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letitrainathousandflames-archive · 4 years

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I Have To Find The Will To Carry On

Fandom: The Clone Wars (2008) | SPOILERS FROM SEASON 7

Characters: ARC-0408 | Echo, CT-7567 | Rex, Clone Trooper Hunter, ARC-5555 | Fives (mentioned)

Tags: hurt/comfort, grief, PTSD, survivor’s guilt, echo needs a hug

Warnings: dehumanization, grieving, suicide ideation, depression/, gore m/, torture m/, medical torture m/, explosions m/, death m/

Set shortly after the ending of the last Bad Bath Arc episode, with a flashback set shortly before said ending. Be mindful of the tags. There ARE spoilers of the new season in this fic.

“You, uh. You just tell us if you need anything else, okay, Echo?”

Echo looked around one more time before sitting down in his bunk with a sigh.

“I don’t think I will, Hunter. This is...” he ran his flesh hand over the soft, clean sheets “This is much more than I’ve had in a long time.”

Hunter shifted awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, and Echo offered him a small smile.

“Please don’t look at me like that. The worst thing you can do is treat me like I’m some fragile thing. It’ll take me some time to adjust, of course. But I can manage just fine.”

Hunter squared his shoulders, setting his jaw.

“Right. I would ask the same, if I was in your place.” and he offered him a salute “I welcome you again to Clone Force 99, corporal. It’s great to have you on board.”

“Glad to be here, sir.”

And with a small nod, Hunter left, closing the door behind him.

Echo looked around the small quarters. The first day in the barracks always feels weird, and Echo felt the small pang of anxiety that dragged him back in time, to his first day at the 501st’s barracks.

Their first day.

Fives had taken the upper bed and would hang upside-down every ten minutes or so to interrupt Echo’s reading of the reg manuals just to show off his recently painted helmet with a rishi eel drawn in blue over the white plastoid. They would giggle quietly to themselves, looking at their new armors and even when they bickered Echo knew he couldn’t possibly have asked for a better person to have by his side through the war, and he alwaysbelieved that Fives felt the same way about him.

When Echo decided to leave with the Bad Batch, Rex had asked him if he could spare him a minute before leaving, and so they had walked to the Captain’s barracks. Rex let the doors slide shut behind him, turning on a single dim yellow light that kept his face partially shadowed as the Captain turned to face him.

Echo didn’t quite know what to say. All the time they’ve spent apart… Everything he had missed… He wondered if Rex meant to fill him in on all of it before sending him away with the Bad Batch.

But Rex didn’t speak. Echo could notice the tension in his jaw, the way his hands were curled into fists, how he seemed to be swallowing down once or twice, eyes staring right into Echoe’s.

The silence was deafening. Echo took a small breath and opened his mouth.

“I-”

He fell silent again, wetting his lips for a second to then purse them tightly. He could feel a shiver creeping up his spine. He knew why he was there. Rex also knew. Still he had to ask.

He had to, had to, had to ask, had to know, had to-

“Where is Fives, sir?”

The sharp, shaky intake of air from Rex should have been enough of an answer. Rex shifted his gaze away from Echo, his entire face becoming twisted with something- something Echo had never seemed in his captain face before. It looked like pain for a moment soon it turned into anger, sheer unrestrained anger that shifted into pain as the captain bared his teeth and lowered his eyes.

The low light wasn’t low enough to keep the tears brimming in the captain’s eyes from glisten some, before he blinked them away. Rex lifted his gaze to Echo, wet trail drawn over his cheek.

“I’m so sorry.”

The period Echo had spent in cryostasis had been so cold. The invasive, forced surgeries performed by the separatists’ medical droids under General Grievous’ supervision had been so painful. For a moment throughout the process in whish Echo had been turned into something more machine than human, he had thought he had lost his humanity. His ability to feel anything other than the numb state of sedation and cold.

He had never hated to be wrong so much as he did now.

The pain seemed to cut through the circuits welded on his chest and into the soft, weaker flesh beneath.

“No.” he heard his own mouth say while his mind felt distant, detached from his body that wasn’t his anymore, hadn’t been since the explosion “No, no, it- It can’t be.”

Echo looked back and forth, brain trying to understand what Rex was saying. No. That was impossible. Fives was… Was the best of them. He couldn’t- he wouldn’t-

“No, no, no, it can’t be, it can’t be!” he speaks louder, like he can convince Rex to change what he had just said “No! He would wait for me! He wouldn’t just- He can’t have just-“

Echo reached forward, grabbing Rex’s chest plate and yanking him closer despite his weakened joints.

“Rex, it can’t be, Rex-“ a sob cut off his words, and Echo felt his eyes hot with tears that blurred his sight like the ice in the cyostasis chamber would and he almost felt like he was back in the cursed thing, trapped, breathless, freezing from the inside out “Rex, please, I’m begging you…!”

Rex wrapped his arms over Echoe’s, pulling his brother into a hug and Echo just slumped against him, shaking his head over and over. It was like the last shred of sanity he had been clinging on to – his brothers, his family, his home, his only sense of normalcy in this chaotic, wretched universe – had been torn from him.

“He died as a soldier, Echo.” Rex said, voice half-choked

Back in the Citadel, the impact of the blast aimed at Echo had knocked him back into the shuttle with such violence that his helmet slipped out of his head; his body had hit the back wall so hard all the air left his lungs as the explosion made everything turn into a spiral of scorching heat, and roaring fire. The concussion had been enough to make him barely feel the charred stumps of his right arm and left leg or the weight of the durasteel cargo crate that had crushed his right leg. The last couple of breaths he had taken before losing consciousness ached, both because of the smoke-filled air and his two broken ribs. Fainting had been almost a blessing.

Not much later the droids had forcibly amputated what was left of his three limbs after the explosion with no anesthesia, and Echo had trashed against the binds that kept him secured over a table, screamed himself hoarse, lost control of his bladder, begged for death over a thousand times. He then had wires and tubes connected to his spine, heart and lungs before the ice engulfed him and his mind was ravished, invaded, and every ounce of resistance was met with punishing agony

All that pain, all that torture, and cruelty and still, still-

This was the most painful moment of his life.

“Why?!” he sobbed, feeling Rex’s cheek wet with tears against his jaw “He had no right… He couldn’t leave me..!”

Echo wondered for a moment if he was upset at Fives for dying or if he was just jealous of him. The entire time he was away, his only wish had been that the separatists had let him die. And now he would have to live without his dearest brother.

“Isn’t fair… We should’ve gone together… Side by side, I would’ve… Would’ve been glad to march away with him…”

Rex ran a gloved hand clumsily over the back of Echo’s hair. It reminded him of the way older cadets would soothe their younger brothers when they would confess to be afraid to go to battle.

“I know you would. I know, Echo.” Rex swallowed down, not letting go of Echo “He loved you so much, brother. Never was the same after he lost you. Kept searching for meaning in all of this, kept trying to make sense of it all. Made sure to ensure all regs were being kept like he… Like he was trying to bring some of you with him wherever he’d go.”

Echo sobbed harder at that, clutching Rex like a lifeline. His legs whirred, weakened by the overwhelming feelings in his brain, and Rex kept him standing still. He would always carry his men whenever they’d need him.

“We all missed and mourned you at the base, Echo. We felt your loss, but the scar it left on Fives never healed. He fought and bled and struggled to protect everyone, you knew him. And this wish to protect us ended up costing his life.” Rex paused for a moment “It was all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

Echo pulled back some, trying his best to keep his legs working still, despite how much he wanted to just sink to his knees and rip the circuits off his chest to make sure his heart would finally cease to beat for good.

“You always said that, captain.” Echo sniffled, rubbing his eyes “I’m sure you blamed yourself over what happened to me, too. It wasn’t your fault. None of it is.

Rex raised his eyes to the ceiling, clearly trying to hide his tears as he drew a long breath and let it out sharply to then look back at Echo. His eyes were bloodshot and tired, so tired. Echo knew he wasn’t looking good at all after everything the separatists had done to him, but the captain seemed to have aged so much since the last time he’d seen him.

Was it their fate, all of them clones? To wither away, to be tortured and mutilated, to die in pain? Who could say the ones of them that survived were the lucky ones?

Rex opened one of the pouches on his belt, retrieving a small comm device from it and offering it up to Echo.

“Here. I’ll reach you through it soon.”

Echo looked at the thing with curiosity before placing it in his own pouch.

“That’s… nonstandard.”

“That’s because it won’t be used for standard communication. I need an outside line to you. Its signal is scrambled, and the communications through it must be kept short to avoid us being heard, understood?”

Echo gave Rex a tiny smile.

“Ah, yes. Breaking the rules. Now it feels like home. Fives would-“

Echo stopped himself. He couldn’t say his name. Not yet. Rex swallowed down, reaching for the same pouch again.

“Oh, and this is for you.” he held his hand up closed in a fist “Fives used to keep it on him always, but he left… his equipment behind before his last mission. I managed to retrieve it and kept it with me, and when I thought that we might finally meet again, I brought it with me so that you could have it.”

The captain opened his fingers, and in his palm there was a small piece of durasteel. Echo took it with his flesh hand, holding it close to inspect it. It was slightly blackened, and the shape of it made it look like it had been cracked off from a larger piece rather than crafted to be of that exact size, although it did look like someone had smoothened the edges of it some to make them blunt.

“What is it?”

Rex gave him a bittersweet smile.

“No one knew. He only told me what it was right before we… lost you. This is a piece of the Rishi Moon outpost, after Hevy blew it up. I figure it must’ve been a part of one of the reinforced windows.”

Echo looked back at the memento in awe, sight going blurry with tears again.

“Rishi Moon… it feels like forever ago.”

“Yeah…”

The two of them shared a moment of silence, and as Echo stared at the piece of durasteel, he thought of Fives. Of his funny quips, his chaotically improvised plans, of his laugh and his particular way to annoy Echo as a display his affection. And he knew Rex did the same.

Remembering a fallen warrior was the way to keep him marching beyond. If it was up to Echo, he would make sure that the memory of Fives would never fade away.

Echo laid down on his bunk, reaching for the crook of his neck and feeling the small silver chain to then tug gently at it until he managed to pull the small durasteel pendant from under his black shirt and over his chest – where it clanged softly against the plate over his sternum.

He shifted on the bed, still unused to the weight and lack of mobility of his prosthetic legs, thinking of the comm that Rex had given him, hidden under a few bundled wires of a compartment in his. Skywalker had made him a new prosthetic arm that lighter and more efficient, with actual jointed fingers and sensors over the digits and palm. What was it that Rex wanted to talk about, hidden even from their superiors?

Echo ran his fingers over the piece of durasteel hanging from his necklace.

“What am I gonna do without you, brother?”

The haunting silence that followed never answered his question.

#to post on ao3 #hurt/comfort #clone feels #echo #rex #tcw #tcw spoilers

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razeluxe · 4 years

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Razeluxe’s Top Ten Female Characters

Yep. It’s here. A list of my all time favorite ladies in anime/video games. This list was way harder for me than the male version, after compiling my favorites I had like 20 characters so I had to cut it down... I will shout them out somewhere further down towards the end...warning you right now that this is long...I have a lot of thoughts about these characters and I did my utmost to avoid outright posting spoilers - enjoy!

10) Bianchi (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)

Once again someone from Reborn makes the list. What can I say, they have great characters and omg Bianchi is incredible. She’s Gokudera’s sister that I was harping about on the male list...she develops from this hyper focused girl to a true mother figure who helps care for her group as well as being a mother figure to some of the younger girls. Later on in the series she’s very attentive and always knows the right things to say...she gave some advice to some of the girls about men, especially in one particular episode that I will not mention but if you know it you know it - I was floored with on the nose she is about things...she can read people and situations extremely well and she serves as like this backbone to her group...there’s stuff between her and her brother that are extremely interesting too - this girl despite being there for others has this considerable weight on her that she tells her brother about at the end of the series - Bianchi is a complicated character who really deserves more love - she doesn’t fight often in this anime but she has proven time and time again that you don’t always have to be out on the front lines in an shounen anime to be a great character and also...she’s hot.

9) Emma Millstein (Trails of Cold Steel)

Emma in ways is similar to Bianchi here, being a mother figure as well as President of Class VII but what I find interesting about her character is what she’s hiding, as well as her insecurities. She spends a really long time hiding things because reasons I will not mention because you need to play the series - when she comes out with what she needs to say she really grapples with her feelings as well as her inferiority complex when she compares herself to her sister. She grows though..man does she grow...she starts to believe in who she is and stops doubting herself as hard and she really shines later on in the series. When you see what she can do... Like I said in the other list I have yet to play the fourth game in the series which is coming soon and I know she plays a major part. I also think she’s a great fit for Rean.

8) Velvet Crowe (Tales of Berseria)

Velvet is a character that has an extremely strong drive, comparable to someone that is yet to come on this list. Velvet is betrayed by someone who has raised her and her heart turns cold and she is motivated by hatred and vengeance for the sake of those who were massacred by this person. Velvet is a raw character whose type is rarely explored in this way, the way her personality shifted from being more upbeat and chipper initially to, post hell breakout, using people to get forward in her goals without giving an fudge. There comes a time when her resolution to revenge falters once something happens, anger and sorrow come together and she makes some interesting decisions...Velvet is a morally gray person whom showcases real struggles and real feelings that I’m able to relate to on a personal level...Velvet knows grief and in a world of black and white, she makes mistakes as a result of her PTSD, some more fatal than others and eventually, she learns. It’s ugly to see, but she learns. Her development is unpleasant to watch compared to a lot of characters, however as a result in my opinion she’s one of the most raw/realistic characters in the Tales of Series currently. I said it. Also she’s hot.

7) Rise Kujikawa (Persona 4)

Here’s a girl I wasn’t expecting to put here. Rise is a girl who is also known as Risette and decides to take a break from showbiz by moving to a small town, going to school, working at her family’s business, you know, doing what she considered to be normal girl things. She is very upfront when it comes to her flirting which I like to think is because of her position as a famous idol. She’s really bubbly and animated, but what made me interested in Rise was her voice and her eyes when you first meet her. She looked and sounded empty...and you learn it’s because she sick and tired of portraying this ‘Risette’ character and not being herself. What I like about Rise is after running away from this persona for so long she eventually acknowledges Risette is also her and she makes the choice to only bring her true self to the public. She’s sassy and just has this ability to brighten an entire room. Originally I favored Yukiko in P4 and while I still do like her a lot, after going through Rise’s social link, well...the rest is history.

6) Milla Maxwell & ‘Fractured’ Milla (Tales of Xillia)

Yep. Both of them. I know they’re different characters however I acknowledge both of them equally and they’re both deserving of this spot on this list.

Starting with Milla Maxwell, what I love about her is her drive. She knows who she is and is willing push herself to fufill her duty. She’s not unlike Velvet who turns away from her emotions to do what she sets out to do, considering emotions to be a distraction from her mission. Made her instantly relatable to me. It makes her come off as uncaring towards other people but her mission is strictly to protect the people in the world. I’ve always imagined Milla as this literal pillar of strength, like when she loses mobility in her legs, she pushes herself even further, nearly killing herself in the process. Heck if you thought Velvet was crazy determined, I mean she is but Milla in my opinion is on a whole other level. What I love about Milla is that she isn’t portrayed as a character who has to second guess or experience things before resolving herself to a choice, she is born with this innately and she does not waver no matter what. She’s not a conventional Tales character who bonds super well with everyone. She has her mission and she’s out to do it. Milla isn’t perfect and her opinion on people is for lack of better word, immature, but she grows to understand people throughout her journey.

