#bday haul ! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

phantomrose96 · 2 days

Text

Okay I have a story.

So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)

During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.

She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!

I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.

I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.

My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.

No. Me and Cat Pole.

It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.

Um.

Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.

Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.

Great.

Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."

I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.

After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.

I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"

My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.

This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.

I take a picture. I text her.

Okay.

I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.

I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.

My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.

#chrissy speaks

7K notes · View notes

envy-of-the-apple · 23 days

Note

Hihihihi!! Happy Belated Bday!!!! I hope you had a good day 💗

Just wanna say again I love ya writing 🤍 Question for the Naha AU, Would the Naga hatchlings be able to speak English since they grew up around reader? And do you think Satoru and Suguru would develop more speech the longer they’re around reader?

Could y’all maybe stop giving me ideas for the naga au??? This isn't very nice

Top of the Food Chain pt 3

Part One Part two

(Dark!naga!Satosugu x reader)

(Warnings: implied forced relationship, yandere, dark content etc etc)

"I saw a shark today."

That certainly caught your attention.

"I'm sorry, you what?"

"Triangle fins, sharp teeth," Nobara casually continues, "a shark."

You move, more worried than upset. "Did it attack you? Are you okay?"

You glance down at her body. In just a few years, she'd grown to be slightly smaller than you. In terms of looks, she's resembles a human pre-teen. Compared to her brothers, she looks more human too. Her hair can hide the fins that protrude where her ears should be. Her eyes are more human, rounder. If it weren't for her tail, swishing in the water behind her, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

"We did fight." Nobara grins. Sharp teeth, just like her fathers'.

"Not funny," you reply.

"We did! Can you guess who won? I'll give you a hint: she's right in front of you."

She manages to pull a laugh out of you. You shake your head at her, more exasperated than anything else.

"No more fighting any more sharks," you tell her, but when she grins wider, you know she won't listen.

In human years, she's barely an infant. In Naga years, she's barely a teenager. Yet, she's so independent. Nobara started hunting for herself as soon as she started staying in the water around the clock. Not even Yuji and Megumi became this hands-off, despite both being larger than her.

It's probably why you had a soft spot for her. You'd never admit this to the other two hatchlings, but Nobara was your favorite (and you had a feeling she knew it, too). She resembles you in a way. Different, from the rest of the group. A bit isolated. It doesn't help that neither of her fathers seemed to be interested in her as soon as she started venturing into the water. You can count the number of times they've visited her on your hand. And you were pretty sure it had more to do with the fact you were with her, rather than Nobara herself.

She was alone. Much like you are.

The siren hums, giving you a small 'aye captain', which causes you to laugh again. Despite how uncaring she appeared, you were certain Nobara liked it when you worried for her. Cared about her. You just wished she wouldn't go to extremes just to get your attention.

Her expression brightens just then. Her tail swishes, creating small waves as she rises up. You were a few feet away, right at the bank, looking down at her as she wiggled.

"Oh! I found more human things!" She excitedly told you.

"Did you?" you ask, tilting your head, smiling.

There's a nod, before she's diving down, disappearing into the depths. She comes back up to the surface a few minutes later, depositing a few trinkets onto the bank.

It's your fault for instilling such a curiosity for humans. She was the first to pick up your tongue, practically a native speaker by the time she started to swim. Because of her ability to venture into the ocean, she started picking up strange objects, returning back to you. You and her would sit for hours, sifting through the stuff she brought. Her fascination with humankind thrilled you. You were always more than willing to share your knowledge with Nobara.

"What are they?" she asks in pure fascination.

"Hm, let's see," you reply, looking through the stuff.

It was a rather small haul. You didn't mind. She's found a couple of interesting things today.

"Oh, a claw clip," you note, picking the plastic contraption with both hands, "you use this to hold your hair, to get it out of your face."

It's pretty. Cheap looking, but ultimately pretty. You like the designs. It's a pretty color too. Periwinkle.

Nobara looks at the hair ornament with wonder.

"A claw clip." She tries.

"Here, I'll show you. Turn around." You tell her.

She does as she's told, swishing in the water. You lean over the bank, grabbing her beautiful hair. You needed to be careful. Nagafolk have more sensitive hair than yours but she doesn't seem to mind your fumbling. When you're finished adjusting the clip, you ask her to look at her reflection in the water.

"Well?" you ask.

"Wow," she gushes, "I look so cute!"

