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miradelletarot · 3 days

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Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.

#Mira rants #mira maunders #txt: personal #personal post #cw: dysphoria #cw: depression #cw: medical #sad brain hours #random mumblings #i'll be okay #i just had to get this off my chest

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multi-fandom-magic · 8 months

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Trying to make practically last-minute edits to my supplemental essays for college applications. And the earliest deadline I have is Early Action, due in 3 days.

#college apps #common app #college applications #senior year #i hope they work #i have the recommenders ready #i am also working on a portfolio website too #and i am trying to at least put my projects up #with my hero image and a values section

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erismornsgf · 1 year

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really fascinated by the Clovis AI vs Clovis-1 (later Banshee-44). I know this has probably been discussed before but. the AI is an exact replica of Clovis Bray I's consciousness put into a giant exo body (the head, anyway), while Clovis-1 was a normal exo meant to be Clovis reborn/given a second life. but being a typical exo his memories were reset so he's like. no longer an asshole lol. like this is one of the first interactions he has after waking up (speaking to Elsie and the Clovis AI):

[image ID: excerpt from the lorebook "Legacy's Lament" that says:

"Hold on there. You haven't gone through any initiation protocols. You're not ready," she says.

"If there are lives to be saved, that's where I need to be," the new guy replies. He's oddly determined.

"Where you need to be," the AI interjects, "is with your family. Me."

"Every instinct I have is telling me to reject you," the Exo retorts. Nice, new guy.

/End ID]

it's such an interesting contrast. here the original Clovis was hoping this exo was going to be an exact continuation of him. his life, his legacy, his research. that he'd continue to propagate the exos and make an army of them (if the Vex invasion + Collapse hadn't happened, anyway). Clovis is selfish and doesn't care if most of humanity dies because he just sees them as future exos. he wants everyone to be a product of his legacy. but Clovis-1 basically sacrifices himself 43 times to save people and help shut down the vex portal.

idk there isn't much of a point I'm trying to make here I just think it's an interesting study of how humanity isn't inherently evil and being untouched by the influence of the Darkness (and monopolistic capitalism lol), Clovis-1 is a good person. he even wished he could've kept his memory to help repair the broken relationship between him and his granddaughter, Elsie, but ofc after 43 resets he lost most of what made him Clovis (perhaps for the best).

references: Legacy's Lament lorebook, Clovis Bray's Logbook (missing pages)

#again this is old news i know but as someone who only recently started d2 im catching up to things slowly lol #and after reading the entirety of the Bray Family category on the ishtar collective i am THINKING about it #my god. im obsessed with how fucked up they are. with how fucked up clovis is lmao #i could even argue that clovis I was a good person at heart #but he was greedy and put his needs and wants above everyone else #to the point that he even killed Elsie (as an exo but. still) because she was trying to stop him #but his unfinished life projects he had listed at the end of his logbook was #''be a good man and grandfather''. at least he knew he wasn't a good person lmao #anyway. thanks for reading im obviously very normal about all of this. incredibly normal #ari speaks #destiny 2 #clovis bray #banshee 44 #exos #lore #destiny lore #the bray family

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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recent lounging babey images

#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy #a beauntifulle boye...#cats #STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going #on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit #so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T #Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the #main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things.#Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've #now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do #and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and #everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over #the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many #potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all #seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o #cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat #ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together!#and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams #together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and #am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper #focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not)#even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern #age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu #I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb #AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3 #I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol

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lesbienneanarchiste · 5 months

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Obligatory disclaimer that I don't think this is gospel or that the complaints aren't valid bc they are and I will probably continue to complain myself, this is just me spitting into the void a few minutes after waking up while I wait for my coffee to be done. But. I sometimes suspect that a lot of people who complain about the quality of cultural media these days, e.g. movies and books etc, need to just like. Learn how to find the good shit. Is the sequel-and-rebootification bad for film culture as a whole? Yes obviously. Is the tiktokization of a lot of pop music bad for music culture as a whole? Obviously yes. However. Have you considered watching/listening to/reading something that wasn't written in a year starting with a 20? Has it occurred to you that maybe ""booktok"" is not only whatever the first person you see when you search #booktok on the app says? And that there are many people talking about all kind of excellent new releases that show there are plenty of books with literary merit still being written? Published even?