Fractured Milla...this character is rife with pain and guilt. This Milla is basically an Alternate Universe version of the actual Milla...on the surface level she’s very aggressive but she carries a different weight compared to the original Milla...she bares a guilt about what happened to another character and her world...she also bears a guilt when it comes to her comparing herself to the original Milla and.. inhibiting the original Milla Maxwell from existing... What I love about Fractured Milla is that she’s a completely different take on a character that I already greatly enjoy, she has her development and her vulnerabilities which the OG Milla didn’t need as much because spoilers, Maxwell stuff. I love her relationship with Elle and Ludger and definitely approve of the LudgerxFractured Milla ship.

Holy Crap this list is getting long, if you need to take a break please do! I’ll wait...you good? Okie doke! Continuing on...

5) Estelle Bright (Trails in the Sky)

I love Estelle so dang much. She’s such a glowing character and a breath of fresh air. She’s tomboyish, she collects sneakers, she’s incredibly headstrong and boy does this girl have a mouth on her lol. Like look at all my Estelle stuff on my tags lol. Oh, I should mention she’s Joshua’s ‘brother’ so you can imagine all sorts of interactions with her hotheadedness and his calm and collectedness. Estelle is such a caring character though, like out of everyone I know in the Trails series, I think Estelle ranks the highest in terms of kindess alone. She doesn’t hide crap for the most part, until...well...oh I’m just gonna say it: she develops and hides her feelings for Joshua. She knows it isn’t right but she can’t help herself...anyway Estelle has this naive outlook when it comes to the world, but when certain heavy things happen Estelle kind of...wakes to the realities of the world and she changes her line of thinking. She becomes more considering of her options during situations for starters and she really starts to become the Bracer she wants to be. I was kind of floored how she allowed her pain and her source of affection (Joshua) to empower her to become a stronger person without being simply lovestruck like how people tend to write ladies. She umm...has this scene with Joshua in SC...and I’m not saying anything more but it to me it’s probably one of her highest signs of development. I’m truly happy with what Falcom has done with this character and I think she’s probably the most developed character in the entire Trails series.

4) Rem (Re: Zero)

I never in my thought I would put a character I only just met this high on my list but wow this character blows me away. Rem is a character who has a major inferiority complex to her sister alongside guilt, yet as a maid she performs her duties and speaks very...proper even though that’s typically not how she truly feels. She’s also a very wary person...one reason she’s so high on this list is because of episode 18 how Subaru gives her a reason to live and fought to save her from herself literally. She becomes this incredibly devoted character towards this goofball Subaru with such tenacity that I have seldom seen. She also falls in love with him and not just because he saved her. Eventually she confesses her feelings at one of Subaru’s lowest points but not due to selfishness. She encourages him through her confession because he failed to stop to realize how much he’s worth to her. She displays a lot of strength in her confession and I think this is one of the most well done confession scenes I’ve ever seen period, even with her insert song playing in the background. That said I’ve only seen up to episode 18 because I honestly don’t know how much better Re: Zero can get from this point. I mean I’ll watch it eventually but I’m in love with these first dozen episodes so much I need an emotional break with all the heartache and the darkness .-. (Also please listen to her insert song omg its so precious https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV3Fu5csdcA )

Before I list the top three, like my male list I want to at least some other ladies that also did not get into Smash but are still worth mentioning as characters I really like and enjoy, no order here except for the first character because she is hot. Literally. No pictures or additional text here sadly, I mean look how long this post is I don’t even know if all of this will fit ;__;

Lal Mirch (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)

Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)

Primrose (Octopath Traveler)

Midna (Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Winry Rockbell (Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood)

Makoto (Persona 5)

Sinon (Sword Art Online)

Akane Tsunemori (Psycho Pass)

Rikku (Final Fantasy X)

Ruiko Saten (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

Alisa Reinford (Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel)

Senna (Bleach Memories of Nobody)

Alright, moving on...

3) Sara Valestein (Trails of Cold Steel)

Sara leads off the top three. She’s initially Rean’s instructor. She has a sense of humor, loves all things drinking, and is lax on her instructor duties...for the most part. There’s a lot of backstory involving this character that I won’t pile on here but I will say that despite her goofy nature Sara is ridiculously strong and it always amazes me how someone like Sara be so silly and not only be so stupid strong but also have her own moniker known around the world as ‘The Purple Lightning’. She was initially a top ranked Bracer before becoming a teacher. You eventually learn about her past through Rean and how it isn’t always all as happy go lucky as her personality...what I really like about Sara is how her strength is the culmination of all the things she went through. There’s one scene in CS1 where she tells some of her students that if they don’t like her assignments for a school trip, they’re free to team up and beat her to get her to change her mind. Needless to say they got their butts handed to them.

2) Garnet Til Alexandros (Final Fantasy IX)

Zidane’s other half. Considering I write Zidane I’d like to call her Dagger from this point on if you don’t mind .-. (Dagger is her own decided alias based on Zidane’s weapon) I really love how she can break the norms of your stereotypical princess. When Zidane firsts meets her she’s chasing her down in her castle and she’s trying to leave her castle, something she mentioned had actively trained to do. And she’s leaving because she’s trying to resolve an issue with her mother... Dagger is a very strong character who has no issue taking matters into her own hands when it comes to issues. Holy crap what she does to Zidane at one point...she’s a bold one. She feels really strongly and she goes through a lot of crap, but she comes out stronger for it. She wasn’t one with much experience for the outside world but she takes to it at levels that the well traveled Zidane did not expect...I don’t want say much because of spoilers but she really finds herself as she journeys and goes from strength to strength, really owning her responsibilities. She’s also the main person who helps Zidane in one of his lowest moments... In my opinion these are just some of the many reasons Zidane falls for her more than any other girl...she’s also a Summoner and I love me some Summoners. She and Zidane also go great together and their relationship builds properly in a way that makes sense. Definitely one of my favorite ladies period.

1) Aurica Nestmile (Ar Tonelico: Melodies of Elemia)

Number one is this lovely lady. Aurica is a Reyvateil, Reyvateils are people who have the ability to convert sounds into energy...all Reyvateils are assigned a rank according to how powerful their ability is. Aurica had it rough, being out of her hometown when it was attacked and destroyed, and she took the blame herself, believing she could have made a difference, being a Reyvateil and all...because of all of this she became very withdrawn and her abilties suffered...she was ranked ‘D’ which is one of the lowest classes of Reyvateils. She was picked on and treated like garbage because of her rank...she did make a friend though, a friend that was also a Revytail, one that everyone liked and one Aurica looked up to, which only made her look like more of a shadow than anything else...which did not help her already lacking confidence and low esteem. She has a literal hole in her heart and is emotionally dependent.

I mention all of that because this character for me is extremely relatable to me, she’s had it pretty rough however in terms of development you see her grow like crazy...before she was so deathly scared of people she would instantly shut herself down and repress herself but with some help from her partner Lyner she gets better and starts to believe in herself more...it’s not easy for her though, as she gets stronger and Lyner trusts her with more responsibility she gets attacked through the hole in her heart and her newly built confidence gets shattered and she starts believing she’s defective, that only defective Revytail have these holes in their heart...what I love about Aurica’s story is how real her issues with building up confidence are, she starts from practically ground zero and over time, through a repeat of this vicious cycle I described, goes from being considered one of the weakest Revytail to the strongest 3rd generation Revytail all because someone believed in her.

I think out of both my male and female lists, Aurica was the only one to make me burst into tears at random points. (not gonna lie Rem came close but she’s not number one here :P) This girl here is one of the firsts ladies I ever connected to in my earlier naive years and back then I didn’t even think it was possible for me to relate to a female this much...

If you got to the end, you deserve a cookie. -offers chocolate chip cookie- This took a lot of thought to write out, there’s so many great characters and I look forward to encountering even more down the road. I may eventually do a list for couples...here’s hoping I won’t have to edit this...

RIP 10/25/2020 I HAD TO EDIT TO ADD SATEN TO HONORABLE MENTIONS ;_;

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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Quiet Hour (Scyvie) - ella

a/n: hi!!! this is my first ever submission to aq, but this oneshot has been up on ao3 for a while now.

(POTENTIAL SPOILER AFTER THE JUMP)

this isn’t much, but with the whole branjie mess coming down, I figured a lot of people would want some sappy cute shit lmao. This is all domestic fluff to keep things happy, so hope you enjoy!

If there was one thing Yvie loved doing besides drag, it would be her quiet hour. She would brew herself a nice cup of coffee, play some ambient low-fi music (maybe even burn an incense if she’s really feeling it), and just lay in the couch and think. She’d stare at absolute nothingness for a full hour and reflect on certain situations she’s been in, the problems she’s been facing. It was a way to reset her mind and just stop. Yvie loved that. Yvie needed that.

But the recent months have been harder on her, now that she’s a quote-unquote ‘RuGirl’. She could never find the time to stay home between all her gigs and finish at least one quiet session. Whenever she would attempt it, her mind would fall restless and she’d end up moving around and doing work. Five minutes into one attempt she found herself hemming an outfit. Ten minutes into another try, she began to subconsciously practice her choreography for a number she was working on. It was concerning, in her eyes. She couldn’t stop to take a break and she feared it would be damaging to her health.

Another thing that kept her from bringing back quiet hour was her new boyfriend, Scarlet. After 6 months of being together, Yvie ended up moving into Scarlet’s Brooklyn apartment. They’d spend as much time together as possible, and for a while it made Yvie forget about personal space. As much as Yvie loved her alone time, Scarlet’s presence had a calming nature to it that she felt was more than enough. She’d find Scarlet overcooking eggs and playing jazz music at 7 in the morning, using her vintage record player (Yvie made fun of Scarlet’s old soul when she discovered the device, joking about how she feels like she’s dating a grandmother with how stiff and awkward she danced to the melodies). She’d break into dance in front of Yvie, and the happiness that it would produce would make Yvie feel like alone time was overrated. She had all she needed by her side, why want to be alone?

But with each episode airing, and with the show slowly unraveling the ugly side of Yvie Oddly for the world to critique, she started to crave for time alone. She needed to escape from the constant buzzing of her phone. The idea of a short escape was good enough for Yvie to daydream about it. So, one night, while Scarlet was busy keeping her nose in a book, she brings it up.

It was well into the night, and with the faint vocals of Dolly Parton playing in their record player, Scarlet was engrossed in Virginia Woolf. Such a grandma, Yvie chuckled as she settled into their cluttered bed. She leaves a lamp on for Scarlet to read properly, and places a small peck on her cheek before laying her head on the older queen’s shoulder.

“You’re really cute when you do that thing with your eyebrows. Makes you look mean.” Yvie smiled, which makes Scarlet roll her eyes in a playful manner. Scarlet stays quiet though, too engrossed in whatever the modernist writer has to say to continue the conversation.

Yvie realizes that she has to make her pay attention, so she slowly pushes the novel down, meeting her boyfriend’s eyes. “Hey, can we talk about something?”

Scarlet, confused, looks at Yvie with a questioning stare. She sets the book down, placing the book by their nightstand and yawning. “What is it baby?” She hummed, eyes falling on the younger queen. “Something bothering you? You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good, don’t worry.” Yvie quickly replied, before letting her hand trail down to meet Scarlet’s. “…I used to do this thing called quiet hour where I would sit down and do nothing. I know it sounds stupid, but it really helped me relax and reflect on everything so that I don’t bitch out.” She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s- after the episodes started to release, I just need to reset my brain and the quiet hour does that. Would it be okay if I did that here?”

Scarlet frowned, before tightening her grip on Yvie’s hand. She sighs before placing a soft kiss on her boyfriend’s lips. “Vie, we’ve been together for almost a year and you only told me you had this whole self-care ritual now?” She let’s out a smile, cupping Yvie’s cheeks. “You know that I value self-care.”

“I think your ten-step skin care routine makes that obvious.”

“Excuse me! I’m doing a little thing here?” Scarlet exclaimed, mouth hanging open. “I would enjoy a little respect when I’m speaking!”

Yvie laughed, letting her boyfriend have her moment. “Fine, go on.”

“Thank you.” The older queen responded, her smile not leaving her lips. “Baby, if you need time alone I’m all for that. I’m guessing you would want me out the apartment while doing that? I won’t be offended if you say yes.” Scarlet lets go of Yvie, their eyes the only thing connecting.

“Yeah, of course! But we’ll be busy the next few weeks, and we won’t have time before our anniversary. So… I guess it’s okay to have you here when I do it. I know you won’t be intrusive.”

“I’ll try my best to understand what you need. But I would like it if you explained to me what you want me to avoid doing specifically-“ Scarlet let a yawn escape from her lips, cutting off her sentence. “… tomorrow. Tell me tomorrow. I think we should head to bed.”

Yvie chuckled, pecking her lover’s lips before settling into their sheets, satisfied with their little discussion.

“Alright Vie, it’s almost 5…” Scarlet spoke softly, reaching up the kitchen cabinets to grab their coffee machine. “Is there anything else you’d like me to do? Or to avoid doing?”

Yvie shook her head, wrapping a hand around her lover’s waist and setting a kiss on the back of her head. “Nothing, babe. I think we’re good.” She pulls away, glancing at the clock before turning Scarlet around to meet her eyes. “..But maybe if you’re going to make coffee, maybe not use the machine? It’s pretty noisy.”

“Oh! Oh of course, I’m sorry.” Scarlet fumbled, placing the machine back in the cabinet. “I’m sorry, I’ll just grab one of the instant packets.”

“No, it’s okay. No need to apologize!” Yvie spoke, a faint smile itching to develop into a full grin. “You’re already doing so much, I’m already thankful.”

Once Yvie was able to settle in their bed, she already felt a wave of tranquility coming in. She closed her eyes slowly, feeling the flutter of her eyelids. She took deep breaths (it was a new meditation technique scarlet recommended that she try and honestly, it’s so nice) and relaxed her shoulders.

Numerous thoughts pop up in her head, and after a while, they are put to rest. From personal issues with past queens to simple ways she could improve her living situation. She remembers how amazing her quiet hour was, how it did wonders to her restless brain and its antics. The little thoughts that bothered her head are finally set down, looked at, and resolved.

But besides all these minute problems she’s been able to resolve, Scarlet just kept popping back into her head. The way her eyes were a striking blue, to how her smile could kill and would send six feet under. Scarlet was a gem, and Yvie felt so lucky to have her. It was magical, the way they felt for each other. Yvie didn’t believe she’d have something (or someone) as special as her love for her boyfriend, but here she was. She was absolutely lovestruck and she didn’t hate one bit.

Trailing off to daydream about Scarlet, she heard their bedroom door creak. Her eyebrows furrowed as a reaction to the sudden sound. She peeked an eye open, and she saw Scarlet.

What? Yvie thought, her eyes trailing to the two cups of coffee held by her partner. She was confused, almost irritated. Didn't I tell her to not intrude?

Scarlet pushed aside the puzzled glare her boyfriend was sending her way and set one of the cups she held on the nightstand. She smiles to Yvie after her lover fully opens her eyes, handing her the other cup.

Yvie opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it. She went with the flow of the situation and took the warm mug from Scarlet. She watched Scarlet pull the covers up and settle into bed, taking her cup from the nightstand and closing her eyes.

