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gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights · 4 years

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Rating: T

Chapter Summary: Luka doesn’t miss XY. That would be stupid. For @luxyweek prompt “Eye Contact” (with a little bit of style swap peppered in)

Word Count: 2404 | 3/4

XXX

Luka stared deep into XY’s eyes. Well, the photograph’s eyes, from the back of the CD he held in his hands. Of course he couldn’t escape the pop star here, in the middle of his favorite music store. But he hadn’t needed to go directly to the end of the aisle and pick up the Number One album.

Ironic. He said he couldn’t escape him, yet XY hadn’t crashed the Liberty in a week. Since the sleepover at Nino’s house. Had he just gotten his inspiration and left?

He’d kept Luka’s hoodie. Luka had forgotten to demand it back when XY had woken up and rushed out of the apartment, yelping something about his dad.

“You owe me,” Luka said to the album. XY’s melody had been beating under Luka’s skin for the last seven days. “You can’t just take my favorite hoodie and disappear.”

Luka didn’t even have his phone number. It was a stupid oversight, but he wasn’t used to having his own friends. If he needed a number, he usually asked Juleka.

Nino said he hadn’t come back, which was strange. XY always wanted attention; Luka had figured that if he wasn’t trying to leap onto the Liberty, he’d be at the other boy’s apartment. What had happened to his original song? Had he given up on it?

Had he actually stolen Nino’s music instead, like Luka had feared? Was the guilt keeping him away? Or did he just decide he had better things to do?

Maybe he’d even left Paris by now. He’d never mentioned how long he’d be staying.

Luka shook his head. He didn’t know, and staring at XY’s Number One album wasn’t going to give him any answers.

His eyes glanced down to the price tag. Not too expensive, but he still wouldn’t pay for it. XY had probably stolen all those songs. It would be wrong to give him and Bob Roth money for it.

So when he got home, he cracked open his laptop and pirated the album.

A few of the songs he recognized, probably from supermarket speakers or TV commercials. Most were unfamiliar though, except in how they mimicked each other. It was like XY only had one setting: repetitive pop beats. His tracks barely even had lyrics to differentiate them from each other. Along the Beach with You had the addition of waves and seagull calls. Urban Night was so autotuned he could barely make out the words. Was that even XY’s voice? It didn’t sound nasally enough.

Luka was just about to give up listening to the album when I Miss You started. Soft, not as energetic as the other tracks. He strained to hear the words.

I’m going crazy for you

I’m lost, where can I find you?

You’ve got my heart torn in two

Please, I just miss you

Nothing unique. Lazy, even; he used “you” in three of the four rhymes.

Luka hated that it sparked something in him, something that his guitar still hadn’t been able to untangle.

His own music wasn’t helping. XY’s music wasn’t helping. Staring at his face wasn’t helping.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he sighed as he strapped his guitar across his back.

Then he crept above deck, rolled out his bike, and pedaled off towards the Grand Paris Hotel.

XXX

XY paced across his hotel room as the song was exporting, the loading bar slowly, slowly filling up. Why did it take so long? Making the song had already taken way more time than he expected. He hadn’t gotten to see Lu in days. What if Lu forgot all about him? A few times he’d thought about going back to that dumpster boat, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to resist bragging about his new song, and it needed to be a surprise.

He told Lu he was gonna make the most cash money music he’d ever heard. He hoped this track would be good enough. It probably wasn’t Lu’s style, but Marmalade hadn’t looked like she was his style either, and he liked her. He’d thrown a couple of her sewing machine noises into the track for good measure.

“Come on, stupid computer,” he muttered.

The door burst open just as he was thumping the monitor. His arms pinwheeled before he caught himself on the desk.

“Oh, uh, hey Dad.” He grinned too wide. “What brings you here?”

“What? I can’t see what my own son is up to?” He laughed loudly, making XY cringe. “I thought you were out with Andre’s girl again. You’re too young to be holed up in here.”

XY tried not to groan at the mention of Cole. She’d already tried to break into his room three times today. He’d pulled up Lu’s hood and hidden under the legs of his synth each time. Luckily he’d taken it off while pacing, not wanting to sweat too much in it, or else Dad might’ve asked why he was wearing something so ratty looking.

“I’m just trying to catch up on my music, Dad.” He rolled his eyes.

“Ha! Searching for new tracks to steal? Proactive of you, I like it. You’re starting to think like a real star.”

XY’s stomach turned as his dad slung an arm around his shoulder. He shrugged him off.

He almost told him what he was really doing, but the words dried up in his mouth. Maybe Lu could spout whatever hippie crap came into his head, but XY couldn’t afford to.

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered instead.

“Looks like whatever you were downloading finished. Let’s hear it.” Dad plopped down into the cushy chair in front of his synth, leaving XY to stand.

“Uh—I dunno, Dad. It’s not—it’s nothing great, y’know?”

He snorted. “Look, if you’re gonna steal, you gotta go big or go home.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Let’s just hear it. I’ll tell you what’s worth ripping off.” He folded his hands on the desk and waited.

XY didn’t let his nervousness show. He was a star. He didn’t get stage fright—okay, usually he wasn’t even on the stage, but still.

Lu wasn’t scared of standing up to Bob Roth. The least XY could do was play his own music.

He opened the exported audio file and hit play.

Smooth electronic beats came from the speakers. Bubbly, upbeat, with an undercurrent of bass. So far it didn’t sound much different from XY’s old music, the kind he’d made before Dad convinced him to steal instead.

Dad’s eyes narrowed, as if he realized this, but he didn’t say anything yet. Didn’t say anything for the entire song, even when he heard XY’s lyrics.

Please ignore the lyrics please ignore the lyrics—

His face looked like he'd eaten something nasty. Like pasta. “You’ve gotta stop stealing songs from girls, son. The pronouns are all wrong.”

“Uh, oops. Forgot to change it.” His heart fell. Dad knew why his lyrics were like that, but he wouldn’t even say it out loud. He’d been stupid to let him hear the song, not that he’d had a choice. He would’ve finished it at Nino’s if the boy didn’t have to do dumb stuff like “go to school” and “do homework.”

“It’ll never be at the top of the charts, but you can use it to fill up space on your next album, I guess. You always need a few songs no one will actually listen to.”

XY bit his tongue. “Pshaw, yeah. That’s exactly what I stole it for.”

“Keep working, but pick a more mainstream beat next time. And on second thought, just scrap those lyrics. They’re clearly ameteur work. Who puts pigeons in a love song?”

Dad clapped him on the shoulder one last time before turning away, leaving XY numb.

You always need a few songs no one will actually listen to.

Just scrap those lyrics.

Clearly ameteur work...

The extraordinary XY did not cry. But he might have sniffled a little.

“What are you doing here? Scram! I told you, we were just kidding about the record deal!”

XY jolted up, dashing for the door. He peeked past his dad’s looming figure to see—

“Lu!” He grinned before he could help himself.

Lu was standing there, holding a flat cardboard box. His muscles showed beneath the short sleeves of his Jagged Stone t-shirt. The best part of stealing his hoodie was that XY got to see his arms. If only it didn’t also show off his number one rival’s merch.

“What? Xavier-Yves, did you invite this punk—”

“He ordered a pizza.” Lu wiggled the box.

XY frowned. “Huh? I didn’t—”

Lu’s eyes narrowed.

“Ohhhh, that pizza! Pshaw, right.”

Dad still glared down at Lu. “You better not try any funny business. Or I’ll have my lawyers on you faster than that pizza grease sticks to your hair.”

Lu smiled pleasantly, a dangerous (and sexy) gleam in his eyes. “Of course not. I’m just trying to do my job, sir.”

Dang, he was smart. And brave. And hot.

XY tried very hard not to swoon.

“I’ve got to—uh—money! Cash money. I owe you. For the pizza.”

“Well go grab it so this little snake can get out of here,” Dad said with a dismissive wave.

“Lu—uh, he can come in for a minute, right? It would be pretty unsexy of us to leave him out in the cold.”

“We’re in a hotel, and he’s not some street orphan.” Dad scrunched his nose. “Even if he smells like one.”

XY thought Luka smelled amazing, but he wouldn’t admit it in front of Dad. “Huh? I can’t hear you, I’m busy thinking about how I’m gonna cheat him out of a tip.”

That made Dad laugh. “Classic Xavier. Ruthless instincts, but not that bright.”

With that, he whistled his way out of the room, leaving XY alone with Lu.

His heart sped up. Lu was in his room. Even if he was just there because XY had ordered a pizza.

Wait. He hadn’t ordered a pizza.

“Did your dad just—did he really just say that? That was just… wrong.” Lu glared at the space where Dad had been standing.

“Awww, you care?” XY asked, leaning into his space. He smelled like wood and water, probably from spending so much time on that garbage boat. Or maybe it was just his cologne, but the first option sounded more romantic.

“No,” he snapped. Huh, he looked a lot more tense now than he’d been even with Dad.

“What’s up, bro? Marmalade break your heart again?” he asked hopefully.

Lu blinked. He had gorgeous eyes, but he could really use some mascara. Or at least eyeliner. XY thought rockers were supposed to be into that kind of stuff.

“Also no. I just… shut up and give me your phone.”

“Huh?” His head tilted, but he dug his phone out of his pocket.

Lu grabbed it out of his palm before realizing it was locked. He sighed. “Will you open it? Please?”

“Sure, ’cause you asked nicely.” XY grinned and swiped his thumb in the “XY” pattern, then tossed it back. Where this was going? Was Lu going to take a selfie and set it as his home screen? That would save XY the trouble of sneaking a photo himself.

Lu set the phone on top of the pizza box, typed furiously for a few seconds, and handed it back.

XY blinked down at the screen. Ohhhh, this was even better!

“You know if you wanted my number, all you had to do was ask.” XY pursed his lips, but resisted kissing Lu’s cheek again.

“I had no idea what happened to you. You might’ve left Paris, or… something.” He crossed his arms.

“So you did miss me.” His heart raced, though he kept his cool. He was XY, and Lu was just… the cutest boy he’d ever met. Who’d missed him.

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t take Nino’s music and run after all.”

“Pshaw, like I need his beats. I told you I was gonna make cash money music by myself this time.” XY rolled his eyes. He thought Lu believed in him.

Not that he should. His music wasn’t good. Dad didn’t think so, anyway.

“Did you finish it?” Lu’s eyes widened. “The song you were making at Nino’s?”

His eyes darted towards his synth and computer. “Uh… nah, man. I’ve just been… y’know, kickin’ back. I can’t stay in your unsexy garbage heap all the time.”

“Just… kickin’ back.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

Lying to Lu felt wrong. Not like lying to his dad, or even to the paparazzi. But he wasn’t about to admit that his song had crashed and burned.

And he’d really thought he understood perspiration this time, too.

“I guess I just thought you liked kickin’ back with me,” Lu murmured.

XY’s gut twisted, like he’d eaten a bad plate of mac ’n’ cheese. “Pshaw, as if. I was just getting away from Cole, remember? You were the one who dragged me everywhere. I didn’t even need your dumb inspiration. I’m the extraordinary XY.”

He flashed his trademarked hand sign, but really he wanted to slap himself. Even if it felt wrong, he was good at lying. Too good.

Hurt flashed across Lu’s face for just a moment. Then it was gone, and he was shoving the pizza box into XY’s hands.

“Thanks for getting us on the same page.”

Crap, crap, crap. He wasn’t supposed to make Luka mad.

“Wait, bruh,” XY called out as Luka stepped out of the room. “I still didn’t pay you for the pizza!”

Luka rolled his eyes. “What, you’re not going to cheat me out of that, too?”

XY chewed his lip and looked down at his feet. He’d never been so embarrassed about cheating before.

