#Maybe I'm just being my own worst critic but I have so much to learn in the art department

[66sharkteeth]

Weekly thoughts!

Hooboy, the big episode! First off, I think everyone knows by now that you probably shouldn't read these if you haven't read the latest episode, but I ESPECIALLY mean that this week! Talking about some way bigger than usual spoilers.

Phew, this was a big one, both from a writing and drawing perspective. I actually spent a full day on that last panel alone, but writing it took way longer than usual too. Going back and forth between Bell's speech and Jericho's backstory played perfectly like a movie in my head, but it was really hard to portray it as a comic and it was one of the few times I was struggling with the limitations of the format. I think I pulled it off though, since everyone seemed to follow along fine! So while it was probably just a neat scene to everyone else, I'm rather proud of that haha.

As for the actual contents of the episode, I'm also glad everything hit w/ the majority of the audience for the most part. I know a handful were confused about if that was Bell or Jericho who did that, but to those people, I remind you it's been loooong established Jericho can control his extensions (Bell, Charlie, and Claude. Remember, they all took injections of Jericho's blank space?). Also on that note, Bell does not have her own scion... Only Rex and Jericho do. Bell, Charlie and Claude all took injections of Jericho's blank space, thus get to borrow some of his power. I recommend re-reading ep 80 if you need a refresher.

I do consider this ep kind of a big reveal of Jericho's true colors. I mean, you guys have known he's the main villain for ages now, but this is the ep that reveals his "better world for blanks" act is kind of a façade and what he's really seeking is a worse world for humans. The fall of humans benefitting blanks is just kind of a bonus. I'm glad a few people caught onto this with the fact that one of the worst horrors he experienced was having his autonomy taken away from him, then he proceeds to do just that to Bell.

And speaking of Jericho's horrors- Before this season launched, I dropped a bunch of hints about upcoming things. One of them was that the most disturbing scene (in my opinion) was coming up. I was actually referring to what happened to Kallie. I'm not sure if it was as disturbing to everyone else (I totally get like if Claude's leg thing fucked people up more), but being evaporated into nothingness but not dying was an existential dread that really fucks me up haha. If it fucked even a couple of other people up, then I did my job.

I don't have too much else to say about the contents of the episode. It was so hard to bite my tongue for weeks as everyone predicted pretty much every character but Desmond was gonna get it. I'm sorry I don't have too much else to say about him right now given what happened, but I definitely will in the upcoming weeks.

I guess the only other note I have is I might as well address something that bugs me slightly- It's definitely a minority but there's a handful of people who seem done with the series because "too many things go wrong." To which... I'm not sure what to tell ya. I'm fine with critique and criticism to be clear, but honestly, this is one thing I'm actually really confident I'm good at balancing. I'm not sure where people are coming from with "nothing good ever happens in this series" when this season alone has had probably the cutest and fluffiest scenes. Rex has a canon girlfriend, he had his first kiss with her, Desmond was reunited with his sister and learned to accept himself, Lyss learned to move past her trauma and accept blanks, Rex was reunited with Shnee, Rex's scion turns out to be a puppy dog w/ a crush. I'm aware a lot of these got kind of crushed with this latest ep...but that's.. kind of. the. point??? That's how you write tragedy and impactful scenes??

I dunno, maybe this is personal to me because it's ALWAYS bugged me when someone tells me they think a show is bad because it's "too dark." Like no... It's not *bad* because it's too dark, you just don't like dark themes, and that's okay. I TOTALLY get if CoB has gotten too dark for some people- it's definitely hit some hard themes and subjects, but I don't like to accept that as a critique. It just means it's not for you and that's okay. There's a ton of other great comics that are more light-hearted! I think the TLDR of this is it will always annoy me when people say something is bad just because it's not their taste.

Now. That said... everyone is completely valid in their hate of Jericho. I, however, still love him.

#weekly thoughts

[theheirofthesharingan]

You know I feel most of Sasuke shippers tend to hate Itachi a lot. They think whoever they ship him with is a better for Sasuke. I'm a sns stan myself but most sns stans hate Itachi, it also the same thing with ss stans.

It's not Sasuke shippers, it's his fans in general that hate Itachi. My interaction with SNS fans hasn't been negative (so far) so can't say, but I agree with you on SSers. You're right that they view Itachi as some kind of a competition for their respective ships because there's always a desperate attempt to magnify his flaws and deny/ignore the rest of the context because it challenges their notion of him being irredeemable.

A longish rant ahead. Haters are free to not interact. SSers too.

Majority of Sasuke fans hate Itachi. Some hardliners hate nearly everyone that isn't Sasuke. The only ones exempted from their hate are Mikoto, Team Taka, Fugaku (sometimes), and Obito and Madara (for some reasons - idk why). Itachi, Kakashi, Naruto are the worst people to be around him with no redeeming qualities who existed to make his life worse, instead of, you know, responding to their own traumas much like Sasuke did.

Some "generous" ones even though hate him/don't like him, aren't that extreme as the first ones, but there's also a weird kind of aggressiveness to them that's similar to the former ones. They may or may not ship Sasuke with others but the hate for Itachi is certainly constant.

None of them view Itachi as a human. Largely, the audience's perspective on Itachi relies heavily upon how Sasuke sees him. He doesn't see Itachi as someone breakable. The one memory of Itachi crying he assumed was his imagination. Even after learning the truth there's no memory of Sasuke recalling Itachi's vulnerability even though there would have been plenty of moments where he broke down. Just not in front of Sasuke or anyone else.

It doesn't mean Itachi was all what canon shows him to be. It's entirely the third person perspective without getting into Itachi's head that we see. Maybe more people would see him differently if we got more of him? Because a lot of fans too reduce him to just a powerhouse that's capable of taking down all the enemies singlehandedly. He's capable of being both vulnerable and strong. Those aren't mutually exclusive.

Coming to the shippers, I have a special beef with SSers because I've seen too many of them who claim to "love" Itachi, but the first moment they need to defend her or the ship, the first person they choose to shit on is Itachi. I don't dislike her, but imagine hating on Itachi to defend her? The only hate/criticism about her that I disagree with is Naruto fans hating on her for not choosing him. The rest is spot on.

SSers want Itachi to be "punished" and enumerate all the things he didn't deserve forgiveness for. And how S*kura would never put Sasuke through what Itachi did. I mean, that is a fair point, but how much more do you want Itachi to be punished more than he already was?

Living his entire life in exile, being hated by Sasuke despite loving him so much, a terminal illness, the guilt of all things, and eventual death, with zero chance at life. What kind of sadism it is where you think he deserves more punishment than this?

If it's not enough, Boruto seems to be more about SS than Boruto himself. There's just too much content on SS (or is it just my Twitter feed being stuffed with it? Idk) where they're the main focus, where Sasuke loves his family and all that. And where is Itachi in all this? How many times does Sasuke think about Itachi, if at all? Some anime scenes have them, yeah, but I'm assuming they're fillers.

I'll never, ever begrudge Sasuke for moving past Itachi and his memories, but it is heartbreaking that his memories have been abandoned in favour of someone Sasuke didn't even love and a family he didn't ever want.

He deserved better than this. And if Sasuke ever dies, there's literally no one that would remember Itachi. Unless of course they bring in a twist or something for the next gen. But I hope not.

Congratulations, shippers, you won. *claps*

It may or may not be the same for SNS fans, but if there's a lot of hate in that circle too, they can also rejoice for the same reason. Itachi doesn't exist anymore. It's been almost 20 years since his death in canon. The people Sasuke has been around are those he's shipped with. So, it's a win for both?

#itachi #uchiha brothers #itachi uchiha #uchiha itachi #sasuke #sasuke uchiha #anti ss #anti sasusaku #anti sakura #ask #anon

[disillusioneddanny]

The Bats and TTPD Songs

This is just me sharing what songs I think matches each of the bats and why :> i take no criticism /j

Bruce Wayne-- Cassandra

Hear me out okay, the lyrics:

So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst And tried to tell the town So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say Do you believe me now?

This whole song just reminds me of Bruce and his contingencies, like he's constantly prepared for any situation and he's had people who have gotten mad at him for it before.

Dick Grayson-- Who's Afraid of Little Old Me

God where do I even start? I want to write a whole fucking fic based off of this song and Dick Grayson.

