#babzdiarypage

[babz-madd-diary]

MaDD can be so many things but in the end it's just fear of being alone

How funny that it actually makes people even more alone...

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive coping #actuallymadd #madd #madd thoughts #madd things #immersive daydreaming #mental health #mental heath support #maladaptive daydreamer #escapism

[babz-madd-diary]

MaDDers are magic

I was thinking... isn’t it amazing that we can create, feel and “live” whatever we want?

I mean, people say “I wish I had a good friend” and we can just create it, “I wish I was in love” and we... we can feel whatever we want. We are magic.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive behaviors #actuallymadd #madd #immersive daydreaming #madd things #madd positivity #maladaptive problems #maladaptive daydreamer #escapism #para #paras #paracosm

[babz-madd-diary]

Relapsed

On 14 August 2011, I write about how I failed the attempt to stop daydreaming:

“I’m in it again, completely. I hate not being myself but I love this world (paracosm). Now I realise that I live my life just when it’s better than the dream, just when it’s worth living... I want more! I NEED more, otherwise I risk to die after living someone else’s life.”

#maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreamer #maladaptive behaviors #MADD #maddy talks #madd thoughts #madd diary #babzdiarypage #babzdiary #immersive daydreaming #madd recovery #madd relapse

[babz-madd-diary]

Me thinking about my paras: you're too perfect to exist

Always me, one second later, realising they actually don't exist: oh...

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #actuallymadd #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive problems #madd quotes #madd memes #madd humor #madd problems #madd pains #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive daydreamer #daydreaming #immersive daydreaming

[babz-madd-diary]

My little miracle

Sometimes I hate MaDD, but other times I think about it and thank it, without madd I don’t know if I would have survived real life until this point.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #babzquotes #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive behaviors #actuallymadd #madd #madd things #madd thoughts #maladaptive daydreamer #daydreaming #immersive daydreaming #madd positivity #madd recovery #escapism

[babz-madd-diary]

More than MaDD

Okay, daydreaming is a big part of my life and my personality, we got it. I made this post as a reminder that I am not just that, I’m more than MaDD, we all are. 

Sometimes MaDD makes us lose our identity and forget who we are, because we are not our paras, WE ARE real people, with faces and names and personalities. Maybe we are hidden behind a parame, but we are still there.

#babzdiary #babzquotes #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive coping #maladapting daydreaming disorder #daydreaming #maladaptive daydreamer #actuallymadd #madd #madd recovery #madd thoughts #madd things

[babz-madd-diary]

Why are daydreams so dark?

I’ve been reading about MaDD experiences for months now and it looks like most of us (including myself) daydream about bad things happening to their paras. Our daydreams are just illusions but they make us feel real emotions so if our paras are suffering, we are suffering. Moreover, since we are in control of what we daydream about and we decide for a tragic plot, it’s like we are willing to suffer...

...so I’m trying to connect the pieces here. A lot of times I’ve read that MaDD is all about escaping from reality, so if we want to escape to an imaginary world, why don’t we make it happy? Why do we decide to make ourselves feel pain?

Maybe it’s because the final aim of daydreaming is just to feel something, not necessarily good. Maybe we make ourself suffer because we like to be comforted by other paras? 

What do you think?

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive behaviors #actuallymadd #madd #madd questions #madd things #madd thoughts #maladaptive problems #maladaptive daydreamer #immersive daydreaming #actually madd #para #paras #paracosm #parame

[babz-madd-diary]

Ok so Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder is not officially a Disorder yet and can not be diagnosed... do you know what's ironic? MaDD it’s actually really easy to diagnose.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #actuallymadd #madd #madd thoughts #madd things #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #immersive daydreaming #mental health #mental disorder #mentally sick #actually madd

[babz-madd-diary]

So you fall in love with one of your paras...

...everything it’s great and they become your para boyfriend/girlfriend. The relationship feels so real, you are so in love and everything is perfect...

...then something weird happens, you start catching feeling for a real person in real life, you start talking and you fall in love with a real person... they become your real boyfriend/girlfriend and everything is great... until it is not that great anymore, they break your heart, for real...

... so you try to go back to your paras... you create a new character in your head and try to build a new, fake, safe relationship... but it just doesn’t work anymore. Because you felt real hugs and real kisses and this daydream thing it’s not the same...

...so you just lay there alone, this time, completely alone.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #babzquotes #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #actuallymadd #maladaptive problems #madd #madd things #madd thoughts #madd love #madd experience #maladaptive daydreamer #daydreaming #immersive daydreaming #escapism #mental health #alone #lonely

[babz-madd-diary]

One day I’ll have to give MaDD up...

At the moment I don’t want to completely eliminate daydreaming as it is a big part of my life and my personality, but also I don’t want to cancel my real life because I daydream too much. At the moment I’m trying to find balance so I’m okay, but I’m aware I can’t go on like this forever. 

