#also I just want to spend my entire life writing about the Odyssey

[lil-tachyon]

Hey logan, i'm trying to get into sci fi more, do you have any media, movies or otherwise you'd say it's a must watch for someone starting to get into it? Thanks

Super broad question! And precisely the thing I love to talk about. Although unfortunately I really don’t watch a lot of movies or TV so the best I can do for you is list some stuff I like and hope that you find something you enjoy. If we were talking sci-fi literature, that’s something I would probably write a full essay on- if anyone’s interested in reading my thoughts on that and getting my really long list of recommendations, just let me know. I might even do it on my own anyway, just for fun…

I guess if we’re going to talk about “must-watch” sci-fi movies then we have to talk about Star Wars first just to get it out of the way. I’ll keep it brief, far too much ink has been spilt regarding this franchise and you can find more in-depth opinions somewhere else. The original trilogy is great- there’s a reason it launched one of the biggest media franchises of the past 45 years. Endlessly rewatchable, somehow still looks better than basically any other big budget SFF popcorn movie and just plain fun. If you somehow haven’t seen the OT yet, get to it. 

You don’t really need to watch any other Star Wars stuff aside from the OT. The prequels aren’t exactly essential and they’re unquestionably worse in terms of dialog, acting, pacing (i.e. the nuts and bolts of storytelling.) If you’ve never watched Star Wars before you won’t have any nostalgia for them so you can skip them. Don’t even bother with the Disney sequels- pointless and incoherent. If you DO for some reason want more Star Wars in your life I can give you two recommendations: 

First is the masterpiece that is Genndy Tartakovsky’s (creator of Samurai Jack) Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) (no, not the CGI Clone Wars show you’re probably thinking of). Split into 25 episodes ranging in length from two to twelve minutes, the whole show is only about two hours long but boy is it sweet. There are no main characters and not much in the way of an overarching plot. Instead the show is composed of a series of rapid-fire vignettes that take place across the entire Star Wars galaxy and tell dozens of unique microstories. It’s pulpy and fun and never takes itself too seriously and the whole thing is on YouTube because for some reason Disney actually hates everything that made Star Wars good and hasn’t taken the time to copyright strike it.

Second recommendation is the Mandalorian. I didn’t believe it when people started raving about it, but it really is great and tells a poignant, self-contained, original story. It’s not perfect and it definitely suffers from the Disneywars curse of really obnoxious references to the OT, but it’s absolutely worth the watch.

Damn that’s so much more time than I wanted to spend on Star Wars. I always forget how much of a SW geek I am until I start talking about it…

Quick list of the other big “essentials” that I’ve seen and can recommend before I get into more personal stuff (in no particular order):

Alien (1979) - Weird and creepy and gross and with impeccable visual design in every single frame. I need to rewatch it, only seen it once.

Akira (1988) - Massive, groundbreaking, unsettling, beautiful. Brought cyberpunk into the visual realm, brought anime to the West in a whole new way. I could rewatch it a hundred times. 

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) - A foundational film that moves at a foreboding crawl and leaves you feeling unsafe and unsure of what you just watched. (Also my dad’s band referenced the monkey scene in their big-label debut music video, so that should be reason enough to watch it)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) - UFOs, the American West, and the most 70s-looking cast imaginable. It feels more a product of its time than most of the others on this list, but I love it for that and it does nothing to make it any less impactful or engrossing.

The Terminator (1984) and Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) - I waited waaaaaay too long to watch these. I only got around to seeing them this past year in fact. I had always just written them off in my head as nothing more than cheesy 80s action flicks but my God are they good and so much different from what I expected. The first one is basically a sci-fi slasher film and the second is probably the best sequel film I’ve ever seen and takes everything in a totally different direction that still manages to build on all the groundwork laid by the first. Please watch, don’t be like me and wait until you’re twenty-six. 

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984) - My favorite Ghibli movie. For being a film about people flying airships and fighting bugs in a giant toxic jungle, it really has a lot of important stuff to say and says it very well.

Castle in the Sky (1988) - Hits a lot of the same plot beats as Nausicaä and, imo, suffers a little bit in comparison but still a great anime sci-fantasy romp. 

The Thing (1982) - Disgusting sci-fi horror in the glacial Antarctic wastes

The Twilight Zone (1959-1964) - The first, the best. Sure, it’s inconsistent in terms of quality, but it’s at least consistently weird and inventive and the good episodes are really damn good. Also something I love about it is the acting- it’s very over-the-top expressive and exaggerated. Feels more like it’s meant for the stage than for the small screen. You don’t see a lot of TV like that these days. 

The X-Files (1993-2002, 2016-2018) - Absolutely in my top 5 TV shows. It was great to watch as a 14-year-old because I was still young enough to find it scary, and it’s great on every re-watch because I can really appreciate how much chemistry Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny have and how fun, goofy, and overall weird it is. As I recall it starts to decline noticeably in season 8. Season 9 you’ll have to grit your teeth to get through. The 2016-2018 revival is half composed of unwatcheable “storyline” episodes and half surprisingly good-to-great “monster of the week” episodes.

Cowboy Bebop (1998-1999) - My number one favorite anime, I love everything about it. So much effort goes into small background details and characters that only appear for a few seconds and it really goes a long way to making the whole universe of the show feel so real that you could see yourself living in it. Also the soundtrack is top-notch, I listen to it regularly. 

Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996) and End of Evangelion (1997) - Another one that I took too long to get to and to be honest I probably would’ve been more into it had I watched it when I was younger, but it’s still great and I recommend it. Features a classic “inflation suit” episode

Stuff that’s less “essential” but I really like it:

Planetes (2003-2004) - My second favorite anime. Starts off as a workplace slice-of-life and slowly builds into a really, really emotional conclusion. Can’t recommend it enough.

Forbidden Planet (1956) - A sci-fi adaptation of Shakespeare’s The Tempest (I’m an illiterate piece of shit so I can’t tell you how good an adaptation it is). It’s slow-paced and eerie, and way more atmospheric than its decidedly 1950s visuals would lead you to believe.

Digimon: The Movie (2000) / Summer Wars (2009) - A short story: as a kid I probably watched the Digmon Movie about a million times. It was huge with kids my age and was probably an entire generation’s first introduction to ska-punk. It’s a great movie. Anyway, fast forward about a decade and a half and at some point I sit down to watch Summer Wars with my brother on no other information than that we heard it’s good. And it is! But pretty soon into the movie we both notice something odd- it seems to feature almost the exact same plot as the Digmon Movie. After a bit of digging we find out that they were both directed by the same guy and it seems he just had this idea in his head for a story that he really wanted to make for over a decade because Summer Wars is basically a more mature and less merchandisable remake. Watch them both!

Samurai Jack (2001-2004, 2017) - the first cartoon I saw as a kid that really made me say “finally, something for me!” I wouldn’t get another TV show aimed at me that was “cool” and “epic” and “badass” until ATLA came out. Nothing beats watching a samurai fight a million robots and bounty-hunters on an endless quest to go back to the past. Also the season 5 revival is great and I genuinely don’t get why a lot of people seemed to really hate on it. 

Moon (2009) - It’s been a LONG time since I watched it, but I liked it quite a bit. A lonely lunar miner runs into what seems to be his double and things get spooky…

Prospect (2018) - More space miners running into trouble! Really great costume and prop design on a super small budget (but you wouldn’t know it from how good it looks). 

Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket (1989) - Listen- I’m not a gundam guy. I don’t care about all the different robots and I’m not about to watch 40 years of TV to try and figure out the story. Which is why War in the Pocket is great because it’s six episodes long and it just tells a really touching story punctuated by cool robot battles and you don’t need to know anything about Gundam to enjoy it.

Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise (1987) - A story about a space race set on an alternate world. What really sets it apart is the visual design- every detail from books, to currency, to texts to vehicles, to architecture is unique enough to feel totally alien but also grounded enough to somehow feel familiar. It’s quite an achievement. Trigger Warning: there’s a very uncomfortable rape scene in the middle of the film that seems to come out of nowhere. I’m still not sure why they chose to include it.

Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999) - Military police get up to some real nasty stuff in alternate history fashy 1950s Japan. Very depressing, all my friends complained to me about how sad it was even though they went into it knowing what it was about and agreeing to watch it with me. You just can’t win sometimes!

That’s about all I have for now. I know it’s all kind of basic bitch stuff but like I said, I don’t often watch movies/TV. Hope it helps and thanks for the great question!

#sci fi #send me an ask! #long post

[rubyvroom]

Books I read in 2022

I cannot possibly remember every book, so I'm missing some, but looking at my bookshelves this is what I was able to come up with.

This year: almost no non-fiction, almost all new books. During the early phase of the pandemic I got super into manga, which cut into my prose reading time, so there are fewer books here than in previous years.

The best ones

Circe - I got it for Christmas last year and I read it in about 2 days because I could not put it down. Beautiful writing, excellent restaging of The Odyssey, everything I ever wanted 10/10

The Song of Achilles - After finishing Circe I bought this at Shakespeare and Company when I was in Paris and it actually distracted me from my trip a little bit because again, could not put it down. Madeline Miller owns my soul. Circe was better though.

The Locked Tomb - maybe the only time I have ever gone back and re-read the entire series before a book came out instead of just telling myself I would re-read the entire series before the new one came out and then forgetting to and being too impatient to not read the new book straight away. It was really a blast reading all The Locked Tomb back-to-back and I had a great time with Nona The Ninth as a result. All in all probably my best reading experience this year, actually.

I'm Glad My Mom Died - I read the Jeanette McCurdy book mostly on the plane to go spend Christmas with my family, which was a choice. It is not at first what you expect from the title. It's smarter than that. This book is really exceedingly cleverly written in such a way to suck you in and get you having a good time despite how daaaaaaaaark it is in there. Re the abusive mom and child actor tell-all: as bad as you think this will be, it's actually worse. But the pov is so well done and in such a way that you really grok that this girl does not understand how fucked up things are, while making absolutely sure that you as the reader understand exactly how fucked up things are. That is not an easy balance to do well and she makes it look easy. I hope this girl's life is uneventful ever after and that she writes more books, I think she could be a fabulous writer.

Everything else

(Everything I list here I enjoyed at least enough to finish. If I'm not enjoying something I won't get very far into it, and I'm not counting those here. I'm also about partway into 6-8 more books, but those will count for 2023)

The Circle - Dave Eggers Where the Drowned Girls Go - Seanan Maguire Klara and the Sun - Kazuo Ishiguro Finna - Nino Cipri Hallucinations - Oliver Sacks Miyazakiworld - Susan Napier Remote Control - Nnedi Okorator Cloud Cuckooland - Anthony Doerr Last Exit to Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr Seasonal Fears - Seanan Maguire What Makes This Book So Great - Jo Walton The Past is Red - Catherynne M. Valente A Prayer for the Crown-Shy -- Becky Chambers Fugitive Telemetry (A Murderbot Book) - Martha Wells Revenant Gun - Yoon Ha Lee The Ten Thousand Doors of January - Alix Harrow Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse It Came From the Closet - Various (queer horror analysis anthology) Empire of Gold - S.A. Chakraborty

Graphic novels and manga are another post bye

#best of 2022 queue #2022 in review

[buzzings]

letter no. 7

i guess i haven’t written much lately. to be fair, nothing is really happening, though. i’m just existing. i mean, my emotional state is still very wonky, but i think it will be for life, so that isn’t really surprising at all, either. but this post is about to be very rambly.

i’m writing this in a bad mood, which is something i tend to avoid doing because it always sounds very flat this way, at least to me. maybe it’s just my voice in my head reading this as i type that makes it sound that way. if i was in a better mood, i wonder if this same text would sound the same.

i’ve been doing fuck all in my free time. i’m in the middle of replaying assassin’s creed odyssey for the second time. it was really fun at first, but now it’s getting to the point where i’m running around doing random side quests instead of progressing the main story, just because i know how it ends—and i don’t want it to end. because if it ends, i’ll have to find interest in another one of my hobbies, and i don’t think i really have the energy for that either. i tried doing a little crochet project, and i got bored very quickly. which sucks. i love my tactile hobbies. this is the curse of having adhd, and also living in today’s general society.

i’m still twenty-five. i’ll be twenty-six soon, and this is the first time i vehemently don’t want to go up in age. if you’re wondering, it’s not because i’ll get kicked off my parent’s health insurance (i haven’t been on someone else’s insurance since i was twenty). i just really like the age twenty-five. twenty-five is a good number. twenty-six is too even (i’m not sure this concept would make sense to anyone else). now that i think about it, i just really don’t like even numbers, actually. the only even-number-birthdays i really liked were twelve and twenty-four. i couldn’t tell you why.

though, as i settle in to my mid-twenties, the concept of dying alone is more pressing. i never really cared much about finding a partner or getting married (the reasons for this, though, are a whole separate musing for another post), or having an executor, or life insurance, or anything else “adulty” (this probably has something to do with the fact that i was never able to conceive of living even this long). in fact, i was actively and belligerently against settling down to the point that it was pretty much my entire personality. now, i can’t stop thinking about it.

(i know i don’t want children. i do not want to be responsible for a human being that isn’t me (not including the people i already have in my life. that’s a different kind of responsibility). i do not want to have a person depending on me to take care of them, the stakes being that they would literally die if i were to neglect them. i don’t trust myself to not fuck things like that up, and i probably never will, with the exception of my cat.

i know full well that i will never in my existence create a life using my own body. what the actual fuck is that shit, am i right? you’re telling me that i’m growing a living thing in my body that will then exist outside my body with its own separate sentience? you’re buggin’. that’s some extraterrestrial shit. gross. no thanks. unsubscribe. keep your bodily monstrosities to yourself.

regardless.) i cannot stop thinking about being in love with someone. finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. growing up and growing old with someone who wants me along for the ride. a partnership. my best friend. my once in a lifetime green flame.

but because i have spent so long being vehemently against the idea, i have to rewire my logically-inclined—as opposed to emotionally-inclined—brain to accept that this is something i actually do want. it’s not cringey or weird to want to be loved by someone. and i do deserve it. i think everyone deserves it. i used to think everyone but me deserved it. but i know that’s not true, i just need to convince myself.

all i really know is, i want to love and be loved, and i’ve never felt this way before. i’ve had crushes. i’ve longed for romance. i’ve—countless times—admitted my feelings for someone only to realize that i didn’t actually want to pursue them, i was just attracted to the attention they gave me. i didn’t want to date (i still don’t want to date. i want to be with someone), but i did want the attention, and now it’s hard to tell where that kind of interest ends and genuine interest begins. i don’t know if i will ever find out. it scares me. it makes me feel crazy (and i’m not entirely sure if it’s mutually exclusive from the kind of crazy of people in love).

jesus fucking christ.

#letters #no. 7 #A/N: i wrote this a few months ago. i am now 26 but i stand by this

[misscrawfords]

“Cyclops”

Finally a cryptic spoiler made just for me!

A few things are suggested by this:

The key aspect of the Cyclops episode is Odysseus calling himself “Nobody”. “Who is hurting you, Polyphemus?” “Nobody is hurting me!” “If nobody is hurting you then stop yelling!” Rey is associated a lot with being nobody. “Who are you?” asks Luke. “I’m no-one.” “You’re nobody, you come from nothing, you have no place in this story, but not to me,” says Kylo. The mystery of Rey’s identity is central to the story.  So with the clue “Cyclops”, this could go in various ways. Could Rey’s very lack of background be the key to defeating Palpatine? Will Palpatine be yelling “A nobody has hurt me!” Alternatively, is this a sign that Rey is lying about her origins? Odysseus is calling himself “Nobody” as a trick. (The word for “nobody” in Greek, μη τις, is actually a pun: μητις as a single word means “cunning”.) And in fact he ends up getting cursed when his desire for recognition causes him to tell the Cyclops who he really is - knowing Odysseus’ true name gives the Cyclops the power to curse him. Does Rey know something about her background that she is concealing from everyone? Could this be linked to dark!Rey? “Me too, big secret,” she says back in TFA and I do wonder... 

The meta point to Odysseus’ trick in terms of his character is that Odysseus must become a true nobody in order to succeed in the world of The Odyssey - he must give up his very identity and name and everything that makes him him. There is no place for heroic arrogance and glory (themes of The Iliad) if Odysseus is going to survive and return home. If the Cyclops episode is Odysseus at his cleverest then it cannot be divorced from the overall theme of The Odyssey which is the return of a war-scarred wanderer to his home, his father, his wife and the power that is his right and from which he has been stripped. But in order to succeed at that, he must first be stripped absolutely of all these things. Calling himself Nobody is the most overt and extreme example of the ways in which Odysseus denies his identity throughout the poem - such as becoming a beggar, lying about his identity and his past, losing his clothes, being made invisible... When he arrogantly proclaims to the Cyclops that he is “Odysseus, son of Laertes, King of Ithaca” at precisely the wrong moment, he is cast back to square one and cursed. Only when he has totally denied himself and hit rock bottom can he slowly be rebuilt as son, father, husband, king and reclaim his home from usurpers. I mean, not to read too much into this or anything, but... Bendemption, anyone?

On a totally different note, the way in which Odysseus and his companions escape from the Cyclops is by blinding him and then tying themselves to the underside of his precious rams and letting them take them out of the cave in the morning, avoiding him even when he’s reaching blindly for the rams. Could the Resistance try a similar trick to escape from a tricky situation, somehow disguising themselves to escape from right under the First Order’s nose, attaching themselves to FO ships, for example? I don’t know, but I think there’s the potential for a fun plot that mirrors the escape from the Cyclops’ cave. 

#star wars #rey #kylo ren #bendemption #episode ix speculation #spoilers #tros #the rise of skywalker #reylo #meta #i really MUST finish my massive meta on how SW is very Greek this weekend #also I just want to spend my entire life writing about the Odyssey #love love love

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x9 thoughts

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore Coach Beard; he’s one of my favorite characters on the show, and he’s so well-written and well-acted that somehow I tend to be both perfectly satisfied with the details we see and truly curious to understand more about the way he thinks, what’s really happening re: his professional and personal devotion to Ted, where he comes from and where he’s going. I don’t need to know his name beyond the name he wants to be called, but I want to know why we don’t have any other names for him. And I don’t need him to be a bigger focal point of every episode, but I very much needed this episode’s world-exploding reminder that every single character on this show has a rich inner life, full of joys and troubles.

“Beard After Hours” is like a movie, but one that scatters its climaxes and puts off its resolutions...because it’s not a movie. It’s episode nine of a twelve-episode season of TV. When the episode ended, I felt this almost frantic “But he needed to break up with Jane for good before the end of the episode!” feeling. I was so pulled in by the idea of being able to tell an entire story in one night, of going on an odyssey alongside a complicated hero, that watching Beard and Jane find each other in that club felt as intense as the fact that we don’t know if Ted responded to Rebecca’s voicemail and we don’t know what’s going to happen with Rebecca and Sam and we don’t know who isn’t getting married and who is having a funeral in 2x10 (I mean, I have my strong suspicions, but still!) and we don’t know if Richmond will be promoted back to the Premier League. And on and on. I didn’t mind feeling desperate for the story to resolve even though I understood after thinking about it for ten seconds that of course it couldn’t resolve yet. Or ever. Or yet.

I’m a big fan of the TL episode recaps/reviews Linda Holmes writes for NPR, and I have to quote something from this week’s directly because it so perfectly explains my feelings:

The power of the scene where Beard dances in the club isn't that it's a beautiful romantic climax. It's that it's an explanation of why he cannot seem to extricate himself from this bad relationship. What makes the worst relationships so dangerous is that they have elements that feel good that are very hard to get elsewhere. Beard knows that; he tells it to God. What's concerning isn't that Jane makes the world seem more interesting; what's concerning is she's the only thing that does. That doesn't take away from the joy of the dancing; it just tells you that even happiness is complicated.

