#all i know is i definitely have an autoimmune disorder | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bagofshinyrocks · 4 months

Text

Face to Face

Prompt: Reader has vitiligo and is insecure about it. Ghost finds it attractive. [Requested by anonymous]

Featuring: Simon "Ghost" Riley x Male!Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: insecurity about vitiligo; past teasing/bullying/disrespect/etc. regarding vitiligo; no reference to genitalia, but reader uses he/him pronouns; besides the skin condition, no reference to the reader's skin color; no smut, but nudity; two dudes who like dudes making jokes about dudes liking dudes

Note: Vitiligo is an autoimmune disorder wherein patches of skin lose pigment. I totally recommend looking it up if you haven't heard of it.

A/N: Brain shit itself, but hopefully this is still enjoyable to y'all.

You could have kicked yourself. All the years of prods and nicknames (especially in the military), polite and impolite inquiries, stares. You had tried sunscreen, makeup, every medicine available to you either at home or in the clinics. Even did some research on phototherapy.

And you could have just worn a fucking balaclava like this bloke from ‘Manchesta’ (with quite the man-chest). No one even looked at him for very long. You figured wearing a goofy costume mask would get eternal ribbing, but no. None at all. Very relieving to you.

The next time you changed bases you started wearing something to hide your face. Balaclava, facial mask, sunglasses. If it was in regs, you wore it. And it felt a bit better. Not that you couldn’t go outside without something, but the looks or stares didn’t bother you.

You coulda kissed Ghost for having such a genius idea.

Then you actually got to know the bastard. God, he was scary. No wonder no one teased him.

You started working with Ghost on base a few weeks after first seeing him, and the two of you were actually on friendly terms. You were one of the few he seemed to like. If it was it a good thing or a bad thing, you weren’t quite sure yet.

He would sit with you at meals where you got glimpses underneath that mask. Find you during training and start competitions. Playful nudges and shoves in the hall. Ribbing and teasing. It was really nice.

“Have I started a trend?” he teased, plucking at the cloth of his mask.

“You do realize its like ten degrees outside? Not interested in snot-sickles every time I sneeze.”

A rare chuckle. “Tha’s true. Snot-sickles are prob’ly not in the regs.”

“Definitely not. Distracting. Unprofessional.”

A gloved hand landed on your shoulder and gave you a good shake. “I bet you could pull it off though.”

“Oh, you betcha.”

It hadn’t even occurred to you that Ghost had yet to see your face. He’d seen your hands and forearms, and you figured that he knew what vitiligo was and that odds are it was on your face too. You appreciated the balance. He knew which mask jokes were funny and which were uncomfortable, and you two could shoot back and forth.

Finally, after some disgusting obstacle training, you were in the men’s room together, bitching and stripping in a wholly unsexy manner.

“Fuckin’ God,” you gagged, wringing out socks and shoving them in the laundry bag.

“I’d rather get shot in the arse than do that again.” The heavy thunk of boots on the tile. Then he braced himself on the counter and slipped out of his outermost pants. You whistled, and he told you to fuck off.

You went to the showers and decided it would be most efficient to rinse your clothes and gear at the same time as you washed yourself.

Your helmet, the various plastic pads on your joints and limbs, your vest. The slowest, muddiest strip tease. You’d rinse off your shirt a bit, ruck it off and wring it out like a towel and chuck it to the side. Then your pants, your undershirt.

A quick glance behind you and you could see Ghost continuing to struggle with twigs and leaves stuck in the straps of his tactical vest.

You shucked off your undergarments and a good round of water and body wash got the mud, dirt, and sweat off. It had been a minute since you showered with someone else there in the group shower rather than the little cubbies. But Ghost wasn’t looking. You thought.

He had told himself that he was only staring at your naked ass and back because he was curious about your skin. He thought it was maybe burns or scarring, but it appeared all over your body. They didn’t look painful or raised. They were fascinating. Sexy.

His head snapped back to the front and he yanked off his vest. Was he being a creep? A sneaky glance back to you. You were none the wiser.

If he wasn’t staring at your vitiligo, did that mean he was staring at your ass? Nah, you were his mate. Wanting to touch your skin was because he wanted to see if the depigmented patches were raised, or felt different. He wanted to see if the same pigmentation was on your front. Symmetric or asymmetric. Not because he wanted to see anything in particular on the front of your body.

The water shut off and his head jerked away.

Whilst distracted, he had stripped down to his undershirt and boxers and rinsed off a bit in the sink.

You wandered back over with a towel wrapped around you and another in your hand, drying your face and head.

“Mate, I had mud in places I didn’t even know I had.”

Ghost chuckled. “Wash behind your ears?”

You tilted your head and showed him. “Yep. With soap even.”

Finally, his eyes fixed on your face. You were in front of a mirror, but you were distracted with brushing your teeth and checking yourself for cuts and bruises. And he wasn’t being a creep. Right? Fuck, he felt like a freak.

To make himself feel better, he tugged off his balaclava and dropped it with the rest of his discarded clothes. A cursory scrub of his face in the sink.

Oh, good, he wasn’t being a freak. Because your eyes kept darting to his face.

“Alright, 50 minutes.” You patted the washing machine. “Time for a fat nap.”

Simon wrapped an arm around your neck and gave it a gentle squeeze. You grabbed at his bicep and turned to look at him. So close, his nose almost brushed the skin of your cheek.

“Harder, sir.”

He almost laughed but kept it in. A quick movement and you found yourself in the hallway as Simon dragged you backwards to his room.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

You went limp and he finally laughed.

“That won’t save you, pretty boy.”

Goosebumps. A warm rush of blood under the skin of your face. A funny feeling in your stomach. The hair on the back of your neck stood up. You were not excited to decode why you had that reaction to those words.

The officer’s quarters were nicer than the regular ones, with a private room. Small, but private. So (what felt like) a few seconds later you were in Simon’s room. On his bed. On top of the sheets, but still on the bed.

Then he crammed in next to you.

“It’s fine if it’s back to back,” he teased, pressing up against you and ‘got comfortable’, meaning he was rocking around and bumping into you on purpose.

“Yeah, sure. You like having your ass against my ass L.T.?”

“Fuck we supposed to do? Lay dick to dick? Snuggle arse to dick?”

“I’m wearing socks, L.T.” You flipped around and settled your hands over his shoulder blades. “Want a… back rub, sir?”, you said as sensually as you could while trying not to laugh.

Simon craned his neck. “You will turn back around and make our arses kiss or I’m going to break your arms.”

The bed shook with your laughter.

“We have 47 minutes to nap. Hop to.”

“Yes, sir.”

Enjoy reading this? Here's a link to my other works! Thanks for reading :-)

Posted: 2024 January 7

#cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 fluff #cod x reader #cod fluff #simon riley fluff #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost fluff

126 notes · View notes

rabbithaver · 9 months

Text

i finally decided to actually write out some of my major headcanons for Silver. i like him a lot as a character and i think people overlook him too much lmao

I genuinely believe that Silver has been decoupled from the timeline completely. This means that changes to the future made in the present do not affect him. He may not remember the specific events of 06, but he absolutely remembers growing up in an apocalypse and frequently has lines that support this in the comics. Him being unaffected by changes to the timeline explains why his personal history has not changed, despite the future being saved multiple times. ALSO, Ian Flynn has confirmed that Silver is not in control of when or how he travels through time -- I believe that whatever or whoever is sending him back and forth is the same thing that separated him from the timeline.

