#bc her attitude is 'i hate when we have secrets' okay but also sometimes it's just not your place to say shit??

[hella1975]

dude congratulations on telling ur mom about fanfic!! it was super brave of u and i'm glad she reacted well :) ur so cool xx

i HATE myself i was immediately like 'this is sarcastic' no bitch you have trust issues anywayyyyyyy thank you bestie!!! she however immediately dobbed me in it by bringing it up in front of my very judgemental sister yesterday like 'what was that thing you said [my name]? fan fiction?' and my sister went 'oh yeah?' but held eye contact with me the WHOLE TIME

#im actually really annoyed about it? like i SAID to my mum 'dont tell [sister's name]' bc she'll assume fanfic is something i Partake in #and she's of the generation that judges that shit #like i SAID to my mum 'you genuinely just dont get it like of course YOU think it sounds cool bc you only know it as a concept' #like she couldn't get her head around it when i said people are really really mean about this kind of thing #but still she agreed not to bring it up and then?? immediately did??? #and she does this ALL THE TIME like i tell her not to tell my sister shit and she says she wont #and then she does??? #bc her attitude is 'i hate when we have secrets' okay but also sometimes it's just not your place to say shit?? #like when i came out to her i made it VERY clear that it was MY choice to tell me sister if and when i wanted to #and i was and still am not in a place where im willing to do that #and like a WEEK after i came out to my mum she - IN FRONT OF MY SISTER - looked me in the eye upon a convo #we were having about gay people and went 'are you bisexual then?' and i had to LIE and say no which is obviously such an awful feeling #and she just played dumb?????????? #AND AND AND this whole thing ive got atm with the therapist and my ~exam anxiety~ i hadn't told my sister about #bc i just didnt want to talk about it bc i know it's a toxic mindset to have but im still in a place #where im really embarrassed about it all #AND MY MUM TOLD MY SISTER?!?!?! it's all just so fucking annoying but if i stopped telling her shit she would hit the ROOF #anyway sorry to derail your positive ask anon i dont regret telling my mum about fic she just keeps ignoring my requests for privacy lol #ask

[demonictumble]

would i be friends with the crows?

kaz brekkar, 2/10 possibility of us being friends. i’d hate his attitude and i could not get close to him. on paper he’s a great complex character but i don’t vibe with that in rl. hes also really secretive and i could not like that. the points are added bc id have fun with nina making fun of hair and also he’d totally bring chaos into my life with his schemes (that would get annoying easily tho)

inej ghafa, 8/10 possibility of us being friends. i love have girl friends and she would totally be so great. also id totally rope her into doing my hair bc she seems to know how to braid and i would enjoy that. i dock two points bc i would be like him??? about kaz and we would both have a small fight about her low standards bc im still warming up to that man. and also bc i would tire of her sneaking up on me all the time.

nina zenik, 9.5/10 possibility of us being friends. nina seems like such a girls girl and i love her for that. i love girls girls and also she’s a queer icon like me fr. and idk we’re kinda similar and i like people im similar too. i’d love to team up with her on stuff like laser tag and we’d have a blast making fun of kaz together. .5 points deducted bc i feel she’s competitive if we ever played a board game and i too am competitive.

matthias hevlar, 4/10 possibility of us being friends. okay we’d vibe in certain situations when we both exchange glances and are like “stupid dumbassez, love them tho” . but there are bits that kinda make me shy away from being friends with him. the religiousness, like if it was like how it was in the beginning of the duology, would definitely be a sign to not associate with him bc i hage had too situations where people use religion as an excuse for being hateful. also he feels like he’s too much of a rule-follower when he’s not with nina. like c’mon, let’s go! also he seems sporty and i don’t really like sporty people which is an internal bias of mine that i’m working on okay.

jesper fahey, 7/10 possibility of us being friends. he’s so fun!! but also i hate guns so idk we’d butt heads over that sometimes but prolly not a lot. also gambling habits, i hate seeing people being self-destructive and it would make me sad to see that bc id try to help but id get frustrated quickly. he has a great personality tho i would be kinda weirded out by the flirting at first but he’d either tone it down or id return the energy. the points deducted are mainly bc of his gambling habits that he’ll get rid of but if i was there during it that’s why.

wylan van eck, 9/10 possibility of us being friends. he’d be a blast to have in a chemistry class bc you know class is gonna end with a fire alarm being set off bc he’s tired of being in class. he’s such a gremlin and i am too and i think we’d cause great chaos together. 1 point deducted bc he’s a gremlin but nobody would believe it bc he has that innocent type face (but i know your secrets van eck) and id try to convince people he pranked me and they’d be like him?! no way!! while he grins deviously. i’d shake my fist in anger but that’s all i could do.

#take all of this with a grain of salt bc these are all literally opinions #six of crows au #six of crows #incorrect six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthais helvar #inej ghafa #kaz x inej

[the-pope-is-in]

upcoming works

if anyone here has read/enjoyed my fics , I just wanted to post my ENTIRE drafts to let you know what’s coming next (I can’t promise I’ll get around to all of these, but if there’s any you want me to prioritize , just let me know) 

in no specific order

Legolas Greenleaf (LOTR) - based more off of the movies than the books. oc is half elf half sorceress and she goes on Bilbo’s adventure .. eventually meeting Legolas in mirkwood and then fighting with him in the battle of five armies. after the battle, she finds him again and begs him to take her with him because she doesn’t want to go back to her old life again. they go on a bunch of adventures. oc is besties w aragorn. 

Lemony Snicket (ASOUE) - as in his entity as a character in the series, not the author himself (more the tv show than the books even though the books were my ENTIRE childhood) ((the author’s actual name is daniel handler and he’s a lovely person)) anyways, 

my advice for you first and foremost is to never fall in love with a writer

especially if that writer is a prominent member of a secret organization

especially especially if said writer is committed to uncovering and documenting the sad lives of three orphans, the children of a past lover who has died tragically

my name is odessa denouement and I am begging you to put this book down and go read something more pleasant, such as the littlest elf or a story that doesn't involve pain, suffering, and a general lack of morals

odessa and lemony meet when their VFD missions overlap and they’re forced into a number of highly dangerous situations together. features a tragic ending. 

Percy Weasley and Oliver Wood (HP) - because we all know they were in love. probably their last years of hogwarts into the second war. focuses a lot on percy going to the dark side. probably pretty angsty.

Will Turner (POTC)- oc is Jack Sparrow’s daughter. she’s super cool. raised by pirates. best parental relationship I’ve ever written (I usually go for the really shitty parent trope, but this time their relationship is rlly soft and makes me happy) anyways, she falls in love with will turner and it’s hot. 

Beatrice and Phillipa (HP) - cute lesbians in gryffindor (golden trio era). should probably read my bill weasley series first because it’s a spinoff. would probably be their fifth year to sometime around the end of the war. main focus would be bea’s shift to the dark side. 

FP Jones (Riverdale) - gotta preface this one with the fact that I hate riverdale as much as the next guy (sorry riverdale fans) I mean . the show’s insane. BUT FP is what got me through it. so this is the story of him and jughead’s mom in the 80s , then there’s a time jump to the first or second season. going to be short but cute. 

Steven Hyde (that 70s show) - NOT played by d*nny m*sterson. anyways, oc moves to point place from nyc with her mom (who kinda sucks -yes, we’re back to the shitty parent trope-) falls for hyde and it’s rly angsty. at some point she lives in hyde’s old house but i’m not sure exactly when bc idk what season I want to start the season on. she’s also best friends with jackie because I’m in love with jackie. 

Regulus and Marlene (HP) - umm so to be completely honest I don’t know what the plan was for this one. the only thing it says in the draft is “marlene is a slytherin”. I think I was high when I made it. but I feel like there’s some sort of potential there so we’ll see what happens. 

Remus Lupin (HP) - either wolfstar or a slytherin oc or maybe regulus I don’t know. I have some ideas for scenes, but no specific people or genders or really any details at all. I just know I’m in love with remus and want to write about him and his sweaters. 

Jesse Pinkman (Breaking Bad) - oc and jesse keep meeting by chance. first it’s because she’s staying at his parent’s house out of necessity (ep 2), then it’s because she’s Jane’s roommate, then it’s at Jane’s funeral. they keep saying they’re parting ways. that they’ll never see each other again, but it doesn’t work. one way or another, they’ll end up together. 

Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout (HP) - one of my fav ships ever. would start in their sixth year and there would be a few major time jumps over the course of the story. very soft relationship. 

Peter Parker (MCU) - oc has powers over the elements. recruited to the avengers by tony stark. in the process of said transition, hydra attacks her family and oc is filled with rage. throughout the story, she lives with different members of the avengers (she moves around a lot) and she and peter have a friends to lovers sort of thing.

Daniel Desario (Freaks and Geeks) - charlotte’s been friends with the freaks since she was a kid. she’s been on-again-off-again dating nick since middle school, she has mixed feelings about kim, ken is her favorite person ever, and she is hopelessly in love with Daniel. when lindsay comes into the picture and things shift dramatically, charlotte finally has the chance to shoot her shot. 

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) - word for word what I have in my drafts:

ummmmm so we've got a main character named ummmmmm sophie or phoebe or something and shes like blonde and short and only three months older than reid and sup super smart like with math and science and stuff and she graduated early and has a doctorate and is smart and stuff but doesnt really tell anyone and looks kinda sloppy and has a really relaxed attitude and we love her - she almost dropped out of high school because she was bored but then agent gideon was like dude come on ill give u a job (or something?)

oh and her parents and little brother died in a fire when she was eight only her older brother survived and they are super close she loves him so much but she has some trauma from constantly being sent to foster homes where nodbody wanted to keep her bc shes difficult and also like watching her parents die so she has a HUGE fear of fire and an irrational fear of big dogs

ANYWAYS starts off with her at her house and she's just hangin she has a cat and she's making herself dinner and she's one of those super cute single bi girls who likes her plants and her music and her science bookstore

friends in college story (an original work) - okay so I wanna go to film school (I want to be a screenwriter) and this is an original script I’ve been working on but I might adapt parts of it to a story. basically it’s like a dark academia sitcom where a bunch of liberal, progressive kids go to this rural, ultra-christian college for different reasons and find each other and become the ELITE friend group. obviously it would have a better name than the “friends in college story” although now it’s sort of growing on me

the new tragedy (an original work) - “sometimes i need to remind myself that you existed. You were real, you were so real. your hair was real, your crooked smile was real. the way you couldnt talk in the morning before you’d had your coffee, or how you could never get to sleep at night without an episode of whatever show you were obsessing over in the moment. oh my god. you were real. 

she looked like death. the guy, not the concept. sallow skin and dark, sunken eyes that absorbed all of the light and trapped it, holding it hostage and never letting it out. when she smiled, the light poured all over her, like she was taking a shower in it. when she frowned, she looked like a storm cloud. I loved her. I loved her so much. 

#fanfiction #wattpad #lord of the rings #legolas #lotr #lemony snicket #asoue #asoue fic #a series of unfortunate events #oc #vfd #dewy denoument #percy weasley #oliver wood #harry potter #percy and oliver #percy x oliver #will turner #jack sparrow #johnny depp #pirates of the caribbean #pirates #gryffindor #fp jones #riverdale #steven hyde #that 70s show #regulus #regulus x marlene #marlene mckinnon

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

Heyooo, here’s the scorpihoe anon! You have made pretty good points, but see, here’s my probelm, I hate when someone’s condescending to me or is giving me a lecture, even when I know I did sth wrong lol... that’s probably a very toxic trait, but it is what it is, lol...I mean, he would have to respect that too, like, okay, give me a lecture, but don’t expect me to feel guilty about it (if it’s not anything serious ofc, lol). However, if his lecture was in the form of bending me over his knee, I’m down (on my knees for him right after he turns my ass different shades of red)! Anyway, I have a Cancer in my close circle - a girl tho - and her sex drive is mad, so that’s why I think Steve would fuuuck the shit outta you, and I agree with you on all those points, but oh my god, the girl... she’s also so fucking annoying, like hella fucking annoying...And believe me, I’ve tried to be friends with her, still sometimes try tbh, because she could be cool, I feel it, but she’s so self-centred, and all she talks about is herself and her fucking boyfriend, she talks about things I don’t fucking understand and don’t give a fuck about, and even though I told her several times, she just kept. fucking. going! So I would really want to see what Steve would be like irl. If he had a similar personality, I would just fuck him, be fwb with him, whatever, but I think I’d be close to commiting murder if I were in a relationship with him lol. Like, all I’d want for him would be respecting my slightly mean, slightly audacious behavior.. I mean, I’m not straight up evil, and I don’t want to hurt anybody, so if I see they can’t take my attitude and are sensitive, they’re just not my people🤷‍♀️

Yep, I don’t like condescending either! That’s what makes me crazy. I don’t think it’s a toxic trait tho, you know? Like I’m kinda the same. Just tell me what your feelings on the situation are but you don’t need to lecture me tbh I’m only taking that shit from Steve bc I kinda want him to talk down to me but that’s whatever like I’d still be a brat while he was doing it even tho I want it but like...

But I really do think if Steve was being patient with you and nice and you just kept pushing. Yeah, he would take punishment to an extreme level. The vibe I kinda get from Steve isn’t fake, I dont think he’s a liar. That’s actually very important to me, I would need him never to lie to me or I would never trust him or anyone else ever again but see I’m totally allowed to withhold info and everyone is just going to have to get over it lol that’s a pretty toxic trait of mine but I feel like he’s overly concerned with being nice and doing the right thing and coming off as a very pure and good man. But like why does he care so much? I think it’s bc he’s super dark and it kinda concerns him sometimes like I bet he was fine with Peggy for a while but if they had sex, totally a head canon of mine that, it was just boring. Peggy is dominant herself and so Steve didn’t really get to be in charge and he forced himself to be fine with it bc he was in love or whatever but then he got out of the ice and realized women here don’t give a shit and are down to let him be absolutely disgusting with them. The bitch is from brooklyn! I know he has weird ass kinks!

So with Steve. Yeah he’s gonna fuck you well. But I do think he’s obsessive so I think Steve’s biggest flaw would be ignoring you for work! And when he gets home and he’s either not talking because he’s brooding on his own or he’s ranting and can’t let it go. I do think his obsessive tendencies will probably make him neglect you sometimes but I think Steve is nice enough and smart enough to respond to healthy communication...my problem is that I’m not healthy and I would probably just flip a table honestly

But I feel you. My aunt is a cancer and honestly she has some of the worst traits in the whole fucking world. I really hate self centered people too. Like don’t get me wrong, I love hearing people talk about their lives and I’m a freak who is absolutely obsessed with knowing everyone’s secrets, I fucking act like it’s currency and idk why, but yeah if it feels like shallow conversation, I could not care less. I will admit that I like the current trend in astrology where less people are calling us out for being the “meanest” sign and are instead focusing on how fake Pisces are and how manipulative cancers are! In conclusion, we are the best.

But with Steve, I think your concerns are totally valid but I must raise you this. He loves Natasha and she has her questionable ways. So I think he might be a pouty bitch sometimes and clutch his pearls bc you’re ~~~~being mean but I also just think it’s an act. As long as you’re not committing some great crime against America lol, honestly I do think he’d prob let you get away with murder if he was in love with you

And you know what else I suspect about Steve? Like he seems to me like he doesn’t like people of this time so I bet that bitch is a gossip. And he might pretend sometimes that you’re so mean, but he’s mean! Like really he won’t go around talking shit to everyone that he likes about everyone that he hates, you definitely have to be like a level 9 girlfriend to get him to start opening up like that to you but I know he’s petty too. And idk if you have this Scorpio trait but if my good friends (not just like casual acquaintances) or a bf don’t like someone, I don’t like that person either. Steve would totally fucking get off on literally hating the same people. So what my point is is that I love him and I trust him...but I also don’t trust him ☠️ but I would do anything he asked of me bc I think he’s perfect and never wrong and that’s my obsessive Scorpio habit honestly

#ask tag #I know he has kinks bc he was a Brooklyn bby #I know he does and one day I will make this list

[yamagucji]

matchup request. hiii can i request a matchup? i go by she/her, i’m straight, i’m an isfp (with some isfj characteristics, mbti is never rly accurate for me) and a sag! i’m very optimistic, humble, peaceful and calm, i guess i you could say i’m kinda shy. an introvert, i hate confrontation and in general i tend to avoid conflict/negativity. i get along easily with people, i’ m very nice and tend to take responsibilities on myself, even if i suck at decision making. 1/3 (SORRY ITS SO LONG) i have many hobbies (i have the tendency to take up a new one every week). i like to paint (watercolors), i play the piano and i sing. i have spotify playlists for everything. i can be quite adventurous (i love planning fun activities with my friends) and i love to travel. i rarely get angry and always try to laugh things off. i am very touchy with people i’m close with. i’m quite insecure, i get reaaaally nervous in social situations, especially if i have to meet new people. 2/3 (AGAIN SORRY) i don’t really have a type or a specific dream date, i do have a thing for coffee shop aus tho. i also love nature and staying outdoors, walking in nature parks and camping. 3/3. SORRY IT WAS LONG. i don’t know where i was supposed to send this so i sent it here... hope it’s alright! thank you in advance! - @butwordsarethekey

-ˋ✰ You matched with...

