down tail swaying at the expanding storm, he lifted himself further looking to try to get an idea of how large the storm was to estimate how long it would annoyingly stay around for. His psychic powers couldn't penetrate the dense storm system meaning he couldn't sense anything below, they could be right below him and he wouldn't have the foggiest clue and that frustrated him greatly.
Summoning psychic energy in his palms he moved his hands in calculated swipes attempting to dispel the storm through sheer will, he saw the clouds shift and swirl underneath him and he smirked at his act of controlling nature.
Screeching in rage at the insult against his skies the long green serpentine god swirled and descended rapidly onto the dark hued Pokemon invading its territory and messing with the balance of things. Their body slammed into a protect barrier in an attempt to slam into this perceived rival knocking them backwards by the sheer force and weight behind their collision snarling at the creature in insult Rayquaza did not allow even a moments breath as a concentrated shot of energy blasted from the back of their throat right at the other causing the protect to splinter and shatter.
Syn shot to the side to avoid the blast glaring at the sky god, "Oh you want to play huh?" He smirked, eyeing up the creature already in a bad mood from the weather and feeling overly cocky with himself in general. Flying past as the god attempted to ram into him again he created shadow energy around his hand like a claw stabbing his hand down into the back of the creature as he flew past to rip a long slash like wound across the length of its back before he had to break away for it's screeching and attempt to whip him with its tail end. He smirked at the damage caused as he watched the gods body spin as it flew to adjust itself.
The draconic power infused rock slammed hard into his back from behind as crackling energy blasted once more from the gods mouth, the energy darted through the sky in shades of purples and blues creating the silhouette of a dragon as it flew slamming into his front secondd after the rock. Syn yelled out in pain feeling his chest burning from the impact as his back ached in turn. His gaze turned hateful towards the serpent crystal in his shoulder growing and power flowing through his veins as his form changed and he went for them again.
His fist collided hard downwards into Rayquazas face as they roared in pain speckles of blood flying out the god's nostrils as Syns fist ruptured blood vessels in the gods snout. His other fist came punching above the creatures eye causing at least a fracture before strategically backing off to attempt a downwards kick into the back of the gods neck. Rayquaza twisted, grabbing his leg in their maw and biting down hard with previously concealed teeth. Syn yelled once more the pain and frustration attempting to kick the gods face but they wouldn't let go.
Rayquaza began to move their neck and head beginning to shake and sway Syn in its jaw like he was some play thing, each jostle sending the gods teeth deeper into his flesh, blood beginning to pour from the gods mouth through the clouds. He moved his body to attempt to grab at and forcefully wrench the serpents mouth open but it only snarled biting down harder as he attempted to pull it's maw open.
Finally it threw him but before he could even rebalance himself it rammed into him with a sickening thud that shook the skies like a crack of thunder. The god didn't stop flying past and swirling around slamming into him over and over each collision with intent to break and hurt and not letting him escape, not allowing him a moment to regain any composure.
Pokemon in the woods below scurried and ran to shelter as the storm cracked and rumbled on above them sensing the dispute as Syns yells of pain were drowned in thunder.
Rayquaza wrapped itself around Syn, squeezing him hard in its middle section crushing him, he felt his ribs cracking and like his arms were going to be popped and crushed further into their sockets. He could feel his consciousness slipping as the god slowly unwound itself. His eyesight was blurry as he looked watching an abundance of energy form around the creature as its form grew larger, orange energy flowed from it's forms as it looked down at him in disgust, before he could think the gods tail came down on him like a mighty whip cutting through his flesh and sending him hurtling down through the sky with a horrid crack that resonated along the sky.
The god returned to its original state glaring down at the clouds before ascending back up into the upper atmosphere having defended its territory.
Syns body smashed and bounced against trees on his way down further damaging his already battered body, he rolled and landed face down onto a bouldery stoned area and an empty gasp of agony wheezed from his throat as he felt his ribs break and a searing hot pain in his chest. Despite the state of him driven by the crystals strength he began to push himself up gasping in pain with blood slowly dripping down the jagged pointed rock he'd landed on, that had punctured through his lung.
He barely managed to remove himself from the rock as his mega form broke suddenly, his hands slipping from the cold and wet as he tumbled off of the rocks into the wet mud and grass with a groan of agony. And there he lay without any more strength left in him to drag himself to shelter or heal, barely able to really form a logical thought around the pain of his body and the difficulty in breathing he was currently having each breath a fight and a wheeze at that.
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May had been out in the rain trying to find shelter, despite having managed to steal a human coat she still shivered for the cruel wind and felt soaked to the bone as she held a large leaf as a makeshift umbrella. She'd flinched to herself at the sound of the storm above, the sudden loud noises right overhead terrifying her with how unpredictable they were and relentless. All she could think of was a cave to at least shelter in she knew there was one nearby when she heard a strange sound. A wheezing, and no not the Pokemon. Despite her freezing fingers and trembling ankles begging her to just find shelter she moved her head and listened to follow the sound worried it may have been another Pokemon in distress.