Was she… joining her? Yvie was almost amazed. She’s never seen Scarlet show interest in meditation, nor her quiet hour. She didn’t think Scarlet would survive silence longer than ten minutes, and to see her try made Yvie’s heart jump out of her chest.

Scarlet was trying to understand.

Yvie sighed loudly, closing her eyes once again before placing her head on Scarlet’s shoulder. She felt the older queen tense up at the sudden touch, sensing the surprise in her actions. She didn’t bother looking up though, Yvie just relaxed further into Scarlet’s shoulder.

After a few minutes, they were finally able to relax. Scarlet’s hand timidly inched towards Yvie’s, her manicured fingers softly tapping her palm before slowly intertwining their fingers together.

Yvie didn’t think spending quiet hour with someone would be any help. But with a cup of coffee made with love, her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder, and Scarlet’s thumb softly caressing the back of Yvie’s hand, maybe having Scarlet with her this time wasn’t that bad of an idea.

Once the hour was up, she finally opened her eyes and saw Scarlet’s eyes still shut. Yvie sits up, and softly places a kiss on Scarlet’s temple. “Thank you, I love you.” She whispered before pecking the spot once again. “I’m grateful that I have you.”

“Thank you too.” Scarlet spoke, softly as to not ruin the tranquil mood. “I think I like this quiet hour idea. Can I join you sometime?”

Yvie nodded, her arm wrapping around Scarlet. “You are a great companion, so yes, you can.”

#rpdr fanfiction #scarlet envy #yvie oddly #scyvie #domestic fluff #established relationship #canon compliant #oneshot #ella #submission #domestic #fluff

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jmsa1287 · 4 years

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Bold & Beautiful, 'The New Pope' Leans into its Soapiness

a bit disappointed with the return of one of my favorite shows from the last decade!

It's been three years since "The Young Pope" made a splash and became a surprise cultural hit. The show, created by Oscar-winning Italian auteur Paolo Sorrentino ("Youth," "The Great Beauty"), came at just the right time, shortly after Donald Trump was elected President of the United States in 2016. The surrealist program, which aired on HBO in the U.S., followed the sexy Lenny Belardo/Pope Pius XIII (played by a magnificent Jude Law), the first American pope, through a twisted journey of megalomania and power, unexpectedly echoing some of the worst fears people had about the U.S.'s new leader.

Sorrentino wrote the show while Barack Obama was still in office but with the shock of the 2016 election and the newly appointed Trump at the forefront of everyone's mind, it was hard to not fuse the reality TV star turned Commander-in-Chief with Law's Lenny, a sharp-tongued New Yorker ready to reshape the Catholic Church in his regressive vision. "The Young Pope" was only boosted by Sorrentino's intriguing sensibility of storytelling, blending bizarre images and pop music with holy images of the Vatican. (Diane Keaton, who played Sister Mary and raised Lenny, wearing a t-shirt that reads "I'm a virgin but this is an old shirt" will be forever burned in my memory.) The filmmaker also directed and wrote or co-wrote all ten episodes of "The Young Pope," making it a singular vision about Catholicism and power in the wrong hands.

The show also had a pretty resolute ending, (spoilers ahead!) where Lenny collapses and seemingly dies at the end of the final episode. But, in this current TV landscape, nothing is really over and Sorrentino is diving back into his sick, sad, world of the Catholic Church. "The New Pope," which hits HBO Monday, is a continuation of "The Young Pope" but is one of the few — if not only — shows that feels like a true sequel rather than a second season of television. We learn that Lenny did not die but is in a coma and in need of a heart transplant. The Vatican is at odds on what to do; the pontiff is not dead but is not capable of leading the Catholic Church. The conniving Cardinal Angelo Voiello (Silvio Orlando reprising his wonderful role), the pope's Secretary of State, is determined to elect a shadow pope in order to finally gain full control of the Holy See.

Sorrentino again helms his new project, directing all nine episodes of "The New Pope" as well as having writing credits. And, again, he brings along his strange filmmaking style, creating one of the best opening credit sequences in some time; most episodes begin with a giant multi-color cross that acts as a neon strobe light with sexy nuns dance provocatively around it while the band Sofi Tukker's "Good Time Girl" blasts. Unfortunately, "The New Pope" often feels like style over substance. Sorrentino either needed more time to develop this new story or didn't have enough ideas to justify nine hours. The new season also assumes that the viewer remembers the minutia of "The Young Pope" (subplots and minor characters). That's a big ask in 2020 when the average TV watcher has seen so much in the last three years and brain space for TV is at an all-time low. "The New Pope" takes a while to get where it is going, too. As the trailers suggest, the titular new pope is played by John Malkovich. But John Brannox /Pope John Paul III doesn't appear in the show until the third episode, which may be understandably frustrating for some viewers. Law, too, is mostly absent from the season except in dream sequences and surreal moments when he appears to guide certain characters during pivotal moments. Indeed, "The New Pope" is a different story that explores many of the same themes as "The Young Pope" but it's less exciting and vital this time around. The drama also leans into being a soap opera, a bad move given how cerebral the show is. Characters are constantly switching sides, backstabbing each other, and there is a possible murder plot at the center of the new show. "The Young Pope" never felt soapy, but "The New Pope" sometimes feels closer to "Empire" than its first installment.

Lenny was a ruthless tyrant who had a vision and Law indulged in the extremities of that character. Malkovich's John is harder to read and thus harder to relate to and understand his motives. We do know that the root of his faith and his actions stem from the sudden death of his twin brother, Adam. This pontiff is mostly soft-spoken, contemplative and less direct about where he wants to take the Catholic Church and deal with the institution's dilemmas. It's been a wild 12 months for the cinematic expanded universe of popes with Fernando Meirelles's "The Two Popes" recently hitting Netflix. That film, about two real-life popes (Pope Benedict XVI, played by Anthony Hopkins, and Pope Francis, played by Jonathan Pryce) came a bit under fire for avoiding examining the Catholic Church's failure to address the epidemic of sexual abuse. Sorrentino doesn't shy away in "The New Pope," often having characters discuss the abuse as well as also homosexuality and gay priests. "The New Pope" will not gain many newcomers but those who enjoyed "The Young Pope" will likely stick around for Sorrentino and his bonkers vision. The show is so visually captivating and will probably remain to be one of the strangest TV shows of 2020, but its tiresome and muddled story prevents it from being as successful as its predecessor.

#tv #the new pope #hbo #paolo Sorrentino #jude law #john malkovich #the young pope

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rwdestuffs · 6 years

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How the show fails at being bad at power escalation.

Generally speaking, Power Escalation is what happens when you have a villain that has to be overpowered in order to defeat. So, by virtue of the heroes increasing their own power level, they can then defeat them.

If the series continues, in order for the next big bad to feel like a threat, the creator(s) typically introduce a new threat that is even more powerful than the heroes. This can eventually lead to the heroes going from Martial Arts to firing beams of energy that can destroy planets, or a show about people with magical ninja powers going to gargantuan avatars that can level mountains, to even something as simple and straightforward as a gang of pirates with a few interesting abilities turning into a series where having the power to destroy a mountain is normal. It basically becomes an absurd escalation of power that makes it harder to get invested because the series is likely to repeat the same formula until it becomes too crazy to follow the levels of power that the characters are throwing around.

In layman’s terms, it becomes: We just overpowered the big bad! Now we gotta do the same with the new big bad! We gotta get to a higher power level!

Now, rw/by is a show that succeeds at avoiding this for the wrong reasons. This isn’t like a franchise that started as a man trying to defeat undead foes with a magical breathing technique that eventually evolved into people wielding invisible ghost beings that punched things really hard and fast. This is a show that started as a group of schoolkids trying to save the world to……… a bunch of schoolkids trying to save the world on the road!

Unlike Jojo, which avoids this problem completely by starting each new part with a new protagonist (video detailing that here) in a new setting, rw/by fails at this because the villains remain at the same or similar power level as the heroes.

This creates a problem because they mentioned that Semblances can evolve. We have yet to see that sort of evolution in the show proper. Ruby’s semblance hasn’t evolved from super speed (or rose petals (whatever the f*ck that means)) to teleportation. Blake’s semblance hasn’t evolved from making shadow clones to making tangible clones. Yang’s semblance hasn’t evolved from turning physical pain into power into using preexisting pain into physical power. Nora’s semblance hasn’t evolved from lighting absorption into non-physical energy absorption. Ren’s hasn’t evolved from Emotion Masking to invisibility. Qrow’s hasn’t evolved from Bad Luck to probability manipulation. Raven’s hasn’t evolved from making portals to people she’s bonded with to making portals to anyone/portals to any location that she’s seen before. Emerald’s semblance hasn’t evolved from illusions to straight-up mind control/physical constructs.

In short; the characters’ powers have yet to evolve.

But you might have noticed that I didn’t include Weiss or Jaune on this list.- That’s pretty straightforward. Weiss learned how to summon, and that was an interesting jump in power. Unfortunately, that ability became completely negated and useless when Vernal destroyed her knight.

As for Jaune……… He just recently unlocked his semblance. There’s no real narrative reason for his power to escalate as of yet. Maybe in Volume 9, but we’ll see. But by that point, everyone else’ semblance should have also grown.

There isn’t even a growth in strategy. Jaune is as hotheaded as he was before, Yang’s fighting style only added kicks to her arsenal, and that’s about it. Weiss has completely forgotten how to use her rapier when Volume 5, and that’s a nerf.

Nerfing characters to make the big bad seem more intimidating doesn’t work. It doesn’t make the big bad look powerful, it just makes whichever character you decided to nerf look stupid.

Imagine for a moment, that a bad guy is about to sneak up on an innocent, and Spider-Man can’t get to him in time. In a normal situation, Spidey would use his webbing to disarm the bad guy, and deck him for trying to hurt a bystander.

But let’s say that Spidey instead tries to run towards his foe, and doesn’t make it in time. That doesn’t make the new bad guy faster than Spider-Man, it just makes Spider-Man seem stupid. Unless it was mentioned earlier that Spidey had run out of web-fluid and didn’t have enough time to reload, that scene would just make Spidey look like a total moron.

That’s what the current series feels like. Instead of the bad guys actually feeling like a threat, it just feels more like the good guys are just getting stupider.

Unlike having bad Power Escalation in the sense of “The big bad beat the city-block busting hero because they can bust entire cities,” it’s bad in the sense of “The big bad beat this character, because said character somehow forgot how to fight with their weapon.” There’s nothing at stake, and it makes the characters hard to root for when they make multiple stupid decisions after stupid decision.

Weiss once used her Glyphs to unleash what is effectively Death of a Thousand Cuts on a White Fang goon back in Volume 2. That hasn’t shown up again. She doesn’t even bother trying against Vernal in Volume 5, where it could have been a viable option. And even if it failed, it would showcase the difference in power that the two combatants had. It would showcase Vernal as a clear threat if one of Weiss’ better fighting moments in Volume 2 proved ineffective, and it showcased exactly why Weiss tried nothing but summoning. Would the summoning still prove to be useless?- Yes, most likely.- But at least then, it wouldn’t look like Weiss dropped a few levels in the intelligence department just to have Vernal beat her.

The very little power Escalation that we do get doesn’t even work properly. Despite being completely new to the whole idea of fighting, Oscar somehow manages to defeat Leo in a single shot!- That’s the villains getting knocked down a few power levels, not the heroes rising a few levels in power.

Escalation works in the sense of characters rising in power. Not a character being nerfed to ‘showcase’ another character’s progress. Imagine if Vegeta managed to beat Goku only because Goku forgot or couldn’t go Super Saiyan Blue!- Not only would that not be a victory in Vegeta’s favor, it would be a stupid way for Vegeta to win and a direct insult to his fans who want to see him surpass Goku.

Power escalation doesn’t even have to work in the way of characters getting stronger!- It could also work in the sense of creativity, but even that isn’t utilized as much as it should be. Imagine if Blake could use the momentum from her Shadow Clones to get in some extra speed for an attack. Imagine if Yang used the knockback of her weapons for a quick boost of power. Imagine if Nora developed a technique that would create a small tremor to shake the ground to disorient her opponents. How about Ruby using her speed semblance the same way comic speedsters do, and using it to create tornadoes? How about Weiss being more creative with the variety of Glyphs she’s got like we saw back in Volume 2?- While weapons themselves are dangerous, it has the potential to be even more dangerous depending on who is using them.

Take Okuyasu from Diamond is Unbreakable, for example. Having the ability to swipe things out of existence is deadly and dangerous. But because Okuyasu is an idiot, he doesn’t use it to it’s fullest extent. He’s still creative with it though, like how he uses the ability to erase the space and air between himself and his foe to close the distance between them and get in some melee strikes. While that is creative, it’s not dangerous, because if Okuyasu was smart enough to realize that he could just erase his opponents’ heart(s), well…

(Look, I wanted at least one image in this post, and this was the most natural place I could find for it)

Or take Chazz Princeton (Jin Manjome in the original dub) against his brother Slade (Chosaku in the original dub) from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. Chazz using weaker monsters in creative ways so that he ultimately wins (spoiler?- It’s been over ten years since the episode debuted in the English dub (Dailymotion link)).

In a series about a card game can show off creative ways of using monsters that would be normally considered ‘weak’ and ‘unusable’ to win (Chaos Necromancer and Relinquished was in the well that he found for the restrictions that he had, what were the original wielders of those cards thinking?- Did they not have the required ritual for Relinquished or something?), a show about fights with interesting transforming weapons, super powers that are manifestations of the soul, and so many other things……… can’t be bothered to have the characters get creative with their movesets.

Where are the moments where Raven or Qrow use their bird forms in combat?

I mean, they showed a few faunus creatively using their faunus traits in combat situations, so why can’t the other characters do the same with their powers and weapons?

Ilia uses her color change to blend into the shadows (even though that really shouldn’t have worked for so many reasons), that bat guy (Yuma, I think was his name) used his wings to move around faster, that spider-lady pulled a Spider-Man and ensnared Blake with her webbing, and (most notably) Tyrian incorporated his tail into his attacks. I can understand faunus like Blake, Velvet, or Sun not using theirs (as they’re more or less useless in combat scenarios), but why can’t there be more characters like this?

This is what I mean when I say that rw/by avoids the Power Escalation trope poorly. Instead of the new big bad using different tactics, or having a different fighting style, the end solution is always the same: beat, cut, slash, and stab the crap out of them until they either surrender or are dead. Typically it is the heroes that need to change tactics, learn a new technique, or gain more power to defeat the big bad. But they just use the powers that they already have to defeat the big bad no matter what. There’s no change in tactics, nor is there any notable growth in power. They just beat them because they’re the Protagonists™.

#rwde

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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The Walking Dead Season 10 Ending Explained

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This The Walking Dead article contains spoilers for episode 16.

Rarely has there been more pressure on a Walking Dead finale than season 10’s final hour, “A Certain Doom.” Due to the coronavirus pandemic, editing wasn’t able to be finished in time for the episode to air as originally scheduled on April 11, 2020. So fans had to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait some more.

Now “A Certain Doom” has finally had its say and The Walking Dead’s penultimate season was able to conclude as originally intended. And “A Certain Doom” was worth that wait for the most part. This episode successfully wraps up the season and a half long Whisperers arc and sets up what’s to come for the show in its final 30 episodes.