Silver is deaf, pushing about 70% hearing loss. It's not congenital -- his hearing sucks because he's from a timeline where things blew up constantly and he had no hearing protection. He relies mostly on lip-reading and guesswork, but wants to learn ASL when he gets a chance... if he gets the chance. Time is wibbly-wobbly for him. (I should note that this one is personal to me -- I myself am HoH due to otosclerosis and I'm definitely projecting my declining hearing on him lmao)

I know Silver is canonically the exact same height and weight as Shadow and Silver, but I personally don't find that very... likely. All three of these dudes are 3'3" and 77lbs EXACTLY? Nah. Shadow and Sonic, maybe, but not Silver. I headcanon Silver as being smaller and lighter than the other hedgehogs because he grew up in a timeline where food was hard to find, and thus didn't grow as much. He's very scrawny and basically has almost no meat on his bones, but you'd never guess because he's got The Fluff.

Elaborating on the food thing: his relationship with eating is probably totally screwed. Think about it: he spent his whole youth eating whatever he could get his hands on, and he probably had to eat as quickly as he could so he could stay on the move. The idea of eating to enjoy the flavor is like, completely alien to him. He also tends to stash food away for later, as he's not used to knowing when his next meal will be. He does it entirely out of habit, even when food is abundant.

Silver's immune system probably sucks. Every time he goes back to the past, he catches some illness. This is largely because he's not used to the pathogens 200 years earlier, but I also like to imagine this is because he's got some sort of autoimmune disorder.

You cannot tell me this boy does not have asthma. I am aware that this is kind of a fandom in-joke, but it makes total sense. If he grew up in a world of smoke and flames, his lungs probably look like burnt toast. Someone get him an inhaler please.

Silver has PTSD and severe anxiety, both due to his personal history growing up in a hellscape and also because repeatedly going back to the future to find his time in disarray due to events in the present is probably traumatic as all hell. His biggest trigger is most likely building collapse, but I can't imagine he doesn't have kind of a hard time with explosions after the Eggman War. His cheerful optimism and helpful attitude is his effort to deflect from his trauma.

Expanding on the anxiety thing; Silver struggles when he doesn't have something to do. We actually see this in canon in the 2022 Annual story "Future Growth." He has no idea how to function when he doesn't have a mission to focus on. Being in the past with no clear directive is insanely triggering for him and he totally fails to cope.

While I'm talking about his mental illnesses, I want to make it explicitly clear: he is REALLY good at hiding this stuff. His friends in the Resistance/Restoration don't find out about his issues for years, and this is specifically because he instinctually hides anything that could be perceived as a weakness. He's been conditioned to hide any and all weaknesses because it was the only way to survive in the post-apocalypse. Being visibly affected by your trauma is a quick and easy way to get dead, so he simply... doesn't. This kid cannot stop masking his trauma at all until he's literally at his breaking point.

There is no way he doesn't have intense Survivors' Guilt. Going back to the Metal Virus arc in the comics, he's the only survivor of a shuttle crash in Issue #25. All of those people died. They actually died - if they were zombots, they would've survived that crash, but because they were still healthy, they didn't have the ability to recover. Silver probably feels that because he was trying so hard to get survivors to the shuttle, he led those people to their deaths. I specifically am pointing to his dialogue here as evidence of this:

He probably dreads going back to the future. Like, think about it. He's admitted to being lonely (IDW #8) in his own time -- probably because his history separates him from the average person! The only friends he really has are in the past, the vast majority of whom are likely long dead by the time he's born. And while his friends are always happy to see him, I can imagine he has a lot of anxiety thinking about the fact that they inevitably start to associate his arrival with something bad coming down the line. That's rough, buddy.

He's very proud of his ruff and he takes really good care of it. It's super thick and very soft. However, when he's having a rough time, he's not as thorough, and it tends to show. If you know him really well, you can get an idea of his current mental health just by looking at the state of his chest fur. A happy Silver is fluffy, a struggling Silver looks like he was left in the washing machine.

Silver has a really hard time with media that involves apocalyptic worlds. He knows that it's just fiction, but it reminds him of the fact that he's the only one who remembers the apocalyptic hellscape he grew up in. It reminds him that as much as his friends want to support him, they can't truly understand what he's been through; his background is only real to him. It just leaves him feeling lonely and sad, so he avoids it as much as possible.

Silver doesn't sleep well in real beds. Maybe it's just a lifetime of growing up surrounded by an apocalypse, but he has a really hard time getting comfortable in a real bed. For months during the Eggman War, he'd spend hours tossing and turning before finally giving up and curling up on the floor in a corner. It's just not what he's used to at all.

anyway i think about him a normal amount :)

#terin.txt #silver the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sonic headcanons #idw silver

67 notes · View notes

kores-pomegranate · 5 months

Text

Just a quarterly update and reminder that existing with mental illness is really hard. Existing with chronic illness is really hard. Existing with both is really hard, and most people with chronic illness don’t get to exist without some kind of mental illness on top of it.

I have cyclothymia (which I just call bipolar for expediency’s sake), AuDHD, probably some type of connective tissue something or other, an autoimmune disorder, and chronic migraine.

When any one of those things flares up, they all flare up. Over Thanksgiving, I had a flare in my autoimmune disorder that triggered a depressive episode and migraine. I’ve spent the last several days feeling like I’m barely hanging on. Some small corner of my brain has known since Thursday that something is up, and I keep reminding myself that this is temporary and that I won’t always feel this bad.

But dear god, sometimes it is truly exhausting to know that while I definitely won’t always feel this bad, there will be moments throughout my life where I will feel this bad, or worse. I’m tired of everything being hard. I’m tired of feeling stressed and lonely and sad. I’m tired of feeling unsure of if my feeling of loneliness is because I crave more attention than is realistic to receive, or if I’m actually asking myself to be okay with a level of isolation that isn’t okay.

Today, my soul and my body feel heavy. Hopefully, tomorrow will be lighter.

#me #mental illness #mental health #chronic illness #chronic pain #bipolar #cyclothymia #adhd #autism #audhd #actually autistic #actually mentally ill #actually adhd #actually bipolar #autoimmune disorder #migraine

27 notes · View notes

mortalityplays · 1 year

Text

[this is a completely uninformed post, I am not medically trained and I have not looked into the specifics of any potential links, this is literally an idiot on the internet spitballing in pig ignorance about two things he knows]

I do wonder if we are going to see an uptick in the incidence of dementia as people affected by covid continue to age. autoimmune disorders, brain inflammation and buildup of white matter are all very strongly associated with diseases that cause dementia. like technically speaking, any loss of cognitive function is already by definition dementia, but I wonder if we are going to end up with another distinct medically recognised pathology.

82 notes · View notes

letitrainathousandflames · 2 months

Note

You're an artist! Please tell us a story about a time you had blood drawn.

(tw for mentions of needles

alright, here's the thing: i had fainted before. In fact, there was a full month or so during which i would frequently faint (and bonk my head on the way down, ugh) so I was already familiar with what fainting would feel like before I lost consciousness. It stopped after some time, but the knowledge remained.

fast forward to the day i'm getting my blood drawn. I haven't eaten anything for 12 hours, they're stabbing me with a needle, i'm v sensitive so it hurts like heck and i'm looking away bc I know seeing the blood doesn't help.

I'm holding up. I can do this. I'll be fine.

