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roomsofangel · 2 days

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LOVER, PLEASE STAY. . .

chapter six

synopsis you and wooyoung have been best friends for as long as you could remember, always overcoming everything in your friendship even after a few bumps in the road and confessions in the past. you could always trust that no matter wooyoung will always be there, right?

wc 10.3k (yes you read that right…)

chapter warnings oh lord.. okay so alcohol consumption, mentions of grief and death (yeosang), a lot of guilt and blaming themselves, seonghwa breaks down, wooyoung talks a lot about death and dying at one point, gets a little suggestive towards the end

a/n this fic is almost over </3 can you believe that? this chapter actually was even longer, including the full smut towards the end but i felt after writing it, it didn’t fit and i could possibly post it separately if anyone wants that. but with that aside— i hope you’re comfortable and have a few snacks maybe even tissues?? a lot is unpacked here

if you’d like to be added to the taglist please either send an ask in my inbox or leave a comment to be added to the taglist! reblogs and comments are also very appreciated! ♥️

sitting on your bed, you bite your nails anxiously, your mind lost in thought as the complexities of your situation swirl around you like a storm. each circle of thought feels like a vice grip around your chest, making it harder to breathe. the weight of it all bears down on you, and you can't escape the feeling that you let wooyoung down, that you've failed yourself and everyone else. you let your head sink into your hands, and you take a deep, shaky breath.

the air in the room seems thick and stifling, and you struggle to find any solace in the silence that surrounds you. all you can think about is the tangled mess you've gotten yourself into, and the disappointment that you can feel building in the pit of your stomach. you know that you need to figure out a way to fix this, but at the moment, everything seems so overwhelming that you can barely think straight.

the weight of the day to come settles on your shoulders, and you can't stop thinking about the upcoming meeting with hongjoong, seonghwa, and san. you all know that wooyoung needs help, but the thought of having to confront your own grief along with his struggle felt like too much to bear. it was beginning to feel like an impossible task, and you can't help but despair at the thought of watching your best friend go through the same self-destructive path that your other friend did. how can you possibly find a way to help him, when you can barely help yourself?

you feel like you're drowning in a sea of conflicting emotions — grief, guilt, helplessness, and frustration. every thought feels like a weight dragging you down deeper and deeper into the tumultuous waves. how are you supposed to help wooyoung when you can barely keep your own head above water?

your own heart was beating out of your chest, and the phrase "too much" was just about all you could use to describe the overwhelming onslaught of emotions rushing through you. it was getting to be almost too much to handle, but you also knew — you refused — to give up on wooyoung. he was your best friend, and you couldn't bear the thought of abandoning him in his time of need. you just had to hang on and figure out what to do next.

you all sat in seonghwa's living room, the air felt heavy with tension as you all tried to figure out where to start. finally, san broke the silence, his voice cutting through the thick air like a knife. "how do we go about this?" he asked, his eyes flicking between all of you. everyone seemed to tense up at san's words, the reality of the situation crashing down on all of you.

you looked around at the others, seeing the worry and concern etched on their faces. hongjoong's jaw was clenched tightly, and seonghwa looked like he was trying to maintain a calm exterior, but the muscles in his neck were tense.

you all were trying to get by and cope in your own ways, while also trying to prevent a similar tragedy from occurring. how do you save someone who seems to not want to be saved?

it felt like an impossible task — trying to save someone who seemed hell-bent on self-destruction. how do you pull someone back from the edge when they're determined to jump? yes, you and the others were doing your best to cope and prevent a tragedy, but it felt like you were fighting a losing battle. you all wanted to save wooyoung, but he seemed unwilling to even try to save himself.

the tension in the room was palpable as you all sat there in silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts. hongjoong spoke up, his voice gruff with emotion. "we can't force wooyoung to change if he doesn't want to, but we can't just sit back and watch him destroy himself.“

“we.. we were blind to the signs before and i can’t risk it now,”

the words sent a pang of guilt through your chest. it was clear that hongjoong was blaming himself for not being able to save yeosang, and you could see the guilt and shame in the faces of seonghwa and san as well. you knew that you all felt responsible. hongjoong's voice broke the heavy silence that followed his words. "we all failed yeosang," he said softly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

the weight of that statement hung in the air like a pall, and you could feel the guilt and self-blame radiating off of all of you. you knew that you had all failed yeosang, in your own ways. you should have been there for him more, should have noticed the signs sooner, should have done something to prevent his downfall. but you hadn't, and now it was too late.

you had all failed yeosang, and now you were desperately trying not to repeat the same mistake with wooyoung. but even as you sat there, trying to figure out how to save your best friend, a small voice in the back of your head was screaming at you, telling you that this time, you were going to fail too.

you couldn't shake the feeling that history was about to repeat itself, that no matter what you did, you were going to end up losing wooyoung just as you had yeosang. it was a heavy weight to carry, and you could tell that the others were feeling it too. the silence in the room was deafening, and the sense of hopelessness was practically suffocating.

the words escaped your mouth before you could stop them, your voice cracking with emotion as you spoke. "i can't give up on wooyoung," you repeated, determined to make them understand. "i won't let him down." your eyes flickered around the room, meeting the gazes of the others one by one. you could see the pain and sorrow in their eyes, but there was also a glimmer of hope — hope that maybe this time, things could be different.

they all nodded, silently agreeing with you. hongjoong’s jaw was still clenched tight, but his eyes met yours with a fierce determination. seonghwa looked pale, but there was a gleam of determination in his gaze as well. even san, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, gave you a solemn nod. they all wanted to save wooyoung as much as you did.

the room lapsed into silence once more, but this time, it was more determined than hopeless. you could feel the resolve in the air, the quiet determination to not let history repeat itself. you knew that it wasn't going to be easy, and that there was a very real chance that you would fail, but you also knew that you had to try. for wooyoung, for yeosang, and for yourselves.

as soon as you stepped inside your shared home, you could hear the faint sound of a guitar coming from wooyoung's room. it was a sound you hadn't heard in a long time, and it sent a pang of nostalgia through you. you couldn't remember the last time you'd heard him pick up his guitar, and a frown tugged at your lips as you realized how long it had been. you stood there for a moment, just listening to the quiet music coming from his room.

the sound of the guitar was soft, almost mournful, and it tugged at your heartstrings. you stood outside his door, listening for a moment longer, feeling a mixture of sadness and hope stirring in your chest. you knew that music had always been an outlet for wooyoung, a way for him to express himself when he couldn't find the words. maybe this was a small glimmer of the old him peeking through.

the music suddenly stopped, and you shook yourself out of your thoughts. you hesitated for a moment, wondering if you should knock on his door or leave him alone. you knew that he wouldn't want you to see him like this, but something was pulling you towards his room. eventually, you gently knocked on his door, trying to keep your voice steady. "wooyoung?"

there was silence from the other side of the door for a few moments, and you almost started to turn away when you heard a soft, muffled voice. "come in," wooyoung said, and you obeyed, slowly pushing open the door and stepping into his room.

as you stepped into his room, the memories of the past few days came crashing back into your mind. you hadn't been able to truly be in his room since that night, when you had found out what he had been hiding from you. and even looking at him had been difficult, ever since that surprising kiss. it was as if everything was becoming more complicated by the minute, and you didn't know how to feel about it.

you swallowed the lump in your throat and looked up at wooyoung, who was sitting on his bed with a defeated expression on his face.

his shoulders were slumped, and he looked smaller than usual. there was a hollow look in his eyes, and you could see the sadness etched on his features. the usually vibrant wooyoung that you knew had been replaced by this shell of a person, and it broke your heart to see him like this. you swallowed hard, trying to keep your emotions in check, before finally speaking. "can i...can i sit down?"

wooyoung shrugged, gesturing lazily to the space beside him on the bed. "yeah, whatever." his voice was flat, lacking his usual sarcastic humor. you slowly took a seat on the bed, keeping a small distance between you two, and waited for him to speak.

the silence in the room was deafening, and you could feel the tension between the two of you like a physical weight. you watched as wooyoung fiddled with the strings on his guitar, his eyes downcast. you could tell that he wasn't going to speak first, so you took a deep breath and broke the silence yourself. "i...i missed hearing you play," you said softly.

wooyoung's fingers paused on the strings, and he looked up at you with a brief flash of surprise in his eyes. "you did?" he asked, his voice still flat. he sounded skeptical, as if he couldn't believe that you would miss something as small as his guitar playing.

you nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the tense atmosphere between you two. "yeah, i did," you said softly. "it’s been a while since i’ve heard you play." you paused, searching for the right words. "i know....i know things have been rough lately, but...hearing you play...it reminds me of happier times."

there was a flicker of something in wooyoung's eyes, something that looked almost like a spark of recognition. his expression softened for a moment, but then he quickly looked away, his shoulders hunching up again. "happier times," he repeated, his voice bitter. "those days are gone, remember?"

you felt a pang in your heart at his words, the truth of them sending a wave of sadness through you. you knew he was right, that things could never go back to how they were before. "i know," you whispered, your voice thick with emotions. "but...but that doesn't mean there can't be happier days in the future too, right?"

wooyoung sighed heavily, his fingers picking up their restless fiddling with the strings. "what’s the point?" he mumbled, his voice low and defeated. "everything's just going to fall apart eventually, so what's the point of trying to be happy in the first place?"

your heart ached at his words, at the resigned acceptance in his voice. you wanted to reach out and shake him, to make him see that there was still hope, that there was still joy to be found in life. but you knew that it wouldn't do any good. he was too deep in his own despair, too focused on the negatives to see anything else. "that’s not true," you said softly, your voice gentle. "you can't just give up on happiness, woo."

wooyoung scoffed, finally looking up at you with a sardonic smile. "can’t i?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "why not? what’s the point of being happy when it's all just going to end anyway? when we're all just going to die in the end?"

you felt a wave of frustration and heartache at his words. "because that's not all there is to life," you said firmly. "yes, bad things happen, and people die, and everything ends eventually. but...but that doesn't mean there's no joy to be found in the meantime. life isn't just about the ending, it's about all the moments in between too."

wooyoung let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "you sound like a hallmark card," he said, a hint of mockery in his voice. "life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know. sometimes, it's just a giant shitstorm that drags you down until you can't see any light."

and you knew that he was right. life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, and sometimes it was a giant shitstorm that dragged you down. you both had lost yeosang, after all, you knew all too well what life could throw. but that didn't mean you had to give up on happiness entirely. "i know that," you said softly, keeping your voice steady. "but...but that doesn't mean it can't be good sometimes too."

wooyoung’s shoulders sagged, and he let out a heavy sigh. "what’s the point, though? what’s the point of even trying when everything just falls apart in the end?" he mumbled, his eyes unfocused. you could tell that he wasn't just talking about happiness, but about life in general. he looked so lost, so broken, and you didn't know how to fix it. all you could do was speak softly, trying to break through his cloud of despair.

"the point is that life is worth living, woo," you said gently. "yes, things fall apart, and bad things happen, but that doesn't mean we should give up altogether. life is about the journey, not just the destination." you paused, trying to find the right words. "don’t give up on happiness. don’t give up on life, woo. please."

wooyoung's expression hardened, his shoulders tensing up. "easy for you to say," he muttered, his voice sharp. "you still have hope, still believe in this whole happy ending crap."

"and you don't?" you asked, your voice soft. wooyoung’s jaw clenched, and he looked away, avoiding your gaze

the room fell silent for a moment, the air thick with tension. you could see the internal struggle playing out on wooyoung's face, the part of him that wanted to believe in hope warring with the part that had given up. finally, he looked back up at you, his expression resigned. "i don't think i do," he said, his voice low and bitter. "it all just feels pointless now."

your heart broke at his words, and you could feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. you hated seeing him like this, so defeated and hopeless. "woo—" you started to say, but he cut you off, his voice sharp. "don’t," he growled. "don’t try to give me some pep talk about hope and happiness. it’s all bullshit, and you know it."

you didn’t want to give up on wooyoung, you promised him. it might have seemed so stupid holding onto a promise the two of you made as kids but you held onto it tighter than ever before now, “but what isn’t bullshit is that i care about you and i refuse to give up on you.”

wooyoung’s eyes widened slightly at your words, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. vulnerability, maybe. but it was gone in an instant, replaced by a steely determination. "why?" he asked, his voice gruff. "why do you even care? why won't you give up on me?"

the contrast between then and now was like a punch to the gut. you couldn't believe that this cold, distant wooyoung was the same one who had sobbed in your arms, begging you not to give up on him. it was a sharp reminder of how far he had fallen, how much his despair had changed him and it hadn’t even been that long of a time gap. wooyoung was falling victim rapidly to his own despair and you can’t keep up.

you wanted to cry out, to scream at him, to shake him until he snapped out of this, but you knew that wouldn't help. all you could do was keep your voice level, keep your face neutral as you replied. "because you're my best friend, woo. because i love you. because i don't think you're completely gone yet. not yet."

wooyoung's expression flickered again, the coldness in his eyes faltering for a moment. "best friend," he repeated, his voice low. "right." there was a hint of bitterness in his tone, but you could see something else beneath it - a flicker of vulnerability, maybe even hope. he looked away, avoiding your gaze as he muttered, "i’m a lost cause, remember? too far gone."

