#and I have nothing else to say....yet...

[mymarifae]

me: i finished the latest trailblaze mission in hsr so i can look at what other people are posting now! oh boy i hope it's discussions and theories about the story. i can't wait to see what everyone thought about firefly (what was going on with you sweetie...) and A Child's Dream - that segment in particular really left a profound impact on me. like who is mikhail? the voice we hear throughout is obviously misha's - did he have a twin? does mikhail have something to do with clockie? and from what we heard and saw, misha or... mikhail. encountered the embodiment of Death that lurks beneath the dreamscape. what's... the full story there...? i can't wait to see other people's perspectives it'll help me piece a more coherent theory together-

other hsr fans: *thirstposting about aventurine and/or dr. ratio, trying to cancel sparkle even though the entire point of her character is that yes she's a horrible person because it's high time we see how DANGEROUS and CRUEL the masked fools can be - no more reducing them to the silly wacky hijinks sampo pulled on jarilo; you should be scared of these guys; the game's story never wanted you to make sparkle your next skrunkly blorbo babygirl lol, heated discussions about whether dr. ratio displayed the same racism towards aventurine that sparkle did and if that makes aventurine/ratio a bad thing to ship (??????????), more thirstposts about aventurine, 500 billion generic yaois of aventurine and ratio that don't even maintain either of their characters*

me:

#HONKAI STAR RAIL IS SO GOOD AND YET NO ONE SEEMS TO WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT MAKES IT GOOD #I FEEL ACTUALLY INSANE #I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE STORY!!!!! AND THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS #NOT ABOUT HOW HOT THEY ARE OR WHO THEY CAN BE SHIPPED WITH #aventurine isn't even that sexy his eyes are the most interesting part about his design (HIS DESIGN. HIS CHARACTER IS MORE INTRIGUING) #the rest of it is just kind of ... like. yeah he's a blonde man. ok. #and my thoughts on aventio are i think ratio would betray aventurine for a single corn chip. and aventurine would do the same #i do not see a romance ever blossoming there. not even an enemies to lovers kinda thing. they're both too busy playing 5d chess for that #i want to talk about FIREFLY. I LOVED FIREFLY :( #i want to talk about acheron. and MISHA. SWEET BOY WHAT'S GOING ON? #there's so many interesting things going on rn and aventurine is not one of them. #like ok he knows some things but he's such a sleazy businessman about sharing info that idgaf i don't want to learn anything from him #he's always going to leave something out. because he needs to always have an advantage. for this reason i ignore 80% of what he says #i've gotten more context and clues out of everyone else he is nothing to me. i'll eat him.

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright #all things considered #it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit #both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away #but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part #and i find it so odd when people frame it as one #todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭 #neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself #but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all #and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him #and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing #as far as todd’s concerned ​neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance #a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same #i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ + #‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN #todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims + #outside of neil but that isn’t really the case #and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person #he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree + #(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses + #there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other + #in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing) #this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me #mad #neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything #and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety #come on guys #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e77 #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #bells hells #just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise #but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh? #edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies #since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne?? #anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top #other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post #i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible. #but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the #other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under. #hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious? #it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will #all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an #overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were #for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne.. #there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior #as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT. #ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL #cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE. #<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post. #im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho. #im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN #be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

do you have an analysis on Alhaitham and Kaveh having no family in sumeru, (haithams grandma, kavehs mother going to fontaine) so they only had eachother? So their falling out must have hit harder-

Hiya! Thank you so much for the ask!! <333

I have some analyses on Alhaitham and Kaveh being each other's home and family! There's quite a few so I'll be brief with the synopses here as I don't want to bombard you hahaha <3 I have discussed the idea of Alhaitham being the ideal companion/family for Kaveh in an analysis of Kaveh's 2023 birthday letter; the motif of 'home' and what it means for Kaveh and how Alhaitham factors into it; as well as in the relationship between Kaveh's mother and father and how this parallels with Alhaitham and Kaveh's relationship.

In terms of Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument, I've discussed Sumeru's concept of the academic family and how Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument served as the dissolution of their found family, as well as an analysis of their argument, specifically from Alhaitham's omitted perspective. I have also speculated life for the two post-fallout, mostly from Alhaitham's perspective as Kaveh (as usual) is more open in his character stories.