In comes the other nurse, holding something in her hands and crowding in to the front of where i'm sitting and saying "hi, i'm here to measure your coagulation" (I was not warned that would happen) and she stabs a needle in my earlobe in a way that feels like she'd actually cut me with a tiny razor. She looks at my ear for a second, thanks me, excuses herself and walks off.

All the while the blood-drawing nurse is taking what feels like the tenth vial of my life sauce.

(putting a "read more" below so I won't clog people's dashboards lmao)

And I'm thinking how I wish I didn't have to take these tests every six months to check my hormone levels due to my stupid hashimoto's. (It's an autoimmune disorder, if I don't take my hormones my thyroid antibodies start trying to kill my thyroid bc they're stupid little fucks).

Anyway, I suddenly feel it. Shivers creeping up my nape all the way to the base of my skull. A feeling like my head is suddenly hollow but also simultaneously too heavy to hold upright. Darkness slowly yet steadily devouring the corners of my vision.

Ah, crap, I think. I'm gonna faint.

Since I have no interest in suddenly collapsing and having - hell forbid - the needle cut my vein or whatever, I turn my swimming gaze to the nurse and say, very seriously:

"I'm gonna faint."

The nurse, suddenly wide-eyed, exclaims:

"Oh, no, darlin', please don't do that!"

To which, in my mind, I sarcastically reply "oh, my bad, cancelling the fainting now. Apologies, I did not know it was a bad time", but before I can make the joke, my entire body and brain decide to hit the snooze button and I collapse.

When I come to, I'm in a white corridor, being carried in the arms of a very attractive nurse guy, and I'm thinking like 'boy, I never believed in heaven, but it sure it's starting to look good'.

He plonks me down on my back on a gurney, and I foggily realize I am not dead yet. The man is relieved to see me well, and he practically begs me to eat a saltine cracker bc apparently my pressure had dropped to shit levels.

More or less the exact same thing happened three other occasions before I followed a nurse's advice and started having my blood drawn while lying on my back rather than sitting.

Whenever the staff on a lab says that "that's not necessary, just sit" or "oh we don't have a place to have you lying down" I now reply "okay sure, it's just that I always faint and I will definitely faint now too, just letting u know :)"... and suddenly a reclining chair or gurney appears.

#blood m/#needle m/#medical m/#luiza's adventures

9 notes · View notes

tokillamockingbird427 · 3 months

Note

Valentine is such a cute name!💓💓💓💓

Tbh, I was thinking the name "Zelie" like the main character from Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi (I read the book years ago and the character just stuck with me, I highly suggest this one if you want to read an African fantasy story) anyway, we all know Keegan loves books and I can see him naming his and Alex's daughter after a book character.

I'm also imagining this child with vitiligo and heterochromia (one eye blue, one eye brown) So she looks like the perfect mashup of her daddies

🐺

Well we do need a second name for her still, could make Valentine her middle name, or Zelie. Zelie Valentine/Valentina? (Still haven't decided on the e/a suffix.) (Also, last name arrangement... you think Keegan or Alex would take the others last name? Or maybe they'd adopt a similar naming convention to Hispanics, with two last names. But then who goes first?)

Keegan would definitely want to name her after a book character tho I agree, he's a nerd. Lol

Heterochromia, hell yeah. And congenital vitiligo is rare but it'd be interesting to see an older baby girl with it. (Keep in mind vitiligo doesn't just effect the pigment in a persons skin. It's an autoimmune disorder so baby girl will face a few issues.)

And fun fact: I give Logan heterochromia, and in the past I toyed with the idea of giving him vitiligo. So this is a neat little coincidental callback!

Side note: I think Logan would be very braggy that he and baby girl have the same eyes. Would be very funny if their eyes mirrored each other too. (He has left eye blue. So her's would be on the right in this case.) "Me being her uncle is destiny, Keegan. Look at us. We swapped eyes." "Oh give it a rest blondie." "Never."

Hmm, as we flesh her out the urge to draw baby girl grows more. Just imagine Keegan with her in a sling. It's so cute.

#call of duty #call of duty ghosts #keegan p russ #alex v johnson aka ajax #kejax #logan walker #beloved anon #🐺 anon

9 notes · View notes

newhologram · 11 months

Text

New's T skincare (and more) recs🏳️‍⚧️🥄

Hello! I'm a enby spoonie trying out a low dose of testosterone for gender and health reasons. Some of you asked how I'm managing my skin now that it's oilier on T, so here are some recs. If you find any of this information helpful, please consider dropping a tip in my ko-fi, becoming a Patron, or donating to my GoFundMe. Every bit helps me afford medical care and stay afloat when I'm too sick to work. ❕ Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or an expert, just an ex-retail worker with a special interest in skincare. These are products/routines that work for me, so you'll have to experiment to find out what your skin responds to. Always patch test and if your skin really struggles on T, definitely talk to a dermatologist. This isn't my entire collection of skincare, just stuff that is especially good for managing/healing acne. I'll still be listing some products I don't have yet but plan to get in the future as suggestions. If you want to know about other things like under eye care, send an ask and I'll try to answer. Also, you don't have to be on T to try any of this stuff out. If you have some of the same skin concerns I do, then some of these things may be a good match for you. Even before T, it took work to keep my skin clear. It just takes more intensive care now.

ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ᴡᴇ ɢᴇᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ɪᴛ: 𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

✨Keep in mind that I'm really extra and having a fancy routine like this is part of how I self-regulate. I also have different routines depending on time of the year, time of day, my cycle, whether or not I wore sunscreen/makeup/a mask that day, etc. You absolutely do not need to go as hard as I do with so many products. If you're completely new to skincare, it's fine to keep it simple with cleanser, toner, and moisturizer (and sunscreen when going out!), with masks or spot treatments as needed. 💊A little more info on my situation: I'm on T in short cycles for subtle changes and it turns out that T is really good at treating some chronic illness as well, especially autoimmune disorders. I'm diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, type 2 narcolepsy, fibromyalgia, myalgic encephalomyelitis (CFS), and more. I've been "suspected" for RRMS for a few years due to all of my neurological symptoms but my MRI's don't show much other than some bulging discs. I'm not officially diagnosed yet but am suspected for endometriosis, with an enlarged ovary, backed-up kidneys, unidentified lesions on my colon/bladder, and daily debilitating pelvic/back pain. My periods kill me dead but even when not on them, I'm still in a lot of pain all the time. So far the T really helps with fibro pain and definitely gives me more stamina. My periods have been easier too. Still not pleasant, but not killing me as much. The fact that I've been able to work even one day on my period the past few months is a huge improvement, even if I'm still doubled over with a heating pad. One concern I had with starting T was my skin. I've never had severe acne, but I'm still acne prone as an adult. Luckily I worked in skincare for a while, so I've had a solid skincare routine for a long time now. Since starting T, I've been refining my routine in order to minimize breakouts and heal ones that do happen. The same goes for my hair/scalp routine since I have psoriasis and have to do clarifying treatments twice a week anyway. T can carry the risk of more oil, clogging, and fall out. This post will mostly be about skin but I'll add some of my hair and other recs too. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

♥𝚃𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜♥ I: Skincare 1. 𝘾𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝘢. 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘴 2. 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙨/𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝘢. 𝘞𝘢𝘴𝘩-𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 𝘣. 𝘚𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 𝘤. 𝘚𝘱𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 3. 𝙏𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨 4. 𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙪𝙢𝙨 𝘢. 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘴 𝘣. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘴 5. 𝙈𝙤𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝘢. 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘳𝘴 6. 𝘽𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙖𝙘𝙣𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 7. 𝙀𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 8. 𝙀𝙭𝙖𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝘢. 𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘣. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦

II: Haircare (coming soon) III: pH care (coming soon)

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦ Skincare 1. Cleansers

I have a lot of cleansers because I like to be prepared for every situation, so only a few are pictured here and only ones related to acne care will be listed below. If you want to know what other kinds of cleansers I use, send me an ask! a. Morning Cleansers - In the morning, I usually just do wipes to avoid stripping too much. I'll only actually do a cleanser with water if I feel particularly oily or if I'm actively breaking out and need to start the day with something that's more of a treatment. Senka All Clear Water White - Shiseido, the makers of Senka Pure Whip (one of my fav cleanser lines!) now has a micellar water line. I've tried a lot of micellar waters over the years and this is definitely my favorite one. The Fuji Sakura essence and licorice root are brightening for dark spots (a problem I have after acne) and the Uji Green Tea essence is to remove excess oil and keep the skin matte. I wanted to try the Fresh version which is better for oily/acne prone skin, but was only able to get my hands on the White version but it works great. If I end up finding it, I'll update this post with my results. Fourth Ray Beauty Detox Sesh Purifying Cleansing Wipes - These are fabulous for oily break out mornings. Lots of good stuff like tea tree, witch hazel, and willow bark to treat acne. Can sting a little bit if you're sensitive, but hasn't given me any major issues. Sometimes I use it with a little bit of the micellar water to get an extra cleanse.

Trader Joe's Tea Tree wipes - Been using these for a really long time. They're quite strong, with tea tree and alcohol, so I mostly use them on my neck, chest, and shoulders for break outs there. But I still use them on the face a few times a week as needed for acne. There's also witch hazel, chamomile, ginger, neem, and more. Just a good combo of stuff. Since it's a bit stripping, be sure to tone and moisturize after.

b. Evening Cleansers - In the evening, I usually focus on double-cleansing, especially during a T cycle or if I've been out wearing sunscreen/makeup/mask. Double-cleansing is usually when you use an oil-based cleanser or balm to first cleanse other oils/gunk from skin, and then you use a foam or scrub-type cleanser after (or over) it to get that extra deep cleanse. Just make sure to tone/moisturize well after (will cover those steps too!). Trader Joe's Tea Tree Face Wash - A really simple but effective lathering oil cleanser. CeraVe Acne Foaming Cream Cleanser - CeraVe products are great to start with, as they feature essential ceramides to maintain the skin's barrier. 4% benzoyl peroxide to clear acne, but also with hyaluronic acid to retain moisture and niacinamide to soothe. Senka Perfect Whip - One of my longtime go-to cleansers. It's perfectly soft and foamy, with a bunch of different types now for different skin needs. The original is great during warmer months when I'm oilier anyway, but in the winter I usually switch to Perfect Whip Collagen In for a little more moisture. They have a new Perfect Whip Acne Care foam with the inflammatory agent found in licorice root. I just got my hands on it in May and have been loving it. It's gentle but still potent enough to keep my skin super clear. Momo Puri Peach Moist Cleansing Wash - BCL is a brand I use a lot and their peach line is amazing for the probiotics and peach ceramides. Another great foaming cleanser to replenish the skin barrier but still get nice and clean.

Dark Angels - One of the only LUSH products still worth buying in my opinion (as an ex-employee). I've used this since it came out and it never lets me down. Charcoal and rhassoul are great for pores that get clogged easily, and it's got avocado oil to condition the skin. I scrub this one all over my face, neck, and chest to leave on for 5-10 minutes as a mask while I hang out in the tub. It clears me up fast without irritating my skin. How do I use foam cleansers? Four ways, depending on my needs/spoons that day:

Apply directly to wet skin and massage gently with hands

Apply directly to wet skin and use a very soft handheld brush in small circles. I got mine at Tokyo Central/Marukai Market, but can't recall the brand, sorry!

Use a foamer device to make big whippy clouds, then apply to skin and rub in circles/let sit for 20-60 seconds. Mine is from DAISO.

Apply cleanser to face and/or automatic cleansing brush. I use COSLUS brand. It was affordable and came with a lot of different brush heads, so you can use the one that's right for your skin's sensitivity. I love this thing! I normally use it maybe 1-2x a week, but now on T I use it a little bit more to make sure I get a deep cleanse. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹

2. Masks/treatments

a. Wash-off masks - Such as clay masks, gooey masks, or scrub/dissolving type treatments. Tsururi clay packs - Another great product from BCL. I've used these masks for a long time too, definitely my go-to for a quick but effective clay cleanse. These dry in less than 10 minutes. They have a few different types and currently I'm using the Mild Sea Clay pack with Okinawan clay and moisturizing things such as honey, collagen, and olive oil. This one is good if you're more sensitive, but I still find their regular mask gentle enough. They have a limited edition red clay and ghassoul pack that I really want to try as it'll be even better for blackheads. (Tsururi also has a white clay foam cleanser that I tried a few years ago, it's really nice) Tsururi Pore Cleansing Power Hot Stone - I've used this since I was a teenager, it's like magic. It warms up and dissolves gunk in the pores, so I save it for when I'm especially clogged or if I need my face to be extra clean before/after makeup. It's meant to be rubbed in for 60 seconds and rubbed off, but I tend to leave it on for a few minutes to let it do its work. I know this is fine for my skin, but be careful trying it out if you're extra sensitive. Ghassoul, zeolite, grapefruit extract, witch hazel, peppermint - just lots of good stuff for problem pores. SKINFOOD Pear Mint Mask - I'm fairly new to SKINFOOD but have been loving their products so far. This mask is a winner. The mint is cooling and refreshing, and so is the pear with the added benefit of moisture and nourishment. The base is kaolin clay so it's mild but still effective at cleansing pores. This brand has a bunch of other popular masks, so I can't wait to make my way through their lines. Next I want to try their Black Sugar Strawberry Mask. Mad City Soap - Tea Tree & Mint Foaming Facial Scrub - I've bought soaps and body scrubs from this Etsy shop for a decade but only now started trying their skin and hair products. This one is more of a cleanser than a scrub but I use it as a treatment with my other cleansers. It's soo nice. It's creamy and soft, so minty and tingly and wonderful for current breakouts or for preventing them. I use it 1-3x a week as needed. Very potent and a little goes a long way. I'm From Honey Mask - My all-time favorite mask, it leaves me glowing. It's a little bit on the pricier side for me, but it's always worth it. I've been using this for several years and I save it for skin emergencies or special occasions. Honey is a recurring ingredient in a lot of my skincare because it's just so good. It's anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial, soothing, and helps with elasticity and moisture. So it's not just great for acne, but for anything, really. This mask is very deeply healing so I usually use it after I've had to go hard on harsher acne products and I'm wanting to soothe and repair my skin barrier. This can be a quick 10-20 minute mask but I also leave it on for a full hour when I really need the extra help. This mask uses honey from the Jiri Mountains in South Korea, which have such an abundant variety of flowers that the honey is just jam-packed with healing properties. TONYMOLY I'm Honey Deep Moisture Rescue Mask - If you're on a budget and can't afford the I'm From mask, this one is a great alternative. Honey, propolis, and royal jelly all soothe and hydrate. Still really effective for soothing after harsher acne treatments or during colder weather.

b. Sheet Masks - These masks are great for delivering a bunch of moisture and treatment to the face. I typically save these for emergencies or special occasions but they're also great to use once a week. Make sure to squeeze out what's in the bag too, you can rub it on your neck and chest if you like. Most sheet masks are meant to be left on 10-20 minutes. Ingredients I use a lot are: tea tree or charcoal for break outs, honey or aloe for soothing/healing, strawberry or other fruits for exfoliation, snail mucin for barrier restoration. Naisture - A brand I've used for over a decade, with a lot to choose from. Their tea tree mask is great for break-out days and they also have really soothing aloe and honey ones too. There are a lot of sheet mask brands out there. Other brands I like are Lululun, Kose, and My Beauty Diary. BCL has a 1-minute all-in-one morning sheet mask line called Saborino. They cleanse, moisturize, and prime. I usually use them on work days or tired mornings. I've only tried the grapefruit/avocado one so far but they have so many now. They even have night time masks which would be soothing especially after acne care and covers toner, lotion, essence, cream, and mask in just one minute (but you can leave on for 5-10 if you really need to). ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ c. Spot Treatments

MediHeal Tea Tree Trouble Pads - These are great because I don't always want to do a full sheet mask when I have just one or two problem areas. These are like mini sheet masks that come in square pads. I like to cut them in half so I can more easily place them in strips on my face.