Oikawa Tooru!

i hope you’re prepared for this outgoing, romantic fool

oikawa loves the fact that he’s one of the few that can get a rouse off of you— and really get you off of your shell more

he will crack up jokes, play around with you, mess with you. it’s all fun to this lil meanie >:(

his secret weapon: tickling you

“pretty bird~ the sides of your stomach look like they want something”

you: dont you dare !!

oikawa: hehe >:D

but as much as you hate getting tickled, every tickle session always ends up in cuddles. so... win-win situation for you i guess?

“hm, darling. you feel so comfy against my chest y’know?” 🥺

“toru, you say that every time”

as fun as staying indoors and cuddling with you is for oikawa, he also enjoys spending his time with you outdoors

if there’s a good scenic area or a hiking spot, he WILL take you there

but don’t forget to take lunch with you!

sometimes if it’s appropriate for the occasion, oikawa suggest that the two of you bring a basket to have picnic at wherever the two of you are going to

oikawa: you know what this calls for? picnic!

you: but what will we bring? :(

oikawa: don’t worry love, i’ll have everything set up for us

yes he is a romantic. a BIG romantic that preps the perfect picnic basket

(also has to be picture perfect because this bean always loves doing whole photoshoots)

oikawa enjoys making fun memories, especially with you🥺💞

when the two of you go out to camp, he’ll bring a telescope for stargazing. he’s familiar with a bit of astrology, and he very much likes showing off his knowledge to you

“there are so many stars out there, it’s so hard to pick a favorite,” oikawa said as he pulled away from the telescope. “but you know which i love the most?”

you ask, “who?”

“you, my angel.”

GKFJHD AHHH THIS SMOOTH BEAN

anyway if the two of you aren’t on a daye outdoors, your go-to place is a coffee shop

(oikawa knows your drink, it’s literally engraved in his mind)

it’s such a change of scenary, especially in oikawa’s attitude

something about the mood of the place really brings him to have really genuine conversations with you, like:

“y/n, what do you want in your future?”

or “there’s so many more places i’d like to go to, with you”

please he can be a soft boy too😖

okay i spoke too soon because oikawa has a lot of chaotic moments

ESPECIALLY if he’s with his team members or just iwaizumi

oikawa: *doing something stupid* 🤪

iwaizumi: 😡😤👊 *BONKS him*

you: 🧍‍♀️/🧍🏻 (bc idk ur gender)

honestly it’s up to you whether or not you wanna save your boyfriend from a fat scolding

besides the fact that oikawa does a lot of stupid things in front of you, he also looks out for you a lot

he’s familiar with the little things that indicate your anxioussness and when you’re uncomfortable

so he makes it his job to help you by leading the conversation or whispering,

“are you uncomfortable? do you want to leave?”

and if you say yes, he’ll escort you out without question😌

if the situation was big oikawa will see to it that he’ll comfort you with his words and touch

once the two of you are home he’ll definitely pamper you🥺

“feeling comfy, my love? anything else you want?”

very very affectionate with you. expect a lot of forehead kisses and ones on your hand

oikawa: “hmm... more kisses. i heard that a kiss can make you feel better”

ok now we have wild oikawa, soft oikawa, and caring oikawa. but we also have...

oikawa: *curious, and oggling at you”

“toru, what are you staring at?”

“the way your hand moves as you paint,” he mumbled, still not blinking his eyes, “it looks so relaxing”

YES HE HAS DEFINITELY SAID “draw me like one of your french girls” AND STRUCK A POSE

once... twice... many times

he’s also very enthralled by the way you move your fingers as you play the piano

if there’s a piano nearby you don’t even have to think about it because oikawa, the magnet, is already reeling you towards it

he will force ask you to play a song

it’s because you’re his s/o and he just likes seeing you do your stuff🥺

oh and... please do sing to him too

whenever oikawa needs to relieve some stress or has trouble sleeping, he’d always kindly ask for you to sing to him

hearing your voice in soft melodies never fails to put him at ease

he obviously likes giving to you, but it never hurts for him to receive, especially when it’s from you

so please do pour your heart for him, just as he does for you too🥺💞

#yamagucji’s matchup #haikyuu matchups

[bloody-wonder]

okay so in a lot of ur tags u say u don’t like the upperclassmen and i’m so glad to see that!!!! because there’s a lot of love for dan and that’s cool but the scene in tkm where she tells neil they have no room to judge him because they’re foxes but then immediately turns around and judges andrew for murdering tilda never fails to make me mad!!!!!!!! and i would love to hear ur thoughts on that and just the upperclassmen in general, thank u for having takes i agree with

behold! now my nitpicky mildly critical posts have reached the upperclassmen too

the interesting thing about the upperclassmen vs the mosters is that the first ones are considered “normal” and the latter ones “crazy” but in fact the lines between the groups are blurred. for example, nicky is a “monster” but his friendly personality makes him more “upperclassman” in my eyes which is why he wanted to be buddies with them so bad while andrew was away in the the easthaven. renee on the other hand is a sweetheart but she has probably killed more people than andrew, who’s a monster and gets judged for killing his mother. in turn, allison has killed no one but her attitude is moster-level vicious.

there are more things that make you one or the other beyond your college year and whether you belong to andrew’s group but in terms of judgement i find the comparison between renee and andrew interesting - cause they come from similarly brutal backgrounds, have both killed people and yet andrew is the lucifer himself in the upperclassmen’s eyes but renee’s an angel. ergo, the judgement isn’t passed for violating the you shall not kill commandment but for something as basic as your attitude. renee is altogether pleasant, the most tolerant character ever conceived and a joy to be around. she conforms. andrew doesn’t. that’s why he ultimately is a “monster” for dan & co.

i agree that we shouldn’t make “whose life was harder” a competition but there’s no denying that there’s an unbridgeable gap of misunderstanding between such characters as dan, allison and nicky on one hand and andrew, renee and neil on the other. the incident which stood out to me in this regard was after neil got the “happy birthday jr” message written in blood - that’s the way the foxes find out when neil’s real birthday is and dan and matt’s reaction is... to throw neil a party. do i even need to explain? neil just got a part of his secret identity disclosed against his will in a very ominous way. he doesn’t want a party the same way andrew doesn’t want a hug after having been raped. this is so obvious to me bcs i feel like i know what kind of people neil and andrew are and that you have to take it into account if you look for ways to comfort them or cheer them up. or you can just go with a method to cheer an average “normal” person up. that would sure go well. a gap. of misunderstanding. 

no person is obliged to know how every other person feels or what they want, no person can be so perceptive. but at the same time dan’s strategy of improving the relationship with andrew by inviting him and his friends to the team dinner, getting rejected and acting like she’s done everything in her power while simultaneously not even trying to hide her true feelings towards him - that strategy seems pretty half-hearted to me. he doesn’t want to hang out with you not bcs he’s “crazy” but bcs he doesn’t owe you any companionability especially seeing as you so obviously hate him, hon. 

i hope what i say doesn’t come off as me trying to call out the upperclassmen for not exerting themselves enough to become andrew’s friends. just as he doesn’t owe them anything, they owe nothing to him. he was nothing but hostile and violent towards them - for good reasons sometimes, but not always. so it’s perfectly understandable why they detest him. but they also happen to need his magic exy powers so the ball is on their court, so to say. (i hope i’m using this idiom correctly haha)

so with the party incident renee told dan and matt off bcs she has brain cells and apparently understands why it would be a horrible idea. another example of what i called “the gap of misundertanding” is when neil is trying to extricate himself from the foxes before christmas in order to go to evermore. he lies that he needs to go to his parents’ to meet his uncle and manipulates matt and nicky into urging him to go by using some basic reverse psychology - he’s vague but implies that he wouldn’t really like to go to his parents’ but his uncle comes over and he does want to meet him so he’s undecided. matt and nicky ofc tell him that he should absolutely go for no other reason, as far as i understand, that they think that christmas should be spent with your family especially if you haven’t seen them for a long time. now if i were them i believe i’d consider all i know about neil - before he joined the foxes he was sleeping in a school probably cause he has an unstable home, he doesn’t want to be seen shirtless bcs he has some body damage possibly inflicted by someone who was close to him, he never speaks of his family and he just implied very clearly that their relations are such that he wouldn’t have gone there for christmas were it not for the uncle - i’d consider all these things and the conclusion i’d come to would be “neil’s parents are probably abusive. it’s a questionable idea to send him to them alone”. i’m especially surprised that the foxes didn’t make any such conclusions seeing as they’re no strangers to the concept of an abusive family. matt and nicky readily urged neil to go and the rest just silently acquiesced. well, the idea that biological families are by default worth our time must be ingrained very deeply indeed. if andrew were there he’d have cracked neil’s big little lies in a second bcs i suppose nothing like that is ingrained in him. not anymore.

so these are my thoughts on the upperclassmen. i want to remark however that i may talk shit about them in the tags but i do think that they’re good, well-rounded secondary characters who fulfill their role of being foils to the monsters perfectly. they have faults as people but their faults are constructive to the books - both on the narrative level (for example, if the foxes were so perceptive as not to let neil go to his abusive parents for christmas the plot probably wouldn’t have happened) and on the thematic level (bcs now we see that “normalcy” is a social construct and to andrew they might appear as “abnormal” andrew appears to them).

#dan wilds #matt boyd #allison reynolds #renee walker #all for the game #aftg mine #aftg ask #the very moment i said the upperclassmen are next #my ask box was filled with asks that were like - fuck the upperclassmen #i feel like i'm preaching to the choir at this point

[shellheadtmark2]

actually, because i’ve gotten a lot of new mcu mutuals lately, and i need to redo my 616 tony stark care manual bc i wanna tweak it and make some aesthetic changes (because i’m just Like That), things you should probably know because i am actually 616/marvel prime/main continuity-based.  i swear i’ll be serious this time.  maybe.

the original flavor tony is not going to be the same tony you’re used to from the mcu - mcu tony is actually more marvel ultimates inspired, which is a whole kettle of fish unto itself and that i have a verse for, but we’ll get to that at a later date.  instead, meet main continuity tony.

+  he started his path to iron man in a very similar way to mcu tony, in that he was injured by his own weapons (depending on where you pull from the sliding timescale, it’s everything from landmines to micromunitions) that damaged his heart and left him slowly dying.  we all know this story, right?  he built the first iron man to escape and the rest is history.

+  the difference is, main continuity was dependent upon the armor’s chestplate for a few years. the arc reactor ain’t really a thing in 616, instead we have the rt node.  similar in function, only tony could use it to do unibeams without the suit.  anyway, when tony came back, he took on iron man as an alternate identity, and told the world iron man was his bodyguard.  no one knew for a few years there that tony stark - handsome, generous, kind-hearted benefactor of the avengers who opened his home to them - and the metal-clad adventurer known as iron man was the same person.  it took a mishap with molecule man and a tiny red silk thong (no, i’m not kidding) for that little secret to come to light.

+  he was in his very early twenties when he became iron man - much younger than his mcu counterpart, and he’s very, very good at being iron man.

+  his relationship to most of the avengers - and heroes in general - is very different.  his best friend in the entire world is steve rogers - he’s had a captain america memorabilia collection since before the avengers pulled steve out of the ice (which is another thing - the avengers thawed steve, and tony has always idolized him - there’s no resentment there - and steve was not a founding member, he came in after the avengers had already formed).  his other best friend is rhodey, who was his employee-turned-military liason for stark unlimted (formerly known by many other names).  his other other best friend is pepper potts - they’ve never actually been romantically involved.  his other other other best friend was happy hogan, who died a few years back during the nightmare of civil war - which was much more us-based and much more horrific in tony’s universe.  he’s carol danvers’ aa sponsor.  he’s good friends with reed richards.  he’s been friends with stephen strange for years.  he and bucky barnes are fairly close and tony’s the one that got rid of bucky’s trigger words.  he and natasha have dated...ish, and are close.  he was never peter parker’s mentor, as his peter is a full grown adult, but peter did intern for him for a while.  and was on an avengers team with him before civil war.  he, steve, and thor are still the big three, but they have a friendship that’s been forged in the fires of really bad mistakes and they’ve come out the other side still close.  he knows the guardians of the galaxy because he was a guardian for a while during his big vacation in space.  he’s dated more avengers and x-men than you can shake a stick at.  and jarvis for him is edwin jarvis, his living, breathing, now semi-retired butler who served the avengers for many years and is part of the avengers family.

+  he was director of shield for a short time after civil war and steve rogers’ assassination.  he hated the job and he hated steve being dead and he hated what he forced himself to do so bad he literally erased that entire year out of his head.  and to get rid of the database full of superhero secret identities stored in his brain but you can’t tell me he didn’t have a more recent backup without it.

+  his first ai was named homer.  jarvis actually was pepper’s ai, for her rescue suit, and was never tony’s.  friday is and has been his main ai for years, and she has a hologram form.  she mostly runs the day to day stuff that doesn’t require tony to physically be there for the company.  which, also, tony is still ceo, he hasn’t handed that over to anyone, and pulls double fulltime duty as both a working stiff and an avenger.  his eyebags are designer.

+  he was secretary of defense for a year - he got himself elected when he found out someone in military research was reverse engineering and stealing things from the iron man.

+  he’s in his early 40s and looks younger:  being an extremis enhancile for a while and then undergoing a full-body reboot does wonders for the skin, apparently.

+  he’s canonically bisexual.

+  is known for using himself as a lab rat for incorporating experimental technology into his biology.  ask me about the suit he carried in his bones!

+  he’s 6′1 with blue eyes.  that’s, uh.  kind of important to know.  he’s tall.  he’s lanky.  and if you’re not a metahuman he might just can kick your ass, because captain america trained him in hand to hand combat (of which he’s very proud of).

+  the ten rings are literally ten alien rings used by his main archvillain, the mandarin.  they hurt.  a lot.  and he hates when he gets an up close and personal view of them smashing into his face.

+  he’s not as quippy as his mcu counterpart, and instead is more prone to bad puns and rambling awkwardly.  canonically he has depression, anxiety, and ptsd, and struggles with them regularly.  he’s also a recovering alcoholic.

+  take mcu tony’s tech.  then put it on steroids.  then make it the craziest scifi thing you can imagine.  and you’ve got the barest hint of what this tony’s tech is like.  seriously.  ask me about the suit he literally carried inside of himself.  or the time he could control machines with his brain.  616 is wild.

+  he’s been homeless.  and i don’t mean rich people homeless. i mean living on the street, nearly froze to death riding out a blizzard in a doorway and almost lost fingers and toes to frostbite homeless.  tony’s a Rich Boy but one who’s had a taste of how the other half lives on more than one occasion.  he’s also worked a regular nine to five like everyone else and lived in what was...honestly...a really shitty apartment.

+  he’s adopted, and he has a(n adopted) brother named arno.  his bio mom’s a former rockstar, and his bio dad a hydra double agent.  you literally can’t make this shit up.

+  he’s incredibly self destructive and self sacrificing.  if things look hopeless he’ll be the first to offer himself for the pyre.  because he has absolutely horrid self esteem.

+  he’s a liar.  he’s sneaky.  he tends to make decisions for other people without consulting their feelings on the matter - partly because of a tony knows best attitude, but also because there are people in the world he’d do anything, and i mean anything, to keep safe, even if they hate him in the end.  it’s kind of awe inspiring and terrifying if you manage to inspire that level of devotion in tony, because really.  anything.

+  he has a playboy reputation, but he’s anything but.  you either get casual sex out of him?  or you’re married now, sorry, that’s just how it is.  he settles and nests with a vengeance.  he’s one of those people that would love to be happy and safe and loved and married and all that happy shit but doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of it.  his issues with this have issues, to be honest.

+  if you call him in the middle of the night and need an evac and you’re on his People list he will come.  twice in two days.  dropping everything to go to the middle of indiana to do it.  if you are sad and text him about it he will bring you food.  if you don’t answer his texts he will find you and check in on you.  if you feel out of place and adrift he will try to buy your baseball team and move them back to brooklyn to make you happy.  if you die and he can’t cope with your death he will buy your first avengers indenticard for 2mil at an auction because he can’t stand the thought of anyone else having it.  if you’re really special he’ll call you “beloved” and “captain handsome”.  sometimes sweetheart.  please note these things are all canon.

+  he dies a lot.  it’s okay, he gets better.

+  his irrational fears are the dark and cockroaches.  his actual fears are waking up drunk and the suit becoming a coffin.

anyway this is a Lot.  and it’s not even really scratching the surface so.  i’m gonna just drop this on the dash as is.  and you know it helps for me to make dumb lists like this from time to time to refresh things.  anyway, i know it’s a lot!  i know it’s different!  but my (broken) ims and disco (shellhead#8434) are always open for questions and plotting.  and my inbox, too, ig.  so you know.  remember we’ve got a canon multiverse.  it’s real easy for me to drop him in the mcu to make your day annoying.

