#anyway the cops were on our side bc it’s fucking ridiculous and what he’s

[ultraviolencced]

*finds out who trapped and injured my cat*

my mom: shows up at his door with a bat

#i’m being 100% serious and the day it happened she walked through the neighborhood with the bat looking for traps to smash #it ended up being the worst neighbor everyone in the neighborhood hates him he’s the neighbor that calls the cops on everyone #he filed a restraining order against his nextdoor neighbor bc that neighbor was sick of his shit bc he called the cops on them bc #their daughter came over one day and brought her dog and it wasn’t a big dog but like dogs do when they’re outside they bark so he called #the cops on a barking dog and the good neighbor got in face and yelled at him as he should then that fucker called the cops #i posted about toddy getting hurt with a pic of his face all bloody and swollen and random people i never knew lived in my neighborhood were #like yo i live by this guy he’s fucking crazy #when he called the cops bc of my mom his other nextdoor neighbor came out and talked to the cops just to tell them what a nut case that guy #anyway the cops were on our side bc it’s fucking ridiculous and what he’s #doing shouldn’t be legal (intentionally baiting and trapping cats) but it’s not up to them it’s up to animal control and animal control #says he’s allowed to intentionally hurt cats #like i have ptsd my cat is what makes me feel safe and this has been so fucking traumatizing #like i want that guy dead tbh he also abuses his elderly mother #my mom is going full on harley quinn with her fucking bat

[redrabbitspod]

YOU GOT ROBBED ?! Can we have a story time ?

Um, no? Andrew fucking stabbed him before he robbed us?

Okay, here's a story time for you since I know you've missed them.

To start, let me just say we have a ridiculous security system. Like, they probably don't have this shit at the most secure locations okay. My uncle procured it and idk from where, we'll leave it at that. Now, because of this, we've had to tinker with it so we don't get an alert every time one of the chickens beaks a worm to death (RIP worm). Because of that it basically just alerts us when something sets off the security lights.

Now, we're in bed. It's like 3AM and we're sleeping soundly AT THE SAME TIME which happens a lot but it also doesn't happen enough that we appreciate it when it does (trauma lol). Both our phones start buzzing and Andrew fucking ninja kicks out of the bed like someone's burst through our bedroom door and not at all like his phone is softly buzzing near his head. I don't move at all because honestly I'm tired and Andrew seems like he has it handled. A few seconds later I hear who the fuck and that's when I also karate somersault out of the bed to find myself holding a weapon and ready to go. Because that meant a PERSON was setting our shit off.

Andrew's all grimly pulling his arm bands on like 'stay here' and after I got done laughing in his face we crept downstairs. We were watching this person go from shadow to shadow like they thought they could avoid the security lights and it would've been funny if it weren't so sad. We watched him sidle up to the back doors and try the handle and then pull something out like he was going to try to pick the lock. The alarm only hadn't gone off at this point because Andrew disabled it on his phone before it could. So we let him try to pick it. Because why not right? It was laughable. It's an electronic automatic lock like, my brother in Christ. It was never going to work.

Meanwhile Andrew pulls out a donut from somewhere istg I have no idea I guess they were just there in the kitchen which is where the back doors are and we're just hanging out listening to this fucker cursing at the door. Eventually Andrew shoves the last of the donut in his mouth, straightens his armbands and throws the door open.

Okay so listen. Andrew doesn't just stab people unless they deserve it, you know? We were just going to scare the shit out of this guy but then he pulls a gun when he sees us and barrels his way into the house like he's a one man swat team or some shit. Andrew wasn't even phased but AS SOON as that guy pointed a gun at me? Whew. WHEW. It's still gray sweatpant season friends and Andrew sleeps shirtless so this idiot is fucking HALF NAKED with his LONG ASS HAIR everywhere with BLACK ARMBANDS and he pulls a knife out so fast and just stabs THE FUCK out of this guy. Portrait of a small hot man titled 'don't touch my things'.

I'm laughing just thinking about this.

Like right in his side. He crumples to the kitchen floor and I look at Andrew and he looks at the guy and I'm like we're never going to get the blood out of the grout 😭 and Andrew's like he could have killed you you fucking idiot and I was like that gun isn't loaded. The guy at this point is trying to like crawl away so I put a foot on his back to hold him in place. Where tf do you think you're going?! Anyway so Andrew checks the gun and yeah. Not loaded. Like I said. I could just tell idk.

So then what do we do? We COULD call the cops but who wants to deal with the cops? Not perfectly law abiding citizens like us. And let's be real idk why this guy is breaking into houses. He sure broke into the wrong one and he was lucky he didn't step on a cat or something bc I'm not sure he'd have lived to tell this tale. But Andrew calls Aaron 1. To make sure they're okay and no one tried anything over there because The Nieces live there and 2. He didn't want to bloody the Maz or the GS so Aaron's shitty Honda would have to do.

We tie the guy up, load him into Aaron's Honda (I drove because I'm a great getaway driver and Aaron threw the keys out of his front door and said I DONT WANNA KNOW before slamming it again) and dumped him in front of a hospital. At this point Andrew had a shirt on but it was fine because he let me be the one to threaten the guy and if there's something I'm great at (besides being a getaway driver) it's making people believe my threats.

Anyway the guy pissed himself in Aaron's trunk and we're just waiting for him to realize it ☺️

THE END -N

#story time #rr answers 2 #Neil answers 2 #jk fbi guy haha lol

[astralaffairs]

i know mc is specifically a political journalist, but what if she was covering a story like the blm on the side or a riot or smth, and happened to get arrested while on the job? any headcanons for how thom would react? i see him wanting to use his political influence to get her out but i feel like he might give away too much if he does that?? or would he not care at this point bc he just wants to make sure she's safe?

mc uses her prison phone call on either lafayette or dolley for the SOLE purpose of them getting her in touch w thom

because so many people were arrested, the cops arresting yet another journalist probably wouldn't make the news

so when she calls either dolley or laf she just has to hope that they know what she means when she says to "spread the word" that she's been arrested

when word reaches thomas about it, though, he damn near loses his mind because "they can't just hold her there indefinitely!!!!!"

however, because her invocation of habeas corpus is just met with a statement that she's suspected of "rioting" or some variation of theft or property destruction at the protests, they all realize that they can, in fact, hold her there indefinitely

because our criminal justice system is so wildly fucked up

being a certified Broke Bitch, our poor heroine cannot post bail, so she's there until either charges are dropped or she scrounges up enough money for bail

dolley and lafayette both come to visit her (regardless of who she calls w her one phone call, they each tell the other pretty quickly)

when they learn abt her situation, they're also freaking out

they both offer to pay her bail money, but considering that they're both public figures closely associated w the jefferson campaign, mc thinks it would look too sus

lafayette comes in the next day claiming to be her lawyer so he can talk to her alone (she j runs with it bc this might as well happen)

but really he just did it so he could have space to tell her that thomas was insisting on bankrolling her bail AND legal fees

his plan is to just fund it w/ offshore investments; if the $$ is coming from nevis, no one's gonna be able to track it back to him (haven't u heard thomas jefferson was implicated in the panama papers??)

she tells him fuck no u can't do that

because then she'd have evidence of him using offshore investments to evade taxes (and she'd publish that info w/o hesitation)

because of course he's guilty of tax evasion 🙄

she'd basically tell him to take his money out of the offshore accounts if he was gonna bankroll her anything; she refuses to let her bail fund b paid by dark money

meanwhile, alex and lafayette are about to throw down bc alex is pissed that lafayette is acting as mc's lawyer

"He doesn't even have a law degree! Why the hell would you trust him with this?"

and lafayette is ridiculously smug abt it, but he knows the only reason she's letting him act as her attorney is so he can act as an intermediary btwn her and thomas

(once she no longer needed to communicate w thom, lafayette would be losing his role there)

but anyway thomas quickly realizes she won't b letting him pay her bail fund (and that she's probably being more reasonable abt it than he is)

so, being the extra bitch he is, he literally funnels millions of dollars to washington dc bail funds (cool donation, mediocre motive)

however, despite him being lauded as a hero of the people and an Activist, mc's bail doesn't get paid

relative to the other people who are being held in the same jail as her, her bail is low-cost, and her charges aren't very serious, so bailing her out is low priority

so, being the extra bitch he is, thomas assembles a fucking legal team to take the arrest of reporters and journalists at the protests to the dc district courts as a first amendment violation

mc is fucking shocked when she finds out

she's even more shocked when she finds out alex forced his way onto thomas's legal team bc he decided he had a stake in the matter

he, of course, does not realize that thomas literally brought the case to the court for the sole purpose of freeing mc

and, yknow, protecting the bill of rights, of course

he wins his case, of course

it gets him ridiculously good press and his approval ratings jump significantly

he shows up at the holding cells at the county jail when the judge orders that all journalists and reporters are released partially to rub his win in the cops' faces

but also, by now, mc has been in a holding cell eating prison food for 8 days and thomas is absolutely worried sick

he hasn't seen her, spoken to her, or heard from her except by way of lafayette's interpretation of her words, and he has no clue how she's holding up

dolleys been doing her best to keep him updated

but, yknow, he has to personally see to it that the judge's orders are followed and the journalists are released

and mc is beyond overjoyed to see him

but she also thinks he was being extra as fuck, and he didn't need to do all this just to get her out

she thanks him for all his efforts in a very formal interaction when they're both at the county jail but she's clearly mildly amused that he went to all this trouble

and he just looks WORRIED AS SHIT. he wants to hug her and baby her and ask her if she's alright

instead, when she shakes his hand in a gesture of awkward gratitude, he subtly lets her know he'll be home all that evening

and then he's texting her all afternoon after she gets out

but she wants to stay home :( needs to be at her own place after all that time in a fucking holding cell

so she isn't shocked when thomas shows up for coffee at the diner around 10 pm

in fact, even tho she isn't working right then, she goes downstairs just on the hunch that he might show up

and when mc offers to let mira go, then, and leave closing up shop to mc, mira isn't shocked, either

by then, she's caught thomas sneaking out the back door of the building in the early morning one too many times for her to not suspect anything (even tho he always claims he was there for coffee, he swears)

mira just sighs and sends thomas upstairs w/ mc once the diner is all cleared out, and they're both like "shit shit fuck she knows oh my god"

but she doesn't push the conversation any further just then, so they figure it can wait until another day

and then, of course, thomas spends the night absolutely babying her

he insists on cooking for her since she didn't eat dinner (she claimed she didn't have an appetite, but he was fairly certain it was just the prison food making her feel sick)

she puts up a fight, but when the food is in front of her, it's a little too good to resist

and if they don't fuck when he spends the night, neither of them says anything about it. didn't this count as the "friends" part of "friends with benefits"?

and if it briefly occurs to them that friends aren't supposed to casually make out on their kitchen counters, they still don't say anything about it

and if mc spends the next couple nights sleeping better than she has in weeks because her bed smells like thomas, she doesn't say anything about it

#this got way too long and tangential #but thats ok #hzl talks #freedom of the press #hamilton x reader #hamilton #hamilton fanfic #hamilton fic #send me asks!

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Officer Cutie Pants

Anon Request: Can I do a request on our sweet little detective, where he frisks, cuffs, and has a lot of physical contact with the reader, maybe some light hearted smut at the end? :P

A/N: This became a story, but I hope it still satisfies your request. I tried some third person for a change bc I get bored with “Y/N” and “you.” However, there are some places where I had to use a “Y/N,” but I did try to limit it. Feedback welcome, as always, especially if you are like omg stahhp this is way too much “she/her” and “you” flows better sis👏

WC: 6087

Warnings: Reference to a jackass in a club who doesn’t know what “no” means, minor physical violence of said jackass, SMUT (18+ please)

* * * * *

Mike hides his laugh behind his hand as Baxter’s girlfriend pushes her ass into her boyfriend, grinding back into him as he tries his best to still her hips. His forearms are strained with effort as he holds her at bay.

“Y/N. Get. In. The. Car,” Baxter growls out before adding a quiet, “Please.”

“Youuu are gonna have to cuff meee,” she sings, twirling in his arms and wrapping her hands around his neck. “Andstuffme,” she loudly whispers, causing Mike to laugh as Baxter looks ready to die on the spot.

The night had been a fairly quiet patrol, so when Mike and Baxter got a call for a drunken disturbance outside of a nightclub in their area, they both sat up a little straighter as their adrenaline kicked in. Baxter’s breath hitched as he remembered something, his palms all of a sudden very sweaty; he rubbed them over the starchy fabric of the uniform pants that covered his thighs, and Mike glanced over from the driver’s seat.

“What is it?”

“Y/N is there tonight—I just … I’ve got that feeling. Something’s happened.”

Mike’s foot pressed harder on the accelerator as he flipped on the siren.

“Hey, Mike!” she calls, suddenly aware of his presence. “Bax is bein’ a loatboad of nofun.”

“A loatboad, huh,” Mike says as he walks over, his arms crossing as he looks down from his substantial height of 6’5 at both Baxter and Baxter’s girlfriend.

“I can handle this,” he says, glancing up at Mike before returning his eyes to his girlfriend’s face.

He grasps her wrists and removes her hands from his neck, gently pushing her back. She giggles and leans against the cruiser, her head tilting up to look at the night sky.

She is absolutely drunk off her ass, along with at least three of the five friends she had been partying with.

“I wanna press charges against that bi—”

“Careful, sir,” Mike says, cutting off a guy who is almost the same height as himself, except it looks like this guy currently ran his nose into a doorframe. “You wanna tell me what happened here?”

