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ihave-atummyache · 2 days

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i was never there

bang chan one shot/imagine

SFW but some allusions to NSFW activities.

toxic relationship! toxic!chan toxic!reader

summary: to everyone’s disapproval, you and chan just cant seem to leave one another alone.

1.2k words

Chan knows that the two of you breaking up was for the best. Your relationship was unstable and toxic, borderline obsessive. You both had become distant from important things in your life because all you cared about was each other.

If he knows that then why is he feeling so guilty about having someone else in his bed? Why does he feel guilty that it isn’t you in some foreign country with him instead of some girl he met at a bar? Why has he only been able to write the worst heart broken lyrics that he has ever thought of?

Despite his better judgement, after his hookup leaves, he sits up and grabs his phone. He unlocks it and instantly opens social media, hoping that you had posted something, posted anything, just so he could see your face.

He feels like he’s going crazy. He checks your social media at least 10 times a day. He doesn’t care if he’s the first view, he just needs to see you. He opens your profile and sees you posted a story and of course he opens it.

13 s ago

He chews his bottom lip as he analyzes the photo you had posted. It looked like you were having brunch and mimosas but that isn’t what bothered him. What bothered him was the fact that there was somebody sitting at the seat across from you.

There was another plate and another glass but the chair was empty, something you had purposely done to try to maintain your privacy, he assumes.

Maybe it’s the drinks he had earlier in the night or the post nut high but something makes him open his texts and message you, despite every fiber in his brain telling him not to.

Who are you with?

Why would he say that? Now he probably looks insane. But your response is almost instant, not even a minute later.

it’s almost 5 am over there. why are u up?

He chuckles at his phone. You’re right, it’s 4:47am where he is but he can’t help his stomach doing a flip at the thought that you know exactly where in the world that he is. It makes him feel slightly less crazy that you seem to have been watching him just as much as he has been watching you.

Keeping tabs on me now? He types the message and sends it before he thinks too much about it. This is the first time the two of you have talked in almost a month and he feels like he’s getting an adrenaline high.

Chan stands from the bed and heads to his bathroom before turning the shower on and staring at his phone as he waits for the water to heat up.

ik YOU aren’t talking about keeping tabs on anyone. somehow you see everything i post within a minute of it being posted. care to explain? He can sense your sassy attitude through the screen and smirks down at his phone.

I can’t miss you?

Risky. Risky reply and he knows it but its all or nothing at this point.

He sends the message before he can think too hard about it. He sees you’re typing then the bubble disappears. This happens a few times before he finally decides to get into the shower.

A few countries away, you’re staring down at your phone, debating how you should reply.

“I fucked up,” you glance up at your coworker, a new friend that you had made. She had listened to you rant and rant about your ex boyfriend and it had actually brought the two of you pretty close.

“What happened?” She raises an eyebrow at you as she takes another sip of mimosa. you let out a sigh, running a hand through your hair before sliding your phone across the table to her. She reads the messages quickly before shaking her head in disbelief.

“He is fucking insane. Are you going to reply?” her words linger in the air for a minute before you grab your phone and read over the messages again.

“Should I even reply? This is so toxic. I’m feeding into him. Fuck!” You drag your hand down your face, frustrated and the waitress returns to your table at the perfect time.

“Can we get another bottle of champagne?” You ask with a polite smile and she nods before walking away.

“Y/n, it’s 11 in the morning,” your new friend eyes you from across the table and you shrug.

“I’ve officially been driven to drinking. I just need to get drunk and then I’ll go home and fall asleep then I’ll wake up and text him back,” you nod at her and she chuckles but lets you continue drinking anyways. Your phone vibrates again on the table and you flip it over, Chan had texted you again.

“What did he say?” Your friend already knows who it is without you having to say a word. You lean forward and unlock your phone and your heart drops at the message.

Baby, I need you. I miss you. Come to the show in Seoul.

You choke on air and start coughing before sliding your phone to your friend so she can read the messages. Her jaw drops and just as she hands your phone back, a notification pops up at the top of your screen; an incoming call from ‘Christopher Bahng’.

Without thinking you answer the call, excusing yourself from the table and stepping onto the patio, right next to your table so your friend can still see you.

“Chris…” you breathe his name out, it feels like a stab to your chest when you hear him let out a breath on the other side.

“I’ve missed hearing you say my name. I miss you so much, baby. Did you see my message?” His voice is slightly slurred over the phone and you recognize the influence that alcohol probably has over this entire interaction but honestly, you don’t even care.

“I saw it. Chris I don’t think that’s a good idea-”

“I don’t care if it’s a good idea or not. I just need to see you. I’m going to lose my fucking mind if I don’t get to hold you soon,” his voice is desperate and you can hear how overcome with emotions he is.

“We aren’t together anymore. This is exactly why. We aren’t healthy for each other, baby. You know that,” the nickname slips from your mouth like a habit and you immediately gulp when you realize what you said.

