#and I wonder why I have an ed

[youraverageventblog]

I can’t cook for my life but every time I try to learn I think of the time I was 10 and showed my dad pasta that I was so proud of and he said “Oh my god, now I know why you’re so fat.”

I didn’t eat it.

#and I wonder why I have an ed #vent blog #tw vent #anatumblr #anami4 #tw ana diary #ana rant #4namia #4n4rexia #4narex1a #4norexi4 #4n0r3xia #@na rant #@na vent #@nor3×14 #cw food #just tagging in case #shitty parents

[babisawyer]

Jackie realizing she’s gonna have to take care of shauna and jeff’s ghost baby

#🐇 #yellowjackets #truly it’s so interesting to me how much better this season is than the first that literally never happens for me #the current timeline is finally getting interesting. Jeff is still the best part #love how fast misty took to being a cult that is so her™️ #Jackie liking poppies is interesting to me both in the Jackie is gay camp and also you know the whole thing with wizard oz and her death #the ending was so fucking depressing I need a nap now #like I’m so happy they didn’t eat the baby that would have been so incredibly cheap but glad to finally have answers #like do we think shauna was dreaming or had she temporarily crossed over because like where was Jackie and the French dude #I’d say it would make sense that Lottie could be there somehow #idk it reminded me a lot of Jackie’s death of course so I have many questions #I will say the cop story line is pretty stupid like no fucking way is any of this legal and also let’s kill that creep cop shauna #I will help you girl I will drive the get away car #I was also like wondering awhile ago if Lottie’a camp is near where the plane crash was #and my best friend and I were like no there’s no way and then they tell us it’s in New York so like possibly close to the boarder? #I tried looking up cherry hill but I couldn’t find anything idk it’s probably totally unlikely and they just also happen to be in the woods #I didn’t get a preview for next week is there a preview? idk #my complaint this week is where is Jackie lmfao where is her ghost why wasn’t she in sex ed give me something I’m not ready to move on!!!!

[just-another-obsessed-fangirl]

theories as to where Grace got the cigarette she was smoking after fucking Max's ghost:

she has actually secretly been an active smoker for a long time and always carries a pack with her

she bought a pack of cigarettes when she was on the run from the cops because she was stressed, and figuring that she had already disappointed the Lord by touching herself and lying to the police and dismembering a body, decided that she might as well relieve that stress by taking up smoking

Max died with a pack of cigs and a lighter on him and they stayed with him when he turned ghost and Grace pocketed them from his clothes after they had sex

she just found them in the school or on the ground somewhere after the Lords in Black meeting, and perhaps her mind made the association between sex and cigarettes and that's how she came up with the idea of giving up her chastity to end Max's reign of terror

Grace had immediately thought of giving up her virginity as the sacrifice after the Lords in Black meeting, and the entire time Steph and Pete are running away and tearfully coming to terms with Steph having to kill Pete to stop Max, Grace is running around the school or off to a drug store for cigarettes because she felt having a smoke after was that necessary

#grace chasity #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #seriously where did she get that cigarette ive been wondering abt it a lot #her being a secret smoker doesnt seem very in character to me #but weirdly i feel like it makes the most logical sense? #itd easily explain why she has cigarettes on her and she seemed pretty comfortable with smoking #she wasnt like coughing or anything. like she couldve done it before at least once. #2nd most plausible to me was maybe that it was actually max's?? but idk doesn't seem that much more plausible than some of the other ones #her looking for cigs could explain where she was when the steph/pete stuff was happening but not necessarily explain the other way around #though maybe she did think it was necessary. grace almost definitely didn't have accurate sex ed and was sheltered #maybe thru like the media that she could watch she just believed smoking after was the expected thing #or some church sex ed lesson she had that combined abstinence only and no smoking messages #idk. it's 4 am. i dont know what im doing. #my posts

[uncanny-tranny]

I wonder just how much my "good days" are just because I often can sit down and do fuck all, something I don't often have the chance to actually do outside of weekends. I think taking a wrecking ball to this entire economic system may grant me more good days..............

