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kaltacore · 4 months

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no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them!#but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

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crescentfool · 1 year

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i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!! god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally)#HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything'#and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these-#two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc-#ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.'#and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days!#ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!!#im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!!#they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation-#post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this.#admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!!#oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me.#everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u!#BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

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hephaestuscrew · 2 years

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I wonder when Minkowski decided to send Eiffel back to Earth on the Sol in the finale.

Was the possibility already running through her mind when she told the crew she was going to try to stop Cutter's plan, when she told them "No one has to do this with me" (perhaps with a part of her hoping that the others - and maybe Eiffel in particular - would decide to leave without her, even as she knew that they never would)?

Or did the idea come to her later, when she heard him record that message for Anne, as she listened to how much he loved his daughter and how he'd accepted that he would probably never see her again? Was that the moment when Minkowski decided she had to make sure he'd survive? Was that why she sent Lovelace on ahead while she waited for Eiffel to finish recording his message? Was it when he said "I wish I could be there to see it" that Minkowski decided she had to ensure he would be? (When she did send him back, she seemed to be thinking of his message to Anne; she told him "Go home, Eiffel. Hug your daughter".)

She was clearly preoccupied after hearing him record that message. When he asked her "Commander? You hanging in there?", was she thinking about whether to send him back, or simply how? Or had she already fully settled on the plan, and was just steeling herself to execute it? If she hadn't decided yet, was it him trying to boost her morale ("chin up soldier") that made up her mind? Or was it that moment of laughter they shared about finally having a reference in common?

When was it that she knew she couldn't risk him not making it back to Earth, even though she knew he'd chosen to take that risk?

#Wolf 359 #Just imagine everything that would have been running through her head in those moments...#Personally I think she decided while she was listening to him record that message #but the choice was based on an instinct that she'd had for a long time #and their subsequent interaction both confirmed the choice for her and made it even more bittersweet #I don't think it was an impulsive choice. not really #One of the things that makes me particularly emotional about this choice of Minkowski's #is that it's not really 'I don't want to lose him'#it's 'I need to make sure he'll be okay even if that means losing him in my life'#She knows that choice means that if she doesn't make it out #then their last interaction would be something that from his perspective is a kind of betrayal #and she does it anyway because she cares about him so deeply...#W359 #renée minkowski #Doug Eiffel #W359 spoilers #Wolf 359 spoilers #Eiffel & Minkowski #the empty man posteth

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designernishiki · 1 year

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hot take but. oda is honestly one of the most interesting prominent side characters in y0 to me. like. don’t get me wrong obviously i don’t condone his actions, but speaking as a character design guy, i think he’s got a whole lot of complexity to think about in his story and identity that people tend to ignore/overlook because he’s not a black and white “good” person. like no shit he’s morally fucked, that doesn’t mean his intense pining and crazed level of dedication to tachibana and the lengths all his guilt and repressed love for the man he saw as the best thing to ever grace his life drove him to aren’t interesting to think about– if anything it makes him more interesting. he was. really something

#people like to joke about wanting problematic queer rep instead of just good upstanding citizens all the time but then you get someone like #oda and suddenly all nuance dissappears and liking him as a character (for being a well-made character I mean) is equated to #condoning sex trafficking. like. no that’s not how that works #though I do think- regardless of him being a shitty dude- he does count as a victim of burying your gays #but that’s less about his death being narratively a bad choice and more that there could’ve been more queer rep amongst prominent characters #to balance it out (who don’t die)#though idk I’m always a little put off by the all too common Gay Chracter Dies For Their Tragic Love Interest trope #because it’s. too common. and depressing. but again I think it could’ve been balanced out if someone else was prominent and #canonically queer (also thinking like. nishitani seemed pretty close to canonically bi but. he. also died. so)#anyway. yeah on the other hand im glad they didn’t sugarcoat or morally sanitize him as a character for the sake of his queerness though #I would’ve really liked to have seen more on tachibana’s side about what he thought of oda and their relationship in general- cause they #knew each other for quite a while and were undeniably close. even lived together and whatnot. and all tachibana really got to say when he #found out oda was probably dead was just. well just that. that he’s probably dead. I feel like he should’ve gotten to be more shook by that #and/or more deeply conflicted and pained by the combination of his potential death for makotos safety and his responsibility for #trafficking her in the first place. that’s. such a deep well of complicated emotions to sort out and they really did absolutely nothing #with it. like. it makes me wanna write something that’s how much is There that was unused. so much with that relationship in general really.#hhhh….. anyway I should shut up now #jun oda #oda #yakuza #yakuza 0 #rgg #rgg0 #rambling #oh yeah also. hating him is understandable but you have to then apply the same judgement to all characters who have done some real shitty #stuff in their pasts to get by- which is quite a few characters- including lee who’s far more liked and was a literal hitman #(saying that as someone who also likes him as a character quite a bit and Likes that he’s in a moral grey zone) so. yeah.#yakuza 0 spoilers

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ofyorkshire · 7 months

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...oh my stars

i don't know if it was intentional, but repetitively referring to bj as "ziggy stardust" in the red riding novels completely foreshadowed bj's death.

