#because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right?????

[stromblessed]

Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows

In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.

If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.

So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.

I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?

However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.

Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)

And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.

Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.

It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.

Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?

While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:

She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.

You see where I'm going with this.

When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:

And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD

When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.

MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS

No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.

And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:

Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!

The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.

And, uh

Yeah.

I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.

But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.

Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:

But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.

There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.

After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:

"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.

Kind of like another bird in this show:

#blue eye samurai #mizu #akemi #kinuyo #bes #women are birds okay they are BIRDS #the let me die line is so SCARY AND SAD like a part of Mizu wants death but she cant? she doesnt know how?? excuse you show??? #when all these other delicate birds are dying all around her #akemis character gets more and more gutwrenching upon subsequent rewatches because whenever she says her life is in danger #NO ONE BELIEVES HER - certainly not other women #because shes rich and pampered and that means shes safe and is worrying about nothing right? right????? #and it turns out that all of akemis instincts were right and she was in danger the ENTIRE TIME #also I need to make a post just for kinuyo because I am sad

[stanzoeywade]

Dating Poppy Min-Sinclair

I lowkey headcanon Poppy to look like blonde Chungha, and omfg she looks so good in this gif.

Summary: An enemies to friends to lovers trope, sign me the fuck up. I hope you guys enjoy and if you want more please like or reblog. If you want to be added to the tag list please reply. :) I'm also working on the third part of my Poppy x MC series and I oop I'm gay.

Taglist: @somewillwin @origmansello @kamilahtrash @poppysminion @captain-hanadeleine​

SFW

It was hate at first sight (sure, jan), but in all honesty your first impression of Poppy was that she was gorgeous. The scowl on her face did nothing to change your mind. The very first words she uttered to you was "Oh, sweetheart, you don't have to worry about who she is. It's me you have to worry about.

As soon as those words leave her mouth, the only part of the sentence your brain focuses on is the word 'sweetheart' and the way she said it, voice dripping with sarcasm. It did nothing to stop you from thinking how hot Poppy was.

You're suddenly pulled away by Zoey, who tells you about the whole ranking system and she takes you out to hang out at a speakeasy, with your new outfit.

In order to get your mind off of Poppy, you decide to flirt with the stranger at the bar (who ends up being Professor Kingsley), but even as you spent time and slept with them, all you could imagine was Poppy, and how she would feel under you.

You learn that Poppy was the resident HBIC of campus, and a sort of rivalry forms between the two of you.

Poppy won't admit it to anyone but she actually found you attractive when she first saw you, even though you were wearing non-designer clothes. Probably annoyed that she actually found you attractive, she acts extra mean, because she's confused and not good with feelings. (PB please let me romance Poppy)

Not anyone is safe from Poppy's wrath, and its extra hard for you because she becomes extra mean, her words are harsher and actually stings a little.

Poppy seems shocked that you actually got hurt, and opens her mouth about to apologise until she remember that she's the queen bee, she doesn't apologise.

You don't back down and insults are exchanged between the two of you, whenever you meet or bump into each other.

Poppy actually starts to look forward to your banter with each other, and she makes an effort to bump into you a bit more.

When you learn of Kick-off day, you and the quarterbacks team up to create a performance for half-time.

Poppy for sure gets annoyed because who do you think you are trying to compete with her, the queen of Belvoire.

After you show her up and kiss Zoey, she feels a pang of jealousy, which she mistakes and takes out as anger against you. She has a meltdown, breaks up with Carter and everyone stares and start to berate her.

Poppy walks out the field and you run after her, feeling shitty because even if she was mean, she didn't deserve to be shit on in public like that. You feel really bad and run after Poppy to make sure she's okay.

You catch up to Poppy find her all the way on the other side of the campus, she's by herself and you see her crying her eyes out. Her eyes are red, and once you see her your heart breaks a little because seeing her like that made you feel like the worst human being, especially since she was crying because of you. Even though, she's crying she looks as beautiful as ever and you can't help but stare.

You approach her and she notices and sneers at you. "Come to kick me when I'm down? Go ahead, newbie. Here's your chance."

And if you thought you couldn't feel worse, you felt you heart break even more as the words escapes her lips.

You put your hands up in surrender and let out a sigh. "Look, you don't have to believe me but I just really wanted to apologise. Even if you were being mean, you don't deserve that." She eyes you suspiciously and says "What's it to you if I'm upset, Farmsville? Just fuck off, I don't need your pity."

Not backing down, you stare at her in the eyes and say sincerely. "I never really wanted to be part of this stupid ranking thing you guys have, I don't even want to be the queen bee. Especially, if it means that you or anyone else gets hurt in the process."

Poppy looks at you stunned, like she can't decipher why you're being so nice to her, and you continue "Plus, I can't say I didn't enjoy our banter, that was fun." You wink at her cheekily and she can't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

You smile at her softly, happy that you managed to make her feel a little but better and you realise that Poppy has such a soft laugh and you want to hear it again.

Poppy's eyes soften as she stops crying. She looks at you and says "Thanks Farmsville, I needed that." You don't know whether your eyes are playing trick on you but you can swear that you can see her blush.

Meanwhile, Poppy feels her cheeks burn and her heart beat a bit faster. 'Damn you for being sweet.'

Smiling sincerely, you ask "Truce?" and Poppy raises her eyebrow at you amused but agrees albeit nonchalantly.

This then starts your sort of friendship with Poppy, but instead of hurling insults at each other, the both of you engage in playful banter (no one knows that you guys are friends). She turns a bit softer, in a way where she always looks at you with an inquisitive gaze to check if you were okay with the banter.

Cue the late night messages, where the both of you stay up late to talk about random nonsense that happened that day, or when Poppy's annoyed she sends you rants where she complains about how stupid everyone is, and vice versa.

Both of you being confused af because is she flirting with me or is she being nice???? (basically is he gay or European but lesbian) The two of you have each other's back, if someone says shit about either of you the other one is quick to defend. Zoey notices your change in attitude towards Poppy and she asks why you're defending your "enemy". You shrug it off by saying "If they're gonna say shit, they should say it to her face, not talk behind her back." Zoey finds that a little bit suspicious, but she doesn't say anything.

This then leads to an actual good support system for both of you, and an actual friendship is formed.

This is when Poppy realises that she actually has feelings for you, and she's quick to yeet out of there, because ewww feelings. She starts to act distant and you're confused because you think you did something wrong.

It's not that Poppy wants to avoid you, she's just really confused about her feelings and she doesn't want to ruin the friendship you two have. Chloe notices that Poppy is acting weird and decides to confront her about it.

Whilst Chloe is usually oblivious, even she suspects that something is going on between the two of you, and she begins to ask Poppy questions. That's when she finds out that Poppy has feelings for you. After her small 'EUREKA!' moment Chloe decides to tease Poppy, and queen bee is not amused. "If you tell anyone that I have a crush on her, I will have you cremated and eaten by the dogs." yells Poppy as Chloe just laughs in amusement.

Chloe lowkey trying to be a wingman, but Poppy tells her off and you just think that Chloe's just being weird, and it just confuses you even more. Like what???

Mutual pining, because the both of you are too stubborn to confess how you feel. Poppy just doesn't even know what to do because feelings. And you don't know whether she likes you back and don't want to risk your newfound friendship with her.

Cue Poppy seeing you flirt with someone else, (Carter, Zoey or Veronica or whoever) and Poppy loses her shit because she's jealous.

Thinking with anger and not her head, Poppy decides to kiss you in front of the whole school. Long story short, everyone sees and it's all over social media, that's how they find out that the queen bee has staked her claim.

Poppy is touch starved and craves affection. This probably comes with the fact that her parents weren't really the affectionate type, which is why she acts the way she does. Her parents probably ingrained it into her head that she has to be #1 for everything and anything below that is the same as being nothing.

She would never admit it but Poppy adores cuddling and lazy days where the both of you just chill out and share soft and sweet kisses, in which neither of you stop until your lips are bruised.

She's also the little spoon (fite me), and you don't mind because she's so soft and you're weak for her.

Poppy is also the type to pamper you with expensive ass gifts, even when you tell her that she doesn't have to give you anything, but it makes her happy so you're happy.

Waking up next to her is probably the equivalent of seeing an angel. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep and you can't help but stare because you don't have the heart to wake her up.

Poppy can't cook for shit, because why would she need to know how to cook, she's rich??? Probably so bougie she's never had fast food in her life, so the first thing you do is take her ass to McDonald's.

Arguments usually occur when both of you are stressed and this leads to angry make out sessions where both of you are marked up with hickeys for everyone to see.

This girl needs some TLC, so please be gentle and patient because she's not used to affection.

NSFW HCs

People probably think that Poppy's a pillow princess and sometimes you joke and tease her about it, but in all honesty she can top. Her strap game is impeccable, 10000/10 would reccomend again.

When you go down on her she always tugs at your hair, and you can't help but groan as her nails brush against your scalp. Additionally when she's bottoming, she becomes a little bratty and you have no choice but to play rough and she doesn't mind.

When the two of you argue, this can lead to some intense angry sex, all bets are off when you're arguing, everything is messy, rough and passionate. The two of you don't remember the reason why you were arguing after.

The moans, groans and noises that comes out of Poppy's mouth is music to your ears. It's probably the sexiest thing you've ever heard, and you can't get enough.

When she rides the strap, it's the hottest thing you've ever seen. The way her sweat clings to her body making it glisten, and the way her body moves and convulses as she's riding makes you go insane. 10000/10 would do again.

The type to annoy you by sexting you in class, purposely riling you up, she especially enjoys annoying you when it's Professor Kingsley's class because she's petty like that. It gets to the point where you're so riled up that you just get up and leave class. She loves sending you photos with nothing on but her underwear, almost always pink or white. It's one of her favourite past times really. You can't even get angry because each photo is so good so you can't complain.

She's also the type of girl to get flustered when you sext her back, and it's honestly the cutest thing. It becomes a game of who can rile up the other person more.

These are just my headcanons and you don't have to agree with them hope you enjoyed reading. :)

#poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #queen b poppy #queen b choices #queen b #queen b zoey #veronica lombardi #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices hcs #this is just my headcanons #makepoppyali2020 #poppydailychallenge #squint squint im working on another part of the fic but enjoy this first lmaoooooo #chloe st. james #chloe queen b

[jaskiersvalley]

Your fic Nontraditional was amazing! I love it when strong, brooding characters are protected and allowed to be vulnerable and cared for. Especially when they are used to everyone expecting them to protect, provide and care for everyone. Great job! 💛💫

I am so pleased you liked Nontraditional! We’re both in the same boat of loving strong, brooding characters being allowed to be vulnerable and cared for. Which got me thinking about another small ficlet idea...

Work was drying up. Over the centuries and decades, people were slowly learning how to create fewer and fewer monsters, how to bury their dead and be respectful. Which was great in terms of death by creatures but not so great for witchers who were struggling to make ends meet. They were a dying breed, Geralt hadn’t seen any of his fellow wolves in a long while. He didn’t know if they were still alive. The last witcher he’d seen had tried to kill him for a contract on a few sad drowners of all things. As much as Geralt hadn’t wanted to fight and was willing to bow out of the contract, the other witcher was still threatened by him. Much to Geralt’s chagrin, he ended up with a dead witcher and a small pouch of coin for taking care of the drowners.

The whole continent was mostly clean. Except for one little pocket near the coast. It was a veritable hotbed of creatures and nobody could figure out why. Cockatrices roamed the region along with drowners, werewolves and basilisks. Slowly, Geralt made his way over and found that there was an almost steady source of income. He’d heard whispers of a couple of other witchers nearby and he stayed clear of them as much as possible until he was tackled to the ground with a yell by not one but two familiar idiots.

Lambert and Eskel looked surprisingly well compared to rumours about the fate of witchers. Given the scarcity of contracts, they had decided to team up but Geralt suspected their partnership went deeper than just fighting side by side. And the fact that they didn’t offer Geralt the chance to join them made it all the more obvious. Though, if Geralt were to be crude, he could have just admitted that their scents had blended over time into one curious mix but he didn’t want to think much about it. And definitely not because he was jealous that they had each other. It had been so long since Geralt had any kind of companion, not since he and Jaskier had parted ways.

Rumours of a manticore reached them before Geralt left the two to their own intertwined path. It was a big job for one witcher to deal with, two stood a better chance but the money was good enough that the three could work together. So they did, their prey was rampaging through some old woods near an abandoned mansion. It was oddly easy work, the manticore raged against them but it didn’t seem to have the wild streak of previous hunts. If anything, it seemed almost as docile as a manticore could get.

“This was too easy,” Geralt grumbled as he watched Lambert take the head off as proof of their success.

“This region has been, the monsters are there but they’re tame. Even the cockatrices feel hand reared by a gentle soul than a master,” Eskel agreed.

They knew what they had to do, find the source of the monsters. There was nothing natural about the cluster of creatures in the area, all the type that involved no death of humans. It seemed that the witchers had a benevolent is eccentric benefactor who wanted to keep them busy and with ample coin. Such thoughts made all three of them bristle, they were not some kept beings reliant on someone’s generosity to stay alive.

Their searches led them to smaller and smaller segments on the map, narrowing down the source of the creatures. It had to have both forests and waterways nearby to serve as breeding grounds for the variety of creatures spawned. And it needed to be a relatively isolated but large, private area too. They boiled it down to the abandoned mansion where they had found the manticore.

“It’s the old Lettenhove mansion. The old Viscount still lives there but nobody’s seen him. Has a young lad come do all his business in his stead.” The local alderman was more than happy to tell three angry looking witchers whatever they wanted. “Buys a lot of unusual things, leftovers the market doesn’t take. We have no idea why but really, money is money so we don’t question it.”

Suspicious. And the name sounded familiar to Geralt, even if he couldn’t place it. In the end, he chose to not worry about it, they needed answers and a fool to educate in creatures. Though, given the wide range the idiot could create, it seemed that they were familiar with monsters already.

They didn’t bother knocking, instead choosing to barge through the door. Everything looked old, worn but clean, comfortably lived in. A three headed puppy scampered up to them, barking in excitement and an all too familiar voice was calling from a room off to the side of the hall, chastising but fond at the same time.

“Don’t worry about Roach, only the middle head nips now!” And Jaskier walked out into the entrance hall. “Oh. It’s you.”

He looked no different to the day they parted ways, youthful and vibrant, only the look in his eyes betrayed he’d lived a lifetime or more. They were old, had a stare to them that spoke of hurt and love and joy and so many other things.