So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream "Who's afraid of little old me?" I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" Who's afraid of little old me? Well, you should be

In this case, he was bright eyed and innocent until his parents were killed in front of him. Then he became Robin, then Nightwing and this man went through fucking hell and he has survived.

Everyone sees Dick for his smiles and his kindness but this man should not be crossed by any means. He's fucking lethal and has gone through so much shit in his life and he's just not the same bright eyed, innocent kid he once was. And you should be scared of him.

Jason Todd--Robin

So technically this song is about Christopher Robin from winnie the pooh, but I think it also captures Jason really well.

You have no idea The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline But now we'll curtail your curiosity In sweetness Way to go, Tiger Higher and higher Wilder and lighter For you

I feel like this song focuses a lot on loss of innocence and growing up tbh, like the person this song is aimed at has no idea how hard the world is, how painful things can be but that they'll learn to handle it and bounce back. IDK the first time I heard it, it reminded me of how Jason believed that Robin is magic and maybe even like Bruce or Dick singing this to him knowing what was going to happen to him one day.

Tim Drake -- Clara Bow

okay, so there's not just one lyric that really sticks out to me but the overarching story that this song tells. It's all about being replaced with the next big thing. Taylor Swift is compared to Stevie Nicks who is compared to Clara Bow and one day T. Swift is going to be replaced with something shiny and new and that just reminds me of Tim.

Tim is the third Robin, he replaced Jason who replaced Dick and one day he himself is going to be replaced. There's a lot of HC where he's aware of this fact, that he knows that his role as Robin is not a permanent thing, that one day, he too will be replaced. And eventually, he is.

"You look like Taylor Swift In this light We're loving it. You've got edge she never did The future's bright ... Dazzling."

Cassandra Wayne -- The Albatross

okay Cass was really hard for me at first to pin down what song fit her but then I listened to The Albatross and holy cow.

The devil that you know Looks now more like an angel I'm the life you chose And all this terrible danger So cross your thoughtless heart She's the albatross She is here to destroy you

I don't know quite how to explain how this song makes me think of Cass except for how it just makes me think about how she decided to take her life in her own hands and become her own person. She was pretty much created with one thing in mind and that was all that was expected of her but she's become so much more than that. Now she's strong and powerful but in more ways than just how David Cain made her out to be. She's caring and loving and she's going to destroy the idea that she was ever just a weapon.

Stephanie Brown -- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Listen, listen, this woman has been through so freaking much and she has come out on top and with a smile on her face the entire time. She is resilient and she isn't scared to fight Bruce Wayne himself if she needs to.

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did

I know this song is about dealing with a break up but when I hear it, i think of everything that Steph has been through. Her dad who's a rogue, her mom who is struggling with addiction, getting pregnant and giving her baby up for adoption, not being considered good enough to be Robin, the list goes on and on and yet she does it. She rolls with the punches and she swallows it down and she smiles through it all and I just friggen love Stephanie Brown so much.

Duke Thomas -- Florida!!!

Admittedly, I don't know as much about Duke as the others (I'm so sorry, I just haven't gotten there in the comics quite yet, I'm just now getting to the aftermath of the Red Robin run and I haven't read New 52 yet. so this is purely based off of WFA )

Little did you know your home's really only The town you'll get arrested So you pack your life away just to wait out The shitstorm back in Texas

This song just makes me think about Duke because from what I've learned, kid's been through a lot and he's had to move in with the Waynes after what happened to his parents. I think of Florida as a song of starting over, picking up your broken pieces and finding yourself once again and that just feels like Duke.

He's been hurt and he's now having to figure out what to do and where to run. Now he's with the Waynes and he's slowly finding his place with their insanity.

Damian Wayne-- thanK you aIMee

Okay but imagine this song is Damian at Ra's al Ghul okay? Stick with me buddy.

I built a legacy that you can't undo But when I count the scars, there's a moment of truth That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you

And maybe you've reframed it And in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue I don't think you've changed much

Damian has grown so much since the days he was still with the LOA and he recognizes that not only has he grown but he's done it DESPITE what Ra's did to him and that maybe a part of him is created by Ra's and he has learned to love that part of himself and he recognizes he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Ra's and his mother being conniving and evil. He's created a name for himself as Robin that goes against so much of what Ra's brainwashed him to believe.

Barbara Gordon-- The Bolter

And I can confirm she made A curious child, ever reviled By everyone except her own father With a quite bewitching face Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless Excellent fun till you get to know her Then she runs like it's a race

This song just gives the brave, strong, independent vibes of Babs. Someone who lives her life to the fullest and embraces who she is. She's just powerful and she knows that she's amazing and she doesn't expect anything less from herself. She has gone through hell and she's come out of it stronger. She rolls with the punches, she doesn't let it stop her from her dreams, her desires.

Alfred Pennyworth-- I Hate it Here

I hate it here so I will go to Secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to The only one is mine

This song just makes me think of Alfred when Jason died. That time where it's just him and Bruce and he's struggling to take care of his ward and he's also going through his own grief and unable to heal. I think Alfred has his own methods for taking care of himself, I think he's like the world's greatest compartmentalizer.

oh my god that got so freaking long lol. I'm so sorry. Anyway, y'all can listen to these specific songs here

#batman #taylor swift #TTPD #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Cassandra Cain #stephanie brown #alfred pennyworth #Damian Wayne #duke thomas #Barbara Gordon

[cowboyjen68]

Heya Jen,

So I feel like if I were a dude, people wouldn't look down on my clothing choices so much. Maybe it's just because people tend to, quite frankly, give less of a shit about what men wear and how they look in general while, and by contrast, focus a lot on a womans appearance.

I'm not quite butch in my own opinion, but I do tend to wear a lot of men's clothes, and even the women's clothes I wear tend to be quite practical. I like having my own sense of style. I like what I wear, but it doesn't seem to matter to other people, I guess it just seems like I throw on any old clothes to them.

I definitely tend to get this attitude more from women and, more specifically, my aunt. She's told me that I look like I've walked right off of a farm before, and while if anything I took it as a compliment, she certainly didn't mean it that way. In the past, her comments were more harsh, so it's an improvement. At least now it's not outright homophobic, i.e """asking""" me if I want to look like a lesbian or a boy in a rather condescending tone. It's more so a "THAT'S what you're wearing?" Thing. I even get the impression my queer friends just think I don't care about my clothes at all, and while I'm no fashionista, I do like putting together what I consider nice outfits.

Also, admittedly, like most people I do some days, just throw on clean clothes, I just don't see why, regardless of how I dress, it seems more worthy of comment and criticism. I don't see men's outfits commented on or criticized half as much, if at all, and we basically wear the same things.

This is just a very long-winded way of asking if you've gotten this sort of attitude too and how you deal with it? It's not like when I was younger and pushed me to try and wear more feminine clothes, though it still irritates me though I wish it didn't.

Thanks in advance for reading this whole long thing and being an open and out older lesbian who is willing to take time out of her busy day to answer so many questions from young lesbians and queer people alike.

I was never very well tapped into the fashion of the day. In my younger years I would put on what I wanted with no regards to what others might find proper. My mom gave up after on getting me to wear matching dresses and shoes or shirt and shorts outfits. Dad was fine when I came out of my Raggedy Ann themed bedroom in red cowboy boots, jean shorts and an orange shirt (with the bottom cut off) that said "10-4 Good Buddy".

In high school the one think my mom would not let me have was a three quarter length sleeved white shirt with a rainbow. She said I would get it too dirty and my shoulders were too wide for the fit. (she was not wrong in either case). So I tended to go with sweatshirts, t shirts and jeans. I was HORRIBLE at trendy clothing because I mixed and match too many things that just did not go together. I wanted overalls but knew that they were too "manly" for me, a girl. I went to the mall and spent my hard earned money on the closest girl thing, a peach colored pair of overalls for girls that were also kind of pedal pushers. It was NOT a good look.

Whenever I tried to be trendy I would bed it to be more what I wanted but not committing to "boys" clothes and it always went sideways in the worst way.

College saw me stick with t shirt and jeans but it was the 80's and everyone wore just that. Finally, a time in fashion where fashion was the same for everyone. Utilitarian and simple, at least in small midwestern college towns.

My mom would say to my young self. "are you sure that is what you want to wear?" or "Do you want help picking out clothes?" In retrospect she was trying to save me from drawing attention or getting picked on but just eventually figured I would either learn or live with it.