#something something the parallels between bj and ziggy both being referenced as imperfect messiahs #and wanting to bring hope to a hellish world (bj consistently sticking his neck out to help uncover yorkshire's corruption)#but ultimately being dragged into the same hate he wanted to stop and destroying himself / being destroyed by the very people who sent him #ie - bj being threatened to send a message by the police and eventually being killed by the police (albeit *sort of* on his own terms)#also maybe something to be said about bowie retiring ziggy partially bc he got too wrapped up in the persona and questioning his sanity #sort of paralleling bj losing his mind (ironically) in the psych ward and heading off to get his revenge on laws (and ultimately jobson).#but that's probably looking way too deep into it.#this meta has almost 0 meaning in the film universe (which is closer to my canon anyway) but. ow. i have emotions.#talking about rr makes me sound insane i'm aware skdflskf but i swear it makes sense.#if there was a fandom for this series i would be popping off.#(again not encouragement to read the novels. watch the films sure. don't read he novels.)#(not unless you're just that obsessed with understanding what the heck was going on in the films like me. they're deeply disturbing.)#(but i did read them bc i DID want to know and now you guys have to live with my crazy ramblings about bj.)#(which may or may not be accurate bc peace leans *a lot* on experiences in '70s-'80s yorkshire which he was alive for. i obv was not lmao)#out of fairy tales [ooc];

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1-800-sexy-mad · 2 years

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I think Change of Mind is a masterful wolf 359 episode but for me it's very ... emotional to listen to, for lack of better wording. we the audience know full well that almost every one of these characters are now dead. These characters who we are getting to see joking together and bonding and having connections with each other (side note, the wolf 359 writers are VERY good at getting you attached to characters, even when they only have two hours) are dead. we know that their deaths were long and drawn-out and painful, and yet here they are in this episode we're listening to now. It's a glimpse into a past that will never exist again, and especially when framed through lovelace's eyes - these people were her friends and members of her crew, and she still believes that she failed them in some way - it is very painful to listen to.

#wolf 359 #sorry. i got really emotional about the first Hephaestus crew.#anyway there is also something to be said about. all of this being a memory #and how lovelace is now the only one who has that memory in her mind #and she is the only living remnant of that crew #there's an excellent post i reblogged a little ago about lovelace being a deeply haunted character #and in a way. that's what change of mind is. it's a haunting #now that hilbert is gone lovelace is the only one keeping the memory of these people #(and by extension the people themselves considering the importance w359 places on memory)#lovelace is. the only thing keeping them alive. and even if she didn't want this burden she is functionally immortal aboard the hephaestus #as if the ship and the ghosts of her crew need her to be alive so they can be as well #idk if any of that makes sense. Isabel lovelace is so important to me #and change of mind is about the loss of her crewmates and grief and anger etc #especially in her conversation with cutter at the end #anyways #Isabel lovelace #w359 #also adding that now lovelace knows she is a dear listener she's also haunted by the ghost of herself #the original lovelace. who she remembers and is-but-isnt #this podcast is so fucked up

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever*

#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generated but you know what I mean lol #Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something #merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally #4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person #And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o #ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the #time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that #I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo #l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their #emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development #of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb)#I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not #very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people #form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't #I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show #it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec #ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick #at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because #I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are #used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft #en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc.#Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not #ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc.#BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol.#So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on #in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do #think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the #'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky #I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb #That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey

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lieutenant-amuel · 2 years

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okay i suppose this is not a chapter all about valerio but you revealed so much about him here i can’t even imagine what else you have in store for him

and overall this whole scene is fantastic

This is definitely not.

A chapter all about Valerio will probably turn into two chapters of my usual length aijsjfjlf. Anyway, Valerio told his story super briefly and he didn’t really clarify the setting, so there’s still lots of things he’s hiding. Just Valerio’s story spoke to Emilio, and he couldn’t be suspicious of him anymore. All he thought about then was Verónica.

And thank you! I loved writing that scene.

#Ask me anything #Was Born To Lead #The point is that Emilio is like super emotional person #and he can’t really control himself when he’s overwhelmed by those emotions #It was shown many times especially in terms of his anger #And this chapter kinda clarifies it #Generally the reason this journey of discovering Valerio’s secret even started was that he was emotionally vulnerable #and he didn’t know how to direct his emotions which well yeah made him a jerk eventually #And when it comes to this scene #He projected everything Valerio told him about Leticia into his own life situation because he was (is) going through the same thing #He was afraid of facing the same outcome: losing somebody he loves so deeply #Plus Valerio’s words of blaming himself for Leticia’s death is something Emilio also felt #and he realized the only way to prevent it from happening was to be there for Verónica no matter what #which with keeping haunting Valerio was not really possible #Anyway this is what I try to convey so I’m sorry if it’s not clear from my writing or generally makes zero sense x)

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avatardoggo · 2 years

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ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

#sometimes i feel like i feel too much yk? like i’m so in touch with my feelings that when i get hurt or when i am happy i feel it on a #grander scale than others? idk if that makes sense?? this might be presumptuous of me #it’s just something i’ve noticed about my behavior and ppls reactions like ppl say ‘why do you care sm’ and ‘it’s not that deep’ or ‘it’s #just xyz’ and the thing is for me i cant not care and it’s always that deep for me and nothing is just Just and ya some days i wish i could #be nonchalant and cHiLl and not be so effected and not go into a downhill spiral whenever i’m in emotional pain but at the same time no #i like that i feel sm bc when i want to show the ppl i care about how much i <3 them i can bc i feel it so deeply and i couldn’t do that if #i didn’t feel the way i feel #anyways sorry for rambling #here’s some pictures clouds and a field near my house that i took on my run today #vk overshares in the tags