Sunday Riley Saturn Sulfur Spot Treatment - I've used this spot treatment for years, it's wonderful for clearing current break-outs and preventing more. Though it can be a little strong and make me red/itchy, so I use it sparingly and always do soothing care afterward.

MAREE Acne Patches - Pimple patches are life-changing. Great way to not just heal acne with the hydrocolloid gel plus ingredients like tea tree and green algae gel, but it covers the acne up to protect it while you go about your day. A very fast and gentle way to heal stubborn pimples. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ 3. Toners

A lot of people skip toners completely and so I get asked a lot why they matter. Toner is an important step for a few reasons: after cleansing, sometimes we can be stripped of natural sebum (oil), so toning is a good way to replenish that moisture. But it also helps prime the skin for moisturizer. The skin's like a sponge, so it's going to absorb moisturizer better if you wet it first with a toner. These days, there are so many kinds of toners with different ingredients and purposes. So I choose a different toner depending on the time of day, weather, how my skin is acting, etc. Fourth Ray Beauty Fresh AF Mist - A very gentle rehydrating spray toner made with rose and cucumber water. Great for refreshing throughout the day too. SKINFOOD Peach Sake Toner - This is from SF's Peach Sake line which is fabulous for oily skin. Sake is astringent but peach is nourishing and rehydrating. I use this on my face, neck, and chest to control oil production. Super matte! Momo Puri Peach Moist Barrier - another peach line that's amazing, with peach ceramides and probiotics to restore the barrier. BCL has a few different kinds of this toner for your needs. I go with this regular light version but they have a milky version if you're on the dry side. Naturalism by Baeville Turmeric & Honey Glow Toner - Another great Etsy find. Turmeric is great to even out skin tone, but this one also has a lot of other great ingredients for acne prone skin such as witch hazel, rose water, aloe vera, rosemary, chamomile, tea tree, green tea, and more. Another one I love to use on my face, neck, and chest. COSRX Full Fit Propolis Synergy Toner - My current evening toner. Not only anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial for acne, but very soothing and moisturizing for glowing skin. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ 4. Serums/essences/emulsions - I typically use different serums for morning and evening, rotating them as well or switching it up as needed. This is just what works for me. Some people prefer retinol only at night, for example. So listen to your skin and find what works. a. Morning Serums

SKINFOOD Black Sugar Serum - This one has been highly rated for years for sebum (oil) control, so when I had the extra money to get it, I was so excited. It's really nice, both hydrating but also helps to control oil. Definitely keeping my skin clear. SANA Nameraka Honpo Isoflavone Essence - Sana's Isoflavone products have been a staple of my skincare for over a decade. They have soy and arbutin which is great for collagen production and brightening hyperpigmentation. I've used their cleansers, toners, masks, moisturizers, eye creams, and spot treatments. They never disappoint! And they even have so many lines depending on your needs, such as CoQ10, acne control with extra arbutin, and more. This particular essence is one of their basic products, I use it mostly to keep my skin tone even. It's also super soft and moisturizing. Definitely something I use a lot in the winter. SKINFOOD Peach Sake Pore Serum - More Peach Sake because it's so good. This serum is so softening and helps the skin stay matte. CeraVe Resurfacing Retinol Serum - An amazing must-have retinol serum to fade acne marks. It's also brightening and uses ceramides to maintain the skin barrier. Retinol can be a lot on the skin, so I only use it every other day. If you're new to this ingredient, definitely start slow and see how you do. Retinol can cause peeling if you go too hard. Always, and I mean always, wear a good sunscreen if you leave the house on retinol days. b. Evening Serums

Hada Labo Shirojyun Premium Whitening Emulsion - This brand has been getting popular online. I don't usually use emulsions but this one is highly rated for fading post-acne hyperpigmentation and sun damage. It has vitamin E, C, hyaluronic acid to moisturize and nourish. Glycyrrhizic acid (from licorice) is also anti-inflammatory so it seems to even help prevent acne. It's very light too, so I haven't felt like it was too heavy for my oily T skin. This stuff works so well! One day I'll try their other products. COSRX Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence - I've used products with a little snail mucin before and they were nice, but this is the real deal. My friend let me try it at the bath house one night and I was hooked. Snail mucin is intensely hydrating, healing, softening, and calming. It works great with harsher serums such as vit C or retinol. Perfect for barrier-rebuilding. This is great for any skin type, so I've been able to use it no matter what condition my skin is in. This is something I will be buying probably forever, it's really effective and feels great. They also have creams and other snail mucin products, I can't wait to try! Dear Klairs Rich Moist Soothing Serum - I've used this serum probably 8 years by now. Also super soothing and hydrating while not being heavy. This one is great if you're having a sensitive skin day or spent time in the sun. There's also a moisturizer in this line which is really great. Beauty of Joseon Glow Serum - Another new try for me this year. Propolis and niacinamide are great for inflammation, controlling oil, and treating hyperpigmentation. The reviews for this one said it was great for preventing acne and also healing it. It really does give the skin a lovely glow and it's gentle enough to use on sensitive days. (This brand also has a retinol + ginseng eye serum and it's seriously the best eye care I've ever used. Revives my tired spoonie eyes well.)

Fourth Ray All Clear Purifying Serum - A very potent acne clearing serum. Salicylic acid is usually my go-to for an active break-out. Also has tranexamic acid for those pesky post-acne marks. It's supposed to be gentle enough for daily use but I'm extra sensitive so I only use it as-needed, a few times a week usually. Momo Puri Booster Serum - This serum is so powerful that I save it for skin emergencies or special occasions. Seriously intensely healing, and so thick that each little "peach" pack lasts me two uses. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ 5. Moisturizers - I rotate moisturizers a lot, so my line up typically changes year to year. But I usually use gels more than creams (or mixed gel-cream types) because they don't clog my pores.