#★ array . misc / do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to a dream #★ subroutine . about / waging my wars behind my face and above my throat #★ array . psa / i can hold a grudge like nobody's business #long post #long post for ts #// me: i'll keep this short #// this post: incorrect

[escapekissed]

@pcisoner [ PLOTTING CALL ] in which i throw all my muses at u (fuck anxiety!) and we see what sticks BC SHE CANT HATE EM ALL lol

FINAL FANTASY MUSES

GLADIO - my idea is this! gladio works for the yakuza prince, who has lots of business all over the world. the lucis caelums are actually a political family---but they’re most known for their direct, unproveable involvement in shady boots business. gladio was raised by regis’s liutenant and political campaign manager, and regis & clarus have always plotted for their sons to follow in their respective places. as noctis has grown up, however, he’s found sort of a gang of his own and relies more heavily on prompto and ignis, and even hardened criminal gladio grows weary of noctis’s bad attitude and a life of killing and crime. 

he’s just kind of going along with it for now. when gladio first meets tabby---they’re cementing noctis’s overseas political & gang affiliations. gladio is a natural charmer, but also hopes to find out dirt on pretty much everyone he meets, as he appears to most as simply a bodyguard. he’s good at picking up on people---and tends to want to see through tabby’s flimsy outer mask and want to get into her head more than most people. he is VERY persistent.

does A RIVALMANCE bloom? gladio’s self-loathing and guilt mixing with tabby’s in toxic, interesting ways as they call each other out but are equally impressed with each other? do they become reluctant friends, as gladio continues to press tabby’s buttons but is inextricably tied to her life as the yakuza prince’s western influence grows and he NEEDS the information and skills she possesses? does gladio just annoy the fuck out of her and that’s it? WHO KNOW.

FANG - ok so i want witch fang & witch tabby lol. i would love a coven au where fang tries to get tabby to join her coven of [australian voice] bad bitches. but the coven is only vanille & fang right now and SURPRISE vanille is currently HIT WITH A CURSE from a nearby gang of wizards. actually this could be a good found family verse where fang & tabby just collect my girl muses that all go up against my guy muses as side characters or something. is that stupid? IDEK. i just want girl gang modern fantasy witches tbh. fang has a motorcycle in this. also fang in this like. hates tabby and calls her out all the time! but to CHALLENGE her to be better. anime magical girl rivals mance lol.

BARRET - tabby joins AVALANCHE and becomes a thorn in barret’s side as their consumables and poisons expert. barret both hates and loves her. (she is his favorite but also FUCK OFF ‘bitha. would it kill u to join in with the group for a change!)

WEDGE- WEDGE INSTATES AERITH’S BEST FRIEND FOR RELATIONSHIP ADVICE. TENDS TO GO POORLY. OVER TIME TABBY GROWS A SOFT SPOT FOR HIM. unlike the muses i want to call tabby out. he just supports her all the time and kind of tries to EASE her into talking about her feelings. wedge: i want to talk about feelings. tabby: i know, wedge. wedge: do you want to talk about feelings? tabby: not on your life. 

AERITH - i like what we have going on right now TBH!!!! they are CUTE gay-but-no-homo-but-also-yes-homo?-no-i-didnt-yes-i-did-:3c friends lol. i would love to go DEEPER with them but also they are allergic to genuine feelings that are not said when drunk. obviously, we have to get them drunk.

DRAGON AGE MUSES

isabela - okay but pirate captain isabela attacking a ship apothecary tabby is on and isabela decides to TAKE PRISONERS and throw the rest of the fucks off the ship. tabby just wants to go home lol.

DISNEY MUSES

tiana - no one will call out tabby like tiana does. NO BULLSHIT FROM TIANA. KINDLY AND FIRMLY. and then tabby can call out tiana too bc tiana works too hard and takes on everybody else’s burdens and tabby’s like ARE YOU IN TOUCH WITH UR FEELINGS? and tiana’s like i’m feeling BOTHERED right now lmfao. also au where both of them are witches? yes please.

elsa - elsa going out into the world to learn more about other people with magic abilities like herself. she’s the spirit of magic, but sometimes that can be lonely. she feels like there must be other people like her, somewhere. what she finds is tabby! and she’s automatically obsessed lol but tabby wants NOTHING to do with her.... elsa has to get inside tabby’s defenses >: 3c SO THEY CAN BE BEST MAGICAL FRIENDS!!!!

eugene - i simply think tabby and eugene should be divorced exes that got married while drunk in vegas bc they DARED each other about it they were so high they were like ‘I BET YOU WOULDNT MARRY ME, COWARD.’ and it just escalated. and IMMEDIATELY got it annulled the next morning but also. sometimes eugene still thinks about it bc he’s a big sappy romantic and tabby is just like ‘GET OVER IT FITZHERBERT.’ lmfao

gothel - consider an au where gothel is the one that teaches tabby magic and they have a cunty i-hate-my-boss-but-shes-so-good-at-magic-so-i-have-to-stay-but-i-HATE-HERRRR relationship lol except both of them GROW AS PEOPLE FROM IT and gothel grows a secret fondness for her... wow

OTHER

howl - i just want them to hate each other. my idea for this is that howl gets called to wherever the heck tabby is currently living and tabby gets involved in it somehow and she FIGURES OUT HIS TRICK and immediately like. WANTS IN ON A REALITY BENDING ADVENTURE lmfao. they would hate each other too lol

#pcisoner #i'm not feeling too confident in these i might make another post later LOL #ooc #ooc: replies

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x22 recap

(Aka the one where they stop Phase 2 and Jeller finally get their act together)

Delayed by long work hours, an interstate trip for a traditional Indian engagement ceremony (which was AWESOME), and not in the least by my complete inability to deal with any of this episode at all ever.

There is so much screaming ahead, oh my god.

Alright kids, buckle up. This is gonna be a long ride.

Aaand we're back with Weller and Keaton in the Doomsday bunker, and you just know it's gotta be the end of the world when these two are willingly teaming up. As much as I still hate what Keaton did (like really, really hate it), I have to say I really enjoy his and Weller's dynamic as reluctant partners. I also enjoy that Weller is waaay taller than Keaton, and that he's the more dominant one in the pair, with Keaton totally following along like a lil sidekick. Damn straight, son. Know your place, which-- except for this brief excursion-- is in the trash. And okay tbh I would have actually been a little bit intrigued to see what the ‘New America’ would have been like with the COGS in command? I mean it’s not like the current governing body is doing a particularly stellar job.... plus I always really liked Julia Chang and Agent Valentine... and we all know Weller is a great leader. Too bad he and Keaton couldn't have included those two ladies in their little escape plan tho, that would have been a badass team. But obviously we have no idea who is Sandstorm here and who isn't. It's interesting that Weller chose to trust Keaton-- like could he really be sure Keaton wasn't one of them? Though I guess Keaton nearly lost a daughter through his involvement with one of the tattoos, so that makes him being Sandstorm fairly unlikely. And he had Jane for months, so surely he would have just taken her to Shepherd. Anyway lol I love that Keaton practically has to run to keep up with Weller's long, determined strides. And when Keaton is slowing him down with questions etc, Weller’s all like SHUT UP AND MOVE, I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY TEAM. And ugh Keaton, bless you you little jerk: "Your team, or Jane?" Um, why not both?? He can care about both. But lbr mostly Jane tho. But omg I love Weller's 'excuse u??' face as Keaton is calling him out on basically not trusting anyone-- except for Jane, despite everything that’s happened. Uhhh, it's because he looooves her, idiot. And he's kinda sorta almost sure she loves him too. Maybe. Hopefully. Which is all the more reason to get back to her so he can find out. And lol he just shuts down the conversation and continues looking for a phone and Keaton just like rolls his eyes and follows haha. Oh Keaton, you’re a pile of trash but you’re our pile of trash 

Ughhhhhhh now Jane is wandering in Weller's office, leaving him yet another in what is obviously a string of voicemails. Like I wonder when she started calling? I assume this is in the morning after the attacks, so he's probably been gone a max of like ten to twelve hours so far. Like I wonder if she called him sometime last night-- maybe she couldn't sleep and just wanted to hear his voice?? But she couldn't get through-- presumably bc he was on a plane or in a meeting or something-- so she just called a couple of times just to listen to his voice on the voicemail message. And eventually she drifts off to sleep, expecting to wake to a message from him-- except there's nothing, and so she calls again, the worry starting to set in. And now here she is, leaving another message, admitting that she's worried about him. It's only been a matter of hours since they were together but already it's so hard for her to be separated from him. And then ugh she's standing over his desk, staring at it like she’s trying to make him appear behind it, when ooooh the new director appears. Tbh I like her instantly-- that soft Southern accent, her genuine consideration of Jane's wellbeing, her tininess but clear boss-attitude... I feel like she’s going to be good for the team. And then ugh Jane immediately asks her about Weller and ughhhh my baby is so worrieddddd about her maaannnn. And then omg Hirst acknowledges that Nas' deal made Jane practically a prisoner-- so glad to hear someone other than Roman pointing this out! And aww she offers her her freedom, and the ability to go anywhere in the world-- and so where does Jane's mind immediately go with those words? To her dream of her future life with Kurt, together and happy, of course. Good lord, Gero, how did you just hit me so hard with literally like two seconds of footage?? And then ugh "I'm a part of this team". I want to cry because it’s so true; Jane belongs here, and she knows it. Bc lbr, Nas' deal might have made her a prisoner of sorts, but this is Jane. If Jane wanted to go, she could have escaped. Jane CHOSE to be right where she is. I do love Hirst's concern though; she sees Jane as a person who deserves to choose her own path, telling her that she needs to ask herself what she truly wants. And oooohhh yeahhhhh you just know that this is going to be a big theme of the episode, with Jane knowing what her instinctive answer is but not knowing if she can actually have it....

Lol at the little tech coming up to talk to Big Boss Patterson-- who is like an old, battle-weary sergeant now, the kind who walks with a limp and stares off into space puffing a cigar as they make vague, trailing statements about 'back before the war...'. But anyhow, the tech tells her about the explosives testing, and Patterson guesses correctly what was used and is all "I know my plastic explosives" and blows the tech's mind a lil bit. God, all of her staff must have such a crush on her. Except maybe Stuart, who is too busy being terrified. Poor boy. And then Jane comes to her and offers to help, but Patterson shuts her down a little bit, grimly telling her it's already over-- but then she sees Jane's face and shakes herself out of it, because Jane doesn't deserve her jagged edges right now. Jane has gone through every step of this right there beside her, going through the same hell she has. And ugh I love the way she softens and apologises and then Jane reaches out to her about whether she would leave or stay, given the choice-- and ughhh I can’t deal with the way Jane is looking at her, like she's desperately hoping to hear that she should stay, that she's wanted, that Patterson knows the team would hate to see her leave-- but instead Patterson just tells her she deserves to do what she wants. Which is also true, but also carefully on the fence, without nudging her one way or the other. And then ughhhhhh  “What if this is what I want?”, because it is. She may have ended up here through means outside her control, but this is home. This is where she has a purpose, where she has a family. Where she belongs. But Patterson challenges her on it, and she's kinda right; Jane doesn't know anything else. And I think Patterson would hate it if Jane were to stay-- to give up all other possibilities of a happy life-- purely because this was comfortable or she was scared or felt obligated to stay. And on one hand I'm surprised by Patterson's blunt attitude, and the way it seems like she's pushing Jane to go-- but she just wants her to be SURE. She wants her to fully think things through, to know that their little team-- their little world-- may not always stay the same forever. Reade may soon be gone, and Weller does have a baby on the way, one that he might decide he wants to be closer to, now that their battle with Sandstorm is over. Plus they have no idea what direction Hirst will take the team in. And ughhhh I just want to hug Jane, because she was hoping for reassurance and instead only feels more lost, especially at the thought of Weller leaving. Oh, honey. Just because Patterson MIGHT turn out to be right doesn't mean you should give up on the things you want... And ugh Patterson herself looks dejected and so tired and ugh my babies let me wrap you up in blankets and cuddle you foreverrrrr

I find it hilarious that Weller and Keaton have been able to just wander freely around this top-secret bunker without any army dudes trying to stop them. Tbh I thought they'd be a little more supervised? And they find an old rotary-dial telephone (man I remember using one of those) and a large transmitter thingie which Keaton conveniently knows how to use. Handy. Good work letting him tag along, Weller. And then of course he immediately calls Patterson, who kinda wastes a little time by being confused by the area code-- this is not the time, girl! Also lol good thing she's not like me, and actually answers her phone for unknown numbers. But then aaahhh he's telling her that Phase 2 isn't over and then BAM Keaton nearly gets shot in the head. Excuse you, beardy guy, but no one is allowed to hurt our Keaton but us! And then ugh New Beardy is Sandstorm (sigh, of course, I mean he’s literally directly from their mold) and is about to execute them both when Keaton distracts him just enough for Weller to throw the phone at his head. God I love watching Weller throw things at people. Also lol good thing the cord was long enough to reach... And oooh now it's two-on-one and I'm actually really enjoying watching Keaton and Weller fight together. Just for today, they are 100% on the same team and they will have each other's backs. Also I find it ironic that Weller saves Keaton from being choked to death? Ah, how things change... (Doesn't mean he wouldn't still let his wifey beat the crap out of you though, Keaton). And well, at least now they have a keycard to escape with? Literally though I have so many questions about what's going to happen once they're outside. Like, isn't this some deserted mountain fortress that Weller had to fly to get to? Won't they be surrounded by army dudes?? But no matter, bc no force in the world could stop Weller from getting back to Jane. Ain't no mountain high, ain’t no valley low...      

Awwww Reade is still in his bloody clothes-- he's sat by Zapata's bed all night. My baaabies. And ugh the moment she wakes she's like “Did we get Shepherd?/This isn't over" and tbh idk how she knows (gut feeling?) but she's right. And I so wish we got to see her response when Reade got the call from Patterson, telling him what Weller said? And ugh now the team-- or what's left of it, just the three of them-- is in the bullpen, desperately trying to figure out what's about to happen. And ugh Jane immediately wants to find and rescue Weller, but surprisingly it's Reade who steps up (trying to do Dad proud, lbr) and says they'll focus on Sandstorm instead, just as Weller would want. And ugh together they realise that yesterday's bombings prompted a huge security meeting today a the White House, where many government bigwigs will be attending-- just like they do after every major attack. The perfect way to wipe out the whole government is by getting them all in the same room. And then ugh again Reade takes it on himself to be fill-in Weller, giving the orders and going to brief Hirst. Makes sense, given that Patterson is far too important and busy to play messenger haha, and Jane doesn't quite have the FBI cred yet. And ugh good thing the two ladies are left to work together bc they figure out that the explosives Sandstorm used are also rocket fuel, and luckily they know just the person to question about it. It's a good throwback to the last Rich episode, bringing back the Riley guy that we have already known is linked to Sandstorm. And the team is intimidating the shit out of him in the conference room, working hard to break him, when suddenly the SIOC elevators open, and Weller and Keaton step out, fresh from their great escape. Man, I so wish we got to see the particulars of that adventure. I bet it was badass. Or maybe it involved just a bit of badass action as they stole an army jeep, but then got kind of embarrassingly dull as they had to roadtrip together in silence back to NYC. Ah, the awkwardness. But anyhow Jane immediately sees Weller-- lbr, she's been keeping half an eye on that elevator all day-- and ugh I can’t deal with the way she says his name, initially in disbelief, then more loudly as she realises she's not seeing things, that he's really there. And ughhhhhhh kill me now because she legit runs across the bullpen, breath escaping in a relieved little laugh, and literally throws her arms around his neck and holds onto him tightly and ughhh he never got any of her messages so it's almost a surprise to him that she's so relieved to see him, and ughhh since their kiss last night it's like one more wall has crumbled from between them-- I mean, before that kiss she wouldn't have dared to be so open in leaving him worried messages or throwing herself into his arms in the middle of the bullpen but now this is how they are, this is them, (lol Patterson and Reade must be like 'well this is new... but not at all surprising' haha) and ugh he holds her close and they rock a little (rude) and ughhh the little puppy-whimper noise she lets out just kills me. And the way she shakes her head a little to clear it, like she's trying to steady herself, and her "I thought you were..." and ughhhh it kills me so much that she would have had to acknowledge the possibility that he was dead, that getting the message out to them had cost him his life, and she would never see him again... and ugh he assures them (her) that he's alright and gets straight to business. I love that when he calls Keaton over (who, lbr, was probably standing over there shaking his head like 'be more in love with each other I dare you'), Jane is all 'wtf??' and I kinda love that she literally didn't even notice that one of her arch-nemeses was only a few yards away bc til now she had been able to see nothing but Weller. And ugh I wish we got to see Weller's face here, because her eyes barely leave his even as Keaton approaches and ugh I bet he gives her this apologetic look and little nod and it's enough for her; she will always hate Keaton but she trusts Kurt, trusts that he wouldn't ever bring someone like him near her unless it was unavoidable, and ugh our babies are reunited and that’s all that mattersssss 