Before those final episodes air, however, it’s going to be another long wait. With that in mind, let’s break down the ending of season 10 and analyze everything that it could mean for the franchise at large.

How Are the Whisperers Defeated?

No disrespect to The Governor and Woodbury or Negan and the Saviors, but Alpha and the Whisperers are certainly the best villains that The Walking Dead has conjured up over its ten-season run. These animalistic creeps who walked among the dead were some of the spookiest and most threatening baddies that Rick, Daryl, Carol, and company have ever had to deal with.

How then were our heroes able to defeat such an imposing threat? With the power of music, of course! The survivors plan to outlast the Whisperer threat and end their imposing horde of walkers once and for all was a relatively simple one. While holed up in their defensive tower, Luke led an effort to cobble together a stereo system rigged to play The Talking Heads’ “Burning Down the House” at loud volume. Since walkers are naturally attracted to loud noises, this would lead the herd away from the tower and all the communities housed there, and take the walkers over a cliff. The important thing to remember here is that the Whisperers are relatively small in number and have no “home base” as it were. Their real danger lies in the undead company they keep, and to neutralize the Whisperers one just needs to kill the herd of zombies they walk among.

It’s a simple enough plan indeed but not so simple in execution. To get from the tower to the path to lead the zombies away Daryl, Carol, Beatrice, Luke, Jerry, and Magna have to somehow get through the horde. They do so by deploying the tried and true method of zombie camouflage: covering themselves in guts. This slow shuffle to safety makes up the tensest moments of the episode as our heroes have to avoid walkers and the Whisperers among them. Unfortunately, Oceanside resident Beatrice draws the “finale death” short straw and doesn’t make it through.

Once cleared, the gang is able to draw the walkers very far away from the tower but not all the way to the cliff due to Whisperer treachery. Thankfully, Lydia uses her knowledge of herding to draw the walkers the rest of the way where the immense army amassed by Alpha and Beta fall harmlessly to the valley beyond.

Beta’s Death

Speaking of Beta…he’s dead! We’re sad to see the big lug go but at least he died doing what he loves: having knives driven into his eye sockets while not having sex with Alpha. When it becomes clear that the gang’s only shot at getting the zombies over the cliff is to trust Lydia, Daryl proposes a new strategy to the rest of the group. They are to head back into the horde and pick off the remaining Whisperers one by one.

It’s pretty remarkable at this point in the show that A. there are few enough Whisperers that they can be picked off one by one and B. Team Daryl has grown familiar enough with the dead to identify and take out Whisperers among them. But that’s exactly what the crew is able to achieve, partially thanks to a last minute intervention from Negan. Though Negan surely would have loved to deliver the killing blow to Beta, it’s Daryl who does the honor with his knife-based ocular assault. After one last hallucination, Beta finally dies and is overtaken by the dead, who remove Beta’s mask in the process.

“Shit, you know who that asshole is?” Negan asks Daryl upon seeing Beta’s face.

Negan is referring to the fact that Beta is actually a famous country singer in the world of The Walking Dead.

But Daryl, despite likely being a country fan, is nonplussed by Beta’s identity and replies “nobody.”

It’s a helpful reminder of just how much this world has gone through and how little someone’s identity pre-apocalypse means.

Maggie’s Back!

Daryl, Negan, and company aren’t able to defeat every Whisperer, however, as some have remained back at the tower to attack the remaining survivors inside. Though the Whisperers are small in number and operate most efficiently in shambling herds of zombies, they are able to assault this edifice containing Gabriel, Lydia, and the communities’ non-combatants quite effectively.

Things in fact look pretty bleak for the team as an IED tears apart a room full of soldiers and the Whisperers begin to pore in. Gabriel puts up a decent fight but looks to be a goner….before Maggie comes back! This reveal would have hit quite a bit harder if The Walking Dead hadn’t already released a trailer teasing Lauren Cohan’s return as Hilltop leader and all-around badass Maggie Rhee. But it’s nice to have her back all the same. Not only that, but it’s revealed that Maggie is collaborating with the mysterious individual wearing an iron mask who previously saved Aaron and Alden from a certain doom (hey, that’s the name of the episode!).

In real life, Cohan gets to return to the show after her ambitious, but low-rated spy dramedy Whisky Cavalier wasn’t renewed for a second season at ABC. In the reality of the show, Maggie returns for a very simple, very Maggie reason: her friends needed her. Previously Maggie had been off with a group of traveling society-builders led by Georgie (Jayne Atkinson). We find out early in this episode that the survivors leave little newsletter drops for Maggie to keep up with. The latest news that Maggie received was quite grim: Jesus is dead, Tara is dead, and the communities are threatened yet again. So Maggie returned to save the day.

The Return of Virgil and Connie

Amid all the walker and Whisperer chaos, The Walking Dead finale makes time to check in with one long-lost character. Kelly’s sister Connie wakes up in the woods, covered in soot (from the cave-in and dynamite blast in episode 9 that left her presumed dead). She stumbles onto the dirt road and her path crosses with none other than Virgil.

This is an interesting connection between two characters who have never met before. Connie was originally part of Magna’s group that arrived in Alexandria, and Virgil was a part of his own “community” (re: people he imprisoned) on Bloodsworth Island, Maryland. Virgil was last seen feeding Michonne hallucinogens and resigning himself to die alone on his island. Something, however, encouraged him to take off in search of other people. And it looks like he finally found someone.

This encounter calls into question quite a bit of the timeframe of the back half of season 10. It’s been days if not weeks since the explosion at the mining cave. Connie really couldn’t have been unconscious all this time as that’s quite bad for the brain, you see. So perhaps Virgil’s sojourn with Michonne happened a lot quicker than previously realized.

What’s to Come

A crucial part of any Walking Dead finale is setting up what’s to come in the next season. Given that The Walking Dead season 11 will be the final one for the show, this season 10 finale shoulders an extra burden in that regard. Thankfully it rises to the occasion with an enigmatic final scene featuring Eugene’s West Virginia travel group.

Eugene, Yumiko, Ezekiel, and Princess make it to the trainyard that is set to serve as the meeting point for Eugene and his radio friend Stephanie’s community. Eugene and company are late and Stephanie is not there. But the newly hopeful Eugene decides to look on the brighter side of things and assures himself that she’ll turn up again sometime soon.

Right at that moment floodlights kick on and a group of highly organized soldiers in pristine white armor surround the group and command that they drop their weapons. Are these people part of Stephanie’s community? The short answer is almost certainly yes. And if you’d like to know more about them we’d recommend checking out this article on The Commonwealth.

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But for now, trust that with only one season to go, The Walking Dead has now officially introduced a big portion of the original comics endgame. These final 30 episodes should be a wild ride.

The post The Walking Dead Season 10 Ending Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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stompsite · 6 years

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On The Importance of Caring

Some time ago, I invited a friend over to watch one of my favorite movies with me. I was excited to share one of my favorites, sure that he’d enjoy it. Everything started out great, but my friend received a text, pulled out his phone, started texting back, and then, half an hour into the movie, looked up at me blankly and said ‘I don’t get this. Can we watch something else?’ I wanted to scream. He wasn’t paying attention to the movie! Of course he didn’t get it!

That’s an extreme case, but it illustrates an important point: if people don’t connect with your story, they’ll want to try something else. My friend created his own problem, but he’s far from the only person to struggle with following a movie. Heck, I’m a pretty smart dude who makes a living as a critic and game developer, I went to school to learn how to make and explain movies, and I still struggle to follow what’s going on in some stories.

What’s the point of watching a movie we aren’t connected to? David Mamet, one of the best living playwrights, once said “ANY TIME TWO CHARACTERS ARE TALKING ABOUT A THIRD, THE SCENE IS A CROCK OF SHIT.” He wrote it just like that, in all caps, in a letter to the writers of a television show he was working on.

It’s important to note that your audience doesn’t need to understand your story, and that’s why I haven’t used the word until now. It’s important that they connect to it emotionally. I loved watching Twin Peaks: The Return last summer, but I definitely didn’t understand that final episode. Emotionally, I connected with it, and it left a lasting impression on me, but I can’t tell you what was actually happening in that episode.

We make art for two primary reasons: to teach people things and to process emotions. Most of the former stuff is what you get in school, like “see spot run,” or religious instruction, like Jesus’ parables. Most of the stuff we make is about emotional journeys. You might be watching an exciting action movie or a drama about coping with loss, but whatever the case is, you’re doing it to get some emotional experience out of it. The worst thing that can happen, then, is an emotional disconnect from the work.

The key to connecting to a work is emotional engagement.

So, in fiction, over the millennia, storytellers have developed tools for keeping audiences engaged. Some folks are good at it. Others aren’t. Steven Spielberg is particularly great; Jaws is a masterpiece of tension; we watch it because it excites us, and Spielberg has made dozens of great movies that resonate with audiences around the world.

It’s not a science, though. Emotions aren’t like programs; you can’t input the same information to every human and expect the same output. You can ballpark it, but we’re all going to react in different ways. I can’t really tell you how I feel when watching Alien other than “it always grabs my attention,” but I know some people who roll their eyes at how dumb it is and others who are too scared to watch it all the way through.

We know some stuff works; dogs are good boys, so if a dog dies, the audience will probably be sad. That said, we also know that you have to earn the emotions you want; you can’t just kill a dog and make the audience sad, the audience has to care that the dog. If the dog is a bad junkyard dog that harries our protagonists, we probably aren’t going to be nearly as sad if it dies.

One of the biggest problems in movies is that they forget to earn their emotion. A monster attacking New York is a much bigger-scale problem than a couple in New York going through a divorce, but Godzilla is not as emotionally impactful to most people as Kramer vs Kramer is. We care more about Ted Kramer losing his son than we do about a bunch of people whose names I’ve forgotten facing off against Zilla. That movie was so bad, by the way, that Toho doesn’t even consider Zilla to be a ‘real’ Godzilla.

So it’s hard to get people to care, and a lot of work has to go into making them care, but even if you pull that off, they might struggle anyways. One reason that most television shows weren’t serialized for most of the 20th Century is that people might miss an episode and have no idea what was going on.

Arrested Development was a show that required its audience to watch every episode. The Simpsons works because every episode ends where it began. If a Simpsons season airs out of order or you miss an episode, you can still understand what’s going on. If the same thing happens in Arrested Development, nothing makes sense anymore.

I spoke with a TV writer who worked on Boston Legal, who explained that every episode was an exercise in reintroducing their characters; even non-serialized shows still need to help the audience connect to the characters. You can’t assume anyone knows what’s going on; some of the most successful television shows on the planet are successful because even channel surfers can tune in and grok things.

In games, it can be worse. You can watch a movie in a single sitting; it might take some patience, especially if you’re used to checking your phone every ten minutes, but you can make it through. Procedural TV shows are successful because each episode works as a stand-alone story. In contrast, most games can take days, weeks, and even months to complete. Heck, I started Company of Heroes four years ago and I’m still not finished with it.

That’s a lot of words to make a simple point: all stories need to make sure the audience connects with ‘em on an emotional level, but games need to do it the most, because it’s harder to connect to games emotionally than anything else, because it’s so easy to distract audiences.

If you asked me what I thought of Assassin’s Creed Origins, I’d tell you that it’s one of the best games in the series. If you asked me about the writing, I’d tell you that it’s pretty good; several people in my Twitter feed have noted that Bayek, the game’s protagonist, speaks differently to adults than he does to children, but not in a way that feels condescending. He’s friendly, warm, and open. He’s a good man and father, but one who has been wounded by some ugly circumstances, including the murder of his son.

I like Bayek almost as much as I like Ezio Auditore, the protagonist of Assassin’s Creed II, which remains the best game in the series, but more on that in a moment.

Origins has an unfortunate problem, which is in the way it introduces characters.

Since I’m talking about the story of Origins, we’re gonna get into spoiler territory. Normally, I don’t care all that much about issuing spoiler warnings, because my assumption is that if you’re reading criticism of a game, you should expect spoilers, but it’s a recent enough game that I’ll be on the safe side and offer you one now.

The game begins with Bayek assassinating… some guy. We’re not really sure who this guy is or why, but Bayek doesn’t really like him that much. Then he fights his way out of some ruins and meets another guy, who is a friend of some kind. We’re not really sure why they’re friends or what their relationship is, and when that guy dies later in the game, most of us probably didn’t care all that much, because the guy gives us like two early quests, and that’s the extent of our relationship with him.

You know whose death people do care about? Aeris Gainsborough, because we spend a lot of time with her in the game; she’s not just someone we meet once and then forget about on our wacky adventures until she dies, she’s someone we build a relationship with; her death matters because she matters to us.

Some of you might want to protest at this point that Bayek is Bayek and I am Me, and I cannot connect to Bayek’s friends the way he does, and that’s true. Have you ever heard of the rule “show, don’t tell”? That rule exists as a means of leveraging empathy to help people connect to a story. If someone says “Sarah is crying because her dog died,” you might feel nothing, because you don’t know who Sarah is or that her dog died. You can rationally understand that a dog dying is a sad event, but you are unlikely to connect to Sarah on an emotional level. If Sarah is your best friend, and she calls you on the phone in tears because her dog, Spot, who you used to play fetch with in the park, was hit by a car, then you’re going to feel a lot more strongly about it.

So Bayek is angry and he’s talking about some guys with weird animal names and how he’s going to kill them. He talks about how he’s been gone for a while but now he’s back. He talks about being a medjay, which is never really explained in depth, but it sounds like a kind of Egyptian Sheriff, who roams the land righting wrongs.

There are two problems here. First, we’re processing this intellectually, not emotionally, so it doesn’t really resonate with us. Second, the writers appear to be doing their best to approach this realistically. What I mean is, Bayek isn’t like “ugh, I’ve lost my memory, please explain how everything works?” or “hmm, I’ve forgotten you, who are you? Please tell me who you are.” Some games approach this with more subtlety; I love Half-Life because nobody knows what’s going on, not just you. There’s nothing to explain.

Origins clearly understands that awkward exposition can be annoying, so it avoids it and hopes the audience will infer most of what it needs to know… until it decides to flashback back to when Bayek’s son was still alive. Bayek gets to explain a bit about what being a Medjay is to his son, which is a nice, naturalistic way to exposit, and eventually we see how his son was murdered and why he’s mad at all these animal dudes that he’s been killing. Then we’re back in the present, doing more quests. At one point, you stumble across Bayek’s house. I did not realize, for the longest time, that this was Bayek’s house. It was just A House. Then Bayek said something and I was like “ooooh… okay.” But I didn’t feel like it mattered to me.

In an ideal world, the audience emotions are in lockstep with the character emotions. At some point, Bayek decides to go stab some more dudes in the face, and find out how his wife has been doing stabbing some other dudes in the face. We’ve never met her and only heard references to her so far, so when we do finally meet her… well, Bayek seems relieved, but this is our introduction to the character. What we feel about this meeting and what he feels about it are two different things; I’ve never met Aya. She’s a stranger. I feel like a third wheel, disconnected from the experience.

Now, I’m not going to take you through the entirety of the game, but this ends up being a consistent problem. When I met Julius Caesar--you know, that Julius Caesar--I didn’t realize it was him at first. It was just some dude. Then it turns out the villain is actually his… sidekick? There’s this guy we meet in like… one scene in the game? Julius, or Jules, if you’re buds, is like “hey, that guy you want to kill who you thought killed your son? He’s not the dude. Also I don’t want you to kill him, I’m going to arrest him.” The real guy is his bodyguard dude who’s standing next to him. At one point he says something like “yes, Caesar, I will ready the guards” or something, but when it’s revealed that he’s the villain, it’s… it just feels kind of random?