The bloody bruised collapsed body that she found wasn't what she expected, despite the dimness of the tail and crystal she knew immediately who it was.
"Syn!" She hurried over, despite the fight despite the wariness of him to see him in this state, she couldn't just ignore it. She knew that she didn't really know him at all but she couldn't just continue walking. She knelt and carefully moved him into the recovery position to get a better look at him, gasping quietly at the bleeding wound on his chest on the left hand side. She felt the panic quickly setting in as she didn't know what to do.
Syn could hear someone nearby, had breathing not been so hard he would've tried to growl to preserve what little dignity he had left, his hearing was like he was underwater and incredibly faded but he was almost sure he heard his own name as his body was moved, he wheezed too weak to open his eyes exhaling a struggled, "nne…" as hands just slightly warmer than his cold body carefully cupped over his wound.
She couldn't let him die, she couldn't! I mean how was he supposed to become a better person to grow if he died right here right now? She couldn't let that happen; she owed it to him if he was truly sorry to at least have the chance to make it up to them. Her hands covered his wound as she struggled for clear thoughts, oran berries and medical leaks weren't enough to fix this the other wounds maybe but this looked bad real bad, it was a deep wound by the looks of it, as her hands covered the hole she could feel his breath escaping, oh god his lung was pierced. She tried to concentrate her thoughts to formulate a plan on how to save him, surely there would be some Pokemon nearby with some kind of healing move? Like, like recover or…
She didn't notice her hands blooming with warmth as she tried to think of what to do, green energy forming over her hands and flowing into him and over his body, the move focused on his internal damages mostly, closing the hole in his lung, fixing bone fractures and recorrecting other broken ones. When she opened her eyes from her panic thinking she stared bewildered at the green glow from his body, she glanced quickly at her palms confirming that it was her own powers before quickly focusing herself thinking thoughts of healing and wanting to help him to channel her limited abilities into healing.
Energy pulsed over his body glowing brightly in waves, his breathing became easier and more steady but he was still much too tired to awaken being far too drained from the battle. As the internal wounds and injuries fixed themselves her hands began to tremble with exhaustion before the energy weakened and fizzled to nothing. The rain continued to hammer down, but it seemed most of his injuries now were treatable through other means and he was much more stable.
May moved stumbling a little to her feet with leaf umbrella thoroughly abandoned, she moved him onto his back before crouching and wrapping her arms under his carefully and being rather cautious of the crystal as she heaved and huffed lifting him up the best she could and beginning to effectively drag him along as she carefully walked backwards checking her surroundings as she pulled him along, had he been a bit shorter she may have been able to lift him into a carry but his longer body made that difficult, she could only just pick up Darkness when standing around the waist.
Finally spotting the cave she knew was about she continued to carefully drag him along until they were finally in shelter, hoping he didn't mind when he woke up that she dragged him but what else could she do. Very slowly and very carefully she moved to lay him down on the cave floor, she sighed feeling more than a bit exhausted as she moved to slowly stand again she didn't have time to waste his other wounds still needed seeing too after all. She paused looking at him lying on the cave floor, she awkwardly shuffled closer moving to kneel besides him and pressed the side of her head against his chest listening carefully to his lung that had been injured as he breathed just to make sure that it had in fact healed and she wasn't just leaving him to quietly suffocate or suffer.
She lifted her head, nodding to herself satisfied with the sound of his breathing, no wheezing or whistling, just shallow as she carefully put him in the recovery position again in case he started to cough up blood while she was gone, not wanting him to choke. She took off the coat she was wearing and carefully lay it over him as a makeshift blanket or warmer as his skin was freezing. She wondered how long he'd been out in the rain for as she moved and headed back out to brave the weather for medical supplies.
Syn quietly shivered but he felt something warm on his body as he lay in vague awareness for what seemed like hours.
May swore her bone marrow was soaked by the time she came back carrying a bundle of medical leaks and oran berries as she sloshed back into the cave, she stopped to shake off her body at the cave entrance before she went deeper to where Syn was laying still to her knowledge unconscious. She carefully sat near him and removed the coat from him with a quiet, "I'm sorry I promise I'll put this back soon."
In one hand she crushed some oran berries into a smushed consistency as with her other hand and teeth she peeled the outer leaves off of the medical leak to get to the part that she needed, she squeezed the leak watching the clear fluid fall out the stem into the oran mush in her hand before she mixed and rubbed her hands together watching the color of the mush change into a more purpley to indicate the reaction was complete before she carefully began to cover Syns remaining wounds with the old style medicine.
