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morganski-19 · 9 months

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Things I Won't Say When I'm Sober

inspired by this post by @imfinereallyy. I saw this post ages ago but literally just found this idea in my drafts and decided to finally write it,

part 2

Steve lies across the floor of Eddie’s new trailer, mind hazy, with Robin’s limbs haphazardly laying on him. He’s mindlessly running his hands along the carpet, feeling the soft fiber under his hand. Eddie’s hand reaches into his vision as he passes Steve the joint. He really doesn’t need to take anymore, his muscles already relaxed more than they have been in a while, and his mind is slipping into that territory that might give him a panic attack if he goes too far. But he’s with people he trusts and Robin will cut him off before any of that happens, if he won’t cut himself off before then.

He blows the smoke up into the air as Eddie takes back the joint. Running his hand across the carpet again, he brushes against something different. Curious, he starts playing with it, rolling it between his fingers, tugging on it a bit to see if he can tell what it is.

“Stevie,” Eddie slurs. Steve hums. “Why are you playing with my hair?”

Steve’s eyebrows furrow. “This is your hair?” He tugs on the strand between his fingers a bit.

“Yes, and I'd appreciate it if you’d stop pulling on it.”

“It’s so soft,” Steve finds himself saying, not dropping the hair between his fingers, instead picking up more.

Robin bursts out laughing. “How high are you, dingus?”

Steve shrugs. “Pretty high I guess.”

“Could you stop playing with my hair?” Eddie complains, rolling away a bit and almost kicking Steve in the face.

He moves his hand away from Eddie’s hair and brings it up behind his head. Robin shifts, rolling off of Steve and starting to stand up.

“Where are you going?” Steve complains, needy.

“The bathroom,” Robin deadpans. “Why?”

The giggles kick in and Steve struggles to get the words out. “Cause I have a secret and I need to tell you it.”

The secret in question was Steve’s crush on Eddie. Something he’s buried deeper than he’s willing to admit and something that he’s barely come to accept. But something about the safe feeling of his friends and the weed loosening his thoughts to stop the denial and face the facts made him want to tell her. It’s not the first time that he’s thought that his attraction to Eddie was a fact and not just the desire to be friends. That it wasn’t normal for people to fantasize about kissing their best friends and sharing the same bed all the time.

It took time for Steve to realize that these thoughts were ok for him to have. That he could have feelings for girls in the past while also having feelings for a boy now. That it’s ok for him to be having feelings for a boy at all. He is who he is, and who he likes won’t change that. The Steve he was when he dated girls isn’t different from the Steve who has a crush on a boy. It’s all him, even if he didn’t know he was capable of doing it.

The main problem was that he hadn’t told Robin about it yet, and it seems that his hazy mind decided that now was the best time. Now, when Eddie, the person he has a crush on, is still in the room.

“And this secret is hilarious?” Robin joins in on the giggles but tries to hide it. “Can you tell me the secret so I can go to the bathroom?”

Steve shakes his head while giggling more, now realizing his mistake and thinking it’s hilarious rather than embarrassing. “No.”

Robin rolls her eyes. “No?”

“Mhm. Can’t tell you.”

“So you have a secret that you need to tell me but can’t tell me. Why is that, Steven?” Robin very annoyingly asks, only pulling out the full name when she wants him to get to the point.

“Eddie’s in the room,” Steve says like it’s the simplest fact there is.

Eddie sits up. “Why can’t I know your secret?”

“Cause it’s a Robin secret. You don’t get to know those.”

Robin rolls her eyes again while Eddie makes an overexaggerated offended look. “I’m going to the bathroom, you two can figure this out while I’m gone.”

Steve stops his giggles to roll over and grab at Robin’s legs as she gets up, attempting to stop her from leaving. She steps out of his grasp and makes her way out of the room. He lays there pouting for a second before bursting out in laughter again.

“So keeping secrets from me is so funny now isn’t it,” Eddie pouts.