I know exactly what you mean about people assuming that me wearing what I was comfortable in as an adult was me just tossing any old thing on. My first girlfriend helped me by expanding my confidence and wardrobe. Custom made suspenders, men's dress pants and white button down for men instead of women's clothing that sort of mimicked men's style. After we broke up (7 years later) I still struggled a bit but slowly learned that the important thing was I felt good in what I wore and not what others had to say about it.

Men get a pass because I think is it often assumed they just don't have the need or capacity to dress themselves beyond simple and what is on the floor. This is, of course, also an unfair stereotype. Many men lack the confidence to stop out of the easy and simple to try and dress better for public consumption so they get in a routine. AND women are assumed to always want to look good for others so when we don't fit the expectation of our culture we "just don't care".

NOW I rarely dress up because of my jobs. I wear "work clothes" most days because I know within an hour of getting dressed I will be dirty. But I am most confident and comfortable in my work clothes. When I do dress up to go out I finally am like my young self (wear what I want) with a little more awareness of what others see. I shop at estate sales and find vintage western style shirts and unique belt buckles to wear. I feel good, have my own style and i think others see my confidence because I am less concerned about what others think and just happy to be wearing what I love.

People start to see confidence over aesthetics as you become more comfortable in clothes you love.

Hope this help. You are not alone and i think many women (even some men) will understand this feeling you have.

#lesbian #masc #butch #clothing #aesthetic #fashion

[je-brille-dans-la-nuit]

Watching Star Trek TOS and loving it! Sex pollen!!

The Return of the Archons

Jim Spock shenanigans shenanigans it was ok enough.

Gotta say I'm all for criticism of organized religion

.

Space Seed

So I met Khan (not the Benedict Cumberbatch whitewashed version)! The episode was good, lots of good dialogue, a solid plot and an uncertain ending (kofkof uncertain for them).

The toxic masculinity vibes were off the charts though:

First, I'm not commenting on McGivers instantly falling for the hyper masculine guy, accepting his abusive behaviour and choosing to stay with him; because if I do, I'll get mad. But you know, it's terrible and I hate it.

Then the admiration for Khan, "the best and most dangerous of the tyrants" expressed by Scotty, Bones and Jim. Sigh. Of course it's all three of them, the only one out being Spock ("Illogical"). We're supposed to take away that it's because he doesn't feel the human/manly appeal of courage, ambition, greatness or whatever. Honestly not even IC? (sorry but I don't want to picture Jim and Bones as real life fans of Napoleon lmao they are the worst)

SPOCK: Gentlemen, this romanticism about a ruthless dictator is KIRK: Mister Spock, we humans have a streak of barbarism in us. Appalling, but there, nevertheless. SCOTT: There were no massacres under his rule. SPOCK: And as little freedom. MCCOY: No wars until he was attacked. SPOCK: Gentlemen.

You tell them Spock!

MCCOY: Well, either choke me or cut my throat. Make up your mind.

Instant classic

MCCOY: Well, there aren't any regulations against romance, Jim.

Duly noted!

Jim thinking he and the bridge crew were dying and recommending commendations in his log? Him being in the decompression chamber being murdered? I was on the verge of tears then

jsbfjhe i'm sorry i can't take it seriously this shot is so funny

SPOCK: Surprised to see you Captain, though pleased. JIM: I'm a little pleased myself

they're so dumb (lovingly)

SPOCK: It would be interesting, Captain, to return to that world in a hundred years and to learn what crop has sprung from the seed you planted today. KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock, it would indeed.

.

A Taste of Armageddon

Wow the plot's heavy but powerful. The whole episode is dark but hopeful ending! (plus pissed off Jim is v sexy)

Death, destruction, disease, horror. That's what war is all about, Anan. That's what makes it a thing to be avoided. You've made it neat and painless. So neat and painless, you've had no reason to stop it. And you've had it for five hundred years. 

I've given you back the horrors of war. 

Ending a 500-year war is just one of many things Captain Kirk does!

And of course:

SPOCK: Captain, you almost make me believe in luck. KIRK: Why, Mister Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles.

I love them ._.

.

This Side of Paradise

OMG OMG IT'S HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! SEX POLLEN!!!

The perfect mix of fun and tension in this episode! Loved it!

Jim's confusion at Spock is everything. When he says "Spock" - clears his throat - "Mr Spock"

Jim being his dramaqueen self "In effect, I am marooned here."

Jim's immunity is his sense of duty what a goody two-shoes (affectionate)

The idea that anger/strong emotion is necessary ties up nicely to The Enemy within

Then the scene... You know which one... Did I have to pause because Jim was being so mean to Spock it was a bit much to watch? maybe!!

SPOCK: You did that to me deliberately. KIRK: Believe me, Mister Spock, it was painful in more ways than one.

My heart!

SPOCK: Captain. Striking a fellow officer is a court martial offence. KIRK: Well, if we're both in the Brig, who's going to build the subsonic transmitter? SPOCK: That is quite logical, Captain.

Sooo dumb <3

The scene between Layla and Spock was lovely too!

MCCOY: Well, that's the second time man's been thrown out of paradise. KIRK: No, no, Bones. This time we walked out on our own. Maybe we weren't meant for paradise. Maybe we were meant to fight our way through. Struggle, claw our way up, scratch for every inch of the way. 

This after the reference to Milton two eps ago! Yes! Yes to all of this!!!

#Tumblr won't let me upload a video ARGHH #Star Trek TOS #watching TOS #Star Trek #This side of paradise #A Taste of Armageddon #Space Seed #sex pollen #history in the making indeed #i'm really enjoying myself idk if you can tell #the fun and the feels and the plot and the aliens there's everything #trying to get my brain to focus on something other than ST is a bit difficult these days

[the1975attheirverybest]

I truly am happy for Matty. He deserves the fucking world honestly. But it makes me realize I don't have a BF, I don't have friends and I don't get a long with my family most of the time. I'm working on myself this Year I hope something will change. ❤️ I hope for uou and everyone else too. Anyway, sometimes I treat Matty like he is my little brother, his happiness makes me so so happy truly. I love him with all my heart.

Yeah, same. It often feels like I don’t belong anywhere with anyone lmao. But I think everyone feels that way sometimes. I mean, someone like Matty, who has such solid friendships with more than one person, has a mom and a dad who are literally nothing but proud of him in Tim and Denise, a lil brother who clearly looks up to him. Thousands of humans all around the world who care for him deeply, still felt the things that he wrote about in Frail State of Mind, Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied, I Think There’s Something You Should Know, etc.

And, yeah, we see him being happy now, but let’s not forget what he just went through. Pretty much from Feb 7, 2023 right up until December 2023 was absolute hell for him. The entire universe hated him. People not only criticized the things that he did wrong, but everything he’s ever done with his entire life, called him a pedophile, brought up his addiction, wished he would overdose, wished he would die, mocked his appearance, his voice, dragged his ex partners, especially Twigs, harassed Jack Antonoff and Phoebe Bridgers and anyone who was seen being friends with him. Can you imagine what that must have made him feel about himself? I mean he literally shows us in the peanut bit onstage.

As Denise said, the show is as much about all that as it is about his fear of addiction and his fear of people leaving him. Just cuz he appears to have everything he could ever want: a beautiful and kind gf, the worlds most generous parents, and a stellar career, doesn’t mean that his life isn’t just as cold and hard and miserable as the rest of us. And, by his own admission, he only got to the place we currently see him in, where he’s happy and healthy, by going to therapy and being learning to do the hard stuff and by growing up. He’s doing his best. And he doesn’t always get it right. Sometimes he’ll go off the rails. And, unlike me and you and the rest of the world, where, our worst days are private (maybe only seen by a handful of coworkers or family or whatever), his worst days are in front of thousands. and boy do they let him know when he’s fucked up.

Don’t let his joy mislead you into being hard on yourself and don’t let it make you forget that he’s just as fucked up as we all are. He’s just really really brave. That’s all.

[logical--dreamer]

CHLOE RANT!! SOME SPOILERS FOR THE NEWEST EPISODES!

I'm a Chloe stan. I had dug her character even in season 1, but then they gave her some hope. Showed that there was more to her than a stereotypical mean girl. This made her probably one of the most complex characters in the show.

Then season 3's finale happened, and it all fell apart. All season 4, she felt like they took her character, scribbled out everything interesting, and just made her a heartless, mean girl worse than ever. Then through season 5, the show talks to the audience, saying there is no hope for Chloe. That sometimes people are just bad...and I would say okay and call it a day if that was true. But they showed us that little piece of good in her...why show it if she is nothing but evil?