Mike maneuvers his body to block Baxter from the view of the guy who is now insisting that Bax’s girlfriend assaulted him.

“I’ll tell ya wha’ happened!” she interjects, raising her head from its spot on the car and struggling again.

“Tell me what happened,” Baxter says, moving so that his back is to Mike’s, further distancing her from the man claiming assault.

Her eyes are filled with a wild anger until she realizes her boyfriend is the only thing she can see. She blinks, then grins at him.

“Le’s go downtown, Officer Baxty-Babe. I’ll take my pants off ‘n you can do that thing you do that makes me—”

“Please, please stop, sweetheart. You need to focus and explain what happened, or I am going to have to arrest you. Which means mountains of paperwork,” Baxter explains, moving to try to capture her gaze long enough to hold her attention. “Which means it will be a week before I can do that thing to you again,” he adds in a low voice, pulling a wide smile from her as her bloodshot eyes finally settle on his again.

Staring intently into Baxter’s eyes always makes her feel like she is being scrubbed raw. His eyes look dark in the dim light of the street, but they still hold that same pull that had initially attracted her. She quickly found out that dating a cop was hell, constantly worrying about what might happen to him, and after an initial few months of swearing she was going to break it off, and Baxter showing her why she shouldn’t, she acquiesced and let herself fall ridiculously in love with him.

Which suddenly occurs to her to say.

“Iloveyousomuch,” she gushes, her eyes filling with tears. “You’re so sexy ‘n smart ‘n officery ‘n I jus’ looove you.”

Baxter blinks, a long, slow blink of patience, and releases his grasp on her wrists. He moves his hands to her face and asks her not to cry.

“‘M not cryin’!” she declares, laughing as she flings herself into Baxter’s arms, finally able to make full body contact with him, her hands travelling south to grasp his ass at an incredibly high rate of speed before he snatches up her wrists again.

“Stop!” Baxter says loud enough to make her freeze, the tears she swore she didn’t have in her eyes returning.

“Okay,” she mumbles, stepping back and going slack against the car, so slack that she just keeps sliding until she’s sitting on the ground, her ass suddenly cold as it connects with the asphalt.

Gracie and Kendra move forward to help their friend, but Baxter holds out his hand, stopping them.

With a sigh, he kneels, thankful his girlfriend can’t make any more sudden moves.

“Sweetheart,” he says gently. “Please tell me what happened.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Can’t.”

“You can’t remember?”

“I re’mber.”

“Then why can’t you tell me?”

She finally looks up, sniffling but not yet crying.

“You’ll kill ‘em.”

Baxter’s fingers flex as he suddenly realizes he should’ve trusted that feeling in his gut all along. He looks up at Gracie and Kendra, and they are frowning.

“Did you see what happened?”

“Not until after she hit him—but it was for a good reason, Bax,” Kendra answers.

Baxter turns his attention back to his girlfriend.

“If you told the girls, you can tell me, too.”

“Gonna kill him ‘n you’ll lose your job—”

“I am an officer of the law, Y/N,” Baxter says, his voice even and soothing, the exact opposite of how he really felt. “I took an oath to protect and serve. The least I can do is protect the woman I love.”

Gracie hiccups as tears fill her eyes and she softly says, “He won’t kill ‘em—ya gotta tell him anyway.”

Too drunk to have felt Baxter’s shift in demeanor from one of embarrassment to controlled anger, she feels reassured by Gracie’s appeal.  

“Tell me what happened,” Baxter requests again in the same soothing voice, his eyes trained on her face as she looks slightly over his shoulder and into the small crowd that had gathered.  

“We were dancing. ‘N it was fine. All the girls. Guys too. Some guys, couple a guys. Some guys started dancing. Yes. Wasn’t even really payin’ attention, just dancing ‘n then one of em was pullin’ me away, tellin’ me he was taking me home ‘n I said no ‘n he wouldn’ listen so I hit em—just like you taugh’ me,” she finishes, suddenly happy again as her face splits into a wide grin as she mimicks her upward, palm-flat punch toward Baxter’s nose.

He grabs her hand in time to stop her from accidentally hitting him, but this time, instead of restraining her, he presses a kiss to the back of her hand.

“Good girl. Now, can you stay right here for me? Don’t move?”

“I like it here. ‘S comfy,” she says patting the ground and leaning her head to the side.

Baxter’s movement is a blur as he brushes past Mike and starts in on the guy who apparently couldn’t understand the word no.

“Turn around. Put your hands behind your back,” Baxter says as he pulls his cuffs from his belt.

Mike is on immediate alert, ready to back up his partner. He acknowledges the backup officers who had arrived only a moment ago, and they work to push the crowd back.  

“What the fuck, man? I’m the one with the busted nose!”

“I said turn around,” Baxter growls as he steps forward, his eyes fixed on the guy’s face. “In my area, no means no.”

“I never touched her,” the guy says, an edge of panic creeping into his voice as he realizes he’s not going to be able to use the sympathy of a few fellow men. Neither Mike nor Baxter have any tolerance for men who don’t respect women, especially intoxicated and vulnerable ones, although it turned out that this guy’s target was not at all vulnerable.

“It was loud—I didn’t hear her. I swear, Officer,” the guy babbles as he complies to being cuffed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as his eyes dart back and forth

Mike steps forward and hooks Baxter’s elbow, angling him so he could lean down to his ear, “Bargain. Get him to drop the charge against Y/N if we let him off with a misdemeanor disturbance. Guy doesn’t have a record.”

Baxter’s eyes turn up to Mike’s and they are hard, unwavering, but Mike doesn’t look away. Under his partner’s gaze, Baxter’s anger falters and logic takes hold again.

“Interview Y/N’s friends while he cools his heels in the backseat. I’ll check in with the bouncer to make sure he’s never had an issue with the asshole before.”

Mike nods and is once more greeted by a cheer as he approaches Baxter’s girlfriend, a few of her friends joining in this time, making Mike grin and shake his head yet again. Meanwhile, Baxter walks the guy in custody to the backup’s cruiser and puts him in the backseat.

At least she’s okay, he thinks before he begins to clean up this mess of a night.  

*  *  *  *  *

Groaning, Baxter’s girlfriend lifts her head from the mattress between the two pillows she had fallen onto when she passed out. She has a vague recollection of her friends helping her into bed, but at the moment, much of the night was a blur.

Rolling over, she thinks hard.

Dancing. Lots of dancing.

Shots. More shots than dancing.

God, what got into me?

There is a rustling and a few thunks from the kitchen that make her sit up in bed, her heart picking up speed as she listens.

“Hello?” she calls, wondering if Gracie, Kendra, or Eliza had spent the night.

Clutching her blanket to her chest, she holds her breath as heavy footsteps scuffle down the hall.

Baxter appears in the bedroom doorway, a smile on his face and an apology for scaring her on his lips.

“You did scare me! Last night … bit of a blur,” she sighs as she lays back down.

“How much of a blur?” he asks as he moves farther into the room, his hands settling into the pockets of his gray sweats. He still has on his sneakers, and he’s wearing a black, LAPD t-shirt from the 5-k run the county hosted a few weeks ago.

She’s quiet for a moment and then sits up with a gasp, her eyes wide as she begs Baxter to tell her she’s wrong.

“I didn’t … oh my god. Please say I didn’t. That guy’s nose. OH. MY. GOD. I tried to—while you were on duty. Oh god, Bax. I’m so sorry!”

Baxter only smiles a little.

“So you remember it all?”

“The details are a little hazy—what happened to the guy I … bopped?”

“It was a little more than a ‘bop,’” Baxter says, pulling his hands from his pockets to make air quotes.

“I think I may have overreacted,” she says as she bites her lip, realizing that her mouth tastes like a drifter took a bath in it.

“The bouncer corroborated that he got pushy. It’s club policy to kick anyone out that makes physical contact, though. Apparently, you didn’t like that.”

Closing her eyes, she thinks back and remembered issuing quite a string of profanity as the bouncer escorted her out.

“Who called the cops?”

“The guy you slugged. Guess he has a modeling gig next week and no insurance. He wanted the ‘crazy bitch’ who hit him to pay for the damage she caused to his livelihood.”

“He was a model?” she asks, her lip turning up in confused disagreement. “No way.”

“Way,” Bax replies, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed.

Her eyes squint as she thinks hard about what transpired, frowning as she looked to Baxter’s face. It is still fixed in what she calls his “cop face.” His features neutral, his mouth closed and his eyes alert as he waits for her to talk—he has the patience of a saint, which makes him a damn good policeman.

“We were all dancing—a big group of us. The guys came up and pulled a few shots from the floating tray for us. I was feeling pretty stellar by then anyway, but I remember the feeling of his fingers closing over my wrist—tugging me away from the dance floor. I told him I had a boyfriend, but he shrugged. It was that fucking shrug. He pulled on my wrist again, and the rest is a blur—I do remember the way it felt when my palm connected with his nose—shit! I have a bruise!” she exclaims, looking at the bright patch on the heel of her palm.

Baxter’s eyebrow rises and he scoots closer, reaching out to take her hand in his to examine her palm.

“Are you mad at me? I don’t blame you if you are.”

Baxter closes his eyes for a moment, then raises her palm to his lips, pressing gently into the bruise.

“No. I’m not mad, sweetheart.”

“Am I in trouble?”

Baxter chuckles, his lips vibrating against her palm.

“Would I be here about to cook you a big hangover breakfast in my sweats instead of my uniform if you were?”

“I feel like I’ve sullied your sacred uniform,” she says, her grin shy before splitting into one of joy. “Wait—did you say breakfast?”

“Mmhmmm.”

“You are the best boyfriend in the universe!”

“I know. And I also know you will somehow think of a way to repay me for the merciless roasting I took at the station when Mike opened his dumbass mouth.”

“I will kill him. I don’t care how big he is.”

“You’ve clearly proven what a tigress you are,” Baxter replies, his face becoming more open as he relaxes, knowing that his girlfriend really is okay after the ordeal.

“Just you wait,” she says, her headache momentarily forgotten as she darts toward the bathroom.

“I shower … you cook!”

Baxter smiles and shakes his head as he stands and makes his way back to the kitchen.

As soon as the bathroom door shuts and she flicks on the light, she remembers her hangover. Opening the medicine cabinet, she pops a few ibuprofen and scoops up some water from the running faucet. Unable to take the dirty feeling any longer, she brushes her teeth as she turns the shower on and lets it get hot.

About 20 minutes later, she emerges from her bedroom, showered, comfily dressed, and feeling mostly human, to the smell of bacon and coffee.

Baxter is pushing around eggs in her skillet as she walks over to him, bacon on the burner beside the eggs, and another skillet of potatoes sizzling on the back burner. Standing behind him, she pops her chin onto his shoulder and slides her hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.

“You smell good,” Baxter says through a smile that she can only hear.

“So do you,” she purrs as she turns into his neck and nuzzles, enjoying the slight stubble along Baxter’s jawline that meant he had gotten ready in a rush to come and see her.

“Is that so?”

“Shut up,” she bites back playfully, her hands moving to grip his strong thighs from the inside of his pockets. “You know you smell better, look better, and are an infinitely better human than any idiot fuckboy in a club who thinks ‘I have a boyfriend’ is a challenge.”

She feels Baxter chuckle again, and as he steps slightly to the right, she pushes her hands deeper into his pockets, inadvertently exposing a strip of his stomach between his boxer-briefs and his t-shirt.

“Hey—if I get a third degree burn from bacon grease on my junk, I am going to be pissed at you.”

Laughing, she relinquishes her boyfriend and moves to pull down two mugs for coffee.

“You are so sexy, Mister Officer. I can’t help myself—as we clearly learned last night,” she banters back with a slight eyeroll at her own behavior.

“Can I ask you something?”

She puts Baxter’s coffee on the counter closest to where he’s scrambling the eggs, and then leans into the edge before replying, “Of course.”

“Why were you so shitfaced last night? I’ve seen you have a good time, but that seemed … out of character. Or maybe not? I’m just curious.”

“It’s a very legit question, Bax. And you’re right … a little out of character for me.”

Pausing, she takes a sip of her coffee. Baxter turns the burner off for the bacon and moves it from the heat. He turns the potatoes down before running his spatula through them, making sure they don’t burn. Sitting her coffee down, she moves to a cupboard to grab a plate and a few papertowels.

“Sometimes I just want to get fucked up. I wanna not worry for a night. Not overthink. Let the constant yammering in my head take a night off, ya know?”

Baxter nods and asks for two bowls for the scrambled eggs and the potatoes. She moves to the cupboard again and pulls out two white bowls, ones that are just a little bigger than the cereal bowls.

“Any particular worries?”

“Work, always.”

“I feel you on that one,” Baxter replies as he looks around for a serving spoon.

She reads his search and reaches into the drawer to pull one out.

“Toast?” he asks.

“Oh yes. I need all the carbs to quell the queasy.”

As she carries the bacon and eggs to her small in-kitchen table, she says quietly, “And you. Pretty much always.”

Baxter clicks the toaster down and turns to look at his girlfriend, his eyes narrowed and his lips a little tight.

“Me, huh?”

Chewing slightly on the skin behind her lower lip, she crosses to the toaster and leans on the counter opposite of Baxter.

“We talked about this when we first started dating, but I didn’t realize how consuming it would be. I think about the what ifs all the time. I love you. What would I do if—"

“Hey, hey,” Baxter says, cutting her off as he moves into her body, his hands coming up to cup her face.

