#and vic's voice breaks slightly as they ask whether he thinks she's doing a good job

[yesokayiknow]

my favourite thing about vip i think is that every single guest takes one look at vic and goes pathetic. rancid vibes. bad dress sense also. and vic's like oh no that's. i am a normal functioning person who definitely does not cry themselves to sleep. actually.

#very important people #this last episode was insane all the way thru #but something that really killed me that i haven't seen anyone talking abt is when tommy says he's seen every ep #and vic's voice breaks slightly as they ask whether he thinks she's doing a good job #hanging on to those hinges by her fingernails #i think they should have a breakdown in the finale

[storiesofsvu]

Habits of the Heart Ch 4

Warnings: Language, talk of assault/domestic violence, usual SVU type casework, mentions of physical assault in Casey's past.

“So why am I here if the victim recanted?” Casey asked, 

“Because it’s still a case counsellor, the victim came to us last night, her rape kit tested positive for fluids and DNA and she’s covered in bruises and cuts, we can’t just walk away from this.” Rollins rebottled. Amanda and Nick had taken this case, you and Carisi were buried in multiple different cases while you prepared victims to what it was like taking the stand, working through various amounts of witness statements outside the office.

“If we don’t have a victim I don’t have a case and you know that. We can’t just throw charges on someone in this situation.”

“It’s a domestic violence situation Casey, these are trickier. She’s either scared he’ll come after her again, or she’s blinded by love and thinks everything’s fine.” Olivia replied, “We need her statement, and her want to press charges, how do you want us to go about that?” Casey sighed heavily, 

“Get Summers to talk to her…she’s good at this kind of thing, maybe the vic will flip, otherwise…I can’t do anything.”

“But! This is my case!” Amanda protested, Liv was quick to reach out an arm to attempt to calm her.

“Yeah and you’ve gotten nowhere with her so far.” Casey shot back, “Call me once Summers has her talking.”

Olivia was slightly confused at the way Casey spoke about you, as if there was some knowledge of each other’s pasts that neither of you had indulged. Though it was highly possible you’d crossed paths in the past, neither of you had mentioned knowing each other. Nonetheless she called you, telling you she needed you back at the precinct as Novak left.

“Cap, you’ve got to be kidding me! Carisi and I have 3 cases on the go already and you want us to take on another one?” You were confined into her office as the two of you spoke, 

“I don’t need you to take on the case, I just need you to get the vic to talk.”

“Why me?” Your face scrunched, “Amanda’s been at this longer, she can’t handle it?”

“Novak requested you…and only you…said you had experience in the field.”

“What field?” You were exasperated, you had about twelve other things you needed to do and you were practically drowning in paperwork. 

“Domestic violence.” You felt your body tense, “She mentioned you were good at being able to talk victims into realizing how much danger they were in, and after your work with Julia, I don’t doubt her.” You sighed, running a hand through your hair,

“Does she live with the perp?”

“He’s at work for another 4 hours, Amaro’s going to talk to him to make sure he’s kept occupied.” She held up the post it with the address on it, you grabbed it from her hand, moving to place it into your phone’s GPS.

“At least give Sonny a break on paperwork?” You begged, hand reaching her office door.

“I will.” She nodded as you took off.

**

You arrived at Valerie Sennet’s apartment roughly half an hour later, she’d originally been reluctant to let you in, even with the badge, but after hearing your reassuring voice, and noticing you didn’t have a partner with you,(and that you’d left your gun in the car, your shield shoved into a pocket, leaving all police evidence hidden) she’d let you in. You didn’t start off with talk of the job you started off easy, talking about Tessa, gaining her trust, sharing some of your own stories of your baby sister, exchanging laughs before you pressed the matter. 

You reiterated some of the things that Rollins had already told Valerie, but you were much more gentle, your own experience living through the situation. When Valerie was still quick to deny the allegations against her soon to be ex, you brought up her daughter, even if she didn’t want to keep herself safe, she had to keep her only child safe from whatever her ex was willing to do. If he was willing to do it to his wife, who was telling what he would be willing to do to his daughter, whether now or 20 years from now, her ex wasn’t safe to be around. That if Valerie didn’t end up dead, her own daughter might end up leaving the family in a body bag… 

You were honestly slightly surprised when she broke down against you. You let her cry, holding her against you until she was ready to come down to the precinct to make a formal complaint, promising that she was going to charge him and not drop the suit this time. Valerie loved her daughter more than anything and knew she had to keep her safe. You briefly passed on your info to Rollins before filling out some paperwork, Valerie was open to talking to the other detectives now, Olivia was quick to tell you to take the early leave on the day. 

Your body was aching, you were completely exhausted, but you knew you had a stop to make before you started your way home for the day. You found your way outside the DA’s office, letting out a heavy sigh before you entered, pressing the elevator button for Novak’s floor. So far you’d done everything you could to avoid private interactions with her, but now seemed like a decent time. Casey was honestly surprised when she looked up at the knock on her door to se you standing in the entrance.

“Detective…you need something?” The pen in her hand froze, she felt her heart rate increase, it was completely unlike you to seek her out. You moved into the office, closing the door behind you before you leaned against the arm of one of the chairs in her office, folding your arms across your chest.

“I’m…curious as to why you demanded to Benson that I talk to the vic on the Sennet case…” Casey’s chest tightened, she briefly hated Liv for bringing up that she’d asked for you, but there was no one else better for the job, she let out a heavy sigh.

“Because I knew you’d be able to get through to her…You’ve got a talent Y/N, I knew she’d listen to you…” You could nearly feel tears brimming in your eyes, thankful when they held back, your frustration taking over.

“Funny…I haven’t always have that talent…” You were about to turn to leave when she spoke again,

“Y/N please..” You turned back, an eyebrow cocked, 

“You still with Charlie?” Casey faltered at that, it had been years, she’d smartened up since Charlie, realizing just how deep she was into his mind games and craziness, she’d been incredibly lucky to escape him when she did. She could hear the smallest hint of a tremor in your voice, you weren’t over it.

“No.” She quickly replied, taking a second to regain her thoughts, “He…he was fine until he went off his meds again.. beat me so bad I ended up in the hospital…nearly killed me…” She didn’t miss the ‘I told you so’ glare from you at that, “I left him after that, haven’t heard from him since.” You took a minute to absorb the information.

“How’d he manage to walk without an assault charge?” Casey hung her head, ashamed at the way she’d handled the entire thing, not wanting to admit it, but knowing you’d push otherwise.

“I…used my A.D.A. badge…told the officers it was nothing, to ignore it…”

“Jesus Case…” You shook your head, she’d been buried so fucking deep, there’d been no way you’d be able to get her out when you’d tried. You were just happy she’d eventually realize how fucked up everything was, and that she deserved so much better. You could feel the tension in the room, obviously there was so much piled up history between the two of you, and so much emotion. As Sonny had half joked you really did still love her, and unbeknownst to you, she’d never stopped loving you, especially once you came back into each others lives. “Well…I’m…glad you made it out.” You huffed, opening the door, “And for the record, Valerie’s pressing charges, she doesn’t want her daughter to get hurt.”

“I knew you could do it.” She practically smirked as you left the office, praying that any amount of the information you’d exchanged would get you to trust her again.

#casey novak #casey novak x reader #habits of the heart #law and order svu #svu #law and order special victims unit

[space-helen]

Back To Vegas - Chapter 3

Words: 2285

Pairing: Nick Stokes x reader

A/N: Again, I’m sorry this took so long to come out! This one also fleshes the case further 

CH1     CH2     CH3     CH4     CH5    CH6   CH7   CH8

______________________

The ride with Grissom was smooth and a lot quieter than the one with Catherine. It took him a while to even say anything to you. “So, Y/n. What made you want to be a CSI then?”

“I love to help others and like to find out why and what the truth is even if it’s a truth that people don’t like. Also it’s a career where you learn something new every day, be it about the world or about people.”

He nodded “I like that. Learning is important. Why’d you come to Vegas?”

“I was with Nick when you called. Selfishly I came because he was coming but also the change of scenery is welcome and change of people. I’ve not known you all long but you all seem really really nice and I’m grateful for that. Some of the people on my shift back in San Diego were not the most pleasant.”

“That’s no way to be.”

You agreed with the man. “So you and Sara?”

There was a pause and it made you re-think what you’d asked. “You don’t have to answer that of course. I know Nick has told me little bits but I don’t want to intrude. I understand if it’s too soon we barely know each other yet.” you rushed out

“No. No, it's fine.” you could hear a slight smile in his voice. “I have to admit I’ve warmed up to you quickly which is unusual but I’d trust Nick with my life and I know he trusts me with his. I trust his judgment and as soon as I saw you two together I knew you were meant to be. Sara and I are married, Nick has probably told you about the whole affair over the years. I love her and always have.” He shrugged.

“Yeah Nick told me about some stuff. He also told me about how you saved his life. Thank you.”

He nodded and you could see the memories rushing through his head by the way his expression changed slightly. “It wasn’t a pleasant time for anyone but I’m glad we got him out of there. Anyway, Sara and I came back not long before everyone else and I’m glad we did. I'd be devastated to see the lab deteriorate anymore than it has. We all dedicated so much time to it so it’s the least we could do.” he paused and you could see him contemplating whether to say what he wanted next.

“I know we’ve not long met but I know that face means you’re not sure whether to say something. C’mon out with it I don’t mind.” you re-assured the man.

“Once we knew you and Nick were coming Greg filled us in on the two of you a little bit.”

You smiled “I’d never met Greg in person until I came to Vegas but I knew Nick and him kept in contact and talked a lot. Still best friends.”

“Yeah. Well he told us about the case that Nick and you were on and I just wanted to say thank you for looking out for him.”

“I did what anyone would do.”

“No. You did more than that.” he left a small silence. It wasn’t awkward or unpleasant. “Did Nick tell you about when Sara was taken and how they all found out about my feelings for her?”

You shook your head and he continued “When I realised why she’d been taken we were all looking at a miniature scene that had been created that included her. I didn’t think before speaking and told the room that they took Sara because she was the only person I ever loved.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Never,” he admitted. “How’d you feel about Catherine?” you could see a smile tugging at his lips.

“She’s really nice and very interesting-”

“She warmed up to you quickly as well. Take that as the highest compliment.”

The rest of the journey was filled with conversation about the lab, old working stories and dynamics.

Upon parking the vehicle you and Grissom both jumped out, a smile on both of your faces as you moved to the trunk to grab your kits and evidence. It didn’t take long for Catherine to join you and for all three of you to walk inside.

“I’ll review the tape.” Catherine offered. “I’ll log all of her belongings?” you suggested.

“Sounds good I’ll review the pictures of the scene.”

You nodded and the three of you quickly split up to get to work.

You carefully took pictures of the victims handbag before opening it, snapping a photo and emptying the contents. You analysed all of the belongings and took photos as you went. Her bag included a couple of photo booth strips of her and some friends, her purse still filled with cash and cards, a water bottle and some other smaller bits like mints.

You swabbed and printed the bag and contents. Meticulously ensuring you pulled everything useful. Packing the items up carefully you were placing them into a cardboard evidence box when a voice form the doorway caught your attention. “They’re ready for us with the body.” It was Catherine.

“You want me to come as well?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s your first body in Vegas after all.” 

You smiled “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

The journey was quick and you were soon standing over the body with Grissom and Catherine next to you. The coroner, David, was completing some paperwork before he move over to join the three of you. 

“Although the vic has a visible head wound that is almost definitely not the cause of death. Upon first look she seemed healthy but she died of a heart attack.” “Blood to tox?” Catherine questioned

“Of course.” the man replied. “There is no sign of a struggle on the body either.”

“So would you say natural causes or?” you asked

“It’s peculiar, there’s nothing in her record that would suggest she’d be at risk of a heart attack.”

The four of you continued to discuss the body. The door opening made you all freeze and turn, Nick, Greg and Sara were all admitting themselves to the room. 

“Sorry, we’ll wait outside.” Greg spoke

“No need.” Grissom replied “We’re just about done here.”

The two teams passed each other. Grissom smiled as he passed Sara and Nick gently caught your finger tips with his as you passed each other. 

Grissom and you wore your smiles down the corridor “Guys c’mon that’s school kid behaviour.” Catherine joked.

“Says you.” Grissom nudged her in the side playfully and the three of you laughed.

After some time you were soon called into tox, you greeted the dark haired man sat at his desk.

“It’s great to meet and work with you Y/N.” he quickly turned his attention to the results “The blood didn’t come back entirely clean. There was a mixture of some different substances which include elevated potassium levels.”

“Potassium?” the three of you questioned. 

“Yeah. Enough to overdose.”

“That explains the heart attack” Grissom announced 

“How does that even happen?” Catherine enquired

“A general buildup of it over time? Maybe she was taking supplements and eating a lot of potassium-rich foods. It’s hard but not impossible, we had someone else a couple of weeks ago with the same thing.”

“Looks like we have some digging to do.” you added.

“We certainly do.” Catherine’s voice came. “I’ll chase up the warrant for her place.”

The three of you split ways and you trailed down the corridor to grab a drink from the break room, Grissom had told you to do so while he went to chase Greg for the other Potassium overdose case.

You rounded the corner into the room and bumped into a form, you instantly apologised and felt hands gently grasp your upper arms to make sure you didn’t fall.

“It’s alright.” the voice laughed and you recognised it straight away.

“Fancy seeing you here.” you joked.

“How’re things?” he questioned letting go of you and watching you enter the room to make yourself a drink. He eventually stepped back inside and sat down.

“They’re good. Strange case to kick off with. Looked like just a heart attack in a young woman but was actually a potassium overdose which caused it.”

“Really? Our vic had a lot of head trauma from a fall and some bruises which look like they were from drug use. Signs of a struggle, so a pretty normal case?”

“Normal huh.”

“In comparison yeah.”