When they introduced Zoe, I was hoping that she would be a secret baddie who would eventually work with Lila. I mean, it works; Zoe is a new character no one knew, who is an actress, and said that at her old school, she lied about who she was. It fit...that plus Marinette giving her the bee miraculous without really knowing her...it felt off to me. Granted, that's all in the past now, and I don't doubt Zoe is a sweet girl, but another part of my idea remains. I thought with Zoe in the picture, and if my evil Zoe theory was correct, Chloe would end up on rock bottom, eventually speeding up her redemption to completion.

At the beginning of season 5, I was in denial. With every bad thing Chloe did, I would say, "it's just Lila manipulating her," until finally, I gave up hope and decided to accept what happened to her character...

...that is until the last two episodes.

Right now, Chloe is at her worst. She had come full circle. She had Principal Damocles and Ms. Bustier fired and Marinette expelled. She knows Adrien is moving to London, something he hasn't told anyone yet. She has Monarch backing her. She is the freaking Mayor....she has everything she wanted. So much power...but you know what else she has?

Lila.

Lila is telling her what to say and do. None of what's happening is actually Chloe. This is just her being manipulated by her "Friend" and Monarch. Both have their own agendas, and one is to bring Monarch down.

Lila did what she did to everyone else. She told her everything she wanted to hear. She fed on her faults and her bad qualities and gave her praise for them. Something that everyone else has criticized and scolded her for in the past. She is getting the affirmation she has been craving "to be who she is."

But what happens when she is no use anymore? When Monarch is taken down, and Lila takes control and no longer needs her?

Chloe is going to hit rock bottom.

She will have no friends. No Mayor father to get her out of trouble. No future because she thought she wouldn't need anything or learn anything because she will always be "rich." She will be alone and face the consequences of her actions.

I think it's then she is going to finally accept her sister and turn to her for support. Zoe knows how it feels to be alone and friendless; it's what happened to her in New York.

Maybe then...only then can Chloe finally see everything she was missing while blinded by her own arrogance and finally be on the right road to redemption.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous spoilers #miraculous season 5 #chloe bourgeois #chloe redemption #zoe lee #lila rossi #rambles #i have a lot of feelings #i still have hope #chloe stan #take it or leave it #my Zoe theory was fire #I wish that it was real because it would make her a more interesting character #ridiculous utterly ridiculous #spoilers #ml confrontation #miraculous collusion

[waitmyturtles]

BL/QL Ask Game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thanks so much to my fellow Only Friends Ephemerality Squad compatriot, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, for the tag on this FASCINATING tag game! I will admit: I don't think I've seen quite enough BLs to have a strong opinion for a lot of these questions -- so I will answer those that I can. (And here's a link to the original post with all of the questions listed!) Of course, many of the shows I'll reference below came from the Old GMMTV Challenge, so I'm focusing on Thailand here!

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL --> I cannot STAND the original SOTUS theme song. It was actually a kind of perfect theme song for the early-college-years setting that SOTUS was situated in, but -- oh god, I had to FF it every time it came on.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute) --> "Do you like to eat grilled fish?" --> Pharm, to Dean, at the AQUARIUM (Until We Meet Again) LOLLLLL

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad) -->This isn't quite fair to Type, but when he says to Tharn, "The slap was nothing compared to what I did to her," and you hear that out of context, as I mistakenly did the first time I saw this particular scene, it just -- made me want to throw my computer out of a window. I'd say 95% of the lines in TharnType were bad cringe.

Most stupid decision made by a character --> For fucking Nan to get together with fucking Phu in The Promise. Nan, you were WAY TOO GOOD for Phu, and you should have gotten with Party. FUCK.

Worst plot line --> All of TharnType

The most problematic show you've watched --> All of TharnType

A show people love but you find bad --> TharnType?

A show people find bad but you will defend --> KinnPorsche. It was a cultural zeitgeist for a reason, and it's worth a defense for its symbolism in the scope of Thai BL

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it --> YYY, 100% bad show that I totally love

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated --> LOL, Dangerous Romance?

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny --> DEFINITELY DANGEROUS ROMANCE

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character --> UNFORTUNATELY THE PROMISE BECAUSE OF COFFEE DUDES, to which I am susceptible

A bad show that you would still recommend --> YYY, if people want to see critical commentary in an utterly BONKERS show

The character that ruined a show the most --> FUCKING PHU IN THE PROMISE

Most awful character that you hated --> Type, TharnType

Most awful character that you loved --> BOSTON.

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like --> Hmmmmmmm. I can't really think of one.... maayyyyybe Boss from 2gether? But that's not fair because I love Gunsmile. I dunno on this one!

A hero that should have been a villain --> SHOULD have been a villain... Dan from Not Me.

A morally bad character you're into --> Boston

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into --> That guy James from I Feel You Linger in the Air (Pat's shooter, get grazed motherlskfjlwker)

The show that disappointed you the most --> The Promise

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons --> TharnType

I did it! TAGS! @solitaryandwandering @omarandjohnny @amerain-k @nieves-de-sugui @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle @thatgirl4815 @invisiblegarters @clairificusrex @so-much-yet-to-learn @tm-trx and whoever else wants to join in!

#worst bl shows the ask game

[juriyuna]

If you're still doing them, how about top 5 MagiReco OTPs/NOTPs

Ah, it's hard to choose just 5 for the top of my list...! There are a number of ships I really like; I feel like I'm excluding some of my favorite children, haha. These are the ones I think about the most often, though.

5. Urara/Kurara: There's something really sweet about how Urara has seen Kurara at her worst and still loves her unconditionally. ;; On Kurara's end, it's more bittersweet-- she's painfully aware of how much Urara adores her in spite of how nasty and temperamental she can be, and it rips her apart inside because she doesn't feel like she deserves to be loved like that. I will withhold the "kurara loves urara too" essay for now for brevity's sake, but MAN Kurara loves Urara too!! She loves her so much that it's tearing both of them down!!!! RRAAAAGGGHFGDH it's too good......

I find it so cute that Urara refuses to give up on Kurara, even after they had such an ugly breakup. She knows that she messed things up by accidentally being insensitive, but she also knows that Kurara has issues of her own that she needs to sort out. In Urara's Kagome interview, she's like, sure, maybe things are bad right now... but people can change with time, you know? Maybe in a few years, they'll have grown enough emotionally that they'll be ready to make amends and give it another shot. I'm rooting for you, world's most patient clown. o7

Urakura can cover every base from fluff (remember, they used to be best friends!) to angst to hurt/comfort, making it very versatile and engaging to me. Combine that with the trope of "I love you no matter what, and I'll be here for you even on your worst days" (my weakness), and I never stood a chance.

4. Hikaru/Ao: My first Arc 2 ship, and still one of my favorites today! I remember seeing cute fanart for it way back when I first started playing the NA server and being super excited for the game to get to Crimson Resolve so I could learn more about them. :') While NA may have died before then, I am infinitely grateful that fan-translations mean I got to see these two anyway! (thank you hebinomiya and MUT for my life)

To explain a bit about why I like them, hm... They've got a nice dynamic in general! It's on the fluffier side without being bland, I think. Ao is playful in a way that feels a bit distant at first, but slowly opens up and starts to trust Hikaru more (a big milestone for how traumatized Ao is), while Hikaru gets a hit or miss crash course in Making Her Own Decisions. It's also interesting to contrast their individual ways of distancing themselves from their suffering (Ao trying to treat life like a game; Hikaru leaning hard into her role of "the Horse"), especially since they've both criticized the other for... doing almost exactly what they're doing themselves.

The way Hikaru tries to comfort Ao when she's scared or sad is cute, even if she doesn't know how to go about it. While Hikaru is largely numb to having to kill people at this point (wow, that's not depressing at all), she knows Ao isn't, and she gets worried when it seems like Ao is in over her head. Hikaru was the first person to worry about Ao after she accidentally killed Ryou, and when Ao seemed out of sorts in her MSS, Hikaru was the first person to seek her out. It plays nicely with Hikaru's struggle with agency as well-- she wants to help Ao, but she doesn't know where to start because she lacks experience and the ability to think for herself; she's caught between her personal desires (supporting a friend) vs. her duty to Promised Blood's goals; things like that.