“Forget it. I don’t need money you made by ripping people off, anyway.”

And then Luka was gone, leaving XY with a warm pizza in his arms. He opened the box, but the smell of fresh cheese just made him nauseous. The last time he’d eaten a cheese pizza was with him.

Luka was the first person to believe in him, and he’d let him down. He guessed he shouldn’t be surprised. It was Luka’s own fault for expecting something more.

He left the pizza by his synth, where it slowly grew cold.

#luxyweek2k20 #luxy #miraculous ladybug #luka #xy #fic tag #tali writes

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itsicantbelievethis666 · 4 years

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The Cunning Woman and The Demon - Christmas/Holiday Special

1854 words. This is a jump-ahead chapter (I tend to do that a fair bit in my other writing), and will probably be edited.

To all of you and any I may have missed, thank you, thank you, thank you. If I missed you in the tag, please forgive me and let me know so that I can include you. If you have updated your URL or username, please let me know so that I can update my list.

@new-zealand-chic @deepdisireslonging @trent7thirsting @xprincessofthefallenangels @demonkingsangel @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @writinglionqueen @superrezzy00 @kallirevenne @neversatisfiedgirlfics @neversatisfiedgirl @sjwrites22 @theworldofotps @tacoshuimagines @writing-reigns @baratomaya @devittsslut @the-carter-mob-don @evilangel84 @demonqueen29 @blissedoutbalor @ashleyvc88 @never-sawft-princess @ladycynthia @warblersarelove @biforbecky2belts@thepalaceofmelanie @twistedbeautifully @shieldgirl18 @dark-blueheart13 @officialbroski10-blog @the-beastslayers-queen @moody-geeky-synfully-perverse @the-balor-within

The sky is a deepening grey mottled with clouds threatening more than the flurries tumbling lazily on the frigid breeze. The ground is hard, the grass crunching under the frost as I step on it. Only a few birds remain to play with the Fireflies as they flit only a few feet away from me, their sorties short and frequent between stops inside the hood of my coat.

Finn is away visiting the Hardy compound. I have not been feeling well these last few weeks: I’ve been more tired than usual in the admittedly longer evenings, while during the day my appetite has disappeared and nausea has been gripping me at odd times. For that reason I have stayed close to the cottage this afternoon, stocking the root cellar for the winter and clearing away the debris of the garden for the compost pile.

“Little ones, perhaps we should go back inside,” I call out to them as the last of the year’s root vegetables disappear into my basket. The squeaks of protest amuse me for the moment, until they fall silent as, one by one, the Fireflies return to the hood’s shelter and snuggle among its folds. Whatever remains in the garden now will wait dormant in the spring.

“When will Finn be back?” Joe asks, scouting the outer limits of his flight path before returning.

“Hopefully by nightfall,” I reply. “I don’t remember him bringing a flashlight with him.” Suddenly I’m worried. Wyatt’s minions have been close to the ring of protection, but the Hardy compound and the path towards it are both outside it.

The wind picks up as I mount the steps to the cottage door and step inside with my little charges. Christmas Eve has arrived. The woods have crept as garlands onto the staircase rail, along the windowsills and around the mantel in the sitting room, crowned with a tree in the corner adorned with popcorn strings, paper chains and ornaments of all shapes and colours. Extra blankets cover the beds; throw blankets sit folded or draped over seat-backs; the crates of firewood are piled high next to both the fireplace and the kitchen woodstove.

With a wave, the lanterns inside are lit. I march my cargo into the kitchen and set it on the table before doffing my boots and coat. A moment or two later, I start a fire on the stove and set a pot of water upon it to boil. I set to work preparing the meal for the holiday – mixing dough for bread, peeling and chopping vegetables, and blending herbs for the dressing. A noseful of summer savoury, however, suddenly brings on a wave of nausea that makes me sit down a moment. The Fireflies gather around me.

She’s not…sick again, like when she came back? Ashley, the sensitive one, the little worrywart – asks.

I’m not sure. Emma gives me a tiny peck on my forehead. She’s not feverish, I don’t think.

Well, that’s good, at least. Nicholas, thus assured, darts off to play with the ornaments on the tree.

Tired again, Sis? Joe asks. Maybe you need some tea to pick you up.

Rachel and Joshua immediately dash off to the cupboard for the tin and a mug, growing in size as they pick each up and bring it to the table before shrinking back again.

Remember how she’d get so tired for those few days every moon? Dylan, one of the other boys, is an observant sort, but has never had much of a filter. I chuckle.

Dylan! Ew! Funny, though, you’ve not had one of those spells in a while. Not since you’ve been back. Jessica, so proper in her way, and so observant .

“No, no, I’ll be all right,” I answer. Nonetheless, it takes me all my strength, it seems, to walk to the pantry shelf, pull the medical book from its spot and return to the table with it. The lantern’s flame glows from behind its milky glass as I thumb through the pages, looking for a cause. I’m getting old; the winter brings with it its share of death and disease; the last seven years of my life have been almost totally a stretch of traumas and trials. Decline seems not merely expected, but almost welcome.

Five years I was in that cell, most of it encased in that curse of Wyatt’s. The memory of it still sometimes brings me to near-rage, despite what has followed. It also brings me a deep sadness on occasion, as I realize that some hopes are now beyond me. There has been no talk of it with Finn: none yet, anyway.

The last three months, however, have done much to repair the damage. The parcels under the tree for Finn are full of my gratitude for what he has done. The days have been calmer, more productive, quieter in their way, and infinitely happier with Finn to protect me and keep me company, and to inspire me. The nights have filled me with more pleasure and contentment than I have ever thought possible. So many nights together…so much….

Wait a minute- no. I must have gone through the Change. I’m not exactly a shriveled husk, but I’m past that stage now. There’s no way….

“All right, little ones – off to the sitting room with you! Get your stockings hung up for Santa! I have to get the rest of the supper on.” The brief protests morph into excited chirps as the Fireflies make a tight formation flying into the sitting room.

The vegetables make their way into a pot with some of the hot water, a few dollops of tomato paste and a dash of salt and pepper. In a heartbeat afterwards, I find a needle and a small ceramic cup I’ve used before for spell-work. I dash to the washroom next to the kitchen, rinse out the cup with water and, over the toilet, settle myself to my task. I half-fill the cup before finishing my task on the toilet and dropping the needle into the cup. I sit and wait with the cup at my feet, barely registering that I am breathing.

Within a few minutes, I see the needle changing – flakes of its shine come away and the pale yellow liquid around the needle has turned to billows of a rusty hue. I observe the changes and become hyperaware of everything – of my own heartbeat intermingling with another, a light fluttering inside me, the realization of why I’d been waking up each morning feeling as though I had slept on a pea. I close my eyes as the weight of the discovery descends. How could I have missed it? How could I have been so sure of one conclusion that I wouldn’t entertain any other possibility?

Hello, little one. It’s all I can think of to form in my mind as my heart fills. You are a bit of a surprise.

I can hear a voice singing a carol, and see a flicker of lantern-light through the window. Quickly, I dispose of the needle and its vehicle, flush the commode and give the cup another rinse, this time with soap. I wash my hands quickly and thoroughly, and step back to the kitchen just as the cottage door swings open and a jolt of frigid air blasts across the passage.

“Jaysus, it’s gotten cold out dere,” Finn announces as he shuts the door and gently sets a sack down by his feet. “Any hot water?”

“I’ve g-got a pot on the simmer,” I reply, looking around the kitchen for what to do next. “So, how was the visit?”

“Good, good!” he says, treading through as he doffs his hat and gloves. “Dey sent me back wit’ a sack of presents for us. De boys picked out some doll outfits for de Fireflies and Matt and Reby sent us a tool set an’ some craft supplies – paints and stuff, a couple bolts o’cloth for ‘round de house – what’s wrong? You’ve been sick again?”

“It was…just a passing thing,” I reply. “But…um….But I think I’ve found out what’s been causing it.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Finn’s brow furrows and he reaches for my hands.

I give his cold hands a squeeze; his gloves have done little to keep them warm. “You know that we’ve been here…together…about three months.”

“Dereabouts.” He looks at me, his face a map of worry and confusion.

“And before that…how long was I a prisoner?”

“Five years. Ya told me yerself and then you showed me your little book – de last thing you wrote in it was dat long ago. “

“During that time, I don’t remember having had…my period. I figured it was stopped or curtailed between Wyatt’s spell and the lack of food.”

“Dat’s understandable,” he says.

“Well, since we got back here and restored everything and rebuilt it, I haven’t had one in that time, either, and….”

“…We have been inseparable…in more ways den one.” He gives me a half-grin before the realization begins to dawn. His eyes widen, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Abigail….D’ya tink…?”

My voice is shaking, along with the rest of me. “I thought it was over for me – that I’m too old now. But…I think so. It would add up, with how I’ve been feeling lately.”

The kitchen is utterly silent but for the pots gurgling away on the stove. I grab the pot holders and lift the kettle of water off the burner to the side, then reach for the teapot. Finn gently turns me back to face him.

“How…how d’you feel about it?” His expression is searching – afraid of the answer.

“Before you, I would have been absolutely petrified.” I had to be honest – bottling this up was going to hurt others besides me now.

“But now?” The search in his face has grown desperate. “I mean, I don’t want to fo-“

“Shhh,” I answer, gently putting my finger to his quivering lips. “I’m full of joy right now. I’m ecstatic – nervous but ecstatic. “We’re soulbound – you told me that. We’re together. This is what, I think, we’re meant to have now that we are together – what we’re meant to have.”

“Jaysus…we’re…we’re havin’ a baby.” The despair in Finn’s face has turned to a tremulous elation as he pulls me closer to him and wraps an arm around me.

I give his torso a squeeze and press a kiss against his lips before nuzzling against his neck. “And what a day to find out.”

Suddenly, I catch flickers of light as eight little bodies press themselves between Finn and me, their voices a chorus of whoops and squeals of delight. “How long were you listening in?”

Joe speaks for them all. “We kinda suspected when you went to the bathroom that something was up. One of us may have gotten some inside information.”

“Well, dis is quite an unexpected Christmas gift, I must say,” Finn says at last, squeezing me tighter and kissing my forehead. “Now for a bite of supper before Santa comes. And, Mum,” he looks at me. “You’re off de clock tonight.”

#finn bálor #broken matt hardy #sister abigail #fireflies #bray wyatt

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dont-speak-just-read · 7 years

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No Freaking Way

Bucky x reader Dad!Tony x Daughter!reader Summary: You're a high school grad who lost your mother and doesn't know their father. You are hoping to get an internship at Stark Tower. You were fascinated with Tony Stark and his technology. Little did you know he was your father. You first met Bucky and you instantly feel something. Warnings: death, funeral, cursing, guilt, lust ( think that is it)

You never met your father. Your mum always told you that he left her before he even knew about you. You always wondered would he have stayed if he had known about you? Why didn't she ever reach out to him? Did she keep it a secret because she didn't know who he was? You hardly ever asked about him because you felt that if you asked too much your mum would feel as though she wasn't enough. But the definitely was not the case.

You just wanted to know more about yourself. Were you more like your father or mum? What was he like. Was he tall? What color are his eyes? What did he do for a living? What was his favorite thing to do? Would he have been a good father? You would make up different scenarios in your head. You just wanted to know if your life would have been different if you would've had him in your life or at least met him. You hoped that on your 18th birthday your mom would finally tell you. You thought you were finally old enough to understand.