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aromantic-pantyanarchy · 5 months

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It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

#aromantic #aro #aro positivity #reference to aphobia

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intermundia · 8 months

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my favorite thing about anakin as a character is the inherent nuance lucas wrote into his story, like he's neither an innocent victim nor an inherently evil monster, he's just some guy put in a series of Situations and ultimately failing the test of his humility and self-control. he was certainly flattered and shaped by the devil, spiraling into something unrecognizable, but he chose to take every step down the pathway to hell. lucas knew he would lose a certain demographic by making him basically a greedy pawn in the larger story, not a righteous betrayed macho badass, but he did it anyway. he made him an awkward romantic and a loyal friend, a generous boy and a brilliant teen. he made sure he had all the positive qualities that meant that he had potential to be so much more than vader, but it was clearly his choice to lie, murder, and fully squander that potential. there are no excuses for what he became, no acceptable reasons to commit mass slaughter. he became an unbelievably selfish and impatient man, reckless and wantonly violent. hayden captured that nuance so well, nobody can match the sweetness of his smile and the absolute horror of his scowl on mustafar. to view him through a single lens as either pure victim of manipulation and (canonically unsupported) emotional neglect, or a creepy evil villain, denies the heart of his story and the weight of his tragedy. he's neither an angel nor a demon, he's both and neither, he's deeply human, a classical tragic hero with a flaw of greed. lucas made a choice with the prequels to tell a story that not everyone wanted to hear, and the result was a character that i think is one of the best of modern pop culture, mostly because he feels to me so very, very ancient and eternal.

#yes i am vaguing star wars author mike chen's recent tweets #don't worry about it lol #anakin skywalker #he's so important to me lmao such a fascinating character #sw

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tojisun · 8 months

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simon (ghost) riley x fem reader

!! suggestive-ish; hinted age difference (20s vs 30s); hinted d/s; minors dni

“why won’t you fuck me?”

your pitiful voice stops simon from moving, his feet stuttering with muted thuds. he breathes in sharply, not having expected the words that slipped from your lips, before he turns and tips his head towards you.

you’re trembling, and simon doesn’t know if it’s because of the cool air or the intensity of your emotions, those that urged you to whine at his pathetic display of restraint, but still he hesitates. afraid that if he comes close, then the remnant of his patience will finally snap.

because it’s not that simon wouldn’t fuck you – god knows there’s nothing more he’d want to do than love you slowly and deeply, caressing you tenderly until you are trembling at the intensity of his passion; until the doubts are finally crushed by the force of his affections – but it’s that he knew you deserve someone better.

someone who wouldn’t leave you for months and years long because of a mission. someone who’d stay by your side each and every hour because he knows you (sometimes he wished he didn’t, if only to make it easier to forget about you), and he knows that you need someone to spoil you. to pamper you.

simon knows you deserve more than the world, knows that he can only give you pieces of it but he’s selfish. he’s a monster wearing a human suit – incapable of surrendering, incapable of giving you up.

because simon knows you deserve better but gods he doesn’t want to let you go.

he moves to speak but you beat him to it, your lips wobbling as tears trickle down the corners of your eyes like molten diamonds. “you parade me around like a trophy wife but you won’t even give me a portion of that attention. you-”

his heart stops at the choked sob that gets stuck in the base of your throat, your face crumpling as you tremble at the intensity of your heartache.

it was instant how he moved to you, his frantic steps echoing against the cobblestone. he takes you in his arms, tucking your head underneath his chin and engulfing you in his embrace, hoping that you’d hear the staccato of his heart and know that it only ever beats for you.

you whine like you couldn’t decide if you want his comfort or not and simon freezes, afraid that he’s just heightened your bleeding heart. he moves to step away, his lips parting for an apology, but you clutch at the ends of his shirt, refusing to let go.

he follows your silent command – simon will follow you no matter where, no matter what – and presses you close again, his warmth mixing with yours and chasing away the goosebumps that littered your skin.

he kisses the top of your head, breathing you in. simon mulls over what to say, his own hesitation bursting at the corners of his mind, but he wants to stop pretending. he wants to stop lying to himself.

you love him and he loves you – sometimes, it could be that easy.

words aren’t his strongest suits but he tries anyway. “i love you,” he begins, the words slipping past his teeth with the simplicity of the truth. “i burn with the desire to be with you, sweet girl. but not this way. not yet.”

you tip your head up just enough to catch his gaze and simon croons at your swollen eyes, pressing gentle kisses on your eyebrows in comfort.

“why not?” you ask, ever so stubborn.

“because there are preparations that need to be done,” he replies, humming when your eyes widen in surprise. “i want to make love with you, sweetheart. not just make it as something fast and temporary.”

he watches you breathe in shakily.

“would you want that?” simon continues amidst your silence, his hand coming up to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

you bite your bottom lip and nod. he clicks his tongue. “use y’r words. i need to hear it from you.”

“yes please,” you whisper, and simon coos at the broken rumble of your voice, still heavy with doubt. “i- yes. please, simon. i’d love that.”

“me too, sweet girl.” simon kisses your forehead, sealing the promise. “i’d love nothing more.”

