#an easily exhausted one

[tomatoluvr69]

I’m glad Joanna Newsom isn’t on Spotify because The Milk Eyed Mender is so powerfully and painfully evocative of a very bittersweet time in my life that I have to treat it as a rare and expensive bottle of wine that requires a half day’s journey by foot to the wine cellar of an eccentric old man who will allow me to drink the wine, but I may only do so if I sit crosslegged on the earthen floor of his in-ground wine cellar, which he dug by hand, and he closes the wooden hatch over my head and latches it from the outside so I can give the wine and its intricate symphony of notes the proper attention it requires, alone in the dark, and dank, and scent and quiet, and he comes back in a few hours to let me out and hand me a soft cotton handkerchief embroidered by his late wife (he has been a widow for 15x the length of time he was ever married) so I can clean the tears and loam from my cheeks. Aka I have to let it play from the YouTube browser website from my phone and can’t do anything else throughout.

#or whatever #you can imagine how exhausting it is to be my friend in real life. there come times when I watch my loved ones’ eyes glaze over in real #time #basically there was a Milk Eyed Mender vinyl in an incredibly specific few week span of my life #an incredibly fraught transitional period #and it makes me so powerfully sick to listen to #so thank you joanna newsom for that decision bc though I sometimes would love to have it easily accessible…it really hurts LOL!

[mid-nightowl]

paramedic/EMT dick is so good omg :o i hadn’t thought about that one

i have seen social worker dick which also felt really appropriate (also love that for jason) but!!! EMT actually feels like it works better to me???

thank u for putting that thought in my head~

ahhhhhhh!! i am so ecstatic i could put the thought of emt/paramedic!dick in your head hehehehe

paramedic!dick is so special to me<3 it very much i think hits what dick needs and wants out of his civilian life but also directly influences his vigilantism too

my main three takeaways are these:

it's a highly rewarding but deeply traumatizing career and it scratches his innate need to help people without violence & fear

it's a little bit more training than a police officer but i think covers a field of knowledge dick knows but doesn't know intimately like he does criminal justice or law. it would also benefit his "night" job to be more equipped to handle traumatic injuries

ems schedules are chaotic and all over the place especially if the garage is down a paramedic or ALS provider or just overall understaffed but the overall structure of it would be good for dick (if he can balance his work-vigilantism life healthily, depending on how you write him)

#asks #ladytauria #i got halfway through an essay and decided not to infodump on you askfgsjkgbsjgb #but yeah ems is one of my niches i feel i know too much about but i am just very passionate about it #but i also truly believe it would be a better profession for dick than police officer (blegh) #like there's just so much potential in this career for him #the community aspect; the balance of heroism and trauma which parallels his trajectory as Nightwing; the balance of work and home life #(which can flip between healthy or unhealthy) #the training and the role of ems in society esp in regards to the trifecta of first responders #you can easily deal with the same things dick did as a police officer but as an ems provider and it would be better ethically and morally #also the idea of him being able to help others without violence and fear is such an interesting thread to pull on like omg???? #and then just the angst potential bc the job is just as traumatizing and frustrating as vigilantism; the cycle of burnout and exhaustion #(which can also be a downside writing-wise like he's already traumatized enough by being Nightwing maybe his day job shouldn't be) #i could talk all day about the potential akfgnkasjg apologies for the ranting-gushing lol #dick grayson #paramedic!dick grayson

[honestlyvan]

Let me be absolutely clear -- the problems with Tumblr will keep getting worse if the disabled minority and the trans people and the people frothing at the mouth at the opportunity to yell at a transphobe, keep @’ing staff and the developers on this site, tell them to kys, because in the meanwhile the transphobes and racists and white supremacists will keep using the actual tools Tumblr provides for blocking and reporting, further poisoning the datasets used for moderation, and encouraging the idea that using the official tools does nothing to basically ensure the only statistically meaningful data available to Automattic is poisoned, poisoned all the way down, poisoned beyond usability.

Hatespeech and bias needs to be reported for it to be considered statstically significant to act on from a developer point of view. Suicide baiting and spamming any of the official means of communication will get you eliminated as a spammer, even if you’re peppering legitimate criticism within your ventpost about how you hate the new thing. You are playing the TE/RFs game.

