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#but I am glad (in the end) that they went that way
cosycafune · 2 days
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MAKE UP SEX ; EREN JAEGER.
13k words. a summary of this chapter: to pull from a familiar source is to shatter so many hearts. to discover an alternative is to pierce your soul in so many places, despite peace remaining all you yearn to equip. if you were loved enough, this intrusion wouldn't linger — that’s why you ran away with eren. ran away with him, even if it is betrayal.
a synopsis of acts: time skip, virginity loss, child au, alternative ending, angst, arguing, crying, running away, adjusting, ptsd and letting go. smut summary: unprotected sex, strip tease size difference, slight corruption kink, missionary, oral (f), reassurance, cumming, recklessness, crying, orgasms, first times, nervousness, cock warming, breeding kin(g)(k), breastmilk play, aftercare + potential more. read with caution + ignore errors. just an unpublished part of my book.
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Hurriedly fuelling the unrest within your demeanour, whilst you run across the resort, concealing the tears within your heart, you discover the entirety of nothing.
The beach remains heavily deserted, with nothing to be picked up on, no matter how much your eyes shift. A tender sensation overtakes the entirety of you, embedding nervousness, doubt, and a horrid sensation within your heart.
Why are you running with such motivation?
Worry piercing your heart, you continue to sprint, your eyes clouded with tears whilst you enter a secluded area.
Upon entering the secluded area, you fail to intake the faulty trail, desperate to discover the entirety of Eren. For someone who placed so much distance between you, within this ample vacation, he sure did love vacant areas. You sure did worry for the man, yearning for the best for him.
If only he confessed, a few years ago.
Would life have been easier and more loving? He would have never slaughtered your heart as Armin did, placing you before any expectations anyone holds for him.
"Eren, this isn't funny now," Halting, intaking the environment, inching further within a flower-populated field, you clear the tears within your eyes.
"You said, we were going to run if everything went wrong," Sniffling frantically, unable to conceal your cries, you continue, "How did our lives get so fucked up when it only once was us?" You murmur to yourself, picking up on a silhouette that resembles Eren. A silhouette that remains standing, intaking the atmosphere.
Of course.
"Y/n, I know you're there," Inching closer to the entirety of his being, unable to conceal your spreading tears, you crumble upon the ground — your heart growing content that he is safe.
If he slaughtered himself, you would never forgive yourself.
"E-Eren," Observing the sight of him settling in front of you, concealing the puffiness of his eyes, he directs himself into planting in front of you. He maintains such a safe distance.
"Celine," A softness tints your tone, "She told me how the two of you broke up, along with just everything else." Sniffling, you break into a chuckle — grateful his presence remains.
"Yeah," He stills within his position, "I couldn't fake the fact that I just don't love her," Eren frowns, guilt completely enveloping his tender self. A tender self that completely crumbles towards the entirety of your rattled self.
"I'm glad you told her, instead of leading her on," You still with carefulness.
"And, why have you been excessively crying?" His viridian eyes can intake the entirety of your guilty self, unable to diminish the tenderness you hold.
"Just the usual," Eren's ineligibility stuns you, particularly with the fact that he holds subtle anger towards the fact that Armin continuously makes you cry.
Hell, he knew you were so afraid of Armin leaving, discovering someone else and leaving you within the pattern of two am. To leave you with Elara, his whims invested in the entirety of someone else.
"You deserve to not cry every day, to be loved in a way that only makes you happy," Eren's eyes twinkle with ethicality, "I truly just want you to be loved in a way that leaves you glowing," Eren adds on, his eyes adorned with the beauty of frustrated tears.
"You're a mother, and I've seen how so many things have affected the two of you," He halts, "Please, just never settle for a situation as broken as that," Eren glimpses at you with a beam, "To cry so disgustingly over a man who isn't willing to give you a lot of his time." A sigh slips from his parted lips.
"If you didn't have Elara, would you still be with him?" His words cause your eyes to widen with untimely shock, reevaluating so many unturned branches of life. You thought you were deserving of such suffering, based on the generational aspect of your family.
"Eren..." His words tinker with your resolve, selfishly bringing you to ponder on a life with him. A life where he remains meeting you within a flower shop, despite a thunderous storm, aiding you with the entirety of it all.
An impossible love story.
"I don't want to intrude, but knowing you, and the look on your face, you wouldn't stand for all he's put you through," Eren sighs with untimely sorrow, "I can sense the anger you try so hard to suppress, due to how he has treated you." His words of truth spark an unknowingness within you, controlling the air loosely bound to your lungs.
"I'm a mother, Eren," A sorrowful glance is gifted to him, "In this world, only my daughter matters." Your words are the only words you can offer him, despite being so heavily in love with Armin.
"I'm glad," Eren glances at you with softness, "But why did you try to find me?" He diverts his eyes away from your own, his movements so collected and so painfully calm.