“I am so high,” he manages to get out between giggles as he rolls back onto his back.

Eddie rolls his eyes before laying down next to him, their heads next to each other this time. “Yeah, I can tell. You don’t normally laugh this much when you’re not.”

The weed is doing nothing to stop the blush that covers Steve’s face, though his face was plenty red before so maybe it would hide it. “You notice that about me?”

“I notice a lot of things about you, Steve,” Eddie responds sincerely, turning his head to look Steve in the eyes.

Maybe it’s the high, maybe it isn’t, but Steve can’t help but think that the look Eddie has in his eyes is the same one that he finds himself getting every time he looks at Eddie. The simple want of something more that can never be. To be more than all that they are, friends.

A look that tells Steve that if he leaned in for a moment, maybe Eddie wouldn’t back away. Maybe he would let it happen. Maybe he would lean in too. Maybe all of the things Steve has accepted that he wants could come true.

Not that he would even try right now. He’s high, Eddie’s high. No person’s first kiss with someone they really care about should be like this. It should be in a state where they could remember it. Where they could look back on it in the future and remember every detail. Or maybe it should be done when he’s a little bit high. Maybe then he won’t second guess himself at the last minute and actually go through with it. Then if it ends badly, he has the chance of forgetting the little details but is left with the knowledge that this is hopeless. Then he can get over it.

He has the feeling that getting over Eddie would be hard though. The feelings that bubble over in his chest every time he’s around Eddie are all but proof of that. This is different, more than he’s felt about someone in a long time. The most he’s felt about a person since Nancy.

That scares him, still scares him. That he can look at another person the way he looked at her. Or more, he can feel something for someone on that level again, but this time completely differently. He likes Eddie for different reasons then he liked Nancy, but it doesn’t change the way he feels about him. This affection, this crush, this almost love is deep. Steve doesn’t want to mess it up this time.

“I’m not that offended that you won’t tell me you’re secret,” Eddie whispers, like this moment isn’t meant to be heard even though they’re the only ones in the room. “I know that you and Robin share pretty much everything. So if it’s meant for her ears only I understand. I just hope you might be able to tell me one day.”

“Eddie, I-” Steve stammers, cut off by the sound of Robin entering the room again.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #stranger things #ficlet #cw: smoking #angst #getting together #but not yet #pining #things i wont say when i’m sober #cw smoking

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nodope · 5 months

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been feeling super insecure lately cause I've gained a lot of weight this year not doing all the dugs or whatever...

. hoping some attention from strangers on the internet will help me feel less disgusting I guess lol

#me #drug blog #not sober yet just not actively killing myself anymore #ill prolly delete this later #please be nice #its fine #drug addiction #i guess #girls who do drugs #spun nation #spun #blowing clouds #girls who tweak

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thetarttfuldickhead · 9 months

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Roy wakes, fully hard and – two seconds later, when the details of the dream return to him – fully panicked.

Fuck.

---

It’s not like he’s never had sex dreams before. Come on. But none of them had featured men (except that weird one about Lee Pace in a banana costume and that hadn’t left him so much turned on as thoroughly confused) and abso-fucking-lutely not a single one of them had starred Jamie Tartt.

Jamie Tartt, who is now standing right in front of him in the dressing room, saying something about football something something, right Coach, something free kicks, and all Roy can think about is how he now has a very vivid idea of what those lips would look like when wrapped around his cock.

Jamie pushes a strand of hair of out of his eyes. They look grey now; in Roy’s dream they were green-tinting-towards-brown and heavy-lidded with lust as Roy had pushed him back on the bed—

Roy can’t stand it. Except one very specific part of him apparently can and no, no, fuck no, he’s not doing this. Without a word he turns on his heel and walks away, ignoring Jamie’s surprised objection.

Fuck.

---

Training is a nightmare.