I love Holmes’ perspective here so much, because it articulates something I was struggling to figure out: how it can feel so legitimate, like such a (temporary but nonetheless powerful) relief, for Beard to find Jane in that club and to have this moment of euphoria as his night nears an end. How it is possible to experience that relief on behalf of a character while fervently wishing it could end differently, because it’s so clear from the abusive text messages and the toxic calls and the manipulative interactions that Jane is terrible to him and they’re terrible for each other. But Beard knows this. He knows it when he hugs Higgins in the parking lot after Higgins is honest with him in a way Ted and Rebecca and Keeley have not learned how to be, and he knows it when part of his prayer includes the clear articulation that Jane isn’t the cure for what “ails me.” He’s inching closer to greater self-knowledge just as Ted is.

And the two big resolutions that really, really needed to happen did. I didn’t know I needed Paul, Baz, and Jeremy to get to wrap up their own night out on the pitch at Nelson Road, but I did. It brought actual tears to my eyes. And the other resolution was Beard showing up with the other coaches’ coffees for their meeting to watch the game film. As interesting as it would have been to see what Ted would have done if Beard hadn’t shown up, I’m so, so glad that he did. He’s got a messed-up face and some truly epic pants on, but otherwise this is just Beard showing up for work, showing up for his friends. It was incredible to realize that Beard and Ted haven’t been exaggerating when they’ve referred to his sex-and-drug proclivities in the past. The night documented in 2x9 might have been particularly scary and violent and euphoric and awful and meaningful, but this type of all-night adventure isn’t a foreign concept for this guy. In all the other episodes of this show, when we see Beard we’re seeing someone who might have been out all night, who might have spent the hours the sun was down desperately pushing himself closer to whatever edges he could find.

I don’t really want to touch upon all the allusions in this episode. They are abundant, they are well-documented, and also I haven’t even seen the movie After Hours. I enjoyed this episode for its allusive qualities and I enjoyed this episode for what it was and I feel like I have to be at peace with the fact that I’m never going to pick up on every single reference on this show and that is okay.

So, yeah, if this entry on my tumblr dot com blog seems remarkably devoid of references and allusions, it’s not because I’m not into it but because I find it too overwhelming to actually write about.

Very into the Misplaced and Discovered box at the Crown and Anchor. (That’s what Mae wrote on the Lost and Found box at the pub, right? Whatever it is, it’s so funny.)

Beard hallucinating Thierry Henry and Gary Lineker was truly upsetting and a great indicator not only of how broken things are between the Richmond coaching staff right now but also how deep Beard’s self-loathing might go. If you’d asked me before Thursday if I thought Beard loathed himself, I would say no. That deepening of knowledge alone makes 2x9 worth it.

James Tartt and his friends in the alley. Such a nightmare. I go back and forth on how much of the night was real, and part of me has decided all of it is, short of the images of Henry and Lineker. (And even that is real to the extent that it was a way of articulating what was in Beard’s head.) But watching Beard in physical danger brought on by the same abuser who had him so upset in the first place. It was a lot.

I’m so excited that Paul and Jeremy and Baz got some spotlight this episode. It was so wonderful to see them out of the pub. I love that they ended up telling the Oxford snots who they really were. They got to see Beard going to bat for them and smoothing over the situation socially, and that actually made it more possible for them to end up being truthful about themselves. Because they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they deserved the magic of that night. (And for it to end on Nelson Road. Every feeling. Oof.)

I feel like I barely have anything to say about the trouser-mending lady or the many places Beard goes or his key-dropping or the nightmarish feeling of wanting to be home and being unable to be home. It all happened and we all watched it and again, it was a lot. But I do feel incredibly moved and fascinated by the fact that Beard very obviously still hasn’t been home when he brings in the coffee. He’s had to sleep at the club for Jane- and key-related reasons in the past, and this time it’s not that he’s slept there but it still feels like a kind of homecoming he was robbed of for the entire night. Ted and Roy and Nate are there. He’s gotten their coffee orders correct. Ted is growing and evolving (he wants to learn from what’s happened, he’s insisting upon it even when the others resist) but he’s done a really perfect (almost romantic in its loveliness) thing by presumably spending his evening following a breakdown of his own speeding up the game film to 10x speed and adding Benny Hill. Ted is not OK and Beard is not OK and Nate is not OK and Roy is pretty OK but could very easily be not OK because he’s just joined a coaching staff with a whole lot of not OK. But they all showed up.

I am very into the realism of the lights being off in the club other than the coaches’ office (@talldecafcappuccino pointed this out!), and the way we’re seeing their desks from a different angle because this episode is unfocused on Ted. It really added to the mindset of being hungover and exhausted and unable to go home or even to know exactly what home should be; even this warm, familiar place feels off even as it’s a relief to be back there.

I am excited to return to our regularly scheduled programming with the full cast of characters, but I really adored this episode for what it taught us about Beard and what it illuminated about the humor, pain, and complexity of each person who inhabits this universe. Beard may not be loud about his long-standing beliefs or about the things he’s learned, but there’s a lot happening in there and I appreciated getting to spend 43 minutes with him and (in the case of the ticket he scrawls on a piece of paper so the pub guys can get into Nelson Road) the moments he sets in motion.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x9 #meta by me #a lesbian watches ted lasso #coach beard

[wistfulrat]

a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm

[the soft boi list is here and truly i’m not surprised this rec is going to be the longest bc if there’s one thing a bitch is going to do, it’s yearn.

as always! if you love a fic, follow the authors, leave kudos & comments, send them nice msgs bc free art is still labor xoxo]

part 3: soft bois

mood: for when I need respite, a balm to the all-consuming shittiness of life

includes: fluff, comfort, low-stakes, slow-burn fics. a wistful look, a rainy morning, an unexpected grace, a stupidly disarming joke. i could live inside these fics. the smallness of human lives removed from the site of that which hurts & irreparably changes. the story-equivalent of a deep breath after a long day. pregnant silences & pensive mundanity & shy smiles. banter with bite but without the cruelty. the color lavender. weirdly whimsical. soft fics are not necessarily conflict-averse (no drarry fic rly can be, considering the context) but, they offer the reader a generous distance from the initial harm. they’re the quiet cleaning up after a storm. sometimes healing is an exacting surgical knife and other times it’s a slow scabbing. you read these fics to be reassured that the way forward is not always ruthless. and honestly?? they deserve a semblance of peace godDAMmit.

The Way Down by @letteredlettered - 65k - T “and I thought that if someone talked to you as though you were a human being you might—maybe you could act like one” --the way i think about this line daily. the characterization of draco in this fic is one my favorites bc he’s earnest and neurotic and tired of harry’s shit. which is to say, he cares so so much. and harry doesn’t know what to do with that bc he’s got a monster in his chest and lives as a recluse. but they both humanize each other in ways no one else can. “you’re just a person” has to be some kind of drarry ethics of belonging and it makes me CRY. -

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them by @greaseonmymouth and dustmouth - 96k - T “Maybe it’s not about deserving it? Maybe you just get to have it anyway. . .I’m allowing myself to want something and to let myself have it and to fight for it.” --harry runs a daycare and also works at a library. draco spends a lot of time in said library. they bond over sci-fi books and therapy anecdotes and quiet philosophical conversations held over cafeteria soup. and harry’s struggling to understand his asexuality. draco’s learning how to live with anxiety and depression. they both want to be deserving of love. incredible fic with beautiful art by dustmouth. - 

Open for Repairs by @drarrytrash - 35k - T “A few leaves rustle in the gutter and the muggle world pays no mind to them, to two lost boys holding on for dear life.” --all of their fics feel exactly like this. like you’ve been allowed to look at something private, tender, unexpected. draco, known abba fan, is a repairman in the muggle world & harry can’t stop breaking thrifted things in order to see him? say less, i'm thERE. also “I think I have a crush on you” goddddd  - other faves by them: Counting Down By Ten - 2k - T: draco’s stepped outside of the party for a smoke. harry follows him bc of course he does. i could read this 100 times and not get tired of it. - Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon - 36k - E: FUCKING HILARIOUS I CACKLED THROUGH THE WHOLE THING. draco’s wolfy problem and harry helping him and harry being flustered by how much he likes draco and draco’s hot heroic moment. shutup it’s perfect. “He almost asks if Draco ever gets tired of being a miserable complaining shit all the time, but he knows that he, personally, never ever gets tired of being a miserable complaining shit.” and “It’s the traumas,” Harry says gravely” --lines that live rent free in my head -

Harry Potter and the Future He Doesn't Really Want, Thanks by seefin - 70k - E “That was the only logical thing to do here, wasn’t it? It was the next step, it was the end of hurting each other and the beginning of the exact opposite.” --harry lives with luna and neville and also he dreams about the future sometimes? and he keeps running into draco. draco thinks this is sus as hell, until he doesn’t. feat. taxi rides, museums, cinemas, rooftop conversations beneath a lunar eclipse, mid-sex innocuous banter, draco and harry discussing nicki minaj. this fic charmed my ass off. seefin writes the most effortlessly hilarious dialogues. i smiled at my phone like an idiot at least 7 times. -  other faves by them: Wild - 93k - E: “he liked feeling needed, for the things that he was needed for back at the house in Ireland. For cooking and gardening and driving. Easy things.” --this shit makes me cry it’s so good. harry lives in Ireland with these three brilliant, hilarious, wandless witches and draco’s a potions student who's come to study under one of the housemates and the boys have so much shit to work through but their love becomes so tender and honest. draco yells at harry a lot and harry lets him and they both keep each other grounded in something real and fuCK.  - Divination for Dickheads - 7k - G: “I’m terrible at having crushes. I’ve never played anything cool a day in my life.” -- oh harry, we knOW. a bus ride, a fortune teller, an aquarium birthday party. god i love this fic. -

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic​ - 61k - E “But we’ve worked so hard at this, haven’t we? Yeah, I know it’s a horror to have to talk about it, but fuck it. We’re friends now, but it took so long to get here. Have you ever had to work so hard at something before?" --the steady blossoming of their friendship in this fic is so goddamn beautiful i want to yell. it’s draco and harry learning to trust each other and the whole thing unfolds so slowly, in this whimsical mix of london streets, wizarding politics, church halls feat. a Hot vicar, and a magical antique shop owner who’s married to literal poseidon?? goD the environment of this fic. immaculate. [also there’s a tender shower scene that makes me cry every single fucking time so if you read this fic pls dm me so we can be embarrassing about it together tbh] -

Nice Things by aideomai - 22k - M “He kept waiting for the weird shock of touch to not knock him clean out of his head, leave him quiet and warm and happy.” --8th year. harry forms an unlikely friendship with draco that begins with smoking weed on a windowsill. harry is touch-starved and draco touches him like he touches all his close friends - like it’s easy. the quiet affection in this fic, the way harry burrows himself into touch bc he’s been without it for his entire life. reading this is like being held. -

Running On Air by @tinyhistory​ - 74k - T “do you remember when we were eleven?” --alexa play coldplay’s the scientist it’s sad girl hours and we’re about to fucking yearn. you’ve seen this fic rec on every drarry list under the sun and i'm here to be redundant. the hype is so goddamn real. this story is a lyrical masterpiece held together by lines that act as refrains that will rattle around your brain until you die, probably. draco’s been missing for 3yrs. harry goes to find him. it’s their odyssey of homecoming. -

Title of Their Sex Tape by @cibeewastaken - 12k - T “But Draco, Draco was everything but boring. Draco made sitting in the rain watching an empty house fun.” --auror partners pining and draco being eccentric and harry being very earnestly gay about draco’s eccentricities!! god this fic is so genuinely fun skskd feat. undercover missions, murderous faeries, a book heist, a stunning navy dress, harry’s eyelashes. -

How We Throw Our Shadows Down by @thistle-verse - 14k - T “Draco is about to say something else— to thank Potter for what he’d done, however poorly— but Harry is smiling at him again, and it’s so soft and perfect that Draco holds in any inadequate words, lest he spoil it.” --draco collects tea cozies and of course harry has the one he wants. the sad and tender gays are at it again feat. conversations in the rain at a train station, melancholy Blaise, muggle photos, wizarding e-bay, the Dursleys.  -

Helix by Saras_Girl - 92k - E “Draco sighs in his sleep and Harry clings on to consciousness, needing to hold on, to give this tiny, insignificant moment the attention it deserves” --I think maybe you can describe every soft Saras_Girl story as giving tiny, insignificant moments the attention they deserve. like, this is an 8th year fic about snails and it’s full of whimsy, grief, compassion, and easy humor. an absolute must-read author in this genre if you want languorous, episodic fics full of distinct OCs and affectionate creatures. - other faves by them: Light up the Night Sky - 98k - M “Draco, sometimes you make my head feel like soup” --the one where harry is a fireworks artist and has a pet chameleon named ken. draco is on the wizarding arts council. they both pine like hell. - Headlights in the Snow - 71k - M “they stare at each other in silence, Harry’s heart beating so loud in his chest that he thinks the biddies must be able to hear it over the sound of their card game.” --the one where draco drives the knight bus and carts around the biddy club, a group of rambunctious old ladies who knit and drink tea and gossip. harry can’t help but fall in love with the everything about this. -

Follow the Water by @xanthippe74 - 38k - T “Harry’s heavy thoughts lift at the sight, like dark clouds blown away from the sun by the wind. The tent doesn’t feel so cramped and stifling now. It feels cozy. And safe. It’s the same feeling that Harry gets when he’s at the Burrow for Sunday roasts, when a group of people who care for each other deeply are crammed into too-small a space.” --harry wanders to the lovegood house on a sunday afternoon. he’s baffled to see that luna’s taken pansy, greg, and draco under her wing. what follows is a summer of forest walks, scavenger hunts, gardening, water fights, odd cakes, faerie rings, and picnics. so many picnics. i love the pace of this fic, the innocent return to childhood things, the way luna brings out the best in all her friends. reluctantly soft slytherins are just *chefs kiss*!! -

Going Postal (A 125pg comic) by dustmouth - T what. a. beautiful. ass. comic. the wizarding fashion, the textures, the character design!! harry travels a lot for his job as a resourcer. draco works in the regulations dept. they pine like a bunch of lovesick idiots via field report notes. god i love dustmouth’s art. -

All the Earnest Young Men by @tepre​ - 29k - E “Draco is twenty-seven layers of personality wrapped up in drama and humour, and a wit so sharp it still stings when he doesn’t see it coming. But there is something below that, too. Something that makes Harry ache just looking at him.” --the way i would lay down my little life for tepre’s characterization of draco, whom invented the word earnest. he’s a magical art theory expert and portraits are disappearing all over London and harry’s the auror assigned to this case. and well. they’re both so very avoidant about how gay they are for each other and it’s like!! shutup and kiss!! which they do in fact, shutup and kiss.  -

Trenches by sara_holmes - 3k - M “Somewhere in the distant part of his mind that hasn't frozen solid, he thinks that maybe he and Draco are about to become more than auror partners, smoking buddies, wine-mates and co-inhabitants of a snow filled trench somewhere in western Scotland.” --the plot line here is literally “it’s cold and i need a fucking cigarette” but let me tell you how I never tire of the shared loaded-silences of two emotionally repressed gays. -

The Years Before Love by lomonaaeren - 13k - M “That’s one of the meanings of peace, he thinks, as Hermione hugs him...That he can do things slowly, softly, without worrying that they won’t be there tomorrow.” --andromeda taking harry under her wing and harry finding solace in teddy. narcissa and draco showing up and the tentative relationships that slowly develop in the quiet calm of andromeda’s house. found families and kisses in the snow and special xmas gifts ugh what’s not to love -

The Moon Looks Lovely Tonight by Omi_Ohmy - 35k - M “I want this to be a house where people are welcome, where they don’t have to be any one way or another” --in which harry collects lost things--owls, best friends, inept bakers, potions experimenters--and turns the mausoleum that is grimmauld place into a home. feat. your fave drarry tropes like shared-beds and reluctant waltzing partners. -

[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]

#drarry fic rec #drarry fic #soft drarry #OK FINE I RAMBLED BUT WHAT DID WE EXPECT #alexa play futile devices

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in May

Sadly, I kind of skipped writing a post for April. It was a mad month with so much going on: lots of emails sent and lots of stress. I started a new job so I’m getting to grips with that... and even then, I still watched a bunch of movies. But this is about what I watched in May and, yeah… still a bunch. So if you’re looking to get into some other movies - possibly some you’ve thought about watching but didn’t know what they were like, or maybe like the look of something you’ve never heard of - then this may help! So here’s every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of May 2021 Tenet (2020) - 8/10 This was my third time watching Christopher Nolan’s most Christopher Nolan movie ever and it makes no sense but I still love it. The spectacle of it all is truly like nothing I’ve ever seen. I had also watched it four days prior to this watch also, only this time I had enabled audio description for the visually impaired, thinking it would make it funny… It didn’t.

Nomadland (2020) - 6/10 Chloé Zhao’s new movie got a lot of awards attention. Everyone was hyped for this and when it got put out on Disney+ I was eager to see what all the fuss was about. Seeing these real nomads certainly gave the film an authenticity, along with McDormand’s ever-praisable acting. But generally I found it quite underwhelming and lacking a lot in its pacing. Nomadland surely has its moments of captivating cinematography and enticing commentary on the culture of these people, but it felt like it went on forever without any kind of forward direction or goal. The Prince of Egypt (1998) - 6/10 I reviewed this on my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. For what it is, it’s pretty fun but nowhere near as good as some of the best DreamWorks movies.

Chinatown (1974) - 8/10 What a fantastic and wonderfully unpredictable mystery crime film! I regret to say I’ve not seen many Jack Nicholson performances but he steals the show. Despite Polanski’s infamy, it’d be a lie to claim this wasn’t truly masterful. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Admittedly I was half asleep as I curled up on the sofa to watch this again on a whim. I watched this with someone who demanded the dubbed version over the subtitled version and while I objected heavily, I knew I’d seen the movie before so it didn’t matter too much. That person also fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so how pointless an argument it was. Howl’s Moving Castle boasts superb animation, the likes of which I’ve only come to expect of Miyazaki. The story is so unique and the colours are absolutely gorgeous. This may not be my favourite from the legendary director but there’s no denying its splendour.

