#also totally not thinking about my college blockmates who are ALL thinking about me. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

themindrevisited · 2 years

Text

IMG_9691

It’s October 3rd. I have just finished reading John Green’s The Anthropocene Reviewed, and for some reason, it kindled a desire to just dump my thoughts into this hollow chamber--which admittedly, I’ve long ran away from.

I have a lot of thoughts about what I’ve just read, aside from the fact that I have to write a 500-word reflection paper about it for my regularization. And yes, it’s not for graduate school--it’s for my work. My ever capitalist organization wants me to include my personal development as part of my performance review. Neat.

What’s interesting about my thoughts about what I’ve read isn’t really about what I read, it’s what about I remembered while I was reading it.

In his third to the last essay in this book, John Green briefly discussed Three Farmers on Their Way on a Dance, a photograph taken by August Sanders in 1914. This photograph was part of his unfinished project of People in the 20th Century, which aimed to photograph all sorts of people in Germany at that time. John then went on to explain how much he loved this photograph, and how it both reflects what we know and what we do not know.

Last September, I received a warning from my Google account that I have already used up 80% of the free 15GB storage that comes with my Google Drive. I was told either to back-up some files and delete them from the cloud, or, I could do their suggested capitalistic option, which is to buy a subscription for an increase in my storage. I chose the former, not only because I found it expensive, but also because most of my saved files are actually trash, and are for removal. As I was sifting through my files, I came across a shared album by one of my blockmates back in college, which contained our pictures from our Christmas Party in 2017. The album had 118 pictures in total, including 8 videos of us playing games and dancing with Jollibee (yes, the mascot). And in those 118 pictures, there was one picture that surprisingly stopped me from scrolling down. It had a file name of IMG_9691, and is a group photo of you, together with your close-knit friends smiling towards the camera.

If it were 5 years ago, another photograph would’ve made me stop from scrolling. If it were 3 years ago, this photograph would’ve made me reminisce. However, in September 2022, after almost 5 years after being shot, this photograph made me smile.

I find it ironic that while we existed in the same continuum, in the same place, and in the same journey with you for 4 years, I knew you, but I had no cognizance of who you were. For most of my days back then, you were just 10 steps away from me, and I was a minute far from starting a conversation with you. I had no idea what your thoughts sounded like, what your emotions felt like, or how graceful your actions are. All I knew five years ago was I was there with you when the picture was taken. I knew who took the picture, and I knew where you sat. I knew you were part of my life, but I knew you were on sidelines, shadowed by everyone else.

What I didn’t know is how that photograph would look like for me five years after. I didn’t know that I would be looking at this photograph with a feeling of warmth, fondness and endearment. I didn’t know that I would hear what your thoughts sounded like, understand what your emotions felt like, or notice the rhythm of your actions. I didn’t know that I would want to have a cognizance of who you are, or that I would strive to find you amongst the shadows that once were a part of me.

In one part of this essay, John Green quoted Anaïs Nin, that “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

And I think it holds true. This photograph is not merely a memory of the past, but rather, it is a photograph of the future I want to be a part of.

And hopefully, when I look back at this writing, it will already be the present that I am living in.

I give IMG_9691 four out of five stars.

#AITEOZ

0 notes

luminous-studiess · 3 years

Note

I’m considering going into law as a career path but I’m not sure...do you have any insight or advice?

hi!!!!! uh ok several thoughts coming from someone who struggled with “is this really what i want” before going into law school/the first three semesters. under the cut because this is LONG.