A hot stinging ran through Syns spine and nerves from one of his injuries causing him to quietly groan and hiss in response as May carefully tended to his wounds creating more of the medical paste to apply as she needed it and wrapping the wounds to keep the paste in place with the long leak leaves. Despite the wound being healed she carefully added a dollop to his chest to get rid of what was on her hands before carefully putting the coat back over him to give him a blanket knowing he probably needed to be warm to recover properly.
May sighed softly feeling her eyes hang heavy, she had probably been up quite a while tending to him as she moved to look at him, she tilted her head a bit at him moving her hand slowly to touch his cheek and stroke up to feel his forehead, he thankfully wasn't burning up because she wouldn't know how to deal with a fever, he was still a bit cool though which made her worry. She slowly moved her hand off of his face realizing that was probably a bit strange but, guess Darkness had been right, he did have some cute stripes.
Shaking her head she moved to the other side of the cave sitting to lean against the wall, though guilt wracked through her as she saw his tail shiver with the cold. Cautiously shifted onto her knees and moved some sticks and leaves from the ground into a pile and held her hands over the little pile as she tried to concentrate, she didn't want him to be cold, just a little spark to keep him warm.
Energy quietly crackled and fizzled little sparks of energy darting from her paws zapping the leaf that fluttered and danced and another dart of energy seeming to walk along the little twig before a small flame formed. It swayed a bit as it grew on the end of the twig as first a soft red before a wave of orange yellow pinks and all colors waved through it and as the flame grew into just a small fire the colors danced and decorated the flame that radiated heat and light. She sighed softly in relief and exhaustion moving to rest back on her ankles, her head feeling more than a bit fuzzy from over exertion.
She watched the flame for a moment making sure it was contained, it shifted and danced but seemed relatively well behaved as she slowly moved to lie on her side tiredness quickly dragging her under into blissful unconsciousness.
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By morning it had finally stopped raining with the clouds beginning to depart and sunlight finally fighting it's way back through, droplets of water collected on leaves and blades of grass dripping down on anyone unsuspecting who knocked the incorrect branch like a mini shower. Syns eyes were heavy and it was a struggle to even barely open one to squint. He was in a cave by the looks of it from the vague shapes and colors he could make out. He blinked with his one eye heavily fighting to get it back open knowing he should be far more alert and wary of unknown environments. He could make out the faint smell of smoke, glancing he spotted some burnt leaves and twigs still emitting a thin little smoke wisp.
He closed his eye again just taking a moment to lie there before finally registering the slight weight on his body, finally and reluctantly he moved his head to look with blurry eyes and hard blinking as a coat came into vision draped over his body though it wasn't exactly big enough to cover him fully. He moved his arm slowly to lift the coat to examine it and paused, noticing green wrapped around his arm. He squinted in confusion as he moved his wrist closer to look at the leaves wrapped around him and became aware of the sensation of more leaf bandaged spots covering his body. What the hell happened…
He remembers the rain, then being above the storm…and..ugh.. That blasted snake. He groaned softly, moving to attempt to sit up and finally noticing a small pile of berries on a leaf left near him. Resting on his forearm to lift himself without fully committing to sitting up he stared at it, wracking his brain for how in the world those got there and if they were left by someone then who? And if they were left by someone were they the one who brought him here? Perhaps it was Citrine..
He turned his head hearing footsteps in the wet grass making faint splats and squelches as the unexpected but familiar orange one came into view, she was holding a large leaf with more berries carefully balanced inside like a bag by the looks of it leaves weaved and formed into a bowl shape. Their eyes met and she blinked at him looking surprised before to his surprise her expression turned into a smile as she looked at him.
"You're awake!" She beamed as she carefully stepped into the cave placing down the leaf bag of berries, "how are you feeling? I was worried figured you'd have woken up before me so when you were still out cold I thought oh that's not good I hope he's just sleepy so I went oh you know I'll go get him some foods for when he wakes he's probably gonna be starving." He watched her talk quickly but her tone was rather bright as she looked at him before kind of floundering as she placed down the leaf bowl filled with water, "oh arceus are you stuck? Do you need help?"
For a moment he was confused before realizing he was still only resting on his forearm barely lifting himself, he didn't feel as though he was genuinely stuck he likely had the energy to shove himself into a sit but, with the way she looked at him all worried and compassionate he let out a sigh lifting his other arm up.
"Yea, I'm, a bit more knackered than I thought I was," he lied, putting on a smile that passed as bashful as she moved closer and for a brief moment he thought of how easy it would be to just grab her and take her life. He felt her gently grab his arm though her grip was rather strong and her other hand gently held his shoulder where he was leaning before feeling her pull him into a sitting position as he blinked a bit at her strength as she helped him sit unassisted readjusting the coat so it was still around his shoulders for warmth.
