#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaibuntsu · 6 years

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A Human’s Curse

Sequel to The Accursed Scritches.

Long gone the days where I turned into black goop every time I was touched with just a tiny ounce of affection. After weeks—months—of you petting me and nuzzling my snout, which you keep insisting to call ‘the snoot’, I have become hardened. Sometimes you lament my lack of melting and you made it your life’s mission to make me turn into goop again.

Did that ever work out, I wonder? So I ask you, without sounding too...eager to know.

“Eh, I guess I failed,” you answer. Your voice express disappointment, but your face beams, a smile stretches across your pale skin. I see that you mean to have a little laugh, but your entire body already discomforts you before you even made a sound. You have never been able to laugh freely anymore since your body started to fight against you.

“But that’s okay,” you continue, “I miss the way you just splatted and become goop, but that’s not the most important thing.”

I scowl, confused. “Why isn’t it important? You always find joy in my embarrassment. I even dare say it was what kept you going.”

“You have a point, but that’s not what I mean, silly!” You look up to me while your weak, bony hand reach out to meet the one arm I have left. Your hands grow ever so cold these past few weeks. Your eyes drift to blunt stubs where my other five arms once were. I feel self-conscious that you look at my disfigurement so silently so long. You keep doing that time and time again. “Tell me again how you lost all but one of your arms?”

A heavy sigh came with a hiss from my mouth. Again with this question? “I lost them to fights against other demons. I’m a Greater Demon, please do keep that in mind. I have a lot of competition.”

Then, you scoff. “So you went into fights five times and each time you lost an arm? What, did you like do an arm-splitting kamehameha kind of thing every time you fight?” I do not understand what you were talking about; sometimes you just spout the oddest of words out that small mouth of yours. You do not even give me a chance to ask what you meant. “You’re a sucky fighter and a suckier liar, you damn snake.”

“Would you look at that, your first insult to me. And it’s horrible. Horrible as in that is the most gentle insult anyone has ever thrown at me.”

“Whatever! Shut up!”

“You shut up! You’ll only hurt yourself.”

You laugh even harder, you even force your body to bear with it, even though I know from how you clutch your chest as you struggle to get a sound out. You really want to feel this laughter, don’t you? Even your poor bodily condition cannot stop your desire to have a good time with me.

Your laughter quiets down into some giggles as your eyes gaze at me again more gently than they ever did. There is something eerie in that gentleness, I have no idea what it is and why I feel so. “Do you still remember what your purpose was, when I accidentally released you three years ago? You wanted to eat me, didn’t you?”

My cold heart skips a beat; I cannot believe you remember while I forgot. I cannot tell you that I forgot. That makes me sound stupid and I believe I have made a fool of myself in front of you too many times to let you have this one. “I lost my appetite,” I reply, not entirely making an excuse.

“Because I’m an unappealing food? I mean, don’t blame ya. I’m like...zero percent nutrition at this point.”

“No, that’s not why.” I stop myself. I hesitate; why I stopped attempting to eat you is very...undemonic of me. I feel disgusted just humoring such thought, but another part of me feels I should not feel such contempt. Demons are beings driven mainly by impulses and emotions, after all.

“You can eat me now.” Your words brought a snowstorm all over my elongated spine. “I have nothing left for the world. Buuuuut, I definitely have something that you can take—”

“If you’re going to say something cheesy and flirty, I swear to Batara Kala…!” I stop you, even raise my fist to show you that I mean it. Your mouth opens to continue and confront it with a hiss. When you keep persisting to say it, I hiss louder and show my fangs. That only made you scrunch your face in an attempt not to laugh too loud again as your body just hates you for laughing so hard earlier on.

“Alright, okay, you win this round, Wormy.”

“Since I win, then will you do me a favor and get a rest? No more joking around.” I drag your blanket up and cover your frail shoulders. You let out a small content sigh as I bring you warmth with my gesture.