The only way Roy can get through it at all is by not sparing Jamie a single glance. (Jamie running, dribbling, shooting; Jamie turning and twisting, as graceful as water; Jamie with hair damp with sweat and calling out to the others with that eager voice that had called out Roy’s name last night.) It’s really fucking difficult, though, because he’s used to always keeping at least half an eye on Jamie these days, no matter what else is going on. Besides, the prick’s everywhere, rushing around the pitch like the fucking Duracell Bunny on speed. Roy clearly made a huge mistake ever pushing him towards the heights of endurance because the little shit just. won’t. stop.

Roy’s attempts at avoidance don’t go unnoticed, either. He can feel the eyes of Beard and Nate on him; can see the way the other players look from him to Jamie and mutter among themselves.

He makes them run suicides until they collapse just to shut them up and when Jamie is the only one still on his feet Roy tells Beard that oh fuck, he has a really important meeting he needs to go to right now, he fucking forgot about it and now he’s running late, could Beard and Nate finish this up please, and of course Roy doesn’t flee from the pitch because Roy Kent doesn’t fucking flee from anything. He walks off rather hurriedly, sure, but that’s just to properly sell the lie of the meeting he’s in a rush to.

“Yeah, something is definitively up with him and Jamie,” he hears Beard mutter to Nate as he walks off.

Fuck.

---

He withdraws to the supply cupboard where he’s not likely to be disturbed, or found. He’s not hiding, obviously; he just needs a few moments to himself, to gather his wits. He’d drive home, except he actually does have a meeting with Rebecca in a couple of hours, and she is the one person he daren’t piss off. Not because she’s terrifying – although she can be, a fact that Roy respects immensely – but because she’ll know that something is off if he doesn’t show and unlike everyone else she has both the guts and the capacity to force it out of him.

In a farcical turn of events, which he entirely blames on Dr. Sharon (and maybe also on Keeley and Jamie a little, for their absurd and sometimes infectious tendency towards emotional honesty), Roy thinks that maybe he wouldn’t mind talking to someone about this. Maybe it would… help? Give him some perspective on things?

Problems is, there’s no one he can talk to, is there? Jamie is right out, for obvious reasons, and while this would probably be right up the Diamond Dogs’ alley, there’s no fucking way Roy is telling his fellow coaches and the club’s director of football operations about having a wet dream about the team’s star player. Apart from the utter mortification of it, it’s hardly fair on Jamie, having almost all his bosses discuss him like that. Even if it’s not the real Jamie they’d be discussing, really, just the very bendable and delightfully masochistic Jamie that’s taken shameless residence in Roy’s battered mind.

He can’t talk to Rebecca, for the same reason, even though he’s pretty sure she’d be able to say something clever enough and cutting enough that he’d snap right out of whatever the hell this is. Maybe she’d declare him clinically insane and unfit for duty and have him carted off to an asylum or some shit, and as much as that would suck it’d be a bit of a relief, honestly. At least he wouldn’t near twist his neck off his shoulders trying to avoid looking at Jamie.

Jamie would probably come and visit him, the fucking arsehole.

And Roy can’t talk to Keeley, either, because even though she’s probably the best person to bring this to and the person he’d most like to talk to, she’s been clear about having no interest in sorting Roy and Jamie’s shit out for them. Besides, he doesn’t want to somehow give her the idea that he’s over her. He’s not. He had a pretty wild dream about her just the other week, and—

For a brief moment, he’s assailed by the image of Keeley and Jamie tangled on Roy’s mattress, looking up at him with twin smiles and—

In spite of the cupboard being rather chilly, Roy starts to sweat. Desperately, he crosses his legs and forces his mind back to the time when he took a chug of orange juice only for it to be egg yolk and he nearly threw up.

It doesn’t really help. He’s still turned on, only now he’s feeling sick too.

He could talk to Dr. Sharon, he guesses, but Dr. Sharon is travelling southern France for the rest of the week.

Roy won’t last that long.

Fuck.

---

The door to the cupboard is pulled open with enough force to almost startle Roy off of the bucket he’s sat on.