As an added bonus, their designs compliment each other very nicely. Blue and orange is a solid combo. :> (And for one minor thing, I love that Ao has a swimsuit line where she's self-conscious about being a little pudgy, and then Hikaru has a swimsuit line where she says she thinks Ao is really cute. Tsuchinoko Real)

3. San/Miyuri: f4 could not have tailored a ship more closely to my interests if they tried. It's a little embarrassing... listen, you can't have san say "when she loses consciousness, she becomes my doll" and not expect me to think there's something going on These two pushed Neo-Magius from "kinda neat" to being my second-favorite faction. They're perfect as individual characters, and even better together; I adore the way they play off of each other. The way they want the best for the other and try to nudge each other towards success, even if that means enabling unhealthy thought patterns or behaviors and inadvertently strangling the other's personal growth, is fantastic.

And, of course, the lighter parts of their dynamic are just as good!! It's readily obvious how much Miyu loves San, but San loves Miyu too; she's just more subdued about showing people she cares for them. I think sometimes people forget how sad San was when Miyu started avoiding her out of guilt-- while it might not have been the same type of instant affection that Miyu felt towards San (at least until she saw Miyu dancing by herself and blushed over how pretty she was), San had very quickly gotten attached to Miyu as her baby, and was devastated to think that she might've lost her so soon.

They're more alike than they seem at first glance, and I think that's part of what makes their bond so strong-- San sees her old self in Miyu, and wants to watch her improve; Miyu sees herself in who San used to be, and admires that someone so timid can grow up to be so outwardly brave and capable. The whole thing is so sweet to me... ;;

... I might also mention that my headcanons for them help boost this up on my list, aha. I picture San as being very tall and broad-shouldered, and Miyu as a tiny little thing who could blow away in a strong breeze, which makes for a cute contrast. :')

2. Juri/Yuna: Oh man, where do I start? Everything about this ship is just perfect to me. I don't care whether they're friends, enemies, lovers, or what as long as they're together; their dynamic is flawless in every way. I'm stoked that they finally got a dual unit! ;_;

I am SO weak for the way Yuna cares about Juri. The gang wars could've been solved or prevented if Yuna had killed Juri before the situation got too bad, but she didn't want to do that. Yuna was so determined to leave Juri alive that she orchestrated that whole big fight in the first half of CR specifically to bring Juri down without killing her. It's not something that Yuna is proud of, but the fact that she manipulated a bunch of other girls (which unfortunately resulted in some casualties) because she loved this one particular loose cannon too much to kill her... man. Devotion.

Yuna is incredibly patient and understanding with Juri in general, which is extra cute to me because almost nobody else is. She knows Juri isn't a bad person, just struggling with mental illness and shitty circumstances, and no matter how Juri feels about herself, Yuna still loves her and wants her around. Not for her strength or holding Ryuugasaki together, but because Yuna cares for her as a friend. It's so... [clenches fist] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

It's readily apparent how much this acceptance means to Juri, too. She used to rely heavily on Yuna for venting her stress since not only could Yuna go toe-to-toe with her in a fight (and willingly does so), she doesn't resent or demonize Juri for being the way she is. Even when Juri was hellbent on defeating Yuna in CR, she's greatly upset when she thinks that she might've actually killed her (or in the bad end where Juri does kill Yuna). For all of the animosity they held towards each other, they need each other; they don't honestly want the other to die. (Not alone, at least-- the scene where Yuna stops Juri from killing herself has an undercurrent of "how dare you try to leave without me", given that Yuna was also suicidal at the time.)

I am, as you can tell from this list, very weak for ride-or-die loyalty (or dubiously healthy attachment; take your pick), and juriyuna delivers that in spades, with all of the dressings and extras I like. Yuna's refined, serious, thoughtful personality and Juri's rowdy, aggressive, playful personality bounce off of each other in ways that are always enjoyable to see, whether it's something heavier like CR or fluffy like the Please, Yuna-san event. Top quality ship.

1. Bat/Ranka: "hmm, what if..." ← me haplessly coming up with an idea while reading CR for the first time 3 years ago, about to inflict an unbreakable curse upon myself

If I had to pick a number-one favorite ship in the series, it would be this. I am trapped in a hell of my own creation... We don't see much of their dynamic outside of CR or Ao's MSS (though Ranka does talk about the Bat elsewhere), and we've hardly gotten any of their relationship from the Bat's point of view, but that just means I can have a field day reading between the lines and piecing together a story from the scraps we do get. Enrichment!!

Ranka's "I need someone strong to follow or I'll die because I can't survive by myself" vs. the Bat's "I need someone prey on or I'll die because I can't survive by myself" is a great parallel that makes for a unique flavor of codependency. Sort of a "marionette and puppeteer" dynamic, I guess? Whatever you call it, it's 100% my brand; I go nuts for this stuff.

On Ranka's end, she knows that this relationship is unhealthy, but she keeps coming back anyway. Some of it is that she sees herself as too weak (physically and mentally) to make it on her own, so she clings to the Bat because being treated badly is better than being dead or alone. Some of it is probably that she sees herself as an awful person, and feels that she "deserves" to be hurt like this as punishment for how spineless she is (a feeling that compounds itself with every horrible thing the Bat makes her do).

It's a form of self-harm, in a way-- but even so, their relationship isn't always bad. The Bat liked Ranka enough to appoint her as her second-in-command, and for what it's worth, she did protect Ranka from the Futatsugi gang wars. She didn't take any issues with Ranka's abrasive, badmouthed personality, either! In fact, the Bat must've liked that about Ranka if she chose to keep her so close, haha. (And this is headcanon territory, but since Monzenbashi's base was an abandoned arcade, I have to figure that they shared an interest in old video games as well.)

In the end, Ranka is left in a thorny position where she hates what she has to go through, but can't bring herself to leave. After all, they have their good moments. The Bat loves her, probably. If she left, she'd be free from the abuse, but she'd lose the sense of safety and familiarity that the Bat gives her. That sort of struggle is super interesting to me-- I really like how this ship explores how loving and hating someone isn't necessarily a cut-and-dry thing.

On the Bat's end, while she does know that what she's doing is wrong, she adamantly believes that she needs to exploit others or she'll be the one to get exploited herself. She's a selfish coward who chews up the weak for personal gain and spits them out when she's through with them, viewing everyone else as either a threat to be disposed of or a tool to be used... and yet, despite all of this, she's shown to genuinely care for Ranka.

I am constantly thinking about the Ao-Ranka fight in CR where the Bat jumped to Ranka's defense, saying that she's going to kill Ao herself if Ranka is going to let herself get hurt like this. The Bat- the girl who gets a sick thrill out of torturing the helpless, who's too paranoid to trust anyone- loves Ranka enough that it made her angry to watch her get hurt. For as cruel and "save myself and fuck the rest" as she is, she has one person she wants to protect.

Something about the way the Bat wants to keep Ranka safe while also treating her like a pawn; hating the thought of losing her, but afraid of letting her get too close... fuckinf!!! Good Shit!!!!! Mix that in with Ranka's conflicting feelings about the Bat and I have a dumpster fire that will keep me warm for years.

I could be delusional (this ship is largely in my head), but it feels like a pretty realistic portrayal of an abusive relationship to me. There are all kinds of things to dig into here, from how it could get worse to how it could get better, and I just... auuuuggghhfhfh MAN im going to fling myself into the sun i love them so MUCH

(bottom 5 under the cut, both for negativity and because this is already super long)

If anyone's OTP is on this list, I apologize-- please know that none of these are a moral judgement or anything! 99% of my NOTPs are just ships I find annoying for one reason or another. It's nothing personal.

5. Rika/Ren: Truly the plain dry cornflakes of the magireco ship world. It's so Generic Yuri Manga that it manages to be frustrating in its lack of substance. I understand that it's one of the most popular ships (if not the most popular ship) in the fandom, but I'm gonna have to pass. :{

4. Ao/Ranka: Do you ever have a ship that bugs you, but you can't put your finger on why? This is one of those for me. Which is weird, because I am very much a multishipper when it comes to Promised Blood! And I adore the way that Ao and Ranka's relationship is written in canon! They have a really rich dynamic; I love watching them make that awkward, gradual shift from enemies to friends, where they clearly want to be closer but also don't quite know how to feel about each other. As a romantic ship, though... Eh. I've tried reading fics and stuff for them, but it's just not my thing.

