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butch-reidentified · 1 day

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if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

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marredmusings · 4 hours

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DENY PART TWO

ok i think i might make a series about my jj x reader x pope fic

also kind of dedicated to @starfxkr bc their blog gets me through the jj pope drought that is on tumblr (if you don't wanna be tagged i'll totally delete but i luv you even tho i don't know you

this isn't technically a part two but it's inspired by my previous fic deny

i'm hoping to maybe fully flesh out a whole mini story about them bc i love jj and pope so bad and i wanna kiss them both and have them kiss each other.

please send me prompts or if you have any ideas or you just wanna gush about jj and pope 💜

i'm a cancer, ok

you've always felt your emotions more deeply than others. you have a lot of feelings and it's not uncommon for you to start tearing up at random times throughout the day when you see something that elicits a strong feeling from you.

kie says it's because you're a cancer and while she's so true because you are the stereotypical emotional water sign, you're not sure how much of your mental state is because of your astrological sign or if you're genuinely a few screws loose in the head.

you remember hiccuping and sobbing into jjs shirt for the better part of half an hour- staining his sleeveless tee with your tears all because you saw a seagull missing a foot and he seemed to be running slower than his other seagull friends. your only relief from the obvious heartbreaking situation was jj softly murmuring comforting words in your ear, his strong arms around circled around your waist, your body snuggled onto his lap. the scene isn't uncommon for the pogues to see. the two of you have always been more affectionate than most.

all of this leads you to where you are now, curled up on your bed sobbing. soft sad music playing in the background making you sob even more. you put on a brave face with your friends but in the sanctuary of your own bed is where you can finally let your feelings free.

seeing pope and jj kiss hurt you more than you originally thought. your mind keeps replaying the scene of the two boys kiss, their lips moving together sensually, saliva being shared. you're sure that if you hadn't interrupted them, the kiss would lead to something more and involving less clothes.

hey google, play "that should be me" by justin bieber.

what if when they start dating they drop you? what if pope isn't comfortable with how touchy or affectionate you are with jj and he stops your cuddles or what if jj doesn't want you to hang out alone with pope because he knows you two kissed. what if they stop needing you because they have each other?

the thought makes a sob crawl up your throat and fat tears roll down your cheeks. you feel like your head is going to explode from how hard your crying. you need them like air, you felt like that even before you and pope kissed and before you realized you're in love with jj. you need them because they're your closest friends- they're the family you so desperately crave because your own doesn't care much for you and you're so scared if they start dating each other then they won't need you.

it's why you give out your love so freely, the feeling of being needed by people is something that is so deeply and inherently buried in your bones. when someone needs you and you can help them, it feels euphoric. a psychologist would probably have a field day with you because if you're not needed, what good are you?

----

"i'm really confused after our kiss" pope mumbles, nervous to look at jj in the eyes.

"good or bad confused" jj responds.

"is there such thing as good confusion?" pope asks, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. "i didn't think i was gay or bi or whatever and yeah i think some dudes are hot but like i've never wanted to kiss them but i wanted to kiss you!! and then we kissed and it was like... nice but different and i couldn't help but think about gracie and how she and i kissed and how good that also felt and then i felt guilty and-"

"pope, take a breath" the maybank boy utters, effectively cutting off popes rambles.

"i liked kissing you pope. i never let myself be attracted to dudes but it's you, ya know?" jj continues.

"but i also understand wanting to kiss grace. i... well i want to kiss her too." he finally confesses. he's never said his feelings for his grace out loud before.

pope gently stumbles over to where the maybank boy is perched on his bed, he leans in to grab jjs fidgeting hands, grasping them in what he hopes is a comforting hold.

he leans forward so he can give jj a small peck on the cheek. reassuring him that they're ok, that they'll make it through whatever turmoil they're feeling right now.

jj grabs popes face and brings him in for a deeper kiss, lips and tongues touching. it makes jjs stomach burn with desire. after several minutes or maybe hours of kissing, he's not sure, pope reaches up and pulls on jjs soft blond tresses, tugging on the boys hair a little to pull him away from popes lips. they both let out little gasps when they disconnect.