Perfectly valid complaint to be angry about the way arts and media have devolved into Content but I also think some of you are just bad at finding new stuff so you keep reconsuming the same things over and over and talking about how nothing meaningful has ever been made in the last decade.

#disgruntled octopus #maybe this is the anarchist in me but i find it frustrating to only see criticisms with no effort being put in #to build up artists who ARE trying to combat the problem #or at the very least explore the past instead of relying solely on new releases that you can see in theaters/concert/etc #this is not abt mutuals or anyone btw like this was inspired by multiple things but mostly just my lil brain first thing in the morning #and the episode of Teacup Demagogues i was listening to #TD is hosted by a tiktoker i like who recommends 'new music for old heads' and she was talking abt this exact phenomenon #ppl in her comments will be like 'no good music is made anymore' and then her whole channel is just abt sharing new(er) releases #that are likely to be enjoyed by people who like old(er) music #like. her channel is right there. you're commenting on it. there is good shit being put out you just ignore it or dont try to find it #''''everything is so commercial and soulless these days 😤😤😤''''#meanwhile they refuse to seek out anyone with less than 100k monthly listeners on spotify #or read self-pub or indie press books #or watch people's passion projects on youtube #nevermind shit being released by small indie studios #''''games are just data farming flashes in the pan made by artistic sweatshops'''' but they wont download a single indie game on steam #like. again. valid complaint overall and i am going to say that shit myself at times.#but. very frustrating counterphenomena

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nellectronic · 4 months

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add “friday night parties” to the list of things I am NOT gonna miss about living in a dorm… I mean noisy neighbors were already on there but this specifically bothers me on so many levels

#see normally I’d just put on my noise cancelling headphones and it’d be whatever but #I am so determined not to fuck up my piercing #and I really don’t wanna tell them to shut up bc it sounds like they’re having fun and I’m in an especially too nice for my own good mood #and! I do genuinely earnestly want them to have fun. I am NOT a hater!! just bc I never got to do any sort of partying and never really #wanted to anyway doesn’t mean I’m gonna project that onto anyone else #but on the other hand friday nights specifically are sacred to me #as the first night of the weekend where I get to sleep in and the first night I don’t have to worry about assignments due the next morning #and also as a kind of religious thing #I don’t really observe shabbat anymore but I never was able to get used to the friday night = party time association #and I don’t particularly want to!! friday nights are for chillin and I like it that way.#anyway all this to say I am trying to enjoy my chill evening and there is NOISE and I’m not gonna do anything about it (at least #until Official Quiet Hours start) but I absolutely will complain #I convinced my mom to get a library card and give me the number so I can read books on libby #(would have gotten one myself but idk if I qualify for one at the library near my school and I’ll be gone in a few months anyway)#and now I am TRYING to read lockwood & co book 1 #(yes it is technically a middle grade series. yes I am twenty two years old. if the show is anything to go by it’s a more accurate #portrayal of teenagers than any media I consumed as an actual teen. let me live)#but alas. The Noise #and yeah I know noisy neighbors are not exclusively a dorm thing but I can’t imagine a normal apartment will be nearly this bad #also to be clear this is not a weekly occurrence #I don’t actually think these particular neighbors have given me any issues before #which is part of why I’m feeling so patient with them… probably too patient tbh #I should probably delete this later #probably shouldn’t post it at all but oh well. what’s the point of life if you can’t share every minor annoyance with #a bunch of strangers on the internet?#screams into the void

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theflyingfeeling · 8 months

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me in the Olli/Allu delelu land trying to explain how Olli acting weird and Aleksi suddenly smoking and them secretly glancing at each other must be all connected somehow

because they ARE!! 😭 we may be yet to connect the dots, but we're getting there okay, we're not crazy 😤