In return, she slides her arms around his waist, her fingers moving under his t-shirt to touch the bare skin of his back.

Baxter and Y/N look at each other for a long moment before he closes the distance and kisses her, his lips forming perfectly against hers in a tender moment of genuine affection.

When Baxter pulls back, he holds her gaze as he says, “Imagine how I felt hearing that call come in for a club I knew you were at. When I saw you standing outside, I thought I was gonna be sick.”

She looks into Baxter’s eyes, and then both of them jump as the toaster pops, both of them uttering a soft giggle.

Bax presses a quick kiss to her forehead before pulling the toast out and setting it on a plate. She lines herself up behind him again and kisses between his shoulder blades over his t-shirt.

“Let’s both try to worry less.”

“I’m more concerned for any … what did you call him? Idiot fuckface?”

“Boy,” Y/N says, laughing. “Idiot fuckboy.”

“Fuckboy who tries to steal you away.”

“Never, ever gonna happen.”

“Even though I make you worry, like, all the time?”

“You’re worth it—you just may have to answer a few more what are they called? 213s?”

Baxter laughs, his teeth flashing, “Shit, sweetheart. If I had to answer a 213 for you, I think that would be the end of our relationship.”

“What’s a 213?”

“Use of illegal explosives.”

“Oh! Well, then. Nevermind. What’s the whatever I was code?”

“You came in as a 415 and a probable 390.”

“Oooh two codes! Yay me!”

Baxter is still smiling as he sits down catty-corner from his girlfriend.

“A drunken disturbance—pretty typical for a club call. Sorry to disappoint.”

After scooping half of the scrambled eggs onto her plate, she looks at Baxter with sincerity and says, “Thank you for not arresting me.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong—technically.”

“I’m still thankful.”

“And you’re still gonna repay me,” Baxter says, his voice low and his eye shutting with an exaggerated wink.

Laughing, she shakes her head as she takes a big bite of eggs and reaches for the bacon.

“I’m more inclined to fuck you into next week for making this amazing breakfast.”

Baxter’s lips pull down in an exaggerated frown as he shrugs before declaring, “Or we could read this as two separate thank-yous from the tigress. She can feel free to make an appearance whenever she likes.”

“As if I need a reason, Bax.”

Their eyes meet for a moment before Baxter clears his throat, grinning as he tucks into his breakfast.

Conversation flows easily between the two of them, and soon enough, both are leaning back in their chairs, sipping the last dregs of their coffee.

“How’s your hangover?”

“Mostly cured, I believe,” his girlfriend says from over the rim over her mug.

“You going to the gym?”

Baxter shrugs, his fingers drumming on the table.

“In that case,” she says, standing up slowly from her chair, “I think we oughta treat ourselves to a lazy day … in bed.”

“I like … the sound of that,” Baxter replies slowly, taking his girlfriend’s proffered hand. “I did have a really long night. Some drunk broad came on to me while I was arresting her.”

She spins around, feigning offense, and Baxter laughs, his hands whipping to her sides to tickle her. She bats at him and speeds down the hallway to her bedroom, pausing to turn only to be met with a body full of her boyfriend as he tackles her onto the bed.

Still laughing, they look at each other for a moment as their smiles quietly slip into an intense kiss. They both taste like coffee and bacon, their shared meal a reminder of their shared lives.

Baxter settles between her legs, his growing hardness evident through the forgiving material of his sweatpants.

She is dressed only in sleep shorts and a thin t-shirt, so when she pushes her hips into his, she moans at the friction when he bucks back into her.

Baxter’s lips kiss at her chin before he nudges her jaw up by tangling one strong hand in her hair and pulling.

Her lips part with a silent sigh as he kisses down her neck, soft, slow, long kisses where he presses the whole of his full lips against her skin before moving down a fraction to repeat the action. The feeling of his lips on her skin has always driven her wild and today is no exception.

She knows she’s already wet, but she doesn’t want to be needy for him. She keeps thinking back to Baxter’s banter in the kitchen and wondering if it really did hide an insecurity: perhaps he needs some reassurance that he is the sexiest man she has ever been with, that no “model” will ever turn her head when she knows she is coming home to Baxter. Her drunken teasing last night outside of the club meant nothing; she was out of her mind.

But right now—right now, she is here and more than willing to show him how important he is to her.

With a growl, she pushes at Baxter’s shoulders causing him to look up with heavy, confused eyes. With every ounce of lust she feels, she flips Baxter over and straddles him, thrusting her hands in his hair and mimicking his earlier tug of her own head.

“I want you.”

Pulling even tighter on his thick curls, she flattens along his body and starts to nip along his jaw, the stubble chaffing her lips and scratching against her teeth as she mouths at him before moving down his neck.

She licks along the strong muscle and settles into the indentation between the muscle and his windpipe to suck at little patches of skin, not hard enough to leave a mark, but hard enough for Baxter to shiver as he wonders if it will.

She works her way down to the exposed skin at the neck of his t-shirt, pulling on the fabric with her teeth before sitting up so she can maneuver him out of it.

Baxter lays back slowly, propped on his elbows as his girlfriend swirls her hips against his bulge. His mouth falls open and a sigh escapes as she pushes him down again.

He’s fit; his lean muscles standing out enough to make her lick her lips in appreciation and run her hands over his pecs, kneading them before lightly pinching his nipples into stiff peaks. He’s sensitive, everywhere, which always makes their time in the bedroom all the more satisfying.

She flattens her body along his again, his cock now pressing into her stomach as she leans down to kiss across his chest, moving to his right nipple to pinch it between her teeth.

Bax moans and reaches to run his fingers through her hair, pushing it out of the way so he can see her lips on his skin.

Flicking her tongue, she plays with his nipple before moving to the left one to repeat her ministrations, her right hand back to kneading that strong muscle before sliding up to his shoulder and back again.

He has soft skin, mottled with freckles that make her want to kiss them all every time she sees them and a thin smattering of hair on his chest that scratches lightly against her lips as she continues to kiss his chest before following his happy trail to his stomach.

Humming in the back of her throat with pleasure, her tongue swirling through the trail of softer hair, Baxter can barely control his hips. They are desperately trying to rut against her body, and she has a strong feeling he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

Sitting up slightly, she places her hands on his hips and pushes down.

“Behave for me or you’ll spoil all the fun.”

Baxter looks down, his face the perfect picture of debauchery: cheeks flushed, eyes heavy, and indentations on his bottom lip where he’s been biting.

He blinks, long and slow as if coming out of a fog, then huffs out a tiny laugh, his hands moving up to run through his hair before settling behind his head.

Her eyes trail over the way his biceps flex and she can’t help but reach into the course hairs of his underarms, scratching just enough to make him twitch before she smirks and returns her hands to his stomach.

Moving her body lower, she’s straddling his lower thighs now, Baxter’s thick cock clearly visible beneath the grey fabric, and at this point, she’s barely able to stop herself from stripping and mounting him on the spot.

But she wants him to know how much she needs him and from this angle, he can watch her face, also flushed with swollen lips from kissing his torso, fill with an unabashed desire as she grasps the bulge of his dick.

Slowly, she squeezes, not quite wrapping her hand all the way around his covered length, but pressing into him and sliding upward, jerking him off in the most teasing manner she can manage until a spot of precum leaks through his underwear and stains the grey of his sweats an even darker grey.

“Fuck, sweetheart. You’re killing me,” Baxter mumbles as his big blue eyes are flicking between her hand and her face, almost begging but not quite.

She takes hold of the waistband of his sweats and works them over his hips, Baxter lifting his ass off the mattress to help.

They repeat the process for his underwear, but she scoots down the bed to tug his clothes off. After pulling his socks off, too, she scratches her nails along the bottoms of his feet, making him jerk again, his face grinning as she pinches the big toe on each foot.

“So sensitive,” she breathes, her voice sultry.

She runs her fingers through the thick but soft curls of his leg hair, sliding them up and over his knees, slowing down only to push his thighs apart so his entire package is on display.

He’s so pretty, perfectly proportioned, and she reaches out with both hands to lightly grasp each testicle. She plays with the soft skin and watches Baxter’s cock jump as she applies more pressure, switching his balls to one hand so she can give them a good squeeze.

She takes the base of his dick in her other hand and very lightly begins to stroke him, once again watching the way her boyfriend responds to her touch and feeling the ache in her pussy which has become so pronounced that it feels like its throbbing in time with her heartbeat.

Sliding the thumb of her hand that was playing with his balls beneath them, she presses her thumb into his perineum and begins to move in firm, tiny circles, massaging him until his thighs are twitching and his chest’s rise and fall quickens.

She bends over now to take the tip of Baxter’s cock in her mouth, licking the precum from his slit first before closing over his head and lightly sucking. She slides her mouth over him, taking as much of his shaft as she can until Baxter begins to breathlessly plead.

“Stop—stop. I want to come inside your pussy.”

As if she couldn’t get wetter, the way Baxter’s mouth moves as he pleads sends a fresh wave of arousal to her center.

“Ride me, please. Wanna watch you.”

With a quiet groan at his words, she slides off the bed and strips out of her clothes. Baxter’s head turns to watch and he licks his lips before pulling on his worn, bottom lip, doing that thing that always makes her feel like a teenager again, crushing on the cutest boy she’d ever seen.  

Baxter shifts on the bed, adding another pillow behind him so he’s sitting up a bit more as his girlfriend straddles his hips. Still holding herself over him, she reaches between her legs and slides her fingers through her slickness.

Holding them up, coated in the evidence of her arousal, she murmurs, “Look at what you do to me, Bax,” before slipping them into her mouth.

“Kiss me,” he says, his eyes trained on her lips as she removes her fingers, the intensity of his gaze a bare beacon of his desire to taste her.

Leaning forward, she braces her palm on his chest as she kisses him, and with her other hand, she maneuvers his dick to her entrance, sliding down onto him, pulling his groan of satisfaction into her own mouth as she deepens the kiss.

“You feel so good,” she groans out as she breaks the kiss and stills her hips so she can just bask in the sensation of being filled up by the gorgeous man underneath her.

“So fucking good,” he answers.

After grabbing onto a fist full of dark curls and tilting his face up, she gives him a wicked smile as she starts to move, rising up and falling down at a teasingly slow pace.

She loves the feeling of control, but what she really loves is watching the way Baxter’s mouth falls open as he pants out his pleasure, his hands sliding over her hips and reaching up to grasp her breasts. He pulls on her nipples before he lets his hands fall to her hips again, silently encouraging her to bounce on his cock before asking again.

“Fuck me. Show me how much you want me.”  

All teasing is dispatched with as the room fills with the sounds of their pants and moans, both of them lost in the bliss of good sex between people who know what their partner likes and what their partner needs.

Her clit is swollen, aching for his touch and as he nears his orgasm she waits, patient, wanting him to come inside of her, wanting him to get lost in his own pleasure.

Baxter’s hand slides around and tries to touch her, but she grasps both of his hands and brings them to her breasts, squeezing them with him as she grinds into him, swirling her hips before rising and falling, repeating the motion until she can tell he’s about to come because his chest is red and when she steadies herself with one hand over his heart, she can feel it beating hard.

His hips buck up erratically into hers as his lips purse with an exhaled breath and he begins to groan, his face twisted into a magnificent ecstasy as he lets go, his hot cum shooting thickly all over her inner walls, the feeling something she would struggle to explain but nonetheless it’s a feeling that causes her eyes to close at the intimacy of it.

His heartbeat is slowing as she opens her eyes, unable to stop her smug grin at the way she’s left him damn-near cross-eyed after coming for her, but as he begins to wiggle out of her body, it’s clear he knows she needs him, really needs him, so Baxter pulls her to him as he flips her onto her back and quickly moves to between her thighs.

He admires his handywork for a moment, his thick fingers playing in their mixed arousal before he latches onto her clit and sucks. He glances up and her head is thrown back as her hands grasp her breasts; she looks like a goddess to Baxter as she pulls on her nipples and bites her lip, finally giving herself over to his mouth.

He releases the pressure and flicks his tongue rapidly over her clit before sucking again, this time, his suction pulling out her orgasm in a near-violent wave of release as his name echoes off the walls of her bedroom.

Baxter licks lightly at her clit, coaxing her down until her thighs press against his face, signaling him to stop. He presses a kiss to her mound, then to her stomach, right beneath her belly button before he presses a final kiss to her sternum and lays flat, his head nestled between her breasts.

She reaches down and swipes at the sweat along his hairline, running her hands gently through his hair.

“Mmm. Mmhmm,” Baxter sounds, and she can see his eyes are closed, his dark lashes resting prettily along the skin beneath his eyes.

“I think that was the best cure for a hangover I’ve ever had.”

“Not the bacon? Or potatoes?” he mumbles.

“No—definitely just you. You are the ultimate cure for a hangover.”

“Box me up and sell me. We’ll never have to work again.”

“Like I would ever fucking share that with any other human on earth. You’re mine, Officer Cutie Pants.”

Baxter laughs, his breath a warm puff across her skin. He twists his position, his chin now resting on her chest so he can smile at her, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“I’ll be only yours as long as you’ll be only mine.”  

“Hmm,” she replies, pressing her lips together in mock-thought. “I think forever sounds like a good amount of time.”

“Forever it is,” Baxter answers, pushing up to lean over her face, his kiss full of a gentle, loving warmth.  

