#and i plan on staying for much longer

[unbeleevable]

Back and better than ever (sorta) (tags)

@undercovergamer @olliethestangenerd @ash-does-theatre @aceofsharks @g1ggleebug @hyper-raccoon23 @losttheclown @delicatetreemagazine @malacheezyy @mublerr @mochamuff1n @weirdgoblinthing

Sorry to whoever I didn't include in the @'s , I didn't remember your user at the time.

#wow alot of changes have been occuring in my life that i thought would never happen. #my life has became challenging but as well as interesting #ive grown. #bettered myself. #been brutally betraid #but im still here #and i plan on staying for much longer #im back.

[werewolfsmile]

It's a lot faster in person, huh?

#eliot spencer #leverage #leverage redemption #the too many rembrandts job #leverage gifs #my gifs #my posts #today has been a big day and i'm tired and should go to bed but i wanna stay up and make things like gifs etc etc #but i also have to work early tomorrow so i legit can't stay up much longer ugh #so have this gif of eliot that i made a while back that i fully plan on using as a reaction gif allllll the time

[declawedwildcat]

If anyone else is preparing for an eventual abandon ship, my bluesky username is the same as here + gonna try to start being more active over there

#I still really dislike the twitter-form content compared to tumblr but beggars can't be choosers #I really had no plans to leave after 10 years but. they're making it very very hard to justify staying for much longer #we'll see

[pixiemage]

A snippet of a conversation I had earlier with Hybbat about their Ranchers Apocalypse AU...

You're plotting things. I know it. I've got my eye on you Hybs.

#I mean I fREAKING KNEW there was too much fluff going on for it to stay nice for much longer #BUT STILL #I AM V SUSPICIOUS AND ALSO A BIT TERRIFIED #just WHAT do you have planned #RAAU #Rancher Apocalypse AU #Team Rancher #Hybbat #Hybbart

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[badolmen]

Incredibly frustrated by how condescendingly jaded my uncle can be but I’m being so brave about it <- not blowing him up with my mind even though I want to

#ra speaks #personal #I love him. but my dude. bruh. #made a comment abt how I should try working/volunteering w the homeless #after I commented on his tirade abt homeless ppl ‘gaming the system’ by getting arrested in the winter #to have somewhere warm w food to stay like ‘why are we not talking about how fucked it is that the homeless will fucking die if they don’t? #like sir. buddy. you do remember that I grew up on food stamp right? I have gone to a food bank as a recipient before. #I’ve volunteered at shelters and soup kitchens before. I know addicts and homeless people in town. #this isn’t some naive wide eyed college socialist ‘those poor homeless people are saints’ schitck #this is a tired university food pantry anarchist ‘aren’t you fucking tired of being cruel to people who make the best o thr circumstances?’ #sorry you can no longer see the divine value of every human life and must endure the tragedy #of considering everyone not to your standard a lost cause. #some of us see the work to be done and will be doing it instead of wallowing in hate and pity. #shut up and get to work like the rest of us if you hate it so much. #it’s just like *strangled him* you see me twice a year dude I DO WORK AT A SOUP KITCHEN YOU IDIOT #I just don’t talk abt it because it’s just something I do sorry I thought making acts of charity your whole personality #was vain and frowned upon in christian society??? #this makes my plans to ditch academia and go into fulltime aid work feel all the more. idk vindicated??? #that’s not the right word but you get it. uncle t I love you but you know fuck all and have hardened your heart to the world. #god break that heart of stone you have and bless you with love for your fellow man. or whatever. #for context this convo happened like two years ago but I saw him last week and in light of recent personal revelations I’ve remembered it #core memory locked in ‘are you for fucking real uncle t?’ #vocational woes

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tfw u spend the day being catastrophically depressed then u remember how kush1na uzumak1 is treated by the plot of #narut0 and u get so fucking angry that u stop thinking abt how miserable u r for 2hrs as u furiously draw out an idea #it makes me so fucking mad. but like in a way that fun bc its like who cares its not that serious #and when i get depressed i just like. i dont give a fuck abt anything. there is a film between me and everything and nothing can touch me #except apparently my fucking insane feelings about narut0. like im genuinely so embarrassing when ppl irl make the mistake of talking abt #narut0 to me irl. like i get SO excited. i move my arms a lot and stamp my feet and just get real enthusiastic and my voice goes all weird #and i cant get my thoughts straight bc i have so so so much to say. which is like fine. its just embarrassing to me personally #bc i kno i tent to stay on the subjects im interested in for way longer than most ppl would probably enjoy #and after i watched star trek into darkness in hs i was like at my peak star trek phase and i was talking a mile a minute #and then my sister was like: y is your voice all weird? and it was like she slapped me in the face. slapped me thru time. u bitch 😭 #this is y im not allowed to enjoy things 😭 also bc im annoying abt it. ugh. anyway. point is i got so mad abt the misogyny of kishimoto #that i forgot how fucking awful i was feeling for a minute. so thank u for hating women so much u fucking bastard lol #when will i post the idea im planning? who tf knows. its gonna take. well idk how long itll take #unrelated