1. the first question you may want to ask yourself is whether or not you have enough interest (note: not passion.... more on that later) in law as a subject to study it for 3-4 years. are you updated on current events, both in your country, and abroad? do you have an idea of what law school in your country is like? why do you want to go into law? admittedly these are questions you yourself have to answer, to see if it really is worth it. the why is very important, because this may be the only thing that sustains you when you’re wading through coursework and dealing with scary professors and getting cold-called. if you think that it’s something you’d be interested enough in to put in admittedly a lot of time, emotion, and suffering into, then that’s great!! ok. this may tie into the next thing you have to ask yourself: 2. do you have an interest in/or are willing to learn the skills which are required in law school and beyond? law students are required to read huge piles of text, be able to digest it, retain it, and then regurgitate it both in class discussions and in exams. this means that you need to at least be a diligent, patient reader, an efficient and clear writer, and a strong speaker. in your later years, you will have to draft pleadings and memoranda. this requires extremely sharp writing skills, logic, research abilities, and (weirdly enough), organizational skills. you need the patience to make an argument for a client, usually crafted out of documents and legal provisions and mountains of cases. you don’t have to be all these things right away-- my classmates and i, in our first semesters, had no idea what was going on, and nobody knew how to speak up when called without panicking or stammering or (in my case) nearly crying. but you learn those things in time. are you willing to put in the effort? then you can do it, absolutely. 3. are you ready for the lifestyle law school requires? i’ll say this right away. it can be one of the most unhealthy environments you’ve ever been in. i’ve mentioned the heavy coursework-- it depends again on where you’re studying, but the course load can usually vary from 10-20 cases (say... 5 to 100 pages at most per case?) per class, plus a handful of laws and articles. you have to have read these -- skimmed, briefed, digested, taken notes -- and then be ready for class discussions, where you could get cold-called. this entails pretty much an entire life which revolves around studying. it does get easier, and it does get lighter (in the sense that life does come back), but the first semester or so of law school will be completely about trying to chase every deadline, every requirement, and yes, every bit of sleep you can catch. the actual environment can be difficult as well-- in some law schools, the learning atmosphere can be tense, to say the least: the professors can be quite strict, if not downright harsh, and you can spend entire class sessions getting grilled through the socratic method, aka an endless barrage of questions you may not know the answer too. the culture shock coming in is pretty hard as well. suddenly, you’re grouped with so many brilliant, hard-working, eloquent people that it becomes easy to doubt yourself. from experience, law school took such a toll on my physical and mental health (poor sleep, poor eating habits, bad class performance and being afraid of the professors) that i was very close to quitting. however....... IT GETS BETTER. okay, hopefully, i haven’t scared you away. now make these considerations: 4. if you have a strong reason for wanting to go to law school, and getting through it, then even the hard parts become worthwhile. initially i wanted to go to law school because i was mildly intrigued by how i could use the speaking and writing skills i got from my college degree. after becoming quickly disillusioned by my first few weeks, i had to rethink why i would want to stay. one reason, admittedly, is that the promise of a well-paying job can keep you working through everything despite all the pain, suffering, and embarrasment. that sounds really covetous ngl but...... i once mentioned on this blog that i wanted to work in something i wasn’t extremely, wildly passionate about, so that i would have the money and security to fund my real passions. living, and living well is so expensive. not all of us can work in things we absolutely, completely love, so if there’s an opportunity to sustain yourself well, so that you can keep doing the things you like in the side, then it is an opportunity worth pursuing. another reason, at least for me, is that while one aspect of law and lawyering that most ppl see is the “jeff winger” “harvey specter” sleazy lawyer aspect, admittedly, a lot of the law is embedded in the things we do, and the rights we possess. if two people are fighting over a piece of land, they turn to the law to resolve it. if someone is being arrested without cause, then it’s the law that’s being disregarded. you do have the potential to help many people, just by your knowledge of basic civil rights, to some labor laws, to property rights. you don’t necessarily have to work pro bono all the time, but you can accrue enough knowledge to help individuals who don’t know the law as well, and as deeply as you could. and that in itself can keep you going-- you know that you could keep someone out of jail, or help them claim support, or protest unfair labor practices. 5. the journey can be more beautiful than you expect. ok this sounds like live, laugh, love bullcrap but to illustrate: i was completely afraid and lost during my first year of law school, but i had the total luck of becoming blockmates with smart, funny, kind people who became my family in law school. we studied together, went drinking at the end of the sem, had lunch and dinner and breakfast while reading and talking and fighting and teaching each other things. i know for a fact that some of these people will be my bridesmaids, and people i’ll contact for work, and to hang out with 10 years in the future. these people keep you going. as much as i mentioned terror professors, there are also the ones who taught so well, and gave me so much inspiration through the sheer passion they had for the law. there are professors who spend the entire day talking one-on-one to the students to check on how they are. i broke down in front of two professors after class in my first year-- the first one awkwardly comforted me, and the second pulled me into the faculty reading room to have a good, private cry. she handed me a tissue afterwards. you have the opportunity to learn from both brilliant and kind professors and fellow law students, and suddenly, things become a little easier. cases actually make sense. you know how to study for exams and how to speak up in class. you finally get 8 hours of sleep (i do tbh). you find a little to like about learning each and every day. so, in short-- law school is brutal, and it can be unmerciful. but you don’t need to be smart to get through: just be a little interested, very hard-working, and have a lot of grit. please let me know how you’re doing, friend! good luck.

#law school #lawblr #law advice #law school advice #studyblr #luminous law

32 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

869

Who is the drummer for the band that you're currently listening to? One Direction technically doesn’t have a drummer, but Josh Devine played the drums for their concerts. He was a lot of fans’s favorite, too.

What subject do you seem to struggle with the most? I’ve never been friends with chemistry. Like I’ll review it for hours and do well on practice sheets, but my brain will completely black out when I take a legit test.

Which one of your friends knows everything about you? Angela will be better when it comes to random trivia about me; but Gabie’s good at the deeper stuff, like how I would act in a certain situation, my biggest fears, all that.

Who is your favourite teacher that you have this year? I loved my social history/history of women in the Philippines prof. She’s already quite old and always needs someone to fix up the Powerpoint for her, but her mind’s still very sharp and she’s also very motherly. Learned a lot from her and I have no regrets placing nearly all my free-choice electives in history courses.

Have you ever solved a Rubik's Cube? No, those aren’t for me lol I tried really hard as a kid but was never able to.

What's the worst feeling in the world? I’ve always hated when I get home after a long day only to be greeted with yells or complaints by my mom who always seems to be pissed about something at home. It made going home so stressful everyday when it really shouldn’t be that way. One good thing to come out of the quarantine is not having to go through that anymore.

Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Of all the people I know, Andrew. I’ve definitely been at my most offensive and bitchiest around him, and he’s always been super chill about it.

Would you consider yourself to be emo? Not really, not even during that one emo era in the 2000s. I was always more into pop rock – think All Time Low and Paramore.

Do you like the snow or are you sick of it? I feel like I’d never get sick of it if it was a thing over here.

What is your favourite genre of movie? Romcom and thriller. Over the last few years, drama has become one of my favorites too.

Would you ever date a friend's ex? That’s an easy no.

Do you think Ke$ha is good or no? I loooove her older stuff. I’m not very familiar with her latest music but I’m just glad she’s made her comeback and that she’s in a much better place now.

Do you watch Glee? Was never a fan.

What's the best thing that happened to you today? Got a whole cheesecake from my grandma!

How many instruments are in the room that you're in? Zero. I’ve given away the only instrument I ever owned (a ukulele) to my girlfriend’s sister.

Do you have a favourite metal band or do you not like metal? Was always more into punk rock, so no. The only exposures to metal I’ve gotten are from wrestling, since a lot of wrestlers stick with metal bands for their entrance themes.