“Jask.” Geralt couldn’t believe it. But it was definitely his bard, there was no doubt about it. “What is the meaning of this?”

Lambert and Eskel turned to look at Geralt like he was the one with more than just one head. It was a rich look coming from Eskel who had picked up the pup and was trying to stroke three chins at once with one hand.

“Come on, Geralt,” Jaskier looked a little offended, “look around you. You witchers have done too good a job and were dying because you weren’t adapting. So I made sure you had something to keep you going. Nothing too dangerous mind you.”

“A manticore not too dangerous?” Lambert cut in with a sneer.

“Oh hush now, Buttercup was the epitome of manticore etiquette. She didn’t even throw you around too hard.” He actually had the gall to look a little upset and grief stricken. “Anyway, you’re here now. So tell me, do you want to keep this charade up? Or are you ready to get with the times?”

The idea of being kept like pampered hounds, let out for a hunt that was entirely engineered was something that rubbed them all up the wrong way.

“We’re not your pets.” Despite his reputation as the softest of the three, it was Eskel who gritted that out, establishing the boundaries and rules he felt were needed. Instantly, Jaskier was agreeing and spouting about how he was merely helping out friends and future friends because he was certain they would get along nicely once introductions were made. He was simply anticipating things.

There were rooms already prepared for them, Geralt didn’t want to think about how long Jaskier had been prepared for their arrival. Nobody said anything when there was some noise in the middle of the night and in the morning, Lambert’s room was missing its bed while Eskel’s had gained an extra one pushed against his. Three days later, the two single beds were replaced with one large one without anyone seeming to know how it happened.

The grounds were split up into areas and Jaskier showed them around, pointing out where he encouraged toads to breed and his chickens so he could hatch the odd basilisk. And the cockatrice cavern, plus the manitcore habitat which was empty for now.

“I’ll keep releasing a couple of them every one and then,” Jaskier informed them. “There might be more witchers out there in need of a helping hand. But I’ve also put out whispers of invitations. If they’re out there, they might heed the call.”

The question of how he managed to release them off the estate safely was met with a laugh and an “I sing and they follow, silly” which they all decided was Jaskier’s way of telling them off for being too nosey.

The more time that elapsed, the less hope any of them held for other witchers. Yet Jaskier never gave up hope. He was proven right in his optimism when a knock on the doors revealed a tired and scarred man he’d never seen before. Introductions were made, Coen was shown to a room and he was settled in too.

It was the middle of a storm when frantic knocking had Jaskier opening the door. A boy from the nearby village was out of breath, panting about a witcher collapsed on the edge of the woods, the villagers didn’t dare approach but he wasn’t looking to be in good shape. Jaskier ended up riding out with Geralt to investigate. Rushing Vesemir back to the mansion, Jaskier was surprised when Geralt was calling for all the others who crowded into the room.

Pushed to the back, Jaskier watched as Eskel and Coen took over, bossing the other two around to light a fire, get water, throws and the like. It was quite mesmerising. But it was efficient and worked. All too soon, Vesemir was propped up and drinking a warm tea while his pups were gathered around him.

“So, run this by me again,” Vesemir was saying. “This place is run by the human who used to be Geralt’s bard?”

Murmurs of agreement and Vesemir was twisting to look beyond the others until he laid eyes on Jaskier who waved merrily.

“Okay if he’s Geralt’s human, why the fuck does he look so young?”

Oh shit. Jaskier paled and his smile turned a little cheeky as the witchers looked at him.

“How long do humans live then?” Lambert asked, he wasn’t known for being the most knowledgeable outside of monster facts.

A small, nervous laugh erupted from Jaskier. “Funny you should ask, I’m not actually sure.”

“So what are you?” Eskel asked.

“I’m Geralt’s bard.”

#geraskier #minor eskel/lambert #geralt of rivia #jaskier #lambert #eskel #vesemir #coen #witcher wolf pack #tldr: witchers clean the lands so jaskier breeds more creatures to give them jobs

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated

Chapter 1

When Jiang Cheng opens the window in the morning, crisp, cold air hits his face. The leaves on the tree in the courtyard of the apartment complex are turning colours.

When did that happen? When did summer end?

It’s a new semester, a new season, and Wei Wuxian still hasn’t returned. Hasn’t called, hasn’t messaged. Jiang Cheng had thought… had hoped…

He should’ve known better.

The wind picks up and raises goosebumps on his skin. A leaf, dark red, is torn from a branch and flutters through the air.

He used to like autumn.

Jiang Yanli was spring, Wei Wuxian was summer, Jiang Cheng was autumn. Winter was them together, because it was cold and they had to stick close.

Jiang Cheng scoffs and closes the window. There’s no use in remembering or hoping. He has work to do anyway.

He makes himself an unsatisfying breakfast that consists of instant coffee and - oh, there isn’t really anything else. Of course the fridge is fucking empty.

He goes jogging, but he’s hungry and it’s cold and he hates jogging.

He takes a shower, but the water is either too hot or too cold.

When he sits down at his desk and opens his writing program, it doesn’t fucking work. Because of course not.

Error #234871FUCKYOUJIANGCHENG

“I don’t even know what that means, I’m not a fucking COMPUTER SCIENTIST!”

Like some people. Some people, who betrayed and abandoned him and moved in with some random-ass people to look after a random-ass child for no good reason and left him all alone. Now he has no one to share his meals with, so there’s no point in making sure his fridge is full, and no one who also hates jogging, so they can suffer together, and no one to fucking help him with fucking computer issues and this is all fucking bullshit.

Jiang Cheng slams his laptop shut.

Fuck you, Wei Wuxian. This is all your fault.

Another headache creeps up his temples. He’s already completely done with this day. At 9:37 AM. Fuck. He has a fucking essay to write about some bullshit topic he doesn’t care about, but how is he supposed to do that when his laptop hates him as much as everyone else does and his head feels as though it’s splitting apart?

His phone rings, and the sound feels like someone is applying a power drill to his brain. And of course it’s not on his desk but far away on the counter. Because nothing in his life can ever be easy or convenient, oh no. He stretches his arm and then his whole upper body to try to grab it from the counter without having to get up from his desk and then there’s a TWINGE and oh no, that’s not good. His shoulder feels as though it’s on fire and… yep, he can’t fucking move his head.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK SHIT BALLS CRAP FUCK SHIT. FUUUUUUUUCK.

And his phone keeps ringing.

Everyone ignores him for DAYS but NOW when he’s literally DYING and can’t reach his phone, they want to talk to him.

He gets up, ignores the pain shooting down his right arm, carefully shuffles towards the counter, and answers the phone with his left hand.

“WHAT?”

“A-Cheng?”

It’s his sister. Jiang Cheng’s stress levels automatically lower by about 13% as soon as he hears her voice.

“Jiejie, hey. Sorry, I just…” He switches his phone to the other hand and then gets a painful reminder that this side is fucked. “Fuck, ow.”

“A-Cheng? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing! I just... pulled a muscle or something.” He sits down again and bites his lip to suppress a wail of agony. “Why did you call, Jiejie?”

He can basically hear Jiang Yanli’s gentle, slightly concerned, smile through the phone. “Ah, then I’m calling just at the right time. You’ve been struggling with tension for a while now and as you know, your birthday is coming up and -”

“Don’t remind me. That’s still over a month away. And I’m not struggling!”

“- and I have the perfect gift for you. You don’t have to wait until November to do it either. And I think it would be so good for you, A-Cheng, especially now with your pulled muscle.”

“And what exactly is ‘it’?”

“Do you remember Lan Xichen? He’s a friend of Nie Mingjue, and his uncle is Lan Qiren. I think we met him a few times during one of those large business-people dinners we used to get invited to, when father…”

Was still alive.

“I don’t remember anyone I met there, because I was bored out of my mind.” Because Wei Wuxian wasn’t invited to those. And because they were fucking boring. “What does this have to do with my mysterious birthday present anyway?”

“Ah, well, it turns out he works as a physical therapist and I guess you could call him a sort of life coach. Massages, yoga, meditation, physical therapy. He has his own little studio in his apartment, so it’s very private and intimate, and he spends a lot of time with every client, it’s not just a twenty minute massage and then you’re done.”

His sister speaks with rare urgency and Jiang Cheng feels a little bewildered by having this just thrown at him. “So, you want me to-”

“I met him recently, such a lovely man, and asked him whether he had time to take on another client, and he does! So I booked you ten sessions and the first one is Thursday, 5 p.m. We were going to meet that afternoon, so I know you have time, and we can just reschedule our meeting!”

“Jiejie! Ten sessions… I don’t… I’m not a massage person! I don’t want some stranger touching me!” This is all really very sudden, so of course his first instinct is to say no.

His sister, of course, is used to that, and expected it. So she laughs softly and continues convincing him. “Ah, but he’s not a stranger, he’s Nie Mingjue’s best friend and as I said, I met him recently - he’s very kind and sweet and he doesn’t just do massages. I’m sure he’ll be willing to listen to what you’re comfortable with and figure out what’s best for you. A-Cheng, why don’t you just go to the first meeting and see what happens, hm? It’s my present for you.”

As if he could ever actually say no to his sister. Nobody can.

“Alright, alright. But if it’s not my thing, you’ll use the rest of the sessions, okay? I could watch A-Ling while you go get pampered a little.” His sister deserves this much more than he does anyway. Not that she would agree with that.

“Just go and meet with Lan Xichen first, before deciding that it’s not for you.” She’s using her stern voice, oh no.

“I will! I’m just saying!”

“Alright. Let me know how it goes then.”

“I will.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Ah, yes, of course.”

“Good. Remember to drink tea or water, too, not just coffee.”

“Yes, Jiejie.”

“And-”

“I’ll call you after I’ve met with Lan Xichen,” Jiang Cheng interrupts, before she can shower him with even more care. “And thank you. I… could probably use some… relaxation.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address in a bit.”

They chat a bit more about A-Ling and what shenanigans he gets up to now that he can walk, and when Jiang Cheng ends the call a while later, his mood has significantly improved.

His phone makes a noise again. He looks at the screen, expecting a text from his sister with Lan Xichen’s address, but... Fuck. He unlocks the screen and stares at his daily Wei Wuxian selfie. Today he’s wearing a bathrobe so fluffy, it seems to swallow him, and he’s making… duck lips. Jiang Cheng’s mood plummets to the ground.

Why can’t he delete this stupid alarm or app or whatever his brother has infested his phone with? Why doesn’t he just change his fucking number, get a new phone? Why does Wei Wuxian keep up this nonsense, even though he’s obviously not interested in being in contact with Jiang Cheng anymore? Why torment him with these little glimpses into a life that he lives without his brother? The selfies don’t arrive at a set time every day and it’s a new one every time, so it’s pretty safe to say, Wei Wuxian takes them and sends them himself every day. They used to arrive between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m., but recently he sometimes gets them as early as 9 a.m. On one shocking occasion it was 6:45 a.m., though Wei Wuxian did look very sleepy. Since when does Wei Wuxian get up that early?

He also seems to be spending a lot of time at a place that is not the flat he moved into with the Wens. Not that Jiang Cheng spends a lot of time analyzing the background of the pictures. Because he does not care what Wei Wuxian gets up to. Wei Wuxian does not care about him anymore either, beyond annoying him like this.

Jiang Cheng shakes his head to make his brain stop thinking about useless things. Immediately, pain shoots down his arm, burns in his neck.

Fuck.

Maybe he should just go back to bed. Clearly getting up was a mistake.

Thursday

Lan Xichen lives on the outskirts of the city. Not quite the suburbs, but in one of those areas where rich people enjoy having a garden, or at least a balcony, and less busy streets, while the city centre is still only a few subway stops away. The kind of area where his own family once lived.

Jiang Cheng checks the house number again and rushes towards the building, wrapping his jacket closer around him. It is colder now, he’s known this and yet didn’t take that into account when getting dressed.

He enters the building, takes the elevator to the 2nd floor, finds the right door and rings the doorbell.

He doesn’t have to wait long until Lan Xichen opens him.

Oh.

“A-Sang… who… who is that next to your brother?”

“Huh? Aaah, that’s Lan Xichen. Da-ge’s best friend. Why do you ask?”

“No reason!”

“Oooooh, I see.”

“Shut up!”

“Well, now I finally know your type, Cheng-Cheng. You’re into impossibly beautiful people who you’re too scared to talk to.”

“I said shut up! I just asked who it was!”

“First Wen Qing, now Xichen-ge… But don’t worry, he’s super nice. Now, his brother on the other hand… So hot, but-“

“I’m leaving!”

Fuck.

“Hello! You must be Jiang Wanyin.”

Lan Xichen smiles at him and yep, yep, Huaisang was right, impossibly beautiful. Fuck.

Oh shit, he still hasn’t said anything.

“Ah yes, that’s me. Hello. Nice to meet you.” Jiang Cheng couldn’t be more awkward if he tried. Except he can, because then he bows, way too low.

Lan Xichen seems to be too polite to laugh at him, but his eyes sparkle as though he wants to, while he invites Jiang Cheng inside.

The apartment is large and bright and… full of plants. Lan Xichen leads him into the living room, where a pot of tea and two mugs are waiting for them on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng sits down on a very comfortable chair, next to a large houseplant with beautiful green and red leaves. All in all, the surroundings help him feel way more relaxed than what would be appropriate for the situation. The situation being: Sitting across from the man Jiang Cheng has seen maybe three times, back when he was 17, from afar, and whom he used to spend quite some time thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. More than three times. The same man who is supposed to give him a massage.

“Is tea alright? Would you prefer something else?”

“Tea is lovely, thank you.” Jiang Cheng hurries to take a sip and hopefully smiles instead of grimacing.

Lan Xichen picks up a notebook and a pen, rests it on his legs, then takes a deep breath. Despite his gentle smile, and the soothing smell of jasmine tea, and the literal urban jungle he’s sitting in, Jiang Cheng thinks he can pick up a hint of nervousness from Lan Xichen. But no, he must be imagining it.

Lan Xichen opens his notebook and looks at Jiang Cheng. “So, your sister already told me that you’ve been dealing with a little tension and stress. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to ask you a few questions and make myself an overview of where you hold your tension and how it affects you, so we can think about how to best help you.”

Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods.

“This is only a preliminary meeting, so I already know how to best proceed, once we start our sessions.”