* * * * *

Our fancy bean never wears sweats, so this is all I’ve got for reference material:

Special thanks to @sherlollydramoine for nurturing my muse at 2 am 💞 

Tags: @ramimedley @clumsybookworm18 @r-ahh-mi​ @aboutthatmelancholystorm​ @alottanothing @sherlollydramoine @txmel @diasimar @hah0106 @flipper-kisses @rami-malek-trash @ramisgirl512​ @dancing-disco-deacy @just-a-queen-bee @eightiesriot @s-k-y-w-a-l-k-e-r @breadnbutternips

#detective cutie pants #rami malek #baxter baxter #baxter #Rami Malek smut #detective cutie pants smut #detective cutie pants x reader #female reader #rami malek character #little things

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S20 (Pt. 4)

Hashirama’s “:O” face at everything is so endearing

Hagoromo is now really the time for a family story there are three children and a sad old man in need

“It was a few thousand years ago” Zetsu just said it was 1,000 years ago how bad are you guys at telling time 

I wonder how Hashirama feels about Madara being his Soulmate™

“I want make sure [the Tailed Beasts] don’t fight amongst each other, and that people don’t use their powers for evil” better 2 have tried and failed I guess 

“That’s because a toad’s dream is destiny” weird flex but ok

“So then, will everything I do now be meaningless?” “Don’t waste your time worrying” Ffgkjhfgkjh damn I didn’t ask for a lecture on fatalism in my Naruto liveblog

Lmao @ this dude revealing his thievery scheme after talking to Hagoromo for 0.5 seconds what makes him think everyone will be on board with it 

“I only want you to go away as soon as possible” ah looks like Hagoromo made a friend lmao 

“If we make it too sturdy, you’ll break your bones when you try to destroy it” they actually did a really good job of making Hagoromo charming like consider me charmed I wanna hear abt ur ninja way

Hahahah I admire Futami for not bringing up the horns for the entire length of time it took them to build the bridge 

Futami: Hagoromo-sensei gave me a high-five one time and it touched my heart so I formed a cult around him

Wait if Hagoromo only gave 8 disciples chakra are the nine of them together responsible for fathering all the shinobi world what kind of Gengis Khan fuckery

Minus the Hyuga, who, for some reason are moon aliens, I guess

“Throughout this long history men appeared, one after another, with the desire to use the tailed beasts for their own evil purposes. And that turned the tailed beasts against mankind. Anyway, back to my story.” Hahahaha did Hagoromo just go “(A/N: Fuck Obito and Madara lol)”

Unbelievable you’re telling me there was someone who wanted to get with this old man with horns and three eyes who leads a cult and you won’t show me WHO where is the justice 

OH HEY FUTAMI HELPING RAISE THE KIDS I GUESS? WILD

Mmmm I love Ashura already 1000/10 endearing impulsive baby

Some filler storyboard artist who I respect beyond reason: But what if... we added.... a dog

“It might even be bigger than yours” please don’t tell me they fished Zetsu out of the river

"I didn’t realize you thought so deeply about [chakra being used as a weapon]” “Yeah, well” “But then again, what will be, will be” what kind of parenting is this Hagoromo kjhgkjhgkjhg

Indra, 10 years old: I am concerned about the ethical impact of my innovation

Hagoromo: YOLO, son ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“I’ll be watching you” Is that the voice of......... Pubescent Zetsu 

LMAO IT IS

These kids are really emotionally unprepared for the boar considering they were following boar tracks into the woods 

ARE YOU SHITTING ME THEY EVEN USED THE SAME FILLER DOG NAME LMAO WHO IS WRITING THIS 

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY KILLED THE DOG I’M SO MAD

Wow @ them having Indra invent chidori instead hkjhgkhg poor Kakashi

Indra awoke his sharingan over losing his dog I cannot believe this how are dogs the central plot device of multiple arcs

“Whatever is in this village belongs to everyone - that’s the law” wow along with fatalism this arc is also teaching us about the practical failings of communism 

“The law is still the law” where’s the post that says Sasuke is ethnically a cop. Because that’s this arc

Not 2 be that gal again but Indra’s voice is also nice on the ears he has inherited his grandmother’s kekkei genkai of having an attractive voice and a terrible moral compass

...............kekkei grandma 

“Looking into his eyes reminds me of my mother’s eyes” I was kind of joking about the kekkei grandma thing but fair

“At that moment I felt that I understood for the first time why heaven had blessed me with two sons” have you ever considered your eldest son is mean in part because you make comments like this 

“What will the two of you do when you are out in the world alone” wow Hagoromo is giving his kids some kind of High-Stakes Bell Test 

Hahaha I like Taizo I hope they don’t do anything to him but they probably will because he’s had so much screen time

HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS SQUAD it’s the first ninja team and the boy is the healer!!!

Ashura: OH NO I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO GENJUTSU

Kanna and Taizo: WE GOT U BUDDY WE GOT BATS

I thought I was going bananas for a sec but the intro did change lol 

Poor Tenzo I think he’s been officially discarded from OPs RIP

Side note: Having a Naruto blog has made me so wary of Kakashi and Sakura standing next to each other I don’t trust the ppl on this website to be normal for a second RIP x2

“They’ll suffer, sure, but everyone dies eventually” okay calm down Taizo

“It doesn’t matter whether it’s possible or not, because I’ve decided to do it” I admire Ashura’s blind optimism lmao

Not to poke too many holes but why would the water in the well not be affected by the Divine Tree

I take my comment about healing back ludicrously all the men get to display chakra natures and the women can only display glowing yin chakra hands booooo

Omg there is a Tenzo after all in an ED at least!! This is the first time I’ve seen all three members of the Naruto’s Dad Association in one place!!! Bless up

A shot of them standing all together!!!! My heart!!!!!!!!

SASUKE AND NARUTO’S GRINS AT EACH OTHER I WEEEP

[Hagoromo as Kakashi voice]: TEAMWORK!!

I was very much expecting Indra to go crazy and kill those two guys but wow that was a scene

“Enough to make you fall in love with him and follow him all the way here” At least Ashura gets like a real wife instead of Hagoromo’s ‘ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she dead’

Hagoromo: Indra’s a dick because his eyes are red trust me it has nothing to do with my parenting I’m a chakra scientist

“Indra, just what is the meaning of this” it’s a temper tantrum lmao

Was it really necessary to kill both of those guys Indra one best friend death usually suffices for mangekyo my dude

Minato joining Kakashi in the club of Boyz Who Jutsu Was Plagiarized

Hagoromo really has absolutely zero hesitation to attack his son and you wonder why Indra has a complex

“THIS IS THE POWER OF OUR BOOOOOND” he said, as he punched his brother in the face with a thousand wooden hands (mood)

Indra’s Lightning Teleportation Jutsu is really doing The Most the Raikage is not nearly this dramatic about it 

Can you... just.... declare that your soul will be reincarnated? Is that how that works? 

Also. Who slept with Indra?! U made him out to be like. Very Not Okay. But he’s the forefather of the Uchiha?? WHERE ARE THESE CHILDREN COMING FROM TELL ME WHO IS BANGING THIS OUT OF CONTROL FAMILY

Hahahahaha I’M SO READY FOR THIS RIDICULOUS TEAM 7 TRYING TO UNMASK KAKASHI EPISODE BRING IT THE FUCK ON

I knew the Sukea voice would be different but omg I’m still thrown

“S-kay-a” is really not how I thought that would be pronounced wow 

“If I’m able to capture this Kakashi guy without a mask on, it’ll be the biggest scoop since the Leaf was established” a little arrogant Kakashi but okay kjhgkjhgkjhgjhg

This is such an adorable and weird bonding exercise of Kakashi teaching his kids how to break into Konoha’s archives I’M WHEEZING

I would pay money to see Kakashi explain what he was doing to all those dudes in ANBU who probably thought he was intimidating as all fuck catching him a wig with three twelve-year-olds breaking into his own file

“Who cares what I look like anyway!” THIS IS SO DUMB I LOOOOVE IT

“I think that a woman might’ve drowned right over there on the river bank” HINATA!!!!! UR TOO NICE TO BE ENLISTED INTO THIS SCHEMING HAHAHA

Oh I remember seeing reference to this scene booooo do they really have to make it weird all the time

This concept is even MORE ridiculous in the show bc it expands beyond Team 7 to all the other Konoha rookies like Kakashi how much do u enjoy teasing the children that this is how you’re spending your day

HAHAHAH Kakashi is lucky that the person who knows him best has face blindness and can’t call him out for his schemes 

Okay not to betray my own brand but ᵏᵏᵍᵃᶦ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ

They really designed a nicer apartment for Kakashi just so they could animate his silhouette in the shower STUDIO PIERROT PLEASE

Fhkjhkjfhkjhkf that last scene made me so uncomfortable I don’t really like seeing Kakashi’s mouth while he talks it’s weird

You know I spent a lot of this interlude chanting main arc main arc in my head but alas now that we have arrived I’ve remembered that the war arc climax is a mess

“If my chakra runs out, I’m done” seriously Obito.......... how are you here

Can you imagine if Naruto actually died.... what would that even mean for this series I can’t imagine 

“I already marked this space, so I can hide out in my time-space” I want to know how Obito “marks a space” is it like a jutsu or does he just have to nod at it and go “my space now”

 I would also pay money to see what Obito and Sakura talked about when they had to hang out in Kamui for a solid two minutes lmao 

“So you’re friends with sensei huh?” “Yeah it’s complicated but I think we’re cool now” “Yeah, same with us and Sasuke” “Sorry about that” “I don’t forgive you but thanks”

“You alright?” define ‘alright’ but also Obito’s never been alright a day in his life, Sakura 

Uh oh foreshadowing to the heavy gravity space where Obito d*es

Okay maybe this is the part of me that is still clings to their Part I friendship but Sasuke helping Sakura stand really brings out my inner soft bitch

 “It would’ve been helpful if we could’ve received this advice a bit earlier” Tobirama’s bitter about sitting through five episodes of filler

Tobirama: Why haven’t u been helping this whole time

Hagoromo: It all comes down to Madara’s magic pelvis—

“This man lent me his power and that’s why we were able to get here” does Sakura not know Obito’s name either khgkjhgjkgh

How many times will we watch these same two flashbacks of Obito’s life

Looks like Kakashi brought a knife to a taijutsu fight LMAO

God Rin is such a good friend to Obito and he repays her by literally defacing her grave 

“Am I powerless to do anything but sit here and watch” it’s not really your fault you can’t fly Kakashi tho u could try throwing some kunai or smth ur not a one sharingan pony

Ddkjhsdkjhd why does Obito get a line worrying about Naruto’s death but Kakashi doesn’t he’s spent the past two days trying to kill Naruto

I’m still emo abt Kakashi trying to die for Sasuke that’s his soooon

“Rin... this time, let’s spend some alone time together, just you and me” Why phrase it like that, Obito

"Why save someone useless like me” Kakashi get some therapy

“A fool full of only mistakes” it’s hard to disagree with Zetsu when they’re flashing back to every mistake Obito has ever made

Where’s the graphics set where Obito goes ‘admittedly I lost my cool here’ because that’s what that flashback was 

Update: found it

“Don’t cry, Obito, you’ll just get laughed at” this fantasy is an indication that Obito has no real comprehension of how fucked up Kakashi was by Rin’s death

Can you believe that Rin still dies in Obito’s jonin AU like....what. It’s not even like “AU of what I want” it’s like “AU where I learn how to cope with trauma” 

Also was this just an out for not designing an adult Rin bc he’s been thinking about Rin endlessly for like three episodes straight so..... what up with that

It’s still so fucking funny that Iruka’s in Obito’s jonin fantasy like when did they meet did he just absorb secondhand Iruka appreciation from Naruto 

“But, if you screw up, I won’t hesitate to step up as a candidate for Hokage myself” yesssssssss let Kakashi be the playful menace he truly aspires to be

Gjghjkhgjhg Obito’s “euuuuuuuuehhhh” when the paperwork dropped was funny

Sasuke’s face when Sakura punched Naruto was also v funny 

Honestly to be real for a second Obito imagining himself as buddies with Team 7 makes me mad u’ve done nothing but make these kids’ life TERRIBLE until today babysitting license REVOKED!!!!!!

Am I a hypocrite for enjoying AUs ft. Obito? Mayhaps!!!

“You told me that saving you was pretty much the same as saving the whole world, remember?” (Well.)

“I’d say, you did your best” You know that post that said it makes sense that Rin said this bc she’s a Scorpio. I’m still upset about it

You know... Naruto’s “the coolest guy” (“nothing but awesome”) comment about Obito is a direct parallel to “Bravest man I ever knew” in HP and that’s why, if I were to meet either adult man, I would dropkick both of them. In this essay I will—

“It’s kind of annoying seeing [Kakashi] all stiff and useless” u right Obito

Kishimoto pick up the phone I just want to talk about that rabbit bijuu design 

“A Susano’o? But whose?” DAD’S HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRE

Kakashi with Six Paths Power REALLY feeds into my theory that Kakashi is Hagoromo’s transmigrant 

THAT’S MY TEAM READY TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER!!!!!

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 KAKASHI GETS HER VULNERABLE AND THEN THE BOYS ATTACK WHILE KAKASHI GUARDS THEIR BACKS AND SAKURA FORCES HER INTO PLACE THIS IS WHOLEASS TEAMWORK

“I really love you guys” YEAH HE DOES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Okay arc over haha right guys we’re good now RIGHT GUYS??

In part, Kakashi jumping around to save his students feels very much reminiscent of Part I’s “MY SENSEI SENSES ARE TINGLING” swoop and scoop that he and Gai loved to do

Lmao @ Kaguya spitting Madara out like he’s a bad-tasting vegetable

Coming up with an OP specifically for VOTE2 is so extra but I kind of love it the Diver parallels!!!!