#suns.f #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #ghost x reader #i was rereading that established simon/reader + eventual price/reader AND THIS. THIS IS KIND OF THE PRELUDE #suns

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thestarsarebrightertonight · 22 days

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dreaming of saturn // theodore nott x fem reader

playlist : saturn - sza

summary: theodore nott seems so out of reach to most people yet you have him right in your arms.

y/n used, established relationship , FLUFF

masterlist

"theo , get off me i need to get something from my dorm!" you pleaded as the boy with his head laying on your lap simply crossed his arms and shook his head.

"im not gonna let you go." he stated simply , nustling further into you.

"theodore. theodore! please im really cold i need to go get a hoodie from my dorm," you begged as the boy opened his eyes and perked up.

you stared in confusion at his reaction before he sat up slightly and slipped his slytherin hoodie off, handing it you with a happy smile. you almost melted at the sight.

"thanks theo" you smiled at him with a light blush before putting it on and allowing the boy to rest back onto you.

"it looks better on you anyways , keep it." he winked at you with a grin before closing his eyes again.

you admired him carefully , moving your hand to run through his hair softly , theo leaning into your touch with a blissful smile.

"whats your favourite planet theo?" you asked in a hushed tone as the boys eyebrows furrowed in confusion , his eyes opening to look up at you.

"why?"

"you take astronomy right? you know more about the planets than me. so which is your favourite and why? im just..curious" you reasoned as he hummed and closed his eyes again.

"saturn." he stated simply.

"that was quick. how come?" you asked in curiousity , you werent allowed to take astronomy because you already signed up for other classes instead- so naturally you wanted to expand your knowledge on the topic.

"its got nothing to do with anything scientific or meaningful , its just pretty. like you." he said as you gasped at his last two words.

"you think im not meaningful?!" you dramatically asked in fake offence , laughing at the boys horrified face as he began to stutter out an argument.

"no its not that - definitely not! you mean everything to me! youre just...really pretty. like saturn" he mumbled and rambled trying hard to not upset you.

"dont worry theo , i was joking!" you laughed as he let out a sigh of relief, "ive always liked the moon."

"thats not a planet." theo scoffed in amusement.

"hey dont be rude of course i know that!" you both laughed , "but i like the moon because its pretty, like you."

"you cant call me pretty." he crossed his arms in frustration.

"and why not?" you teased.

"im handsome - not pretty" he complained , blushing red when you laugh and place a kiss on his cheek.

"you're both, does being called pretty damage your little male ego?" you laughed at him.

"shut up" he mumbled.

"im only joking theo , youre more than pretty and handsome , i mean look at that beautiful face!" you grinned and pushed his curls off his forehead.

he blushed deeply and tried to hide his face from you, leading you to giggle and kiss his cheek that was facing you.

meanwhile across the common room , mattheo and draco watch you from a distance.

"i dont get how she does it." mattheo said in astonishment , watching as you tickled theodore and made him smile and laugh so brightly.

"its incredible. must be some kind of magic." draco stated , equally as intruiged.

"yeah , pretty , funny and smart y/n magic," mattheo scoffed as draco nodded , acknowlegding that in reality, you were the full package.

"youre right. i honestly dont blame him." draco shrugged.

there was a short silence before mattheo finally looked away fromy you and theo , turning to draco and making draco mirror his movements.

"10 galleons that he says i love you first." mattheo stuck his hand out for draco to shake.

draco seemed skeptical before taking his hand and shaking it firmly , "sure, ill bet the latter then."

mattheo smirked at him , assuming it was obvious theodore would infact say i love you before you did.

"i cant believe you just bet that?! merlin malfoy you have no emotional intelligence do you!" mattheo laughed , assuming he had already won the bet.

"jokes on you riddle , y/n already told theo she loves him. yesterday , youd be suprised how much theo confines in me," malfoy smirked seeing mattheos shocked face.

"what?!" mattheo seethed , "why wouldnt he tell me first? did he say it back?!"

draco scoffed and looked from you two and back to mattheo , "is that even a question?"

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theostrophywife · 10 months

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baby, won't you be my girl?

pairing: theodore nott x reader. song inspiration: only girl by stephen sanchez. author’s note: theodore nott, the man that you are. please enjoy my favorite flirty yummy slytherin boy 🐍 part two: stop the world i wanna get off with you.

Theodore Nott was not the jealous type.

Jealousy required emotions, which Theo found so terribly unrefined. He was a Slytherin, for Salazar’s sake. Not some hotheaded Gryffindor incapable of keeping his anger in check. But as he glared daggers at the back of some pathetic little beater who was currently flirting with you across the common room, Theo couldn’t help but feel downright murderous.

The worst part was that he could’ve prevented all of this. If he had just manned the fuck up, Theo would’ve been the one pressed close against you, whispering his signature suggestive comments in your ear and making you smile.

But Theo—absolute tosser that he was—didn’t realize his blunder until it was too late.

Earlier that week, the two of you had been studying in his room. Well, you were studying. Theo, on the other hand, was smoking enough pot to sedate a hippogriff. He inhaled deeply, watching with a slight smirk on his face as you frowned into your Charms textbook. You were laying on your stomach at the edge of his bed with notes strewn all around you. The combination of your slightly unbuttoned white blouse, dangerously short black pleated skirt, and green and silver high knee socks affected him more than the drugs he was currently inhaling.