Lan Xichen asks him a few questions about his daily schedule (repetitive), whether he does any exercise (yes, well, sort of, sometimes), is he sleeping well (eeh), does he often have headaches (yes), and so on. Jiang Cheng answers as best as he can, and even though Lan Xichen shows no judgment at all, it is mortifying for him. His life is a mess and clearly he’s responsible for all of it. Why doesn’t he do more exercise? If he has headaches all the time, he should be doing something about that!

“Mhm, have you ever tried Yoga before?”

“No.”

“Can you touch your toes?”

“I don’t know? Why would I need to touch my toes?!” Jiang Cheng regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth but Lan Xichen only looks amused.

“Excellent question.” Lan Xichen puts the notepad he’s been using back down on the table and stands up. “Would it be okay if I touch your neck and shoulders to have a closer look at your tension?”

“Yes, yes. That’s alright. Sure.” Jiang Cheng puts down the mug and rests his hands on his knees, trying to project that he’s totally casual and relaxed and that he never spent even a minute wondering how those hands might feel on his skin. Why do these things happen to him? Why can’t he even nurse a schoolboy crush for a few months and then forget about it without suffering consequences???

Lan Xichen’s hands are warm, but not too warm. Perfect temperature for being touched, really. His fingers are long and smooth and it feels really good, the way they’re digging into his muscles and-

“Fuck!”

“Sorry. Looks like I found a sore spot.” Lan Xichen strokes his fingers in a soothing apology over the spot and that’s almost worse, because it feels really good.

“I, uhm, apologise for the… rude language.”

“Oh, haha, I’ve heard worse from clients. No need to hold back, I’m of the opinion that it can be beneficial to find release.”

“Right.” This is like one of Jiang Cheng’s dreams that starts out beautiful and turns into a horrible nightmare halfway through. Will he make it through this without horribly embarrassing himself even further and/or offending Lan Xichen in the process?

“You’re really... “ Lan Xichen runs his hands up Jiang Cheng’s neck and slightly presses his thumbs into a spot between his ear and his jaw. Jiang Cheng groans. “You’re very tense. In a lot of places. Do you grind your teeth at night? Or clench them?”

“Maybe?”

Lan Xichen rests his hands on Jiang Cheng’s shoulders for a second, then sits down opposite of him again. Jiang Cheng immediately misses the warmth of his hands, which is ridiculous and he needs to get a grip.

“Alright, well, I think for the beginning we will be focusing on relaxing and loosening your muscles. So, massage, thermotherapy, some gentle stretches. I’ll also help you find things you can do at home to destress and relieve tension. Does that sound good?”

“Uhm, yes. It does.” Jiang Cheng kind of tuned out after Lan Xichen said ‘massage’, because… He has this dreadful feeling his schoolboy crush never went away and instead just laid dormant until right now. Which is so fucking inconvenient, of course it’s happening to Jiang Cheng. “Thank you, Lan-ge… uhm… Lan Xichen.”

How should he address him? Apparently, he’s sort of a family friend (Where and why did Jiejie even meet him? Why didn’t he ask?) but now he’s also taking care of Jiang Cheng in a professional, sort of medical sense...

Lan Xichen is, of course, not oblivious to his discomfort, but smiles and pours him some more tea. “Whatever you feel comfortable with. Laoshi is fine, too.”

Lan Xichen then goes through a few formalities with him. He informs him he’s being paid per session, not by the hour, so they’ll never have to hurry. They exchange phone numbers, in case someone needs to reschedule or Lan Xichen wants to send him some exercises or something. Jiang Cheng only smiles and nods and agrees. When Lan Xichen proposes they have the first session tomorrow afternoon, Jiang Cheng smiles and nods, too.

After, Lan Xichen escorts him to the door, wishes him a lovely evening, says he’s looking forward to their sessions and Jiang Cheng should remember to wear something comfortable. When he smiles again, Jiang Cheng almost walks into the door.

As soon as Jiang Cheng arrives home, he calls his sister.

“A-Cheng! How was it?”

“Uhm, fine, but that’s not why-”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“I… what? Why… why would you bring that up?” Jiang Cheng gives his phone a side-eye, even though his sister can’t see it.

“Well, it’s impossible to not notice. And he has such a lovely personality, too.” Jiang Yanli says this as casually as though she’s talking about the weather.

“Yes… I guess.” While both of those things are true, it’s unlike his sister to bring it up. Or at least, to bring it up so quickly and directly. “Jiejie, how do you know Lan Xichen again? Where did you meet?”

“Oh… he came over for tea recently.”

“And why did he do that?”

“Because I invited him.”

Well, his sister clearly is keeping something from him, something connected to his old-new crush and physical therapist and Jiang Cheng hates not being in the know when other people are clearly keeping secrets from him.

“How did you meet him? Why did you invite him? Why do you not want to tell me?”

“A-Cheng…”

Oh, of course. “Wei Wuxian.”

Jiang Yanli sighs audibly, probably frowning in the way she always does when they skirt around the topic of him and Wei Wuxian not talking. “Yes. Lan Xichen is-”

“I don’t want to know!” Of course this has something to do with Wei Wuxian. Because he can’t have anything in his life without Wei Wuxian. Are they… they’re not dating or anything, right? That would just be… actually that would be fucking typical.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Is his sister… getting cross with him???

“I just… he misses you.”

“Yeah? I don’t see any evidence of that!” His headache is back with a vengeance.

“Because you’re not looking. Because you’ve convinced yourself he doesn’t!” It’s rare for Jiang Yanli to raise her voice, and compared to Jiang Cheng, she still sounds gentle. But he can hear her frustration, hear how tiring this is for her, and… He sometimes forgets he and Wei Wuxian aren’t the only people who are involved in this. Who suffer.

“Then why doesn’t he call me? He obviously still has my number!”

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he doesn’t want to call someone who doesn’t want him. Because he doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to come back because he feels pity or obligation. Because he’s scared Wei Wuxian would still not come back.

“He’s the one who left.”

“It’s been over a year. Can’t you… I’m so tired of holding louder than normal conversations with my husband in the kitchen while one of you is in the living room, so you know the other is okay without actually asking for it.”

“A-jie, I’m sorry. I didn’t know… I… It’s just… “ Great, now Jiang Cheng feels mad at Wei Wuxian, guilty for upsetting his sister, who should never be upset, and sad… because he misses his stupid brother, doesn’t he.

“I can’t force either of you to make the first step, but… you’re both suffering. A-Cheng, I just want you both to be happy.” Now she just sounds resigned. Fuck.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll think about it. I promise.” If only because his sister deserves better than this - being stuck in the middle between them.

“Thank you. I love you, A-Cheng.”

“… Love you, too.”

“Now, tell me about your meeting today. Did you already get a massage?”

Right. Lan Xichen. “Jiejie… is Wei Wuxian dating Lan Xichen?”

Jiang Yanli laughs. “No. No, no. He’s dating his brother. Don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying! Just… wanted to know how you met.”

“He’s very handsome, isn’t he?”

“Stop asking that! That’s not why I… you know what, I have to go. I have… university… stuff. Talk to you later!”

“Bye!”

He can hear his sister still laughing when he ends the call. Mortifying. Why did he have to ask?

Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother… That’s… Why is the world so fucking tiny? He couldn’t have picked anyone else?

Not that it matters. It’s not like Jiang Cheng was ever gonna do anything about… Lan Xichen is attractive and nice and lovely, which is simply a fact. Like his sister said, it’s impossible to not notice. Doesn’t have to mean anything. Jiang Cheng will only concentrate on… being less tense and maybe having fewer headaches.

And maybe… thinking… about… contacting Wei Wuxian…

“He misses you.”

Jiang Cheng is not convinced.

But…

#Xicheng #mdzs #cql #the untamed #Jiang Cheng #Lan Xichen #Jiang Cheng/Lan Xichen #background Wangxian #Modern AU #angst but not too angsty #they're also very soft #betty drabbles #To Meet You verse

[angryhausfrau-writes]

I Travel Troubled Oceans: Chapter 15 - Meditations Two! Electric Boogaloo

There's something to be said for having a home to come back to at the end of the day. Especially when Charles is coming home battered and bloody and with his blood singing in his veins, “You're still alive, motherfucker. You're still alive.”

Because against all odds, he is still alive. And it's starting to feel like he's going to stay that way for a while. Like he isn't just dancing on a knife's edge where a single misstep gets him dead. And the steps more and more complex everyday, til he's jigging for his life to the devil's tune, too caught up in the steps to ever stop cuz if he stops he's dead. And he ain't quite ready to end it all – not just yet, not without a good reason.

So he'd smoked up – from a bong, from a crack pipe – and tried to forget for just a little while that he is where he is (the boneyard) and that he's living how he's living. Just a tiny misstep from dying.

And it's fine. He's got a crew, to help catch and steady him, just as he's there to catch and steady them. Make sure there's at least a little margin of error in the dance. Make sure there's a guy rope tying them together. Keeping them all balanced on that blade – or all falling together.

But the thing about living that way is that it ain't really living. Charles had never known anything else but this, so it feels like a life. But all it is is being dead and not realizing it yet.

Or maybe he had realized, just a little. Been able to catch tiny glimpses of another way of living through the cracked and dirty glass separating him from the living. Able to see out into the real world, with its real people. People who were safe and clean and happy and free.

And Charles had hated them.

Hated them for having what he could never have. Hated them for living when he was just dying slow. Hated them for being free – for having the ability to make choices about what kind of life they lived when he can't choose, not even between living and dying, not really.

And Charles got bitter. Spiteful. Angry. He'd fought back the only way he could. Telling himself that they were weak. That he was strong.

Look at how coddled they are. How loved. He'd never needed any of that shit to survive. He'd toughened up, and they could stand to do the same, the fucking pansies.

So it had become a kind of mantra. Rules to live by, in a world where he's half dead already.

Loving things makes you weak. Loving things makes you vulnerable. And out on the streets, vulnerable means dead. Better to love nothing and be free than to chain yourself to worthless comforts. Better to love nothing than to chain yourself to vulnerabilities.

So Charles had loved nothing. Not even his crew. His crew who'd feared and respected him as he'd respected and occasionally feared them. But there's no place for love – not there on the streets and not with the kind of people he'd invited into his crew – into himself. Strong people. Fierce people. Fighters.

And then Charles had fallen in love with Eleanor Guthry. Or he'd though the had, anyway. Eleanor might not actually be capable of that emotion. And even if she is, she certainly wasn't in love with Charles, making the whole relationship just a touch one-sided. And that was before she got him sent away for that two-stretch. The bitch.

Because that's the thing about Eleanor, the thing that had originally attracted Charles to her. She's a monumental bitch. Ruthless and callous and cold. Just like him.

Equals.

And she'd played the part of fellow gang boss well. Acting tough. Acting like she could understand the life of someone like him. Like she could care about street trash like him.

But it had all been a not-particularly-well-constructed facade.

She'd only put up with Charles for what he could get her – money and thrills and respect from the street. As soon as his usefulness was gone, he'd been disposable.

And Eleanor herself. Well...

She was no gang boss. She was not strong, not in the ways that mattered on the streets and not in the ways Charles has learned are strong in the world of elitist fucks he lives in now. No. Eleanor had been coddled. She'd been safe and spoiled and pampered by everyone she'd ever come in contact with. Completely divorced from the consequences of her actions – at least until Max had taken a go at her.

Max who's another lover scorned and tossed aside when Eleanor grew bored. Which means the justice is just fucking poetic really. And Charles is so fucking glad he'd gotten to be part of Max's revenge. Gotten to see Eleanor toppled from her marble pedestal. Gotten to be the one to send her crashing down to shatter on the streets with all the other gutter trash.

But he's also glad he got to be part of Max's revenge cuz it means he's part of the con she's running now. The con that involves a fancy house and fancy clothes. And safety – real safety.

When he'd gone away for that two-stretch, Charles had chafed under the pointless rules, the petty tyranny of the guards. The lack of humanity – from the guards and from the other prisoners.

But he'd had three hots and a cot and nobody'd fucked with him, not even the most sadistic guards, not after he'd threatened – and committed – enough violence to make his point. His point that he was the toughest motherfucker around and they'd better take that into account going forward.

And, since he didn't know any better – hadn't ever experienced anything else – he'd thought that was safety. He'd thought that was freedom from fear. And it had just confirmed his belief that you couldn't have safety without giving up the freedoms that made life – even a half-life on the streets – worth living.

And then he'd gotten out, gotten back to the streets. Back to Jack running the crew and Max planning the cons. Just in time for the rug to be pulled out from under him – for him to get shoved into the kind of life he'd always derided, always sneered at. The life of soft, safe, spoiled fucks with no drive in them to ever achieve anything. So used to the gilded cage that they'd never walk out, even if the door was left open for them.

He'd chafed at the idea at first. Remnants of his mantra echoing in his head. Love nothing. Care for nothing. Cuz then it can't be taken away. Only then are you free.

Plus, he'd been pissed as hell at Jack for manipulating him into this shit. Cuz he knew – he knew – Charles'd fight it tooth and nail if he'd approached it honestly, democratically. But Jack's always been a slippery fucker. Charles can't honestly say he'd expected any different from him – though Anne's easy acquiescence to the plan had surprised him, Jack's machinations or no.

But Charles is man enough to admit when he's been beaten. So he'd gone along with the plan. Dolled himself up in designer togs. Submitted to Mary's ridiculous social media campaign. Insinuated himself into a circle of shallow, self-obsessed, backstabbing aristocrats. And all for a plan he hadn't really believed in.

But Jack's the captain of their little crew. His word is law. So now Charles is living like one of those rich fuckers. And as it turns out, the half-life he'd been living out on the streets wasn't even close to the real thing. Jail just a pale imitation of what safety could mean.

Cuz it turns out that when you're rich, you can have the food and clothes and safety. But you also have the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. The freedom to live.

That's the big fucking secret. The thing they don't want you to know, cuz you'd burn the whole fucking city down if you knew about the caviar at breakfast eaten off of an ivory spoon. About the champagne filling the Jacuzzi of a penthouse hotel suite with enough gilt to make the Church green with envy. About the blood and spend and filth on your hands – just what it takes to get you that multi-million dollar view, that corner office.

When you're that kind of rich, you can do whatever the fuck you want. No rules, no laws affect you. The little people – the normal people - don't matter at all. They're worth about as much consideration as a bug on the sidewalk – noticed, reviled, and then immediately forgotten.

Charles and Max and Anne and Jack, they're all rich enough they can live like that. No regard for anyone's rules but their own. No concern for anyone but themselves. Content to live cut off from all consequences, surrounded by splendor. Never having to face the grit and the grime of the streets again if they don't want to.

