#atrophy says stuff

[awestruck-atrophy]

“not all men” you’re right. eugene fitzherbert would never do this

#tangled #flynn rider #eugene fitzherbert #tangled the series #rapunzel’s tangled adventure #atrophy says stuff

[laniemae]

I would like to ask you about that fanganronpa that you brought up.

YES YES YES YES FINALLY I CAN RAMBLE ON ABOUT THIS OBSESSION I HAVE WITH MY FANGANRONPA!

(VERY long post I did not hold back at all here it’s the best thing ever when someone asks about your hyperfixiation)

Ok so basically what I’ve called it is “Danganronpa: Perfect Atrophy” and I actually made a logo for it but it’s still kinda WIP.

Perfect atrophy is a particularly interesting name I decided on with my project as atrophy means to waste away (esp of body tissue like muscle atrophy brain atrophy). And my main theme I’m going for with my project is “decay” basically how important hope and despair is in the canon games. I also have a sense of medical themes in my concept as stuff like that becomes very important and especially with the theme of decay, so atrophy was the perfect word (pun intended). “Perfect” in the title mainly came with my obsession with words that are described as perfect that really shouldn’t be (eg perfect nothing, a song by ghost and pals which I kinda associate with this project). And to describe atrophy as perfect is something that’s very odd and especially since something like that is more negative. And there really can’t be “perfect atrophy” or perfect decay in any way because it’s such a broad term. But in a way this contradiction perfectly encapsulates the theme of my project and even hints at the masterminds way of thinking, as obsessed with decay as junko is with despair.

Ok enough rambling about how much effort I put into the title I want to introduce my characters!

Kayo Minowa: Ultimate Graffiti Artist (protag)

Ritsuko Haruki: Ultimate Streamer

Tsubasa Rikona: Ultimate Philosopher

Phoebe Mwangi: Ultimate Pathologist

Kazuki Moriyama: Ultimate Arborist

Namida Kenzou: Ultimate Ice Skater

Hachirou Tatsuya: Ultimate Brewer

Kohaku Akanane: Ultimate Palaeontologist

Shiori Uchimura: Ultimate Architect

Mana Nozomi: Ultimate Organist

Shinsuke Abe: Ultimate Assistant

Keiko Kishou: Ultimate Taxidermist

Haruka Ume: Ultimate Florist

Hisako Kubo: Ultimate Archivist

Daichi Kitagawa: Ultimate Cartographer

Serena Connolly: Ultimate Netballer

I’ve thought about these characters wayyy to much and my personal favourites are probably Kayo, Mana and Phoebe. I’ve actually made concept designs for almost all of the characters and have made two full sprites which I’ll show here.

Kayo Minowa

Namida Kenzou (still kinda deciding on her design)

I’ve also made Bios for these two.

And here are my concept designs for the rest of the cast.

Thank you so much to u/bloodiedchocolate on Reddit for providing a base. Something like that has very helped me in brainstorming what a character’s design would look like and how it’d fit in the danganronpa style. I haven’t got time to design Shiori or Serena yet as there was a huge problem when I accidentally deleted my editing app along with all the files for everything I’ve done on my project but luckily I was able to save them as screenshots then my storage imploded, it’s a long story.

But these are the concept designs I have for the characters. Feedback would be appreciated as I’m planning on turning them all into sprites and I hope they convey their characters well enough. I would ramble about all of their personalities and stuff but that’d make this post way too long but if you want me to ramble about that just ask.

Now onto the setting as this is something I’ve thought about way too much. It’s basically an enclosed school like DR1 but I decided to put an interesting spin on it. With the themes of decay present in my concept I want the school to feel old and falling apart. And have a vibe similar to the backrooms and liminal spaces. Here are some pictures which basically sum up what it’s supposed to look like.

So basically the school has an eerie atmosphere of decay and rot which I feel like would be very interesting on the mind if everyone’s stuck here compared to a regular school. There’s also a really interesting idea I came up with where the architecture is plain weird. Originally born from me trying to create a map but my awful understanding of architecture turned into “hold on this is actually an amazing idea”. I’ve got a concept where the further you go up in floors the more surreal the architecture becomes. Empty corridors leading to nowhere. A labyrinth of hallways. Too much dead space to even be a real building. The more the story progresses the more surreal everything becomes. Here are pictures for what I can imagine to architecture to become

As the floors progress the structure becomes uncanny. It looks more like an entity with a vague idea of what human architecture is conjured this place up rather than someone actually building it. In essence the theme of perfect atrophy is “decay vs growth vs stagnation”. The decomposing and falling apart rooms are decay. The strange almost organic like growths of rooms and furniture are growth. The inhuman liminal spaces with a constant presence of dread are stagnation. It’s a mix of these themes that are at the very core of the story and ingrate itself in the themes of the characters and everything that happens. Decay, growth and stagnation make up the very core of reality and this cycle that encapsulates the universe. And yes I think I invented a new philosophy don’t mind me if I publish a book on this in the future from what is essentially danganronpa fanfiction LMAO.

But as well here’s a concept of what the bedrooms would look like, ft my awful understanding of perspective and how to draw anything that isn’t human.

Yeah imagine having to sleep in this every night for the rest of your life. At least with the canon danganronpa games the rooms are like luxury hotels and I’m torturing my characters with, this. Again this is inspired by liminal spaces and the theme of decay. As present with the dull colours of the wallpaper and carpet and the water stains everywhere.

There’s also this map I made of the first floor. Initially the presence of the surreal architecture as I bought up is hard to notice. But ironically enough I have an Ultimate Architect so he noticed the irregularities immediately and he becomes important when it comes to analysing these themes.