Alpha Protocol did this too; I remember playing that game and finding out that the real big bad was… the guy who helped me put on gear at the start of the game or something. Like, a random guy who was in a couple scenes and just kind of forgettable, the game suddenly states “hey, he’s the bad guy! Mwahahaha!”

I think the game writers believe this is clever. “Wow, that guy in the background was an evil villain the whole time!” But this only works if you actually know the character and don’t suspect them. A forgettable character is not the same thing. No One Lives Forever pulled this off by having a drunkard in every single level; it seemed like a funny gag. Every time you met him, it was like “haha, oh, this guy again.” Then it turned out that he was the villain the entire time. Because you recognized him, the revelation mattered. No other game has done this nearly as well. Origins doesn’t do it well at all.

What’s weird is, so many times, you’re playing the game and it just seems to assume that you know who you’re talking to. When people were saying the guy’s name--and I didn’t encounter it enough times to remember it, despite playing almost nothing but Assassin’s Creed Origins from beginning to end in the span of two weeks--I wasn’t matching the name to the face. I didn’t know who the guy was.

Imagine someone going “wow, Bob? I can’t believe Bob was the villain the whole time!” and I’m over here just wondering who Bob is. Who is it that all these people are talking about? I have no idea.

Origins does that a lot.

It’s hard to care when you can’t put a name to a face. It’s hard to care when you feel like you don’t know what’s going on. It’s hard to care when you aren’t feeling what the protagonist is feeling; the best stories are so often about experiencing the same emotional journey as the characters. We should feel scared when they feel scared, exhilarated when they feel exhilarated, angry when they feel angry. If I feel disinterested when Bayek feels angry, then I’m not going to feel satisfied when I kill the men who murdered his son. Instead, I’m going to feel like I just checked off another item on the list.

DOOM is so satisfying because you feel what Doomguy feels. You’re just as happy to kill demons as he is.

Origins is a huge game; I have like 60 hours in it and have tons of sidequests left to complete and locations left to find. I can’t help but feel that some of the game’s resources could have been better spent trying to introduce things better. Instead of an in media res introduction, what if the game had began with Bayek performing the duties of a Medjay, spending time with his wife, helping his son become a better man… and then losing all of that.

There’s a villain we kill named the Crocodile. We meet a little girl, and later, she gets killed. We find out who did it--the Crocodile’s henchmen. We hunt down those henchmen. We meet an “old friend” (who Bayek knows but we don’t), fight alongside her in the arena, and eventually kill the henchmen. Then suddenly our old friend is… somehow a bodyguard for the Crocodile now? The Crocodile is a random old lady who was in the arena crowds, who we literally never met or even saw before? Seeing the Celts, watching how intimidating they were, and killing them because they hurt a kid we knew mattered.

I ran into the Crocodile’s house and killed her before it even dawned on me that the person she was speaking with was Bayek’s old friend.

How much better would it have been if we knew the Crocodile in her human guise? If we knew our old friend from the time before, then meeting her again would feel relieving; we’d be happy to know someone had our back. Her eventual betrayal and service to the Crocodile would actually matter. As it was, when I killed the Crocodile, my ‘old friend’ simply despawned, and I never saw her again. I think the game wanted me to care that she’d switched sides. I barely knew her and she disappeared when I stabbed the Crocodile with my hidden blade.

Speaking of the hidden blade, it’s weird to me that the game never really goes into its creation; it’s the most iconic thing in the entire series, and it just… kinda happens? Bayek accidentally slices his finger off at one point, the end. Assassin’s Creed and Assassin’s Creed II both made it out to be this big, important thing. Losing your finger was the mark of becoming an assassin. The blade was part of that identity. In Origins, blink and you’ll miss it.

Normally, when I criticize a game, I try to talk about why something works or doesn’t, but I try not to say “it might be better if they did this or that.” The reason for this is because I don’t know what it was like for the developers to make the game, and hey, the game’s out now, so it’s not like they can change things. Recommendations are for when I’m consulting on a game, not after the fact.

Here, I’ve talked about what Assassin’s Creed Origins could have done to make things better, and that reason is this: because another game already did it.

Assassin’s Creed II begins with you as Ezio Auditore, punk teenager living a life of luxury with his family in Florence. Everything seems nice. When you meet Leonardo da Vinci, the game makes it clear that, hey, this is Leonardo da Vinci. It treats it as sort of a casual thing, but does so in a way that still makes it clear that you’re meeting an important historical character, as opposed to Julius Caesar’s introduction in Origins.

There’s a confidence in Assassin’s Creed II; the game takes it slow. Instead of murdering villainous scum, you beat up a punk who insulted your sister. You help your brother find feathers. You perform errands for your mother. You learn how to do everything in the small sandbox of Florence before the game properly begins, and in doing so, you build relationships with some of the game’s most important characters.

When your father, who seems like a good and honorable man, is unjustly imprisoned, you feel desperate to save him. When your father and brothers are hanged, your mother suffers a mental breakdown, and you and your sister are forced to go on the run, your plight feels dangerous. You feel angry and helpless.

You don’t know the murderer’s name, but you know his face, because you’ve seen him repeatedly throughout the game. Uncovering his identity--Rodrigo Borgia, is a big part of Assassin’s Creed II’s adventure. Every step of the way, Assassin’s Creed II primes you emotionally for what’s to come. When bad things happen to people you’re allied with, you care, because you’ve built relationships with these people. When you take down the Borgias, it’s so satisfying because you knew them.

A random guy who was Caesar’s sidekick is way less satisfying to kill.

Origins plays better, in some ways, than Assassin’s Creed II. The quests are enjoyable. The world design is neat. I love the map. I love the more modern controls. The combat system is undoubtedly better--it’s a very Dark Souls-inspired controller setup. This is a game that has learned so many important lessons from other great games.

I just wish I cared more about the people I met along the way.

I wanted to post this last month, but then I got hospitalized. Oops. Turns out I’m diabetic and I have a heart condition that requires surgery. It took a lot out of me. Really sorry this one’s being posted in April instead of March. I’m hoping to publish a lot more this month, though!

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athousandmilez-blog · 6 years

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New Year, New Me → 017

Tagging: Miles Sterling & Nick Vaughn.

Timeframe: Sunday, December 31, 2017.

Location: A friend-of-a-friend’s party.

General Notes: Nick and Miles hang out at a New Years Eve party and it’s the first time anything happens between them around other people. So like, a big deal.

Miles: Miles always found himself somewhere new to ring in the new year. Sometimes it was with family, other times with close friends — this year, it was neither, as he found himself wandering the basement of a friend-of-a-friend’s home. The place wasn’t quite packed, but there were plenty of faces Miles didn’t recognize. One who didn’t fall into that category, obviously, was Nick, who Miles hoped was still behind him as he finally moved to a spot of open air, right near the TV where a crowd had formed to watch the whole New Years Eve countdown thing. “I’m not cut out for this anymore,” Miles said when he could finally see his friend again. He was glad they were here together, given the events that unfolded a little prior to Christmas, followed by completely different events on Christmas. But they always somehow found their way back to being each other’s sidekicks at parties like this. “It’s already way past my bedtime. I don’t think I’ll even last until midnight, man.”

Nick: Nick usually took his New Years Eve plans very seriously. The previous years, he’d made it a point to scope out the biggest parties, of the ones that were likely to be the most memorable. This year was different. Nick didn’t even realize New Years was so close; he’d been so focused on just trying to get through the overwhelming holiday that was Christmas. When word got out that a friend of a friend was throwing a small New Years party, Nick wasn’t sure he even wanted to go. He almost didn’t, although he knew that he should go socialize and see his friends. It turned out Miles was going, though, and if Miles was going then Nick had to show up. They always seemed to end up at these parties together — even if it was unplanned. It was practically tradition. Nick smiled and nodded at people he recognized as he walked through the apartment, realizing he’d seen a lot of these same people at previous parties although he couldn’t remember half of their names. Maybe if he was feeling the spirit of New Years later he’d ask them. But for now (for once) he wanted time to ease into making himself mingle with everyone. Nick didn’t think twice before walking with Miles to an open spot, still near everybody but further enough away to have breathing room. “Sure you can, man. I believe in you.” He half smiled at him. “Everyone says that until they start drinking and get too hyped up to sleep. Then you wake up the next day and regret everything.” That’s how Nick always started the New Year.

Miles: Miles shook his head, looking down at plastic cup in his hand, which actually contained water this time around. “I’m not even, like...all that fun when I’m drunk,” he pointed out, though it wasn’t like Nick didn’t know that. “I mean, only past a certain point. Everyone has that uphill climb when you’re full of adrenaline and stuff but once I’m over that it’s just not pretty.” So he was trying to prevent that this time. Or maybe just prolong it, at the very least, so he’d be in that heightened state to bring in 2018. “I won’t be regretting it tomorrow, though. I’m a good boy.” He lifted the cup of water to prove his point. “I hope you’re staying adequately hydrated. I don’t mean to mom you, but you never know with you.” At this point, he really didn’t know what Nick was up to sometimes. He was learning all these surprises about him lately. But that didn’t matter right now.

Nick: Nick glanced down at Miles’ cup knowingly. Leave it to him to be the more responsible one. Nick supposed that’s why he managed to stay out of trouble. Well, for the most part. Excluding the Greg thing which he really didn’t want to think about right now, because Miles was finally starting to look like himself again. “I think you’re fun.” He said with a shrug as he glanced at a few people who passed by. “You’re right about that though. Probably best for you to not ring in the New Year with a hangover.” Nick has, but that doesn’t mean he enjoyed it. Just the events leading up to it. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He replied, but he wasn’t necessarily offended. That comment wasn’t necessarily unwarranted, after all. “I actually haven’t been drinking. Yet.” He tacked on so it wouldn’t seem to out of character for him. “But I’ll stay hydrated. Don’t worry, Mom. I even made sure to pack a Capri Sun in my jacket pocket so drunk me would want to drink more liquids.” He patted the side of his jacket, figuring Miles would think he was kidding, but he always made sure he was prepared to overdo it even when he didn’t plan on it. “Chances are we’ll both remember this New Years Eve. It’s almost midnight anyway.” He turned his head to glance at the TV people were currently gathered around. Almost midnight, but not quite. “Are you excited for 2018?” He turned back to Miles with a small grin. “Any cool New Years resolutions?”

Miles: Miles didn’t want to feel the familiar warmth in his chest whenever Nick said something as simple as finding him fun, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. It didn’t take much nowadays. “Yeah, well. You get to laugh at me,” he settled on saying in response after a moment, again watching the water swirl around in his cup before raising his head again. “Just being honest. I know how you roll at these things for the most part. Capri Suns are terrible for you, for the record. You’re probably better off with just straight vodka at that point.” Though Miles had to admit a juice box sounded good right about then. “Yeah — ten minutes?” He squinted as he tried to read the little timer in the corner of the TV, but there were a lot of drunk people in the way. “Sure. I’m not sure it’ll be much different from this year, but we’ll see.” He shrugged. “Not really. Maybe do a little bit more with my mom, especially after everything. But I’m already super jacked so it’s not like I need to work out or anything. I guess I could keep perfecting my stripping skills to steal your job, though. What about you?”

Nick: “When do I ever laugh at you?” He asked rhetorically, amused before the conversation shifted to Miles insulting him and his Capri Suns. “Think what you want about me, but leave the Capri Suns out of this. If they were bad adults wouldn’t let their kids have them.” He states matter of factly, although that statement was clearly not entirely factual. His Grandpa let him drink a beer when he was eight so clearly some people weren’t really worried about those things. “Seeing your Mom more is a good one.” He nodded. “So your other resolution is to see me jobless. Nice.” He couldn’t help but laugh. Normally he’d be concerned about people overhearing what he did for a living, but truthfully no one was even paying attention to them. “Well, I’m going to try to find another job. Especially with you trying to steal mine. I need to be one step ahead.” He playfully glared at him for a fraction of a second. “And I want to finish Stranger Things with you. That’s also important.” Nick nodded. “And I want to be a guest judge on Cupcake Wars. But that’s every years resolution.” Obviously.

Miles: “I could try to remember every time but we’d be here a while.” Truthfully, they usually ended up just laughing together anyway. “I’m not saying I don’t like them. I’m just saying they’re not good for you. They aren’t a useful alternative to alcohol. Parents let kids have plenty of terrible things.” He shrugged. “Well, these skills have to go somewhere. Sorry, man.” He was glad to hear that Nick was going to look for other jobs. Something about him being there still rubbed Miles the wrong way after what had happened. “That will be good for you,” he said seriously. “Stranger Things, too. I’m annoyed that we’re gonna be a year behind everyone else but it’s no one’s fault but ours, I guess.” He knew that they were just going to have to try harder not to talk the whole time. “I would watch the hell out of that episode. I think you’d have more luck just becoming a contestant, though.”

Nick: Nick rolled his eyes playfully at the comment, but didn’t feel the need to reply. “Sugar water is good for humming birds, maybe scientists thought it’d be the same for kids.” He shrugged. Who was he to argue with the creators of Capri Sun? He just thought they tasted good. “Maybe I’ll end up mixing it with vodka at some point so it’s extra bad for me.” He joked. At the talk of him finding another job, Nick nodded. “Yeah... I want to. I don’t know if I’ll find anything better, but we’ll see.” At the Stranger Things talk, Nick smiled again. “We’ll get there, dude. Even if we have to binge it right before season three starts. Maybe it’s even better this way so we won’t have months of withdrawals like everybody else.” They’d have to avoid spoilers like the plague, though, considering everyone else in the world has seen it besides them. “That means more to me than you know.” He said seriously, raising his hand to his chest as he did. “You really think so? That’d be the ultimate dream. Maybe you could come with me and be my teammate. I think we have the same creative vision.”

Miles: “Do they say artificial flavors are good for hummingbirds, too? I must have missed that scientific discovery.” As if Miles actually cared about eating healthy. He put a lot of crap into his body. “That doesn’t even sound like a terrible idea. I mean, it is a terrible idea but I still want to try it.” He figures if he was up for it later he’d go hunt down the ingredients for Nick’s new cocktail. “I think there are plenty of better options for you. You just have to work your way up. But anything’s probably better than that.” Maybe not anything, but there were certainly quite a few that would be a start. “Seriously. I’m not great under pressure, though. I guess I could just tag along and taste things as you go but you can’t count on me to do any baking. I’ll crack, man.” He noticed a sudden commotion near them, and Miles turned to see the crowd gathering further around the TV as the countdown got closer to midnight. “Well, looks like we’re almost in 2018. I have a feeling it’ll be your big Cupcake Wars break for sure.”

Nick: “I don’t know, I’m not a birdologist.” Nick laughed, nodding. “It’s a horrible idea. But you can try it with me if you want. We should do it right before we leave so you don’t have to worry about getting sick in front of all these people.” He only had one jumbo Capri Sun anyway, so the cocktail wouldn’t be particularly big. “I’m gonna try. I dunno. We’ll see.” Nick shrugged. He wasn’t really sure if he’d be able to find anything that paid as well as his current job did, and that was the important part. But he’d at least try. “I believe in you. I need you there, dude. You’re the only other person who knows how the competition works as well as I do.” He said genuinely, gently slapping Miles’ shoulder as he spoke. The excited yells and murmurs from beside them soon grabbed his attention, though, and he turned his head to glance at the TV currently airing the countdown. “And this will be the year you get your big Stripping break.” He turned back to grin at him. “We’re so underprepared, though. We don’t have 2018 sunglasses or tiaras or anything. I guess we’ll just have to do the countdown super loudly to make up for it. You ready?”