#disability #had a vindicating conversation with my dad who didn't remember why i needed a prescribed insole but conceded i might be right... #...to say it's because my leg is very Noticably shorter... #...it was very funny because he was like 'how do you KNOW for sure' and i stared at him like ._. 'you stand and feel that it's shorter???' #but like. i wonder if that's the only reason i actually have good pain days? #but yeah i thought that was all vindicating and also funny #call me ed sheeran the way i think outloud #(also because i'm apparently a ginger to everybody but myself)

[essenceofarda]

.

#still think abt the time an (adult) male relative told me (when i was 10) that I 'needed to lose weight or no man would ever find me sexy' #which IDK feels like a shitty thing to say to anyone but especially a girl who had yet to even reach puberty lmao #and who wasn't even That overweight at the time Nor had body image issues until that moment going forward lol #ironically... I ended up having some ED issues and gained a bunch of weight from then on #mainly bc i had some CSA trauma in my early childhood way before that conversation so I internalized the idea #that if I was fat no man would give me unwanted attention #however... this thought process (on top of other things) led me to believe for almost my entire life that no man would find me attractive #or like me or love me at ALL unless I either lose a bunch of weight and maybe not even then #which is kinda why I'm overall uninterested in men even if the attraction is technically there? #I lost interest in even male Friendships tbh bc i internalized this idea that no man would be interested in me even platonically 🤔 #anyway. just something I'm working through in therapy but every once in a while I wonder why it's so hard for me to lose weight #and then I remember... ah yes.. '✨trauma✨' lol #funky's personal tag #delete later probs #anyway. I can't really talk about this stuff easily outside of therapy irl so I just be yelling into the void sorry guys :(

[maureyk]

I swear...

I swear, if they don't bring back Izzy fucking Hands in season 3 - resurrect him, have him as a ghost, flashbacks, whatever - I will take no responsibility for my actions!! Twats!

#izzy hands #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #con o'neill #how dare they!!!! #give me back my baby! #what is the POINT of him having such a wonderful arc this season #of having him GROW so much as a human being #just to kill him off #why not let him enjoy his newfound freedom and happiness for a bit? #I get that they had to separate Blackbeard and Izzy #because they were not good for each other #Izzy was holding Ed back in his development #and blablabla #but they could have done it differently! #why not let Izzy sail off with the Revenge and its crew and have Stede and Ed stay behind? #I am bitter #I really don't wanna lose Con O'neill as a part of this show!! #He's just too great! #A fucking LEGEND one could say!!!

[aphel1on]

the most autistic thing i've done in the past year is when i typed out a transcript of the text from the entire main storyline in Pokemon Legends: Arceus into a wordpad document, complete with basic image descriptions, and then i didn't even write the fanfic which was supposedly the reason i started that whole project in the first place

#pokemon legends arceus #pla #pokemon #aphelion.txt #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #67k words. if you were wondering #i didn't replay it myself but rather watched someone's playthrough on youtube and paused each time to copy out the text #i was able to find raw text dumps of the game on the internet but they were all out of order so i decided to make my own transcript #to base the plot of my fanfic off of but then i only ever wrote 1 chapter of the fanfic #probably i should upload the transcript to gamefaqs or something in case any other person in the world might potentially want it #actually this is a time-honored tradition for me #for some reason around the time period of 2nd-4th grade #i would do similar things when i got really bored #like copying out a couple of chapters of my favorite book into one of my notebooks by hand #actually this wasnt even the first time i tried to transcribe a pokemon game #i vividly remember attempting to do the same to pokemon pearl and pokemon ranger when i was like 9 #didn't get very far on those tho #Still not sure why i enjoy(ed) doing this. but. it's soothing ? #might have to redo my resume from scratch btw :/// im not finding it in any of the places where i usually keep documents #the search for it being the reason why. i stumbled on the pla transcript which i managed to forget existed. and made this post

[neverbelessthan]

I just read someone’s hot take on ‘the mermaid scene’ being ‘peak cringe’ and I just-

Sweet, sweet human. That’s Ed’s psyche you’re taking about. My dude is having his life flash before his eyes in the most beautiful little heartbreaking s1 montage, and if that’s how he wants to picture Stede coming to redeem his lonely fucking soul - as a glittery goddamn tits-out merman, then that’s HIS GODDAMN BUSINESS.

