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hgfictionwriter · 2 months

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Getaway - Part Two

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: It's the morning after. Will Jessie finally get her wish or is she just fooling herself?

A/N: Shy, awkward Jessie meets angsty, sulking Jessie. Fluff with a bit of angst. No other warnings. Final part of this series.

Despite her intentions, sleep evaded Jessie as her mind raced with reflections of the night. In time she admitted defeat and upon hearing rustling in the adjacent rooms, a sign that Niamh was getting up, Jessie head downstairs to start making breakfast. It was going to be a long day.

The girls were gathered around the kitchen table mid-breakfast and chatting idly when you eventually appeared. Even with how preoccupied Jessie had been with analysis of last night and attempts to figure out how to navigate things, she didn't feel prepared. Her pulse immediately quickened, and she averted her gaze the moment you two locked eyes. She relaxed her shoulders in an attempt to collect herself.

“Morning, sunshine," Niamh called. "How'd you sleep?"

"Morning, starshine," you returned with a teasing wink at your friend. "I slept great, thanks. How about all of you?" You responded as you sat down and began to load food onto your plate.

While conversation had ensued, Jessie had snuck over to the kitchen and returned to set down a cup of coffee in front of you with zero fanfare, still avoiding eye contact. Your gaze followed her as she scurried walked back over to her spot at the other end of the table.

"Oh my gosh, thank you, Jessie. I need coffee so bad right now," you said. She merely offered a tight smile as she returned her attention to her phone and the last sips of her coffee. She sunk into her chair a bit as she tried hard to ignore your eyes upon her.

"Where's my refill?" Niamh ribbed, drawing a glare from Jessie.

"Oh yeah. That'd be a slippery slope, soon I'd be doing everything," she said with a short laugh and hoped the topic would get dropped. "Besides, Y/N's our guest."

In a stark contrast to sleeping up against you a mere hours ago, Jessie now felt awkward and unsure. She resolutely avoided eye contact with you throughout all of breakfast, only now and then catching your watchful eye before immediately glancing away and busying herself otherwise.

When everyone cleaned up and headed upstairs to get ready, Jessie remained solely focused on not interacting and retreated to her room. She closed the door behind her and exhaled wearily. She had to figure out what to do because this just wasn't going to fly. She was about to start gathering items for the day when a knock came at the door. She swallowed nervously, feeling her pulse pick-up as she eyed the door.

"Come in," she said. She swallowed once more as you stepped inside, closing the door again behind you.

"Hey, I just-"

"Hey, I'm so sorry about last night." Jessie found herself talking over you, a rush of words spewing from her mouth as her nerves overwhelmed her. "I didn't mean to overstay my welcome – I didn't even realize I fell asleep. And I hope you know I really didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." She nearly needed to take a breath at the end. To her surprise, you offered a hint of a wry smile.

"I was actually going to thank you for keeping me company last night. And no, I wasn't uncomfortable at all. Seriously." You looked away with a slight shrug. "If anything, I was a little surprised to find my bed empty first thing this morning. I didn't expect that kind of thing from you."

"Oh, I-" Jessie began to stammer, cut off by you laughing and waving a hand in dismissal.

"I'm kidding. I'm just giving you a hard time." The heavy blush on Jessie's cheeks was blatant and you smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"I wouldn’t do that," Jessie clarified, her voice higher than usual as she looked distractedly to the corner of the room with a shrug of her own. "I just," she forced herself to look back at you, "I didn't know you wanted me to stay."

At this, you smiled and took a step forward, nearly causing Jessie's breath to catch.

"You are always welcome to stay. But anyway, I wanted to thank you for last night in general. I really enjoyed all of it." Jessie nodded and smiled back.

"Yeah, me too."

"I hear we're taking Vespas to this spot this morning. Can I ride with you?" You asked with a slight tilt of your head. Another blush flared out across Jessie's cheeks as she stumbled through her reply.

"Yeah, I'd love that. I mean, of course you can – I don't mind." She hid her hands behind her back as if that would make her appear more casual.

"Okay, great," you said with a nod and a lingering smile. If Jessie wasn't mistaken, you gave her a brief once over. "You'll take care of me, right?" A bright grin crossed your face; it was teasing, but it was warm and affectionate.

"Y-yeah, of course. I will," Jessie replied, doing her best to stay composed, shoulders back.

"I know," you said. "I trust you. Okay, well I'll see you downstairs." You closed out your sentence with a gentle squeeze of Jessie's arm before you turned and left.

Jessie finished getting ready, but she felt shaky and dizzy – in a great way – from the interaction you just had. She grabbed her sunglasses and hat and tossed them into her bag as a fleeting insecurity crossed her mind – what if 'company' was really all she was? That you were just lonely now that you were single. Her thoughts continued to spiral until she paused and closed her eyes, doing her best to push down those feelings; they wouldn't do her any good.

When Jessie trotted downstairs, it was just her and Niamh.

"So, late night, huh?" Niamh said with a smirk tugging at her lips. "Y/N told me you were both up super late talking in her room. Which you neglected to mention..."

"It's not a big deal," Jessie dismissed with an unconvincing frown as she crossed her arms.

"Mhm," Niamh voiced as she gave the brunette a light nudge. She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "Just tell her you like her! She's single now!"

"I-I don't like her," Jessie protested, trying to look aghast in her denial.

"Oh my God." Niamh rolled her eyes. "I've been letting you get away with hiding it for so long because, well yeah, Y/N was off the market. But she's not anymore. So make a move!"

Jessie stared at her friend for several moments as her mind processed what to do. She eventually relented.

"Yeah, but, she just got out of a long-term relationship. She's probably not ready for anything and – you know, we're friends. I don’t want to ruin that," Jessie responded, glancing back over her shoulder now and then to ensure no one was approaching. Despite being caught off guard by this conversation, a huge weight suddenly felt lifted from her shoulders at finally being able to admit to someone that she liked you.

"Just tell her. Please. It's killing me seeing you dance around her the way you do," the defender complained.

"I don't," Jessie pouted.

"Oh, you do," Niamh retorted, leaning in pointedly. "Like a love-sick puppy."

"Shut up," Jessie complained, whined even. She jumped as footsteps came from the stairs.

"Alright, we're ready," Zee said as you both jogged down the steps. Jessie nearly rolled her eyes at herself with how she went up on her tiptoes momentarily, smiled brightly and even offered a lame wave at you as you came up. Jessie blushed at the laugh that came from Niamh.

"Ready to go?" Jessie interjected, as she hastily ushered everyone outside.

Soon you all reached the rental spot, squared everything away and were ready to hit the road.

Nervous, excited energy started creeping up in Jessie again as the agent left you all to your bikes. She idly played with the helmet in her hands and worked up the courage to turn to you.

“You still good to ride with me?” She asked as nonchalantly as she could. You nodded.

“I am. If you’re still good with it too.”

I’ve been thinking about nothing but that.

“Yeah, all good,” she played off.

She set her helmet over the handle bars and reached for the one in your hand.

“Safety first,” she said as she gently placed the helmet on your head. She bit back a pleased smile as you began to blush. It gave Jessie a confidence boost. “I told you I’d take care of you, after all.” She closed the clasp and tightened the straps a touch. She finished by brushing a few strands of hair out of your face. “You’re all set. Feel okay?”

“Yeah, thank you,” you answered, a blush still lingering on your cheeks with a coy smile. It felt nice to Jessie that for once you were the one being shy.

Soon Jessie mounted the bike and got settled before shuffling forward a bit on the seat.

“Okay, hop on," she instructed.

The charm and bravado she had a few minutes prior was quickly quashed by nerves in anticipation of you straddling the seat behind her.

An immediate warmth went through Jessie as you placed a hand gingerly on her shoulder to steady yourself as you got on. She swallowed inaudibly as you settled in. Although you sat closely behind her, contact was minimal.

“You might need to hold on,” Jessie suggested. It wasn’t even a lie.

She watched out of the corner of her eye as you looked around, seemingly contemplating your options.

“I think that means I need to put my arms around you. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, that’s totally fine.”

Jessie had to stifle the way she nearly cleared her throat as your hands came around her torso, clasping your hands together to enclose your arms around her and shuffling in slightly, now brushing against her back.

“Is this okay?” You asked.

Jessie was grateful that she had the helmet on and could face forward because her face had to be beet red.

“Yeah, it’s perfect.” Perfect? Jessie nearly groaned. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

You tightened your grip slightly. “I’m good.”

Jessie bit her bottom lip, hard, as she suffocated the noise that bubbled up her throat as a small, adorable squeak escaped you and you tightened your gripped significantly on her as you started to drive.

“I’m sorry,” you said over the sound of the bike as you relaxed your grip a touch.