#van stuff #the biggest reason we don't have an easily accessible 'report hatespeech' button is a) because people misused the old one #and b) because it's not satistically significant enough to be the first thing people want to report #this is like. COMMON fucking knowledge that moderation on Tumblr is 99% automated and extremely cheesable #and you now who are cheesing it? TRANSPHOBES!!! #Like this is not even a 'the developers won't care' kind of thing #this is a 'THE DEVELOPERS NEED HARD DATA TO JUSTIFY MAKING CHANGES' #if the ARE actively malicious then the data contradicting everything they're saying will FORCE changes #and if they mean what they say when they say they value the site for its vibrant culture #then giving them hard data to share with unconvinced people signing off on them having the budget to change things will ONLY help #the whole 'let's yell at staff every time anything happens' is a shibboleth #You're all being fucking exhausting #I want to quit Tumblr because if the userbase is gonna be like this!!! #If ALL I SEE for DAYS ON END is 'staff this' 'staff that' #that's JUST GIVING ME WORSE ANXIETY ABOUT THIS SITE GOING DOWN #'this change is bad for disabled users' YOUR NEEDLESS CONSTANT HOSTILITY AND PANIC RAISING IS ALSO BAD FOR ME A DISABLED USER #WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE COLLATERAL DAMAGE??? #'Oh staff could make so much money if they only listened to feedback' you fuckers DON'T LEAVE FEEDBACK THOUGH #you just @ Staff and think that that's statistically meaningful data they can use #Fuck's sake #And that's not counting all the times staff *did* implement changes we wanted for years... AND YOU ALL STILL COMPLAINED #WE MODDED TAG VIEWING IN FOR YEARS AND NOW WHEN IT'S OFFICIAL YOU FUCKERS DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF #Fucking EXHAUSTING the lot of you

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn #at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life #things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no.. #.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well #and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with #their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol #she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing #i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner #but her messages were truly annoying me #her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to.. #talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning #our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao #she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me #and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭 #idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3 #i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful #i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on #and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡 #even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial #am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please #she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol #but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed.. #me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!! #but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao #okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me #☁️

[powpowpunchout]

Boxers being a wee bit drunk...

#punch out #punch out oc #punch out aran ryan #punch out great tiger #art #THE FIRST ONE WAS GONNA BE A LIL DOODLE BUT THEN I COLORED IT LOL #suuuppppppeeerrr happy with how it turned out tho!! was super fun to draw #i like to think aran doesnt get drunk that easily. but when he does he's just barely able to function #tiger can get a lil wild with his powers on rare occasions. then he'll immediately burn out and be exhausted #octave just gets grumpy n quiet LOL #aran sees drunk octave and hes like hm. time to be 50x more annoying

[abitofboth]

I love the weird loophole you get in social anxiety when it’s one of your loved ones that you gotta speak up for. like move out the way motherfuckers suddenly I’m the most outspoken person in the world

#it was my sister’s wedding a week or so ago and obviously as one of two of her bridesmaids #(the other being my other sister who can get overwhelmed pretty easily) #I had most of the ‘go talk to people’ jobs lmao #I was coralling the guests I was liaising with the venue owner and photographer I was doing my lil readings during the ceremony #and like yes was I exhausted the next day from it all? absolutely #but at the time I was THRIVING lmao

[raccoonfallsharder]

today i learned my barista thinks im a fellow college student

oh honey no ♡ good luck on YOUR finals tho you sparkly little gumdrop

#she knows my order by heart at this point #im closer to forty than twenty-one bby #this is a barista appreciation post #im easily flattered i guess #maybe it’s because we all share the same exhausted look in our eyes