Miles: “I will almost definitely throw up.” They we’re pretty good at bad ideas, though, so he was still into it. “I guess that’s all you can really do.” There was certainly no harm in trying. “But it’s too much pressure, dude. I know I’d fall apart under the circumstances. Cupcakes are too serious for me. I just like to watch. And eat them.” He was definitely more of a judge type, but that was Nick’s aspiration. “Man, I hope so. It’s my life’s dream.” It was now Miles’ unspoken duty to give Nick shit about the stripping thing as often as he could without downright disrespecting him. “Well, we can just borrow them from someone else here. I doubt any of these drunk people would notice.” He could stick with the countdown thing, though. “Yeah. I mean, it’s no big deal.” He shrugged. He had never considered it a huge thing. He’d stay where he was and watch drunk couples kiss at midnight and cheer with the other drunk single people and then that would be it. “I might have to go find the dog to kiss me at midnight, though. Start my year off right.”

Nick: Nick nodded in understanding. “Maybe if I ever get on as a contestant we can sneak you in to be a judge. Or security or something. Then I can just sneak you the cupcakes.” And probably get kicked out of the competition, but he’d risk it. “If you need help working on your professional stripping skills, don’t be afraid to ask. I’ve got years of experience now.” Nick didn’t freely talk about what he did with just anybody, but it was easy to joke about this with Miles, because he knew he didn’t think less of him for being a stripper. “Honestly, probably not.” He rose an eyebrow as he heard the crowd go wild again, and Nick wondered if he sounded like that when he partied. He probably sounded worse. “Good plan. But if you can’t find the dog, you might want to find a human backup. ‘Cause if you don’t you’ll get ten years of bad luck.”

Miles: “I could deal with that. Although if we’re being totally honest, we’re both better off as we are.” Miles himself much preferred watching it from his couch whilst eating store bought cupcakes that he didn’t have to work for. “I appreciate that. You should teach lessons. I’d do it.” He wasn’t sure where Nick drew his line, but if Miles had to guess, that was probably it. Miles continued to watch the people around them begin to grab onto each other and move in closer, in all of their respective pairs as the clock ticked down. “There are very few people here I would consider worth these luscious lips.” He chuckled, but he was totally serious. He turned his attention back to Nick with a shrug. “Besides. I think you know as well as I do I only really want to kiss one person lately,” he admitted, having no fear in doing so. He was sure to lower his voice, though. He knew they weren’t a ‘thing,’ they weren’t boyfriends, and Nick wasn’t ready to even be anything close to that in front of people. Miles didn’t mind. “But it’s not necessary in front of all these people. I can kiss that person another time.”

Nick: "I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. I need to practice first. Really get good at making a solid cupcake." Nick loved cupcakes, so he probably would try to make some from scratch one day to see if he could. He wasn't banking on a good outcome, but hey, who knew? "Maybe that should be my new job. Stripper teaching. That's how I got into it, you know. A friend taught me. Maybe there's a market for stripping coaching out there." He said quietly enough so no one else would hear him. If they did, that's when he'd shut up. It was all fun and games until someone heard him. "Luscious lips? Have you been using Lip Smackers, or what?" His lips tugged into an amused grin. "Well, God, Miles. If you wanted to kiss Lily that bad you should have just invited her." He said, clearly joking, although maybe that was too soon to joke about. But he knew what Miles meant, and his heart was undoubtedly warmed by it. His words made him feel things he never expected to feel, but he wasn't pushing them away this time. This time he was embracing them. "What if..." His voice suddenly took a serious turn, and he felt ridiculously vulnerable. Not to mention stupid. There were a thousand negative thoughts now running through his head telling him that he shouldn't say that he was about to say, but his heart wasn't seeming to listen to them. "What if that person wants to kiss you here?"]

Miles: “I volunteer to be your taste tester.” Miles might end up trying some admittedly bad cupcakes, but it was all in the name of helping Nick improve. Plus, a bad cupcake was still a cupcake. “Really? Is that a thing? To be fair, you kind of inadvertently showed me a thing or two.” He had technically stripped in front of him, after all. “Yes, luscious — I said what I said. You’re right, though. The cotton candy kind.” He had actually been obsessed with those for a while as a kid. At Nick’s joke, Miles rolled his eyes, though he appreciated the humor in the situation as a whole. “You’re hilarious.” He shook his head and sipped from his water, immediately pushing Lily out of his thoughts. None of that mattered when he was with Nick. And it became even truer when Nick spoke next. Miles raised an eyebrow at him as he peered over the edge of his cup. “What?” was all he could say at first. He finally lowered his drink then. “You don’t... I mean, it’s... Nick, there’s people around,” he finally settled on, glancing at the crowded area around them. “It’s not a big deal to me, you know. I know I’m not your...” He trailed off. He didn’t need to say it. He shrugged instead. “It’s just not a big deal,” he repeated.

Nick: “You might have to be my only taste tester. I don’t think anyone else is brave enough.” So Nick definitely appreciated the offer. “Well it is now.” He paused, caught off guard by the comment. He smiled slightly, a little embarrassed. “...That doesn’t count.” Nick laughed at the luscious lips talk. “Good, everyone knows cotton candy is the best kind. That and the soda ones. I liked the root beer one, personally. It just didn’t make my lips very luscious because I kept licking it off.” Hence the name lip smackers, he guessed. The playful conversation slowly gave way to something more serious, and Nick was left feeling exposed. But he wasn’t denying what he just suggested. “I know there is. And I know... I know you’re not. But...” He shrugged slightly. “Then it shouldn’t be a big deal if I do it.” He said cautiously. He knew it was a big deal. It felt like a very big deal.

Miles: “I feel like that’s typical between the two of us. We have to do things for each other because no one else is willing to breach this territory.” It was definitely strange territory sometimes, so Miles couldn’t particularly blame other people. “It so does count. Only difference is I didn’t have to pay for it. But I got the full experience.” He laughed lightly, knowing it was probably the alcohol coursing through his veins making him speak so nonchalantly about it, especially in front of other people. “Okay. I’m done now, promise.” Maybe. Time would tell. “They do that on purpose, y’know. Make it so you keep licking your lips and make ‘em even drier so you have to keep buying more. Get with it, Nicholas.” He wanted to figure out where this had come from, why Nick was suddenly interest of the prospect of kissing him in front of other people. But all Miles could really do was blink, unable to try and put the pieces together. Why now? Here? “If…” He trailed off, looking over at the TV once again, which was now counting down the final minute of the year. “If you’re sure,” he finally said, holding his gaze again. “But don’t — don’t push yourself.” His voice was lower again, and he took a step toward Nick. It felt like too much space between them to be talking about something so…intimate. “I’m not gonna tell you no.”

Nick: “If you ask me they’re missing out.” Just because their ideas didn’t make sense or seem good to other people didn’t mean they were any less valid. Nick was glad Miles thought the same way he did — half the time it seemed like he was the only person who understood what he was saying. “Lucky you.” Nick frowned at the teasing. “If you tried to pay me for it we would no longer be speaking.” He wasn’t exactly mad, he was just used to it being a touchy subject. “Are you sure?” He deadpanned. “Shit —- you’re right. I can’t be mad at smart business strategies, though. Maybe I should have asked for lip smackers for Christmas. My lips have been way less luscious than when I used to use it.” Nick didn’t know exactly what had gotten into him. All he knew is that over the past few weeks, something had changed with him and Miles. It was subtle, but they were no longer trying to hide the fact that they wanted to kiss each other. So Nick, from time to time, had moments where he thought that he wanted to try to kiss him again. Apparently, right now was one of the moments. “I don’t want...everyone to see us.” That thought made him nervous. He continued to keep his voice quiet. “I’m not ready for that.” He held his gaze in return, trying to be honest. “But I want to be able to kiss you at midnight. Because I want to.” He could hear the countdown in the background, and it was getting closer and closer to midnight. Nick reached out to grasp onto Miles’ sleeve and took a step backwards, hoping he would take the hint and move with him closer to the wall and away from the crowds of people.

Miles: “I am lucky. But I didn’t need to pay you.” Miles wanted to remind him that he got his fair share, but he left that part out. “Okay, now I am,” he promised. “That would have been a good gift. Though I think what I did get you was better.” He was proud of the t-shirt. Meaningful gifts and all that shit. He nodded slowly as Nick spoke, even if admittedly he should have been more taken back by what he’d said. He knew he should have cared, but...it was Nick. He wanted to be with him. If this was what Nick needed, then so be it, even if that meant hiding in the shadows. Though Miles supposed this was a step in the right direction. He watched Nick pull his sleeve, blindly stepping forward to follow him. They were moving further away from the view of others, which was fair, and what Miles would have expected anyway. He felt like he was a part of something much larger, sneaking around and trying to keep it under wraps. It made his heart race. He looked over his shoulder, watching the seconds tick down. “I hope...” He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with that at first. He paused and bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I hope next year is, um, easier.” They’d both had to deal with some shit this year, about a lot of things. Miles just wanted things to be simple. He looked down, his hand sliding up Nick’s arm slowly. Ten seconds. Miles met his eyes, his palms feeling sweaty like he was fourteen and about to have his first kiss. It still didn’t feel real sometimes, even seeing Nick in front of him, but he held his gaze and waited.

Nick: “Do you ever get tired of being so hilarious?” His words were clearly coated in sarcasm, but he knew that Miles was (mostly) being harmless. “Yeah... That was the best gift.” He said genuinely. He hadn’t expected it, but he loved it and was planning on wearing it whenever he could. As he and Miles walked further back, Nick’s heart was racing. Maybe this isn’t what most people thought of when they thought of kissing who they wanted at midnight. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to Miles, because they’d be hidden. It wasn’t like it was in the middle of the room. But still... to him, it felt like it was. It felt like the step before taking that step, and it was exciting as it was nerve wracking. “Me too.” Nick murmured back when they stopped. For a moment, it felt like they were two awkward teenagers, just staring at each other and unsure of what to do. Miles’ hand traveling up his arm and the way he was already standing so close made him want this even more — and suddenly he was very sure of this decision. On the count of six, Nick tugged him even closer by his sleeve. On the count of three, he lifted his hands up to cup either side of Miles’ face. And on the count of one, he leaned in to gently press his lips against Miles’. His nose bumped his a little clumsily, and he almost smiled, but he was too preoccupied by how good it felt to be able to do this.

Miles: “It’s really hard being me.” He wanted to flip his hair, but he didn’t have the long hair to flip and it just wouldn’t work. At least Nick could do the flippy bangs thing. “I’m glad you liked it. Yours was way better, though. It’s been on repeat.” He’d been so psyched about it he could have actually cried. And maybe he did later on. He’d never tell. He hadn’t expected the night to come to this. Honestly, Miles didn’t think he’d be kissing anybody this year. But if it was going to be anyone, he was obviously glad it was Nick. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through him as they came closer while the countdown continued behind them. When it finally reached midnight, Nick pulled him in and kissed him. Miles could hear champagne popping open somewhere behind him, cheering, and he was positive that there was a lot of sloppy drunk kissing going on, but his eyes had slid shut at this point, his hands on Nick’s waist to hold him there. He hoped that this was going to set the tone for the new year. That this meant maybe things were going to be easier and Nick would feel more comfortable doing things like this. He was grinning when he pulled away, realizing there was nothing he wanted more from the night than for exactly that to occur. “It’s a shame it didn’t taste like lip smackers.”

Nick: “Poor you.” He really did love his gift, and he was glad to hear that Miles liked his too. “Good, I thought you might like it. I wouldn’t say it’s better. We both got equally good gifts, I think.” For as long as the countdown seemed to take, the kiss itself didn’t seem to last nearly as long. Or maybe the selfish part of his brain just wanted more of it. He’d kissed Miles before, but it was always in private. And more often than not, not even the two of them would really acknowledge it. This time it was different. It felt more real. Pulling back slightly, he opened his eyes to look at Miles. Unable to help it, he laughed at the comment. “Maybe next time we’ll remember to get some.”

Miles: “Alright. I can agree with that.” It spoke volumes how well they knew each other. They were able to get each other things that others wouldn’t even think of. Miles could have kept kissing him all night into the next morning if it were realistic, but they’d definitely get kicked out of the party eventually. He was content that they’d even kissed at all, to be fair. “Yeah. Next time,” he agreed. He obviously still remembered, but now it was difficult for him to understand why there was ever a time where the two of them tried to pretend they didn’t feel a certain way about each other. There were very few things holding them back now. Just a few more obstacles that Miles was sure they could eventually work through — hopefully — and then maybe everything would just work out fine. “Happy New Year, man.” He lingered for a moment, then shifted his attention behind him. No one seemed to even notice them, which Miles had suspected — but still. He understood. “I think we should go find some champagne.”

#017

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nilesarchives · 4 years

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New Year, New Me ― CANON. (current verse)

Nick and Miles hang out at a New Years Eve party and smooch at midnight. It’s the first time anything happens between them around other people (even if no one actually sees them). So like, a big deal.

Later on in the night, they’re both drunk and Miles asks Nick to come back to his place. Stuff goes down... well, sort of. NSFW.

Miles always found himself somewhere new to ring in the new year. Sometimes it was with family, other times with close friends — this year, it was neither, as he found himself wandering the basement of a friend-of-a-friend’s home. The place wasn’t quite packed, but there were plenty of faces Miles didn’t recognize. One who didn’t fall into that category, obviously, was Nick, who Miles hoped was still behind him as he finally moved to a spot of open air, right near the TV where a crowd had formed to watch the whole New Years Eve countdown thing. “I’m not cut out for this anymore,” Miles said when he could finally see his friend again. He was glad they were here together, given the events that unfolded a little prior to Christmas, followed by completely different events on Christmas. But they always somehow found their way back to being each other’s sidekicks at parties like this. “It’s already way past my bedtime. I don’t think I’ll even last until midnight, man.”

Nick usually took his New Years Eve plans very seriously. The previous years, he’d made it a point to scope out the biggest parties, of the ones that were likely to be the most memorable. This year was different. Nick didn’t even realize New Years was so close; he’d been so focused on just trying to get through the overwhelming holiday that was Christmas. When word got out that a friend of a friend was throwing a small New Years party, Nick wasn’t sure he even wanted to go. He almost didn’t, although he knew that he should go socialize and see his friends. It turned out Miles was going, though, and if Miles was going then Nick had to show up. They always seemed to end up at these parties together — even if it was unplanned. It was practically tradition. Nick smiled and nodded at people he recognized as he walked through the apartment, realizing he’d seen a lot of these same people at previous parties although he couldn’t remember half of their names. Maybe if he was feeling the spirit of New Years later he’d ask them. But for now (for once) he wanted time to ease into making himself mingle with everyone. Nick didn’t think twice before walking with Miles to an open spot, still near everybody but further enough away to have breathing room. “Sure you can, man. I believe in you.” He half smiled at him. “Everyone says that until they start drinking and get too hyped up to sleep. Then you wake up the next day and regret everything.” That’s how Nick always started the New Year.