So the team heads back to the lab, joined by their new members-- that cool aunt who is all ladylike and lovely on the surface but will literally beat someone's ass into the dirt and dispose of the body if they dared lay a finger on you, and that awkward cousin who has always been kind of an asshole in order to cover up his insecurities, but has grown up a bit and now is actually trying to be less of a shitbag-- and their focus turns to the last remaining pieces of the puzzle: the still-unused guidance chip, and Shepherd herself. Jane mentions that Shepherd was in Thailand the week before, putting Keaton in the spotlight when he explains that the CIA picked up intel on nuclear material being stolen-- leading to a little squabble between the kids until Aunty Hirst steps in and puts her probably-cowboy-booted foot down. Weller pairs Reade with Keaton, which isn't exactly a deliberate punishment on Reade but hey, two birds one stone. Patterson is tasked to keep finding info to use on Riley. Jane doesn't get given a specific job, but turns and leaves when all the others do-- I guess she assumed Weller would be heading out as well? I'm just surprised she didn't wait for him, tbh. Though maybe Keaton's presence just has her on edge. More likely tho, it was just a choice by the show’s director to have Jane conveniently out of the room for the upcoming conversation. Weller's so cute, literally checking that everyone is gone before asking Patterson about Hirst. And ugh bless my baby's heart, she gives a concise assessment of Hirst (’maverick’ is an interesting choice of term; you wouldn't think someone would get to her level by playing outside the rules) and then tells Weller that she's going to release Jane. And oooohh my boy gets his crinkly face on because ??Wifey is leaving??? Does not compute??? And ugh the stunned look on his face and the disbelieving 'why??' just kill me because he's literally reeling from this news, unable to even process how it could be happening when they had just finally found their way back to each other and ugh he must be wondering if it was the kiss, aka him, that somehow sparked her decision and ugh my poor boy is so distressed-- and then Patterson is all 'well yeah I kinda told her to go' and ooooh big bro is NOT PLEASED. How dare his little sis do this?? But ugh she calls him Kurt (literally has she ever called him that before?? Bc if she has I don't remember) and oooohhh she drops the truth bomb on him that Jane didn't choose this life (I think he forgets that sometimes? Like to him Jane is just such an intrinsic part of the team and what they do, that he forgets that she came to them through less-than-voluntary circumstances), and she suggests if he's got something to say to Jane he should do it now, allowing her to make her decision with all the facts. OOOOHHHH, TEN MILLION POINTS TO PATTERSON. This kind of forceful Jeller-encouragement almost makes up for all the Jeller-interrupting she's done in the past year haha. Almost. Now go on Weller, listen to your lil sis.... 

Aww poor Zapata is not having an easy time sitting on the sidelines. I feel you, girl. And then she realises from Reade's tone on the phone that something else is going on, and she'll be damned if she's not going to be there with her team for it. Also lol she rips out her drip and somehow it doesn’t bleed at all. Mmm-hmmm, sure. I see no flaws in this whatsoever. But god, the local hospitals really must dread having these guys as patients, because they literally never do what they're told haha

Oh, so this is why Weller didn't give Jane a task like the others. They both already knew that they would be going in to finish interrogating Riley together. Jane was probably already waiting outside the interview room for him when he showed up, wondering what had delayed him in the lab and why he looked somewhat shaken all of a sudden. And of course she would have asked him if everything was alright, instantly knowing by just the tone of his reply that it wasn't but that they wouldn't be able to broach it until after this mission was done. Luckily Patterson has discovered that Riley's sister lives close enough to DC to be endangered by a nuclear attack, allowing them to get the truth out of him-- he launched a satellite for Shepherd. And well this seems like a big deal, especially considering Patterson literally sprints from her lab to confront Riley-- and oh the satellite will launch a glider that will head straight to DC. He thought it would just hit the white house, but instead it'll be aimed at the nuclear material, making things about a million times worse. The attack would wipe out the whole eastern seaboard, which would be very, very bad. Hold on, that also means that it will kill both Shepherd and Roman as well?? I mean, they're right there in DC with the truck, so unless they have a private jet, surely they don't have time to get to a safe distance? Lol I love when the team finds Zapata in the bullpen and she's all 'wait, there’s nukes??' and the boys are all YOU SHOULD BE IN HOSPITAL because they're Expert-Level Hypocrites haha. God I love her sass 'you two done mothering me?' and Weller's faaaace-- the poor man has been spoiled by Reade and Keaton's obedience today and keeps forgetting that he has zero control over his ladies haha. Also speaking of Keaton, he is SUPER quick to offer to brief Zapata, and ugh I love how annoyed and disgusted she is to see him there. Glad Jane has someone on her side with this haha. And then Keaton's all 'I used to fly jets/ oh the domestic drone program is upstairs' and ugh she is so done with him already and it's been like ten seconds. I love her. And he seems to just like her more for it, and oh buddy, you don't stand a chance. Just give up now (also aren’t you married??). Then in retaliation for her bad behaviour, Weller partners them while the others try to hide their smirks. Keaton is naturally pleased, while you can literally almost feel Zapata's eyes rolling lol. Clearly ready to be out of there, Weller all but grabs Jane and heads to the elevator to catch their plane-- I mean, they're the best partnership the FBI has, and if they fail, at least they die together--  completely cutting Patterson off when she suggests saying their goodbyes. Come on, Patterson, you know big bro doesn't deal with either emotions or the prospect of failure well. Still, I bet Jane totally looked back and gave them all a sad little wave before following him, because while she's ready to die beside him, she hates the thought of leaving her team-- her family-- behind ugh 

Ughhh Zapata and Keaton scanning DC with drones looking for the nuclear stuff is so funny-- he tries to mansplain it to her and she's all ‘YEP FULLY AWARE THANKS’ and ugh she calls him Jake which is kinda funny, since being part of the 'team' means getting called by your last name (Jane is a special case because everyone knew her last name would be Weller too one day) and so it's like she's deliberately degrading him a little and reminding him he's not one of the club. And ugh he persists (bc of course he does) and asks how she's doing and tells her he admires her and asks her to work for the CIA and ooooohhhhh buddy. Don't you know your predecssor tried this same thing, and ended up dead a short time later? In an unrelated incident, but still. Asking her to go over to the CIA is like asking a die-hard sports fan to convert to their arch-rival team. Not gonna happen. She'll be carrying that FBI badge til the day she dies, bucko. (Which will hopefully be man, many years in the future btw)

Aaaahhh the plane. Jeller on a plane. I'm having very pleasant flashbacks of hearteyes and handholding rn, so I’m crossing my fingers for more of the same. Poor Jane, though; she clearly still does not like planes at all. She looks so uncomfortable haha. And Weller does too, but for a completely different reason: "Patterson told me that you're thinking of leaving". And oh my godddddd this conversation is killing me because they're both idiots who are operating completely on assumptions; like Weller is trying to be a good guy and support her right to live life how she chooses, because he already believes she'll leave-- bc why stay with damaged goods like him when she now has the whole world at her feet?-- and she thinks his encouragement is because he believes she should go, and ugh she puts out feelers, trying to gauge his mindset, talking about maybe California and then asking him about Colorado, and ugh she encourages him to take a spot in Denver because she wants him to be happy and ughhhhh you idiots, just SAY WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL, WHICH IS THAT YOU BOTH WANT TO STAY BY EACH OTHER'S SIDE FOREVER AND EVER AND NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER EVER. (Also known as marriage. Just put a damn ring on it already jfc). But ugh instead there's this soft little moment where they acknowledge that they're both allowed to be happy, and again you dumb children each keep assuming that the other means going their separate ways but actually literally means the exact opposite. GAWD STOP TRYING TO SPEAK IN SUBTEXT AND JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. AND THEN GET SOME MILE-HIGH JELLER LOVIN' HAPPENING LIKE LITERALLY YOU'RE ON A LUXURY JET ALONE WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND IT MIGHT LITERALLY BE YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH LIKE WHY ARE YOU WASTING THIS OPPORTUNITY I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Thankfully, I have Patterson and her sass (dissing Riley) to make me feel better haha. And then the NASA people arrive and she's all 'hey I know barely anything about this but'-- *poses incredible, literally-out-of-this-world theory and is met with well deserved awe and admiration* haha. Also lol Eileen "Oh that is not to scale" hahahahaaa. I love having Reade and Hirst represent the viewers who are all sitting here like me going 'yes.. spaceships will save them. Mmm-hmmm I totally understand everything that is happening right now. Spaceships.' lol. And speaking of genius ladies, Zapata realises that Shepherd has hidden the nuclear stuff in something lead-lined (just watch Keaton's crush growing ever larger lol), leading to her finding Shepherd's location and giving it to Weller and Jane, who are now firmly on the ground, right in the danger zone. Man, I wish we got to see more of that car ride from the airport. I know Weller is very anti-goodbyes rn, but I feel like Jane would have wanted to say something? Though then again she's probably decided she'll hold it in right until she's sure they're done for, then confess everything to him. Meanwhile he's probably thinking the same, because they are a pair of idiots who like to torment me with their inability to use words properly when it comes to literally any emotion that’s not anger

So Shepherd and Roman are hanging in the truck, then she sends him to kill a couple of cops who are likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, this is certainly reminding me of this season's premiere. Also I totally bet Roman is wearing gloves because of Luke's injury. Seriously tho dude you can't walk towards cops with a knife in your hand and not expect to get shot??? (Oh wait, that's right, you're white. Nvm.)

Meanwhile the supergeniuses in the bullpen have hit a rather apocalyptic snag-- the launch sequence for the glider has already started, and there's no way to hack it in time. Well, shit. Patterson yet again comes up with an idea, suggesting using the mini spaceship to push against the satellite and stop if from getting to its firing location, giving them more time. Good on you, lil Patterson-spaceship. Good luck against Shaquille O'Neal haha. 

Aarghhh Weller and Jane and their band of merry men have caught up to Shepherd, and ohhh this makes me nervous. Aaaand yep, a bunch of Sandstorm dudes just came out of nowhere, taking out pretty much everyone but Weller and Jane before being taken down themselves. So now it's very much a family affair; daughter and son-in-law vs mother and brother. And ugh have I mentioned lately how much I love how in sync these two are?? The way they move, the way they communicate-- they really are the FBI elite. And then surprise, a wild Shepherd appears, giving us another Jane/Shepherd showdown-- which lbr Shepherd was def about to win before Jane's hubby showed up and shot her haha. Ah, this gives me such satisfaction. So on one hand, yay, they've got Shepherd-- but on the other, everything has just gone to hell anyway because the glider just launched, giving them thirty minutes until impact and no way to hack it. It's headed for a homing beacon, and I love that when Weller comes up with the idea cloning it and sending it after a fake one, Patterson's already in the middle of doing just that haha. Jane's convinced that Shepherd has the beacon, and Weller pats her down for like three seconds before being like 'I can't find it' haha. I'm so surprised by that Weller, I mean you were so thorough?? Anyway Keaton and Zapata find a railroad tunnel that they could get the truck to which would prevent a lot of the effect of the blast-- but even if they get it there, they won't make it back. And ughhhhh the heavy silence in the bullpen and the way Jane and Weller are staring at each other... this is too much. I can't deal. And then Weller tells Jane to stay, that he'll take the truck, and ughhhh her voice is all thick as she fiercely tells him that she's not letting him go alone and ughhhhh she would rather die by his side than live without him, and he would rather die alone so that she could live. Either way, I'm already dead because these two have killed me. Goodbye, world. And then ughhhh Patterson has tears in her eyes as she tells them they both have to go. They have to find the homing beacon and destroy it, while also getting the truck as far away as possible. They accept that like champs, because this thing is far bigger than just their own lives. So Weller has Jane drive, saving her from having to deal with Shepherd, while Patterson reprograms an app and sends it to him to use as a bug-sweeper. Man, she is amazeballs. Remember how screwed this team (and the world) would be without her? Also Keaton and Zapata have rejoined the rest in the bullpen, and ugh what an intense situation to be in, all of them there, just (for the most part) watching helplessly as the seconds tick down to Armageddon. I think some of the randoms in the back are on the phone and I totally identify with that. Personally I'd be on the phone to my mum lol

Speaking of moms, Shepherd is waxing poetic over Weller, talking about how great he is, and ummmm lady it's weird to have a crush on your son-in-law. And then he realises that Shepherd swallowed the beacon, and literally whips out a knife-- but hold up, son, what’re you doing? Like yes, you could actually cut her open and try to fish it out. I mean, circumstances ARE dire, but still... and also you know how much gastrointestinal tract there is?? If she swallowed it hours ago it would be well into her intestines by now, and trust me, that junk ain't easy to fish around in. But that's about to become a moot point, because Jane and Roman are playing the world's most intense game of chicken, and dear lord what even is this. Like he knows that he is in a car, right? One that's a hell of a lot smaller than a freakin' reinforced truck?? And ughhh she saw him there in the driver’s seat. She knew it was him, and did it anyway, because she had to. She couldn't let her love for her brother cost so many lives. Too bad the impact knocked her out. And ugh poor Patterson dials back in (since their comms had been off coz they messed with the bug-sweeper) only to hear Weller groaning out Jane's name, clearly injured. God, it would be awful being in that bullpen right now, so completely unable to help. And ugh Weller pulls a shard of metal out of his leg, and dammit son do you not remember ANY first aid skills?? Leave it in, you idiot! I mean it's too far to the outer side to have hit the femoral artery or vein, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other very bleedy vessels in there just waiting to spurt all over the place. Gah. And ugh both Zapata and Patterson are in tears as they tell him he has to get up and keep looking bc they only have two minutes until the glider hits the point of no return. Damn, that half hour went fast. And ugh he tells them that Shepherd swallowed it and they all look so stunned and desolate, like they're out of options. But Weller has one more idea, and it's a shocking one. (Yes, I did just wink at my screen just then. You’re being winked at. Jsyk.). Meanwhile Jane regains consciousness and immediately calls Weller's name, and ugh never mind about the nuclear bomb, these two are definitely going to be the death of me first. She's trying to get to him when Roman attacks her-- damn, son, are your bones made of admantium or something?? And now it's two epic showdowns-- brother versus sister, and Weller + defibrillator versus Shepherd + beacon. And for a second I'm actually legitimately stunned bc I think Weller must know that his plan will very possibly kill him too-- after all, they're both kneeling on the same metal surface, which WILL CONDUCT ELECTRICITY-- but wait nope apparently this is TV science and therefore Weller is unaffected haha. Mmmkay. It doesn't work anyway, and ugh my baby Patterson can barely speak through her tears as she tells him so. He tries again, partly bc what other option does he have, and partly bc he just wanted to hurt Shepherd for doing this to them all, and this time it works, with the decoy beacon taking over right at the last moment and sending the glider harmlessly into the ocean. And ugh the celebration in the bullpen is like the most adorable thing ever-- honestly I recommend pausing this scene a few times and looking at everyone's reactions haha. My personal fave is Hirst. And ugh Patterson tells Weller it worked and he tells her she did a ‘nice job’ (understatement of the year haha) and ughhhhh this lil familyyyyyyyy

Speaking of families though, Jane and Roman are still battling it out, and Jane is absolutely winning, bc of course she is. She was always the stronger one, in every way. And ugh she has her gun on him and he yells at her to do it, to kill him, but she won't, she can't. And Weller hears his shout, instantly realising what's happening, and drags his exhausted and bleeding body up off the floor because he needs to protect Jane. Not necessarily from Roman, but from having to make a choice that would break her. Noble thought, buddy, but I think you'll find standing up is a lot harder than being on the floor. Your body ain't gonna like it. (Mine doesn't even on the best of days haha). And ugh Jane lowers the gun and lets Roman go, because she can't kill him. It's the same as in 2x01 when she could easily have shot Weller, but didn't. She loves them and could never hurt either of them. And ugh Weller tries to jump down from the truck to give chase, but I told you buddy, your body ain't made for the vertical plane right now. So he literally falls at her feet, rapidly losing consciousness (bet you wish you'd left that damn spiky thing in now, huh??) and ugh she's so panicked because she has no idea what happened in there or what his injuries are and she's all 'say something!' and so he uses his last ounce of strength to tell her not to move to California, to stay with him instead... and that he loves her. Literally if he'd died of these wounds, his very last words would have been 'I love you'. Honestly sometimes this ship makes me want to scream. And by ‘sometimes’, I mean ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. And ugh I'm going to ignore the rather unflattering camera shot lol (poor Sully haha) and focus instead on Jane's face, because for a woman who has already been through hell like eighteen different ways, she looks like she's on the verge of a breakdown rn because he loves her and he might be dying and I'm not even sure if she heard what was happening over the comms before or not-- hell it might have been knocked out of her ear during her fight-- and so she might not even know if the attack is still about to happen or not and ugh this is just a lot for my poor precious girl to deal with rn. Though I'm sure she gets her shit together pretty quick and gets Patterson to send an ambulance bc no way is she letting him leave her now, or ever, and lbr she goes with him when they take him, staying by his side with her hand around his-- whispering I love yous into his ear that he'll later think he only dreamed he heard-- right until he's taken into surgery, and only then allowing anyone to patch her up while anxiously waiting for news. Hirst arrives just a little later, allowing Jane to sit at his bedside for a few hours while he sleeps, and while Hirst deals with Shepherd and the nukes and everything else, then she eventually returns to make Jane take the plane back with her so she can give her full statement at the NYO. And even with the threat to her life now over, she sleeps in the cell again, calling the hospital for regular updates overnight, heart thudding painfully when the nurses tell her that he's been muttering her name in his sleep. The next afternoon, she knows when he's been discharged, knows that he'll come straight to the NYO once his flight lands-- and knows that she can't face him. Not there, where so many eyes will be on them, where she'll be forced to hold back how she feels. So she goes to Hirst, who understands, and who tells everyone she needs to go to medical for an assessment. Instead she goes back to the safehouse, sits on the couch, and lets herself cry. Cry about it all finally being over, cry about losing Roman, about almost losing Kurt-- and then finally when she can breathe again she pushes herself up and goes to shower and dress, immediately picking the red blouse, because during that scavenger hunt red had been their colour, the thing that marked them as trusted partners, and she wants him to see it and know that she’s in this, that their fates really are forever intertwined, that he is hers and she is his.