(don't forget the sunglasses!! I haven't figured out how but I just know they're somehow relevant in all this as well 😤 he just seems weirdly attached to them (and the bandana around his neck which he's been wearing in literally every picture we've seen of him for almost two weeks now?? not counting the pictures taken in the pool) like, did he pay and arm an a leg for them (I'm not sure if he's worn that exact pair before? I may be wrong though lol I often am with stuff like this) and justified the purchase to himself by swearing he'd wear them every chance he gets for the rest of the year lol

#the rest goes in the tags because okay fine i MAY be just a little bit crazy sdgjsdjgsgdsg but hear me out alright #let's say aleksi used to smoke but quit because it's unhealthy #now why do people usually relapse with smoking?#for fun ig but he's said many times he's trying to be healthier. dude won't drink pepsi with caffeine in it but cigarettes are fine? 🙄#sure the reasons are individual but at least in my mother's case it was often when she felt stressed out about random shit #so perhaps aleksi took up smoking again because something's stressing him out / making him anxious / worrying him #it could be the tour but it's not like they haven't been on tour in the US before so why would he be particularly stressed out about that?#could be something work-related but unrelated to the band. a project he had to put on hold because of the tour?#because from what i've understood the HU supporting gig happened on quite a short notice #tbh that alone could very legitimately be a cause of stress on its own. not enough time to prepare? not enough time to spend with the fam?#(perhaps if you weren't streaming every other evening...🙄)#or maybe he's just jetlagged and nicotine is his remedy of choice?#ooooooorrr it could be something related to his personal life. hard to say what though. a sudden change? general anxiety?#he doesn't /seem/ particularly anxious though but the hell would i know #so... aleksi taking up bad habits + olli's weird behaviour + secret glances and maybe low-key avoiding each other = ???#my theory is still that they hooked up and are now forced to deal with the consequences 😶#''how are they avoiding each other exactly?'' one might ask and worry not! i am prepared for counterarguments! ☝️#to put it briefly: the delulu in me says so 😌#(this applies to everything i wrote above 😂 i'm writing this just for my and y'all's entertainment you know)#ollixallu #answered asks #sparfloxacin

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astranauticus · 8 months

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so the overall.. shape and tone of my current project is pretty much set in stone (im SO CLOSE to 50% done you guys) but i was looking through my saved videos folder on bilibili and if im gonna be doing another animatic after this one (honestly pretty likely??? given my. floruitshow obsession that doesnt seem to be going anywhere anytime soon) i REALLY want to attempt something closer to that style of animatic you see a lot on bb that employs more on elaborate editing as opposed to like............... the powerpoint presentation type beat i've got going on now

(nevermind the fact that a lot of the projects that really lodge themselves in my brain were also like collaborations between teams of people with like dedicated editor roles and i still havent fully figured out how to use lightworks. like ive also seen one man projects in this style that turn out absolutely gorgeous so i KNOW it can be done. maybe i'll go figure out if capcut is easier to use lol)

#asto speaks #re: the ProjectTM #the massive team efforts are mostly genshin animatics whaddaya know #perks of fandom big?? i guess???#that and the other noir's stultifer cantus amv i feel like i bring it up a lot but it truly genuinely haunts me #i just. love love love their art style so much and its *so* beautiful and well edited #i mean obviously im not pulling that off in the foreseeable future but #映剪/capcut is a software i saw recommended by the creator of an animatic for a rather obscure variety show i was OBSESSED with last year #saw that animatic a few days ago and it immediate lodged itself in my brain its SO GOOD. and it was a one man project!! walaoeh #op made a joke about worrying about paying for adobe after effects and realising capcut has everything they need LOL #and their project SUPER well edited and put together so idk i might check it out #im just. not fully sold on the powerpoint presentation style at least not when i do it lol #anyway if i do try something like that it'll probably be for set me free because if i *am* gonna do the robit floruitshow trinity #lets just say im gonna be procrastinating how can i make you stay for last that song is *fucking long*#its like what. 5 minutes? nabei #also i already have a few shots for set me free in mind i just need to stop... thinking about the xiao animatic for the same song lol #that project has like 8 credited artists and 6 animators comparing myself to that is just like #an exercise in pointlessly creating misery in myself

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...

BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!

I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]

I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...