"no, you're not.. not to me," you said firmly, your voice steady despite the tears that threatened to spill over. "you're not too far gone. you’re still in there, woo. the boy who used to make stupid jokes and play pranks on me. the boy who used to chase butterflies in the park. the boy who was my best friend. you’re still there, somewhere."

wooyoung's jaw ticked, and he looked back up at you. "that boy is gone," he said, his voice hard. "he died with yeosang." but there was a hint of doubt in his eyes, as if he wasn't completely convinced by his own words. you could see him struggling, grappling with the conflicting emotions within him.

you took a deep breath, gathering your courage. "no, he's not," you said firmly. "he’s buried deep down, buried under all that pain and grief and despair. but he's still there, woo. and i’m not gonna give up on him - on you - until he comes back."

wooyoung's gaze flicked over your face, searching your eyes for any sign of dishonesty. but all he saw was determination and unwavering belief in him. a flash of something passed through his eyes - hope, maybe? or just resignation? he let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumped. "you're crazy, you know that?" he muttered, his voice gruff.

a small smile tugged at your lips at his words. "maybe," you admitted. "but i’m not giving up on you, woo. no matter how much you try to push me away. i’m gonna be here.”

wooyoung scowled, his gaze dropping down to his guitar. his fingers fidgeted with the strings, the sound of discordant notes filling the air. "you’re a stubborn idiot, you know that?" he mumbled, but there was no real bite to his words.

"and you're a stubborn, self-deprecating idiot," you shot back, a hint of humor in your voice. "but lucky for you, i happen to like stubborn, self-deprecating idiots."

against his will, a small huff of laughter escaped wooyoung’s lips, and he quickly covered it up with a cough. “you’re something else, alright,” he muttered, glancing up at you with a half-amused, half-exasperated expression.

“i guess that’s why i fell in love with you in the first place.”

your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you felt yourself flush slightly. it was still a surprise to hear him admit that he had fallen in love with you, even after all the mess that had come between you two. you tried to keep your expression neutral, but you couldn’t help the hint of a smile that tugged at your lips. "i guess you just have bad taste," you quipped, your voice light.

wooyoung let out a soft snort, his lips curving up into a small smirk. "yeah, that must be it," he said, his voice laced with sarcasm. he looked up at you again, and for a moment, it was like the old wooyoung was back - the teasing, playful boy that you used to know. the glimmer of hope in your chest flickered brighter.

you could feel the mood shifting, the tension in the room slowly dissipating. you let out a soft breath, feeling a sense of relieved. wooyoung’s expression softened slightly, his gaze flickering over your face again. "you’re still a pain in the ass though, you know that?" he said, his voice gruff but lacking the usual bite.

you couldn't help but chuckle, feeling a sense of familiarity in his words. "yeah, well, you’re not exactly a picnic yourself,” you retorted, a hint of warmth in your voice.

he let out a low chuckle, the sound sending a jolt of warmth through you. "touché,” he said, his voice softer. he paused, his gaze flicking down to his guitar, and you could see the conflict playing out on his face again.

you waited in silence, letting him sort through his thoughts. you could see the struggle in his eyes - the part of him that still wanted to push you away, to keep his walls up and his heart guarded. but there was also a part of him - a small, vulnerable part - that was slowly breaking through the surface.

wooyoung took a deep breath, his grip on the guitar tightening. "you really won’t give up on me, will you?" he asked, his voice just above a whisper. his gaze flicked back up to you, searching your face for any hint of hesitation.

meeting his gaze unflinchingly, your heart clenching at the vulnerability in his eyes. "no," you said firmly, your voice gentle but unwavering. "i won’t give up on you, woo. i’m gonna be here, no matter how much you try to push me away."

wooyoung’s shoulders slumped, and he let out a heavy sigh. “god, you’re infuriating,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. despite his words, there was a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “why are you always so goddamn stubborn?”

you couldn’t help but smile at his words, feeling a warmth of affection for him. “because i love you, you idiot,” you said teasingly. “and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”

he rolled his eyes, but the smile on his lips grew wider. “yeah, yeah,” he muttered, setting his guitar down on the floor. he looked up at you again, his gaze softer than it had been before. “i don’t deserve you, you know that?”

“don’t start that whole ‘i don’t deserve you’ crap,” you said firmly, your voice a mix of fondness and frustration. “i decide who’s deserving of me, thank you very much.”

wooyoung let out a soft chuckle, his eyes glinting with amusement. “feisty as always,” he said, his voice teasing. he smirked at you, his gaze wandering over your face and down to your lips. “somehow, that makes me fall for you even more.”

you felt your cheeks heat up at his words, and you cursed yourself internally for being so weak for him. you tried to keep your expression neutral, but you knew he could see the effect he had on you. “you’re insufferable,” you muttered, trying to mask your flustered state with nonchalance.

“yeah, but you love me anyway,” he said, his smirk growing wider. he leaned back, propping himself up on his hands as he continued to gaze at you with playful admiration. “there must be something wrong with you, falling for someone as insufferable as me.”

you let out a huff of laughter, shaking your head at his audacity. “there’s definitely something wrong with me,” you agreed, a smile tugging at your lips. “must be some sort of masochism, loving a stubborn, sarcastic, self-deprecating idiot like you.”

wooyoung let out a mock gasp, his hand flying up to his chest in feigned shock. “how dare you!” he exclaimed, his voice dripping with mock outrage. “insulting my good name like that. and here i was, thinking you loved me for my charming personality and dashing looks.”

you rolled your eyes at his theatrics, a laugh escaping your lips. “well, your good looks do help make up for it,” you said, a hint of teasing in your voice. “but your personality could use some work.”

you couldn’t deny the wave of nostalgia that washed over you at the familiar banter. it was as if, for a moment, the old wooyoung was back - the one who would tease and flirt with you as easily as breathing.

you found yourself smiling, the heaviness in your heart lifting slightly. it was moments like these - the ones that showed glimpses of the old wooyoung - that gave you hope that he was still in there, somewhere.

when walking inside seonghwa’s apartment, you weren’t sure what to expect, and you found your heart sinking when your gaze landed on the way he was curled up on the floor, tears streaming down his face, your heart clenched in your chest. you rushed over to him, your voice gentle but filled with concern. "hwa? what’s wrong? what happened?"

seonghwa looked up at you, his eyes red and puffy from crying. his whole body was shaking, and he looked so small and broken on the floor. he was still in his pyjamas, his normally impeccable hair messy and disheveled.

he took one look at you, and a fresh wave of tears welled up in his eyes. “yn,” he whispered your name, his voice cracked and fragile.

all the usual composed and graceful image of him completely shattered in front of you. you didn’t hesitate for a moment, rushing over to him and pulling him into your arms.

“shhh,” you whispered, holding him tightly as he sobbed against your chest. “i’m here, it’s okay hwa.”

seonghwa to you like a lifeline, his fingers grasping at your shirt as if terrified you would disappear if he let go. he buried his face in your shoulder, his whole body quivering with the force of his sobs.

“i can’t do this anymore, yn,” he whispered, his voice broken and hoarse. “i can’t…i can’t keep pretending everything’s fine.”

you held him closer, your fingers stroking his hair in a soothing gesture. “i know, hwa,” you whispered back, your voice gentle. “i know…and you don’t have to pretend anymore. you don’t have to be strong for us all the time. let me be strong for you this time, okay?”

seonghwa let out a strangled sob, his body shaking even harder at your words. but he didn’t pull away from you, didn’t try to put up his usual walls and act like he was fine. instead, he just clung to you even tighter, as if desperate for comfort.

“i miss him so much,” he whispered, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. “and i don’t know how i’ll cope if wooyoung..” he couldn’t finish his words as he choked back a sob

you felt your own tears start to well up at his words, and you held him tighter, you knew exactly how he was feeling, because you felt the same way about wooyoung. but seeing seonghwa - the one who had always been the strong, steady shoulder for all of you to lean on - break down like this broke you differently.

you tightened your grip on him, the other arm moving to rub warm circles on his back. “we’re gonna get through this together, hwa. all of us. we’ll help each other through this, okay?”

seonghwa nodded, his fingers digging into your shirt. his sobs had quieted down slightly, but he was still trembling violently in your arms. he buried his face further into your shoulder, his voice hoarse and raw. “promise you won’t leave me too?”

you pulled him even closer to you. “i promise,” you whispered

seonghwa let out a shaky breath, his body relaxing slightly in your arms. he was still shaking, but it didn’t feel like he was about to fall apart entirely now.

he lifted his head to look at you, his eyes red and puffy, and your heart broke again to see him so broken. “i’m sorry for falling apart on you like this,” he mumbled, his voice small and ashamed.

“don’t be sorry,” you said gently, your fingers continuing to stroke his hair. “you don’t have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay to fall apart, hwa. you’ve been so strong for all of us…it’s okay to let yourself be weak sometimes.”

“especially with everything going on? hwa, don’t apologize.. it was bound to happen.”

seonghwa let out a shaky sigh, his body sagging against you. “i…i feel like i have to be strong for all of you,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping down to his hands, which were still clutching onto your shirt. “i feel like if i break, you all will too.”

“i still blame myself for that night.. all because i was weak for one moment.”

the guilt and self-blame was evident in his voice. you wanted to shake him, to tell him that none of it was his fault, that none of you blamed him. but you knew it wouldn’t change anything.

“hwa,” you said softly, “look at me.”

seonghwa lifted his gaze, his eyes meeting yours. his expression was heartbreaking - a mix of guilt, shame, and despair.

“you’re not responsible for us,” you said firmly. “none of us blame you for anything that happened, hwa. and we don’t need you to be strong all the time. we just need you. just you.” you lifted a hand to brush a tear from his cheek, your gaze steady on his.

“i just.. can’t help but feel as if he’d still be here if i hadn’t gone home early that night.” seonghwa whispered

“hwa…,” you began, your voice gentle. “you can’t blame yourself for this. there was no way you could’ve known what would happen. this isn’t your fault, okay?”

seonghwa let out a shaky sigh, his fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “i know that,” he mumbled, his voice quiet. “but i keep thinking…what if i had just stayed a little longer. or what if i had gone back after yeosang called me. what if…what if i had just been there?”

tears welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to keep your voice steady. “it doesn’t matter what you could’ve done, hwa,” you said softly. “you can’t change what happened. and you did what you thought was best. none of it was your fault.”

“…and i know yeosang knows that too..”

seonghwa let out a soft sob, his fingers curling tighter into your shirt. “i know he does,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “but…but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like i failed him. like i failed all of you.”

“you didn’t fail anyone,” you said firmly, your voice gentle. “you’ve been the glue holding us all together, hwa. we’d be lost without you.” you paused, your gaze dropping down to where his fingers were still clenched tightly in your shirt.

seonghwa let out a shuddering breath, his body trembling slightly. “i feel like…like i should’ve done more. like i should’ve known something was wrong. i feel like i should’ve been able to prevent all of this from happening.”

“because now wooyoung is going down that same path.”