“I don’t care. I don’t care about anything if you aren’t at my side,” his confession just further nails it into your head that the two of you aren’t good for each other. You chew on your lip, pulling your sweater tighter around yourself.

“Fine.” Before you realize it, you have agreed to see him, just one more time. This will be the final time, your final goodbye.

Or the cycle will start over and you’ll be back in the endless toxicity that you two have been in for a long time.

“God, I love you so much, y/n,” his voice is raspy and you can tell he’s getting tired.

“I know, Chris. Send me two tickets so I can bring my friend since you ruined our brunch,” you chuckle and you hear him laugh on the other end.

“Yes ma’am,” he replies and you feel your phone vibrate, probably the notification that he just sent you the tickets.

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ladywren7 · 2 months

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I feel like the ghost crew is totally normal at parties until Abba starts playing and then they all bust out into completely synchronized and choreographed dance.

#for all 5 minutes of those songs #and if somebody is missing they cant do it #star wars #star wars rebels #swr #the ghost crew #star wars headcanons #star wars rebels headcanon #swr headcanon #rants with wren #sabine wren #kanan jarrus #zeb orrelios #ezra bridger #hera syndulla #chopper

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beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff · 20 hours

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THEYRE TINY??????

#i actually need to die.#stop it.#ross' HAIR SHUT UP #emo side fringe oh he is so me #georges curls somebody kill me #his EYES ☹️#actually im like in despair but in a good wau #theyre babies #i cant cope #blah blah!#george daniel #ross macdonald #dlid #drive like i do #i miss when they all looked REALLY gay like SO gay

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ambrosiaocto · 1 year

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chapter 117 and episode 5 releasing on the same day and having the events of ch117 and ep5 be 2 years apart in canon is SO fucked up dude tjis chapter broke me

#oshi no ko #really puts in perspective how much aquas want for revenge has like. fucked him up PLEASE somebody get this guy a therapist #JLIKE AUUUGHGHJJJJJ I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS #aqua i cant keep defending you. I CANT DO TYIS #i honestly have NO clue where things are going from here im just manifesting kanakane reuinion soon. please #theyre so silly i miss them i cant just keep rereading tokyo blade arc over and over #+ i really want akane to let kana know whats going on w aqua #for blacklist ->#onk spoilers #oshi no ko spoilers #ambi's ambience

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sunnibits · 1 year

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please god I can’t hyperfixate on my own oc pls nobody will care if I’m just oc posting 24/7 pls like only one other person even knows his lore please fucking god I’m not strong enough just let me get back to drawing old men in sexual positions I’m fucking begging you

#i mean. it’s not an official hyperfix it’s more just like #‘my hyperfix has been faded for a damn long while and now my brain has nothing to latch onto except dnd and minecraft’#but UGGSGGHH I CANT DO THIS #I loooooveee my oc but I’m also incapable of making art of him apparently #and also I MISS OBSESSING OVER OLD MEN but the izzy hyperfix has gone on far too long #when I hyperfixate on something too long I start like loving it and hating it at the same time it’s so bad #ughgdhhghhhb #save me god #but also somebody ask me about my oc pleaseee psppspspsps you wanna ask me about Dimitri so badddd

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flypug · 1 month

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thinking about " no wife, no kids, nobody to mourn you when you burn in. "

#once again topgun lines going in for the kill #he can fly like death doesnt matter bc he doesnt think he has anything to lose (or that anyone would be losing him)#but when his manoeuvres endanger others - then that's somebody's husband/father #somebody's son or brother #but sully only has the dead and the indifferent and neither will grieve his absence #guys who get letters from people who miss them #rotating arguments with the sykes twins where they do not hesitate to hit him where it hurts #bc they cannot have someone unreliable up there with them. they're in enough danger as it is they cant keep an eye out for one of their own #pulling some death wish stunt that nearly takes the entire formation down with him #not that he would but the uncertainty is justified bc of how he endangers himself i'd be scared to fly with him too ngl #anyway anyway anyway im thinking abt him so much #DEL.#tw death

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golforoosh · 3 months

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#i know it passes like it always does but time has never been so slow #im so exhausted from feeling this way and not being able to do anything or even talk about it. i want to fix it but he doesnt.. im so stuck #my heart hurts my head hurts i want this to end #i want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. why did i have to agree to this #why couldnt god just give me smtg easy #smtg easy to test me with. why did he have to test me with my emotions. why do i have to suffer so much at the hands of a man #who doesnt know how to treat a woman so that when shit happens. im always the one that is at fault #ive never felt so alone #someone talk to me so that i can break this silence #make me laugh so that i can forget about my problems even if it be a few minutes #i miss when i used to actually feel like i was a somebody on twitter when people would like and retweet my tweets #why cant those days come back. days where small things would make me happy #days where i had people in my life that made me feel special #what am i doing here #what happened to me

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rottingbiogirl · 7 months

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I want to be someone’s girlfriend again so bad. But I know I am not ready and it’d just be unfair to any girl who’d fall for me.