But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2

THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass

BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)

#snap chats #IN REGARDS TO Jo In Situations that is. VAGUELY my specialty #ive at least thought of jo's attitudes towards affection/relationships #and i Do Not Think he sleeps AS adequately as he should whether it's due to just. Overworking or #If I May Dare To Think he might be prone to night terrors #the Danger Zone of me thinking of Jo In Situations that dont have a lot of background is that i end up projecting a LOT of my issues LMAO #i dont know what it says about me when a lot of those issues seem to fit him #i do try my best NOT to over project of course i try to keep everyone relatively in the bounds of believability to their charas #which is why its funny when i do end up doin a lil projection it works out. Apparently #not sure i could do the same when it comes to jo's POV on his name and body tho. i hate those things bout myself for uh #VERY different reasons LMAOO tho i could imagine jo harboring some feelings of. hm. whats the word.#not Total Disgust But Some and Some Agitation whenever he has to acknowledge he exists outside of being a tool. To Put It Bluntly #cause we know he sees himself as a tool in some aspects- a bullet more specifically. so i can imagine instances where he has to Be A Human #its just. Ew Whats That LMAO YK WHAT I MEAN i do. i know what i mean. mirrors are evil #SORRY IM RAMBLING i shouldnt be.. i got gameritis <- i fucked up my wrists playing sonic riders somehow and it hurts to move #point is i very much enjoy thinking of jo and i enjoy looking at him through a multitude of lenses so AGAIN #thank you much for writing in :] im sorry i have three jewel beetles and a cicada shell for a brain #i am always interested in reading what you have to say tho... cant stress that enough..#truly curious for how jo will be in infinite wealth now that he Doesnt have to be a bullet anymore. what are you like my guy.. lemme see..#now pardon me while i fuck up my wrists more. i do not want to do my job today (i will soon im just delaying the inevitable. as a treat)

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mihai-florescu · 2 years

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*gripping the sink refusing to look in the mirror* no, like, it's ok, it's fine, i'm just in my war shu era in my war leo era in my kaname era in my-

#guess who couldnt do the assignment today either #sigh #i can at least try to fry some tofu and make some rice. that can be enough #no it cant and i dread the inevitable weekly call with my parents #i have nothing to tell them. nothing good at least and theres no point in telling them anything else #i can blame it on the weather getting chilly and damp. i can lie and say i got a cold.#theyll ask about my classes and i have no idea what ill tell them. havent opened the assignments havent read anything #this is worse than the semester long project from last fall (regarded by everyone as the worst from a mental health pov-#our class had ever had) where i started out strong butned out halfway through and pushed through the last 3 weeks to get a really good #feedback from the teachers #that worked. somehow. but i started out strong then. i dont have that now + the other outside factors are making it worse #while i didnt have motivation for school i had it for anything else. i went out i was doing basic tasks successfully i was socializing #well i cant do all of that now and i cant tell my parents cuz i just dont feel comfortable talking to them #i cant just burn out so quickly when theyve been putting up with their soul crushing jobs for decades #they think im doing great meanwhile my assigned study coach is just asking if i can at least come to classes and go on walks #and i cant i cant even do the most basic of requirements. id rather die than go out in the rain #i cant even sleep anymore ive just been taking short naps and laying awake at night shivering #i am starting to regret lying about my mental state to my parents every time they asked but i really didnt want them to start That #conversation and inevitably blame me for being weak #but now whatever ends up happening will come as a shock to them:/#vent

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mothocean · 3 months

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Girl help i am having grievances over my art major final project