You laughed and took a sip of your drink. “I’m just waiting for Catherine to get a warrant for the place. I doubt she’ll get it before the end of our shift though..”

“Greg said warrants have been slower.”

“Let me know if you’re working overtime?”

“Can do.” with that he left you in peace to enjoy your short break.

Your quick break went by in a blink of an eye. You soon found yourself back with Grissom.

“What’ve you got?” you questioned walking towards the table in the centre of the room.

“Vic was a twenty six year old female. Recently employed at a local highschool to teach Chemistry.”

“Heart attack from potassium overdose?”

“Yep. Found in her car at the wheel on the side of the road. She’d been driving home from work. She was about two minutes away from making it home.”

“Just ruled out as natural I suppose?”

“Greg said they investigated her place and she was on some sort of new diet found online and it so happened to have high levels of potassium in all of the foods and recipes. Supplements were also found in her desk drawer at work.”

You nodded “At the time I can see how that would be mistaken for an unfortunate incident but now… it most definitely is not. Two cases within the past month?”

“Looks like we have our work cut out for us.” The man pushed the file over to you while he began to rummage through the evidence box.

The two of you worked the hours away comfortably before Catherine appeared.

“The warrant will be ready for the beginning of our next shift. I tried all I could.” she shrugged defeatedly stepping further into the room. “If you guys are in a good place I’d suggest calling it a day and coming back tomorrow.”

You looked up at the clock and realised you’d worked longer than you were scheduled, it wasn’t uncommon but you felt bad going home now. “Are you sure I don’t mind staying longer. I’ll just need to tell Nick-”

“No it’s alright. I think we could all use the time. This one looks like it could get hectic.” Grissom admitted as he started to pack everything away.

The three of you packed everything away as you caught Catherine up on everything you’d found before walking to the locker room together. 

Nick was sitting on the bench and instantly turned to the door as he heard your voice, a big smile on his face. 

“Nick. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know.”

“It’s alright, I walked past and saw you working so I thought I’d wait a little.”

“Thank you.” you grabbed your things from your locker as the room bustled with conversation. 

“I’d love to stay and chat but I’m hungry.” Catherine admitted “Frank’s?”

“Did someone say Frank’s?” Greg interrupted as he poked his head around the door frame.

“Yeah. You down?” Catherine asked the man.

“I sure am. Nick? Y/N? Griss?”

“I’ll see if Sara wants to join.” 

Nick looked at you “I think we should head home. Sam is probably wondering where we are.”

You nodded “Yeah. Some other time though?”

“You’re welcome any time.”

Nick and you said your goodbyes to the group and made your way out to your car. Slipping into the passenger’s seat you allowed the man to drive. “First day ok?”

“More than ok.”

“I’m glad.” he smiled.

The ride went by quickly and the two of you were soon moving through the front door. Sam jumping up on you brought a huge smile to your face “Hi, did you miss us?” you pet the dog and he jumped down, walking to his bowl and sitting in front of it. You followed the dog and gave him some food.

“Food then bed or just bed?” Nick asked.

“Snack then bed? I’m super tired but could use something to tie me over.”

“Sounds good to me.” The man quickly prepared some sliced fruit for the two of you and you smiled. Back in San Diego it was a ritual you’d kept since you went to visit him in the hospital.

The two of you took the fruit through to the bedroom and helped yourselves as you got ready for bed. Sam joining you once he was done with his own food. Nick stopped to give Sam some attention while you crawled into the bed. 

The man moved the fruit plate onto the dresser after taking the last couple of pieces. Crawling into bed he opened his arms and you gratefully sunk into them with your head on his chest as he rubbed circles into your back.

“They love you already, I can tell.” the man reassured.

“I know. I was nervous but they’re really lovely, welcoming people.”

“Different from before right?”

You laughed “Yeah. I loved them but God, they could be assholes.”

He agreed and kissed you on the top of the head “I love you.”

“I love you too.” you got comfy and felt your eyes get heavy “Night night.” you mumbled.

“Night.” he whispered as he pulled you closer to him.

Next Chapter

Tag List: (open)

CSI:

Nick Stokes: @wanniiieeee  @pumpkinfriend

#back to vegas #csi x reader #nick stokes x reader #csi vegas x reader #cst imagine

[maneskinrollercoaster]

~ I Loved You For All This Time Apart ~

Pairing: Damiano David x Lea (fictional character)

Word count: 1759

Warnings: Slightly bit of swearing.

Summary: Lea makes a hard decision which has major consequences on her relationship.

The doors opened and she saw him. Damiano was standing in front of her while she walked past the gate from her plane. They haven’t seen each other for a long time. Three years passed since their breakup but they still didn’t stop loving each other.

Damiano was stubborn. When Lea told him that she wants to leave to England, he quickly protested, saying that she’s better living in Italy, in her home country, rather than being all alone in an unknown place without any family or friends.

He always wanted to impress everyone. When he was in the studio with Vic, Thomas and Ethan, everything had to be perfect. He didn’t leave the place without making sure that every sound and lyric were on point. Lea told him that he can’t overwork himself like that but he didn’t listen and stayed in the studio from dusk till dawn working his ass off till he fell asleep on the floor with papers in his tired hands.

Damiano never missed the opportunity to party. Whether it was celebrating their new albums or just a local festival, he never said no to going out with his friends. He drank a lot on the parties which made Lea angry. Once he got so drunk that Lea had to call a Taxi and literally crawl with him on her back to get him home. She was furious that night, which didn’t happen often and threatened him that they will break up if he won’t stop being so irresponsible.

She wasn’t a loud person though. She never got angry and never raised her voice. It was really hard to make her go out of control and she knew that sometimes she was too kind to everyone. Damiano always told her that she should stand up for herself more but she was too generous to see bad in people.

When she got irritated she usually closed herself in the bedroom and meditated to clear her mind. It helped her a lot and she never was the one to argue anyways. She always prefered to calm down and talk. Damiano loved how down to earth Lea was. Whenever they had a worse moment, she held his hands, stroking them gently and said: What’s bothering you, love? Let’s talk about it.

Those little moments felt like big steps until it all crashed.

One day Lea made the most important and the hardest decision. She bought a ticket to London and told Damiano that she’s leaving Italy. He tried to turn it into a joke at first but then he realized that she was serious.

What do you mean you’re leaving Italy? He asked her confused, giving her a look full of fear. He didn’t want to loose her. She was his soulmate and loosing her would mean loosing a part of him.

Baby, I want to travel, chase my dreams. There are so many opportunities waiting for me, I want to go and be happy. Her face lit up and passion in her voice made Damiano frown.

So you’re not happy with me, huh? He said and his eyes turned black. He was angry. How could she ever think of leaving him and moving to UK? Her place was next to him, in Italy.

Dami, it’s not about you. I just..

You just what? You want to leave me here alone and sacrifice everything we have! He screamed and Lea, not aware of his sudden outburst, shivered.

I’m not breaking up with you. But you have to understand, I can’t spend my whole life here, only looking at you succeed. As much as I love you and as much as I’m happy about your carrier, I want to do it for myself, I want to achieve something, be successful. I’m doing this to show myself that I’m worthy. She said and her eyes filled with tears.

Well then, I guess it’s over for us. I can’t do long distance. He said letting down his head.

So you don’t even want to try? You don’t want to put some effort and make our relationship work? Her cheeks were now wet from the tears. She looked at him full of sadness and disappointment.

You just chose.

Alright then, goodbye Damiano.

That’s when they’ve seen each other for the last time.

Since then Lea lived in London. The weather there wasn’t as amazing as in Italy but Lea found herself amazed with british culture. The people there were kind, saying thank you and I’m sorry with every occasion possible. They were helpful too. Whenever Lea entered a bookstore or coffee shop, people seemed to be willing to help with anything you’d ask them for. She felt like she could get friends with everyone there which didn’t make her feel so lonely. After a month of wandering around and gettin to know the country a little more, Lea joined a local designer house and started her career as a fashion designer and consultant. There she met Steph - her spirit guide as she used to say all the time. They started designing together and their work found its popularity around London soon after. Lea finally felt like it was her place and she for sure didn’t want to leave. Ever.

After three years she’s gotten an invitation for Alex’s wedding in Florence. Since he was like a brother to her she decided to visit her home country but soon after she got a call from him. Damiano called her at 2 am in the morning, waking her up and saying that they should meet once she arrives. At first she was shocked. They broke up on not such good terms but the truth was none of them stopped loving the other.

Damiano through all this time wrote songs about Lea. He knew that if he’d tried even a little then maybe their relationship would work. But he was a coward. He couldn’t stand a fact of long distance, being together but apart at the same time, so he decided to shut up and all his braveness vanished. His lyrics were deep and sad, all of them about being lonely, breakup and sadness. Vic, Thomas an Ethan tried to talk to him but he always shut them off, saying that he’s fine and that they shouldn’t worry. After a while he seemed to move on but when Alex called him with a wedding invitation, saying that Lea confirmed her attendance, his heart stopped. He decided to call her.

Damiano, its 2 am in the morning. What is so important you want to tell me at such a time? Lea answered her phone with a sleepy voice.

I heard you’re attending Alex’s wedding and i just.. wanted to call you to ask what are you getting them as a gift. Damiano lied which was obvious even to Lea.

For a gift? Are you out of your mind? You call me at 2 am just to ask me for a fucking gift? She said shocked at her own tone.

I uhm.. i think we should meet. You know, once you arrive. He said and brushed his hair with his palm.

We will meet at the wedding. She said harshly.

No Lea, i meant meet before the wedding. To talk.

What do you wanna talk about?

Us? He said, not being sure of her response.

Us? You want to talk about us Damiano? You said yourself you don’t want long distance and now after 3 years you want to talk about us? If it wasn’t Alex’s wedding, I’m sure you wouldn’t have called. Lea said and she was about to hang up but Damiano stopped her.

But I love you. Damiano’s words stuck in her mind making it repeat them over and over again. I’ve never stopped.

For good 5 minutes there was a silence that Lea didn’t want to break. Shock was an understatement. Of course, she hadn’t stopped loving him either but he said that out of the blue and she didn’t know exactly what to say.

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.. Damiano started but was interrupted.

No, it’s okey. I just.. It’s not a conversation we should be having through the phone. She said quietly and soon after they ended their call.

And now he was standing in front of her. Dressed all in black, his hair longer than Lea has remembered and even more handsome than she saw him last time. She noticed that his jawline was more sharp and on his face she saw a slight beard.

Damiano also noticed some changes. Lea wasn’t wearing glasses like before, her hair were a lighter color than the brown hazelnut tone he loved so much but she looked really good.

Long time no see. Damiano said and a slight smile appeared on his face.

Yeah, long time indeed. She said squeezing tighter a handle of her suitcase.

They stood like this for what felt like forever when suddenly Lea felt Damiano’s arms wrapping around her tightly and pulling her closer for a warm hug. It truly felt like home. His scent of cologne mixed with cigarettes and his fingers gently stroking her back, his face buried in a crock of her neck and lips dangerously close to her skin. Lea felt his breath on her neck and sighed wrapping her arms around his torso, giving back the hug.

I missed you so much. Damiano whispered and Lea’s eyes started getting watery.

She missed him too but never wanted to admit it. Not after he decided to end this relationship because he didn’t have the courage to try and make it work from a distance.

Not long after she felt Damiano’s warm lips on hers. She didn’t expect it all and surprised but pleased with such sudden interaction she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. The kiss was sweet, full of love and missing each other but they both enjoyed it more than they both expected. After a while they pulled away, looking into each other’s eyes.

I know we have a lot to figure out and a lot to talk through but I’ve never stopped loving you. Please forgive me. Damiano said stroking Lea’s cheek with his thumb.

I loved you for all this time apart. Lea said and they both smiled at each other.

It didn’t matter for them that they were standing in each other’s embrace in the middle of the airport. What really mattered to them was that they found their way back to each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello everyone! I’m back and I just want to explain myself that I was on vacation in London so that’s the reason of my absence. Expect some London inspired content.

ALSOOO I JUST WANTED TO THANK FOR 100 FOLLOWERS! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME AND I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! ❤️

That one is not as good but i hope you enjoy it! ❤️🥰

Requests opened.

Tag list: [ @teenyweenynightghost , @superchrystaldrug , @unitermoonshine ]

#damiano david #ethan torchio #i wanna be your slave #italy #maneskin #måneskin #thomas raggi #victoria de angelis #zitti e buoni #torna a casa #drummer #vocalist #guitarist #bassist #vent'anni #damiano david fanfiction #damiano david one shot #maneskin one shot #maneskin fanfiction #one shot #fanfic #london

[doof-doofblog]

"Our Family's Alright - That's All That Matters!"

Friday 21st May 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope you're all doing well! Today I'll be reviewing Friday's episode, before I do however I know I missed Thursday's episode so I'm going to give you a quick debrief on what happened during that episode. Needless to say that everyone was more than excited when they learnt that Sonia's Dad, Terry, had arrived on the Square! It seemed that he had made quite an impression on Tiffany specifically, she seemed more excited than anyone. But I do have to mention the iconic quote she said to Dotty, after over a decade since she last quoted it, Tiffany told Dotty where to go ... "You're NFI - Not Flippin' Invited!" ... absolutely iconic!! However, after Terry making a good impression with Sonia's family, Sonia couldn't help the feeling that it was too little too late for her Dad to be walking back into her life. As politely as she could, she informed Terry that a simple drink isn't going to make up for long lost years without her Dad. Understanding her completely, Terry left informing her that Jack has his number if she ever wanted to call him and reach out to him to possibly rekindle their relationship. Sonia watched as Terry turned away and walked off into the night.

Meanwhile, Martin makes a fool of himself and lashes out Zack after believing Lily's lies about Ruby cheating on him with Zack. After punching Zack in front of Sharon and Ruby in the club, Ruby puts him straight that his daughter is lying to him and how it hurts that he believed his child without even talking to Ruby first. Is Martin now in the dog house? What is he going to do make it up to Ruby? But also, how are they going to deal with Lily and her lies?!