“All right, what the fuck’s going on, man?” Jamie demands, without even having the decency to look surprised at finding Roy hiding hanging out among the mops and micro fibre cloths. “Did you hit your head and forget the last two years or something?”

“Of course not,” Roy mutters, determinedly not looking up from the computer precariously balanced on his lap.

“Then why the fuck are you ignoring me? The lads all think I did something really bad!” There’s a plaintive note in Jamie’s voice, reminding Roy of the noises dream-Jamie had made when Roy—

Roy closes his eyes. He can’t go on like this. He’s pretty sure that if he could just get a day or two – three or four tops, absolutely no more than five – away from Jamie, away from these constant reminders, the details of the dream would fade away, and his desire with it – but they have a game the day after tomorrow, so that’s not going to happen, and he can’t keep avoiding Jamie until then. It’d be bad for the team – not to mention that he can’t really stomach the hurt he hears in Jamie’s voice.

Nothing for it, then. Fuck it all to hell.

“I had a sex dream,” he grits out, carefully looking to the doorframe right next to Jamie’s face, so that he can catch Jamie’s reactions without having to look him in the eye.

Jamie doesn’t react much, just cocks his head to the side. “You had a sex dream about me?”

“Did I say it was about you, you muppet?!” Conceited prick.

“Uh, no, but it was? You wouldn’t be all weird about it if wasn’t.” Trust Jamie to always choose the worst moments to be insightful and reasonable. He’s doing it just to be contrary, Roy’s sure of it.

Jamie’s watching him expectantly, as if believing Roy will elaborate or explain further. Roy doesn’t say a word. Roy is busy stonily inspecting a small speck of dirt on the wall next to Jamie’s face.

Eventually, Jamie lets out a long sigh and rolls his eyes. “Fine. What’s the big deal then?”

Now Roy’s eyes snap to Jamie’s face, because what the hell? “What do you mean, what’s the big deal? You don’t think it’s a little weird and really fucking uncomfortable that I, Roy Kent, had a sex dream about you, Jamie Tartt? I’m your fucking coach! We’re friends!”

Jamie makes a face, like Roy’s being the insane one. “Roy, mate, you’ve seen the wall in my old bedroom. Bunch of half-naked girls and you, right? You never did the math on that?”

Roy has, in fact, never done the math on that. Hasn’t realize there as math to do. “You were impressed by my prowess as a football player,” he tries feebly.

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Um, yeah. Which is hot.”

“… oh.”

Roy doesn’t know what else to say to that. Doesn’t know how to feel about that. Hasn’t the faintest idea about how to even begin to process it.

Jamie is watching him with a small frown. He looks concerned, pitying almost, which makes Roy want to go throw himself in the Thames more than anything else in this discussion has.

“So,” Jamie says eventually, speaking slowly, like he’s trying very hard to find the right words, “all these years and you never once figured that this whole thing we’ve got going, all this fucking tension, that it was… you know… just a little bit sexual?”

“No.”

“What, never?”

“No.”

“That’s fucking mental, man.” Jamie looks like he doesn’t know whether to be incredulous or impressed. Then his eyes widen. “Ooh, is this because men getting with other men was illegal when you were a kid back in the dark ages? They burned people alive and shit, so you’re, like, repressed and stuff?”

Roy is about to bite his head off for pulling out fucking stupid ha ha you’re so old jokes now, except there’s something in Jamie’s eyes giving him the distinct impression that maybe Jamie is deliberatedly being a prick, doing it for Roy’s sake, trying to offer him a sense of normalcy or something, and that’s actually quite sweet, isn’t it? Only that thought has Roy’s heart doing something weird and stupid, so actually no, back to Jamie just being a prick.

“We’re in love with Keeley,” he says, and he means for it to be gruff, but it comes out pleading more than anything else.