There’s also these concept maps for floors 2, 3 and 4 which are more sketchy and I didn’t flesh them out as much as I did with the first map. But here it’s easier to see how strange the layout becomes.

Now I want to talk about the aesthetic of the project as it’s something I’ve also thought about way too much. In a way I have multiple aesthetics, but I’ll skip over the decay themes as I already talked about that. I just show some images of my ideas as it’s kinda hard to explain what I’m going for.

These 5 images sum up exactly what the aesthetic im going for is. I want usage of harsh metal textures that appear to be ripped apart and broken with some sort of force. Mesh designs and torn metal is a huge part in this aesthetic and it looks very good mixed with a harsh red. There’s also a presence of more cyber esq themes building off that metallic feeling I mentioned and with a very grunge aesthetic mixed with bright colours. Actually thinking about it this aesthetic is quite similar to the main aesthetic that Milgram has and I started on this project before I learned about it so that’s probably why I was instantly hooked.

(ok editing this in here as I copy pasted this from my notes app but left out a chunk of text so I’ll rewrite it)

here’s also some of the UI I’ve been doing based on this aesthetic.

(ignore the god awful sample text I couldn’t did any saved images of this where I was not screwing around)

so this is basically the ui designs for the regular game and the trial. With the regular design I wanted to go with that metal grunge design and the usage of signposts is heavily inspired by the v3 title screen as it has a lot of those elements which I wish was utilised more in the game as it’s so cool. And I feel like this design encapsulates both the general feel of the protagonist and the story without being too overwhelming. Theres also the trial design, which goes for a more cyber design like what you’d see in sci fi movies. I want to give that feeling of intensity in the trial. Funnily enough the trial ui was the first real thing I designed for my fangan and I basically based everything off of that one design. Here’s also some other ui designs I’ve done.

I’ve got some basic concepts here, a character intro, a non stop debate ui, the counter and argue screen. But here’s one I find particularly interesting to talk about.

This is basically the end screen of the chapters where it shows how many surviving students there are. I put a spin on this having there be a class photo of all the students hanging out and stuff much like the one from dr1 I used. But their portraits get greyed out as they die. And as well as that the more the chapters progress the more decayed the photo gets. And eventually the rot spreads to that of the dead students removing them from the picture entirely. Here’s what it looks like at the beginning vs the end.

And you may be asking, what’s with the strange chapter names? I’ll list them here. P: Corneal opacity: the last of the glory days

C1: Pallor mortis: dawn in the graveyard

C2: Algor mortis: a wish in the wind

C3: Rigor mortis: arctic air outbreak

C4: Livor mortis: kneeling in a sea of blood

C5: Putrefacation: the tranquility of death

C6: Skeletonisation: final onslaught

E: Fossilisation: the show is over, applaud

BE: Extreme decomposition: Beautiful Decay

Basically all of these chapter names are the stages of decay post mortem. As once again decay is a crucial part of my story and especially with the big presence of death in danganronpa makes this perfect. Yknow how you look at an idea someone has and are like “omg this is the best idea ever I wish I had that idea”. I feel like this is exactly the type of thing I’d say about this but I actually came up with the idea and it feels so fiwhosbsoqnsm. There’s also the chapter names which are more similar to the canon chapter names which I also included.

Now I want to talk about key events in chapters and cases and stuff. One thing I’ve payed huge attention to is the motives which I’ve made a lot of. So here’s my current ideas for motives and cases.

I haven’t decided on a motive for chapter 1 yet, but an idea I had for the case is that the killer sent out a letter to someone claiming to invite someone with a meeting with a bunch of other people they claimed to send letters to to make it more trustworthy, but it was actually a murder trap with the letter only being sent to one person. There’s also a part in the daily life when someone makes themselves the self proclaimed leader, and is extremely worried about an idea of a murder so they implement rules such as “no going out at night”, but even more strict then canon examples, also having rules such as “you have to stay in groups of at least 3 all the time”.

In chapter 2 there’s a motive where the morning and night announcements stop and all the clocks stop working and people can no longer tell what time of day it is. This is interesting because after someone was murdered in chapter 1 the whole cast decided to form a union to stop that from ever happening again and banded up together and made plans on how to escape. They even found a phone which they tried setting up a mayday message to send for help. This union caused this motive to be implemented, as nobody being able to tell the time anymore would get rid of morning meetings and make everyone confused and disoriented. This broke apart the union that was created and although this doesn’t seem as much as a big motive the separation of the cast was a huge deal. And interestingly enough when someone was murdered, it took a whole day and a half to find the body as people didn’t really care about disappearances anymore as they assumed they were asleep, and the body was shoved in a locker. (Note, people would’ve noticed the smell but I want a case where the time of death is very important so I’m thinking of a way that could’ve masked this). And about the body being left out for a while, this would’ve caused it to decay into a bloating stage. Me being me, I wanted to research the stages of human decomposition to make this as accurate as possible. You can guess what I googled, you can guess that I clicked on images. I will not elaborate further.

Chapter 3 is probably my favorite so far. As there’s a motive where the temperature drops every day until someone kills and basically everyone’s freezing to death. And this was actually based off a dream I had. This basically launched everyone into survival mode as even more so over worrying about a murder people had to worry about dying from the cold. As the days went on characters became dizzy and disoriented from the cold and frostbite became way too common. Causing Phoebe, the pathologist, to overwork herself in treating everyone as she’s the only one with medical knowledge but as she’s more about knowing injuries and ailments rather than treating them it was very hard. There was an attempted murder in this chapter when Kayo, the protagonist was splashed with water that was mounted up on a door when it was freezing temperatures. It only hit her arm though and she and the other person was with freaked out so much as something like that was incredibly dangerous in such cold temperatures. There’s also a part where a few people tried to start a fire using chemicals since the lighters and matches didn’t work… which ended up blowing up and causing a massive fire ironically.