Bāhubali: The Beginning (2015) - 3/10 The next morning I watched some absolute trash. This crazy, over the top Indian movie is hilarious and I could perhaps recommend it if it weren’t so long. That being said, Bāhubali was not a dumpster fire; it has a lot of good-looking visual effects and it’s easy to see the ambition for this epic story, it just doesn’t come together. There’s fun to be had with how the main character is basically the strongest man in the world and yet still comes across as just a lucky dumbass, along with all the dancing that makes no sense but is still entertaining to watch. Seven Samurai (1954) - 10/10 If it wasn’t obvious already, Seven Samurai is a masterpiece. I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, so more thoughts can be found there. Red Road (2006) - 6/10 Another recommendation on episode 30 of the podcast. Red Road really captures the authentic British working class experience. Before Sunrise (1995) - 10/10 One of the best romances put to film. The first in Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy is undoubtedly my favourite, despite its counterparts being almost equally as good. It tells the story of a young couple travelling through Europe, who happen to meet on a train and spend the day together. It is gloriously shot on location in Vienna and features some of the most interesting dialogue I’ve ever seen put to film. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Tokyo Story (1953) - 9/10 This Japanese classic - along with being visually and sonically masterful - is a lot about appreciating the people in your life and taking the time to show them that you love them. It’s about knowing it’s never too late to rekindle old relationships if you truly want to, which is something I’ve been able to relate to in recent years. It broke my heart in two. Tokyo Story will make you want to call your mother. Before Sunset (2004) - 10/10 Almost a decade after Sunrise, Sunset carries a sombre yet relieving feeling. Again, the performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke take me away, evoking nostalgic feelings as they stroll through the contemporary Parisian streets. There is no regret in me for buying the Criterion blu-ray boxset for this trilogy. Before Midnight (2013) - 10/10 Here, Linklater cements this trilogy as one of the best in film history. It’s certainly not the ending I expected, yet it’s an ending I appreciate endlessly. Because it doesn’t really end. Midnight shows the troubling times of a strained relationship; one that has endured so long and despite initially feeling almost dreamlike in how idealistically that first encounter was portrayed, the cracks appear as the film forces you to come to terms with the fact that fairy-tale romances just don’t exist. Relationships require effort and sacrifice and sometimes the ones that truly work are those that endure through all the rough patches to emerge stronger. The Holy Mountain (1973) - 10/10 Jodorowsky’s masterpiece is absolute insanity. I talked more about it on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10 Another watch for Grand Budapest because I bought the Criterion blu-ray. As unalterably perfect as ever. Blue Jay (2016) - 6/10 Rather good up to a point. My co-hosts and I did not agree on how good this movie was, which is a discussion you can listen to on my podcast. Shadow and Bone: The Afterparty (2021) - 3/10 For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the first season of Shadow and Bone, which is why I wanted to see what ‘The Afterparty’ was about. This could have been a lot better and much less annoying if all those terrible comedians weren’t hosting and telling bad jokes. I don’t want to see Fortune Feimster attempt to tell a joke about oiling her body as the cast of the show sit awkwardly in their homes over Zoom. If it had simply been a half hour, 45 minute chat with the cast and crew about how they made the show and their thoughts on it, a lot of embarrassment and time-wasting could have been spared. Wadjda (2012) - 6/10 Another recommendation discussed at length on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Wadjda was pretty interesting from a cultural perspective but largely familiar in terms of story structure.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - 2/10 A truly terrible movie with maybe one or two scenes that stop it from being a complete catastrophe. Tom Green tried to create something that almost holds a middle finger to everyone who watches it and to some that could be a fun experience, but to me it just came across as utterly irritating. It’s simply a bunch of scenes threaded together with an incredibly loose plot. He wears the skin of a dead deer, smacks a disabled woman over and over again on the legs to turn her on, and he swings a newborn baby around a hospital room by its umbilical cord (that part was actually pretty funny). I cannot believe I watched this again, although I think I repressed a lot of it since having seen it for the first time around five years ago. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - (2011) I have to say, these movies seem to get better with each instalment. They’re still not very good though. That being said, I’m amazed at how many times I’ve watched each of the Twilight movies at this point. This time around, I watched Breaking Dawn - Part 1 with a YMS commentary track on YouTube and that made the experience a lot more entertaining. Otherwise, this film is super dumb but pretty entertaining. I would recommend watching these movies with friends. Solaris (1972) - 8/10 Andrei Tarkovsky’s grand sci-fi epic about the emotional crises of a crew on the space station orbiting the fictional planet Solaris is much as strange and creepy as you might expect from the master Russian auter. I had wanted to watch this for a while so I bought the Criterion blu-ray and it’s just stunning. It’s clear to see the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspiration but Solaris is quite a different beast entirely. Jaws (1975) - 4/10 I really tried to get into this classic movie, but Jaws exhibits basically everything I don’t like about Steven Spielberg’s directing. For sure, the effects are crazily good but the story itself is poorly handled and largely uninteresting. It was just a massive slog to get through.

Darkman (1990) - 6/10 Sam Raimi’s superhero movie is so much fun, albeit massively stupid. Further discussion on Darkman can be found on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995) - 1/10 Abysmal. I forgot the movie as I watched it. This was part of a marathon my friends and I did for episode 32 of our podcast. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996) - 1/10 Perhaps this trilogy is not so great after all. Only marginally better than Darkman II but still pretty terrible. More thoughts on episode 32 of my podcast. F For Fake (1973) - 8/10 Rewatching this proved to be a worthwhile decision. Albeit slightly boring, there’s no denying how crazy the story of this documentary about art forgers is. The standout however, is the director himself. Orson Welles makes a lot of this film about himself and how hot his girlfriend is and it is hilarious.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021) - 4/10 More style over substance, Sony’s new animated adventure wants so much to be in trend with the current internet culture but it simply doesn’t understand what it’s emulating. There’s a nyan cat reference, for crying out loud. For every joke that works, there are about ten more that do not and were it not for the wonderful animation, it simply wouldn’t be getting so much praise. Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10 The first movie I’ve seen in a cinema since 2020 and damn it was good to be back! I’ve already reviewed Taxi Driver in my March wrap-up but seeing it in the cinema was a real treat. Irreversible (2002) - 8/10 One of the most viscerally horrendous experiences I’ve ever had while watching a movie. I cannot believe a friend of mine gave me the DVD to watch. More thoughts on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Don’t watch it with the family. The Golden Compass (2007) - 1/10 I had no recollection of this being as bad as it is. The Golden Compass is the definition of a factory mandated movie. Nothing it does on its own is worth any kind of merit. I would say, if you wanted an experience like what this tries to communicate, a better option by far is the BBC series, His Dark Materials. More of my thoughts can be found in the review I wrote on Letterboxd.

Antichrist (2009) - 8/10 Lars von Trier is nothing if not provocative and I can understand why someone would not like Antichrist, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. After watching it, I wrote a slightly disjointed summary of my interpretations of this highly metaphorical movie in the group chat, so fair warning for a bit of spoilers and graphic descriptions: It's like, the patriarchy, man! Oppression! Men are the rational thinkers with big brains and the women just cry and be emotional. So she's seen as crazy when she's smashing his cock and driving a drill through his leg to keep him weighted down. Like, how does he like it, ya know? So then she mutilates herself like she did with him and now they're both wounded, but the animals crowd around her (and the crow that he couldn't kill because it's Mother nature, not Father nature, duh). Then he kills her, even though she could've killed him loads of times but didn't. So it's like "haha big win for the man who was subjected to such horrific torture. Victory!" And then all the women with no faces come out of the woods because it's like a constant cycle. Manchester By The Sea (2016) - 6/10 Great performances in this super sad movie. I can’t say I got too much out of it though. Roar (1981) - 9/10 Watching Roar again was still as terrifying an experience as the first time. If you want to watch something that’s loose on plot with poor acting but with real big cats getting in the way of production and physically attacking people, look no further. This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen because it’s all basically real. Cannot recommend it enough. Eyes Without A Face (1960) - 8/10 I’m glad I checked this old French movie out again. There’s a lot to marvel at in so many aspects, what with the premise itself - a mad surgeon taking the faces from unsuspecting women and transplanting them onto another - being incredibly unique for the time. Short, sweet and entertaining!

Se7en (1995) - 10/10 The first in a David Fincher marathon we did for The Sunday Movie Marathon, episode 33. Zodiac (2007) - 10/10 Second in the marathon, as it was getting late, we decided to watch half that evening and the last half on the following evening. Zodiac is a brilliant movie and you can hear more of my thoughts on the podcast (though I apologise; my audio is not the best in this episode). Gone Girl (2014) - 10/10 My favourite Fincher movie. More insights into this masterpiece in episode 33 of the podcast. Friends: The Reunion (2021) - 6/10 It was heartwarming to see the old actors for this great show together again. I talked about the Friends reunion film at length in episode 33 of my podcast.

Wolfwalkers (2020) - 10/10 I reviewed this in an earlier post but would like to reiterate just how wonderful Wolfwalkers is. If you get the chance, please see it in the cinema. I couldn’t stop crying from how beautiful it was. Raya and The Last Dragon (2021) - 6/10 After watching Wolfwalkers, I decided I didn’t want to go home. So I had lunch in town and booked a ticket for Disney’s Raya and The Last Dragon. A child was coughing directly behind me the entire time. Again, I reviewed this in an earlier post but generally it was decent but I have so many problems with the execution. The Princess Bride (1987) - 9/10 Clearly I underrated this the last time I watched it. The Princess Bride is warm and hilarious with some delightfully memorable characters. A real classic!

The Invisible Kid (1988) - 1/10 About as good as you’d expect a movie with that name to be, The Invisible Kid was a pick for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 34. Babel (2006) - 9/10 The same night that I watched The Invisible Kid, I watched a masterful and dour drama from the director of Birdman and The Revenant. Babel calls back to an earlier movie of Iñárritu’s, called Amores Perros and as I was informed while we watched this for the podcast, it turns out Babel is part of a trilogy alongside the aforementioned film. More thoughts in episode 34 of the podcast. Snake Eyes (1998) - 1/10 After feeling thoroughly emotionally wiped out after Babel, we immediately watched another recommendation for the podcast: Snake Eyes, starring Nicolas Cage. This was a truly underwhelming experience and for more of a breakdown into what makes this movie so bad, you can listen to us talk about it on the podcast.

#may #movies #wrap-up #film #follow for more #Twitter: @MHShukster #tenet #nomadland #the prince of egypt #chinatown #howl's moving castle #bahubali: the beginning #seven samurai #red road #before sunrise #tokyo story #before sunset #before midnight #the holy mountain #the grand budapest hotel #blue jay #shadow and bone #shadow and bone: the afterparty #wadjda #freddy got fingered #the twilight saga: breaking dawn - part 1 #solaris #jaws #darkman #darkman ii: the return of durant

[james-joyces-right-eyeball]

Absolute Favorite Books I’d Recommend to Anyone

This is a list of my top-tier favorite books that I would recommend/talk about endlessly to pretty much anyone (in no particular order). I know people probably don’t care but I just like talking about books I love so here we are.

Beloved - Toni Morrison

~ Based off the real story of Margaret Garner, a slave woman who escaped slavery and when captured killed her child in order to prevent them from ever being enslaved again, Beloved tells the story of a mother named Sethe, born in slavery who eventually escaped and is haunted by the figurative demons of her trauma and the literal (arguably) ghost of her dead daughter, who she herself killed. It is an excellent exploration of the horrors of slavery and of the haunting legacy of the institution for those who were subjected to it.

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

~ If you’ve been on Tumblr for a while, you probably know what Lolita is. The story of the predatory Humbert Humbert who lusts after, rapes, and kidnaps the “nymphet” Dolores Haze. An excellent construction of how predators, unreliable narrators in their own right, hide behind fabrications, almost-believable excuses, and pretty words to make their actions seem maybe not so bad. In the words of the book itself, “You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.”

Ulysses - James Joyce

~ Notoriously one of the most difficult books in the English language, Ulysses lifts its structure from Homer’s Odyssey to tell the story of a common man, Leopold Bloom, as he goes about his day. Yes, this book takes place over the course of only one day. We follow Bloom as well as Joyce’s literary counterpart Stephen Daedalus through their thoughts and actions, gathering details of their lives previous throughout. It’s a book that, in my own words, “is life”. It is sad, funny, strange, vulgar, disgusting, beautiful, revelatory, sensual, and nonsensical all at once. Joyce aimed to create a reflection of life through his stream-of-consciousness style which some people might find confusing, but I personally find absolutely beautiful and honest and realistic. The prose is also gorgeous, but that could be applied to everything Joyce wrote. 

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

~ The classic gothic book that tells the tale of Heathcliff and his ultimately destructive love of Catherine Earnshaw, whose eventual marriage to someone else and the general mistreatment of him by her family drives Heathcliff insane and he spends the rest of his life trying to take revenge by abusing and torturing the next Earnshaw and Linton (the family into which Catherine marries) generations. If I’m being honest, I like this book mostly because of how wild and dark it is, but the writing is also genius and beautiful. I think the book also carries an interesting view of the destructive nature of revenge, overzealous love, and othering.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

~ A coming-of-age story at the turn of the century that tells the story of Francie Nolan, a young bookish girl growing up in a lower class family in New York City. It tells about her father’s struggles with alcoholism as well as her mother’s struggles to deal with that and at the same time raise Francie and her brother. Francie is confronted with a strange, uncertain world as a young girl, but tries to face it with bravery throughout childhood

Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

~ Another coming-of-age story, this time about four young sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy March. You are probably familiar with this book already; it’s had more movie adaptations then I can possibly remember off the top of my head. It’s the story of four sisters as they try to navigate growing up, love, and loss during the mid to late 1800s.

The Color Purple - Alice Walker

~ A novel that tells the story of Celie, a young black woman who is raped and then married young to a man who will go on to use and abuse her, through her letters to God. Throughout the novel she meets Shug Avery, a woman with whom she eventually falls in love and begins a relationship with. Through this and her eventual freedom from her abusive husband, she is able to gain at last her own sense of self and take back control over her life, a life no longer ruled by the abusive men around her.

The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

~ The tragic story of young black girl Pecola Breedlove, who wants nothing more than to have blonde hair and blue eyes just like the women she sees in the movies. Both a deconstruction of the whiteness of beauty standards as well as how these standards can utterly destroy vulnerable young girls, it is also an exploration of the people who allow these sorts of things to happen, including Pecola’s mother and father. The Bluest Eye, I think, showcases one of the aspects of Toni Morrison that I like the most, that I aspire to the most: her ability to enter the minds of all people, even people who you might despise at first. Her characters, especially Cholly in The Bluest Eye, are ones you might not entirely sympathize with, but they will always be ones you understand.

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

~ Based off of the author’s own experiences as a young college student, The Bell Jar tells the story of Esther Greenwood, whose depression over her place as a woman in a patriarchal society as well as her inability to choose a life path for herself leads to a suicide attempt and a subsequent stay in a mental hospital. A very nuanced portrayal of mental illness, especially anxiety and depression, The Bell Jar is an extremely moving and relatable story for me and clearly is as well for others. It is a classic for a reason.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

~ A memoir of Angelou’s childhood, this book tells the story of her experiences living as a black girl in the south with her grandmother and brother as well as her later years living with her mother. It also tells of how she was raped by her mother’s boyfriend when she was around eight or nine, and how she struggled to live with that and find her voice, both literally and figuratively. A wonderful book about overcoming struggles and the power of words and literature in such times.

Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison

~ Ellison’s novel tells the story of a young black man, never getting a name in the text, and his feelings of invisibility and his struggles to find a place in society to belong. His struggles only lead him further into despair, until he decides to “become invisible” as people seem not to see him as a person anyway. Invisible Man is an exploration of American mid-century racism and the isolation it causes to those subjected to it. Not only that, but it is surprisingly relevant to our times now, especially on the subject of police violence. (Personal anecdote: When I first read this book, when I got to the aforementioned police violence part it was right in the middle of the BLM resurgence last summer and I cried for a good twenty minutes while reading that chapter over how nothing had changed and it still hurts me to think about it. Embarrassingly, my dad walked in on me while I was crying, and I had to quickly explain it away.)

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - James Joyce

~ The title basically says it all lol. This book tells of the coming-of-age of Stephen Daedalus (the same one from the later-written Ulysses). His sensitive childhood, his awkward and lustful adolescence, his feelings of Irish nationality and Catholic guilt, and his struggles to fully realize himself, both as an artist and a human being. It is a very hopeful story, and one that I love mostly because I relate so much to Stephen Daedalus as an artist and as a person.

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

~ A magical-realist intergenerational family drama, Marquez’s book traces the various lives and loves of the Buendia family over the course of (you guessed it!) one hundred years. A beautifully written, at times extremely emotionally moving and chilling masterpiece, Marquez in a way retells the history of Colombia, of its colonization and exploitation.  

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

~ A classic Russian novel of society and love, Tolstoy tells the story of Anna Karenina, married, wealthy woman with a child she adores. However, she falls in love with another man, Count Vronsky, and comes to a tragic end for her love. The parallel story of the novel is that of Konstantin Levin, a wealthy landowner who also struggles to find fulfillment in his life and understand his place in society.

The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner

~ A novel that features an entire family of unreliable narrators, The Sound and the Fury details the fall of a once-prominent southern Compson family and always-present place of the past. There are four different narratives: Benjy Compson, a mentally disabled man who is unsure of his surroundings and of time and only knows that he misses his older sister Caddy; Quintin Compson, the eldest son and a Harvard man both obsessed with his sister retaining her “purity” and the fact that she failed to do so and had a baby out of wedlock, going as far to claim it is his baby in an attempt to preserve something of the family reputation; Jason Compson, who is the caretaker of Caddy’s daughter and believes her to be going down her mother’s “sinful” path; and Dilsey, the black maid of the Compson’s who unlike the people she cares for is not weighed down by their history. The narratives take place in different time periods and is in a stream-of-consciousness style. It’s a deeply dark and disturbing novel about the haunting nature of the past, a common theme in Faulkner’s work (see Absalom, Absalom! for more of this).

Song of Solomon - Toni Morrison

~ It is the story of Milkman Dead, a young black man growing up in the south and his relationship with his very complicated family. To say anymore would be to spoil the novel, but I will say that it is an excellent book about family, self-fulfillment in a world that tries to deny you that, and, like The Bluest Eye, exhibits Morrison’s excellent character work.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - Tennessee Williams

~ A play which takes place on the patriarch of a family’s birthday in the oppressive heat of the midsummer south, Williams’ play explores lies, secrets, and how repression only results in anger, frustration, and sadness. It’s a tragic but brilliant play that I think was very ahead of its time. If you’ve read it (or do read it) then you know what I mean.

Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

~ This book tells the story of a young man and his love of another man named Giovanni while he is in Paris. It is a book about love, queer guilt, and has what I would call an ambiguous ending. There is uncertainty at the end, but there does seem to be some kind of acceptance. It is a bit of a coming-out story, but more than that it is a story of personal acceptance and at the same time a sad, tragic love story.

HERmione - H.D.

~ An underrated modernist masterpiece, HERmione is a somewhat fictionalized account of the author, Hilda Doolittle’s, experience as a young aspiring poet dating another poet (in real life Ezra Pound in this book named George Lowndes) who is a threat to her both physically and emotionally. It explores her own mental state, as she considers herself a failure and falls in love with a woman for the first time (Fayne Rabb in the book, Frances Gregg in real life). 

To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf

~ People think about going to a lighthouse. They do not. A couple years and a war passes then they do. That may seem like a boring plot, and you may be right. However, To the Lighthouse is not much about plot. It is more about the inner lives of its characters, a family and their friends, on two different occasions of their lives: one before WWI and one after WWI. Woolf explores in this novel the trauma that results from such a massive loss of life and security. Not only that, she also explores the nature of art (especially in female artists) in the character of Lily Briscoe and her struggles to complete a painting. It’s a short novel, but it contains so much about life, love, and loss within these few pages.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers

~ A southern gothic novel about isolation and loneliness in a small town. Every character has something to separate them from wider society, and often find solace and companionship in a deaf man, John Singer, who himself experiences a loneliness that they cannot understand. There are various forms of social isolation explored in this novel: by race, disability, age, gender, etc. A wonderful, heart-wrenching book about loneliness and the depths it can potentially drag people to.

The Waste Land - T.S. Eliot

~ A modernist masterpiece of a poem, Eliot describes feeling emptiness and isolation. The brilliance of it can only be shown by an excerpt:

“Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither Living nor dead, and I knew nothing, Looking into the heart of light, the silence.”

“The river’s tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed. Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song. The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers, Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed. And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors; Departed, have left no addresses. By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept . . . Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song, Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long. But at my back in a cold blast I hear The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear. “

(My personal favorite line from this poem is, “I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”)

The Trial - Franz Kafka

~ The protagonist of the novel, Josef K., wakes up one morning to find that he has been placed under arrest for reasons that are kept from him. Kafka creates throughout the novel a scathing satire of bureaucracy, as K. tries to find out more about his case, more about his trial, but only becomes more confused as he digs deeper. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the world he lives in, and the more tries to explain it the further the more that proves to be the case. An excellently constructed novel and a great one to read if you would like to be depressed about the state of the world because, though Kafka’s work is a satire, like a lot of his other work, it manages to strike a strangely real note.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

~ An absurdist play that is a retelling of Shakespeare’s Hamlet from the perspective of minor characters, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who in the broad overview of the original play, do not matter. Throughout the play, they question their existence and the purpose of it and through that Stoppard dissects not only the absurdity of life, but how fiction and theater reflect that absurdity inadvertently.

As I Lay Dying - William Faulkner

~ The novel details the journey the Bundren family makes after the death of the family matriarch, Addie, to bury her. Each chapter offers a different narrative from the family members and those who surround them, revealing some ulterior motives to them “going to town” to bury Addie. The patriarch Anse desires a pair of false teeth, and the daughter Dewey Dell is pregnant and needs an abortion, as there is no way for her or her family to support it. It’s about the powerlessness of people in the impoverished south. The Bundrens are constantly subject to forces beyond their control, struggles which would be easily solved if they had the money to spare for it. There is more to the book, but that is my favorite reading of it, that of class. Faulkner’s ability to create distinct voices for every one of his characters shines through here.