She smiled at him, "is that better?" and he nodded as he collected his thoughts. She picked up the leaf bowl and carefully put it into his hand using her hands to make sure he had a proper hold on it, "here, you're probably thirsty. Got Suicune himself to bless the water so it is of utmost freshness." She smiled at him again, moving to shuffle from where she'd crouched to help him up to check his tail.
"You know Suicune?" he inquired though his tone was friendly as she shyly laughed slowly unwrapping some of the leaves off of his tail and wiping away the excess medication to reveal a fully healed wound with no mark nor scar.
"oh, oh no not personal or no I've never actually seen him. It's, that's more of a joke me and my brother use when we're reassuring each other that something is safe. Like there berries are good got them from Celebi themselves, or surely these rocks are safe Groundon told me so." She made a nervous soft laugh, "sorry." She felt unsure and awkward as she checked where he had been injured.
He chuckled softly as he drank some of the water it was cool and quite refreshing actually he hadn't noticed the horrid coppery taste in his mouth till just now.
"I appreciate you trying to reassure me that it's not poisoned." Laughing again at her startled gasp as she very panicked told him she wouldn't do such a thing.
"I'm pulling your leg I knew you wouldn't." He heard her sigh in relief as he chuckled moving to pick out a berry to try, "so got these from Celebi huh? Well if they're no good I'll be having words with the little onion." His teeth sank into the flesh of the berry as she made a soft chuckle seeming to appreciate him playing into the joke with her as he hummed softly, "I suppose the onion gets to live," joking on as she made a soft gasp at his answer looking a bit shocked as he chuckled once more at her expression. He bit into the berry devouring it with quiet hunger he hadn't even realised he was feeling. Getting beat down apparently gives one quite the appetite.
He paused his eating feeling Mays palm gently rest on his chest, he looked at her hand then back at her seeing her expression being quite focused as he raised a brow, "I didn't think we knew each other that well," He easily teased as he watched her expression become startled as she removed her hand.
"I'm sorry! When I found you you have a chest injury and I wanted to make sure it was like healed? That I couldn't feel your lung struggling I guess? So I thought hey I'll just feel through my palm because I didn't want to just put my ear against your chest because that's kind of weird but that was probably even weirder I'm so sorry." Her voice was undeniably stressed as she rambled her reasoning.
Syn smirked a bit gently taking her wrist and placing her palm back on his chest, "well by all means nurse, feel away," He chuckled removing his hand glad when her hand didn't pull away. He took a long deep breath in, he held it and then exhaled for her as well. She nodded a bit to herself.
"One more time? Just a bit slower." He chuckled taking in another long deep breath but slower, holding his breath and then slowly exhaled as she nodded once more, "feels, good I can't sense any difficulty and that didn't hurt right? Ah Magikarp I should've asked that before I started touching and letting you do breathing exercises I'm so sorry."
He waved a dismissive hand to the side, "if it'd hurt I would've gone 'ow!'" He chuckled, "and I did the breathing first, I wouldn't have if it hurt. For someone who patched me up and brought me here you're so apologetic. I mean you and whatever pokemon you convinced to use recover or whatever healing move on me saved my life."
He watched her duck her head shyly slowly moving her palm and brushing her thumb over a scar that had been left behind, "it was me actually, I just, if I'd been stronger maybe you wouldn't have a scar so I feel bad I couldn't heal you spotless." He hummed slightly moving his hand to the scar making a soft sound as May pulled her hand away.
"oh yea, would you look at that," he'd not noticed before a paler spot of scar tissue, "well what's another stripe, besides I imagine without your help I'd have a lot more to worry about than a little scar." He lazily brushed off his chest of imaginary dirt, "and that's not the worst scar I've received and whenever I look at it I know it's because I was helped by a very pretty nurse." He gave her a toothy smile as he saw hues of pink appear on her face before she looked away shyly laughing in response.
"oh don't look away from me, cute thing, how am I to admire the one who saved me?" He moved leaning closer as she looked away harder cheeks and over her snout thoroughly pinkened, "I must say I'm impressed you even managed to move me, did you perhaps mega evolve? Or levitate me?" She leaned away from him in shyness gently putting her hands to his face and pushing him back away from her making a soft odd embarrassed e-eh vocalization type sound.
"no, no I just, I had to drag you? Sorry," she glanced at him nervously worried he'd be mad at being dragged around, he blinked, pressing his face into her hands that were holding him away for sheer sanitys sake, he looked her up and down brows coming together in thoughtful puzzlement.
"You must be very strong," as he tried not to laugh at the mental image of her dragging his large mega body. Like a Lillipup with a Snorlax plushie he couldn't help grinning at the thought as May shyly looked away.