#t4t lesbian #transfem #transgender #trans #lesbian #sapphic #sad gay shit #i am sad #i miss her #i miss being somebodys girlfriend #i want to belong to someone #i cant do this

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deanstits · 10 months

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Realised that, while I love writing, I'm not a good story teller. Idk what to do w that info

#probably nothing lol #making a story?? idek where to begin!!#n the brain fog is so thick i cant figure it out #its like im missing a key piece of info on how to do something n i can't fogure out what it is #tell me the info!! somebody!!! anybody!!!

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nomaishuttle · 8 months

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sry i also started thinking abt how great my life would be if i was trapped in a timeloop again. i meant again as in i thought abt it again not as in I was trapped in a timeloop and id love 4 it 2 happen again. never been in one unfortunately.

#id be so awesome in the timeloop dude. you guys dont get ittt id slay in the timeloop #id memorize every single thing that happens nad itd be awesome id write a book abt everything that happens even. and id be able to sleep so #much and therd be no consequences for anything (aside from. what. me being stuck in the timeloop longer? DONT MIND IF I DO!!!)#and like if itsba 24 hour timeloop. dude i can do anything in those 24 hours. i could go across the world PROBABLY #like i could just empty allll of my savings and book a same day no stops flight . and then id just like be somewhere else. ajd i wouldnt #even have to worry abt getting back bc timeloop my guy!!!#sighh .. yk. every day alreadh feels all the same due to depression so mayyybe everyday feeling the same due to timeloop wouldnt actually b #awesome but i think it would be avtually bc the reason every day feeling the same feels Bad is bc i know they shouldnt.ik theyre different #im justgoing through the motions every day and i hate it. if every day actually was the same ? dudeee i wouldnt be sad abt every day #feeling rhe same bc it straighr up would be. i wouldnt feel like im missing out on something... And idbe able to DO different things bc i #wouldnt have to worry like Omg what will happen tmrw if i do something reckless today.. omg i cant spend this money bc rent is due next #week. omg i cant go do thus activity bc i have 2 work today.. Brother nobody has to work in a timeloop!!!#and all id have to do is like. kill somebody every so often so the time god or whateber doesnt think ive learned my lesson. and itd suck to #kill someone yk id feel badd. ig rly i could just rob a bank and not have 2 kill someone #well yk. some ppl. i would murder. mainly bc i think itd be kiiinda funny. but i shant go into thay more #Dude i could literally learn every language and read every single bookkkkkk god i wanna be in a timeloop so bad id thrive in the timeloop

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gwiazdowe · 2 years

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Not me sitting here once more thinking of cirz befriending asoka and then her leaving the order bc of the bombing drama that went on and then its gonna be years if they ever get to meet again as empire outlaws or not at all!!

#same vibe as cirz making icecream plans with siri and then siri just goes and dies uuee #five jedi knights leave for a mission but only three come back #your friend cant be reached for months are they busy or are they missing who knows #how many jedi do you think have somebody they lost in the war i think its all of them actually #I SAID I DONT WANT TO BE SAD AND YET #F #ooc

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queercatboyrights · 12 days

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lowkey kinda rlly fuckin annoyed that my moms BF constantly decides to sleep in the living room. the most used and public room in the house. that is open and directly next to the kitchen. through the hours of 4-11am. and then gets annoyed/miffed and complains about us being noisy and keeping him up.

like motherfucker (<-pun intended) YOU CHOSE to sleep in the most publicly used room/area in the house during the hours it's usually used the most. you could've chosen to sleep in ANY of the THREE WHOLE ASS BEDS AND ROOMS THEY ARE IN that are all less than a 30sec walk away from the couch. so like. do not get pissy at me for making myself breakfast/lunch bc im just going to have to go downstairs right after anyways to relegate myself to my own bedroom bc you don't seem to understand the concept of sleeping in an area that is meant for sleeping people to use while other people are awake during hours that they are usually always awake and doing stuff at 😮‍💨

#nebbles talks #sorry i got kinda ranty #just kinda annoyed i cant get my laptop and play bg3 atm :/#its been. 3 hours. of waiting for him to wake up #just so i can play video games :[#AND I CANT EVEN DO PRODUCTIVE SHIT WHILE I WAIT EITHER!!!#cant do dishes(even though there is a giant pile of them). too noisy #cant make food/bread. too noisy #cant even fuckin CLEAN upstairs. why?? too. fucking. NOISYYYY!!!!!!#almost tempted to start mowing the lawn #just to make a point or something #probably missed my window though if i cut it now its too hot so itll just burn the grass :p #i just. want something to fucking do. that isn't scolling tumblr for 3+ hours #not that i dont mind a good scrolling sesh #i just. need an activity to do #for the love of god somebody give me an activity to do or im going to fucking Die

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strawberrysweater · 7 months

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i hate having a bodyyyyyyy