"have you heard of polyamory?" pope asks jj... a shit eating grin on his lips.

---

giggling and kicking my feet. i love them 💜

#jj maybank #obx #outer banks #pope heyward #jj maybank x reader #my headcanons #jj maybank x oc #pope x reader x jj #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward x oc #my fic

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teriri-sayes · 1 hour

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Reactions to Chaos Creator's Chapter 288

Brief summary: CH and Clopeh had a talk instead of a duel. Cale arrived at the emperor's palace.

==========

This chapter was so good! 🥰🥰🥰 I expected that the two would fight, but they only conversed. Nevertheless, their conversation revealed a lot about what kind of person Clopeh was.

CH believed that Clopeh was unsuited to be a guardian knight. Clopeh followed the path of a shadow, but a guardian knight must walk at the forefront. For CH, Lock would be a better guardian knight than Clopeh. But Clopeh's rebuttal left him speechless.

-What if a very strong enemy appears in front of Cale? Will you lay down your life to save Cale? But if you save Cale, the others will die. Raon and the kittens. Mary, Rosalyn, Tasha, and Lock. But if you don't save Cale, the others can be saved. What will you do?

My goodness, Clopeh asks questions that hit hard, especially for CH. Both knew that whatever the choice, Cale would be hurt. CH was hesitant, but Clopeh was not.

-I don't care if you all die, I don't care if I die, I don't care if my family dies. Of course, Cale-nim would be sad if all of his companions were killed. That's the kind of person he is. That is why he has the qualities of a great hero. So I will not turn my sword against Cale-nim's allies. But you and Cale-nim. Me and Cale-nim. If I could only save one of you, it would definitely be Cale-nim.

Clopeh-nim!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰 He's really going all-in on Cale even if he loses everything else.

"Choi Han. Do you think you are a knight?" A knight. For some reason, Choi Han couldn't open his mouth easily. No answer came easily to him. Clopeh's eyes were like a green swamp. A swamp so deep that once you were dragged in, you couldn't get out. And they were filled with an intense longing. It was a desperate longing for something. Clopeh said in a nonchalant tone. "I think I am a knight." Even if he became a shadow and acted like an assassin. He never forgot that he had started out as a knight. He lived as a knight. "And do you know what a knight means?" Knighthood meant different things to different people. And for Clopeh. "For me, it's a conviction." For him, chivalry is conviction. "A knight must never compromise his conviction." Therefore, a knight who compromises his conviction was useless, and should not compromise his conviction. "And my conviction is-" Choi Han seemed to know what Clopeh's conviction might be. Clopeh spoke calmly. My conviction is, "Cale-nim." Choi Han felt like he was losing strength. He couldn't help but stare into those deep green eyes. The knight named Clopeh spoke. "His path is my conviction." Cale's path is my conviction, my reason for being a knight. Clopeh could say that without the slightest hesitation. That is why he would die for Cale, and he would do anything to save him.

KYAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Clopeh-nim, you're as awesome and crazy as always! ❤️❤️❤️ 🤣🤣🤣 Google Translate used the word "belief", but I stuck with DeepL's translation of "conviction" because it was better. After all, a conviction is a strong belief, and what Clopeh expressed was his strong belief for Cale.

And thus, CH could not help but acknowledge that Clopeh deserved to be Cale's guardian knight. Clopeh passed CH's test. But CH warned Clopeh that if he lost his conviction, he would kill Clopeh. And Clopeh was fine with that. It was funny that the two called each other as a "crazy bastard" though. 😂

Ending Remarks As a Clopeh fan, I love this chapter so much~! I would like to see a duel, but delving into Clopeh's thoughts and conviction was also good. Next chapter would be Cale meeting with the emperor again. Expect lots of scamming and DA showing off his power.