And, last but not least:

The Collected Poems - Sylvia Plath

~ All the poems Plath wrote during her tragically short lifetime. The best way to demonstrate or summarize the book’s brilliance is just to show you. This is her poem “Edge”, which appears in the book:

“The woman is perfected.   Her dead Body wears the smile of accomplishment,   The illusion of a Greek necessity Flows in the scrolls of her toga,   Her bare Feet seem to be saying: We have come so far, it is over. Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,   One at each little Pitcher of milk, now empty.   She has folded Them back into her body as petals   Of a rose close when the garden Stiffens and odors bleed From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower. The moon has nothing to be sad about,   Staring from her hood of bone. She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag.”

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! HAPPY READING TO ALL!

#dark academia #books and literature #toni morrison #james joyce #tennessee williams #virginia woolf #william faulkner #sylvia plath #plays #poetry #can you tell i like southern and modernist lit lol?

[quindolyn]

Congrats on 200 bb! Can I please have a male no context ship for both eras based on my fav kinks? lol

(If this makes you uncomfortable please ignore ❤️)

- Praise (this bitch is insecure so degradation is a no-go)

- Innocence (also down for daddy/sir)

- Manhandling (like being thrown around or held down)

- Biting & marking

- Size

- Breeding

*ps I’m kind of a brat and sometimes switch it up from bottom to powerbottom

SHIP KINK ANON! I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to this, I’ve been kind of busy, the Odyssey is a waste of your time. I hope you enjoy this!

I just finished writing it, I went over the top, not going to apologize, kind of proud.

I ship you with:

Marauders Era:

Remus Lupin!

I know lots of people headcanon him as having a degradation kink and I think he would be into degradation ONLY IF HIS PARTNER IS. It’s definitely not necessary with him because the boy also loves praise, he lives off of praise, and returning it to you makes him feel so good. Remus and I share a mentality as I’m sure many people do, “Everyone’s body is absolutely perfect... except for mine.” He knows what it feels like to not feel like enough so, you being insecure at all, even if it’s not about your body, would absolutely kill him. If you’re insecure about different parts of your body he would spend hours kissing them and telling you how beautiful they are.  And the innocence! The innocence kink! Like if it’s the first time you’ve given him a handjob and you ask him to show you how, he would come in under a minute, especially if his hand was over yours, moving it for you. Depending on what you’re most comfortable with he would go absolutely fucking wild. He would rip your clothes off of you, not caring if it hurt. And if you didn’t call him daddy/sir, and instead Remus, he would shove his fingers down your throat until you were gagging around them, making you try to say daddy/sir around them but of course you can’t because you can barely breathe right now. 

His manhandling and size kink are intertwined, the way he absolutely towers over you can get him hard in 0.3 seconds. The way his hand wraps around your throat (squeezing as much as you’re comfortable with, even if that’s nothing) and can almost wrap all the way around it has his pants growing increasingly tight. Remus loves picking you up and throwing you around like a little rag doll, he can so easily manipulate your body and you both love it. During sex sometimes he’ll bend your body in a way that’s a little painful and you’ll whine telling him it hurts.

“It hurts puppy? It hurts? Don’t want to hear it, baby, be good for me okay? I know you can do it, Be a good puppy and take my cock.”

Breeding. Remus Lupin’s singular goal in life is to watch you swell with his pups and then fuck more into you. Again and again and again. And if you’re uncomfortable with pregnancy that’s okay, he still loves cumming inside of you, he absolutely loves it. Even if you don’t actually want to get pregnant he’ll still take your face in his hand and squish your cheeks together.

“Gonna cum inside of you puppy, gonna fill you with my pups and you’re gonna take it, okay?”

He also shares your biting and marking kink, he absolutely loves to leave marks on your body and puts them places where James and Sirius will see them so he can press down on them and watch you wince.

and...

Golden Era:

George Weasley!

Georgie loves praising you and making you feel good. He says you glow when you’re confident and he’ll do anything to see you glow. Loves calling you his good bunny, and always tells you how pretty the faces you make are when you cum. His innocence kink kicks in when you wear white, especially in lingerie, it just reminds him how sweet and untainted you are. Everything will just slip away if you’re sucking on a lollipop or something else phallic like. He will lose his mind and Fred will just sit there with a shit eating grin on his face. Or if someone makes a dirty joke and you don’t understand it and ask him to explain it to you, he’ll have to cover his crotch with a pillow to hide his erection. That’s how easily you make him hard.

This man is what? 6′2″? If you don’t think that he’d go absolutely wild with you so much as standing to him you obviously don’t know him. George loves wrapped his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to your body, feeling your head rest against his chest, he’ll hold your hand in his so he can easily see how much smaller it is than his. One of his favorite things is to throw you around the bedroom, he is not gentle most of the time. tossing you onto the bed after ripping your clothes off of your body, watching your tits bounce as you land on your bum.

George is obsessed with breeding, the idea of his seed taking hold in you and potentially making you swell with his children. Really wants a big family, he loved growing up with all of his brothers and his sister and behind you, his relationship with Fred is the closest and best relationship he’s had in his entire life. Wants to try for twins and will go again and again until either you decide that you don’t want anymore or you get pregnant with twins.

[imsorryimlate]

Specific references in Pomegranate Seeds, sorted by chapter

Title of work: Pomegranate Seeds

A reference to the myth of Persephone and Hades, where Hades is the god of the underworld who kidnaps Persephone – the daughter of Demeter, goddess of agriculture and harvest – and makes her queen of the underworld. He gives her a pomegranate to eat, and for every seed she swallows she has to spend a month with Hades in the underworld. During the months she is with Hades, she is gone from her mother, and that’s why autumn and winter exist (since Demeter is grieving the loss of her daughter). Spring and summer are the months when she is back with Demeter, and Demeter is once again happy. The myth has lots of interpretations, but my favourite is the one where it is said to be based on the trauma of both daughter and mother as they are separated when the daughter gets married and enters a new household.

Even though Giorno’s mother didn’t treat him well, her death was most likely traumatic to him. He enters the new household of Dio (Hades) and every time they touch each other in a way that isn’t befitting father and son, one could say that Giorno swallows another pomegranate seed, and it binds him to the underworld. In this case, the underworld would both represent the criminal world, but also the trap of their incestuous relationship that he then cannot leave, should he want to.

No specific references in chapters 1 & 2.

Chapter 3:

Demetra – Giorno’s mother doesn’t have a name in canon, so I made one up. Demetra is the Italian version of Demeter, which is the name of the Greek goddess of agriculture and harvest. The goddess is the mother of Persephone, and the title of this fic – Pomegranate Seeds – is a reference to the myth of Hades and Persephone.

The biblical paintings in the church – John the Baptist (martyr) was beheaded, and Judas (traitor) hung himself. The imagery around Eve, the snake and the red apple, well… depending on how you interpret the story in the Bible, this could mean that the scene doesn’t represent a fall from grace, but rather that it was God’s intention to have humanity step into the broader world.

Dio’s books – I mostly just had a look at my own bookshelf, but I purposely included Nabokov, Machiavelli, and Plato. Nabokov, of course, references his infamous novel Lolita. Machiavelli was an Italian politician and philosopher during the Renaissance, and he’s most famous for his book The Prince, where he gave rulers quite… devious advice, not shying away from unethical and corrupt means. Therefore Machiavelli and the derived term Machiavellian often denotes (political) deceit. And Plato, well, in his text The Symposium he speaks of the ancient practice of pederasty in a very positive manner, and claiming that it is the purest form of love.

Aniara – I picked the book because it’s my sister’s favourite. It is a book-length epic science fiction poem that narrates the tragedy of a large passenger spacecraft carrying a cargo of colonists escaping destruction on Earth veering off course, leaving the Solar System and entering into an existential struggle. This is the “space-travel” Giorno later reflects on while in the bath.

No specific references in chapter 4.

Chapter 5:

The next reference to Machiavelli – Giorno thinks about Machiavelli and the question if it is better to be feared or loved, which is something Machiavelli writes about in his book The Prince, where he states that it is better for a ruler to be feared than loved, if they cannot be both.

No specific references in chapter 6.

Chapter 7:

Reckless – Giorno notes that Dio wants him “recklessly, passionately”. This is one of the two times the word “reckless” is used in this story; the only other time being in the first chapter when Giorno’s mother dies after her car collides with a reckless truck. Dio’s desire for Giorno is tied together with that accident, as if it’s equally dangerous.

Jewel – “Yes, Giorno would like something like that; to show Dio that he was a prized jewel, cut to fit perfectly in the curve of his palm.” This line directly references the Song of Songs 7:1 “Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand.”

Eden – “How truly unfortunate, that the most tempting fruit should be found in the middle of Eden.” The garden of Eden, in the Bible, is where life is first created by God. It can therefore also symbolise family, where life also is created. So what Dio essentially says here is “what a shame the most fuckable person is found in my family”.

Draconic tendencies – Giorno having “draconic tendencies” is a reference to his earlier thoughts about Abbacchio hoarding Bucciarati like a jealous dragon.

Chapter 8:

Buttercups – Giorno picks a bouquet of buttercups for Dio, and buttercups have traditionally been associated with childhood. It is meant to express that Giorno, no matter how mature he himself is convinced that he is, still has a childish edge to his affection. As a fun aside, the Latin name for buttercups is Ranunculus, which means “little frog”.

Leda and the Swan – the painting Dio has in his study. It is, of course, an erotic yet controversial motif in itself, but there are some references to the Greek myth it is based on. In it, Zeus disguises himself as a swan and copulates with Leda. It is not entirely clear if it is by rape or seduction. Zeus, of course, is known for his sexual escapades, his violent temper and jealousy, but here he disguises himself as a swan, which is an animal that in European culture often has symbolised love and fidelity. This story of a shady person disguising himself as someone loving, to enter a relationship where consent is dubious at best, well… I think the implications are clear. As a fun aside, the name Zeus and the name Dio are directly connected.

Uneasy lies the head – the whole quote is “uneasy lies the head that wears a crown”, a saying from Shakespeare’s play Henry IV, Part 2, meaning that someone with great responsibilities won’t be able to rest properly.

The prodigal son – it’s a reference to a parable in the Bible, from Luke 15:11-32. The story goes that a son requests his inheritance early, spends it all irresponsibly, and then returns home to beg his father to let him work for him. His father, however, welcomes him home with open arms and throws a feast, which indicates that he has hopefully waiting for the son to return.

Nakedness – the scene in Giorno’s room, where he lowers his duvet to display his “nakedness”, the word choice here is important. Except for Genesis 42, all biblical occurrences of the common idiom ”to see the nakedness of” or “to uncover the nakedness of” are explicitly sexual, usually referring to incest. The Classical Hebrew word 'erwā is not “nudity” but “nakedness”, in the sense of something that is unseemly or improper to look at or expose; often used to denote forbidden sexual relations.

Chapter 9:

Wine-dark – Dio’s eyes are described as wine-dark, which is a reference to the use of “wine-dark sea” in Homer. It’s an epithet used in the Iliad and the Odyssey, of uncertain meaning. What exactly does it mean that the sea is “wine-dark”? Is it a reference to the stormy sea being unpredictable, like someone who’s drunk on wine? Or does it tell us something about how ancient Greeks perceived colours, where maybe depth and opacity levels were more important than hues?

Ambrosia – Giorno compares the taste of Dio’s seed to ambrosia, which is the food and drink of the gods in Greek mythology.

Lollipop – Giorno is sucking on a lollipop while he’s out shopping. This is a shameless reference to the most culturally recognised image of Nabokov’s Lolita, where Sue Lyon, the actress who portrayed the character Lolita in Stanley Kubrick’s film adaption of the novel, is sucking on a red lollipop while wearing heart-shaped sunglasses. It’s worth noting, however, that the character Lolita doesn’t eat a lollipop in the novel or Kubrick’s film, and the images were only used for promotion. Either way, the lollipop has nonetheless become a symbol for playful, youthful temptation.

No specific references in chapter 10.

Chapter 11:

Dio’s alarming beauty – Giorno reflects on how beautiful Dio is, that he is alarmingly beautiful. This is a reference to a quote from The Secret History by Donna Tartt: “Beauty is rarely soft or consolatory. Quite the contrary. Genuine beauty is always quite alarming.”

Chapter 12:

Kisses – there’s a lot of descriptions of kissing in the beginning of this chapter, and it is all a reference to the biblical book Song of Songs. “Honey-sweet kisses that melted his tongue” is a reference to Song of Songs 4:11 “honey and milk are under your tongue”. On a more complicated note… “those kisses, Giorno drank them from his mouth like they were life-giving water” is a reference to Song of Songs 1:2 that should be “I want to drink kisses from his mouth”, however, most translations will read “let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth”. It’s really complicated as to why I and others would translate it differently, but in general it has to do with the manuscript and the Masoretic editors’ vocalisation, which in turn has a lot to do with evaluating Classical Hebrew grammar and poetic conventions… I am going to spare you that lecture, but I still wanted to let you know that you won’t find that wording in most English translations of the Bible.

The garden, Eden, and juvenile sex – this all ties together. The garden of Eden is, in the Bible, where life is created and before “the fall of man”, it is a place of peace and innocence. Now, it might seem strange to refer to innocence in a story like this, but there still is a certain kind of innocence to their relationship, especially on Giorno’s end. They are described as “easy and unafraid, in full view of God”, which again is a reference to the biblical creation story; after “the fall of man”, when Adam and Eve have sinned, they are suddenly afraid of God and tries to hide from him, and for the first time shield their nudity, since they have now lost that innocence. So, Dio and Giorno being unafraid in full view of God is another reference to them being fairly innocent. At least that’s how Giorno conceptualises it.

Satyriasis – a word for excessive sexual desire, and an outdated term for hypersexuality. The word was developed in relation to the satyrs of Greek mythology, who were lustful woodland gods.

Nipple play – Giorno sucking on Dio’s tits, well… quite obvious reference, but if you missed it; it’s a reference to breastfeeding and nourishment.

Sunlight – in Stardust Crusaders, Dio tells Polnareff that he too has pain in his life because he can never see the sunlight, since he is a vampire. In this story, Dio isn’t a vampire, but I still wanted to include this pain. Dio’s love for the sunshine, and the depravation of it in his childhood, is my attempt to reconceptualise it.

Chapter 13:

Ice cream – elder flower sorbet has a tendency to taste like laundry detergent if you’re not careful, so Mista definitely picked the wrong flavour that time.

Know thy enemy – “know thy enemy” is a famous quote from The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

Chapter 14:

Paradise burning – more Eden references, they never truly stop.

Loins – in Classical Hebrew, one specifically emphasises that a child has sprung from someone’s loins to indicate that it is a biological child rather than an adopted one.

Deadly sins – Giorno notes that one of the seven deadly sins, sloth (that is, excessive laziness and indifference), doesn’t come as naturally to him as others would (such as lust or pride).

Know thy self – another reference to the famous quote of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War.

Companion – Giorno thinks about how the universe has blessed Dio with a companion that can keep up with him, which is a subtle reference to the creation myth in the Bible. There, God creates the first human, Adam. Adam attempts to find a companion amongst the other creatures, but cannot find an equal until God creates another human – incidentally, God creates another human from Adam (by his rib), which of course parallels with Giorno being created from Dio, since he is his biological child.

Clay – the dream Giorno has of Dio forming him out of clay and breathing life into him is another direct reference to the creation myth in the Bible, where God forms the first human out of clay/soil/dust from the ground and breathes life into his nostrils. Similar creation myths are found in several ancient Near Eastern religions. If you want a little more “fun” fact, the first human is named Adam, a name he gets from the Classical Hebrew word for “man” (as in human – not male), which is adam, and the word for “ground” is adamah, which ties to all together quite nicely.

Nakedness – Dio uncovers Giorno’s nakedness, and just like in chapter 8 it’s a biblical reference. Except for Genesis 42, all biblical occurrences of the common idiom ”to see the nakedness of” or “to uncover the nakedness of” are explicitly sexual, usually referring to incest. The Classical Hebrew word 'erwā is not “nudity” but “nakedness”, in the sense of something that is unseemly or improper to look at or expose; often used to denote forbidden sexual relations.

Chapter 15.

Cuddling – after having breakfast, they cuddle, and their position is described as Giorno resting his head on Dio’s left arm, and Dio draping his other arm over Giorno’s waist. This position is a reference to the biblical book the Song of Songs 2:6 “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.”

Angel lust – Dio gets hard after Giorno chokes him, which he says is a perfectly natural reaction to being choked. Which it is! “Angel lust” or “death erection” refers to the phenomenon of men executed by hanging having an erection, because of the increased downward blood flow. After observing this, doctors in the 17th century started prescribing choking sex to men with erectile dysfunction, and that’s partly where erotic asphyxiation comes from.

England – the phrase “lie back and think of England”, alternatively “close your eyes and think of England” is an old-timey reference to unwanted sex that one doesn’t enjoy – specifically used for sex within a marriage, which at least back in the day was more of an economic arrangement than a love affair. Disgustingly, it means “just lie back and endure it”.

Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh – this is another reference to the creation story in the Bible. The specific verse is Genesis 2:23, when God has created another human to be a worthy companion of the first one. Adam, the first human, has searched for a companion among the animals but been unsuccessful to find an equal. But when he meets the newly created Eve, the second human, he exclaims “At last! This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (since she was created from his rib). That “at last!” is very sweet – and fits in this story too! Dio has finally found a worthy companion to share his highest highs and deepest lows with.

Chapter 16.

Roses – Giorno buys a bouquet of roses for Dio. This is intended as a contrast to the buttercups he picked for Dio in chapter 8, being that roses are a much more “mature” flower than buttercups, therefore showing that Giorno has matured. Also, the fact that he buys the bouquet of roses while he picked the buttercups indicate a certain loss of simplicity and naturalness in their relationship.

Fin.