But that's the thing. It ain't about having fancy cars or fancy clothes or a fancy house.

Sure, it's fun to ride around in a limo. Fun to wear ridiculous outfits that cost more than most people make in a fortnight, hideous and tacky and camp, because you can afford to. Fun to live in a mansion with more rooms than they know what to do with.

But that's not the thing that makes him free. That's not the thing that makes this living.

It's the smaller things. The quieter things.

Things like having a place to return to at the end of a long day. A place to rest. A place where he can rest, without worrying someone'll try for him. Without having to put up a facade of power, of ruthlessness.

Charles had mocked Flint for his domesticity once. For his desire for the finer things – well, finer for them, anyway.

But there is something comforting in having a favorite mug in the cabinet of your kitchen. Of having tea to drink out of it, breakfast to eat along side it. To have people around you who you can dare to care about because you're not just clinging to survival – you're living.

People you can do things like sitting out in the garden with, having a tea party like some kind of posh fucker. And people you can trust to patch you up after a night at the underground boxing ring, instead of licking your wounds all alone in the dark.

Because Charles has never felt stronger than the morning he stood in the bathroom with Jack wiping the blood away from his face with a posh hand towel. Berating him for coming home in this state. Begrudging in his ministrations. But his hands were gentle. And worry lurked behind his eyes.

And Charles had realized that Jack cares for him. Anne cares for him. His crew care for him. Care rather than fear.

And Charles cares for them in turn. Can care for them. And that is safety. That is strength that can never be taken away.

Even if they were to lose everything tomorrow, all the money and the house and the whole con going up in fucking smoke, that can't be taken away. Charles knows now what it is to be strong. Strong in a way that even the rich fuckers who they're conning can never be. He knows what it means to be free.

Because the rich aren't free.

They might look free. They might act free. But they've chained themselves inside a new kind of prison, one they made for themselves. Because the thing holding them back, the thing keeping them weak, keeping them civilized, is shame.

The idle gossip of their neighbors. The scandal that can ruin them as easily as it had ruined Eleanor and Woodes Rogers. The fear of offending the wrong other rich fuck and ending up “penniless” and on the streets – or, shudder, a lower-middle-class neighborhood.

That fear, that shame, is what keeps the rich from being free.

But Charles has been penniless on the streets, and he survived. Charles has been low and nearly dead and he'd lived. He isn't tied to the money and the disgusting excess and the whole fucking pretend pageantry of nobility.

And the thing about Charles - about Jack and Anne and Max and Mary - is that they don't really feel shame.