“hwa, you can’t be everywhere at once,” you said gently. “you can’t prevent every tragedy, no matter how much you wish you could.”

seonghwa let out a soft sob, his head dropping forward until his forehead was resting on your shoulder. “but i wish i could,” he whispered, his voice ragged and broken. “i wish i could protect all of you.”

you laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy heart. thoughts about wooyoung, seonghwa, and the others kept swirling through your mind, making it impossible to shut your eyes and sleep.

your mind kept going back to seonghwa, to the broken and shattered expression on his face as he had fallen apart in your arms. you couldn’t help but wonder how the others were really doing…what exactly have they been holding back for the sake of everyone else?

you couldn’t stand the thought of any of them suffering in silence, pretending to be fine when they were crumbling inside. you wanted to reach out to them, to ask them how they were really doing, but you knew it wasn’t that simple. they had all perfected the art of hiding their emotions, of masking their pain behind smiles and jokes.

you let out a heavy sigh, rolling over and burying your face in your pillow. the silence of your room was deafening, only interrupted by the occasional car passing by outside. your mind was still racing, refusing to let you rest.

you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going on with the others — something they weren’t telling you. you knew they were all suffering in their own way, trying to hold themselves together for the sake of the group.

the weight of that focus was weighing heavily on you, knowing that everyone was pouring all their energy into trying to save wooyoung. and rightfully so - wooyoung was spiraling, his self-destructive habits threatening to consume him.

but in the process of focusing on him, you couldn’t help but wonder if the others were drowning too, silently struggling with their own pain.

the thought of the others suffering in silence broke your heart. you knew they were all trying to be strong for each other, to hold it together. but how long could they really keep it up? how long could they pretend to be okay when they were falling apart inside?

and how long would it be until it was you?

the question hung in your mind, sending a shiver down your spine. you knew you couldn’t keep holding up your facade of being strong forever. eventually, it would all become too much, and you would collapse just like seonghwa had.

but the thought of breaking down terrified you. you were the one they all relied on, the one who kept things together when they started to fall apart. if you fell too, who would be there to catch everyone else? who would be the one that catches you?

you rolled over in your bed again, pulling the covers up to your chin like a makeshift shield. you tried to take deep breaths, to calm your racing thoughts. but it was hard when you knew everyone else’s happiness was resting on your shoulders. it was a heavy burden to carry, and one you weren’t sure how much longer you could bear.

you were brought out of your thoughts by the sound of the shower starting, and you knew it was wooyoung. you couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing in there, how he was feeling. was he okay? were his thoughts consuming him, or was he just cleaning himself off after a long day?

you were tempted to get up and go check on him, to make sure he was okay. but you didn’t want to intrude if he needed some time alone. so, you laid there, listening to the sound of the water running and wondering what was going on inside his head.

the sound of the shower was like a metronome, steady and rhythmic. it was almost hypnotizing, and you found your eyes drooping slightly as you focused on it. despite everything, exhaustion was finally starting to catch up to you.

you let out a soft sigh, your body relaxing into the bedding. maybe you could get some sleep after all. the steady sound of the shower combined with the exhaustion of emotional turmoil was finally starting to take its toll.

you sat next to wooyoung on the patio, watching as he took a drag from his cigarette. the sunlight had just started creeping over the horizon, bathing everything in a soft golden glow. but you weren’t focused on the sunrise - your gaze was fixed on wooyoung.

he was beautiful like this, bathed in the soft light of dawn. the morning sun highlighted the sharp angles of his face, and you found yourself unable to look away.

the soft silence between the two of you was comfortable, familiar. you knew each other so well by now, knew each other’s silences as much as each other’s words.

you watched as wooyoung’s exhaled a plume of smoke, his eyes fixed somewhere in the distance. he looked pensive, his usual carefree facade replaced with a thoughtful expression.

you wanted to reach out to him, to ask what was on his mind. but you knew better than to push him. whenever he was like this, he needed time to sort through his thoughts, to let the words come to him in his own time.

the silence was broken only by the occasional sound of wooyoung exhaling smoke or taking another drag from his cigarette. you kept your gaze on him, studying the way his features looked in the golden light, the way his fingers held the cigarette, the way his shoulders tensed with each inhale.

you knew him so well by now, knew all his little tics and mannerisms. there was something different about him this morning. he seemed more serious than usual, more troubled. you could see it in the way his jaw was clenched, the way his eyes were fixed on some distant point in the skyline.

watching as he finished the cigarette, he crushed it out in the ashtray sitting on the railing next to him. he let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagging a little as his facade of nonchalance slipped just a fraction.

you could see the tension in his body, the way his fingers curled around the rail as if trying to hold himself together. finally, wooyoung spoke. his voice was hoarse and rough with emotion. “i…i don’t know what i’m doing anymore,” he said quietly, his gaze fixed on the skyline.

you watched as he took a shaky breath, his knuckles white with how tightly he was gripping the railing. his eyes were still fixed on the horizon, as if he was afraid to look at you.

“i know i’m spiraling,” he continued, his voice low and rough. “i know i’m doing all the things i shouldn’t be doing, the things all of you have been telling me not to do. but i can’t stop. i don’t know how to stop.”

he let out a shaky exhale, the desperation in his voice tearing at your heart. you could see tears welling up in his eyes, “i can’t sleep,” he whispered, his voice choking up. “i can’t eat. i can’t concentrate on anything. all i can think about is how much i miss him…how much i blame myself.”

“and i hate it,” he continued, his voice ragged with emotion. “i hate feeling like this. i hate feeling so weak and helpless. but i don’t know how to make it stop. i don’t know how to make it stop hurting so much.”

you watched as a tear slipped down his cheek, his shoulders shaking slightly with emotion. “i just…i just want it to stop hurting,” he whispered, his voice shaky with emotion. “i just want to feel normal again. i want to be able to sleep without seeing his face when i close my eyes. i want to be able to eat without feeling like i’m going to be sick. i want to be able to concentrate on something other than the guilt that’s eating me alive.”

he scrubbed a hand over his face, smearing away the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks. you couldn’t hold back any longer. you reached out and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. he didn’t flinch or pull away; instead he leaned into your touch, like a drowning man grasping for a lifeline.

his shoulders slumped as he leaned into you, all the tension and pretense finally melting away. he let out a ragged sigh, his body shaking with the weight of his emotions.

you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. he buried his face in your shoulder, his arms encircling your waist.

his body was shaking, his shoulders heaving with silent sobs. you could feel the wetness of his tears soaking through your shirt, but you didn’t care. all you cared about was being there for him, holding him together as he fell apart.

you held him there for what felt like hours, your arms encircling him, your fingers gently stroking his back.

“it’s okay,” you murmured, your voice soft and gentle. “just let it out. i’m here. i’m not going anywhere. just let it all out.”

he continued to sob into your shoulder, his body shaking with the force of his emotions. but slowly, slowly, he began to calm down. his sobs turned into ragged breaths, his shaking gradually stilling until he was simply slumped against you, his head resting on your shoulder.

your arms stayed wrapped around him, your fingers tracing soothing circles on his back. he sagged against you, his breath slowing and evening out. he didn’t speak, just held onto you like a child clutching a security blanket.

the sun continued to rise, the sky gradually turning a brighter shade of blue, but you barely even registered it. all you could focus on was the man in your arms. after what felt like an eternity, wooyoung finally stirred against you. he pulled back slightly, his head lifting from your shoulder. his eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were tear-streaked.

he cleared his throat, his voice rough and hoarse. “sorry,” he mumbled, wiping away the remnants of tears on his cheeks. “i didn’t mean to fall apart on you like that again.”

you reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair out of his face. “you don’t have to apologize,” you replied softly. “i’m here for you, no matter what. you don’t have to hold it all in and pretend to be okay around me.”

he let out a shaky exhale, leaning into your touch as your fingers stroked gently through his hair. “i know,” he said quietly. “i just…i hate feeling like this. like i’m weak and pathetic.”

“you’re not weak,” you replied, your voice firm. “you’re human. you have feelings and emotions, and that doesn’t make you weak. it just makes you human.”

he was quiet for a moment, mulling over your words. then he let out a soft sigh, his body slumping as he leaned into you again. “i guess you’re right,”

“of course i’m right,” you replied with a small smile. “i’m always right.”

he let out a snort of laughter, the sound ragged but genuine. “yeah, yeah. don’t get too cocky now.”

part of you should have known that the glimpses of the old wooyoung were just that. glimpses. because as you walked past his bedroom in the middle of the night, the only light being the dimmed one from the kitchen, you could see that it didn’t matter how much he was going to let you in now — he was already too far gone

the sight that greeted you was familiar, but no less heartbreaking. wooyoung standing in the middle of of his room, swaying slightly on his feet. he was clearly drunk, a half-empty bottle of soju clutched in his hand.

he was staring off into space, his eyes glassy and unfocused. it was like he wasn’t really seeing anything, his mind lost in a haze of alcohol and whatever thoughts were swirling around in his head.

as you watched him, he stumbled slightly, leaning heavily against the wall. he raised the bottle to his lips, taking a long swig before letting out a ragged sigh. it was like he was on autopilot, his movements jerky and uncoordinated.

you wanted to go to him, to pull the bottle from his hands and tell him that everything was going to be okay. but you knew it wouldn’t do any good. he was too far gone, too deep into his own self-destructive spiral.

instead, you just watched him in silence, your heart breaking as you saw him take another long swig from the bottle. it was like watching a car crash in slow motion, knowing what was going to happen but powerless to stop it.

he stumbled over to the bed, falling onto it with a heavy thud. he laid there for a moment, his chest heaving as he breathed in ragged gasps. then he let out a bitter laugh, raising the bottle in a mock toast before taking another long drink.

it was like he was mocking himself, his own situation. like he was laughing at the fact that he had let things get this bad. but there was no joy or humor in the laughter, just desperation and pain.

he laid there on the bed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he took ragged breaths. his eyes were fixed on the ceiling, but you knew he wasn’t really seeing anything. his mind was lost in a haze of alcohol and thoughts, trapped in a downward spiral that he didn’t know how to escape from.

he let out a ragged exhale, his body going limp as the alcohol finally started to take hold. his eyes fell shut, his face relaxing as he slumped deeper into the bed. it was like he was finally giving in to the numbness of alcohol, letting it wash over him and drag him down into unconsciousness.

you step into the room, moving quietly so as not to disturb wooyoung. he’s passed out, his body sprawled haphazardly on the bed. you step over to him, gently prying the empty bottle from his grasp and setting it aside. as you do so, you take a moment to look at him.

his face is slack in unconsciousness, his breathing slow and steady. he looks so much younger like this, so young and innocent. it’s like all the pain and turmoil have been smoothed away for the moment, leaving him looking almost peaceful.

you reach for a nearby blanket and gently pull it over him, tucking him in as if he were a child. you watch for a moment as he snuggles deeper into the blankets, a small smile tugging at your lips.

it’s funny, you think. sometimes he can be so stubborn and bullheaded, so resistant to any help or support you try to give him. but in moments like this, he’s just a scared and lost little boy.

you stir awake, the morning light filtering in through the window. you turn over, expecting to find an empty space beside you. instead, you find wooyoung there, curled up facing away from you.

you blink in surprise, for a moment not quite believing what you’re seeing. when did he get here? you don’t remember him coming in during the night, and you definitely didn’t wake up and feel him climb into bed.

you look at him for a moment as he sleeps peacefully, his body curved into a tight ball. he looks so different asleep, so peaceful and vulnerable. it’s like all the bravado and bluster he usually has is gone, replaced by a quiet vulnerability that is almost endearing.

as you watch him sleep, you can’t help but wonder what brought him to your bed. was it simply him seeking comfort in his sleep?

you reach out hesitantly, your hand hovering over his shoulder for a moment before gently resting on it. you can feel the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the steady rise and fall of his breathing.

he stirs slightly, but doesn’t wake up. he just shifts slightly, nuzzling deeper into the blankets as if seeking out your touch even in his sleep.

wooyoung shifts his body, turning over to face you. he let out a sleepy murmur as he scooted closer to you, his body pressed up against yours. you could feel the heat of his breath on your skin, his face mere inches from yours. he was so close that you could see the flutter of his eyelashes as he slept, the relaxed expression on his face.

he shifted again, his arm coming up to rest on your waist. he pulled himself closer, his body spooning against yours. it was an almost unconscious movement. you could feel his breath against your neck, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. he was so close that you could feel the brush of his hair against your skin, soft and silken.

you could smell the faint scent of his shampoo, a soft, woodsy fragrance that mixed with his natural scent. it was a comforting smell, familiar and soothing.

and once again, he shifted, his leg coming to rest against yours. his body was completely pressed against yours now, every inch of him in contact with you. it was like he was trying to fit himself completely against you, seeking out every bit of contact possible.

you could feel the weight of his arm around your waist, the warmth of his chest against your back. his breath continued to ghost over your neck, the steady rise and fall of his breaths sending a shiver down your spine. he made a soft noise again, a sigh of contentment that was somewhere between a murmur and a hum. he seemed completely at peace, his body relaxed and boneless against yours. it was like he had melted into you, fitting against you like he belonged there.

you were torn between waking him up and letting him sleep a little longer. on one hand, it was kind of adorable seeing him sleep so peacefully and soundly. on the other hand, you knew he needed to wake up eventually.

you watched him for a moment, taking in the sight of him curled up against you. his face was relaxed, his expression peaceful. it was like all the stress and worry that usually etched itself on his features had melted away.

part of you wanted to just lay there and watch him sleep indefinitely, but you knew that wasn't practical. you reached out a tentative hand and gently brushed a strand of hair away from his face. he stirred slightly, his eyes fluttering open for a moment before closing again.

you watched as he mumbled something incoherent, his arm tightening around your waist. it was like he was trying to hold onto you even in his half-conscious state, unwilling to let go just yet.

he let out a murmur against your neck, his voice sleep-rough and soft. "just... a little longer," he mumbled. "just a few more minutes... please..."

he tugged at you slightly, pulling you closer against him. his body was still relaxed, his muscles loose and pliant against yours.

wooyoung’s voice was soft, almost vulnerable as he muttered against your neck. "i just... want to pretend a little longer," he mumbled. "just for a little while, let me pretend like everything is okay..."