a. Morning moisturizers SKINFOOD Peach Jelly - For a while I was using pure aloe vera gel as a morning moisturizer, which works great. When I saw SKINFOOD had a peach version, I immediately got it since I'm super into peach skincare lately. It's just really great for repairing the skin barrier and retaining moisture. This one might be a limited edition though, it seems to run out fast. They have a plain aloe version too. Another brand I'd recommend for super sensitive skin is Aloderma, they have a ton of great aloe products. Sana Honey Shca All in One Gel - I've used this product for almost a decade. It's really gentle and soothing while technically covering all your bases: toner, serum, cream and mask. So this is good if you're in a hurry in the mornings. Lately it's been running out of stock online but I always see it at Tokyo Central/Marukai Market. b. Evening moisturizers Momo Puri Sleeping Jelly Cool - A cooling sleep-mask version of their gel that really helps calm inflammation overnight. Feels great in the summer. Can sometimes be hard to find, but I also recommend their gel cream. Fourth Ray After Hours Detox Face Oil - Aa powerful oil for treating acne during sleep. Bamboo charcoal, salicylic acid, tea tree, watermelon seed all help to unclog pores and keep bacteria from causing trouble. This stuff packs a punch. Sunday Riley U.F.O. acne treatment oil - This one's more on the expensive side with the smaller size being $40 so I haven't bought it in a while, but I wanted to include it because it's really good. 1.5% salicylic acid, tea tree, black cumin to clear skin, licorice for hyperpigmentation. To prevent drying it also has cucumber seed and there's chamomile to soothe inflammation. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ 6. Body acne care - Body acne has been a recurring struggle since I was a teenager. Sometimes I'll go long stretches without it but then once summer or a bad PMS time hits, I break out on my chest, neck, back. T has definitely made it harder for me to manage at times, but here's what I use.

Dove Acne Clear body wash - A solid salicylic acid and bamboo extract wash for body acne. Amazon Basics Clarifying Grapefruit body wash - also with SA. DemiDoeNaturals Turmeric Carrot Honey soap - Excellent soap for fading acne marks. My skin turns very red when I break out and the marks take a long time to fade, so ingredients like turmeric and carrot are just what I need to heal.

To reach my back and exfoliate, I use the brush with the long handle. The smaller brush is used on my chest and neck. I got the big one at the 99c store and the smaller one is from a boar hair dry brushing kit. AcneFree SA body spray - body sprays are really useful! This one works really well. I did have some trouble with the actual spraying sometimes because of my weak grip. This one's a little more expensive, around $20, but it lasted me a long time. It dries nice and quick too. Nature's Cure body spray - Another good spray, easier to use. Trader Joe's Tea Tree Oil - Any tea tree oil will do but I've used TJ's since I was a teenager. I add it to other oils for scalp treatments or spot treatments on my body/face. Make sure you dilute it, it's very strong. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹

7. Extra things that can help - These are things you don't necessarily need, but have been worth the investment for me. Face powder - A small compact translucent powder can make a huge difference, especially during the hot weather. I've recently started using Skin Food's Peach Cotton Pore Blur Pact, a sebum-controlling powder. It's very silky and gentle, with a mild peach scent. Keeps my face nice and matte without drying out. On especially oily T days, I reapply it once or twice. Ice Globes - Very cooling and soothing, helps with inflammation. Also great in general for headaches, chronic pain, etc. Glass ice globes are popular because they're pretty, but they can break easily. I'm clumsy and didn't want to take that chance, so I use stainless steel. I keep mine in the freezer and use as needed. If you're sensitive, maybe start out just keeping them in the fridge, because the cold can be intense. Gua sha - This has gotten popular in the past few years, love to see it. I mostly use gua sha on my body for circulation and pain management. But facial gua sha can be really helpful in keeping the skin clear. I wouldn't use it on an aggressive active break-out, but it's great for prevention. The roller kind is good for gentle use and the flat kinds are good for when you need to get some deeper work. Red light therapy - This has been a big one for me. I initially got a red light panel (with red light and near-infrared light for deeper penetration into organs and bones) to help manage chronic pain (osteoarthritis, endometriosis, ulcerative colitis, kidney issues, etc), but the first thing I noticed was how well it worked for my skin. Just 5 minutes a day on my face keeps me really clear, heals inflammation super fast and also boosts collagen production. I have a Hooga which I find simple and effective. I don't hang it, but simply prop it on the floor while I do yoga. If I need to concentrate on my back for an acne or pain flare, I just lie on my side and rest while basking for about 10-15 mins. Chlorophyll - I've been taking this in liquid form for over a decade. Initially it was for anemia and to help my colitis, but it does seem to make a big difference in my skin's condition when used consistently. Mulberry silk pillowcase - Even washing my old pillowcase regularly, I felt like it was time for an upgrade that would be even better at keeping my skin fresh. This one is a little pricey, but it's already made a big difference. Plus it's so cool and comfortable. Mine is by Alaska Bear. Clean your phone! - This one can be hard to remember since I don't talk on my phone all that much. But our phones are nasty, seriously. That can transfer to our face and cause problems. So I try to keep electronic cleansing wipes near my desk as a reminder to wipe my devices down every now and then. ⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ 8. Example routines - Just some examples of what my line up might look like. a. Example morning routine: Let's say I'm not breaking out yet, but maybe just a little, so I want to try a preventative approach. I might cleanse with the Detox Wipes and micellar water, use the Peach Sake toner to keep my skin from being too oily, then retinol serum to help with cell turnover. To give my skin some nourishment, then I'd use the Sana Soy Isoflavone essence and top off with Sana's Honey all in one gel. b. Example evening routine: Later, I'm still trying a preventative approach but my skin needs some soothing. So I might wash first with the tea tree oil cleanser, then scrub with Dark Angels and leave it on for a few minutes like a mini-mask. Synergy propolis toner and snail mucin to soothe and keep my barrier strong. Then Hada Labo emulsion to bring down inflammation, and the Detox Oil to keep the break-out at bay. I hope this was helpful. I may add haircare and other things to this since T definitely affects my scalp too.

#skincare #hormone therapy #hrt #testosterone #testosterone therapy #new's T skincare

29 notes · View notes

holyluvr · 8 months

Text

Not only am I going through my big ol’ Schizo mid twenties psychotic breakdown while on so many medications that I can barely function or think or feel in control of myself— which definitely leaves an impression and bias with most medical doctors even when it’s more sensical to believe that there’s a medical problem(there’s noted evidence of medical abnormalities and plenty of witnesses who were cursed to see it happening to me). As well as being with people who are unstable and unhealthy for me but currently no means to leave them, my mental instability is likely going to be Hell to have me taken seriously at all and maybe dangerous in this area. I’m also LGBT+ in a homophobic trad conservative county with a judge who has literally said that gays go to Hell and refused federal orders for same sex marriage equality until the very last moment they were about to be summoned to the fuckin’ ummm idk it was a gov threat of trial so I wanna say Supreme Court but that sounds too wild to be true. I’ll have to google later what my asshole county leadership’s settlement was about lol but I’m pretty sure we were one of if not the last recorded to marry homosexuals anywayyyyyyyyyy yes I get drinks thrown at me from passing trucks :)) and doctors who blame COVID-19 fevers at ER levels on gender nonconformity and who tell me that they cannot believe I’m mutilating the beautiful body God blessed me with while they have tattoos of Bible verses and flowers all over their exposed forearms and a receptionist with fake lips and lifted brows.

I don’t know if my next doctors will help me out. I don’t know if it’s nothing or dangerous because both came up in appointments, and doctors kept contradicting each other or saying they weren’t sure. My family medical history is a disaster, and I unfortunately would be the highest risk out of my siblings to have dormant sicknesses triggered. I had a virus known to cause life altering complications around the same time that this happened coupled with some events that gave me New and Improved Upgraded PTSD. I was also in active recovery from life threatening alcoholism/addiction and trying to learn how to live sober, which I think probably put my immune system in danger or could have thrown off anything that made me more vulnerable to being sick (before then, I almost never was sick. It was a family joke that I couldn’t get sick. I was called Superman when it came to health— almost no sense of pain until 2019, then it was disabling pain by May 2020).