There was something incredibly sexy about a beautiful woman laying in his bed and completely ignoring him in favor of a dusty old tome. Or maybe it was just you. To be fair, Theo found everything about you quite sexy. Even your infamous lectures regarding his drug habits, which you were due to give him in three…two…one….

You huffed indignantly, the action ruffling the feathers on your quill. “I will never understand why you voluntarily choose to put that rubbish into your body.”

Theo shrugged, blowing a puff of smoke towards the ceiling. “It’s relaxing.”

“What could you possibly be stressed about, Teddy?”

He smiled at the nickname. If anyone else called him that, Theo would’ve hexed the life out of them, but he liked the way it sounded when you said it. Especially when you were a little bit annoyed at him.

“I’ve got a lot on my shoulders, love.” He took another drag and sighed dramatically. “Being rich and handsome is incredibly tiring work.”

You snorted. “You’re an absolute twat, you know that?”

Theo held the blunt between his slender fingers and plopped down next to you. “A rich and handsome twat.”

“A rich, handsome, and dead twat if you don’t get that blunt away from my textbook.” Theo smiled sheepishly before putting out the cigarette on the ashtray by his bedside table. You rolled your eyes and tapped the end of your quill against his chest. “You should really quit. That shit’s terrible for your lungs.”

Theo turned, cocking his head at you. His watercolor eyes bored into yours as a smirk curved against his lips. “What will you give me if I do?”

“Theodore Aurelius Nott,” you chided. Despite the blush creeping into your cheeks, you managed to keep your voice steady as you glared at the perfectly coiffed prick. “Do not make me stab you with my quill.”

He grinned. There was nothing Theo enjoyed more than making his best friend flustered. “I’ll take a light stabbing if it means that you’ll start paying attention to me again.” You laughed at his childish pout. “What are you studying so hard for anyways?”

“We have a Charms exam on Friday and you know how brutal Flitwick is.”

“Scheduling an exam on the same day as a quidditch game should be a crime punishable by wizarding law.” Theo complained with a groan. “A game against Gryffindor, no less.”

“Not everything revolves around quidditch, Theo.”

“Try telling that to Malfoy,” he said with a sigh. “The bloody git’s been running the whole team ragged. For the past three weeks, Draco’s been forcing all of us to wake up before sunrise. I’m losing my precious beauty sleep, Y/N.”

You pouted, pinching his cheeks. “Poor Teddy bear. How will you ever recover?”

"Smartass," Theo said with a smirk.

"Top of the class, baby." You rolled over and winked at him. "I really am that witch."

"I think I'm rubbing off on you, love."

"In your dreams, Nott."

He chuckled. "Oh, I'm definitely rubbing off on you." Theo snatched the quill out of your hands. "Enough studying. I'd rather talk about how I'm going to crush those Gryffindor brutes, which I can only do with you cheering me on from the stands."

You took the quill back, tapping its feathery edge against Theo's nose. “You know that watching all that flying makes me nauseous. Plus, I can’t even enjoy myself because I’m too worried about you taking a bludger to the head.”

“I promise not to let anything ruin my pretty face. I know how much you enjoy the view, after all,” Theo said with a wink. “If you promise to come.”

“I don’t know, Teddy…”

He pouted, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. “Please, Y/N. I need my good luck charm. Plus, you look cute in my jersey.”

“My eyes are closed half of the time from sheer terror,” you pointed out. Theo watched as you fiddled with the end of your quill. “Besides, wouldn’t it be weird to wear your jersey and cheer you on?”

Theo’s brows furrowed. “Why would it be weird?”

“Because,” you said matter-of-factly. “Those are things a girlfriend would normally do.”

“Well, yes, traditionally. But you’re my best friend,” Theo explained. “It’s not like that between us.”

The minute the words came out of his mouth, Theo knew it was the wrong thing to say. You stiffened beside him, your body language turning as tense as a bowstring.

“Right,” you said in a tight tone. “It’s definitely not like that between us.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I just—I mean you’re not like the other guy’s girlfriends. We’ve known each other for ages. We just don’t see each other that way.”

Theodore Nott, idiot extraordinaire. If looks could kill, he’d be at the bottom of the Black Lake waiting to become a delicious feast for the merpeople.

“Of course not,” you said with humorless laughter. “We’re just friends. It would be mental for anyone to think that we’d ever be in a relationship, right?”

There was a challenge behind those words. Despite the fact that his dorm was deep within the dungeons, Theo could hear a slight ringing in his ears, like the howl of the wind as he raced past on his Nimbus, heart beating against his chest as he prepared to hurl the quaffle with all his might. Only now his target wasn’t a goal hoop.

It was you. His best friend. The girl he had been head over heels in love with since the moment you pushed Adrian Pucey into a bush at Malfoy Manor for making fun of five year old Theo’s lisp.

He should say something, anything, but for once in his life, Theodore Nott had no witty comeback in his arsenal. Stupid, pathetic coward that he was, all he could manage was a nod.

“Right,” he licked his lips nervously. “Just friends.”

The disappointment in your eyes felt like a punch to the gut. Worse than when he’d broken his arm in third year. Worse than when Mattheo dragged him into a brawl with those brawny Durmstrang guys in fourth year. He would have gladly taken another meaty Bulgarian fist to the face rather than face you right now.

Theo watched helplessly as you rolled off the bed and stuffed your studying materials into your leather satchel. “Wait, Y/N. Are you leaving? I thought you wanted to study?”