#tcf spoilers #trash of the count's family

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lynxgriffin · 4 months

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Вы понимаете мой язык? Хочу задать вам вопросы

I'm sorry no, I don't speak or read Russian. I just use google translate if I need to!

#ask lynx stuff #also I know the google translate tools aren't great #but they're at least available on short notice #but I don't trust them translating it back for me hence why I'm sticking with English

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mattodore · 11 months

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60 questions with Theo | playlist, pinterest | ->

1. What’s the one thing they would save in a fire?

Theo is a collector and a bit of a hoarder, so there’d be too much he’d try to save. I really couldn’t just say one thing… but I guess he’d grab his memory journal first.

2. What’s their biggest regret?

Not being good enough. Not being lovable enough.

3. How would they fare in a zombie apocalypse?

Theo would do very well up until a point. He’s a survivor through and through, but I do think he’d burn out eventually. He could go a few years before breaking down. When he’s no longer able to repress all of his emotions, the feeling of exhaustion would weigh on him. He’d get bitten soon after, almost on purpose.

4. Where do they see themselves in five years? Ten?

Working for his father for a few decades and later taking over his father’s company. He feels a lot of dread and nausea over this.

5. What’s their most useless, weirdest, or least marketable skill?

He can wiggle his ears.

6. What are they like in the bedroom — well-rounded lover or wooden plank?

Theo is… well. More wooden plank than anything. Sorry, Theo. But, well, he normally goes for more aggressive partners who tend to take control anyway. I don’t think Theo really wants to be all there during sex… it’s one of the reasons why he normally uses before finding hook-ups… it makes him a little foggy and loose. I do think, however, that it’s a little bit different when he’s with women. In Theo’s experience, women treat him kinder… which is one of the reasons why he mostly sleeps with men. He wants affection, sure, but he’s also uncomfortable with it… he’s used to pain. With Matthias, however, this does end up changing. Maybe it’s because Matthias is gentle with him unless he’s asked for it to be rough, or because Matthias won’t fuck him when he’s using, but Theo’s more active when having sex with Matthias. Not a lot of talking, but he pulls and pushes and moves how he wants. After a while, he starts taking control and speaking more.

7. Have they committed a crime before? Which one(s)?

Theo uses drugs frequently.

8. If they were an animal, which one would they be? Which one would they think they’d be?

Theo is a pygmy rabbit or a netherland dwarf rabbit (that temperament… yeah). I think Theo would see himself as… well, a goldfish trapped in a bowl, swimming in endless circles and going nowhere.

9. Do they cheat to win or play by the rules?

Theo plays by the rules, generally speaking. If we’re talking sports, though, he does play dirty. He’s very competitive.

10. What do they fantasize about?

Comfort. A room with a door that locks and will keep him safe all night. A bed on the floor. Blinds and curtains on every window. Matthias’s arms wrapped around him so tight he can hardly breathe.

11. Who’s the most important person in their life?

I want to say Matthias, but it’s his parents. It’s hard for Theo to cut them off, even despite the abuse. I don’t think this changes to Matthias for a very, very long time.

12. What’s their ideal vacation like?

Theo can’t even imagine what a vacation would be like. I think even fantasizing about it would stress him out… he’d just think about how far behind it’d put him academically.

13. What is/was/will be their college major?

Business. Statistics and data. He doesn’t like it.

14. What’s their favorite book genre, if they enjoy reading at all?

Theo doesn’t read for pleasure very often — he has too much reading to do for school — but I think he’s always enjoyed science fiction from a very young age.

15. How would they describe themselves?

Theo wouldn’t know how to describe himself at all. He’d freeze at the question and become despondent.

16. How would others describe them?

Matthias: Lovely beyond words. Intelligent and wry. Shy, pulls away when feelings are too much or too positive. Irresistible. Anxious about things that I could make go away if he'd let me. Lashes out when he gets scared. Strong when he shouldn’t have to be. Soft when he should be hard. Too forgiving to the wrong people. Easily frustrated. Standing on the edge. Endearingly insolent. A mirrored image. Every beautiful thing. Angel. Bambi. Mała myszko.