#/ #// #/// #//// #///// #just fanfiction stuff pls look away #i tried to make this a private post but tumblr be fucking with me #pomegranate seeds references

[haniawritesfiction]

Recent Reads-July/August 2021

The Psychology of Time Travel By Kate Mascarenhas

In a world where time travel was invented in the 1960s, two women become caught up in a murder that hasn't yet happened. For a book about time travel, The Psychology of Time Travel feels closer to realistic fiction than a sci-fi novel, honestly, if we ever invent time travel I could see this easily happening. For all that it technically a mystery, this book is more interested in the relationships, dysfunctions, and institutions that create these circumstances than the actual mystery. Don't go into this book expecting a murder mystery and you won't be disappointed. Mascarenhas masterfully uses pov's of minor characters to make this world feel truly immersive while never losing sight of her main characters, both of whom are flawed, fascinating, and very human. A great take on the time travel genre. -9/10

Devil's Ballast By Meg Caddy

A swashbuckling adventure focusing on the famed female pirate Anne Bonny. Devil's Ballast was.... a weird one. For a book that's meant to be a pirate adventure the pace is way too slow at times and then when it finally reaches the action, it rushes through it. The book also had a completely unnecessary pov of a pirate hunter that added absolutely nothing to the plot. I feel like I would've enjoyed the whole book way more if Anne herself had been more memorable, I'd just finished watching Black Sails, so Devil's Ballast's Anne Bonny and Jack Rackham are pretty boring in comparison to their Black Sails counterparts. But the part of the book that irked me the most was the romance. Anne spends the whole book seeming not that interested in Jack until the last second when he's her great love again. The strongest relationship in this book is the friendship between her and Mark Read, which was pretty cute and my favorite part of the whole book. -4/10

The Strangers Child By Alan Hollinghurst

In Edwardian England, while staying at a friend's house, a man writes a love poem that becomes famous. In the decades following, his family and friends are forced to live with his, and the poem's legacy. The Stranger's Child is an incredibly atmospheric book, with beautiful prose, but it felt like a bit of a letdown. Instead of an exploration of what if a famous love poem is actually gay, it's more of a meandering look at various moments in English history and the people living through it. There were chapters that just felt entirely pointless and there were only three sections that actually felt thematically linked. This book had so much potential, but it felt like the author's vision and the supposed premise were constantly at odds.-6/10

Crooked Kingdom By Leigh Bardugo

The sequel to Six Of Crows; political intrigue, gang wars, and magic all meet in the seedy underworld of Ketterdam. I read Six Of Crows about four months ago and mostly enjoyed it, though to be honest, I didn't quite get the hype. With this book, I get it. Crooked Kingdom weaves a complex and engaging plot to match it's superb worldbuilding and characters and I read it in one sitting. The fantasy elements were never too overwhelming nor predictable and the ending was the perfect amount of bittersweet. If you struggled through Six Of Crows, give this one a try, you'll find it hard to put down.-8/10

Circe By Madeline Miller

A re-imagining of an often maligned figure in ancient Greek mythology: the sorceress Circe. I had a massive greek mythology phase as a kid and so reading this was a blast. Miller's writing has an appropriately mythical feel, weaving multiple myths together to explore Circe's psyche. Circe herself manages to be incredibly likable despite her flaws and Miller expands her beyond her common depiction as a vindictive, promiscuous woman. Because of the nature of the plot, I feel like having basic knowledge of greek mythology enhances the reading experience, especially knowledge of the odyssey. To understand this Circe, it's important to understand the Circe of the odyssey and the way the common tropes of greek mythology are being deconstructed.-10/10

Honey Girl By Morgan Rogers

A young woman feels lost after getting her doctorate and runs off to spend the summer with a woman she got married to while drunk in Vegas. Honey Girl is not a romance novel or really your traditional romcom, instead, it is an exploration of family and coming of age in your twenties with a well-written love story at its center. From the prose and general atmosphere, this book has an almost magical feel, yet manages to feel incredibly raw and real. If you're burnt out on romcoms and want something that isn't too saccharine yet leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling, this book is for you.-10/10

Bolla By Pajtim Statovci

In 1990s Kosovo, two men, a Serbian and an Albanian fall in love. Years later, the two men both struggle with the after-effects of the war and their circumstances. Bolla is not the sort of book that you can say you like, though I certainly didn't dislike it. The writing is fantastic and has a very unique quality (possibly due to the novel having been translated from Finish) yet Bolla is incredibly bleak. The romance presumably at the center of the novel is less of the focus and instead what anchors the two men's stories. Their relationship is over by chapter three and at first, I was honestly a little peeved that it got that little attention or description, however by the end of the book I honestly felt it worked. A haunting story of war and the human condition.-7/10

The Kingdoms By Natasha Pulley

When a man gets off a train in London, he can remember barely anything about himself or his life, except the sense that the reality he is faced with is wrong; Britain has been under occupation by the French since they won the Napoleonic wars 85 years ago. Determined to find out who he really is, he follows a century-old letter to an abandoned Scottish lighthouse and finds himself the key to winning a war that could change everything. The Kingdoms is a book that keeps on giving, just the premise of a Britain occupied by France is fascinating, but Pulley goes a step further weaving a complex plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Her writing is fantastic and like the premise, it felt like entire books could be written about every single setting. The characters are also engaging, from Joe, our main character, who is just so immediately likeable, to Kit, a character who is the definition of morally grey. My only quibble is the female characters, who feel fairly underdeveloped and only really there to flesh out the male ones. -9/10

Cinderella is Dead By Kalynn Bayron

300 years after Cinderella found her happy ending her legacy has been twisted to create a dystopian life for the girls living in her kingdom. Four to five years ago, I think I would've really liked Cinderella is Dead; I mean it's a sapphic fairytale retelling! But my taste in books has changed a lot and this book just felt far too YA for me. The writing felt young, the characters underdeveloped and the plot cliched.-2/10

#recent reads #haniawrites #recent reads july/august

[lovenona]

me, waking up: oh another day. then, after reading your answer: HOLY SHIT. guess i'm now the loving ramble enabler (LRE?). and DO NOT apologize for being passionate about smt that makes you happy you lovely human being that u are! hearing you ramble (how many times will i use this word idek) about the creation process made my day dammit! and i can assure you, reading about it is as good as reading the masterpiece itself, especially considering how good you are at manifesting the vibes (tm) (pt1)

(pt 2 bc word count sucks) how did you first get interested in pirate history? (if you don't mind me asking ofc) *slides 15 bucks* please, be my guest. do tell us more about the writing/revision process. sincerely, a genuinely interested person currently wondering why the fuck tumblr won't let her do a paragraph break. have a lovely night/day!

bestie ur rly enabling me 😭 ur so sweet skSJKAJSk i will tell u so much under this god damn cut 

first because this is the easy response: how did u get interested in pirate history????

short answer: keira knightley in pirates of the caribbean BYE 💀

long answer: it’s basically a mix of those movies being a centerpiece of my childhood and me just thinking pirates are cool SKJSKAj i’m very much into history n my uni had a course on ‘history of pirates’ last spring so i took it as smth to do during quarantine and i ended up really loving it !!! i’m actually workin on historical fiction short story abt anne bonny and mary read rn which required me to do a lot more research on pirates (under the black flag by david cordingly is a very good book on piracy!) and my research has been very interesting just in general and for writing the odyssey – i've incorporated little historical tidbits here n there to add to the world-building :’)

next: ur writing process

ok so let’s go cray besties i’m going to tell u abt the life of adele writing the odyssey!!!! i’ll try talking abt this in some semblance of a logical step-by-step

1. manifesting vibes + outline

i talked abt this last time but manifesting the vibes is very important ! the first things i like to do when getting ready to write a new chapter is define the setting – place(s), weather, time, and general mood 

while i have a pretty good idea of how many chapters it will be and where the odyssey ends, i usually don’t plan a chapter in super great detail until it’s time to sit down n write it. i have general points of people to include + things that would be important to the plot + vibes i hope to include (parts 6 and 7 r gonna SLAP!!), but these never get fleshed out until it’s Time. my outlines are therefore usually not very detailed because i like to give the odyssey room to do its own thing – i find it important that the story takes its time and we get to the important stuff whenever it wants us to. an outline will usually b something like, in the case of the furies call part 2: 

find megumi, talk abt his role in the zenin clan – naoya arrives on shore and shit hits the fan – run to find mai, maki fights her father – fight between naoya and todou – todou dies because you can’t kill naoya – sukuna rescues reader and it ends

after i have smth that looks like this as well as a decently clear idea of how everything will look and feel we get started!!

2. writing (pain)

arguably the worst stage for any creator! writing! at this point i genuinely just let go and let god tbh. i have no idea how i do things at this stage other than see how many commas + dumb poetic phrases i can include SKKSJKA – sometimes things just happen and it’s really cool!! for example in part 4 i didn’t know the guns warehouse was going to blow up until i was writing it and it just happened 

i do have a set quota of words i meet every time i sit down to write so that i A. feel accomplished and happy when i'm done, even if it sucks and B. don’t get burnout and start hating what i do. this stage is always difficult because writing is just hard and takes a lot of brainpower and self-discipline </3

i wld say the hardest part is that i run the risk of getting very overwhelmed – by the complexities of the plot, by how fucking long it takes me to write, by how much work writing itself is ! for example, abt 7k or so into part 5 i started having the worst existential dread when i realized that this chapter was not even halfway done and i wld have to surpass 15k before it was (at the time of writing this, part 5 is 16.3 💀) it just gets hard sometimes to overcome that and maintain the motivation to keep going and know that everything will be fine when it’s done – thankfully everyone here is so patient and sweet so it makes me feel better when i'm taking forever and/or need time off <333

basically, as always, the pain of writing is just having to write and come to terms with the fact no one else is going to manifest it for u. and have fun too!! writing is only fun when ur writing what u think is cool 

3. revision (less pain)

one of the fun stages, but also the point when i start to become impatient! writing an odyssey chapter can easily take 2.5-3 weeks even if i'm writing my quota every single day (part 5 took roughly 3 weeks of writing every god damn afternoon) and after that i spend another few weeks just going back and rereading/fixing everything. 

i basically start by rereading sections of the chapter to change sentence structure, grammar, dialogue, or whatever else i don’t like – sometimes sentences sound stupid or certain things don’t make a whole lot of sense so i like to go back and polish up! for example i changed the arrival of maki/mai/nobara in furies call part 1 about ten times before i decided it made sense to me

this step can be horrendous because i'll often write things really shitty in the first draft with a “i’ll come back to this later” mindset and then get mad at myself later for being a hoe <//3

in essence, i'm a horrible perfectionist so i will usually reread everything and change or add things multiple times before i think i'm finally ready to share. most of the time, as the chapter gets closer and closer to completion i become more and more hyper-fixated on it – i’ll start spending almost all of my free time just rereading and looking for minor fixes or places that don’t vibe as well. 

at the end of this step, my favorite thing to do before i queue the chapter up to post is sit down and just read the entire thing once or twice and give it one last kiss before i send her off into the world <3

so anyway there’s my ted talk of how i usually make the odyssey ! i vibe, write, revise n take forever to do all three steps but that’s just part of the fun! thank u for tuning in if u have any other questions u wld like me to overshare on i am more than happy to talk abt it :’)

#this was fun to ramble abt thank u so much LRE #I really enjoyed it #thank u!!!! #letters to adele #the odyssey!

[thedoctornumber11]

Munday post

I figured maybe this week I’d do a different type of Munday.  Most of my long time roleplay partners already know me quite a bit and I also try to introduce myself to newer partners as well, however I figured this could be a good chance for everyone to really get to know me.  I’m including everything under a read more not because long post and also because I know not everyone likes seeing this type of thing.  It’s just a bunch of random facts about me and my favorite things along with a munday pic under the cut.  I didn’t want to just throw out a munday picture like most would do.  I’ve done that plenty of times before and there’s nothing wrong with it, I just felt like doing something a bit more unique and different this time that might really give people a chance to get to know me :D

So long post under the cut.

So, first off, my name is Derek.  I’m the mun.  I just recently turned 30 and I’m from Indiana.  I work in a preschool, essentially as a glorified baby sitter.  I help the teachers get their breaks.  

I’ve been interacting on here since November of 2013 and I’ve had this exact blog with this exact URL the entire time.  I wanted something really generic and not just a quote or something like that.  I first tried TheEleventhDoctor, but obviously that was taken so this ended up being what I went with.  As for the theme, it too was made a VERY long time ago.  The TARDIS theme with the opening doors on the TARDIS actually used to be quite popular when I first started interacting on here, particularly with the Doctor Who RP fandom.  Although I’m the only one I see with it these days, if you go looking for older Doctor Who blogs that have gone inactive you are actually likely to find a few other blogs with it.  As for the background picture, I found that one myself except for the part with Matt Smith/The Eleventh Doctor edited on.  That part was done by someone I used to interact with who just surprised me with it one day and unfortunately isn’t on Tumblr anymore :(  Having been on this platform for so long I’ve obviously seen a lot of blogs come and go and I miss every single last one of them :(  However I also enjoy everyone I currently interact with and would recommend almost any of them.  Seriously, if anyone is looking for new people to interact with, let me know you are looking for people and what fandoms you enjoy and I can probably recommend a few blogs!

Outside of Tumblr RP, I enjoy video games, yugioh, reading comics, general super hero related stuff, watching movies, playing Pokemon Go (I help run the local PoGo community) general board games, watching my shows, figure collecting, and cosplay, most of which I’m sure is stuff many of you also enjoy.  My fandoms include Doctor Who (obviously), DC, Star Wars, The Legend of Korra/ATLA (I’m one of the few that likes LoK more than ATLA), Marvel, Star Trek, Firefly, Power Rangers, The Walking Dead, Yugioh, Pokemon, Sherlock, general Nintendo fandom, Digimon and Harry Potter.

Here’s a few things about me in list form.

My favorite musician is Weird Al Yankovic.  

My favorite book is Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robbison.  As someone who’s been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome myself, this book really spoke to me in my original read through and since then I’ve purchased it multiple times.  I own at least three or four different copies of this book, partially because I kept loaning it out to people.

My favorite book series is the Harry Potter series.  Don’t ask me for a favorite book in the series, I love them all about equally.  

As for comics, right now my favorite thing I’m reading is the Power Rangers series that Boom is putting out.  Some of my favorites of all time include Power Ranger Soul of the Dragon, the Star Trek TNG/Doctor Who crossover, the Power Rangers/Justice League Crossover, the original Spider-Gwen series, Poison Ivy Cycle of Life and Death, The Dark Knight Returns (I know anything Frank Miller related is a bit controversial but I enjoy it for what it is) and Batman: Hush.

Favorite movies include UHF, Scott Pilgrim VS the World, Captain America The Winter Soldier, Captain America the First Avenger, Avengers End Game, the Justice League movie, anything and everything DC animated, anything and everything Spider-Man related (yes, I even like Spider-Man 3 although it wasn’t as good as the others), anything Star Wars related although I’d say Force Awakens is my favorite one, the 2017 Power Rangers movie, Serenity, The Lego movie and it’s sequel, Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time, Mystery Men, Galaxy Quest, all the Star Trek movies, the corny 90′s Mario movie, the Doctor Who movie, and Detective Pikachu.  Really, any of the Marvel and DC movies could probably make this list as well, I’m not super picky when it comes to movies.

Favorite TV shows is something I am a bit pickier about.  Doctor Who is obviously on the list, and I’ve watched and enjoyed most of the Marvel and DC live action stuff although I have a huge preference for the arrowverse and 70′s Wonder Woman.  Animated stuff tends to vary but a lot of the older stuff from the early and mid 90′s seems to be best for that.  Power Rangers is obviously on the list as well, along with The Walking Dead, Digimon, Avatar the Last Airbender, The Legend of Korra, Sherlock, Yugioh, Firefly, and off the top of my head that’s about it.  Everyone always assumes I’m huge into anime as well, but I’m not actually that into it.  Just not my thing.

Now video games has potential to be my longest list as it’s easily my favorite medium of story telling due to the interactivity.  First off, Nintendo and Playstation are my general consoles of choice.  Nothing against Xbox, I have a lot of respect for the brand but I can’t really afford to have three consoles (even though I wish I could) and Nintendo and Sony have more offerings for me personally.  I also do dabble on PC a bit, but I don’t really have a high end PC and it’s mostly just for Sims.  That being said, my favorite games and game series include Watch_Dogs, The Sims, Mario (mostly the “main series,” 3D games and 2D platformers but I do enjoy some of the off series stuff like Mario Kart and Mario Party as well) , Pokemon, Super Smash Brothers, The Force Unleashed series, Injustice, most of the Spider-Man games, The Last of Us, Tomb Raider, most of the Batman games, Wario Ware, The Last of Us (still haven’t played the sequel yet.  Waiting to get it for cheap after seeing reviews), Days Gone, Control, Horizon Zero Dawn, No Man’s Sky, 51 Worldwide Classics for Switch, No Man’s Sky, the Tony Hawk Games (still haven’t played the new one yet), Time Splitters, The Movies, Hulk Ultimate Destruction, Zombies Ate My Neighbhors, Kirby, The Legend of Korra game (the 3d one, not the really bad one for 3DS), Donkey Kong, Street Fighter 2, Punch Out, Metal Gear Solid 5 the Phantom Pain, Sonic Heroes, and the list could go on and on.

My favorite drink is root beer or chocolate milkshakes if that counts

My favorite alcoholic drink is probably just a basic screwdriver tbh

My favorite food is Cheeseburgers, although Chicken Pot Pie is also a top contender tbh

My favorite color is green

My favorite Doctor is Eleventh obviously, but Thirteen, Two and Twelve are tied for second

Favorite companions are Amy, River (if she counts), and Donna

Favorite New Who episode is The Eleventh Hour

Favorite Classic Who story is Genesis of the Daleks

Since I’ve mentioned super heroes a lot, my favorites are Batman, Wonder Woman and Spider-Man, although Supergirl, Batgirl, Captain America, Scarlet Witch and Black Widow are also pretty high on the list.

Favorite game in the Pokemon series is X and Y

Dragonite is my favorite Pokemon

Favorite 3D Mario game is Odyssey although Sunshine would be next up on the list.

This is my only Tumblr RP blog.  I also have an ask meme blog and I used to have a personal but I haven’t logged onto it in years.

I’m on discord and I do add people from Tumblr on there, but I mostly only use it for Pokemon Go tbh

I spend every Wednesday and Sunday at the local comic book shop playing Yugioh

For anyone wondering in relation to that last fact, my current competitive deck Barrier Stun.  Some of my favorite casual decks that I play or have played in the past are Lightsworn, Blue-Eyes, E-Heroes, Greed, Sacred Beasts, Penguins and Six Samurai.

In the last decade I’ve moved about 3 times

I own pets!  I have one dog and one cat currently, but a few years back when we lived in a more country like setting, we owned 7 cats and 2 dogs at maximum.  Most of them died of old age over the last few years.

Before my current job I used to work at Walmart.  Long time followers of the blog may remember that I hated it there.

I don’t have a whole lot of writing experience outside of Tumblr tbh.  While I do enjoy writing on here, it’s the interactions itself that makes it fun for me and while I’ve tried to write a few things myself, it’s just not the same as roleplay.

Anyway, I just sort of wanted to do something different for munday besides just posting pictures of myself so I hope anyone who read this enjoyed it.  Here’s a pic of the mun to go with it.

#munday #ooc #long post #Honestly I just felt like writing this all out for some reason

[fugandhi]

Joker’s Odyssey

“Joker’s Odyssey” (A Film Review) by Adam Wękarski

“Joker” is one of the most psychologically complex & artistically provocative films ever made. Todd Phillips directs his best film to date (commonly known for his work in directing comedies) in a staggering contrast to his typical work. This film is undoubtedly Phillips’ masterpiece. This film takes a gigantic leap forward in the direction that Christopher Nolan & Heath Ledger’s Joker had initiated 11 years ago in “The Dark Knight.” This movie is an enigmatic tragicomedy that pulls no punches.

Joaquin Phoenix deserves an oscar for his performance as the lead character. Count on Joaquin-frikkin’-Phoenix to be the only other actor who could not only meet Heath Ledger’s ground-breaking performance, but challenge it with a bold & fearless flair. This is the best picture of the year and absolutely deserves an oscar for directing, writing & cinematography.

Phoenix plays Joker a.k.a “Arthur Fleck”, a struggling Street-Performer/Comedian/your all-around Party-Clown who lives in a bleak and morally-crumbling fictional Gotham City, USA (set in 1981). Highly reminiscent of New York City in the late ‘70s/early ‘80s (apparently where the director Todd Phillips grew up), there is an overwhelmingly oppressive structural presence of the city throughout the entire film (with some of the most breath-taking wide shots) - which has the ability to create a legitimate sense of isolation (and claustrophobia).

Immediately into the story, we know that Fleck clearly has some form of severe emotional instability (while struggling in a post-vaudevillian world which is a creaky ol’ memory fading of a bygone era of performers & entertainers). Despite the overwhelming struggle that is Arthur’s existence - Arthur trudges on, beaten down, and continues dancing his dance and putting on a show for everyone & no one. The only times that Arthur Fleck appears to have any form of happiness is when he is performing & dancing as “Carnival” The Clown working for an entertainment agency known as “Ha Ha’s”, and when he is at home spending time with his mother. Arthur Fleck’s journey throughout the story is not only about his life’s struggle, but his eventual demise and fall from grace.

While Arthur climbs the seemingly infinite stairway each day in his life, the weight of his problems become clearly visible on his shoulders - as he resembles the factory workers in Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis” striving upwards with futility. Fleck has literally been taking a beating in his life, and he does eventually transform (due to a tremendously slow-burning tension that carries throughout the entirety of the film) into the larger-than-life villain at the end of the story (which is the crucial moment Joker truly becomes a symbolic figure of anarchy).

Technically-speaking - this film is shot perfectly (with a heavy tone reminiscent of a graphic novel). From larger-than-life exterior wide shots that truly showcase just how small Fleck is in the grand scheme of the city to extremely tight interior shots that allow access to intimate moments with one of the most twisted & insane characters of all time (perfectly portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix). The story, an original, was written by Todd Phillips & Scott Silver who had made the conscious effort to bring an entirely fresh take on one of the most celebrated (and revered) characters of the comic book world (and now film world) to the big screen. In terms of the story - it is the best origin story of the Joker by far, successfully achieving a level of sophisticated storytelling to the point that it actually transcends the genre and becomes a truly remarkable artistic effort of genius that has cinematic elements similar to the likes of Kubrick, Scorsese & Malick (particularly in terms of artistic bravado).