Your birthday was coming up and you were excited. You were excited because you were going to start a new chapter in your life. You just graduated high school as Valedictorian. You can still remember the day like it was yesterday. It was a wonderful May night. You gave a speech on never forgetting who you are and always striving to be better. To continue to prove that we as the next generation are going to change America by not taking crap from anyone. You ending it with we are no longer the kids of the future but the adults of the future. You went to grad night and had the time of your life. The last night of everyone being together before you all headed out for college. You were accepted to all the colleges you applied for but decided NYU was the way to go because it was close to the new home you purchased for your mum. And also close to the Stark tower where you hoped to intern this summer.

It was about a month before your birthday and your mum got very ill. She was all you had. You never met any other relative so she was your everything. She was sick for about two years but this past year was harsh. She hoped you wouldn't find out that she was this sick until you were in college. She didn't know that you had bought a house for her in New York. You wanted to be close to her. You thought that her being in California and you in New York was too far away.

She hadn't planned on you buying a house. She hoped that when she passed you wouldn't have to see her as sick as she was. She was going to call you up and tell you to go see her in Cali. She had stage IV breast cancer. She didn't want you to worry about her. She was a fighter and if you knew the severity you would have treated her differently and she wouldn't have made it this far.

One night when you came home from work you saw your mum laying on the couch. You walked into the living room and went to sit by her, that is when you realized that she wasn’t breathing too well. You helped her up and you both walked to the car. As you drove her to the hospital all you could think of was, that these were your last moments with her. You couldn’t believe that you hadn’t realized she was this sick. You were too worried about school, work, and getting all of the money for the new house. As you reached the hospital you wheeled her in and just like that, they took her from you.

When she was finally situated in a room, the doctors told you that she didn't have much time. She had been battling it for awhile and you never noticed how severe it was. You wish you could back and change everything. You would get up early every day and go to school, stay late for school activities then part-time work and repeat Monday-Friday. You would take longer shifts on Saturday's and Sunday’s to save for the new house. You were hardly ever home. You thought if you would have been more attentive at home she wouldn't have had to battle this alone.

You felt guilty because she was always working so you had everything you ever needed for school. She saved up money for you to go to college because she wasn't sure if you were going to get a scholarship or not. She didn't ask much from you but to work hard and get good grades. She wanted the best for you. She never wanted to see you struggle and she never wanted to see you hurt. She figured it would be easier on you too not have to constantly worry about her. "Mum why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you get help? We have my college tuition money!" You yelled. "Y/N please I don't want to argue. I didn't want to tell you because it was your senior year and I wanted you to enjoy it." Your mum whispered. "You should have told me. I could have helped. I would have gotten a second job. I could have helped you." Tears streaming down your face. "You're all I have and I don't know what I am going to do if I lose you, Mum. You are the most important person to me and you didn't tell me. You should have gotten help." "I didn't want to burden you. I knew you were busy with school. I didn't tell you because you have so-much potential-that I knew that if you- knew you would give it up. And I didn't want you too. I love you and all I've ever wanted was for you to succeed." coughing in between because it was hard for her to breathe."You can do anything y/n. You will succeed and even if I am not here to see it physically I will always be here in your heart." Tears streaming down both of your faces.

It's been a week since you found out about your mum. You felt like shit. The only thing that kept you going was that she was still fighting. She was getting a little better so you told her you were going to go home and get clothes for the both of them. Before leaving you told her " I love you mum. You are my hero and you always will be no matter what happens to us. I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me. I love you so much, mum." Kissing the top of her head.

You were glad that the hospital was only a few blocks from the apartment. You ran home and got your stuff and ran back as quickly as possible. When you got there, you saw multiple nurses in the room with your mum. You dropped everything and ran to her. "I'm right here mom you don't have to worry I'm not going leave your side." Tears a steaming. They finally got her to where she needs to be for her to be stable. Before falling asleep one last time your mother told you " I want you to know something. I want you to know that you are inspirational. You are talented, gifted, beautiful and kind. Even if the world wrongs you promise me you'll never do anything I wouldn't approve of. I love you (Y/N) more than you'll ever know. When you have children of your own you will understand why I kept this a secret. You are my beautiful girl. Don't ever forget how proud I am of you. I love you always." "I love you too mom now get some sleep so you can get better." You both fell fast asleep only to be woken up by the sound of a flat line. You didn't want to believe it. You just hoped it was a nightmare. You turned until you realized it wasn't. You were sobbing and screaming "HELP PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.”

But you already knew it was too late there was nothing they could do. You felt helpless and alone. You couldn't believe it your mum was actually gone. The next morning you woke up in bed. You didn't know how you got there or what happened after you left the hospital but all you remembered was losing your mUm was not a dream. The next week was one of the worst days of your life. You planned the funeral and it was a small service. During the week leading up to the funeral, a lot of your friends visited and family you never met even came by. You were furious when they showed up. All you could think of was how they want to be a part of your life after your mum had passed. During the funeral, you said your word and final goodbyes. Your friends offer to take you home but you wanted to be alone. You stayed about an hour-longer to talk to your mum. Apologizing for not realizing sooner and promising her that you will continue your hard work and her legacy.

You noticed someone staring at you. That is when you realized who it was. It was Pepper Potts Tony freaking Starks girlfriend. You wondered why she was there. Most likely to tell you about the internship. She walked up and said, "Hello I'm Pepper and I assume you are (Y/n)." You nodded unable to say anything due to the fact you just buried your Mum. "Well, I wanted to congratulate you in person. I tried calling but I got no answer so I hoped I could find you somewhere to tell you about your internship." You scoffed "Listen, Pepper is it." But you knew exactly who she was, she was dating one of your idols. " I don't want your pity so, if you are only offering me this because I just laid my mum to rest you and Mr. Stark can go fuck yourselves." You both just stared at each other for about a min before she spoke up "Look, kid, he wanted to give you this internship before you even graduated high school. He had seen you at the national science fair and he saw how interested you were in engineering and he said you reminded him of a younger him. He also saw you at the decathlon. You won for your team isn't that right." You looked up confused as to why he wanted you. "You were the top of your class, right? Miss valedictorian." She sat you down on the bench and explained more. He said you were fascinating and looked you up. He found out who you were and what your grades were like and he said he had to have the best. "So here we are. We understand if you need a couple of weeks even months the internship is yours whenever you want it." She said. You asked, " When can I start." You need a distraction from everything that has been going on you need a break. "Whenever you want. How about tomorrow come to the tower around noon if that's good with you." She replied. ----------------- It was 11:15 when you were finally ready. You put on a pair of blue jeans with a black shirt and Maroon docs. You remember Pepper telling you to dress comfortably. So you wore what you would wear anywhere. You were going to drive but it said it would have taken an hour because of traffic. The bus route was faster. You ran to the bus but just missed it. You knew the next bus wouldn't arrive for about 20 mins about a ten-minute difference if you just walked/jogged there. So you were walking and at a pretty quick pace so you could get to the tower. Or so you thought. When you finally reached the tower it was 11:56. You didn't know exactly how to get to where you needed to be. When you were searching for someone to help you, you bumped into a beautiful tall man with brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'm in a rush. Sorry." You apologize not looking at him yet. When you do you see his beautiful blue eyes shine off the sun.

‘It's okay, doll. It was my fault I wasn't watching where I was going." He spoke sweetly You couldn't help but just stare at how beautiful he was. "You said you were in a rush. I think I can help who are you looking for?" He asked "I'm looking for Tony Stark." "You can find him on the six floor just head in the elevator and say FRIDAY take me to Tony. And she will get you there." He stood smiling at you. "Thanks so much." You stared before realizing you were going to be late. "Okay well, it was nice meeting you." As you walk away you turn "Oh I didn't catch your name what was it?" You asked "It's bu- it's James my name is James." "Well thank you, James, it was a pleasure." "Oh Doll, before I forget what is your name?" "It's (Y/N)!" You yelled just a little because of distance. He whispered, " I figured it was something beautiful." He spoke louder " It was nice to meet you. Hope to see you around." On the elevator ride where you were in awe. You hoped that you would see him around more often. You smiled at the ground, you hadn't thought about your mum at all until you saw your reflection in the elevators "mirrors". At that moment you thought that you thinking about a guy was the wrong decision. You just needed to focus on this internship. As you walked down the hallway you got to the door. As you stood in front of his door you knocked softly twice and then the third with force. You thought this is it. First impressions are everything. As you stand there ready the door opens and there he is your father a.k.a Tony Stark.

let me know if you wanna be tagged in future fics. :)

@winter-childrens @winter-commandos @marvel-is-ruining-my-life

#dad!tonyxreader #tony x daughter #bucky fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky imagines #tony imagine #tony!dad #tony stark x reader #i hope you like it #no freaking way #marvel imagine #marvel angst #marvel stan #Dontspeakjustread

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choclette8 · 4 years

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If you love a good curry, but keep making the same ones time and time again, it might be time to try something different. This healthy mushroom curry with cashew nuts is full of flavour, colour and nutritious ingredients. It’s one of Chetna Makan’s recipes from her new book, Chetna’s Healthy Indian Vegetarian. Plus there’s a chance to win a copy for yourself.

If you’re a fan of The Great British Bake Off, you will know Chetna Makan. She wowed the judges with her creative and vibrant flavour combinations back in 2014. But although she’s a keen baker, she also enjoys simple Indian home cooking. Chetna’s Healthy Indian: Vegetarian is her fourth book.

Chetna’s Healthy Indian: Vegetarian

Chetna was inspired to write this book after a research trip to India. Vegetables and home cooking are integral to the cuisine of most parts of this vast country. As well as making veg the star of the show, however, she also showcases recipes that are healthier than many. The tag lines, “everyday veg and vegan feasts; effortlessly good for you”, pretty much says it all.

Most of the recipes are really easy to make. And a lot of them are quite quick too.

The book is divided into eight chapters. Each chapter contains around ten recipes, although some have a couple more and some a couple less. I’ve looked at every single one and strangely enough, I want to try them all. Here’s a flavour of each of the chapters and what you might find therein.

Soups & Starters

Soup isn’t something I generally associate with Indian cuisine. But of course there are soup recipes. Every culture has them after all. Creamy tomato and coconut milk soup looks totally delicious. Sweet and sour garlic and tamarind rasam, on the other hand, sounds quite intriguing.

The salads are refreshing and light and include lentil and mango salad and grilled corn and red onion salad. You can treat these as a starter, a light lunch or a side.

Snacks & Canapés

The recipes in this chapter are perfect for entertaining. But they’re also great for picnics and packed lunches. Cheese and potato chapatti sandwiches sound counterintuitive , but I suspect I’d find them irresistible. They’re definitely on my list of must tries. I’ve made chocolate rocot0 stuffed chillies before and they nearly blew our heads off. Chetna has a recipe for gram flour stuffed chillies. She suggests finding the right chilli for your tastes before stuffing them. Much more sensible than our approach.

Sabji

Sabji are dry vegetable dishes. Chetna describes them as akin to Indian vegetable stir-fries. Serve them on their own with flatbreads or to accompany curries and other dishes such as dal and rice. Chetna particularly likes to use them as stuffings for sandwiches, wraps and toasties.

Onion and green pea sabji is a great all rounder. It sounds delicious and given that most of us have a pack of frozen peas in the freezer, it can be made at a moment’s notice. I’m also keen to try sour and spicy okra with potatoes and asparagus paneer.

Lentils, Peas & Beans

Dal is one of my absolute favourite dishes. So I can’t wait to get properly stuck into the recipes in this chapter. You’ll find a basic quick and easy dal recipe for sure, but there’s so much more. In this chapter you’ll also find a recipe for a super green spinach masala chickpeas.

I know I have a pack of urad dal lurking around somewhere in the back of a cupboard. So I absolutely must make Chetna’s masala urad dal. It’s a nice thick one and it just sounds so good.