You slipped your shoes on, averting his gaze. “I do, which is why I’m gonna head to the library. I’m more focused there, anyways.”

Theo was still utterly confused as he scrambled after you. “Let me at least walk you to—”

“That’s really not necessary,” you said, cutting him off. “I’ll see you later, Theo.”

Theo, did not, in fact, see you later.

If avoiding him was a sport, you would’ve won the bloody Triwizard cup. The fact that you memorized his schedule for him since he couldn’t be trusted to actually remember to show up to class probably helped. Theo didn’t realize how accustomed he had grown to having you around until you weren’t there.

When Enzo obliviously rebuffed a Hufflepuff’s attempt to flirt with him at breakfast, Theo turned to your usual spot beside him to nudge you only to find the space empty. When Potter & Co. prattled on about whatever martyr cause they’d picked up that week, Theo found himself searching for you across the Potions classroom to share an eyeroll, but caught a glimpse of your retrieving back instead. The last straw had been when Elizabeth Burke’s portrait refused to let him into his own dorms because Theo couldn’t remember the passcode. He never had to since you always came in together.

In other words, Theo was absolutely fucking miserable. Even the team’s win against Gryffindor failed to lift his spirits. He knew that it had only been a week, but he missed you so fucking much that it actually hurt.

The sight of you walking into the common room filled him with instant relief. For about half a second. Until he saw that you weren’t alone.

Then, Theo had reverted back to his sulky self, choosing a shady spot amidst the raging party to drown his sorrows with a bottle of firewhisky. He had gone through at least half of the Ogden’s while chain smoking like a Hungarian Horntail.

“Oi, what’s got your wand in a twist?” Mattheo asked while snatching the cigarette out of Theo’s mouth. He took a deep inhale and blew a puff of smoke directly into Theo’s face. “Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating our victory? Why’d you look like someone pissed in your soup?”

“Fuck off, Riddle,” Theo muttered in response as he took back his cigarette. The smoke made the room hazy, but not enough to block you from view.

The beater—the fucking twat—leaned in to whisper into your ear. Whatever he said made you burst into laughter, which once again filled Theo with pure, unadulterated rage.

“Someone’s in a mood,” Enzo remarked, plopping down on the sofa beside Theo. A circle of third years hovered at the edge of their group, but as usual, Berkshire remained utterly oblivious to their presence. Bloody hell, he was even worse than Theo.

“I bet ten galleons that Nott bashes Murdock’s head in before the end of the night,” Draco said.

“Murdock, is it?” Theo grunted. “What do we know about the prick?”

Blaise rolled his eyes. “Absolutely nothing. He’s not even worth gossiping about,” he announced dismissively while sipping his drink. Imported French wine, probably. Zabini would never partake in something as common as beer.

Mattheo’s lips curled in amusement. “Besides the fact that he’s making a move on Theo’s girl.”

“She’s not my girl,” Theo said defensively.

“Really?” Malfoy drawled, raising a pale blonde brow. “So you wouldn’t mind if I asked Y/N to dance?”

“Don’t even fucking think about it, Malfoy.”

The Slytherin boys laughed. For them, the week had been amusing as all hell. They had never seen Theo this wound up before. A few days without Y/N and their usual sassy, sarcastic mate had turned into a complete basket case.

Pansy sighed. “For Salazar’s sake, Theo. Either man the fuck up or stand down. Y/N deserves to have a good night, too. Who she has it with is entirely up to you.”

Pansy Parkinson was a pain in the arse, but she was also right.

With that, Theo put his cigarette out on the ashtray and stood from his place on the sofa. It only took three strides for Theo to get to you. Four for you to startle as he casually put his arm around your shoulders.

“There you are,” he whispered into your ear. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

You froze in place as Theo pulled you close. The scent of expensive cologne and cigarette smoke enveloped you, drawing you in like a moth to a flame.

Under normal circumstances, you would’ve flown straight into the fire that was Theodore Nott, but tonight you were in no mood to get burned. You’ve already endured enough pain and humiliation from your last conversation.

Just friends kept replaying over and over in your head like a broken record. You felt like an absolute pillock. For years, it felt like the two of you had been teetering towards…something. All that shameless flirting, the lingering touches, the late night conversations. You had been stupid enough to believe in the possibility that Theo felt for you what you felt for him.

But maybe it was all in your imagination.

“Theo,” you said, slinking out of his reach. Hurt flashed in his eyes as you faced him. “Congrats on the win. Christoph said it was a good game.”

“It would’ve been better if you were in the stands,” Theo said softly.

“I was busy.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” he eyed Christoph with disdain. “Listen, can we go somewhere and talk? I haven’t seen you all week.”

You crossed your arms. “We just got here.”

Theo was not well pleased by your use of ‘we’ as if you and Murdock were suddenly now a thing. He barely spared the sodding prick a glance. You couldn’t actually be attracted to this prat, could you? He was all wrong for you. Murdock had a stocky beater build and short blonde cropped hair. You hated beefy guys and you were definitely not a fan of blondes. Case in point: Draco.

No, you liked tall sarcastic brunettes with messy hair and a slight nicotine addiction.

You liked him.

So Theo stayed put, meeting your gaze with equal intensity. There was no way in hell he was backing down.

For good measure, he pouted slightly and fixed his eyes on you. “Please, Y/N.”