"I guess? Uh," she slowly brought her hands back to herself feeling awkward about holding him away by the face, "sorry," to which he chuckled easily.
"Oh it's all good, I could certainly get used to having your hands on me after all." The squeak she made as she ducked and moved to get up made him chuckle in a mischievous fashion though sad to see her put physical distance between them he was sure the blush was reaching her horns.
"Well!" She fumbled with her hands a bit shyly glancing over to him as her face felt very warm, "since you seem in good spirits I suppose I can uh, with confidence say you'll be fine and probably don't need anymore help from me? So you're uh, discharged or something." She could see him grinning at her playfully as she realized she was playing into the nurse bit.
"Why not stay? I haven't seen you eat a bite yet, and I'd like to see you eat, so why don't you join me in breakfast?" holding out a berry for her as she looked a bit shy and unsure, "Please? I'm sorry for teasing you really, I'm still trying to do and be better so let me show you that I'm changing for the better?" He looked at her all soft and pout like watching her shoulders slowly relax as she smiled back at him with a soft;
"oh fine, but only because you're looking at me all sad." before moving to sit opposite him accepting the berry he held out and taking a careful bite. His tail swayed content watching her stay with him, smiling to himself as he bit into a new berry himself enjoying the flavor on his tongue wondering what she was thinking of him right now, surely positive things. With how pink she was he was curious if she was attracted to him.
"So," He started carefully, "how come you're all on your lonesome? I haven't heard or seen Citrine or pinky yet." He had to bite his tongue from adding a cheeky 'though I suppose you're pretty pinky right now.'
She looked at him with a soft, "oh," as she thought around a new mouthful of berry buying herself time before settling on, "Matt wanted some space, I asked Citrine to watch him, I'm sure they'll be back soon."
He tried not to show his intrigue, so she was alone, and she was alone with him of all people. He hid his thoughtful smirk behind another mouthful of food. Well, he was sure she would come around to liking him and understanding what he had to offer incredibly soon.
"Ah," He vocalized thoughtfully. "Say, if you're on your own and I'm on my own perhaps we could, travel together for a time? I'd hate to leave you on your own after all, especially considering how kind you've been to me. And, maybe you could get to see how I'm doing and what I'm doing to improve myself? It's been a while since we last saw each other after all and I want you to see that I'm serious about getting better." He smiled at her in casual affection, lies falling from his mouth easily.
He could see her hesitate for a moment, her tail shifting and waving in slow thought. He wasn't particularly panicked, she saved his life and stuck around to take care of him stayed to eat together there was no way she wasn't at least intrigued enough by him to consider the offer and by how open she was to interaction he can't see her denying.
"I, I think that'd be kind of nice actually," He hid a knowing smirk, "but," his mouth fell, "I'll be honest I'm still, wary of you..which I know is pretty awful of me considering that you've been really quite nice and you're likely working hard to improve your image and self and I don't want to knock you down from that, you seem to be really coming along well I'm just. It's just a me thing is all." He could see her squirm a little in guilt, in honesty he knew she was being completely reasonable and rational to be cautious of him especially as he knew he had less than honest intentions but seeing as the self doubt was already planted evident by her awkward disposition it made his job easier.
"No no I completely understand, we, didn't have a first good meeting and my behavior afterwards wasn't, I'm not the most proud of it." He looked at his hands as though in sorrow, "I completely understand your caution and I just appreciate that you're giving me a chance." He looked to her and smiled, "you're really kind for that." He saw her face soften into a smile, anxiety ebbing away slightly. Hook line and sinker she believed him and felt more reassured in his company.
He finished off the last berry and sighed softly in contentment, though he'd preferred something more meaty and maybe a bit more alive; he couldn't complain when the berries were picked for him and he didn't have to forage. He glanced at her seeing her finishing up as well as he stood up offering his hand to her.
"Let's go then huh, together?" He smiled down at her as she looked up at him, her expression soft as she smiled and took his hand so he could help her up to her feet.
"Together."