Everett: Sometimes he makes himself so small… like an injured animal. Jumpy and skittish. But strong, too… impassive when he’s hurt. He’s hiding a lot, but you can see through the cracks sometimes. He needs help, but he won’t let anyone in.

Jordan: Stubborn and headstrong. Naïve or just reckless. Lost. Like a child.

Dutchie: Hard to get to know. Honestly couldn’t tell you much about him despite the years of friendship. Still… you wanna protect him.

Jackson: Fun to be around, y’know… for a rich kid. Troubled, though. Hard to reach. Everyone wants to get to know him better, but… he doesn’t really allow that.

Kavi: Incredibly intelligent but totally aloof. Mysterious. Nose always buried in his books. Cold.

Imani: Too good for Matthias. Sweet.

17. What’s the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever spent money on?

A large collection of delicate Fenton glass bells and assorted pieces. He collects them and stores them in an antique curio cabinet in his apartment.

18. What’s their dream job?

He doesn’t have a dream job. He just does what he’s told and expected to do, which is to work for his father.

19. How’s their financial situation?

His parents have a lot of money. He doesn’t have a job (honestly… he isn’t permitted one). He’s financially reliant on his parents.

20. Who’s their go-to person for advice?

Theo doesn’t ask for advice from anyone.

21. What’s one secret of theirs that could potentially ruin a relationship they have?

If he told his parents that he’s bisexual and interested in men they would cut him off or worse…

22. Are they a dog person or a cat person — or something else?

Theo’s never had a pet before, so I don’t even think he himself knows the answer to this. He likes Matthias’s cat well enough, but he’s never been around many dogs to really choose between the two. I think he really likes looking at fish… I’m iffy on if he’d ever actually own one, though.

23. What’s one childhood memory they’ve never forgotten?

CW for child abuse. I’m talking directly about an instance of abuse. This isn’t vague like I usually am when I talk about Theo’s trauma.

Being beaten for tracking mud onto the rug in his father’s office. His father stood him in front of a full length mirror in the hall and made him watch. If he looked away he would be struck again. If his knees buckled he would be hauled back up and hit harder. It felt like it lasted for hours. Theo had been in the gardens beforehand, an umbrella held over him by his au pair. The dwarf sunflowers had bloomed and in his excitement he pulled off a petal and barreled into the home, heading straight to his father to show him how yellow the petals were. His au pair couldn’t keep up with him, and Theo was always forgetting to take off his shoes when he came in from outside. He was very young… maybe five or six.

24. Do they have any phobias?

Open doors. Windows without curtains or blinds. Locks that aren’t sturdy. Mirrors. Older men. Authoritative figures.

25. What’s one thing they’re utterly incapable of doing without the help of someone else?

Theo is actually very independent. It’s hard to think of anything he couldn’t do himself, because he’s always been on his own, really.

26. What’s one topic they could never get tired of researching or learning about?

Theo is very intelligent, but he’s not actually that interested in learning. He lost that drive and passion at a relatively young age. He’s no longer curious. Hm… I think he might get a little thrill from learning information that’s just… completely useless. Like, think dumb trivia. Still, though… knowledge is synonymous with pressure to him. It makes him feel sick.

27. What’s their favorite genre of music?

Theo will listen to anything. I don’t think he necessarily has a favorite genre. Hm… I think he likes lullabies, though. Quiet music. Calming.

28. Who, if anyone, do they dislike most?

Himself.

29. If they could change one thing about themselves, physical or otherwise, what would it be?

Whatever would make his parents happy with him. Whatever could make him better suited for the part they want him to play.

30. What’s their political stance?

Theo is whatever his parents want him to be on paper, but politically he’s… a liberal, I guess. His party friends, in general, lean left… and they’re definitely influencing him some. However, I don’t think he has the backbone to really go any which way.