“Don’t worry,” Jessie called back. “Hold on as tight as you like. I don’t mind.” A smile tugged at her lips as your arms enclosed a bit tighter again.

Jessie navigated you through traffic. You chatted and joked at red lights and even though your journey just started, she already didn’t want it to end. Her jaw clenched as she struggled to remain composed as you rest your chin on her shoulder at one particular stop. It took every once of control for her to not place her hand on yours and lean back into you.

Soon you were jetting down a scenic highway and Jessie couldn’t have been much happier. She was surrounded by incredible sights, she was outdoors, and there was the small fact that the girl she loved had her arms wrapped around her as you enjoyed all of this together.

After you reached your destination and parked your bikes, you all took your belongings and began to walk around the area. Niamh and Zee naturally paired up and wandered ahead while Jessie and you hung back on your own. Jessie wasn't about to complain.

At one point, you both stopped along the shoreline and were just looking out at the ocean waves. Jessie adjusted the hat she'd brought with her and tucked her hands into her pockets as she watched the rhythmic push and pull of the water. Though you were wearing sunglasses, it was still bright enough out that you held a hand above your eyes to further shield the sun.

"Do you have a hat?" Jessie asked as she nodded to the bag hanging over your shoulders.

You turned your head to Jessie, forehead creased in a squint. "No. Not yet."

Suddenly, your hand flew up and Jessie felt her hat being plucked off her head. She didn't even have time to process, she just instinctively ran after you who was a few paces ahead, laughing and placing the hat onto your head as you ran. It only took Jessie a few quick strides to catch up to you though and found herself wrapping her arms around you to hold you in place. You squealed with a laugh, and turned in Jessie's arms, your bodies close enough that your hands came up to rest on top of Jessie's shoulders.

"I'm not sure what reality I thought I was in where I'd be able to outrun you," you joked, your cheeks flushed pink. Jessie smiled, belatedly realizing that she still had her arms around you.

"You know what? The hat looks better on you anyway," she replied as she finally let go and took a step back.

"I'm just kidding," you said as you started to take it off. Jessie reached out, hand resting on top of yours and keeping you from removing the hat.

"Seriously. Go ahead - you should wear it," Jessie continued. Your blush deepened as a smile tugged at the corner of your lips.

"Okay. If you insist," you accepted.

You two continued to idly talk and wander around, eventually catching up to Niamh and Zee. You stopped by shops, checked out landmarks, and all the while Jessie was on cloud nine. Her heart fluttered in her chest as you would stop now and then to request a selfie together - something Jessie would normally adamantly avoid, but things were different with you. And, of course, if Zee ever caught you taking a selfie, she'd stop and take a picture of you together instead. While it worked Jessie up, feeling under the microscope, those thoughts were quickly pushed from her mind whenever she felt your arm around her waist.

The day went by with moments of a lingering stare, a blush, a fleeting touch, and the odd teasing look from Niamh who watched on. When you all drove back to town it wasn’t even a question if you would ride with Jessie again and you settled into one another easily this time. If someone asked Jessie, it wasn’t just you holding on, it felt like an embrace this time. The only thing that could’ve made it better was if you two were actually together. Even if nothing came to be though, Jessie was resolute that this memory would be one she’d cherish no matter what.

When you got back into town, you walked over to a local pub to grab a late dinner. Your group took up a table towards the back of the establishment, Jessie and you taking the bench seat and sitting close enough that your legs brushed up against one another's. Jessie's faced heated up once again as she spied the smirk on Niamh's face.

"Uh, what are you going to get?" Jessie asked as she absently ran her fingers through her hair and sat up a bit to peer over at your menu as if she didn't have her own right in front of her.

"I don't know - this sandwich looks pretty good, but I'm not that hungry either," you replied, turning your head towards her.

"Oh yeah, I was looking at that too. Want to share? I'm not super hungry either," Jessie offered. She shot a dark look at Niamh who snickered from across the table.

"Something funny, Niamhie?" You asked seemingly innocently as you smiled at her.

"Nothing, love," Niamh responded with a gentle smile and returned her attention to her menu.

The night carried on and at some point Niamh and Zee found themselves at the bar chatting with a couple other tourists, leaving you and Jessie on your own.

At one point, your phones buzzed at the same time - you frowned at one another and you retrieved your phone to see what it was. After a moment you laughed and turned to look at Zee across the bar who immediately started laughing as well, obviously waiting for the two of you to react.

"Zee's been busy," you explained as you held up your phone for Jessie to see the post of the two of you looking rather cozy together and posing earlier in the day; you in Jessie's hat and all.

"Oh," Jessie commented, at a bit of a loss for words, more distracted by the butterflies in her stomach instead.

You tucked your phone away and you two continued to talk until your phone began to buzz again. Jessie didn't think much of it and you ignored it, but it soon buzzed again and you rolled your eyes, retrieving it once more.

Jessie wasn't intentionally trying to spy, but her eyes were drawn to your screen and she couldn't help but notice the name attached to the messages - your ex.

Jessie now watched intently out of the corner of her eye as you quickly flipped through the messages before exhaling heavily and sitting back against the bench.

A few awkward moments passed, neither of you speaking until Jessie's curiosity got the better of her.

"Everything good?" She tried to ask nonchalantly.

"Yeah. It's fine," you responded in a flat tone. Jessie watched as you studied the table with arms folded against your chest, deep in thought. You then suddenly seemed to become aware of Jessie's eyes on you and sat up, plastering a tight smile on your face. "Can I grab you a drink?"

"No, I'm alright, thanks," Jessie replied, her own tone now taking a dip at the turn in your interaction.

She watched silently as you stood and walked over to the bar, pulling Niamh aside. Jessie tried desperately to somehow discern what you were saying, but you two were leaned in speaking to one another so Jessie couldn't even try to lip read. Regardless, the light and playful mannerisms you had before were long gone. And so were Jessie's.

She should have known. This was all too good to be true. Jessie slumped in her seat and distractedly swirled what remained of her water. She didn't know what was going on, but it upset her either way. She felt stupid for letting herself get her hopes up and for thinking that this could be anything more. She should've just stuck to the original plan - friends and nothing more. She tried to ignore the way the corner of her eyes started to burn, but the sensation didn't go away. When she found her gaze drawn back to you, still with Niamh and on your phone again, the feeling got worse. She stood up abruptly, jostling the table as she did so, and quickly walked outside. She needed some air and she'd be damned if she started crying in the middle of the pub for all to see.

She paced back and forth on the sidewalk, fists buried in her pockets as she ground her teeth together and tried to regain control of her emotions. The logical side of her brain tried to reason with her and tell herself that she didn't even know what was going on - there was nothing to jump to conclusions about. However, that side of her was getting drowned out by the pent up feelings that had been brewing for months on end and that she'd foolishly begun to uncap the past couple of days. Serves her right, she thought ruefully.

Jessie wasn't sure how much time had passed until she felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. She wanted to ignore it, but couldn't resist pulling it out to check. It was you.

Where did you go? Are you okay?

Jessie let out a shaky sigh and stilled her movements. She took a deep breath and committed herself to going back in. She was hopeful that she appeared calm and normal again.

When she stepped inside she saw you'd returned to the table. It only took a moment for you to spot Jessie and you sat up and greeted her with smiled at her.

Jessie took a breath and approached, sitting down again on the bench, but this time leaving a bit of space.

"Are you alright?" You asked, watching Jessie intently.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just wanted to get some air. Everything good with you?" Jessie returned, offering you a fleeting glance before fixating on her glass.

"Yeah, I'm good," you responded lightly. And truthfully, you did seem better than before. Jessie waited for you to elaborate, but instead you nodded towards Zee and Niamh. "Those two seem to be having a good time," you redirected with an amused laugh.

"Yeah," Jessie agreed as she slumped further in her seat.

The conversation between you, for the first time in a very long time, was jilted and awkward, perhaps increasingly more so by the time you were all walking back to the villa. In fact, Jessie's mood was so foul by the time you were heading back that she was straggling at the back on her own in silence. She determinedly ignored the odd glance you shot over your shoulder at her.

When you arrived back at the villa, Niamh and Zee wanted to sit around the firepit and hang out, but Jessie wasn't interested. She noted how you watched her as the girls asked her to stay downstairs for a drink, but it wasn't enough to compel her. Instead, she retreated to her room. She knew she was being a downer, but she couldn't be bothered to care right now. She knew she'd probably be embarrassed by her behaviour later and find herself making a round of apologies, but she just needed to be alone.

She was laying on the bed, still in her street clothes, when the door swung open sometime later. She sat up quickly, an irritated frown on her face before she rolled her eyes realizing it was just Niamh. She laid back down.