You've highlighted a really key aspect of their relationship which haunts me - they met each other after the respective loss of their own families. Kaveh just said goodbye to his mother as Alhaitham enrolled in the Akademiya, just after his own grandmother passed. This passage described in Kaveh's character story 5 describes this, and then him meeting Alhaitham within the same passage.

Kaveh is described to have 'wishful thinking' regarding his and Alhaitham's friendship, in that, where he initially believed that their views aligned, despite the reality they have differing approaches to life, this isn't inherently a negative thing, as it can lead to new philosophies. Kaveh didn't want to believe that their differences were impossible to surmount, and instead that they complimented each other. Perhaps Alhaitham thought so too? They both agreed to work on a joint thesis together, with this conveying the implications of forming an academic family in Sumeru, with Kaveh trusting Alhaitham in picking a topic that highlighted both of their strengths - which ended up being a project revolving around language and architecture; two subjects which Kaveh now believes to exist on opposite sides of the mirror. Initially, this was to demonstrate the good that could come from balancing these seemingly opposing fields.

Although, it would inevitably come to be that problems arose between them when the differences in their philosophies became a point of contention. The two's previous harmony became misaligned when the assertion that their respective viewpoint was 'correct' over the other. When Kaveh tears up the thesis, he effectively ends the relationship he and Alhaitham built together, as well as the prospect of their found family. Alhaitham, in turn, removed his name from the thesis due to Kaveh's ending of their friendship.

After this, Kaveh graduated and threw himself into work, chasing his ideals, effectively distracting himself - both from the loss of Alhaitham, therefore his loneliness, and from the potential truth that Alhaitham revealed to him about his guilt being the cause of his incessant altruism. Contrarily, Alhaitham's life after this point is devoid of detail, only that he became the Scribe and moved out of his grandmother's house into the property that the Akademiya gifted him and Kaveh for the progress of their abandoned project.

Kaveh describes meeting Alhaitham as one of the most pivotal moments in his life in his hangout, and in A Parade of Providence, he describes their meeting as when his life began to go downhill - indicating, rather, to the consequences of their inevitable falling out. Alhaitham considers Kaveh as one of his priorities in maintaining the way of life he seeks to maintain, and although he is more reticent than Kaveh, in that his inner thoughts are concealed from the player, an instance that stands out to me that their argument personally affected Alhaitham comes from A Parade of Providence. This is when Alhaitham comments on the contradiction of Kaveh's motives, in that he expresses he has bad luck but insists on drawing lots, despite the fact that Faruzan offers to split the points between them. After commenting on this, Kaveh displays genuine frustration with him - to which Alhaitham backs down and switches tact. This is especially prevalent within the EN dub, where Alhaitham stutters before changing topics.

To me this underlines that Alhaitham was just as affected at by their argument as Kaveh was. Especially since this exchange can mirror the very exchange that caused the rift between them - in that Alhaitham points out Kaveh's self-destructive habits and it is perceived as a malicious critique. Alhaitham backs down when seeing that Kaveh is genuinely hurt because he doesn't want to repeat the past - he doesn't want to hurt Kaveh and lose him once more.

This is also encapsulated in the fact that Alhaitham sees Kaveh as his mirror, in that they both have a lack of familial connections. When Alhaitham believes that the presence of another genius can 'perfect' his vision, this isn't just a reference to Kaveh's differing perspectives, this also offers Kaveh as a familial figure to Alhaitham - in that, Alhaitham views Kaveh as his family. Similarly, Kaveh seems to hold an idea that he and Alhaitham are bound by fate, or 'the universe', meaning that he identifies Alhaitham as being essential to him in someway, however, as of now, he struggles with this being a benefit, rather than a negative.