Chapter 4 I’m thinking about a motive similar to how in milgram the prisoners can order almost anything they want. So basically the characters are allowed to order one thing per day and get it delivered to them next morning, but maybe there’s a catch to it like maybe incorporating a secret motive as a drawback to ordering stuff as Kayo has a very dark secret which would be the end of her if it got out. This is also the chapter where the students relationships are at an all time low and there’s constant fighting and drama between everyone. And as well there’s also desperate need for medical attention as everyone’s getting injuries from the recovery from the cold (that motive turned out to be way more important to the story than I planned it to be oop).

Chapter 5 is where one of the characters is outed for their manipulative behaviour and how they’ve been pushing people to dark mental states for their own benefit. And there’s a motive where a random student is selected to be the “co-host” where they help with whatever the replacement is for monokuma in running the killing game. They’re still a participant and can kill or be killed but can add and remove rules, although not one’s relating to the kg itself. And you can guess who was chosen as the co host. This murders particularly interesting as the body was incinerated and the ashes scattered throughout the school so it was impossible to tell where the body is and how they died.

Chapter 6 is different from the canon chapter 6 as there’s actually a daily life. Where the characters managed to get in contact with another group of ultimates planning to save them and there’s a huge break in where they attempt to save the surviving students but everyone’s forced into lockdown and when they get out they find one of the rescuers murdered, and it seems clear the mastermind did it.

I want the end to be anticlimactic, if that makes sense. Not to end with a big victory like “we finally done it and we shall avenge everyone who’s died!” But instead the survivors just completely break down. Everything’s over, they won, but now what? So many people have died and you’re now free, but at what cost. And instead of everyone celebrating their victory it ends on them crying and suffering, as I feel like that’s a more realistic ending to have and would also encapsulate the weight of everything that happened

And that’s a short summary of my fangan at this point, and yes I mean short. There are some things I left out which I’ll probably talk about later but this is how much I’m obsessing over something I’ll likely never make a reality as I have absolutely no idea how to code and if I do make it I’ll be one of those people who swears to do it completely by themselves and if that does happen I feel like this post will come back to bite me as I kinda spoiled like half the story lmao

#Danganronpa #fanganronpa #perfect atrophy #Long post #hnsnsjabskejne I’m obsessed #I started this like a year ago btw I don’t know why I’m saying this just something #Had to splice some images together as it exceeded the image limit #Talking about stuff like this really makes me happy

[non-un-topo]

At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer

#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol #like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head #i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here #it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche. #did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it #maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better. #something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time #feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind)) #so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb. #my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense. #like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute. #i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems. #partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance #saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse - #- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect. #idk why i'm getting so angsty #i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i #i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so. #maybe i'll try to write something original #i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well #so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3 #anyway peace and love

[muffinlance]

Sokka is captured aboard Zuko's ship. At some point during Tea & Interrogation with Iroh and Zuko, he lets slip that he's the son of Chief Hakoda.

“Chief Hakoda?” the Prince of the Kill It With Fire Nation repeats, like his brain is as stupid as his face. Or like he just realized he’s taken a high-value hostage, redeemable for one (1) ransom against an enemy leader.

“Did I say Chief Hakoda?” Sokka laughs, nervously. “I meant, ah—”

“Shut up, peasant,” the prince shouts. And then sort of… chokes on his own words, getting redder and redder.

---

“Perhaps a break, Prince Zuko?” says Uncle, like this is… like this is the tea-time social he’s set the table for. 

Zuko is in the hallway with the door slammed behind him before he can think. Thinking. Thinking is a thing he needs to do, and Uncle’s proverbs only ever leave his thoughts feeling twisted around, and—

And that is not a peasant that sacrificed himself, to give the Avatar a chance to flee. That’s a fellow prince, or whatever the Water Tribe would call him.

---

“So,” Sokka says, spinning the teacup between his cuffed hands contemplatively. “How much poison would you say is in here? And what kind?”

The old man is sputtering indignantly, but Sokka is very seriously considering taking his first sip. If it’s laced with something to loosen his tongue, well, can’t get much worse there. It’s not like he knows where his dad is. Or anything useful. Certainly not more useful than handing the Fire Nation the son of their fleet’s leader. And if it’s something deadly, well...

He doesn’t know what his dad would do or give to get him back. But it wouldn’t be good, for the war or the world or their tribe.

He figured he’d die, when he’d shouted at Katara to go, take him and go. He hadn’t realized how much worse this could get. Was getting. Because the son and heir of Fire Lord Burn Them All was out in the hallway, thinking. 

---

Zuko thinks. About what his own father would do, if he were to receive a ransom letter. The disappointment. The… repercussions. 

---

“You’re what?” Sokka asks. 

“I am releasing you,” His Shoutiness repeats, through clenched and grinding teeth.

“Huh,” Sokka says, and takes another sip from his cup, because oh, this is hallucinogenic tea. Good stuff. “Care to explain that?”

---

No, Zuko wants to shout. But this is the fellow son of a world leader. Zuko hasn’t had many friends, and he’s not looking to add the Water Prince to that atrophied number, but. 

But he could understand.