"What's going on?" Niamh asked as she closed the door and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You tell me," Jessie retorted before taking it down a notch. She sighed, sitting up and offering her friend a fleeting look of apology. "Y/N's ex was texting her. Do you know what that was about?"

Now it was Niamh's turn to roll her eyes. "Yes. [Y/Ex] saw the post Zee put up of you two. And let's just say she wasn't pleased."

"Huh?" Jessie asked with a deep frown.

"You're being moody and angsty over nothing. I suggest you talk to Y/N. If she's not too pissed at you for sulking when you should've been consistent and supportive," Niamh said lightly, but still with an unmistakable pointedness.

"She's pissed?" Jessie asked, guilt now sweeping over her.

"No. But she's worried you're mad at her. Personally, I think she's being too soft on you," Niamh teased.

Jessie scratched her head as she contemplated the situation she created for herself. She sighed and Niamh went on.

"Zee's gone to bed and I’m going too. Y/N's still downstairs if you want to talk to her. As in, get your stubborn ass down there. And don't talk in circles. Just be direct."

Jessie grumbled lightly, but got up. This is why she didn't do relationships. They always just complicated things and people got hurt even if that wasn't anyone's intention. She was jolted from her thoughts as Niamh slapped her hard on the back, sending her stumbling a couple of steps.

"You can thank me later," Niamh said with a wink.

Jessie wandered over to the window and peered down. Sure enough, you were sitting outside at the firepit sipping some tea. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Jessie padded lightly down the steps and out to the back patio. Her chest tightened nervously as your gaze was pulled from the fire up to her.

"Hi," Jessie greeted timidly giving a feeble wave. "Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead," you said as you gestured to the seat across from you, same as you two were situated last night. "Feeling better?" Jessie detected no malice in your voice.

"Yeah, thanks," Jessie replied, a hand nervously coming up to scratch the back of her head. "Um, I'm sorry about earlier. I was…in my head, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you accepted. "Happens to all of us." A few beats passed and you spoke again. "And I can't help but think that I caused it anyway."

A blush formed on Jessie's cheeks as she felt under scrutiny. She looked into the flames and gave a shrug. "Oh, no. It's not your fault."

You quirked a crooked smile at Jessie. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure I got a little out of sorts first and that set things off."

Jessie contemplated how to proceed. Now was as good a time as any - she dove right in.

"When [Y/Ex] texted you, right?" She watched for your reaction, noting the slight raise in your eyebrows. "I didn't mean to see - I saw her messages come up before I could look away. I'm sorry."

A heavy sigh escaped you and you sunk into your seat a bit.

"That's fine," you finally said. "And yeah - you're right."

Jessie did her best to not read into the lack of explanation. She normally would interpret this as you being cagey, which would then cause her to bottle up, but Niamh was right - she needed to be more direct. And if she wanted something with you, she needed to be more open.

"You know you can talk to me about it," Jessie offered gently. "I know I've never really talked with you much about your relationship with her. And that isn't great of me - makes me not such a good friend. But I hope you know I'm here for you above anything else. I'm sorry I acted the way I did earlier. I got upset when I shouldn't have instead of being supportive." She went on quickly. "So, even though you have Niamh - please know you can talk to me, too. Even if it seems like you can't."

You rubbed your eyes tiredly, pulling a frown out of Jessie.

"Well, frankly, that's difficult when you're part of the problem," you eventually replied with a weary sigh. Jessie's pulse quickened immediately and her stomach dropped.

"I'm sorry?"

You sat forward, leaning your arms on the top of your legs. You rest your head in your hands for a moment before looking over at Jessie.

"Can I ask why those texts upset you?"

Jessie swallowed and she tried to ignore how she could practically hear her blood coursing through her veins.

"Um. Yeah," she responded, hoping her voice wasn't as shaky as it seemed in her head. She pushed the palms of her hands out along her pants, trying to get some of the sweat off of them. "I, um, well we were having a really great day. And I guess when I saw her messages come through. I…," she trailed off before steeling herself with a quick breath, now raising her gaze to meet yours. "I got jealous."

She kept her eyes trained on you, watching for any indication of how you felt about this confession. Eventually, you let out a small laugh and sat back. Jessie studied you with a frown and worked hard to not feel offended by the gesture.

"Well, I guess that's the theme of the day," you eventually said with a smirk. You stood and Jessie felt her palms continuing to sweat as you made your way around the firepit to sit in the chair next to hers. You turned so your knees were pointed towards Jessie and was mostly facing her. "[Y/Ex] saw Zee's post of us, and, well, it didn't go over well."

Jessie sat silently. Her mind raced as she tried to anticipate what would happen next. You went on.

"She and I haven't really talked since the breakup. Which is totally fine - the breakup was civil and I don't really believe in being friends after, but yeah, the post fired her up a bit." You took a quick breath. "She saw the post of us, and she made a few accusations. And I couldn't even be angry about it, because, she had a point."

Jessie shifted in her chair, a mixture of curiosity and anxiety hanging over her.

"I told you yesterday that [Y/Ex] and I broke up because I didn't feel for her what I should have. And that was true." You took another breath, averting your gaze briefly before meeting Jessie's again. "The part I didn't tell you is that I realized my feelings for her weren't what they should be because I was feeling that way for you instead." You dropped her gaze. "I was ignoring it for a while, but it got to the point where I couldn't play it off as some passing thing. I would've been stringing her along if I didn't end things."

Jessie's words were caught in her throat as she struggled to process the things you just said. She swallowed, blinking several times as you turned back to her.

"When we broke up, she flat out asked me if it had something to do with you." You laughed wryly. "That's how bad things were getting. Anyway, I told her it didn’t. I didn’t see the point in bringing it up or hurting her in that way - plus you and I have clearly never spoken about any of this. Anyway, when she saw that picture of us…she had some choice words for me. And not all of them untrue.”

Jessie sat their shell-shocked. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. You liked her? In fact, to the point where it actually interfered with her past relationship? She was so puzzled and unsure of how all of that could be.

“I need you to know that none of this is on you," you went on adamantly. "You didn’t do anything to cause my breakup. You were always very respectful and no lines were ever crossed. But I think that’s just it - you didn’t even have to try and I started falling for you.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m almost done. I swear. So, yes, I was upset earlier when I got her messages. Because she wasn’t wrong - I made her believe things ended because I just wasn’t in love with her. But I was protecting myself from feeling guilty more than preserving her feelings. And the worst part is that while she’s seeing this post of you and me and making all kinds of assumptions, including that I was seeing you behind her back months ago, I was feeling excited at just the notion of you and I together. So, yeah, I felt horrible and conflicted and I couldn’t talk to you about it, because well, you were involved.” You scratched your arm nervously. “Still are. Anyway, I didn’t mean to upset you. Or drag you into any of this. But um, I guess my omissions or white lies are hurting people regardless. So, now you know. I’m sorry.”

Jessie shook her head in a bit of a daze.

“What are you sorry for?” She asked, her voice a bit thin as she continued to process things.

“I just dumped a lot on you. And you didn’t ask for any of it. So I'm sorry. And I really hope we can still be friends.”

“What if I don’t want to be friends?” Jessie asked, resisting a smile that tugged at her mouth. She saw the worry flash across your face and she mercifully went on. “Y/N, I’ve had feelings for you more or less since I met you. And they've never gone away.” The lop-sided smile revealed itself at the way you now looked at her. Jessie blushed a bit and tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. “And, yeah, I got jealous tonight. Which I know isn’t good. But, I finally felt for a moment like maybe we could be something more and then your ex came up. I felt like I lost my chance before it even began.”

You smiled softly at her. “Not at all. I’m still very much interested. If you are. I know you said yesterday your schedule makes it too hard to date, so, if that’s a dealbreaker for you, I can understand.”

Jessie shook her head quickly, eyebrows raised high. “No! Not at all. I was just trying to deflect,” she admitted bashfully. She scratched the back of her neck. “I was just making up an excuse for why I wasn’t dating. I couldn’t very well admit that it was because I was pining for you,” she finished with a dry laugh.

You nudged forward in your chair, knees coming closer to Jessie’s, but not able to quite touch.

“I really had no idea,” you said, a bit of a smile of wonderment on her face. “I mean…there were moments during our friendship where I was hopeful, but I couldn’t let myself think too much about it either. And I meant it when I said you’re one of the sweetest people I know, which I adore about you, but it also makes it hard to know if you’re treating me differently than anyone else.” You finished with a laugh.

“And I was trying really hard to not act differently with you at all before you and [Y/ex] broke up. I guess it’s really only been the last little bit, especially this weekend, where I’ve felt like I could even begin to entertain the thought of anything more,” Jessie explained and you nodded.