I want to hope I have some toxin exposure that can be eased and undone with time and not Lupus. Or that it’s from injury dominoing that PT will fix rather than a mixed connective tissue disease to live with forever. Let’s hope it’s secondary symptoms from my health declining and not any sort of cancer or autoimmune disorder or genetic condition or endocrine system failure or liver damage or neurological disease,…

I want to be better. The best thing that could happen to me is to be given an answer and treatment and then feel good. I want more than anything in the damn world to walk into the office and have a convo to find out that it’s my thyroid medicine being a bit off with a coincidental injury that strained my body left uncared for but can be helped. That’s all I want more than anything, and it hurts and is frightening and makes me anxious because I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. I’m scared for my future. I don’t know how to live as a disabled person, and all my passions will be stripped and become dead dreams. I don’t know what I’ll hold onto or look up to anymore. I don’t know who I will be. I don’t know HOW I’ll be because I’m poor and it’s not like I have a support system. I just want to be told that this was all a misunderstanding, and that it’s something harmless that can be reversed or helped or anything that fucking gives me hope for the future. And I’m equally as scared as not getting any answers.

#…

11 notes · View notes

midnight-moth · 4 months

Note

Hey love, as your local chronically I'll person around with a lot of those same issues you may want to look into some autoimmune issues and see if any of those could be causing your other issues. The medical system is shit but I wish you all the luck for your future and hope that your health gets better or you at least get answers. If you have questions about auto immune issues feel free to reply and ask any. You're never alone, were all here to support you <3

Thank you, I really appreciate it 🖤

I’m generally worried that unless it’s obvious my doctor won’t bother trying to figure it out. Like my blood pressure was high at urgent care and then high at her office. But she insists it was normal. Even though everything I read said stage two hypertension. This is just one of the many things I find her that she completely brushed off.

Sorry … I’m rambling. I’m just at a loss. People have told me to advocate for myself and I’m trying. But I am fucking tired.

I honestly don’t know if I’ll get any answers until I find a new doctor.

I only know of a few autoimmune diseases and none of them really seem to match any of my symptoms. But if you have any ideas I’m all ears.

Maybe one that includes disordered sleep since I keep waking up over and over until I just can’t sleep.

Okay I’m sorry I am still ranting. I’m just frustrated. I really appreciate your support. I definitely feel very alone right now.

#cw rant #I feel really bad that I just keep coming here to rant #I started this blog to bury my head in the sand of fandom stuff #it’s supposed to be an escape #I’m sure thats what other people want as well #I know we aren’t one dimensional content machines #and I know some very kind people here care about me #but I am afraid if I keep doing this it will absolutely push people away #I mean it already has I think #either because I’ve stopped writing or because of all the personal stuff #people don’t interact the way they used to #and I don’t mean it to sound greedy #I just feel really guilty if my negativity is affecting others to the point that they don’t want to engage with me #I keep saying this but maybe I should just take a big social media break #it’s pathetic but that scares me since most of my friendships happen to be LDR ones now #I just dint want to be the eeyore of ghost tumblr #I know I’m being embarassing ugh

5 notes · View notes

slicznymartwy · 9 months

Note

*crying sobbing choking throwing up*

UGH GOSH. The soft Billy ask!!!! OH YOU WRETCHED THING, MAKING ME FEEL THINGS LIKE THAT!!!!! *sobs into hands* oh billy….poor poor billy….my little silly Billy…..once again, the way you write is just, simply lovely. Terribly subtle, clever, or maybe I’m just naive and silly! But, I just simply can’t help but feel he’s so sweet in his heart of hearts…..he just doesn’t know any better!!! Him saying he wants to, um. Ejaculate upon her teeth *wheezes*, yeesh Billy lol. But! He says that cause he has no idea how to say “you have a beautiful smile!” Or “you’re teeth are very pretty and white!” He just DOESNT KNOW!!! All he knows is BLOODY SEX. He reminds me of a little kid…in the way that, should a child grow up being told over and over how bad they are, they act out that way, they become what you tell them, you say they’re bad, and they believe it, cause how can they know any different? But when you tell a kiddo they’re sweet and pretty and good job and all these good things, they act that out, BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE YOU!! Billy only literal experience with people is just, people freaking out about him, around him, and pointing at him with aggression and fear and hate, he has no idea he could even be anything else, he has no idea that’s possible for him.

This boy is so autistic, in the way that….his, his botched up speech….is like mine. In my mind, I’m normal, all my thoughts are loud and swirling and racing, and when I decided on the correct wording, I say the words if I’m able to. I think I’m normal enough in that moment, I’m trying to be, but when I hear myself or see recording of me…..I’m so, blunt, and sporadic, and just OFF, my speech is chopped up into random quips, things that make sense to me but from the outside perspective, isn’t terribly fluid, like Billy. He’s thinking fully, but his words just come out, different. Gosh I love him so much. (I can translate my thoughts through writing far more smoothly I believe)

Poor billy…..I wish I could tell him, that he isn’t his thoughts….it’s just his brain, which is an organ, it’s just this particular organ malfunctioning, it just has conditions, like, someone with a heart condition or high blood pressure or an autoimmune disorder….it’s just…..it’s just SYMPTOMS. I wish I could, like you said, pat his back, rub his back oh so gently, comfort him and somehow convey to him, just cause he has all these horrible thoughts, doesn’t mean he’s horrible, doesn’t mean he IS his thoughts….I want to teach him and show him how I handle myself and try to control myself, and ignore my own thoughts, so he can see it’s possible!!

Oooogh!! I have SO. MANY. FEELINGS! AAAH!! I love the way you write how he communicates!! It just makes so much sense for him! I liken him to, groot, honestly. You know from the guardians of the galaxy? His vocabulary is VERY limited, he can only really say the words, “I am groot” but he’s literally speaking…normally, as in, his thoughts and meaning is normal, he just doesn’t have the words to say them, but rocket understand how he speaks, and can have conversations with him. That’s how Billy is!! Just, his language is limited to sexual vocabulary at the moment. Ooooooh, I would love to teach him about butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses….I would hope they would make him warm and fuzzy on the inside! Melt boy! MELT!

hi !!! this is so sweet, i’m so glad you like my writing enough to send me this !!! thank you <33

i like writing a softer billy. you say it really well, he’s just deeply sick. i think maybe he’s experienced trauma growing up, and this is just how it manifests in him. he doesn’t realize he doesn’t have to be dirty billy. he thinks that’s all he is, so that’s all he lets himself be.

speaking of languages and physicality, i also partly feel like he would interpret non-sexual physical touch as being sexual, so i would definitely be interested to see him receiving something like a back rub or an eskimo kiss and realizing it can stop at that. touches can be platonic, not everyone is a sexual monster (definitely him projecting that).

as evil as he is, i want him to get better too. maybe it’s too late for him, but i think he deserves it a little bit T T

#billy lenz #black christmas (1974)#₊*. ⋆༘ — uli's asks

8 notes · View notes

ghostussy · 1 year

Text

Secondo x Reader (Platonic! Think of it as like, a dad moment.)

Secondo helping a young reader with arthritis.

Reader does use trans tape in this fic!

The weather? Cold and rainy. My joints? slowly dying. Enjoy the fic. The reader can be as young as you want, as long as it is around working age. I am nineteen for context.