Speaking of Scorsese, “Joker” has the uncanny ability of concealing it’s influences while simultaneously paying homage and informal tribute (I suppose more of an artistic ‘tip of the hat’ to a plethora of cinematic influences). There are plenty of hints & clues for any familiar film-lover (especially a few obvious nods to Heath Ledger’s Joker, although more of a precursor of where that Joker could have possibly originated). For instance, anyone who has seen “Taxi Driver” will automatically draw parallels between the slow, yet inevitable, unwinding & downward spiral of the protagonist (of whom lives in a city that is slowly unraveling at the sociological seams, so-to-speak - which, in turn, is a reflection of the mental stability of the main character as he continues his journey) - Especially when Zazie Beetz’s “Sophie Dumond” encounters Fleck in an elevator and points her fingers towards the side of her head, which Fleck later does to himself (an obvious nod to De Niro’s character “Travis Bickle” in “Taxi Driver”).

Robert De Niro (one of the finest actors of all time) even appears in the film as a very important character by the name of “Murray Franklin” of whom has his own live late-night television talk show. Arthur Fleck is a huge fan of the Murray Franklin show and even fantasizes about being on the show and interacting with Murray Franklin on live television for the whole world to see. Arthur Fleck is obviously obsessed with the notion of becoming famous and celebrated and adored - something he certainly is not in his real everyday life. De Niro’s performance of Murray Franklin is an ironic nod (and inversion) of his performance as “Rupert Pupkin” from Scorsese’s “The King of Comedy” in which De Niro had played the overtly-unrealistic stalker of a late-night TV personality (played by Jerry Lewis) - which is, of course, a brilliant full circle moment for De Niro now playing the big shot entertainer.

Arthur Fleck’s obsession with Murray Franklin is one of many story arcs within the psychologically-labyrinthian tale of how the Joker was born. While portraying Fleck, Joaquin Phoenix has a look reminiscent of the killer “Scorpio” in “Dirty Harry” (played frighteningly by one Andrew Robinson) with the 1970s-friendly shaggy-locks and brown slacks and large-collared attire. This entire film is a herculean psychological character study on Joker and it’s without saying that this is in no way a family-friendly version of the character. The Joker kills three men on a subway in self-defense (after the three Wallstreet men harass a woman and then physically attack Joker). This film lives and breathes in the proverbial gray area of right & wrong and good & bad (which is a part of it’s terrifying genius).

The film’s music also appears as it’s own character (in a way) throughout the film  - acting as a spiritual extension of Joker’s mental & emotional state (as Joker appears to have music consistently flowing from within and exuding outwards with each crucial moment that happens in the story). After Fleck’s first murder in the subway, he runs and hides in a public restroom and begins to dance to his own symphony of psychosis as he stares into his reflection (as Joker; his split personality; his other half, alter ego, etc.). The musical score is just as unsettling & schizophrenic as the Joker, and the film perfectly embodies all of the most defining attributes of what makes Joker so very fascinating (and frightening).

Joaquin Phoenix’s powerhouse performance stands alone, mighty on it’s own two feet, while Todd Phillip’s care for the character and his dedication to present the character as a real human being is unmatched in it’s sophistication & artistic bravery (with exception of perhaps the Nolan trilogy - God, if only this version of Joker was in the third installment for The Dark Knight trilogy - could you imagine Joaquin Phoenix opposite Christian Bale? - OH My - or perhaps even see where this Joker storyline would dare venture if given the opportunity for more exploration). Joaquin Phoenix had allegedly stated that in researching psychological disorders and real-life behaviors that people actually have - he did not want anyone who is educated in the field of study to be able to pin-point Joker’s psychological “condition” or “symptoms.” Phoenix successfully accomplishes such a feat as Fleck/Joker due to the character’s ever-changing (and constantly-developing) madness amidst his life in this origin story.

This film is a very, very intense tragedy whose psychological depth goes well beyond the screen.

Arthur Fleck/Joker is a care-taker of his own mother, Penny Fleck (played very well by Frances Conroy). Penny begins the story as a seemingly sweet-hearted mother who is ill and in need of some form of help or assistance - of which Arthur does his best in providing (as her only family). As the film progresses, we find that Penny had been a former employee working on the estate of one Thomas Wayne (played very well by Brett Cullen) and she expresses her assurance to Arthur that Mr. Wayne wouldn’t allow them to live in their current conditions had he been aware of their struggle.

Arthur loves his mother very dearly (in a Norman Bates ”Psycho” kinda way), and despite his efforts to nurse her - her condition gets worse, and then the story truly takes a dramatic left turn into an unsettling reveal of the hidden, murky depths of not only the Joker’s life, but his overall psyche. Specifically, when Arthur discovers the truth about his life and the harsh trauma he had experienced as an adopted child with a psychotic mother, who carelessly stood by while Arthur was severely abused (while also discovering he had been an abandoned orphan before Penny adopted him) and would apathetically allow the abuse to thrive.

Arthur Fleck’s psychological abyss is interwoven within Arkham State Hospital (a mental institution primarily focused on abnormal psychology and psychiatric rehabilitation). The emotional and mental state of Arthur is at the forefront of the film, as Arthur frequently discusses his mental & emotional well-being with a social worker (played very well by Sharon Washington), who eventually loses her job as well as her department due to government cutbacks and lack of funding. The loss of all of his medication gives Arthur’s unusual condition(s) of uncontrollable laughter at any given time (which comes handy with a card to address anyone of said condition) a significantly more off-putting presence. This is especially true due to the reality that his unique condition merely scratches the surface of what is looming underneath (which appears to be an eclectic & deadly combination of a potential variety of psychological disorders including: post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, paranoia, delusional disorder, manic depression, schizophrenia, in addition to possibly having some other forms of personality disorders and/or possibly even a form of undiagnosed autism).

In one of the most iconic moments in cinema, the Joker dances down that same infinite stairway as before (with a Ray-Bolger-like air of arrogance), now in full Joker fashion, experiencing a complete liberation of the weight he once carried on his shoulders as Arthur Fleck. This is a moment that not only represents Joker’s infinite dance of madness, but also symbolizes Arthur Fleck’s tragic descent into hell.

This film is more disturbing than it is violent. What’s so disturbing is that this is the most realistic depiction of the Joker and how a human being could become a product of one’s environment (in the worst way). I think this film has successfully struck a chord with contemporary society (worldwide), despite the film being a complete fictional story based off of a comic book character, set in another time - there is a significantly realistic undercurrent of honesty shouting loudly in the film in a tone very similar to Howard Beale’s epiphany in Sidney Lumet’s astounding masterpiece “Network”(1976); albeit a bit more deranged (especially once Joker actually goes on live television and scolds Murray Franklin regarding his continual debasement of Arthur Fleck for the sake of entertainment). Joker speaks openly on live television about how he had been the one who murdered the three Wallstreet men in the subway. It is at this point in the journey that Joker is viciously taunting not only the host Murray, but also expressing the cold & harsh reality of the overall system being an institutionalized failure. The Joker has no political agendas, nor financial, or even ambitions within show business anymore after the onslaught of life experiences that have transformed him and tragically removed his innocence.

Joker was once a man who genuinely wanted to bring joy & laughter to the world and perhaps if someone was there to hand him a book or a guitar instead of a gun in those crucial “in-between” moments in life, or if he had someone in his life who actually loved & cared for him and would be there for him - maybe it could have all been prevented. If Arthur Fleck had positive reinforcement in his life, and perhaps Faith, maybe he would have turned his frustration into inspiration rather than a maniacal form of self-destruction. The same could be said about any one individual in our very own reality (especially considering the highly unusual rate of violent, self-destructive behavior in America as we know it).

It is after the Murray Franklin Massacre that the Joker is truly “reborn” as he has officially become an abstract figurehead for the downtrodden of society. The same part of society which has had enough of the ugly side of the system and the overall tragedy of humanity’s indifference & ignorance towards the ones who struggle with the weight of the system on their shoulders (while looking up at the ones who have been riding upon humanity’s shoulders for far too long). Joker’s “birth” comes from a symbolic “death” so-to-say of Arthur Fleck as he’s in a severe car accident and carried out by his followers and attains a distinct level of martyrdom. Joker’s tragic destiny is to reign in hell rather than serve in heaven (which is the symbolic dilemma of humanity; hence the inception of Batman in the film, as a young Bruce Wayne’s parents are murdered due to the chaos Joker has sparked - a moment that successfully calls back to Tim Burton’s “Batman” flashback with the movie theater & flying pearl necklace and all).

“Joker” is a highly visceral artistic statement that has a brutally honest hidden social message: society must not fail the very humanity that fulfills it. The madness of one can spark the madness of many - and in any case - we may need to create a better way to heal our sick & our poor, and we should consider better methods to mend the broken (in mind, body, and spirit) rather than feed into chaos and self-undoing (as individuals and as a whole). If we are capable to view such a mirrored fantasy which has created such a social controversy due to it’s violently philosophical conclusion - are we also capable of improving ourselves, as a society, for the betterment of our very own collective reality?

I give “Joker” a Perfect 10 out of 10. 

Joaquin Phoenix gives an awe-inspiring performance as the most celebrated comic book villain of all time. Todd Phillips has successfully captured lightning in a bottle with “Joker” - A fascinating, brilliant, and highly disturbing character study that places a focus not only on the madness of one individual, but the inherent madness & trivialization of western civilization in modern times.

#JOKER #JoaquinPhoenix #RobertDeNiro #FrancesConroy #ZazieBeetz #SharonWashington #BrettCullen #ScottSilver #ToddPhillips #DC #WarnerBros #ComicBooks #ComicBookMovies #Movies #2019Movies #MovieReviews #AWESOME

[hellimagines]

Fake Characters -- Patrick Hockstetter

*My masterlist link can be found in my blog description*

Request: "Patrick headcanons for him having a girlfriend who's really preppy and innocent until he finds out one night how demented she actually is and she's actually crazier than him and his heart Z O O M S" - @saea

Summary: Patrick gets assigned to a project with you, and slowly finds himself trying to pick you apart.

Warnings: explicit drug use (cocaine), light sexual themes, blood, violence, and lowkey murder

Pairing: Patrick Hockstetter x fem!reader

Word Count: 5,700+

A/N: I'm sorry this is so late, but honestly, are we surprised? Anyways, this isn't how I usually write things, it's a really long imagine rather than HC's, and it doesn't follow the request entirely (sorry lmao). Also, we don't do Consistent Tenses in This House and we're not gonna talk about the ending. Enjoy lmfao

Patrick Hockstetter didn't care much for you or your 'type'. He, as well as the rest of the Bowers Gang, had a tendency to steer clear of the preps and the populars: too much attention and too much hassle in the long run. He liked the girls (and the occasional boy) who were quiet, kept to themselves, and wouldn't be noticed if something were to... go wrong. So, when Patrick decided to randomly show up for his AP Lit class one day (a class he didn't belong in but was in anyway), he instantly regretted it. — Only a few seconds into class and the teacher had already set his demeaning eyes upon Patrick, an eyebrow arched in distaste. "So glad you decided to show, Mr. Hockstetter," he says, walking to stand in front of Patrick's desk. "Today's the beginning of our new read, and we'll be doing the project in pairs."

Patrick doesn't care at first, he figures he'll be stuck with one of the nerds in the front, trembling in their seats with sweat dripping from their forehead. He typically manages to scare them into doing the work for him if the project that's being assigned doesn't interest him.

"Mr. Hockstetter, you'll be working alongside Ms. (Y/L/N) for this project."

Patrick wants to slit the teacher's throat then and there. He knows he can't get away with threatening you to do all the work; you have too many friends and too many allies willing to make his life difficult if he fucks you over. It's only when you saunter up to him, slamming a copy of The Odyssey onto his desk (Patrick swears he chokes on the dust), does he really know he's fucked.

Despite your harsh actions, you're staring down at him with a gentle, yet anxious, gaze. "My parents are gonna be at a banquet tonight. So, we'll start on the project at my house, five o'clock. Don't be late, Hockstetter- I'm not doing this on my own," you sigh, nervously tugging at the bottom of your sweater (nervous of him or the thought of doing the project on your own, Patrick isn't sure).

"Yeah, whatever." Is all he offers you before he's snatching the book off his desk and leaving the classroom, the teacher shouting loudly behind him as he goes. — When Henry finds out Patrick is going to be spending the majority of the month in class and alongside you, he isn't happy about it. Before Patrick can even begin to justify his reasoning or explain that he'd still be around, the ash-blond git is tackling him to the ground. Patrick's unlit cigarette flies out of his hand as he's slammed to the asphalt, but he doesn't have time to grieve its loss. Henry instantly begins to pummel away at his back, trying to smash Patrick's face into the street beneath him, effectively tearing up the taller boy's face, arms, and upper body. Patrick lays there, complacent, for a few seconds, before violently jerking his body and throwing Henry off of him. Vic and Belch stand beside Amy, watching with worried eyes as the dominant teens fight out their frustrations. It takes a while, but soon enough their fists are bruised and their mouths are bloody, both of them kneeling over as they gasp for breath.

"I'll still be around you winy piece of shit. I've just gotta handle this crap."

"Fuck you." — Patrick shows up at your house at exactly 5 o'clock, blood staining his shirt, and a cigarette hanging from his busted lip. His face is destroyed, to say the least: covered in scratches, bruises, and dry blood. The rest of him doesn't look any better.

You squint at him, "Please don't get blood on my carpet." Before leading him to your room, refusing to ask any questions or offer any medical attention. He's not your problem.

Patrick is only slightly suspicious that you don't question his injuries or tell him to put out the cigarette, but he shrugs it off and obediently follows you to your room. Your house is large and sparkling clean- the kind of clean that makes it seem unlived in, and Patrick feels wrong calling it a 'home'. But once he gets to your room, he can only shake his head with a quiet chuckle at the sudden contrast- your room is clearly not like the rest of the house. Patrick shuts the door behind him and lets his backpack thud to the ground, before turning to find you unexpectedly holding out a dish to him. It's stained grey due to all the ash inside and is littered with used cigarette buds. Patrick raises an eyebrow but accepts it without question, slumping himself into your desk chair while you sit on your bed.

You instantly begin digging around in your backpack for the materials needed for the project, and Patrick takes the chance to look around and further judge your room. Crystal-white Christmas lights are hanging up, bordering your ceiling and illuminating the room in bright, unnatural light. You have pictures of your friends, family vacations, cheer meets, and other mindless things scattered along your walls. Posters of people Patrick doesn't recognize are pinned in random areas as if you didn't care where they were placed. Your bed is made and void of any debris (probably the only thing that resembles the rest of the house) but your floor is scattered with clothes, school books, pencils, and a water bottle here and there. Patrick isn't surprised to find your room has character, but he doesn't entirely believe it's your character being shown.

"How long are you planning on staying?" you ask, causing Patrick's eyes to zip back to you and away from his surroundings. You're staring at him with attentive (e/c) eyes, waiting for an answer as you tap your fingers against the books in your lap.

"Dunno. 'Til you kick me out 'suppose," he shrugs, leaning back into the chair with a bored expression. He'd forgotten all about his cigarette during his wonder-filled daze, so he takes a long drag after speaking- not missing the way your eyes linger on the filter caught between his lips.

Your voice is soft, "Won't your parents want you home?"

Patrick's smirking now, "Nah. Didn't come home for a few weeks once and they didn't blink an eye when I finally walked in the door lookin' like the personification of Hell."

"Where'd you go?"

"Sewers."

You seem to take the hint and drop the conversation, rolling your eyes at his bluntness while tossing your backpack to the side. "My parents won't be home until tomorrow. You can stay if you want."

"You askin' me to sleep with you, babe?" Patrick takes immense satisfaction in the way your cheeks flush and your eyebrows furrow, your mouth gaping for a retort.

The books in your lap nearly slide to the floor due to your sputtering. "No! I'm trying to be friendly!" you shout, incredulously.

Patrick shakes his head and flicks his cigarette against the ashtray. "Don't need a friend. I need to get this fucking project done so Henry gets off my damn ass." He takes another long drag after that, eyeing you over the orange glow of his cigarette as his fingers subconsciously run along a cut on his jaw.

Your eyes scan over his injuries once more, as something seems to click inside your head. "Just because Bowers doesn't care 'bout school doesn't mean you have to follow."

Patricks scoffs on his exhale, narrowing his eyes when you don't move away from the smoke. "Don't need a therapist either, babe." He's met with an eye roll, but you leave the conversation alone. Patricks likes the way you don't prod at things that he clearly doesn't want being picked at. You begin to explain the details of the project that Patrick had missed after he had left class, your voice free of scorn or annoyance. He doesn't know what your angle is yet, but he feels like you should be yelling at him by now. Instead, your voice is almost... understanding.

"Mr. Higgins said it's due March 14th. So... about six weeks. Plenty of time," you finish, handing him the paper with all the rules, materials, and extra crap for the project. Reading the book, analyzing it, putting together a poster (and stealing the materials), working out a presentation, plus all the in-class work wasn't gonna be as quick as he hoped. He had to work at the same pace as the class, which was something that made his jaw tense and his fingers squeeze the cigarette to the point it almost broke. Henry was gonna kick his ass. Again.

"I don't wanna waste six weeks on this crap. I can get it done in four- on my own," he growls, taking a quick puff of the cigarette before angrily putting it out (he didn't need it accidentally dropping on your carpet from his anger).

"That's not how projects work, Hockstetter," you sigh, voice annoyingly patient. "I can get it done that quick, too. But then we'd be bored the remaining three weeks. A handful of coked-out all-nighters isn't worth that. Besides, we have the work to do in class, and if we read ahead or any of that, it'll mess shit up."

Patrick practically perks up like a dog. "You use?"

Your breath hitches and your eyes widen. "What? No, what makes you say that?" You speak too quickly and once again, your hands are fumbling with your sweater. A nervous habit, Patrick notices.

"Firstly, babe, you're a terrible liar. I never said what you use. Secondly, people wouldn't say a 'coked-out all-nighter'. A simple 'all-nighter', or some caffeine related shit would've done the trick," he smirks, leaning forward to stare you down. He had known there was something about you the second you had opened the front door, and now he had you trapped, ready to find out everything.   "It's just a saying, I didn't mean anything by it," you stumble, (e/c) eyes searching his murky ones in a panic.

Patrick shakes his head in false pitty. "Relax. I'm not gonna tell anyone," he scoffs, leaning back in your chair and kicking his boot-clad feet up onto your desk.

Your body slouches in relief and Patrick's smirk widens, watching as you busy yourself with handing him sheets of paper and a pen, trying to seem nonchalant. You weren't who you claimed to be, and Patrick was gonna figure out your real character. The universe was challenging him, and boy did he love a good challenge- especially a cute one. — As the week wore on, Patrick found himself spending more and more time at your house and beside you in class. You two were sometimes seen outside of class, but not often, silently agreeing to keep your two worlds separate. Patrick didn't want Henry baring down on you and being an ass, and you didn't want your clique scrutinizing and sticking their noses up at Patrick. Henry and the boys were getting bitchy about his absence, sure, but he had a job to do and he wasn't gonna let Bowers' profound jealousy fuck it up.

It was roughly a week and a half into the project when Patrick became tired of trying to manipulate and coax secrets out of you. You seemed immune to his words and his tricks, and after your last slip up you had become tight-lipped, refusing to see that satisfied smirk on Patrick's face again. So, becoming fed up with your soft words and nervous fiddling, he nabbed a hundred from his mom's wallet and had Belch drive him out to Augusta. He was going to get you to admit your imperfections no matter what it cost him (or his mom).

Your filthy rich parents are always gone because of work and socialite activities, leaving you home alone constantly, and to your own devices. Meaning, Patrick isn't suspicious anymore when you allow him to smoke inside your house or when you don't question his bloodied body being dragged through your doors. Today's no different.