“So,” you said slowly and inched closer, “you’re saying your schedule isn’t a dealbreaker, then?”

“Not unless it is for you,” Jessie answered, shifting in her chair to meet you, your legs now touching.

“Even if your schedule's crazy, if she’s the right one for you…,” you trailed off, prompting Jessie to finish.

“She'll understand and it’ll make the times you’re together that much sweeter.”

“Exactly,” you confirmed as you reached out and grasped Jessie’s hand. She readily took it, a lump forming immediately in her throat as her heart began to race. She sat on the very edge of her seat and swallowed her nervousness.

“So, how do you feel about dinner and drinks when we get back to town?” Jessie asked, eyes hopeful.

“Are you asking me on a date, Jessie?” You teased warmly.

Jessie smiled wide and nodded. “I am. Finally.”

The next thing she knew, you leaned in and the moment Jessie had dreamt of for so long was upon her. She closed her eyes and the space between you. She nearly lost her breath the moment your soft lips were upon hers.

You stayed like that for a few moments before you deepened the kiss, which she readily returned. Jessie wasn’t sure how much time passed until you broke apart.

“And that’s a ‘yes’, for the record,” you added. Jessie chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss you once more, a rush of butterflies going through her.

“I was hoping so."

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alexanderwales · 3 days

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Turning Off Your Brain and the Critical Lens

Alright, let's start with this: there is a thing called a critical lens. It is a way of looking at a piece of art, examining what it's saying to us about itself or its subject or themes or whatever.

There are many critical lenses. Because this is something that's mostly only taught at the college level, most of them are (in my opinion) mired in academic language and not actually all that interesting in and of themselves: I think if you read a dozen stories through a feminist lens, you really start to think "okay, yeah, I get it". Different readings of different texts through different lenses can be great fun though, and it's one of my favorite parts of media criticism, and something that I wish people were more explicit about.

I'm going to talk about the Barbie movie, because it's easy. The feminist lens is obvious and in my opinion intended: it's the thing that the movie is most trying to be about, and as a consequence, it's something that probably has the most critical meat. But you can also read the movie through other lenses, and ask what it has to say about capitalism, about race, about neurodivergence and queer theory and game theory and a bunch of other things.

Some of these readings are Unintended. The author (in this case, hundreds of people working together on the film) did not intend for you to look at the movie to see what it's saying about, say, American Imperialism. Probably.

I personally enjoy unintended readings. I like teasing apart a book to see what it's saying about different things, and how it's saying it, and what the assumptions it's operating under, and whether this creates anything interesting when I bring a different set of assumptions. I think the writers and actors of Winter Soldier were not trying to say anything in particular about masculinity, but fuck it, let's watch the movie and think about it.

Sometimes people will watch something and recommend that you turn your brain off. Sometimes they'll say this to you just as you're about to start in on some critical analysis of something that definitely was not made with that critical analysis in mind.

Here's how I think of "turning off your brain": it's a critical lens. It's not a critical lens in the sense that academics might use it, but you're looking at this piece of media from a specific viewpoint, and that viewpoint is "omg they're in love" or "fuck yeah" or "no, don't go into the basement!". There are certain pop genres that greatly benefit from being viewed this way, at least in terms of pure enjoyment.

When I sit down to watch a romcom, I can do it with male/female social dynamics in mind, or I can do it with "aw, I hope these kids get together" in mind. One is the intended reading, and I don't think that it should get all that much privilege for it, but I do think generally it can result in better enjoyment. I love media criticism and consider it to be one of my main hobbies, but if you fall in love with one particular way of viewing media and only use that single one, you're going to have a bad time.

I write and generally enjoy rational fiction, which comes with its own lens, which I guess we can call the rational lens. If you sit and view a work through the rational lens, sometimes you can have fun with it: you try to work through the systems as presented and the actions of the characters and think about how you could make everything make sense. The way to do this that's not very fun is to look at a work through the rational lens and conclude that the author is dumb, the characters are dumb, and the worldbuilding is shit. I guess this can be fun if you have a sense of smug superiority, but I personally do not.

One of the things that I love about media criticism is that you can sometimes extract weird and new things out of a work. One of the things that I love about fanfic is that you can take a deliberately strange reading of a work and then write as though that reading was true. You can look at Batman and say "what does this say about income inequality" and then start writing and say "this is about income inequality now". You can look at Winter Solider and find a reading where Cap and Bucky are gay and then write it out.

Where I think people fail in a way that's personally annoying to me is that they take their preferred reading and then loudly claim ("ironically" or not) that this is the One True Reading against which no other readings can stand. Sometimes "that is not The Point of [thing]". I think you get that a lot from the "shut off your brain" crowd, but I've seen it from other places too, and I would attribute it to people talking past each other, sometimes not even realizing what critical lens they're using.

If you're talking to me, you can just say "non-preferred lens" and I'll understand, or maybe I'll say "wat" because I might forget this blog post moments after I write it.

#writing #fanfic #media criticism

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tornado1992 · 3 months

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Sonic has always loved the golden color, that specific yellow was such a beautiful, lively color.

Red is his obvious answer to the “what is your favorite color?” question, but if they told him that he had to choose only one color he could see for the rest of his life, he knows golden yellow and baby blue would be the ones fighting for the throne.

How could they not? Those were his little bro’s colors.

Every time he looked at Tails it was like the sun had embraced the sky into a tiny fluffy ball, making both of them brighter and brighter, shining against each other, the softest shade of sky blue being evolved into a heart warming sun.

Tails was the infinite answer to the happiness question. His unstoppable potential to achieve anything he wanted, the endless possibilities of a wide happy future for him, the one who always accompanied him in his worldwide runs, just like the sky.

His brother was a soft light that warmed his heart everyday, a bright path to follow when he fell to deep in the dark, a reason to keep fighting for.

Yeah, Tails felt like the sky. But he was Sonic’s sun. And if he had to fight all his life to make sure that those bright baby blue eyes keep shining and that golden yellow fur keeps glowing, then he’ll fight till the world itself ended.

His world was ending. Slowly.

It was so sudden, so uncanny, and so, so unfair. They were happy, they were running together, they were laughing and racing each other until Tails abruptly fell from the sky, Sonic almost too late to catch him. “Just a headache” he said while being cradled in Sonic’s arms. Headaches were not supposed to make you faint, but Tails was fine, so it had to be okay.

It stated slowly. Tails kept fainting for some time, they worried, they went to the hospital and all the doctors said it was nothing. He started to vomit every time he ate, they returned to the doctors and the same answer was given.

He couldn’t sleep, they no longer believed the doctors.

His tails went limp, he couldn’t fly anymore, and his bright yellow fur was fading its color, he took matters into his own hands and after lots of analysis and test they got an answer for his predicament.

Tails was sick.

His fur was no longer shining, his eyes were no longer sparkling. Bright golden being rebalanced by an ashy sad yellow, and baby blue being covered by an infinite gray shadow.

Leaving a dark cloudy sky with a sun no longer shining.

His tablet was getting thinner by the day, Sonic could always carry Tails easily, he was a big brother, it came in the job’s description, so if he had to help Tails stand and walk for some time it didn’t matter, he’ll be by his side until he recovered. Until he no longer had to apologize for not finishing Amy’s cooking, until they’d stop bringing him to Angel Island trying to get the Master Emerald to heal him.

It didn’t matter how long would it take, he’ll be with him until he shines brighter than the sun once again.

Why

That was his only question

Why him? Why did it have to be him? Why wasn’t there any existing cure yet? Why didn’t even Tails had an answer? Why couldn’t Sonic do anything about it?

Tails was eight years old, eight, he hadn’t reached double digits yet, his birthday still too many months away. It could’ve been anyone, anyone but him. He had so much yet to live, and he told Sonic he knew he was dying.

A non believer would pray to a god to save their child. A believer would fight their god to save their child.

Sonic has already killed so many gods, and he’s already prayed to the ones that were left. So why wasn’t his sun shining again?

What deity did he annoy this time? What could’ve offend the universe so much that it has to take it on his baby brother? Why couldn’t it just burn the whole world down? Why couldn’t every enemy he’s ever faced come back and fight him? Why couldn’t reality just rip both his legs out instead? Why did it have to be Tails?

Sonic was willing to fight, bleed and die for that kit, so why couldn’t they just taken Sonic instead?

When his fur no longer showed any yellow brightnes and started getting covered by his own blood anytime he tried to speak they knew it was too late. When not even an over analysis on Shadows blood gave any hint of a cure, when not even Eggman’s biology knowledge and failed antidotes could even slow it down.

Not any deity, not the Master Emerald, not Sonic. No one could save him.