he pulled you tighter against him, his body pressing close against yours like he was trying to bury himself in you. his grip was tight, like he was afraid you would pull away and break the illusion.

wooyoung’s voice was hushed and raw as he whispered against your skin, his breath hot against your neck. "like i didn't... f-fuck everything up, you know...?"

he let out a choked gasp, his arm tightening around you like he was trying to anchor himself. he was clearly struggling to keep his emotions in check, his body tense and trembling against yours.

his voice was rough and ragged, like he was holding back tears. "i just... i just don't want to think about it for a little while," he mumbled, his body pressing closer against yours. "just... please, let me pretend for a minute. let me pretend like i didn't ruin everything."

you didn't know what possessed you to do it. maybe it was the vulnerability in his voice, or the desperation in his grip on you. but before you even realized what you were doing, you were cupping his face gently in your hands and leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

his breath hitched as your lips met his, his body going rigid for a moment before melting into the touch. it was like he was starving for the contact, like he was desperate for any scrap of affection and closeness he could get.

his mouth opened slightly under yours, his tongue brushing against your lips in a silent plea for more. he was shaking now, his body trembling against you like he was barely holding himself together.

he was clinging to you now, his fingers gripping your shirt desperately as he pulled you closer. his lips were moving against yours hungrily, like he was trying to devour you. it was like he was pouring all his pain and desperation into the kiss, seeking solace and comfort in the only way he knew how.

his body was pressed against yours, every inch of him in contact with you. you could feel the heat radiating off him, the desperate way his hands roamed over your body like he was trying to memorize every contour and curve.

as wooyoung breaks away from the kiss, his mouth trailing down your jaw to your neck, he mumbles between kisses, "is... is this okay? are we... are we okay...?"

his lips are hot against your skin, his breath hitching as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your neck. his hands are still holding onto you tightly, his grip almost desperate as he seeks reassurance and connection.

he continues to trail kisses down your neck, his mouth hot and possessive against your skin. every kiss is filled with a hint of desperation, like he's trying to make up for lost time and assure himself that everything is alright.

his hands roam over your body as he kisses your neck, his fingers tracing patterns over your skin as if trying to memorize every inch of you.

you tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging gently as he mouths at your neck. you thread your fingers through the silky strands, relishing the feel of his soft hair against your skin.

"we’re okay," you murmur, your voice soft and reassuring. "it’s okay. we’re okay."

he lets out a choked moan against your skin, his body trembling at your words.

wooyoung’s voice is barely above a whisper as he buries his face in your neck, his lips pressed against your skin in desperate kisses.

"i just... i just want to pretend for today," he mumbles, his voice almost pleading. "just for today, let me pretend like everything is fine. let me pretend like i didn't screw everything up. just... just please, let me live in this fantasy for a little while longer."

he’s holding onto you tightly, like he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go even for a moment. his body is pressed flush against yours, every inch of him in contact with you.

"please," he whispers. "please, just let me forget about everything else and just focus on you."

wooyoung pulls away from your neck, lifting his head to look at you. his expression is earnest and vulnerable, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation or discomfort.

"if you don't want this," he whispers, his fingers tracing gentle patterns over your skin, "i won't be mad, okay? i promise."

you voice your concern, your gaze searching his face as you ask, "are you sure you're in the right mind to do this?"

he looks at you for a moment, his eyes intense and sincere. then he replies, "this is the only thing i’ve been sure about recently. you’re the only thing i’m sure about."

he continues to look at you, his eyes pleading and earnest. "i know i’m not making any sense right now," he whispers. "i know i’m not in the best headspace... but the only thing i am sure about is you. you’re the only thing that makes everything else fade away."

he grips your shoulders tightly, his fingers digging into your skin as he pulls you even closer to him.

despite your reservations, your doubts and concerns, it's impossible to ignore the way your body responds to his touch. your pulse quickens, your skin heats up, your breath quickens.

but you know wooyoung well enough to know that he's not in his right mind right now. he’s vulnerable, desperate, seeking comfort and reassurance. and you know that you can't just give in to your own desires without making sure that he's absolutely certain about what he's doing. especially when your heart is also involved.

"i... i want you too," you whisper, your voice thick with emotion.

you reach up to cup his face in your hands, your fingers gently tracing his jawline. "i want you so badly," you murmur. "but i just... i need to make sure you're sure. i don't want you to regret it later."

you can feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles are coiled tight like he's holding himself back with every ounce of willpower he has left.

wooyoung’s eyes flutter shut for a moment as he melts into your touch, his breathing ragged and uneven. "i won't regret it," he whispers, his voice low and rough. "i could never regret it. not with you."

he leans into your touch, his forehead resting against yours. he looks desperate, almost pleading. "please," he murmurs. "please, just... i need you. i need you more than anything right now."

his body is pressing flush against yours, every inch of him in contact with you. you can feel the heat radiating off him, can hear the raggedness of his breathing, can smell the faint scent of his cologne.

"i can't pretend anymore," he whispers, his voice raw with emotion. "i don't want to pretend. I want this to be real. i want... i want you to be real. please. please just tell me this is real. that i’m not just imagining this."

his hands are grasping at you now, desperate and clawing, trying to hold onto you like you're the only thing grounding him to reality.

"please," he repeats, his voice ragged and hoarse. "please, tell me this is real. that you're really here, with me. that you really care about me. that you really... that you really..."

he seems unable to finish his sentence, his voice breaking on the last word.

"wooyoung..." you murmur, your voice soft and gentle. "this is real. i’m real. i’m here. i love you."

and with that, you lean in and press your lips against his in a slow, tender kiss.

his response is immediate, like a dam has broken inside of him. his hands come up to grip your waist, pulling you flush against him as he kisses you back with a desperate fervor.

he kisses you like a man starved, like he's trying to devour you, his mouth bruising against yours as his tongue tangles with yours. his body is pressed tightly against yours, every inch of him desperate to be as close to you as possible.

he murmurs your name against your lips, like a prayer, like a desperate plea. "please," he whispers, his breath hot against your skin. "please, say it again. say it again."

he needs to hear the words again, like they're the only thing keeping him grounded in reality. he needs to hear you say that you love him, that this is real, that he's not just imagining everything.

you repeat the words, your voice soft and tender. "i love you," you murmur against his lips, your fingers tracing gentle patterns over his skin. "i’m here and i love you."

and his response is to groan, his body shuddering against yours as if the words are physically painful to hear. he kisses you again, harder and more desperately than before, his body arching into yours like he can't get close enough.

his hands are restless, roaming over your body with a feverish intensity. he pulls you closer, his body pressed so close against yours that you can feel the rapid beating of his heart.

"i love you," he whispers, his voice thick and ragged. "i love you so much. please, don't go. please, just... just don't leave me."

he sounds like he's begging, like he's on the verge of tears. he buries his face in your neck, his lips pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses against your skin.

"please," he whispers again, “stay with me. i don't want to be alone.”

you tighten your arms around him, your body pressing even closer against his. you speak softly, your voice gentle and reassuring.

"i’m not going anywhere," you murmur, your fingers carding through his hair. "i’m right here. i’m not leaving you."

his body visibly relaxes at your words, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. he lets out a shuddering sigh, his shoulders slumping as he buries his face in your neck once again.

he mumbles the words against your skin, "can... can i be selfish with you?" he whispers. "can i... can i just be selfish one more time? just... just tonight?"

you nod, your body still pressed tight against his as you murmur, "yes. it’s okay. we can be selfish. just... just for tonight."

he lets out a low, guttural groan at your words, his body shuddering against yours.

your mind swirled. was this really happening? were you really about to take this leap? his body pressed closer to you, the heat and firmness of him enveloping you as he gently held your face in his hands and brought your gaze to meet his. then, he drew you into another kiss, the soft, warm press of his lips against yours igniting sparks within you.

previous . . masterlist . . next

taglist @special4u @vampzity @jwone @devastateed @fantasy2wonderland @fixedonlove @kyeomooniee @e3ellie

#. . ᯓ . lover please stay ✦༉‧#ateez fic #jung wooyoung fic #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez writing #ateez au #ateez ff #jung wooyoung writing #jung wooyoung fanfic #jung wooyoung angst #jung wooyoung smut #jung wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung ateez #ateez jung wooyoung #jung wooyoung #ateez wooyoung

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hmshermitcraft · 1 day

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Hypno and XB used to be best friends.

Then they went diving and Hypno almost drowned. XB managed to save him, but the two had an argument, and Hypno ran away.

And XB never saw him again.

Skip to many years later, XB was traveling through a swampy area and needed a place to stay the night. He knocked at the door of a small tarot shop, and the owner let him in.

The owner served him soup, and XB realized it tasted just like the one Hypno used to make him when they were teens and XB was sick.

He shared the thought with the shop owner.

Suddenly, the man asks: “you’re from the south, right?”

XB nods.

“Ocean monument, near a mesa?”

XB nods again.

Then something clicks in his head.

“Would you happen to have a pocket watch on a long chain?”

The other man nods “yeah, It’s broken. Made from Nether gold”

XB’s eyes widen.

“Hypno?” He asks.

The other man nods, lips trembling slightly.

“I am so sorry”

XB stands up, walks up to Hypno, and pulls him into a hug, and his eyes water as he recognizes the familiar smell of honey and lavender.

Hypno hugs back. He hugs back, half sobbing, half mumbling apologies, face buried in XB’s hoodie.

XB hugs him tighter.

“I forgive you.”

And he understands that it’s all going to be okay in the end.

Maybe not immediately. Maybe they still have a lot of grief and hurt to work out between them. But they're both here, now. And they both want each other to stay.

Everything else is secondary.

#hermitshipping #ask #hypno tag #xb tag #xbhypno #hypxb #acolorboom #mod 🎀

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the-heros-sidekick · 3 days

Text

❝ I dream of cracking locks , throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks. ❞

He feels it first at the back of his neck. A buzzing, like the crackling of electricity underneath his skin, reverberating against the hollow of his skull. Something is knocking, making its presence known: A particular kind of evil that had snuck into Stiles’ mind once already, stealing away control over his body. Condemning him to sit back, trapped in his own mind, rendering him powerless. Doomed to watch in horror as his blood-stained hands wielded sharpened blades against those he loved. They’d gotten him out, though nearly at the cost of his own life—a sacrifice Stiles had been more than willing to make, so long as no one else would get hurt because of him. And yet something must have stayed behind, lodged into the membrane of his skull like a shard of glass. For the longest time he’d managed to keep the horrors contained to only haunt him in the dead of night, leaving him sleep deprived and wrung out, every nerve ending scraped thin. But now, even the light of day no longer offers refuge for Stiles to feel safe. Long gone is the once obnoxiously loud, carefree kid—left in its stead is a man carrying himself with caution, treading quietly across the space between other people’s reality and what lies beyond. He knows there are demons out there listening, waiting for an opportunity to exploit any sign of weakness—a door left slightly ajar, perhaps, much like the door to Stiles’ mind they’d never managed to close. The feeling of impending doom crescendos and Stiles, feeling sick to his stomach with fear, clings desperately to the words he repeats to himself like a mantra. "Nothing gets in unless you let it.” But the words turn to ash in his mouth, memories of past experiences proving him a liar.

an exploration of Teen Wolf's STILES STILINSKI who, after leaving Beacon Hills behind, settled down in New York where he's now considered the FBIs golden boy . ― crafted for @fakevz . following canon events of the show with additional headcanons . medium activity & very crossover friendly . minors dni . this blog operates in english only . est. 2014 . ♗ ©

A STUDY IN: loss of innocence , comedic sidekick , aftermath of demonic possession , a morally gray world , undying loyalty , survivor's guilt , agent of chaos , deflecting with humor

I think I've loved you since I met you. I just mistook it for curiosity.

Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I felt this unquenchable need to know you.I blamed it on ulterior motives, justified it because I needed something from you, because you held the answers I was looking for, because no one else was able to help but you. Looking back on it now though, I'm starting to think that maybe some part of me knew right from the start, that first night I stumbled upon you in the woods, what took me years to see: Maybe my heart recognized that it was going to love you right away, and I spent the years to come catching up with what it knew right from the start. That it was always going to be you. How could it ever have been anyone else? Through mayhem and bloodshed, through fear and loss, through grief and sleepless nights, you were the one constant that remained. When I lost sight of everything--first myself, then reality, then hope--you were the one guiding my way like a beacon, or a north star. If I've ever known peace, it's in all the moments that your hand has touched mine and that your arms have held me tirelessly, putting your body like a shield between me and every inkling of danger. Of all the late-night wonderings of trying to make sense of the last decade (and failing), what remains is this singular thought: At least it was you. At least it was me. At least it was us, together. I'd bear it all a million times over if it meant I got to hold your hand at the end of it all. You are the moment of quiet at the end of a long day, you are breathless laughter, you're the patch of sunlight filtering in through the window that I stand in to warm myself. You are everything good in this world and living proof that there is hope despite it all, and I love you beyond measure.