[myfriendtheghost]

goodnight my beautiful lil dork

#I am. very afraid for this week lmao 😭 #my roommate is home and I have to drop the news on her that I’m moving out #which would be very normal and understandable under most circumstances #especially in this situation because she will soon be making $30 an hour and our rent is only $550 a month lmao so she can afford it easily #but …… she is so terrible to communicate with <3 and does not like spending money <3 so I’m afraid <3 #I just have to keep reminding myself that it will be worth it #I’ll be happier #I’ll be working towards my goals #I HAVE goals for once in my life LMAO #it’s going to be okay I just have to get through the bad parts first 💕 #on top of that I also dread work tomorrow lmao #BUT!!!! #I had THREE SEPARATE PEOPLE contact me for photography jobs today !!!!! #one of my aunts is having me photograph her crochet pieces so she can sell them online #another aunt (who owns a popular local hangout spot) is gonna have me photograph an event at the end of the month #and I got invited to photograph a CHRISTIAN MUSIC FESTIVAL ??? #LIKE OKAYYYYYY #my emotions r everywhere #and now I want 2 cry over josh being the prettiest ever like omg #anywho I am exhausted !!! love y’all sleep well

[davemustaine]

i got this really great mix in my hair right now that just smells like stale cigarettes and goodwill

#the way i have so much hair and smells can stick to it like so easily #woof #although one time i got like vintage car exhaust smell stuck in it and i wanted to keep it so bad. they should make a cologne thats old car

[dreamerlynx]

.

#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash #and again I do have it super filtered #I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen #and life went on as usual #look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping #but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice #look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen #and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship #and no sap except as third wheel for said ship #sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but #I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest #why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’ #like huh #George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever #I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it #(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him) #sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit #no tags just venting #<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags #bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol

[enavant]

i don’t think i’m gonna get anything done today so like if u want some asks, either from ur prompts or i make it up idk. multis specify muse(s) pls

#[ i’m exhausted n just on mobile so it may take a bit especially #if u don’t have a easily reachable prompts tag or recents ones ] #inbox call #[ n if anyone tbh wants to send me stuff too i’ll rotate it in my mind constantly n feel happiness pls ]

[thethingything]

we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.

we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.

our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke #but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something #but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do #so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating #and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad #or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something #and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year #oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of #our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it #it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together #followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December #and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on #when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily

[wisteriawatching]

anyone ever cry bc your bathroom window is too small or is it just me

#the exhaust fan i bought to install in the window DOESN'T FIT #and i can't easily find one that will #and there's no built-in exhaust fan??? #hate it here

[dadatello]

Is there anything Dadatello is purposefully doing differently in raising Minitello and Leo to the way that Splinter raised him the first time? Also, is there anything specific he has purposefully carried on doing with his boys that Splinter did with him? Any traditions or anything like that?

"You know, I don't often show emotion, but it's scientifically proven to be beneficial for a child's development. Which is to say... this is important for the kids.

Losing Leonardo at the end there... had me thinking. I shouldn't act like I take my family for granted. He was a champion. And a damn good leader, too.

Just don't tell 'Nardo Junior all of that. It'll go to his head."

#rottmnt #rottmnt au #rise donnie #rise leo #save rottmnt #hopefully this ask hits two birds with one stone #he trains these two the proper way - although Lou Jitsu movies are not excluded from the curriculum lol #they get education on the Hamato clan for as far as it doesn't provide spoiler alerts for their future. #and for all his flaws he still tries to be there as if he was their actual father #at the same time he tries to do Better than Splinter. he doesn't hit them outside of training - although that has its own reasoning #and he tries his best to show the kids that they're amazing individuals :] #I'd have gone more into depth on how he tries to keep their mixed culture alive but I get very exhausted drawing these easily fdhdlf #next time... #anonymous #ask

[i-didnt-do-1t]

psst, may i pls request “when did you learn how to do that?” with the delanceys? <3

Nox I am so sorry for posting this at 3am but I hope you enjoy <3

If Oscar hadn’t had a couple of whiskeys he wouldn’t have said it, but as it was his sight was a little blurry at the edges and a warm thrum was echoing through his body. It wasn’t often he could drink at home, usually preferring some cheap pub or bar out one of the shadier sides of town where he could pick a fight and not be noticed in the crowd, but Wiesel wasn’t home tonight, which meant him and Morris were sat in the kitchen together, a half finished bottle between them. The hangover in the morning would probably be hell but he decided it was worth it.