Elsewhere Mick was preparing himself for court, Frankie still feeling the pressure of her Mum asking her to give a character reference for her. Although I can understand how Frankie must be feeling like piggy in the middle at the moment, she wants to be there for Mick, but I don't know, even though she loves her Mum, she can't stand by her after what she's learnt.

--

Anyway focusing on Friday's episode, I'm going to begin with Sonia and Dotty. I guess it's fair to say Dotty and Sonia have always had a rocky relationship, they've never really seen eye-to-eye. Does Dotty really get a thrill out of slagging off Sonia? I feel there is more to it really and in this particular episode, I think Dotty gives Sonia some food for thought.

After having a bit of a row at home, Dotty leaves and heads to the club, but Sonia follows to check if she's alright, it here that Dotty admits to her that she'd give anything to have one last chat with her Dad, how can she stand there and watch willingly as Sonia just let's her Dad walk out of her life. At the beginning of the episode, Sonia claims that she's surprised that Tiffany believed everything that Terry had said about his life, in Sonia's eyes - why should she believe this man who, even if he is her Dad biologically, he is a bit of a stranger to her. She knows nothing about him and he knows very little about her, as far as she was concerned, it's too little too late to make up for lost time.

But I think after Dotty admitting that she's give anything to be with her Dad again, Sonia takes these words on board. I think she probably will reach out to her Dad and slowly begin to build a relationship with him. What do you guys think? I'm not 100% sure whether Terry is going to be a permanent role in the soap, but it'll be interesting to see what he brings to the Square, what friendships he'll make and whether we'll find out anything about is past?

--

Elsewhere, Sharon has informed her brother that regardless of him not actually sleeping with Ruby, he's not as innocent as he makes out, as he has been continuously flirting with the married woman, purposefully winding Martin up and instructs him to apologise and take him for a pint. But, Ruby seems less than impressed with her husband's actions as we see he has been sleeping on the sofa. As he wakes, Ruby walks in informing him that she's been up since the early hours of the morning looking after his children, almost kind of giving them guilty treatment. She mentions how she was looking forward to him coming home from Dubai, how much she had done for his children whilst he was away and he throws it back in her face by listening to Lily's lies. It's fair to say that Ruby is deeply hurt and informs Martin that he has to confront his daughter and stop her from saying all these horrible lies, otherwise Lily or Ruby herself will be moving out.

Realising the seriousness of his mistake, he gives his word to Ruby and eventually gets his chance to speak to Lily. I believe that Lily is still holding a grudge against Ruby for putting her Mum in prison for something she didn't do, so feels she needs to get her own back in some way. Is she really trying to split her Dad and Ruby up to maybe teach Ruby a lesson? However, even though she's a kid and she's missing her Mum, what she is doing is really out of order, making up lies about Ruby just to get back at her.

Martin confronts his daughter and informs her that she needs to stop the lies and give Ruby a break. But it's not just the lies she's been saying, even cutting up her deceased Mum's wedding dress. Even though Lily claims she didn't know it was Ruby's Mum's, she still shouldn't have done it. This is an interesting one though, who's side are you on? Ruby's or Lily's? As Martin instructs his daughter to be more respectful to his wife, Lily leaves the house without saying a single word, although it's clear she's not very happy about it. Later we see her sat at the allotments calling her Nan, asking whether she can move back in with her.

Of course Jean isn't going to see her Granddaughter out on the streets, but I feel that maybe Jean will start to ask questions about why Lily is wanting to return to live with her. Actually speaking of Jean, I happened to notice that maybe two or three times in this episode, she complained of stomach pains - although she used the excuse of having prunes for breakfast and it has made her slightly windy. But something is telling me it could be more than that. Could it be the cancer? I have to be honest, I am still stunned to realise that no one in her family knows about her cancer and only Ruby is aware about how terminal she is. If Jean takes a turn for the worse, surely Ruby is going to have to inform them about what she knows? I swear though if EastEnders come to the decision of killing Jean off, I will be deeply upset!!! (Let's hope it won't come to that!)

--

Now of course the main focus of the episode was Mick and his family. Today was the day that they had been dreading, but yet they had all been waiting for. It was the day that Mick would finally face Katy in court. Even though he is twitching his leg with nerves, he's looking as ready as he'll ever be as the cars pull up outside the Vic, ready to take him and the family to court.

As everyone gathers in court, Frankie is trying to tell both Mick and the rest of the family something, whatever it is it seems really important, but she's never given the opportunity to say what she needs to say. As The Carter family make their way into the court, you can't help but feel for Mick as he comes face-to-face with Katy, the person who abused him as a child, one last time. Frankie is sat beside her Dad as she tries one last try to attempt to tell him something really important, but unfortunately the moment is taken from her a second time.

As statements are read out in the court, it becomes clear what Frankie was so desperately trying to tell her Dad and his family. It turns out that Frankie did give her a Mum a character reference, regardless of what she did in her past, Frankie cannot deny that she was a good Mum to her. Katy looks over to her daughter with a smile as the Carter family look over to Frankie in shock. Frankie almost looks as if she feels she's betrayed her Dad's side of the family, but Mick does the most honest and decent a thing a Dad could. He takes a firm hold of Frankie's hand, informing her that he completely understands her giving her statement, at the end of the day, Katy is her Mum and she gave her a happy childhood, regardless of her crimes.

As the court goes into recess, The Carter's confront Frankie about her decision, informing her that she could've jeopardised the length of sentence that Katy could receive for her crimes. Shirley more so than anyone is voicing her disappointment in Frankie, but Frankie defends herself. Do they really have wanted her to be a victim of Katy's also? Frankie cannot deny that her Mum gave her a good childhood, and Mick interrupts the discussion claiming that Frankie did the right thing and he completely understands and supports his decision.

During this whole interaction, Nancy makes herself scarce and gets some fresh air. But as the court is called in to hear the final statement and the verdict, Mick goes to search for Nancy as the rest of the family enter the courtroom. As he makes his way outside, he's faced with the terrifying scene of Nancy having a vicious epileptic fit in the middle of the road. Mick acts fast and stays with his daughter, putting his jacket under her head so she doesn't get any lasting brain damage from bashing her head against the gravel. Devastatingly, the rest of the Carter family have no idea what's happening as they're waiting for Mick to return to give his victim statement.

But Mick knows he cannot leave his vulnerable daughter in this state and desperately calls an ambulance. Linda then informs the judge to read out Mick's statement on his behalf. Now I have to say how this moment played out was really powerful, the words used in Mick's statement were so moving that it brought both Linda and Shirley to tears. But hearing these words about how much he was made to feel embarrassed and how it affected his anxiety and relationships with his family, he claims that without Linda and the strength of his family he wouldn't have been able to carry on. While hearing these words, Mick stays with his Nancy until she slowly comes round from her seizure.

Eventually Nancy is helped by paramedics and she slowly comes round from her horrific seizure. Together they walk back into the courtroom, just in time to hear the sentence Katy is given. A total of 10 years in prison! Now I have to be honest, how this episode ended was absolutely perfect, touching and powerful. As the Carter's leave the court and step out into the fresh air, Mick grabs each daughter, Frankie and Nancy, from both sides and hold them ever so tightly. The air is blue and bright, the birds are singing and Mick takes huge breath in. I absolutely LOVE that Julia's Theme was used for this ending, after a horrendous couple of months that Mick has had to endure, it's all over. Katy has been put away for her crimes of child sexual abuse and Mick can now sleep easy knowing justice has been done.

Together as a family, Mick, Linda, Shirley, Nancy and Frankie leave the court together. A untied front showing full well that nothing could ever bring The Carter Family down! With Katy now behind bars, the can carry on with their lives as a family. An absolutely beautiful and moving ending to a deeply devastating storyline! I can't applaud everyone enough for their performance in this storyline - Danny Dyer, Kellie Bright, Rose Ayling-Ellis, Linda Henry and Simone Lahbib! They've all been absolutely incredible!

What did you guys think of the episode? Was it a satisfying ending for you or do you think Katy should've got a longer sentence? Did you enjoy the use of Julia's Theme? I'm really excited to see what happens with the Carter family now, I'm hoping and praying that Frankie will now become a firm member of the Carter family. Thank you all for reading! Please feel free to leave me any comments or messages regarding any of the current storylines happening in EastEnders right now. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Love you all xXx

#eastenders #soniafowler #tiffanybutcher #dottycotton #terrycant #sharonwatts #zackhudson #martinfowler #rubyfowler #lilyslater #jeanslater #mickcarter #lindacarter #shirleycarter #nancycarter #frankielewis #katylewis #soapblog #soapfan

[that-ship-sailed]

Why won’t you look at me?

“He felt like he was going out of his mind. No matter what he did or how much he tried, Callum could not get the thought of Ben out of his head. Ben hadn’t even glanced in Callum’s direction since he winked at him from across the market over two weeks ago. Callum didn’t know whether Ben was deliberately ignoring him or had just stopped noticing him, but either way it was really doing Callum’s head in.”

A Benway/Ballum fic because I am obsessed

He felt like he was going out of his mind. No matter what he did or how much he tried, Callum could not get the thought of Ben out of his head. Ben hadn’t even glanced in Callum’s direction since he winked at him from across the market over two weeks ago. Callum didn’t know whether Ben was deliberately ignoring him or had just stopped noticing him, but either way it was really doing Callum’s head in.

“You alright, babe?” Whitney asked, pulling Callum from his daydream and back to the present.

“What d’ya mean?” he replied in a tone which Whitney noted as slightly too defensive.

“Well you’ve hardly spoken two words since we got here and I’m beginning to think that cup of coffee you’ve been staring into for the past ten minutes is having some kind of hypnotic effect.”

Callum let out a nervous laugh and turned to look at the girl sat next to him.

“Fine. Just tired I guess,” the man responded shifting his gaze back to the now cold coffee, noticing how tightly his hands were gripped around the mug. This was Callum’s permanent state now, tense and uncomfortable, acutely aware of the feeling that despite having everything he ever thought he wanted, he just felt numb.

Callum heard Whitney sigh and sensed her shift as she stood up from the corner-booth they had been sat at for the past half hour in the café.

“Right, well I’ve got to go and meet Tiff. I’ll see you after, drinks in the Vic at 6?” Whitney asked.

Callum could sense the exasperation in his fiancée’s voice and shifted up in the seat trying to muster the enthusiasm to reassure her that everything was normal.

“Sounds good! See you later babe, enjoy your day,” Callum uttered, forcing a smile onto his face. This seemed to pacify her slightly as her usual beaming grin returned to her face and she blew Callum a kiss as she turned to leave.

He kept the smile on his face until she disappeared from view before placing his head in his hands, the feeling of guilt returning to the pit of his stomach. Callum knew the longer this went on the worse it was going to get. The more time that passed, the more clueless he became about how on earth he would ever be able to break her heart with the truth. He had to keep maintaining the lie, he had to get Ben out of his head. He should be grateful that Ben seemed to have disappeared from his world the last two weeks. Instead, he was just growing more and more desperate for their eyes to meet again, even just for a second, and it was all he could think about.

-

Callum had relaxed slightly as he settled into work for the day. Jay was out on a home visit and had left Callum to finish some paperwork from the previous day. Although boring, Callum didn’t really mind, it allowed him to focus on something other than the thoughts normally spinning around in his head and it meant he didn’t have to speak to anyone, or so he thought.

“Where’s Jay?” the voice questioned coldly.

Callum didn’t even need to look up to know who it was. He hadn’t even heard him come in through the front door, sneaking up on Callum seemed to be a talent of Ben’s.

“Out with a customer,” Callum replied, hating how nervous he sounded.

Callum hadn’t looked up yet, his eyes fixed to the paper on the desk in front of him.

“When’s he back?” Ben questioned.

Callum glanced tentatively up at the boy stood in the doorway to the office, leaning up against the doorframe. Callum felt his eyes begin to sting when he realised Ben was looking straight past him, looking disinterested as his eyes flitted around the room, landing anywhere but on Callum.

“Dunno.”

Callum hated how pathetic he sounded.

Ben moved further into the room and slowly stalked around the edge with his hands in his pockets paying attention to the pictures on the walls and flicking through the documents that had been left out on the sideboard.

“I’ll wait.” Ben stated, sitting himself down in the armchair in the corner of the office, pulling out his phone keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the screen.

Callum didn’t respond and instead tried to continue with his work, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel the heat rising inside him, something he only ever felt when he was with Ben. Callum despised how Ben could do this to him without even as much as an exchange of glances.

They sat like this for a while, Callum peering up occasionally to observe the other boy clearly enthralled in whatever he was doing on his phone. Callum wondered who he was talking to, who was causing the smirk that momentarily passed across Ben’s face. Callum felt his own face flush red with jealousy and he unconsciously let out a sigh which caused Ben to lift his gaze in Callum’s direction.

“Is there a problem, Halfway?” Ben inquired placing emphasis on the nickname, Callum flinching at the harshness to his tone.

Callum looked up and their eyes met for this first time in weeks, the spark between them felt electric, at least from Callum’s perspective.

“Why won’t you look at me?” he stuttered.

“I’m looking at you right now aren’t I?” Ben retorted harshly, his eyes burning holes into the top of Callum’s head who had suddenly become even less sure of himself and had resorted to staring at his hands which were clutched together in his lap.

“I mean, why have you been ignoring me for weeks?” Callum pleaded, giving up on trying to hide the desperation in his voice.

“Oh I’m sorry Halfway, if I’m not mistaken that’s exactly what you wanted, was it not?” Ben’s voice was sharp and cutting.

Callum, becoming evermore flustered rose to his feet and began to head for the door.

“Forget it.” Callum muttered, under his breath.