#black sails #i travel troubled oceans #chapter 15

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW 10 - Full

Levi was having a shit day at work. He was out in the field, biting his tongue about his plans to marry Eren as Erwin prattled on, asking after Eren and his mental health. He knew Erwin was concerned, but he'd already been thrown up on, and had one patient try to take a swing at him. Eren had said he was proud that Levi was out in the field helping people, but on days like this, it was hard to feel appreciated. At least the patient they were currently transporting to hospital was an old beta woman who was happy enough talking to through the gap. Hearing the radio crackle, he sighed as Petra's voice came through "Levi? Are you on channel?" She may have backed off on her continued perusal of him, but sometimes she'd revert back to hitting on him, making them all uncomfortable. She'd kind of edged to the fringe of their friends. Snatching up the receiver, Erwin looked to him "Go ahead Petra" "Eren's at Shinganshima hospital. He's not hurt, but he did sound pretty shaken up" Levi grabbed the receiver from Erwin "What do you mean he's there?!" "He called in an assault, Mike called me to see if I could warn you" "He called in an assault?" "I don't know much more, only that he's there... and that he's ok. He's not the victim" Erwin took the receiver back "Thanks, Petra. We're completing a patient transfer at the moment, we will be there shortly" "You're welcome. Mike also said to tell Levi that there's nothing wrong with the twins, and that he'd know what that means" That was something... but this whole thing was something he didn't need. Not on such a crappy day like today. He knew Eren could throw down with the best of them, but his mate has said he was going into the dance studio to catch up with his partner. Levi had no idea how that turned into assault "He does. Thank you, Petra" Erwin didn't dare talk for the first few moments, as Levi gripped the steering wheel so hard it hurt his hands "He's ok" "He wasn't the victim. That doesn't mean he's ok" "If something was wrong, Mike would have said" "Eren probably told him not to. We both know he likes to hide things" "He's gotten better though, hasn't he?" "No. Not really. No. That isn't fair. It's still deeply ingrained in him that he has to hide things to protect us" "Where's Viren?" "With Eren" That meant their son would have seen whatever Eren had... Shit... "Levi, we don't know what happened. We're ten minutes out" "You don't seem to get it at all. Eren. He cares for everyone. He was actually upset over the people his father killed. He took on that pain like it was his to carry. He's not fragile, but he tries so hard to make everyone around him happy. He'd even cry if something happened to you and your shitty eyebrows" "I know he's a good kid" "But?" "But he is rather emotional" "You try being tortured and kept chained up, and see how you like it. He's still discriminated against for being an omega" "That isn't as bad at once was" "If you believe that, you're a fucking idiot" "Omegas were segregated to keep them safe. They were treasures for looking at and never touching" "And whores for the rich, when their heats hit. We all know the shit that's been smeared over the truth" "Levi" "Look I don't care if you don't like Eren. Actually, no. I do. I know you two have butted heads, but he is my mate. You should at least respect that" "I didn't say I didn't like him" "That's why you've been hounding me nonstop about his mental state. You want to know the truth? Going on his medication has messed with all his systems. He's barely an acceptable weight, and he has a whole new heap of triggers that set off panic attacks. His nightmares have returned, my nightmares have returned. He also thought I was cheating on him, and wanted to break our bond because I started treating him like shit without knowing it. He lost a pup down in Paradis, that's why Hanji came down to join us, and he's so worried about everyone around him, he's hiding his pain over it all. He's brave and he's stubborn, and he's my hope. He gets twice as much shit for being a male omega, and he still stands up for himself. He's not all panic attacks and crying fits. So you need to start respecting him" "I didn't say I didn't respect him" "No. I know you too well. You've always thought he was bad for me" "Not bad. You just have a tendency to lose all control when it comes to him. He nearly destroyed you. More than once" "Being taken against his will, then forced to witness the inside of a baby farm was hardly his idea of a pleasant holiday" "There were quite a few high ranking officials that fell thanks to Floch's investigation" "And thanks to Eren" Erwin sensed his defeat, the alpha turning his attention to the beta woman in the back, Levi seriously wanted to deck the man. They'd had this argument more times than he could count. He wasn't the same person he'd been since meeting Eren, and talking to Krista had pulled up so many thoughts and emotions. He knew he struggled with his anxieties over Eren, but anxieties and worry came hand in hand with loving someone. He couldn't help it if Eren deserved the moon and every star in the sky. He loved him and he loved loving him. Even when things were rough, Eren soothed his soul like nothing else. * Completing the hand off, the beta woman smiled happily as she was wheeled away. Levi had made it a point not to look in Erwin's direction as he filled out the last of the forms. He had more important things to do. Get the forms done, then get the truth of everything out of Eren. Coming closer, Levi growled at Erwin. The man stopping just short of placing his hand on his shoulder. He didn't want to drag this up again. He didn't even want to invite Erwin to his wedding. That had been bad enough. He'd headed down to the courthouse to see about getting their marriage licence thing. The things they'd wanted on Eren's behalf had pissed him off. Eren was treated like a criminal. They wanted absolutely everything, including bank records and police clearance. Why the fuck their finances where any of the governments business, he had no clue. He'd thought it would be a simple case of presenting their ID's, but no. He'd had to take a small tree down, only for them to say each page needed to be signed by an authorised signatory. Which Mike could do, when he had time to talk to him without Erwin around. He was still yet to pick Eren's ring up... His phone hadn't survived its swim, which was probably why Eren had had to tell Mike everything. He hadn't had a chance to swing by the shops and pick up a new one... stupidly forgetting he could pick one up online when shopping for Viren. Though, in his defence, work had kicked his arse. He'd been dead on his feet when he came back on Monday night, then Viren had cried almost all night, his exhaustion had bled over into each following day since then. It was now Saturday and it felt like a whole month had passed since he returned. He'd been pampered into laziness by domestic life. Heading into the emergency department, he didn't know the woman working. Explaining that his mate had been brought in, and that needed to talk to Mike, he was made to wait in the reception area, where everyone was sniffling and sharing their shitty germs... Eren loathed hospitals, and wouldn't be happy to be there. Then there was Viren. He'd been so upset when Eren collapsed, if he witness what happened, the poor boy would probably just as distraught. When Mike finally appeared, Levi earned himself glares crossing the room before all of them. Slipping past Mike, his friend patted his shoulder, much like how Erwin had tried to before, leading him forward, he couldn't seem to find Eren's scent in the air "Eren's ok. Split lip and split knuckles, but he and the pups are otherwise ok" "Then what the fuck happened?" "He was having a late lunch with his dance partner Sasha, when he heard a cry. Leaving Viren with her, he found an omega in the middle of being assaulted" "Sexually?" "No. Though that didn't stop the beta from doing a number on their back and shoulders. Eren broke his arm, and jaw. Called emergency services for the omega and has been with her since they arrived" "He's really good with other omegas" "Her partner is on his way in. She'd come into the city for Christmas shopping, and was on her way to meet up with friends..." "Your shitty husband was just trying to tell me today how much better things were for omegas. What a load of shit. Even refuges don't give two fucks about the omegas in their care" "Just try not to let that anger show. She's pretty shaken up" "I know better than to do that. Have the police taken their statements" "It was your friend Pixis" Pixis barely ventured out his precinct these days. Things must have been desperate with the silly season upon them. Knocking lightly on the door to a room just off the emergency department, Mike opened the door slowly. Eren was sitting in the visitors chair, while Viren was bragging about all sorts of things to a very exhausted looking omega. The moment her eyes met his, she flinched away. Eren was there right away, hushing her softly "It's ok. This is my mate, Levi" "I trust you not to hurt her, but if she grows distressed, come find me" He'd planned to get Eren and go home, but of course his mate wanted to be there for the omega. Time to appear non threatening "Hey. Hey, Eren" "Hello, it's nice to meet you Levi" He noted the way the female omega didn't offer her name, and the slight tremor remaining in her frame. Moving to sit on the edge of the woman's bed, Eren wrapped an arm around her shoulders "You're perfectly safe here. I know all the doctors way too well, and if anyone does anything, Levi will jump in to protect us" "I'm not sure you need protecting. I'm so sorry you had to..." "No. I'm sorry you had to experience something like that" "You were honestly amazing. You didn't even hesitate" "Of course not. No one deserves to be made to feel that scared" Lifting Viren into his hold, Levi sank down into the visitors chair "How was work?" "Long. Erwin talks way too much" Eren snorted, then paused to explain "Erwin is married to Mike, the doctor who was there when you were admitted. He and Levi are paramedics" "Oh..." The woman frowned at the word paramedics "Who drove you in?" "I don't know. I think they were EMT's..." So Eren didn't know them "I did try to call you, then I remembered the whole phone thing. I'm guessing Mike called Erwin?" "Mike called Petra, who radioed through to us" "Ahhh... I did tell him not to. With you working, and me not being hurt" "Eren, you're a terrible liar. You've got steri-strips on your face and a wrapped hand" "It's fine. He didn't even hit my stomach, so it's nothing much. I've had worse from Viren. But we'll be talking about this when we get home. Levi might look all grumpy, but he worries way too much" The female omega forced a smile in his direction "That must be nice" "It is in its own way. Levi actually treats me like I'm his equal" "I can see why. I've never seen an omega hit a beta, or an alpha" "Sometimes it's the only way they listen..." "It was my fault, for being an omega" "It is not your fault. You cannot help being an omega. That beta could help being a douche" "I still feel responsible..." "I know. But I swear it wasn't your fault. You did nothing to deserve that" Nuzzling her hair, Eren held her close, gently calming her. Levi was strangely not jealous over the intimate contact. He was proud of his mate for standing up for what he believed in, and helping someone who could help themselves. The woman was absolutely tiny, he doubted she would be any taller than 5ft. Eren must have seemed like a 6 foot tall knight rushing to her rescue "Eren is right. You didn't deserve that. No one does. I'm so proud of you Eren" "You're truly not angry with him?" "No. How could I be?" "He hurt the beta" "If Eren hurt him, it was because it was necessary. He isn't one to jump into a fight and cause havoc just because he can" Eren blushed, flustered as he tried to get his words out "Besides, it's not the first time I've been in a fight. It, uh... it used to be semi regular. I mean, I didn't start them, but I wasn't about to let other people get hurt..." "What he means is, he used to work somewhere not so great, so regularly stood up for his coworkers" "That's so amazing for an omega. Usually no one listens. My alpha's nice, but there are so many out there that aren't" "That's true" Falling into silence, it was awkward. When Viren tugged his arm and less that softly told him he had to go to the toilet, Levi took the chance. With a look to Eren, his omega nodded "I'm going to stay with her until her alpha arrives. You probably need to get back to work" "It's fine. I'm just taking a long lunch, I want to drop you home before going back" "If you need to go..." The woman's frightened expression said it all "No. It's fine. Like I said, I know all the doctors around here. I can get a lift home" Not that he'd ask. His brat would hate to inconvenience them "And like I said, I'll take you home. I'll be back soon" Viren was more distracted by everything going on around them the fact he had to pee. The boy was so hyped up by everything, he ended up peeing on the toilet rather than in. Another thing Levi really didn't feel like dealing with, yet still wiped down the toilet, because he was nice like that. The whole trip had already taken longer than expected, with his son saying hello to everyone both there and on the way back. Eren was waiting patiently just down the hall from the omegas room "Everything ok?" "Yep. Her alpha's just arrived. And even though I've been here way too many times, I decided it would be smarter to wait here for you" "Thank you... after today, I probably would have lost it if I couldn't find you" "That good?" "Pretty much. Want to tell me what happened?" Taking his hand with his bandaged hand, Eren tugged him towards the exit "Ugh. Not if it means it's going to start a fight" "It's not going to start a fight. I just want to make sure you're ok... given what you witnessed" "I was having lunch with Sasha. There's this great cafe down from the studio, when I thought I could hear someone crying out. We were sitting out in the patio area. Sasha didn't seem to notice it, and no one else seemed to either, or they were ignoring it. Then it started getting louder, so I left Viren with her. They were both busy eating anyway. I probably looked like an idiot. Anyways, she was pinned up against the side of the restaurant, trying to get free and everyone was ignoring her. The police brought the alpha in separately, though the EMT's didn't seem too happy about us both being omegas, and having Viren there" So it didn't progress into a sexual assault... thank god for that. For both Eren and the omega "Not everyone. You did really good today" Eren gave him a shy smile, his mate still looking worried "Thanks. I wasn't sure if you'd be mad or not?" "I'm mad at everyone who walked past" "She was terrified. She kept asking him to leave her alone. I might have over done it" "From what I've heard, he had it coming" Pulling him into a one armed hug, Levi smiled at his mate "I'm so fucking proud of you" "It... was really scary" "And you handled it so well. You stayed with her and kept her calm" "I just did what felt right... I thought you might be mad" "No. I know how much omegas enjoy the contact of another omega, and how calming it is for you. You and Marco used to cuddle quite a bit" "I don't know how to explain it. It's like, really soft. Like cuddling into your favourite blanket" "Oh. Do I have to be jealous, after all?" "No. Your cuddles are the best in the world" "Mmm. That's better. He really didn't hit your stomach?" "No. He called me a slut and went to go me. All I cared about was getting him off Sophie" "Her name was Sophie?" "Yeah. I told her you might come by, so she wouldn't be scared. Viren was busy telling her all about you" Levi laughed, squeezing his son's hand as they made their way over to the door that would lead them out to the emergency department waiting room "I thought he was talking about himself" "He started by getting excited when I said "dad" and it snowballed from there" "Is that so?" "Yep. Anyway. Mike gave me an ultrasound to make sure I hadn't been hit, because I didn't remember getting hit in the face. No concussion either. I decked him in the face, and the idiot fell over his own feet. That's when he broke his arm" "Idiot" "Pretty much" Erwin was waiting for them in the waiting room, Viren yelling out of "Uncle Erwin", freeing himself to run over to the man. Levi was still pissed over their earlier spat. Tensing, Eren saw right through him "Did you two have a fight?" "Yeah, but it's fine" "Levi. You don't have that many friends. You can't fight with the ones you do have" "He was just worried about you getting into a fight" "Oh. Yeah. I don't think he and I will ever be the best of friends, but I'm ok with that. We both care about you so much, that we both think we know best" "I know" He wasn't about to tell Eren about the contents of the conversation. Not when his mate was still shaken over what he'd seen and how he'd acted. He could smell both Eren's fear and Sophie's lingering fear. "Everything alright?" Eren nodded, kissing Levi's cheek as he did. Erwin had Viren up in his hold, the four of them moving towards where the ambulance was parked "More than ok. Eren was extremely brave today" "Leeeee. It wasn't that brave" "He saved an omega from being attacked in public. I'm very proud of him" "And everything alright with you, Eren?" "Yep. Just fine. Both pups are fine, and the omega is with her alpha. It's just a few scrapes" "Mike said you were calm and collected, and kept her calm. Even though you broke the alpha's jaw and arm" "He broke his own arm. He tripped over his own feet. And, he was a beta" Mumbling, Eren was acting slightly skittish around Erwin. He didn't like that at all. Nuzzling Eren's back, his omega relaxed into his hold "I'm proud of you" "I know. You can stop saying it" "Nope" "Lee, please. I just want to go home now. I want to take a bath, and watch cartoons with Viren" "I think we can manage that" "Good. Oh, shit. I need to message Sasha. I ditched her at the cafe" "Am I going to meet Sasha?" "Yep. I invited her and Connie to Viren's birthday party" And Levi had remembered to look up trikes online, it was being delivered to Hanji's, along with a shiny red helmet for their son "I think they're really going to like Marco and Jean" "So they're coming?" "They're moving at the end of the month. Jean wants another pup soon, but Marco isn't having it" "He shouldn't have to" "He loves Jean, and he loves being a mum. Oh. He doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. Hanji's been warned that she's not to turn it into a baby shower" "I know. As far as I know, she doesn't have anything planned" "You know Hanji, she always has the best of intentions" "I know..." Guiding Eren into the back of the ambulance, his omega kept an arm around his waist as they sat on the gurney. Viren immediately wanted to play with everything as Erwin stood him up just inside the doorway, while Eren was happy to hide his face against Levi's neck. Taking his son's hand, Levi pulled him up into his lap, sandwiched between his two loves. Closing the door, Erwin headed around to climb up into the driver's seat. Looking back at them, Erwin shrugged at the sight "You three ready?" "Yeah. Viren wants to play with everything" "You're cleaning the mess up" "Don't I always?" * Dropping them at home, Eren was more than happy to be back in his safe place. He felt bad for inconveniencing Levi, and bad for bossing the EMT's around. They were going to take them to another smaller, closer hospital, but Sophie was terrified, and he didn't trust anyone else to handle the scared woman. Letting Viren go running to the sofa, Eren made sure the door was locked, about to text Levi over it, before remembering his phone was dead. He'd had enough of not being able to message his alpha. Like today, he couldn't even message Levi to let him know he was going to lunch with Sasha. He knew Levi wouldn't mind, but he felt the need to keep his mate in the loop given Levi's anxieties. They had a combined appointment with Krista, but that wasn't until after his dance wind up. Exhausted, he wanted to take a bath, but that meant leaving Viren unsupervised. His son would probably crash soon from all the excitement of the day, and a nap did sound great... scooping his son up, Eren nuzzled into his soft hair "Mummy?" "Come take a nap with mummy" "Noooo" "Viren, don't you want cuddles?" "Nooo. I want cartoons" "We'll watch cartoons later baby" "But mum!" "Please Viren, mummy has had a long day" A very long day. His nerves shattered now that he was ok to not be ok. He'd also been dancing with Sasha, and hiding that from Levi. It was hardly anything. Merely walking through the steps of the routine they would be performing, yet he still felt guilty. Hanji had told him to hold off until the start of December, which was only a few more days away... He'd have to tell Levi. Levi would be disappointed, but maybe he would understand. It wasn't as intense as pole dancing "Come on baby" "I want daddy" "Daddy has to work with Uncle Erwin" "But I want daddy" That was when the crying started. Carrying Viren through to their room, he sat him down, only for the boy to fling himself down on the floor, screaming as he dissolved into a tantrum. Instead of letting him cry, he attempted to lift his son, who squarely hit him in his split lip. Jerking back in pain, Eren finally broke down. Starting to cry, he stumbled back, sinking down on the floor sobbing. He'd seen red at Sophie being attacked. Everything has rushed back from when Zeke died, and he'd lost it. He was sure he'd called the man "Bertholdt", as he'd decked him thoughtlessly. Everything was a kind of blur, he'd even scared Viren when he came back bleeding. His son didn't know why mummy was bleeding again, but he didn't like it. Sitting on the floor with his back against Levi's wardrobe, he cried into his hands until two small hands grabbed his. His first instinct was to lash out, until his omega scolded him that it was their son. Gathering Viren into his lap, he rocked the boy. Viren crying just as hard as he did. He loved his son so much, but he hadn't thought about how badly he'd be scared by blood. Sasha had calmed him as they'd waited for the police and the ambulance to arrive, Viren didn't want to go near him at all. Kissing his son hair, he reminded himself he couldn't be like this. He was being selfish by crying in front of his son "I'm sorry baby. Mummy's sorry. Mummy's sorry. I know you want daddy. I know baby boy" Curled into each other, Eren kept rocking Viren until he fell asleep in his arms. Moving his son to his own bed, the omega then ran himself a shower, rather than a bath. With a towel shoved against the bottom of the door, so Viren wouldn't hear, he sobbed himself out. He hadn't even thought about the safety of his pups, and he was so fucking angry at himself for still being haunted by the past. When Levi got home from work, his mate seemed to know he really wasn't ok with a single glance. Striding over to him, Levi pulled him up from the sofa and into his arms. Eren crumbling against him "Bad day?" Eren snorted, nodding as he nosed at Levi's scent. His mate smelt as happy as he felt "Yeah. You?" "Absolutely crap" "Fuck... I'm sorry. When I got home, everything hit me. Viren was crying, and I was crying. But what happened with the rest of your shift?" "People are idiots. How do you feel now?" "Really fucking drained. I made dinner" "Thank you. Have you eaten?" "Not yet. I wanted to have dinner with you" "Sounds good. Let me take a shower, then we can cuddle on the sofa" "That sounds so good..." Neither of them moved, Levi laughing softly when it became apparent neither of them particularly wanted to "Levi. I need to tell you something" "What's up?" "I kind of danced today. Sasha and I walked through the moves to our routine. I'm sorry" "Eren, it's ok. I had the feeling you might, and you know not to push yourself just yet. Did you feel guilty all day because of it?" Eren nodded softly "I know you don't want to yet" "You don't need to feel guilty. We've both had a long day" "I'm sorry" "No, it's ok. Erwin made me pick up a new phone on the way home" "I was going to look them up, but..." "You fell apart. I can smell it" "I called the guy "Bertholdt"" Levi tensed, sighing as he did "Alright. You're coming with me" "What?" "I need a shower, and we both need a hug" "You do kind of smell" "I got vomited on during the first call out of the day, then pissed on with the last" "And you let me hug you" "Don't say I never do anything romantic" "You're an arse" "Mhmm. Come on" Levi was cooperative as they showered. Eren washing his fiancées hair, while Levi kept his forehead against his chest. He loved the grey hairs blending through Levi's neatly trimmed hair. His alpha was just as gorgeous to him as he was the moment Eren had met him. Trading a few small kisses, all their touches were reassuring, with no need to be sexual. He wasn't up for sex. Not after what had happened earlier. When their shower was done, Levi redressed his hand for him, kissing the wound sites and nuzzling into the spots, before disinfecting them. After their shower, they curled up on the sofa. Levi fitting nicely in his hold as they ate, it was a comfortable sort of silence, the TV playing something on the background, that neither of them was paying attention to. Sleepy and warm, he placed his half eaten food on the table, content with holding Levi. He knew his mate hadn't been sleeping well. Forcing himself not to fall asleep until Levi did. They managed a few hours sleep before he woke screaming. Levi sent flying to the floor as he started flailing. Climbing up, his alpha grabbed his shoulders "Eren?!" "I'm ok. Fuck... I'm ok" His chest was heaving as beads of sweat rolled down his face. Rubbing his eyes, Levi hovered until he was ready to sit up. Levi was a sexy kind of disoriented, sitting on the coffee table across from. His hair sticking up, with dried drool in the corner of his mouth "What was it about?" "It wasn't as bad as normal" "It was bad enough for you to scream" "It was weird... you killed Erwin, but he came back. And he had this rubber duck, and was chasing us. I don't really remember the rest, but it was weird" Levi laughed. His alpha threw his head back and laughed. Pouting, he pulled his hands back from Levi's "I'm sorry. But a rubber duck?" "Shut up. I told you it wasn't as bad as normal" "I didn't realise rubber ducks were so scary" "You know what, I was worried about you. I take it all back" "You can't take it back" "Then I'll remember this. And when you least expect it, there will be ducks" "I'm looking forward to it. But you're really ok?" "I'm ok. I had a good cry earlier while Viren was napping. I guess I was still a bit anxious when I went to sleep or something" "Anxious over ducks" "No one gets anxious over ducks" "Come here you, I think we can still get a few more hours sleep" Still pouty at Levi, Eren pushed himself up, surprising Levi by lifting him off the table "What are you doing?" "Carrying you to bed" "You're the one who had the nightmare" "And you're the one who was a dick over ducks. This my revenge" "I thought it was revenge by ducks" "Oh, there will be a great duck reckoning" "Look at you using big words" "You can't blame that on me. You're the one who's taught me how to read and write" "I never thought it would come back to haunt me like this" "You need to set your phone up" "I know. Tomorrow after work, we'll sit down and work it out" "And we need to get you a waterproof case" "That would probably be a good idea. It needs to be toddler proof too" "I don't think anything that's supposed to be toddler proof is" "No... you might be right about that one" Viren had crept into their room while they slept. The boy sleeping in the centre of the bed, out like a starfish. Sitting Levi down, his alpha smiled at their son "Should I move him back to his bed?" "No. You should sleep closer to him. Just in case I freak out again" "Eren, you don't need to be scared of Viren" "I freaked him out pretty badly, I didn't think about how scared he be over me bleeding" "Eren... it was all forgotten by the time we got to the hospital. He was happy" "I hate scaring him. When I started crying today, he was mid tantrum because he didn't want to nap. He climbed into my arms to make me feel better. He's not supposed to do that" "Let's go to bed. It's been a long day" "L-" "Eren, you're a great mum. And a great person. I meant what I said. I was so proud of you for stepping in" "I didn't even think about the safety of the pups" "Is that what's worrying you? The pups?" "I was so angry I forgot about them. It wasn't until Mike wanted to give me an examination that I remembered" "I think you're over thinking it. We've both had a long day" It was easy for Levi to say. He hadn't seen how scared their son was "Please Levi, just sleep next to him" "Alright, as long as you stay" He was planning on bolting back to his old room the first chance he got "Eren, stay. I want you to stay" He couldn't say no to that... "Even if you have another nightmare, I'll be here to protect you from the ducks" Fucking ducks. He should have kept his mouth shut. He was starting to feel anxious about it all... and stupid as fuck. Who the hell had a screaming nightmare over ducks?! "You're so annoying. Go to sleep already" "Then get into bed already" "I'm waiting on you" "And I'm waiting on you" "That's it. I'm going to go sleep in my room" "No. Ok. I won't tease you about it any longer, can you please just come to bed?" "You'll never mention it again" "Not unless you do" "Fine. Move over, I'm getting in" Levi might have promised to never mention it again... but the moment Eren spooned up behind him, his alpha quacked. After that, his desire to fall back to sleep vanished. He stayed in bed with Levi in his arms, but he didn't dare sleep. He didn't want to feel even stupider than he was.

#Riren #ereri #a/b/o #omega Eren #alpha Levi #snk #aot

[honeypiehotchner]

dancing on my own -- part one

This is a Rob Benedict/Original Female Character fic, so it’s not in the Reader style you’re probably used to. It’s in first person, and her name is Sarah Williams.

I’ve never posted fics on tumblr before, so this is so new to me. Don’t be shy!

This story is also on AO3! Same title, just QuickCharade as the user. Or by this link. If I’m being honest, I update more frequently on there than usual. I’m hoping I will get better at updating both here and on AO3 at the same time.

Words: 2,547

Summary: Sarah Williams and Rob Benedict used to be absolutely inseparable. Until he started dating. Which, he is definitely allowed to. Only it’s starting to seem like he is doing it to get her attention.