Sasuke is SUCH a liar abt his attitude towards Team 7 - more specifically towards Sakura and Kakashi bc he has already granted that he cares for Naruto

Sasuke: Comrades? I don’t know her

Also Sasuke: Constantly urging Sakura and Kakashi to get to safety and actively intervening when they’re not

“Honestly at this point I don’t think anything could shock me anymore” Sakura really needs a hug and a nap

“I shall be sure to ask Obito tell me that tale in the afterworld” the real question is if Obito will still look 12 when he takes Hagoromo on the harrowing journey that is his life

Kakashi truly has endless love in his stupid ass heart Obito’s like, “Hmmm... whoops sorry 4 committing mass murder” and Kakashi’s like “Hehe, we all mess up sometimes :) See u in heaven”

Madara and Hashirama really did invent being in gay love huh

WOW I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO TEAR UP BUT KJHFKJHFKJH MY BABY BOY SAYING GOODBYE TO HIS DAD HE IS THE WORLD’S BIGGEST SWEETHEART

“You’ve now finally settled things with Madara” Tobirama has been waiting for like a hundred years for his brother to get over his ex

Hagoromo: Naruto’s your new conference room congrats kids 

Mmmmm I don’t like aaaaannnnnny of this

“You’re suggesting that I enjoy a roooOoomance” why say it like that Sasuke

I genuinely think this is the maddest that Kakashi’s ever been at Sasuke that boy is very, very grounded

“I, too, had two children at one time” OMG KAKASHI OFFICIALLY DESIGNATED TEAM 7 DAD BY HAGOROMO (ur miscounting tho Kakashi actually has four (4) children)

“I think I shall let Naruto handle this” said Hagoromo, and everyone who encountered any problem in this series ever

I’m very distracted from Sasuke’s dictatorship speech by the fact he looks so much like an alien. What is UP with his eyes they never look like this???? Why are they so far apart and narrow and angled

“Your blood will be the last that I shed” what r u just gonna keep genjutsuing ppl Sasuke? Could just keep the Tsukuyomi on then, homie

It also plays into the Hagoromo and Kakashi are related (spiritually or literally) that Hagoromo is equally as useless with advice to him lmao

Kakashi: What should I be doing, sir?

Hagoromo: Sometimes I like to pray :) 

Fjkkjgkjhgkjhk Sasuke claiming that Naruto is his only bond never ceases to amaze me like Sakura and Kakashi are RIGHT THERE ghkjhgkjhgkj u have been protecting them this whole time while they shout how much they care abt u. Just admit u have a crush on Naruto and go!!!

“I know your heart well by now. And you mine” Sasuke u unintentionally romantic dumbass

“Finally decided to kill me, huh,” said a thrilled Sasuke, taking a lesson from the Kakashi School of Very Much Needing Ninja Therapy

This entire fight is the Life or Death equivalent of this tweet:

Lmao one of these boys lost a tooth I want to know which of them has a dental implant 

Omg............... Iruka what is going ON.... u are suddenly v pale and also I think ur VA might be different could they not get the same Iruka or has he just forgotten how Iruka sounds

It was real unclear until this fight that Sasuke had any of the same powers as Nagato

“Now I can finally be alone... farewell, my one and only... friend” again... Sasuke... u can be in love with Naruto and still have other friends!!!!!!! Ask Naruto he has tons of friends he’s not in love with*

*Disclaimer: they are all in love with him

The idea that everyone Naruto’s ever cared about is spiritually trying to help him kick Sasuke’s ass is p funny

“Sakura and Kakashi are still there, they’ll figure something out” cute that you have such an assload of faith in your loved ones in ur life-flashing-before-you moment Sasuke but with what jutsu lmao

“I began to see a shadow of my own family in Squad 7″ YEAH HE DID  😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I still can’t believe that Kishimoto really wrote that all it took for Sasuke to return to Konoha was Naruto explaining to him how love and empathy work 

Omg Sasuke laughing...... I missed your laugh you precious boy

“Release the infinite Tsukuyomi once I’m dead by transplanting my left eye into Kakashi or someone else” Fhjfhkfh it detracts a little from the significance of Sasuke offering his eye to Kakashi to add the “someone else” but I guess they gotta make the syllables match up

Why is every Uchiha’s long-term plan just to die before they have to deal with the consequences of their actions

“I’m sorry” “Sorry? For what” “For everything” “You got that right” Sasuke I think u need to treat all of ur teammates to ramen 

“It’s finally back to the way it was” Kakashi loooves his baaabies 

TENZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Omg they included Guren from the filler arc in this crowd hahahaha

Gaara and Naruto enveloped in that same beam of light like Kakashi and Tenzo in the Tsukuyomi kghjghkgh SP said gentle gay rights

“I’m forbidden to talk about it” Team 7 would RIOT if Sasuke was locked up in a cell like that fuck you

Hahahaha I wish I could see the scene where Kakashi and Iruka decided to ambush Naruto with study materials 

Okay this is definitely a different Iruka ahhhhh weird I don’t like it

Iruka bursting into tears whenever Naruto talks about his progress.... same

I 100% believe that the vast majority of the reason Kakashi became Hokage was to pardon Sasuke but also that prison scene still seems appalling to me STOP MAKING THINGS WORSE THAN THEY WERE SHOWN TO BE

"Maybe next time” is super funny in the context that he does take her on his next mission outside the village and comes back with one (1) whole baby

Sasuke’s introspection usually seems to amount to “Birth is a curse and existence is a prison... oh hey Naruto <3″ 

The moral of the story seems to be that the best way to show someone you love them in ninja language is by telling them you want to keep punching them for the rest of your life

#i have caught up to the 699 adaption i am freeee #liveblogging #long post #ayesha liveblogs nahruto shipduden #ayesha talks anime #naruto series

[stayextrafrosty]

You’re Holy to Me

Request: Hi, could you do a Patrick X Reader were they both adore each other and are basically in love, but have never dated. She's really close to Andy, but that's only bc he's the only person she talks to about her feelings and Patrick thinks they're dating. Then they all have a party and she gets dared to kiss the most attractive guy, so she kisses Patrick and they end up going back to her apartment and confessing how they feel and probably end with some smut. Thank you :) I love your work

Note: FUCKING MONTHS! IT’S BEEN ALMOST DONE FOR MONTHS! ENJOY :)

Warning: Fluff and smut

Masterlist

Words: 7658

-

I banged on Andy’s door. It didn’t matter if it was one in the morning. I know he’s up. My brother was acting up again and I didn’t want to deal with that yelling party at home. We’ve been neighbors for a good part of our lives.

Andy was a package deal. He had three best friends that he seemed to be tied at the hip to. There was Joe. Ridiculously funny and smart. He was sarcastic and took no shit from anyone. There was Pete. He was less funny than Joe, but I only say that because he has no concept of when a joke was funny. Pete was also really cute. I might have had a small crush on him at some point. He just had a way with words. But…

The front door opened. Patrick stood there, t-shirt and blue jeans. He smiled at me, stepping away from the door. I didn’t even know where to start with him. He was smart, funny, a little bit shy, super cute. He was also a great singer, but he always denied it.

“Hey, (Y/N). What are you doing here so late? Even I was about to leave.” I entered the house and Andy was sitting on his living room couch, game controller in hand. I tried to control my voice. I always got nervous around him. He was almost perfect, and I didn’t know how to act. I always just played it off, but I wasn’t sure how convincing I was.

“Yea, sorry. Just here to see Andy. Escape the reality of life for a little bit.” I flopped over the edge of the couch, letting my head rest in Andy’s lap. He was like my brother. We’ve always done late night talks like this, but they usually take place on the roof or something.

His parents were rarely home due to work, but he claimed not to mind. He could take care of himself pretty well. He was vegan and while I didn’t have a problem with that I didn’t really let him cook for me. I’ve eaten his cooking before and it was good, but I’ll be honest, I prefer the real stuff. He pet my head as Patrick took his spot in the recliner.

“So, what’s up sweetie?” I poked his side at the pet name. I didn’t mind it, but he knows how I feel about Patrick. He wasn’t supposed to call me pet names around anyone else anyway. Much less him.

“Not a whole lot. Just my idiot of a brother,” I said.

“Oh no, what’d he do this time?”

“Got a fucking DUI. He’s brain dead I swear.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“Isn’t your brother, like, nineteen,” Patrick questioned? I nodded.

“Yea. But age doesn’t stop people from drinking Patrick. Just cause you’re a good boy doesn’t mean you all are,” I teased. I smiled at him and he rolled his eyes. Patrick was the youngest at exactly twenty-one. I was only older by a month or so.

“Well maybe the DUI and being unable to drive anymore will teach him a lesson.” Andy sounded hopeful, but I know my brother. He’ll find a way to keep going to parties and then trying to get home before my parents noticed.

“Do your parents ever punish him? Stop him from going out? Take away his phone,” Patrick offered. Maybe when he was younger…

“They tried. He would just sneak out. We’ve tried talking to him, but nothing seems to work. We’ve tried to get him to a psychologist or something, but he flat out refuses that. He thinks that the things he’s doing are normal.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). That must be tough.” My eyes met Patrick’s. He had siblings but they all got along pretty well. I sat up and stretched. Andy pulled me into a hug. A look crossed Patrick’s face but I couldn’t quite place it.

“If you need anything. I’m here for you.” I turned my head to smile at Andy. He kissed my temple. I rolled my eyes. I know he didn’t like me. Actually, he mentioned some girl he was talking to that goes to the same gym as him.

“Thanks. To both of you,” I said.

-

I was right about my brother. It didn’t really get better. There was just more yelling and sneaking out. He hasn’t been brought home by the cops in a few weeks but that was probably going to change soon.

I paced around Andy’s room. Combine the problems with my brother and the fact that Patrick seemed to now be avoiding me. I was stressed beyond hell. I don’t know what I did but Patrick just never stayed in the same place I was. He was always “just leaving.”

“Honestly. What did I do? Did I completely blow my chance or something?” I ran a hand through my hair.

“You should just talk to him,” Andy suggested.

“That’s a great idea. I would if he could even stand to be around me,” I said sarcastically.

“I think you’re overthinking this. I bet he likes you more than you think.” I glanced over at him.

“What do you know?” He put his hands up in surrender but didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes and tried to jump on him. His reflexes were much faster than mine and he had me pinned. It was a running joke that one day I’d be able to win in wrestling him. That day has yet to come.

“When are you going to give up?” I don’t think he even had to try and fight me anymore. I was just that much weaker than him.

“Never. I’ll be on top one of these days,” I said, laughing. A throat cleared behind us. We both looked to see Patrick in the doorway, hands shoved in his pockets, a light blush on his face. I knew how this probably looked. What had he heard?

“Sorry, I was just here to um, never mind. I’ll just come back later, Andy.” He hurried out and shut the door behind him. Fuck. Andy released me. He nodded his head at the door suggesting I go after him. I jumped up and was halfway down the stairs before I heard the front door close.

Gone. Damn. I know exactly how he read that situation. I just wanted to explain to him that Andy and I weren’t a thing. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t been talking to me? But at the same time, maybe he didn’t even like me like that. I don’t know.

I walked back into Andy’s room. He raised an eyebrow and I just shook my head. This was doomed. I don’t even know why I bother trying. I was never good at relationships.

“Don’t fret too much.” I flopped next to him on the bed.

“But why? Now he really won’t talk to me.”

“Because I have an idea,” he said, a smirk making its way onto his face. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Willing to share with the class,” I asked?

“A party. The other guys and I have always talked about having a party. We’ll just play spin the bottle or something like stupid teenagers.” I stared blankly at him. I couldn’t do that. He was suggesting a game where they would just have us kiss each other. “Oh, come on. It’s perfect. It’ll clear up any misunderstanding.”

“I mean… I guess it won’t hurt to try.”

-

The plan was made for the next Saturday. Which happened to be in four days. Andy invited Joe and Pete, along with others. But he made me invite Patrick. He said it would give me a chance to clear up the misunderstanding from the other day.

I waited outside the record store that Patrick worked at. It was fitting really. I had texted him earlier, but he never responded. So, I just asked Pete when he finished. Was this creepy? I had no idea.

I glanced at my phone for the time again. He should be out by now. Maybe Pete gave me the wrong time? I moved to look through the front door window. I almost ran into Patrick as he walked out. I jumped back before the door hit me.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here? I didn’t hit you, did I?” He looked over me briefly. I shook my head.

“No, you didn’t. I was just waiting for you.” I smiled and wrapped my arms around myself. Fall was just starting to roll in, along with the cooler weather.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that. Here, I’m not really cold.” He shrugged off his jean jacket and handed it to me. I took it tentatively. We began walking to his car. “So, why did you come find me here? Don’t you have plans with Andy or something?”

I flinched at his question. He had the entirely wrong idea.

“What do you think Andy and I are,” I asked slowly? His cheeks turned pink but that could just be from the wind.

“You two are dating right? I’m sorry if you didn’t want to make it public yet.” I sighed, causing him to look at me.

“We’re not together. We’re just good friends. I mean. We’ve lived next to each other for a really long time. What you saw the other day, was just us messing around. It’s a running joke between us that one day, maybe I’ll be able to take him on.” We stopped at Patrick’s car. He avoided looking at me.

“Oh.”

“He’s not really my type anyway,” I added nervously.