“You stood and fought when you could not win, for a cause you believed in,” Zuko says, and he doesn’t know why Uncle suddenly looks so pained. “I will not demand trinkets from your father for your return. If he hears of this, it will not be from me. You will be released at the nearest neutral port.”

---

Like an undersized fish, Sokka does not say. 

“That is… very honorable of you,” Sokka says, and doesn’t know why the prince looks like he’s been gutted.

#Sokka: why yes my sister is a waterbending prodigy why do you ask #Zuko: projects onto Sokka HARDER #atla #avatar the last airbender

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

The Hobie fandom has a lot of smut, and with a character so accepting on so many fronts, it means so much to me to see trans!readers being taken into consideration.

As a trans guy myself, I love seeking out ftm!smut. But often times, I often can't read them. Many times I'm left feeling unseen, reduced, or even feminized.

And I wanna talk about that a bit, if it's okay.

My take and feelings on FTM!smut - As a Trans Guy

Ngl as a trans guy myself I do feel a bit alienated by a lot of FTM!reader.

I'm gonna be honest - I feel like most ftm smut is written exactly as it would be a cis woman, just with the pronouns changed. Which is understandable, but not really how it works.

Cis women and trans men don't have sex the exact same, just because they're AFAB.

And I feel most smut writers haven't gone out of their way to research the sexual experiences of trans men and how we navigate the world.

Hobie smut is pretty vulgar, and I won't complaining! As a character, he has a high volume of smut, and probably the most diverse range, with Black!reader, ftm!readers, and male!readers being more common than most fandoms.

Black!Reader focuses on the unique experience of black people when in a relationship together. This unique experience is at the basis of black!reader.

But when we approach Ftm!reader - very often, our unique experience isn't reflected.

It's just assumed that because we are AFAB - there's no need to look deeper at the closer unique sexual experience trans men have - or to read up about it.

Most ftm!reader fic does not attempt to use affirming sexual language for trans men at all.

T-dicks - ie, natural clitoris enlargement you get after taking T - is a thing a lot of transitioning Trans men have.

But they're never called T-dicks in fanfiction. Only clits. It's very rare that a ftm!reader is described as having a dick - because so often the only dicks cis people recognize are natal dicks, and surgery-constructed ones.

Many cis writers may never even considered referring to a trans man's clitoris as a dick - pre or post T. They may see it as confusing to the reader, when it's not.

T-Dicks are dicks. Bottom growth didn't give you a full 3-4 inches, but you absolutely have growth and there are trans men that can penetrate with T-dicks - without surgery - if with the right partner.

The words pussy and cunt are used liberally in nearly all ftm!smut, and while many trans men are okay with these terms, I think a lot of cis writers ignore or do not know that often, terms like those can cause heavy dysphoria in a lot of ftm readers.

I don't think cis writers ever question if they might be making readers dysphoric - or showing them in a non-affirming way.

I feel like some writers believe that changing pronouns and calling the reader 'handsome' is really all it takes. Just write usual fem smut, change the pronouns - and done!

In reality, a large part of the ftm community feels uncomfortable with the word 'pussy' - and would much rather stuff like 'front hole'.

A poll on 'What do you call your downstairs?'

And I'm not saying that you can't call a trans man's genitals a pussy. And I'm not saying that a trans man calling his genitals a pussy is wrong.

I just feel like cis writers do not consider the dysphoria of their trans readers, when writing trans smut.

I feel like most cis writers don't actually seek out accounts of trans men and their sexuality.

I don't think they ever consider that these terms, talking about wetness and penetration (which many men on T can have problems with because of vaginal atrophy and dryness), breast, clits, cunts, pussy -

I don't think cis writers ever question 'Is this accessible for ftm readers that might have dysphoria? How can I make this accessible or easier for trans men who have bottom dysphoria?'

Or

'How can I make this more affirming of them as men?'

It's the assumption that, because we're all AFAB, because we have vaginas like cis women - then naturally we must all fuck the same regardless of gender, the only thing changing being the pronouns.

That's not true.

And also - Trans Men are never really written like gay men.

Trans men having sex with men is gay sex.

And even though most writers write trans men with male OCs - they hardly ever write their sex as if they are gay men.

99.9% of the time, it isn't written that way. Its always written as if it's 'straight sex'.

The experience of how gay men have sex is never really taken account into these fics, which makes me feel like a lot of writers don't see it as gay sex at all.

At most, the ftm reader may be described as a bottom - but never as an otter or twink or bear or cub or leather or anything.

They see it as AFAB sex.

Cause If I'm getting strictly candid - I feel like if a writer wrote mtf!smut and kept focusing on the girls 'hard throbbing cock and balls' - we'd all be like 'oh wow that's very intense centering on genitals that may alienate some trans women-'

But in ftm!smut focusing on 'wet tight juicy pussy and thriving clit' is standard. It's never really questioned.

And this is not to say 'oh trans women have it better they get better smut-' No. They really don't. I'm just bringing this up to highlight the fact that we should be making sure that trans!smut is accessible and affirming to the trans people they're about.

Seeing a fic in which a gay trans man prefers to use his asshole, like most gay men fuck, is VERY VERY rare.

I feel like most cis writers never consider the fact that gay trans men may want to perform sex in an affirming, clearly coded, masculine gay way.

It's always assumed we use our front hole, are okay with it being called a pussy, have no problems getting wet, or that we don't have dicks (T-dick is a dick).

And because of that - the lack of affirming language and the lack of affirming transmasc experiences makes it very hard for me as a FTM person to read smut about ftm!readers.