3. Tsukuyo/Tsukasa/anyone: There isn't a single character who doesn't feel like a third wheel here. Sure, the twins might love her, but not as much as they love each other; she will always sort of be on the outside looking in. Tsukuyo and Tsukasa are so deeply, unshakeably intertwined that I don't even like shipping them monogamously with other characters (a singular exception being that I have a passive appreciation for Kanagi/Tsukasa), so adding a third girl to the mix is out of the question by default.

Yukika is probably the worst offender in terms of third wheel-ness because of her "Akatsuki-senpai" thing, but Amanes/Mifuyu wins the general awkwardness category by virtue of giving me the unfortunate impression of a mistress to a married couple. I tried reading various OT3 fics with the Amanes to see if I'd warm up to the idea, I did, but... it's regular amanecest or bust for me.

2. Kuroda/Asahi: it's not even about the abuse and general assholery on kuroda's end (heavy drama can be interesting with the right framework) it's that the idea of shipping asahi with a dude gives me hives

1. Himena/Hiko: het ship allergy strikes again, im sorry 😔 Sometimes I feel kinda dumb for this one because I know I'd probably like it if Hiko was a girl, but alas. Not only do I have negative interest in M/F, Hiko is the most boring self-insert-looking nerd guy they possibly could've designed. Ungh. (himena is a fun, fascinating character, i like her a lot, but the depths of my distaste mean that whenever a scene comes up where himena talks to/about hiko, i subconsciously overwrite it with "hiko is a girl" or "hiko is imaginary" to make it more palatable to me orz)

Plus the "unpopular boy gets bullied for dating popular girl" plotline feels super contrived to me-- while my experiences are obviously not universal, I usually find that unpopular guys get boosted up the social ladder if they manage to land a date with a popular girl. The whole "forbidden love" trope needs to be done in a very particular way in M/F ships in order for me to not find it stupid, and this one doesn't hit the mark.

... and this is a silly thing to be annoyed by, but it really does grate on me that whenever you ship Himena with a different character, there's an 85% chance that at least one person will come along like "what about hiko?" or "poor hiko" or "ot3 with hiko!" or whatever. Even if you specify that you've written Hiko out of Himena's head in some way or another (got his own body again, never existed in the first place, etc.), someone will make him the focal point regardless. It's happened to me, and it's happened to a few other people I've seen. :'| Frustrating to see an interesting comment on himesasha or w/e get derailed into "but himehiko!!", as if everything Needs to revolve around this one singular boy.

#sorry for taking forever to answer this ;; but here you go! #if i were to be completely honest #i probably would've squeaked in ''kanagi/that one black feather from her intro scene'' into top 5 #but that's so deep into canon/NPC territory that it's embarrassing to talk about #not because it's cringey or anything; it's just very personal because i've been cultivating it for almost 4 years now lmao #7 billion little WIP fic drafts/snippets/ideas that i may never finish but have fun playing with regardless #magia record #long post #hc post #asks #there are a lot of ships i dislike but most of them involve characters i don't care about #(or characters i dislike in general so it doesn't matter who they're shipped with; i'd hate it anyway) #so idk if they'd qualify as NOTPs

[laundrybiscuits]

Hi! Was wondering what your favourite books are. I absolutely love your writing and so I'm curious!

This is such a specifically flattering ask, thank you for sending it!

It's also quite a challenging thing to answer—I love so many books for so many different reasons. There are some that I adored passionately while reading but never intend to read again (e.g. Carmen Maria Machado's "In the Dream House") and there are some that I have read over and over again until reading them feels like tracing the lines on my own palm (e.g. Terry Pratchett's "Monstrous Regiment").

But if I think about the books that have had the biggest impact on me...

This is cheating a bit, but Ted Chiang's "Stories of Your Life and Others" is a SF anthology that includes the short story basis for the movie Arrival. I love the short story enough that I have a deeply unpopular hatred of the movie and all the ways I think the adaptation fundamentally misunderstood the original tale. My frankly disproportionate vitriol towards Arrival has been seething unabated for years.

For sheer wordcraft, Ocean Vuong's poetry always knocks me out but "On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous" is, whew. It's something else. I mean, look at this:

Who will be lost in the story we tell ourselves? Who will be lost in ourselves? A story, after all, is a kind of swallowing. To open a mouth, in speech, is to leave only the bones, which remain untold. It is a beautiful country because you are still breathing.

James Baldwin is the absolute master of knife-sharp prose, and I'll always remember reading "Giovanni's Room" back-to-back with Mishima Yukio's "Confessions of a Mask." Hell of an experience.

Honorable mentions go to: Gu Byeong-Mo's "The Old Woman and the Knife," N.K. Jemisin's "The City We Became," Witi Ihimaera's "Pounamu Pounamu"...I'm sure I'm forgetting more, these are just the first titles that came to mind.

I'm a little hesitant about adding this, but I feel like I should also mention "Lolita," because reading that book made me realize the sheer skill involved in creating an unreliable narrator.

That dissonance between what the narrator was telling the reader and what was very clearly actually happening blew my mind, and it's something I've aspirationally echoed in my own work ever since, albeit with much more innocuous subject matter (and varying levels of narrator intentionality). I also legitimately think it made me a much sharper and more critically engaged reader, because we're not actually supposed to trust what we're being told.

However, I think that the way it's been taught and adapted has been highly irresponsible, and that puts it in a really difficult position. I really can't even recommend it per se because it's so tough to disentangle from the stunningly bad takes that have dogged it since its very first publication.

I first read it on my own with no context when I was maybe 15 or 16, just picked it up from the library because it was marked as a classic (and I'd been reading a lot of Russian lit at the time, so I assumed a name like Nabokov would be more of the same). It was quite a shock to me years later when I learned that it's frequently been billed as a story of "forbidden love." Even to my teenage self, it seemed so incredibly obvious that this was a story about someone trying and failing to justify some of the worst actions imaginable.

"Lolita" is one of those cases where I feel like Death of the Author is not the best or most appropriate framework. Nabokov was extremely clear that it is not a romance, and I personally think his intent is pretty unambiguous within the text itself. However, people have inarguably misused the book to cause harm by presenting it as a romance, and that's impossible to ignore. No, the book itself is not inherently responsible for that harm, but it has become so enmeshed in that history that I don't know if there's a way to separate it out from its warped popular image. I still think the actual text is a stunning achievement as a work of art, and I can't deny the immense impact it's had on me both as a reader and as a writer, but...the cultural mismanagement makes it complicated to love.

#askbox

[orange-ghost]

Long post? I've been thinking a lot about Sia's "Music" lately. No, I'm not trying to insult her. I'm talking about the film. Her diagnosis has been all over my timelines, and most people are condemning her for the film's content nonetheless.

I think all the other big Autism accounts have criticized her well enough that I don't need to add on. As they should. They've all said what I wanted to say & I personally won't be forgiving her so easily. But the "Music" fiasco... actually reminds me of how PAPERBOY (my webcomic) was born, in a way?

Matthew & his classmates have lived in my head since 2015. And I remember that when I started PB, I actually didn't know I was Autistic yet, either. At the time, all I knew was that I was a kid in Special Ed, that disability was an unspeakable topic, and that a lot of the people involved in it treated me badly.

Kids' brains are like sponges-- they soak up whatever's around them. And I was raised drowning inside of an awful program. One that didn't show nor teach us respect, acceptance, or anything like that.

I resented, looked down at "certain" kids with the more noticeable disabilities, for "making SPED kids look bad! You're the reason we ALL get seen as less than!" And the thought that I could ever really count as a disabled kid was my worst nightmare. Because in my head, being disabled would mean that all this abuse was justified. And that I was truly & utterly inferior.

And I'd wring out all that nasty thought-process water. It would spill onto the pages of notebooks that became PAPERBOY's first drafts. And oh, believe me, it stained.

But, unlike Sia, I was a kid then. She's grown. She also put that shitty story up for all to see, while mine was restricted to notebooks. And it was only a year or two after I learned about being diagnosed as a baby that the ND movement(s) started blowing up online. So I looked into it, and like... it opened my 14-year-old mind up a lot.

So you know what I started doing? CHANGING THE STORY. Writing a better one. One that was much less hateful. And I changed the core message from "fuck disability, and fuck Special Ed too!" to "being different is not something we should feel punished and pain for. We are a community. And we deserve better."