Who sits beside you in math? In the one and only math class I had to take in college, I sat beside my blockmates. I don’t remember who sat to my left and right, but I do know Audrey was in front of me.

Are you talking to anyone right now? Nope.

What's your locker number? We don’t have locker numbers. Back in high school we just memorized our locker’s position.

Is there a band that just gets on your nerves? The Vamps.

What's your favourite kind of science? Biologyyyy. Alternate universe me would totally be taking med school rn.

Do you walk home or take a bus? I drove myself throughout college. In my old school I mostly rode a school bus, but there had been some periods where either my grandpa or mom drove me.

Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert? It’s so cliche to say but I’m an ambivert. I like my moments of quiet but I can definitely be energetic around people if I want to/have to.

What's your homeroom? Idk what this question is supposed to ask, but in our homeroom we’re basically just given updates and announcements.

If you had to move, where would you move to? Canada.

Would you ever wanna be a grave digger? Maybe for one or two nights, just to gain the experience.

Do you prefer salty or sweet snacks? Salty.

Who did you last go to the movies with? Gabie.

Are you sick right now? Nope.

Do you have any upcoming vacations planned? HAHA

What state have you not been to that you would love to visit? I haven’t been to any of the 50 states but I’d love to take a trip to New York, Illinois, Louisiana, Utah, and Colorado.

Where is your best friend right now? They’re both at home. Not sure what Angela’s doing but I know Gab’s playing video games.

What TV show do you never miss? I don’t watch shows as they air haha. I hate waiting, so I either a) watch shows that are already over, e.g. BoJack Horseman or Friends, or b) wait for Netflix to upload whole seasons of a show, e.g. Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

If you could see anyone (dead or alive) in concert, who would you pick? Beyoncé. She’s the only favorite artist of mine that I’ve yet to see.

Who's the cutest person you know? Does it have to be a person because the cutest beings I can think of rn are my dogs :/

How about the funniest? Jum!!! I miss her so much. I can’t even remember the last time I saw her, but I know for a fact that anything she says will bring out a chuckle from me.

Have you ever had acne? I’ve had one or two pimples come out whenever I’m going through a hectic week, but I’ve never had a breakout.

Where is your biggest scar located? Probably the one on my left eyebrow. It’s only ‘big’ if you know about it though; I think it’s mostly unnoticeable and I don’t have many other scars.

Where did your last hug take place? In my car. It was the only place my girlfriend and I could sneak in a few cuddles since her sisters had been hanging out with us at their lanai. When it was time for me to leave, Gab had asked if she can stay in my car for a few minutes so we can have an actual reunion and give each other a giant hug.

Do you bite your nails? When I’m nervous.

What is your current desktop picture? It’s one of the default Apple wallpapers. I picked the one with a pinkish hue, because I like pink heh.

What did your last text message say and who was it from? It’s in Filipino but it says “Punta na ako kay lola now” from my dad. Just him saying he was on his way to my grandma’s place to pick up the cheesecake she bought for me.

Are you going to go do anything now? Yeah it’s getting pretty late so I’ll probs close up my laptop now and turn on Friends on Netflix so I can fall asleep.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

rossessjano · 5 years

Text

A Hell Hole

Me, again space!

As you all know, I am currently an official Thomasian drop-out for certain reasons (more about it on my next post). For the few months of being free from academics, certain realizations cross my so clouded mind and made me wonder more about myself and the world. It even includes the experiences which I feel like affected me and perhaps some of the many reasons why I left college. In this entry, I enumerated four of the things I learned in this hell hole.

1. College will put your dispositions into test. It might help you grow or help you find yourself but never ever lose the person that you are.

Before I enter college, I was certain of myself- who I am, my values, my stand, and what I want to be. I was so driven and passionate to learn. I was so eager to serve and stand with the #ParaSaBayan maxim (which I’m glad that all my blockmates firmly stand with as well). Back when I was in SHS, I was not only busy with school works but also in building who I am. I built myself completely in such a way that I thought I would never break or give in with what I stand for, be it in social, political, spiritual or ethical (studies) facet. But then again, the world doesn’t only revolve with one person. Each person has their own world with their own ways to survive. Everyday would be a test, whether to adapt those ways and swallow your pride or stick with your own with a bare chance to last. There were a lot of times that I was so tempted to break my own rules and I’m not proud to admit that I did. Building those values and dispositions was not easy that’s why breaking them is a big of a deal for me. Those values and dispositions made me who I am as a person. It defines what I am and breaking them makes me doubt myself. I was thinking that maybe “pride lang yan” and you have to accept the fact that you cannot survive this alone and by thinking so high of yourself, but no. Suddenly, everything that was sure became uncertain. I was slowly choking the person that I’ve become. I hated the decisions I’ve made and overthink everything before I close my eyes at night.

This is not me.

I thought.

This is far from who I am. The brave, clever, driven, strong and independent girl I always have been.

But few months of thinking made me realize that although I know, that we’re still learning, growing and still on the process of finding who we are and our place in this world, we should never ever lose ourselves on the process of building ourselves. I know I’ve been writing about this for few years now, but is still and I think forever will be relevant. Never lose the person inside you. Let it shout to remind you who you really are. You can learn. You can grow without letting the world swallow you alive. Do not ever let the system of the society break the person that you are because when the time comes that everything seems to be falling apart and unfortunately, you’re family and friends are away from you, at least you have yourself—your complete and unbreakable-self.