Before he knew it, Ben had moved across the room and had positioned himself in the doorway once again, this time an outstretched arm on the frame blocking Callum’s exit.

Callum looked down to see Ben looking up at him, a slightly softer expression on his face. The taller boy noted how they were so close he could feel Ben’s breath against his jaw. It took everything he had not to close the small distance between them. They still hadn’t broken eye contact, but Ben was the first to do so and Callum saw a slight flush across his cheeks as he glanced down at the floor.

“It hurts to look at you,” Ben broke the silence that had fallen upon the room, “it hurts because I hate feeling like I’m out of control, whenever I see you you’re with her, she’s kissing you, touching you and I hate it.”

Callum was taken aback at the pain in Ben’s voice, all spite gone from his words and Callum felt his heart break a little. Callum hooked his finger under Ben’s chin raising his face to make him look at him and they stood in silence for a few moments.

“I’m so scared Ben,” Callum said in an almost whisper, the words catching in his throat.

“I know.” Ben replied softly, placing a hand on Callum’s cheek.

“You are all I can think about, I feel like I’m going mad,” Callum spoke almost pleadingly to the boy who had captured his heart, Callum’s eyes searched Ben’s face for a response and his hands had subconsciously found their way to Ben’s waist.

With that Ben moved his other hand so he had hold of each side of Callum’s face and pulled the taller man down towards him to place a soft kiss on his lips.

Callum’s grip tightened on Ben’s waist pulling him towards him. The kisses quickly became more desperate, mouths open and breathless moans escaping from them both.

Pausing for breath, Callum pulled back taking a second to look at the boy stood in front of him, such a soft look in his eyes.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Callum exclaimed quietly without thinking, letting his eyes wander across Ben’s face taking in all his features, rarely getting to see them up close.

A definite blush spread across Ben’s face and the boy let out a small laugh.

“Shut up,” Ben eventually replied with a shake of his head and averted his gaze down to his feet once again.

“Ben Mitchell gone shy? Never!” Callum teased cautiously, gently poking his partner in his side.

“I said, shut up,” muttered Ben, a smile spread across his face as he reached up to kiss Callum’s neck, his breath hot against Callum’s skin causing a small gasp to leave his mouth and eyes to close.

The pair were brought back down to earth with a text message to Callum’s phone, the message from Jay read:

*Be back in 10, want anything from the shop?*

“I should get going,” Ben stated, turning away from Callum.

Callum grabbed his arm, a bewildered look on his face, “Aren’t you going to wait to see Jay? I thought that’s the reason you came?”

Ben let out a laugh under his breath, never failing to be amazed at how clueless Callum was, “Doesn’t matter now, I’ll see him at the Vic later.”

Callum, remembering the earlier plans made with Whitney, began to panic thinking about the three of them being in the same room again.

“Didn’t I mention?” Ben asked, “I bumped into Whit earlier, she’s invited me, Jay and Ruby for drinks with you both later.”

Ben must have seen the flash of panic across Callum’s face because he reached out and squeezed Callum’s hand.

“I’ll be good Cal, don’t worry,” Ben said reassuringly, looking up at Callum through his dark eyelashes.

“Sorry for being such a mess,” Callum replied after a moment, still holding Ben’s hand, but now he was the one looking at the floor.

“You don’t have nothing to be sorry for,” Ben stated quietly, gently placing a kiss on Callum’s cheek.

It was Callum’s turn to blush now, he was always taken aback at how soft Ben was with him, he loved it.

Ben studied his face for a few seconds longer before turning to leave before Jay returned.

“See you later, lover-boy!” Ben called out as he left, a wide smile on his face.

Callum shook his head, laughing quietly to himself. He was completely fucked.

-

Whitney and Callum were the first from the group to arrive. Whitney had gone to the bar while Callum sat with his eyes rooted to the pub door, waiting for him to walk through.

It felt like forever, Jay and Ruby arrived soon after Whitney returned with the first round of drinks but there was still no sign of Ben. The group sat round, Callum couldn’t concentrate, the conversation from the other three nothing more than white noise in his ears.

Just as Callum had given up hope, convinced Ben must have had a better offer, the door opened and he walked through heading straight for the bar stealing a glance over at Callum before greeting Mick.

Ben took a seat at the end of the table, in the spare seat that was next to Callum and immediately involved himself in the conversation, effortlessly and with his usual cocky demeanour in full flow.

They talked for ages and had all finished countless drinks when the conversation turned to wedding plans and Callum felt Ben tense next to him. In a moment of bravery, Callum placed his hand on Ben’s thigh giving it a gentle squeeze and Ben relaxed slightly placing his arm casually along the back of Callum’s chair.

As the night drew to a close, Jay was deep in conversation with Mick and Billy at the bar and Whitney and Ruby were onto karaoke, paying no attention to Ben and Callum. Ben shifted slightly in his seat so that his leg was now touching Callum’s. To Ben’s surprise, Callum glanced up towards Whitney but leaned into the touch, they couldn’t get any closer together if they tried.

Ben turned his head towards Callum, his guard dropping for a minute. He whispered into Callum’s ear, the sensation sending sparks down Callum’s spine, “Please don’t shut me out again.”

Callum looked into Ben’s eyes, which were filled with genuine care and concern.

Callum glanced down and grabbed hold of Ben’s hand under the table.

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” Callum uttered quietly giving Ben a small smile. Despite being in a pub full of people, it felt like they were the only two in the room.

It was a mess, but for the first time in a long time Callum didn’t feel alone.

#ben x callum #callum x ben #benway #ballum #eastenders #eastenders fic #Callum highway #ben mitchell

[enchantedsugden]

i don't care if we're stuck in the familiar

ao3 link

both his sister and stepmother are planning to leave the village and robert talks to aaron about his feelings.

or, my take on what happened just before they got to the bridge and what happened when aaron took his husband home.

___________

He hears the front door slam shut and frowns, he didn’t expect Robert back just yet. He knows his husband, he’s not going down without a fight. He hopes him and Victoria haven’t had another big argument, but he can’t think of any other reason that Robert is back this soon.

He continues unloading the dishwasher, almost waiting for the inevitable frustrated ramblings from his husband the minute he comes through the door of the actual house but it’s Liv who breaks the silence first.

“Rob?” it sounds concerned and Aaron turns around and sees the older man leaning against the staircase, his whole demeanour screaming that he is upset, that something has happened. Aaron takes in the droop of his shoulders, the way he has his eyes closed as if he’s preparing to tell them something terrible, as if he has just heard something terrible.

“Robert” Aaron says, slowly approaching him but his husband suddenly straightens up, opens his eyes that are filled with unshed tears and Aaron feels his heart shatter.

“Hey, what’s happened- did you fall out or-?”

“Can we go for a walk please?- I just need to get out” it’s said in that voice that Aaron has come to recognise pretty well over the last few weeks, it’s a shaky kind of voice, a voice that tells him that Robert can’t say much at a time without breaking down.

Yeah- of course if that’s what you want” Aaron stammers, looks at Liv who gives him an unsure smile.

“Liv, I am ok” Robert says, his voice sounding less fragile and Aaron sees the young girl smile at him. Aaron knows his husband isn’t ok though, feels his heart ache with love against the fact that Robert still wants to reassure Liv.

“C’mon then” he says gently, placing a hand against Robert’s back and guiding him to the door.

   It’s a nice day really, Aaron just wishes the both of them could enjoy it under happier circumstances. He glances sideways, sees his husband staring into the water absentmindedly. His heart feels heavy for the older man, can’t imagine how upset he would be if his mum and paddy had decided to just up sticks and leave the village. It feels different for Robert though he supposes, it had been Diane and Vic who had kept him in the village really, the family he wanted to stay for after being away for so long. If they hadn’t been here Robert might as well left it all behind during the times there had been problems between the both of them. He has grown up in this village and had lost so many family members already. He watches Robert’s face carefully and has to resist the urge to just wrap him up in his arms, protect him from the world.

He had done that earlier, practically had to because it was like his husband hadn’t been able to keep himself upright anymore, his body shaking with the need to cry. It was just near the cricket pavilion when Robert had told him that Diane was moving away with Vic, Aaron not managing to get anything out of the older man before that.

It was when Robert started listing off family members that had left the village, left him, that Aaron really realised that this ran so much deeper. Both of his remaining closest family members were leaving and he knew how much his husband struggled with the thought of being left, being alone, because it reminded him of his past. 

    “Mum, both my mums- dad, Andy and now Vic and Diane and even Seb is not here with us anymore I feel-“

 “Rob, Robert, let’s sit down yeah” he had led Robert closer to the cricket pavilion, so that they could settle on the steps. He had gently guided his husband’s face to the crook of his neck, just letting him cry it all out while Aaron rubbed at his back gently.

 “M’sorry- I really didn’t want to do that.” Robert had said after he had calmed down, looking up at Aaron.

 “What are you sorry for?”

“It’s a bit silly isn’t it? A grown man crying because his sister and stepmother are moving away, they are not even moving abroad- well that’s not the plan anyway.”

 “Robert no- don’t. It’s not silly and we both know it’s more than that isn’t it?. You just said yourself. It’s not silly- it’s not." He didn’t know what else to say, what he could do to make it better. All he knew was that this was really hard for his husband, not just because Vic and Diane were leaving but because they followed a long line of other family members of Robert’s and it was bound to bring up memories.

 He had watched his husband, felt a familiar worry creeping up on him. The older man had really been struggling over the past few weeks and even though he was letting Aaron in, he still wasn’t able to tell what Robert was thinking about every minute of every day. Whether he was beating himself up or taking responsibly for things totally out of his control. Aaron knew that he had to tread carefully around his husband, the whole situation just having gained another layer and he needed to keep an eye on Robert’s mental health.

 “Robert?” he had asked gently, hoping to encourage his husband to say something.

 “I feel guilty for feeling like this because it’s not about me is it? And I am also angry because that scumbag- it’s all him and now Vic feels she has to leave everything behind just like that?”

 “I know” Aaron shushed gently- “but it would be good for her, she’d feel safer. And you don’t have to feel guilty for anything Rob- whatever you’re feeling is valid alright? Of course it’s ok to be upset. Bottling up would be the worst thing you could do.” He had kissed Robert’s head, which elicited a small but real smile from his husband. He had rested their heads together, just letting the silence linger for a bit.

 "Can we go to the bridge? Our bridge” Robert had broken the silence, a slight blush appearing on his face and Aaron had laughed. “Our bridge huh? You sap.”

 “You’re denying it then?”

 “Definitely not.”

     It’s still quiet but Aaron is not too worried, yet. They’ve been standing like this just looking at the water for a while now, exchanging small smiles every so often. It’s what reassures Aaron, a sign that his husband isn’t totally isolated in his own world.

 “It just feels so final if they both go though.”

      They were curled up on the couch. Robert’s head on his chest, bodies pressed together. Liv sat in the chair across,  engrossed in the film she got to pick. He sighs, moves to kiss the top of Robert’s head, who lets out a noise of content. After their talk on the bridge Aaron had offered that they’d go home, watch a film like Liv had suggested earlier, order a takeaway and just have a night in. His husband had accepted and Aaron had been grateful, he didn’t much fancy Robert going off to Vic's again, trying to change her mind and upsetting himself more in the process. He was happy to take care of his husband now, letting him know that he would always have him and Liv, along with so many other people in the village that loved and cared for Robert.

He’s lost in thought when Liv suddenly jumps up and announces she is going upstairs. He realises the film has finished and Robert is starting to fidget next to him.

“Leaving already then?” he grins and Liv says something about wanting to listen to music, having spent enough time with the both of them for a bit.

Robert lifts his head up but only to let it rest against Aaron’s shoulder this time.

“You ok?” he whispers and feels Robert nodding.

“M’yeah- just thinking”

“Wanna share your thoughts?” He can practically feel Robert freezing slightly and then there’s a deep sigh but he waits him out patiently.

“It’s just- the same stuff really. It’s weird that they have been here for so long and I missed out on so much time with Vic, well the both of them really when I left you know?” Aaron nods, they don’t talk about Robert’s time away from the village much. “I feel guilty- I think, because I want them close to me, I like knowing that they are here when I need them or that I can be there for them. But I also know that this is what Vic needs- even though I am not happy about it. And I like the idea of Diane going with her but also not- because that’s both of them gone. But then I feel guilty because I am just being selfish?” Aaron watches him shrug, knows his husband isn’t quite finished yet. He places a hand in Robert’s hair, threading his fingers through the older man’s locks gently. “Diane didn’t even seem that sorry- she really thought I’d understood yesterday. She was just like 'oh yeah sorry Robert but I am leaving too.' As if she was telling me she forgot to get milk. And now I sound horrible and selfish again don’t I?” Robert finished bitterly.

Aaron hated the way Robert was beating himself up constantly nowadays. But he knew from experience that someone just telling you to stop doing it wasn’t enough. He kisses Robert’s head again, considers his words carefully before speaking.

“Robert-“ he says their heads pressed together closely “you have nothing to feel guilty about. Of course you are going to be upset when people so important to you are moving away. Things will change. Especially when you’ve already lost important people in the past.” He places another kiss to Robert’s hair, then one on his forehead. He prays he isn’t upsetting Robert even more with his words but he wants to let his husband know he understands, that he gets why he is so upset and most importantly, he needs to let him know it’s ok to feel whatever he is feeling.

“You’re not selfish- not at all. You know what? You’re one of the least selfish people I know.” Robert makes a noise which Aaron knows is one of disagreement. “Maybe in the past- yeah. But not anymore.” Aaron continues lightly, knows exactly what Robert is thinking. “You care for the people you love so much Robert- and I promise, they know that. Vic and Diane love you, how can they not eh?” Aaron smiles and he can hear his husband scoff slightly a grin appearing on his face. “You know the photo album Diane made for you? She did that because she knows family is important to you Rob- however complicated certain relationships have been, we all know you care so much.”

