#and everybody’s favorite pirate man was just buddy buddy with him and hanging out at his house | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

365days365movies · 3 years

Text

January 26, 2021: The Expendables (2010)

I don’t think you understood how big of a deal this was when it came out, OK? Sylvester Stallone. Dolph Lundgren. Jason Statham. Jet Li. Terry Crews. Randy Couture. Mickey Rooney. In ONE MOVIE? Some of the biggest action stars of all time, in one movie, kicking names and taking ass?

YOU HEARD ME GODDAMIT, IT’S THE EXPENDABLES!

I chose this movie because it contains multiple action stars, rather than just a single one. And since this month started off with Stallone, makes sense to finish with him! Plus, I can also get Statham, Lundgren, and Li in this month! Win-win-win! I’m pumped, no rigamarole needed, LET’S DO IT!!! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

It’s 2010, and our introductory villains of choice are Somali pirates! Yayyyyyyy. They’re holding hostage some shipmates, and haven’t received any money for them in a while. However, as they’re making a new demands video, they find themselves lit up by laser-sights.

These lasers are from guns pointed by a group of commandos, sent to deliver the money and rescue the hostages. When they demand more money, one of them fires a warning shot.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Well…after that, we get an INSANE action sequence, and some one-liners courtesy of the leader. At the end, one of the men, Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), is particularly unhinged. He was the one to fire the warning shot, and he’s about to hang a pirate, which is a little much for this team.

The leader, Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) tells him off, and he’s taken down by Yin Yang (Jet Li), who...YIN YANG??? You CANNOT be serious! REALLY? WHO WROTE THIS???

Anyway, they fire Gunnar, and head home from the mission. Lee Christmas (Mickey Rourke) goes home, only to find that his girlfriend has left him for another, less secretive and murdery man. He catches up with Barney, who’s getting tattoo work done by an old friend, Tool (Mickey Rourke).

The next day, Barney accepts a mission from Mr. Church and Trench Mauser, played by...oh my God.

OH GOD, MY WORLD’S ON FIRE

Anyway, Bruce Willis hires Sylvester Stallone for a job which Arnold Schwarzenegger passes on. And I could use their character names, BUT I PHYSICALLY CANNOT TYPE THEM WHILE THEY’RE TOGETHER. THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED.

Barney accepts the mission, and is confronted by Gunnar, who’s clearly on something. He wants in on the mission, but Barney can’t trust him any more. He leaves, but quite reluctantly.

The group gets together to discuss the mission. This includes Toll Road (Randy Couture) and...Hale Caesar (Terry Crews). Jesus.

The mission: overthrow General Garza (David Zayaz), corrupt dictator on the South American island of Vilena. They make their way to the islands, posing as ornithologists...and I can’t decide if I’m professionally offended by this or not. I’m, uh...I’m in that field. We’ll see how they handle that.

Lee and Barney go to meet a contact for more information, talking about women on the way. And who should walk in but Sandra (Giselle Itié), who I’m calling as an Inevitable Love Interest right now...although I’m not sure for whom. She describes how Americans came and supplied money to Garza, allowing him to ruin the island and take over.

This American is James Monroe (Eric Roberts), and his henchman...STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (Stone Cold Steven Austin). Sure, I could call him Dan Paine…but, nah, he’s Stone Bold, baby!

As tensions run high between Munroe and Garza, due to a lack of profit on Garza’s end. Meanwhile, as Barney determines Sandra’s guilt, military men come in to take them all in. It’s revealed that Sandra is the General’s daughter, and the group gets into a fight. The men are, of course, defeated handily, and our three escape before Munroe and Garza get there.

However, Sandra refuses to leave as Lee brings her to the chopper. After taking out some guards, Barney joins him...by jumping into the plane from the dock. But they go back, and Statham fires on Garza’s men.. from the outside of the plane. AND THEN THEY SPRAY PLANE FUEL ON THEM AND SET IT ON FUCKING FIRE

youtube

Is this...is this gonna be the whole movie? IS THIS GONNA BE THE WHOLE MOVIE

Anyway, they figure out that Sandra did this immediately, and unambiguously evil Munroe tells Garza to kill his daughter. He also brings in Gunnar, who OF COURSE betrays them. He’s brought in by Roberts, who BY THE WAY, is an ex-FBI agent.

Yup. Apparently, the US Government hired Mr. Church to hire the mercenaries to take care of Munroe, with the assumption that they would die in the process of the mission. So, in other words, they’re like a squad…

Upon learning all of this, the group returns home. Lee goes back to his ex, Lacy (Charisma Carpenter), who’s clearly in an abusive relationship with her current boyfriend. So, Lee does what he does, and BEATS THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HIS FRIENDS. Barney, meanwhile, goes to talk to Tool, where Mickey Rourke turns in some QUALITY ACTING, LEMME TELL YOU. He talks about a traumatic past mission, and you feel it, lemme tell you.