Warnings: mentions of alcoholism (it will be a bigger part of the story, so if it makes you at all uncomfortable, this might not be the story for you), mentions of anxiety, loads of angst. Stay safe, my lovelies.

Seeing him with someone else is not supposed to hurt me like this. He is allowed to date people. He is a grown man, for Christ’s sake.

I’m a grown woman. So why am I so upset by this?

I avert my eyes when he kisses her, the action too intimate for even my pining, self-loathing ass to watch. I fiddle with my fingers, my nails freshly done just yesterday. It was my way of pampering myself before this weekend because convention weekends are never easy with my anxiety. But they’re especially not easy when Rob suddenly decides to bring the woman he’s seeing.

A light touch on my shoulder has me looking up from my hands. My face splits into a grin when I see it’s Briana, and she’s holding a cup of coffee with my name on it.

I nearly squeal from excitement, having not seen her in a month or longer because we’ve both been working like crazy. I hug her tightly around the neck, closing my eyes to savor this moment. She gives the best hugs, if you ask me.

“I missed you. Don’t ever let me get a job ever again.”

She laughs loudly, kissing the side of my head. “You’re sweet. But you have to work.” She hands me my coffee. “But maybe try landing a job closer to me next time? I missed you, too.” She teases me, but I know there is some seriousness in her tone.

“I’ll try,” I nod. “It’s not my fault my hometown has become a filming hotspot.”

“Speaking of, I need details!” She pulls out one of the chairs, plopping herself down in front of me.

“Well, it’s a movie, so that’s different. I’ve never done one before this.”

“That’s exciting, though!”

“Yeah! And it’s nice to be close to home. I’ve had my parents on set one day, and had to babysit my sister the other day because school was out but work wasn’t.”

“Wait. Isn’t she like…15?”

I nod, chuckling. “She is. I think she wanted to come see her big sister on set and just didn’t want to admit it.”

“Mm, that makes more sense,” she smiles.

There’s a lull, and I can practically hear Bri’s next question, so I quickly fill the silence. “It’s really nice,” I blurt. “I’m working with a lot of my friends who aren’t from the city so it’s nice to show them around. I think one of the AD’s called me ‘Atlanta’ for a good week and a half and it just caught on.” I pause to laugh. “It’s so weird working from home, basically. I have my own place, but like, if I wanted to I could go to my parent’s house. It’s weird, but I know I missed it. Being in Vancouver those three years was hard.”

I was on Supernatural for a good three seasons. I’m not anymore, but my character is also dead, so who knows. Anyway, since I was recurring for that time, I stayed in Vancouver. I went home on the holidays, obviously, but when I had a boyfriend for one of those years we stayed up there and visited his family on holidays. He’s out of the picture now, hopefully doing a lot better, but part of me misses him. Which is why it is a very good thing I have this job in Atlanta, near my family to keep me grounded.

I then make the mistake of letting my eyes linger on Rob and his girl (girlfriend? Or just a date?) for longer than two seconds. Briana immediately twists herself around in her chair, waving to the happy couple as they walk out of the green room, hand in hand, the lovesick aura practically rolling off of them.

And when Bri turns back around, her face is nothing but sympathetic. “How’s the crush doing?”

I chuckle at her blunt wording.

Rob and I…it’s a weird situation. We only ever see each other in person on these convention weekends, but each time we are attached at the hip – or used to be. We understand one another, despite how cheesy that sounds, and something about us literally clicked the first night we met. And we’ve been best friends since. Or, until he started dating.

We used to text and FaceTime probably every single day. He would update me on Louden Swain business, I would update him on my auditions. We’d talk about our days, rant about how neurotic we are, and laugh at each other’s crazy adventures from the day. But then he started dating, and our talking sort of slowed to random bursts. I’m lucky if he texts me first once every two weeks or something, or if he replies to my text within a week. I got tired after a while and stopped texting first, but there’s a part of me that still misses the friendship we had. And his random “how are you doing” texts every couple weeks don’t help my getting-over-him process either.

“Judging by the look on your face, I’d say not too good.”

I lift my head, try to play it off. “What?” But the look Bri gives me lets me know she doesn’t buy one second of that. I sigh. “He’s never…brought one to a convention, you know?”

When I say Rob started dating, I mean, he started dating. It seemed like every time we got the gang together for dinner or drinks (or both), he had a new girl. And if we saw her for two get togethers in a row, it was a miracle. But we never saw one for more than two. And he never brought one to a convention.

This is his work. He always told me he was worried about a relationship because he does so much – Louden Swain touring and making new music, his acting career that is still very much alive, performing and mediating at these conventions nearly every single month – that he doesn’t want a relationship to get in the way. Or for the person to not understand what he does.

“Maybe she won’t stick around for the whole weekend.”

I gasp. “Bri!”

“What?” She laughs. “Fine, but I am serious. She seems sweet, but…not like Rob.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Well she’s not supposed to be just like Rob.”

“No, I mean, they seem—they’re like opposites of each other.”

“You know what they say,” I laugh weakly, “opposites attract.”

“I’m trying to empathize here and you’re making it really hard.”

I laugh loudly then. “Well I’m trying to move on!”

“No you’re not.”

I glare at her. She glares back, but more playful, mocking me. I try not to smile.

“You could always throw him some hints.”

I scoff. I think I threw him enough. “Are you forgetting when I called you that night? Remember? I literally told him I could try and prove him wrong when he said he didn’t see himself in a stable relationship.” I pause, shaking my head. I was an idiot. “I told him before he made conclusions like that, he could at least give me a chance.”

“I do remember that…”

“Okay. So I am not going to go after him again because he’s taken. That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not as ridiculous as it seems.”

“I am not going to be a homewrecker!” I laugh. “You’re crazy.”

“Oh, you’re only a homewrecker if they’re married.”

“Not helping.”

“I’m not asking you to be homewrecker. I’m just saying they don’t seem too serious.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Too serious?”

“As in serious enough for him to turn down someone else.”

“Bold of you to assume he likes someone else,” I chuckle.

She gives me another look. “You don’t see the way he looks at you.”

“And I don’t want to,” I fire back. “Look, no more. We’re done talking about this. He’s going to be happy with her – or someone else, for all I care.” I push a strand of hair out of my face. “I need to focus on being happy with myself while he’s busy ignoring me.”

Bri frowns. “How are you doing?”

I look down at the cup of coffee in my hand, now realizing I haven’t drunk from it yet. I decide to take a sip before answering her. As usual, it scalds my tongue.

“I’m better, I guess. Sober for three days,” I joke.

“Are you gonna be okay tomorrow?”

Oh, the Saturday Night After Party (we just call it SNAP). “Yeah…” I pause. “Watch out for me anyway?”

She nods. “Always. And hey, three days is a start.” She pauses, resting her hand on my arm. “If you don’t want to come to SNAP tomorrow I understand. Hell, we can have a no-alcohol in the room rule—”

I shake my head. “No, no don’t. It’s okay. I’ll be alright.”

She grabs my hand, squeezing tightly. “Okay. I’ll watch out for you.”

I smile. “Thank you.”

“And hey,” she pauses, waiting until I’m looking in her eyes, “if you need a girl night with some ice cream and sad movies, say the word. I’m all for it and I’m sure Kim and Ruth will be onboard, too.”

I squeeze her hand. “Thank you. But I think I’ll be okay.”

“Hm,” she narrows her eyes. “We’ll see. Ice cream and cuddling sessions are hard to turn down.”

I laugh. “I know, I might take you up on the offer – minus the sad movies. I’m tired of being sad.”

“Deal,” she nods.

The conversation is interrupted by the band coming into the room with Rich following behind. Briana and I stand, both of us not having seen Rich or the band at all yet this morning. Hugs are shared before Rich looks around, his eyes confused as he glances between Bri and I.

“…where’s Rob?”

I shake my head, trying to play off the tug in my heart at his name. Stupid. “He…left like fifteen minutes ago. I don’t know.”

“Left with…?”

“His flavor of the month,” Bri snickers.

I nudge her shoulder, trying not to laugh. “I’d be mad if that wasn’t kind of true.”

Rich bites back a smile. “I hate that it is. My best friend, a hot mess when he’s single and now worse when he’s trying to date. Anyway.” He leaves to find Rob, dialing his number on the way out the door.

+++

My panel flows easily with Bri at my side. Thankfully since she was here early, she didn’t mind accompanying me. I’ll be with her, Kim, and Ruth tomorrow for our ladies’ panel, but my solo was supposed to be today. Until I told Bri I was nervous, and she “crashed” the panel with my forgotten cup of coffee…and decided to stay.

Thankfully I don’t have any photos or anything today; that’s all tomorrow. We spend the rest of the afternoon talking about karaoke (and boys).

We’re mostly alone in the green room the whole time. The band is also there, causing some impromptu jamming sessions since Rob has been nothing but MIA today when he’s not supposed to be onstage.

When he does return, it’s for lunch, and he returns with his girl. Who we learn is Lily.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” I smile, waving to the insanely beautiful woman. “Oh, I’m Sarah, by the way.”

“Sarah,” Lily grins, “I’ve always loved that name. It’s nice to finally meet you!”

I chuckle nervously, telling her the feeling is mutual, but she continues talking.

“Rob has told me so much about you! I swear sometimes he likes you more than he likes me,” she teases. Or her tone is teasing. But Rob looks far from comfortable and “comfortable” is the last word I would use to describe myself right now.

But I play it off. As always. “All good things, I really do hope.”

“Oh, definitely,” she assures me.

I nod. “Good.” I offer a smile in their general direction, which Lily returns, but Rob is too focused on his half-eaten pizza to even say anything in response.

I toss my napkin down on my plate, making eye contact with Briana – our secret code for, “I’m going to get some air, I need you to come with,” which she immediately nods.

I almost announce my departure, but everyone seems too engrossed in their own conversations to care. So instead I turn and walk toward the green room doors. And instead of waiting until I left, Briana is hot on my heels as I stumble out of the doors, face red from embarrassment and heart throttling itself against my rib cage.

“She’s heard all about me? What the hell does that even mean?”

“I know,” Bri tries, her hand resting on my shoulder.

“He has time to talk to her all about me, but not text me back? Fuck!”

“Come on. Outside.” She steers me toward the exit doors. “You need fresh air.” She pushes open the doors, dragging me behind her.

“I need him to stop messing with me!” I cry, throwing my hands in the air. “He speaks to me like we’re best friends – fuck, like there’s something more or I would’ve never suggested it – and then he drops me for girls left and right? And then he has the time to tell her about me? The fuck does he think he is?”

“I know.”

“I mean, what does he gain out of this?”

“I don’t know.”

“And then he just sat there! He wouldn’t even acknowledge the fact that he apparently has time to gush about me, but not time to reply to my damn text and tell me whether or not he wanted a fucking seat at the premier!”

“What?”

I scoff. “Oh, yeah. We did a best friend screening, stupid, or whatever, but the director wanted to. We’ve done family ones, he wanted to do a best friend one. You were out of town, so was everyone else, I thought, “Hey, maybe this will give us a chance to reconnect,” but he never fucking replied. He read the message and left it. Not a damn word.”

“Sarah…”

“I don’t know what’s happening.” I can already feel the lump forming in my throat. “It’s like— I don’t even know what it’s like.”

“Hey…” She doesn’t say anything else, just gathers me in her arms and rubs my back. I inhale and exhale shakily, my entire body shaking from frustration. I wish I could walk in there and just ask him what his deal is. Ask him why he feels the need to do this to me.

But then I wonder to myself why I am even letting this get to me. I need to quit reading so far into things. That’s my problem.

“Okay,” I push back from the hug, taking in another shaky breath. I wipe at my cheeks, laughing without really meaning to. “I’m letting him ruin my pizza.”

Bri laughs. “We can steal an extra box and go up to my room if you want.”

I shake my head. “I’ll be okay.” I pause. “Can we stop by the bathroom first? I need to pee and make sure I don’t look like I just cried over a stupid boy.”

She chuckles, linking her arm with mine. “We can. Let’s go.”

Tags: @itsfunnierin-enochian Let me know if you want to be tagged!

#rob benedict #rob benedict x original female character #briana buckmaster #ruth connell #kim rhodes #billy moran #stephen norton #michael borja #louden swain #supernatural convention #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #rob benedict x reader #rob benedict x you #those last two are lies #but they are there so people will find this story #whoops #richard speight jr #rob's girlfriend is lily #the original female character is sarah #lots of angst #angst

[dfroza]

Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms

for Wednesday, march 3 of 2021 with Proverbs 3 and Psalm 3, accompanied by Psalm 73 for the 73rd day of Winter and Psalm 62 for day 62 of the year

[Psalm 3]

A song of David composed while fleeing from his son Absalom.

Eternal One, my adversaries are many, too many to count.

Now they have taken a stand against me!

Right to my face they say,

“God will not save you!”

[pause]

But You, Eternal One, wrap around me like an impenetrable shield.

You give me glory and lift my eyes up to the heavens.

I lift my voice to You, Eternal One,

and You answer me from Your sacred heights.

[pause]

I lie down at night and fall asleep.

I awake in the morning—healthy, strong, vibrant—because the Eternal supports me.

No longer will I fear my tens of thousands of enemies

who have surrounded me!

Rise up, O Eternal One!

Rescue me, O God!

For You have dealt my enemies a strong blow to the jaw!

You have shattered their teeth! Do so again.

Liberation truly comes from the Eternal.

Let Your blessings shower down upon Your people.

[pause]

The Book of Psalms, Poem 3 (The Voice)

[Psalm 73]

Book 3

The Leviticus Psalms

Psalms of worship and God’s house

God’s Justice

Asaph’s psalm

No one can deny it—God is really good to Israel

and to all those with pure hearts.

But I nearly missed seeing it for myself.

Here’s my story: I narrowly missed losing it all.

I was stumbling over what I saw with the wicked.

For when I saw the boasters with such wealth and prosperity,

I became jealous over their smug security.

Indulging in whatever they wanted, going where they wanted,

doing what they wanted, and with no care in the world.

No pain, no problems, they seemed to have it made.

They lived as though life would never end.

They didn’t even try to hide their pride and opulence.

Cruelty and violence is part of their lifestyle.

Pampered and pompous, vice oozes from their souls;

they overflow with vanity.

They’re such snobs—looking down their noses.

They even scoff at God!

They are nothing but bullies threatening God’s people.

Loudmouths with no fear of God, pretending to know it all.