/ / /

Secondo met you at the front door of the Ministry when you finally arrived home from work. He chuckled as he watched you run from your car to meet him, becoming soaked from the pouring rain in the process. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, escorting you to your quarters as quickly as possible.

This ritual started when you first came to the Ministry and could not find your way back to your bedroom after work. Often it would be late, and Secondo would be the only one left awake and wandering the halls. After several days of accidentally bumping into him and asking him to lead you back, he finally began meeting you at the front door. You did learn your way around with time, but still Secondo insisted on meeting you at the door. To be perfectly honest, you looked forward to meeting him each day.

“Secondo, please,” you pleaded as you turned another corner, “slow down. I cannot walk that fast.”

“Ah, bambino, whatever is the matter? Are you unwell?”

“No, it’s just...” you cringed, stopping in your tracks as pain shot through all the joints in your legs. He stopped walking as well. “It’s arthritis.”

“Arthritis?”

“Yeah. It’s just because it’s raining, and cold.”

“I understood that part; I have arthritis as well, you see.” He looked down at you. “What I do not understand is how you, a child, can have arthritis.”

You let out a small laugh. “You and me both.” You took a few steps forward, limping slightly until the pain in your stiff joints subsided. “I have an autoimmune disorder that causes rheumatoid arthritis. Basically my immune system is not only attacking my thyroid, but my joints as well. Very annoying, very inconvenient.”

He started walking next to you once again, though rather slowly to match your pace. “I see.”

“It’s normally not this bad,” you continued, “I don’t have to take any medications for it. I’m sure that will change in the future, but for now it’s fine with just ibuprofen. Hey, how is yours not flared up right now? It’s raining, and cold outside. I’m jealous.”

“It was earlier, but I have taken some painkillers for it. It seems as though you’re having a much more difficult time walking that I certainly did. I just cannot believe it has occurred in somebody so young.”

“Ah, well. I have a young mind, but a body that is as old as fuck.” You stopped once again, leaning onto a table for support. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You felt the pain radiate throughout all the joints in your legs; it was more focused on your hips, but your knees were awful as well. It was becoming difficult to stand.

Secondo placed a hand on your back to steady you. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine,” the pain was evident in your voice. “I just need a second. Oh man, I cannot wait to crawl into bed and just pass the fuck out. I am so tired.”

“Would you like me to carry you?”

“It’s alright, Secondo. Don’t feel obligated, seriously. I’ll be fine in a sec.” You winced again as the pain unrelentingly throbbed in your ankles now. You could tell that they were swollen, as well as your knees. Your knuckles hurt like hell, and you could tell that they were definitely also swollen. Damn.

He moved behind you, swooping you up into his arms effortlessly. “Our definitions of ‘fine’ differ greatly, child.”

The sudden lack of weight sent a dull ache through your bones, followed by a wave of relief. A tired sigh escaped your lips as you laid your head on his shoulder, relaxing into him a bit. “Oh. Thank you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck as he began walking to your room. You decided to make conversation.

“Wanna know something stupid?”

“Do I?”

“My elderly dog and I have one stupid thing in common. You’ll never guess what it is.”

“Arthritis?”

“How’d you guess?”

He shot you a look. “I’m just that smart, I suppose.”

He stopped outside your door. “Do you have any epsom salt?”

“No. Why would I?”

“You need to take a bath with epsom salt. It works wonders,” He set you on your feet carefully. “I keep plenty on hand. Would you like me to get you some?”

Though you hated to admit it, a hot bath sounded amazing. “Oh, please. Then I will purchase some more tomorrow.”

“Of course. Why don’t you run the water, and I will be right back with the salts?”

“Sounds good to me.”

. . .

He returned a few moments later with a hefty bag of the salt. You watched as he dumped quite a bit into the water, and you wondered if you really needed quite so much.

“Siamo pronti. As soon as it is full, you may get in. Would you like me to stay with you in case you need something?” You noticed the worry in his eyes.

You shrugged. “Sure, if you’re not doing anything else. Let me change first, though.”

“Ah, of course.” He stepped out of the bathroom, and you followed, moving slowly over to the dresser to find an old pair of shorts. You also grabbed a clean pair of pajamas to take with you as well, so that you could change once you were done.

You went back into the bathroom and changed into the shorts, then removed your shirt. You double checked that your trans tape was still in place, then allowed Secondo to enter the bathroom.

He held out his hand, helping you into the bathtub. You slowly sank into the hot water until you were covered up to your chin, feeling the heat seep through your aching bones and joints. You let out a breathy sigh, leaning your head back onto the side of the tub. Though the salt hadn’t begun to work yet, the heat alone was comforting enough that you felt as though you could fall asleep. Secondo watched as he took a seat next to the tub.

A few minutes of silence passed, and you felt the salt beginning to work. The pain relief was surprisingly fast, and liberating. It was the first time in several hours that you felt like you could move your joints freely without pain or stiffness. The aches and pains seemed to leak out of your joints, instead being seemingly replaced with a newfound drowsiness. Your head lulled back and your eyes closed in content.

“Secondo?” You said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes?”

“This shit is fucking amazing.” You looked at him and opened your eyes.

He let out a laugh. “I am glad. I would be untruthful if I said that I did not have the same reaction the first time I tried it.” He reached over to you and ruffled your hair. “I am glad it is helping.”

You let out a small hum as you closed your eyes once more. You felt relaxed and comforted now that your pain was almost gone. You were getting more sleepy now as well.

The older man took note of this.

Gently, he ran a hand through your hair, working through the knots and scratching lightly at your scalp. You allowed him to do so, lacking the energy to tell him to stop. It felt nice anyway. Steadily, your breaths evened out, and your heartbeat slowed. You felt yourself drifting off.

A few moments later, Secondo stopped playing with your hair and tried to rouse you. After all, you couldn’t stay here all night.

“Cara, it is time to wake up. We must get you rinsed, then we will get you to bed. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

You let out a sleepy whine, then opened your eyes. “Fine.” You pulled the plug on the drain, shivering as the water emptied slowly. “I’ll take a quick shower if you want to wait out there.”

He nodded, stepping out of the bathroom.

. . .

Once you were showered and dressed in your pajamas, you also exited the bathroom. Secondo was sat on the bed, reading something on his phone. When he saw you he placed it down and walked over to you. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Lots actually, thank you.”

“Of course. Now, I do believe it is time, ah, how did you put it? Oh! It is time for you to simply crawl into bed and pass the fuck out.”

“Yes, it certainly is.” You covered a yawn with your hand. “Although, do you want to stay and watch a movie with me first? It is still early yet.”

“Ah- sure, why not.”

Not long after, the two of you were settled in your bed amongst the large collection of blankets and stuffed animals that you kept. He sat up, leaning slightly against the headboard. You were curled up next to him, head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. The room was dark, only illuminated by the light of the tv. Quietly, you stifled a yawn; if you thought you were exhausted earlier, you were twice as tired now. The pain seemed to have taken quite the toll on you.

Secondo looked down at you, noticing your sleepy look. He rubbed your arm as you curled further into him. He allowed you to do so; after all, he knew better than anyone what it felt like to deal with unrelenting joint pain. He was glad that he could be your source of comfort; though he truly wished that you hadn’t needed it at your young age. Nonetheless, you suffered, and would continue to suffer with your condition in the future. For now though, you were safe and content, sleeping within his secure hold as the rain poured down outside.

#papa secondo #secondo emeritus #secondo x reader #secondo #drabbles

29 notes · View notes