Curries

As you’d expect from Chetna, there are a few tricks and twists to elevate your curry cookery to the next level. The mushroom curry for example, isn’t just any old mushroom curry. It contains cashew nuts for extra texture, nutrition and flavour, but also gram flour for thickening.

There are also some unexpected finds. I understand jackfruit curry is quite common in India, but I’ve never seen a recipe for one in an Indian cookbook here in the UK before. Chetna has that one covered.

As much as I dislike the term fusion food, Chetna has snuck in a few adaptations. Look out for some standard British produce which gets a makeover. Here are a couple: broad bean curry; courgette kofta curry.

Rice & Roti

If you’re after a standard roti, paratha or naan bread recipe, this isn’t the book for you. Instead Chetna gives us a whole range of lesser known and unusual bread recipes. I’ve been exploring all sorts of flatbreads over the last few months and I’ve enjoyed the process enormously. But I have to say I’d never heard of kulcha until I saw the recipe for buckwheat kulcha in this book. But now, of course, I want to try it.

This chapter includes recipes for dosas, a beetroot chapatti and a chilli naan. When it comes to the rice side of things, expect to see such delights as bengali khichdi and aubergine and potato rice.

Raita & Chutney

The penultimate chapter of the book is for the spicy or cooling condiments that put the finishing touches to a good Indian meal. Roast carrot raita sits alongside a host of other yoghurt based sides. The tamarind and date chutney, with its sweet and sour notes, has my name written all over it.

Sweets

Well you can’t have an Indian cookbook without a few sweets to finish off. Indians have a notoriously sweet tooth. Chetna’s desserts err on the healthier end of the spectrum though and aren’t nearly as sweet as you’d expect. Rose sandesh, a strained milk based pudding, sounds particularly appealing.

Publisher Details

Chetna’s Healthy Indian: Vegetarian */ Chetna Makan. Published by Octopus Books in hardback with an RRP of £20. ISBN – 9781784726621.

If you like the sound of this cookbook, head down to the bottom of the post where you’ll find the chance to win a copy.

What I Really Like

Although there are some familiar recipes in the book, such as chana dal there are many more unusual ones. This gets me excited.

Every recipe has a photograph to show the finished dish. This is quite a rarity in cookbooks these days. As you’d expect, they all look good and eminently toothsome. But there’s also a number of shots taken in India. These are mostly of market produce, but there’s a few buildings and street scenes thrown in to conjure up an exotic, sultry and colourful aura – the essence of India.

Some cookbooks these days are obsessed by celebrity culture and feature more shots of the author than they do of the recipes they’ve created. I’m very pleased to say that Chetna is not such a person. There are only two photos of her in the whole book and they’re both in the introduction.

I’m a big fan of pulses, which is just as well as they’re a mainstay of my diet. Not only are they nutritious and tasty but they’re also incredibly versatile. It seems I’m not alone. Chetna is also a fan. To help those that aren’t as familiar with peas, beans and lentils as she is, there is a Pulse Primer section in the book.

Her guide to the individual qualities of different pulses is to encourage readers to explore and use a wider variety than they may be familiar with.

What Could Be Better

To be honest, I’m struggling to think of anything.

Mushroom Curry with Cashew Nuts

We really enjoyed Chetna’s mushroom and cashew curry. I’ve called it mushroom curry because there aren’t really that many cashews included. They do add to the overall texture and flavour though, so they’re an important addition.

To turn this mushroom curry into a vegan offering rather than a vegetarian one, just swap the dairy yoghurt for a plant based one.

It’s a standalone dish, quite capable of top billing. Just serve it with rice or flatbreads. That said, it would also make a fabulous contribution to a curry night. Pair it with a dal and some sort of green vegetable curry maybe. I’ve provided a selection of curries further down the post which would all make excellent accompaniments.

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Fry the cumin seeds, onions and cashew nuts.

Add the garlic or garlic scapes.

I mostly followed the recipe, but did make a couple of adjustments. We had a load of garlic scapes from the allotment that I needed to use up. So I added quite a lot of those rather than the garlic listed in the recipe. As there was quite enough allium activity going on, I only used one onion rather than two.

Gram Flour for Thickening

Watery curries aren’t generally that appealing. Chetna, however, has a great tip for thickening the sauce for this cashew mushroom curry. She uses chickpea flour, also known as gram flour or besan. Well what a brilliant idea this is.

The flour not only helps to thicken the sauce, but it also add flavour and a little extra protein. And it’s gluten-free, so there’s no need to worry about any allergies on that score.

Add the gram flour to the fried onions along with the spices and stir. I also added salt and pepper at this stage as I thought it would be harder to stir everything together later in the proceedings.

Top Yoghurt Tip

I’m always wary of adding yoghurt to curries as the yoghurt tends to split. Consequently, the resulting dish doesn’t look very appetising. Chetna’s top tip is to add water to the yoghurt before adding it to the other cooking ingredients. It worked perfectly in this mushroom curry. Just give it a good stir before you pour it in and don’t add it all at once. Slow and steady wins the race.

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Stir in the yoghurt & water after adding spices and gram flour.

Add chopped tomatoes.

I deviated from Chetna’s instructions at this point. Who am I to mess with her recipe? Well it seems I just can’t help myself. I mixed all of the water with the yoghurt and added it in after frying the onions etc. It somehow made more sense to me to do it that way. I poured it in slowly whilst giving it a good stir to mix in the gram flour and spices. It worked fine.

At this point, you add the tomatoes, clap the lid on the pan and allow the contents to gently simmer for ten minutes.

Cooking the Mushrooms

Finally it’s the turn of the main ingredient. Add the sliced mushrooms and coriander leaves. Turns out I had plenty of parsley, but no coriander leaves. So I substituted the first for the second. Cover the pan again and cook for a further ten minutes. Job done.

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Add the mushrooms and coriander (or parsley) leaves.

Cover and cook for ten minutes, then give a good stir and serve.

My top tip is that mushrooms really benefit from a little drop of soy sauce. So I added a teaspoonful of tamari along with the mushrooms for an extra umami boost.

We accompanied the mushroom curry with rice initially. But as there were only two of us, there was plenty left over. So the following evening I warmed the curry up and we enjoyed it with flatbreads.

Other Curry Recipes You Might Like

Baby corn masala via Flavours Treat

Cauliflower kurma via Greedy Gourmet

Green split pea curry via Tin and Thyme

Indian potatoes via Crunch & Cream

Lentil curry with kale & red peppers via Tin and Thyme

Matar paneer via Lost in Food

Roasted aubergine curry (baingan ka bartha) via Simply Food

Sri Lankan okra curry via Veggielicioius

Spinach chickpea curry via Tin and Thyme

Keep in Touch

Thanks for visiting Tin and Thyme. If you make this mushroom curry or have a copy of the book, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Have you made any of Chetna’s vegetarian curries? Do share photos on social media too and use the hashtag #tinandthyme, so I can spot them.

For further book reviews and giveaways follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

Choclette x

Mushroom Curry. PIN IT.

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Mushroom Curry – The Recipe

Mushroom Curry

A healthy vegetarian main dish curry which is full of flavour, colour and nutritious ingredients.

2 tbsp sunflower oil

1 tsp cumin seeds

12 raw cashew nuts – roughly chopped

2 onions – finely chopped

2 garlic cloves ((I used garlic scapes))

1 tsp ground coriander

½ tsp chilli powder

½ tsp garam masala

½ tsp turmeric

2 tbsp gram flour

100 g natural yoghurt

250 ml water

3 to matoes – finely chopped

400 g chestnut mushrooms – thinly sliced

20 g coriander leaves ((I used parsley))

¾ tsp salt ((I used ½ tsp salt and 1 tsp tamari))

¼ tsp freshly ground black pepper

Heat the oil in a large pan over a medium to low heat and add the cumin seeds. Once they start to sizzle, stir in the cashew nuts followed by the onions.

Cook for about twelve minutes or until the onions are golden brown. Add the garlic and fry for a further minute.

Add the gram flour and remaining spices and stir fry for another minute.

Stir the yoghurt and water together and pour into the pan, a little at a time, stirring all the while. I added the salt and pepper at this point.

Bring it up to a simmer then add the tomatoes. Cover the pan and simmer gently for ten minutes.

Add the mushrooms, coriander leaves and the salt and pepper, if you haven’t already done so. Cover and simmer for a further ten to fifteen minutes or until the mushrooms are cooked.

Give it a good stir and serve warm with rice or flatbreads.

To make this curry vegan, just swap the yoghurt for a plant based one.

Please note: calories and other nutritional information are per serving. They’re approximate and will depend on serving size and exact ingredients used.

Mushroom Curry Sharing

I’m sharing this recipe for a gluten free sponge cake with Apply to Face Blog for #CookBlogShare.

Chetna’s Vegetarian Healthy Indian Giveaway

Octopus Books is offering one Tin and Thyme reader a copy of Chetna’s Healthy Indian: Vegetarian. To be in with a chance of winning, please fill in the Gleam widget below. You will need to leave a comment on this post, answering the question, which then gives you additional chances to enter if you so wish. Gleam will pick a winner at random from the entries received. If you are commenting anonymously, please give me some way of identifying you as I will be verifying the validity of entries. Any automated entries will be disqualified.

This giveaway is only open to those with a UK postal address. Winners will need to respond within 5 days of being contacted. Failure to do this may result in another winner being picked. Leaving your details gives permission for them to be passed on to Octopus Books should you be a winner in this giveaway.

Prizes are offered and provided by Octopus Books and Tin and Thyme accepts no responsibility for the acts or defaults of said third party. Tin and Thyme reserves the right to cancel or amend the giveaway and these terms and conditions without notice.

Closing date is Thursday 16 July 2020

Healthy Indian Thanks to Octopus Books for the copy of Chetna’s Healthy Indian. They did not expect me to write a positive review and all opinions are, as always, my own. This post contains affiliate links to Amazon*. Links are marked with an *. If you buy through a link it won’t cost you any more, but I’ll get a small commission. Thanks to my readers for supporting the brands and organisations that help to keep Tin and Thyme blithe and blogging.

Mushroom Curry + Chetna’s Healthy Indian Giveaway If you love a good curry, but keep making the same ones time and time again, it might be time to try something different.

#cashews #chickpea flour #mushrooms

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neverisalongtime-ja-blog · 7 years

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Chapter 41: keeping distance

Hello everyone! Here we are once again with another #JoshAN chapter, tho the name of the fic is Never Is A Long Time I don’t use it as muchas I use JoshAn.

Before we go into this crazy love story I want to force you all to follow my girl Zara on Instagram because the author of Be My Getaway revamped her story and now is on whattpad

♥ Zara IG ♥ Whattpad Story

Read chapter 40

- I thought we were done with the whole dating-musicians thing after Josh – Barbara told Anastasia at her house in Malibu.

- He took you to Palm Springs at two in the morning?! – Mandy screamed. She was there too.

- Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? – Barbara spoke to Anastasia.

- How was sex? – Mandy asked and Barbara gave her a hard look – Oh come on! You want to know too.

- It was elegant – Anastasia answered. That was the first word she thought of.

- WHAT?! – Barbara and Mandy said at the same time.

- Yeah… it was nice and sweet and gentle. It was elegant.

- It was dreamy – Mandy talked supporting her face with her hands and smiling.

- What about Josh? – Barbara asked suddenly.

At that moment, Anastasia realized she hadn’t thought about Josh for days.

- I hope his thing with Lauren works out – Anastasia answered.

- Really? – Barbara was shocked.

- Yeah, I don’t really care. I haven’t talked to him in like a week.

- My girl just made all her sixteen year old wet dreams true, Barb, give her a break! – Mandy was now hugging Anastasia and Barbara was laughing.