He saw the exact moment when your resolve broke. Your expression softened and your shoulders relaxed, slumping in defeat. You sighed before turning over to Murdock. “Do you mind giving us a moment?”

Christoph nodded. “I’ll fetch us some more drinks.”

Theo watched him walk away, or rather, he glared at his back until Murdock was out of sight.

“Really, Y/N?” Theo asked incredulously. “You're slumming it with that benchwarmer?”

You wheeled towards him, eyes blazing with fire. Oh, he was truly in for it now. “First of all, I’m not ‘slumming it’ with anyone and even if I were, it’s none of your bloody business. Second of all, Christoph is actually a really nice guy.”

Theo scoffed. “Yeah, because you’re suddenly into really nice guys now.”

“Well maybe I got tired of hanging around pricks.”

Ouch. That one definitely hurt. Even if it was well deserved.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all week?” Theo asked, stepping closer. “You’ve been busy with Murdock?”

Merlin’s beard, Theo was ridiculously tall. He towered a good foot over you, cornering you against the wall. His eyes were stormy and dark like a predator watching its prey.

“Careful, Theo,” you warned, meeting his gaze. “You almost sound jealous.”

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Neither one of you were backing down from this little standoff. Theo braced himself against the wall, his face inches away from yours.

“What if I am?” He challenged, his eyes dipping to your mouth. “What if I told you that it’s taking every ounce of self control I have not to rip Murdock to shreds?”

A shiver skittered down your spine. Theo wasn’t a violent person. Sure, he’d been in a fight or two, but that was mostly Mattheo’s doing. Your best friend wasn’t the aggressive type, so to hear him threaten Christoph took you by surprise.

“You have no reason to be jealous, Theo.” You countered. “After all, we’re just friends.”

“No, we’re not,” he said. “We’ve never been just friends, Y/N.”

“Then why did you—”

“Because I’m an idiot and a coward,” Theo said with a sigh. “Because I had a beautiful girl in my bed and I had no idea how to tell her that I’ve been in love with her since I was five.”

All the anger and hurt you’ve been carrying around for the past week instantly dissolved. A little smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. “You’re in love with me?”

“I thought that much was obvious, love.”

“Hmm,” you hummed in response. “Theodore Nott, infamous playboy and shameless flirt, is in love with me. What an interesting development.”

Theo groaned. “Now is not the time to be a smartass, Y/N.”

“I think it’s the perfect time—”

You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence. Suddenly, Theo’s lips were on yours. He tasted like peppermint and whiskey, and he kissed you like his life depended on it. You sighed into his mouth, melting against his touch as he cupped the side of your cheek. This was definitely not a just friends kiss. It was a butterfly inducing, head in the clouds, sweep you off your feet kind of kiss.

Theo's hands snaked around your waist as your fingers found purchase in his shaggy brown hair. He pulled you flush against him like he couldn't get enough. Merlin's pants, Theo really knew how to kiss. His lips were soft against yours, but there was a roughness in his actions that told you that his restraint was hanging on by a thread.

Like he'd been waiting for this for far too long.

You knew the feeling all too well.

"Darling, if you keep kissing me like that then this party will receive a show they didn't ask for."

You stuck your tongue out at him. "You started it."

"Shall I end it too, love?"

"You're an absolute twat, Theodore Nott." You rolled your eyes, kissing the tip of his nose affectionately. “A rich, handsome twat that I'm in love with."

Somewhere across the room, the hoots and hollers of your friends ignited a deafening cheer. Mattheo and Enzo clapped Theo on the back. Blaise raised his glass in approval. Draco smirked and exchanged galleons with Pansy. You didn’t even want to know what that was about.

“Fucking finally,” Mattheo remarked. “Notty boy here has been impossible to deal with this entire week. I never noticed how much of a wanker he can be when you aren’t there to balance him out, Y/N.”

You chuckled. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Enzo grimaced. “You weren’t on the receiving end of his quaffles,” he said, eyeing Theo. “He nearly took my head off.”

That only made you laugh more. “Teddy bear wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“No, it’s true. Nott went absolutely mental.” Draco confirmed, draping an arm around your shoulder. “I’ve never seen him play like that. He wiped the floor with those pathetic Gryffindors. You should ignore him more often, Y/N."

Pansy wrinkled her nose. “Please don’t. Looking at his miserable face put me off my meals for an entire week. I couldn’t even bear to eat any of my special Belgian chocolates. I missed out on Belgian chocolates, Y/N!”

“You lot are overexaggerating,” Theo said, pulling you in by the waist. “I wasn’t that bad.”

“Please, you were an absolute mess without Y/N,” Blaise added.

“More like an absolute wanker,” Mattheo supplied.

“An absolute supreme mega wanker,” Draco agreed. “Even by my standards.”

“It was pretty brutal,” said Enzo.

Theo glared at all of them before taking your hand. “Let’s go, Y/N. I’d rather not stand around and get insulted all night.”

“Sure thing. But I should probably tell Christoph that I’m…indisposed.”

Mattheo grinned mischievously. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about Murdock.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “What did you do, Riddle?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he said innocently. “The boys and I just let him know that he should set his sights elsewhere.”

“We also might have implied that we’d turn him into a horned bullfrog if he ever hit on you again,” Enzo said with a smile.

“The audacity he even had approaching you is frankly insulting,” Malfoy remarked. “Everyone knows you’re off limits.” He smirked. “Unfortunately.”