2. You can learn whatever you want on your own terms.

I am studious. I love to learn. I love the smell of the paper, the colors of the highlighters on my readings, the new findings, and the challenge of figuring something I can’t understand. I’m that student with many questions but keeps it to herself and does her own research. Before college, I already have my own study habits. I decided few years ago that I need to study everyday even if there is no exam coming. Maybe that’s the thing when you know you’re not smart enough—you know you have to triple the effort of studying and researching on your own. Slowly, those efforts became habits and later on, I realized I love what I’m doing. During my first semester in college, I did the same routine, not to mention that I doubled my usual effort because “it’s college”. My class is at 1 pm but I was already in school by 8 or 9 am, trying to learn and make myself productive inside the library everyday.

Days passed and I’m slowly losing the eagerness to learn inside the class. There are different factors of course and pressure was a big part of it. I know I want to learn but I don’t want the feeling of having no option but to compress everything in your mind. I want to feel that I want to not that I need to. I was beginning to think that I’m wasting my time inside the classroom, trying to listen and comprehend everything that the professor was saying when in honestly, I learn more with my own terms. It felt like I was just paying for a piece of paper that proves that I at least finished a degree. It didn’t feel like the same learning I used to know. The fascination wasn’t there anymore, replaced by mantras that I have to read this and that, I have to learn this and that.

I know people might say that I’m weak, because “that’s college and everyone has undergone that way”. Maybe, I’m part of the small population of the youth who learns differently.

So I’m planning to study on my own. I will create my own plan and schedule of the things I want to learn. Hopefully, I could make this work while still working as manager. This way, everything would be and feel so honest and genuine. I don’t have to eat pressure every morning and feel like a time bomb that’s gonna explode any time of the day. It would feel more free and true because I want to, not I need to.

3. There is a bigger world than school.

When I say I can learn on my own terms, I’m not just referring to the academe but also to different facets and ways of learning. It didn’t just feel like wasting my time because I found my own ways of gaining knowledge, but I also feel like wasting my days inside a room when there’s a bigger world outside that waits for you. I know it’s fallacious—you cannot just go freely to the world with nothing, it’s too much of a risk yet it’s a risk I’m willing to take. For me, the world is so big, for people to follow the same path, to be at one place, and to have a copied story from others. I want to invest on experiences, too, not just with theories. Especially that I was a Political Science major, my love for the society will always follow me wherever and whatever I’m doing. I will always want to feel the pain of the people and uplift them in any possible way I can. I want to volunteer to help out others and to make money for my family. With being in school, I can’t do all these. I can’t even join organizations because I can’t balance my studies (with a maintaining grade) with other priorities. Now that I left school, I feel like I have all the time to do all these while still finding myself. With all the time I gave myself, I feel like I can do anything. I never thought that time for yourself could be this empowering.

4. It’s okay to have a different timeline.

As I would be choosing a different route than the cliché college-career-love life-married life track, I guess my timeline would be a little different from others. I’m not expecting that everyone would understand, that people might judge me for it but here’s my cover. I’m not totally going to be an out of school person all my life. I still would want to achieve a degree but in a different time. Maybe when the time comes that I feel like I need to. Perhaps, 5 or 6 years from now. I want to find myself first (while doing volunteering) and help my Mom with everything. I want to make myself unbreakable so that when I enter college, I’m stronger.

When I told some of my friends about these decisions, they told me I’m so brave, not knowing the courage I took to accept that having a different timeline is okay. People were already judging me for going out of school, and now this? It took me few depressive months to accept that I was a different person and that I cannot do what others are doing. It was so hard to acknowledge that I can’t stand with #ParaSaBayan anymore. I took all the courage to face the mirror and say that I have my own story to tell and it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the same with others.

1 note · View note

docsharifa · 5 years

Text

Is he? Are you?

This post will be mainly in Tagalog or Taglish to be able to express well the writer’s thoughts and words she might fail to say in full English.

Kanina, habang naghihintay ng mga customers/patients sa pharmacy, masyado akong naoverwhelm ng mga thoughts hanggang sa umabot tungkol sa mga tatahaking future at mga desisyons na aking gagawin. I really like writing on the cut-out papers for e-load purposes out of boredom.

Di ko namalayan sinusulat ko na pala mga hinanaing ko.

There’s this guy who’ve been my classmates in college for four years. He was my blockmate. A part of the whole section squad. This guy had feelings for me when we were first year pero shempre, I shrugged it off, like what did he see in me at masyadong bata pa ang mga isip. Then hanggang sa nawala kasi may nagustuhan siyang iba.

Until his heart was broke with deception, with unexpected lies. And after a year and months, di ko akalain he would like me again and go far to confessing his feelings. He explained it all. He gave me an explanation I wasn’t expecting, I wasn’t preparing for. He've been keeping it for god knows how long. I’m already 21, very far from my sixteen year-old self, freshman college student and immature mind, yet at the time I was utterly shock and felt myself went back in time. I dont know how and what to react.

Now, last July 21, at the very night, almost a month since his confession happened. Binigyan ko na yung inaasam-asam niyang chance of courting me. I gave him the chance. I gave him my “yes, pwede na.” The reason? Some guys confessed their feelings pero kapag di kinagat ng babae, di na nila pagsisikapan kunin ang loob nila. They just go and leave like nothing happened. Like they just dusted off their shirts and go. Gusto nila easy to get. Gusto nila easy lang lahat. But this guy? He has been giving so much effort since that day, never let any day passes him unnoticed. He still pushes himself to get my attention, to make me laugh, kumbaga kahit na walang kasiguraduhan yung pagtatapat niya, go pa rin siya nang go.