[ev1lmorty]

feel v mean calling out soecific meta but im still kindve fuming over a post i saw w a bit too much engagement a few months ago implying erick couldve never gotten physical w emorty bc if he had emorty wouldve not put up w him as long or wouldve easily been able to defend themself actually it was a poll like. rallying abt what kind of abuse everyone thought emorty had endured like placing bets on how badly rick brutalized him. have we lost the fucking plot lol

#the way u can tell a lot of meta treats morty abuse as some sort of voyeuristic hobby #god i have bitched abt this on my priv so often i forget if ive said it here but i wish ppl could go #yeah i want to fuck rick n i acknowledge he is an abusive figure in his familys life or he didnt ysed to be this bad #but he allowed himself to let go of reality n become this person #like rick isnt just abusive in bed dominating ur reader in planned consenual dom settings. lol. anyways #idk i wuv rnm for having a portrayal of an abusive relationship i can actually fully relate to including the complicated codependent #feelings n having to navigate when things improve n the person gets better n what ur supposed to do when yr basically #left to pick the pieces up urself n how much of the tradegy behind their actions help n how much doesnt matter #im rambling now bc its v v late #also like enabling family when ur created in abuse it keeps going n going ppl no longer are able to acknowledge beths complicity #n jerrys apathy despite being the family scapegoat n at a similiar position to morty but its the quiet parent who tries to stay down #who enables it the most etc #summer loves her brother but gains something from the dynamic if she engages in the toxicity i could go #on #but it still comes back to rick.

[ren-from-mars]

Me when a single day alters the course of my life forever

#in a good way ofc #(gonna start rambling today was a good day) #so like. made plans last night to hop on and play some warframe with a friend #thst friend is uber cool. and also american so we dont get to vc and game togethdr much #but i woke up at 8 30 #had brekkie #and got on at 9 #played gamed with coolest homie for 3 hours #watched the first ep of jjk while eating food w them and takijg a breather from games #as we finished up motivation hit so i had my adhd med abt 20 mins before we finished #cut my hair so i no longer feel wonky abt the length #tried a new way of styling the cut and it works really well #then went to the mall to get some things ive been meaning to get for years #came back home cleaner my room #saw facebook advert for a job opportunity i have been seeking out for quite some time #sent in a very formal and well written email application while figuring out how to go further in depth about the things i said #went back to room and sewed on the last remaining badge for my scout uniform #checked up on fb for scout things happening tonight #hyped myself up to go #night went better than i thought it would and nobody got unreasonably upset and everyone stayed levelheaded #and!! i got secretary!! one of the four core exec roles!!! #came home and chatted to parents about an event they went to #it was just. such a good day #and now i eeby #ren rambles #OH AND NOT TO MENTION #before i came home but after scouts #i talked with my closest friends abt my hyperfixations (and the ones we share!!) and it was sososo fun #i love sharing hyperfixes with friends #<3333

[bluevaractyl]

Ah, my best friend/worst enemy: structureless days

#no class today #just recorded lectures #should have gone on campus to work but every step this morning took too long #and then it didn't seem worth it when I can just stay longer tomorrow #I had so much I planned to do and should have done and still need to do #but instead I've just kind of existed all day #I really need to snap out of it #blue complains into the void #in other news I think I'm close to finishing AoL

[ambersky0319]

My grandma keeps getting exasperated that I refuse to ask my grandpa to drive me anywhere but like...

This is the man who told an 11 year old with depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues "I don't want you" in the middle of a lobby at a therapy place and saw nothing wrong. This is the man who has told me to "go to hell" because I couldn't help with his internet issues. This is the man who point blank admitted his behavior is problematic, but used the excuse that he was too old, as a reason for why he wouldn't change his behavior.

I don't want a relationship with him anymore. I made that clear. And while I'm still in this house, I will be civil with him. I will not remark on his comments. I will give simple answers to questions asked. I will help if the situation is dire. However, that does not mean I will engage with him for longer than I have to. And it means that I refuse to be stuck in an enclosed space like a car with him.

I don't think either of my grandparents have realized that, when I said the outcome of that conversation a few weeks ago would determine if we would have a relationship going forward, I meant it.

I've ignored my grandpa while living in the same house as him for 6 months - only interacting with him if it was absolutely necessary since i relied on him. And at the time, I still felt like I would have some relationship with him. But now? Now I feel nothing for him. That relationship is dead. I have no plans on making it better. I will simply be treating him how I treat anyone else I dislike but must tolerate.

I just wonder how long it will be for them to realize this.