Autism is neutral & one if the most human things I can think of. It's not to be demonized or glorified. It's not a tragedy, and it's not always some amazing miracle, either. We are people, not props. We deserve to be spoken & storytold about realistically. And we should be embraced at the end of the day. You need to be willing to learn how to listen & respect life's Autistics as they are.

Sia can't undo the real life harm she & her ableism inflicted. I can't, either. But... she CAN choose to change, grow up & out of it, and maybe lead her audience with her. Hopefully, with her new diagnosis, all that time offline, and a crap ton of self-reflection, she can. I mean, I managed, and I'm nowhere near as life-experienced, smart, OR skilled as she is!

Truth be told, I kinda hope she makes another Autism movie? With a big writing team of experienced, Autistic storytellers who know what they're doing. Cast Autistic actors. And instead of writing about somebody that she clearly doesn't see as an equal, she can actually level with them & write them a better story, too. "Music" was dedicated to somebody, right? I think that Somebody deserved a story where they're not just seen, but they're heard. And spotlighted! (Music certainly wasn't.) So... why not try again?

Or hey, maybe not even that, maybe she can try writing from her own experiences as an Autistic woman this time. Growing up undiagnosed, what that was like for her, dealing with a taught self-hatred in a mask that seems to have controlled her life.

I don't know. I like to live my life focusing more on what we CAN do about something instead of doubling down or getting stuck on what we can't. And I think others should, too.

Doubt she's reading this, but like... you've gotta make this right, Sia. Do better. Figure something else out. That's all.

#sia #sia music #sia music film #autism #autistic #actually autistic #actually autism #thoughts #thought dump #Music movie #Music sia #autistic artist #being autistic #internalized ableism #ableism #ableist violence #ableist people #ableist language cw #special education #special ed #undiagnosed disability #disability #undiagnosed autism #undiagnosed autistic #disabled creator #disabled writer #self improvement

[careforacuppatea]

“I'm not just anti Billy I'm also an anti racist.”

So we all agree that this is just y'all being super performative?

We can all agree this is just so y'all can have a little circle-jerking over y'all's totally being anti racist like damn give these people a medal for being so damn not racist!!!

We can agree y'all being so ~not racist~ performative about your vitriolic hatred towards Billy as a character, but also at the fans who like him as a character, because y'all can't fathom it, or refuse see yourself as ever being intolerant/prejudice or holding LEARNED INTOLERANCE/PREJUDICES because again you're out here loudly screaming proclaiming how you could n e v e r like a character like Billy Hargrove! You're just too pure as the driven snow!

Y'all act as if none of you once held or currently hold any picked up or learned intolerant behavior or prejudices towards others, by friends or especially by family. Y'all act as if denouncing this character's actions so loudly and proudly and clearly much more better than the other fans, that clears you of being an innately flawed, fucked up, and most likely holding a bit of genuine intolerance and prejudice towards whoever for whatever reason you believe might justify it.

Listen fuckheads not liking a character who is clearly flawed+abused+fucked up+raised by a fuck-up douchenozzle+thus acts out and acts fucked up, does not actually make you morally superior and a Good Person!

You loudly screaming about Billy and how Billy is evil terrible the worst does not, in fact, make you not a racist, or not an intolerant and prejudicial person.

Maybe y'all are so pressed about him because he's a mirror for y'all to confront the fact people all people even the abused and the battered and the abandoned, are all capable of being bad, perpetuating bad behaviors, capable of holding intolerant and cruel feelings or views.

YOU are just as capable, and that scares y'all to have to actually face that part of humanity and your upbringing. A character like his forces y'all to face the worse about yourselves too, to confront the uncomfortable facts that you can be hateful and you can be intolerant and you can be prejudice and you can be just downright unapologetically mean.

But instead of confronting those parts about yourself, being honest about it, then try to address what you've been made to see and confront as a flawed person yourself, and calmly and critically assessing a character like Billy Hargrove, y'all just lash out and project out onto others who like him or can sympathize/empathize with his character.

I don't need to feel like I have to denounce everything Billy has ever done every second I like him because 1. I'm not him 2. He's a fictional character 3. I know who I am and what I'm all about and I know my demons and me liking this fucked up little guy isn't going to change that for the worst 4. I just feel it's fucking obvious anyway that what he's done is fucked so why do I even need too?

Y'all don't even LIKE him, so why is it y'all feel like you gotta loudly on a soap box denounce denounce denounce proclaim you aren't racist that really it was the Billy Stans who were the real racists all along because you could never be—

Bruh you're all as obvious as a fucking toupee.

Y'all performative as fuck y'all fake y'all fake.

Stop projecting. Face up to yourselves. Y'all pathetic ass wanna-be bullies.

Stop using your personal disdain towards an antagonistic, flawed, silly but straight up complex fictional character from a silly little TV show to try and wash away your own sins and white knight up on your high horses of faux-moral superiority all up in this bitch.

#billy hargrove #stranger things #harringrove

[lover-praxis]

quick thoughts on "grand unified theory of female pain" bc i promised myself to read critically and actually write down the thoughts i have about content i consume.

felt really seen by it. i am not a melodramatic person, but i am, and i always have been. my ex-boyfriend disdained me for crying over books we read in ap english lit. i spent a lot of high school crying over everything, every piece of media, often to the point where i'd make myself nauseous. i still do this, occasionally. i hurt, and i feel the hurt, and maybe i even revel in it.

on the flipside, i'm about to hit my 20s, and my therapist keeps having to remind me that i've been through a lot, so i should show myself some grace. i've stopped languishing in my wounds but overshot, to the point where i now refuse to process any trauma in the hopes of just being able to move on.

re: art. i haven't written any poetry since november. i've done some writing, some fanfic, some journaling. i've done a lot of work with choreography--fitting, since words seem to have failed me. fitting, too, that my last poem that i wrote and performed felt like a desperate cry for attention, that same feeling of look at my ribs, can you not see that i am struggling, that i am in so much pain? in the end, i don't think my pain was seen.

also, maybe another flipside, i've been saying i'm in my rom-com era this summer, and i mean it. i'm tired of being the girl you fuck but not the girl you date. i'm tired of "falling in love" with every boy but never really loving them. i like the fall; i struggle with the love, despite how much i want it. there's the wounds, in the way. my blood that i can't love, so how could anybody? that mental, emotional, physical, spiritual block.

so. finding a balance between acknowledging my pain and loving through it? there's a strategy i think i've developed, of feeding my pain to some beast inside of me, a thing i think of as separate but inextricably linked to who i am. last week, the homily went that if we, hasty humans, try to pull out the weeds that the devil has sown in our hearts, we will pull out the good wheat too, so we should wait for god to weed us, in his own time. in the meantime, then, what do i do with the beast?

in the meantime, listening to fiona apple and taylor swift and halsey and women who have been mocked for writing and making music about their wounds. if i can do that without shame, maybe i can start to learn to be unashamed of my own state of woundedness. i think that shame is the worst enemy of all.

#gale's journal #currently thinking #leslie jamison #grand unified theory on female pain #gender studies #on suffering #female pain #female rage #etc etc

[young--cheeseburger]

Mid-Year Self Reflection

I turn 24 next month and I've been depressed since I was 11-12 years old.

These past few months have been really eye opening and I've been learning more and more about myself and how I coped with the world for so long isnt healthy. Nor how I saw myself.

I knew I'm depressed but seeing the tangible depths of my depression come to bite me in the ass has really been eye opening.

Ever since I broke down in September-October of 2022, I've been in a state of mourning. As well as the most "unstable" I've been. Looking back at it, it was probably a long time coming.

Feeling like I failed college not only becauae its not easy to get into but also because I didnt put my 100% and then realizing that I can't do art as a full time job anyway really left me in a bad state because I covinced myself it was all I had. And it really felt like it was. Most likely being its something I genuniely enjoyed throughout everything, even me being depressed. Drawing was fun, being able to physically see myself improve was fun and wanting to get better at this skill that I had actually felt good. It felt really good. But I am also my own worst critic so that probably didnt help things either. And since its a medium that does require my emotions to put into it (even if its silly little drawings) I've cut myself off from those. Maybe not completely but I've been in this very stagnant state for a really long time.

Hell me saying that sentence says a lot to me. "Stagnant" is like a mental checkpoint for me since thats how I described my life in High School of all things.

