you examine yourself like studying a virus.
for days after, months - years, even - you torture yourself over small objects. times where you misspoke or interrupted with a joke when you should have listened. times when you didn't know how to show your support. times when you were louder, brassier, inappropriate for the situation. times when you were too quiet, shy, cold.
fucker. you constantly promise that next-time you'll do better. you will make sure every person you come in contact with leaves smiling. that they'll all feel loved and accepted and held. that you take care. other people do it! other people are actually good people; you're just cruel.
it feels like you are fighting a horrible little beetle. one of those parasites that control ants. one who comes up and wiggles into your brain and makes you a shameful ghost of a person. too spineless to ever be a demon. so what if you were having a bad day? you don't get to stumble. so what if you are overwhelmed? you don't need to make a scene.
all this time on the earth. you are still somehow convinced: the mistakes you make are more important than any other part of you. you still feel like you are wrestling a nature you do not understand; one that coils horribly inside of you. one that seeks to destroy, to undo.
you go home. you replay the moments where you weren't perfect. be better, you scold. do more. you are an accident. a train wreck. something to abhor.
the questions always ringing in your head: why did i do that? why do i slip? why can't i just fucking be normal? what if all i am is just ... this?
2K notes
·
View notes
oh nooo JGY listen I need you to look up the term "love-bombing" right away. yes I know that this would not normally qualify as "excessive affection" but this is not a normal situation here.
JGY PLEASE IT'S URGENT
73 notes
·
View notes
anyway yeah fr i miss ordo theoritas. i miss the theory crafting i miss the hugeass meetings before/after Big Lore Event to brief/debrief everyone involved i miss the chaos and confusion and laughter and teamwork. i miss the cellbit, bad, and phil (key-keepers my beloveds) being the heads of the ordo working together to untangle the mysteries to the island. they were hardly ever on at the same time bc schedules and time zones (WAILS) but in my head they had so many late nights down in the evidence rooms like this
just. yeah. yeahh.
89 notes
·
View notes
What are your top 3 nhl teams with the best vibes?
ooh ok. yea. fun. love this. im going to declare all my biases upfront: im a pens, bruins & wild fan so obviously my nr 1 is:
minny
they have flower. they have kaprizov. they go on homoerotic little holidays together. they have two deweys and one foligno. their captain is pretty and everyone is short. every game is somehow embarrassing. even if they win. especially if they win. 11/10 cant lose.
nr 2: philly
i dont follow them or root for them but i will have nightmares about the dog mask every day for the rest of my life. also they made drysdale come hang out w them during the all star break and that was cute. also the conga line. hardass coach but we stay silly. 9/10 solid vibes.
nr 3: yotes
jason zucker lives there.
39 notes
·
View notes
I feel that accounting post so hard. I’m not an accountant but I work in the back office of a credit union and I’ve run into so many similar situations. Like we need a copy of a driver’s license or other form of photo ID for certain transactions/applications. Sometimes people take a photo of it if they don’t have access to a scanner, which is usually fine. I came across one where the person was in their car and holding the driver’s license in front of the steering wheel but the camera was where the driver’s head would be, so it was really tiny. 🤦🏼♀️ Like we do actually need to see the text on the license, not just that it exists.
i've had department heads hand me timesheets like "here's duncan's timesheet" and i'm like "who is duncan" and they're like "he's the new guy i hired" and i'm like "i don't know who that is" and they're like "well i hired him" and i'm like "i do not have a single piece of paperwork to tell me who duncan is, what his job is now, what he is paid, how he is paid, or even evidence that he exists" and they're like "he's actually been working for a while now so he needs retroactive pay also" and i'm like "do you understand what a labor law is"
then they call duncan to tell him he needs to come fill out paperwork and he's like "i'm pretty busy this week" and i'm like "we can't pay you" and he's like "you can just make a paper check out to duncan and that's fine" and i'm like "do you understand what a labor law is"
then duncan manages to make time to come in and i'm like "do you have any proof of your identity and also proof that it is legal for us to hire you" and he's like "my bitch ex-wife got those in the divorce, does it work if i show you a picture of an ohio drivers license taken by a potato and texted to me by my teenage son from a canadian number not saved to my contacts" and i am like "work on getting replacements so that we can pay you please"
he then proceeds to fail the mandatory DOT drug test required for CDL holders, which is necessary for the job he was hired for, so his employment is immediately terminated. he still has not produced the documentation i need to pay him. no one ever explains to me how he managed to not have a drivers license if he was hired for a Class A CDL position.
503 notes
·
View notes