He’d kicked his feet up on the table in front of him, arm thrown casually over the back of his chair, the one that Morris had thrown his jacket over once they’d stepped through the door (he’d have to remind him to hang it up before Wiesel got home)

Morris had been working since they got back, some kind of paper work Wiesel never bothered to hand to Oscar so he assumed there was nothing to read on it. Usually it meant Morris had to get it done by the next morning but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a glass of cheap whiskey sat next to his smouldering cigarette.

Oscar craned his head again to glance at the clean sheet of paper Morris was scrawling on and his frown deepened as he tried to make out the numbers and what the hell they meant. He knew it was something for Uncle Wies, something about the stacks of papers and pay and all the other mathematic stuff Oscar wasn’t involved with but Morris was occasionally asked to look over.

“When did you learn how to do that?”

The question had left his mouth before he even realised he was thinking it.

Morris glanced up at him, brows pulled together, like Oscar was stupid and asking a stupid question. “What?”

He nodded toward the page. “Numbers. Math. I sure as hell didn’ teach you like I taught you everythin’ else.”

Morris took a drag of his cigarette.

“Definitely weren’t you.” He tapped out the ash. “You’re a shit teacher by the way.”

“You’re a shit brother.”

Morris rolled his eyes and turned back to his sheet, scanning it again

Oscar let the silence sit for a second as he watched him, trying to pin down any familiarity in the action, any familiarity in the way his eyes narrowed when he reached something he didn’t quite seem to get.

“Was it ma?”

Morris stopped again, the grip around his pencil tightening near imperceptibly but not subtly enough that Oscar didn’t notice

“What?”

“Did ma teach you numbers?”

Morris frowned at him, like the question didn’t make sense. And maybe it didn’t, Oscar wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure how many glasses of whiskey were in his system either. Didn’t keep count. Would’ve struggled to keep count if he’d tried.

“Course she didn’t.” Morris said eventually, and then with his cigarette between his teeth. “She teach you numbers?”

“She tried.”

“She failed.”

Oscar sent him a blank stare and a middle finger at that, anger somewhere low in his stomach, weighted down by the alcohol that usually surfaced it. (Maybe it just hadn’t reached that point in the night yet. There was still time for something to set him off)

“You can’t read.” He shot back, childish maybe but not untrue and if Morris was going to be a dick he could too.

“Means’ you failed Os.”

Oscar took a slow drag of his cigarette, staring down his brother as he exhaled smoke, fighting to keep the grin of his face.

“You’re an asshole Mo.”

Morris, he thought, looked unusually like their mother when he was exasperated but a little smug, not tired enough to be looking a fight. (Maybe it just hadn’t reached that point in the night yet.)

His lip pulled up a little at the edge in a rare almost smile, even if it was mocking and crooked. “Learnt from the best.”

#newsies #if Oscar was not drunk any thoughts about his mother would not have left his mouth <3 #Morris suddenly being so concerned when Oscar’s the one to bring her up?? #because Oscar doesn’t Do That #trying to talk about her is like pulling teeth and usually results in the same amount of pain #Oscar will probably not remember this exchange in the morning #Oscar usually being an angry drunk but he’s drinking in an environment he feels somewhat safe for the first time in his life #(Morris is there and Wiesel is not as well as a lack of big crowds he can easily pick fights in) #so he’s just exhausted and drunk and just speaking. in a way he never usually does

[hauntedwoman]

the fact that ive been titanicposting since like march and ive only gotten one psycho hate mail ask berating me for liking cal like fuck i've just turned him into some guy you all have to hear abt everyday huh

#and i genuinely thank all of u from the deepest and nastiest and scariest parts of my heart bc he rly is the only thing #that's keeping this show (my mental health) from collapsing entirely #like my best friend abandoned me with no explanation #i have no irl friends bc i hate where i live #i have crippling autism and depression and ive exhausted pretty much all of my options #like literally the only other options i have are diet electroshock therapy or ketamine. #this has easily been one of the worst years ever so far #so yes. thank you for letting me post whatever i want about my evil little titanic man #i love all of u