Miles shook his head, looking down at plastic cup in his hand, which actually contained water this time around. “I’m not even, like…all that fun when I’m drunk,” he pointed out, though it wasn’t like Nick didn’t know that. “I mean, only past a certain point. Everyone has that uphill climb when you’re full of adrenaline and stuff but once I’m over that it’s just not pretty.” So he was trying to prevent that this time. Or maybe just prolong it, at the very least, so he’d be in that heightened state to bring in 2015. “I won’t be regretting it tomorrow, though. I’m a good boy.” He lifted the cup of water to prove his point. “I hope you’re staying adequately hydrated. I don’t mean to mom you, but you never know with you.” At this point, he really didn’t know what Nick was up to sometimes. He was learning all these surprises about him lately. But that didn’t matter right now.

Nick glanced down at Miles’ cup knowingly. Leave it to him to be the more responsible one. Nick supposed that’s why he managed to stay out of trouble. Well, for the most part. Excluding the Greg thing which he really didn’t want to think about right now, because Miles was finally starting to look like himself again. “I think you’re fun.” He said with a shrug as he glanced at a few people who passed by. “You’re right about that though. Probably best for you to not ring in the New Year with a hangover.” Nick has, but that doesn’t mean he enjoyed it. Just the events leading up to it. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He replied, but he wasn’t necessarily offended. That comment wasn’t necessarily unwarranted, after all. “I actually haven’t been drinking. Yet.” He tacked on so it wouldn’t seem to out of character for him. “But I’ll stay hydrated. Don’t worry, Mom. I even made sure to pack a Capri Sun in my jacket pocket so drunk me would want to drink more liquids.” He patted the side of his jacket, figuring Miles would think he was kidding, but he always made sure he was prepared to overdo it even when he didn’t plan on it. “Chances are we’ll both remember this New Years Eve. It’s almost midnight anyway.” He turned his head to glance at the TV people were currently gathered around. Almost midnight, but not quite. “Are you excited for 2015?” He turned back to Miles with a small grin. “Any cool New Years resolutions?”

Miles didn’t want to feel the familiar warmth in his chest whenever Nick said something as simple as finding him fun, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. It didn’t take much nowadays. “Yeah, well. You get to laugh at me,” he settled on saying in response after a moment, again watching the water swirl around in his cup before raising his head again. “Just being honest. I know how you roll at these things for the most part. Capri Suns are terrible for you, for the record. You’re probably better off with just straight vodka at that point.” Though Miles had to admit a juice box sounded good right about then. “Yeah — ten minutes?” He squinted as he tried to read the little timer in the corner of the TV, but there were a lot of drunk people in the way. “Sure. I’m not sure it’ll be much different from this year, but we’ll see.” He shrugged. “Not really. Maybe do a little bit more with my mom, especially after everything. But I’m already super jacked so it’s not like I need to work out or anything. I guess I could keep perfecting my stripping skills to steal your job, though. What about you?”

“When do I ever laugh at you?” Nick asked rhetorically, amused before the conversation shifted to Miles insulting him and his Capri Suns. “Think what you want about me, but leave the Capri Suns out of this. If they were bad adults wouldn’t let their kids have them.” He states matter of factly, although that statement was clearly not entirely factual. His Grandpa let him drink a beer when he was eight so clearly some people weren’t really worried about those things. “Seeing your Mom more is a good one.” He nodded. “So your other resolution is to see me jobless. Nice.” He couldn’t help but laugh. Normally he’d be concerned about people overhearing what he did for a living, but truthfully no one was even paying attention to them. “Well, I’m going to try to find another job. Especially with you trying to steal mine. I need to be one step ahead.” He playfully glared at him for a fraction of a second. “And I want to finish Stranger Things with you. That’s also important.” Nick nodded. “And I want to be a guest judge on Cupcake Wars. But that’s every years resolution.” Obviously.

“I could try to remember every time but we’d be here a while.” Truthfully, they usually ended up just laughing together anyway. “I’m not saying I don’t like them. I’m just saying they’re not good for you. They aren’t a useful alternative to alcohol. Parents let kids have plenty of terrible things.” Miles shrugged. “Well, these skills have to go somewhere. Sorry, man.” He was glad to hear that Nick was going to look for other jobs. Something about him being there still rubbed Miles the wrong way after what had happened. “That will be good for you,” he said seriously. “Stranger Things, too. I’m annoyed that we’re gonna be a year behind everyone else but it’s no one’s fault but ours, I guess.” He knew that they were just going to have to try harder not to talk the whole time. “I would watch the hell out of that episode. I think you’d have more luck just becoming a contestant, though.”

Nick rolled his eyes playfully at the comment, but didn’t feel the need to reply. “Sugar water is good for humming birds, maybe scientists thought it’d be the same for kids.” He shrugged. Who was he to argue with the creators of Capri Sun? He just thought they tasted good. “Maybe I’ll end up mixing it with vodka at some point so it’s extra bad for me.” He joked. At the talk of him finding another job, Nick nodded. “Yeah… I want to. I don’t know if I’ll find anything better, but we’ll see.” At the Stranger Things talk, Nick smiled again. “We’ll get there, dude. Even if we have to binge it right before season three starts. Maybe it’s even better this way so we won’t have months of withdrawals like everybody else.” They’d have to avoid spoilers like the plague, though, considering everyone else in the world has seen it besides them. “That means more to me than you know.” He said seriously, raising his hand to his chest as he did. “You really think so? That’d be the ultimate dream. Maybe you could come with me and be my teammate. I think we have the same creative vision.”

“Do they say artificial flavors are good for hummingbirds, too? I must have missed that scientific discovery.” As if Miles actually cared about eating healthy. He put a lot of crap into his body. “That doesn’t even sound like a terrible idea. I mean, it is a terrible idea but I still want to try it.” He figures if he was up for it later he’d go hunt down the ingredients for Nick’s new cocktail. “I think there are plenty of better options for you. You just have to work your way up. But anything’s probably better than that.” Maybe not anything, but there were certainly quite a few that would be a start. “Seriously. I’m not great under pressure, though. I guess I could just tag along and taste things as you go but you can’t count on me to do any baking. I’ll crack, man.” He noticed a sudden commotion near them, and Miles turned to see the crowd gathering further around the TV as the countdown got closer to midnight. “Well, looks like we’re almost in 2015. I have a feeling it’ll be your big Cupcake Wars break for sure.”

“I don’t know, I’m not a birdologist.” Nick laughed, nodding. “It’s a horrible idea. But you can try it with me if you want. We should do it right before we leave so you don’t have to worry about getting sick in front of all these people.” He only had one jumbo Capri Sun anyway, so the cocktail wouldn’t be particularly big. “I’m gonna try. I dunno. We’ll see.” Nick shrugged. He wasn’t really sure if he’d be able to find anything that paid as well as his current job did, and that was the important part. But he’d at least try. “I believe in you. I need you there, dude. You’re the only other person who knows how the competition works as well as I do.” He said genuinely, gently slapping Miles’ shoulder as he spoke. The excited yells and murmurs from beside them soon grabbed his attention, though, and he turned his head to glance at the TV currently airing the countdown. “And this will be the year you get your big Stripping break.” He turned back to grin at him. “We’re so underprepared, though. We don’t have 2015 sunglasses or tiaras or anything. I guess we’ll just have to do the countdown super loudly to make up for it. You ready?”

“I will almost definitely throw up.” They were pretty good at bad ideas, though, so he was still into it. “I guess that’s all you can really do.” There was certainly no harm in trying. “But it’s too much pressure, dude. I know I’d fall apart under the circumstances. Cupcakes are too serious for me. I just like to watch. And eat them.” Miles was definitely more of a judge type, but that was Nick’s aspiration. “Man, I hope so. It’s my life’s dream.” It was now Miles’ unspoken duty to give Nick shit about the stripping thing as often as he could without downright disrespecting him. “Well, we can just borrow them from someone else here. I doubt any of these drunk people would notice.” He could stick with the countdown thing, though. “Yeah. I mean, it’s no big deal.” He shrugged. He had never considered it a huge thing. He’d stay where he was and watch drunk couples kiss at midnight and cheer with the other drunk single people and then that would be it. “I might have to go find the dog to kiss me at midnight, though. Start my year off right.”

Nick nodded in understanding. “Maybe if I ever get on as a contestant we can sneak you in to be a judge. Or security or something. Then I can just sneak you the cupcakes.” And probably get kicked out of the competition, but he’d risk it. “If you need help working on your professional stripping skills, don’t be afraid to ask. I’ve got years of experience now.” Nick didn’t freely talk about what he did with just anybody, but it was easy to joke about this with Miles, because he knew he didn’t think less of him for being a stripper. “Honestly, probably not.” He rose an eyebrow as he heard the crowd go wild again, and Nick wondered if he sounded like that when he partied. He probably sounded worse. “Good plan. But if you can’t find the dog, you might want to find a human backup. ‘Cause if you don’t you’ll get ten years of bad luck.”

“I could deal with that. Although if we’re being totally honest, we’re both better off as we are.” Miles himself much preferred watching it from his couch whilst eating store bought cupcakes that he didn’t have to work for. “I appreciate that. You should teach lessons. I’d do it.” He wasn’t sure where Nick drew his line, but if Miles had to guess, that was probably it. Miles continued to watch the people around them begin to grab onto each other and move in closer, in all of their respective pairs as the clock ticked down. “There are very few people here I would consider worth these luscious lips.” He chuckled, but he was totally serious. He turned his attention back to Nick with a shrug. “Besides. I think you know as well as I do I only really want to kiss one person lately,” he admitted, having no fear in doing so. He was sure to lower his voice, though. He knew they weren’t a ‘thing,’ they weren’t boyfriends, and Nick wasn’t ready to even be anything close to that in front of people. Miles didn’t mind. “But it’s not necessary in front of all these people. I can kiss that person another time.”

“I hate to admit it, but you’re probably right. I need to practice first. Really get good at making a solid cupcake.” Nick loved cupcakes, so he probably would try to make some from scratch one day to see if he could. He wasn’t banking on a good outcome, but hey, who knew? “Maybe that should be my new job. Stripper teaching. That’s how I got into it, you know. A friend taught me. Maybe there’s a market for stripping coaching out there.” He said quietly enough so no one else would hear him. If they did, that’s when he’d shut up. It was all fun and games until someone heard him. “Luscious lips? Have you been using Lip Smackers, or what?” His lips tugged into an amused grin. “Well, God, Miles. If you wanted to kiss Lily that bad you should have just invited her.” He said, clearly joking, although maybe that was too soon to joke about. But he knew what Miles meant, and his heart was undoubtedly warmed by it. His words made him feel things he never expected to feel, but he wasn’t pushing them away this time. This time he was embracing them. “What if…” His voice suddenly took a serious turn, and he felt ridiculously vulnerable. Not to mention stupid. There were a thousand negative thoughts now running through his head telling him that he shouldn’t say that he was about to say, but his heart wasn’t seeming to listen to them. “What if that person wants to kiss you here?”

“I volunteer to be your taste tester.” Miles might end up trying some admittedly bad cupcakes, but it was all in the name of helping Nick improve. Plus, a bad cupcake was still a cupcake. “Really? Is that a thing? To be fair, you kind of inadvertently showed me a thing or two.” He had technically stripped in front of him, after all. “Yes, luscious — I said what I said. You’re right, though. The cotton candy kind.” He had actually been obsessed with those for a while as a kid. At Nick’s joke, Miles rolled his eyes, though he appreciated the humor in the situation as a whole. “You’re hilarious.” He shook his head and sipped from his water, immediately pushing Lily out of his thoughts. None of that mattered when he was with Nick. And it became even truer when Nick spoke next. Miles raised an eyebrow at him as he peered over the edge of his cup. “What?” was all he could say at first. He finally lowered his drink then. “You don’t… I mean, it’s… Nick, there’s people around,” he finally settled on, glancing at the crowded area around them. “It’s not a big deal to me, you know. I know I’m not your…” He trailed off. He didn’t need to say it. He shrugged instead. “It’s just not a big deal,” he repeated.

“You might have to be my only taste tester. I don’t think anyone else is brave enough.” So Nick definitely appreciated the offer. “Well it is now.” He paused, caught off guard by the comment. He smiled slightly, a little embarrassed. “…That doesn’t count.” Nick laughed at the luscious lips talk. “Good, everyone knows cotton candy is the best kind. That and the soda ones. I liked the root beer one, personally. It just didn’t make my lips very luscious because I kept licking it off.” Hence the name lip smackers, he guessed. The playful conversation slowly gave way to something more serious, and Nick was left feeling exposed. But he wasn’t denying what he just suggested. “I know there is. And I know… I know you’re not. But…” He shrugged slightly. “Then it shouldn’t be a big deal if I do it.” He said cautiously. He knew it was a big deal. It felt like a very big deal.

“I feel like that’s typical between the two of us. We have to do things for each other because no one else is willing to breach this territory.” It was definitely strange territory sometimes, so Miles couldn’t particularly blame other people. “It so does count. Only difference is I didn’t have to pay for it. But I got the full experience.” He laughed lightly, knowing it was probably the alcohol coursing through his veins making him speak so nonchalantly about it, especially in front of other people. “Okay. I’m done now, promise.” Maybe. Time would tell. “They do that on purpose, y’know. Make it so you keep licking your lips and make ‘em even drier so you have to keep buying more. Get with it, Nicholas.” He wanted to figure out where this had come from, why Nick was suddenly interested in the prospect of kissing him in front of other people. But all Miles could really do was blink, unable to try and put the pieces together. Why now? Here? “If…” He trailed off, looking over at the TV once again, which was now counting down the final minute of the year. “If you’re sure,” he finally said, holding his gaze again. “But don’t — don’t push yourself.” His voice was lower again, and he took a step toward Nick. It felt like too much space between them to be talking about something so…intimate. “I’m not gonna tell you no.”

“If you ask me they’re missing out.” Just because their ideas didn’t make sense or seem good to other people didn’t mean they were any less valid. Nick was glad Miles thought the same way he did — half the time it seemed like he was the only person who understood what he was saying. “Lucky you.” Nick frowned at the teasing. “If you tried to pay me for it we would no longer be speaking.” He wasn’t exactly mad, he was just used to it being a touchy subject. “Are you sure?” He deadpanned. “Shit —- you’re right. I can’t be mad at smart business strategies, though. Maybe I should have asked for lip smackers for Christmas. My lips have been way less luscious than when I used to use it.” Nick didn’t know exactly what had gotten into him. All he knew is that over the past few weeks, something had changed with him and Miles. It was subtle, but they were no longer trying to hide the fact that they wanted to kiss each other. So Nick, from time to time, had moments where he thought that he wanted to try to kiss him again. Apparently, right now was one of the moments. “I don’t want…everyone to see us.” That thought made him nervous. He continued to keep his voice quiet. “I’m not ready for that.” He held his gaze in return, trying to be honest. “But I want to be able to kiss you at midnight. Because I want to.” He could hear the countdown in the background, and it was getting closer and closer to midnight. Nick reached out to grasp onto Miles’ sleeve and took a step backwards, hoping he would take the hint and move with him closer to the wall and away from the crowds of people.