There was no solution. This was a threat he couldn’t outrun with Tails in his arms. An unforgiving curse slowly taking away his pride and joy to never give it back. A mocking laughing unknown force killing the only thing he would chose over anything else, his sun and sky, his kid.

Amy showered his forehead with kisses every time she came over, reading him bedtime stories to try and help him sleep, spoon feeding him his favorite ice cream when he was too weak to do it himself and too embarrassed to ask his brother. Knuckles stayed near their home, ready to assist in case there was an emergency, always bringing handmade wood toys so the kit could still play with something even if his arms were weak enough not to hold a small wrench, it wasn’t tinkering, but it made him a little bit happier.

They both told Tails how much they loved him every single time they were with him.

And Sonic couldn’t.

He hadn’t tell him that he loved him, not enough times before all this, never enough.

He couldn’t tell him he loved him now, not with words. He couldn’t voice that well known fact. Because his little bro already knew. Because it was something that was supposed to be shown with actions, not words. Because it went unsaid.

Because telling him he loves him now would mean accepting he’ll be gone. Accepting he lost, accepting he will lose him.

Sonic refused to lose him.

He needed to run, he needed to go away, because if he stayed, he didn’t think he’ll be strong enough not to crumble if they take his light away, when they take his light away.

He didn’t run, because that’s his brother, because even if his own heart is threatening to stop every time he looks at the cub’s small trembling frame, his heart wasn’t the one stoping in real time. So he stayed.

He stayed when Vanilla came over to check on Tails, to gift him a knitted beanie and matching gloves so he wouldn’t be cold in his own bed, the bed he hadn’t left in weeks. He stayed when he couldn’t properly take a bath by himself, helping him cleaning and brushing his fur while memories of baby fox fangs and campfires invaded his mind. He stayed when Tails couldn’t do anything but cry at the aching in his bones, and Sonic couldn’t do anything but hold him close.

His heartbeat was slower than usual, and that was already too slow.

And he was so, so cold. He wasn’t supposed to be cold, no, his golden fluffy fur was supposed to keep him warm.

The memory of his little squeaky voice was still engraved in Sonic’s mind, even if it had been months without properly hearing, and yet…

“I’m sorry”

“What’s that buddy?”

“I’m sorry, for making you wait for me to go”

No.

Why was his eight year old brother apologizing? Why did his kid feel the need to apologize for not dying? No. He knew exactly way, the reason were his feet’s constant tapping on the ground whenever he had a medic visit. The reason was how his own smile fell whenever the kid wasn’t looking at him. The reason… was because the kid just wanted to go, and Sonic wouldn’t let him. Sonic wanted him to get better, Sonic wanted him to stay with him. Not to let him go.

How could he? When he hasn’t had him for enough time? When he still had so much to live? When he still needed to apologize for not giving him the life he deserved? When he still needed to tell him that he loved him without feeling he’ll lose him forever?

Ten seconds of silence. Two voices in unison. The same feeling behind them, different words.

“Forgive me”

“I love you”

#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic and tails #unbreakable bond #they are cosmic truth #they’re brothers your honor #hmmmm this wasn’t very wholesome

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xbabyd0lli3x · 2 months

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♡A Profiler's Dilemma Spencer.R♡

A/n- go follow @me-writes-prompts, this link

In the bustling precinct of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, Spencer Reid was known for many things: his brilliant mind, his unparalleled ability to solve complex cases, and, well, his endearing awkwardness. But there was something about you, his colleague and confidant, that always managed to catch him off guard.

As the team gathered around the whiteboard, dissecting the details of their latest case, Spencer found himself stealing glances at you more often than he would care to admit. Your intelligence was undeniable, matching his own in many respects, but it was the way you effortlessly balanced professionalism with a hint of mischief that intrigued him.

During a particularly intense discussion about the unsub's potential motives, Spencer felt a gentle nudge on his arm. He turned to find you standing beside him, a playful glint in your eyes.

"You're so cute when you try to keep a straight face even though you're obviously blushing," you whispered, barely audible over the hum of conversation in the bullpen.

Spencer's cheeks flushed crimson, his attempt to maintain composure failing miserably. He stuttered for a moment before managing to regain his focus, though the teasing smirk on your lips made it clear that you had caught him off guard.

Unbeknownst to you, Spencer had harbored feelings for you for quite some time, though he had never found the courage to confess. Working alongside you every day only made it harder to suppress his growing affection.

As the day progressed and the team delved deeper into the case, Spencer found himself seeking out your company more frequently, relishing in the moments of camaraderie and shared laughter. Despite his best efforts to remain composed, your presence had a way of unraveling him, exposing the vulnerable side he often kept hidden from the world.

It wasn't until the team adjourned for the evening, the case still looming over their heads, that Spencer finally mustered the courage to confront his feelings. With a nervous flutter in his chest, he approached you as you gathered your belongings at your desk.

"Hey," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "I, um, I wanted to say... that thing you said earlier, about me blushing... I, uh, I wasn't exactly... prepared for that."

You turned to face him, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," you confessed, your eyes twinkling with amusement. "But seriously, Spencer, you don't have to hide anything from me. I... I kinda like you, too."

Spencer's heart skipped a beat at your admission, his mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. He had never imagined that you could feel the same way about him, yet here you were, standing before him with a vulnerability that mirrored his own.

In that moment, surrounded by the quiet hum of the empty bullpen, Spencer knew that he had found something worth holding onto. With a newfound sense of courage, he reached out to take your hand in his, a tentative smile gracing his features.

"I think... I think I'd like to explore this, if you're willing," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded in response, your fingers intertwining with his in a silent promise of what was to come. And as you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, Spencer couldn't help but feel a surge of hope blossoming within his chest.

For in that moment, amidst the chaos of their unpredictable world, Spencer Reid knew that he had found something worth fighting for: a love that transcended boundaries, defying all odds in its pursuit of happiness.

#strawberrytalks .⋆🪼⋆. ⭒#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff

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charles-leclerc-official · 2 months

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2024 Australian Grand Prix Race Analysis

Here is my Australian Grand Prix full race analysis, this got long because there was a lot to cover, table of contents below detailing the order of the post.

Table of Contents Ferrari – Carlos: his race – Charles: his car setup and race – In depth data analysis Mercedes – Lewis DNF – George: his crash and his race – Fernando penalty Red Bull – Max DNF – Checo: his race Mclaren VCARB – Yuki: his race – Yuki vs Daniel pace analysis Haas Stake Williams

Ferrari

Ferrari had Carlos starting at P2 and Charles starting P4. Right away Carlos went for the overtake on Max in the first few laps, and this is when he took the lead of the race.

Carlos finished P1 and Charles finished P2 for a Ferrari 1-2!

Charles also got the fastest lap on lap 56 so Ferrari took all possible points this weekend.

Ferrari strategy: The Ferrari strategy was good. Full stop. I have seen a lot of takes on this and I want to put them to bed.

Carlos was ahead, he qualified better and did take the lead.

Charles was doing well, HOWEVER his pace especially on those mediums at the start of the race was off(due to the dirty air combined with heat). His car setup was not maximized for the race and we knew that already from qualifying. His tyres also cooked in the dirty air he was dealing with from Lando and Oscar in those early laps. This is where he lost a chunk of time.

So with a car at the lead of the race and another being strong but statistically off the pace Ferrari made the choice to back the leading car.

The pit stops were timed perfectly. They avoided the undercut from Mclaren and kept both drivers on tyres they could push on when it counted(especially for Charles).

This was really exactly what Ferrari should have done given the circumstances of this particular race and the placement of their drivers.

This race was not a repeat of Silverstone 2022. In fact quite the opposite. This really is promising for what Fred and the team can do the rest of the season strategy-wise.

Carlos

Started P2 and finished in P1. As his first race coming off surgery that is to be commended and I would say that this was easily his best race(where he won at least).

His overtake on Max wasn’t as impressive as it’s being hyped, because Max’s brake problem was already present(this is seen on telemetry) so I wouldn’t really say it’s that impressive, he would have had the lead anyway after Max DNFed.

I don’t really have a ton to add, it was a clean race, once he was ahead he kept the lead for the rest of the race and didn’t have to fight any other cars.

I want to dispel some narratives forming around Carlos' win:

“It was a gifted win”: No, Carlos qualified P2, he did overtake, and he finished the race, and the team supported him normally. Nothing was given to him. Was he lucky and in the right place at the right time? Yes, but that isn’t a gifted win.

“Carlos ended Max Verstappen’s streak” : this makes it sound like he beat Max. And that just isn’t true. He overtook Max who was already having serious brake issues, and the reason Max lost/DNFed had nothing to do with Carlos’ driving. Carlos won, no reason to say it like this to try to make it sound better.