I feel like most of them don't actually take our comfort - or our experiences in mind.

I feel like most don't attempt to actually read accounts of trans guys having gay sex, and what that's often like.

If you're a writer who feels guilty of any of this - you're not a bad person or a bad writer. And I genuinely thank you for including us in your work - from the bottom of my heart.

But I want to highlight this -

Trans men having sex is not a 1:1 of cis women having sex. The same way trans women having sex is not a 1:1 of cis men having sex.

Or experiences are unique - and our dysphoria does affect our sex lives, and how we navigate them.

Please, do not let this put you off writing trans men. But please keep in mind that our experience is unique.

So often I read ftm!reader and feel reduced down to my pussy. Without breasts in the equation, so much ftm!smut focuses solely on the pussy.

If you write ftm!reader please please do not let this put you off, but here's some tips I can give as a trans guy

Please do slight research of ftm anatomy, read an article about gay trans men, or go on r/ftm (subreddit) and read some posts about trans men, read some nsfw posts where trans men tell hookup tales.

Advocate has an great article called '16 things I learned from having sex with Trans Men' - which details and dispels 16 myths about trans men in bed. It's written from the POV of gay men who have been with trans men in affirming ways.

This post is in no way meant to be an attack or subliminal at any one writer. If it was one writer, I wouldn't care.

But this is something I've experienced and seen across fandoms and across writers in this fandom too. I feel the urge to write this because searching for affirming ftm!fics - I often come away feeling even more dysphoric.

Not because of the word pussy or cunt or anything -

But because of the erasure of my experience, the idea that my gender doesn't influence my experience of sex - only my AFAB genitals do.

If you write ftm!smut, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly.

But I feel like I had to say this.

If you read this far, thank you! This is one of my more personal venting posts but I'm also trying to raise a point and start a discussion. And you reading through this and giving me your time and understanding is already helpful enough, so thanks!

Here's Hobie.

Bye.

#no proofread #uuhhhhh #uhhmm #hobie brown #atsv #spider punk #spiderpunk #hobie brown smut #Hobie brown x ftm!reader #Hobie x ftm!reader #smut #Hobie x reader #Hobie x y/n #Hobie x you #ftm!reader #ftm #trans!reader #transgender #trans #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic writing #across the spiderverse #transmasc #transmasculine

[rattusn0rvegicus]

Happy Disability Pride Month! Today I would like to talk about schizophrenia. :]

I think a lot of people see schizophrenia as simply hallucinations and Maybe Delusions but like, that's not all it is by far.

There can be speech issues. This can look like issues with word-finding, tangential or circumstancial speech, or even go so far as "word salad."

There are also negative symtoms (essentially, really bad executive dysfunction + symptoms that can look like depression such as lack of experiencing pleasure or emotions in general) and cognitive symptoms (such as: difficulty concentrating, short term memory issues, brain fog, slowed thinking, etc)

Antipsychotic medication usually doesn't do much for these symptoms. It can sometimes help, but it usually does nothing and can also make those symptoms worse.

There are physical aspects to schizophrenia as well. Schizophrenics are also at a higher risk for type II diabetes and metabolic dysfunction even if they don't take medication , and antipsychotic medication makes this risk even higher. Some schizophrenics deal with catatonia, a condition that can affect movement - usually by essentially freezing and being unable to move (not the same as freezing in fear or being really depressed), and sometimes characterized by hyperkinetic movement. Malignant catatonia can even cause death. And finally, many schizophrenics have Tardive Dyskinesia, an iatrogenic movement disorder - that is, caused by antipsychotic treatment. TD causes involuntary muscle movements, that can sometimes even get so bad they cause muscular atrophy.

Schizophrenia can also cause fatigue, and antipsychotics are notorious for inducing drowsiness/fatigue/somnolence.

Not every schizophrenic person will deal with all this stuff but like, yeah. It's a lot more than just hallucinations and delusions.

This is not to say that schizophrenia as a psychiatric construct is not without its flaws, but that's a post for another day.

This is also not to say schizophrenia is a death sentence or that having schizophrenia means you're incapable of doing anything positive with your life or enjoying your life. That, again, is a post for another day. If you want to read something more inspiring after all this, check out my post here on highly successful schizophrenics. Additionally, around 86% of schizophrenics achieve functional recovery (this is not an absence of symptoms, but rather, an improved quality of life).

#schizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #seriouslyschizophrenic #disability #Disability pride month #actuallydisabled

[rivetgoth]

Learned recently that studies have shown that trans men are 8-10x more likely to have inadequate Pap smear results than cis female counterparts with a positive correlation with length of time on testosterone for reasons not 100% fully understood but known to be connected to cervical/reproductive atrophy. This happened to me recently (Pap smear came back unviable and I was referred to a specialist) and when I talked to a few other trans men about it I learned that others have had similar issues, usually with little to no explanation from their providers about why their results couldn't be obtained. I had no idea this was a thing despite spending years researching HRT on my own and navigating stuff like alleviating atrophy symptoms and pursuing a hysterectomy so I figured I'd put it out there for anyone else.

I don't say this to fearmonger against testosterone HRT (obviously lol) but I think it's good to be informed, especially when reproductive atrophy is already an extremely fearmongered and misunderstood effect of testosterone and when trans men already face enough barriers as it is when it comes to accessing quality gyno/reproductive care for a ton of different reasons ranging from dysphoria preventing us from wanting to in the first place, to insurance fuckery denying us coverage on account of our genders, to facing discrimination and transphobia from doctors, to just the straight up lack of consistent education and proper care guidelines for us in the medical world, and we know that trans men generally have a lower general rate of actually seeking out gynecological care at all than cis female counterparts, as well as the lowest rate of obtaining the HPV vaccine of the entire trans umbrella. I don't necessarily have any incredible conclusions to this but I think it's information that's worth being aware of if you're on testosterone and seeking out gyno/reproductive health care (which I highly encourage you to do).