This question is a little hard for me to answer with some of the echthroi cast because they’re rich at the end of the day, ya’ know? Materially, politics don’t touch them.

31. Are they religious?

No.

32. What were they like in high school?

He was all over the place. Quiet and then having these uncontrollable outbursts. Fearful. Frequently pulled aside by teachers, being asked pointed questions. Standoffish. Flinching when touched. Far away from the other students. At the same time he was scared to be alone, though, so he would blend in with the crowds when he could. At the summer school he was sent to yearly, the outbursts always got worse.

33. What’s the worst injury they’ve ever had?

I’m going to choose not to answer this one.

34. Do they work to live or live to work?

Live to work. He doesn’t know who he’d be without it. It’s what he was molded for.

35. Do/did they want children?

No. Theo is scared of even the idea of having children.

36. What’s their favorite thing about themselves?

Nothing? I don’t know. Theo… really doesn’t like himself. Maybe his hair, though… his pierced ears… the things he feels give him autonomy.

37. What’s their favorite thing about their significant other, if they have one?

Hm. I think Theo really likes how big Matthias is. He towers over people and is visibly strong. I think that offers Theo a lot of comfort. He feels safe when Matthias is around. Matthias is also very protective, so… it makes it easier for Theo to face his fears. There’s a reliability to Matthias that Theo needs. Matthias cares about him and tells him frequently how much he loves him… Theo’s never had that before. It makes him feel lighter.

38. If they hear something go bump in the night, do they get out of bed to check it out or do they stay put?

Theo is paralyzed but his mind shoots off at a mile a minute. He’s too terrified to do anything.

39. What’s one skill they wish they had?

A photographic memory. It would make his life a lot easier with regards to his education. He’s never thought about the downsides to this… especially as someone with drug and trauma related memory loss…

40. What do other people find annoying about them, if anything?

He can be very cutting and dismissive. He's judgmental, too. First impressions are everything if you want him to even be cordial with you.

41. What do other people love most about them?

He has this magnetism to him that you can’t really put your finger on. I think it’s a combination of how handsome he is alongside the way he keeps himself almost entirely separate from everyone else… you always want what you can’t have.

42. What’s the typical first impression after meeting this person?

That he’s very prickly or just cold… restless… doleful.

43. What do people notice first about them, as far as their appearance goes?

The repressed anger and sorrow in his eyes. Then, maybe, all those beauty marks. The elegant line of his body.

44. Does this person try their best to be honest or are they not above lying to get their way?

Theo isn’t a very good liar, but he’s very good at prevarication and skirts the truth with ease.

45. What kind of movies do they like?

Theo doesn’t have time for movies. Regardless… I think he’d like horror movies. I think… Theo would find a lot of comfort in watching horrible things happen to fictional people. He could fictionalize the abuse he’s faced that way.

46. Are they the life of the party or a wallflower?

I’d say he’s a bit of a mixed bag on this one. If he’s using, he’s the life of the party. If he’s sober, he’s a wallflower. Either way, though, people will approach him to strike up conversation and ask him to dance.

47. Are they an early bird or a night owl?

Early bird. Theo doesn’t actually like the night. Does he still party until three in the morning? Yeah. But… well. Theo tortures himself in many different ways, doesn’t he?

48. Are they a good kisser?

He’s not bad at it, but he never really kissed anyone until Matthias. So… he’s not amazing at it or anything. He’s learning as he goes.

49. Do they think about what they wear or do they throw on whatever they find first?

Theo definitely plans out outfits. I think he has three separate lives he’s living and three separate fashion senses to suit each of them. He dresses very typically masculine and rich when he’s with his parents. He dresses down for university but incorporates some elements of his nightlife wardrobe on occasion. He experiments more with sexuality and gender for his nightlife fashion… I think this is what he would prefer to wear all the time, only with a less dramatic flare.

50. Do they have any insecurities?

I could be contracted to write a trilogy about Theo’s insecurities and would meet every deadline with ease. The underlying root of all of his insecurities is his belief that he’s unlovable and dirty, though. Let’s keep it simple with that.