#thank you @theallegedsourwolf for this amazing edit <3 #it gets sappy under the cut. read at your own risk #userfakevz #gegenwart #fantasie #englisch #b: verlobt #vorlage #f: teen wolf #he-him #editsfakevz

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belethlegwen · 1 year

Text

The Rescue - Chp 48 - A Wrench In The Plans

Good morning everyone <3

I hope your weeks have been as good as they can be! We finally have sunny skies and warm weather here after weeks so cold and dreary it was finally starting to get to me emotionally as well as the massive energy drain. 22C right now with a little haze from the Quebec wildfire smoke finally reaching us, but I'll take it.

The latest chapter of The Rescue is now available for your enjoyment <3 Thank you all again for reading, liking, commenting and sharing! The morning "You've got Kudos!" emails bring smiles to my face every day and I can't tell you all how much it means that these silly little stories matter to other people, even a little. Thank you all so much <3

Hope you all enjoy it! And please have the greatest weekends the universe will allow you <3

Much love,

~ Belle

#g/t writing #g/t author #g/t #giant/tiny #gentle giantess #giant tiny #gtauthor #gt #Listen there is sometimes a theme re: fears #I've had some nightmares in my day ok #this poor lad #The Rescue #Melanie/Henry #between grief and everything else going on #sure just toss in some casual terror and pain #He'll be alright #if he lets himself anyway

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moonsandstar-s · 1 year

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one of the aspects that i love most about the confession scene is that blake & yang both already know the big truth they haven’t dropped on each other. blake knows yang is thinking ‘i love you’ and yang realizes that blake is thinking it too as the clouds go gold behind her, even though she immediately questions it with the dropping of her gaze and the uncertainty on her face - for them, it’s a matter of being brave enough to speak it into existence rather than revealing previously-unknown feelings to each other. my question is, when do you guys think blake and yang first became aware of how they, themselves, were feeling?

#though i love the thought of them having crushes on each other at beacon i think it's more of a curiosity than anything #like the precursor to a crush or even feelings #i wouldn't put my money on burning the candle either - i think yang was interested and blake still had a lot she was processing at the time #but that neither of them really thought concretely in that way about one another #at least not for the duration of v1-first three quarters of v3 #once beacon started falling i think their worry for each other spiked - you see blake and yang's faces during their call to each other #as beacon is under attack and then obviously everything that happens w adam after that #but of course #i think yang first started to realize her feelings were more than just 'like' sometime immediately after blake left after the fall of beacon #she realizes her frustration/hurt/bitterness/grief is more than just 'someone i trust and care about left me behind' because underneath that #there is a very raw and real ache of missing blake more than anything and wishing she were there #and that's when it starts to become apparent to us too #AS FOR BLAKE #again love the thought of her choosing yang in the emerald forest and being interested from day 1 #tho i do think she was drawn to yang in v1 and felt an affinity towards her i wouldn't say it developed into 'realized' love til later #she had love for yang which adam obviously took note of - especially the similarities between the two of them -#but do i think blake realized she loved yang until adam was threatening to take her away? nope #honestly i think she squashed it down after v3c11 when she ran away - compartmentalized and told herself that 'yang deserves better' etc and #didn't let herself think about it at all bc what was the point? she just focused on everything else going on and didn't acknowledge #then when they saw each other at the end of v5 - imo that was the turning point #that was it #their feelings rushed to the surface - broke through all the anger and suppression and grief #and they've been falling for each other even through all the issues they worked out from v6 onward #the end that's my theory and i want to hear all of yours too #RWBY #Bumbleby #RWBY 9 #RWBY Volume 9 #Blake x Yang #Blake Belladonna

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justshapesandshitposting · 1 year

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tbh i have a au where the heroes/player shapes are fresh's bio kids (and part oft he reason fresh went ape shit:Tm: was bc his babies were taken from him, and he was essentially trapped in his own body. sitting there stewing in everything for a while made him a bit... unstable to put it midly

he was absolutely gunning to spill cube's guts and paint the cave walls with their blood bc he still reconized cy who was with them and just saw red)

#mun rambles #au concepts #player shapes as fresh's kids au concept #fresh is a overprotective parent who was isolated and essentially went mad from isolation and grief #so no wonder he flies off the handle at the first oppertunity-#he tries not to harm his kids tho #everyone else? their guts are going to be splattered all over everything if they get between him and his babies

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liedownquisition · 19 days

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I'm so tired.

Bonus meme under cut:

This is both for him in general (or at least the fanon version dominating fics) and extra for him as Robin specifically tbh. Let him grow up and find an identity outside of being Bruce's emotional support child. It's not like it's actually helping anymore anyways.

#I really minimized the fanon Tim things in there.#Not the least of which including making their age difference wider so Jason can angst over beating up “a kid” despite only being 2 yrs apar #Overemphasizing Tim's “genius” and making Jason stupid & incompetent & everything he does is wrong #Skewed interpretations of the emotional & moral conflict in UTRH/between Jason & Bruce that somehow Tim fixes #Ceo Tim Drake “boohoo Dick wouldn't believe me that Bruce was alive (tho I never actually gave him my evidence abt that)”#WHICH FOR THE RECORD EVEN TIM HAD DOUBTS ABOUT HE JUST HAD TO BELIEVE OR ELSE HE'D FALL APART.#LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF RED ROBIN IS STRUCTURED TO CAST DOUBT ON TIM'S JUDGEMENT THE WHOLE TIME.#ITS NOT LIKE THIS KID DOESNT FAMOUSLY HAVE A HISTORY OF NOT TAKING GRIEF WELL. GESTURES AT THE FAILED SUPERBOY CLONES.#Sidenote I saw a post about ignoring that Tim was a sexist earlier on in his comics & tbh I think youre only allowed to do that if you dont #Woobify him. Like if you want to ignore that but overfocus on every bad thing ppl have done to him then fuck off #Also have you considered that him being sexist but growing out of it is a POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC that could be interesting?#Wally for example had some really bigoted views bcs of how he was raised but grew out of & its why I always loved him #Frankly if you want to talk about Jason doing unforgivable injuries on the younger kids let's go to Battle for the Cowl #But then you'd have to scknowledge bad (worse) things happened to Damian too & Timmy isn't special now wouldn't you?#Look I'm not asking for every goddamned fic to be comics accurate but can we just not commit character assassination so consistently #That it's fucking impossible to find fic that *isnt* like that?#Fuck I don't even understand how people find this version of Tim engaging. It's funny for memes but an actual plot?#Managed to switch my “I think Tim is a little boring (neutral to affectionate)” to “I think Tim makes things boring (derogatory)”

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gibbearish · 25 days

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donate to palestinian gofundmes! remember your clicks! watch out for scam gofundmes! gofundme is refusing to release the funds to palestinian gofundmes! remember your clicks! theres a ceasefire! israel is breaking the ceasefire! palestinians directed to safezone! israel is bombing the safezone! theres a ceasefire! israel is breaking the ceasefire! donate to verified gofundmes! dont donate to gofundmes, donate to organizations who can use the money where it's needed most! remember your clicks! don't donate to orgs, theyre inefficient and individuals know how to use the funds better for themselves! here's a list of verified gofundmes! remember your clicks! israel accused of war crimes! remember your clicks! if we all work together we can stop this! eyes on the protests! eyes off the protests, theyre drawing attention away! eyes on the protests, the government is trying to shut it down! boycott eurovision, eyes on eurovision protests! eyes off eurovision, it's drawing attention away! never look away for even a second! remember your clicks! here's a graphic description of the torture theyre going through! pay attention, paying attention is how we stop this! remember your clicks! buy esims! think about the children dying horrifically right this second in real time! eyes on the next safezone, surely this time itll work and israel wont turn around and bomb it! remember your clicks!

compassion fatigue? how fucking selfish can you be? are you actually going to make this about you and how upset it makes you feel to think about? you should be thanking god it isnt happening to you. you know every country in the world hates yours and its only a matter of time before someone finds an excuse to start bombing you back, better pipe down! listen to the planes flying overhead and imagine they were raining death down on you, maybe thatll give you some perspective. remember your clicks!

#origibberish #this isnt at anyone in particular and i hope it doesnt come across as like. 'theres no use supporting palestine' or anything like that #its just. depressing. watching everyone go round and round arguing that no one is doing activism right and we just have #to do it harder and thatll magically end this #and then every time the 'right' thing to do turns out to be a scam or turns out to not matter or turns out to have something #else going on at the same time because the scale of this is something i think none of us can comprehend #i think the internet bringing these events closer to us has been helpful in terms of getting information to us but i feel like #it also has set up a kind of. parasocial relationship between us watching online and palestine #we feel personally responsible for saving them but realistically theres very little an individual can do but watch and talk about it #so when thats all you can do you channel All of that energy into doing it As Hard And As Perfect As Possible #which can be good but can just as easily turn into. yknow. well intentioned groups eating themselves alive over anything #perceived as not contributing hard enough #and when the thing your contributing is something as ephemeral as Looking and Talking. its very easy to find things #to read as failures to live up to your standards #idk im just. tired of watching ppl who want the same thing yell at each other because they want it the wrong way #i think part of it too is just. grieving #we're all grieving everything thats already happened to them and. like. denial‚ anger‚ and bargaining are the #first three stages of grief #we're all just lashing out at each other because theres no one in power we can actually reach

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hecksupremechips · 2 months

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Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself

#rebecca gales #the letter #the letter visual novel #listen im new here im not exactly a knowledgeable cookie here about bpd but the more i learn the more im like. inch resting #cuz for starters its like idk if it all applies to me but i find a lot of it very relatable #but when i think about rebecca i think it definitely applies and makes a lot of sense just like the way she feels emotions #shes got so much complex feelings about the people she loves shes very caring and loving #to the point where they feel its too much to handle alsjks like i love how cute she is with isabella when shes worried #she squishes belles face to check for injuries and she pulls isabella into her lap and pets her hair and sings for her #and always gets her food and worries herself into the ground to make sure isabella takes care of herself #and then with ashton hes definitely her favorite person she sees him like a prince charming and remembers everything about their #relationship like her way of showing love is definitely by remembering things and paying attention to how people feel and what they want #and then zach even though they arent as close she still helped him with his movie and she defends him when his movie gets hate #like in such an angry way he tries to brush it off but shes like NO NOBODY GETS TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT #and same when luke is shitty to him and tries to steal his camera rebecca lets that guy have it #and with luke even though she does hate him shes the only character who makes him see the good in himself #and she lets him know that hes fully capable of changing and being a good father and person #shes just so loving but at the same time so easily has a split where she cant stand anyone either #she thinks isabella is obnoxiously immature and is jealous as fuck of her and she is very quick to fight with ash #because he just doesnt show his love for her like she does for him and thats just such a problem like #that feeling that youll always love someone way more than anyone will ever love you and it makes her really upset #and like sometimes her feelings just get bitter so quick and at inappropriate times like when shes mad at isabella while shes fucking #in a literal coma because ashton is in love with her and not rebecca and shes just so like wrapped up in her own feelings there that she #completely disregards the entire situation and ashtons grief because she cant think about anything else she just cant help it #so yeah i think its just the way she feels emotions very strongly and switches between them very quickly that makes me think hm maybe #something is going on here 🤨 and i just love it i love her i love how shes just a character whos just like #got all these complicated feelings but shes still loved and gets to slay penis and simply exist as a complex person

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stars-in-a-jam-jar · 2 months

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I don't think Buddy asks Helio any questions.

Kristen asked 'Why do bad things happen to good people?' because she believed in all the good things she was taught, but noticed the strange disconnect between the world as it was and the world as it was taught to her. So she thought, surely, if I can't come up with the answer, Helio will have it. And she hates him for dodging her question.

Buddy is far more deluded than Kristen ever was. And he is far, far angrier inside as a result, even if he deliberately conceals this fact from himself to protect himself from the inevitable mental breakdown this would cause. Buddy is not as altruistic and giving and caring as Kristen is. He wouldn't question why he was betrayed or dig into a question like 'Why do bad things happen to good people?' Those aren't the answers he needs, because of course he'd be betrayed by someone outside the church, that makes perfect sense. Of course bad things happen to good people, we simply live in a fallen world.

Or, well. He used to live in a fallen world. Now he's dead here. In Helio's divine domain.

I think Buddy, as he wanders through fields of corn to the big farmhouse where Helio is chilling out, privately thinks about the fact that Kristen Applebees' horrified expression was the last thing he ever saw before a sharp pain in his throat. I think Buddy assumes Helio knows he's thinking this and apologizes for bringing thoughts like that into paradise. I think he thanks Helio for recognizing his devotion and bringing him here once he died and dutifully deceives himself about his own rising emotions at contending with the fact that he's dead now.