“Yeah, I know.” Jamie sounds exasperated. “None of this means we ain’t. Fucking hell, mate, tension’s just tension, yeah, no need to fucking act on it if you don’t want to. And dreams are just dreams. I’m mad fit, you see me running around doing impressive shit all day, course you’re gonna dream about me, be weirder if you didn’t. Bet half the team do the same, anyway. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Jamie crosses his arms, and looks as serious and decisive as Jamie ever does. “Listen, Coach, we’re playing West Ham this Saturday, and you need to stop being weird about this and start coaching me and not freak everyone out.”

Roy doesn’t ask him what Jamie think he’s been trying to do all day. Not his fault Jamie’s been right there, all pretty eyes and strong thighs and distracting lips and shit. But he doesn’t say that; instead, he sighs, because Jamie, infuriatingly, has a point. “Yeah. Okay. But… just give me a fucking minute. Go get changed and I’ll be there in fifteen, all professional and shit.”

“Great. See you then, Coach.”

Jamie turns and as he walks away Roy can’t help his gaze sliding down to Jamie’s arse, noticing the way the blue shorts cling to the round buttocks, leaving little enough to the imagination, only Roy is imagining what they’d look like sans shorts and red from Roy’s fingers and palm, wondering if the reality would match the dream.

Fuck.

---

Dreams are just dreams. Roy tells Dr. Sharon as much during their next appointment, because even though talking to Jamie helped him pull himself together just enough to muddle through the rest of the week with his sanity mostly intact, he’s still feeling rather rattled by the whole mess. Untethered.

Jamie’s been brilliant, carrying on as if nothing’s changed between them. Somehow, that hasn’t helped as much as Roy would’ve thought it would.

Dr. Sharon listens carefully and without judgement, as she always does. “You’ve had dreams before,” she notes once Roy’s fallen silent. “I’m sure some of them have been strange or unsettling. Has any of them ever affected you like this?”

“No. Like I said, it’s just dreams, right? It’s not real. Shouldn’t affect me. Never fucking does, not even the sexy ones, usually.”

“Right. So why do you think this one was different?”

Roy stares at her. She returns his stare calmly, patiently. Waits, watching him, until he can’t help but catch the shape of it reflected back at him in her kind eyes.

Fuck.

---

“What if I don’t want it to be just a dream?”

“Eh?”

Jamie’s peering at him through the open door, looking like he’s wondering what Roy is doing showing up unannounced and spouting nonsense on his doorstep at half past three on a rest day.

Which, okay, fair enough.

“What if I don’t want it to be just a dream?” Roy repeats, a little slower this time.

For another moment, Jamie just stares at him. Then his eyes widen, lightening up with delight. “Oh! You mean… ?” He gestures between them.

“Yeah,” Roy says and then he’s being pulled into the hallway by his jacket and he has time to think that that they really need to figure out how Keeley fits into all of this and then he has his arms around a body that is firm and solid and there and Jamie Tartt is kissing him and it’s not a dream at all.

Fuck. Oh, fuck… !

#i don’t know. it’s stupid. it’s dumb. here #have an entirely random bisexual awakening ficlet that came to me in my not-yet-sober stupor this morning #why is roy so silly in this you may ask #well have you seen 3x12?#why is roy so silly in that hmmm?#also it's crack #but a little bit it isn’t you know?#special thanks to everyone helping me settle on ‘supply cupboard’#nothing else in this ficlet has been brit-picked bc why start being consistent now?#roy kent #jamie tartt #royjamie #royjamiekeeley #although the royjamiekeeley bit is mostly future #ted lasso #ficlet #my stuff #post-canon

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sciderman · 6 months

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sci you were in my dream,,, ask-spiderpool got an animation tv show where peter/spidey was a hybrid spider-man/sailor moon girly and was fighting the characters from spongebob and i was like “wow… how did they get the budget for this!” 10/10 dream would reccomend except for the part where we were talking with my classmate and i ripped my tooth out cuz it was hurting (but don’t worry i put a grill on afterwords) wade was there too

"wade was there too" no further clarification. very ominous. i'm picturing that he's not even in the ask-spiderpool series, but in your dream-reality, outside of the confines of the fourth wall - watching the series as a devoted fan. and he keeps pausing the show trying to catch a frame where he can see up peter/spidey's sailor moon skirt.