You laugh, light and airy. She beams at you, and for a moment, she looks like a kid, with no sharp teeth, no desire to go shark hunting.

"What else?" she asks, moving back to the bank.

You hum, picking up the book next. It was soggy from all the time it had spent in the water. You could somewhat make out what was on the title. But the ink on the inside was completely ruined.

"Books don't do well in water," you tell her with a pitied smile, "sorry."

She frowns but urges you to explain the last object. You'd been purposefully saving it for last. In a strange way, it was sentimental to you.

"A camera," you explain, "you can use it to take pictures."

"Pictures?" Nobara echoes.

"Remember those photographs you found last week? Pictures and photographs are the same thing." Nobara nods at your explanation.

She takes the camera from your fingers, examining it.

"We can get pictures from this?" She asks, and you can't help but note the excitement in her tone.

"Not from this camera no," you tell her, "Human technology and water don't mix."

She huffs. Her expression oddly reminds you of Suguru's whenever Satoru did something disappointing. She truly was her father's daughter.

"That's stupid," she finally tells you and you have to throw your head up and laugh. Your shoulders shake. You can catch a hint of a smile from her before she goes back to examining the camera.

It's cheap, one of those disposable ones you'd find at the check-out aisle at a grocery store. It was a hassle to take care of, working with the film, taking it to someone who could turn it into something visual. You knew that because-

"-We took a camera just like this for our trip," you start, "We were supposed to take pictures of every island that we visited. Something we could have taken home with us."

The cruise. The explosion. You washing up on this hellhole of an island. It felt like years ago, but how long ago was it? You'd already lost your sense of time.

"Mom?"

You glance up. Her eyes are thoughtful, staring you down. Too wide, you can't help but think. Her eyes are too wide to be human. Because she isn't human. She wasn't one of you.

"If you could, would you leave?"

It takes you a moment to process her words. You can't formulate a response, not quickly enough. This should be the time when you become the adult she's looking for. When you coddle her and assure her that you will never leave her.

When you open your mouth, nothing comes out.

The reason why Nobara was your favorite, was because she was a lot more smarter than you.

Her eyes flick down. Her hands, still holding the camera, grip tighter threatening to break-

Then, she straightens herself. Posture righted, angled, taut. Her fins flare out before flattening. She could smell them coming.

You, on the other hand, heard them before you saw them.

A breaking of twigs, a silent hiss. You expect it, yet you still flinch when a clawed hand rests on your shoulder.

You can feel yourself deflate. Times up.

In front of you, Nobara frowns, unimpressed. You can feel Satoru nuzzle his face into your neck. Suguru is clicking something to the hatchling. In turn, her face curls into a sneer. She hisses something back.

You hate it when they do this, ignore you in favor of speaking a language you'd never understand. Satoru and Suguru would always gleefully leave you out. Nobara, however, was far more accommodating.

"What's he saying?" You ask her.

She huffs, crossing her arms and looking away.

"He asked if I took you out to the open ocean."

You glance at Suguru, hoping your face is as disapproving as you feel. Suguru meets your gaze, a silent challenge.

"Did you?" A new voice comes.

Yuji appears first out of the foliage with a bright smile and wide eyes. He's followed by his second oldest sibling. Megumi gives a slight warning hiss when his youngest sibling almost barrels him over.

"I didn't!" Nobara insists, glaring at Yuji. He only grins back, glinting his sharp fangs. Smile of a predator, you think to yourself.

"Nothing like that happened." You turned to Suguru, "We just stayed here. I never left."

It was a promise to both of them, one you hope none of the hatchlings heard. Or at least, paused enough to decipher.

Yuji and Megumi slither up to greet you despite you still being trapped in Satoru's hold. The larger naga huffs, not happy with the sudden attention you're receiving. You ignore Satoru, smiling when Megumi briefly touches your arm in affection. Yuji gently leans down to bump foreheads.

"I don't get why you two had to come along," Satoru says, his tone light, but you can still sense the annoyance. His hold over you becomes ever so slightly constricting. Even all these years, and he's still terrified of you being taken away.

They both are, even when Suguru tries to deny his paranoia.

Yuji pouts at his father's words. He turns to you.

"You were gone forever." He whines. "We got worried."

When Megumi glances away, you know he shares the sentiment. It's nice to know that despite their reptilian features, you could still instill a semblance of humanity within these three.