Windbags full of hot air, impressing only themselves.

Yet the people keep coming back to listen

to more of their nonsense.

They tell their cohorts, “God will never know.

See, he has no clue of what we’re doing.”

These are the wicked ones I’m talking about!

They never have to lift a finger,

living a life of ease while their riches multiply.

Have I been foolish to play by the rules and keep my life pure?

Here I am suffering under your discipline day after day.

I feel like I’m being punished all day long.

If I had given in to my pain and spoken of what I was really feeling,

it would have sounded like unfaithfulness to the next generation.

When I tried to understand it all, I just couldn’t.

It was too puzzling—too much of a riddle to me.

But then one day I was brought into the sanctuaries of God,

and in the light of glory, my distorted perspective vanished.

Then I understood that the destiny of the wicked was near!

They’re the ones who are on the slippery path,

and God will suddenly let them slide off into destruction

to be consumed with terrors forever!

It will be an instant end to all their life of ease;

a blink of the eye and they’re swept away by sudden calamity!

They’re all nothing more than momentary monarchs—

soon to disappear like a dream when one awakes.

When the rooster crows,

Lord God, you’ll despise their life of fantasies.

When I saw all of this, what turmoil filled my heart,

piercing my opinions with your truth.

I was so stupid. I was senseless and ignorant,

acting like a brute beast before you, Lord.

Yet, in spite of all this, you comfort me by your counsel;

you draw me closer to you.

You lead me with your secret wisdom.

And following you brings me into your brightness and glory!

Whom have I in heaven but you? You’re all I want!

No one on earth means as much to me as you.

Lord, so many times I fail; I fall into disgrace.

But when I trust in you, I have a strong and glorious presence

protecting and anointing me. Forever you’re all I need!

Those who abandon the worship of God will perish.

The false and unfaithful will be silenced, never heard from again.

But I’ll keep coming closer and closer to you, Lord Yahweh,

for your name is good to me. I’ll keep telling the world of

your awesome works, my faithful and glorious God!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 73 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 62]

Unshakable Faith

To the Pure and Shining One

King David’s melody of love’s celebration

I stand silently to listen for the one I love,

waiting as long as it takes for the Lord to rescue me.

For God alone has become my Savior.

He alone is my safe place;

his wrap-around presence always protects me.

For he is my champion defender;

there’s no risk of failure with God.

So why would I let worry paralyze me,

even when troubles multiply around me?

But look at these who want me dead,

shouting their vicious threats at me!

The moment they discover my weakness

they all begin plotting to take me down.

Liars, hypocrites, with nothing good to say.

All of their energies are spent

on moving me from this exalted place.

Pause in his presence

I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love,

waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me.

Only God is my Savior, and he will not fail me.

For he alone is my safe place.

His wrap-around presence always protects me

as my champion defender.

There’s no risk of failure with God!

So why would I let worry paralyze me,

even when troubles multiply around me?

God’s glory is all around me!

His wrap-around presence is all I need,

for the Lord is my Savior, my hero, and my life-giving strength.

Join me, everyone! Trust only in God every moment!

Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him.

Believe me when I tell you—he will help you!

Pause in his presence

Before God all the people of the earth, high or low,

are like smoke that disappears,

like a vapor that quickly vanishes away.

Compared to God they’re nothing but vanity, nothing at all!

The wealth of the world is nothing to God.

So if your wealth increases, don’t be boastful or

put your trust in your money.

And don’t you think for a moment that

you can get away with stealing by overcharging others

just to get more for yourself!

God said to me once and for all,

“All the strength and power you need flows from me!”

And again I heard it clearly said,

“All the love you need is found in me!”

And it’s true that you repay people for what they do.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 62 (The Passion Translation)

[Proverbs 3]

[Don’t Assume You Know It All]

Good friend, don’t forget all I’ve taught you;

take to heart my commands.

They’ll help you live a long, long time,

a long life lived full and well.

Don’t lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.

Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.

Earn a reputation for living well

in God’s eyes and the eyes of the people.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own;

give him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst,

your wine vats will brim over.

But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;

don’t sulk under his loving correction.

It’s the child he loves that God corrects;

a father’s delight is behind all this.

[The Very Tree of Life]

You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,

when you make friends with Madame Insight.

She’s worth far more than money in the bank;

her friendship is better than a big salary.

Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth;

nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.

With one hand she gives long life,

with the other she confers recognition.

Her manner is beautiful,

her life wonderfully complete.

She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.

Hold her tight—and be blessed!

With Lady Wisdom, God formed Earth;

with Madame Insight, he raised Heaven.

They knew when to signal rivers and springs to the surface,

and dew to descend from the night skies.

[Never Walk Away]

Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life;

don’t for a minute lose sight of them.

They’ll keep your soul alive and well,

they’ll keep you fit and attractive.

You’ll travel safely,

you’ll neither tire nor trip.

You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry,

you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep.

No need to panic over alarms or surprises,

or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner,

Because God will be right there with you;

he’ll keep you safe and sound.

Never walk away from someone who deserves help;

your hand is God’s hand for that person.

Don’t tell your neighbor “Maybe some other time”

or “Try me tomorrow”

when the money’s right there in your pocket.

Don’t figure ways of taking advantage of your neighbor

when he’s sitting there trusting and unsuspecting.

Don’t walk around with a chip on your shoulder,

always spoiling for a fight.

Don’t try to be like those who shoulder their way through life.

Why be a bully?

“Why not?” you say. Because God can’t stand twisted souls.

It’s the straightforward who get his respect.

God’s curse blights the house of the wicked,

but he blesses the home of the righteous.

He gives proud skeptics a cold shoulder,

but if you’re down on your luck, he’s right there to help.

Wise living gets rewarded with honor;

stupid living gets the booby prize.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 3 (The Message)

to be accompanied by these lines from The Passion Translation:

[Wisdom’s Blueprints]

The Lord laid the earth’s foundations with wisdom’s blueprints.

By his living-understanding all the universe came into being.

By his divine revelation he broke open

the hidden fountains of the deep,

bringing secret springs to the surface

as the mist of the night dripped down from heaven.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 3:19-20 (The Passion Translation)

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW 10 - Start

Levi was having a shit day at work. He was out in the field, biting his tongue about his plans to marry Eren as Erwin prattled on, asking after Eren and his mental health. He knew Erwin was concerned, but he'd already been thrown up on, and had one patient try to take a swing at him. Eren had said he was proud that Levi was out in the field helping people, but on days like this, it was hard to feel appreciated. At least the patient they were currently transporting to hospital was an old beta woman who was happy enough talking to through the gap. Hearing the radio crackle, he sighed as Petra's voice came through "Levi? Are you on channel?" She may have backed off on her continued perusal of him, but sometimes she'd revert back to hitting on him, making them all uncomfortable. She'd kind of edged to the fringe of their friends. Snatching up the receiver, Erwin looked to him "Go ahead Petra" "Eren's at Shinganshima hospital. He's not hurt, but he did sound pretty shaken up" Levi grabbed the receiver from Erwin "What do you mean he's there?!" "He called in an assault, Mike called me to see if I could warn you" "He called in an assault?" "I don't know much more, only that he's there... and that he's ok. He's not the victim" Erwin took the receiver back "Thanks, Petra. We're completing a patient transfer at the moment, we will be there shortly" "You're welcome. Mike also said to tell Levi that there's nothing wrong with the twins, and that he'd know what that means" That was something... but this whole thing was something he didn't need. Not on such a crappy day like today. He knew Eren could throw down with the best of them, but his mate has said he was going into the dance studio to catch up with his partner. Levi had no idea how that turned into assault "He does. Thank you, Petra" Erwin didn't dare talk for the first few moments, as Levi gripped the steering wheel so hard it hurt his hands "He's ok" "He wasn't the victim. That doesn't mean he's ok" "If something was wrong, Mike would have said" "Eren probably told him not to. We both know he likes to hide things" "He's gotten better though, hasn't he?" "No. Not really. No. That isn't fair. It's still deeply ingrained in him that he has to hide things to protect us" "Where's Viren?" "With Eren" That meant their son would have seen whatever Eren had... Shit... "Levi, we don't know what happened. We're ten minutes out" "You don't seem to get it at all. Eren. He cares for everyone. He was actually upset over the people his father killed. He took on that pain like it was his to carry. He's not fragile, but he tries so hard to make everyone around him happy. He'd even cry if something happened to you and your shitty eyebrows" "I know he's a good kid" "But?" "But he is rather emotional" "You try being tortured and kept chained up, and see how you like it. He's still discriminated against for being an omega" "That isn't as bad at once was" "If you believe that, you're a fucking idiot" "Omegas were segregated to keep them safe. They were treasures for looking at and never touching" "And whores for the rich, when their heats hit. We all know the shit that's been smeared over the truth" "Levi" "Look I don't care if you don't like Eren. Actually, no. I do. I know you two have butted heads, but he is my mate. You should at least respect that" "I didn't say I didn't like him" "That's why you've been hounding me nonstop about his mental state. You want to know the truth? Going on his medication has messed with all his systems. He's barely an acceptable weight, and he has a whole new heap of triggers that set off panic attacks. His nightmares have returned, my nightmares have returned. He also thought I was cheating on him, and wanted to break our bond because I started treating him like shit without knowing it. He lost a pup down in Paradis, that's why Hanji came down to join us, and he's so worried about everyone around him, he's hiding his pain over it all. He's brave and he's stubborn, and he's my hope. He gets twice as much shit for being a male omega, and he still stands up for himself. He's not all panic attacks and crying fits. So you need to start respecting him" "I didn't say I didn't respect him" "No. I know you too well. You've always thought he was bad for me" "Not bad. You just have a tendency to lose all control when it comes to him. He nearly destroyed you. More than once" "Being taken against his will, then forced to witness the inside of a baby farm was hardly his idea of a pleasant holiday" "There were quite a few high ranking officials that fell thanks to Floch's investigation" "And thanks to Eren" Erwin sensed his defeat, the alpha turning his attention to the beta woman in the back, Levi seriously wanted to deck the man. They'd had this argument more times than he could count. He wasn't the same person he'd been since meeting Eren, and talking to Krista had pulled up so many thoughts and emotions. He knew he struggled with his anxieties over Eren, but anxieties and worry came hand in hand with loving someone. He couldn't help it if Eren deserved the moon and every star in the sky. He loved him and he loved loving him. Even when things were rough, Eren soothed his soul like nothing else. * Completing the hand off, the beta woman smiled happily as she was wheeled away. Levi had made it a point not to look in Erwin's direction as he filled out the last of the forms. He had more important things to do. Get the forms done, then get the truth of everything out of Eren. Coming closer, Levi growled at Erwin. The man stopping just short of placing his hand on his shoulder. He didn't want to drag this up again. He didn't even want to invite Erwin to his wedding. That had been bad enough. He'd headed down to the courthouse to see about getting their marriage licence thing. The things they'd wanted on Eren's behalf had pissed him off. Eren was treated like a criminal. They wanted absolutely everything, including bank records and police clearance. Why the fuck their finances where any of the governments business, he had no clue. He'd thought it would be a simple case of presenting their ID's, but no. He'd had to take a small tree down, only for them to say each page needed to be signed by an authorised signatory. Which Mike could do, when he had time to talk to him without Erwin around. He was still yet to pick Eren's ring up... His phone hadn't survived its swim, which was probably why Eren had had to tell Mike everything. He hadn't had a chance to swing by the shops and pick up a new one... stupidly forgetting he could pick one up online when shopping for Viren. Though, in his defence, work had kicked his arse. He'd been dead on his feet when he came back on Monday night, then Viren had cried almost all night, his exhaustion had bled over into each following day since then. It was now Saturday and it felt like a whole month had passed since he returned. He'd been pampered into laziness by domestic life. Heading into the emergency department, he didn't know the woman working. Explaining that his mate had been brought in, and that needed to talk to Mike, he was made to wait in the reception area, where everyone was sniffling and sharing their shitty germs... Eren loathed hospitals, and wouldn't be happy to be there. Then there was Viren. He'd been so upset when Eren collapsed, if he witness what happened, the poor boy would probably just as distraught. When Mike finally appeared, Levi earned himself glares crossing the room before all of them. Slipping past Mike, his friend patted his shoulder, much like how Erwin had tried to before, leading him forward, he couldn't seem to find Eren's scent in the air "Eren's ok. Split lip and split knuckles, but he and the pups are otherwise ok" "Then what the fuck happened?" "He was having a late lunch with his dance partner Sasha, when he heard a cry. Leaving Viren with her, he found an omega in the middle of being assaulted" "Sexually?" "No. Though that didn't stop the beta from doing a number on their back and shoulders. Eren broke his arm, and jaw. Called emergency services for the omega and has been with her since they arrived" "He's really good with other omegas" "Her partner is on his way in. She'd come into the city for Christmas shopping, and was on her way to meet up with friends..." "Your shitty husband was just trying to tell me today how much better things were for omegas. What a load of shit. Even refuges don't give two fucks about the omegas in their care" "Just try not to let that anger show. She's pretty shaken up" "I know better than to do that. Have the police taken their statements" "It was your friend Pixis" Pixis barely ventured out his precinct these days. Things must have been desperate with the silly season upon them. Knocking lightly on the door to a room just off the emergency department, Mike opened the door slowly. Eren was sitting in the visitors chair, while Viren was bragging about all sorts of things to a very exhausted looking omega. The moment her eyes met his, she flinched away. Eren was there right away, hushing her softly "It's ok. This is my mate, Levi" "I trust you not to hurt her, but if she grows distressed, come find me" He'd planned to get Eren and go home, but of course his mate wanted to be there for the omega. Time to appear non threatening "Hey. Hey, Eren" "Hello, it's nice to meet you Levi" He noted the way the female omega didn't offer her name, and the slight tremor remaining in her frame. Moving to sit on the edge of the woman's bed, Eren wrapped an arm around her shoulders "You're perfectly safe here. I know all the doctors way too well, and if anyone does anything, Levi will jump in to protect us" "I'm not sure you need protecting. I'm so sorry you had to..." "No. I'm sorry you had to experience something like that" "You were honestly amazing. You didn't even hesitate" "Of course not. No one deserves to be made to feel that scared" Lifting Viren into his hold, Levi sank down into the visitors chair "How was work?" "Long. Erwin talks way too much" Eren snorted, then paused to explain "Erwin is married to Mike, the doctor who was there when you were admitted. He and Levi are paramedics" "Oh..." The woman frowned at the word paramedics "Who drove you in?" "I don't know. I think they were EMT's..." So Eren didn't know them "I did try to call you, then I remembered the whole phone thing. I'm guessing Mike called Erwin?" "Mike called Petra, who radioed through to us" "Ahhh... I did tell him not to. With you working, and me not being hurt" "Eren, you're a terrible liar. You've got steri-strips on your face and a wrapped hand" "It's fine. He didn't even hit my stomach, so it's nothing much. I've had worse from Viren. But we'll be talking about this when we get home. Levi might look all grumpy, but he worries way too much" The female omega forced a smile in his direction "That must be nice" "It is in its own way. Levi actually treats me like I'm his equal" "I can see why. I've never seen an omega hit a beta, or an alpha" "Sometimes it's the only way they listen..." "It was my fault, for being an omega" "It is not your fault. You cannot help being an omega. That beta could help being a douche" "I still feel responsible..." "I know. But I swear it wasn't your fault. You did nothing to deserve that" Nuzzling her hair, Eren held her close, gently calming her. Levi was strangely not jealous over the intimate contact. He was proud of his mate for standing up for what he believed in, and helping someone who could help themselves. The woman was absolutely tiny, he doubted she would be any taller than 5ft. Eren must have seemed like a 6 foot tall knight rushing to her rescue "Eren is right. You didn't deserve that. No one does. I'm so proud of you Eren" "You're truly not angry with him?" "No. How could I be?" "He hurt the beta" "If Eren hurt him, it was because it was necessary. He isn't one to jump into a fight and cause havoc just because he can" Eren blushed, flustered as he tried to get his words out "Besides, it's not the first time I've been in a fight. It, uh... it used to be semi regular. I mean, I didn't start them, but I wasn't about to let other people get hurt..." "What he means is, he used to work somewhere not so great, so regularly stood up for his coworkers" "That's so amazing for an omega. Usually no one listens. My alpha's nice, but there are so many out there that aren't" "That's true" Falling into silence, it was awkward. When Viren tugged his arm and less that softly told him he had to go to the toilet, Levi took the chance. With a look to Eren, his omega nodded "I'm going to stay with her until her alpha arrives. You probably need to get back to work" "It's fine. I'm just taking a long lunch, I want to drop you home before going back" "If you need to go..." The woman's frightened expression said it all "No. It's fine. Like I said, I know all the doctors around here. I can get a lift home" Not that he'd ask. His brat would hate to inconvenience them "And like I said, I'll take you home. I'll be back soon" Viren was more distracted by everything going on around them the fact he had to pee. The boy was so hyped up by everything, he ended up peeing on the toilet rather than in. Another thing Levi really didn't feel like dealing with, yet still wiped down the toilet, because he was nice like that. The whole trip had already taken longer than expected, with his son saying hello to everyone both there and on the way back. Eren was waiting patiently just down the hall from the omegas room "Everything ok?" "Yep. Her alpha's just arrived. And even though I've been here way too many times, I decided it would be smarter to wait here for you" "Thank you... after today, I probably would have lost it if I couldn't find you" "That good?" "Pretty much. Want to tell me what happened?" Taking his hand with his bandaged hand, Eren tugged him towards the exit "Ugh. Not if it means it's going to start a fight" "It's not going to start a fight. I just want to make sure you're ok... given what you witnessed" "I was having lunch with Sasha. There's this great cafe down from the studio, when I thought I could hear someone crying out. We were sitting out in the patio area. Sasha didn't seem to notice it, and no one else seemed to either, or they were ignoring it. Then it started getting louder, so I left Viren with her. They were both busy eating anyway. I probably looked like an idiot. Anyways, she was pinned up against the side of the restaurant, trying to get free and everyone was ignoring her. The police brought the alpha in separately, though the EMT's didn't seem too happy about us both being omegas, and having Viren there" So it didn't progress into a sexual assault... thank god for that. For both Eren and the omega "Not everyone. You did really good today" Eren gave him a shy smile, his mate still looking worried "Thanks. I wasn't sure if you'd be mad or not?" "I'm mad at everyone who walked past" "She was terrified. She kept asking him to leave her alone. I might have over done it" "From what I've heard, he had it coming" Pulling him into a one armed hug, Levi smiled at his mate "I'm so fucking proud of you" "It... was really scary" "And you handled it so well. You stayed with her and kept her calm" "I just did what felt right... I thought you might be mad" "No. I know how much omegas enjoy the contact of another omega, and how calming it is for you. You and Marco used to cuddle quite a bit" "I don't know how to explain it. It's like, really soft. Like cuddling into your favourite blanket" "Oh. Do I have to be jealous, after all?" "No. Your cuddles are the best in the world" "Mmm. That's better. He really didn't hit your stomach?" "No. He called me a slut and went to go me. All I cared about was getting him off Sophie" "Her name was Sophie?" "Yeah. I told her you might come by, so she wouldn't be scared. Viren was busy telling her all about you" Levi laughed, squeezing his son's hand as they made their way over to the door that would lead them out to the emergency department waiting room "I thought he was talking about himself" "He started by getting excited when I said "dad" and it snowballed from there" "Is that so?" "Yep. Anyway. Mike gave me an ultrasound to make sure I hadn't been hit, because I didn't remember getting hit in the face. No concussion either. I decked him in the face, and the idiot fell over his own feet. That's when he broke his arm" "Idiot" "Pretty much" Erwin was waiting for them in the waiting room, Viren yelling out of "Uncle Erwin", freeing himself to run over to the man. Levi was still pissed over their earlier spat. Tensing, Eren saw right through him "Did you two have a fight?" "Yeah, but it's fine" "Levi. You don't have that many friends. You can't fight with the ones you do have" "He was just worried about you getting into a fight" "Oh. Yeah. I don't think he and I will ever be the best of friends, but I'm ok with that. We both care about you so much, that we both think we know best" "I know" He wasn't about to tell Eren about the contents of the conversation. Not when his mate was still shaken over what he'd seen and how he'd acted. He could smell both Eren's fear and Sophie's lingering fear. "Everything alright?" Eren nodded, kissing Levi's cheek as he did. Erwin had Viren up in his hold, the four of them moving towards where the ambulance was parked "More than ok. Eren was extremely brave today" "Leeeee. It wasn't that brave" "He saved an omega from being attacked in public. I'm very proud of him" "And everything alright with you, Eren?" "Yep. Just fine. Both pups are fine, and the omega is with her alpha. It's just a few scrapes" "Mike said you were calm and collected, and kept her calm. Even though you broke the alpha's jaw and arm" "He broke his own arm. He tripped over his own feet. And, he was a beta" Mumbling, Eren was acting slightly skittish around Erwin. He didn't like that at all. Nuzzling Eren's back, his omega relaxed into his hold "I'm proud of you" "I know. You can stop saying it" "Nope" "Lee, please. I just want to go home now. I want to take a bath, and watch cartoons with Viren" "I think we can manage that" "Good. Oh, shit. I need to message Sasha. I ditched her at the cafe" "Am I going to meet Sasha?" "Yep. I invited her and Connie to Viren's birthday party" And Levi had remembered to look up trikes online, it was being delivered to Hanji's, along with a shiny red helmet for their son "I think they're really going to like Marco and Jean" "So they're coming?" "They're moving at the end of the month. Jean wants another pup soon, but Marco isn't having it" "He shouldn't have to" "He loves Jean, and he loves being a mum. Oh. He doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. Hanji's been warned that she's not to turn it into a baby shower"