In the meantime, though, Weller arrives back at the NYO, steeling himself as the elevator doors begin to open. He remembers what he said, and he knows Jane heard it-- and possibly everyone on the comms, too. And then ugh the doors open and they're all there cheering for him and for a split second his eyes look for Jane-- hoping to see her right there at the front with the team-- but she's not there and Reade is already approaching him and so he goes with it and hugs his people-- ugh I love the way that each hug is different; Reade's is a congratulatory, dude-you-scored-the-home-run happy kinda hug, Patterson's is a little more tender and sisterly, while Zapata's her usual sarcastic-but-secretly-softhearted self and jokes about not being that worried about him, even though they both know she was. And ugh the happy grin on her face as she grips him tight for a moment is just so sweet. And ugh Weller telling them all how glad he is to see them and ugh he's just so totally their dad. For everyone outside the main team, he's Work-Dad, and ugh he's so proud of his lil secret agents. But even so, he's had a moment to look around now, searching the crowd, looking for one face in particular, and it's not there. He's barely even finished acknowledging all these people-- let alone started on the obligatory big speech-- and he's already asking for her. He may have had reservations before about being too open in his feelings for Jane (FYI, everyone could see it anyway, buddy) but now he literally does not care one bit who knows it. Good old Hirst quickly reassures him that she's fine-- because give him even the slightest indication that something might be wrong and he'll rip those stitches right out as he goes running after her-- and uses the medical excuse (after all, that's what she's been telling everybody), and then gets him back on track with the whole, you know, saving the day thing, and ugh now work-dad is giving his speech and ugh he's so good at it and ughhh even I'm feeling validated on their behalf rn, so I'm so happy for them haha. Also lol I love that little twirly hand gesture thing he does, bc thanks to instagram we now know that's totally a Sully thing and it just makes me giggle okay

Oooooh Shepherd is in the fancy magical MRI lie detector, and ugh again another ridiculously unrealistic needle is being given. Find an actual vein, guys, don't just stab it into the elbow! Sigh. And she's acting all tough with Keaton, bc lbr, he may be a torturer but he's still kinda lame? But then Nas walks in, and Shepherd looks like she's pooping her pants. On one hand I'm excited for the intel they'll get from her and for Nas to finally get her revenge-- but on the other, I still worry about Nas' trustworthiness and what she might do with the knowledge she gains. But I guess we'll see...

Lol Zapata is so cute, bringing Weller the newspaper about Riley's arrest. Yep, being a government agent sure is a thankless job. But then, Weller would never want the limelight anyway. Kinda reminds me of that scene in Kingsman where Colin Firth's office walls are covered in the front pages of newspapers on days where he's prevented some huge disaster, with the lead stories always being something completely inane. I love that Weller's first question is to see how she's going. Ugh, he just cares so much. I also really like that Audrey is having her injured arm hanging limply at her side-- finally, someone on the team actually continuing to look visibly injured! Though I'd prefer her in a sling. And in hospital. But whatevs. And ugh she asks about Roman, because of course she has to know. She's had a thing against him (or for him?? I’m still hopeful lol) from day one. And ugh his words are almost a warning when he tells her to read the report, that Jane didn't have the shot. He's telling her that that's the only answer that there will ever be to that question, that there would be no more arguing or questioning or digging. His loyalty is with Jane, and therefore Roman is off limits. Ughhhhh such a good hubbyyyyy

Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson already has the booze waiting (ugh, again on the touchscren?? How could you??) and there are only three glasses... looks like it's just the Three Amigos tonight. And Reade gets there an ugh they both just look so exhausted and then she's all 'what now' and surprisingly Reade has apparently decided that this is where he belongs-- Quantico is forgotten, and he's already ready to take his next stand with the team. But Patterson isn't, and oh god the way she just crumbles and ughhhhh our baby has been so strong for so long and now she just can't do it anymore. Ugh can she at least just have a holiday? Let them all go to some tropical island and be served drinks by handsome dudes (or in Reade's case, beautiful ladies) and just unwind. And ughhh Reade looks exactly how a loving big brother always does when his little sister cries-- incredibly dismayed and at a loss for what to do. A moment later Zapata appears to back him up, though looks taken aback herself to find out that Patterson-- their indefatigable little genius machine-- is falling apart. And ugh Reade has recovered enough to give a reassuring speech-- "this job takes everything” sounds very reminiscent of S1 Weller's outburst at Sarah-- and ugh who would have thought that Edgar Reade, recent Human Disaster and near-deserter, would be the one holding the team together now?? 'It gives us a way to fight back. It gives us family. It gives us hope.' and ugh if that isn't the heart of this show, I don't know what is. Unless it's Zapata's loving snark: "Is that right, Quantico?" hahaha. She may be sarcastic, but then again she just made Patterson laugh when a minute ago she was near-breakdown. I mean I just love this family so much??? They are just so perfect together and ugh they make a toast to family and I am overwhelmed

Speaking of family, they're now all gathered at Weller’s-- tho he's out on the balcony in a moment that's very reminiscent of 1x01, undoubtedly thinking about Jane, and his confession, and the future, and lots of stuff that is definitely far too heavy for a celebratory get-together, so he pulls himself together and joins the others, who are laughing and relaxed and lounging around his apartment like it's their own. Remember when none of them had ever even been there, and now it seems like they're hanging out there every other week?? FAMILYYYY. And ughhh Patterson looks so much lighter and happier and dude I agree with Weller-- I wanna know what they were laughing about? But alas we'll never know bc all of a sudden Jane appears, letting herself in without knocking bc of course she does, it's practically her apartment now too, and ughhhh look at her excited lil face and the lil wave she does and lbr Weller has literally forgotten the other three even exist bc rn all he sees is her, and he walks toward her with this slightly awed but also questioning look, like he can barely believe she's really there, and then "I didn't think you were coming"-- bc you just know he probably tried to call her or at least send her a message but couldn't get hold of her, so he'd already half-convinced himself that she was already pulling away from them all, or even right at that moment getting ready to head to California, and ugh when she asks to talk to him outside you can just see the apprehension that spreads across his face and for a split second he can’t even force himself to move because he thinks this is it, this is goodbye, and god he can't do it but he knows he has to and so he forces his feet to move, following after her-- but seriously he's so busy freaking out that he doesn't even register the air of nervous excitement that's literally radiating from her or the way she glances back to make sure he's following, or the eager light in her eyes as she turns to him and draws in a deep breath-- and dude, c’mon. This is not the face of someone who is about to drop a rejection and a goodbye in the same sentence. This is the face of someone at the very top of the rollercoaster, who is simultaneously terrified of the drop but also feeling more exhilarated and alive than they ever have before, and who is SO READY to tip over the edge and take the plunge. And then she takes that deep breath and begins "So they told me I could go anywhere..." and omg. She's literally rehearsed this. Jane Doe is using a ~line~ on Kurt Weller. She's literally paused for dramatic effect, letting him imagine all the very far-away places she might choose. And now here it comes: "...But this is where I wanna be." BAM. Damn, girl, I am so proud of you. From the girl who made that super awkward dinner invitation to Oliver however many weeks ago, this was so smooth. And then aaaahhhh the fear on his face just disappears (melted by the sunbeams of PURE LOVE that are shining from his eyes) and he gives the lil Kurt Weller smirky-smirk and then she does the bravest thing she's ever done and tells him she loves him back and ughhhhh just look at these two idiots?? She's already trying to find the words to follow that confession (words? what are words??) and he just gives a little shake of his head-- because she loves him and that's all he's ever needed to hear-- and steps forward and just. CLAIMS HIS WOMAN. And well I guess the background music is pretty damn fitting, given that the main lyric is "I wanna make out with you". Can't get much more accurate than that. Also lol since that song is technically "playing" in his apartment, does that mean he chose it? Did he literally make an entire spotify playlist full of subliminal messages just in case Jane came to the party? Like just imagine if she'd come inside instead of talking to him out in the hall, and then as he hands her a drink he comments very pointedly on really liking this song, that it has good lyrics, and then Jane listens for a second and then stares at him and then they immediately find an excuse to go out on the balcony or to the nursery and maaaake ouuuuttt. But of course this way is much better than that anyway, with the two of them FINALLY ON THE SAME PAGE, grinning at each other and making out in the hallway like a pair of TEENAGERS who have no concept of PEEPHOLES. Because you KNOW that at least one of the others witnessed this whole thing through that little spy-hole-- I mean let's be real, when Jeller walk back into the apartment (trying to play it cool and completely failing haha), literally none of the others are where they were when Jane arrived? Reade is now sitting with his back to the door, wearing his jacket and a ruefully amused expression, Patterson is standing way around the other side of the counter from where she was before, grinning and playing with her fingers like she just can't keep still, and Tasha's standing near her-- tbh my main bet for the one spying on them would be Peeping Patterson, though I can't rule out Zapata joining her at the doorway and giving a sniggering play-by-play for (a thoroughly unwilling) Reade before the two of them scurry back to the kitchen when Jeller are about to head inside. And then speaking of our happy couple, the two of them have literally barely stepped into the apartment (Weller opens the door for her ugh, having to lean in close to her to do so, which is such a little thing but kills me so much) and immediately Reade is all like 'wooop, gotta go, some never aforementioned bro needs help with some unspecified thing' and bails (also ughhh I never noticed the little grin he and Weller share for a split second  right as he passes him?? Ugh someone save me from this familyyyy) and then Zapata's all 'yep, gotta go with him, no possible way for me to get home in NYC except with Reade, nope not at all' and follows him out, and oh my precious supergenius Patterson is just all 'no way am I third-wheeling you two after a year of pent-up UST so I am going to go literally anywhere else' lol and ugh she tells them to have fun and that she'll see them sometime, pretty much implying that she doesn't expect them to emerge from their sex-romp for quite some time and omg I can't even imagine what it's like to be in a situation where your friends literally... uh, what's the opposite of cockblock?... for you? It's awkward but not, and oh god Weller's breathy little 'and... goodbye' and then ugh the stupid little grins they exchange, like I look at her face and I can literally almost hear a Wild-West-era petticoated belle saying 'My, how are we ever going to pass the time?' while batting her eyelashes coyly at the cowboy and he gives his sly heartthrob smile and answers in a low drawl 'I have a few ideas, ma'am' and DON'T ASK ME WHY THIS JUST TURNED INTO SOME WILD WEST HARLEQUIN ROMANCE. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHERE (OR WHEN) MY BRAIN GOES. But regardless, lbr here-- that was pretty much exactly the wordless conversation that was had (okay maybe sans accents), and Jane seems to very much approve of Weller's ideas, which involve a lot of making out and manhandling-- shoving her against a wall and then carrying her to bed and putting her down so delicately ughhhhhhhh-- paired with the enthusiastic removal of clothing haha. And you know what, while I'm in no way a particular supporter of the strobelight sex scene, the more I watch it (errr... for scientific reasons of course), the more I find it cute rather than ridiculous. Plus if you let your eyes go a tiny bit out of focus and don't try to look at any particular thing too closely, and instead just let it like wash over you, it's not that bad at all. I do love the sheer amount of grinning happening all throughout though-- remember how we all thought their first time would be so serious and emotional? Instead they are literally giggling like the idiots they are and I love it. Like can you literally give me an example of two happier people?? Didn’t think so. And ughhhhhh I'm just so happy for themmmm, our babies are finally together where they belongggggggggg aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, so that's a cliff, and that's Jane climbing it... but there's too much hair. Way too much. Takes-months-and-months-to-grow kind of much. Also on one hand this is cool because I recently just got back into rockclimbing myself and I'm like DUDE SHE'S FREECLIMBING A FREAKIN' GIANT CLIFF WITH A BACKWARDS INCLINE and then it's like my excitement literally falls off a cliff of its own as the 'two years later' appears on the screen. God, I don't even know what my face must have looked like in this moment, but I am certainly well aware of my stomach abruptly dropping about five feet. Tbh to me a timejump is possibly the worst non-bad thing that can happen in a show??? Like it's not up there with people being killed off or anything, but... two freakin' years. Two years where anything could have happened, and two years full of events that we may never get to see. In some shows, that wouldn't really matter much. But when that two years includes your OTP's first morning together and subsequent canon-coupleness, losing two years feels like a punch to the gut and a spit in the face all at once. Like two years is pretty much double the span of the entire past two seasons. The only comfort I have right now is that this show does flashbacks so well, and possibly may continue them into S3, giving us little glimpses of Jeller and the team along the way. God, I hope so. Also my other problem with this timejump thing, I’m realising, is that we never got the resolution I was expecting with the whole Allie thing-- honestly, I was expecting her to die before ever having the baby (I know, I’m awful) and now that’s unlikely to be the case, meaning in this new future Weller has a toddler-aged child... and if you thought I was awful a second ago, prepare to think worse of me because I’m actually legitimately upset about it. I went through this whole season believing the pregnancy was either a lie or that it would somehow never eventuate, and I’m not dealing well with the now-inevitability of this child. I feel like this is going to be one of those canon details that just gets erased from my brain, tbh. Where’s that Nick Fury gif about ignoring the council’s stupid-ass decisions? Because that’s literally me rn. But anyhow, back to more important things than non-existent progeny, aka Jane and the cliff. To get to the top she literally has to climb out on an overhang and then up, and good lord this woman is a superhuman. And then she's at the top and I want Kurt to be waiting up there for her but lbr if he was here he would have climbed with her or at least forced her to use ropes and idk how but that climb also felt very much like a ~journey~ and oh this is so worrying. So worrying. And some cute monk lady approaches and tells her there's still longing in her eyes and Jane closes her eyes and looks away and oh no. No no no. Longing implies separation from the things you love. Help me, I am withering inside because whatever happened in those two years, somewhere along the way my babies were torn apart from one another. And Jane says she's climbed this mountain dozens of times-- but why? In search of inner peace? I can tell you right now you're not gonna find it without Kurt by your side, honey-- and ugh the monk lady tells her to go home and YES LISTEN TO HER BC YOU’VE ALREADY CLEARLY BEEN GONE FOR FAR TOO LONG and then "No, I can never go back"--- *insert agonized wails here because I don't have words for this* (Okay maybe I do: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!???????!!!???!????????!?!!?????????!!!) and then ughhh soon after she's sitting alone in her little tent thing, sketching (how many pictures of Weller are there in that book?? I need to know immediately) and then the girl tells her she has a visitor and IN STEPS KURT WELLER. In a blue shirt, of all things, because of course he is. And wait did he literally just trek up a mountain to find her??? (Somewhere up in heaven, Marvin Gaye looks down approvingly for a second time this episode) And ugh she looks so stunned to see him, like she can't believe he's really there, really real, and for a couple of beats they just stare at each other and it's not clear whether she's terrified of his anger or if they parted on bad terms but then tears shine in his eyes and he drops his bag and she lets out a little whimper and literally throws herself into his arms and ughhhh they're holding each other so tight and he says he can't believe he 'finally' found her and she just holds him and presses her face to his neck and this is most definitely not a pair who parted on bad terms. This is two people who are still completely and utterly in love with one another and have been pulled apart by some external force and ugh this is simultaneously beautiful and awful. And then he gently but firmly pushes her away a little and admits, voice shaking, that he was scared for her-- because of course he was. All the people he's loved most in the world, he's lost (even Sarah and Sawyer moved away). And to be so far from her, to now know where she was or if she was okay... god, it would have near killed him. And she would have known that, which would have near-killed her. And ughhh she apologises over and over and he does that thing he does when he's trying not to cry, where his eyebrows draw together and he looks away and she tells him she can't explain, but why????? Literally what Bad Thing could exist that she couldn't tell the love of her life about??? And then she lowers her eyes, unable to meet his, and suddenly she chokes up even more and she says 'you're still wearing your ring' and I AM SCREAMING. WEDDING RING. ON WELLER'S FINGER. JANE BEING A COMBINATION OF HEARTBROKEN AND RELIEVED THAT HE'S STILL WEARING IT. JELLER ARE MARRIED. I REPEAT, JELLER ARE MARRIED. And ughhhhh he fiddles with it and just says 'yeah' and she looks like she's literally about two seconds from a complete breakdown. Oh god. Sometime in that two years, they literally got married. They planned on spending the whole rest of their lives together. And then SOMEONE (lookin' at you, Gero) forced Jane to leave. Because god knows she would never have left him willingly; only if she thought she had no other choice, and only to protect him. Ugh, I really, really hope they give us a good reason for this and not something that she should have just talked to him about and faced with him. Also uhh I've seen a strangely high number of people concerned that Weller is married to someone else??? Literally that would make zero sense, not only from the character perspective-- what, you think Mr Too-Choosy could somehow fall out of love with his soulmate Jane, meet someone else, and marry them, all within two years? Yeah, not gonna happen, son-- but also from a human-interaction perspective. If Weller somehow did marry someone else, firstly Jane wouldn't have hugged him the way she did bc something would have had to have gone super wrong between them for him ever to try to move on, and secondly she certainly would never have commented on him 'still wearing it' because that would already be her default expectation? He would have been married when she left, so of course he would still be married now. And that's not even to mention her visceral reaction to the ring-- that combination of devastation and involuntary gladness is so telling, bc on one hand deep down she's so happy to see him still wearing it because it means that he hasn't turned his back on her, that he still considers himself her husband and there's still hope for the two of them, but also devastation because his faithfulness only makes it more clear how much she's hurt him, and also hurts worse because she thinks (for an as yet unknown reason) that there's actually no way for them to ever be together again. And god I just feel so sad for both of them rn ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why did you have to separate them, Gero, why???? (Well, for drama, I suppose, but honestly THAT'S A TERRIBLE REASON. LET COUPLES JUST BE TOGETHER AND HAPPY GODDAMMIT. TRUST ME IT CAN STILL BE GOOD TV.) And then ugh she's trying so hard not to cry and Weller can't bear to see that so he gets down to business, telling her she has to come back bc the other three have been kidnapped. Which is awful but tbh I'm more focused on how the others felt when Jane left? Did the kiddies feel like mom had abandoned them? Are they mad at her, on Weller's behalf as well as their own? Will they forgive her straight away and joyfully welcome her back when she and Weller rescue them, or will there be that distance and frostiness like at the start of last season? And Jane asks him if Roman was involved-- and while he doesn't know, this mention definitely bodes well for getting to see Roman next season. Then Weller pulls out a box with her name on it in the same style as his tattoo on her back (clearly they didn't get the memo about her new last name tho) and ugh he holds it out to her, telling her no one has been able to open it but that he has a theory-- and looks like he was right to come all this way to find her, bc only she can open it. Possibly even only the two of them together, but it's unclear if that’s the case. Also ok I really need to know, did he already know where she was, like Patterson had figured it out or something, but he'd just been giving her her space and had only come now that the others had been taken? Or did he only just find out now? In which case that’s pretty damn lucky timing... I mean I bet Patterson had been looking for her this whole time, so...? But anyhow there's a random metal disk thing inside the box, and it's only when Weller touches it with her that it shows a reflected image of her bird tattoo. And then because he's a smart boy, Weller lines it up with her bird tattoo and presses it against her skin, and suddenly Jane lights up like some kind of bioluminescent christmas tree. Surprise-- there's a whole new layer of tattoos to discover, with a whole new set of clues hidden within. Which is completely whack, but undoubtedly something among all that will lead to saving the others-- which means it’s something Weller can't do without her. And well, Jane, in the eternal wisdom of Smashmouth: you'll never know if you don't go, and you'll never shine if you don't glow...