#My writing#@seasidemew oc#@seasidemew syn#Tw blood#Tw fighting#Tw violence#Tw lung injury#Tw manipulation#Syn that lives in my brain: hey who are those fighting warning for op. Me: oh no one..go look over there real quick#Beating Syn with a mallet and he squeaks like a chew toy at ever smash#Me: how would Syn logically be in such an injured state he needs healing he's like really op#The mushroom network that lives inside my brain: Have rayquaza beat his ass#Me: :0 you're right! Lmao so me just pits him against rayquaza because I need the scene dammit#And yes Rayquaza does mega at the end to land the finishing strike out of pure pettiness he's allowed#And YES half dying Syn does try to wheeze Anne because like he's real fucked up rn and presyn brain probably kind wishes she was with him#I just love the tragedy of to some minor degree a little part of him still thinks of her wishing she didn't let him go#Also he really do just be out here like oh May just saved my life? Press x to flirt#There's a time and a place my man's lmao#The oran berry medical leak thing is a PLA reference my fav medical media trope is slap some goop on that shit#Also he really just out here like I'm a good boy now see I'm totally getting good character development come closer I promise I won't bite#Also Syn once more grumpy with the weather I dunno why but I make him very grumpy about things in my writing XD as a treat on the house#I also make him seem weirdly touch starved lmao because he probably is lmao pressing into that touch#Funnily enough this is technically still pre corruption arc XD he still gets a lil corruption in probably but like no actually shadowin yet#Which is very funny to me because lmao these are all establishing fics I fucking love my build up fixs
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hkpika07 · 1 month
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Me: live for yourself. Enjoy and create for yourself. Your little aus and stories and drawings are for yourself. Its in the privacy of your own journals, sketchbooks and dms. That's good enough you're not a bad person what you're doing isn't hurting anyone it's fine. You're okay.
One singular post: you shouldn't actually do this. These types of aus are bad they wouldn't fucking do that. You have no reading comprehension and this is bad.
Me: *4+ years of work instantly shattered* Well time to return to the ocean and become a mollusk.
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akkivee · 11 months
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the mtr dh and bat seiyuu had their group post 9th live funtime vid released last week and in it:
they played this game where given a set of topics, all nine would have to vote on who fit said topic best!!! if they were chosen, they’d move on to the next round and those not chosen lost the game lol. this would go on until the last two standing!!!
hayami-san chose the topic ‘who is the biggest scaredy-cat??’
all of them decided they would appeal to the theme in order to sway votes lol
sakakihara: ooh me!! 👋 i wake up in the middle of night all the time because i’m scared i’m late for something!!
kawanishi: 👋 so i know we’re on the same team but i’m terrified of kuroda-san 💀
kuroda: HEY NOW 💢
hayama: 👋 haunted houses are waaay to scary to enter~ 🥺🥺🥺
iwasaki: liar!!!!!
hayami: 👋 manjuu buns are terrifying
the program: *this is a manzai reference*
totto: 👋 i’m terrified of showing up to a job and there’s no script reading
everyone: yeah
so they vote lol and the ones who move on to the next round are kijima, totto, kawanishi, iwasaki, kuroda and sakakihara (who amassed four votes total lmao)
all of dh voted for sakakihara-san lmao
hayama-san was the only one who voted for iwasaki-san so when asked why he told him, ‘when we performed division rep battle, any time i try to make eye contact, your eyes dart away lol’
iwasaki:🧍‍♂️
sakakihara: our leader is wildly intense 😅
just as hayama-san started to wrap up round one, hayami-san suddenly flipped his answer to takeuchi-san with a drawing that nearly killed him and here’s my artistic recreation of it
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hayami-san kept his original choice of kuroda-san tho lmao
on to round two!!!! iwasaki-san chose the topic ‘who do you think will live the longest??’
kijima: 👋 actually my family all have long life spans!! my grandmother is 102 years old 🙂
totto: it’s true!!! it’s that amazing???
kawanishi: why are you acting like you’re representing the kijima family
sakakihara: 👋 i drink a lot of peach wine!!! (peaches are a fruit of longevity in asian folktales)
kuroda: 👋 i smoke a lot 😎
iwasaki: 👋 i laugh a lot and laughter is always the best medicine!!!!!
kuroda: *gestures to sakakihara-san* we’ll drink to that 😎
iwasaki: how about you kawanishi-san???
kawanishi: me?? yeah i wonder about me…..
they vote lmao and kijima, totto, kawanishi and iwasaki advanced to round three!!!
kuroda: man it looks like our drinking wasn’t good enough for this one 😎😎😎
sakakihara: 😅😅😅
hayama-san, with sakakihara-san supporting the choice in his lead up, chose the topic, ‘out of everyone who has the best ass??’ LOL
for this one, tho only votes from the four finalists count, everyone decided they wanted to vote too so they did lmao
kawanishi-san unintentionally appealed by saying he was wearing a thong under his tight pants lol
kuroda-san voted for himself 😎
hayami-san voted for totto and included more art so here’s another artistic rendition
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the winners were both iwasaki-san and kawanishi-san!!!!!
all of bat voted for kawanishi-san lmao like why wouldn’t they when he taps that during what a osaka lmao
kuroda-san tried to piggyback on their victory like osaka has the best asses which prompted hayama-san to bring up bat is the ✨ass✨ division as bad ass temple
tho that doesn’t mean their asses are good since it’s bad ass lmao
hayami: *looking at his pic* you know i should put some underwear on this…………
hayami:
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everyone and especially totto: THE UNDERWEAR IS SO HIGH?????