I hope this answers your ask!!? You've unzipped me and all the haikaveh found family brainrot is pouring out <3333

#haikaveh #kavetham #alhaitham #kaveh #haikaveh meta #genshin meta #kavehtham #genshin impact #i think i rambled!! i repeated points that i've made in the posts i tagged but i thought i should summarise my overall thoughts #in case it was helpful? i tagged an awful lot of posts so just read the ones that most appeal to you!! #this was very fun (and by that i mean painful) to consider #family is so interwoven into both of their character stories that its almost ridiculous like we get it hoyo #alhaitham considers kaveh to be his family (implied) (but also canon) #and kaveh views alhaitham as his 'home' but is in denial (implied) (but also canon) #also i know that i talked a lot about their life after the argument but there is such a lack of detail on both ends about what happened #immediately following that #like kaveh was not graduating yet meaning that they would have likely seen each other within the akademiya #and they would have had to act indifferent to each other #kaveh would have put on his front he used around everyone else and alhaitham would have continued viewing everything objectively #but they were both deeply affected #and then alhaitham has the gall in kavehs hangout to say 'there was nothing embarrassing or shameful about it' as in their argument as if h #didnt lose his chosen found family and had chosen to rebuild this bond in the future since kaveh was still so intrinsic to him #HES EMBARRASSING!! #thank you for the ask!!!

[francy-sketches]

If I'd actually posted all my pjo art when I made it instead of hoarding it like a little goblin for no apparent reason today I might have been known as the octavian guy instead of the joffrey guy...scary thought...

#.txt #went thru my old pjo art the other day...man #I actually didn't draw him that much compared to how much I draw joffrey lol. ig i had more shame #but also there's simply less to his character. what am I even supposed to take inspiration from #'less to his character' there's NOTHING #woahhh a villain that poses no real threath has no depth and is just there to be laughed at how interesting #i say this as if I didn't make up 1048399574 scenarios in my head with him #when i wasn't into got yet but i was like. vaguely aware of joffrey I'd look at him like woah octavian fancast #now I'm like. um no??? they have a completely different vibe you idiot -_- #what did I see in this guy like genuinely #ok but the thing is that octavian enjoyers were so removed from the source material. I mean obviously they were. bc he's not well written #or even that much of a character tbh. ofc you'd have to make shit up #so like what im saying is that maybe I woulnd't have been actually. bc I enjoyed him in the evil rat bastard way #meanwhile everyone else was like 'aw poor baby :( rick sucks he doesn't understand him :(( I could treat him better' #once I did see someone say that about joffrey but they turned out to be a weirdo so. lol #'what did I see in this guy he's a nothing character...anyway I love tommen and myrcella my little meowmeows <3' #they're very layered TO ME. my beloved canon ocs

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me?? #said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds' #i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts? #this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great) #she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours

[yeonban]

I might be ~quirky~ for this (welcome to my twisted mind and etc) but I genuinely have so much fun with shipping nowadays, ever since I chose to be singleship for each muse. I feel like my adhd has never allowed me to pour even half as much care and attention into a ship as I'd have loved to when I had multiple ones at the same time per muse, so being able to focus on a single romantic dynamic per muse really feels like a weight off my shoulders

#* ooc. / posts. #I also know my adhd is all over the place so at times I may go a few months w/o bringing that specific muse (and thus ship) up #(unless you approach me in dms; in which case my mind typically instantly goes !!! on the muse & ship) #so I'm INCREDIBLY touched whenever my ship partners agree to be singleship w me. It's truly such an honor and blessing to me #and I feel like it's much easier for my muse to get very attached when their romantic attention only goes to a single person; #so you can best believe that from the moment we start shipping your portrayal will ALWAYS. and I mean /ALWAYS/ be intertwined with mine #doesn't matter if you drop the muse or leave tumblr or stop writing altogether. your muse will Always be my muse's special someone #I've had tons of ships where my partner disappeared off the face of the earth one day and yet all I've done was change 'singleship' #to 'noship' bc my muse's heart to this day (several irl years later) continues to be with their portrayal; REFUSING to look at anyone else #Granted this is also why I'm so picky with shipping; in the sense that I let my muse lead the way til they fall in love #and only THEN do I ask the mun if they're fine w our muses being a thing (and thus being singleship w me) #I used to say yes to people just asking to ship and while I know that's a neat option too; I simply. Cannot do that these days ADGHSAJDSDK #nothing against anyone nor against that route; but I've had a good share of ships that crumbled or made me lose muse bc my muse wasn't #feeling the ship. so I'm no longer going ahead unless the muse falls first and makes ME start shipping it rather than the other way around #and that decision has unironically made me feel so light and comfortable here AHDSAJDSKDJ #AH NEY WAYZ!! I need to be sedated bc why am I awake at 11 am. I HAVE NOT SLEPT.