I mean, one day maybe I’ll have a family and we’ll live together like 24/7, everything will be different, maybe I’ll have kids and will need to be present all the time, I won’t be able to find time for daydreaming, so I’ll have to give it up.

Is maladaptive daydreaming going to disappear naturally? Will I have to force it? I don’t know... but it is scary.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #actuallymadd #madd #madd things #madd thoughts #madd recovery #mental health #mental heath support

[babz-madd-diary]

What does your therapist say about MaDD?

Personally, I had two different experiences with therapist as I talked about maladaptive daydreaming. 

In both situations I tried to explain that I often live in an imaginary world I created in my head, and even if I’m completely aware that this is not real I am emotionally attached to my characters and that I don’t want to leave. Both therapists had no idea of what maladaptive daydreaming is but they reacted to my explanation in two completely different ways:

The first therapist looked at me with her eyes wide open and she was like “you do what?”, she looked at me like you look at a crazy monkey and she made me feel kinda bad. I never talked with her about daydreaming again and after a few weeks I decided not to see her anymore (for different reasons).

The second therapist was way nicer, she tried to understand and even if she never asked me about the details of my daydreams, in different occasions she told me that if it makes me feel good I should not stop daydreaming and leave my imaginary world. 

What was your therapist reaction when you first talked about daydreaming? Did they already know about maladaptive daydreaming? Did they ever tell you that you should stop? 

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive daydreamer #immersive daydreaming #intrusive daydreaming #actuallymadd #madd #madd questions #madd things #actually madd #madd recovery

[babz-madd-diary]

I’m going to MEET my parame. I can’t come to terms with this.

Okay so as crazy as this sounds... this will happen soon. 

Let me explain: most of the paras in my main paracosm are real celebrities and my parame is a real celebrity too. I changed a their backstory and their relationships but basically all the paras are built around existing people.

I’ve already seen some of this celebrities in real life and it was okay, I mean, it was great, and weird, at the same time. Now, I just got the news: I will see the celebrity that IS my parame in my main daydream. 

How do I deal with this? It’s crazy.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #actuallymadd #madd #madd things #madd problems #madd positivity #madd community #para #paracosm #parame #immersive daydreaming #actually madd

[babz-madd-diary]

NO WAY OUT

I always thought that once my life is better than the dream I would stop daydreaming and MaDD would go away naturally. It used to work like that. 

Now I have a good life, I'm often busy with things I love doing, I don't need my daydream. Yet, I feel bad because I don't have time to daydream, I miss my paras so bad.

I used to think that life was bad and that daydreaming was saving me from sadness. Now I realise MaDD is what’s making me sad.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #actuallymadd #madd #madd things #madd thoughts #actually madd #madd recovery #madd negativity #madd pains #immersive daydreaming

[babz-madd-diary]

When did you realise you are a daydreamer?

I’ve noticed that we often talk about the moment when we found the term “maladaptive daydreaming” and we realised there were other people like us, but here my question is a different one: when did you realise what you were doing was not normal? when did you realise you were daydreaming all the time and that this behaviour was influencing your real life?

Personally, I realised I was daydreaming all the time and that living in a world inside my head was not normal when I was 16. At that time I started wondering if everyone was secretly doing the same or if I was alone.

I found the term “maladaptive daydreaming” 3 years later.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #madd #actuallymadd #madd questions #madd things #madd thoughts #madd community

[babz-madd-diary]

Questions for MaDDers that have celebrities as paras:

Have you ever seen/met that celebrity in real life? How was it?

I’ve seen some of the celebrities I usa as paras in real life and in a couple month I will literally see my parame in real life. This is crazy.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #actuallymadd #madd #madd things #madd questions #madd community #immersive daydreaming #maladaptive problems #maladaptive daydreamer #daydreaming

[babz-madd-diary]

I HATE how much I LOVE daydreaming

Ok so long story short, today a group of friends decided that tomorrow we will go out for dinner all together. Nice, BUT tomorrow my flatmates won’t be home so it would be a GREAT night for daydreaming. So now I really want to come out with an excuse and tell to my friends that I can’t go with them so I can stay home daydreaming. Also my ED thoughts are telling me to stay home so I won’t waste money and  eat like a pig, but that’s a different story.

ALSO, I already canceled on my friends so many times for this same reasons, which makes everything even more awkward. Don’t go out with your real friends because you want to spend your time with your paras who DON’T EVEN EXIST. Good job.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS?! I HATE MY MIND.

#babzdiary #babzdiarypage #actuallymadd #madd #madd questions #madd experience #madd experiences #maladaptive daydreaming #maladapting daydreaming disorder #maladaptive behaviors #maladaptive problems #ed #mental health #mental heath support #mentally tired #madd negativity #madd pains