The ultimate test was to see Josh again and keep her feelings at bay. And it was that time again… to go back on the road. She was tired, and she could see the rest of her band was tired too but something good was starting to happen, she had a bunch of songs ready and the guys in Dead Curse were so inspired to put music to those lyrics.

- I’m excited. For real, these lyrics are different and I want to make an album that doesn’t sound like any we have done before – Anastasia said in a luxurious hotel in Rome. They were waiting for the Peppers there since they were performing in festivals in Portugal and Spain without Dead Curse. Now Anastasia and company had a week off to spend in the Italian city.

- A real rock album – Eric said.

- I feel that we’ve been touring for so long that we need to finally put a stadium-anthem record together – Mandy said.

- Yeah! I want the same – Anastasia said.

- I got a bunch of hard guitar riffs to dust off in my pantry – Nick smiled.

- I feel like a mini Chad Smith and I wanna blast some drums – Eric was laughing now.

Anastasia loved those moments when the band got together and just talked about their music, each one of them were so talented individually. They brought a lot of equipment and set it up on An and Mandy’s bathroom, it was the place with the best acoustics to record and as soon as each one got their instruments in hand the melodies started flowing in the most natural way.

By the end of the week, they had five songs ready.

- I think we should go to the studio on August and finish this thing – Anastasia said while the band was having lunch at a restaurant near the hotel in Rome.

- Man! Are we going to launch another record this year? – Mandy said smiling.

- It wasn’t planned but we are in such an inspirational rush! – Anastasia said.

- We need to take advantage of it – Eric said drinking some wine.

- I’m so happy! – Anastasia said. Things were going good for her, as long as she had the band and a place to make music she was pleased.

- The Peppers arrive today here – Nick said after eating a pizza slide.

- Have you talked to Josh? – Eric asked.

- Nope – Anastasia said – But I’ve been talking to Richard almost every day – He was well aware of Anastasia while she was away. She smiled and kept looking at her phone.

- Uh! Look at that smile – Eric said laughing – Your love life is a mess – Everyone laughed.

- You know, last week I found out that the Hanson guys are still making music and they are all married with a bunch of kids each one. That made me realize that it is possible to have a stable love life while being in this business, so I’m pretty sure that the problem here is me.

- Don’t say that – Nick said – Things with this Richard guy are going good so far.

- I know, but… - Anastasia said.

- But he’s not Josh – Mandy talked looking straight to Anastasia’s eyes. She knew her so well.

- But I need to move on. Josh is not ready and Richard just makes me feel so good – Anastasia talked and saw Nick smiling.

- You look happy. You look better and you have improved on your songwriting skills – He said.

- But none of the songs are about Richard – She laughed.

- Instead, there are a couple about Josh – Mandy talked again.

- Well, cut it out with the Josh subject – Mandy’s tone was starting to annoy Anastasia.

When they came back to the hotel, there he was, at the lobby. Josh. Wearing his Yankees cap with a matching Yankees tee shirt and huge black pants. He wasn’t wearing any outerwear, it was a really hot Italian summer, it kind of shocked Anastasia since Josh was always seen wearing a jacket. It hasn’t been that long since she saw him for last time but she could swear his hair was longer. He turned his head and crossed his eyes with An’s, looked at her for a few seconds and then turned his head away and walked to the elevator with his back to her. She knew what that meant; it meant he was angry, she knew him so well. She thought about going after him but some invisible force stopped her from doing it.

That leg of the tour felt weird for Anastasia and her band. Live shows didn’t go well, the vibes were weird, the air was heavy and the lack of communication with Josh was driving her insane. Instead, she focused on recording some vocals for the new songs and changing the lyrics for others.

The only show that was amazing was Lollapalooza in Paris. Dead Curse had always been a festival band so they felt comfortable playing in such stage. But after all, they were happy to play in places they never been before like Riga in Latvia and Reykjavik in Iceland. The tour was practically over at that point. They still had to play in some festivals but not together. By the last day in Reykjavik, everyone was so tired. Anastasia was at the hotel restaurant talking to Richard on the phone, she was having dinner with Mandy but her friend was already on her way to her room. Conversations with Richard were deeper every time and the relationship was definitely growing, she was so comfortable with the situation, she just didn’t have any doubts, it was so different than when she started with Josh and all the things that filled her head at that time. This was the opposite of that, so easy.

Richard hung up the phone and then An started to walk to her room. On the hallway she saw Josh closing his door, he saw her too and a knot appeared on her stomach, so strong it hurt.

- Hey – An managed to say and he gave her a half smile – Going out? – Josh nodded – I thought that maybe you wanted to talk. We haven’t talked much these past weeks.

- I don’t feel like it. I’m going for a walk – He said passing by her on the way to the elevator.

- Don’t you want me to join you? – She asked.

- No. I prefer going alone – He answered and the elevator door closed on Anastasia’s face.

Now he was rejecting her, and for some strange reason that made her feel worse.

- He doesn’t know anything about my date with Richard in Palm Springs – Anastasia told Mandy when they were both in bed before sleeping.

- Maybe he just knows that you are better with Richard and he wants to keep distance, for his own sake – Mandy answered – Last time you two talked you had this huge fight – Mandy looked at her friend – What do you wanna do?

- What do you mean? – Anastasia knew perfectly what Mandy meant with her question.

- What do you wanna do? – Mandy asked again.

- I want to be with Richard – Anastasia answered – I feel is the right thing to do right now – Mandy smiled.

- You didn’t even think about it.

- I just feel it. I like him… a lot. He is growing on me and it’s like… it’s meant to be – Mandy hugged her friend with a smile – Do you remember all the doubts I had when this thing with Josh started?

- How can I forget that? I feel so guilty.

- No! It’s not your fault. But I don’t have any of those feelings with Richard – Mandy smiled again.

- Richard is so different from Josh – Mandy said.

- How?

- Even though Richard is younger than Josh in age, he is such a man – The pink haired friend pronounced “Man” elongating the “a” – You know, like an actual adult man – Anastasia laughed – He even has a kid and all!

- Yeah Richard is so much more mature that Josh, but what I like about Josh is just that, the youth in his heart, because he is pretty mature too if you think about it, his creativity, his art is mature enough.

- Yeah, but… Richard is a man – Mandy elongated the “a” again - I know that we’ll be in the studio next month but we need to focus on the wedding planning. I’m going to get married in December.

- So, has it been decided?

- Peyton decided it and I love that month so I’ll have a winter wedding in Malibu. I have the first dress fitting in mid-August. I’m so nervous.

- Can I go with you?

- I would be offended if you didn’t.

- I’ll cry.

- I’ll cry if you cry – Both friends laughed.

Josh didn’t speak to Anastasia even on the flight back. Truth was, she was stocked to see Richard again. He was traveling to London in a few days to do some promotion for his record so she wanted to spend those days with him.

- I can stay in LA until Friday because I want to be with Elijah a couple of days before I leave – Richard told An when she called him from LAX to let him know she was in town.

- Sounds cool! – She replied, getting in the van with the rest of her band.

- Guess I’ll see you tomorrow – He said.

- Sure! Let me know when you arrive.

- Can’t wait – He said and she just could imagine him smiling and his dimples appearing on his face.

They only spent three days together but they were so special. They had dates, he took her to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery where a company was showing movies from the 80s and 90s at open sky, they had a picnic and watched “The Craft” one of Anastasia’s ultimate favorites. They had wine and ate cheese and ended the night at Anastasia’s bed. Sex with Richard was great, but it wasn’t as wild as with Josh.

- I don’t want to leave – Richard said in the morning, resting his head on Anastasia’s shoulder while they were still in bed.

- Go and see your son – Anastasia said stroking her hands through his hair, which was a little bit longer and it wasn’t combed back with gel as he used to have it. It was wild bed hair and it made him look incredible sexy.

- I know. I’m going to miss you – He moved his head to be at Anastasia’s face level. He smiled. The gold chain he always wear shone when it was hit by sunlight – What are you doing to me, Anastasia Truman?

- I’m just being cute and lovely for you – She smiled too looking straight to his eyes.

- You are an expert. This is so strange for me. After being with the same woman since I was a teenager… - He still mentioned his ex-wife now and then and that bothered Anastasia but she could understand that they had a very long relationship.

An didn’t answer; instead she kissed Richard, with passion, hard, trying to make him not forget her.

- What are you going to do this month here in LA? – He answered trying to contain himself after that kiss.

- I’m going to make a new record – She answered.

- A new record! Already?! – She nodded – Wow, talk about efficiency.

- We’ve been having a good inspirational rush. We don’t want to wait to put these songs out.

- Can’t wait to hear them – Richard kissed Anastasia again – I’m going to leave.

He got up of the bed and started to gather his clothes scattered around the room, he looked so funny doing it and Anastasia smiled. She got up from the bed too, grabbed an oversized sweater over a chair near to her and put it on.

- I’ll call you – He said at the door of the house.

- And I will answer – That was probably the cheesiest moment she ever had but he smiled.

- I love you – He said, sound and clear without stopping to think about it.

- I love you too – She didn’t even take a second to answer. Richard looked relieved by her answer and kissed her goodbye.

She went next day to the studio in Hollywood with the biggest smile on her face.

- Someone is happy today! – Mandy told her when she entered the recording room.

- I just spent three days with Richard and it was magical – Anastasia was still smiling.

- Well, Eric is about to destroy that smile – Nick said and Eric laughed.

- Listen, I was thinking that we need help for the finishing touches on some songs and we need somebody outside this band that can give us an honest and different view – Eric said sitting behind his drum set. Anastasia knew what he was about to say next – I thought that Josh would be the right person for that job.

- Do you want Josh to produce our album? – An asked.

- Yes – Eric said.

- But Josh is not speaking to me. He won’t agree.

- He already said yes – Eric said and Anastasia’s chin went to the floor – He is going to be in New York for about two weeks, which will give us time to record so he can come and just adjust everything.

- Wait, wait, wait… He said yes? – Anastasia couldn’t believe it. Josh’s sudden change of heart was making her ill.

- If you don’t want to, I’m sure we can find someone else – Nick said.

- No, no! I want to; I would like it to be Josh. It’s fine by me – It was going to be a strange situation but luckily with all the vocals recorded she wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time with him in the studio, she thought.

They were trying hard to make the songs work, but nothing was going well for the band that day. Anastasia’s mind was blocked and so was the rest of the band.

- What if we change studios? – Eric said at night after not accomplishing anything that day.

- What do you mean? – Anastasia asked.

- We can go to Rancho de Luna and do some recording there – Eric talked again. The idea of the dessert just made its way to Anastasia’s mind.

- Richard told me about a studio in Las Vegas – An said.

- The Battle Born Studios?

- Yeah, that one! We can try it out too.

- Yes! Let’s do a trip to Vegas. If we want to make this powerful show-inspired record what better place for big shows than Vegas?

All Dead Curse members agreed and the little experiment began.

#JoshAn #Josh Klinghoffer #Josh Klinghoffer Fan Fic #Josh Klinghoffer Fanfic #Josh Klinghoffer Fanfiction #Josh Klinghoffer Fan Fiction #JoshKlinghoffer #FanFic #Fan fic #FanFiction #Fan Fiction #Never Is A Long Time #Neverisalongtime

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holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight · 7 years

Text

Hands to Myself - Part I

Summary: After Alec comes out to his family, Jace drags Alec to an LGBT friendly strip club so he can 'expand his horizons' since he hasn't even attempted to date or meet anybody new. Alec reluctantly agrees only because he's grateful Jace is so supportive. While there, his eyes land on an intoxicating man whose body moves so fluidly Alec can't keep his eyes off of him. Once Magnus is alone with him, he, too, finds himself enraptured by the younger man.