“I’m sorry for assuming things.” He leaned against his car and tugged his bottom lip between his teeth. I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was so attractive and he didn’t even know it. He always made jokes about how girls didn’t want him but that was just crazy. I know girls wanted him. I heard it all the time in high school.

“Don’t worry about it.” I kicked a pebble around. I just had to invite him to the party. I’m sure he’d go considering the other three would be there, too. “So, Andy is having a party on Saturday. It’d be awesome if you came.” He glanced at me briefly.

“I think I work Saturday but I’ll see if I can trade shifts with someone.”

“Well I hope you find someone. It wouldn’t be as fun without you there.” He fully looked at me, surprised. I was too, honestly. I’m not usually that forward. I smiled at him and went to take off his jacket. I wasn’t going to steal his clothes. He stopped me.

“Keep it. It looks better on you anyway.” I opened my mouth to argue but he stopped me. “I insist. Do you need a ride home?” Andy had dropped me off. My house wasn’t that far. I could walk.

“That’d be nice. If it’s not too out of your way.” He flashed a sweet smile at me and I swear I melted.

“Not at all.” He moved around to the other side of the car and opened the door for me. I don’t understand why he’s still single. I laughed as I thanked him. I swear, this whole party thing had better work.

-

Saturday came much faster than expected. I was helping Andy plan by buying the liquor. He might be a straight edge but most of us weren’t. I had to lecture him about the nature of parties. He claimed to have attended them in high school and college, but I wasn’t so sure. Mostly because he was with me a lot of the time.

“Just look at it as a time to get some good blackmail. I’m sure Pete will be wasted.” Andy rolled his eyes.

“I’ll do my best.”

I couldn’t drink beer. It never tasted good and I’ve tried many kinds. So, I was always the person who drank the hard liquor. Whiskey. Rum. Less so vodka but only if there was nothing else. Some of my girl friends liked to tell me that was why I couldn’t get a boyfriend. I could hold my liquor better than guys and it would emasculate them. I laughed in their faces.

I continually checked my watch even though only a few minutes went by every time. I just wanted to get this over with. I just wanted everyone to be here so we could get to the relaxing, slightly tipsy part of the evening. Andy tossed an arm over my shoulder.

“Chill. Everything will go fine,” he said.

“You’re not the one trying to confess their feelings to a long-time crush. As far as I remember, that girl from your gym seems to really like you.” He shrugged. Always so modest…

I paced the kitchen, trying to make sure everything was ready and in its place. I triple checked the two kegs. One filled with some sort of beer, the other filled with root beer. For those who didn’t want to drink. I adjusted the utensils in the food. I heard Andy chuckling behind me.

“It’s not funny!” I shot a glare at him and rung my hands together. Jerk.

“It’s a little funny. Just relax.”

“We don’t even know if he’s coming or not. What if he couldn’t find someone to take his shift?” Then this whole thing would have been for nothing. I’m not a party person. Patrick you better show up.

-

A couple hours later, the house was filled with music and chatter. It wasn’t a big party but of course a few people we didn’t plan on showed up. They were the people from the party scenes in high school and even college. I recognized a few of them.

One in particular. She was Patrick’s ex. Always hung around the parties and was the ‘it’ girl of high school. She broke Patrick’s heart when she became one of the ‘popular’ kids. They had been dating for a year. But she cheated on him with some hockey player she met at a party. Me and the guys had to clean up that mess.

I don’t blame her for Patrick’s anger issues during that time. He always had them. I just think she pushed him over the edge. He would get in fights. With the guys, with people he didn’t know. And he lost almost every time. I patched him up so much, I practically knew him like my own hand.

“(Y/N)! Get the door!” I shook myself out of my daydream and hopped up. Patrick still wasn’t here. I grabbed my drink and made my way to the door. Andy, Pete, and Joe were off doing some sort of competition thing. Boys…

I pulled the door open. I hardly registered Patrick’s face. I must have already been tipsy. I blinked a couple times.

“Patrick! You’re here!” A smile broke out on my face as I dragged him inside. I forgot how much looser I was after drinking. He seemed surprised as I pulled him to the drinks table.

“I feel like I should cut you off. How many have you had?” I rolled my eyes at him and finished off my coke and whiskey.

“That was my third drink. Only slightly buzzed. I just feel happy. But, I’ll stop if you really want me to.” I made a show of dropping my cup in the trash.

“What am I gunna do with you,” he said, shaking his head. I gave him an exaggerated wink.

“I could think of a couple things.” He eyebrows shot up and a blush creeped onto his face. I giggled and skipped off to find Andy. Patrick was probably right though. I shouldn’t drink anymore.

I hugged Andy from behind. Joe and Pete rolled their eyes at me. He turned in my arms and gently pushed me off him. He signaled behind him and I noticed a beautiful girl there. Must be the chick from his gym. Better clear this up right now.

“Oh, sorry! I’m (Y/N). I’m a good friend of Andy’s. I was just letting him know Patrick was here.” She chuckled at me, brushing it off as no big deal. Just as carefree as Andy.

“That loser actually made it? He was all nervous and said he wasn’t coming,” Pete said. That sobered me up. So, he found a replacement but then almost didn’t come anyway? Why?

“Uh oh. Someone go save him. Looks like the little girl he was worried about found him.” Joe pointed behind me and I saw her. Nadda hung all over him. She shamelessly flirted as he tried to walk away. Anger flared. What right did she have to be on him like that? Especially after all this time. I stomped over to them.

“Oh, come on Pat! Just for old times’ sake. I can do all sorts of things I couldn’t back then.” I cringed at the nick name. He hated being called that.

“Look, I don’t care. I’ve also told you a million times to not call me that, Nadda.”

“But it’s me! You let me call you that because you love me,” she said. She leaned in to kiss him. He went to push her off.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing,” I said. I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. She looked me up and down, then scoffed, as if I wasn’t even worth her time.

“Get lost. A girl like you wouldn’t know the first thing about this.” I know she was referring to my skinny jeans and t-shirt while she was in a mini skirt and tank top. Obviously, she could dress however she wanted but not when she shamed me for how I dressed.

She started ignoring me again and I snapped. I yanked her off Patrick, making her stumble. She tripped over her heals and fell on her butt. The people in the area started laughing and some started chanting “fight.”

“You have no right to come anywhere near him. He’s out of your league. Now get out of my party.”

“Fuck you, whore. If I’m not good enough for him what does that make you? No better than trash.” She stood and left, taking a few others with her.

“(Y/N)! That was actually badass!” Pete bounced up to me, slapping me on the back. I gave a small smile. Trash. She’s probably right about that. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him.

“Hey.” I turned towards Patrick. There was a look on his face I couldn’t quite recognize. He took my hand. I looked down briefly then back up. He took a couple steps closer to me. Was he going to…? “Thanks for that. You’re a good friend.” My heart sank as he released me.

“Hold up, Trick! We haven’t gotten to the best part!” He raised an eyebrow at Joe. Don’t tell me they know what Andy’s planning.

“Spin the bottle. Relieve some tension.” Pete wiggled his eyebrows. This was going to go horribly. A group of us sat in the middle of Andy’s living room. Patrick got guilted into playing.

“Alright! So, this is going to be a combination of ‘spin the bottle’ and ‘truth or dare.’ Whoever the bottle lands on picks truth or dare. Easy enough, right? Ok, someone spin it!” Pete clapped like a child. This was a disaster waiting to happen.

We all looked at each other. Joe then shrugged and spun the bottle, sending it flying in a direction. After we busted our guts laughing, someone grabbed the bottle and readjusted it in the center. They spun it and the tension grew about ten times. I looked around the circle to watch everyone fidget.

My eyes met Patrick’s for a second, but my attention was quickly stolen by the still bottle. It pointed toward Andy. I released the tension from my body. At least someone else could go before me.

“Truth or Dare, Andy?” Pete had an evil glint in his eye. Andy looked thoughtful for a moment, weighing his options.

“I’ll be the lame one and say, ‘truth.’ I don’t trust Pete.” The circle chuckled as Pete rolled his eyes.

“When was the last time you broke your vegan lifestyle,” someone threw out. At least we seemed to be starting easy. Andy sighed and put on an exaggerated thinking face.

“Never. At least from what I can remember.” Pete threw out a ‘boo’ but didn’t question it. Andy shrugged and reached down to spin the bottle. I chuckled at Pete’s annoyed expression. It stopped next on a guy I didn’t know very well. He picked dare, and someone told him to give a lap dance to his girlfriend or something.

It was entertaining to watch. Her face was beet red before he even started. He was a terrible dancer and got booed off the “stage.’ It didn’t land on me for a while. Patrick ended up going before me.

“Choose wisely, Patrick.” His eyes flicked between his friends and the others. He was right to be distrusting. A couple of the straight guys had already been dared to kiss each other.

“Truth,” he said hesitantly. I saw his shoulders scrunch up, as if bracing for whatever hell they would put him through.

“So? Should we humiliate him or no?” The evil glint was back in Pete’s eye. I cracked a smirk, but I was nervous for him. There was some quiet deliberation between all the guys playing.

“Fuck, marry, kill between Andy, Joe and Pete.” The other three guys rolled their eyes at the question. There must have been a consensus somewhere in that discussion. I’m sure one of them would have asked something Patrick wouldn’t answer.

“Uh. I don’t know.” Patrick shrugged.

“Well figure it out! You have to answer!”

“Alright, alright. I guess, marry Andy, fuck Joe, kill Pete.” Pete’s mouth hung open for a second before he crossed his arms.

“Wow. Rude. Kill your best friend,” he said. The group laughed, and Patrick threw up his arms.

“I was pressured to pick so there you go.”

“Whatever, just spin the bottle.” Patrick rolled his eyes and reached toward the center. Some people went more than once. I was silently thankful it wasn’t stopping on me. I wasn’t sure if I could do it.

“(Y/N)? Pick.” I shook myself out of my daydream and looked down at the empty bottle. I just had to jinx it.

“Uh… Dare?” Butterflies blossomed in my gut. “Wait no…” Andy grinned at me.

“No going back on it.” Heat rose to my face.

“What are you thinking,” one of the other guys asked. I braced for the dare.

“I dare you to kiss the most attractive person here.” Pete sat smugly on the couch. To anyone else, it looked like he was confident it was him. I avoided looking at Patrick. I shook my head briefly.

“You gotta do it,” Joe said.

“Fine! But everyone has to close their eyes.” I didn’t even want to know how red my face was.

“That’s no fun. Have to make it as awkward as possible.” I glared at the girl who said it and crossed my arms. The bottle only landed on her once and they only made her do a shot she had never done before.

“Everyone just close their eyes for thirty seconds or so,” Andy said, shrugging. Bless him. I glanced over at Patrick but tried not to linger. I made sure everyone’s eyes were closed and moved in front of him.

I couldn’t tell if he knew I was standing there. There were probably other things I could do to figure out if he liked me. This is just fast forwarding the process. Patrick’s eyelids fluttered slightly. In my head, I knew it was just a natural fidget. I panicked.

I pressed my lips against Patrick’s. I felt him jump at the sudden contact. There was some cheering around us that pulled me back to reality. I rushed to separate myself from him. I hovered for a moment, watching his beautiful blue eyes open to look back at me.

I cleared my throat and stepped away from him. My cheeks burned. Every time I looked his way, there was this unreadable expression. The game continued a bit longer but neither Patrick nor I had to do anything else.

-

It was almost two before the last person left. Pete was passed out on the couch and Joe probably shouldn’t be driving. Andy said he’d let them stay the night. I helped Andy clean up around the house.

I leaned down to pick up some scattered cups and put them in a plastic bag. I turned and ran into Patrick. His hand landed on my arm to steady me, even though I didn’t really need it.

“Sorry. My bad,” he said quietly. I smiled and moved past him awkwardly. Should I talk to him? I didn’t really know. The only thing that had changed was that it was awkward. I walked up to Andy who was readjusting Pete on the couch.

“I don’t know what to do now. It’s just weird,” I whispered.

“I got this,” he whispered back. “Hey Trick! Walk (Y/N) home for me.” My eyes widened, and I went to protest.

“Yea, sure. You feelin’ ok, (Y/N)?” Patrick materialized beside me.

“Uh, yea. Um, I could probably get home on my own…” I stuttered a bit and mentally cursed myself. I probably looked like an idiot.

“I’ll take you anyway. Just let me know when.” I smiled and nodded.

“Go on home, (Y/N). You don’t have to help me clean up. I know it’s way past the normal time you go to sleep.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Oh, shut up. I’ll feel bad if I don’t help.” Andy raised an eyebrow at me. I know what he’s trying to do. I was just too nervous to go through with it.

“Just go home. Best friend orders.” I sighed. I wasn’t getting out of this I guess. I looked over to Patrick and smiled.

“Don’t have a choice I guess. Walk me home?” He cracked a small, awkward smile before gesturing to the door.

“After you.”

-

My house was dark. My parents had said they were going out of town for a few days with my brother. I wasn’t sure how they got him to agree to that, but I guess anything to get out of school.

I stepped up to unlock my front door. Patrick stood quietly behind me. I wasn’t sure what to say. Should I thank him for walking me what felt like twenty feet away from the house we were just at?

“Hey,” I heard him mumble. I stopped fiddling with the lock and turned to face him. He took a breath before speaking again, “Did you mean it? That whole thing during spin the bottle?” I looked away from him, happy that he couldn’t see my blush.