After thinking through, I finally gave him that chance with hopes na sana worth it. I’ve been through heartbreaks before. My trust issue is always at the brim, is always at stake kaya napaka-careful ko with everything especially na this is my first time. Sa sobrang first time ko, natatakot ako to go beyond the limitation of “nililigawan ka pa lang niya at manliligaw mo pa siya”, natatakot ako to decide, natatakot ako to do things, natatakot ako na masaktan. Muli.

And guess what I thought very hard but seemed like the situation was overlooked? Yung pagiging LONG DISTANCE. My first ha? Long distance agad. Isipin mo yun. Pero I agreed to him of courting me. How is that even possible? Kahit ako naguguluhan if tama ba yung nangyaring desisyon. And I don’t want to take it back not because I was scared but I love the idea of someone wanting you, liking you, doing things for you just to make you happy, and also the idea of “us”. I gave him that hope because I feel like he had proven enough of himself (despite my mind was infested with parasites of stupid boys breaking hearts/wala nang matinong lalake sa mundo).

I can’t say he’s different from other boys na crush ko before because I don't fully know his traits well, yung mga manners niya, etc. Decision didn't come easy to begin with kasi nga he wasn’t one of my crushes. Talagang mahirap magbigay ng oo if in the end you would just break his innocent heart, if in the end di mo rin siya kayang magustuhan or mahalin. Kaya heto, learning to like him as time goes by. (Malapit na, mga 70% na eh hahahaha) Slowly but surely.

Despite of these all, meron pa rin akong concern. Napansin ko, siguro my standards were very high pati ako nadidisappoint if di niya narereach. Nalulungkot ako for myself and for him. Masyado akong protective sa heart ko kaya I'm very cruel when it comes to what I like (pero usually traits talaga hinahanap ko) also I don’t want to lower my standards for him kasi I want him to still put effort in climbing it. I’m not saying him to change his ways, to change who he is, to change everything about him (kasi I'm starting to like his nature.) but at least be enough to fit my checklist. HAHA. Minsan kase, dahil gusto mo na siya, you tend to adjust your ideals just to let him fit in, so nagmumukhang ikaw yung nag-eeffort para lang magustuhan at mahalin ka niya. No, we are jewels. Girls are diamonds. Effort naman dyan, kahit yun lang.

So...going back, nafefeel ko (sana nga mali ako), bakit less ang effort? Totally ironic nuh? Preceded paragraphs were all about kung paano siya nag-eeffort to reach out to my heart. Siguro I expect too much from him? Siguro dahil nakuha na niya yung yes ko kaya masyado na siya kumpiyansa? Siguro he doesn't know how to continue consistently? Hopefully di to mangyari pero feel ko in time, magkakalabuan din soon enough kasi yun na nga, sa sobrang busy, wala ng time para sa isa’t isa. I don’t want this blooming flower to end up like that. “Dahil walang oras.” pero mabuti na rin siguro’t para di madidisturb when it comes to studying medschool because it was our first priority. Yes. Yet you can’t still get away from this type of thinking.

I just hope the effort is still seen no matter what. I just hope he is consistent and gives me the assurance. I just hope he will go beyond chat conversations and text messages, he will go beyond the distance (not literally) and gap between us. This is harder than I imagine. I just really, really hope you’re worth it.

Are you?

Please.

#drama #words #hopefully #sana nga #saktan moko papatayin kita hahaahahah joke #ryyd

0 notes

aliahabergas18-blog · 5 years

Text

Overview about Customs Administration: A written documentation of A BSCA student

Hi . Thanks for spending your little time to take a visit with my blog. This may be out of your interest but I could assure you that it's worth to read. Highschool graduates are surely having a hard time in choosing what career path to take on. I mean, senior high doesn't do the part of choosing your course. It will just made you realize if you are on the right track. Young individuals need to assess and do research to avoid regrets. But before I start, let me give you a short description about myself and my chose course Customs Administration. Hi. I'm Aliah Abergas. A first year BS in Customs Administration student in one of the prestigious school in Cebu, University of Cebu Lapu-Lapu and Mandaue (UCLM). Also UCLM holds the title of having the most number of passers in region 7 in being a Licensed Customs Broker. Bs in Customs Administration is a 4 year course that helps and mold those individuals who wanted to pursue a career in the world of trading. Our country imports and exports goods and to make the process safe and avoid smugglers to invade our country with their illegal intentions, Customs Brokers are needed. Eversince I was young, I've always wanted to write. And I think it helps you in lots of aspects. I will share to you my college life. How I manage my time , made friends, what life do I have for my first 2 semesters and my perspective about this stage. I am a customs administration student. This isn't my course actually. Its out of my strand. I graduated with a STEM strand and Customs Administration is an ABM strand. I never knew about the existence of this course in our school. I am totally NOT interested about it. But I still didn't know the right course for me. I was planning to take industrial engineering but ain't good with numbers so I have to be practical and choose a course that is in between my leagues. My father kept on convincing me to take customs administration because it wasn't a bad course and it will help me get a job in the future easily( he has connections, by the way, and to work in a brokerage you need a backer to help. That's a filipino myth in becoming a customs broker). And so I enrolled still in my school, UNIVERSITY OF CEBU LAPU-LAPU AND MANDAUE. At first, I was excited because they just implented their new uniform and it is really nice. No joke, guys. It is the best uniform in our school because of its color and style (we look like a maritime student). Surely, our uniform will make a huge impression. Then, school starts. I haven't made friends for the forst few months because I am out of their interest. I mean, they go out a lot and I am still adjusting with my new classroom environment. But I made friends in higher years since I was elected as an officer in our department. So I will have difficulties between my studies and responsibilities. I don't have any schedule written to manage my time. I just plan it in advance through thinking. Funny but it works on me. And lesser friends means more focus in studying but honestly I still had awkwardness towards my blockmates in first semester. Our course was great. Major subjects are very easy in first sem because it was just all about theory and you just have to take down notes, study your book, and memorize terms. That simple. Minor subjects are the hardest area because they act like our major subject. It sucks. On my second semester, a lot of things happened. I study more while hanging out with friends and still with my responsibility as an officer. But it's more fun because of my blockmates. They are really the best section I've ever had. Thankful I didn't switch to block A. There's no people like block b. And subjects are getting harder especially our major subjects. From 1 major last semester to 3 this semester and we are have 29 units. We had lots of subjects this semester than before and I am having a hard time. Computations made their way and I almost lost my hope with this course because it is really really hard. But I have to go on, this is my father's dream for me and I don't want to disappoint him. Our major instructor is great also. She teach us so well and with loads of patience. As days goes by, I slowly understand how my chosen career works and now I'm aiming to pass all the struggles that I will surely be facing in the future. I have to do this for myself. I want a good life in the future. I want to be educated. I want to make my parents proud. I want to work in a brokerage firm. I want my parents to be proud of me. And so I have to give my best. I have to spend more time on my studies. I have to focus on it. I have to pass all the subjects, whether it's minor or major subjects, I have to get good grades.I have to graduate. I have to pass the board exam. So I could return all the hardworks that my parents paid off, especially my dad. He works really hard to sustain my needs and my education. And to make it all happen, I'll strive hard and master the art of tariff and laws. "The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill

0 notes

lrugloyak · 5 years

Text

She’ll Say I’m Not So Tough, Come Along With Me, and Keep Soaring — Jan 8th, 2019 9:00:17am

January 4 is now officially my annual drinking day. New rule: I cannot go through the rest of my year without drinking on the 4th of January.

I met up with Arielle, Tzina and Juliana in Town. I told my parents about drinking naman that night. I always do. We took Tzina’s van with the rotating seats to her condo where we were all planning to sleep over that night.

I did a lot of thinking about how life is so much easier for some people because of their wealth. I hate to admit it. I mean, I know everyone is going through something, but it doesn’t change that fact. It all starts from a young age -- at that said age where, obviously, most if not all children don’t know much about their place in the world, less care about it so much.

Anyway, Joy went there too and was planning to do the same. I found out Joy had her hair colored full blond before. Paolo and the other guys met up somewhere else, so they all met up with us together when we were having dinner in Uptown. 40 pesos for bottled water in the food court???? Okay the boys consisted of Paolo, Tim, Hernan, Chris, and Angelo. Kim and Ali came from nearer home, I believe. Ali planned to go home after dinner, but it wasn’t much time with us. I’m glad she chose to stay, even after a few people started getting a little hit. I missed her presence. Can you believe that we were roommates in a condo for, what, 3 months, and that we only slept in that very unit 2 times total? It really is mostly my fault. We used to dream about this. I still do.

The place was nearly empty when we got there. It was still pretty early. I only started realizing how much people there already were when I was trying to get myself hit. I want to mention a bet, but I might hurt a stranger’s feelings. We got to the place early and had ourselves stamped for the bar right beside it in case we wanted to proceed there later that night.

I guess I’ll do a short montage of what people did that night. Tim saw his blockmate and I think they hit it off because they stayed together and noticeably sober until the end of the night. Hernan picked up a girl who ended up passed out by the plants outside the venue. Okay this is kind of a long one and I should’ve saved this for last because I have a lot to say about it. She mentioned when she was still conscious and introducing herself to all of us that her friends left her, perhaps because she had a guy to take care of her. Now, regardless of whether or not she was asked to be left, would you leave her behind? To the hands of a stranger? She had TWO friends. I don’t understand how they can bring themselves to do that. She’s in college and the world is a dangerous place. Buti na lang, there was a couple beside us when we were trying to figure out how to help her get to safety, and though the girl was 80% passed out, the guy was sober and trying to wake her up. The guy mentioned that the girl he was with, his best friend, knew the girl we were trying to wake up. I waited with a few others to try to get either of them unconscious because our only hope for sending this girl somewhere safe was the only other knocked out human being in the area. So there was that. Besides this, one of my friends was being uncomfortably hit on, I think. Because of that, the whole group wanted to transfer to the place we got stamped for earlier, and they were trying to pull me away, saying (to an extent), “she’ll be fine.” I was really pissed at everyone trying to do that in that moment. I have to be honest. If it wasn’t for one of them mentioning in the slightest that one of my friends was momentarily in trouble, I wouldn’t have held back snapping at them. I never did that, and I guess for now, I still won’t see myself having to. I don’t like it talaga how they would just assume that she’s okay. She’s far from okay, and I knew they were smart enough to know it. Why were they acting that way?

Okay so everyone else. I could never tell how hit Tzina was because she was always just singing and dancing along to most of the songs playing and inviting the people around her to do the same. Arielle was probably as okay as I was until the very end, and so was Juliana. Nothing out of the ordinary happened to them. I don’t think Paolo was super hit either. I was originally going to the other bar with him and Kim when we found our other friend with the passed out girl outside. Kim was feeling unwell, but I’m glad her boyfriend was nearby and that he went over to her; I’m hoping she felt a lot better that night. Joy drank, and though I’m not super overwhelmed, I think she was a bit hit by the end of it. I didn’t feel like she felt forced. She’s strong, that one. She’s always been. I don’t know where Angelo went, but I turned him down the one time he told me we should go around looking for someone for Paolo and someone for me. Yes, there were a few cute guys, but like I’ve already mentioned before, I can’t see how I can connect to them. Chris was also okay that night, as far as I knew. He would constantly ask me how I am, which was probably the most surprising thing about that night.