Rating: MA

Genre: Smut, Romance, Friendship, Everyone is Human AU

Warning: Mentions of internalized homophobia

Author: dylanobrienstyler

A/N: I did my best with my very limited knowledge of what goes on in these sorts of places – sorry for any inaccuracies as I needed to improvise a lot. Title inspired from Selena Gomez' song of the same name. This will be a two-part series. Feedback of all kinds is very welcome!!

Also can be read on AO3!

Chapter One - Magnetism

"You know, we really don't have to do this."

His adoptive brother threw him a look, lips twisted in a smirk. "Oh come ON, Alec. It's been almost a month since you came out, and I have yet to see you even TRY to charm a fellow man. You need to see what you're missing!"

"Jace, do you really think I'm going to have a romantic awakening at a strip club?" Alec asked, eyebrows raised, but Jace simply scoffed.

"It's going to be fun, Alec. It won't kill you to have fun, you know."

Alec rolled his eyes and followed the blonde into the club. Pandemonium. The neon lights were lit up in the colours of the pansexual flag, and Alec swallowed before entering.

He had heard of the LGBT club, known for its wildly accepted collection of personalities, gender identities and sexualities showcased, and, of course, the fact that much of it was sans clothing. New York was a place for everyone to be included, and that club was a strong confirmation of that statement. Still, Alec had never been nor even knew much about it until Jace was showing him pictures on his phone that afternoon while shaking his arm to beg Alec to let him take him.

Alec normally would have said no, but he knew Jace was trying really hard to be supportive, and Alec appreciated his effort, especially since one half of their family certainly didn't share his enthusiasm. But Alec knew Jace wanted him to be happy, and that was enough to make Alec grumble out an agreement.

Coming back to the present, Alec passed over cover money to the bouncer, accepting the stamp on the back of his hand, before shrugging his hands into his pockets and rocking back on his heels.

It was an interesting sight – Alec hadn't been much of a bar guy, even after he turned twenty-one. He was more of a pub kind of person; sipping at a beer and eating fried foods while live music played or something equally relaxing was actually enjoyable. Here, there were a lot of sweaty, barely clad bodies writhing around and an overabundance of bright lights and synthetic fog happening.

"I really don't know if this is my scene." Alec commented to Jace, louder than he'd normally speak but it was necessary to be heard over the pumping music bursting from the speakers.

"Just give it an hour, please? If you really hate it, we'll go home after that." Jace promised.

Alec exhaled slowly but nodded, heading for the nearest bar. If he was going to stick around, he'd definitely need some alcohol.

Jace grinned as he caught on to his plan and bounded over to the bartender.

"What can I get you?" she asked, only the hint of a smile on her lips at the sight of the two men. Alec briefly wondered if she thought they were there together.

"Can I get a gin and tonic?" Alec said before Jace cut him off.

"Ignore my brother. He needs something stronger. What do you suggest?" Jace asked, settling onto one of the stools.

Alec followed his lead, sighing in defeat.

"First timer, huh?" the dark-skinned girl asked, eyebrow quirked.

"I couldn't be more obvious?" Alec grumbled, shooting a glare at Jace who simply grinned back.

"You work this job long enough, you start to be able to tell a lot from just reading people. It's a good place here though. There are worse places to debut into a strip club. There's a lot of respectful boundaries in place and it's pretty tasteful for the most part."

Alec nodded, appreciating the calming words. He had no idea what to expect and his comfort level at diving into new territory was, well, non-existent. He didn't want somewhere that put him on the spot too much.

The girl was mixing up their drinks as she spoke. "You don't have to know too much to get by here. You want to leave a tip, it's done here, but you're welcome to get closer to the stages to get a better view. Some places have you tip on stage by the dancer or to them directly – we try to keep more boundaries there for the safety of the dancers. Also, frankly, the money gets downright gross otherwise. And you'd be surprised how many people steal hardworking dancers' money when it's not heavily guarded."

Alec felt sick at the thought. He couldn't imagine working at a place like this, he just wasn't that comfortable with his body and was the opposite of charming, but he could imagine it took a lot of effort to put on your best face, expose yourself to strangers, showcase talent and whatever persona they had to adopt to perform, only to have the reward for it all be stolen.

She pushed their newly concocted drinks towards them and Jace passed over some bills. One sip and Alec struggled to swallow. It was strong all right, but the aftertaste smoothed things out. He took another drink as the bartender kept talking.

"The guy on the other side of the bar? That's Raphael." She nodded towards a surly looking man who definitely looked like a manager at a night club. It didn't seem like he ever saw the light of day with his pale, sallow complexion. "He's who you talk to if you want to book a private dance. We have secluded rooms for the occasion too, as some people don't want an audience. You're required to read and sign off on a checklist of dos and don'ts prior to him even calling up the dancer. If you violate any, you'll be kicked to the curb with no welcome back. Like I said, safety of the workers is really important here. And if you're looking for a prostitute, you'll need to head out and find a corner in the city, because even though some of the dancers do it on the side, business deals are not allowed to be made in here."

"Wow." Alec said with a surprise. He had no idea there was so much to it. He supposed that was best though. Places like this could probably get ugly fast if there weren't protocols and limitations in place. "Thank you, um…?"

"Maia." she replied.

"Alec."

"Jace." the blonde piped up from his spot, and Alec tried not to smile at his need to be included.

Maia chewed her tongue. "So, any questions, you know where I am. Otherwise try to relax a bit and enjoy yourself."

Alec nodded his thanks and swiveled on his stool to take in the club again. He took another gulp of his drink as he scanned the area.

There were multiple stages, both big and small, scattered throughout the large room. Poles were centered on some, some had other forms of props like hanging scarves for the more gymnastic types, and there were seating areas for best views but most people were standing and milling around.

The room also featured tall cubicle-like structures in a steady row, featuring one dancer in each. The costumes some wore were more adventurous than others, and Alec noted that across the wide arrange of dancers, there was a little bit of everything for everybody.

Some of the club was split with male dancers on one side and female dancers on another, whereas the cubicles featured a mix of both. Alec supposed that way everyone could find what they were looking for. There were also more masculine female types, dressed in what some would call 'butch' type wear, whereas there were also femme males, donned in make-up or even some dressed in stereotypically female clothing. And then the opposite, where there were rugged men and extremely feminine women.

Alec couldn't help his eyes from being drawn to one dancer straight ahead from his spot at the bar. He was of Asian descent, for sure, with sculpted arms grasping onto the pole as he swayed his hips in rhythm with the song playing.

There were mostly older men drooling at his feet, salt and pepper hair on some, and Alec wondered briefly if they were openly out or if some had wives or families at home. He knew he was growing up in a different time, and that these types of places didn't exist decades previous. Either way, the age contrast to the dancer to the audience made him a little queasy, but the dancer seemed pretty used to it. He was exchanging banter with a few, laughing and being coy, all the while moving sensually to the music.

Alec didn't even realize he was staring, but he was mesmerized. The man definitely had been dancing for a while, likely longer than his years as a stripper if his technique and physique were any indicator. He slipped out of the vest he had been wearing, letting it dip down his arms. He caught it in his elbows before smoothly discarding it, climbing back up the pole with his strong thighs, and he swiveled down as he sent a sly smile to his viewers.

"That's Magnus. He's been here a couple years. He's in pretty high demand around here. Both men and women fall at his feet." Maia commented, obviously catching on to his ogling and having finished with some other customers.

Alec swallowed, blushing at being caught, and decided he could not look at Jace if he wanted to have any dignity later.

Jace, thankfully, didn't tease him. Alec refused to chance a glance at him, but he hoped maybe Jace was distracted by the many beautiful women parading around.

Alec drained his glass and lifted a hand to signal his request for another. Maia hid a smile as she began getting it ready.

His eyes slid back to the dancing man, who was practically thrusting his hips as he held his arms above his head, only letting them come down to slide sensually over his bare torso and down to cup his inner thigh.

Alec took a large gulp of the drink Maia slid his way. It was going to be a long night.

Alec tried to find somebody else to watch, tried to tame his hormones down, even going so far to watch the women at one point, but his gaze betrayed him and always seemed to trail back to Magnus again.

He felt stupid for how magnetized to the man he felt. It was embarrassing how attracted he felt to him. It wasn't just his body either—the confidence the man exuded, the coy smiles he shot out at the crowd, the sight of him laughing at something somebody said… it all was enrapturing to Alec. The few times Magnus had caught him staring and sent a wink or smile his way nearly made Alec fall off his chair.

Jace sat down next to him suddenly, and Alec jerked his eyes away from the Asian man.

"Are the bathrooms here nicer than most clubs or about the same?" Alec asked dryly, sipping more of his drink. He was on his fourth and definitely feeling it, his body humming underneath his skin. It didn't help that he was using it as a distraction from wanting to cross the room to stand before Magnus and watch the magic unfold at a much closer view. But he knew that would spell disaster, since he was embarrassing himself enough from his spot at the bar.

Jace smiled wickedly, and Alec felt his stomach turn uneasily. It was not an expression that lead to nice things in the past.

"The bathroom run was a lie, actually."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know what you were off doing? I know you've been sexting Clary all night, but you could at least wait for the phone sex until we're home."

Jace rolled his eyes. "Thanks for assuming I'm classless. No, I was off talking to Raphael."

Alec felt his blood run cold. It wasn't only Maia who was onto his obsession with Magnus, and Alec hadn't been helping to dispute the rumor. They had passed the hour agreement long ago and he still hadn't budged from his seat, so it didn't take a genius to figure out that he didn't want to leave and there was a very good reason.

"Jace… Please tell me you called Clary to okay you booking a private dance for yourself with a stripper and not that you—"

"I booked you a private dance with Magnus." Jace said, effectively shutting his brother up, and Alec nearly puked right then. The alcohol thrashed dangerously in his stomach.

"Please tell me you're joking." Alec rasped out, clutching onto the bar for balance.

"Alec, seriously. You don't have to marry the guy. But you're clearly attracted to him and he's obviously good at what he does, hence the small fan club he has gathered around him at all times, and, frankly, watching you stare at him is getting a little old. He's been making eyes at you too."

Alec rolled his eyes at the last comment. "For god sakes, Jace, it's his job. The more he makes people feel like they're 'special', the more tips he gets. I'm not even a strip club regular and I know that's how it is."

Jace held him by the shoulders. "Can you shut up and go over to Raphael to sign off on that stupid list? We came here to have fun, right? And I know you'll have fun. More than you've had, probably, well, ever."

Alec squirmed uncomfortably under his hold. He didn't need reminding that he was as virginal as they came. He had only kissed girls in his lifetime, and that was when he was trying to deny his true identity. Since then, he hadn't met anyone openly gay let alone felt a connection with anyone. He was a rather reserved, quiet person, so relationships didn't exactly come easy even without being homosexual.

"Fine. But if you wake up dead in your sleep one of these days, don't say I didn't warn you." he mumbled as he headed over to the manager.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Jace called after him, looking far too gleeful for Alec's liking.

"Hi. Um, I'm Alec. My brother sent me." he explained, nodding towards the excited idiot.

Raphael nodded in understanding, obviously expecting him. "All right, so it's pretty clearly written out here. Maia tells me she already went over some of the basics with you for our code of conduct." Great, Maia was in on it too. Did he have no one on his blend-into-the-background side? "Private dances vary from place to place, but here at Pandemonium, you're allowed to touch the dancer. That being said, no touching private parts, no kissing and generally nothing too sexual. They are performers putting on a show for you, so show them respect and communicate if something makes you uncomfortable. Also respect that they too have a comfort level, so any kink-related suggestions may need to be left at the door if they're too radical, understand? Also, all of your clothes are to remain on at all times; this is not an orgy, so keep it in your pants, literally."