After all, he was raised to die. He was raised to want to die.

To want to be here with his god whenever it was he called Buddy to him. So he doesn't feel upset, no, of course not. He's just a little surprised at how sudden it was. (How completely random. How unceremonious and unfair.) He's a little bit worried how his grandparents would react to the news is all. (He cracks a joke that maybe he'll see them here shortly after they do get the news. He doesn't laugh at it.) He had his own plans for how he'd spread the good word in life, but of course, Helio had other plans. (Nothing Buddy ever wanted really mattered. He knew that, he knew the will of Helio was the real thing that mattered, and everything else was just a small list of preapproved extracurriculars in the syllabus of his life.)

He can't be upset about this.

He shouldn't be upset about this.

This is his reward.

This place and these people and this god are his reward for a life of service and devotion and walking in the light.

It's not his place to be upset about his own reward. Kristen got upset when she went to heaven, when she met Helio, and look where that got her.

Look... look where that got her.

He thinks he hates her. For looking at him like that. All the ways she looked at him. Like he was something pitiful and contemptible. Someone she needed to threaten away from her little brother. Someone she has to double and triple check if he's going to revive her when he's under magical oath to do just that or lose his connection to a divinity she threw away after being chosen.

And then. In that last moment, she looked at him and he saw grief and horror and caring. Like his death was awful and unfair and tragic.

And he thinks maybe he hates her for that. For challenging him every conversation they had and looking at him like she knew something he didn't. Like she was above him. Like killing your own god twice in life is a preferable fate to living for the promise of eternal sunlight and cornbread in death. A promise which was kept to him.

Kristen was promised to Helio, too.

And he can't unsee her face. He can't move along and focus on what truly matters (Helio, the church, spreading the word, doling out divine punishment when needed) because he's reached the end. There is nothing left. Only this bright sunny cornfield and a god who... is nice. And who cares about him, personally. He got Buddy's name wrong the first and only time they held audience.

He thinks he hates Kristen, and he hates that that hatred isn't immediately squashed out of his soul just by being here. In paradise. Where he belongs. Where every follower of Helio belongs. Where he never has to have anyone look at him the way Kristen did ever again.

I don't think Buddy Dawn asks Helio any questions. Because how do you ask the god you devoted every waking minute of your life to, 'Why do I hate it here? Why does this feel like hell?'

(There's a part 2 now that the next ep is out >:3)

#fantasy high junior year spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #d20 fhjy #dimension 20 #buddy dawn #kristen applebees #kristin applebees #cw death #religious trauma #wow I really said 'he was raised to want to die' without even flinching didn't I?

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dredgesnails · 2 months

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i genuinely think the people who insist the life series is scripted just don’t understand the difference between something scripted and something that’s been given a basic premise and directives that everyone involved in agrees to play along with for the bit. like, no, specific moments aren’t scripted, but there’s a reason the series isn’t just “best pvper wins” and it’s because they deliberately prioritise entertainment over pure skill because the same person winning every time just wouldn’t be fun.

like, for the most part they’re a bunch of drama kids who have been given the perfect playground to act out the shakespearian tragedy of their dreams (some more so than others) (hello rendog) and they’re given the tools and situation to do so but everything else is just improv. and they’re also just having fun like i think we should all remember they’re doing this to have fun with their friends and play on a server where anything goes and they can grief all they want and sometimes they’ll just make stupid mistakes like walking off the side of a diving board and dying because they were so miffed about losing to a best tower competition they forgot where the stairs were, or blowing themselves up with their own tnt trap because they placed one block in the wrong place.

also i think people forget just how generally predictable people are in general, like after five seasons you can definitely start to guess how people will behave because they’re just like that. joel is reckless and he likes to poke the bear, martyn is good at staying alive but not good at keeping hearts (the difference between winning limlife and going out early in secret life), scott is good at the social game and a formidable opponent but also terribly self sacrificial, bdubs will betray anyone he’s allied with if offered something good, etc etc etc

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gglitch1dd · 3 months

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Cheating DILF Izuku

Husband Midoriya Izuku x Wifey Reader

Note: This is just an angst story. IT IS NOT CONFIRMED PART OF MY STORY. It is not CANON. Izuku would NEVER cheat but if he did... it would be like this. I wrote this just to watch people cry.

Warning: Child loss, grief, Infidelity, Absent parenting,

You felt him shift behind you as his alarm rang. It was early in the morning and yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to get up and out of bed yet. There was a whole ocean of space between you and your husband. A gap that had not been crossed or touched in over six months. It felt so cold to even try and move from your side of the bed because you knew that the person you were reaching out to was just as cold and if not, colder.

You heard your husband get out of bed and move towards the bathroom to get ready for work. There was no more slow morning sex, or waking up in his arms or to kisses. Anything and everything was work or the kids. That was all it seemed your marriage became in the span of six months.

You let out a heavy breath as you slowly sat up in bed. You looked to the right over to the family photo on your side table. You, your loving husband and your five boys. Something that seemed so far away despite the portraits having been taken just a year ago.

You got up out of bed and moved to go wake up the boys. You knocked on each of their doors, making sure they would be awake to get to school. You moved to your youngest’s bedroom. The four-year-old was still very much asleep which you were glad for. You moved over to where he was asleep in bed, his eyes closed. You gave a sad smile, but you were glad he was so blissfully unaware of everything else.

You moved to head downstairs, getting bento boxes ready and also breakfast. It was the same routine but something was always different which you couldn’t help but be grateful for.

Just as you fried the eggs, your oldest sons came downstairs.

“Morning mom!” Asahi greeted as he moved to quickly kiss your cheek and immediately went to grab plates to set the table. You smiled at your eleven year old son, already dressed in his gakuran.

“Morning ma!” Another kiss went to your cheek as Hero, your seven year old came and passed by, grabbing cutlery to put at the table, seemingly already in conversation with Asahi. You smiled over at him.

Finally walking over to you, in not as much as a rush than his younger brothers was Toshinori, your eldest. He gave your shoulders a squeeze and a kiss to your cheek. “Good morning, ma.” He easily picked up on tending to the other frying pan, grabbing his apron with one hand so that he could help you. He did it without being told and yet you always felt so grateful for his help. He looked at you with kind eyes and curly green hair. “Did you sleep well? How are you feeling?” He asked.

You smiled over at him, so grateful you had such an attentive eldest son. “I slept fine, thank you Toshi. I hope you slept well too.” You wished as you turned off the stove you were working at and turned to finish your husband’s bento box.

“I slept well.” He told you sweetly. “Did… did any email or mail come in yet?” he asked.

You turned to Toshinori with a smile. He had been eagerly awaiting a letter from UA. You were just grateful that with everything that happened the last six months, your son managed to still train and go to the physical exam to enter UA High School. Although you were pretty sure it was a guarantee that he would enter the school, considering he had your husband’s quirk due to him being born quirkless too, Toshinori wanted a fair and equal trial just like everyone else. He wanted to be deserving of it and in every way he was.

You turned to him shoving him gently. “Hey…” he turned to you with slightly anxious eyes. You took a deep breath and he mimicked you. You took a second before you both breathed out. You smiled. “Everything is going to be fine. I told you, you’ll be the first one to read it the moment I get it.” You promised him. He nodded his head with a smile. He opened his mouth to speak but the heavy sound of footsteps interrupted him as finally your husband descended from downstairs.

“Morning dad!”

“Morning kiddos.” Your husband let out, his voice less chirpy than it was six months ago. Midoriya Izuku walked over to where you were in the kitchen, automatically grabbing a flask of hot made coffee that you had made for him. He was in his own world again. His eyes distant but his actions were trained. The autopilot you had all been on, kicking in.

You knew you wouldn’t receive a good morning from him.

You barely got him to notice you half the time now.

You cleared your throat as you closed his bento and packed it away. “Izuku, remember Asahi’s science project at school. The viewing is at two.” You reminded him as you grabbed a can of soda and placed it with the rest of his lunch that you packed.

“Y/N, you know I can’t make it.” You heard him talk as he grabbed an apple as makeshift breakfast, not bothering to have breakfast with any of you anymore.

You looked at him with a pained expression. “Izuku, you promised you would go.”

You heard a sigh come out of him as he grabbed his bag and finally looked at you, stopping for five seconds. Your large husband felt so far away from you despite not being more than three steps away from you. “Y/N, I’m the Number One hero of this country. I don’t have time to always go to every recital and function.” He reminded you.

You felt annoyance bubble up inside you as your eyebrows furrowed. Your grip on your apron tightened as you looked up at him. That was always his excuse nowadays. “Izuku, you have been so busy with work lately. It would mean the world to him if you showed up. He’s been getting into arguments at schoo-”

“Y/N, I have a meeting in less than an hour.” He dismissed as he started to turn to leave the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll try make it if I get time.” He waved it off as he headed towards the entrance hallway, leaving you and the boys alone once again.

You bit back the emotions of annoyance and disappointment as you let out a sigh and turned to do something else, ignoring the boys and their silence as they watched. That’s how mornings were like now. Either Izuku buzzing by too fast to even get more than a sentence out of him before he’s out the door, or he’s never there entirely.

It had been like this ever since your second youngest, Shoyo had passed away.

A villain had attacked his primary school as revenge against heroes including your husband. Your little boy had sacrificed himself along with Hanta and Mina’s youngest child, Sero Kimiko. It was a dark day in your group of friends to lose two six year olds, innocent and pure. It was a horrible incident, an even more horrible case. Your husband and other heroes were on the scene one minute too late.

It was a horrible time for all of you. You barely could call yourself a human after the funeral and even during the hearing of state vs the class A villain, Jigsaw. You don’t remember most of it, all you knew was that you didn’t even get to see your little boy’s body one final time before cremation, because there simply wasn’t anything to hold.

You couldn’t imagine the horrific sight your husband saw that day, but he only truly began to change once the court ruling had happened and Jigsaw was sentenced to the death penalty. Your husband had moved further and further away from you, almost as if being near you and the boys was torture.

You couldn’t understand it at all, but you always made excuses for him. Even when it was Toshinori’s fifteenth birthday and Izuku wasn’t there. You told your son everything under the moon to make him understand, and he did. Because he loved his father that much. But there was only so many excuses you could give for so long.

With all the kids at school and you having taken Koda to kindergarten, leaving you alone for a few hours, you decided to clean Izuku’s study. The grand room was filled with papers and books, his laptop monitors all on from the long night he spent in here after coming home from patrol. You didn’t even know how he kept on moving when it seemed like he barely slept in your own bed. You didn’t question the times he wouldn’t come home for days on end, always saying he spent his nights at the office.

You ignored the smell of perfume on his hero suits too.

You walked into the room, moving to clear his desk and the multiple mugs of empty coffee. You moved to clear all the clutter, moving classified documents into a pile where he could find them all. He worked hard, it was something you always admired about him. It was the reason why the crime rate had more than halved in the last six months.

You heard a message pop up on his monitor. He had long time connected his phone to his computer, he said it made it easier to access things sometimes. Izuku also had a habit of leaving things on when he wanted to get back to it but always getting so whirled up in his head that he never did get back to them sometimes.

You made the ugly mistake of looking up at the monitor, your eyes reading before you could stop yourself.

You didn’t move.

You didn’t breathe.

You watched as message after message popped up.

Suddenly it felt as if your entire world had fallen underneath your feet.

Izuku dragged a hand through his hair as he came in through the door. It was past eight and no doubt, dinner had already been eaten in the Midoriya household. He had gotten so caught up in work and other matters that time just washed by. But that’s just how time seemed to pass ever since…

His eyes automatically went to the photo in the entranceway that sat beside a candle that was always lit no matter the time of day. A photo of a little boy, not older than six, with the brightest green eyes and the biggest smile. Hair so big and curly it almost swallowed him up whole. Inko had told Izuku when Shoyo was born, that he looked the most like him out of every single one of the boys, with the same sparkle in his eyes and smile that reached the stars.

Looking at him now only made Izuku feel nothing but never-ending guilt.

Taking off his shoes, Izuku got into the house. It was that soft time when homework was either being done or the boys got to destress before their busy days tomorrow.

“Dad!” Izuku turned to see his eldest. Toshinori had his hands in his pockets as he walked over to his father. Every day it seemed like the boy was getting taller, although he still hadn’t hit that particular growth spurt. He’d probably get it in second year of high school, like Izuku had. Toshinori seemed a bit apprehensive, knowing how his father seemed much more rougher than he was before. But he couldn’t blame him. Something in all of them changed six months ago. “Evening.” He nodded his head.

It took Izuku a second before mustering up a smile. “Toshi, how was school?”