“Do you want me to mean it,” I asked? He chuckled sarcastically.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” His figure moved toward me. My heart pounded. What should I do? “Please don’t just stand there in si—”

“Yes. I meant it.” I cut him off. We stood in silence for a moment. I resumed my task of opening the door. “Do you want to come in? Or something?” I pushed the door open and turned on the entry light. I looked over my shoulder at Patrick.

“Yea. For a bit.” The house was quiet except for the occasional humming of the heater. I tossed my keys on the counter and kicked off my shoes, flipping on lights as I went.

“Did you want a glass of water?” I moved over to the sink, glasses in hand.

“(Y/N).” I froze in my movements. The way he said my name scared me. I couldn’t tell if he was mad, pained, happy or any other emotion. I sighed and tried to relax my shoulders. I had to face him. I set the glasses down and met his eyes.

“Yes, Patrick?” He ran a hand through his hair.

“I don’t want to screw this up so. Let me say something.” I nodded and leaned against the counter.

“I was… surprised, to say the least, when you kissed me. I didn’t know how to react. To be honest, my first instinct was to push you away.” There was a pang in my chest. I looked away to stop myself from crying. “Hey! Wait! Let me finish ok?” I nodded slowly. “The only reason I thought that was because I didn’t want you to taint yourself. I’m in no way good enough for you. I thought it was some joke the guys got you to play on me.”

I met his eyes again. They pleaded for me to understand. To be serious about him. And I was. I laughed a bit.

“Trick. You are probably the purest being on this planet. I’m the one who’s not good enough for you. Your ex kind of pointed it out earlier.” Anger crossed his face and he came to stand in front of me, cradling my face in his hands.

“Don’t you ever let what she says get to you. You… god, just you. Sometimes I think I should be worshiping at your feet.” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I glanced down at his mouth briefly.

“Can I kiss you,” he whispered?

“Please.”

His nose brushed against mine and my eyes fluttered closed. He pressed his lips against mine gently. I wrapped my arms around his back, pulling him closer. He separated from me, but only for a moment. The second kiss was more confident than the last. I trailed my hands to the waistband of his jeans. He sighed into the kiss and I pulled his body against mine. He moved his hands from my face to brace himself against the counter, trapping me in his arms. I pulled away from him, giving us both time to breathe.

“If it wasn’t obvious. I really like you,” I mumbled. Patrick laughed and shook his head.

“I should have known from that little joke you made when you were tipsy.” I raised an eyebrow at him. What had I said? A little smirk took over his face. “I believe I said, ‘what am I gunna do with you?’ Then you said you had a couple ideas in mind. What were those ideas, (Y/N)?”

The memory rushed back in full force. I turned away from him and laughed awkwardly.

“Let’s just agree that was drunk flirting and drop it.” He reached up and turned my head to face him. The heated look in his eyes should have made me shrink away, like it did for other guys. Butterflies bloomed in my stomach again. I didn’t want to shrink away from him. I just wanted him close to me.

“I don’t think I really want to drop it.” He pressed his lips to mine briefly. Then he kissed his way over my cheek and down my neck. I giggled at the playfulness. They were featherlight and tickled.

“Knock it off, Trick. That tickles,” I said. I felt him grin before his fingers traveled to my sides. I yelped as he tickled me.

“Does it now?” He laughed along with me as I tried to get him back.

I broke away from him in an attempt to stop his assault. He chased me into the living room where he grabbed me and held me close. He kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He broke away from me, leaving both of us breathless but still laughing.

His face grew serious again. His head rested against mine and his hands wandered over my back and sides. I bit my lip and glanced down at his mouth. I wanted him, and I was pretty sure he wanted me. I think I saw a blush dusted on is cheeks. His fingers traveled under my shirt, lifting it slowly. I jumped at the contact on my bare skin. He froze in his movements.

“Is this ok?” He sounded nervous. I mean, I was too. I nodded but he didn’t move.

“Yea, it’s ok,” I said, smiling. I moved forward to kiss him as his hands resumed their motion. I couldn’t tell if his fingers were shaking or if it was just me. I pulled away once he had lifted my shirt to my chest. I lifted my arms and helped him remove it.

My face burned as my shirt fell to the floor. Patrick’s eyes trailed down my body. I didn’t know what to do. Should I just stand here? Should I cover up? It was all different with him. He reached for me as his eyes found mine again. He caressed my face.

“I am so not worthy of you.” He kissed me again. I tried to stop myself from falling into his arms. But why should I stop myself anyway? I pressed myself against him. He stumbled back slightly but not enough to make us lose our balance.

His arms wrapped around me tightly, our kiss becoming more urgent. My hands followed his earlier movements. Slipping under his shirt and pressing my palms against his stomach and trailing them up to his chest. We stopped only so he could pull his shirt off.

He seemed shy once he was shirtless. He didn’t really look at me. I leaned forward and pressed kisses to his collarbone and upper chest. I thought I heard Patrick curse, but I couldn’t be sure. I pulled away and grabbed his hand, leading him upstairs. The stairway was dark. Maybe I should have turned on the light, but I was a bit too focused on other things.

I pushed the door to my room open and flicked on the small lamp. I released Patrick’s hand and let him follow me in. I wandered to the bed while he took in the surroundings. My room wasn’t exactly clean, but it was definitely my room. Patrick glanced around the room before his eyes settled on me. I stood at the edge of my bed. He walked toward me slowly and my breath caught in my throat.

I don’t remember laying down. I don’t remember my jeans coming off, or his for that matter. I only felt him against me. We laid there in our underwear, grabbing at each other, wanting to be closer. Then I sat on top of him, both of us breathless, my legs on either side of his hips. I could feel him beneath me. He smiled up at me shyly.

“What is it?” I went to get off him, but he grabbed my hips and held me in place.

“Don’t move. Let me just admire how beautiful you look.” There was no way for my face to become anymore red. I turned my head away from him and he chuckled. Patrick sat up and made me look at him. In order to stop the intense look, I kissed him.

I reached around to unclasp my bra. I tossed it to the side and took Patrick’s hands from my hips. I moved them slowly up my body until they were just below my breasts. He stopped kissing me and met my eyes again. I nodded slowly at his silent question.

“Please? Touch them,” I mumbled. A shy smile made its way onto his face as he moved his hands over my nipples and squeezed gently. His eyes wandered down to focus on what he was doing.

I sighed as he slowly caressed them. I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me there. I jumped slightly as his lips touched my skin. The pad of his thumb ran over my left nipple as his mouth trailed down. He took the right one into his mouth and sucked gently. I moaned his name, then he switched his attention to the left one.

My fingers trembled as they tangled in his hair. I pulled him back up to kiss him again. Our lips crashed together as we grabbed at each other. I held him tightly and ground my hips against his. He groaned in appreciation.

“God, (Y/N). I need you.” I bit my lip and nodded. The feeling was very much mutual. I found myself on my back again. Patrick looked down at me, a blush on his face. I giggled at his nervousness.

“Hey. It’s just me. I’m all yours.” I ran my hands over his cheeks and over his shoulders. I tried to maintain eye contact as I lifted my hips and began to pull off my underwear.

Because he sat between my legs, I couldn’t exactly get them off without his help. So, I winked at him and nodded downwards.

“Mind helping me a bit?” He nodded quickly and cleared his throat before his eyes ran over my body along with his hands. His fingers hooked into my panties and he maneuvered them off of my legs.

I laid there before him, completely naked. I tried to resist the urge to cover my face. This was Patrick after all. The nerdy but super cute guy I had fallen for. He gazed at me while his hands wandered. I arched into his touch. His fingers danced over the insides of my thighs. My breathing was heavy, I needed more.

“Please, Patrick? Touch me,” I whimpered. He chuckled softly as he leaned down to kiss me. He used one hand to support himself and the other…

I moaned into his mouth when his fingers brushed over my most sensitive area. He smiled into the kiss and let one of his fingers tease my opening. If he was nervous, he didn’t show it. Patrick inserted a finger into me slowly. I rocked my hips with the motion of his finger. He slipped a second one in and I gasped. He sped up his movements and I could feel my impending climax.

“Trick. I’m gunna…” I rocked my hips as he kissed me. “Faster,” I mumbled against his lips. He listened and soon my body was arching into him, waves of pleasure rolling through me. Patrick never broke from me. Any noises I made, were silenced by him.

Once I came off my high, he removed his fingers and laid down next to me. I cuddled into his side.

“I did that ok, right?” I finally heard the nervousness. I looked up at him and giggled, kissing his cheek.

“Yes. It was wonderful.” He stroked my face gently, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I always want to make you this happy. You’re so amazing.” I blushed and buried my face in his chest. “Hey, look at me.” I hesitantly did. “Amazing.” I tugged my lip between my teeth. I rolled away from him and stood on the side of the bed.

“Sit up. Come on.” I tried not to sound to giddy. He tried (and failed) to keep his eyes on mine. Once he was sitting on the edge of the bed, I knelt in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at me before realization crossed his face.

“(Y/N), you don’t have to…” He trailed off and I smiled up at him.

“But I want to. So, if you don’t mind…” I tugged on the waistband of his underwear. He slipped them off slowly.

I leaned forward and took him gently into my mouth. He cursed and grabbed my hair. He wasn’t rough but let his fingers trail through my hair. I moved my head up and down slowly, letting my tongue trace patterns over him.

“Fuck, you’re driving me crazy here,” he said breathily. I glanced up at him through my lashes. His fingers tightened in my hair. I refocused on the head and he groaned in approval. His hips rocked forward slightly. I teased him relentlessly. Refusing to move any lower. I thought I heard him growl and then he grabbed my head and forced me down. I coughed slightly from surprise and he immediately removed himself from my mouth.

“Sorry, you alright?” I giggled and nodded. He seemed slightly confused.

“I was teasing you. I expected it to happen sooner or later.” I stood and crawled into his lap. We could experiment with that another time. “In the future,” I mumbled against his neck, “feel free to use my mouth however you want. His hands gripped my hips as I rubbed myself against him.

A warning flashed in the back of my mind. I tried to ignore it. I kissed Patrick and pushed him onto his back. I bit his lip gently. He smirked at me and flipped us over. I laughed in surprise and then it was his turn to tease me. He pressed himself against my opening but nothing more.

The warning flashed in my head again. Louder this time. I pushed Patrick back gently.

“What is it?” He tilted his head in question.

“We should probably use a condom,” I said. It took him a couple seconds to register what I had said. He ran a hand through his hair and blushed a bit.

“I, um, didn’t exactly bring one. I didn’t really plan on, well, this.” I chuckled and sat up.

“Well, I know where some are. So, if you want to wait a second while I go get them,” I said sweetly. I trailed a finger up his neck and under his chin. I pecked his lips and squirmed out of the bed. I hurried to my brother’s bathroom. I generally avoided going in there, but it was necessary. I grabbed a condom and hurried back to my room.

Patrick sat on the edge of the bed, almost awkwardly. It was cute. He drummed his fingers against his leg. Nervous habit. I sat down next to him and leaned on his shoulder. He looked down at the condom in my hand.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to… I just know that I’m not exactly, um, skilled at this…” I rolled my eyes and kissed him.

“We figure it out together. That’s how it works.” I ran my thumb over his lip. He smiled shyly at me and pulled me close again. He laid me down on my back again, sitting between my legs. I tore open the condom. I started to hand it to him but thought twice. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Allow me. If you don’t mind,” I said, winking. I sat up and rolled the condom on. He shuttered as my fingers grazed over him. Once it was on, I looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed me, pushing me back down slowly. He pressed against me again. he rested his forehead against mine.

“You ready,” he asked. I giggled and kissed him.

“I need you, Patrick. I want you inside me.” He started to push himself into me. I tried to adjust my hips, so it would be easier for him. I moaned and grabbed on to his arms. He stopped for a second. His face had a look of concentration. I giggled. I blush took over his face again.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled. I reached up to touch his face.

“You won’t hurt me. Not when I want you this much.” He looked into my eyes before smiling.

He pushed into me and I couldn’t stop from rolling my hips with his. Of course, me rolling my hips caused him to jerk forward. I gasped at the sudden fullness. He braced himself against the bed, biting his lip to stop any noise.

He moved slowly at first, reveling in the feeling. I rocked my hips with his earning me a couple curses. He leaned down, surrounding me completely. He kissed me, and I could feel him shaking. I ran my hands over his chest and held his face.

“I’m so close… I just don’t want it to end,” he mumbled. Guys didn’t always have the best stamina, especially if it was their first time. I kissed him gently.

“Neither do I.” He trailed kisses up and down my neck. He bit down lightly where my neck connected to my shoulder. I sighed as he gave special attention to that spot. His hips picked up speed, making it hard to focus on anything.

“Fuck, Trick.” The rhythm wasn’t regular, so I could only assume it was getting harder for him to hold back. He lifted himself up from me and grabbed my hips for support.

He ground his hips into me, rougher than before. We moaned together. One of his hands found its way to my clit. He rubbed me there gently and my back arched toward him. If he kept this up…

“God, (Y/N), you’re so beautiful. I don’t think I can hold back.”

“Don’t hold back… You’re gunna make me…” I trailed off as his hips thrust forward and I groaned. He leaned down to kiss me again as his hips spasmed, thrusting into me roughly. I rolled my hips once more and felt my release racing through me. My moans were swallowed by him and my entire body was shaking. He ground into me a couple more times before his mouth fell open as he came.

We both breathed heavily, and Patrick half fell over next to me. I rolled toward him, not wanting us to stop touching just yet. We didn’t say anything for a bit. He traced a finger up and down my arm.