But back in Vilena, looks like they’re trying to get information out of Sandra via good old-fashioned water boarding! Yaaaaaaaay. It’s not particularly easy to watch. Luckily for her, Barney decides to go back for Sandra, out of guilt. Yang goes along with him this time. However, Gunnar’s been sent to kill them, and this results in a car-gun battle with Barney, Yang, Gunnar, and Monroe’s other men.

They end up in a warehouse, where they engage in a fist fight. As Gunnar’s about to kill Yang, Barney shoots him through the chest. With his last words, Gunnar tells him where to find Munroe. And despite Barney’s initial intent to go alone, the rest of the Expendables go along.

Meanwhile, in Vilena, Garza now turns against Munroe. Y’know, AFTER the whole water boarding torture thing, which seems a little too late for your daughter, buddy. The Expendables storm the castle, so to speak, and they take out all of the men while destroying the drugs in the building, and…

...I am so bored.

No, really, I mean it! I am INCREDIBLY bored by this movie. I don’t know HOW I could be bored at this movie...but I am! Seriously! I feel...wrong. Like, this should be an amazingly engaging movie, but it just...isn’t.

OK, what’s going on? Right, right, Barney decapitated a man with a single knife stroke, saved Sandra, and then they both got captured. Uh, the other Expendables save him, and Barney’s fighting Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which, again...should be exciting? But somehow, the impact just...isn’t there. Is it me? Is this my fault? Why isn’t this exciting to me?

Garza gives Munroe his money back, sick of the death and destruction, apparently. He almost kills Munroe, but his blade is stilled...by his daughter’s heart? He goes outside, and blames everything on the Americans, which is totally fair. Munroe shoots him dead, then escapes with Sandra, Austin, and the money. And then, they blow up the building.

...Which is somehow boring. What...what is happening to me? WHY AM I NOT ENJOYING THIS?

As the Expendables continue shooting and blowing up the place, I slip into a meditative trance. I think on the nature of the action genre, as Terry Crews destroys three sentry towers with a single big gun. And as I watch these men take out everybody without a SINGLE SCRATCH ON THEM EVER...It dawns on me.

There are absolutely no stakes in this movie. I’m not worried about the Expendables, they’re gonna be fine! And even then, I barely know them! Nothing revealed about their characters has gotten me to root for them or even really LIKE them that much. And even then, I still know that they’re going to succeed.

And as Stallone jump-punches Austin in the face, I continue my meditation. The special effects in this movie are noticeably subpar, as is the fight choreography. The face that these guys are basically supermen is boring. And this is coming from a guy whose favorite DC Comics hero IS SUPERMAN.

As Stone Cold Steve Austin burns to death, it isn’t even Stallone who delivers the final face punch. Instead, it’s Toll, WHOM I DO NOT REALLY KNOW. And as they take down a helicopter using nothing but a single gun and Terry Crews’ muscles, I feel NOTHING.

As Barney confronts Munroe, and Munroe shoots him, I zone out as Munroe monologues, and is summarily shot and stabbed. As expected. And as Barney and Lee trade some more quipped lines, a line of Monroe’s resonates with me. He said that both of them are dead inside, and that’s how this entire movie feels: soulless, without substance or true purpose. It just. Feels. Empty.

Am I numb to the violence? Is it just that it was too much at once? Is it this month, or just this movie? And as Barney and Lee take off into the sunrise and head to Tool’s to celebrate, I...genuinely don’t care. And I also know that I won’t remember ANYTHING in this movie. And then, AND THEN, JUST when I think I couldn’t care less, JUST when I think there were no stakes whatsoever…

GUNNAR’S ALIVE?!? YOU GODDAMN KIDDING ME???

8 notes · View notes

broken-clover · 5 years

Text

Dust Strikers Story Mode 1/4

I haven’t seen too many resources available when it comes to Guilty Gear: Dust Strikers, a DS-only sidegame released in 2006. While I will agree that the gameplay and story did leave a bit to be desired, I still get a decent bit of fun out of it as the only GG game I own that I can play at college. I wound up going through all 20 story modes for the purpose of jotting down all the game dialogue, in case anybody needed it for reference for whatever reason and didn’t have a copy of the game. I’m gonna upload this in chunks for the sake of space.

Part 1 (Sol, Ky, May, Millia, Axl), Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Dialogue for some scenes is repeated. I tried my best to keep this more or less lifted right from the game, though I did make a few edits just for grammar’s sake because this game isn’t very well edited. I did not try to change any conversations just for the sake of it.

Sol:...Whew... Jam: How rude. What's your problem? Faust: Is there something wrong? Sol: A doctor and a chef? This is a big joke. Quit following me wherever I go. Go back to your real jobs, man! Faust: This is what it takes to master the tricks of the trade. It's necessary to learn to see things from the patient's perspective. Jame: The art of cooking is also a quest. You're not gonna find anything new just by sitting around. Venom: Then I should get to know a wider variety of opponents. Let's roll! Sol: Move it. Just go to bed!

Bridget: Whoah, everybody looks tough Chipp: Hey! what's a kid doing here? Eddie: A child. Attractive in terms of her youthfulness but too immature to become my host Bridget: You're not taking me seriously? Then let me show you my moves Sol:...back off. Don't be wasting my time Eddie: Interesting. I shall keep a record of the battle results for future reference Bridget: Don't be surprised! Here I come! Sol: What am I, a babysitter? I can't deal with this...

Slayer: This is quite an unusual combination Sol: I'm starting to get tired of your face Testament: Different being. What do you want? Slayer: Nope. Nothing in particular. Just happened to pass by. Testament: Then please go away Dizzy: Oh, you're Mr. Slayer, aren't you? Please excuse Testament's words. He doesn't mean any harm. Slayer: I'm not bothered by it. Don't worry. But this is quite interesting. Sol: So what the hell is your point? Slayer: Those who have veered off the path. I guess the same must be said of me. Testament: What are you insinuating? You better have a good explanation Slayer: My apologies if I offended you. I'm just genuinely interested in your powers Sol: You using us to kill your boredom? I think it's time you hung em up.

Anji: Finally found you. Sol:...It's you again. Anji: Let me ask you straight out. Do you have any idea where 'he' is? Sol: So what if I know? Anji: Can you tell me where he is? Of course I'm willing to work for it. You and I have a bout, and if I win, you tell me. Sounds fair? Baiken: Wait! Let me in on the festivities Sol: Sorry, not interested. You guys enjoy each other's company Anji: Even Justice feared my powers...Still not interested? Sol:...! Baiken: Shut your trap! You're starting to get on my nerves. I'll kick all of your butts right now! Axl: Whoa!...Damn it...is this a bad time? Baiken: Eavesdropping, are we? I'm not impressed! Axl: I just wanted to ask chief something Sol: And even you. Why does everyone want to stick their noses in other people's business! Axl: No worries, chief! Just a quick bout, no hard feelings! Sol: I'm not responsible for what happens.

I-no: You're late. You shouldn't make ladies wait like that. Sol: shut up. What are you wandering around for? Johnny: Hey, what a coincidence. Didn't expect to run into you here....guess yu're busy with a woman Sol: You stay out of it I-no: Ooh, another cute guy Ky: All of you! Freeze right there! I-no: and now a cute boy, too. Ky: Sol..! And Johnny the pirate, and you're..! I-no: I'd stay out of it if I were you. Why don't you just go home to mommy? Sol: That's enough chit chatting. Let's let the fists do the talking! Ky: ...Sol! I-no: The violent guy as always. Sure, why not...I'll cut you all up into pieces! Ky: I guess there's no alternative. Holy Knight combat was initially meant for handling multiple enemies. I'll show you what it's all about!

Sol: Finally we meet... Gig: Grrr... Sol: I'm here to figure you out. Gig: Grrrgh! Sol:...Too late, I guess. Then die.

Gig: Grr...grr... Sol: Don't bother. It's over Gig: Grr.... Sol:...I'll make sure we get even for your sake. I guarantee you we'll find the dirt bag...

Jam: Ayah! Who's this cute guy? Ky: You must be...that chef, Ms. Jam Kuradoberi. Jam: That's right! You remembered me! I'm so happy! Ky: I'm glad to see you're doing well. May: Wahts...oops! Oh no! Ky: You must be May, the pirate May: Are you going after Johnny? You'll have to get by me first. Ky: Please, put your guard down. I'm not after pirates right now. Testament: So you're out bounty-hunting then. Probably after me then, aren't you? Jam: Ooh, you're quite the hottie too. Wanna work at my restaurant? Testament: Stop talking nonsense... May: It's two hot guys...but Johnny's way hotter than both of you!

Zappa: Hey! Miss! Millia:...Yes? Zappa: If it's possible, can you be my wi... Millia:... Zappa: Actually, never mind... Axl: Dude, let me show you how it's done. Hey, you in the beautiful blond hair! Let me buy you a cup of coffee so I can see which glows brighter, your hair or your eyes. Millia:...Um, I'm in a hurry. Ky: You're Millia, the former assassin. If you're not with the guild anymore, leave the rest to the police force. No need to put yourself in danger. Millia: I'll take care of him. It's none of your business. Ky: But no, we have to... Zappa: What's all this talk about? Even the police are here. Maybe I should get outta...NO!...Happiness. Hatred! Hatred! Millia: Why don't I ever have luck with men?

Faust: Traveling lady with the scent of blood. Where are you headed? Baiken: Get lost, you lame doc. It's none of your business. I can kill whoever I want. Chipp: Woman enduring countless bloodshed. So you're that Japanese beauty? Ky: There's nothing but anger inside you. As a protector of public safety, I can't let such hateful words pass Baiken: Kid, if you don't wanna get hurt, you should just keep your mouth shut Ky: I have confidence in my sword. Not exactly my favorite option, but in this case I have no choice Faust: What you need is some time off in total peaceful serenity. As a physician, it is my obligation to make sure that you are cured.

Anji: You must be Ky Kiske, former leader of the Sacred Order of Holy Knights Ky: Yes, that would be me. And who are you? Anji: Last name is Mito, first name is Anji. I'm just a journeyman Ky: So what can I help you with? Anji: I'd like to challenge you to a match. I wanted to see firsthand the skills of a top-class warrior like yourself. Ky: I can tell from your presence that you're not an ordinary foe. Asian martial arts? Interesting. I accept your challenge. Slayer: In that case, count me in too. Fighting for the sake of fighting. To me fighting is life's best form of entertainment. Don't you think? Potemkin: I myself haven’t had any worthy opponents recently. Sure, I'll take you on. Ky: This is getting interesting. It's been a while for me too. Bring it on!

I-no: You're late. You shouldn't make ladies wait like that. Sol: shut up. What are you wandering around for? Johnny: Hey, what a coincidence. Didn't expect to run into you here....guess you're busy with a woman. Sol: You stay out of it. I-no: Ooh, another cute guy. Ky: All of you! Freeze right there! I-no: and now a cute boy, too. Ky: Sol..! And Johnny the pirate, and you're..! I-no: I'd stay out of it if I were you. Why don't you just go home to mommy? Sol: That's enough chit chatting. Let's let the fists do the talking! Ky: ...Sol! I-no: The violent guy as always. Sure, why not...I'll cut you all up into pieces! Ky: I guess there's no alternative. Holy Knight combat was initially meant for handling multiple enemies. I'll show you what it's all about!

Ky: What overpowering energy! Gig: Grr... Ky: You telling me this used to be a man? Gig: Grrrgh! Ky: Damn! I have no other choice...

Gig: Grr...grr... Ky: Barely managed to hang on... Gig: Ghhh... Ky: It looks like his losing control of reason has maximized his powers to infinite levels... Gig: Grr.... Ky: ...Pease, rest in peace I-no: Good job for a young boy like you. Ky:! I-no: I can probably kill you easily now...but that wouldn't be fun. So I'll let you go. Ky: You tell the man who created Gears, that he will pay for his crimes! I-no: You don't stand a chance! Why don't you look at yourself in the mirror before you speak? But I'll let him know anyway. Seeya! Ky: ...hate to admit it, but I'm not strong enough yet...but I will eventually rise over the true Gear powers.

May

May: I've got the chills. Faust: Perhaps you have a cold. Here, let me take a look. May: Don't come near me! Faust: What's the problem? May: These vibes...I'm positive! You're...you're bald, aren't you! Venom: You must be Faust, the Dark Doctor. Or should I call you doctor- Faust: Stop it. I don't use that name anymore. Venom:...Excuse me for being disrespectful. Doctor, I'd like you to accompany me. Faust: I'm sorry, my job is to save lives. I don't know if I can be of much help to you and your comrades. May: Look at all that hair...I guess it's not as bad as being bald...doesn't it get in the way? Venom: Let's put your limitations into perspective, then. You'll realize there are only so many lives you can save! May: Who, me? Zappa: KILL! KILL! Let me kill! May: What's with all these weirdos? I'm fighting for real, then!

Chipp: Please, I'm begging you! Baiken: Geez, what is your problem? Chipp: Make me Japanese! Even samurai give mercy, don't they? Baiken: No samurai here. Not a chance, buddy. Be a big boy and get over it, willya? Anji: Hey, what are you doing here? Chipp: You'll do! Please, tell me how to become Japanese! Anji: There's no way in hell, man. Be content being the 'president' Chipp: NO! I wanna become the president, become a Japanese, surpass master's ninjutsu abilities and take revenge! May: You guys arguing over something? Chipp: Damn...what are you doing here? Anji: Yup. A 'Japanese' May: Japa...what? Why're you crying sir? Something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Chipp: I will reach the top! You watch me, master! May: Wow, you scared me! You know I'm tough when I'm mad!

Jam: Ayah! Who's this cute guy? Ky: You must be...that chef, Ms. Jam Kuradoberi. Jam: That's right! You remembered me! I'm so happy! Ky: I'm glad to see you're doing well. May: Whats...oops! Oh no! Ky: You must be May, the pirate May: Are you going after Johnny? You'll have to get by me first. Ky: Please, put your guard down. I'm not after pirates right now. Testament: So you're out bounty-hunting then. Probably after me then, aren't you? Jam: Ooh, you're quite the hottie too. Wanna work at my restaurant? Testament: Stop talking nonsense... May: It's two hot guys...but Johnny's way hotter than both of you!

May: Wow! Look how big you are! Potemkin: And so are you. May: Hey! That's not very nice! Potemkin: No, I just thought you grew a little compared to the last time I saw you May: Well thanks fr the compliment. Think I'm good enough for Johnny now? Eddie: Having a host in her growth spurt...might not be a bad idea. Johnny: Out of the way, May! Potemkin: Humph! May:...Thanks Johnny: Thanks. I owe you one. Eddie: How dare you... May: Now it's my turn! I'll prove it to you that a girl in love is unbeatable!

Millia: Long time no see...Honey, you look very different. Dizzy: It's all thanks to May, and all of my great friends. May: Hee hee. Stop, you're embarrassing me Dizzy...everyone loves you only because you're a good person, that's all. Bridget: Yes, I think so too. To think that there used to be a bounty on her is weird when you think about it now. Millia: Treasure that happiness you have. And don't turn out like me. May: Why don't you join Jellyfish too? I'm sure Johnny will welcome you. Not to mention you're beautiful. I'm a bit jealous...don'f forget though, Johnny is mine! Millia:...thanks. But I think I'll take a pass. I have some unfinished business. Plus...actually, never mind. I think I better go now. Okay, let me through.

May: Phew. Finally here. Gig: Grr.... May: Wow!...No worries. I'm not freaked out. Johnny always tells me I should lend a helping hand to those in need. Come with me, my friend. Gig: Grrrgh! May: What! Whoa!

Gig: Grr...grr... May:...Why? I didn't want to do this to you. Gig: Grr... May: I'm so sorry...

Dizzy: May! May: Dizzy...I couldn't do it...Couldn't help him like Johnny would. I just wish we could've been friends. Dizzy:...I think you did the right thing... May: Whatdya mean? Dizzy: Look at that peaceful face. Thanks to you, he's finally free from long suffering. May:... Dizzy: Let's go back. Everyone's waiting. May:...uh, all right (...rest in peace, my friend...and good night)

Millia

I-no: What do we have here, the desperate bachelorettes council? Baiken: What kind of greeting is that? That's not a very nice thing to say Jam: That's right! You're rude! And what about you? I-no: Oh dear, don't be so uptight. It's just a joke, honey. Or were you offended 'cause I was right on the mark? Millia: You're a joke. Why don't you get outta here. I-no: Oh no. I'm scared. I guess this is how women become as they get older. Baiken: You crazy! I'll cut you up into pieces! Jam: I'm not showing you any mercy either! Millia: If you're not gonna get outta here, we'll have to get rid of you. It's as simple as that. I-no: You're such sweethearts. Very well, I make you cry lots. We'll find out how loud you can cry.

Testament:...Long time no see. Millia: That's a first. You coming up to me to say hi. Things have changed, haven't they? Testament: You're still caught up in the past and changing the thorny path. Millia:...it's none of your business. Move out of the way, will you? Testament: I don't have a problem, but... Millia:... Testament: You seem hesitant. With such mixed feelings, it may cost you your life. Millia:!!! I must have lost my edge, to be getting advice from you. Potemkin: What he's saying is on the money. Those with swaying motivation never fight to their full potential. Please excuse my eavesdropping. Anji: Just happened to pass by. Millia: Then I guess I'll have to eliminate all doubts before I get to him. I'll need your cooperation for that.

Millia: So...we meet again...Zato. Eddie: So you still haven't gotten over him? Millia: Shut up, you damn beast...I'm talking to him, not you! Eddie: What do you want to talk to ME about? Millia: I'm taking you down. I'm sick and tired of looking at your pathetic, bony remains. Venom: Not so fast...! Master Zato is regarded as the crown-jewel of the guild. You'll have to hand him over to me...! Slayer: I've told you the Guild is no more. No raison d'etre and no purpose. Continued existence will only bring further regret and despair. Venom: Oldtimers can keep their mouth shut. The guild no longer belongs to you. Millia: It has nothing to do with me anymore, I don't care what happens to it. I just want to take care of this guy with my very own hands. Eddie: Do you think it will be that easy? What do "I" think?"...Not so easy, "I" say. Venom: I sense you...Master Zato. I am going to free you, Master, from the evil spell of death! Eddie: Ha ha...this is great! Lowly humans who cannot accept death. That's the right evil spirit to have! Slayer: I'm the one who started all of this. I must atone for my past deeds. Fine, let us put an end to it all.

Millia: You look very much like him. Gig: Grr... Millia:You resemble him...and you resemble me. Gig: Grrrgh! Millia:...All right. I'll let you rest.

Gig: Grr...grr... Millia:...good night. It's all over now. For you, and for me. Gig: Grr... Millia:...may your soul rest in peace

Millia: (Have I been watching my own future? Is this what you wanted to tell me? Zato...)

Axl

Axl: Hey, what's that you're holding? I didn't know you had those toys, even in this day and age. Bridget: This is not a toy! It's a tool of my trade! Axl: Ouch! I'm sorry! What have we here? Playing pool at a place like this? Venom: How dare you insult my combat style. I say you deserve a beating. Axl: Hang on a sec! Something wrong with this era. Every toy's being used as a weapon. So what do people actually play with? Johnny: The best for of entertainment, I'd say is the thrill and romance of playing with fireworks at night. I'm pretty sure that's the consensus. Axl: You know what you're talking about! I'm actually great with fire myself...here we go!

Chipp: Hey! I have a question. Axl: Hi there, you look very hot. I-no: You talking about me? Axl: Of course! Who else would it be? Great body, silky smooth hair, you're electrifying! I-no: You're very good with words. Let me ask you then. Who's hotter? That woman or me? Chipp: Hey, listen up! Millia:...don't bother me. Chipp: !...you used to be in the guild! Millia: Yes, but that was a long while ago. Now I'm in the same boat as you. Axl: Ah man, this is a tough one. They're both really hot. Chipp: I'm taking down the guild! You women stay out of it! Millia: That I cannot do. Just like you, I can't pull out. Axl: This is a tough decision... Millia: And...quit staring at me with that perverted look on your face! Axl: Oops, I think I got her mad at me.

Potemkin: You youngster there. I see you have some talent. How about testing some of that talent on my fists? Axl: Man, you've got a nice build. But what do you have to gain? Plus, are you sure you can handle me? Potemkin: I wouldn't underestimate me. My drive for freedom locked inside my heart is my greatest weapon. Axl: Cool. I love peace and freedom too. But you might get out of breath when you're so stiff all the time. Ky: So you're fighting in the name of peace and freedom. Perhaps I might come up with answers for myself too. Excuse me, I'd like in as well. Jam: Just drive won't take you anywhere. There's no victory for those who can't face reality. I'll prove it to you right now!

Faust: This is an interesting symptom. I see, it's a cause and effect cycle. Axl: You, I never asked you to check up on me! Even though it's true that I've been through a lot, I've never had any doubts about my body. Faust: Oh, is that right? If there aren't any cures, that may very well be the best treatment. Axl: I'm more concerned about your body. Looks a little mysterious. Faust: Not to worry. It's all functional Slayer: Irregulars with an added spice that changes the world of men. Axl: You talking about us? Slayer: It's because of people like you that makes humans interesting. Even though you're blessed with great powers, it's normal to you. Very typical of how humans behave. Axl: It'll stress you out if you think so deeply. Zappa: Hahahahaha! Slayer: Look. Yet another fellow favored by the goddess of fortune. Axl: I do like women but I'm not sure about the goddess. Slayer: It must be the uncertainty factor that led you into running into me Axl: C'mon, let's just have fun...I thought this was supposed to be a party!

Axl: Huh? You can still speak? Gig: Grr... Axl: Man, what am I gonna do? Gig: Grrgh! Axl: Sorry dude, it's not my time yet.

Gig: Grr....grr... Axl: Phew! Hey, man. Haven't you had enough? Gig: Grr... Axl: I think that should be enough....what? This sensation!!! That Man: It is not yet the time for you to find out the truth. When the time comes you will find out. Whether you like it or not! Axl: Who are you? That Man: We shall part for a short time. Time traveler. Axl:...Ahhhgh!

Axl: What period is this? Looks like a messy period in time. Oh well, things will work out. Since getting rattled isn't my style!

#guilty gear #Guilty Gear Dust Strikers #resources #dialogue #sol badguy #ky kiske #guilty gear may #millia rage #Axl Low

35 notes · View notes

themusingsofacurlyhairednerd · 7 years

Text

All My Friend’s Are Heathens; Part 8

Chapter 7 is here

Master list is here

Author’s Note: Introducing an AU Lexa as Commander_Springtime, who’s character is based off a quote from Bob (that I can’t find) that said he missed Alycia because they would talk about flowers all the time.

Summary: Bellamy is going all out for this fake dating Clarke thing and the Delinquents are being, well delinquents.

*Flower Children chat*

Iliad: So listen

If I was to, hypothetically, be fake dating someone would bringing her roses be too forward?

Should I stick with sunflowers?

Daisies?

Commander_Springtime: Are u drunk?

Iliad: HELP ME LEXA YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE

Commander_Springtime: What’s happened to you?

Iliad: That’s a long story

But seriously, I need your help

Commander_Springtime: *SIGHS* how serious is this hypothetically fake girlfriend?

Iliad: Our fake relationship has been pretty steady

Commander_Springtime: College has screwed with your brain, Bell.

Iliad: Accurate

Commander_Springtime: Get her some of her favorite flowers

Iliad: Well great, now I just gotta find blue Lisianthuses in the middle of November!

Commander_Springtime: your fake gf is basic

I feel u could do better

Iliad: Not really

But thanks!

I owe ya one

Commander_Springtime: I take payment in the form of scented candles and edible arrangements ;)

Iliad: You have enough candles, Lex

Commander_Springtime: U SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH BELLAMY BRADBURY BLAKE

U COME INTO MY HOUSE AND DISRESPECT ME LIKE THIS???

COME FIGHT ME!!!

Iliad: Another time maybe ;)

*Blake Siblings chat*

TheSuperiorBlake: Can I take ur car to go get pizza with Raven, Harper, and Monroe?

Iliad: I

THINK

NOT

YOU

DEMON

CHILD

TheSuperiorBlake: I’ll be careful!!!!

Iliad: Over my dead body

TheSuperiorBlake: What if Raven drives?

Iliad: Doesn’t Raven have her own car? Why does she need mine?

TheSuperiorBlake: She’s overhauling the engine

Harper rides a bike everywhere

& Monroe’s car is a piece of shit

ur my only shot at pizza

Iliad: Well have it delivered

TheSuperiorBlake: U know my beef with the delivery guy!!

Iliad: You need to let that go

Forgetting the extra cheese on your pizza wasn’t even his fault

TheSuperiorBlake: he called me a bitch and threw my tip back at me!!!

Iliad: You handed him a fistful of loose change from the bottom of your purse, O.

I’d throw it back at you too

Iliad: Besides, I need my car tonight

TheSuperiorBlake: Don’t tell me ur tutoring Echo again?

Iliad: Yeah O, my unrequited love for Clarke has damaged me so badly that I’m running back into that witch’s arms after she ripped my heart out and fed it to the birds.

You really hit your head in that car accident.

TheSuperiorBlake: SO U ADMIT U LOVE CLARKE

Iliad: I’m going out with Lincoln tonight, be good while I’m gone.

TheSuperiorBlake: ur not my real mom!

Iliad: Thank God! I would have hated carrying you inside me for 9 months only to watch you turn into a road raging psychopath who runs over old ladies for giggles.

TheSuperiorBlake: THAT WAS ONE TIME

Iliad: Twice actually

TheSuperiorBlake: u pretentious whore

Iliad: Love you too, O.

*Linctavia FOREVER chat*

TheSuperiorBlake: I need u to convince my brother to let u drive tonight so I can take his car

Trikru: convince him to let me drive him where???

TheSuperiorBlake: u guys are going out tonight

Trikru: since when?

TheSuperiorBlake: he just told me he needed the car to go out with u tonight

Trikru: it’s news to me

TheSuperiorBlake: -_-

*The Terrible Two chat*

Trikru: Dude r we hanging out tonight?

Iliad: Why would I hang out with you tonight? I’m still not over what you let my sister do the other day.

Trikru: But Octavia said we were hanging out???

Iliad: Well we’re not

Trikru: then why did u tell her we were?

Iliad: Leave it alone, Lincoln

Trikru: Somebody has a date he doesn’t want us knowing about, huh?? ;)

Iliad: Lincoln :) You :) Son :) Of :) A :) Bitch :) I :) Will :) End :) You :) So :) Help :) Me :) God :)

Trikru: :) :) :)

*Iliad added Nurse_Griffin to join the Operation_Fake_Out chat*

Iliad: All set for our “date” tonight?

Nurse_Griffin: Did u send a bouquet of flowers to my house???

Iliad: Yeah

Do you like them?

Nurse_Griffin: How did u find so many in November??

Iliad: Don’t tell Kane but Roan knows a guy who sells everything from pirated dvds to exotic flowers out of the back of his van.

Nurse_Griffin: Um, he isn’t the one who dropped them off at my place, right?

Iliad: Hell no! I bought a vase at hobby lobby and left it at your door on my way home from work.

Nurse_Griffin: That’s a lot of work for a fake date, Bellamy.

U didn’t have to do that

Iliad: But you like them?

Nurse_Griffin: Yeah! They’re beautiful!

Iliad: Then nothing is too much for my fake girlfriend ;)

Nurse_Griffin: I should have started fake dating u awhile ago ;)

*Blake Siblings chat*

TheSuperiorBlake: U UPSIDE DOWN FRUIT CAKE UR NOT HANGING OUT WITH LINCOLN TONIGHT!!

TheSuperiorBlake: u lied to my face

my trust in u will be forever broken

all i wanted was pizza and u betrayed me like this

u monster!!!

TheSuperiorBlake: answer my texts u miscreant!

Bellamy?

Bell?

Brother mine??

TheSuperiorBlake: BITCH U BETTER RESPOND TO ME OR I WILL TEXT U THE ENTIRE NIGHT

*Operation_Fake_Out*

Nurse_Griffin: So where are we eating?

Iliad: I think this should be a trial run, you know, before we let them catch us, so it should be somewhere they’re less likely to be. How about that new place, Polis?

Nurse_Griffin: I’VE BEEN DYING TO GO THERE

I HEARD THEIR FOOD IS TO DIE FOR

Iliad: Perfect

Also, I’m outside

Nurse_Griffin: Only u would be 10 minutes early for a fake date

*Delinquents group chat*

Greenbean: Mom and Dad haven’t answered any of my text messages

Jaaaaaaaasssssppper: MAYBE THEY DIED IN A FIERY CAR WRECK AND NOW WERE ORPHANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trikru: chill dude

they’re not dead

i-make-it-go-boom: then why aren’t they texting back??

bellamy always texts us back

he’s the most reliable person we know

Jaaaaaaasssssssppper: In peace may they leave the shore, in love may they find the next, safe passage in their travels, until our final journey to the ground, may we meet again.

HeadbandWonder: May we meet again

MillertheKiller: May we meet again

TheSuperiorBlake: wtf is wrong with u guys???

Jaaaaasssssppper: Now that the period of mourning is over I CALL DIBS ON BELLAMY’S TV

MillertheKiller: I GET HIS ROVER

TheSuperiorBlake: Like hell u do Miller! If bellamy really is dead I get his car!!

MillertheKiller: So u can run that one into a ditch too?

I don’t think so!!

U don’t know how to take care of a car like that

i-make-it-go-boom: Wait

Why is lincoln so sure they’re not dead?

TrashPrince: HIGHLY SUSPECT!!

Greenbean: u know something lincoln?

Trikru: No

I’m just saying it’s highly unlikely they’re dead

TrashPrince: U SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES

i-make-it-go-boom: start talking lincoln

*Trikru has left the group chat*

i-make-it-go-boom: THAT BASTARD

TheSuperiorBlake: don’t u worry

I’ll get him to talk

*Operation_Fake_Out*

Nurse_Griffin: tonight was really fun

Iliad: Yeah it was :)

Nurse_Griffin: tho u didn’t have to pay for the entire dinner

we could have split the bill

that steak was hella expensive

Iliad: I’d cut off my own arm for another piece of that steak tbh

Besides, what kind of fake boyfriend would I be if I didn’t treat you right?

Nurse_Griffin: So tomorrow... u wanna go see a movie or something? I’ll buy the tickets if u buy the popcorn?

Iliad: Kinda cliche to let them catch us at the movies

Nurse_Griffin: Maybe we need some more practice, you know, to really sell it.

Iliad: Careful, Princess, or you might fall for me ;)

Nurse_Griffin: In ur dreams, Blake

*Griffin Family ft. Officer_Kane chat*

Nurse_Griffin: I think I might be falling for Bellamy

DrGriffin: Is that so?

Officer_Kane: You’re just NOW realizing this?

Nurse_Griffin: Wait... u guys know?????

Officer_Kane: we have eyes

DrGriffin: Clarke, honey, you are many wonderful things, but subtle isn’t one of them.

Nurse_Griffin: DID EVERYBODY KNOW THIS BUT ME???

Officer_Kane: By everybody do you mean the reckless delinquent children who have been pulling illegal stunts since the ninth grade in an attempt to push you into Bellamy’s open arms?

Then yes

Nurse_Griffin: -_-

DrGriffin: Don’t worry about them. You take your time to figure out your feelings and act on them when you’re ready.

Officer_Kane: But for the love of God end that boy’s suffering soon! I need him to stop asking me for romantic advice while I’m on the night shift.

But, you know, take all the time you need. This is about you.

DrGriffin: Nice save, Marcus

*The Terrible Two*

Trikru: How’d the date go, buddy?

Iliad: I told you to let it go man

Trikru: Come on man

It’s me

We talk about chicks all the time

Iliad: You better not be here to talk about some side chick you found at football practice because I will damage your god-like features if you hurt my sister you toadstool!

Trikru: No side chicks, promise

But srsly how’d the date go?

Iliad: Why are you so sure I had a date?

Trikru: Because u lied to Octavia about where u were tonight

Were u with Clarke?????

Iliad: Why would that be a thing, Lincoln?

Trikru: ‘Cause she was mysteriously absent from the group chat at the same time as u

Iliad: Why don’t you ask her yourself? I don’t keep tabs on her.

Trikru: Come on Bellamy! It’s me. You can tell me if u went out with Clarke.

My lips are sealed

Iliad: I’d rather throw myself into the sun

Trikru: Be like that

But I’m telling Octavia my suspicions

Iliad: You’ve got literally nothing on me

Trikru: Don’t I? ;)

Iliad: Good night, Lincoln.

Trikru: TELL CLARKE I SAID GOOD NIGHT!!!!! :) :)

Iliad: You’re delusional

25 notes · View notes