Theo fell right into Draco’s bait. “Don’t hit on my girl, Malfoy.”

Blaise raised an amused brow. “Oh, she’s your girl now, is she?

“Of course she is,” Theo said. He linked his fingers with yours and flashed those pretty eyes at you. The perfect mixture of blue and green, just like the ocean during a storm. “If she’ll have me.”

You smiled, wide and bright. “Come on, Teddy. Your girl wants to dance.”

#theodore nott #theo nott #theo nott fic #theodore nott fic #theo nott smut #theo nott x reader #theodore nott x reader #theo nott x y/n #theo nott x you #theo nott imagine #blaise zabini #enzo berkshire #draco malfoy

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dumbseee · 1 year

Text

insecurity.

f1 au/fic: in which, lando and y/n have been dating for a few months, but fans are still talking about y/n’s past relationship. making lando feel insecure and questioning y/n’s feelings for him.

lando norris x singer!reader

(fc: jess alexander)

note: english isn’t my first language so excuse me for the mistakes this might have xx ALSO it’s the first time that i’m actually writing something so i hope it’s not too bad lmao. thank you for reading my aus btw <3

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, danielricciardo and 2 799 009 others.

y/n: happy birthday to my sun, you’re such a beautiful soul, i’m so proud to call you mine. i love you to the moon and back and promise to always love you.

landonorris: i love you more baby

danielricciardo: we’re at practice and he’s crying btw

fan1: they’re so absjdkdoldel

fan2: mama y papa

fan3: he always smile so brightly when he’s looking at her :(

fan4: i’m sorry but i can’t help but think about y/n’s ex… on the same day last year she was posting pictures of him

fan5: @.fan4 don’t do that… it’s about lando, not her ex

fan6: am i tripping or she also used to call her ex, her « sun »??

fan7: @.fan6 WHAT

fan8: @.fan6 no she didn’t?

lando sighed and threw his phone on his bed. of course he saw all the tweets about you and your stupid ex, how could he ignore them when it was all over the internet. people were speculating about if he was a rebound or a toy for you. lando was hurt, he always thought that you were way out of his league anyways so he should’ve seen it coming, right? you were an amazing and worldwide known singer, with your angelic voice and heartbreaking lyrics. you sang with your heart which made anyone who was listening to you, fall in love immediately.

that’s what happened with lando. he was always a big fan of yours, singing your songs on top of his lungs at parties, and following every single news about you, he even went to your concerts. one day, he went viral for singing your song on the radio with his engineer, he also happened to have made it to p3, which he said was because you were his lucky charm. the video was published online and went viral, you saw it and immediately found it adorable. the rest was history.

when you guys hard launched your relationship to the world, the big majority was happy for you two, happy to see you smile and happy to see that lando managed to get his crush. but a small minority saw that relationship as a rebound for you, saying horrible things about how you never loved lando and how you would dump him in a few months to go back to your one true love, your ex.

lando saw it all. and he hated it.

"lando? are you okay?" you asked, when you went to check in on him. he was supposed to bring a few blankets so you guys could watch a movie together. but he was taking way too much time so you went to see if he was okay.

"do you love me y/n?" he asked you, and the sadness in his eyes almost made you cry. lando’s eyes was what you loved the most about him, with his smile of course, but his gorgeous green eyes were full of emotions, you could drown in them and feel every little thing he was feeling just by looking at him.

"what are you talking about? of course i love you lando." you say, taking his hand in yours and softly kissing his knuckles. you saw him close his eyes and sigh deeply. you pushed him on the bed and sat next to him. "what happened?"

"it’s stupid, don’t worry about it." he finally looked up at you and faked a smile but it didn’t fool you.

"lando. tell me." you were still holding his hand and with your free hand you started to caress his cheek. he closed his eyes again and melted against your touch.

"your fans are still talking about your past relationship and how i’m nothing but a rebound to you." he said it in such a low tone you almost didn’t hear him. but sadly you heard his words and you could feel your heart shatter at how your fans words affected him. "i know that you guys stayed together for a while, and i know that you wrote good songs about him, i listened to them all, but… if you still love him you can-…"

"lando norris." you said in a serious tone, which startled him. "how am i supposed to love anyone else when you stole my heart and refuse to give it back?" his eyes lit up a little by your words. "and i literally wrote 56 songs about how much i love you so you better listen to them all once again and never doubt my feelings for you ever again, boy."

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, charlottesiine and 6 808 009 others.

y/n: ‘you are in love’ is officially out ;) little gift from me to you sweet lan <3

maxfewtrell: lando listened to it and locked himself in the bathroom to cry

landonorris: @.maxfewtrell FAKE NEWS

danielricciardo: i wish someone would write 57 songs about me…

heidiberger_: @.danielricciardo excuse me? (great song btw y/n!)

liked by y/n.

fan1: ZKSKSLXPODOSOZ

fan2: y/n making haters eat their words with one song: queen behaviour

fan3: i hope haters will stop hating on lando now how can you say that y/n is using him as a rebound

fan4: CALL 911 IM ON THE VERGE OF DEATH

fan5: y/n writing a love song for lando on his birthday :(

fan6: i love them so much pls

fan7: that whole drama about her ex was so dumb, they broke up for a reason and y/n also wrote songs about how awful he was to her towards the end of their relationship, why do you guys want her to go back to that dog?

liked by y/n.

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