“I am lucky. But I didn’t need to pay you.” Miles wanted to remind him that he got his fair share, but he left that part out. “Okay, now I am,” he promised. “That would have been a good gift. Though I think what I did get you was better.” He was proud of the t-shirt. Meaningful gifts and all that shit. He nodded slowly as Nick spoke, even if admittedly he should have been more taken back by what he’d said. He knew he should have cared, but…it was Nick. He wanted to be with him. If this was what Nick needed, then so be it, even if that meant hiding in the shadows. Though Miles supposed this was a step in the right direction. He watched Nick pull his sleeve, blindly stepping forward to follow him. They were moving further away from the view of others, which was fair, and what Miles would have expected anyway. He felt like he was a part of something much larger, sneaking around and trying to keep it under wraps. It made his heart race. He looked over his shoulder, watching the seconds tick down. “I hope…” He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with that at first. He paused and bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I hope next year is, um, easier.” They’d both had to deal with some shit this year, about a lot of things. Miles just wanted things to be simple. He looked down, his hand sliding up Nick’s arm slowly. Ten seconds. Miles met his eyes, his palms feeling sweaty like he was fourteen and about to have his first kiss. It still didn’t feel real sometimes, even seeing Nick in front of him, but he held his gaze and waited.

“Do you ever get tired of being so hilarious?” Nick’s words were clearly coated in sarcasm, but he knew that Miles was (mostly) being harmless. “Yeah… That was the best gift.” He said genuinely. He hadn’t expected it, but he loved it and was planning on wearing it whenever he could. As he and Miles walked further back, Nick’s heart was racing. Maybe this isn’t what most people thought of when they thought of kissing who they wanted at midnight. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to Miles, because they’d be hidden. It wasn’t like it was in the middle of the room. But still… to him, it felt like it was. It felt like the step before taking that step, and it was exciting as it was nerve wracking. “Me too.” Nick murmured back when they stopped. For a moment, it felt like they were two awkward teenagers, just staring at each other and unsure of what to do. Miles’ hand traveling up his arm and the way he was already standing so close made him want this even more — and suddenly he was very sure of this decision. On the count of six, Nick tugged him even closer by his sleeve. On the count of three, he lifted his hands up to cup either side of Miles’ face. And on the count of one, he leaned in to gently press his lips against Miles’. His nose bumped his a little clumsily, and he almost smiled, but he was too preoccupied by how good it felt to be able to do this.

“It’s really hard being me.” Miles wanted to flip his hair, but he didn’t have the long hair to flip and it just wouldn’t work. “I’m glad you liked it. Yours was way better, though. It’s been on repeat.” He’d been so psyched about it he could have actually cried. And maybe he did later on. He’d never tell. He hadn’t expected the night to come to this. Honestly, Miles didn’t think he’d be kissing anybody this year. But if it was going to be anyone, he was obviously glad it was Nick. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through him as they came closer while the countdown continued behind them. When it finally reached midnight, Nick pulled him in and kissed him. Miles could hear champagne popping open somewhere behind him, cheering, and he was positive that there was a lot of sloppy drunk kissing going on, but his eyes had slid shut at this point, his hands on Nick’s waist to hold him there. He hoped that this was going to set the tone for the new year. That this meant maybe things were going to be easier and Nick would feel more comfortable doing things like this. He was grinning when he pulled away, realizing there was nothing he wanted more from the night than for exactly that to occur. “It’s a shame it didn’t taste like lip smackers.”

“Poor you.” Nick really did love his gift, and he was glad to hear that Miles liked his too. “Good, I thought you might like it. I wouldn’t say it’s better. We both got equally good gifts, I think.” For as long as the countdown seemed to take, the kiss itself didn’t seem to last nearly as long. Or maybe the selfish part of his brain just wanted more of it. He’d kissed Miles before, but it was always in private. And more often than not, not even the two of them would really acknowledge it. This time it was different. It felt more real. Pulling back slightly, he opened his eyes to look at Miles. Unable to help it, he laughed at the comment. “Maybe next time we’ll remember to get some.”

“Alright. I can agree with that.” It spoke volumes how well they knew each other. They were able to get each other things that others wouldn’t even think of. Miles could have kept kissing him all night into the next morning if it were realistic, but they’d definitely get kicked out of the party eventually. He was content that they’d even kissed at all, to be fair. “Yeah. Next time,” he agreed. He obviously still remembered, but now it was difficult for him to understand why there was ever a time where the two of them tried to pretend they didn’t feel a certain way about each other. There were very few things holding them back now. Just a few more obstacles that Miles was sure they could eventually work through — hopefully — and then maybe everything would just work out fine. “Happy New Year, man.” He lingered for a moment, then shifted his attention behind him. No one seemed to even notice them, which Miles had suspected — but still. He understood. “I think we should go find some champagne.”

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Back at his place later that night, away from the party and back to a celebration of their own, Miles closed the distance between them completely by pressing his lips roughly against Nick’s. It was nice not to think. He was just doing. It felt pretty invigorating, as a matter of fact. He stepped forward, effectively backing Nick up against the closed door of his bedroom as he did. He brought his hands up to cup Nick’s face. “I had to be quick. Getting you out of there.” Miles was quiet as he dropped one hand to gently pull at the fabric of Nick’s shirt and moved the kisses down to his neck instead. “Before you found someone else.” His words were muffled by Nick’s skin, which he couldn’t for a second step away from now that he had him where he wanted him. Not like he was saying anything important anyway.

The kiss distracted Nick from words in general. Miles was being rough, and while they’ve always been spur of the moment, Nick hadn’t seen Miles this eager, ever. But he didn’t question it, because he just wanted to feel something. He didn’t want to think. He sucked in a sharp breath as Miles backed him up against the door, and Nick moved his hands to slide up Miles’ shirt, grasping at his sides as his friend trailed the kisses down to his neck. He leaned his head to the side as a low moan escaped his throat, and he tried to pull Miles closer. “Who says I haven’t already?” He wasn’t sure why he said that, but he wasn’t himself. He didn’t mean it, but he didn’t care. He began to none too gently tug Miles shirt upwards. “Take it off.”

“Shut up.” Miles might have laughed in another situation. Maybe if he were less drunk. And slightly less desperate. The feeling of Nick’s hands on his bare skin sent a chill up Miles’ spine. Anytime he was with Nick, the slightest touch left Miles downright buzzing with anticipation. “You wouldn’t be here,” Miles countered, his voice low. The thought alone made him press his body firmly against Nick’s. It was most definitely a possessive thing. He didn’t have to be told twice, leaning back a bit to yank his own shirt up over his head and throwing it to the floor beside him. He didn’t waste any time pulling on Nick’s shirt to get rid of his as well, and Miles took the opportunity that they were apart to tug him toward the unmade bed. “You’re welcome to go find whoever that is instead, though. Don’ let me keep you.”

Nick had no choice but to listen to him, easily getting lost in how good Miles’ lips and hands felt on his body. They always did, every time they did this, but he was even more hyper-focused on the sensations now. He wasn’t sure what had possessed Miles to come up to him like he did, but he wasn’t exactly complaining. Nick’s heart thundered in his chest as Miles pressed his body against his own, and he swallowed, not having any vocal response to it. Miles wasn’t wrong, and they both knew it. Instead, he helped Miles pull up his shirt before they made work of removing Nick’s. He stumbled with him toward the bed, and he put his hands on Miles’ chest to push him onto it when they neared it. “Shut up.” He breathed, merely repeating Miles’ own words from either. With that, he climbed onto the bed with him, surging their lips together so they wouldn’t have to keep talking.

When it was just bare skin against bare skin, Miles often found it was impossible to control himself — especially with Nick, and especially as drunk as he currently was. Everything he felt was heightened. It was sort of a shock every time Nick touched him. He had definitely deserved to be told to shut his damn mouth. It was not the time to be a smart ass. He dragged his hands slowly down the front of Nick’s body. He stopped when he reached his pants and they came to rest on Nick’s sides instead. But Miles couldn’t help but arch his body upward, desperate to feel him. The sensation had him exhaling dazedly against Nick’s lips. Part of him still felt, deep down, that he had to be quick, like Nick wouldn’t be so cool with it if Miles dragged it on too long. That was what he reminded himself of as he lifted his hips again. He just wanted to touch him, but he did also want to test the waters first.

Nick could faintly hear Scout walking around outside the room, but it didn’t distract him from mindlessly kissing Miles and running his hands down his torso. He wasn’t thinking about how he shouldn’t do this, or who he was doing this with. He just wanted something, and he quickly decided he wanted this. His breath hitched when Miles arched upwards, and letting himself just go with it, he rolled his hips downward. His head dropped down to bury his head in Miles’ neck, trailing a series of kisses along the side of it. Something, though, was stopping him from running his hands further south. When it came to having random hookups after parties, old Nick would have already been in the middle of the ordeal by now. But his hands still remained at Miles’ sides. It felt good, and off at the same time. It didn’t feel real. He could thank the alcohol for that.

Miles was still feeling that confidence, the desire to just go for what he wanted — and he knew exactly what he wanted at the moment. He shifted and started to sit up until Nick got the hint, allowing Miles to flip them over and straddle Nick’s waist instead. He thought he’d gone slow enough by now, considering Nick’s reactions. Miles sat back a bit so he had space to reach between them and get Nick’s belt out of the way, followed by the button and the zipper on his pants. He leaned down to kiss him deeply again, one hand planted on the bed next to Nick’s head while the other dipped below the waistband of his boxers. He may have been forward, but it wasn’t too far fetched from any of his preceding actions. He wasted no time, wrapping his hand around him and moving slowly. He’d been wanting this, and he only hoped it would end up being just as good for Nick.

Nick was essentially just going off instinct, so when Miles began to sit up, Nick followed his lead. And before he knew it, their positions were being flipped and suddenly Miles was on top of him. And he should like it; it should have spurred him on even further. He always liked feeling Miles’ weight against him. Instead, he felt a little caught off guard. The weight was less arousing and more alarming, but he ignored it, because maybe he just wasn’t expecting it. He ignored it and instead kissed Miles’ back roughly, shifting his hips under him almost awkwardly as his friend slipped his hand under his boxers. He murmured something unintelligible against the man’s lips. He still wanted this, he told himself. He needed this, so it was going to happen. Nick’s hands slid up Miles’ back and into his hair, pulling him down closer while bucking his hips up slightly.

Miles had the slightest feeling in the back of his mind that Nick wasn’t totally there, which he chalked up to the alcohol. Things were pretty cloudy overall when they were drunk. Miles liked to think he could read Nick fairly well, at least as much as Nick was willing to let on. But his reactions seemed genuine, and so Miles saw no reason to back off, not until Nick gave him a clear one. He wanted him to feel good, though. Miles wanted Nick to know where he was abd who he was with, not be in a drunken haze through it. He leaned back and pulled his hand free in order to take Nick gently by the wrists and bring them together. He didn’t think twice about it, his left hand pinning them to the bed above Nick’s head, just as a general reminder that he didn’t have to stress or think too much about it; Miles just wanted him to feel good. He kissed the spot right under Nick’s ear, then got close to whisper, “Just relax,” as his free hand slowly made its way back to where it was before.

Nick and Miles had only gotten this far once before, and that seemed like ages ago now. They’d let themselves slip on numerous occasions; they’d kissed. They even did that recently. They hadn’t quite gotten to this point, though, with Miles’ hand down his boxers, stroking him gently. He wanted to melt into it; he wanted to want to do the same for him so badly. He tried to lose himself in the touches, to remind himself that it was Miles and that this was just supposed to be fun. For a second, it worked, but then Miles was taking his wrists in his hands and pinning them over his head. And it didn’t feel like he was with Miles anymore. It sounded like him; it looked like him. He knew it was him. But for a second, all he could picture was someone else pinning his hands over his head in a similar - but completely different way. All he could hear was that voice whispering things to him that he wanted to forget. Things that he was trying to forget by coming out tonight. Those thoughts were enough to ruin everything. “No.” He firmly said, jerking his hands out of Miles’ gentle hold and shaking his head. He scooted back away from him and tried to sit up, fingers grasping the sheets below him tried to stop the bile from rising in his throat. “I’m sorry - I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I was wrong.” Nick’s words sounded jumbled even to his own ears. His head was foggy, and he felt sick to his stomach. All he wanted earlier was to have fun and not have to worry about anything. Now he just wanted to leave. “I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard as he got up, heading to grab his discarded shirt. “I’ve gotta go.”

It was pretty abrupt. One second Miles was lost in the heat of the moment believing everything was fine, and the next Nick was wriggling away from him and telling him no. Miles was drunk, sure, but not enough to not recognize that no meant no and it was time to back off. He leaned back and watched Nick move away from him, explaining that he couldn’t do this. The sudden change was slightly dizzying as Miles worked to wrap his head around what had changed. “Hey,” he said quietly after a moment. He didn’t want to touch Nick and freak him out, but he needed him to know he was hearing him. “Nick, hey. It—it’s fine. We don’t have to do anything.” He followed Nick’s movements with his eyes, watching as he went to pick up his shirt off the floor. “Don’t…” He trailed off. He really didn’t want to overstep, but clearly, he already had in the worst way. “Don’t go. We…we can talk.”

Nick struggled to think clearly as he re-buttoned his pants and pulled on his shirt, but Nick didn’t even have to look at him to tell he was confused. He avoided looking at him completely and shook his head at his words. “I don’t want to talk.” If he’d wanted to talk, he wouldn’t be here in this room with him. “I’m gonna - go somewhere.” Maybe back to the party, maybe he’d take a few more shots so he couldn’t think at all. “Find somebody else.” There was a slight bite to his words. He didn’t mean that. It wasn’t Miles’ fault, and deep down he knew that, but everything was too much. He felt guilty and filthy and defeated all at the same time. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

Miles was taken aback. Part of him was confused, while the other part of him had a vague idea of what was going on based on what he knew — and he felt disgusted with himself, on top of being upset that Nick was speaking to him like he’d done this on purpose. “It’s not like I’m—” He stopped himself. It wasn’t Nick’s fault. He couldn’t help the way he was feeling. Miles couldn’t even begin to imagine the shame, the disgust. It didn’t even slightly compare to now Miles felt now and he had to recognize that. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to do anything. I’m sorry.”

He heard Miles begin to say something, and his heart stuttered in his chest at his tone. Nick closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a handle of himself, but failed. “I know - I know you didn’t. I’m sorry.” He shouldn’t have lashed out, but he didn’t know what to do or say. He had wanted to do this with Miles. Miles wasn’t doing anything wrong. “I’m the problem, okay? So can we just not talk about it, and go back to the party, please? Or. I’m going to. You can do what you want. I just need to go back out there.”

Miles didn’t know what to say. He knew he couldn’t really help. He couldn’t take away what Nick had gone through. He just wished he had the answers. “You’re not the problem.” He knew what he meant, though. Miles just didn’t want him to see himself as a burden. “Can I, like, call you an Uber home or something?” He stood up from the bed and picked up his own shirt, pulling it over his head. “I want you to be safe.”

Nick didn’t know what to say to him. He just completely ruined the moment - and probably made things weird for Miles. But he couldn’t help it. He wished he could just go through with it and not think about anything. But apparently he wasn’t drunk enough for that yet. “No.” He swallowed again and shook his head. “Thanks, but I’m good. Be careful too, okay?” He hovered by the door, and he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. “I’ll see you later.” With that, he pulled the door open before softly shutting it behind him, deciding he was going to do his best to forget about what had just happened.

#CANON #new year new me #current verse

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