And so that’s it. It's over. Another season, another cliffhanger that will haunt us for months-- and like last year, the question is 'Will Jane and Kurt ever be able to come back to one another?’ (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes. They will always come back to each other. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take a whole damn season this time....) But anyhow, thank you so much to everyone who has read these and liked/commented/sent me messages-- I've loved sharing these with you guys, and I'm glad you've loved them too. So cheers, and see you all next season :P 

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #*unintelligible screaming*

[transmogrified-benmaxwell]

Why did you choose those specific zodiacs for the characters?:O

Sorry this took so long to respond to, but exams and finals have really been beating the literal shit out of me! I’m still glad you asked anon because I have lots of thoughts on this! Here’s the post anon is referring to in case anyone wants to see who is who.

Dallas: I don’t have too much to say since he’s already a Taurus, naturally I do see him more as a Pisces. Pisces tend to be the more gentle and compassionate of the signs and also tend to be more fearful in general as they are sensitive. They have a self sacrificing nature so that others will love them and not leave them and sometimes they become overly emotional when unable to cope with certain situations (i.e. Dallas being mad about Malek leaving to go to college even though he knows its irrational, but then not bringing it up because he’s self sacrificing his feelings to not make Malek upset).

Malek: If Malek isn’t a Gemini I don’t know who is. Like, this boy is a social butterfly which most Gemini’s naturally are and people are drawn to him. More often than not, people are attracted to his duality of a personality which enables him to be both intellectual (bitch wants to major in Bio-Chem and something else like double majoring and in such INTENSE fields???? He’s a fucking GENIUS) and creative/artistic (uhm??? he can sing and play three fucking instruments and even draws a little like??) which tends to be a trait of the twins. He’s well-spoken (boi speaks 3 languages and knows ASL come on now) and is funny/witty which is another trait people tend to like him for and is what makes Gemini’s more sociable. However, a downfall to the Gemini’s vast thinking is the persons indecisiveness. Malek can’t even decide at first if he really likes Dallas or is just pitying him and then when the feelings get stronger he can’t decide to tell him or how to act and it creates lots of conflict and doubt. Gemini’s don’t always have the easiest relationships because of their indecisiveness which leads to nervousness and I think is reflected a lot in Malek’s feelings for Dallas.

 Poppy: I know a lot of people kind of associate bad feelings with Scorpio’s, I actually think Poppy represents a lot of the good qualities neglected by other people that Scorpios have! Poppy is loyal to death and is very secretive in all the right ways (she literally is seeing both of her very close friends pinning over one another but shes too loyal to disclose the others secret even if something good could come out of it). She’s a strong and powerful force to be reckoned with which is why I think a majority of the baseball team respects her. However, sometimes her overwhelming passion and power are what can cause her to get confrontational (I know Poppy and Dallas have had a few hashing outs that were ugly and this makes sense for the two signs as Poppy can get jealous and resentful while Dallas can be sensitive and overemotional which can make the signs clash occasionally). At the end of the day though, Poppy really just has an overly protective and passionate heart and like most Scorpios, just really freaking wants some love. 

Parker: I thought Parker might be a Taurus, but after reading about all the signs I really found him to be a Libra. Libra’s are naturally the peace keepers of the group and have an affinity for beauty and harmony. Maybe Parker doesn’t actually go out of his way to make peace, but his common neutrality towards situations (literally one post I remember is he’s just like “I love both cats and dogs can we all get along” when discussing who was a cat or dog person I think? it really solidified this idea) and choosing to recognize both sides helps everyone feel balanced and maybe even wanna get along even if it’s just for his sake (not that they all fight or anything that frequently?). Parker’s absolute adoration for nature and hiking and the outside makes sense with the Libra sign as they have a thing for peace and beauty which can both be seen in nature through Parker’s eyes. Also, his general charming sweet nature can totally be seen by everyone (uhm let us not forget how Shook Tyler was when Parker gave him the honey lemony thing with ease bc Parker is a sweetheart and even though he’s shy, he can lowkey be a charmer without knowing it). His downfalls are seen in the Libra sign as he’s prone to being able to see both sides to any situation, but this can leave him feeling voiceless as sometimes people have a black and white way of thinking. He often retreats and gives up when conflict arises and lets others voice over him, rather than actually giving his peacemaking opinions. I believe he’s also got a strong empathetic nature which can be a downfall when it leads him to being manipulated or guilted into believing things very easily. 

Ben: Hmm Ben was harder as I don’t have too much information on my boi yet, but I found him to be like a Sagittarius because of his good humor and natural friendliness. Everyone likes him and everyones his friend because we’re all attracted to his humorous nature and positive outlook on most situations, however, I think maybe this is what can cause him to repress lots of his feelings. His willingness to be positive for others and neglect his personal needs can cause him to ignore his own feelings to make sure he isn’t bringing anyone down? I’m not sure, I’d have to know more and so this is my guess, but if this is it then he’s likely a Sagittarius as they often forget to tend to their own needs when trying to be sunshine for everyone else and never wanting to lose the positivity their friends/family bring them.

Blake: Aside from Malek’s, I think Blake’s was the easiest sign to critically evaluate and put out there because he’s so OBVIOUSLY a freaking Cancer. Those under the Cancer sign are absolute softies and are so freaking lovable, but sadly, you can only see this side of the sign if you get close enough to break through their hard, grumpy outer layer. More often than not, Cancer’s have a hard time expressing their real emotions and this can partially explain Blake’s “I hate everyone” personality because it’s so much easier to pretend he hates everyone else when really he just can’t talk about how much he hates himself. This can also help explain Blake having negative feelings towards Dallas because Dallas is more sensitive and isn’t quite on the same level of hiding emotions as Blake is and how Blake might see it as is, here is this kid who’s open (somewhat) about his feelings which is pathetic and is loved more than he is meanwhile Blake’s putting all his emotions and feelings in the closet to not burden those around him and he’s regarded as an asshole. Another downfall of the Cancer sign that Blake has is his clinginess because afterall, once he finds someone he can actually open up to, it’s hard for him to ever want to let go of the one person that brings that out of him. This can really make him look like a needy, grumpy jerk, but honestly this boi just wants some love and relief my guys. Just some more little things, Cancer signs are so imaginative and loving/protective and this can be seen in his love for theater and literature, and his way of treating those he’s especially close close to.

Tyler: Lmao lowkey made Tyler a Taurus because it’s got a very nice compatibility with the Cancer sign and I’m Gay™, but also not the only reason. The Taurus sign is a stubborn one, much like the Bull that represents it. This can be both good and bad as he’s stubborn when it comes to arguing and fighting, but this can be great when the person of the sign is on your side of things as they are fiercely loyal and willing to be patient with those willing to try and he’s very reliable. This is kinda shown in Tyler’s friendship (hhMMMM 👀) with Blake as he stubbornly cares about Blake despite his negative tendencies and stays loyally by his side. This somewhat leads to Tyler enabling Blake as once said in a post, but Tyler can’t help it under the Taurus sign because once he’s become attached he’ll do whatever he can to make his partner happy (even if it’s not always by the best means). This can lead to some self sacrificing which the Taurus sign will happily do (only if they want to though, never by force they are too stubborn for that) and kinda explains why Tyler enables Blake despite his better opinion and sacrifices being batter so that Blake can. Much like the Taurus sign he craves stability and some kind of routine, but also too much can be boring.

Phoebus: Okay don’t judge me for this but essentially, my first reasoning for making Phoebus an Aries was because I saw this pun about Aries signs that always “ram” through their problems LOL and it led me to just think this is how Phoebus battled through his osteosarcoma. Literally just slammed his head at test results in doctors offices until they changed to healthier ones. Aside from that idiotic note, Phoebus is witty and confident much like the Aries sign which is what causes him to clash with Malek when he acts all foolhardy and shit. If Malek and him could stop being so competitive, you’d actually find they’d be pretty compatible friends (or lovers???). He’s energetic and full of an adventurous attitude which will likely lead our poor mans in trouble. RIP

Dev: I don’t really know, in a lot of ways Dev just kinda reminds me of Malek and this leads me to connect them as Gemini bros. Dev is charismatic and a social butterfly and those are some high characteristics of the Gemini sign since they’re supposed to be the best communicators. 

Noah: I solely made Noah a Leo because Leo’s tend to have an almost pretentious nature around them as they tend to think highly of themselves (not all Leo’s, lmao not here to offend anyone!) and having the upbringing Noah does it only makes sense. He’s not afraid to speak his mind which is both beneficial (he helped our eggman the greg man when he stood up to his father) and negative (I wouldn’t say he probably hasn’t offended a ton of people in his time). A positive though is he’s clearly “creative” much like the Leo sign with his making movies and stuff.

Paulina: We really know nothing about Paulina yet, all we know is she is absolutely stunning and has the purest smile. I really just want her to be a sensitive Pisces because they can be the most caring and endearing sign of all and if I get to see that smile forever because she is constantly being a sweetheart than I will die accepting her as a Pisces taking it to the grave.

Charlie: We also don’t know a lot about Charlie, but since she is the team manager I put her as a Sagittarius under the assumption that she can at least be somewhat disciplined and is really good at organizing and being productive. I assume she is ambitious and maybe in my minds eye I like to imagine her as a sweet ol’ grouchy pants so pessimism is her Thing™

Sara: I’m all for loud and proud shameless lesbians so I was reading up on Virgo’s and the word comes from the word Virgin which by original definition meant ‘beholden to no man’ so my gay ass starts kicking and I am like, yes yes Sara is a Virgo die hard lesbian who will never bow down to the cis white man! But aside from that nonsense, Virgo’s tend to be independent creatures and this is a vibe I get from my girl Sara, she probably keeps lots of things unsaid about herself whether from shyness or past drama or both. However, she’s not so independent that she is uncaring or unloving and she likely tends to fret over the others wellbeing when they act foolish or put themselves at risk (i.e. my girl Sara will take a baseball to the face for Poppy 2k17 its time to ride or die bitch theres no going back)

Ari: Maybe I’m just biased towards Capricorns but I just see them as the grouchy “i love you now shut the fuck up” types and this is what I get from Ari. Much like other Capricorns, it’s difficult for Ari to express their feelings ESPECIALLY ones of affection (Ari “I’m allergic to loving expression pls don’t ever smile that fondly at me again I might vomit” Florenosos). Instead, due to the hiccup in miscommunication, they tend to relay their feelings using other likely troubling means (i.e. Ari bullying Phoebus to show affection lmao same). 

Wendy: Honestly Wendy’s feminist ride or die attitude is what led me to Aquarius because this sign tends to be the humanitarian of the signs and strive for equality in all aspects of life. She freaking defaced school property to prove a point my guys she’s a freaking Aquarius like only the Aquarius sign goes that hard and to such lengths to make sure their voice is heard.

Greg: Gregman the Eggman is a Virgo because he’s hella shy and independent. Boy can’t speak for himself for shit but often makes sure to look out for others (i.e. making sure Noah doesn’t do dumb shit and protecting the five foot weasel even though he can’t communicate the problematic things said weasel does). He’s practical and analytical and this often is what leads others to dismiss him as boring because he’s too shy to show any other side of himself or his interests. All in all, the eggman needs better friends and to erupt from his yolk filled shell.

Welp that’s pretty much all I got. I could literally be on the ball or so far from the truth that Bell is literally laughing their ass off at my poor attempt at analyzing these characters. NEVERTHELESS, I tried and here you go. Go read eerie crests here and thank/support the precious author and artist @littlestpersimmon for the content we get

#eerie crests #asks #hc #dallas margolin #Malek solh #Ben Maxwell #poppy rajkhowa #dev rajkhowa #charlie burton #paulina castro #jonas parker #sara portman #wendy hsiao #phoebus kells #ari florenosos #tyler beaumont #blake basinger #noah fairchild #gregory hawkins #sfw

[survivor-themyscira-blog]

Okay, Billy was salty as hell after he got voted out, and for some reason it was towards me? He said my attitude is intolerable or whatever, and that I have no room to talk about him getting pissy when he gets voted out.

1: I know, and therefore I didn't? Like I actually said nothing to him other than the fact that he's going home, which he wanted to hear in the first place (I think).

2: I... don't call out the entire tribe and call everyone cowards when I know I'm going home. Like, when I'm salty, it's because of a blindside, not an obvious vote. He can't really act like he deserved to stay when he did nothing in either of the last two challenges.