“Um,” I looked up at him. A blissful smile sat on his face. “If it wasn’t obvious, I love you.” I just looked at him for a moment before giggling and kissing him.

“I love you, too.”

#patrick stump imagine #patrick stump fanfiction #fall out boy fanfiction #fall out boy imagine #patrick x reader #My writing #request #fluff #smut #lemons #<-- lol i can't believe i have to use this tag again #feedback always appreciated #band imagine #bandom #fandom #fanfiction

[jq37]

well. that was it.

**spoilers for prompocalypse  part 2**

Y'all this is it. The end-end. The last recap, at least for Fantasy High.

I honestly could have gotten this up yesterday but I wanted to give myself a hot sec before it was really over. 

But, no way out but through. Let’s get to it. 

We start back up right where we left off with no break in between. Cast still freaking, Brennan still gaping. 

“What the Fuck.” –Brennan 2019

Anyway, Kristen once again appears in corn heaven and she’s very not chill about it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. On the plus side, she runs into Doreen in heaven who is young and hot again (which I’m sure Fig would appreciate knowing) and also apologizes for her traumatizing speech to Adaine during her death.

Helio playing beer pong. I wonder if that was always a facet of his personality or if Brennan just decided to yes-and all of Ally’s suggestions of him being a frat bro.

The angels being like, “Please be nice to God. He’s our dad,” was kinda adorable. 

“Why are you dressed like a weird stripper?”/“It’s too hot in here. He’s the sun!”

So while the gang has been living out Breakfast Club + Stranger Things, Aguefort has been Weekend and Bernie’s-ing Heaven apparently. I want to say wild, but tbh that’s pretty on brand for him. The wild part is that he was able to knock out GOD. Like, how even?

Aguefort tells Kristen that Sol is one god of many and she says, “Cool, I always thought that,” as if this is new information but, living in a D&D world, shouldn’t she definitively know that already? Like, the gods in fantasy worlds are pretty blatant about letting their presence be known and there are clerics/paladins who aren’t Heleoic but still have powers. 

OK I have a bone to pick with Ms. Kristen Applebees. You get a chance to talk to the primordial source of all divine power and magic and you (1) ask who you’re allowed to bone and (2) create a TERRIBLE god. Just truly TRASH. She created a reaction gif god. It’s not even a physical representation of the concept. Like, I thought she meant something like Yass from Wreck it Ralph 2 but no. Just a literal Yes! Like, you can trash talk Helio when you come up with something better, girl. Also, wild that you can just…walk into a room and do that. Like you have to knock out Sol first but still. Wild.

“You’ve created a new deity and already you’re fed up with it. I would say that’s par for the course.”

I low key thought Kristen was going to get the option to deify herself. I think because I had just rewatched The Gamers: Dorkness Rising and that figures in to the plot. But, thinking about it, she wouldn’t have gone for that I don’t think.

Aguefort flipping out at Kristen saying that friendship is the greatest magic of all, and rightfully so. That’s BS.

Since when does Kristen have dog tags?

Anyway, as we all suspected, the chronomancy line from episode 1 wasn’t a random line of dialogue, it was a chekhov’s gun. 

I mentioned this in an earlier post. Brennan didn’t seem too concerned that the party was wiping and I think this is why. I think he had two paths for this fight to take. In one, Riz successfully rolled for police and like 6 helpful NPCs plus his mom show up. That’s enough to beat the dragon without dying and Aguefort shows up having Die Hard-ed his way out of heaven. In the other, Kristen dies, goes to heaven, and basically that same series of events happens. Chronomancy saves the day. I think he was shocked because the roll dovetailed so perfectly with the story beat. 

“Is Arthur Aguefort black? Hell yes. My brotha.” Gonna be honest, I basically had that same reaction when they showed his character portrait in ep 1.

Kristen and Arthur jump back into the battle and Arthur gets possessed by Mr. Gibbons. I guess he’s just been hanging around as a ghost this whole time? Because this seems to lend credence to the theory that that’s who possessed Fig in the arcade but didn’t we see him go to the afterlife (which, I have a question about that too later). But I feel like that must have been Brennan’s way of sidelining him for the fight so they didn’t have like a level 20 wizard making it too easy.

“Oh, and Jawbone!” Murph loses it. 

Jawbone stuck in Goldenhoard’s mouth like that meme of the dog smiling, stuck in a fence.

Gorthalax is like, “I don’t feel great sleeping next to this dude.” Fig meanwhile is all, “I wanna sleep between his legs.” She says this at least twice. 

So everyone just have a freaking picnic and takes a nap in the middle of this fight. Can’t say I saw that coming exactly.

Fabian tries to stab Dayne, who is already dead, during the time stop.

“What the fuck do they teach you at this school?”

“Are you talking about the time thing or–”/“Yeah Gorgug! The time thing!.”

“We’re gonna kill this motherfucker, sweetie.”

I love Sklonda so much.

Jawbone is a salad guy.

OK so I know people were shipping Sklonda and Gilear and it was like, “But how would that work with the height difference?” so Brennan, the absolute madman, decides to pair her with the GIANT DEMON???

Adaine about Gilear: Cucked again.

Everyone treating the DRAGON like a JUNGLE GYM.

“It’s basically Jeb Bush’s Campaign.” Ally, with the fury of 1000 suns: EXCUSE ME?

“I bless, [Riz], your mom, and [Fabian.] Are you the only ones with vendettas?”

“I think we’re all pretty blessed.” Gorgug/Zac is so good.

Adaine, who has all the wisdom and intelligence points of the entire party at the moment: You need to stay safe because the reason that we died is that you died. 

The shot that shows everyone on the giant dragon and then the foreground fuzzes out and shows Adaine a safe distance away in the background is hilarious. 

Ice guitar pick. Sweet.

Yeah, Siobhan really shoulda got healing potions out of her jacket, not the freaking wand. Hilarious. The only thing helpful about that was it hinted he was vulnerable to frost damage which they could have guessed. 

I wonder what Brennan had in his notes about the freaking city in Adaine’s jacket. It’s wild they weren’t more curious about that.

I low key loved Emily buffing Murph the whole fight.

“Hell yes Sklonda!”

Ragh: Giving a gay pride speech./Adaine, who doesn’t want to get knocked out again: STAB HIM IN THE DICK DUDE.

And, speaking of, OWWW.

Fig shapeshifting to Dayne. The hell Emily!

And another eye gouging.

Fabian is incapable of doing a single thing without doing some ridiculous parkour stunt first. 

Kristen,not twenty minutes after Riz said it would be crazy to go inside the dragon: Can I climb inside the dragon’s mouth? (Adaine: KRISTEN!)

Gorgug saving Skonda and Riz going, “Thanks for saving my mom!” from across the room.

Brennan is narrating the epic final battle and what cool thing everyone is doing and Kristen is just being digested. 

Riz was my second choice for the coup de grace until it turned out that Kal ate his dad and then he was my first choice. Riz!!!!

What a badass moment for him. The image of him casting a shadow on the wall is super dope.

Everyone flipping off Kal as he dies.

Riz and Sklonda are making dragon casserole bay-bee! 

MURPH FAILS WITH BARDIC INSPIRATION AND BLESS AT A 12 DC.

Aguefort. What a chaos monster.

“I fucked that bird! It is my paramour!”

Hold up, hold up, hold up. Did Kristen’s freaking Yes god kick Sol out of his own freaking heaven? WHAT?

I love that what Adaine got out of this experience was, “Wait, so my powers are bullshit?”

“Everything in this world is bullshit, Ms. Abernant.” Preach.

“So is the sun just a yes now?”/“Maybe.”

Literally 6 cop NPCs. Like they all seem like they’re morons but I’m sure it would have helped!

“Fuck it dude, it’s worth asking.”

“Are you my dad?”/“I was about to ask you the very same thing.”/“What?”

“TAKE HIS EYE. CUT OUT HIS EYE. YOU WANT ME TO BITE IT OUT FOR YOU?”

Brennan really likes the word bud.

Freak the fuck out all the time and just fuck things up. 

They got their ice cream later! And Adaine says thank you to Basrar, even though he’s not even there.

Adaine as the 7 freed maidens (way to go Sandra-Lynn) are re-killing Goldenhoard: Us and them are the only good students.

Gorgug’s nat20! What a WILD time for the dice to give that to him.

“You gotta ask. I ask everyone if they’re my dad.”

Gorgug’s dad (Gorbag) has just as low an intelligence score as his son. It’s hilarious but also sweet.

THE VULTURE

I thought that Digby and WIlma just found Gorgug in the woods? Maybe I’m not remembering right. I would guess that was their version of the stork story but they straight up told him what docking was so…

“Do any other federal agents want to step to Arthur Aguefort on the grounds of his school?”

The Aguefort way!

I wonder what Sam has to say about her former BFF selling her out like that and also getting murdered.

It seems like Gorgug was put on the guest list for hell by accident (his relieved reaction was adorable) but I thought that was orc heaven?

Interesting Gorthalax still has pull in hell when he’s a high school coach now.

BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL

How did he watch the fight? Do they have pay per view in hell?

“I doubt Cathilda will end up here.”

Bill is just such a maniac. I love him so much. I wanna say I can’t believe that killing the devil dril tweet was serious but I can. It’s Bill.

Bill and Fabian having a casual convo in HELL.

Oh my God, Fabian’s mom stabbed Bill’s eye out and he proposed on the spot. No wonder Fabian is so into Aelwen. It’s in his DNA.

What a dope ship.

I can’t believe Emily tricked me into thinking that her end speech wasn’t in service to some nonsense. She held it together for so long but I should have known bc it’s EMILY.

“Young lady, I have no idea who that is and I’m telling you right now yes. I will make whoever that person is vice principal.”

Adaine: Uhhhh….we should find Zayn.

Aww, Zayn’s parents were also terrible elves. 

Unwanted Wingwoman Kristen Applebees

lol at Adaine casting Ray of Sickness on everyone suggesting she date ghost Zayne. Great callbacks to the early eps all around. 

Don’t @ me, but Adaine w/ a ghost boyfriend who also had terrible elf parents might be kinda sick.

“Tomorrow, we’re gonna start training you on how to actually swordfight.” Uhhh, I kinda love Fabian’s mom now?

She literally hasn’t been sober in 15 years. Icon.

“I didn’t know you spoke Tornado.”

Siobhan’s late season tendency to just flip things/people off is hilarious.

Wild that Adaine’s parents just legit DITCHED her that hard and she was like, f ‘em. Clean break.

“She’s helping me spread something.”

Gorgug has so many friends now!!!!!

Lol, Fabian’s whole journey has just been about becoming captain of the Owlbears.

Riz got his PI License. 

Lou and Fabian immediately being so mad at the idea of his mom (Hallariel?) getting with Gilear. Emily/Fig having an equal but opposite reaction. 

“Mama, I will kill this man.”/“I’ll kill you first, it’s not up to you.”

Sandra-Lynn gets with Jawbone. Did Brennan just roll to pair up everyone?

Also, the group is almost all related or quasi-related now. Gorthalax got with Sklonda which makes Fig and Riz sorta siblings. Gilear got with Hallariel making Fig and Fabian sorta siblings. Jawbone sorta adopted Adaine and he got with Sandra-Lynn, again making Adaine kinda siblings with Fig. Plus Fig claimed Gorgug as a sibling a lot of eps ago and if Kristen sticks with Tracker then she’ll marry into this mess. Crazy!

Fabian totally dipping on the sequel hook because he’s gonna be busy trying to break Aelwen out of jail.

I’ve been keeping up with the fanart but there was some in here I hadn’t seen and it was super dope!

I’m so glad we had the after epilogue-epilogue. It was a very nice send-off.

Adaine using her oracle authority to get Zayn back into school! She’s so good. 

Lol and she helped Basrar so he can grant other wishes. I love that this is the NPC that she decided she was going all in for.

Riz and Adaine join AV club! Idk why I love that detail.

Riz cutting off Adaine’s very good question about her jacket w/ his PI talk.

“They’re our rivals.”/“Into it.”

“Is ‘The Ball’ not your real name?” I love Fabian so much.

Zac doing Gorgug’s excited crack-y teenage voice when he’s just concentrating on that and not playing the game is so adorable. He’s just so sweet and enthusiastic and a good kid.

“Guess that tin flower worked, huh?” I cry.

I love that Gorgug’s happy ending is basically just that he has friends now. And that’s literally all he wanted starting out. 

“FIG! GO TO BARD CLASS!”

Aww, Ragh and Gorgug are friends now.

I knew it! I at some point pitched the idea of Ragh ending up with one of the AV guys so he would be w/ someone who had enough intelligence to keep him from dying and I’m 90% sure it’s somewhere on my blog but I can’t be bothered to find it right now. But anyway, he’s in the lgbt club w/ Ragh and Kristen so it’s def a possibility! 

“My bitch sister? Don’t you fucking dare.” (lol, if that happens then the group will be even more related)

Fabian considering recruiting the Cubbys for his rescue attempt of Aelwen.

“Gilear!” I love that Fig loves Gilear now but still calls him by his first name.

And that was Fantasy High! 

I have at least two more posts in the hopper: And epilogue retrospective type deal and also the official JQ37 ranking of all the adults in Fantasy High.

Thanks for sticking with me this far you guys. I can’t draw to save my life and I don’t really do fic so this is the one little way I can contribute to this thing I love so much. 

It’s been real and I’ll see you all soon for an epilogue because, no surprise, I have more things to say. 

#fantasy high #asks #anon #Anonymous