51. What is their favorite thing about themselves?

A repeat question. I’ll add onto my last answer, though, to say that I think he has some days where he feels really good about his appearance and some days he doesn’t. He’s temperamental.

52. What’s their diet like?

Theo eats whatever is made for him and will finish all of it even if he dislikes it or isn’t hungry. He doesn’t have any favorites, but he really dislikes candy or sweets.

53. If they could only eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would it be?

Again, he doesn’t have anything in particular he likes. I guess something easy to eat would be the answer… maybe mangos.

54. What’s their body count, if they have one?

I think he has sex very regularly… on average I'd say once a week unless he’s studying too intensely for a break or his last experience was a really rough one. He doesn’t always sleep with new people, either. The faces blur, though. Hm. I can’t say an exact number and Theo wouldn’t be counting anyway.

55. Who do they look up to most?

The blurry image he has of his childhood au pair.

56. What do they smell like?

Copying things I’ve mentioned previously here… Theo smells very clean. Think green and fresh… a little powdery. He doesn’t often wear cologne, so he mostly just smells like soap — not even his body lotion is scented. He doesn’t like strong or chemical smells on himself. As a signature he’d wear a spritz of Francis Kurkdjian’s Aqua Universalis. However, Theo will also wear Gucci’s Tears from the Moon, which was a gift from his mother, if he’s at family events — it’s outside of his preference but that’s neither here nor there.

57. How do they feel about drugs?

…Theo is an addict. He doesn’t get clean for a few years and relapses multiple times. He relies on them but he also wishes he’d never touched them sometimes, usually when the guilt floods in after he’s sobered up from one of the outbursts he’s had because of them.

58. If they could change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Hm. I’m going to bow out of answering this question as well.

59. What motivates them?

A desire for recognition, acceptance, and love.

60. What are some of their simple pleasures?

Collecting knickknacks. Cold showers. The wind whipping through his hair when he sticks his head out of the window of a car. The sound of the windchimes outside his bedroom window. Odious purring on his chest. Matthias’s voice in his ear.

#river dipping #ts4 #theodore doe #echthroi #oc extras #a burning house to live in #s: echthroi #cw child abuse mention #for this cw i wanna be clear that i talk specifics of an incident for one question (i also give another warning for it before the answer)#cw drugs mention #really out here blogging just for myself bc seriously who's reading this except me #it's nearly 3k words in google docs... what can i say 😌#theo... my little guy.....................#i looped his playlist the entire time i was answering these questions for him so i was bouncing off the walls #i honestly always want to do the ask games i see on here but my avpd kicks my ass so when i saw this one the other day i was like #why don't i just answer all of the questions and post 'em to the extras tag without the actual ask element #it was a lot of fun and also kind of agonizing....... honestly i might do this again if i see another ask game that interests me #also revealed the third nickname matthias regularly calls theo... i think it's obvious why someone like him would call theo that gkfhjfnh #pointing to hierophant by king woman in matthias's playlist like . what else did we expect #okay....... onto rereading matthias's answers and then i'll post that one and go back to catching up #updating the pic of theo from this WEEKS later bc i can't believe i let theo's hairline look like that............ anyway

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themanwhowouldbefruit · 19 days

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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

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kookies2000 · 3 months

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I really wanted to upload my first chapter of my Bunnydoll Fairy Tale AU today but had chores to do. So instead, here's the opening to my story........