Charles

His race was decided in qualifying, and he knew it. It was confirmed after he did his first stint behind Lando.

The Car Setup

First we need to talk about Charles car setup because it set the tone for the rest of the weekend:

For FP3 the team made adjustments to the balance of Charles’ car. This was done because while he was very fast during FP2 and FP1 he was losing time each lap to Max on turns 9 and 10. He was losing grip and that was costing time. While this wasn’t a concern for free practice this kind of thing would have potentially had much greater effects on race day. So changes were made to try to improve the grip.

Unfortunately they didn’t get these adjustments right. And in FP3 Charles had worse grip, which he noted. To compensate for the adjustment Charles and his team went for a very aggressive balance adjustment to the front wing of his car for qualifying. This was too extreme, and it ended up impeding his performance in qualifying. This was once again an over-correction and this is what cost him in qualifying.

(It is also worth noting that in FP3 he set that fastest lap on the softs, which were not used during the race due to heat)

I say all this that while many were claiming Ferrari are not helping Charles and they were ruining his race, this suggests the opposite. In fact Ferrari were more focused on getting Charles’ car tuned to be more competitive against Max. Did they mess that up? Yes. I think a combination of over-correcting the issue and the hotter track temps contributed to this. However all of these factors do suggest that Ferrari is more focused on getting Charles dialed in to take Max. Even though this weekend's outcome might not feel like it reflects that, I think we will be very pleased when they do come through. And I fully believe that Ferrari will be able to do that for Charles this season.

[Charles = Red Max = Blue Carlos = White]

Charles knew his race was decided in qualifying. He said as much, that it basically meant he wasn’t going to be able to push for the win(he meant against Max but I still think this statement stands) So he started further back and the balance and thus grip issues followed Charles on that first stint of the medium tyres and the second on the hards.

Charles started P4 behind Lando Norris. And once again, this is when the way his race was managed was determined. He was in dirty air on that first stint, and well into the second stint. This is when it became clear that he was not going to be contending for the win to the team. So they made strategy calls accordingly.

On the second set of hards he did pick up the pace, made headway closing the gap to Carlos and got the fastest lap.

His pace was off Carlos at the beginning of the race but by the end he was matching and surpassing it.

I want to dispel some narratives and misinformation being spread about Charles’ race and his car:

“The cooling duct replacement is why his car was off” : No, that cooling duct did not affect his performance this race. The car would have behaved differently if that had caused the pace issue. In fact the cooling duct probably helped him in this race overall. Not all parts replacements are bad, so don’t buy into narratives set by people who know nothing about the mechanical functions of these parts.

“Charles didn't fight '' : again wrong. It was clear within those first ten laps he didn't have the pace with the dirty air he was in. Yes he picked up time at the end but that was too late. Charles knows all this, he knew which is why it was good to follow team orders and maximize points for himself and the team.

Furthermore he did fight. At the end of the race when he had the new hards he was closing the gap, he made some progress at that. If he'd had clean air earlier in the race he would have been able to push more. But at the end you could see him closing the gap, he just didn't have enough remaining laps to get close enough to Carlos. I do believe that at the pace he was going if Charles had 10 more laps he would have caught Carlos.

“P2 is bad” (for some reason?): P2 isn't bad, that’s a podium and a bunch of points.

“They changed Charles' car!”: Charles had direct input into his car setup. The team didn't just change it on him without his knowledge or input, or without the need for it.

“Charles was faster” : yes and no. At the beginning Charles was not faster than Carlos. On average he was roughly four tenths off Carlos. However the race was pretty much decided by the time he did find the pace. Those last 10 or so laps were great. He was shaving off time with each lap and he ended up getting the fastest lap of the race! In fact he was faster than Carlos once he got into the clean air. So yes Charles was fast and on the last stint he was faster. But as a whole for this race his pace was on average 4 tenths off Carlos (which is very good, that is a close margin between the cars and looks promising for the SF-24 overall) It really just came down once again to that starting grid placement.

“Charles should have defied team orders” or “Team orders screwed Charles over”: again no. Most of the time it is good for a driver to follow team orders. Even if he had defied team orders I don’t think the outcome of the race would have been any different. He started too far behind Carlos, by the time he was out of dirty air Carlos was too far ahead.

“Melbourne is his strongest track” : nope. Charles has said himself that this isn't his strongest track. People think this because of his grand slam, however that was an exception not the rule.

I also want to address the idea that they should have made Charles and Carlos switch. It’s insane to expect a team to ask a driver who is in first and having no issues to swap with his teammate. Especially with such a large gap between them. That is so far outside of what would be considered acceptable. I understand the urge to want your favorite to get everything(I grit my teeth as I type this because yes I wanted this too), but I don’t even think Charles would want a win like that.

Charles is smart. He knows race strategy. He knew right away what the call would be given where he was. If he'd had the pace and positioning to fight for P1 he would have told the team. He already knew his race wasn’t optimized during quali, that’s why he went with the Ferrari strategy.

The performance this weekend falls mostly on Ferrari for not maximizing the setup configuration of Charles’ car. Also just some bad luck and track conditions. In spite of all that Charles ran a great race that put him in P2 in the WDC.

Finally, remember it’s important to know when you can and should fight. Charles is smart, he knows based on his car and conditions when he can fight. Expecting someone to fight regardless of the conditions being optimal for it is just not realistic, and it doesn’t really lead to good outcomes.

Charles isn't perfect. Dialing a car for your driving style on a particular track is hard and sometimes you get it wrong, especially when there are last minute changes(which I will repeat were needed). We've seen this before with many many teams.

He got the fastest lap on used hards, and he took P2 for a clean Ferrari 1-2 and that is what we love to see. In fact his was the more impressive performance overall as far as on track driving goes in a Ferrari this weekend.

Charles is fast, and he will be fighting again in future races.

Comparing Charles' and Carlos' pace

So now we are going to look at some telemetry that reflects the story of the race as I have told it. Going over some details of note.

Comparing fastest lap: Charles to Carlos

Comparing Charles and Carlos full race pace

You can see that once Charles got clean air he was matching Carlos pace at worst and beating it at best. He was pushing those last few laps for some real speed. The first ten laps where Charles had the most dirty air to contend with were his worst. The switch to the hards helped with this. Once he was on fresh hards in the final 24 laps he was matching Carlos pace or beating it.

Carlos also lost most of his time at turn 10(especially compared to Max) and also turn 6. So we know his car was having the same problem, but nothing was done to try to maximize. It may be he didn’t want to change any more settings, or Ferrari really did give priority to Charles in this regard, it’s impossible to say. But both cars had this problem.

The big focus of the weekend was trying to gain pace and work out the issues on turn 10. In this way Charles actually did get priority with Ferrari trying to get it figured out for his car.

I also don’t think that Ferrari struggling with the car setup for Charles is indicative of anything very concerning. Multiple other teams had issues managing grip and getting car settings right for track conditions (Red Bull being the prime example) So it doesn’t look like they were uniquely struggling in this area.

This race did show us that the SF-24 is a good base to work with and is firmly ahead of the rest of the field with the potential to give Red Bull some trouble.

Anyway I know that was long but I wanted to leave no doubt about what happened and to show the proof.

Mercedes

Mercedes as a whole had the worst weekend of any team. With Lewis' DNF due to engine failure, and George's DNF due to the reckless actions of another driver. This weekend’s result definitely isn’t either driver’s fault.

Lewis

Lewis had to retire after his car suffered an engine failure. The W15 has not been living up to expectations. Not much else to say, clearly not his fault and that car has been giving him trouble all season so far. It is very much a case of it's the car's fault not the driver's.

George

Content warning I will be discussing his crash on lap 58 in detail.

George had a decent race. He was ahead of his teammate at the start and he was chasing down cars.

On lap 58 George crashed out, he lost the rear of the car, went into the gravel and that caused one of the tyres to catch, sliding under the car enough to flip it sideways. The car came to a stop in the middle of the track just after turn 6.

A yellow flag and virtual safety car was deployed.

George called repeatedly for a red flag, stating that he was in the middle of the track. He was clearly scared and terrified he might be hit at any moment.

Fernando Alonso: The reason George lost control is because he was behind Fernando, who going into turn 6 slowed unusually, causing George to have to drive erratically as a response. This “brake check” is what caused George's crash. The stewards investigated after the race and issued a 3 place grid penalty to Fernando. Now I am not going to speculate too much on if Fernando did this brake check on purpose or if it was - as he claim - due to a throttle issue he was having. He either drove recklessly, or maliciously(or some combination of both), either way it is deserving of a penalty. I suspect that the answer lies in the middle but I can't read minds. We can only go off of his account and whether or not we believe his version of events. I do however agree that regardless of if the braking was intentional or not it warranted a penalty. That was extremely dangerous, causing a serious crash that easily could have ended in severe injury or a fatality if the gap to the next car hadn't been great enough. In fact we saw that Lance’s engineer was frantically telling him to slow down, if he hadn’t been as far behind as he was this would have likely ended so much worse.