[guckies]

I don’t have many hopes for any lore conflicts especially with the soulfire members considering all the relationship conflicts were just seemingly thrown out the window as soon as they got back to quesadilla

#qsmp purgatory 2 #qsmp purgatory #that’s not to dismiss the bond that soulfire has but this is in general like ermmm #I know as well not everyone is back which is also a problem but don’t say purgatory was lore when really is was a competition that resulted #in any and all possible good juicy story making conflicts to be thrown out when they got back to quesadilla #bc the people who are villains to another refuse to be seen as such #like if cellbit jaiden baghera or slime dont drag out the conflict then i think ill crack like two weeks for nothing #two weeks for everyone to shake hands and go their separate ways two weeks fucking wasted??? #like purgatory could have resulted in such good story telling yet… left like a baby out in the wind UN FUCKJNG HEARD #aghhh idk why im pissed about it maybe i just need my roleplay queens back #qsmp neg #- tag just in case #also edit to this THE ‘RP’ BAD DID WASNT BARELY RP SINCE NO ONE ELSE WAS PARTICIPATING DUE TO HAVING A BAD TIME OR JUST TRYING TO GET OUT O #WHATEVER BULLSHIT HE PUT THEM IN ISK LIKE THE STUPID ASS SPAWN KILLING

[leqclerc]

#i am once again asking what the fuck happened between february and the first week of may #this is why i don't get how people can say 'oh im sure charles knew ahead of time he just didn't know when xavi would leave exactly' #when nothing he's said today suggests he knew? or agreed to it? #and the timing is bizarre like if this was the plan all along why not do it before the season started #and not 6 races in with no explanation #charles even defended him in front of the press yet again when they were fishing for information #asking if this will mean communication will improve which...... lol fuck off #they didnt even have any major communication issues this year and the stuff that happened before was a result #of general pitwall fuckery - especially in 2022 when the mismanagement and chaos was egregious under mattia #feel like im just yelling into the void but this is seriously pissing me off #say what you want about xavi but this was objectively handled very poorly on fred/ferrari's part #not discussing the issue with the driver is already pretty bad but not even informing him prior to/during the miami weekend..... #that's just fucked up #i can't see mercedes or red bull blindsiding lewis or max like that #even mclaren like afaik whenever someone else has to step in as race engineer for the weekend the driver is aware in advance #like they literally just cut xavi off at the knees to do? what exactly? shove him in some dusty corner back at the factory or wherever? #never to be seen again? yeah fuck them ugh

[twpsyn-who]

Today on "Another JeanMarco Soulmate AU absolutely no one asked for" I present to you -

Soulmate AU in which you stop seeing colors when your soulmate dies, the only exception being your soulmate. Now cue to Jean who just found Marco's, his best friend's, body. And you know, there's the shock of finding out Marco's dead. The pain and confusion and guilt. But there's also the revelation, because despite everything he can still see Marco like nothing took place at all- yes, half of his face is missing and his body is straight up lifeless, but Jean can still make out the color of his eye ; see that light shade of brown perfectly, remember all the times he has found himself looking at them while listening to Marco talk. He can still make out the colors of his uniform, see the same shade of black his hair has always had, practically see. Despite being dead, Marco was the only piece of color left in his life.

And there's denial for a moment because there's no way Marco was his soulmate. But that goes away fast, getting replaced by guilt. By the fact that he hasn't been there to save him, that Marco has to die all alone without anyone being there for him.

And that was worse than the simple fact that he could no longer see colors ; because Marco was there when Jean needed him, but he failed to do the same. And not only he lost his best friend that day, but his other half too.