Alec felt a little stunned, and about eleven-tenths embarrassed, but he nodded. He read the paper handed to him, which was pretty much all explained verbally already, so he scrawled his signature at the bottom and handed it back to him.

"I'll go grab Magnus. Luke will lead you to the private room he will meet you in."

Alec nodded and followed an intimidating looking bouncer.

"Hey, kid?"

Alec turned back to Raphael.

A hint of his smile was on his face. "Try to relax. Magnus is good at what he does. He won't push you beyond your boundaries. Have fun."

Alec, still red and only getting redder, nodded gratefully and followed Luke to a room down a hallway he hadn't noticed before.

"You can wait in here. Magnus will meet you shortly." Luke told him. "Raphael was right. Try to relax, kid. You look like you might pass out. There aren't any cameras about to expose you or something. You can be yourself here. That's the whole point."

Alec let out a breath and followed the instructions to go inside, trying to find the strength in him to take his advice. Luke closed the door behind him.

It wasn't an overly large room, but large enough that Alec understood certain dancers could put on quite the routine. There was a black couch leaning against the wall, so he sat nervously, wondering what the hell he was going to say to the man he'd be ogling all night. He doubted Magnus was oblivious what with the few times he had made eye contact.

Alec's heart was hammering in his chest as he thought about actually being alone in a room with him, no one else to break the ice. He felt like he was bordering on a panic attack. He knew Jace meant well, but this was too much. He was too nervous and inexperienced and this was too much pressure, even with everything everyone had been saying…

Before he could bolt, the door opened, and in walked the man Alec's eyes hadn't left all night.

To make things worse, Alec practically gaped at him, since up close he was even more stunning.

His dark eyes were lined with eyeliner, accented with dark eye shadows blended together and the glitter spread down his cheeks made his face even more luminescent and angelic than before. His hair was gelled into a funky sort-of relaxed style, and Alec could see the glisten of sweat on his arms. He was fully dressed, but there weren't many layers and they left little to the imagination.

"Hello. I'm Magnus." Magnus introduced, smiling wickedly, and Alec was grateful he was sitting because he was pretty sure his knees would've given out by now.

"Alec." Alec said, hoping his voice didn't quiver as much as he thought it did.

Magnus' smile broadened, and Alec wondered stupidly if Magnus introducing himself was an invitation for him to do the same. It was probably just what people in the business did. Stated their stage name to instigate the start of the show. Here Alec was, acting like it was a blind date. Good god, could he melt into the floor already!?

Magnus crossed the room and cracked open a bottle of water. "Forgive me for asking, handsome, but first timer?"

Alec couldn't help but groan and put his head in his hands. "Does everybody who works here feel the need to point that out?"

Magnus chuckled, and Alec lifted his head, embarrassed that he was charmed by the sound. A little glow of warmth formed in his belly that he had been the one to make Magnus laugh. He had been watching others do it all night with a hint of jealousy.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Alexander." Alec didn't bother to correct him, too fascinated at the sight of him sipping at a bottle of water to form words. He also had a feeling Magnus had chosen his full name on purpose. "The only reason I ask is because it does change how I approach these situations. Some people, veterans to this place so to speak, come in here knowing what they want and expecting something specific. Others, like yourself, are new to the idea and need a little more guidance getting out of their shell. And there's a learning curve too, of what you want and what works for you. I've been doing this long enough that I've worked with a wide variety of experience levels, and trust me, the most important thing is just that you communicate with whatever dancer you are paired with. That means, if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, you say so, or if you'd like something altered to suit your tastes, tell me. I'm sure Raph gave you the big scaredown so you know if it's outside my comfort zone, I'll just tell you and we'll try something else that works for both of us."

Alec nodded. "That sounds… really reasonable."

His voice was working a little better now.

Magnus clapped his hands together. "Perfect! Now, shall we get started?"

Alec was grateful he was sitting on a couch since his hands gripped at the cushion for something to anchor himself too.

Don't pass out. Don't pass out. Don't pass out.

The music filled the room, and, at first, Magnus didn't watch him. He was concentrating on the pole centered in the room, and Alec watched in fascination as he hooked a leg around it and did some complicated flip.

Would whooping in appreciation be acceptable here or would that just make him look like a complete idiot?

Alec chose to remain quiet but he found his body relaxing a little as he watched Magnus move.

He was still hyped up with nerves, but maybe the alcohol was settling in his system more, or maybe Magnus' pep talk helped, but Alec found himself having an easier time staring this time around. He knew Magnus was being paid to literally do this for him, but knowing there were no witnesses outside the one putting on the show made him feel a little more at ease. Being caught ogling a man still made him feel guilty, ashamed, the internalized homophobia he was getting better at battling still rearing its ugly head at times. Now, not only was Magnus being paid to show off for him, but Alec was expected to be intoxicated. He was encouraged to fully give himself over to his desires. Well, within the code of conduct of course.

Alec found his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he watched the man move fluidly, his body rolling like a wave as his shirt settled on the floor.

With a sly smile, Magnus sidled up to him, digging a knee on one side of Alec's thigh and settling into his lap.

"This okay?" he asked quietly.

Alec couldn't speak, too shocked at how close the attractive man was to his body to form coherent words, so he nodded as Magnus properly straddled his lap. His body warmth immediately seeped into Alec's and he felt his mouth go completely dry.

Magnus continued his rolling motions, but this time his pelvis was coming in contact with Alec's, and Alec made an unintelligible sound at the friction, his eyes finding the ceiling as he tried to control his body's reaction.

"Still liking this?" Magnus murmured.

Was he trying to seduce him? His voice was so silky and smooth, Alec was surprised he didn't arrive right then.

"I-it's good. I-I'm just… y'know, trying not to be a preteen about it." he managed to choke out.

Magnus laughed, throwing his head back as it came from the depths of his belly, and the action caused his lower half to become even snugger to Alec's. Somehow, it seemed Magnus found his innocence and inexperience endearing.

"Well, the whole point is that you enjoy yourself. Are you enjoying yourself, Alexander?"

Alec nodded as Magnus flipped around so his ass was the one nudging Alec's crotch, his hand sliding up to cup the back of Alec's neck as he slid up and down his body.

Alec's breath was catching at the sensations rolling through him. His hands had found Magnus' waist to steady him, but so far, that was as adventurous as he had been.

"You're allowed to touch me, you know." Magnus teased against his ear, blowing a cool gust of air against the hot skin of his neck.

Alec, swallowing with difficulty, let his palm stroke over Magnus' toned abdomen, taking inventory of one side to the other. He grew in confidence a little as Magnus seemed to use it as encouragement to keep dancing and he let his thumb brush sensually below his belly button but well above his waistband so he wouldn't accidentally touch him where he had been formally forbidden.

Magnus leaned back, using Alec's shoulder as a rest for the back of his head as he unbuttoned his pants and let them slide off his legs. He kicked them off with a flourish, turning around to straddle him facing forwards again.

Alec closed his eyes, trying to think of unappealing things as his body was not hiding its arousal in any way, but Magnus seemed amused.

"Let yourself feel, Alexander. It would offend me if you weren't properly enjoying this." To make his point, he pointedly rubbed against Alec's erection, and the latter moaned, gasping for air at the end.

"You're going to be the death of me." Alec mumbled, hands sliding down to rest on Magnus' hips unconsciously to help guide their motion.

"I'll make sure to get off you once I'm fully nude."

Alec felt himself panic. "Um, actually, is it okay if we just stay like this? This is… already so much."

Magnus' eyes softened and he smiled. "Of course. Whatever you like."

Alec exhaled, the tension leaving his body again. He couldn't help but let his eyes find Magnus', mesmerized by the swirl of colours in his irises.

The man in his lap moved more deliberately as the song's tempo increased, and Alec felt his hips move upwards of their own accord.

Magnus leaned his forehead against his, chuckling a little under his breath. "You're certainly a breath of fresh air, Alexander."

Alec met his eyes again, finding adoration in Magnus', and without thinking, he closed the distance between them until his lips were flush to Magnus'.

It was soft despite the suddenness, Alec's lips melting against the older man's, before he wrenched back.

"Oh, god, oh god I'm so sorry." Alec whispered, feeling his eyes grow wet in humiliation. That was practically the number one rule NOT to do, and there he went, ruining everything. It was Magnus' obligation to end things now, have Alec kicked out, never to return. He already felt a pang in his heart that he wouldn't see him again. But it was his own fault. His own stupid, desperate, intoxicated fault.

He was too drunk on alcohol and arousal to stop himself from doing stupid things, so it's not like he could exactly blame Magnus or the club for having that rule in the first place…

Instead of shoving him away and bolting, Magnus seemed eerily calm. His hands rested behind Alec's neck, him still in Alec's lap, and he was moving forward to kiss him again before Alec could catch up on what was happening.

It was gentle at first, but Alec couldn't control himself. Magnus was kissing him. His hands cupped his face in his hands as he kissed him back, and he whimpered against his mouth as Magnus' hips began rolling into his again.

Alec's mouth opened to Magnus as he kissed him deeper, hips never slowing, and Alec felt himself nearing the edge.

"Magnus… I'm… I'm so close…" he whispered, muffled against his moving lips. The added sensation of Magnus' expert lips against his was heightening everything, and he knew his high was moments away.

"It's okay, Alexander. It's okay." Magnus promised softly, moving his mouth to suck on Alec's neck.

His teeth nibbled over his pulse point and that was it, he was done, the whole night had been too much.

Alec's body seized up, his back arching, as a breathy "Magnus" escaped his lips. His hips stuttered as he came endlessly in his pants, his blunt nails dragging down Magnus' bare back as he gasped through his orgasm.

He stayed in his position, boneless, trying to catch his breath. His brain was fuzzy, unable to think of words to say, like 'thank you' or something.

Would it be weird to thank him? He did give him an orgasm, but he wasn't sure what the protocol was in this situation, as he never imagined actually coming undone in front of the man.

Magnus eventually dismounted him and brushed himself off before gathering his discarded clothes to swiftly redress.

"There's a bathroom just through there if you need to clean yourself up before you head back out." he said quietly.

Alec nodded, looking down at the floor now, embarrassed that he had just climaxed in front of a virtual stranger. He knew that Magnus had probably witnessed many over his time in the business, how could he not with moves like his, but he was sure many also kept themselves in control.

The shame from before started to creep again, locking his jaw and posture. He had just experienced his first orgasm at the hands of another man, imagined scenarios from his masturbation fantasies not counting, and it was making him feel a little overwhelmed. Also given that Magnus wasn't saying much either, and he wished the ground would swallow him whole.

Alec stood and moved to leave, afraid to look at him, afraid to find the disgust he was used to being associated with his sexuality.

He felt stupid, and humiliated, and just… sick. He wanted to leave. He had to leave after this. He was pretty sure Jace would be fine with it, as this was no doubt his finale for the night as it was, but Alec wasn't even sure if he could face him. He knew he'd start questioning him about how it was, teasing him, and Alec was feeling too vulnerable to play along.

"Alexander." Magnus' voice sounded strange, and Alec couldn't help but swivel to look at him.

His eyes grew strained at the sight of him, and Alec wondered if his self-loathing was as obvious as it felt.

Magnus crossed the distance between them and pulled him into a hug. Alec was so surprised by the action that he simply froze.

"I'm proud of you." he told him quietly, patting him on the back before slipping out of the room, shooting him one last coy smile before the door closed.

Alec didn't know what to think, still too stunned to gather all his thoughts, so he headed to the bathroom to clean himself up a bit.

Once done, he met up with Jace, his thoughts buzzing loudly in his head.