“Thank you Aaron.” Robert says sincerely, he raises his head and Aaron can see tears in his eyes but his expression isn’t a sad one.

“It will all still be hard I know that” Aaron continues, still has some stuff left he has to get off his chest.  “You aren’t alone alright? You never will be- because you can visit them, and call them anytime. But you also have me, me and Liv and little Seb who needs us for fun weekend plans." Aaron warms at the smile that spreads on Robert's face at the mention of their little boy.

"Plus you’re a Dingle now remember- they are all family Rob and they care so much. So if you ever want to go to them- you can."

“Aaron-“ Robert’s says thickly.

“No- let me say this.” Aaron shushes him. “Being alone, and being left scares you I know that. But I am always here for you and I’ll always be on your side even when you’re being an idiot. It’s not like it was in the past for you Rob- you’re so loved please don’t forget it. I love you so much.”

“I really didn’t want to cry again” Robert says looking up at him, a few tears rolling down his face and Aaron laughs softly “well I don’t mind- c’mere you” he pulls Robert towards him so they are able to have a proper hug.

Suddenly Robert pulls back and looks at him slightly worried. “You do know that I never meant to imply that you aren’t enough or anything when I-“

“Hey no- of course not. And you really didn't” Aaron interrupts, feels so safe in the knowledge that they are solid and have been for a long time now. He is enough for Robert just like Robert is enough for him. “I know how you meant it Rob- I always know” he reassures gently.

   It’s when he comes out of the bathroom and watches Robert already curled up in bed that he comes up with an idea to reassure his husband completely. Tomorrow he will give his mum a ring, bring her up to date and ask her to have a chat with Robert. He will repeat all the things he said today a hundred times over if Robert needs it but he also feels that speaking to someone else he trusts about all of this could really help the older man. He likes Diane, but he knows how she can be sometimes, the way she doesn’t always seem to understand Robert and the last thing his husband needs is Diane dismissing his feelings about all of this. And gosh his mum loves Robert so much, sees it in the way she looks at the both of them when they are in the pub, sees it in the way she frowns in concern when Aaron tells her that Robert isn’t doing too well. He is sure that his words have hit home with Robert, that he is allowing himself to believe them. Robert’s relaxed shoulders and slack face, are evidence of that. A chat with his mum could get him there all the way though and it will show him that his family really is all around him.

 He curls up behind his husband who’s half asleep already. He pulls him to his chest gently, his hand finding the older man’s and squeezing it.

“Love you.” Robert says sleepily and Aaron feels happy and content against the fact that his husband can go to bed feeling reassured and loved.

He kisses Robert’s neck “Love you more.”

#any excuse for me to talk about robert's family feels past and present #this is way longer than i wanted it to be lmao #mary writes fic #robron fics

[hiyo-silver]

Behind Blindfolds

Nobody expected the world to end the way it does until it starts. It was always thought to happen all in one go but instead it drags on for years of feigning really living when all they’re doing is surviving. In this situation maybe, surviving is really losing.

Summary: They finally venture out, learning that they may not be the only ones alive and that that may not be a good thing.

Chapter 1 2 3 + ao3

Taglist: @fuckboykaspbrak @thesquidliesthuman @rachi0964 @beepbeep-losers@bigbilliamdenbro @jalenrose11 @sleepygaybrough @itandstrangerthingsfanfic@boopboopbichie @peachywyatt @aizeninlefox @sockwantstodie @ahoybyeler@yooonbum @coffeekaspbrak @sedanleystanley

The group finally did talk out who would go and who would stay behind and hold up the fort. Getting settled in the car is a completely different story. Bill obviously takes front seat, not letting go of his promise to drive. Bev is given the passenger seat so she can have more room. Ben is in the back between Richie and Eddie, the idea of him being in the middle being to avoid pda as much as possible.

“You sure about this blind driving thing?” Beverly asks, her eyebrows furrowed in worry, she trusts Bill, or at least she wants to. But driving to the store without even being able to see anything at all seems like an idea that’s not the smartest. She doesn’t even know if he can drive well. Hell, he hasn’t even shown proof of a driver’s license.

“It’s n-not completely blind,” Bill shrugs, clicking on the navigation to type in the address. “Technology d-don’t fail me n-now,” he says with a nervous chuckle. He hears Stan open the garage from the inside of the house with the remote. It’s go time now, no turning back at this time. The lives of all of the losers are on his back now. And he’d feel bad if he left Kay alone with a grumpy Stan for longer than he needs to.

The gps calculates their location, contacting the satellites to calibrate how Bill can get them to the supermarket. He pulls forward out of the garage, it feels completely wrong to do without sight. The atmosphere outside is eerie, and it feels unsafe to be out in the open like this, even if they can’t be affected by the monster by sight. The most concern builds when they roll over something large and hear a crunch. Bill excuses it as a speed bump and the others hesitantly agree for their own sanity.

Until the car crawls over another, Bev closes her eyes and breathes out a deep breath, her mouth in an anxious o shape. “Another speed bump?” she asks, the denial is so much better than the truth they all know. They’ve all been out here at least once in their process to get to safety. They saw what was happening to people. Just like what happened to their own Mike but out in the open, one after another after another.

“Yeah. K-kids live around here. It’s to keep them safe from speeding cars,” the explanation almost hurts more. All the kids, It can get kids. It’s probably easiest to get kids, they’re smaller and more vulnerable. It’s done before anyone could think to save a child. They could even run over a kid. Running over people like useless roadkill is one of the hardest things the group has gone through this far. At least Kay isn’t here for it, she’s much too soft and cares too much about people for this not to traumatize her forever.

Suddenly the car goes off beeping. They’re too close to something on the right side, and the suddenly the left too, and in front and behind. They’re surrounded by something. The car is shaking and quivering like something on the outside is touching it and attacking. It does stop though, only after Bill slams hard on the breaks. He speeds ahead, finally the car stops beeping and signifying that something is too close. They’ve gotten away.

The gps lady announces their arrival at the supermarket after what feels like it’s been forever. They’ve never been so relieved as when they can stop the car and return the blindfolds to their eyes. The next challenge is getting in, and that’s where bringing Ben along comes in. He has a key tethered to his vest, which he has along to ensure their entry, and the ability to lock the doors up behind them again. They walk together, all connected like a chain of preschool toddlers. Ben leads, fingering around the door for the lock, finally able to shove the key up the hole of the lock and getting it to fall to the pavement with a cracking sound.

He takes more strength than necessary to pry open the sliding doors. The place is barren, nobody is here so of course the door has to be opened manually. Who knows if it’ll ever be opened automatically ever again. He gets it closed again after they all file in. They take role before the door gets entirely closed to be sure that they’re not leaving anyone else there. Finally they all pull up their blindfolds to reveal the scene they’ve entered.

The lights all slowly turn on, one box on the ceiling by one. It’s even more eerie than driving in the dark, a supermarket entirely empty is the oddest sight they’ve witnessed this far. Everything is mostly in order, as much as it can be after people rushed to grab things in the wake of this tragedy. They all start walking through the aisles on their own, separating but not dropping their guard by any means. They may never learn to trust the world around them again.

Beverly walks down the frozen foods aisle, looking up and down, trying to find something that would be of use to them. Nothing perishable, she has to remind herself, then wandering her way to where the canned goods are, those should be the best. She grabs a basket from the end of the aisle, picking up some beans and some corn, questioning whether or not the group would want peas or not. Ben looks around the entire store, wrinkling his face up.

“I’m not cleaning any of this up, I hope you’re not expecting me to,” he says with a sheepish chuckle, making his way down to the staff room to see if anything useful was left back there, though it’s not likely. Bill makes his way to where the potato chips and soda is, figures for a man of his age, probably taking community college courses. It doesn’t take a lot for them to constantly realize how actually little they know about each other other than the fact that they’re alive together in whatever this bullshit is.

“Attention shoppers, losers, meeting in aisle 27,” a voice slurs over the loudspeaker. They all listen and make their way to the same aisle that the voice had commanded. The apocalypse is like the military, it teaches people to follow instructions without question. They find Richie with the microphone for the speaker in one hand and a bottle in the other. Pinot grigio, they should have known that he’d be a wine drinker, too much of a pussy for harder liquor and not having the taste for whiskey or scotch. It brings some of them small chuckles, Richie always brings them laughs when they think they can’t even smile. A perfect buddy for a situation like this.

“We should stay here forever,” he slurs out with a grin, holding up the bottle as if it was a toast. A toast to them. “Food, safety, space, most of us,” he suggests. He seems really proud of the revelation, though all the others question him.

“Richie, what about Kay and Stan? And Kay’s baby, huh?” Eddie asks, his voice daring Richie to argue with him, he’s smaller than Richie but it’s always been very clear that he’s the one who’s in charge of the two. They’d all say Eddie was the logical one, not the smart one necessarily, but he’d be damned if you couldn’t call him logical.

Richie looks almost embarrassed as he keeps speaking, “What about them? Isn’t it every man for themselves?” he asks, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He wouldn’t normally be selfish, but drunk Richie is a different kind of Richie, a Richie they wouldn’t want to know. At least he hasn’t been much of a drinker in the past few months of his life, though the stress of now may bring it back.

“Richie, no,” Eddie says sternly, pulling the bottle fr’s hand, it shatters on the floor, leaving the yellow liquid to spread across the floor, Richie wearing a pout on his face. “Get yourself a bottle of water and drink it all, dickhead,” Eddie spits out bitterly. He especially doesn’t like drunk Richie, he’s a big reason it took them so long to actually get together.

The conversation is cut short, though, by a loud banging on a door in the back of the store, the loading door where deliveries are often received. Ben tells them that as he walks carefully in the direction of that door. “Hello?” he calls, patting his palm against the door firmly to let the person know how close he is now.

“Ben? Is that you?” a voice calls back in near hysterics, he’s very obviously sobbing, hiccups and choked coughs loud enough to hear through the door, it breaks the losers’ hearts to hear it, though they still question whether to help or not.

“Yes, Victor?” he replies, softening more than the other losers, it’s a coworker of his. The coworker has always been a little out of it, someone hired so the company could prove they hired people who have had a troubled past. He was an ex con, though he’s not sure if Vic was actually guilty or not, he just knows he’d been in prison for two years after his senior year of highschool. But Ben doesn’t judge. Vic has been nice enough to him, at least for someone who wasn’t in normal society for how long he wasn’t.

“Let me in, please, they’ve left me here to die,” Victor sobs, Ben doesn’t know how else to react. He starts to open the door slightly only for Vic to push on it roughly, Ben tries to keep it closed. He wants to help but the desperation only makes him nervous. The door gets pushed open again and as Vic starts into the entrance Ben sees his eyes and knows what they’re under and knows what he has to do, he runs at Vic, pushing both of them out into the parking lot. The losers hear a scream behind the slammed door. It hurts, but it just means they need to get going faster. Loss is growing to be a normal part of their current situation.

Bev can only distract herself by going back into an aisle. She hears chirping a few aisles down. She’s shocked to find them alive, but there’s three parakeets in a white wire cage. It hurts her deep inside. None of them had really thought of the animals. With hardly any thought she opens the cage and puts them in a small box with some holes poked for air. She can’t just leave them. Maybe it’s maternal instinct or hormones, but she knows she just can’t.

She even remembers a poster in the guest room. It identifies different species, Stan is obviously interested by them. There’s something like that in the office too. Maybe Stan would even care about the birds, something to make him smile once they get back. An apology for making him stay at the house in that time.

She hides them in the basket, finally meeting up with the others at the front of the store, they’re returning their blindfolds to their heads to carry their load to the car. For some reason it almost feels like a normal family shopping trip. Maybe this will be the life that becomes normal in their eyes. Bev doesn’t know if she finds that thought comforting or if it’s just plain sad.

#it stephen king #it novel #it movie 2017 #it 2017 #it movie #it 2019 #it book #my fics #it stephen king fanfic #it fanfic #it bill denbrough #bill denbrough #it richie tozier #richie tozier #it eddie kaspbrak #eddie kaspbrak #it ben hanscom #ben hanscom #it stan #it stan uris #stan uris #it beverly marsh #beverly marsh #stanley uris #it stanley uris #bird box #behind blindfolds #bird box au #mcmarsh #kay mccall

[sydswritings]

The Refinery (Chapter 16)

Twenty minutes later, after some back and forth deliberation, we finally decided on a cab. The Refinery Hotel was nice, I mean like take one wrong step and you break something nice. We quickly found the elevator, pushing the button that would take us straight to the roof where the bar and the much needed drinks were located. As soon as the doors opened, I could hear the music flowing across the rooftop and feel the grin forming on my lips. Okay, I’ll admit it, I missed this, going out with my friends-my family, having a few drinks. I honestly couldn’t wait to see how this night unfolded, how Shannon, Jared and Tomo took to our little family.

    “It seems kind of empty, is it just the bands tonight?” Ace asked from beside me.

She was right this first section of the roof was completely empty. I looked around the brick and wood enclosed patio, chairs vacated, not a soul in sight. To the right, three floor to ceiling double doors were open, curtains hanging to the side to show the night sky, to my left, three massive brick arches, leading to the next section. Charlie was the first off the elevator, followed quickly by Brook. They passed through one of the arches, bypassing a few people at the huge bar and headed straight for a group of people seated outside. Ace and Jared looked at each other before shrugging and following our guitarist and bassist.

Shannon, Tomo and I decided to stop at the bar instead of following the rest of our group out, giving me time to look around the middle room. On the far side, sat a room length half booth, covered in what looked to be red velvet, with little pub tables set in front of it, leaving the other side of the tables with little chairs for guests. I caught sight of some of the bands we were on tour with lounging around the tables, talking amongst themselves. In the middle of the room, separating the bar and pub tables was a 16 seater long table, looking up I noticed that the glass roof had been retracted, leaving the wide black beams open and the night sky available without restriction.