The session should have been red flagged. A major crash leaving a driver in the middle of the track is a call for an instant red flag. But the stewards went with yellow and a VSC. That call was unacceptable. I suspect they didn't put up the red flag because it was the last lap of the race and they didn't want a controversial finish. If they had it’s possible we see the leading Ferrari’s have the chance to battle it out, or even Lando to compete closer to the front. Yes, anyone beating Carlos at this point after he was easily going to win would have caused controversy. But it’s better to have a controversial race than to literally compromise the safety of a driver. This serves the FIA who recently were under investigation for a race call that favored Fernando. They didn’t want any more race press like that. So they made a call that put George's life in further danger.

It's unacceptable. Calls like this cannot be allowed to slide. I trust that George is making his feelings on the matter very clear.

I am relieved that George is okay, and I hope we do not have to go through this again.

Red Bull

Max

Well we all saw it, Max had to retire his car on lap 3 due to his brakes catching fire. Right away he was on the radio noting a problem with the brakes. Smoke started to plume from the car on lap 3, and it was a full fledged fire by the time he pulled into the pits.

The exact cause for the fire is unclear, but it is likely a stuck caliper given how Max described the problem (imagine trying to go 250 mph with your parking brake on) That sticky feeling likely means the caliper wasn’t positioned correctly. The quality of the brakes has also been called into question, and I wouldn’t be surprised but we don't have any conclusive information on that.

I feel for Max, after having such a streak in F1 to have to retire due to a mechanical failure outside of your control has to be very hard. I’m quite sure he’ll be fighting like hell in these coming weekends.

Sergio

Sergio’s race is interesting because Red Bull had been having problems dialing the RB-20 to the track all weekend, this was most evident in Max’s feedback. But both drivers had trouble getting the grip right. I think this is mainly due to a setup problem with the car. Starting in P6 and finishing P5. I am not sure even if he hadn't taken that starting grid penalty if he would have been on the podium given some of the consistent issues the RB-20 has this weekend. It does seem that overall given his placement and circumstances he had about as good of a drive as was possible.

One thing we did learn was that this RB-20 isn’t infallible, and sometimes they too get things wrong.

Mclaren

The most notable thing about Mclaren’s race was the team order to have Oscar swap positions with Lando. Now this hurt, as an Oscar fan this hurt(it’s his home race) however I understand why they made the call. Lando’s pace was better, and if they were going to have a chance of catching Charles they needed him in front. Doesn’t mean it felt great though.

The reason Oscar’s pace was off Lando even though so far he’s been doing much better at matching(or exceeding) Lando’s pace was tyre management. Oscar is still getting better at tyre management, and on a high deg track with the heat that weakness in his driving made the difference in pace between them.

It's pretty clear looking at the telemetry data that Lando was just more consistently faster the entire race. This pace difference really comes down to Lando's tyre management being better. They are still clearly very close, however a podium was on the line and that matters when you're in contention for top 3.

Haas

After Ferrari I think Haas may have had the best race overall. They had a 1-2 to finish out at the back end of the points. The race management and pace of the car has really succeeded expectations so far. Their best race yet, and the best performance from both drivers. I have been enjoying watching Haas just keep surprising in the best way possible.

VCARB

Yuki

Yuki saw his first points of the season! While he originally finished P8 he was promoted to P7 when Fernando received his penalty. This put VCARB ahead of the rest of the mid-field in points and is really showing that Yuki is the VCARB driver to watch. He's really shown that he's comfortable in the car and I am excited to see what else he can do this year.

The shocking thing at VCARB is how far off Daniel is from Yuki's pace. He has struggled in the car every race and has not been able to catch up with Yuki. A difference between teammates this large is cause for concern. After examining possible causes and what Daniel himself has said about the car, it seems that he is just really struggling to find the pace and the cause hasn't been found. As it stands it seems a driver incompatibility issue.

Yuki vs Daniel's pace

Yuki vs Daniel's fastest lap. You can see that they are very similar but where Yuki is picking up that extra time is on high speed corners and the straigts.

The race pace also confirms what we are seeing in a lot of teams that this was decided in qualifying. Daniel's race pace wasn't so far off Yuki, but because he was further back at the start due to not being able to match Yuki (and also having a lap time deleted for exceeding track limits) he started in P18 and finished P12.

If Daniel wants to keep his seat he is going to need to drastically improve his qualifying performance.

Stake

Stake is really embarrassing themselves this year with the pit stops. They hobbled both of their drivers this race with pit stops lasting over 30 seconds. Every race so far this year they have had absurdly long pit stops. I have no idea why, I am going to say sheer incompetence. But this doesn’t reflect at all the actual skill of either of their drivers. Zhou also had to run with a damaged front wing because they didn’t have a spare for him after his was damaged on the curb during qualifying. We still have not really seen what the 2024 Stake car is actually capable of and that is the fault of the garage and the team, not the drivers.

Williams

Alex: Alex was the sole Williams driver this weekend. He stepped into Logan’s car after his crash during FP1 severely damaged his own. He ran a clean race and finished just outside the points. The most important thing this weekend was not to do anymore damage to the car and he did that.

Whew, that is all I have to say about the insanity that was the 2024 Australian Grand Prix. If you made it this far thank you for reading and I will be back for more race analysis when we go to Japan!

#lucis race analysis #australian gp 2024 #formula 1 #f1 #flblr #please let me know what you think or if I missed anything #this is a very long post you've been warned

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the-world-annealing · 1 year

Text

So the reddit-tier takes that Disco Elysium 'is an apolitical game that makes fun of all sides' are obviously wrong, this game is incredibly left-leaning and a basic familiarity with the text should make that clear.

But what makes Disco Elysium leftist is the problems it discusses more than anything. The game asks questions about corporate power and labor and How We Can Finally Build Communism, and even where it presents these cynically, the very fact it's asking those questions and not others is what makes it a leftist game.

(libertarian disco elysium would have a 2-hour plotline about the moralintern's gun laws, fascist disco elysium would do the same about race, etc etc)

Anyway, it's tempting to see a game ask the questions leftists ask and go "Oh, we know the answers to those" because if you're politically engaged and on tumblr you probably have a favorite brand of leftist politics and a degree of familiarity with its proposed solutions. I've seen a few posts that try to analyze disco elysium by going "Alright, so keeping in mind that Hoxhaism is obviously correct, where did the characters go wrong?". I think those posts represents a failure of the same kind as the mindset quoted in the first paragraph: a desire to apply one's own politics to the game beyond the degree warranted by the text.

But that's the point where you have to take a step back and look at the broader message of the game, because We Don't Know How We Will Build Communism (But Must Try Anyway) is a core theme as well! No, disco elysium does not specifically endorse syndicalist anarchism, it does not specifically endorse marxist-leninism, it does not endorse Sanders-style democratic socialism, it will contain a counterargument for all of those movements. It's a leftist game asking leftist questions, but there's many movements trying to answer those questions in their own way, and elevating one above all others makes for poor analysis of the text.

#disco elysium #metadiscourse #bit rambly

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olderthannetfic · 2 months

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"Why I don't write F/F" thread proceeded just as unproductively as I expected. It wasn't about moralizing about the women not writing F/F, it was a question about why personal reasons for avoiding a configuration aren't reflected in opposite directions by other groups. Unlike race, gender has an almost 50/50 split, there's a scale to the proportions not there for other types of identity category. "The femslash police suck" is a factor I can understand. But why wouldn't "personal reasons I just don't feel it towards this configuration" end up an even distribution across the population? The expectation for women to write about women isn't a moral rule, it's that if you allow the logic "men in control of stories write about men (and that's why more mainstream stories center men)", then the flip side is, well, why people clamor for more women behind the camera and in the writers' room. Either accept the logic for both sides or challenge it for both sides. Instead we have the worst of both worlds, we accept it for one side and challenge it for the other. Where's the parallel universe where this imbalance somehow resulted in a different quadrant being the smallest proportion of ships?

Why wouldn't "personal reasons" be even? Because the kinds of issues people face based on their demographic aren't.

But I think the larger factor is how socialization affects choice of hobbies and volunteer efforts. Cis men and cis women, on average, go in for different flavors. The dudes tend to be more bothered by the idea of "not getting anything back" for what feels like work. When they do do unpaid labor, it's often the kind that accrues glory and career prospects rather than less showy social ties. Open source coding projects where they can be important, yes. Writing fanfic, no.