Campanas de Amor

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #fan fic #fan fiction #au #fairytale au #bunnydoll #jax x ragatha #ragatha x jax #i should also mention i have google and showtime planned #I'm looking forward to sharieng Google romance in this #it's probably the more relatable one to me #don't ask why the title is in Spanish #it was originally in French for Babette character #but was changed to spanish to match an important OC in the story

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theorderofthetriad · 9 days

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love it when i try to do something that gets completely sidetracked by a stupid fucking tech company being shitty

#stop stop STOP ASKING ME IF I WANT TO TURN ON BACKUP GOOGLE BACKUP IS THE DEFAULT SO FUCKING OBVIOUSLY I DON'T WANT BACKUP #WHY THE FUCK DID TOU BACK UP MY ALBUMS WHEN I HAVE BACKUP OFF? I DONT HAVE LINK SHARING ON SO WHY YHE FUCK???#WHY CAN'T I DELETE MY ALBUMS FROM BACKUP WITHOUT ALSO DELETING THE ORIGINAL ALBUMS?????????#I AM JEFF THE KILLING YOU #santagno

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kingspuppet · 10 months

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Does anyone else remember Tumblr having a "fan mail" kind of feature like ten years ago? If I remember correctly it kinda sat in the ask box but it wasn't really an answerable ask, it was more like a way of messages before we were given the IM feature. I think you could even customize it with like a few fonts and backgrounds too. I know this is so incredibly random but does anyone know what I'm talking about? Or did I imagine that? I don't think I did but it was so long ago asdfghjklkjhghjkl

#; OOC || Bri ♟️#//God. I also remember when they added IMs and the sound effects would scare the shit out of people asdfghjklkjhghjkl #//Or even when Tumblr got scooped up by google and they were forcing you to use gmail for accounts.#//I'm questioning if I'm even remembering this correctly.#//Don't ask why I'm thinking about this because I have no idea. But it feels so incredibly nostalgic.#//It's also just weird to think how different Tumblr is today.#//And that realizing next year it'll be ten years since I joined this hellsite for the first time makes me feel old.#; To Be Deleted || Keep That Shit to Yourself ♟️

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mymp3 · 1 year

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hi! its a delight to see that you have been enjoying minat + ryoj (and p3 in general), your tags and art just capture the essence of what makes them enjoyable...! anyways. did you know that the p3 mangaka previously made a ryomina doujin? cant send links but if u google "ryomina sogabe" u should be able to find it! have a nice day o/

FUCKING WHAT?

#thank you for the ask anon!#compendiumnotebook #IM RUNNING TO GOOGLE AS WE SPEAK HOLY SHIT I ALMOST THEEW UP IN MY MOUTH #FUCK I WISH YOU WOULDNT OF TOLD ME THIS ANON #IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE PAST HOUR IM CRYING LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO #WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ACTUAL HEART ATTACK #i was feeling so down. so blue. but literally how am i supposed to feel any emotion when this pops into my ask box?#like fuckinf what?#wHATTTT #WHATTTTTTTTT #im standing on top of mt everest rn #i don't even wanna read any 18+ stuff like id rather not #i just wanna see if the mangaka has em hold hands or lean on each other #oh im gonna fucking throw up im crying this is too funny #'have a nice day" YOU HAVE CAUSED ME CRAZY AMOUNTS OF BRAIN DISEASE #oh someone just put me down already #HOW DO I POST THIS POST HOW DO I JUST SEND IT OFF #.#also i just wanna take a moment to say sorry if im not responding right away to things (not to u anon but ppl in general)#life has been in various extreme rough patches #its very tough for me rn.#so bare with me #um anyways #uh #ha #i feel like im going a little loopy #thank you for the sweet compliments at the beginning #im glad you lik e my art and tags s #they make me very happy #also it's fun to dissect them in regards to the story and it's themes

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rainevee · 1 year

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Revisited my old "commonplace" book that I haven't touched in a while and found my 2023 vision board

#dark academia #vision board #collage #Don't ask me why half of these pictures are just of beautiful men #I'd be lying if I said I wasn't quite proud of this spread #I don't even know what commonplace books are #I just liked the sound of it #Also don't mind thr random basket of mushroom and vegetables it's the first thing that popped up when I googled nutrition in Pinterest

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uovoc · 1 year

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I think one of the reasons I've grown to like Nyanko-sensei is that he reminds me of one of my sister's traits that I find equal parts endearing, infuriating, and hilarious, which is that she will never do something if she can get someone else (me) to do it for her