“You’re not going to go out and pick a fight with other demons this time, are you?”

“That was my plan, initially.”

“Well, cancel it. What if I wake up in the middle of the night, don’t find you here, and feel lonely? I never make you feel lonely.” I take a long moment to consider if I should accept or deny your request, but you—at least your glare—are not giving me much choice.

“Tch, fine. I will humor you this time.”

Hearing me succumb brings back your weak smile. “G’night, then. Luv ya, Wormy.”

I do as you said, but my serpentine muscles twitch, itching to slide away into the night. Have you no idea what would have happened if I hadn’t lost my arms? I guess...I never really told you about that. Yet, you called me a liar earlier, so I suppose you have an idea. I suppose you were not joking when you let me eat you.

I loom over you. You are asleep so I have no need to constrict you with my silvery scales. My jaws loosen, gaping as wide as I need to fit your whole body in one swallow. I take another good look of your face, how peaceful you seem and how your last little smile you gave before falling asleep seems to burn itself onto your face permanently. If only I can stare at this peacefulness forever.

My jaws shut tight, with you in front of my lips. I cannot bring myself to eat you, even if I am able to, even when you have given your permission. I just do not have the will to wrap my mouth around you and swallow you whole. And with that, the small tremors that always course throughout your body ceased, air stops blowing out of your nostrils, your body becomes colder than mine.

You knew, didn’t you, that this is coming, whether or not I eat you? You wanted me to be the last thing you see? You fear of feeling lonely? What about me? Did you not think if I will feel lonely?!

...No, you probably did. And it probably torn you apart inside.

You called me a liar? I think we both know who the bigger liar was…

In the distance behind me, I heard the sound of wood cracking, as if it had been violently split by an axe. I wonder what cause the noise that distracted my conflict of feelings, and it was a small box. Or should I say the small box. The very small box I was trapped in and released from three years ago. It broke...how? After so many times it had been lost to fires, crushed by heavy objects, even by a crumbling building at one point. Why, after all the hazards that happened upon it, did it break?

I pushed myself towards it and inspected the accursed box. The lid somehow broke on the hinges, while its surface full of cracks and chips and scorch marks, so is the rest of it. As if the effects of the hazards that fell before upon it finally appear themselves, and with that, breaking my curse. I am once more a freed demon. I should feel elated, yet my cold heart feels, well...cold. What point is there being free?

It starts to glow all of a sudden, the bottom of the box. I lift it closer to eyes, inspecting what appears to be a short archaic scripture, written in gold, and in a style of language that is riddling. A common style among monks and wisemen. It details the key to my release and I throw the box across the room as soon as I read it.

Stupid humans and their stupid trickery! They call demons cruel yet they toy with our impulses! Make me care about someone—someone normally I consider food—and use their soul as ransom for my release! Disgusting, sickening, horrid humans!

My long body feels weak, the turmoil makes me lose control of my form. The first thing I can think of is rushing, as much as my half-goopy body can rush, to my human. For some reason, I feel like it is the only way to help me maintain my form. I crush the lifeless body under my long, droopy, disfiguring body, my one only hand desperately cups the face I have come so fond of.

You! I will not let you go so easily! I will not be free and lonely at the same time! You will be with me! I know where to find you! And I will find you and you will want to be taken by me! I will make you my second head if I have to! Despicable humans and their lies and trickery...after I claim back what was mine, I will bring destruction upon you all.

I cradled my human’s body, curling my disfigured set of scales around the cold frail skin, engulfing it entirely in black sticky goop that is soon creating black smoke out of it, as my being boils from all the strong heat of grief and rage inside me.

I am lonely.

I am livid.

I am suffering.

All because a human loves me, and I love the human back.

#my writing #exophilia #monster love #demon #snake demon #gender neutral characters #snake cw #death cw #writing #stories #angst #didn't write anything monstery original for 5 months and suddenly back with an angst!#feels good to be writing again man

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