    “SYDNEY!” A voice yelled, causing me to yank my eyes away from the bright lights of the Empire State Building and towards the direction the voice came.

I had enough time to turn away from the bar, before a solid body slammed into mine, my vision was quickly turned upside down when I found myself thrown over Vic’s shoulder as he toted me past the opened sliding glass doors and into the night air. The final section of the rooftop was, for lack of a better word, a gorgeous deck. There were two U shaped grey couches placed at each end of the patio, in the middle of those sat 2 two seater swings with lounge chairs and small tables spread sporadically around. Vic managed to carry me to the opposite end where one of the U shaped couches was located.

    “VICTOR FUENTES PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!” I yelled, beating his back. I could hear Charlie’s laughter getting closer, before my world tilted right side up again.

    “Jeez Syd you could rival Charlie with those lungs.” Kellin laughed out.

    “I didn’t even get my damn drink thanks to you!” I pushed Vic causing him to stumble into Kellin harshly, before spinning around to take in my surroundings.

Charlie was sprawled out against Trevor on one section of the couch, with Matt beside them talking to Brook and Pete. Across from them, Jared and Ace were wrapped up in each other, talking about god knows what, but clearly they were the only two that existed in that little world. In the middle of the wrap around couch, Vic’s brother and bandmate Mike sat with Karah and Brendon, laughing at my outburst. An annoying high pitched laughter had my eyes traveling to one of the two seater swings, where Juliet and Andy were cuddled up.

    “Ignore them.” Vic’s voice chimed beside me.

    “I’ll do my best,” I said, plastering on a fake grin, “now can I go back to the bar and get my drink?”

    “I got it for you.” Shannon’s low drawl sounded from behind me.

    “You are my savior!” I exclaimed excitedly, grabbing my drink from his extended hand. “So did y’all just decide to kick everyone out or what?”

    “We all pitched in, rented the place out, the only people allowed in are bands on the tour or whoever we let in.” Kellin said from the other side of Vic.

    “Did your wife ever make it in?” I asked after taking a sip of my beer.

    “Yeah she’ll be here a little later with Vic’s girlfriend.” He laughed at Vic’s goofy smile.

    “Awesome I haven’t seen Danielle since Florida, I miss her!” Brook said from her spot beside Pete.

    “I’m going to walk around,” I had been still for too long and I really wanted to see who else was up here, “anyone want to join me?”

    “I’ll go,” I grinned over at Shannon, who’s answering smirk had my knees trembling and threatening to buckle at any second, god I was so screwed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After about an hour and a half of mingling and catching up with everyone, Shannon and I found ourselves on the other U shaped couch, laughing and talking, just taking the time to get to know one another.

    “Seriously? Country?” He laughed, hazel eyes hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses. “Out of all things?”

    “Hey I’m from North Carolina, it’s like a requirement to love country.” I said grinning at his outright disbelief. I shifted so my short legs rested across his thighs.

    “I’m from Louisiana, you don’t hear me talking about swamp-pop,” he countered, nose crinkling slightly at the thought.

    “Please god don’t ever say swamp-pop again,” my ribs were already tender from all the laughing, “Oh my god, I can’t breathe.”

    “It’s a really simple concept, you pull air in through your mouth, fill your lungs then push it back out.” He shifted his left arm from the back of the couch to prop his head on his hand, elbow still resting by my head.

    “Smart ass,” I quipped before pushing his bare side, god it should be illegal for a man to look so good in a cut off t-shirt. “Why do you wear these things? It’s dark out here,” I pulled the sunglasses off his face and placed them over my eyes, “I mean, I can still see your eyes moving behind them.”

    “I don’t know kind of a way for me to watch people without being caught,” he shrugged slightly before taking a sip of his drink.

    “I think your eyes are too gorgeous to keep them hidden behind such dark lenses.” I said sticking my tongue out. I slid the dark Ray Bans off my face to hand them back to Shannon.

    “Keep them, they look good on you.” I grinned goofily as I placed them on top of my head.

    “Of course they do, everything looks good on me.” I said before laughing at the face he pulled, “I tried, oh my god, I tried to keep a straight face after saying that, but you should have seen your facial expression, holy shit.” I leaned over my legs, pulling in as much air as my lung would allow.

    “Keep it up and I’ll push you off this couch.” He responded while poking me in my ribs.

    “Yeah, yeah, you don’t scare me.” I laughed out.

That was a lie, I was scared of him. I was scared of the way he was making me feel, the butterflies knocking around my stomach. How easy it was to talk to him, how much we had in common, how badly I wanted to kiss him. Listening to his deep voice made me wonder what it would sound like after waking up, would it be thick with sleep? How would it sound lust filled, would it be deeper? Huskier? Would those beautiful hazel green eyes darken? My laughs sobered up quickly at the thoughts going through my head about the gorgeous drummer next to me.

    “So was it always music?” Shannon asked, sensing my inner thoughts turning heavier.

    “Actually no. Me and Charlie, we played all through high school, then we thought it was never going to happen so we took a break, went to college.” I leaned back against the couch, head falling against the back, legs still in his lap as I thought back to old times.

    “What were you going for?” The smooth timber of his voice made me roll my head towards him, meeting his yellow-green gaze straight on.

    “Psychology, I wanted to help people. I figured if I couldn’t help with my music anymore, I would help in another way.” I sighed out. “But after a couple of semesters we realized we needed the music, I loved my classes, but it was too much, I needed to play, to sing.” He nodded his head, understanding clear in his eyes.

    “If it weren’t for Jared and music,” his voice deepened with emotion, “I don’t know where I would be, probably in jail or dead.” I closed my eyes to keep the tears in them from showing. The world would have missed out on a beautiful soul if he hadn’t turned to music. “Though, I thought about being a therapist at one point.”

    “Really?” He nodded, “I think you would be good at that.” His soft smile had my heart jumping to my throat and the need for my drink great, only to find my glass empty.

    “Need another?” I looked over to see him watching me intently, “I was about to get up and grab one for myself, I can get you one while I’m up.”

    “Sounds good, I’m just going to run to the bathroom real quick.” I dropped my legs from his lap and quickly stood. Letting the dizzy spell pass, I stepped around Shannon before heading towards the bathroom in the first section of the roof.

Stepping into the empty bathroom, I made a beeline for the sinks to splash cool water on my face. After a few dips, I glance at my reflection. My cheeks were flushed, whether from the drinks or how Shannon was making me feel, I didn’t honestly know. I needed to pull myself together, getting involved with him would be a bad idea right now. I was a mess, things with Andy had put my emotions through the ringer and Shannon didn’t need someone like me fucking up his life.

Chapter 17

#warped tour #warped tour story #shannon leto #shannon leto story #shannon leto imagine #andy biersack #andy black #andy black imagine #andy biersack imagine #jared leto

[vicbartons]

robron and number 8 🤗

 8. “i´ll be right over”

Robert was sitting at the table in Keepers with his laptop in front of him, when his phone rang.

The sound was muffled by the mountains of paperwork that Nicola had dumped on him after he and Aaron had returned from their makeshift honeymoon almost three weeks ago. Robert started to sift through them, lifting up pile after pile in hopes of locating the damn thing.

He had found that burying himself in work and hiding from all the villagers with their judgmental looks and their endless gossip at Vic´s was the best way to get through this “pause”, as Aaron had called it. Not that his stay at Keepers didn´t come with its fair share of disappointed, sad looks from a certain brunette. 

“Pause”. The more he thought about that word, the more Robert hated it. Nevertheless, it was preferable to “fuck off” or “break-up”, so he didn´t dare to complain. It was far more than he could have asked for.

Robert kept rustling through the papers in search of his phone, getting more and more agitated with every ring, when it finally dropped out of one of the piles and landed in his lap.

Him and Aaron were grinning up at him from the screen, dopey, drunk smiles on both of their faces as they sat in one of the booths of the Woolpack on the day of their wedding, Robert´s arm wrapped tightly around Aaron´s shoulder.

As Robert let his thumb hover over the “accept” button, it felt like someone had drained all the air from his lungs. His heart ached just at the sight of his husband whom he hadn´t seen or spoken to in two weeks now.

This would be it. It had to be.

Sure, once the crying and screaming had stopped, Aaron had said that he wanted to work through things. Together. Had promised that he wanted to at least try to make their marriage work.

But this wasn´t your normal run-of-the-mill fight. Robert hadn´t just forgotten to buy milk, or to screw the cap back on the toothpaste.

No, Robert had betrayed Aaron´s trust in the worst way imaginable and deep down he was quite certain that he didn´t deserve his husband´s forgiveness. Not on this one.

Which meant that this had to be it. 

The moment he would pick up that phone, Aaron would make or break them. The chips would fall and determine the rest of Robert´s life, without Robert having a say in any of it.

Aaron held Robert´s heart in his hands and there was nothing Robert could do, but hold onto the tiny sliver of hope his husband had left him with when he´d told him he just needed some space and time.

Well, there was something else he could do. He could just not pick up.

Prolongue what seemed inevitable and instead stay in relationship limbo for just a little while longer. Enjoy just a few more hours of “maybe” before everything would be over for good.

He stared at the ringing phone for what felt like hours, but could only have been seconds, weighing the pros and cons and then,

then he took a deep breath and picked up.

“Aaron, I-”

“Robert? Oh thank god.” The voice sounded worried, panicked even, but it definitely didn´t sound like Aaron.

“Marlon?” Robert asked, his voice full of confusion.“Is that you?” To say that he hadn´t expected to hear that particular Dingle on the other end of the phone would have been an understatement.

“Yes…I… Vic just send me over with tea, because you know Aaron´s a terrible cook and the door was open so I just…” he spoke rushed, stumbling over his words.

“What is it Marlon? Get to the point.” Robert was growing anxious. 

“I.. I know you two aren´t exactly speaking right now, but I don´t know what to…” Marlon was mumbling, but the concern was clear in his tone.

“Marlon, what´s happening?” Robert sounded rough, angry even. “Why do you have Aaron´s phone?” He was out of his chair and on his way out the door, because something was cleary wrong. 

“I think he´s having some kind of panic attack or summat and I can´t seem to…”

Robert was already at the gate of Keepers, his heart beating heavy in his chest. “I´ll be right over.”

It didn´t matter that their relationship was on pause, or that he´d promised Aaron to stay away until he said the word. None of that mattered, as he ran down the street towards the Mill, ignoring the strange looks from the villagers he passed, as well as Cain´s comment about him finally making a run for it.

“Just try to get him to breathe. Slow and steady. And don´t let him out of your sight. I´ll be over in a second.” Marlon was still on the line and if he listened closely, Aaron´s hitched breathing was audible in the background.

It sounded like Marlon had put the phone down and Robert could hear him talking to Aaron, breathing loudly and slowly, desperate for Aaron to follow his lead.

He sped up at the sight of the Mill´s gate and dropped his phone in his pocket, heedlessly stumbling through the gravel that plastered the ground of the front yard until he was almost falling through the door of their Aaron´s flat that Marlon had thankfully left open.

“Marlon? Aaron?” Robert was heaving, his running days long behind him, but none of that mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was getting to Aaron.

“Living room.” Marlon shouted and Robert was by their side within seconds. Ignoring the presence of the lanky Dingle completely, he knelt down in front of the sofa and both his hands found their way to Aaron´s face, cupping it, as he pulled his husband towards him until their foreheads were touching.

“Hey there, you´re alright Aaron. I just need you to breathe for me, okay?” Robert whispered, his voice all soft now.

“Nice and slow. In and out,” he put Aaron´s hand on his chest as he tried to calm down his own breathing as well. He could feel the cold metal of Aaron´s wedding ring press against the palm of his hand as he took another deep breath, his chest slowly rising and falling under their fingers.

“R-Robert, I..” Aaron sounded disoriented, slightly confused by the presence of his husband, but at least his breathing was slowly starting to calm down as the thumb of Robert´s free hand caressed his cheek.

“It´s alright, I´m right here. You´re okay.”

Robert didn´t know how long they sat there just holding each other, him murmuring reassurances until Aaron had calmed down. “You want to lie down for a bit?”, he asked, noticing his husband´s exhaustion.

Aaron only nodded. 

Robert let go of his husband and went to take off his shoes, before pulling up his legs and covering him with one of the blankets that had been thrown over the backside of the sofa. He smiled at the sight of it, remembering the day Liv and him had picked it out, along with the rest of the living room furniture. She had dragged him away from the more expensive slick leather couch he had had his eye on and pushed him towards the softer looking, grey model instead. (“Just because it looks nice and is expensive, doesn´t mean it´s comfortable. And we both know you´re gonna be sleeping on that thing a lot, Robert.”)

Having tugged Aaron in, he knelt down in front of his husband again and let a hand run through his hair, couldn´t help himself, not when he looked so much softer and younger with his eyes already closed and his nose buried in a pillow, his face no longer scrunched up in panic.

He flinched at a sudden noise behind them. Marlon had put a glass of water down on the coffee table and was now akwardly standing two feet away from them, his arms crossed over his chest. Robert had been too focused on Aaron to even notice that the other Dingle was still in the room.

He stood up and turned to Marlon, felt the need to thank him, eventhough he couldn´t possibly put into words how grateful he was that the older man still trusted him with Aaron, now that everything he´d done was out in the open. “Thanks for calling me. I know I´m not exactly you´re favourite person right now -”

“Sure.” Marlon nodded reluctantly. His brows were furrowed and he looked like he was holding something back, unsure of whether or not it was his place to interfere. 

“Sugden?” he started.

“Hm?” 

“I know it´s none of my business,“ Robert raised an eyebrow at that. He really wasn´t in need of another Dingle lecture right now. Marlon looked at him defiantly, continuing anyway. “ And don´t take this as me forgiving you for what you have done to our lad, because i haven´t. But… Figure this out.” He pointed between Robert and Aaron, his whole face softening as his eyes landed on the younger man on the sofa. “He needs ya.”