#like how #I don’t get it #also the fucking HIPS on that man am I right? (I’m right) #I mean I get it - it’s silly but then also consider that ITS NOT AND GO AWAY #don’t be kink-shaming my man #if he has a merman-Stede fantasy bouncing around in his psyche just ready to go then good for him #also I don’t know how you can be cringing during this scene with the fucking acting by the two of them like #MY HEART #anyway clearly I have some issues #‘some’ lol #but no fuck off actually this entire end sequence is magical I’ll fucking die on this hill come at me #things that will be playing on a loop rent free in my brain while I try to go about my life doing normal adult things like grocery shopping #and studying and having casual conversations #I’ll be like ‘wow those red capsicums have gotten pricey I wonder if it’s a shipping thing?’ #or like ‘yeah I see what you’re saying but I don’t think Nozick’s views on identity and property have the level of overlap you’re assuming’ #and then suddenly my whole brain will just be the image of Stede’s face when he stops on the stairs and stares at Ed’s body #and I’ll be wondering why I can suddenly feel the supermarket floor tiles with my face #and what’s happening? why am I in this white padded van? #where are we going?! #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers

[daz4i]

it should be illegal to advertise products that encourage starving yourself i think

#getting ads for apps that give you fasting instructions... uuuuuhhh...... #i think it should be illegal to advertise ANY diet thing for the purpose of getting skinny/''looking better'' #gee i wonder why people (mainly girls) grow up to hate their bodies for looking average or develop eating disorders 🤔🤔🤔 #like. all that stuff abt everyone looking super thin and glamorous on magazines and billboards is true #but imo these days the casual insistence that everyone should strive to be skinny and do whatever it takes to get there is worse #be it influencers or targeted ads for apps like this. it's not only gross but it is dangerous #you are encouraging self harm. you are promoting eating disorders. you deserve to get your business taken down if not worse #(also ofc. i think people should have the right to diet if they want to. that includes using whatever product or method they choose) #(my whole point is that it should come from the individual. rather than pushed onto them by corporate entities) #(and i think inducing insecurities in ppl then preying on that for proft is the grossest thing you can do) #(same is true about any beauty product. but it's especially sinister when it can literally get someone killed.) #anyway that was my rant for you today. sorry #eating disorders // #ed mention // #tw eating disorders #um lmk if i need to tag this in any other way

[faunandfloraas]

inadvertently stopped using my freckle fade cream without thinking.... right around the time i started making gifs of felix.... coincidence?

#positive influence..... #i do wonder sometimes how jarring it must have been for he and lil chris to go from australia to korea #bc i copped shit for being pale and freckly as a kid #i have a core memory of this girl talia wearing a country bumpkin costume with these cartoonish freckles drawn on and she pointed at me #and was like Lol im jessie haha and i was like Okay so you want to fight?? #another time had to do some speech and when i finished and had questions from my classmates and two boys just asked me why i was pale #and why they could see idk i guess my bloodvessels in my legs ??? i didnt even notice like i was just like UHHHH idk ask about my topic #had so many instances like that and they werent terrible but it did make me insecure #like in the 00s here being tan was /it/ you had to be nice and tanned- go lay in the sun and ignore we are number one in melanoma deaths #like it was so consistently the thing... prob why i have so many freckles bc i didnt tan in the sun i freckled #but in both felix and chans aus photos they were quite tanned! #so imagine going from Hey go lay in the sun and get nice and brown ya pale fucker to Do Not Do That. Be pale as a ghost #white as fuck twilight vampire printer paper ass complexion or else you arent the beauty standard must have been so...... odd #idk beauty standards are so fucked and stupid #at least for me it was just like mean it wasnt like systemic. still wasnt nice but its not damaging the same way #but yeah I imagine some of the cultural differences must have been jarring and weird #like when chan said he was glad to get sex ed in australia bc it was comprehensive here and its not something i would have thought about #but yeah he went to school here and there he would know #idk must be hard to be an idol and straddle that line of not wanting to cause any ripples but having your own ideas and beliefs #oh i'd love to talk to him off the record lmao #dont take this as anti korea sentiment btw like australia is also wack #it just must be interseting and sometimes hard... #wow these tags are long SORRY

[knowlesian]

the clever way they set up izzy the unreliable narrator is just… such good writing

i started making a complete list of “things other people agree izzy is good at” and “things only izzy says he’s good at” for brain distractions and on that first list is swordfighting

the second list is …everything else, i truly do find this little fucker so fun on a narrative level. he’s the textbook unreliable narrator: literally everything he says ends up directly contradicted by the people in question or the action, but he swaggers around yelling his version of events loudest! (and weirdest, lmfao.)

and honestly on a deeper level it makes us as an audience look at how we process things people tell us vs things people show us, and how those are often very much at odds.

the writing on this show is ridiculously good, you know? 