There's a quote from Night In The Woods where Bea tells Mae "I stayed here and got older, and you went away and stayed the same." and it really hit me since Mae also had the opportunity to go to college and didnt change. Mae is a lot more "aimless" and wants to chill and hang around though. Meanwhile I give myself way too harsh standards and constantly fail to live up to them. (geez I wonder who I got that from) Both seem like ways to cope with becoming an adult the more I think about it.

Anyways.

I'm at least glad I have some awareness towards my problems and will always try to take responsibility for my actions when I can. Its because of these issues and a few other things that I lost a few friends along the way. Although its for the better really. I was taking a lot more than I can really give and I wasn't appreciative of friendships, nor the time given by them. And as we get older in life, the less time we're able to give. I don't wanna be someome whos holding anyone back or anything. And no friend should feel like they arent cared about.

I use apathy to cope with not feeling depressed but instead it turned off any other kind of emotion and it grew into me not feeling much of anything at all. No emotions to help guide choices, no emotions to share, no emotions to feel towards anything really. In my mind, if I stopped caring, things wouldnt hurt as much.

I usually didnt talk about emotions because I didnt want to dump on people but also because I kept invalidating my own feelings. A lot of people I know have been through so much worse and here I am. Still with a family, even though they throughly hate who I am as a trans man. I got hit a few times as a kid for making mistakes/disiplinary reasons but I had friends who's parents did so much worse. So who was I to complain in the face of all of that? I should be helping them get through it then worry about what I felt because my problems seemed minor in comparison.

Comparison, the same thing my parents did constantly when I was younger until I started being the one getting compared to. Because "I can do everything right" right? A perfect little mold even if I was a dying dog. Loyal, but at what cost?

"I'm sure theres people who care about me but I don't really care too much anymore. I That just means I am really weak. Useless even until the end. I want to die. The pain would only hurt for a little while before everything is over."

That was a consistent thought in my head for so long. And I've wanted to die for so long. But up to a few weeks ago, I had actual plans for doing it too. Several ways even.

It wasnt till an old friend told me that my ways of thinking were only making me feel worse. And when I told myself I'd listen for once, I did. Before walking out again because once again, I had taken someone's emotional labor for granted.

I realized now that, yeah people will always have it worse. And yeah I can totally do my part to make sure that the people I know, friends or strangers can at least feel better. But I have to realize that what happened to me hurt me too so I can finally let it go.

I want to move on with my life, I really do. It sucks not having a bunch of the adult skills I need (driving especially) but its never too late to learn. I have time and I need to start giving myself the time like I would for others. To stop being at odds with myself and try to be neutral with my existance, instead of not caring. To want to live, to hope, even if nothing is concrete. To be like water, instead of a brick.

Trying to say that last part with this capitalist hellscape in mind is hard but people like me have survived.

Maybe I can too.

#mopey dearest desmond #2023

[jobujabu]

I find it fascinating how I can learn so much about myself and yet know so little. For the longest time being swayed to believe I was merely the product of my parents and their problems, to later discover I had my own problems, and then to subsequently realize that I am the problem. The age old adage of I am my own worst enemy and critic, and no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. I've spent my lifetime thus far as a doormat because other people and their happiness came first, I wanted others to like me, love me, and I was willing to go to any lengths in order for that to happen, yet it only ended up separating me from finding my own happiness, how I could find my own ways to make me happy. Well, now here I am on another side of my story where I have the opportunity and knowledge to begin making myself a better and brighter person, only to find setbacks in feeling guilty and shame for disregarding others' needs. I wasn't raised with confidence or self-esteem, I was given a voice and told to keep it quiet. How odd that I have found one yet continue to remain hushed and gentle, only for my emotions to bubble over and explode into screaming and rage when I can't keep them down or hide them any longer. The strangest part is... I'm so sad. I'm so sad over the death of a former sense of self, that reassuring feeling that that person got me to where I am today and survived through all of it, the torture coming from both outside and in. It's disheartening knowing I'm this completely whole ass new person who's walking around and interacting like some adult infant because this life on the other side is now so brand new, as I waddle around and try to taste and sense and feel things in such a brand new way. And I can feel that old part of me looking through in some spiritual looking glass afraid for when I stumble, and fearfully saying no no no- don't do that, you'll hurt yourself! No no no- you can't do that, it's not for you! I have to show that part of myself the love it deserves, but I also have to be strong for the person I've become today, but I keep on fucking everything up. I know that's fine, and I know that's normal, but why does it feel so bad? Maybe it feels bad because I haven't quite figured out yet that making other people happy does make me happy, but I have to do it in my own way that benefits the new me, the new baby adult version of me. I'm ranting and rambling at this point, the best part being I feel I can do this here because it's shouting into the void. Still, maybe just maybe some one can relate, if they can decipher my wingding words. All in all, I've suffered too much to continue suffering by my own hand, and there are people in this world that I love so much that I'd be willing to do anything for them and want to do just that- which means if I have that love for them, then within is the capacity to love myself so much that I'd be willing to do anything for me.

#me #love yourself folks #life is both long and short #anger makes it hot #sadness makes it cold #and love makes it just right

[ducktracy]

I'm glad I've decided to watch all the looney tunes shorts in order, I'm starting to appreciate the original shorts more than ever. Did you ever felt this way before. (Also I love you and your stuff)

YES!!! CONSTANTLY!

it is an incredibly daunting task and is still one i haven't finished myself with only a little over 100 to go. but, if given the opportunity, i absolutely would recommend those who are curious to watch every LT short in order chronologically, and i do mean every single one.

there are a lot of terrible LT shorts out there, whether as a result of technological shortcomings or moral shortcomings--there are absolutely shorts i have sworn off seeing unless i absolutely HAVE to (ie. review them). it is NOT an easy journey--the beginning is tough, and the end is painfully depressing. not to mention, there are literally 1,000 cartoons out there.

BUT. i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER FOR HAVING SEEN (most of) THEM ALL. i started my reviews as an excuse to keep myself engaged when having to watch every single one, and i have discovered SO MUCH information and learned SO MUCH about the craft that i am so, so much more whole as a result. having seen the worst of the worst, the ugliest of the ugly, i absolutely appreciate the best of the best SO much more.

it's also an unspeakably rewarding journey able to track the progression of the directors, animators, voice artists, gags, and characters themselves. i'm absolutely a person more interested in the behind the scenes rather than the characters themselves (save for a few notable exceptions... 🦆🐖), but it's been REALLY rewarding being able to track where certain character traits are birthed and how they are either expounded upon or abandoned. reviewing every single cartoon in depth has allowed me to notice certain details i never would have noticed before, even in repeated viewings. the chronological aspect is a very big help in that as well.

if anyone is considering doing the same, i say go for it--what do you have to lose? there is a lot of uncomfortable, bad stuff that's either aged poorly or has been actively malicious from the start (usually a combination of the two), but i definitely think it's still worth viewing, especially so you can remain critical but ALSO appreciate the best of the best all that much more. it certainly puts things in perspective.

i know plugging myself after all this seems kinda scummy like "and that's why you should listen to ME inform your opinions FOR YOU!!!" BUT, as i'm sure many of you are aware, you can read my blog where i tackle every single LT cartoon and analyze it in-depth if you still want to read about the history but maybe don't feel up to the task in giant chucks. i also provide links to the short at the end of every review (though i may change it to be at the beginning to make things easier, as well as encourage readers to draw their own opinions before reading what i have to say on the matter. my writing is not without personal bias, but i feel it would be restrictive otherwise.)

EITHER WAY, LONG STORY SHORT, YES, viewing every LT short chronologically has made me feel so much more open-minded and PURPOSEFUL! i try to apply everything i learn into my own work--personal or professional--and it's just a very rewarding feeling being able to spout of arbitrary facts. nothing is ever useless if it's fulfilling. i'm so happy i decided to pursue this venture and certainly encourage others to do the same, but understand it is a very dedicated undertaking. (and THANK YOU!! that means a lot!)

#as i said there is a LOT of very very horrible stuff out there and i think you should totally be aware of the risks before diving in #racism misogyny homophobia transphobia antisemitism in the earliest shorts xenophobia ableism there is a LOT and it never really goes away #and it's certainly not my place to preach what's right and wrong and at the end of the day my opinion doesn't matter on certain discussions #but i do think it's worth ingesting for historical and informational means as well as a way to put in perspective just how strong certain #cartoons in comparison to their weaker or nastier counterparts. you really appreciate the little victories #but ANYHOO. i can't agree enough #fagettyr-blog #asks #long post