totto: *draws the real length on hayami-san’s pic lmao*
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bylertruther · 2 years
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thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳
#he is NOT going to die obviously clearly we know this they're not killing kids#BUT.#i'm just saying.... i don't think it would be crazy for him to feel guilty and like maybe this wouldn't have happened if...#well... u kno.. :(#he would never give up bc that's literally his whole thing that he's a fighter and a survivor#but. he does love his friends and his family. and he has been willing to die if it meant saving them before so like. yanno.#BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN I'M JUST SAYING THE ANGST IS LIKELY GOING TO BE THERE#AND THEN OFC EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY WILLIAM SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND GO TO TIME OUT#and then we'll get some good n scrumptious hurt/comfort ok no one stone me i'm knocking on wood ok i Kno#just imagine will proposing that and everyone immediately says NO and mike especially gets pissed#because he's SICK and TIRED of fucking losing will every single time he thinks he's got him back#and god dammit he's already seen what life is like without will there he's not going to do it again he's NOT#don't go where i can't follow + crazy together + it was the best thing i've ever done + it's hawkins it's not the same without you#versus closegate + el commissioned it + she needs you and she always will#mike who is clutching onto will for dear life unwilling to let him go and will who is all too willing to#walk through the gates of hell if it means saving everyone he's ever loved and putting them out of their misery#but of course there's a better plan and letting will die is like killing a puppy it's like taking a sledgehammer to the foundation of#everything yanno. without heart we'd all fall apart n u can't beat the darkness without the light#anyway. can u tell i'm procrastinating editing my fic rn n thats why im writing epic poems in these tags <3#mine
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#fucking. god dammit. i hype myself up like: fuck it i dont want a uk phd#and then i fucking pre interview. which was a full on fucking hour long interview and im reminded how#fucking cool the project is. like hhhhh why cant u b in the us????#they can only pick one candidate. and like oh yea we could send u to the arctic or southern ocean#fuck u thats so cool hhhhhh ugh. im hoping when i visit [redacted] school i fall in love so completely that i can say no#but ugh its so so cool. and i feel like they were impressed with me. like i feel the interview went well#and one guy was like: even if u dont end up here youll have a stellar research career. and im like 😭#like i kno im not a perfect fit for the project but like im. i think my brain is good at some things so i could contribute things#ugh now im all shaky a sweaty. and after i visit the other school i have to immediately let the uk school kno if i wanna comit to them#then i could maybe visit the lab. tho idk when id have the time to fucking fly to the uk#uuuuuugh school bullshit. so stressful. but im glad they think what ive done is cool#like i feel so dumb all the time bc the trauma of being dyslexic in the american public school system that as soon as someone says im smart#or impressive im like 😭😭😭#also they asked how i feel abt writing papers and i was like: convention is bullshit and i dont think thats what the guy was expecting lmao#its true tho. fuck convention. challenge convention. be open to new ideas. otherwise whats the point#sigh. well i felt awful this morning. i mean. its only like 9.30 now but i feel a bit better now#since my last interview was a disaster i feel way better abt my interviewing skills now. which is good bc i have 2 more looming#unrelated
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jack-owo-valentine · 10 months
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nexus-nebulae · 7 months
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hmm. thinking Thoughts about being insane and reclaimed identities
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surreal-duck · 1 year
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wow i love burnout
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yatiso · 1 year
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entering my mostly sober era fr this shit kindve rocks ngl
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astrolotte · 2 years
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wip Minecraft house :p
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heart-shaped-chains · 3 months
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I've had coarse hair like. Under my chin for a while now, but now I'm actually starting to get it on my chin. Even though it's just a little spot, I'm super hyped about it. I haven't even started transitioning yet, I already have a head start :)
#cj rambles#not nsft#too lazy to log onto my other blog lmao#i told my dad ab it. partially bc im excited partially to test him and he said 'there you go' and seemed happy :)#and mom smiled but didn't really say anything. which okay. not the worst response to have tbh#idk its just. really sinking in that this is actually gonna happen. its not gonna be some daydream or some fantasy its gonna be reality#when im feeling down i look at my arms. all the hair on them. and im reminded of what i *could* be#dying for it. hopefully ill get it this year. worried about doctors being shitty and its also texas#but god dammit this is the ONE thing im sure about. not 80% not even 90%. but 110%. *this* is who i am#and no one can take that from me :)#ftm#transmasc#its already been half a year since i came out to my parents and theyve been pretty good about it#have yet to tell other family members but i think im just gonna start the process and *then* let them know. bc i dont need their permission#and now im actually super excited for the future like oh my god what am i gonna look like?#how long will it take my voice to drop? will my hair get curly like other dudes? i sure HOPE it does!!!!#is my mustache gonna be red like my facial hair? or light brown like my eyebrows? its thin and invisibly blonde right now.#and bottom growth. super fucking hyped for that.#idk i think im actually gonna make it#im just gonna be some guy. not a self destructive nightmare. not killing myself with drugs.#like damn i found the medicine i need. t's not gonna fix all my problems but it'll make them feel worth solving#idk im just so fucking hyped. bc now i KNOW its gonna happen. its fucking going to bc i said so.