#ftm #hrt

[prince-kallisto]

THIS GUY (ghost?)

THIS GUY RUINED EVERYTHING- or perhaps he gave more clues to the history of Ramshackle dorm than we initially thought! I was in the middle of working on a separate Ramshackle dorm theory when I discovered this line from the thin ghost in Book 2.

From what I can understand with this one line, he was team captain at NRC (?) for Spelldrive 90 years ago. Since team captains tend to be the older students, let’s assume he was a third year. So let’s say he was around…19 years old.

I’ve assumed that Ramshackle dorm has been abandoned for at least 100 YEARS, just because a lot of things at NRC are tied back to 100 years ago. Any history regarding Ramshackle seems to be completely erased- not even the teachers mention anything about it. But the ghost did not suffer from a young, tragic death to make the math work. Ghosts are well, dead people, and as we can see from Eliza, the princess from the Phantom Bride event, ghosts take on a vague appearance of what they looked like when they were alive. We don’t have a voice for Eliza, but I assume she would sound like a younger woman.

So this ghost died when he was an older man. Judging from his voice that was likely affected by presbyphonia, a natural vocal cord atrophy due to old age, he may have been at least 60 years old, as it is the average age for this condition. This ghost is also a rather thin one, which can also happen due to age. Of course, it could’ve just been his body type, but he seemed to have been quite athletic in his youth. Judging from muscle loss due to age, he was most likely in his 70s or 80s when he died. Besides, he…he calls himself elderly, so all this random stuff wasn’t necessary LMAO

Let’s just say he died at 75 for simplicity’s sake. He lived maybe 56 years after being a team captain at age 19. And since he was a team captain 90 years ago, the earliest he could’ve started haunting Ramshackle dorm would be 34-ish years ago, give or take.

That’s…not a very long time, is it? Of course, buildings, especially with exposure to the elements and a lack of indoor heat, will decay very quickly. But everyone talks about it like it left to rot EONS ago, but 30 years is fairly recent for a school that’s been around for more than 500 years, as we know from General Lilia.

Divus Crewel, who we know for a fact that’s been a student at NRC, is 32 years old. 16 years ago (average first year age) was more than enough time for Ramshackle to decay (18 years), so it makes sense that he wouldn’t know anything about the dorm either. All the other teachers are either young or did not attend NRC as a student.

But what about Trein? I think if we ever learn about Ramshackle, it would be from him. I don’t think Trein was a teacher at the time of Ramshackle abandonment, BUT there is a chance that he may have been a NRC student. We don’t know for sure, but if he was, he would’ve been around several years BEFORE the ghosts had the chance to haunt Ramshackle. Even if he wasn’t around as a student, Trein knows an absurd amount of history, and speaks highly of the school archives. Surely he must know something that could point us in the right direction.

Edit: Trein likely attended Noble Bell College, so unfortunately he may have not been around to see Ramshackle dorm. Doubly unfortunately, Crowley IS our best bet to learn about Ramshackle, because he even says Ramshackle holds a lot of memories and feels nostalgic. But we have to pry these answers out of him somehow 🫠 he’s keeping it secret for a reason lmao

But even with all this math, I don’t think the ghosts were the reason behind Ramshackles abandonment. If anything, the ghosts were used to cover up the REAL reason that’s still unknown. I made a post about Ramshackle’s Guest Room that felt pretty sus to me, but I don’t know if would relevant to Ramshackle’s abandonment. Still, it’s odd that such a strong spell was cast onto one of Ramshackle’s rooms.

Plus, removing Ramshackle dorm from the roster would’ve been EXTREMELY problematic at the time- which is why I don’t buy the idea that these random old ghosts were the reason for Ramshackle shutting down. Crowley said that changing dorms requires an entirely new ritual and loads of paperwork, and who knows how many Ramshackle students would have been relocated to other dorms! Plus, the students were chosen due to their literal SOUL. We don’t know what Ramshackle used to specialize in, but it must have messed up a lot of students studies (like how Pomefiore focuses in poison, or Savanaclaw with athletics). Separating all these students would have been pure chaos, and who knows how bad the rooming situation was in other dorms when a flood of displaced students come in. It just doesn’t make sense that they allowed ghosts to empty a dorm.

This post was a little roundabout haha, but I think this ghost’s information really helped to point us in the right direction 👀

#twst #twst theory #twst ramshackle #twst ghosts #twst Mozus Trein #twst Trein #twisted wonderland #kallistopost

[awestruck-atrophy]

Shane responding instinctually to the boo buddy questions just reinforces the demon theory in my opinion

#plus the “go to hell” immediately after he turns it off #shane madej #ghost files #watcher #watcher entertainment #we are watcher #atrophy says stuff

[riririnnnn]

So till now we got these match-ups:

Isagi Vs Rin

Kunigami Vs Shidou

Hiori Vs Charles

Possible match-ups:

Ness Vs Zantetsu

Raichi Vs Tokimitsu

Kiyora Vs Karasu

The free players we have in the field are:

Michael Kaiser

Nanase Nijiro

I'm proud of my boy, Nanase, but saying Kaiser Vs Nanase is a bit.. farfetched. I could say Kaiser Vs Loki once the latter is subbed in, but it doesn't make sense because of two reasons:

Loki isn't a player in PxG. He is the coach and till now, we have only seen Coach Vs Coach. Further his statement about surpassing Noa gives us a hint of Noa Vs Loki happening.