Chris, Arielle and I left the second bar the earliest to eat. Chris told me to get Happy Beef Rice. It wasn’t the best thing, but no regrets. Waiter was cute, or maybe I was a goner haha. Air said Chris was a bit hit that whole time. I’m not surprised. I’ve never heard him talk that much haha.

At the end of the night, we all hung out at Starbucks waiting for our respective rides. I was planning to wake up at 5am so I could leave and be home early to spend a little time with my family before having to leave for the performance announced just that January 4 morning, but we ended up leaving the Starbucks at 5. So there was that feeling. A friend is insecure because he/she can’t get a hubby (which is honestly disappointing, and peer pressure sucks and he/she should be strong enough to hold himself/herself together), I figure out he still likes me “daw,” and I got to sleep for about 45 minutes before commuting home.

#kylle #january19 #hayley #dj #vitamin #cap #yin #yang #oh fuck LMAO #pinoy #dee #eminem #ninja #arrow #wow yeah i have to fix my tags on here

0 notes

abynauts · 5 years

Text

Brain, y r u liek this?

errr hallo, i just did something impulsively that my brain told me to...

I guess out of curiosity and its the final year in college so, well i chatted two guys lol WUT IS WRONG WITH ME?? Gahd why did i go overboard... or im just overthinking things hehe

so GUY A, i greeted him happy birthday on chat cuzzzz it was his birthday duh but, well the whole day, he pointed my head while i was waiting for my friend at the washroom (well i was waiting outside whilst sitting on the floor and busy with ma phone) and did it for the second time, i guess this time, totally pressing it... probably to get my attention while calling my name. And i said ‘hey’ without looking at him. Just to lol respond a bit idk y the heck i am so dem shy, especially when it comes to boys... im not close to him, but the gestures he gives sometimes haha its funny and i get to think about those than other stressful stuff. Well at least for a brief moment. Then he went inside the org’s office, which was adjacent to the washroom im waiting at.

Then he went out and called me out, and I looked at him (that make face asking ‘wut?’) and he said ‘nothing’. Well... idk but im assuming, WUTS WITH THAT??? playing my hair and getting my attention then nothing. There’s probably something there bro. Like i know those gestures, pinching my arms out of nowhere, getting my attention out of nowhere, idk maaaan i hate assuming does he likes me (ooh the idea just creeps me, but not in a bad way)...

well, there’s this weird thing about me, where when it comes to boys... if i feel like they seem amazed or akjfajkshfakjshfaf-attracted?? or having a crush on me, im just... don’t want to. interact. with. them. Well when you like someone, you want to talk to them, and here i am, closing the possibilities of that happening xD SNOB THEM, SNOB IS LIFE xD gahd but im curious really... even when it is ‘like’ to be friends because idk just friends, if my friends are not friends with that person and like creating a new bridge of friends, its difficult. Its tiring to handle new people who you don’t know how they act xD so yea... that’s that

Then when i got home, gahd I AM FULLY AWARE THE WHOLE DAY THAT IT IS THEIR BIRTHDAY AND I just did not greeted them WHEN EVERYONE IN CLASS ARE SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOL like play it cool play it cool just ignore and poof my brain just said

brain: greet them happy birthday me: if i do that, i’m responsible for responding after that... like chat them out of the blue brain: cuz its their birthday, u have a reason me: i hate u brain: well u know wut happens when u do nothing, nothing happens, try it me: y u do dis brain: practice wut u preach gurl

and here we are, i greeted GUY A happy birthday. And he said thanks and a follow up ‘u were cute earlier’. And just played it cool, laughed over it and told him to enjoy the day cuz its his day. Then he replied ‘u never chatted me before and we’ve been blockmates most of the time so’ and i told him cuz its his birthday and we’re at the pinnacle of our college life. I was too honest, but nothing to say, I’m really curious bout the dude’s response... like is he sincere? Like wuts with the random gestures? then i told him he was hard to approach (so i guess i close the door for that back then) then he replied ‘cuz i’m an introvert so...’ then i said ‘oh haha’.... no reply... DID I OFFEND HIM???????? i didn’t meant it liek its not bad to be an introvert xD im kinda a bit of introvert, but ya hyperactive when u get to know me ;_; so that happened

NEXT GUY B, well............ my friend likes him xD so when she tells something about him, i get to listen to all about him xD and yea he sounds dreamy. I don’t go close with someone’s crush cuz bruh i am aware of someone’s POV lol so yea... i dont want to cause confusion ._. i never interacted with him so...

but here’s the thing, i talked to him once... i was early for a block dance practice cuz there’s a punishment when u late (treat the whole class water, water was gold back then), and he came next... just the two of us xD and i just acted myself. IDK Y BUT WHEN I’M WITH ONE-ON-ONE WITH SOMEONE, I’M JUST ME... BUT IF THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHOM I KNOW, I’M just gonna huddle with the people i just know.

so i had that interaction with him, he was funny lol cuz he also look snobbish, GUY A and B are friends... runs within their group i guess?? but that was the last proper conversation alone hehe

after that... there were gestures xD he moved my bag away from the sun (which i kent find my bag where it was??), he attempted to make a conversation (but i snobbed him off... cuz that’s was when my friend liked him). I may forget other happenings... I remember we attended bible study (our prof brought his youth to class and invited the class who wanted to) and there we are listening to word of God, then when it was time to pray for everyone who attended to accept the salvation they have shared... THE AC WAS SO COLD and my hands really got easily cold, and he was opposite of me... so I said ‘sorry, my hands are really cold’... idk y, but i wanted my friend to be on my seat, so she gets to hold his hand... then he held my cold freezing hand and said ‘i’ll get them warm’... my heart... skipped a beat xD i feel so guilty in front of God and my friend but that’s where it really... really scared me, for feeling like this. Then for the general assembly (GA) for the whole college, we’re suppose to perform and one of it is dancing... he asked me to be his partner, when my friend was not there and in front of the other people practicing. Well, i was thrilled a bit (ugh the guilty pang), but i know the whole group were expecting him and my friend were partners... plus i was practicing with someone else already. Idk y my friend backout the dance and my partner wanted to pair with someone else with the audience???? so yea... i guess i had to say yes... i don’t know how to tell my friend, but i tried my best to act uninterested... but i guess it shows a bit?? i never danced with him during practice, while others are practicing cuz they’re couples in reality... and its a slow dance haha u can do anything u want, y practice right??