“Not as much as I need him,” Robert mumbled under his breath, hoping that the chef hadn´t heard his confession. He stared at his feet then, shuffling them around, suddenly feeling like an intruder in this place he had never even had the chance to call home. “Can you stay with him? I don´t want him to wake up alone, but he probably doesn´t want me-”

“Stay.” He hadn´t realised that Aaron was still listening. When he turned to look at him, his husband was holding up the blanket with one hand shuffling backwards to make room for Robert. Marlon took this as his cue to leave, slowly backing out of the room and leaving the pair of them to it. 

“You sure…” Robert swallowed hard, biting his bottom lip. He was desperate to be close to his husband again, but didn´t want to risk pushing too far too soon.

“Just get over here, will ya, before I change my mind.” Aaron ordered softly, his eyes already closing again.

Robert slowly made his way over to him, unable to refuse his husband when he hadn´t been able to touch him in weeks, but had instead spent his nights in Vic´s spare room, the bed too small and too cold without Aaron by his side for him to get some proper rest.

Not bothering with the laces, Robert slipped out of his shoes and carefully lay down beside Aaron. It took him a second, but once Aaron´s arm found its way around his middle, Robert was finally able to relax for what felt like the first time in months. He drew Aaron closer until his head was resting on his chest and he could feel his now steady breath against his neck. After he had pulled up the blanket, Robert let his hand fall into the heap of brown curls under his nose, slowly running his fingers through them in the way he always had when they were like this. Before he´d messed everything up.

As Robert let his eyes wander around the room, they fell on the unopened boxes with his name on them that were scattered across the floor. His books and comics waiting to either be put away in the new shelves he had carefully picked out months ago, or to be shoved out of the Mill for good, along with Robert. Never to be seen again.

Him and Aaron weren´t fixed. Not even close to it.

But Robert and his boxes seemed to have just earned some more time and for now, that was all he could ask for.

#capseycartwright #asks #robron #aaron x robert #emmerdale #sorry this got long #my drabbles will never be just drabbles #will they? #sometimes i write stuff

[doof-doofblog]

"Have A Great Holiday!"

Monday 14th September 2020

Good afternoon everyone! As promised, this is the first of two blog posts today. This will be following last night's episode. Friday's episode ended with Kheerat basically hinting to Chantelle that he has feelings for her, by giving her that lucky poker chip! I still think that that poker chip is going to become very important, i'm unsure why or how. But something tells me it'll be a big significance with Chantelle's death. I could be completely wrong and jumping to conclusions, but we shall see! Before we jump into last night's episode, some spoiler pictures have been released today of the aftermath of Chantelle's death, as you can see by the picture below, Karen is grief-stricken as flowers and tributes are laid out in front of the Atkins household after the Square learn the news of Chantelle's passing. Kheerat believes that Gray has something to do with Chantelle's death and decides to confide in Mitch about what he knows and reveals that he and Chantelle had gotten close during her last few days. These next few episodes are going to be really hard to watch but I'm really intrigued to see how Chantelle's death will be portrayed and of course the aftermath is always the most interesting part!

Anyway, lets jump right into last night's episode - Max appears to have had some post delivered and he seems happy about it, have the divorce papers from Rainie finally come through? Viewers will know that Max sold his half of the restaurant business over to Ian, to stop Rainie on getting her hands on any of his money, however Max is unaware that Ian used his share of the money to buy Sharon the Vic! I know it sounds awful to say, but I am really looking forward to Ian getting his comeuppance. He's been acting the hero for too long now and people are going to realise his secrets and uncover what he's been hiding the last few months, is Max going to be the first one to be suspicious when he learns the truth?

In the Square, Martin seems to be the thought on everyone's mind. Sharon approaches Ian and asks on whether there's been any news, Ian acts very coldly towards her and just gives her a simple one worded answers - "No!" She can clearly see that he's acting very differently towards her now after she revealed she didn't have feelings for him. She can sense the awkwardness between them so leaves the conversation sharpish, Ian watches as she walks away! Can I just say what Peter said next really shocked me - "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!" Is he implying that his Dad should sleep with someone else just to take his mind off Sharon?! I apologise if that is not what he meant, but it sure did sound like it to me!! 

At the Atkins household, Chantelle is upstairs quickly trying to pack her suitcase, it looks as if she has packed everything she needs to get away! From the outside, she can hear voices approaching the house - she looks out and calls to Gray that she will run and grab the front door, unfortunately Gray gets there before her and he welcomes Mitch and Karen into the house. I'm sure he's unaware of their holiday plans and of course he'll have no idea that Chantelle is going with them, are they going to put their foot in it and not realise that Gray has no idea? Is Gray then going to get angry at Chantelle for not telling him their plans? 

At Ruby's club, Ben and Callum are talking about what they're potentially going to do, Callum is still unsure whether to go ahead with setting up Danny. Suddenly, Stuart interrupts their conversation, all smiles - can I just say how nice it is to see Stuart, finally! I know when he first came into the soap he was a bit of a dark character, but now, its lovely to see him so smiley and happy with Rainie, it's like his character has done a complete U-turn! He is so happy to finally learn that Max's and Rainie's divorce has come through, which can only mean he can finally marry Rainie! I just love the fact he starts dropping hints to Callum about what he wants for his Stag night - Something is telling me he wants to be tied to a lamppost in his pants! Of course this is something which has completely been wiped from Callum's mind, Ben actually decides to change their conversation and asks him whether he does have anything planned for Stuart's Stag night! But Callum ignores the question and gets back to the matter in hand, if Ben has any plans or ideas of setting up Danny, then Callum wants to be made aware of it, unfortunately Ben tells him that he wont tell him - mainly because he doesn't want Callum to have to lie to his boss, so in a way he's kinda being cruel to be kind. He doesn't Callum getting in any kind of trouble because of his actions, but Callum does make sure that Ben promises him to speak to his Dad if he decides to make any stupid decisions, at first, I think Ben is hesitate, but he nods his head and makes the promise, however is this going to be another promise he breaks?!

Back at Chantelle's and Gray's house, Karen and Mitch are making themselves comfortable, Bernie is also there in two as everyone is getting ready for their holiday. Gray unaware of their plans, softly says to Chantelle "What were you going to do? Send me a postcard?!" But with all of the family members there, he knows he can't do anything else, he can't do anything to Chantelle while her family is around. She speaks softly in response to him "It'll do Keegan good after everything he's been through, plus you can concentrate on Whitney's trial!", he still doesn't look happy about the situation, but to put on a front for the family he smiles and agrees and leaves the room, leaving Chantelle to be with her parents as she smiles, is she thinking that she'll finally be able to get away? One thing I have noticed about Chantelle - which I can't believe I haven't noticed before, she always wears long sleeved blouses - clearly to hide any bruises or marks she may have from Gray's abuse, I never really realised it until now. 

At the Vic, Kathy is very apologetic towards Sharon. After Ian confessed his feelings for Sharon, Kathy blamed her for leading him on, but now she's realised that that wasn't the case and she apologise to the fellow blonde. Sharon understands and explains there's nothing for her to be sorry for. It's then that Ian makes his way into the pub and Peter pipes up giving him the news that he's set him up on dating app! Understandably, Ian is horrified! Both Sharon and Kathy decide to have a look and they all agree it would be good for him to focus on something else and persuade him to give it a go! But Ian is adamant he wants nothing to do with it - but something is telling me that, with Jane not around any more and Sharon not feeling the same way about him, I think he'll reconsider. I mean what else has he got to lose? He might as well give it a go and see if he can meet anyone! 

Ruby is then seen waiting in the hospital to news of Martin. Vinny suddenly appears and begs to Ruby to tell him that Martin is okay, she instantly tells him leave! She is so angry with him and tells him that she didn't want to go through with it in the first place, she informs him that she tried calling him to call their plans off! Vinny begs to her not to say anything to police, Ruby realises that if she would - Vinny would go down for robbery! Vinny makes the big statement - "If I go down, you go down with me!" I'm sure it's something that Ruby wont even contemplate, of course it's important that Martin gets better. It's unknown whether he actually realised it was Vinny that he was chasing. Ruby states that Martin is all she has right now and he's the most important thing to her. I'm really curious to find out when Stacey will be back - will she learn of Martin's attack and make her way back to the Square? Or will Stacey's return be for some other reason?! Either way - she is not going to be happy when she learns that Martin and Ruby have become an item! 

Ahhh so we've learned a little bit more about Frankie, after Tina slightly offends her, Tina tries to apologise to her. She asks whether she can have a look at Frankie's photography, we see pictures of a young boy, funnily enough around Ollie's age. Frankie reveals to Tina that the little boy was in fact her younger brother who has sadly passed away. She claims even everyone is trying to help her and cure her hearing, she says that he was the one who was actually sick and needed curing. Is this something that has affected Frankie her whole life? Not being able to cope with the passing of her brother, so does she start to get close to the Carter family and Ollie? Is Ollie maybe going to replace the brother she lost? I'm hoping Frankie becomes a regular part of the soap and we'll be able to discover more of her story/background. I think it's clear there's going to be some form of romance between her and Tina though, that I am looking forward to seeing! It's about time Tina fell in love and found a proper love interest. 

Back at the Atkins family home, Gray is seen in the bedroom, lurking over the suitcase on the bed that Chantelle has packed. Nothing can be heard other than the voices from the family downstairs. He takes it upon himself to start unzip the suitcase, although as he's about to open it fully, footsteps approach and he quickly zips it back up. Chantelle makes her way into the bedroom, and discreetly hides from Gray the make-up bag with money in that she hid in the toilet, and she quickly stuffs it into the suitcase. Gray is clearly suspicious and claims that she managed to pack her stuff fairly quickly, Chantelle once again tries to lure him off the scent and claims that she literally just stuffed everything inside it as quick as she could. She explains that they have a long train journey ahead so she'll go out and grab some food for herself and the children. As she leaves with the suitcase, Gray heads to the bathroom - at this moment, I was kinda worried thinking he might find something that Chantelle may have missed. He looks all over the shelves and cupboards and then notices the top of toilet is wonky, he picks it up to reveal - nothing! He sighs in frustration! Luckily we know Chantelle grabbed it in time before he could click on to her plans to escape.

The next scene shows Tina joining her family in the Vic, Mick, Linda and Ollie are all sat together. Tina has dolled herself up, wearing a lovely black dress. Frankie follows behind her and Tina introduces her to her family. However, when Frankie is introduced to Ollie, he turns and gives Frankie a smile. She mouths the word "Hello" to the young boy and smiles. But as she turns away its obvious that something is playing on her mind. I personally think that Ollie does look very similar to her younger brother? Don't you guys think? I truly believe that somehow Frankie believes that Ollie might be her real brother, or something along those lines? Later Frankie is sat with Ollie as Linda and Tina watch from a distance, everyone commenting how Frankie is good with children and how Ollie has happily decided to sit with her. Frankie looks as if she is besotted with Ollie, she tells him how similar he looks to her younger brother, Harry. I am so certain something is going to happen between Frankie and the Carter family! 

Meanwhile, Ben decides to take his boyfriend's advice and decides to speak to his Dad about the possibility of setting Danny up. He reveals to his Dad that the warehouse they went to did actually have CCTV. Phil is of course wary of them being found out but he makes it clear that if the Police had anything on the, they would've come for them by now. Ben is desperate to her his Dad onside, i don't think Ben can take the fact that Danny almost left him completely deaf. Phil wants nothing to do with it, and warns Ben to let it go and forget about it, but clearly its something he just can't do. He goes into his Dad's phone and decides to take Danny's phone number. What is Ben planning on doing? Is he going to get himself in more trouble and potentially put his life and Callum's life in danger once again?! 

Back at the Vic, Max finally catches up with Ian, gives him the news that his divorce has finally comes through. It seems Max is really thankful towards Ian, he thanks him for keeping hold of the money so Rainie can't get her hands on it, he claims he's even willing to let Ian keep a couple of grand to himself in a way of saying "Thank You!" - Ian is clearly taken aback by his offer and says to Max that he really doesn't have to do that for him! It's only then Max the comment that he's happy to take the money back from him, seeing as he no longer needs to look after it, plus he also makes a little joke "Don't want you getting tempted to spend it, do we?" - Oooooo as a viewer, I am kinda looking forward to seeing it when Max finds out about his Ian spending his money on the Vic, how is Ian going to worm his way out of this one? Is he going to try and get money as quick as he can, or another possibility - is Sharon going to find out where Ian got the money from, if you think about it, technically the Vic belongs to Max! If it was Max's money used to buy it, Max should be standing behind the bar, not Sharon! It's an interesting thought but it's technically true and it could be a big turn in events if Max ended up living in the pub! 

Awwwwww the next scene was such a heartbreaking one!!!! Kheerat is in his office and Chantelle pays him a visit. He stops his work as she makes her way in. She's shaky and her voice is raspy. She asks if Kheerat meant what he said to her the previous day. He promises her he meant every word. She playing with the poker chip with her fingers, twiddling it in hands. She says to him as much as she wants to cash in and be with him, she can't - not at this moment in time. She's going away with her family and she wont be coming back, but she does hope that one day soon there will be a chance for her to cash in with him! Kheerat is clearly disappointed, but he understands that she has to do what she has to do. He tells her to keep it, and whenever the time feels right for her, he'll be waiting. They're definitely an unspoken affection and love between the two souls, as Chantelle leaves the room, she turns and says to him"All I want to do is kiss you!" ... it is quite heartbreaking. Tears fill her eyes as she leaves the room. We know that the chance for them to be together will never happen! I feel Chantelle's death is really going to affect Kheerat, he'll be heartbroken but he'll also make sure he does everything in his power to find the truth and the reason why she dies.