#Me: why don't you just Google how to fix your computer yourself #Her: Well it's more efficient if I just ask you #me: well now I am not doing it #patter #natsume's book of friends #Her: the new interns don't like being ordered around and go home early if there's nothing to do #me: have you considered that you also would have wanted that as an intern

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stardusted-hearts · 1 year

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chaosworthy asked:

👶 - As a kid, what were they like? (sonic) & 🔎 - Random detail about them (shadow)

The Little Things - Accepting

👶 - As a kid, what were they like? (sonic)

Some might say he was, what you might call, a “little shit.” :p Others might say he was a thief, a criminal, dangerous. And more would say he was doing what he needed to do to survive and was horrifically misunderstood.

Sonic was alone, abandoned so young it’s nothing short of a miracle that he survived. Which is entirely in thanks to the Flickies and Critters that raised him. They kept him safe, warm, brought him food, and eventually showed him how to find it himself. They gave him the love he otherwise never would have had, and he loved and protected them in turn.

With his critter friends Sonic was very sociable, fun loving, hyperactive, and adventurous. But no Mobian or Human could get near him. Not while he had his wits about him, and due to his circumstances he did steal food. A lot. Usually so quickly that one could turn around for one second, then turn back and the food and Sonic were already long gone.

Bad experiences with Mobians and Humans led the speedy hedgehog to live almost the entirety of his childhood being wild. Living in the jungles and forests, only showing up in civilization when curiosity or hunger got the better of him. He was harmless, of course, but some didn’t think so. Which led to more bad experiences.

Until he met Tails. The fox’s persistence in following him, and his surprising ability to keep up just enough to always find the hedgehog, eventually got Sonic’s curiosity going enough to let the fox get close. Tails being so much younger made it easier to trust him, and once Sonic realized that the kit was alone, just like him, that was it. Sonic took Tails under his wing and from there their bond grew, and the two went on to get into plenty of mischief and go on countless adventures. Tails was able to get Sonic to open up and start speaking, and show his hyperactive fun loving nature as well.

And Tails also taught Sonic about the concept of money (Rings) and that stealing from villages and small vendors was bad LOL

🔎 - Random detail about them (shadow)

Shadow may still be in denial of it most of the time, but he actually cares WAY too much. About his planet, about his promise, and about his friends. There was a time he would have scoffed at the idea of having “loved ones,” but despite his best efforts... he has them now.

And it terrifies him. He hates that he somehow let himself get attached to anyone, but what he really doesn’t understand is that he’s been attached to his two closest friends, Rouge and Sonic, from almost the beginning. In a rather odd sort of way, sure, but it was there.

He lashed out at those feelings at first. Tried to chase and fight them away. Even now he still wrestles with it sometimes, but after all these years he’s finally learning to accept it. He has a lot more worldly experience now, has been able to live his own life, take time to heal, and learn a variety of lessons... including those relating to the heart.

It still scares him though, and that fear now manifests in him being extremely protective. Especially toward Sonic after the Phantom Ruby war. Bearing first hand witness to what Sonic went through reminded Shadow in a pretty terrible way of the fact that Sonic is mortal. All of his friends are.

But apart from the fear, Shadow is also coming to realize that his friends are responsible for piecing his heart back together. They’re the reason he’s as “well adjusted” as he is, the reason he’s been able to heal at all, and they’ve even helped him improve his skills. He’s learned to trust them, and as a result he’s just that little bit more willing to get to know someone new.

#stardusted replies #ask game #chaosworthy #+ Archer of Wind +#-= Stardusted Heart =-#-= Event Horizon =-#Arc: Supernova Sunset #stardusted headcanons #[ not me restraining myself from going into WAY more detail about Sonic's past lol ]#[ me at myself THAT'S WHAT HIS BACKGROUND STORY THAT YOU'RE WRITING IN GOOGLE DOCS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR WHY DON'T YOU FINISH IT ]#[ also me Nah I don't feel like it ask me later ]

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