After Patrick knocks on your front door, you lead him through your house, speaking nonsense to him about your day, despite Patrick's obvious disinterest (he's got other things on his mind). Once you've brought him to your room and he's shut the door, he can't hold back the wicked smirk from his face any longer. Patrick's quick to pull a cigarette from his pack and extend his arm, catching your attention, succeeding in shutting you up. He isn't stupid, he knows you smoke but have refrained from doing so around him (and others no doubt). But the way your eyes widen and a slight gasp leaves your mouth is priceless. It takes you a good 30 seconds of flicking your eyes back and forth, from him to the cig, before you're snatching it out of his hand with a shaky breath. You have it in your mouth without realizing what you've admitted to, but Patrick can tell you don't care as you furiously pat yourself down in search of a lighter.

"Here." Patrick snaps open a silver zippo, the flame flickering against the cigarette, as you instantly inhale, making sure it catches. Satisfied with himself, he kicks off his shoes and tosses his backpack on the bed before throwing himself beside it, getting comfortable. You stand in front of him, anxiously smoking, while looking anywhere but him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" you ask after a few minutes, the cigarette beginning to dwindle down between your fingers.

"Why'd you try and hide it?" Patrick shoots back, raising a challenging eyebrow.

"If anybody found out I smoked, I'd be kicked off the team. Everyone else does it, yeah, and the fucking captain does it, but I got on the team because the other chick... got in an accident. I can't risk anything." Your voice is shaking again, and now Patrick has another fucking secret to discover.

"An accident?" he asks, fingers twitching at your words while his eyes roam over your tense body. "Yes." Your answer is short and your eyes are narrowed, lip curled in an unconscious snarl. Patrick grins wickedly but says nothing more as you hastily put out the cigarette and collapse beside him on the bed.

He can't help himself, "What other secrets you hidin' from me, babe?" he hums, tugging on a strand of your hair, making you whimper in shock.

"Nothing, Hockstetter. Let's just get this project done," you growl, shoving his hand away from your silky hair.

'Nothing my ass', Patrick thinks, although proud of your sudden hostility.

The two of you work without incident for the next few hours, Patrick waiting patiently for his time to strike. He's sure he resembles a viper or a panther or a wolf or some other threatening animal ready to pounce, but you don't look the least bit threatened. You simply refocus his attention every few minutes, scold him when he's being an ass, and make sure things are getting done. He's getting tired and beginning to think his moment is never going to come; but when you yawn around 9:30, Patrick practically shouts in victory.

"Tired, babe?" he says, voice surprisingly smooth for the way his eyes light up and his fingers twitch.

"Not your babe," you hum, refusing to answer his question.

"You always could be." You answer with another yawn, turning your head so he can't see you proving his point. "Let's pull an all-nighter, hm? Just this once," Patrick knows it won't be just this once, "and then you can get your well-deserved break from me. We can get a few days, possibly a week, worth of shit done tonight, and you'll be free to be with your friends again."

The way you look at him, your lip tucked between your teeth and your eyes so soft, Patrick knows he has you before you do.

"What makes you think I wanna get rid of you, Hockstetter?" Or maybe you have him.

Patrick doesn't let his shock show though, and only shakes his head with a chuckle. "C'mon, babe. I'm constantly trailing blood in here, messin' up your sheets and your homework, and keepin' ya from your friends and your pretty little cheer uniform. I know that short skirt misses you almost as much as I miss it," he purrs, running the back of his knuckle over your cheekbone.

Patrick doesn't care about any of that stuff (save the skirt), and he knows you don't either. He sees the way you roll your eyes when you get phone call after phone call from your friends, begging you to hang out. The way you clench your fists when you hang up the phone, before turning and smiling at him brightly. He sees the way your eyes linger on his fresh cuts and bruises, and how you purposefully run your fingers over his damaged knuckles when handing him something. Your eyes and touches filled with longing. He knows you haven't washed your sheets in the week and a half he's been over, messing them up to piss you off. He knows they smell (reak) of him: cigarette smoke, blood, stolen cologne, and chaos. He knows how your cheer uniform is tossed carelessly in your room, not minding if it gets dirty or ruined, whereas you have a hidden leather jacket hanging up in your closet, void of any injury and no doubt in pristine condition.

You haven't told Patrick any of these things, but he knows.

You don't flinch away from his knuckle as it's run along your cheekbone, instead, you sigh softly, causing Patrick to smirk in victory. There's a war going on inside your head, he can tell, but as long as he wins, he doesn't care what you're thinking.

Finally, you nod, "Yeah, alright. I'll go grab some snacks and coffee-"

"Won't need that, babe."

It takes you a minute to process his interruption and it's meaning, but he grins once it hits you. "Patrick, you didn't!" you cry, and he doesn't admit how the sound of his name being spat out of your mouth turns him on (even if he has to shift on the bed to hide his hard-on).

"Sure did."

He reaches into his backpack (the one he brings to school and now he's laughing at the horror on your face) and pulls out a tiny bag of cocaine stored inside a CD case. He fishes out a dollar bill and a credit card (that is definitely not his) from his pocket before plopping the items in front of you. You don't say anything for a few minutes, and Patrick doesn't push. But, he does begin emptying out the coke onto the case and using the card to cut it up. You watch him quietly, the horror fading slowly as the powder becomes thinner and a few lines are formed.

"Bills have germs," you finally speak, and Patrick almost scoffs, but stops himself in the name of money.

"That so, babe? You got a straw then?" he asks, knowing damn well you more-than-likely do. You wouldn't have said something if you didn't. He watches you get up and walk to your underwear drawer, where you dig around for a second before pulling out a ziplock bag. Inside he can see tiny bags of blow, straws, cards, and other crap he can't make out.

"You have a fucking cocaine kit?" His voice is full of judgment, but he's shifting his hips against the bed, his cock aching, knowing you're too busy pulling out two straws to notice. You don't answer him, but you do hold up a middle finger before you return to the bed. Patrick's already cut up four thick lines and is grinning wildly at you, impatiently flicking the card between his fingers.

He nods to the straws, "Better?" He's smirking now and all you do is roll your eyes while tying your hair up into a ponytail.

Before Patrick can blink or offer any more witty remarks, you're bending over the case and snorting all four fucking lines in one fucking go and Patrick nearly chokes on his own goddamn tongue and practically cums on the spot. Two of those rails were meant for him, and he's pretty sure he poured out a little less than a half onto that case, but fuck, he's not gonna scold you. You seem to know what the fuck you're doing, and he's not the babysitter type anyways. When you pull back, fingers covering your nostrils and inhaling deeply, Patrick can't keep the smile off his face and the hearts out of his eyes (but if anyone asks they weren't hearts bc that's just not how he rolls).

"You're fucking staring, Patrick," you grumble, voice weak and airy from holding your breath.

"Yeah, because that was fucking hot and not what I expected. Granted, you took my lines, but whatever," he mumbles, still staring up at you in awe.

You look down at him when he says that, eyes wide in shock. "Oh fuck, my bad."

"So many secrets," Patrick's snickers, before busying himself with pouring out and cutting up his own lines (exact same as yours because he'll be damned if he lets you one-up him in his own fucking game). You hand him his own straw, but Patrick simply grins before snatching the one you had just used out of your hand. You shout in protest, but it's too late, he's already bent over and snorting the case clean. Patrick lifts his head with a dopey grin, sniffing noisily as you glare at him. Both of you split the residue on the case, silently rubbing it against your gums before Patrick shifts himself to lean against your pillows. You follow suit, instinctively laying beside him with a satisfied hum. Patrick had managed to not only unlock two of your secrets, but he also got you to perform them, and the thought caused his fingers to jump at his side, his grin spreading. Plus, he had also found another secret in need of unlocking, just waiting to be heard and discovered.

"What're you so happy about?" you sigh, your words rushed and airy as you turn on your side to stare at him. Patrick copies your position, allowing his fingers to run over the side of your face once more.

"Finally cracking you open, (Y/N)."

"Sure, Patrick," you laugh, and Patrick's eyes flutter shut at the sound.

The next few hours are spent contently working on the project, with the frequent bump and line to push you guys forward. As Friday night begins to turn into Saturday morning, Patrick finds himself melting into your bed and no longer wanting to pick up The Odyssey or anything else for that matter. He can feel you curled up against his back, the book tucked into your arms as your eyes scan the words lazily; he's sure none of the information is registering with you and you'll have to re-read most of it in the morning, but you don't seem to care. The coke had been put away roughly two hours ago, nearly three, and Patrick was trying his best to disregard the comedown washing over him in waves. 

"We should try and sleep," you finally declare, noticing the soft, warm light beginning to peak into your room from your curtains. It wasn't going to be easy to fall asleep, but it was a decent option with your current states.

Patrick only grunts, not wanting to have to walk home with his heart racing the way it is and his throat aching. His limbs feel like Jell-O and his eyes burn, but once you remove yourself from his side, he forces himself to sit up. As he begins to sluggishly slip on his shoes, your hand on his shoulder stops him, and he looks up to see you pouting.

"The fuck you poutin' for, babe?" he sighs, turning back to his shoes.

"Stay, Patrick. You've been up all night and you're dealing with a come-down. Besides, I don't wanna be alone."

Patrick is positive you don't care about being alone, but your pouty lips and tug on his shirt magically coax him back into your bed before he can realize it. He slithers under the covers with you beside him, tensing up when you bury yourself into his side. He wants to push you off, tell you to go fuck yourself and hug your pillow, but he doesn't. Instead, he drapes an arm over your body, loose and hanging, and lets his eyes slip shut, willing his heart to calm down and his body to sleep. — Patrick and you had managed to achieve a few days worth of work during that night, and Patrick kept up his end of the deal- he didn't bother you at school and never offered a glance your way. But, he could tell his absence was bothering you, and it made his smirk widen each time he caught you looking at him. Patrick didn't show up for class during those few days, purposefully leaving you hanging with the class work, and it only took two days for you to seek him out.

"Patrick!" you shout as he's about to clamber into the Trans Am and speed off to god knows where. Patrick and the boys turn, Henry beginning to stalk forward at the interruption. However, Patrick grabs ahold of his shoulder and yanks him back, waiting for you to continue. "We have more work to do for the project."

'No we don't,' he laughs to himself. Patrick smirks and flicks a dismissive hand at the boys, ignoring their shouts and insults as he walks to your side and throws an arm over your shoulder. "Miss me already?"

"Shut up." -- It's been three weeks and Patrick isn't any closer to figuring out the dubbed Cheer Secret. He gets you to smoke around him constantly, and the two of you go through a few grams when you can afford it, but you don't utter a peep about the chick who had the 'accident'. Sometimes you'll rant about your friends and your family to him, things Patrick doesn't necessarily care about, but he listens to you anyway in hopes of a slip-up. But, no matter how high or drunk you get, that secret stays hidden within you and Patrick is over it. You rile him up in ways nobody else has before, and he wants nothing more than to make you his, but he can't without figuring you out. So, he works out yet another plan, one he isn't sure is even going to work.

Patrick makes sure he gets into another major fight with Henry before going to your house that day. It's a pretty bad fight, one that leaves his lip split, a cut on his eyebrow, gashes on his forehead, cheekbone, and his jaw, and many more hidden injuries beneath his bloody clothes. He knocks on your door, leaning heavily against the doorframe and waits for you to answer. When you do, you're actually shocked at his state- he hasn't looked this bad in weeks, and you can't contain the gasp that falls from your lips.

"Won't get blood on the carpet," Patrick murmurs while stumbling into the house, mindlessly walking into the direction of your room. The fight was more severe than he had predicted, and fuck, was he hoping more than ever his plan would work. Even as blood seeps from his body and his head swims with lost thoughts, Patrick still needed to know your secret.

You follow him into your room and help lower him to your bed. "What happened this time?" you ask, gingerly lifting his shirt up to inspect further damage. Patrick doesn't stop you.

"Henry was bitchin'. Gave 'im a piece o' my mind, and he gave me his. Pretty sure I left 'im bleeding out by the fuckin' river," Patrick slurs, wincing when you press against a cut on his side. Blood drips out at the contact, and you're instantly swiping it away, frowning.

You look up at him, "You just... left him there?"

Patrick nods silently, laying back on the bed with a huff. "Not my problem if he fuckin' dies. He shouldn't have opened his damn mouth." Your grip on his arm tightens, and Patrick sighs quietly. At least you weren't running away. "You gonna rat me out, babe?" he sneers, but even he can tell his voice is void of any true malice.

You scoff, "No, Patrick. I'd be a hypocrite. I have no right to do that- besides, I'd miss you too much."

Patrick laughs before he's coughing and groaning in pain. "Hypocrite, huh? Whatcha hidin' now? Don't wanna die on a cliffhanger," he coughs, lifting himself onto his elbow to try and subdue the pain and look at you better.

"Don't worry about that right now." Is all you say and Patrick is groaning again because 'fuck, I was so fucking close'.

You begin to tug at his shirt, and Patrick complies with letting you take it off. It sticks uncomfortably to his skin, but you eventually manage to peel it away with only a few grunts and hisses of pain. Patrick allows you to spend the next hour tending to his wounds, trying to rethink his plan over and over again. You're gentle and careful with him when all Patrick wants is to uncover your dark and rough side- the side he knows is screaming to be let out. By the time you've finished, Patrick's torso is scattered with bandages, and his face has been thoroughly cleaned and disinfected.

"Don't let this happen again," you say to him while putting away all the supplies you had needed.

Patrick watches you quietly for a minute. "It will. That's how me and Bowers work, if he's still alive. If you've ever been in a fight, or even dealt with the life we do, you'd understand." You still at that, and Patrick smirks.

'There it is.'

"Don't... don't say I haven't lived that life," you whisper slowly, standing up and turning to stare him down.

"How can I not? I don't know a thing about you, babe," Patrick says, resting a hand against his side as he looks up at you.

"I'm on the cheer team, straight-A student, AP classes-"

"Shut the fuck up," Patrick interrupts, scoffing loudly. "I'm not talking about the fake shit, (Y/N). I'm talking about you. The real fucking you. The leather jacket in the closet, the longing for my bruised knuckles, refusing to rid your sheets of my smell, accepting my smokes and my blow- that's the real you. And she's amazing. She's the person I wanna sit in here with, not whoever is looking at me now. So drop the god damn act already." He wasn't supposed to rant and go on a tangent, but once he started he just couldn't stop.

You stare down at him, your (e/c) eyes slowly losing their softness. Something almost akin to relief replaces it, and you collapse next to him with a quiet laugh. "I don't know if I want to cry, scream, or hit you."

Patrick grins, "Why not all of it?"

"Nobody was supposed to find out... ever. All of it was supposed to stay a secret until I got out of this shitty town. I... god, I don't know how you've figured me out in three weeks but I applaud you," you hum, resting your head in your palms. Patrick lets the comfortable silence that follows wash over you for a short while, before growing impatient. "Tell me about the girl." It's not a question or a plea, but a demand. You look over at him, eyebrows furrowed before you sigh in defeat.

"I fucked up."

"We all do. Talk to me." Patrick doesn't like the gentleness of his tone, but he can't do anything about that now.

You take a minute before sitting up straight. "She was the weakest link. I needed on the fucking team for college, and she was my way in. It was the few days of tryouts, and it had come down to me and her, but I could tell they were favoring her. She just... fit right. And I couldn't have that. So... I did what I had to. Lured her to the quarry with the promise of a drug deal, before pushing her over. She died and everyone thought it was suicide. I was let on the team and the rest is history." Your voice didn't waver throughout the story, and at the end, you look up at Patrick with a simple shrug, showing no remorse.

Patrick looks into your eyes for a minute, taking in their apathy, before he strikes. He places his hand against your cheek and pushes you back against the bed, kissing you roughly. You cry out in shock, hands immediately shoving at his chest to push him away.

"I killed someone!" you shout in disbelief, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Patrick smirks, "I know."

Patrick dives back down and kisses you once more, maneuvering his injured body above yours. You whimper quietly in defeat and wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him closer to you. Patrick growls in satisfaction- you're everything he expected you to be, and he couldn't be prouder at having figured you out. Now that you were wrapped around him, literally and figuratively, Patrick wasn't letting you go any time soon.

All Writing Taglist: @teageowen @mads--world @alex--awesome--22 @hxdesworld @frozenhuntress67 @samanthasmileys @simonsaysyasss

Bowers Gang Taglist: @kaitlinlexiexx @darth-stetter @admiralsixx @ssstutteringbbbill @scckzy

#patrick hockstetter #patrick hockstetter imagine #patrick hockstetter imagines #patrick hockstetter x reader #bowers gang #bowers gang imagine #bowers gang imagines #bowers gang x reader #drug tw

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Ruining KISStory: A Filthy, Filthy Story About Benjamin Franklin

So in celebration of surviving my French midterm (my anxiety over it was through the roof for some damn reason), I decided I would post this crazy little thing for y’all! So in like, actual real life, Shane for a while did his own show called Ruining History, which I totally recommend for you guys to actually watch. So this is a spinoff of my KISS Unsolved AU, appropriately named Ruining KISStory (a name I’m super fucking proud of actually XD), in which our resident Queen of the Trolls Paul Stanley gives us his own creative spin on historical events. And yes, it’s going to be just as chaotic as Unsolved lol. Here’s the link to the original episode if you want to watch that first. 

And now, without further ado, enjoy!

Tag list: @cosmicrealmofkissteria​  @ashestoashesvvi​  @kategwidt​  @retronova​

[camera opens on Paul, who is sitting at a panel. A map of the world is hung up behind him. The sound of tuning violins plays in the background]

PAUL: Some people think history is boring. But I think Benjamin Franklin might have been in some weird sex parties!

[intro, then title card. Grand orchestra music plays in the background]

[cuts back to the panel; the shot has been widened so the entire panel is visible. From left to right: Vinnie, Gene, Paul, Eric C., Tommy. Labels showing their names come up on screen]

PAUL: So what do you guys know about Ben Franklin?

VINNIE: … Kites!

ERIC: Ethics?

TOMMY: Oh! He used the kite and a key and discovered electricity!

GENE: Oh yeah, we learned about that in school.

PAUL: Pretty sure every school tells that story.

GENE: He also helped Nicholas Cage find treasure.

PAUL: [gives him a withering look before turning away] Okay. [Tommy laughs]

[screen cuts away to a title card:

CHAPTER I:

THE AMERICAN OVERACHIEVER

screen then cuts to animations as Paul narrates, while inspiring music you would hear in a film set during the American Revolution plays in the background]

PAUL [voiceover]: Born in 1706, Benjamin Franklin is often thought of as the model American citizen. Throughout his life, he was… well, he was a lot of things. Seriously, a lot of things.

[a list of text boxes appears on screen next to a picture of a statue of Benjamin Franklin:

POLITICIAN

AUTHOR

SCIENTIST

CIVIC LEADER

POSTMASTER

MEDIA MOGUL

INVENTOR

DIPLOMAT

I COULD KEEP GOING BUT YOU GET IT]

PAUL [voiceover]: Beyond all that, though, he seems like the kind of guy you wouldn’t mind having a drink with. But, if you did spend some quality time with Ben Franklin, things might get weird.

[cuts back to panel; Vinnie looks intrigued]

VINNIE: By weird, do you mean [waggles his eyebrows] weird or just eccentric-weird?

PAUL: I mean [waggles his eyebrows] weird.

ERIC: [looks a little nervous] Oh no… I really liked Ben Franklin as a kid.

GENE: Well, he’s gonna ruin the history books for ya, Eric.

TOMMY: Oh is that why it’s called Ruining History?

PAUL: Yep!

TOMMY: Nice, I like that.

PAUL: Thank you. [cuts back to animation sequence]

PAUL [voiceover]: In the years during and after America’s fight for independence, Franklin spent much of his time serving as a diplomat in Europe. And it’s a good thing he did. Author Walter Isaacson has argued that America wouldn’t have won the war without Franklin’s excellent diplomacy in France. It wasn’t all politics, though. At the time, Paris was regarded as one of the most cosmopolitan cities at that time in history. And a wave of cultural enlightenment paired with a strong economy gave the upper class the means to… well… [music intensifies] have many crazy, crazy, crazy… crazy nights…

But we’ll get to that in a second! Franklin seemed to find himself right at home in this environment. To give an idea of his bohemian life abroad, here’s a curious morning routine he picked up during his time in France.