"I didn't mean to scare you," You say, not just talking to the hatchlings, "I wanted to spend time with Nobara for a bit. Look at the things she brought!"

You mention to the human artifacts. In response, Suguru picks up the camera with sharp claws. Neither Suguru nor Satoru had ever been interested in the things humanity tossed on their shores.

The boys follow in their father's footsteps. Yuji only nods, Megumi doesn't even bother giving a response. No matter how hard you tried, only Nobara was truly interested in human culture.

To prove your point, she hisses, her fins flattening to the sides when Suguru handles the camera too roughly for her taste.

"Careful!" She warns. "Don't break it."

An amused smile before Suguru tosses the camera in her direction. She catches it just before it hits the water, still scowling. He doesn't react to your look of disapproval. Satoru laughs, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

Suguru titters something in her direction. Nobara hisses. Yuji and Megumi also stiffen. You fight the urge to sigh. You don't need a translator to know what he's saying.

"Megumi, Yuji," you call, "stay with your sister for a bit, please? Your fathers and I need to talk for a bit."

Yuji's more than happy to dive into the water with his sister. She squabbles with him, dunking his head under the water in an attempt of casual drowning. Megumi's the one who hesitates. You've always thought he knew more than he let on.

You give him an encouraging smile.

"Go on."

You wait until their heads dip underwater. Then, you wait a few moments more, prolonging the inevitable.

"You shouldn't scare them like that." You finally say, not looking at either of them. "They're just kids."

"She's old enough to understand the dangers of you being in the water," Suguru responds.

"Of course she is, but she doesn't need constant reminders." You're not arguing. You're not arguing. "They—the hatchlings—don't need to see me as weak."

"But you are." Satoru playfully says. As if to prove it, he curls his hands around your hips and waist, easily hoisting you into his arms. You knew better than to struggle, reluctantly putting your arms around his neck.

"I know my own weaknesses. They don't need to coddle me. I get that enough from you two."

Satoru shrugs, burying his head back into your neck, soaking in your warmth.

"In any case," Suguru continues his earlier conversation. You watch as he glides over, a clawed arm caressing your shoulder, "you shouldn't be out with her for so long. The boys will start to notice your favoritism sooner or later."

You frown at his words. "I'm not playing favorites. At least Megumi and Yuji have each other. Nobara's out here all alone."

Nobara had fully developed her gills when she was just a year old. The more she spent her time out in the ocean, the more worried you got for her loneliness.

Suguru hums at your words, tracing your legs.

"She won't be lonely for long. Aren't the females migrating this season, Satoru?"

The other naga nods. "Yeah, this new moon. She'll make plenty of friends in the open ocean."

You blink at Satoru's words, trying to sit up from his embrace. He just huffs in annoyance, gripping you tighter.

"She—Nobara's leaving?" You ask.

Suguru smiles, enjoying your naivety.

"Of course, my love. All hatchlings do. Soon enough, Megumi and Yuji will go out and scout their own territories. Don't human young leave their parents once they're old enough?"

They do. You have. But in human years, Nobara, Megumi, and Yuji are still toddlers. In naga years, they're barely teenagers. To you, they're still babies. They're so young. Would they be able to fend for themselves out there?

Nobara asked if you could leave, would you. Maybe she wasn't just asking for your sake.

"If anything, that's good for us!" Satoru exclaims. "The caves' getting too crowded. It'd be nice to finally get to stretch out again."

Suguru nods in agreement. When you don't share their joy, he leans down to your eye level.

"You'll miss them, hm?" He asks.

You nod. There's no need to lie. He laughs at your honesty, kissing your cheek.

"I'm sure they'll visit from time to time," he assures, "hatchlings don't typically have any sentiment for their parents, but I'm sure the three will make an exception for you."

"Besides," Satoru pipes in. "The nest won't be empty for too long."

You look up at him in mild alarm.

"What do you mean by that?"

Suguru gives his mate a soft smile.

"This was our first mating season," he explains, "a success, I'd like to call it. We'll have many more sets of hatchlings in the future."

They both peer down at you. Eyes turn to slits. Purple and blue.

"And you'll be a wonderful parent to all of them. Just like you were to our first three."

#yandere jjk #yandere #dark jjk #dark gojo satoru #yandere gojo satoru #dark content #dark geto suguru #yandere geto suguru #yandere satosugu #dark satosugu #naga au #jjk naga au

410 notes · View notes