Loki will only be in the field for three minutes.

It'll be an interesting thing to see since there are four more benched players (of Blue Lock):

Kurona Ranze

Igarashi Gurimu

Neru Teppei

Yukimiya Kenyu

Kurona's sub in is low-key necessary since his ranking dropped from 12 to 16 and the same could be said for Yukimiya because he went from 9 to 14.

IGA-DA-GOAT-GURI and Neru literally have zero bids, and considering Noa's behaviour when Kiyora's sub in got halted because of Isagi, I do think Noa will sub in these two to give them some kind of exposure, so that they, at least, have a club where they could go—I think a really funky type of man will find Igaguri really humourous and hence, will invite him in his club.

Now, the two main stuffs I wanted to rant about are:

Hiori Vs Charles

Taking in account of Hiori's gameplay ever since he was introduced, many in the Fandom had correctly predicted about Charles Vs Hiori.

The main takeaway from this matchup is that alongside Reo, I think Hiori might play as one of the main midfielder in U-20 World Cup. He has already been called as someone with an ego alike that of Sae's, so Hiori Vs Sae or Hiori + Sae gameplay might happen in the future.

I also think that no matter what's the result of BM Vs PxG is, Charles will, probably, acknowledge Hiori as his main rival or something and form a rivalry. Charles will also level up a lot because of Hiori and vice versa.

It'll be an interesting thing to see the possible reaction of Hiori's parents when he'll return back home—I hope he traumatises back his parents or maybe his parents will change for good and support Hiori for real this time since aiming to become the best midfielder is an amazing thing too.

Kiyora Vs Karasu

This matchup isn't yet confirm (as of 25 March, 2024), I just think it's plausible because of recent chapters' panels, but if it came to be true, then it can give us a lot of information about Kiyora's gameplay.

One interesting thing to note is that Karasu's gameplay includes putting pressure on his opponents and breaking them while guess what Kiyora dislikes? Yes, atrophy, which can be interpreted as something breaking. One more thing that is noteworthy is that Karasu was provoking Isagi during the tryouts in the third selection and guess what Kiyora likes? Yes, someone provoking him.

Karasu is a very witty person and physically comparing them, Kiyora stands no chance, so it can only be a battle of wits and if Kiyora wants to truly defeat him, then he needs to pull up some smartass moves to deceive him.

Honestly, comparing some of their traits, these two seem like a really good matchup to eachother.

.

.

.

Kiyora and Rin lookalike (volume cover), so what if they are cousins or something? That'll be interesting.

#blue lock #bllk #charles chevalier #hiori yo #karasu tabito #kiyora jin #雪 ranting

[masterqwertster]

More thoughts on canon baby titan Ashton:

People have been debating whether the "titan of blood" wording means Ashton has titan blood or if that's the type of titan they would be. My hat in the ring is titan blood, as there is the phrase "noble of blood" which is a fancy/odd(archaic?) way of saying "one with a noble bloodline." (which Sam seemed to pick up on, asking about nobility)

Second thought is that if Evontra'vir is a returned-to-nature Gau Drashari at ground zero of Avalir/Domunas, the Shattered Teeth, where the Empress of Earth Ka'Mort was particle-ized, and they were the one to give the Hishari an artifact of primordial power, Ashton's titan blood is a result of Ka'Mort's lingering power (since Ashton is earth and not fire like Emperor of Flame Rau'shan). Which, with a title like Empress of Earth, means that's some potent stuff Ashton got infused with.

I also buy the Great Tree of Atrophy title having to do with the blighted Tree of Names, which also has interesting implications, but not anything that immediately ties to Ashton's situation.

The dunamancy and titan blood not getting along yet is interesting.

It could be pointing toward the Kryn belief that the Luxon accidentally created the titans being false.

It could be that even now the titans are still trying to fight the Luxon despite it not fighting back.

Or maybe Ashton has long accepted that "hey, I'm a rock" but hasn't quite embraced their dunamancy that deeply, so the two powers are unbalanced/at odds.

It'll be interesting to see what happens if Ashton can make the dunamancy and primordial power get along.

And the need for Ashton to get a sit-down talk with someone who knows dunamancy continues to grow.

#MQ blathers #cr spoilers #ashton greymoore #cr speculation #cr meta

[sygol]

Why is it bad to film yourself besides, influencers are still anonymous bc you only know their name and their fake af posts so

not exactly sure what youre talking about, if this is is a query regarding a comment i made on a leechs post while i was really high, then what i think i was trying to say basically is if the majority of your social media interaction goes through walled garden platforms like tiktok and instagram reels, filled with videos of people pretending to be perfectly marketable and inoffensive, you're gonna get what i call "the wheel of fortune effect" which is a thing i often see that happens to old people in the US who get shoved in retirement homes and abandoned, they have nothing to do but watch fake tv all day and it makes them fucking stupid, your brain is like a muscle that adapts to its environment, and if you spend a lot of time online (because of growing social isolation and societal burnout) and you aren't even having 2way interaction with people (watching fake videos where people essentially pretend to be advertisements) its gonna make you stupid too, its gonna skew your brains ability to socialize, like imagine if you only worked out one arm every day, the stuff in your body and mind that you don't use will atrophy over time. its not bad to film yourself, and in moderation it's not bad to consume media, what is bad is spending all your time being served a stream of specific content via an algorithm that was designed to opiate you

#asks

[politemenacephd]

Howdy, its Dante <3

Sort of sombre news sadly. This gets a bit long, I always feel a need to over explain, so I'll TLDR here, you can skip the rest if you want:

💜 I'm taking next week as a short hiatus from posting much content to focus on my book while I can. I have two requests, Arachnophilia updates and the AU chapter in the works. 💜

Long version, I need to take some kind of break, for real this time.