Looking up any analysis of volunteering and unpaid work that makes such-and-such a part of society function will get you a lot of discussion of this gendered difference. It's pervasive.

Of course, this is just a broad trend. Plenty of guys do write fanfic, and when they dominate a fanfic space, we see tons of fic focused on the female characters they find attractive, including f/f fic.

And if you're asking about cis gay men specifically... well... again, gendered socialization means that the issues faced by cis lesbians and cis gay men are not equivalent. The reasons and ways that people employ allegory to talk about things "too close to home" will likewise not be exactly the same. Traditional US gay male culture goes in for drag and for an obsession with Hollywood divas and The Golden Girls. Plenty is being mediated through female personas; it's just not translating into fanfic specifically. But most people making "Leave the fujoshi alone" arguments are not thinking about cis gays: they're thinking about people in messier identity categories.

The biggest difference is not behavior but simply that cis men are a small minority on FFN, AO3, and Wattpad, the three big fanfic archives. (Some ancient FFN research found that it was 78% female, and that's the archive known for having more men!) The places with more cis guys are much smaller and don't get talked about as much by most fandom history and fandom meta types from the AO3 side of things.

The reason cis men's taste in favorite characters isn't being "pushed back against" isn't a double standard: it's because:

Cis men simply aren't that relevant to site-wide trends on AO3

and

2. The reverse pattern does happen all the time with vanishingly little m/m and lots of f/f

You sound like you think we'd make this fanfic-specific argument about pro media. In fact, plenty of queer women are open that they produce original f/f but not f/f fanfic or they produce f/f fanworks but not fic. A lot of the "too close to home" arguments are specifically about the kind of id fuel, naked-in-public vibes of AO3-style fanfic. Writing that is less id-driven may not feel that same way. A given woman might have a much easier time writing a mystery novel about a lesbian detective who never gets laid on page than a steamy f/f bodice ripper.

The parallel universe you ask about exists. It's horny imageboards full of fan art of anime girls.

The reason you sound judgmental and are getting "unproductive" responses is that you're phrasing things as though we're refusing to solve a problem. In reality, we're attempting to analyze the situation that exists. It's a descriptive approach.

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mccnstruck · 4 months

Text

like LIKE you

characters: kazuha x gn!reader

tags: fluff, misunderstanding, more crack, reader is DENSE af, proofread, op was writing this while their crush was right behind them so they apologize if this is incoherent

a/n: @soleillunne ALY !1!!! HIIIII i had so so much fun writing this for kazuha and i hope you have much fun reading it as i did writing it!! this is for @ecrin-de-litterature's kiss don't tell event !! pls reblog and enjoy <3

- When you almost lost yourself in his eyes and hurriedly snapped your head away from him, you knew you were so screwed. - Your racing heart knew. - He’s cute. And he most likely knows that you think he’s cute. - You first saw Kazuha in your literature class when you had to sit next to him. He smiled at you before going back to his own work, thus leaving you both to do your respective duties. - But as the weeks passed and class discussions were more frequent, you found yourself enjoying listening to Kazuha’s discussions on the text presented, sometimes bringing in your own input. - His voice soothed your mind, and your heart clung onto every syllable he had spoken. His eyes sparkled everytime you listened to his thoughts- - Ahem.

You were, inevitably, starting to crush on him.

You walked into class and whispered a quiet prayer to yourself in hopes that you wouldn't reveal anything to him right now.

And plus, Valentine's Day is such a cheesy day to confess! Besides the couples giggling and buying the really good chocolates, and seeing people talk to Kazuha, and noticing how cute he is when he laughs…

You internally smacked your head and chided yourself for the spiraling thoughts and sat in your seat.

Kazuha smiled at you, before he resumed talking with with his friends. His friends snickered and patted his shoulder, before he covered his smile with the back of his hand.

Huh. He never really gets flustered. Did he…

The bell rang, and his friends left the class, yelling out “Good luck!” before closing the door.

Kazuha sat down and smiled at you once more, yet it was filled with excitement. “I’m sorry I didn’t greet you properly.”

You shook your head and smiled back. “It’s fine. Are you doing anything today?”

“For Valentine’s?”

You shook your head.

“I was thinking of confessing to someone today. I’m meeting them by my locker after school.”

“You have a crush?!”

Damnit, you thought.

He laughed, and a soft red tinted his cheeks. “Mhm. I was thinking of sending them a poem with some sweets today.”

He showed you the gift and you internally recoiled. The gift was so unbelievably throughout, with your favorite sweets inside, along with a poem so sweetened the other person would become dizzy with love. It was beautiful, just like the grin on his face.

Your heart shattered, and you wondered what you would do after school if you still had time after crying.

“Kazuha…you put this together so nicely…”

His grin widened, and he put the gift down. “I’m really glad you like it. It gives me a little bit of reassurance.”

The teacher walked into the room, and both of you straighted your chairs to start the class.

“So, because it’s Valentine's Day, we will do an activity…”

Well, thank the teacher for rubbing it into your face.

Class went on for a begrudgingly long time, and the ache in your heart began to grow. Kazuha noticed your solemn expression and brushed your hands together. When you straightened yourself in a panic, you saw his face of concern.

“Are you alright? You look stressed right now.”

“Uh.. yeah. Sorry, I have a project for another class that’s really stressful right now.”

He nodded, and you both resumed your work. The teacher droned on about the analysis of the text and the context of the author’s work, yet you couldn’t really get yourself to focus, not with this heartache that remains.

A thought rushed past your mind. What if this was for you?

You? That’s funny, if it didn’t hurt so much. There’s no point thinking about it anyways.

After some more time, class finally ended, and you packed your bag while Kazuha stood up.

“Ah, I have to head out, I have something urgent to do for a class.”

He put his hand on your shoulder and smiled.

“I hope you finished this project of yours. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?”

You snapped your head back and felt your face burn. “Oh, thank you. I’ll see you later.”

Kazuha left the room and you almost felt yourself succumb to the hot flare that passed your body. Your shoulder, where his hand was, almost felt weak to the touch, and you barely packed up your bag without having a heart attack.

You looked to the floor and saw Kazuha’s gift underneath his desk. Quickly picking it up, you grabbed your bag and said your greeting to the teacher, before leaving the classroom.

It was your free period, and you would finally decide on what to do with Kazuha’s gift. You wouldn’t want him to show up to his confession empty handed, or worse, his crush not show up at all. So, you would wait by his locker and make sure you run out before then. Alright.

Well… it would be alright if it didn’t hurt so much.

And so, classes went on, droning about formulas and equations, and the minutes wouldn’t stop ticking, and your mind wouldn’t stop thinking of who would be the receiver of his gift. When the final bell rang for the day, you took the gift and rushed down the hallways to find his locker.

Except… there’s no one there waiting for him.

A little concerned, you decided to wait to either give it to Kazuha or whoever was waiting for him.

But the minutes had steadily gone by, and you started to worry whether the person even got a message from him.

“Ah…There you are.”

Kazuha’s face beamed as he got closer, and you laughed at the sight of him.

“Here's your gift that you left behind.” You extend your hand to him, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Hm?”

Surprised by his reaction, you were silent as your own eyebrows furrowed.

“This…this isn't yours? Kazuha, are you sure you're in the right mind?”

“That's yours.”

“But, you left it there?! Kazuha, what are you on?”

“Why do you think I left it there?”

Your mind blanked, and you looked at him with panic.

“Kazuha, you left it there. I am here to give it to you.”

Kazuha started laughing and covered his face with his hands.

“You are so… I left it there for you.”

You stayed silent for a second. Then another.

“What?!”

Now that you think of it, Kazuha is never forgetful. And the way he looked at the gift multiple times, and the way he knew of your favorite sweets, and the way he looked at you…

You covered your face in embarrassment, yet your smile grew into a grin.

“You could've told me, Kazuha…”

He took your hands and clasped them in own.

“Well, you are aware now, and I am sure you are aware of what I want to ask, dove.”

Your jaw dropped, and your eyes flickered between him and the gift.

“Hm? Dove?”

You failed to response, as your body was still in shock and in complete utter denial.

You finally spoke.

“Why?”

Kazuha smiled at you and took your intertwined hands to his chest, right where his heart was.

“Well, ask my beating heart. I assure you it beats the syllables of your name every time I see you.”

You swore to every archon that this man right in front of you would somehow be the cause of your death as well.

“So, dove, will you be my valentine?”

mccnstruck

#— kiss (don’t tell) !#astronetwrk #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗#kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x you #kazuha x y/n #kazuha x gender neutral reader #kaedehara kazuha x you #recovered_literature_!

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