#Anyway this fucker doesn't tell anyone about the whole soulmate thing. Not of shame of anything but because he's mourning man and also is no #One's business. Anyway the first one to find out is Armin because he notices and ever since he makes sure to mention colors as often as he #can. Like 'These flowers are a nice shade of red' or 'Green suits you well Jean! You should wear this shirt' stuff like that #Jean does appreciates it once he gets over his ego and pain and lets other people get closer to him #Funny enough Jean is the only one in that situation loool. Well I don't know about Reiner and Historia is getting there soon enough but #everyone else??? Colors everywhere man #Is both funny and sad #'Since when..?' Jean expected that question yet he wasn't truly ready to answer it. Deep down he knew he was never going to be ready for it #'Trost' his voice stains sightly while naming the city. His own city. The place he grew up in all his life. The others say nothing else #after that confession. They were all aware many has died during Trost. It wasn't that far fetched for Jean's soulmate to be some civilian #lost during the evacuations or something. But then Connie's eyes widen ever so sightly the realization sitting in. He doesn't even register #when he says 'It was Marco right?' and regrets it immediately. Jean's painful face is all the answer they needed #Also Historia ready the letter and the world losing colors while she's doing that??? Her tearing up a little but not letting herself cry #until she gets alone???? Her going to Jean once that happens and them comforting each other????? #They starts seeing colors again once Eren dies. Poor Jean is trying his best to not have a breakdown because Connie needed him more in that #moment #Reading* wtf my tags make no sens sorry guys I'm lowkey tired #aot #jean kirstein #jeanmarco #aot jean #marco bodt #marco bott #aot marco #jean kirschstein #snk #JeanMarco Soulmate AU #soulmates au #I'm not sad you are

[siriuslynephilim]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[windwardstar]

part of the problem with hating having to go shopping is that my brain is also always "there's food at home" and "there's still stuff in the cupboards/freezer I can make, I'm not out of food" and meanwhile the only things in my fridge are the condiments.

i really gotta go grocery shopping but like... i can still scrounge up food in my cupboards

#i mean part of the problem is also that groceries cost money and i hate spending money on things i don't need #because what if i need the money for something else and then don't have it #and obviously i don't need to go buy food if i can still make some kind of food from what i have in the cupboards #anyways this is absolutely from growing up with food insecurity because it fucked up my baseline for “there's no food in the house” #conversely if i say i have no food/there's nothing to eat... that's yeah #i DID make the rule that i have to go grocery shopping when i run out of milk (bc i use it up at a weeklyISH rate and also even if i don't #it does go bad in a reasonable grocery shopping intervals #but like i still have just a bit left in the jug (not enough for like anything and i'll probably just drink it straight from the jug) #which my brain is all there's still milk i do not have to go grocery shopping yet #(ALSO for the record i have plenty of money for the food #like i could buy whatever i wanted if i actually went shopping)

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

i love minos (thinks about his fanon depiction) (throws up)

#okay god i try not too care too much abt mischaracterization especially if its something small but even bigger stuff its like. who cares #we've all been guilty of it at least a little bit before. you know. #but the fact fanon minos has practically ZERO things in common with minos in canon. like. :/ #the fact they make him a sex obsessed guy when he shows zero hints towards being horny/sexual in game. and at most he just says that people #shouldnt be punished for loving one another. like. #everytime i see fanon content of minos and hes like haha gabriel do you want to have sex or hes constantly talking abt sex like. come on. #i never even see people talk abt stuff abt minos thats actually cool and not some fanon made up haha bisexual lighting and i love sex bit #like okay we're not gonna talk abt the fact that he had to see the destruction of everything he worked towards to help others with his own #eyes from his prison. #we're not gonna talk about how tragic he is or his story or anything abt his personality in canon? #no we're just gonna graft a make believe personality onto him where he constantly talks abt sex and nothing else? and wants to fuck gabriel #when one of the first things hes ever said upon being freed is that he wants to kill gabriel? #SORRY I KNOW IM BEING A LITTLE HATER AND IVE TRIED TO LESSEN UP ON IT ESP COMPARED TO MY LAST FANDOM. BUT. #GOD. #it wouldnt even be that bad if they didnt rough down minos's rough edges and hatred of gabriel and yet make sisyphus more #angry/violent towards him when he just had beef with heaven in general. like. interesting. that youre. depicting the person of #color as more angry/violent towards your blorbo when its arguable he doesnt even care abt gabe in specific. #really interesting. #truly. #okay im done being a hater #salt tag #to delete

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought. #i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks. #nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder? #but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student. #everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path. #one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it. #maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for. #unrelated

[devilsskettle]

i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/

#stop it...... #i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take #i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in....... #ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday #each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy #selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need #standing all day long just fucking bored #hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in #ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day #when nothing new ever happens #and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either #i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling #and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me #i walk there i stand all day and i walk home #that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like. #i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in #if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy #but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot #idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do #there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits #and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future #so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless. #sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol #all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that