On a separate note, we merged now! So that's pretty nifty, I would say. I'm trying to get the merge tribe named Sappho because gay, and I think everyone's on board. thats real fuckin neato

AAAAAA i got a black lantern ring and idk what it does and i cant tell jordan or lily about it so im stuck lying to them and im bad god i hope this item is good

So we merged hey hey hey

Toph is pissed at me for choosing Kai over him for reward and I explained the situation to him and I feel bad because I had no intention of picking Toph like if I didn't pick Kai I was gonna pick Logan and then probably Ruthie next tbh jdlkfjlasd like this MESS I feel so bad but I lied to keep him happy. I feel shitty but anyways

I'm getting closer and closer with Jordan and it's both good and bad I think JD is disappointed in me

Madeline hasn't been responding much to my messages and I'm worried she a. hates me b. has better allies than me bc we've been separated for so long c. maybe i'm overreacting and she's just not seeing my messages

Kai is already throwing Jordan's name to RHONE and logan and IM FDKJFKLAS KAI STOP IM TRYING TO SAVE YOU i think i made this harder for him though i kinda went overboard with the distance myself from my closest ally thing so now my "closest" ally does not like my closest ally and wants him out fdjfajslkd I'm making things harder for my friends and I this isn't good

I also think Jordan thinks he has me around his finger and that's not... true? I don't think so at least. I'm thinking about trying to make a thing with Toph, Kai, Logan, Madeline, and Ian? I don't know. That's the ideal squad. And Jordan can give me info from the other side of Lily, Jack, and Nicholas. And then I can blindside him... soonish. I gotta decide when my metaphorical d-day is. Is it bad that I'm comparing Jordan's tribal to d-day? I hope not because I'm Garbo I gotta keep with this WWII metaphor for this persona to work out.

Also our tribe name is Sappho and if that doesn't perfectly describe our tribe then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also update on Madeline and I we're talking more now I don't think she hates me she was just like away from her computer whew we're in the clear bois

Also, Jordan found whatever the fuck was in the bedroom and I know it. I just do. Kai sent me this:

On 11/1/17, at 10:41 PM, Kai . wrote:

> On 11/1/17, at 10:41 PM, LA {Themyscira Host} wrote:

> > You run into the room and look around but there is nothing to be found. You have a nagging suspicion you missed out on something but what? Who knows! Sorry, better luck next time.

And I popped over to Jordan, who claims I am his "closest ally," and said

On 11/1/17, at 10:42 PM, Emily wrote:

> so what was in the room

> lmao

> I’m kidding I’m just sssuming

On 11/1/17, at 10:43 PM, Jordan Pines wrote:

> I DIDNT FUCKING GET

> IM SO FUCKING ANNOYED

On 11/1/17, at 10:43 PM, Emily wrote:

> IMS SKSBSJ

> REALLY

> ANSKSBSJJAJA

To quote Jordan: hosts, this is called lying! This boy got an advantage and he wants to keep it a secret from me and thinks that because he's called me his "closest ally" that I won't fall for it. I think the heck not, you trick ass Jordan.

Sorry this is all over the fuckin place but now I'm talking to Logan and Madeline. Logan has told me that he has been open with Jordan and calling with him, like I have been. Which is INCH RESTING. Because Jordan told me he wouldn't call with someone unless he wanted to work with them hella long term. (That's paraphrasing.) OH MY GOOOOOOD I love catching this boy in his lies....... I love comparing notes. I love when people unknowingly give me the info I need. Also Madeline is the sweetest human being on earth look

On 11/1/17, at 11:56 PM, Emily wrote:

> i just wanna find something

> i feel lame

On 11/2/17, at 12:00 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You can find my heart

I love her wtf I want to work with her forever. Honestly why is everyone in this damn game my bff someone make me hate them QUICK!!!

Now I want to work with Lily and Madeline but I'm worried bc Lily is close with Jack and Jordan. Jordan has mentioned many times that he can get Jack and Lily to vote how he wants them to. And so that's major hinting at how he is close with her. And if Lily is close with Jordan and she gets put in an all girls alliance with Madeline and I, she might tell Jordan. And if I don't tell Jordan about the all girls alliance, he won't trust me. And I need him to trust me. I'm breaking my english teacher's heart by starting all those sentences with and but anyways! Merge happened and everything is a little okay. Also I don't proof read my confessionals so like if this is a mess it's a mess I'm sorry nobody's perfect I gotta work it.

Anyways, here are my goals: congradoritos, you made merge, now the goal is to not be merge boot. Maybe try to make it past seventh. Use Kai's idol to your advantage. Vote Jordan out soon. Get in some alliances. Win something good in the auction. Something GOOOOOOOD. Please Survivior gods help me out

Y'all. This is just a confession with another example of why I love Madeline.

On 11/2/17, at 12:02 AM, Madeline wrote:

> do you choose chest, candy box, or oven

On 11/2/17, at 12:03 AM, Emily wrote:

> im

> i think oven

On 11/2/17, at 12:04 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You open the oven and see two trays of treats the top row has muffins and the bottom row is a tray of sugar cookies

On 11/2/17, at 12:06 AM, Emily wrote:

> oh shit

> i want the muffins

On 11/2/17, at 12:07 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You choose the muffins from the oven be careful they’re still hot! You see there’s several types of muffins to choose from, blueberry, chocolate chip, and banana nut

On 11/2/17, at 12:08 AM, Emily wrote:

> BLUEBERRY

On 11/2/17, at 12:10 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You choose the blueberry muffins do you wait to enjoy it in the morning for breakfast or dive right into the warm treat?

On 11/2/17, at 12:12 AM, Emily wrote:

> dive right in

On 11/2/17, at 12:14 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You choose to dive right in because you can’t resist the temptation of having a blueberry muffin crafted by Madeline who not only loves to cook but’s favorite muffin also is blueberry and have thus won her heart.

> (heart)

On 11/2/17, at 12:15 AM, Emily wrote:

> omg

> i did it

On 11/2/17, at 12:15 AM, Madeline wrote:

> You may redeem this idol at any point when you’re feeling sad or lonely or bored OR WANT TO BEAT OUT THESE BOYS RUNNING THIS THING

On 11/2/17, at 12:15 AM, Emily wrote:

> DFKLADKLA

> BIG MOOD

> tbh I’m redeeming it now we better vote out these boys

This pure girl I want to be her best friends

Organizing my thoughts for these merge folk:

Ian: Uneasy about him for some reason. Seems very nice but we haven't talked much game.

Jack: Tbh if I want anyone gone the most, it's him. I really don't vibe with him and it's very obvious he and Jordan are close. If I want to make a move on Jack, I need to do it secretly or in a close vote.

Jordan: My "closest" ally. I'm blindsiding him when I get the chance. I love him as a person, but as a player he's scary as fuck. I don't want that in late merge. And I'm also trying to protect Duncan's record because I love Duncan.

Kai: My closest ally.  I stan him and his idol. Time zones put a damper on things sometimes but we still talk a lot and we are very close. I wouldn't mind taking him to the end based on his social game.

Lily: I really haven't talked to her much but, to quote Rhone, she's a legend. She's really funny and I want to make an ally girls alliance with her so bad wtf but I know she's close with Jordan and so I need to tread lightly.

Logan: I love him so much wtf! He's a great ally and I think Kai and I got closer bc Logan and I were separated but now that we're all back on one tribe it's fucking lit and New Skype Who Dis? can maybe do some damage

Madeline: I literally want to be her best friend I am SUCH stan. She's such a sweet heart and I want to work with her even though she's a little cracked

Nicholas: cracked idol playing king. He's so nice! Like so nice. We had a good convo and I'm happy. I want to work with him but we need to talk more.

Rhone: I LOVE RHONE so much wtf. They're so nice and I just stan so much. And they've been talking to me a good amount which makes me think they still wanna work with me and that makes me happy I love having allies

Toph: cracked messy king. hoping I don't ruin his game but tbh in the other games I've played, people that are closer with me than I are with them always end up ruining their game to my benefit so rip toph probably. But I'm proud of him for making merge love him

Anyways those are my thots for now. It's one am and I have class in eight hours. I also have a stance on this question:

"If your homie sends you a dick pic and you screenshot it, who gay?"

OBVIOUSLY both of them are bi. I just make everyone bi actually u know ignore me but that's my answer

Also, 100 duck sized horses is my answer. I was absent for the tribal so I feel left out not getting to answer the questions.

OKAY NOW GOOD NIGHT FOR REAL

WHEW this past round was messy and weird! We had no idea what was really going on w this tribal for us until the actual vote so I was being a lil snake trying to get Andreas out when I didn't even need to bc Hippolyta did it for me. :) But Antiope and Hippolyta are NO MORE because I made the merge!!!!!!!! I'm dumb shook bc I honestly tend to go premerge but I think with the premerge boot order shaking out the way I did I'm in a really good position right now.

Love the tribe name, love lesbians, love women in general, love this season. Lily really is an awesome kid and I want to talk to her more because she's so funny and insightful. And I hate to say it but I do feel like I could beat her at FTC because she's a little less cool under pressure than me so she's someone I'm definitely looking at long-term. Like I think her and Jordan would be my ideal final 3 so I have to get them to trust me the most. I really think having Emily around towards the end would be good too and give me options, and Nicholas is tight with me. So basically I fuck with the swapped Antiope crew + Nicholas, but not really Jack if I can be totally honest. I just don't think he really trusts me and he'll totally beat me at the end.

Kai on the other hand is legit coked out of his head, he came to me right after we merged and started shitting all over Jordan/Lily/Jack to me and I was like...uhhhh take a look at the wiki bruh, I was on that tribe too! So I told Jordan everything because I have a feeling he's nervous that I'm gonna try to blinside him and not gonna lie I considered it, I just think my odds long-term are better with him. Ian and Madeline are also kind of in trouble I think. They're both so social and nice it's a little disturbing and I know from Jordan that they're a pretty tight pair. I accidentally made a deal with Madeline to just never vote her out lmfao so I'm gonna have to maneuver to see if I can keep that deal while still getting Madeline out. To quote strategic god JP of Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers fame, I guess we'll see what happens.

I want to prove myself in this game so bad. I really feel like if I maneuver effectively through this merge I can get to FTC with limited blood on my hands and the respect of the majority of the jury. So often people see me as like a goat or a follower and I need people to realize that I am actively involved in strategy and am paving my own way to the end. I'm the one using people! It's not the other way around!

Last thing -- I suck at finding idols and advantages. WE BEEN KNEW. I'm so shook that there are so many fucking advantages and idols out there in this game and I have none of them. Idols and advantages tend to be the reason I'm voted out in games, too, which is the worst fucking feeling. That's probably the biggest thing scaring me in the game right now. The people are fine, it's these magic sticks or w/e the fuck you weirdos are handing out that are the real threats.

While walking into school I got smashed in between closing automated doors and I think that’s a good metaphor for me and how I play

I'm so happy to be back on a tribe with Madeline I just love her. She's the nicest person in the whole wide world and that is a FACT

WHO THE FUCK GAVE JORDAN PINES 220 DOLLARS EXTRA FUCK ALL YALL

[11/3/17, 11:14:12 PM] Toph Estroy: emilys

[11/3/17, 11:14:31 PM] Toph Estroy: what u gonna buy?

[11/3/17, 11:14:45 PM] Emily: i dont even know the items hon

TOPH chill the fuck out

I HATE THIS GAME. Honestly it's going to be so hard to vote some people out like Emily or Toph or Kai. I don't know how I'm going to do that when the time comes for it. IF THE TIME COMES.

I also wish Ian would've just given me all his money, like it would've been fishy BUT at least then I could've won us all the good stuff. MAYBE GOOD STUFF? I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE THE STICC AND IM GONNA STICC IT UP SOMEONES BUTT IF THEY COME FOR ME THIS ROUND THATS FOR DAMN SURE

I’m trying to decide who to tell about my advantage. If I tell anyone, I’ll tell Kai. You know, since he told me about his idol and all. But Jordan has been asking me to tell him and I’m just not opening the messages and ignoring them until I can make up a message to send him saying the shield doesn’t do anything. Or maybe it’s just a weak power. And I mean, I’m not sure how to use this shield correctly, so I gotta figure out what to do with it before I even think about telling people. I don’t know what to do so I’m just going to, ya know, avoid it. I’m also 81% sure I won’t be able to do this challenge unless it’s super late tonight when all my actors are asleep. We finished the script just now so my part is basically done for our 24 hour play-a-thon thing. Anyways, I have not been very active recently so let’s hope it doesn’t get me booted! LOL

Fuck stairway to hell I literally never want to see that fucking challenge again my mood is ruined I am pissed off I'm so bad at it and I just !!!!!!!! FUCK OFF I AM SO FUCKING MAD I just... god. I'm so upset. My social game has been lacking quite a bit lately. I need to #work #on #that. But now I'm going to work on my IRL social game and go play board games with my friends that are still awake at 3 am goodbye

I’m screaming how did I get third on a challenge I started at 1:30AM mid writing a script for a 24 hour play festival. I didn’t win but I like lily and I’m glad she won. That’s one more guaranteed safety for the girlies! I really want to make this all girls alliance tho fuccc. Also I told Jordan about my power bc he told me about his and it’d be shady and I also don’t know how powerful my power can actually be? I don’t know how to use it properly right now. I’m still thinkin on it. And if I haven’t confessed about this yet, I bought a shield in the auction that basically negates any negative powers that would affect me like a vote steal or something. And Jordan has a vote canceller thing so he knows that I can :-) you know :-) negate whatever thingie he uses against me :-) ya know just a little bit of a push to get him to fear me a bit. I love when men fear me

I'm still pissed about the results from the music video challenge. WHAT THE FUCK.

Jack being isolated for 24 hours really doesn’t concern me because I don’t talk to him ever so like ;-) anyways

ok so i am making this confessional because i really do think that this could be my last one that i make. if i am correct i am pretty sure logan/kai are gunning for me for whatever fucking reason. i'm pretty pissed at how i did in the challenge first of all because i wanted to either flop completely or win it all. of course, i tied for second and continue to make myself out to be a competition threat that i am not. i really don't know how to spin this bc everyone keeps bringing up the fact that i did well and i'm pretty pissed. jp has been telling me that kai has been throwing my name around @ the last vote and now this vote and i didn't believe it bc i thought kai and i were friends from another game and were going to finally work together in this one. then i, LIKE A MATURE ADULT, confronted kai about it with only included minimal detail and he deadass told me he has been throwing my name around and that makes me scared because he must feel like he has the votes and that's really bad tbh because there are enough people that i'm not close to who would probably be willing to vote me out [logan/lily/toph]. i have a bad feeling that the votes are going to flip to jp and he is going to play a power and then somehow i am going to go home in the aftermath. my gut is telling me that something really shitty is going to happen at this tribal and there's not much i can do to stop it so i am just going to make my rounds and hope that people won't want to end my life tonight. yeehaw!

Okay well i feel like im organizing a pretty amazing blindside but at the same time i could be lying to both you and myself. Im calling this #PineSide... so wish me luck lmao

You get an alliance chat and you get an alliance chat! Okay well technically I'm only in two, the third one is just Madeline and I with the hosts. If it keeps me safe I'll take it. People have to have guessed by now that Madeline and I are close. Maybe?

This is very video confession worthy but I'm very very sick so I cannot film anything without blowing my nose ten times throughout the duration of the video. Anyways, I was approached last night with the idea of voting out Kai. I cannot remember who approached me with it, it was either Jordan or Rhone idk tho. So obviously, me being me, I don't want to vote out Kai. Kai has entrusted me with the information that he has an idol. And I want him to use that wisely. But since he name is already on the chopping block tonight, that makes me worried. I think he's going to have to use his idol.

When I started hearing Kai's name, I went to Logan. He said this:

[11/4/17, 10:43:08 PM] Emily: okay so ppl are coming to me saying that kai is the target and idk how I feel about it

[11/4/17, 10:43:17 PM] Emily: and idk how to approach kai with it

[11/4/17, 10:43:23 PM] Emily: or if u think I should at all

[11/4/17, 10:43:27 PM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: um

[11/4/17, 10:43:33 PM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: At ur own risk '

[11/4/17, 10:43:39 PM] Logan Bee-Culpepper: when can u call

Which is ... WEIRD! I thought Kai and Logan were really close and this is making me uneasy. Is this Logan hinting that he does want to vote out Kai? Very interesting if I do say so myself.

So I talked to a few more people today including Nicholas and Madeline who both told me they heard Kai's name and are uneasy about voting Kai. That's good. But it seems like Jordan has been talking to everyone and wanting to call with everyone (something he has told me is something he does with only the people he wants to work with and go far with.). So I think I have an idea of how Jordan is playing: trying to make everyone think that they're his secret pair and that he's going to take them to the end. He's told me this, and I don't believe him. He could be telling the truth, but I think he's a lot closer to Jack and Lily and Rhone than he is to me. My goal though is to make sure that people think after this vote that I'm with them, not Kai. When in reality, that's not the case.