#idk i just keep thinking about how i had a grand spectacular plan for it and then. well. *gestures around* all of this happened #and like at the end of it it feels like everyone else managed to achieve their spectacular plans and make something amazing #while i just. failed #and i am picking myself back up and i am making something!! even if its not what i planned originally it should still be good enough!!#but i guess im having a hard time reconciling with it. being proud of it #like in previous years we had multiple projects to work on all with clear deadlines and so if one thing i mad didn't turn out right #at least i had everything else i made #but now.. because of everything and just. yeah. i have one thing to show and im not 100% satisfied with it #i still have a week or so and in that time im going to make it into the best thing it can be #but its not what i wanted it to be and its still inferior to everyone else's projects #and i know that doesn't matter on the technical scale and that i'm going to get graded on what *i* did regardless of what everyone else did #but like. when they put up the exhibition people are going to see my work next to everyone else's works #and they're gonna see that what i made is far less... impressive #and like. i dont even know if what i made is good enough! if it's not too obvious or too vague #if people are going to get it or if they're gonna think it's dumb #i don't know!! and my art teachers already warned me against putting too much text next to my works so like #i can't even explain myself lol #i am going to probably make a lil design document thing and put it up next to the works themselves #but like. idk if they're gonna let me do that #i don't know!! i will keep working on it and i will try to mold it into something i can be sorta satisfied with #but like. i cant help but mourn what it could've been #roseflower.txt #vent cw #rant cw

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gallusrostromegalus · 8 months

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The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

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I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

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If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

youtube

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

#Family Lore #Dogs #It's Halloween babey #friday the 13th #blood mention #I hope that kid had a good night and at least one of his friends believed him #Long post #Video

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noisy-weasel · 1 year

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Pissbabies having absolute fits on r/rhythmgames because they can't follow the notes in a fucking 4 button game. Literally talking straight fucking nonsense.

#project diva #sorry but these people are insane :)#i ljtetslly am more distracred by the backgrounds in DJMAX than diva #and thats with my opacity at 0 FUCKING PERCENT!!!#dont even get me stsrted on tbe backgrounds of superbeat xonic #and like top guys RIGHT!!!! therr are NO pjdiva clones even tho its an INSANELY ADDICTING AND FUN GAMEPLAY STYLE #lets be honest too the only reason thrre are no clones is bc cjarting a game like that would be too hard for any newbies bc the reason pjdiv #charts are so good is bc they follow patterns you can learn without even paying attention #i literally couldnt understand double notes at all and without putting thought at trying to learn them beside just continue playung #i ended up learning them!!! bc they followed specific patterns that just come naturally!!!#this just screams to me that they dont like rhthym games the genre but just like games with a track that goes down and thats it no nothing #else #thats fine bht my god acting like pjdiva is awful bc youve jever played it is stupid #pjdiva gets way too much flak from ppl bc its not like anything else out there and its annoying #like if youre gonna say stupif shit you better AT LEAST be agreeing witb me that djmax is tbe best rhthym hame to exist #bc it is #like if you cant even hsve that right then your diva opinions are like theyre coming oht of a cow grazing on a field #thats how little importance they are

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literalgrill · 5 months

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Do NOT Support Hard Drive On Patreon

You might see friends today suggesting you support Hard Drive on Patreon today. You know, the funny video games version of The Onion? As a journalist, I will firmly tell you DO NOT GIVE THEM A DIME.

The CEO has pushed out all former staff that have built the site up to its current greatness and has been pushing the use of AI. The staff begged to have a Patreon before basically all being pushed out, but the idea was refused until now, when it will only line the pockets of a single person instead of hard working writers.

I know they might have provided laughs before, but Hard Drive is a shell of what it was once. Let it die and support the people who actually made those moments of joy possible. Don't believe me? Check out what former employees are saying below:

Kevin Podas: Okay you know what, I would feel bad saying nothing about this, so here goes:🚨SAVE YOUR MONEY🚨

We passionately advocated for a Patreon at Hard Drive & were aggressively shot down. The talent & people who built the site were pushed out. To see this now is beyond upsetting. For the past few years or so I put a lot of myself into this website. I pitched a ton of jokes, got over 120 articles published, & met a lot of great people. I'm sure if you've been following me for some time you could easily see this.

However, there is a lot of misinformation. I was eventually promoted to Managing Editor of the site & was ecstatic. Grateful for the opportunity. Felt like all of my hard work in the comedy mines was finally paying off. But things took a turn for the worst, & each day there were new surprises that affected our livelihoods. These were all very avoidable surprises, mind you.