Toshinori gave a look of surprise which hurt Izuku. How long had it been since he asked his son that question? “G-good!” He let out with a smile, so excited that his father asked. “It was great! Yah, Kane and I got moved into the first team for rugby! Coach said I could really get better as long as…” A soft blush went to his face as he scratched the back of his head. “As long as I learn to stop accidentally activating One for All when I get too worked up.”

Izuku let out an amused scoff but put a hand to Toshinori’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. I struggled with that too even now. Just practise what I’ve already taught you and find a way to box it whenever you’re playing.” He advised. Toshinori perked up, his eyes as bright as stars as he smiled, glad to receive something from his father today. When last had he checked up on Toshinori and his use of One for All? Izuku felt sick at the thought. Izuku looked up to the empty kitchen. “Where’s mom?”

“Oh! She told me to tell you to meet her in your room. She said she had to talk to you about something. I’m not sure what.” He shrugged. “Must have to do with Asahi’s fight.”

Izuku nearly had whiplash as he turned to look back at Toshinori. “Fight? What fight?”

“Asahi got into another fight at school during the showcase. Didn’t tell me what about though.” Toshinori shrugged, but underlying worry in his demeanour.

Another?

Was this a frequent thing? Since when?

Izuku opened his mouth to speak but Toshinori beat him to it. “He’s been in his room since after dinner.”

Izuku nodded. “Thanks Toshi.” He turned to head straight upstairs. Izuku moved immediately straight into his mind at all this news. Fights? Since when did his eleven year old get into fights? Why wasn’t he told? Izuku was confused as he opened the door to your shared bedroom. He needed a shower and preferably a long night’s rest, but first he had to get down to this issue on Asahi. Your husband stepped into your bedroom. “Y/N, what is this I’m hearing about Asahi-”

“Close the door.” The tone in your voice had the green haired Number One hero freezing. It was eerily calm. It was horrifying because the only times you ever spoke like that was when you were angry. His eyebrows twitched as he looked to you as you sat on the other side of the master bedroom. The fire place in your bedroom was lit, which confused him because he didn’t think it all that cold to light a fire. Your eyes remained forward, your back towards him as you stood in the otherwise dark room. “Close the door, Midoriya.”

“Midoriya?” Izuku was confused. You hadn’t called him that since before you started dating, since third year of UA actually. It was an odd thing to hear come out of your lips, especially since you were Midoriya too. Izuku’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he stepped forward. “Y/N, what’s going-”

“Close the door.” This time you said it a bit more firmly, but you were careful not to shout considering your door was still open.

Izuku complied, closing the door behind him, because like everyone in your family, there were rules to your household. One rule was that only under emergency circumstances was your bedroom door to be opened without knocking or permission from the both of you. Another was that your bedroom was the one neutral place where you could both talk to one another openly and freely without worry of the kids and having to be mindful parents.

Or at least it used to be.

The room was silent and tensely so. You looked down at the fire the entire time, nothing but the sound of the burning of wood was in the room as you both stood at opposite sides of the room.

“Do you remember…” Your voice started, nearly startling your husband that felt as though he could break out into a sweat in any second. “When we started dating, you used to write me letters.” You spoke softly and yet Izuku could hear every word. He noticed then that there was burnt papers in the fire place and papers in your hand still. Pages of handwritten letters, of ink and passionate love sat in your hands. “Pages upon pages of images of your thoughts and emotions of me. Each one different than the other. Nothing was the same and yet they all carried the same undeniable feeling of you… Midoriya Izuku, the man I fell in love with.” You spoke with such delicacy, almost as if that feeling of receiving them was fresh inside you. “And yet,” Your grip on the papers grew hard. “Not even more than half a year after our fourth son’s death…” You tossed the papers into the fire, not even looking back at them as they crumbled and charred under the heat.

This was the first time Izuku saw you since coming back and the image of your face is something he would have scarred into him for the rest of his life. Tears flowed from your eyes, and yet the only look he could see on you was pure anger and disgust. You looked absolutely broken and Izuku knew in that moment that you knew.

“You cheated on me.” You whispered with such anger it almost felt like that was a slap in his face entirely. “Why?”

It was a simple question, and one that Izuku didn’t have the answer to. Izuku was shaking. He was as pale as snow and fear brimmed in his eyes for the first time in a long time and yet you didn’t care. He closed his eyes and breathed. “You know how hard it’s been for me these last few months. All the headlines and everyone saying that I wasn’t fast enough to save him. I… I’ve been swallowed up with guilt and grief.”

“You don’t think we all have?” You asked coldly, making him stiffen. You stepped forward with a scowl on your face. “I stay here and take care of our home, of our boys. Our boys who have the same face as their brother and I have to fight the urge to cry at every waking moment because I see him in their faces!” You shouted pointing at the door. “I’ve been grieving!” Your hand went to your chest, painfully so but you didn’t care how hard you squeezed. It didn’t compare to the agony in your heart that only reignited. “We’ve all been grieving! I’ve been begging you to talk to me! Telling you not to listen to the headlines and talk to me! To talk in therapy! You have no excuse!”

“I was weak!” He shouted back at you, angrier at himself than he could ever be at you. “Like always! Ochaco was there just as a friend and then it felt so easy just to talk to her and unburden with her and then…” He couldn’t say it. It felt too real if he said it. It was all just a dream to him. A fantasy he could indulge in for a few hours out of the agony. It meant nothing to him, not like how you mean the world to him.

You shrugged. “And then what? You tripped and fell into her cunt? What, Izuku!”

“I don’t know!” He shouted back at you. It was silent for another moment. “How did you find out?”

“Does it matter?”

“I guess it doesn’t.” He closed his eyes as he swallowed down the heavy pill.

This was it.

This was the end.

He had ruined everything all because he felt too much of a failure to face you and would have rather run to someone else than to you. His loyal and faithful wife. His loving wife. The woman that had given him everything. He felt a tear slip out of his eye as he looked down at the ground. He couldn’t look you in the eyes. Not when you knew. Not when you looked at him with the very thing he wanted to avoid in the first place.

He wiped his face. “Where are the divorce papers?” He asked in a whisper.

There was a beat of silence before a scoff came out of you. You folded your arms as you stood before him. “Divorce papers?” You asked almost as if it was funny. “Oh God, no.” Immediately, Izuku looked up at you in shock. You shook your head almost as if the very thought was unthinkable. “No. I’m not going to order a divorce. Do you know why?”

Izuku knew better than to give you a real answer. He decided to stay silent as he shook his head. The sound of your shoes on the floor was deafening as you walked forward to stand right in front of him.

You pointed to the picture on your bedside table. “Because of them.” You stated honestly. “Because of the four boys that we still have. That is the reason why I’m not getting the best divorce lawyer in this damn country. That is why I am not packing my bags and taking my children far away from you so that they can hate your actions just as much as I do.” You emphasised. “I love those boys more than I care for my own sanity and soul. I love those boys so much, I am painstakingly aware of the fact that I can never divorce you because I would never be able to take care of them without you. I love them so much that I know that they love you as if you hung the stars, Izuku!” You shouted at him, tears flowing down your face. A hiccup broke your voice but it didn’t stop you. “They love you so much and yet I know it would kill them to know what you’ve done! I refuse to let our sons hate you the same way you hate your father.”

That cold hard truth came crashing down on him like ice water. It chilled him to the very bone, and stirred his stomach making him feel sick.

Your jaw shivered with emotion, but you kept your head held high. “That is why I will not divorce you. I do not wish to inflict whatever more emotional trauma they could have after the last six months. So this is what is going to happen.” You folded your arms as you looked up at him. “Oh Izuku stop crying.”

He jolted as he hadn’t realised that there were tears flowing down his face. He moved a hand to his face, feeling the wetness of tears against his skin. He looked back at you. “Thank-”

“I don’t want to hear it, because I don’t care.” You cut him off quickly shutting him up. “I don’t care if you have every girl in the whole of Japan wrapped around your finger, but those women will never set a single foot into this house or into our children’s lives, do you understand me? If word gets out about this, you damn believe I will drain you dry Izuku. I will make sure that there is nothing left of your legacy that you have cultivated.” You hissed with pure intent in every word you said.

Izuku nodded his head pathetically scared of you (rightfully so). “Y/N, I promise you, I’ll never do it again! I’ll go to therapy again! We can go together. I promise I’ll change and-”

“I don’t care because you will never touch me sexually again.” You told him flat out. “We will act, we will pose, we will sing if we damn have to, to make our boys and the rest of Japan believe that we are somewhat of a functioning team at least until they are all out of the house. But Izuku know this…” You stepped forward as you looked up at him.

This was the man you had fallen in love with. A man who held your heart in the palm of his hand so easily that it was probably foolish of you to have loved him as much as you did. You loved Midoriya Izuku. You loved his smile, his muttering, his large scarred hands that held a world full of problems but still held you tenderly, you loved his laugh, you loved his heart. You loved the man standing in front of you.

“I love you.” You let out brokenly, taking the both of you by surprise. You nodded your head with a smile, a smile so broken it looked wrong on your face. “I love you, and you are the father of my children and my partner, but you will never again be my husband.”

Izuku didn’t move, he didn’t speak, he didn’t breathe. He was stuck there like a statue but you still continued.

“Now…” You brushed down your front. “I have to go give Toshinori his acceptance letter to UA. I advise you clean yourself up first before you go anywhere near my son.” You moved to walk right past him, your shoes deafening as you walked out the room closing the door behind him.

Izuku was motionless still, even without you in the room.

This was a worser fate than a divorce. Being trapped with the love of his life and never feeling her love back in return. Being married but never being your husband ever again.

“Morning mom!”

A kiss went to your cheek as you were finishing up breakfast. Toshinori smiled at you as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “Good morning, mom.”

You let out a chuckle, trying to fill in the void and hollow feeling inside you. You grabbed your eldest son, bringing him into a hug as he laughed. “There’s my hero!” he grabbed a hold of you, picking you up off your feet making you shout in surprise. You had forgotten that with One for All he had also inherited his father’s strength. “Toshinori!” You shouted out in surprise. “Put me down!”

He laughed and held you tight, but put you back on your feet. You couldn’t help but giggle as he moved to switch off the stove and grab plates out of the cabinet. The heavy footsteps of your husband were heard as he descended from upstairs. You didn’t bother to look up at him.

Izuku looked a bit less like the mess you left him in last night. You had told him that for the night he wasn’t allowed in your bedroom, and he would stay in the office he cared about more than you in the last six months. He wore sweatpants as he kept one hand in his pockets and came down.

Asahi looked up from where he was setting the table. “Morning dad!”

“Morning buddy.” Izuku forced a smile to his face as he walked over to the table. He pulled Asahi in for a hug making his eyes go wide in surprise. The other boys looked at their father confused but didn’t say anything. “How did you sleep?”

“…fine.” He answered, glancing at you. You shrugged, acting to be oblivious. He did the same thing with Hero as well, before coming over to do the same with Toshinori.

Toshinori looked up at his father in surprise. “Morning dad… is your shift later in the day?” He asked as he noticed his father’s rather casual attire. He normally would just sleep in or rest more and let the four of you have breakfast by yourselves.

Izuku hesitated but shook his head as he moved over to grab an extra plate, noticing that the number of plates Toshinori had gotten was just for the four of you excluding him. “No.” He answered rather blankly. Izuku took his plate as well as the other plates that Toshinori was holding and went to go put them on the table. Asahi noticed the extra plate and went to go and grab more cutlery.

Breakfast was finished and so you all moved to the table. You kept notice of the time, wondering if you should wake up Koda or not. You sat next to Izuku on his right side like before, as he sat at the head of the table. Toshinori sat beside you, not wanting to sit on the other side of his father today. Your three eldest boys sat quietly, not touching their plates either as they looked between you and their father. You looked to Izuku and for a moment your husband froze.

That was the look you always gave him whenever you all used to sit at the table together. You would sit together and you would let him lead. Izuku felt horrible knowing that you were perfect. You always used to make it so important that the boys learnt from him in being a good male figure, no matter what. And yet as you looked at him now, all he saw was emptiness in your eyes. Rightfully so.

He cleared his throat and smiled. He put his hands together. “Thank you for the food.” The boys quickly followed afterwards before you all started eating. You sat posed and composed as if last night wasn’t one of the worst nights of your life. Izuku looked up at the three boys. “Actually boys…” He started.

The three of them looked up, heads of green hair perking up as they looked to their large Prohero father who sat at the head of the table. You were quiet as you let him say whatever piece he wanted to say. Whether he wanted to tell the boys or not, you wouldn’t intervene.

“I owe an apology to all of you.” He started. Toshinori’s eyebrows raised in surprise. He glanced at you with an emotionless expression but then looked back at his father. “To you and…” He motioned to the three of them before moving to look at you. You put your hand down silently allowing whatever he was doing. He put his hand over yours, squeezing it and yet you didn’t squeeze back. “And to your mother. The last six months have been…” He paused. A heavy pause that everyone felt. “Difficult for all of us and I haven’t been around as much as I should have. I’m sorry about that. And so… I’ve decided that I am taking some time off.”