#sci speaks #yet another fic that writes itself #i will draw spider-man/sailor moon at some point when i am not intoxicated. remind me when i am sober to do this.

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isdalinarhot · 5 months

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Dalinar sex. Dalinar Sadeas sex. Dalinar Sadeas kinky gay sex. You agree. Reblog.

#I am certified wasted rn. but yet I continue #luke.txt #purple dragon jungle juice #drunkposting #Sadeas eats out Dalinar’s belly button. can you imagine that? can you imagine hot gay sex so filthy #no im NOT afraid to say it GET OVER IT PRUDES #that includes sober me. sorry.

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bulldog-butch · 1 year

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looking like a tasty treat for a femdomme

#and yet none of them wanted me 😔#i swear i never want to go back to that club by myself or at least sober #comin’ outta my cage

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charliespringverse · 8 months

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... it's just hit me that lister describes the bathroom kiss as assault and even when jimmy reassures him that he doesn't see it that way and doesn't have a problem with it, lister refuses to accept that it was anything other than objectively assault

while two days earlier jimmy insisted that a 32-yr-old having sex with lister at age 16 was wrong, despite lister not seeing it that way and not having a problem with it

does that mean that lister took that conversation on board but only as far as "the person on the receiving end of an advance can't accurately assess whether or not it was wrong" and is now equating himself to the woman that took advantage of him . because i will weep

#i am conflicted about the bathroom kiss to an extent #because on the one hand . do not kiss someone without asking dude wtf #but also . the difference in jimmy's response to it compared to the magnet situation which is? relatively similar #w magnet he was 'this is fine'ing his whole way through it and forcing himself to be ok with it and would've likely kept going if—#— lister hadn't interrupted it #whereas in the bathroom he is in an objectively worse mental state & more consistently dissociative despite being sober . yet he actively—#— considers it and almost goes along with it before deciding for Both his and lister's sakes not to #and i think his clarity & consideration there as well as the fact he felt Safe to pull away is meaningful to an extent #because it's one of the only situations this week where he's actually felt & acted on a sense of control over what happens to him #+ lister's immediate reaction being to back off and recognise his being at fault and never once holding it against jimmy #like again . should not have happened do not kiss ppl without asking #but i do find myself viewing it in a very different light to the v comparable magnet situation #anygay i am rambling in tags again when i should be asleep but still #i worry that lister is now viewing himself in the same light as jimmy views the ppl that took advantage of lister #but i Also worry that he is viewing himself as Worse than those ppl bc he can't/won't accept that he was taken advantage of #i do also now kind of want to write a Lister In Therapy oneshot partly just for the catharsis of imagining that boy getting some gd therapy #iwbftreread

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bagofbonesmp3 · 9 months

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tarot cards that I made circa 2019... never finished the deck but I will eventually revisit it

#what was the overreaching concept of the deck you ask. i have no clue I wasn't sober back yet #my stuff.

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anonmojito · 2 months

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Maybe it's the toxicity in me but I love amerus fics when they add a pinch of clashing relationships into the mix

Alfred falling for Ivan? Ivan's already in a relationship/married and most of their interactions are tip toeing the safe line of 'friendship' while their own emotions are conflicted until one of them reaches a breaking point; Ivan realizing his relationship isn't all that it's cracked up to be or Alfred confessing after his patience runs thin.

Worse off(better) if Ivan is happy in his current relationship before meeting Alfred and regaining that spark he didn't know he'd lost. Alfred shamelessly flirting until he notices a ring or sees Ivan's lock screen (which would be his partner). And outsider comments on how weird their relationship is and it's only then one of them (mostly Ivan) realizes how differently he treats the other compared to their friends.