A patreon was going to be our hail mary, but alas, for some reason, the power that be did not want it. Causing us to leave a dream job behind. "At least we did all we could," we consoled ourselves afterwards. I put a lot of myself into this project. I pitched all sorts of ideas that could have helped-- we all did. Merch collaborations, Patreon-integrated YouTube content, so much more. And most of them were shot down out of sheer stubbornness and nothing more. To see lie after lie spread, and multiple big publications and YouTubers that I am a fan of promote this Patreon under these pretenses is incredibly upsetting. There are so many receipts.

Please share this and consider pulling out if you've already put money into this. On Hard Drive using AI, also from Kevin Podas: I can't personally confirm that part aside from some of the recent header images for articles on both Hard Drive and Hard Times are being made with AI. As far as writing, it's been mentioned in the past, but I personally do not know. Maybe others do, maybe not. MORE From Kevin Podas suggesting the owner denying a Patreon being set up earlier cost an artist a job that was replaced by AI: We had a social media person who was awesome! He made the images until this AI implementation. He had to leave because ad revenue was low and a Patreon was aggressively refused.

Luca Fisher: at the risk of burning some bridges, i have to back up kevin here. i've only been part-time, in-and-out of hard drive since i got in last year, but i can corroborate that management doubled and tripled down about not hosting a patreon/crowdfunding and that many other suggestions and ideas, including mine (and ones much smarter than mine!), were shot down in really long, apocalyptic threads of everyone left on deck desperately trying to come up with ways to keep the lights on. managerially it has been messy and sad

i've written for multiple publications that have long since died, ones that were in the process of dying, and ones that, in this case, are soon to be put in the ground. it is sad and sucks every time. i don't know what could have been done differently, but i do know that a lot of great writers and content creators were left shorthanded and unhappy by the way things have gone. and it is sort of puzzling to see the sudden championing of patreon after we were all told plenty of times that it couldn't work and we should move on also, just to add my own personal two cents here, i was really disappointed by the shuttering of many different article sections on the site over the past 6-8 months. i understand cutting corners in a deficit, and i know it had to be done. that said…

all in all, i'm really sad to see this all happen. i don't fault anyone, if only because i don't really know enough about how this all can happen to make sense of it. games journalism is in a sad, sorry state, and will likely no longer be a thing in the next decade

VideoSealMan: I'm gonna say this because I think I deserve to. For months, MONTHS on end I was bugging Hard Drive management about a Patreon. Often I got ignored for a week+, but when I actually got a response I was encouraged to - of all things, write up a Google Doc pitching the concept I did it regardless. I wasn't the only one trying to sway management on a Patreon, but so fiercely was I fighting for it that last night, I was accused of making this comment directly by the CEO! With no evidence whatsoever! After I'd been gone for over a month.

I vouched so hard for Patreon because I wanted all the writers and creatives working with Hard Drive including myself to get paid better. When I actually got a response, the idea was often shut down. Eventually due to the state of my company, my pay was cut for a second time I confronted management alongside a couple other important figureheads at the org and told them that if we couldn't do a Patreon - I could no longer financially justify staying there. The answer was still no, so I left. Baffled at the decision, but whatever.

It is unendingly frustrating to know that myself and many other people who put their soul into Hard Drive LEFT because of management's absolute refusal to compromise on a Patreon, to then see them launch one anyway a month later and get over 1000 people pledging money. I'm seeing a lot of things float around about greed and people being fired. No one was fired. Everyone who left, left because they were sick of management's decision-making. And honestly, management is a lot of things but I would not call them greedy. (From my experience.) They did genuinely make an effort to pay people as much as possible. I found the pay very fair for a while. I am not disputing that I was paid what I was owed - yet management frequently feels the need to remind critics of that. Lmao, yes. I was paid what I was owed. No one is disputing payment. You did the bare minimum a business owner should do and paid everyone their due, very well done. I make no allegations of greed, cheating or foul play. I make allegations of poor management and incompetence that has fucked over other people.

Basically the only people left at Hard Drive have been there for about 2 months. They will reap the rewards of this successful Patreon I and so many others passionately fought for for so long. We will not see a dime.