#i dont know if sib fully gets how i feel about him either #they understand a bit better to my knowledge but idk #but just... #i dont know #ive never had a problem with cutting people out of my life. and with my history my grandparents should know that INCLUDES family #especially if i compared them to my parents (which i did). that should have made it clear as day #but i guess it didnt #my plan was to try to move out this summer but i highly doubt thats gonna happen #so im gonna aim for at the latest next summer but strive for earlier - maybe over winter or during the fall/spring semester #the shitty thing is that means leaving my sib alone here and like. i feel awful for that #but. i also know it is REALLY bad for my own mental health to stay in this house for much longer #i can tolerate it. i can be civil and keep to myself. but it wont really be healthy #and eventually that tensions just gonna bubble up again and it would suck for it to hurt my academics again #anyway #impromptu rant away time lol #amber's shit you can ignore

[birdy-bird27]

I think I need to go to sleep soon my brain is once again is being haunted by the sad thoughts

#the evil thoughts are invading againnn #thinking about when my dogs will die #I can’t fucking handle it I can’t #snowball and cotton #I got them both 5 years ago #they were both around 3-5 when I got them #that must mean they are around 8-10 #I mean they are small dogs so they are more likely to live longer #but still #I need to prepare for when the time comes #snowball is already going blind #and I think deaf as well #it’s freaking me out #I never had a dog before therefore never had a dog die either #in fact I never had a close family memeber die really #other than my great grandpa #the rest are all distant cousins #I don’t think I can handle it #I’m only still here bc when I was legit planning cotton came up to me and fell asleep on me #I knew I needed to stay alive for at least my dogs #honestly though I am so much better mentally and I actually have learned to actually enjoy life #but I’m scared I’m going to fall back to that way of thinking #why must my brain torture me so #why can’t my dogs life forever #I need them in my life #what do you mean I won’t have my babies around when I’m like 40 #LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL BUT CRUEL AT THE SAME TIME

[astridthevalkyrie]

feeling like you’re 12 when you’re 22 is genuinely such a humiliating experience.

#my dad and mom have been on my case ab asking for permission before I go places and it makes me kinda sick #seeing everyone around me make plans or whatever and then being like ‘I’ll have to ask 🥺 👉🏽👈🏽 #’ #and my dad’s a liar he’s like it’s not like we ever say no #except my mother does and so does he??? #even the muslim girls I am friends with have more freedom and you know what’s amazing ab this is #they can’t stop me from going to school. they don’t pay for that #they can’t take my car. they don’t pay for that #my mom can stop making food for me and I will manage just fine #they wanna kick me out???? blessing in disguise #but it’s hilarious that as an adult i’m still paying for everything I use but I still have to ask permission genuinely fuck off #my parents when I have to stay late on campus for some school event: 😒 #the way I’d be making money rn if they didn’t decide to come and stalk me at work and see me without my hijaab on #and that one’s on me I could choose to just work with it on and make them happy #but I literally can’t as a matter of principle #i’m given such little pride as it is and if I say I don’t want to work with a hijaab on that’s that #i got an internship two days ago for the summer and you can bet your ass I’m not wearing my hijaab #except it’s not paid #and as much as I have guilt spending I really don’t spend a lot and it makes me so angry #i know that your 20s isn’t your whole life and people shouldn’t think that if they waste their 20s their life is up #but it’s like #my teens were already so shitty and abusive and trapped #how much longer do I have to deal w this before i’m treated like an adult #trick question! it’s only until a man can own me bc then he can make my decisions instead of them <3

[svampira]

diamila 👑 ? 😳

diamila as charlemagne for some reason

ask game

#/diamila #this is way too much of a doodle but i made last minute plans so i can no longer stay up til 2 to draw😔 sad #i have two asks left to draw but if anyone wants to send me more^^ then ill have more #i forgot to say thank you noooo hisseri come back

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Note to self: just cause you say sure visit for a day but I have other plans so I just have this period of time free. Does not mean that they cannot appear for triple the time

#shoutout to my dad for visiting it was super nice to see him and I’m glad he came #i wish he woulda at least warned me in advance he’d stay for so long #like come on. please respect the only break I have #i did not get my thanksgiving break really #i got a total of 2 days #I’m super disappointed. I’m so exhausted. this was my chance to catch up #he came and it was nice but it was also hey hey you’re not allowed to sleep in we need to do things #and he was constantly complaining about sitting on my couch. we Do Not have anything to do in this little village of a city #it just ended up stressing me out #hid with my ex to be like hey im helping her with homework so I could duck into her room #thankful he cares. wish he would at least ask if he can stay so much longer given that the original plan was a day #soup talks

[pinkspiraling]

i hope things change very very soon and very very drastically

#because i can’t live like this much longer and i know that. and the timeframe for my plan only gets closer #i am so tired of this and so tired of my brain and so tired of trying. even though i know it doesn’t seem like trying. #i’ve spent so long just doing my best to stay alive and i’m exhausted. how am i supposed to do more than that #i need the things around me to change i need something that i don’t even know what. but something anything please #i’m sick of begging the universe to ease the pain and it never does. i only hurt more and more. i want it to be over #pink’s word vomiting