Jace smiled widely at him, but, catching the look on his face, his mouth slid into a frown.

"You okay?"

Alec nodded, not meeting his eyes. "Can we go?"

"Of course." Jace said seriously, slipping his arms through his jacket sleeves. "Thanks for everything, Maia." he added to the girl.

She, too, watched Alec in concern but waved them off with a forced smile.

Alec didn't speak much on the way home, too consumed with his thoughts. He didn't know what had happened, why Magnus had started kissing him back, and then everything following only solidified his confusion. Magnus seemed distant after they broke apart too, but then he was hugging him, telling him he was proud of him, and Alec didn't know what to believe.

But he didn't know Magnus. He didn't even know what Magnus' real name was for god sakes. Strippers usually had stage names, for their protection. And his job description meant he was always putting on a show. So that meant any part of his personality, or all of it, could be nothing like the real man.

Jace was shooting him glances as they walked through the city, clearly worried about him.

"Alec?"

"Mmm?"

"Did… did something bad happen? In that room?"

Alec contemplated the question but shook his head. "No, no. It was… just… not what I was expecting, I guess." He forced a smile. "But you were right. Definitely got me out of my comfort zone tonight."

Jace stopped walking and pulled Alec's arm. "Alec, tell me the truth. Did I pressure you into this? Make you do something you didn't want to do?"

Alec's heart clenched. Of course Jace would blame himself. It was his idea in the first place and he was the one who booked the private dance. But Alec knew it wasn't anything Jace had done. As usual, it was Alec who screwed things up.

"No, Jace, it was great, honestly. The whole night. But I guess I just… didn't realize…" He didn't know how to word it, not sure how to make Jace understand. "I wasn't expecting it to be so… um, emotional, I guess?"

Emotions weren't ever something Alec was great at expressing, let alone talking about. But he wanted to make sure Jace understood that he was only in his head about things because he was processing.

"Oh."

Alec forced a smile, trying to forget about the flood of uncomfortable feelings after things had finished. "I had fun, though. I really did. Thank you for tonight."

Jace smiled genuinely now. "You're welcome. That's what best friends are for."

"And brothers." Alec added, slinging an arm around his shoulder and squeezing affectionately. "Can you imagine Mom and Dad's face if they were in there, though? THAT would've been fun."

Jace snickered, immediately up for the entertaining conversation.

Part II can be found here!

#malec #malec au #shadowhunters au #shadowhunters fanfiction #malec fanfiction #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #everyone is human au #my writing #prompt #innocent!alec #stripper!magnus

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oovitus · 6 years

Text

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18

I’ve been reading a lot about authenticity lately. I guess this is self-selecting, as it’s a topic that interests me and tends to permeate the spaces I spend time in (yoga studios, blogs that focus on health and self-care, therapy). But authenticity seems to be having something of a moment, too—or so book titles and articles would suggest.

For the holidays, my mom gifted me with a copy of Baron Baptiste’s new book, Perfectly Imperfect. I was touched that she thought of it, knowing how important my yoga practice is to me. It’s concise and readable, and it contains lots of good insights into the true meaning of yoga practice.

The chapter that stood out most to me is called “the myth of the real yogi.” In it, Baptiste addresses the false notion that a true yogi is always serene, peaceful, enlightened, and compassionate. It’s not that the qualities aren’t desirable, but rather that embodying them all the time doesn’t leave much room for our whole, complex humanness.

He writes,

“I see a real yogi as someone who is committed to growth and to being the best version of themselves . . . [s]omeone who is not afraid to get real about the whole mess of who they are—the good, the bad, and the ugly; someone who can be open and own that they get depressed, stressed out, pissed off . . . I’m not advocating that anyone be a specific way. It’s just important to acknowledge who we are in all our forms and personal expressions, even if sometimes those forms are not how we’d like ourselves to be.

Why? Because hiding behind a mask costs us so much and leaves us with so little. On the surface, we may look polished and “perfect,” but hiding our true self in all its dimensions saps our life energy and robs us of the freedom to express ourselves genuinely, from the heart.”

I read those words last weekend, and oddly enough, this last week presented me with lots of small opportunities to speak my truth—including moments when being honest might have hurt, frustrated, irritated, or disappointed other people. I tried to bring authentic words to these encounters, but I was reminded of how much work it can be to be truthful.

When I say “truthful,” I don’t mean brutal honesty or being needlessly blunt. I mean what Baptiste is talking about—approaching interpersonal situations with sincerity and heart, speaking directly and honestly. It can be difficult to do this when you’re a people pleaser. I know it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all of the time, which is all the more reason to be forthwright. But it sure isn’t easy.

I don’t have anything particularly original to say about this, except that it’s on my mind a lot lately, and I’m still figuring out how to show up truthfully while also being sensitive and compassionate. It’s good to keep reading, to continue gathering inspiration, and to practice, practice, and practice some more.

If any books or creative works come to mind along these lines, I’d love some suggestions, or to hear what’s guided and inspired you in authentic, direct communication. In the meantime, I hope you’ll enjoy the roundup of links and recipes this weekend.

Recipes

I love the vibrant colors of Sherrie’s garlicky kale bowls with red beans and cauliflower rice! (And also love how quickly the recipe comes together—15 minutes in a skillet).

A gorgeous winter vegetable side dish: a grilled beet and fennel salad with vegan yogurt and sprouted lentils from Denisse of Le Petit Eats.

Lindsey’s creamy red pepper cashew pasta is not only a perfect comfort food dish, but also surprisingly easy to make. I love the short ingredient list, especially for a hearty and crowd-pleasing meal like this.

More comfort food goodness! Adrianna’s creamy vegan kale and mushroom mac hits the spot for winter, and I also appreciated her candid words about visions and intentions for the new year.

Finally, an appetizer that’s impressive and deeply flavorful, but streamlined to make: Erin’s quick & easy focaccia pizza. I’m digging the sweet balsamic glaze and the unexpected topping combo of red onion and apple.

Reads

1. Sort of on topic—since perfectionism can really get in the way of authenticity—an article about how perfectionism seems to be on the rise, taking a toll on kids in particular. It’s concerning, and I agree with one of the experts profiled that schools and other organizations need to start stressing “compassion over competition.”

2. I’ve shared a lot of articles about weight stigma and its consequences within the healthcare industry, but I’m sharing another, because it’s so well-researched and thorough. Carrie Dennett covers the cost of weight stigma, from physician’s offices to social media to research.

3. I was inspired by this profile of NITEO, a pilot program at Boston University that’s dedicated to giving students the coping schools and bureaucratic support they need to navigate higher education while also managing severe anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.

4. I’m excited to see more and more thoughtful, bravely written work on adult anorexia. The latest to catch my eye is this essay by Lisa Fogerty, and the line that really struck me was this:

“For me, change is as much an enemy as weight gain and the body itself. Puberty is one of the most frequently discussed risk periods for the development of eating disorders. The frustration I have with the focus on puberty and eating disorders is that it doesn’t address the fact that every stage of life for a person with an eating disorder presents enormous changes.”

The times in my life when I became most susceptible to anorexia all involved substantive changes, either in the life cycle (early puberty) or in the course of my growth (going off to college, transitioning through my twenties). Even today, major life changes—especially those for which I don’t feel prepared—evoke that part of me that wonders whether tightening the grip on my diet would make me feel better. It’s so important for us to talk about this connection and to give women and men who have had EDs the tools they need to protect recovery longterm.

5. Finally, important reporting on how consolidation in the healthcare industry is injuring America’s rural and community hospitals.

This week, a comforting, warming, and wintery lentil dish to serve over your favorite grain. Look forward to sharing, and wishing you all a great rest of the weekend.

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oovitus · 6 years

Text

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18

He writes,

Recipes

I love the vibrant colors of Sherrie’s garlicky kale bowls with red beans and cauliflower rice! (And also love how quickly the recipe comes together—15 minutes in a skillet).

A gorgeous winter vegetable side dish: a grilled beet and fennel salad with vegan yogurt and sprouted lentils from Denisse of Le Petit Eats.

More comfort food goodness! Adrianna’s creamy vegan kale and mushroom mac hits the spot for winter, and I also appreciated her candid words about visions and intentions for the new year.

Reads

4. I’m excited to see more and more thoughtful, bravely written work on adult anorexia. The latest to catch my eye is this essay by Lisa Fogerty, and the line that really struck me was this:

5. Finally, important reporting on how consolidation in the healthcare industry is injuring America’s rural and community hospitals.

This week, a comforting, warming, and wintery lentil dish to serve over your favorite grain. Look forward to sharing, and wishing you all a great rest of the weekend.

The post Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com

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oovitus · 6 years

Text

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18

He writes,

Recipes

I love the vibrant colors of Sherrie’s garlicky kale bowls with red beans and cauliflower rice! (And also love how quickly the recipe comes together—15 minutes in a skillet).

A gorgeous winter vegetable side dish: a grilled beet and fennel salad with vegan yogurt and sprouted lentils from Denisse of Le Petit Eats.

More comfort food goodness! Adrianna’s creamy vegan kale and mushroom mac hits the spot for winter, and I also appreciated her candid words about visions and intentions for the new year.

Reads

4. I’m excited to see more and more thoughtful, bravely written work on adult anorexia. The latest to catch my eye is this essay by Lisa Fogerty, and the line that really struck me was this:

5. Finally, important reporting on how consolidation in the healthcare industry is injuring America’s rural and community hospitals.

This week, a comforting, warming, and wintery lentil dish to serve over your favorite grain. Look forward to sharing, and wishing you all a great rest of the weekend.

The post Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 published first on http://ift.tt/2iVxKPq

0 notes

oovitus · 6 years

Text

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18

He writes,

Recipes

I love the vibrant colors of Sherrie’s garlicky kale bowls with red beans and cauliflower rice! (And also love how quickly the recipe comes together—15 minutes in a skillet).

A gorgeous winter vegetable side dish: a grilled beet and fennel salad with vegan yogurt and sprouted lentils from Denisse of Le Petit Eats.

More comfort food goodness! Adrianna’s creamy vegan kale and mushroom mac hits the spot for winter, and I also appreciated her candid words about visions and intentions for the new year.

Reads

4. I’m excited to see more and more thoughtful, bravely written work on adult anorexia. The latest to catch my eye is this essay by Lisa Fogerty, and the line that really struck me was this:

5. Finally, important reporting on how consolidation in the healthcare industry is injuring America’s rural and community hospitals.

This week, a comforting, warming, and wintery lentil dish to serve over your favorite grain. Look forward to sharing, and wishing you all a great rest of the weekend.

The post Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 published first on

0 notes

oovitus · 6 years

Text

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18

He writes,

Recipes

I love the vibrant colors of Sherrie’s garlicky kale bowls with red beans and cauliflower rice! (And also love how quickly the recipe comes together—15 minutes in a skillet).

A gorgeous winter vegetable side dish: a grilled beet and fennel salad with vegan yogurt and sprouted lentils from Denisse of Le Petit Eats.

More comfort food goodness! Adrianna’s creamy vegan kale and mushroom mac hits the spot for winter, and I also appreciated her candid words about visions and intentions for the new year.

Reads

4. I’m excited to see more and more thoughtful, bravely written work on adult anorexia. The latest to catch my eye is this essay by Lisa Fogerty, and the line that really struck me was this:

5. Finally, important reporting on how consolidation in the healthcare industry is injuring America’s rural and community hospitals.

This week, a comforting, warming, and wintery lentil dish to serve over your favorite grain. Look forward to sharing, and wishing you all a great rest of the weekend.

The post Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 appeared first on The Full Helping.

Weekend Reading, 1.13.18 published first on http://ift.tt/2iVxKPq

0 notes