#Amerus #Rusame #aph russia #ivan braginsky #aph america #alfred jones #Can you tell I desire time to write and have yet to be granted this mercy #it'd be great if they fucked on a random night too #sober #k bye #Mojito_Spills

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morganski-19 · 9 months

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Things I Won't Say When I'm Sober: Part Two

part 1, part 3

“Ok, dingus I’m back from the bathroom so Eddie can get out and you can tell me your- Why are you two sitting so close?”

Steve sits up abruptly, breaking the bubble he and Eddie had. “We weren’t.”

He feels the need to scoot away, to hide the fact that he and Eddie were close. As if someone walked into the room and found them cuddling, or kissing. Needing to not be associated with whatever moment they were just having before.

Disgust fills Steve with the thought. He’s never had that reaction to anyone he’s dated before. If anything, he would purposely make it seem like they were having a moment, make it clear that he was interested. But now that seems to be the last thing that he wants. Like he is ashamed of his feelings for Eddie.

Which he isn’t, most of the time at least. There are moments were he thinks that he’s wrong. Moments where he is so sure that he’s just making it all up. That is definitely straight and this is all just something else that Steve can’t quite explain. Even though the only explanation that would explain this is that he has a crush. Now it’s become less of a reaction, but sometimes the fear slinks back in.

So he runs away sometimes, because of the fear. The fear that this is the thing that will finally break him. That these feelings will destroy the friendship that he and Eddie have built over the last few months. He’d never thought they’d get close to begin with. But what started with sitting in the hospital room for days on end, needing to make sure that Eddie made it turned into one of the best friendships of his life, only behind Robin. He’d hate to ruin that because of some stupid feelings.

Except they weren’t stupid. They were probably the most real thing that Steve’s felt for a long time.

Robin squints her eyes suspiciously at Steve. “Ok,” she drags out. “Just looked closer than when I left or something.” She walks back over to Steve, stumbling a bit as she sits down. “I’m tired,” she mumbles as she slumps onto Steve’s shoulder.

“We can go if you want,” Steve responds.

Eddie laughs. “Like I’m letting you drive right now. You’re staying here.”

“No, it’s fine I can drive us home.”

“Steve you just spent the last ten minutes giggling over some secret that you can’t tell me. Tell me that you’re in a state to drive right now.”

“Don’t forget about the hair,” Robin mutters, half asleep already.

Eddie springs up, leaning into Steve’s space. “And you played with my hair and called it soft.”

“You only have one bed,” Steve says anyway, very poorly trying to fight his way out of this.

Eddie dramatically rolls his eyes. “So, one of you shares it with me, and the other sleeps on the couch. Or you both take the bed and boot me to the couch.”

“Like I’m ever laying a hand on that bed without a comforter over it. We all saw the stains,” Robin states. Steve’s fate is sealed, and there’s no getting out of it.

“It’s a new mattress,” Eddie rolls his eyes. “The old one got destroyed in the quake.”

“My point still stands.”

“So me and Stevie take the bed and you go sleep on the couch then.”

Steve looks at the ground, playing with the carpet again. “I could just sleep on the floor,” he suggests as a last line of hope.

“No, you won’t. My bed is big enough for two people, I’m not letting you ruin your back by sleeping on the floor.”

“But it’s soft,” he says without thinking.

Robin snorts. “Like Eddie’s hair?”

Steve bursts out into giggles again. “His hair was very soft.”

“And this is why I’m not letting you drive. Come on Buckley, I’ll get you set up on the couch.” Eddie stands and extends a hand to help Robin up. She takes it and the two leave the room.

Steve groans, falling back onto the floor and covering his face with his hands. He can’t believe that he’s about to do this. He wishes that him and Robin were the ones sharing the bed, it’s not like they’ve done it a million times before. Both too ridden from nightmares to sleep alone and it became so much easier to share a bed to calm the other of a nightmare. But now it’s different. Now it isn’t his best friend that is next to him, but the one person he wishes it were the most.