#jackie’s hilarious “jesus christ this idiot” face is so amazing sidenote #everything about jackie is peak entertainment #also seriously i love how they set this up #its so easy to just listen to izzy and fill in the blanks he tells us to fill in #he’s a loud confident white guy! we love to associate all those traits with logic and truth and power and natural skill #and then you have fang and ivan and ed and jackie like “yeah nah it’s uh. look we all just sort of accept he lives in his own narrative” #ofmd spoilers #the way this show begs for textual analysis is PERFECT #(well confident in these matters l o l @ his general mental health and self concept) #izzy hands go to fucking therapy in s2 challenge #but also pls stay suspended in amber in this weird little state you are in #it pleases me #i want to poke at your various components and ask them: why? #why’d you do it like that why’s it so weird why is con why is anything??? #like. seriously. he is a feast for my weird id and my think-y brain thoughts #A FEAST TRULY A SONUVABITCH A WONDER AN IDIOT A FUCKIN …SCRUFFY LITTLE NIGHTMARE I LOVE GI #…him no i will not retype that insane sentence fuck that i do what i want #anyway he is. so dumb. so fun. so sad. so terrible??? #a true pickle jar denizen if i ever saw one #ATE. HIS. TOE. LOVED. IT. P. CAME. THE. END. #my ofmd meta

[my-person-suit-is-defective]

Had my 1st appointment with a top surgeon and he said he might not operate bc of my EDS and he wants to talk to my (none existent) rheumatologist before going any further. So I travelled 8 hours for basically nothing.

#just like wow #also why dont you ask me the fucking questions #its my body #i know how it does #i have had surgery before #instead he basically just shut down the entire consultation #i wonder why i suddenly feel the urge to throw myself off a bridge #top surgery #EDS #trans #ftm #chronic illness #ehlers danlos syndrome #connective tissue disorder

[saturdaynightghostclub]

Okay so I’m a few chapters from finishing The Secret History and genuinely is this the same book I keep seeing on TikTok? Because the chasm between the actual content of the book and the way people seem to talk about it is massive

#like truly is it me? because I’m so confused #don’t get me wrong I’m loving it #but I’m wondering why this book keeps getting No Plot Just Vibes-ed to death #like I have never seen this kind of dissonance about a book in my life lmao

[tellme-o-muse]

I hate my mom’s self destruction it is so unhealthy to be around she doesn’t care if it hurts us at all 😁

#Wonder why I have an ed

[yuenity]

Sometimes I get steddie on my dash and I have to remind myself that Steve and Eddie are not in fact Stede and Ed

#I get confused every fucking time #first its ‘oh they made a typo with stede’s name haha #and then it’s ‘huh I wonder why they’re calling Ed Eddie.’ #and then I realize… #don’t ask me why I have steddie on my dash #I dunno what to tell you

[butwhatifidothis]

This time on Wow, That's Pretty Shitty Of You To Say That: Rhea isn't gay enough to be considered gay

Completely unrelated, here is a completely random picture of a completely random character that has nothing to do with this idea at all I promise

#exqueuese me princess #when you let another woman who openly romantically loves you into your home and you two live together for years #by yourselves with no one around to bother the two of you #just Gals Bein' Pals <3 nothing to see here #also love the bi erasure for Ede/gard as well <3 <3 <3 very progressive #You must be THIS Gay before your bisexuality can be considered valid BUT if you're SUPER Gay then you can't be Bi'' cool cool #good to know that gay characters can only be gay characters if they Act Gay Enough yes that is a very good message to send #and even ignoring the giant Catherine in the room: oh gee I wonder why the character who's only allowed to have supports with one character #doesn't have her romantic inclinations as deeply delved into as the characters who are allowed multiple support options #it must mean she isn't actually gay because you can only be Gay if you break the Gay Threshold #''Homophobia plays a role into why people hate Edelgard now excuse me as I erase an LGBT character's LGBTness to suite my viewpoint better''