GENE: I bet it was, powder on the balls. [Eric laughs]

PAUL: [snickering] Powder the wig, powder the balls.

TOMMY: Powder the balls, get out on the street, and do something! [Vinnie laughs]

PAUL [voiceover]: While writing to a friend of his, Franklin described his habit of taking what he called “air baths.” Quote, “I rise almost every morning and sit in my chamber without any clothes whatever, half an hour or an hour, according to the season, either reading or writing. The practice is not in the least bit painful, but on the contrary, agreeable.”

[cuts to the left side of the panel. Gene looks uncomfortable, while Vinnie just gives a raised eyebrow]

GENE: I don’t know what it was about how people wrote during this time, but describing sexual acts in this kinda language makes it dirtier than it actually is.

PAUL: There’s nothing sexual about this.

VINNIE: There’s no sexuality here, Genie, your mind is just dirty.

TOMMY: Yeah, he’s just sitting around his house naked.

VINNIE: I mean if the hand just happens to fall…

GENE: Vinnie, I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but guys—we don’t just jerk off on accident!

ERIC: I mean… I have no idea how to respond to that.

PAUL: I think some guys do.

TOMMY: Peter does.

PAUL: [raises an eyebrow at him while they all turn to stare at Tommy] … How do you know that?

ERIC: I could’ve gone my whole life without hearing that. [cuts back to the animation sequence]

PAUL [voiceover]: Franklin’s social calendar in Europe was full of invites to gluttonous but incredibly classy all-night ragers, where his status as an American statesmen made him a pretty interesting guy. The women of France allegedly couldn’t get enough of him. One account describes hundreds of women surrounding him, placing a beautiful wreath upon his head, and lining up to kiss him.

ERIC: That didn’t happen… right?

PAUL: [shrugs] I dunno, it could have happened.

VINNIE: That sounds like something you would do to your old grandpa, though.

[silence. Everyone on the panel turns to stare at Vinnie in confusion]

TOMMY: What?

GENE: So you’re saying, at family gatherings—

VINNIE: No! I’m just saying, that doesn’t seem like something you’d do to someone you wanna get with. Like, would you put a funny hat on them? No. [silence] I’m just saying, you guys!

[cuts back to animation sequence]

PAUL [voiceover]: Ben’s home life was, according to accounts, equally spicy. When famous painter Charles Willson Peale paid Franklin a surprise visit one afternoon, he spied the elderly diplomat with a young woman seated on his lap. [cuts to a sketch showing a man with a woman on his lap] This sketch of his is believed to depict the two. Kinda weird that he would sketch that, but hey.

[cuts to the panel; everyone is looking at their own copies of the sketch]

GENE: She seems to have a pretty good grip on his balls.

TOMMY: That’s a, a vice-like grip there.

VINNIE: They’re still wearing pretty much everything.

ERIC: Did you guys notice their eyes? Their eyes are open and they’re just staring at each other.

PAUL: Yeah, their eyes are pretty striking.

VINNIE: Yeah…

ERIC: They’re kissing, but it’s, it’s a little unnerving. Wonder why the guy would sketch this…

PAUL [voiceover]: Some historians have evaluated Ben Franklin’s habit of charming the elite women of Europe as a strategic ploy, suspecting that he hoped that they would speak favorably of Franklin and his case for American liberty to their policy-making husbands. But many others argue that he was just a vulgar old man. Author Albert Henry Smith wrote that Franklin’s, quote, “animal instincts and passions were strong and rank.”

VINNIE: [looks mildly disgusted] Well that’s descriptive.

GENE: [snickering]: Y’know, good old animal Ben.

PAUL: An animal…

GENE: Hey, hey: I’m an animal.

PAUL: [stares for a second, then smiles] Ah!

GENE: Ah! [high-fives Paul]

ERIC: Wait, if he was born in… when was he born?

PAUL: 1706.

ERIC: If he was born in 1706… then how old was he when all this was happening?

PAUL: He would have been… probably between his late 60s and early 70s.

[Eric’s face looks very shocked, slowly contorting into disgust]

TOMMY: Oh man, he was as old as my grandpa!

GENE: [shrugs] Hey, if it still works… [cuts back to animation sequence]

PAUL [voiceover]: Based on Franklin’s party-animal-rock-star lifestyle, it makes sense that he would be in the same social circles as some of Europe’s more notorious scoundrels; and so he was. So let us now turn our attention to a man whose life would soon intersect with Franklin’s: Sir Francis Dashwood.

VINNIE: [snickering] Very English name. [mock British accent] Sir Francis Dashwood!

[screen cuts away to a title card:

CHAPTER II

THE FANCY ENGLISH SEX MAN

lighthearted music plays]

PAUL [voiceover]: Born in 1708, Sir Francis Dashwood was the only heir of a wealthy merchant. He’s perhaps best summed up by one author’s description: “An enormously rich man with a genius for obscenity.” Dashwood’s primary interests were seemingly set in stone when in his formative years, he embarked on his Grand Tour, a traditional rite of passage during which wealthy young men traveled through Europe on a cultural odyssey. As Dashwood’s tutor put it, he, quote, “fornicated his way across Europe.” In one instance, he even seduced the Empress of Russia while claiming to be Charles the Twelfth of Sweden, a man who was, at that point, dead.

TOMMY: Wait, did she not know Charles the Twelfth was dead?

PAUL: I mean, if she got fooled by this guy, I’m pretty sure she had no idea.

VINNIE: This was the era before email and the Internet, so word traveled pretty slowly. Also, [laughs] I love how his tutor says he pretty much fucked his way across Europe.

GENE: Wonder how he got her to sleep with him…

ERIC: I don’t think we need to know the details, Gene.

GENE: Maybe you don’t.

PAUL [voiceover; tense music plays]: These travels also inspired Dashwood’s fascination with sacred rituals of the past. He wasn’t really a fan of the religious institutions of his day, but he was simultaneously fascinated with Europe’s rich history. So when he wasn’t womanizing, he was sauntering through dusty catacombs lined with mummified corpses, or sitting in old Roman ruins imagining the orgies of the past. So it’s this odd mutual appreciation for debauchery and sacred history that would lead to Dashwood’s crowning achievement and ultimately his friendship with Ben Franklin: the Friars of St. Francis of Wycombe. Or, as it was more popularly known…

[music reaches a climactic peak as the name appears on screen over burning flames. Paul reads the name]

THE HELLFIRE CLUB!

GENE: Oh shit.

VINNIE: That sounds awesome.

PAUL [voiceover]: Dashwood’s Hellfire Club was meant to attract the most depraved and intellectual men of the time. And over the course of its history, its lineup would allegedly include such notable men as the Prime Minister of England, the Lord Mayor of London, several of England’s greatest artists and poets, the Prince of Wales, and possibly, as evidence would strongly suggest, Ben Franklin. See, Dashwood was publicly known to sympathize with the cause of the American rebels, and he had exchanged letters with Franklin many times. Furthermore, Franklin actually visited Dashwood’s estate at West Wycombe for an extended period in July of 1772, and during his stay, there is a record of a club meeting taking place. According to one author, quote, “there seems to be no reason why Franklin should have gone to Wycombe at this special time unless he was a member. Only club members were allowed at Dashwood’s estate during club meetings.” So, keeping in mind Franklin’s likely involvement, let’s look at what he would have encountered during his visits with the Friars of St. Francis of Wycombe.

The members of the club reportedly donned white monk’s robes, and were each allowed to invite along, quote, “a lady of a cheerful, lively disposition, to improve the general hilarity.” These women also dressed up, wearing nun’s robes and masks to avoid an embarrassing run-in with a husband or acquaintance.

GENE: This is some freaky stuff.

VINNIE: [looks enthralled] This is awesome.

TOMMY: Eyes Wide Shut…

PAUL: [nods] Yep.

PAUL [voiceover]: The first location of the Hellfire Club was on the shores of an island in the Thames River. Shrouded in a thick grove of elm trees, the island was the perfect location for the not-monks to spend an evening with their dates away from the prying eyes of the public. It was also ideal because it was home to the crumbling remnants of an old medieval ruin built in 1160 known as Medmenham Abbey. Dashwood actually set about reconstructing the site, but since he had a flair for the dramatic, he asked that it still resemble a creepy old ruin. But he did install a few upgrades:

A series of stained glass windows depicting the club members in, quote, “indecent poses.”

A brilliant pornographic fresco that John Wilkes, who wasn’t known to shy away from vulgarity himself, described as, quote, “unspeakable.”

And an expansive library stocked with classical literature as well as, quote, “the finest collection of pornographic books in Great Britain.”

PAUL: So to help us get more immersed in what went down at a club meeting, I’ve provided for all of you the proper tools.

[everyone looks under the table and takes out boxes. In the boxes are black robes, 1700s-style hats, some with feathers sticking out, and Venetian masquerade masks that are black and a different color. Vinnie has black and gold, Gene has black and red, Paul has black and purple, Eric has black and orange, and Tommy has black and blue]

GENE: [as they’re all putting on their costumes] Man, you really went all out, didn’t you?

PAUL: Oh, just wait.

ERIC: I will say, I do feel more immersed in the experience now.

TOMMY: This is pretty awesome.

PAUL: Okay, now that we’re all dressed up, let’s get into the juicy stuff!

VINNIE: [looks incredibly excited] I can’t wait.

GENE: [laughs] You look so excited.

VINNIE: Because I am. [bangs rhythmically on the table] Get to the juicy stuff, Paulie!

[screen cuts to a title card:

CHAPTER III

THE DEBAUCHERY BEGINS

slow, tense music plays and animations show events as Paul narrates]

PAUL [voiceover]: In the cover of night, the hooded monks and their dates would arrive to the island on a red gondola. Stepping ashore, they were greeted by the far-off drone of the abbey’s organ and the ringing of a ghostly church bell. Outside the abbey, they’d come upon an ominous statue of Harpocrates, the Egyptian god of silence. [a statue of Harpocrates is shown with a finger over his lips, and a voice that sounds like Paul’s whispers “Shhhhhhut the fuck uuuup…”]

Once inside the abbey, Dashwood would pour his guests a special cocktail of brandy and brimstone, and they’d all raise their glasses in a toast to the powers of darkness.

VINNIE: This sounds fucking a-ma-zing! I love theme parties, and this is just, just fucking amazing. I wouldn’t stay for the sex, though.

GENE: You’d just be there for the theme part?

VINNIE: Yeah, I’d do all this, then when they start doin’ it, I’d just duck out.

PAUL: Also, before we continue, I was actually able to, to make this more immersive… [reaches under the table and pulls out a bottle of wine]

VINNIE: Ooooh, nice!

TOMMY: Is it the brandy and brimstone cocktail?

PAUL: [laughs] Heh, no, it’s not, it’s just wine. I also have… [reaches under the table and pulls out five silver ornate goblets] these babies! [passes them out]

ERIC: [looks over his in fascination] Wow, these are awesome! Where’d you get these?

PAUL: [laughs] The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. [Eric laughs]

GENE: Oh yeah, you took Erin there for her birthday a while ago.

PAUL: Yep, and I got these. [they all pour wine into their goblets and raise them in a toast] To Ben Franklin and the Hellfire Club!

PAUL [voiceover]: With the striking of a gong, the monks would move further into the abbey and file into the chapel. Here, it is suspected they practiced a black mass, in which a woman laid naked on the altar and the monks proceeded to drink sacrificial wine from her navel.

ERIC: We’re not doing that, are we?

PAUL: Oh no, we’re not doing that.

ERIC: Okay…

GENE: [laughs] Disappointed, Eric?

ERIC: No, I just—fuck you, man.

TOMMY: Would’ve been interesting.

PAUL [voiceover]: Now I should say, since I know you’re all wondering, it’s generally thought that the members weren’t actual Satanists, despite all these weird rituals. Some members actually found this aspect pretty boring. John Wilkes actually found the rituals so dull, that he once dressed up a baboon as a demon… bear with me… he locked it in a trunk, and he stowed it in the abbey. Then, when the members called upon Lord Satan to appear, Wilkes pulled a string to release the frightened animal. For a moment, the members stared in disbelief…

… And then they lost their minds.

[music grows chaotic as the animation shows the baboon leaping over terrified figures while screams are heard] The terrified baboon leapt onto Lord Sandwich—yes, that Lord Sandwich, the guy who invented the sandwich—causing him to allegedly shout, “Spare me, gracious devil! I never knew that you’d really come or I’d never have invoked thee!”

[cuts back to the panel, all of them laughing]

VINNIE: I love how, even among this weird society, there was that one guy who was like, “This society is dull!”

PAUL: Also, after this happened, the baboon jumped out the window, and they weren’t able to catch it.

GENE: [laughing] That’s hilarious.

ERIC: [laughs and waves] Bye, suckers!

TOMMY: Bye, Felicia!

PAUL [voiceover]: As the alcohol continued to flow, the monks and their guests might share dirty stories, or read from the era’s more popular works of pornographic literature.

PAUL: I’ve provided you all with a piece of pornography. These are all from a piece published in 1740 called, “A Dialogue Between a Married Lady and a Maid.” So without further ado, [gestures to Vinnie for him to begin] Vinnie?

[dramatic piano music plays as Vinnie starts to read, looking like he wants to laugh]

VINNIE: “There is between the thighs, just at the bottom of the belly, a piece of flesh… Underneath, hangs in a bag, or purse, two little balls, pretty hard, and the harder the better. They call them stones, and in them is contained that white thick liquor.” [he wheezes, then bursts out laughing, joined by Tommy]

GENE: “He took hold of that place which distinguishes us from men. At the same time he cried out, ‘O! I have a maid! A virgin to my share!’”

VINNIE: I love that they seemed to not know the exact words. [laughs]

PAUL: Well, it was a different time. They were more prudish, I think.

VINNIE: True. I’ve seen some stuff online that’s pretty vulgar. There’s this one person online who likes pugs that writes some naughty, naughty stuff. [looks at the camera smirking] You know who you are. I see you.

ERIC: Okay, my turn. “His member was stiff and hard as a horn. Just as he had finished…” oh God, why? “… my mother, who had heard me shriek, came into the room.”

TOMMY: “‘What a happy girl you are!’ said she. ‘Pluck off this smock, which I will keep for a relick, since it is stained with thy virgin’s blood.’”

GENE: [to Vinnie] I feel like we got the lesser of the four passages.

VINNIE: I dunno…

ERIC: You did! Mine and Tommy’s were pretty explicit. You just got a playful description of balls!

VINNIE: Hey, that’s pretty tame compared to some of the smut that’s out there today.

GENE: Fifty Shades of Grey? [Paul frowns and glares at Gene as the rest of the panel silently stares at him] … What?

PAUL: How dare you. [Tommy laughs] How dare you bring that crap into my show. [cuts back to the animations]

PAUL [voiceover]: With bellies full of drinks and minds full of smut, guests would start to pair off and retreat to any of the private cells, which were prepared and stocked with the, quote, “proper objects for lascivious activities.”

[cut back to the panel. Eric is slumped over the desk]

PAUL: [looks over in slight amusement] You okay there, Eric?

ERIC: I just… I don’t even want to know what they got up to.

VINNIE: [grinning and trying not to laugh] It seems pretty obvious to me what they got up to.

ERIC: I don’t want to—

VINNIE: [still grinning] They got some of that dirty rhythm.

GENE: [also grinning] They indulged in some sweet pain.

ERIC: Gene, no—

TOMMY: [just assume everyone is grinning widely] They went for a rocket ride.

PAUL: They rocked hard all night.

GENE: Took each other down below.

ERIC: Guys, c’mon—

VINNIE: Got some tough love.

TOMMY: Pulled the triggers of their love guns.

PAUL: Put the X in—

ERIC: STOOOP!

PAUL [voiceover]: After operating in secret for many years, the details of the Hellfire Club at Medmenham Abbey were recounted in a popular novel in 1760. It captivated the public’s imagination, to the point that tourists would line the shores to try and spot the sex monks arriving. But, not wanting to give up his elaborate sex parties, Dashwood bounced back by having an elaborate system of caves dug on his own private property a few miles away from the abbey, and it was here that the monks of the Hellfire Club continued to have their parties in total privacy. This new location, and the fact that it was gated from the public and accessible only to club members, lends further plausibility to Ben Franklin’s participation. As he once wrote in a letter, “The exquisite sense of classical design, charmingly reproduced at West Wycombe, is as evident below the earth as above it.” Author Daniel Mannix argues that Franklin’s letter must be referring to the underground caves, and also adds that, quote, “Franklin would have been shortsighted if he hadn’t joined the club. He was a diplomat trying to help his country, and the club gave him the entrée to some of the most influential men in England.”

But as the guest lists for secret societies are kind of hard to figure out, we will never know for sure if Ben Franklin really did attend the Hellfire Club. But his documented friendship with Dashwood and his time spent at the estate puts it well within the realm of possibility. And, if you’re left wondering if a sex club fits with Franklin’s moral compass, then let’s take one last look at the man’s true character with some passages from an infamous piece penned by Franklin himself titled, “Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress.” This is a letter in which Ben Franklin encourages his friend to go after older women. It was written in 1745, a copy of it sits in the Library of Congress, and it’s kind of gross.

PAUL: And here to read us the letter, through the magic of theatre… [he turns and gestures off camera] Mr. Benjamin Franklin!

[the panel applauds and whoops, then they all start laughing as Ace walks in with a chair, dressed in 1700s style clothing with a wig that is long grey hair sewn to a bald patch, but we can still clearly see his real hair underneath. A text box appears on him as he sits down between Paul and Eric:

NOT A LICENSED BEN FRANKLIN IMPERSONATOR]

ACE/BEN: Tis I, Benjamin Franklin! Who by some extraordinary means, has come to a strange future time!

VINNIE: [has a hand over his mouth while he’s laughing] This is amazing.

PAUL: So, Ben, we’ve learned a lot about you and some possible details concerning your personal life.

ACE/BEN: Okay.

PAUL: But we still have a few questions. Guys?

VINNIE: Why did you enjoy the company of older women?

ACE/BEN: [reads from his paper] “Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stor’d with observations, their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.” Wouldn’t you say?

VINNIE: [shrugs and nods] Yeah, I guess.

GENE: Wasn’t he like, 70 years old when he wrote this later? How is he so young right now?

ACE/BEN: “Because the sin is less—”

PAUL: No, wait—

ERIC: [bursts out laughing]

PAUL: You have to ask him. He’s—He’s an old man.

ACE/BEN: I’m old.

GENE: Ben?

ACE/BEN: Go ahead, son.

GENE: Why do you prefer the company of older women?

ACE/BEN: “Because the sin is less,” my dear boy. “The debauching a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.”

ERIC: Huh.

GENE: Deep.

TOMMY: Do you have any more reasons?

ACE/BEN: Uh, yeah. [takes out another sheet of paper while Tommy and Eric silently laugh] “Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part. The face first grows lank and wrinkled; [cut to the left side: Gene is doubled over silently laughing while Vinnie is listening thoughtfully] then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever. So that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old from a young one.”

PAUL: So… you’re saying, when you put a basket over their heads…

ACE/BEN: Yeah. I don’t know. [panel bursts out laughing]

VINNIE: You don’t know?! You wrote it!

ACE/BEN: History will tell. History will tell.

PAUL: I, uh, I think history has told. Do you have any final thoughts?

VINNIE: It was a different time, maybe stuff happened that you couldn’t do nowadays.

TOMMY: He got pretty freaky.

ERIC: I mean, it would be a pretty cool movie, but I wouldn’t really want to hang out with him.

PAUL [voiceover]: Well, there you have it, people! Ben Franklin; a surprisingly multi-faceted individual. History: it’s never that boring if you know where to look. That’s been Ruining History. Thanks for learning with us!

#kiss unsolved #ruining kisstory #this episode was short enough that i could post it all at once without having to break it up into parts #which is great because i really don't like having to do that #but anyway #yep #I thought of this like way back in december but never got around to writing it until quite recently #there's also one on darius the great that i really wanted to do but thought it would make more sense to do the pilot episode #also Ash if you're reading this: yes that was a callout XD #hope you guys enjoyed this crazy thing #because i really enjoyed writing it lol #all those sex jokes had me cracking up #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading!