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officialtgss · 3 years

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Good morning my friends. It’s a beautiful day in this beautiful world we are blessed to call home. And it is with immense gratitude that I share this week’s article post!

One of the most common questions I get from young men is:

"What do women want?”

Most men today are utterly clueless as to the answer. And if that’s you, it’s not your fault.

Our media gives us a picture of romance and dating that’s wholly out of step with reality. Not to mention many of us, when we were young, were told ‘just be yourself! Just be you and she’ll like you!’

And then we grew up and realized none of it was true.

The partner you select has huge implications for the health, happiness, and prosperity of your family. You’d never start a business without choosing the right partner. Why should your family be any different?

Save Your Sons wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t arm our young men with the information they need to be confident in selecting their partners. In order to do that, we have to:

1. Teach what type of man you need to become to be attractive to women

2. Teach what to look for when selecting a long-term partner or spouse

3. Teach what you can do to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse over a lifetime (hint: be the man that attracted her in the first place)

The truth is women are actually very logical about how they select their partners. And you can become the type of man who will increase his selection of women by following a simple framework.

I share the framework that worked for me and many others in the July edition of Save Your Sons University @SchoolOfStevie. You’ll get a step by step process for becoming the type of man women are most attracted to. I recorded the accompanying audio lecture for July’s course over Father’s Day weekend (God bless my family for sitting through it 😂).

It’s about an hour long, and full of practical information that will give you everything you need to increase your dating options. Go ahead and sign up if you haven’t already!

As for this week’s essay, let’s take a look at what not to do.

If your goal is to be attractive to women, and to find a partner who will walk with you through your life, the first thing you should do is stop chasing women.

Yes there is a time and place for approaching women. Yes you need to be confident and sociable when speaking with women. Yes you need practice in these areas (and lots of it).

But the most important thing you should do before you worry about any of that, is to pour your energy into yourself.

Because right now odds are good you’re using just a fraction of your full potential. And access to the life you want (your choice of women included), can only be unlocked by increasing the amount of your potential you’re using.

Your options will be limited until you increase your value. No matter what you desire, (wealth, status, women, houses, etc.) the greater you make yourself, the more options you’ll have.

Because in its simplest form, what women want is value. And they aren’t unique in that way either. ALL people are attracted to value. Success itself is attracted to value. Our value (what we are capable of contributing to the world), is what makes us valuable (how the world views and treats us). And you can only increase your value by working on yourself.

The best way to do that?

Start by working backwards.

Start by understanding who you need to become. Create a vision of your ideal self. Create a vision of what your life will look like when you’ve become your ideal self. And then identify the benchmarks and objectives along the way that will get you there.

When it comes to attracting women, there are a few easy to measure benchmarks you can track to gauge your progress. They all require relentless honestly and self awareness. Only when you know where you stand can you know where to go.

Over the years I’ve condensed these benchmarks into an easy to follow 5 part framework. In July’s course, we’ll go through each part of the framework in detail. We’ll explore what each part means, and what you can do in your daily life to pass your benchmarks.

To get July’s course (which includes the framework and explanations and examples of what you need to do to be successful), click the green button below. You’ll also get June’s course immediately when you sign up (“How you look matters”).

Take me to Save Our Sons University

I’ll say it again, because it bears repeating: your choice in partner will have MASSIVE implications on your future. The right woman, walking in lockstep with you as you guide and nurture your family, is one of the greatest blessings in this life.

And in order to find a high caliber partner, you need to be a high caliber man. The better you make yourself, the better your options. In all areas of life.

Thank you for reading, and as always,

God bless you, until next time,

SoS

#Manhood #lifeprotips #lifestyle #livelovewrite #real life

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whetstonefires · 5 years

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For the ask meme: 29 Jokester. Genius relative to hard work? What geniuses are owed by the world? He's pretty naturally talented in his own right, but given Owlman's opinion of his (Bruce's) innate gifts, J's feeling about genius must be somewhat complicated.

Oh, this is a good one, Nonny! Thank you. ^^ Question from the ask meme is:

29. Is genius equal to hard work? Does a genius deserve praise for doing well without effort? Are they above us?

Okay, so the last part of the question first, because it would make him do a sort of sidelong squint at you “noooo?”, sort of laughing like ‘did you seriously ask me this inherently dumb and obvious question like it was hard?’

J is just short of militantly anti-hierarchical, is the thing. He spends actual years in complete denial that he’s the leader of anything. It is a fundamental tenet of his existence that nobody is above or below anybody else.

(Like. In that particular metaphorical sense. He’s not in denial about the third dimension.)

This sort of bleeds into how he’d approach the other two questions in #29, too, because he’s very free with praise, and relatively unlikely to stop and be parsimonious about it unless he’s mad at you for separate reasons.

The genius doing something awesome easily and the non-genius doing something similarly awesome on the basis of great effort would both get his vocal admiration, all other things being equal; he’d probably get more enthused in the later case because they’d probably be more invested in the activity, and he empathizes instinctively enough that that would make it feel more important.

(It’s not out of the question he’d edge accidentally on condescending in this case because even before he became an actual dad he had strong dadding impulses, but it’s not really out of the question he’d do the same in a different tenor to a genius, especially one who was showing off a little.)

And because he doesn’t think in hierarchies without provocation, he also doesn’t think in benchmarks much, so being asked if ‘genius is equal to hard work’ is like being asked if ‘14 is equal to red.’ It’s as nonsensically hard to answer as the first question was easy.

He could work out where you’re coming from pretty quickly because he’s not actually oblivious to the norms of the society he inhabits, but it wouldn’t make intuitive sense, and he’d resist engaging with the terms of the question enough to give it a straight answer.

So he’d have to be presented with this rivalry in fairly concrete terms to really consider it. And then it would come down to the people involved, what their needs were, and whether they were being assholes.

And he’d still try to break down the categorization process underlying the contest as much as he could.

🤹‍♂️🤸‍♀️👐

Considering the issue more broadly, as expanded by the ask, J actually loves geniuses!

They almost by definition see the world in unique ways, and that’s like catnip--Jokester’s genuinely interested in most people’s points of view, but the really weird ones are special to him. 🕵️‍♂️ In a sense, he identifies with geniuses. As fellow members of the ‘strange perspective’ demographic set. 🧙‍♂️

He also finds them fun, because they do and say unexpected things, and things he absolutely does not understand. It makes the world feel bigger and more complicated in the good ways than it can sometimes seem, when you’re i.e. huddled in a sewer hiding children from the mob and the cops who are working together.

Now, Owlman’s genius is undeniable, so J’d acknowledge it without real quibble if it was pointed out. But while it’s a huge part of Owlman’s personal identity it’s not a major element of Jokester’s idea of him. It’s down in the ‘weapons’ category with ‘stupid car’ and ‘minions’ and ‘armor spikes he can launch at your face.’ 🔪

Because he doesn’t do anything interesting with it; he’s slaved most of his intellect to his will-to-power and it makes him predictable and kind of one-dimensional a lot of the time, and once you’ve adjusted to his particular style of theatrics, dull. It’s ridiculous that you can be that brilliant that that dull at the same time, honestly. Like some sort of...diamond club.

(Only if we’re doing playing-card cartomancy Owlman is aligned with the suits of diamonds and spades ♦♠, obviously; clubs are an oddly friendly suit by tradition considering the name, I suppose by analogy with wands in the latin deck just as spades are analogous to swords? Except batons are not friendly. Hm. Uh. Yeah anyway J gets hearts and clubs ♥♣ and Bruce gets diamonds and swords because sometimes symbolism is very straightforward.)

On the other hand, J did admittedly used to get pretty regular pangs of intellectual inferiority, for a while after he’d adjusted to existing and Gotham but hadn’t become Jokester, and a little while more--not in relation to geniuses in particular, so much as in comparison to anyone intelligent with a formal education. 📚📝📜

He got over it, once he had a developed and secure sense of his own identity; had that one pretty thoroughly sorted by the time he met Harley, which is good because it wouldn’t have been a relationship-breaker, but resolving it would have been yet another source of drama.

(There was actually a brief period of high drama in their relationship after the honeymoon period wore off, because both of their identities were in flux, Harley had no experience with healthy relationships and J had no experience with intimate ones, and both of them were so worried about pressuring the other it rendered them briefly unable to usefully communicate. I should like. Depict that at some point.)

Also Jokester doesn’t take the label ‘genius’ very seriously and tends to hand it out like popcorn. Ed’s the only one in his immediate circle who accepts it as his due. 😆🎪✨

#earth-3 #jokester #owlman #haley quinn #genius #ask meme #hierarchies #chaotic good #hoc est meum #sorry this took several days nonny #life happened at me #also i made bread that one was my own fault #a nonny mouse #ask

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alyxeris · 6 years

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apparently i only check/update this when i have big life updates.

anyway, long post is going to be long. i’m processing a lot of things and life changes and changes in relationship dynamics.

things have changed a lot lately, and i need a space to talk and vent about it. obviously in the last year i got laid off from my job, moved to lexington, and generally have been working on improvement as always. i have an amazing roommate and cat roommate here, and we have a cute if decrepit house! everything is halloween-themed in it, and i actually enjoy having people over. (which isn’t to say i don’t miss twin pines and my amazing neighbor/basically roommate from cincy because goddamn i definitely do.) we live a minute walk from the bar all our friends frequent; it’s not dissimilar from cheers and at this point we can basically time when our friends are about to come in. we mostly annoy each other with goofy songs on the jukebox when it’s not playing sad country tunes. i’m really happy here, honestly. it’s felt like home so quickly, and i have a really supportive and rad group of friends. i’m really lucky i do because things sort of all fell apart when i first moved here.

i won’t go into full details because being respectful to my partner and all that, but basically right after i moved down here my partner and their other partner they lived with broke up. they were dating for 6 years, and it seemingly came out of nowhere (less so in retrospect). she was pretty shitty about the whole thing and it’s made my life a dramatic mess for the last 3ish months. my partner has been mostly staying with me while looking for a new place to live. we just finished cleaning out their old house yesterday (she left a whole bunch of fucking shit behind, which is one of many reasons i’m pissed as fuck at her) and gave the keys back.

for those of you who know me well, you know i’m pretty against living with partners. the last partner i lived with, i just feel like it ruined a lot of our relationship. we went back to being best friends as soon as we weren’t living together. we were both people who needed a lot of alone time, and that wasn’t possible with our living arrangement. i’m glad i had the experience, don’t get me wrong, and i still adore him (hello if you’re reading this, avery. it’s been way too long since we’ve gotten to hang out. i miss you and let’s hang soon, yeah?), but it definitely made me wary of living with anyone. this is my first time since then even living with a roommate. it’s been surprisingly great! i love my roommate, and my roommate’s partner, well, and my roommate, are two of my best friends. what freaks me out a little is that i don’t even mind having my partner around. usually i get cranky with people in my space, but i don’t mind them one bit so far. it’s been about 2 months like this, and i’m perfectly content.

maybe a lot of it is that i’m currently in a headspace of making up for “lost time”. there’s a lot we couldn’t do before because of the nature of long distance relationships and because they were living with their other partner. obviously they’re in a weird headspace of dealing with all of the loss they’ve been handed. i’m helping in whatever ways i can. i worry it’s too much sometimes, but i worry too much about everything. i’m just trying to give the help that i had when moving, ya know? before their breakup we were fighting a whole lot. things were fucked up. since the breakup, we’ve had one minor fight. things have been going as well as they can for us given the circumstances. they also started seeing someone new, which was in the works since before the breakup. it’s triggered a lot of weird and insecure feelings for me that i’m dealing with on my own because i’m realizing all of them are rooted in issues with their ex-partner and the awful and manipulative shit she used to do. my partner is definitely not ready to talk about that shit yet as they’re dealing with the breakup still and incredibly stressed. and that’s totally fine, but i need to work through this some i’m going to talk about what she’s done to me personally so i can work past it.

so the most vivid memory i have of her was a weekend i was down while still living in cincy. i was incredibly anxious all 3 days i was down, and on the last night i was in the middle of an anxiety attack that my partner was sitting with me through at their shared house. partly through she says, “i’m sorry if this is too honest, but it’s been 3 days and you need to get over it”. i swallowed that shit the fuck down and internalized it. she was totally valid in feeling done with it, but when you know what anxiety’s like, why wouldn’t you have a little fucking empathy? once i moved down here and my partner and i were having issues (mostly related to them not having any time to actually hang out or work on our relationship because, surprise, surprise, they were spending all their time with her), she met up with me one night to talk about it. i thought this was super nice at the time, but in retrospect i think it was actually pretty manipulative. she told me about how they’d decided to be together forever and that she thought i had too heteronormative of a view of relationships (which like what the fuck does that mean here? i don’t want any kind of hitting benchmarks relationship, i just wanted to fix our problems and get to a healthier place because i love the fuck out of them. she literally left them no time to see anyone else because they always had to be home to do xyz for her). in retrospect, that was super possessive and insecure and was her projecting her doubts onto me. okay, whatever.

part of that conversation was also her digging into me about not communicating things to her. these were things i had communicated to my partner and assumed they would talk about together, which yes maybe dumb on my part because i know communication is one of my partner’s biggest weaknesses. still doesn’t make it my fault though when they should’ve been having those conversations and i had done my part in communication to our partner. anyway, the whole conversation basically descended into her gaslighting me. i get it now, she was in the drowning moments of an ending relationship and was lashing out. i was an easy target because she possibly saw me as where she lost control of her partner in the possessive sense (when my partner and i started seeing each other, they had talked about going monogamous to work on their relationship. my partner told her that they couldn’t give up their relationship with me though. it always felt like this was something she held against me). anyway, so now i’m working through all the trauma and triggers in my head left from her. i.e. i get really uncomfortable when my partner’s new partner texts like walls of messages because i remember when their ex would do this basically demanding they come home right now. i’m slowly working through it, but i don’t have much of anyone to talk about it with. and this new partner is really rad and sweet and deserves to not feel weird because i’m working through the ex’s bullshit! she didn’t actually do anything, and like the thread of most everything the last 3 months: not everything is about you.

hell, probably a lot of what happened isn’t about me either. i’m just trying to make sense of it. i’m just so fucking angry and trying to make sure that i’m never a partner like my partner’s ex, honestly. i never want to be controlling like that. my partner currently still thinks they had a great relationship and isn’t ready to talk about things, and that’s fine. i’m finding out from other people down here though more and more how fucked up their relationship was (obviously not to say my partner was completely innocent in all of this). it has been so much healthier for everyone with her gone (she literally skipped town and alienated all her former close friends before leaving if they didn’t tell her she was making the right call), but now the healing starts. i’m not sure where to even begin with it. i guess it starts with unpacking everything she did to me, then everything she did to my partner, and then just sitting with it. i don’t think i’m ever not going to be angry. and to be perfectly clear, i don’t hate her, and i’m really not sure how much of what she did was intentionally malicious but it sure as hell was shitty as fuck.

my partner and i talked a little last night. i told them that since everything is changing i want to be very careful and deliberate and caring as we figure out where we’re at now. we’ve worked through a lot in this process but i want to continue building something healthy and that makes us both happy. i don’t want it to be controlling and possessive and insecure; i want it to be nurturing and communicative and positive. i want it to be freeing. one of my favorite things about consensual non-monogamy is that we can go out into the world and experience things and then come back and compare notes or share stories and we can always work on getting our needs fulfilled. it’s why monogamy just doesn’t work for me. after the conversation we had last night, i think my partner realized how much this has all weighed on me. they thanked me for being a good partner and for putting up with their shit. when i got home from work they cuddled on me until i took a nap, which i really fucking needed. i appreciate them so much, and i want such good things for them. life has been rough. i’m head over fucking heels in love with them though, and despite all the bullshit, i’m incredibly happy here. may the bridges we burn blaze the way into the brilliant future.

#personal #sorry for rambling i have so much i can't talk about and need to work on healing #things have only gotten better and will continue to get better though

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stardancereivor · 5 years

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NEVER-ENDING SURVEY: EIVØR

RULES: Repost, do not reblog. Tag 10 blogs!

Not tagged by anyone! Just saw some people doing this and thought why not!

Tagging @miqojak @miqo-vynnie @miqo-masha @mai-takeda @vylette-elakha @teknicat @faeriesandberries @gildedandgolden @sagolii-snowflake

BASICS.

FULL NAME : Eivør Viras

NICKNAME : The Star Dancer

AGE : Ninety years

BIRTHDAY : The 8th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon

ETHNIC GROUP : Viera (Rava)

NATIONALITY : Ivalice

LANGUAGE / S : Vieran, very loose Doman and Hingan (enough to ask for directions), and Eorzean Common

SEXUAL ORIENTATION : She prefers not to label herself, but if nothing else bisexual is acceptable.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS : It’s complicated?

HOME TOWN / AREA : The village Viras in Golmore Jungle

CURRENT HOME : An apartment in the Lavender Beds of the Black Shroud

PROFESSION : Dancer, Astrologian, Huntress, Tracker, member of the Meridian Arrow Adventuring Company

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Black, with loose curls, just past hip length.

EYES : A black right eye and a white left eye.

FACE : Bright and cheerful, dappled with freckles across her nose and cheeks.

LIPS : Soft and plush.

COMPLEXION : A warm brown.

BLEMISHES : Do freckles count as blemishes? If so. Freckles on her face, over her shoulders, down the back of her neck, and down her back in varying sizes. Some of her freckles look more like small splotchy spots than freckles.

SCARS : None.

TATTOOS : None, but she’s open-minded to one.

HEIGHT : 6′7″.

WEIGHT : Average.

BUILD : Lithe, long, curved.

FEATURES : Long limbs, warm skin, sparkling eyes. Sharp fangs, sharp claws. Long ears, long hair. Lots of movement, glittering jewelry, bells in her hair.

ALLERGIES : None.

USUAL HAIR STYLE : Normally it’s left long and free in its natural black mane, but on occasion it will be braided and pulled back out of her face and out of the way if she has something she needs to focus on.

USUAL FACE LOOK : Colorful eye makeup and lips. Bright, cheerful, and happy to see you.

USUAL CLOTHING : Bright colors, form fitting but also free and loose to offer room for movement and flare when she dances.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : Failure, insignificance, being forgotten, being a disappointment.

ASPIRATION / S : To have a family, preferably by having at least one child of her own. To become known for her dancing and her worship of the stars and moon. Just enough fame to be known, but not enough to becomes a hindrance on her life. And to just be happy overall, honestly.

POSITIVE TRAITS : Friendly, cheerful, warm. Confident. Open-minded. Optimistic, yet with a healthy amount of realistic. Caring, motherly.

NEGATIVE TRAITS : Stubborn, recovering narcissist, somewhat uncultured and ignorant at times, overly confident.

MBTI : ENFP-A (Campaigner)

ZODIAC : Nophica (Sorpio)

TEMPERAMENT : Affectionate

SOUL TYPE / S :

ANIMALS : Rabbits/bunnies, cats

VICE HABIT / S : Social drinker. Sex. Mild hedonism. Can eat so many sweets and baked goods.

FAITH : Not necessarily religious but certainly spiritual. Her ‘faith’ is her worship of the stars and moon.

GHOSTS ? : Believe in them? Yes. Have them? .. No?

AFTERLIFE ? : Why not?

REINCARNATION ? : Why not?

ALIENS ? : What?

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : Eivør doesn’t pretend to understand or care about politics. What little she does know doesn’t impress her.

EDUCATION LEVEL : Educated by the Viera and by Sharlayan and Ishgardian Astrologians.

FAMILY.

FATHER : Name unknown to her, but she has seen him in passing.

MOTHER : Her mother, Salma.

SIBLINGS : One elder brother fifty years her senior, by the name of Erolvur.

EXTENDED FAMILY : Not really. A few nieces and nephews, technically, that her brother has sired.

NAME MEANING / S : Salma means ‘peace’ in Arabic, but ‘sweetheart’ in Persian. I always saw her mother as someone very warm and welcoming. Erolvur is a Faroese name which doesn’t have a specific meaning on its own, but if you continue to follow it to its routes it’s a combination of two Old Norse names that essentially translate to Warrior Wolf, or Wolf Warrior.

HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : What?

FAVORITES.

BOOK : Romance, fairy tales, star charts.

DEITY : None.

HOLIDAY : Hatching-tide.

MONTH : Fourth Astral Moon

SEASON : Summer

PLACE : A quiet clearing with an unobstructed view of the sky.

WEATHER : Comfortably cool evenings.

SOUND / S: Crickets, quiet humming.

SCENT / S : Sugar, fresh laundry, fruit.

TASTE / S : Sweets, berries.

FEEL / S : Warm fur, sharp teeth and claws harmlessly biting and scratching.

ANIMAL / S : Cats.

NUMBER : 3

COLORS : Blue, silver, white, gold.

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Dancing, hunting, tracking, calling you on your shit.

BAD AT : Failing, losing a fight, always remembering to think of others, Eorzean grammar.

TURN ONS : Sweet voices, melodious voices, soft hands, sharp claws, sharp teeth. Beautiful eyes. A nice figure. Someone who clearly takes care of themselves. The right touches to her ears.

TURN OFFS : Rudeness, not taking care of oneself, ignoring consent, bodily odors and fluids.

HOBBIES : Reading a good book, dancing, stargazing, meditating, going for walks in the rain, going for walks through the forest.

TROPES : Dance Battler, Hair Decorations, Classical Hunter, Like a Duck Takes to Water, Nature Lover. There’s more, I’m sure, but tropes aren’t something I’m good at.

QUOTES : “Hello, beautiful.” “Just keep an open mind!” Literally any time she mentions stars..

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?

A1 : I’m... not good at this kind of question. Uhhh, I don’t have an answer for that, because I have no idea.

Q2 : What would their soundtrack/score sound like?

A2 : Bouncy fun Celtic/folk music. Something you can dance to, something that brings a smile to your face. The kind of music that implies a sense of wonder. I also really like the word whimsical with Eivør.

Q3 : Why did you start writing this character?

A3 : I have spent the last five or so years writing very dark and political characters. Some of which were very evil and cruel. I wanted someone friendly and sociable, someone people wouldn’t hate.

Q4 : What first attracted you to this character?

A4 : I’ve wanted Viera to be a playable race in FF14 for the longest time. 12 is the only Final Fantasy game I actually have, and Fran was my favorite character in that game, and I adored the Viera. So being able to make one was obviously the first thing I loved. Secondly, I kind of just put her together in the benchmark and found I liked her design. It was pretty, but simplistic. Something I could work off of.

Q5 : Describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse.

A5 : I think it’s less Eivør in specific and more I wish there was more concrete 14-lore for the Viera. I’ve gleaned things in-game, but what little I have is based off the 12 lore and interactions through NPCs and quests in Shadowbringers on the First.

Q6 : What do you have in common with your muse?

A6 : I also love the stars and moon, and I love hanging out in the woods at night (though it’s been a very long time since I could). I also am apparently pretty friendly or something.

Q7 : How does your muse feel about you?

A7 : I’m not sure. She’d be okay, I guess? Other than a recent plotline she’s had it pretty good.

Q8 : What characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?

A8 : At the moment her most interesting interactions are with her FWB/Partner/Best Friend/Boyfriend?????? Dragomir which is hilarious in and out of character. They have really great conversations, and it gives me a character that I can build Eivør’s backstory with because they’re still in the ‘getting to know you’ phase of their friendship.

Q9 : What gives you inspiration to write your muse?

A9 : Dance gifs/videos, certain music that suits her aesthetic, forest vibes, it doesn’t take a lot to put me in the mood to write for her.

Q10 : How long did this take you to complete?

A10 : Oh shit I didn’t know this was going to be a question I didn’t keep track. Not accounting for when my internet died for like over two hours and I couldn’t really do any kind of research to get some of the answers, maybe.. a little over an hour? I even took the time to take the Myers-Briggs test for her. The tropes thing took me the longest, to be honest. I know nothing about tropes.

#FFXIV RP #Mateus RP #Crystal Data Center #Final Fantasy XIV RP #Final Fantasy XIV Roleplay #Viera #Rava Viera #OOC #This was interesting but also I found I had to edit a LOT of the formatting? Why are there so many SPACES in this thing?

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ootb-posts · 7 years

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On the Road to BeeCon 2017: Interview with Thomas DeMeo

Thomas DeMeo is Alfresco's Vice President of Product Management. He was already with us in BeeCon 2016, and he is ready to join us for a new BeeCon this year. We are very glad he wanted to spend part of his time to answer our questions. Do you want to know more about his role at Alfresco? In this interview, he talks about bicycles on the road, priorities on the roadmap, his favourite books, rock music and Spinal Tap.

In the three years that you have been the VP of Product at Alfresco, what are you most proud of accomplishing? What has been the most fun?

First of all, the 3 years have gone by in a flash! I think what I am most proud of is taking the great work that came before me and elevating that to the next level for the community, partners and customers. Prioritizing the build out of the platform with richer capabilities, integrations, UX, mobile, and developer and architect-centric items like APIs, developer environment, tools, benchmarks, richer docs have all made it easier to get value from the broader Alfresco platform. Extending the integrations into adjacent systems, leveraging IaaS and providing the right tools to reduce what we call "Time to Value" are all very important to me. While there is still much to do, and we always want to do more, the fun part of this is working with others in the ecosystem who are equally passionate about the product to make an impact which touches so many around the world. It's fascinating to see how many people use the overall Alfresco platform for everything from exploring the universe, making people healthy, to everyday client interactions in banks and retail. This is very satisfying.

What is the most difficult part of defining a product roadmap?

As in life, it's about priorities and what to focus on with limited time and resources. It's keeping your eye outwards in the market to see the macro trends, while dealing with micro decisions day to day. It's connecting the higher level vision and objectives for where we want to be, and translating that into the meaningful steps along the way to get there. It's listening a lot more than talking, but having a point of view, being comfortable with the unknown, and asking "why" many times to get to the root problem. It's always a balancing act between what you want to do and what you can afford, while trying to keep multiple constituents happy, each with different goals. The roadmap itself is just an artefact of all these competing priorities, values and decisions. I honestly believe that a good PM is both a blessing (we get to help people!) and a curse by never being satisfied as we always want to do more and know where our short comings are. That said, It's also a role where you can make a difference, be creative, and have a "seat at the table" for making meaningful impact. I would rather be at the head of the table than have others do it for me so it's also the best job in the world!

What are the best channels for Alfresco to get feedback from its users, partners, and community? How does that feedback influence the product roadmap? What other things influence the roadmap?

The quick answer is to engage in all communication methods (community forums, UX research, early access programs, events like BeeCon, developer days, meetups, etc.) as each provides a different level of conversation. As I mentioned before, a good PM has to use their ratio of ears to mouth wisely. It's 2x!. Modern product management today is a lot more fluid, agile, inclusive and scientific. You don't need to be the "smartest person in the room" or own a magic crystal ball, you need to be good at listening, observing, asking the right questions, challenging assumptions and balancing your point of view with input from all sides. This input from all of constituents (partners, community, customer, end users, etc.) and personas (end users, admins, developers, architects, partners, CIO, etc.) is needed to test a hypothesis, iterate, learn and build evidence to support a point of view. But as the market is dynamic and users' needs change, it's a constant dialog and like any good relationship, it's built on communication and conversations like this.

Why is it so hard to upgrade Alfresco? What is Alfresco planning to make it easier?

Being open is a benefit, but also a responsibility on all sides. While it's great one can do anything on top of Alfresco, without the proper guidance, we see situations where environments are either not optimally set up or extended, and this could make an upgrade challenging. We have invested in both technology and training to make this easier. First, each release of Alfresco and Activiti have provided more APIs than the previous and the guidance in items like the SDK, api-explorer.alfresco.com, docs.alfresco.com, reference architectures (etc.) are intended to make it easier to have a maintainable environment. Second, we have both certification and training that Alfresco offers to everyone that covers being a Alfresco Certified Engineer, Alfresco Certified Administrator, Alfresco Activiti Certified Administrator and Alfresco Process Services Certified Engineer. There are many options at https://university.alfresco.com/ It's come a long way in my 3 years.

We were pleased that you attended BeeCon 2016. What were your expectations attending that conference, and what surprised you? What are you looking forward to this year?

As I mentioned previously, conversations with members of the extended community are always rewarding. I love hearing different experiences and points of view about this shared passion of building a great product that makes an impact in our world. The range of use cases, configurations, integrations and extensions is always great to see. I'm looking forward to the unexpected this year, seeing something new and different that perhaps we didn't even know was possible built on the new capabilities provided in the last few versions. If you see me, don't be shy, I'd love to see what you are working on.

We are aware that you love music. Do you play any instrument? What kind of music do you enjoy the most?

Yes indeed, I started playing guitar when I was an early teenager and have played, on and off, ever since. I like the creative part of it, it's a good "right brain / left brain" activity. Even after a long day, after ~ 15 minutes of playing, my energy level jumps back up and I am refreshed. Having grown up in the Boston area in the 80's, it was all about classic American and British rock, and I leaned more towards the heavy side of the spectrum. Good riffs, heavy groove, interesting arrangement, melody and tone, that's what it's all about for me. That's the style I like to play too.

If you could play music with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?

Jimmy Page, he was a big influence growing up. The variety of style, depth, alternate tunings and good ol' rock & roll never gets old. Even as a person, he leads a good life, glad he is still with us and still doing his thing. A very close second would be Eddie Van Halen, or Angus Young, Robert Johnson, Jimi Hendrix, Steve Ray Vaughan, dang, I can't decide. Don't get me started...

You have worked in product management in a number of high profile software companies. If software product management was not a career choice for you, what else do you think you would have done?

Similar to Nigel Tufnel, I'd work in a shop of some kind, maybe in a haberdashery, or maybe like a chapeau shop. You will have to google Spinal Tap quotes to get the joke, or better yet, see the movie.

What is one dream project you have thought about pursuing apart from your professional life?

My passions are family, technology, music, cycling and travel. To paraphrase Elon Musk's approach, who advises to look at the overlap of two or more areas where you are an expert to explore opportunities, it would be in those domains. The landscape changes quickly and there are always areas to innovate and find new ways of adding value.

What books have influenced you such that you would recommend them to the Alfresco community? We are interested in both professional and non-technical books.

There are so many books that I have enjoyed, but here are just a few of the more product related titles I recommend to those I work with. As a PM, of course this list is in order of priority :-)

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change"

"The Four Steps to the Epiphany" by Steve Blank

"The Lean Startup: How Today's Entrepreneurs Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses" by Eric Ries

"Inspired: How To Create Products Customers Love" by Marty Cagan

"The Innovator's Dilemma: When New Technologies Cause Great Firms to Fail (Management of Innovation and Change)" by Clayton M. Christensen

"Consumption Economics: The New Rules of Tech" by J. B. Wood

Thomas DeMeo will be giving his keynote "Power of the Platform" at BeeCon 2017 on Thursday 27th of April, at 09:00, in the Auditorium. Don't miss it!

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