All the boys whipped their heads to look at you as if asking you if it was true. You shrugged. You didn’t know either where this decision had come from, but you were glad that it seemed like he was making true to whatever dribble he had tried to sprout out last night to you.

Toshinori hesitated but looked back at his father with an optimistic look on his face. “That’s… That’s great dad.” He smiled. He looked to his brothers.

Hero and Asahi seemed more excited than you had seen them in a while. Hero nodded his head. “Yah! And just in time for break too! Maybe we can go on a road trip!” He spoke out an idea.

Izuku laughed but nodded. “I was thinking more of a vacation but whatever you boys want.”

“Oh!” Asahi perked up. “What about Australia?”

Toshinori shook his head. “Nah.” He took a bite of his toast. “Mom hates the giant spiders.”

“How about Greece?!” Hero suggested. “Mom was watching Mamma Mia two weeks ago! That place looked so cool and blue!”

You watched the boys bicker about a family vacation which brought a smile to your face. You were glad to see they were some semblances of happy for the first time in a long time.

Your eyes flicked down to where Izuku had his hand over yours still. You gripped his hand immediately taking his attention. You smiled at him as you leaned forward closer to his ear. “Good job, honey.” You said, enough that if the boys looked it would have been innocent, but Izuku knew what that was. He didn’t need it spelt out to him.

You placed a kiss to his lips, brief and to the point, making the boys gag. “Ew!”

“Mom! Please not at the table!” Asahi let out in deep exasperation.

Izuku was still for a moment, tears burning at his eyes. Your kiss was fake. Your praise was fake. Everything was a show, a play for the boys to be happy. You were still disappointed in him. You would always be disappointed in him.

He let out a shaky breath and smiled. “Hey! Leave my wife alone.” He said jokingly.

No matter what, he’d carry for the rest of his life, the fact that he had disappointed you.

-Glitch1d

[Izuku Midoriya Masterlist]

[Cheating Dilf Izuku Masterlist]

#izuku midoriya x reader #mha x y/n #izuku x reader #dilf midoriya #dilf izuku midoriya #dilf izuku x reader #dilf deku #izuku midoria x reader #izuku x reader angst #izuku midoriya angst #deku x reader #deku x reader angst #izuku midoriya x reader angst #midoriya x reader #tw cheating #tw child death

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meiieiri · 4 months

Text

𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 [geto suguru]

synopsis: suguru geto upped and left that day without a moment’s notice and he took everything with him — your heart, your soul — but as you look at the positive pregnancy test in your hand, you realize that he did in fact leave one thing behind.

warnings: unplanned pregnancy, angst, explicit sex.

a/n: i know, i know. i should be writing WE but this concept has been in my head far longer than WE and i just need to get it out there or else, i think i’m gonna go insane. if anyone wants to know the plot of this would have been fic, feel free to let me know lmao, of course it still involves gojo bc i can’t choose between the two of them since they’re both so baby girl—! also happy birthday to the loml, my pookie-wookie, honeybunch, suguru geto!!

It’s been a year since the happy side trip to Okinawa became a living nightmare that culminated in you, Suguru Geto, and Satoru Gojo on the brink of death and with many more scars than you could have ever imagined. The three of you had very different ideas on how to cope. Satoru spends the past year perfecting his cursed technique, often at the expense of his emotional well-being and energy but then again, after what Toji Fushiguro did to him leaving him with the trauma of being slaughtered without regard, it was only natural.

You and Suguru on the other hand retreated into yourselves; it was hard to believe that just a year before the two of you were a normal teenage couple who enjoyed walking the trendy streets of Shibuya in the weekend sunshine without a care in the world, whose only real problem is to decide where the two of you were gonna have your weekly dates.

Now, things were different. Rainclouds have gathered effectively blocking out the sun. As you sat on the desk reading through your textbook on reverse cursed technique, you glance at Suguru from time to time and you aren’t the least bit surprised to see him sitting by the dorm room’s windowsill, staring at the garden with an empty gaze.

You’ve had enough of this. This eternal state of limbo was tearing you and Suguru apart.

Slowly, you stand up from the desk, softly padding across the wooden floor to where your boyfriend is. It was the middle of the night, last you checked, it’s already nine in the evening. You should be heading back to the women’s dorms now but you couldn’t, not when things were like this, not when Suguru’s losing himself day after day, you can’t help him, you know that, but you could be there for him seeing that’s all you can do.

But even then, it’s never enough.

Your relationship with Suguru is like a lit dynamite stick, you know that it’s only a matter of time before it also explodes in your faces. So, Suguru takes the lead, like he always does, he’s so much wiser and stronger than you in every way though he doesn’t care to admit it, though he pretends he doesn’t know why you’re so dependent on him.

“I think we should break up.”

He says that while holding your hand. You saw this coming but just how long did you anticipate that the love of your life would eventually up and leave you? You squeeze his hand with every ounce of the grief you are feeling hoping it would transcend the confines of your skin and it would reach his heart. “Is that what you really want?”

“No.”

He stands up to meet your gaze, the throw blanket falling to the floor as he does. He leans in closer, his hand cupping your cheek with such tenderness and heartache that you feel your heart rise to your throat. Suguru is normally so gentle like a shower of midnight rain, but he kisses you like this is the last — it probably is. Lost in him, your hands trail over his chest, and he deepens the kiss hoping that you’d also understand that he doesn’t really want to leave but he has to. He can’t bear to drag you into his mess.

He could never do that to you.

You respond with a soft moan when Suguru slowly lifts your shirt over your head. He stares at your plump breasts for a moment, covered only by a thin lace-like material, before deciding that looking at you wasn’t enough. He has to take you, ravish you, fondle you, kiss you. Anything to let you know that he’s not doing this because he’s fallen out of love with you.

“Don’t leave,” you plead in between his soft kisses to your breasts, tears slipping from your eyes as he removes your bra, letting it slip from your shoulders which he was now kissing up to the crook of your neck. How could your hearts be so full yet so empty at the same time?

None of what happened should have caused this much heartache between the two of you. In fact, it should have made you rely on each more, right? It should have strengthened you not destroy everything you had: each other, the future you planned together.

Suguru doesn’t answer as he nips at your neck, sucking on the delicate flesh, as your forms gracefully fall on the bed, he stares at you with such love, such devotion, and you wonder why this should be the last time. His gaze falls to your vulnerable form, his cock hardening at the sight of your clothed pussy getting wet just from that. He grinds against you, sighing at the way you buck your hips to meet his wanting more of him. If this was to be the last time, then, you want to make it count.

“Suguru, I’m yours.” That’s all he needs to hear and he removes your underwear, kissing down your leg as he slips it off of you. He tosses it onto his nightstand, and he leans towards it to grab a condom from his drawer. You catch his hand. “Don’t. I want to feel you.”

Suguru’s eyes widen at your request, his lips eliciting short huffs of breath. He’s never fucked you raw before. “Are you sure?”

You nod against his forehead. “Please. Please fuck me, Su.”

Slowly, his hand guiding his tip up and down your slit, smearing your wetness along the base of his cock before slowly pushing into you savoring the sensation of your cunt squeezing around him as he stretches you with his girth. A deep groan betrays him and his mouth hangs open as your tight walls envelop him as he bottoms out. He takes a moment to collect himself, not wanting to cum right then and there.

“S-shit. Ah, you’re so fucking tight.” He allows himself a small thrust, the tip of his cock already nudging your sensitive spot, having memorized you after many desperate nights of lovemaking. His fingers grip the soft skin of your hips as he pulls out momentarily before pushing back in again more forcefully this time.

“S-su! Mngh—please fuck me—I love you, I love you, I love you,” you beg.

A tear slips from Suguru’s eyes, it was becoming more real now — this final goodbye. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, his thumb brushing against your cheek as he slowly builds up the pace of his thrusts, his cock bullying your cunt, driving himself in and out of your pussy, again and again. He brings your leg to his waist, holding it so he could angle himself better. “I love you too.”

You mewl as he pistons in and out of you, his balls slapping hard against your skin. “Sugu—ah! More—n-need more of you—“ You’re crying now, and he is too as he continues to ravage your pussy, his hand finds your other leg and he pushes your knees close to your chest, folding you into a deep mating press, slamming into your cunt.

“I’m yours. Always,” Suguru looks into your eyes amidst your desperate cries, your thighs trembling under his passionate gaze. He grunts when he feels the familiar tightening of your walls. “You’re close—fuck,” he takes this as an incentive to go faster, harder, and he fucks you in a way he never has before.

“So good—oh—“ you fall silent as he suddenly brings your hands to your clit, letting you touch yourself. You looked so beautiful like this, under him, your head thrown back against the pillows, your mouth primed in a silent ‘o’. He pants as he feels his balls tighten when your hips involuntarily buck into him as you climax. “Suguru!”

“Ah, baby…” He groans, the hot breath from his lips tickling your forehead as he rides out his high, spilling his seed into you not caring what the consequences may be. You did want this after all, and he did too. You feel full just from the sensation of his thick cum, he thrusts into you one last time, further smearing his release in your walls.

You sighed as he stays there, your weak and trembling arms coming up to embrace him. He strokes your hair, memorizing each lock, pulling out after a while. Suguru pulls you flush against his chest, the remnants of his and your release sliding down your thighs. “It’ll be okay,” Suguru catches his breath, kissing your temple. “Even without me. You’ll be okay.”

“I won’t…you know I won’t.”

“You will.” He says firmly. “I promise. You know me, baby, I never break my promises.” You feel tears well up in your eyes again and he tenderly wipes it away. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too.”

By the next morning, you already knew with the way the AC’s cold air nips at your skin without Suguru, your Suguru, there to embrace you that he’s already left.

Without a note, without a goodbye. Typical of Suguru who doesn’t want to stick around to see you cry.

You curl into yourself as sobs wrack your body, the promise ring Suguru gave you gleaming under the rays of morning sunlight.

A few years later, just as Suguru said, things did get better. You smiled as you arranged the last of the tempura into the bento box filled with soba noodles with nori and small containers of mentsuyu and wasabi. It’s amazing how much she takes after him. You look at the clock and your face pales. You’re running late, so, you head upstairs to speed things up a little. You creak open the door to see the little blessing of your life, the last gift Suguru ever gave you. She’s looking at the picture of you and Suguru which you placed in her room, and since you know it was highly unlikely she’ll ever meet your lover in this lifetime, you’ve decided you want her to know him if by his appearance alone and the stories you tell her.

“Riko? We’re gonna be late,” you gently reminded your four-year-old daughter. You shoot her a funny look when you see the haphazard way she placed her hair in a bun. She pouts as she tries to get it right again, looking at her father’s picture intently. “Sweetheart, are you trying to look like—?”

“Like papa,” she huffs cutely and you chuckle, moving to pick her up and sit her down on your lap. Kissing her cheek, you also gaze at the picture depicting a candid you and Suguru during your first year at Tokyo Jujutsu Technical College. He has his arm wrapped around your shoulder, winking at the camera as he kisses your cheek, a silent gleeful laugh on your face.

You look at her, a little confused, you gently smooth her hair before planting a kiss between her eyebrows. “And why do you want to look like papa?” Riko shyly looks away, her ears turning a little red as she blushes, a trait she inherited from you. You flick her nose, giggling. “Well?” Riko laughs at the playful gesture.

“…So you don’t cry anymore, mama.” Your heart seems to have stopped beating for a moment and a warm, tearful smile appears on your face, wrapping Riko in a bone-crushingly tender hug. “Love you…” she sinks into the warmth of your hug and you kiss the top of her head.

“I love you, Riko. So…so…much.”

At that, your little girl sighs in relief. “School?” she tilts her head and you suddenly remembered the reason you went upstairs. You had to get moving. Your eyes widened and you carry her downstairs, being careful not to jostle her too much. “My hair, mama!” she giggles at her still unruly hair and you grimace in embarrassment. Suddenly, the front door opens and Riko sees who it is, before you could grab the spare brush from your bag, she suddenly jumps out of your arms and makes a beeline for the door.

“Papa, papa!”

You turn around and though the sight pains you to this day, somehow, you’re starting to learn to live with the fact that things are always bound to change with time and that this is what Suguru would have wanted: a loving and complete family for his little girl. You wrap Riko’s bento and place it in her lunchbox before going to greet the visitor.

“Hi, babe.” He turns to meet your lips for a sweet kiss, balancing Riko in his strong arms.

“Good morning, Satoru.”

#geto x y/n #geto smut #geto suguru smut #geto suguru headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #geto suguru #geto suguru x y/n #geto x you smut #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #geto suguru x reader #suguru geto #geto angst #geto x you

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