I do not know the new people at Hard Drive, But I feel bad for them. They were haphazardly thrust into Hard Drive's workplace with little to no explanation on how anything works, or given any context on the state of the place. Even now managements feeds them half-truths and misinformation about other people's grievances. I am broke and have been for a while. I had to move out of my flat in Reading and back with my family because of how little money I was making. This has basically doomed my flatmate to moving back in with abusive parents, which is something I feel guilty about every day. If we had gone with the Patreon I worked myself hoarse over back then, this could have been avoided. Some of my other good pals could also not have been fucked over.

It was a bad judgment call, but it's not a crime. It's just management getting it wrong.

So should you give to the Hard Drive Patreon? I don't know! I don't think any of the new people working there to patch up the holes left by the recent mass exodus have any bad intentions. Maybe they deserve it! But it is not the same site you knew a year ago, or even a month ago. Myself and many people who were there far longer than me and did far more for it than I did are all gone now because we could not deal with management's terrible decision-making and dogass communication any longer. That's what you should know, imo

I had an agreement in place with management that I would receive the next 8 months of revenue from the Hard Drive YT channel from my leaving in November. This was a deal I appreciated, and thought was very fair on management's behalf. So far, the deal has been honoured for 2 months. However as of last night I was removed from the Hard Drive Slack without warning, and as an editor for the YouTube channel. This means I no longer have any way of verifying how much I am owed, I just have to take their word for it. I'm sure management will make their own statements full of half-truths and weird language on the many cases being brought against them - I'd take everything they say with a pinch of salt if some of the screenshots I've seen of them talking about me are any indication lol

To management; I do not want to talk to you. I want you to DM me a screenshot of how much I'm owed every month and then send me the money per our agreement until June, then we can go our separate ways. Do that and admit to your mistakes, and maybe you can recover your reputation! That's it from me, lol. If they pull out of the deal and fuck me over I'll have more to say, but most of what I know is other people's stories of incompetence and poor decision-making, lol. I genuinely get no pleasure out of doing this; I do not think management is evil - I just think they're really bad at what they do and it's cost other, more talented people, lol. You should believe the writers imo

One last thing I wanna say btw, management did often stress that no one should try to make Hard Drive a full time thing. They were transparent about that, and that is fair. I was working on it because at a few points, I was lead to believe we actually were doing a Patreon. Many other ppl have similar stories of being strung along by management changing their minds and stop-starting shit every 2 weeks. We all made the fatal mistake of overestimating our manager - who would tell you one thing one day and something totally opposite the next week lol

Hunter R. Thompson:

I'm not your dad, but speaking as a Hard Drive writer, I don't know that funding Hard Drive on Patreon is worth it

The driving talent on the back end—behind the kickass site I joined in 2019—have peaced out over the years as the site's been (in our view) increasingly mismanaged. Mismanagement like, not setting up crowdfunding before the ship sank and all its best crew failed; or publishing a screenshot of Andy Ngo pedojacketing a trans writer, complete with her deadname; or a disgruntled ex-writer getting falsely accused of shit-talk, by actual staff. I'm grateful for the writing I've gotten to produce for HD (and will forever be kicking myself for not writing even more, in the four years I've had to do it!! i'm a dumbass!!!) but it is very much no longer the site I signed up for.

I don't want to resign as a contributor altogether, because I'm open to the idea of the site recovering and bad practices being retired as finances level out-- it would just be dishonest for potential backers to not be Aware Of The Circumstances, I think.

Jeremy Kaplowitz: i truly don't want to start shit, but feel compelled to say: i want to see Hard Drive succeed w/o resorting to throwing former writers & editors, myself included, under the bus. surely there's a way to save the site without building it over the corpses of those who left. my $0.02 i don't blame anyone who wants to sign up for the HD patreon and i support the website, but that includes those who worked on it for years, have complaints, and don't deserve to be treated like bitter assholes like this kind of stuff is just objectively true, meanwhile there's these new writers who joined the site after i left (meaning, in the last ~3 months) claiming people are liars. decide for yourself if you care, but this is what happened! [Quotes this Tweet]

Seth Finkelstein: Writing for Hard Drive has been a privilege the past few years, and it makes me so angry to see people I looked up to get jerked around behind the scenes. The amount of grenades the editors jumped on our behalf is immense, and I don't think the way they're being treated is right.