Unbeknown to Chantelle, back at their house, Gray is ransacking their bedroom, trying to find some sort of clue that Chantelle is keeping something from him. Does he know that she's planning on leaving him? He goes through her draws and wardrobes and everything. He then decides to look at his phone and uses the tracking app to see where she is. He throws the phone in a rage, he then discovers a type of child memory box from under the bed. It's only then as he looks through it that his daughter Mia tells her Father that they're planning on leaving for the holiday. He asks her when her Mummy told her about the holiday, the little girl reveals that it was least week she planned on taking them on a big adventure, but they didn't go. Only then Gray realises that it's been a whole week that Chantelle has been planning on leaving. 

Back in the Square, the Carter family are enjoying time together after lock-down, Mick, Linda and Tina are all enjoying quality time together. Entertaining Ollie playing a little bit of football, but from a distance, it's revealed that Frankie is taking photographs of the family, especially more of little Ollie. What is her connection with the Carter's? Why is she so fixated on Ollie? I'm really looking forward to seeing more of her story unfold! 

The last scene of the episode, Chantelle is making her way through the Square, she's on the phone to someone confirming her arrival of herself and her two children to a refuge. For a moment she's looking relaxed and happy and more positive than she has done for long time. When she gets to the house, her family are waiting for her and ready to make a move! The only people missing are her children, Mac and Mia! She looks up to house to see them standing at their windows, waving at her with sad solemn little faces. She calls for them to come with her, but Gray insists that they wanted to stay home, he plays the role of a perfect Daddy! Saying he'll give the movie nights, mid-night snacks and build dens with his children. Chantelle's plan has fallen through again, Gray stopping her and catching her out as she continues to make plans to escape. She looks helplessly and longingly for her children as the rest of the family make their way to the train station and Gray makes his way back inside the house. Chantelle is defeated again! 

I don't know about you lot but it's so devastating seeing Chantelle look so damaged and lost and almost broken by what Gray is doing. It's going to make her death so much more harder to watch. Jessica Plummer and Toby-Alexander Smith have done such brilliant performances the past few episodes. It's going to he heart wrenching come the end of the week. Thank you all so much for reading. I apologise the post is late! I'll be back in a few hours time following tonight's episode! Thanks folks! xXx

#eastenders #spoilers #chantelleatkins #grayatkins #karentaylor #mitchbaker #kheerat panesar #benmitchell #callumhighway #ballum #ianbeale #sharonwatts #maxbranning #rubyallen #vinnypanesar #lindacarter #mickcarter #tinacarter #frankielewis #olliecarter

[enchantedsugden]

in the dark when you sound the alarm (we"ll find each other's arms)

ao3 link 

It was a whole lot later now and the house was all quiet. Aaron busied himself putting the last plates and cups away that were still scattered around downstairs. He had sent his husband up first, Victoria and Liv having gone up even earlier. Aaron still felt this clench of worry, Robert had not been himself, definitely not this morning but even after he returned with Vic, Aaron could tell that the older man was still feeling down. He hadn’t engaged much in the conversation during dinner, the one that both Aaron and Vic had tried to keep very casual, normal. He smiled every so often but mostly avoided eye contact and kept his head down. Even when Robert had been with him on his own just a few moments ago he didn’t say much.

Aaron signed as he walked up the stairs, he wasn’t sure what state he would find his husband in, maybe he had already put off all the lights or maybe he was still busying himself with his skincare routine. When he opened the door he felt his heart shatter in his chest. Robert was sitting on the edge of the bed just staring into space, tear tracks evident on his face while a few lone tears were still rolling down his cheeks. His husband had put both their bedside table lamps on, giving their room the familiar cosy glow, and Robert was already in his sleepwear, tracky bottoms and a t-shirt, hair flat on his forehead. Aaron cursed himself, not wanting to think about how long Robert could have been crying on his own. He walked over to Robert, going to sit as close to him as he possible could without giving his husband a scare.

“Hey- Rob-it’s okay. I promise, it’s okay.” He said, moving to hold Robert’s hand in both of his. His husband looked up, eyes flickering and still filled with tears, Aaron hoped that this wasn’t the older man registering his presence only now. He felt the gnawing worry growing and willed himself to stay calm for his husband.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Aaron I am so sorry-“ Robert whispered, his voice slightly stuttering.

“Hey no, you have nothing to be sorry for alright?” Aaron shushed him gently, not wanting to let Robert carry on apologizing for his emotions. He let go of Robert’s hand to do what he had done earlier, he squeezed Robert’s shoulder and used his other hand to squeeze at Robert’s arm and palm, desperate to let his husband know he was there. “It’s okay” he said again, truth be told, he wasn’t too sure what else to say. It didn’t surprise him that his husband was having some sort of breakdown now, after all the last few weeks had really taken a toll on the older man. And Aaron knew he had hardly been sleeping or eating on top of all that. His talk with Vic earlier wouldn’t have fixed everything, least of all Robert’s own feelings about his behaviour. Aaron’s mind was screaming at him, he was terrified that this kind of comfort wouldn’t be enough. Robert was still quietly sniffling and Aaron decided that his husband just needed to cry it all out some more.

“C’mon” he whispered as he gently guided the both of them backwards so that they were now lying on the bed, then he tugged Robert closer to him and was relieved to see that Robert latched onto the comfort and went to hide his face into the crook of Aaron’s neck. Aaron turned around as best as he could so he could throw an arm over his husband’s side and rub at his back. He felt the older man shaking slightly in his arms and tears falling onto his clothed shoulder, his heart breaking again. He just hoped that this would help, instead of straight away forcing Robert to talk by firing questions at him.

He isn’t too sure how long they had stayed like that for but eventually Robert’s breathing had gone to normal and he started to wriggle out of their makeshift position. Aaron moved so that Robert had some more space and this way he could take a good look at his husband. Or so he thought, because Robert looked him in the eye for one second before hiding his face into his hands.

Aaron frowned in surprise at first but then heard a mumbled “I must look a right state, m’sorry” and shot up straight away. “Robert- please” his voice broke as he stroked his husband’s arm and Robert slowly let his hands down and took a deep breath. Aaron waited a few seconds to see whether the older man was going to say something but he just stared and smiled sadly at Aaron. Aaron mirrored the smile and gently touched Robert’s cheek, “please stop apologizing Robert- you don’t have to be sorry for showing your emotions and you never have to hide from me okay? It’s all fine.”

Robert nodded shyly, avoiding eye contact. To Aaron’s surprise he then shifted forward slightly to wrap Aaron into a hug, squeezing tightly and again buried his face in his neck. Aaron suspected that it was probably so that Robert could still hide his face, but he was happy enough to let himself be squeezed like this, whatever it took to make his husband feel better. It was enough of a miracle that Robert was actually expressing his emotions so boldy for once, instead of Aaron having to drag whatever he was feeling out of him. Aaron was also glad it was different from earlier, yes, Robert had cried but had quickly walked away from him, now he was actively seeking his husband’s comfort. They stayed like that, just holding each other for a while longer. Robert clearly not ready to let go just yet and Aaron wouldn’t dream of being the one letting go first. After a while he heard a sigh and felt Robert putting some space between them.

Robert reached for his hand and squeezed “thank you, for whatever you said to Vic earlier, I’ve really messed up so I don’t really deserve her giving me another chance” he sadly shrugged.

“Don’t be silly, of course you do, Robert she loves you and I think it coming from me was just that bit different. I just told her the truth, that yes maybe it was stupid but it all came from a good place, you just wanted to help because you can’t stand sitting around doing nothing when people you care about are hurting.”

“I don’t think she really likes me though, maybe ever.” Robert laughed shaking his head slightly and Aaron frowned. “That’s ridiculous, of course she does she loves you and she might be annoyed at you for a few more days but she knows you love her and you’re going to back off now aren’t ya, no more deciding for her, it will be okay.”

“I think she just puts up with me, you’re so much better at this and I am so glad she has you too, but I think she thinks she just needs my support because I am her brother you know? I am pretty useless, but the only real blood relation and all that.” Aaron was at a loss for words for a few seconds not sure where this had all come from so suddenly. He started shaking his head “Robert- please don’t think like that. Vic needs you so much, and she knows you, she knows that you only meant well. Hey, who dropped everything to take her to France to get away from it all, who is always checking up on her and chatting to her about childhood memories how hard it may be for you, the both of you.” Aaron bumped Robert’s shoulder and was relieved to see a real smile spreading on his husband’s face. “Yes, you are her brother by blood, but it’s much more important that you act like one and you do, even if you’re a bit stupid sometimes. She needs you Robert. Please don’t ever think otherwise. About anyone for that matter, we all need ya alright?”

Robert nodded shakily, tears glistening in his eyes. He had a soft smile on his face and Aaron knew that that had been what his husband had needed to hear.

“You’re amazing” he whispered, Aaron rolled his eyes, shuffling forward to place a kiss on Robert’s forehead. “We’ve established you are too” he countered with a bright and easy smile on his face, the relief he felt because his words had managed to make his husband feel better about himself almost overwhelming.

“But still, thank you for talking to Vic it means so much.”

You don’t have to thank me at all Rob- I just wanted you to feel better. I hate seeing you down and quiet, don’t like the thought of you beating yourself up either. I care about you and your wellbeing, you know also mentally.” Aaron said, voice going softer at the last part. “That’s why we need to keep doing this yeah? Just talking to each other, you know you can come and find me anytime, to talk about anything.”

“You will get sick of me at some point if I keep crying on ya.” Robert laughed but Aaron wasn’t going to take that comment as a joke. He put his hands on Robert’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes “you know that could never happen, I am in this always and I want you to be happy Robert, the thought of you suffering on your own is horrible." Aaron heard his own voice cracking and Robert looked alarmed  “Aaron, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Aaron shook his head, smiling slightly “you haven’t Rob- I just worry that ya bottle stuff up sometimes or convince yourself of things that just aren’t true.”

“Yeah, I know- love you Aaron.” Robert mumbled,  tears still glistening in his eyes. He then went to move to lay his head down on his cushion, settling down properly this time and Aaron followed him so that they were face to face once again.

“You’re not even ready for bed yet.” Robert smiled. “You want to go to sleep?” Aaron asked him softly. His husband shrugged and then shook his head. “No just want to lie like this for a while.” Aaron nodded, happy to stay up to whatever hour just talking to his husband.

“I didn’t go to the pub this afternoon.” Robert said after a few moments, breaking the silence.

“I know”

“How?”

“Kind of had a feeling you weren’t really in the mood to be in the pub on your own- that and Vic let slip that she had already been over there- uh to visit Jack- when I suggested her going there you know, to clear her head or whatever after tea.- The graveyard I mean.” Aaron rambled.

“Oh right.”

“Are you okay? I mean you hadn’t visited him in a while.” Aaron struggled to find the right words, didn’t want to push Robert. Jack was a topic Aaron had to tread around carefully, he didn’t want Robert to go into his head thinking about all his feelings involving his dad, but he didn’t want to force him to talk either if he wasn’t up to it.

“No, Vic hadn’t either.” Robert replied not looking him in the eyes and Aaron started to run a hand through the older man’s hair. “I’m alright though.”

“Hmm” Aaron replied unconvinced. “Why did you decide to visit him today?”

“It just felt right.”

Aaron sighed, he knew why, he could read Robert like a book and it wasn't as if the blond didn't know that himself. “I know it’s because you felt you had to, because you feel you’re letting people down isn’t it?” It was often the reason his husband would visit Jack, while Robert visited Sarah a lot more, not only when he was upset but also when he just wanted to share the good bits of his, their, life together.

“Maybe” Robert shrugged not denying it but clearly not wanting to get into it.

“Rob- I am obviously not going to tell you when to visit your dad but it’s just- if it is because you feel like you have let Vic or 'im down that’s not true yeah? Making mistakes doesn’t make you unworthy of love. Everyone makes mistakes.” Robert looked up at him eyes widening and filling with tears. It looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t manage it. Aaron continued running a hand through his hair, giving Robert a chance to gather his thoughts.

“Thank you for all of this- I’ve never-” Robert shook his hand clearly not sure how to get the words out. “Just thank you I guess, for always being on my side.”

Aaron smiled “of course, what’s a husband for ey?”

“I really want to start getting back to normal- it’s what Vic wants but I also feel I’ve just been all over the place. You having to constantly put up with me- I miss us.”

“Hey no- Rob, when I said that it would help us I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I also don’t put up with you- I love you and I love Vic and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else than be here- for the both of you, even if I have to make sure you don’t do stupid stuff. But I am definitely not against focusing on us again a bit more” he grinned and Robert mirrored his expression before his voice went unsure again “so we’re okay yeah?”

“We’re more than okay Rob, I promise. As long as we keep doing this.”

Robert smiled, one that actually reached his eyes “yeah it’s not half bad this communication malarkey is it?, Especially if I get some cuddles out of it.”

“Oi, we always cuddle.”

“Yeah we do, nowadays anyway.” Robert chuckled

“I don’t hear you complaining”

“Definitely not, I want a cuddle now.” Aaron rolled his eyes “I am still in my clothes.”

“Doesn’t matter, just come here.” Robert tugged him closer to him and Aaron could hear him whispering another thank you. They both settled into a position which basically involved clutching one another tightly, Robert's face shoved into the crook of Aaron’s neck once again, an arm thrown over his stomach. Aaron sighed contently, relishing in the feeling that he had managed to make his husband feel better about himself, about Vic and about them. His jeans were starting to dig uncomfortably into his skin but it didn’t matter much, not now he could hear the other man’s soft and calm breathing, a sign that he had fallen asleep. There was no way Aaron was going to disturb him, knowing his husband needed all the sleep he could get after the couple of weeks he had had.

“I love you” Aaron whispered before carefully moving to kiss his husband’s forehead and letting their heads rest against each other.

All was right again.

#wow is that me writing fic again #me writing about robron being a team like they are not about to be ripped apart #sounds about right #anyways! this is a very belated missing scene fic #i feel very out of practice but i hope some of you enjoy either way:) #mary writes fic #robron fics