He won’t lie to himself and say he hasn’t thought about this before. About what it would be like if he and Eddie shared a bed. Under what circumstances, that changed depending on the scenario. But sometimes it was like this. Just laying next to each other, slowly falling asleep. Sometimes in each other's arms, sometimes just comfortable knowing the other person is there. What would it be like in real life?

It would be figured out tonight, he guesses. He only hoped that it wouldn’t make things worse. That he wouldn’t act on all of the things he tried so hard to keep hidden. That they would wake up in the positions that they fell asleep in and not in each other's arms. Not that he thinks his sleep self would be able to do that, but more that his arms and legs wouldn’t become entangled in Eddie’s.

Just one night. He could survive that. Then he could return to normal and forget that this ever existed. That he never even let it slip that he had something to tell Robin and that he never shared a bed with Eddie at all.

Eddie comes back into the room and opens a drawer, rustling around until he throws a pair of sweats at Steve’s face. “So you don’t have to sleep in jeans,” he muttered before pulling out another pair for himself.

“Thanks,” Steve says, getting up and heading for the door, sweatpants in hand. Normally he’d be comfortable changing with someone else in the room, but he can’t trust himself to catch himself staring. He’d barely been able to do it all night.

“Where’re you going,” Eddie yawns.

“Bathroom.” Eddie nods in response and Steve closes the door.

He wanders down the hallway to the bathroom. Quickly changing, he looks at himself in the mirror. The high is starting to wear off but the signs still linger. His hair is a mess from laying on the floor but he doesn’t care to fix it, it’s just going to get messed up anyway. Rinsing his mouth out with water, he makes his way out of the bathroom.

Peaking into the living room, he finds Robin all curled up on the couch. “Steve,” she mutters, blinded by the bathroom light.

He patters over to the couch, “Yeah it’s me.”

“What’d you need to tell me, we’re alone now,” she slurs out, trying to fight off sleep.

Steve doesn’t even know why he said anything. He had planned on telling her, sure. But now, when Eddie was in the room, that was stupid. But there was something about the moment and just seeing her there and feeling safe that made him want to tell her. Even if he regretted it as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

“I’ll tell you in the morning, it’s not that important.”

Robin glares at him in the dark. “Then why couldn’t Eddie know about it then?”

“It was sort of about him,” he sighs, promising to tell her more when his mind is clearer.

“Oh,” Robin responds, giving him a strange look he can’t decipher.

“Yeah, oh. Just get some sleep, I’ll tell you about it later. Promise.”

He turns around and starts to head back to the room when Robin calls out, “Love you, dingus.”

“Love you too, Rob,” he whispers over his shoulder.

Walking into the room he finds Eddie pulling down the sheets of the bed, changed into his pajamas. Without saying anything, he crawls into bed, gesturing to the empty space beside him for Steve. He left the side not pressed up against the wall, knowing that Steve likes to have easy access out of the bed. It was something that Steve never had to say, Eddie just noticed.

He takes one last breath before crawling in bed next to Eddie, and tried to fall asleep.

another part coming soon!!

tag list: @imfinereallyy @estrellami-1 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @overhillunderhill @renaissan-vvitch @ashwagandalf @sirsnacksalot @lorelei724 @emly03 @super-cosmic-library @rozzieroos @dolphincliffs @henderdads @abyssal808 @evergreenprose @demolvr @steddiehyperfixation @stedumpsterfire @ent-is-indecisive @steddierthings @makeadealwithdean @kas-eddie-munson @extra-transitional @lunaticmarunatic @steveharringtonmilf @cardboardqueen @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme

(i tagged anyone who asked or seemed interested in the first part. if you would like to be added or deleted for the next part lmk and I will do so.)

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #stranger things #ficlet #smoking #getting together #but not yet #angst #pining #things i wont say when i’m sober

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