[dfroza]

Today’s reading in the ancient book of Psalms and Proverbs

for monday, march 2 of 2020 with Psalm 2 and Proverbs 2, accompanied by Psalm 73 for the 73rd day of Winter and Psalm 62 for day 62 of the year

[Psalm 2]

The Coronation of the King

[Act I – The Nations Speak]

How dare the nations plan a rebellion.

Their foolish plots are futile!

Look at how the power brokers of the world

rise up to hold their summit

as the rulers scheme and confer together

against Yahweh and his Anointed King, saying:

“Let’s come together and break away from the Creator.

Once and for all let’s cast off these controlling chains

of God and his Christ!”

[Act II – God Speaks]

God-Enthroned merely laughs at them;

the Sovereign One mocks their madness!

Then with the fierceness of his fiery anger

he settles the issue and terrifies them to death with these words:

“I myself have poured out my King on Zion, my holy mountain.

[Act III – The Son Speaks]

“I will reveal the eternal purpose of God.

For he has decreed over me, ‘You are my favored Son.

And as your Father I have crowned you as my King Eternal.

Today I became your Father.

Ask me to give you the nations and I will do it,

and they shall become your legacy.

Your domain will stretch to the ends of the earth.

And you will shepherd them with unlimited authority,

crushing their rebellion as an iron rod smashes jars of clay!’ ”

[Act IV – The Holy Spirit Speaks]

Listen to me, all you rebel-kings

and all you upstart judges of the earth.

Learn your lesson while there’s still time.

Serve and worship the awe-inspiring God.

Recognize his greatness and bow before him,

trembling with reverence in his presence.

Fall facedown before him and kiss the Son

before his anger is roused against you.

Remember that his wrath can be quickly kindled!

But many blessings are waiting for all

who turn aside to hide themselves in him!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 2 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 73]

An Asaph Psalm

No doubt about it! God is good—

good to good people, good to the good-hearted.

But I nearly missed it,

missed seeing his goodness.

I was looking the other way,

looking up to the people

At the top,

envying the wicked who have it made,

Who have nothing to worry about,

not a care in the whole wide world.

Pretentious with arrogance,

they wear the latest fashions in violence,

Pampered and overfed,

decked out in silk bows of silliness.

They jeer, using words to kill;

they bully their way with words.

They’re full of hot air,

loudmouths disturbing the peace.

People actually listen to them—can you believe it?

Like thirsty puppies, they lap up their words.

What’s going on here? Is God out to lunch?

Nobody’s tending the store.

The wicked get by with everything;

they have it made, piling up riches.

I’ve been stupid to play by the rules;

what has it gotten me?

A long run of bad luck, that’s what—

a slap in the face every time I walk out the door.

If I’d have given in and talked like this,

I would have betrayed your dear children.

Still, when I tried to figure it out,

all I got was a splitting headache . . .

Until I entered the sanctuary of God.

Then I saw the whole picture:

The slippery road you’ve put them on,

with a final crash in a ditch of delusions.

In the blink of an eye, disaster!

A blind curve in the dark, and—nightmare!

We wake up and rub our eyes. . . . Nothing.

There’s nothing to them. And there never was.

When I was beleaguered and bitter,

totally consumed by envy,

I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox

in your very presence.

I’m still in your presence,

but you’ve taken my hand.

You wisely and tenderly lead me,

and then you bless me.

You’re all I want in heaven!

You’re all I want on earth!

When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,

God is rock-firm and faithful.

Look! Those who left you are falling apart!

Deserters, they’ll never be heard from again.

But I’m in the very presence of God—

oh, how refreshing it is!

I’ve made Lord God my home.

God, I’m telling the world what you do!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 73 (The Message)

[Psalm 62]

Unshakable Faith

To the Pure and Shining One

King David’s melody of love’s celebration

I stand silently to listen for the one I love,

waiting as long as it takes for the Lord to rescue me.

For God alone has become my Savior.

He alone is my safe place;

his wrap-around presence always protects me.

For he is my champion defender;

there’s no risk of failure with God.

So why would I let worry paralyze me,

even when troubles multiply around me?

But look at these who want me dead,

shouting their vicious threats at me!

The moment they discover my weakness

they all begin plotting to take me down.

Liars, hypocrites, with nothing good to say.

All of their energies are spent

on moving me from this exalted place.

Pause in his presence

I am standing in absolute stillness, silent before the one I love,

waiting as long as it takes for him to rescue me.

Only God is my Savior, and he will not fail me.

For he alone is my safe place.

His wrap-around presence always protects me

as my champion defender.

There’s no risk of failure with God!

So why would I let worry paralyze me,

even when troubles multiply around me?

God’s glory is all around me!

His wrap-around presence is all I need,

for the Lord is my Savior, my hero, and my life-giving strength.

Join me, everyone! Trust only in God every moment!

Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him.

Believe me when I tell you—he will help you!

Pause in his presence

Before God all the people of the earth, high or low,

are like smoke that disappears,

like a vapor that quickly vanishes away.

Compared to God they’re nothing but vanity, nothing at all!

The wealth of the world is nothing to God.

So if your wealth increases, don’t be boastful or

put your trust in your money.

And don’t you think for a moment that

you can get away with stealing by overcharging others

just to get more for yourself!

God said to me once and for all,

“All the strength and power you need flows from me!”

And again I heard it clearly said,

“All the love you need is found in me!”

And it’s true that you repay people for what they do.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 62 (The Passion Translation)

[Proverbs 2]

My son, if you accept what I am telling you

and store my counsel and directives deep within you,

If you listen for Lady Wisdom, attune your ears to her,

and engage your mind to understand what she is telling you,

If you cry out to her for insight

and beg for understanding,

If you sift through the clamor of everything around you

to seek her like some precious prize,

to search for her like buried treasure;

Then you will grasp what it means to truly respect the Eternal,

and you will have discovered the knowledge of the one True God.

The Eternal is ready to share His wisdom with us,

for His words bring true knowledge and insight;

He has stored up the essentials of sound wisdom for those who do right;

He acts as a shield for those who value integrity.

God protects the paths of those who pursue justice,

watching over the lives of those who keep faith with Him.

With this wisdom you will be able to choose the right road,

seek justice, and decide what is good and fair

Because wisdom will penetrate deep within

and knowledge will become a good friend to your soul.

Sound judgment will stand guard over you,

and understanding will watch over you as the Lord promised.

Wisdom will keep you from following the way of evildoers,

of those who twist words to pervert the truth,

Of those who reject the right road

for a darker, more sinister way of life,

Of those who enjoy evil

and pursue perverse pleasures,

Of those who journey down a crooked path,

constantly figuring out new ways to trick and deceive others.

Wisdom will pluck you from the trap of a seductive woman,

from the enticing propositions of the adulteress

Who chose to leave the husband of her youth,

to forget her sacred promises to her God;

For her house is on the road that leads to death,

and her path goes down to the shadowy pit.

Those who go to her will never return;

they will never again find their way back to true life.

As for you, you should walk like those who are good

and keep to the paths of those who love justice,

For those who live right will remain in the land

and those with integrity will endure here.

But not the wicked; they will be forced out and banned from this promised land,

and those who deal in deceit will be plucked up like weeds.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 2 (The Voice)