I have two requests in currently, one for a spider mutant Miguel and one for a 'god of lust' Miguel which I do want to do, and I will keep up with Arachnophilia, but I think I need to focus on some other stuff just for a bit. I got asked by a few people if I've thought of writing a book, and the answer is YES! Not just thought, actively have, in fact. I've written 115,000 words of a novel under the working title 'mid 2000's girly pop gay junji ito by-way-of kafka's metamorphisis adaptation', basically a monster story from the perspective of the person turning into the monster . I just need to finish the last three chapters, but I've been really struggling to juggle workload.

I take on too much stuff at once, and I know I do, but I don't know how to stop either. My body isn't really working, mentally or physically, and I have a need to make up for my body failing by being the most productive person possible. Doesn't help that I'm also very lonely and have wretched abandonment issues lol, so anything that people enjoy I will do until it kills me.

I do my PhD, I run a household, I do constant extra curriculum, I write fics, I write original work, I do art, on and on, until everything gives out.

And every time I take a hiatus people are so kind and say the same thing, which is of course my mental health comes first, but I just struggle to justify that to myself. This is the only affirmation I get in my life, and its small, but I get attached to it very quickly.

I actually stopped writing a while back because I thought I just sucked at it, until my first Miguel fic took off, and I reconsidered after seeing people enjoy what I did.

I would just really like to just get this book finished, so I can kind of settle and have a sense of fulfillment about it. I also need to give myself more time to try and salvage my mucles before they atrophy further. I really put physio as like, a third priority against fulfilling requests and getting feedback, and I don't think that was a good idea in the long term. So yes! I won't be gone long, I just wanted to ask for time to finish this and then return. <3 Love you all.

#dante thoughts #fic updates

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

“Don’t, John.  Come with me, be my familiar- I… I wish I hadn’t said stuff before.  Be my familiar.  Be a dog when it’s cozy to be a dog, enjoy a house that’s not lonely and filled with trash.  Sleep on the end of my bed.  Be a human when you want to be a human.  It’s a better humanity, you’d get to draw on me.  You’d enjoy food more, you’d- you’d be even more of a man and less of a soldier, when you want.  You’d sleep, John.  Didn’t you say you were always waiting so tensely, that you were always hurry up and wait or fighting mode?” “I did.” “You could sleep,” she whispered.

“What I want for you is- you could be a German Shepherd, maybe.  You could sleep in the sun, and you’d- you take in this big, deep breath, and you get- you get peace.  You get as many years of that, best of both worlds, as I get to live.” He felt a faint vertigo.  The feeling of standing on a cliff’s edge, when the body told him to jump, by some primal instinct.  Except here, the urge was to take that peace he was being offered.  Almost the opposite of the step from the cliff’s edge. “Don’t you want that?” she asked. “Yes,” he admitted. “Then take it.  Take a rest from all the worst parts of being what you are.  A rest from guilt.  A rest from stupid self sacrifice.  A rest from fighting as much as you want it.  I wouldn’t ask for anything, really.  You’d be free, unbound.  I’d want you to back me up but it’d be your choice.  I trust you.  People- people would be kind to you.  You wouldn’t be invisible anymore.  You wouldn’t be a person with half an existence, living in derelict houses.  Full appetite, full… whatever bits of a human heart you need to copy from me to shore yourself up, fully able to rest.”

He shifted, unconsciously ready to put the bag down. As he did, the weight of obligation settled at his neck. He straightened. Lucy shook her head.  “No.  No, no no, don’t.  Don’t think about it, don’t-” “Lucy,” he said, voice firm. “No.” “Yes.  I’m sorry.”

Pale, Summer Break, Break 2

“You’re asking me to be your familiar?  Then you turn around, you’re signing up to every war that might happen in the future?  No peace at home?  This instead?  Not the best deal, is it?”

“I’ve been watching, trying to figure out what the hell I’d be in for, if I took that familiar deal.  Hour or two a day to live?  That’s not going to make your Self atrophy?  It’s not going to leave you weak for a future crisis?”

“So.  I’m gone, extended leave of absence, can’t sit around to see you do this to yourself, so I’ll go see if there’s a life to be had somewhere else, or…” He put emphasis on that ‘or’. Lucy turned and looked at him. “…I’ll agree to be your familiar, if you agree to try to learn to delegate, to start with.” “Delegate,” she said. “There’s a few other requirements.  I’m not asking you to sign onto that oath.  I know your mom would love it for you, I would too, but okay.  I’d need your mom’s okay, before I signed onto anything in the way of a familiar deal.  And I’d need to see you taking steps.  It’s not just you three anymore.  There’s Others.  There are practitioners.”

“Kid?  I’ll be your familiar if your mom’s okay with it.  But you gotta learn to delegate and let go.  You’ve built something, but it’s gotten too big for the shoulders of three fourteen year olds.” “I’m going to miss the start of the Sword Moot,” Lucy murmured, looking at the time.  She sat for a second, aware her mom and Grandfather were staring at her.  “…I should call, let Sebastian and Ms. Poole know I’m not coming.”

Pale, Loose Ends E.2

#pale #otherverse #wildbow