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lxvvie · 28 days
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Couples Shit with Simon Riley (Part 2):
Having a giggle/chuckle fest almost every time you are intimate. It first happened at the beginning of your relationship when you would giggle every time you two kissed. It opened the floodgates, had let that nervous energy out, and Simon was right there chuckling with you. ("Heh—aw, fuck me.")
Swearing up and down that you're gonna fuck each other's brains out but as soon as you hit the bed, you and Simon are out like a light. The last time this happened, he was supposed to go down on you, but the next thing you know, you woke up to him fast asleep with his head on your stomach.
Kissing the bridge of his crooked nose and Simon turning into putty every time. Hell, kissing any and every dent, bruise, and scar, and making your man melt.
A nice round of horizontal tango turning into a cuddle session after you comforted Simon through a charley horse. Poor baby.
Initially making the telly watch you two make sex but turns out whatever you're watching was pretty decent after all so you guys are back to watching the telly again.
Getting hot and heavy one time but you were so intrigued with the mole you discovered on Simon's inner thigh that you spent the next half-hour or so trying to find other moles on his body.
Telling Simon that you "always wanted to do this" and when you get him hot, bothered, and hard, it turns out what you always wanted to do was measure him. His disappointment was immeasurable... even if he was interested to know the number.
Twinning in some way, shape, or fashion whenever you're out together.
Talking mad shit about his snoring but let him tell it, he doesn't say shit when you take up about 80% of the bed, covers, and sleep under him.
Speaking of talking shit, having disagreements like every couple does and when you go to bed, you're angrily cuddling each other. And yes, Simon still wants your kisses in the morning, even if you two are still mad at each other. Simon doesn't give a shit, you're still gonna love on him, dammit. And him on you.
Being mad with Simon when he arrived too late to get the creepy crawler that was harassing you. Harassing you by doing what it does best: be a creepy crawler. Simon tells you you'll have to conquer your fear one day. You tell him to conquer the couch tonight lmao.
Agreeing to disagree about the superior ice cream flavor in the house. It's too bad there's not any of his favorite ice cream in the freezer. There's some of yours, though. Why? You didn't get any because it was so superior that you wouldn't "dare sully it with your hands". Cue the judgemental stare and him eating YOUR ice cream afterward. Rude.
Scaring the ever-living shit out of Simon on the rare occasions he gets to sleep in. He woke up to you sitting up in bed with his mask and paint on. Oh, and he calls bullshit. He did not nearly fall out the bed. Nor did he jump. Okay, Simon.
Chilling and drinking with Simon. Finding out he gets hot and sweaty pretty easily and off comes his clothes. Waking up hungover the next morning and you're the big spoon to a naked and equally hungover Simon. Choosing to do fuck all but sleep it off that day.
Playfully calling or referring to him as the Missus, especially in front of your co-workers. When they finally meet Simon and ask him who he is, he replies in pure deadpan Ghost fashion: "The Missus".
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romeoandromeo · 9 months
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#my car desperately needs an oil change#but i think I'll have to wait until next weeks check because ill be getting a little overtime#they put me back to 30hrs/wk so I'm being interviewed for a new job tomorrow because I'm tired of constant bullshit from my current one#but the new guy has some sort of emergency so he's not on the schedule next week so i get to have some overtime#not that they properly pay overtime lol everything over 40hrs is in cash#which btw does anyone know if i would have to prove this if i decided to go after them for it after i change jobs?#but yeah i have 39 hours this week but with phone bill and car payment i don't think i can squeeze in the oil change this check#which sucks because I'm WAY overdue i really need to do that#and charge my winter tires lol#but the only thing stopping me from doing the tires is i have a slow leak in one of my summer tires that will have to be plugged#if it's pluggable#aw dammit i have to buy windshield wipers too#i need to do this all in preparation for my Florida trip#I LITERALLY DON'T WANT TO GO 😭#I'm not fucking flying this time i literally had the worst panic attack of my life last time because of tsa#and I'm also bringing one of my dogs and i don't want him to suffer a plane#this is horrible#i hope my new job if I get it will let me have my week off next month I'm going to mention it in the interview Tuesday#that my only conflict will be that week in August#I'm even going to give up my birthday thing because i really need this job#ugh dammit
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