Before the performance, we were telling each other the steps lol because yea we never practiced xD and i told him ‘okay, you can hold my waist and twirl me once, but i’ll also do that too to you okay???’ and he just laughed and weird out i guess and said ‘okay?’... seriously, I feel liek i shouldn’t be being like this, but because of that one time talking to him for the first time back then, i want him to feel that old atmosphere, that this is me... the playful me... the not snobbish me...

And during the performance, we were the only one SPINNING, LIKE EVERYONE WERE REALLY DANCING SLOW... and we just danced merrily lol (we... didn’t really practiced and it shows lol) and gosh... i didn’t know he was that tall... i have a thing for tall human beings (curse u kpop for raising my standards) he looked manly, when he leads me... i just have to follow wherever he takes me. It was wow... i was laughing the whole time, laughing at his face, his smiling face, up close to his smiling face... and when he twirled me, i looked at my friend and her partner (she joined last minutes idk y but at least she there, she a great dancer so I was thinking Y DID U LEAVE, U WERE SUPPOSE THE ONE DANCING HERE) well... they were all really in slow dance mode. Now it was my turn to take his waist HAHAHAHAHA seriously to break the tension, to break something that i am feeling inside, that this is just a friendly dance. I remember looking down and notice how long his feet was haha... deng it im falling hard from the dance lol then when the dance ends, all the boys give paper roses to the ladies, and WELL THAT ROSE WAS ON HIS MOUTH THE WHOLE DANCE, probably the stem is wet from (my gahd). So i just accepted it lol and i attempted to return it to him after he was done doing the male group dance. I’m glad that he said that i keep it :)

but the sad thing was, my camera, which was suppose to film the whole performance, went low batt... and when it dies while videoing, the whole video wont be saved unless u stop it. I cried after knowing that, because it was the last GA dance because we gonna graduate this school year... also knowing that, all that dance... will be just a memory. I can see how my friend didn’t seem to care about me crying for reason 1, she... must be jealous for dancing with her crush... gahd im so guilty but i just wept... sad and all and let them all head home, cuz they were using my dad’s classroom (yup he a professor at my university). it was special for me :> also when the practice was happening, he wanted to dance with me but i said no while videoing the performance... but i forgot to press record -_- really meant to be a memory ugh

where was I?? GUY B was also his birthday today, so I greeted him at chat ‘happy chinese new year!!’ cuz i always assumed that feb. 19 is chinese new year IDK Y but ever since i was a kid, so yea. Before that, we drank milk tea with him yesterday and yea they said it was his birthday the next day so i told him about that info. He replied ‘u really pushing that event haha thanks (nickname) huehue’ then i said ‘welcome’. hoping to end the conversation fast cuz scared... of this guilty feeling from back then. My friend also likes someone else nao, but yeaa who knows, she liked GUY B for so long, it don’t just fade that fast... Then he replied ‘where’s my rice cake then?’, then i just joked him that we didn’t have any cuz only i know within the family that its chinese new year today lol (im so downtown cornykillme). Then he replied ‘You’re the only one who greeted me this way today hahahahaha’... me, being an overthinker, remembering my friend and her pure feelings back then and me shielding wutever feeling i may have for him, replied:

erase erase erase happy birthday!

and he replied ‘okok. haha. thanks’ big happy face emoji :) me: big smiling face emoji :D

i feel so ordinary after that... he probably replied everyone with the same thank you when they greet him...

I... in my mind, i don’t want me to be that someone who greeted him weirdly in his birthday, that makes me notable among the people who greeted him today... I am not dense to his actions back then, I had to act that I was dense and don’t care... But I am seriously affected with him being gentleman... Like one time, I was just walking while typing on ma phone and not watching my way... but he was also walking along with us, and he pushed me cuz I was about to hit the pole/column... I dont really care if I get hit, my friends would probably let it happen and laugh about it and i laugh about it too cuz not a lot of people hit themselves on a pole because of ignorance. But really... I appreciate that haha dem it... I also remember that one time, I was taking a picture of the male dance group they were making a parody of, so I was standing on the arm chairs, and balancing myself. Its dangerous I know, BUT I CAN GET A PROPER ANGLE FROM THERE and my friend is busy but also on the same room. So i almost got unbalanced trying to get that perfect angle, and wow he really moved fast and held the arm chair in place... fudge... it hurts feeling this way...

I can’t tell my friends how I feel... cuz, i feel illegal wutever I am feeling for him... I remember when he appreciated my drawings... how he saves me from obstructions lol how does he do it???? im fine with getting hurt, but thanks man. If ever, he feels something for me and tells me (haha i play the scenario most of the time when im bored thinking of other stuff), I’ll reject him... cuz my friend likes him. But nao... it’s different. My friend doesn’t like him anymore but... still... I know the right way is to reject him. It hurts but... I guess no matter wut I do, he will be just a memory haha...

#hello its just me confused and all

0 notes