Other Bits On AI: We do know for sure however that AI art has been used by the site. Its fucking owner confirms it here:https://twitter.com/MattSaincome/status/1743040541603123622. Seems the owner pushed AI written articles as well! TayFabe: My vaguetweet is making the rounds & these made me apoplectic. - owner regularly lobbied using ai. Once he tested it & said ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. - ai images were used on the site & socials w/o consulting the team or disclosing it publicly I found the ai bit relevant to include bc 1) it illuminates a stark change in HD's current direction & leadership, 2) ai images have previously been used on the site and (since deleted) ig posts, 3) ai content fucking sucks, and repeatedly pushing to use it is a telling quality The "handful of writers who chose to leave" includes 2 editors-in-chief (both cofounders who wrote a combined total of >1,000 articles & defined the voice of HD), & at least 3 other editors. These guys put in WORK since 2017, so cool to be corrected by ppl who joined in Nov 2023 [Link to mentioned vague tweet from post.] More from TayFabe: owner continuously lobbied for using ai in every possible way. No one else wanted to do it, but he kept on, saying ai was writing better satire than 25% of the HT/HD writers. Also, ai images were used on the site & socials without public disclosure or consulting the team.

The owner has responded now multiple times in a private discord... Thank you for people sharing screenshots! First Screenshot:

Kevin's Response: He banned me from the server for speaking out, so no, I didn't see it. And he gave no indication of a timeline, it was just "we'll do one when *I* say so" and gave every inclination he was totally against it. It bred an environment that pushed our hands to have to leave. Screenshot Round Two:

Kevin's Response: "Starting one in 3 months" is an absolute lie. He denied it, I have screenshots and others who can confirm. No timeline was given. Just "this is what it is now" and like, I couldn't live off of that. I wanted to do more but he was allergic to good ideas from others around him.

Matt, owner of Hard Drive, responds publicly on Twitter.

Matt: Kevin, the patreon launch was delayed because I didn't think it would work. Everyone is happy that it did work. Everyone who left the site because we didn't have money to pay for creative content which didn't revenue is welcome to return home. But unclear why the hostility.

Hard Drive paid out literally every dollar it had, then a bunch more, to creative people who worked on the site. When we ran out of money, we couldn't pay anymore. We did our best.

Kevin: Right, and my point of this thread was that it was completely and totally avoidable. This is reasonable to be upset about. How could I have been any more clear?

Matt: If we knew with 100% certainly that the community would have supported us via patreon, we would have done that. We didn't know. We had tried 4 years ago and got no support. We were wrong this time. We did our best to figure it out. We paid all the money we could.

Kevin: So you knew with 100% certainty this time? Or you took a leap of faith?

Matt: It was a last gasp panic effort after ad rates got cut in half on january 1st due to seasonal spending changes. We didn't know it would work. We were embarrassed to ask for support. We wanted to figure it out.

Kevin: Every site has a Patreon. Every YouTuber, comedy group, etc. But you insisted that nobody cared about Hard Drive. Which is wildly untrue. I know you see that now, but again, I think you can see why I and many others are pretty upset. A last ditch panic effort was long overdue. A couple more things from Matt:

It was about the size of the hole we needed plugged budget wise, the time I had left of personal resources, and the past data I had about us trying a patreon (which turned out to be a bad indicator). I didn't think the Patreon would help us fast enough. I made a bad estimation

aka "if we make $1000 more dollars a month via patreon, which would be 10x what we got last time, we will not solve any of our problems. If instead we try to plow down path B, we might make it out in time." That was the thinking. I chose the wrong path, but didn't mean to Kevin also retweeted this comment from the user Matt was responding to: So you're saying that you're bad at running the business, didn't listen to any of your employees until after they were forced to leave their jobs, and now you're going to get more of the money from the Patreon that was their idea in the first place? Matt's Response: Respectfully, I made a mistake delaying the patreon decision. But keeping a comedy site alive for 9 years is not easy, there are lots of potential ideas, and think overall we've done a good and honorable job. Will leave this thread in peace now to allow people their space.

Sorry for linking to Elon's hellsite (derogatory), but sources need links so...

#video games #patreon #hard drive #ai critical

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