An alliance has been made consisting of Kai, Ian, Madeline, and I. We're called the Dudes n Dames. It's pretty cute. And we're going to call in a little bit and I'm going to talk to them about this plan. Ideally, what I want to happen is:

Votes falling on Kai: Jordan's, Lily's, Rhone's,  Logan's, Nicholas', Toph's, mine

Votes falling on Jordan: Ian's, Kai's, Madeline's

I want to vote against Kai because I want people to think that I'm not with Kai. I think that if I send my vote (including a distinct voting confession) to the people I'm voting with, that'll secure that they know I voted with them. If the votes are not split and Kai plays his idol (which he has told me he is), then Jordan should go home. I trust Ian and Madeline to do what we decide on doing in the call today, I just need to make sure they're okay with me voting how I am so I can continue to be the double agent for them and clue them in on any possible blindsides against us. I think they will be okay and understand this plan? Possibly hopefully fkdjklas! But I'm not sure where Toph's vote is gonna go and I'm not sure where Logan's vote is gonna go. I have to call with Logan today at some point to discuss, so hopefully that'll clear things up. Toph is close with Madeline, we just gotta make sure Madeline doesn't tell Toph about the plan to vote out Jordan, because I think Toph and Jordan are close. But ANYWAYS

Tonight, Kai is not going home because he's playing his idol. It's about to be a #PinesSide, ladies and gentlemen.

So the auction was fun, I guess!

Not only was it filled with plenty of bourgeoisie memes, but we got away from it with a decent haul. Between the food and the statue that I bet on, I got... nothing. I didn't even get the statue, it ended up with Jack. But hey, he got a challenge advantage and a super idol, so that was alright. Oh, and Jordan got a vote cutter.

I also ended up winning immunity with a strategy which I thought would turn out much better than it did. I had a text-based bot programmed to start sending the messages super quickly (I pre-typed them and entered them into the program), and although I did win, I didn't get up to 25 like I planned. There was, uh... a bit of a glitch. I'll paste that glitch log here for viewer enjoyment.

I go down step19IGDNSTP

OOWNE&GOWTOW ST ON P$GONE!#P

I dn sp1

go sp1i9O DNE IDO SEPIDOSW EP  ot4

odwnte3se

ID T r ep2o  te

 stp

I  P

IO U SE^ guste

g ste8

GO  EP !O SP

GO  UPSTE!Igptp4 g st p

I  T

u p8IOGOP SP @

GOPEP@I cet dwn t 1gdo p0 gd ow st

dn sp

gdo testp 5IO WST !  w stp @GODNTP!

dte1i wn t te8

IOOWNT

dt6i wnt e IOOST# o t2i w te

3

go se  us 2 ust 3 go p t  o e6g  p

O US SP ( upt1i pt1 U SUPTEP#I us1IGUS

uo st1gut  UST I p uep

g  sp

plat2 DNOWSTE! d e

NSP !I1oo t

ownt1ODN OW ST

d p3

oo te1p1

IOO P

OWST *

oo t I de6

odo wnsp

Y'all I am so determined to be on the front page of the Athena Wiki saying "Emily has won Themyscira!" LET *clap* ME *clap* TELL *clap* YOU I will be there. I'm so determined to win

If this was Survivor: Futurama, I would be Leela, Ian would be Fry, Emily would be Amy, and Toph would be my little baby Nibbler.

So I'm pretty certain I'm not going home on this vote so that's nice! Jordan and Kai are trying to blindside each other and I'm going with Jordan on this one. He and I had a really long talk on call the other night and it's so weird but I like...trust him? I trust Jordan Pines. I've never actually trusted Jordan in a game before lmao so we'll see if this works out or not. We want us and Lily to be the final 3 because all three of us have never won a Tumblr game so that would be a way to ensure one of us finally wins! We're also working with Emily, Logan, Nicholas and Jack. I really think Jack needs to go sooner rather than later so if it gets to a point where he needs to go and Jordan's still protecting him I'm not afraid to mobilize the minority to get him out. He just annoys the fuck out of me tbqh but that's like...basically everyone in this community.

I feel bad about not working with Ian and Madeline because they're both really cool people but I think they're big threats and they're always gonna prioritize each other over me or anyone else they work with. They're really socially strong it's actually kinda scary. I want to be friends with them after the game but in this game I think they need to get out sooner than later, and I'm hoping other people will piss them off more than I do. I already feel like I'm burning Kai's vote by basically orchestrating his blindside but...*Jenny Slate voice* I just like to have fun.

https://youtu.be/zBgGKumWIxs

I... REALLY hope that I'm the one that gets to come back tonight! I somehow don't think I will with so much competition but either way, this has been fun and I'm excited that there was a buyback!

Hehehehehe

[11/5/17, 7:14:50 PM] Emily: you think everything will be okay tonight?

[11/5/17, 7:15:38 PM] Jordan Pines: im super paranoid

[11/5/17, 7:15:41 PM] Jordan Pines: i trust our 5

[11/5/17, 7:15:42 PM] Jordan Pines: the issue

[11/5/17, 7:15:46 PM] Jordan Pines: is i don’t trust anyone else

[11/5/17, 7:15:49 PM] Emily: fkdfklas ME

[11/5/17, 7:15:53 PM] Jordan Pines: i don’t think ian has been leaked at all

[11/5/17, 7:15:55 PM] Jordan Pines: im praying

[11/5/17, 7:16:01 PM] Jordan Pines: if this pays off

[11/5/17, 7:16:01 PM] Emily: i dont think so either

[11/5/17, 7:16:04 PM] Jordan Pines: and kai wastes an idol

[11/5/17, 7:16:09 PM] Jordan Pines: like we set for endgame

[11/5/17, 7:16:11 PM] Emily: i haven’t told him anything i swear

[11/5/17, 7:16:16 PM] Jordan Pines: i trust you darling

[11/5/17, 7:16:18 PM] Jordan Pines: dont worry

[11/5/17, 7:16:18 PM] Emily: i trust you guys i want to go with you guys to the end

[11/5/17, 7:16:24 PM] Emily: i just get paranoid

[11/5/17, 7:16:43 PM] Emily: I’m sorry I’m gonna get more and more worried as the night goes on

[11/5/17, 7:17:01 PM] Jordan Pines: youre nervous? I’m the ones whose had my name out there for what 3 days now lol?

Like I need Jordan to know I love him as a person but this literally feels so great

God, I've been so impatient about waiting for this day to come. I finally get to battle my way (hopefully) back into the game... a lot is riding on this. I'm really anxious because I don't want to fuck this up.

Realistically, I'll probably just be an easy next boot if I go back into the game so maybe it's best if I save the time and effort put into all of this :/ But... I just don't do that. I've not given up for one second in this game, I'm not going to give up now. If I am defeated, then so be it, and I hope the person who vanquishes me makes the most of their second life. I'll harness my competition beast just for one night, hopefully it'll work. I'm nervous, y'all.

[11/5/17, 8:19:34 PM] Emily: i really dont want to change my vote

[11/5/17, 8:19:38 PM] Emily: really really really dont want to

[11/5/17, 8:20:12 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): but are you?

[11/5/17, 8:20:19 PM] Emily: I AM

[11/5/17, 8:24:12 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): kk just make sure you lock in whichever vote you’re going with before the votes are read

[11/5/17, 8:24:23 PM] Emily: i will I’m just still thinking

[11/5/17, 8:25:05 PM] Emily: i know we need three but I’m so worried about how this is going to go after the vote

[11/5/17, 8:25:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): no worries!

[11/5/17, 8:27:41 PM] Emily: my thing is EVEN IF I DONT CHANGE MY VOTE AND THINGS END UP LIKE 2-2-1 somehow, we can revote!!! and things will be okay right??????

[11/5/17, 8:27:46 PM] Emily: well maybe not

[11/5/17, 8:27:52 PM] Emily: let me work this out in hree

[11/5/17, 8:29:32 PM] Emily: ian: jp, lily, me, rhone, nicholas

kai: logan

toph: toph

jp: madeline, ian

[11/5/17, 8:29:54 PM] Emily: somehow if it goes to a 2-2 vote

[11/5/17, 8:30:30 PM] Emily: jordan: me, madeline, ian

???: lily, rhone, nicholas

where would logan go and can toph even vote in an event of a tie

[11/5/17, 8:30:48 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): top cannot revote

[11/5/17, 8:30:50 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): bc he has a self vote

[11/5/17, 8:30:53 PM] Emily: okay

[11/5/17, 8:31:10 PM] Emily: i dont know where the fuck logan would go

[11/5/17, 8:31:39 PM] Emily: but long story short, i dont think I’m gonna change my vote. we will be okay with 2 votes. i can stay good with everyone

[11/5/17, 8:32:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): kk so your vote is staying ian?

[11/5/17, 8:32:13 PM] Emily: yes

[11/5/17, 8:32:21 PM] Emily: at least for now. staying ian

[11/5/17, 8:32:26 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): kk

[11/5/17, 8:32:33 PM] Emily: I’m not going to tell them tho

[11/5/17, 8:32:37 PM] Emily: fdksjakla

[11/5/17, 8:36:59 PM] JD { Themyscira Host }: are you... gonna put this in a confessional? Cus I love stateging

[11/5/17, 8:37:16 PM] Emily: i will

[11/5/17, 8:37:29 PM] Emily: i confessed about a lot but i will just add the quotes to a confession

Dudes, Dames n a Deutch is the best alliance ever formed and it's all in the memory of Andreas OUR FALLEN MEMBER.

ANDREAS YOU NEED TO COME BACK.

#whatidoisnotuptoyou #athena11 #episodes

[fromnatwithlove]

Hong Kong Reflections

#Honestly really so grateful I came on this trip. I feel like i’ve really changed a lot throughout the trip & my life view is also very very different!! This may sound a little exaggerated, but I’m definitely a different person that I was before the trip. Initially thought it would be really awkward and boring, being the only young person and going with yeema, ah yee jane, ahma and gong gong and mummy, but wah i really feel like i’ve grown in the past 6 days than I have in the past year.  HK LESSON #1: Fake it till you make it -- it works.

We all know that we act differently around different groups of people. We seem to take on a different persona, based on what people expect us to be & what they think we are supposed to behave like. For me, I’m very mischievous around my friends, very kind and patient and thoughtful around relatives, yet at home, with my family, I have a very short temper and for some strange reason, I find myself extremely reluctant to offer help to my family members. I never understood the reason why (and I still don’t!) but I realised that, your perspective and expectation of yourself is SUPER important! Small efforts to tweak your mental state and consciousness to pretend to be a certain type of person (e.g. polite, helpful, patient, kind-hearted) will actually help you achieve that kind of character for real. I’ve been so used to being the considerate, patient and helpful kid that I find myself super willing to help my family members at home, even when it’s not necessary to put on a show! So stop believing that your personality traits have to vary with different groups of people, and that, just because you’re short-tempered at home means you’re a short tempered person, that its in your nature and cannot be changed. You can actually just psyche yourself and convince yourself to be more helpful, make mini-mental efforts to not have negative thoughts and basically... fake it till you make it!!! I realised this works for my mom too. She’s usually super impatient and gets angry for the smallest things, but being around relatives forced her to control her anger and like. she can actually do it. We all can do it (be more helpful and patient, etc). It’s honestly just a mental mind game. HK LESSON #2: Filial Piety and Familial Love

There are many little things that say “I love you”, just that we don’t notice them. I love my Ahma so much. I’ve been saying this for so long like 10 years and I always beat myself up for not telling her that but honestly -- there are many things that don’t always have to be expressed in words. Just because I dont say it outrightly doesnt mean that she doesn’t know. I love offering to hold her hand bag, and my favourite feeling is holding her hand to cross the road and when she holds my hand back for balance as she walks, knowing that I’m always by her side and here for her! She’s forever asking if i’m cold and she gave me her scarf. She makes the effort to call me by the right name (instead of my sisters). I remember this particular meal time where, while we were all eating, she kept looking over at my plate to see if I had enough to eat. She would pick up food with her chopsticks and pile them up on my plate, asking me to eat more. I guess there are some things my mom does that I take for granted as well. Every time she asks if I have enough to eat or gives me good food, it’s honestly just cos she’s looking out for me. and I guess i���ve been taking that for granted la. When we argue and I get really angry I always think that I can never get along with my mom and that I cannot stand her as a person. But i realised honestly when she doesn’t get angry we really really get on very well??? which is such a strange feeling for me ahh. And I really honestly am very thankful for my mom cos i know she sacrificed a lot for us and just wants the best for us. without her I would never be where I am today la honestly. and I’m just thankful I guess.  HK LESSON #3: Arguing is also a form of communication

The other day I told Ahyee Diana that Mummy and Jiejie always fight, and she said “It’s normal. Fighting is okay, sometimes it’s even good. Fighting is also a form of communication. It’s better than not talking at all”  If you think about it, fighting with someone means that 2 parties actually care enough about one another to spend time explaining and arguing their point across to the other person, and usually when family’s argue it’s just because they want the best for each other (just that what they perceive as the ‘best’ may be different!) If you didnt really care for the person much you would not waste your time and breath arguing with that person and getting upset or angry over it. In some ways, its actually better than both people giving each other the silent treatment or not bothering to speak to that person at all because they dont care enough. I guess its true that, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. HK LESSON #4: Believe + Determination = Success Determination is not synonymous with confidence. I know I am determined but I am definitely lacking in belief and confidence! I know i’m always struggling to draw the line between having confidence and having an inflated ego. I guess I dont have the answer yet, but I think BELIEVING in yourself is very important. If you don’t even think you are a suitable candidate, how would you expect others to believe that you are a good candidate??? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!! you must believe in what you are doing if not there’s honestly no point in even trying! That being said, ah yee jane told me about Uncle Yong Chun’s story of how he single handedly created the company and managed its success, even though he was born without a silver spoon. He was willing to suffer and do construction work to earn bits to fund his own local uni education, and eventually he achieved success. He never gave up on himself, never had a submissive attitude or told himself that he is disadvantaged and can never be good enough. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH and you honestly have to believe that! You have so much potential nat! you already have the determination part down you are just missing the part where you TRUST yourself and BELIEVE that you can do it :) :) HK LESSON #5: Grades aren’t everything | The future is unpredictable | Your choices make you

Your academic grades do not determine your future, neither is intellect a guarantor of success and wealth in life. Ah yee Jane was merely working as a clerk, Uncle Phillip didn’t do as well in school as Mummy, Uncle Teck Chee’s grades sucked so bad he had to choose the most unwanted course in poly. Look at where all of them are now. DON’T. SHORTCHANGE. YOURSELF. you have so so so much potential and capability as a person never ever view yourself in a discounted perspective and never ever shortchange yourself. Human beings are amazing and you are a human being!!! You will be able to do great things if you set your mind to it. Honestly, dont let your grades define you because being book smart only works well in the early stages of your life. but HOHO guess what? your early stages in life are over. It’s a different ball game in the working world and it’s up to YOU and your belief in yourself whether you can do it. Never ever think that just because you are less successful now, means you won’t be super successful in the future. The future is so unpredictable! Tables turn and you will never know when your efforts will just all be rewarded all at once :)  HK LESSON #6: Have a Happy Heart 

What’s the secret to happiness? Having a clean heart. One that is free from jealousy and judgement, from insecurities and suspicion. Free from negativity and criticism. Be simple-minded and positive, laugh at everything you see. Laugh at every little stupid story, even if its not funny. Laugh more! smile at people more! Don’t be jealous of people, and don’t feel insecure all the time. Be captured by the things around you and try to find joy in everything. Every time you want to complain, find something to be joyful about and make effort to be less critical and negative in your life. really really just be simple and happy because honestly nothing is more everlasting, authentic and long-lasting than that. Just stay strong and don’t let yourself wallow in self pity. Look at ah yee jane. honestly she could have just fallen into depression after uncle yong chun’s accident, and wallowed in self pity but she’s still so positive and cheerful and hopeful!! she’s satisfied by the smallest things in life and her monetary wealth is not the most important thing to her. 

Be peaceful -- and as JJ said, why get so excited?  HK LESSON #7: There is a reason for everyone’s character flaw, and mistake. 

Don’t be so quick to judge and get angry when others do something wrong. Do not be so quick to make judgement and criticise them, for you do not understand their story.  HK LESSON #8: People love you for who you are No matter what the results are for A levels, your relatives will still always think you are the best and they will love you no matter what. The school you go to does not matter to them at all.  HK LESSON #9: It’s okay to be depressed. People Understand.  It’s perfectly normal to go through hard times. Everyone has their own struggle and no family or person leads the perfect life (with the exception of people like JJ perhaps.) At the same time, speak to more adults if it helps and people actually will understand you! Don’t always think that just bc you had depression means that you’re damaged goods or that you are mentally weak. In fact, if anything you are just mentally stronger for having recovered. At the same time, this trip also made me realise that there’s so much more to life than struggling to meet people’s expectations of you all the time. just care about yourself and love yourself more. The future has so much in store! Jobs, marriage, family, friends -- there are so many people around you that love you so much in fact I feel so awful / queasy and guilty when I think about the nights where I lay in bed and told myself that no one would care if I ever died anyway, because people eventually recover and forget and get over it. SO MANY EXCITING THING LIES AHEAD NAT. As Russell said, the world is your oyster. Go out there and OWN IT.  Overall, Have more confidence in yourself and love more! Sending the future me a lot of love (esp if you’re reading this after tons of rejections and poor A levels results). Just rmb! Your university doesnt determine anything, and nothing is certain in life.