"Because I care about you," Sniffling at your words, you couldn't help but place a hand on his shoulder — gifting him a gentle smile.
"I'm grateful that you do," Conflicted, Eren conceals his budding tears, unwilling to glimpse at the entirety of you. To glimpse at someone who happened to lighten yet dim his conclusive world.
"I'm going to be moving, Y/n," Your eyes grow wide with fear, "I refuse to jeopardise my mental health further, on something I can't control and don't want to fuck up." His words reek of truth, readying himself to spew tears he doesn't yearn to spew.
"If you want to come, meet me at two am," A part of you brings yourself to gasp, "As a send-off...or whatever you want to interpret it as." Eren's brows crease whilst your heart grows rapidly towards his words, your world threatening to grow out of such a collapsed state.
But you deserved to be loved so dearly.
"I-I have to think about leaving my life," A trickle of panic engulfs you, "I still love Armin, Elara and I don't know if I can do anything to break up my little family." He gifts you a tender grin, his heart swarmed with contentment — a part of him discovering an undeserving peace.
"What's your only wish?" Intaking the entirety of the flower-coated environment, you gift yourself a blooming flower — turning your body away from his own.
"That Armin was never associated with Annie," Still growing sombre at the thought, you bring the ivory flower to your face — mimicking the flowers he brought you before.
"What's your wish, Eren?" Unwilling to meet his gaze, you stir within the tragedy, your tone stiff with ungifted words. Words that completely conclude what could have occurred between the two of you.
"To be able to live happily," He informs you, walking further within the fields with you, his tears so effortlessly streaming down his face. Streaming down whilst the entirety of dawn is thrown upon the both of you.
"You say all this, but if you unrealistically had the chance to run away with me, during all my bad moments, what moment would you have chosen?" To somewhat fuel his unethical moral, you surface a moment where he feels as if he's needed the most — despite being able to manage so effortlessly on his own.
"Your baby shower," Eren's eyes display a layer of guilt, "I had never seen you so hurt and embarrassed in your life, crying and hyperventilating, all your fears in just one room." He adds on, smearing away his tears whilst you could only ready pathetic tears — your heart unwilling to still the steady thudding.
"No one else thought you were sad, except me," Softly, he continues a melodious row of words, "I've just wanted to stop every single tear you've ever spilt, to give you a life that has no heartbreak or sadness." Eren's fingers dance along the gentle grass, completely tinting you with a delicate smile.
Old times engulfed the both of you.
"Even with me pregnant?" Sighing at your words, he only raises a smile — his heart growing content towards your abrupt words.
"Yes. I'd never abandon someone so special to you," His fingers collect a beautiful amount of flowers, "You know me well enough." His finishing words are what set tears in your eyes, readying you to crumble upon the grass — to kiss away your fleeing sanity.
But Armin's your world.
"Do you remember my hospital visit?" Your lips part with guilt, "Before I was pregnant, deathly skinny and crying?" His eyes flutter at your words, the memory repressing him into such a sullen mental state.
"Yeah," He grows slightly distant, "When Armin wasn't picking up his phone, so I came straight to the hospital?" He grimaces at the thought, unsettled by how badly Armin had treated you.
Over a year ago, you remained in such a frail condition, desperate for the entirety of Armin to remain.
Set in a hospital bed, tears in your eyes, you are engulfed with vacancy. Your heart lies empty whilst your frail body is unable to shift, succumbing to the severity of your malnourishment. Something that caused you to freakishly collapse at work, your movements limited and unusually scarce.
Clinging to the sheets within the room, growing impatient towards the lack of Eren and Armin, you can't help but tiredly weep. Tiredly weep whilst you grow aware of how much weight you had shredded, based on worrying over the entirety of Annie and Armin. And within the moment, you couldn't help but spite the entirety of Armin — spite him for planting you in such an unethical predicament.
Growing aware of the distasteful silence, you could only frown at how alone you always remain — even within the most severe moments of your life. The sensation causes you to lightly break into an array of cries, yearning to crumble the entirety of the hospital bedding. Your heart is unable to handle the fact that your lover remains far from the hospital, unaware of the voice note that you sent him. A voice note that you send, one so welcoming to the idea of death.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Y/n, I got here as fast as I can!" Eren blurts out, rushing to your side, his eyes stained effortlessly with tears. He gifts you a gentle bellflower, an ample bag settled so effortlessly beside.
"E-Eren, I'm sorry for never being in a good enough condition to meet you," You still with guilt, "I'm never happy around you, and I'm sorry." He could only settle a chair beside you, his hand grasping upon your own, comforting a sobbing you.
"Come here, Eren," Despite your frail condition, you bring your arms around his neck, drawing him within your arms.
He could only falter at the contact, his lips quivering whilst he grows unable to fathom who crumbled the entirety of your life.
You used to be so happy, so carefree. Now, you were a lonesome soul, the concept of sadness incomprehensible.
"The next time you see me, I won't be like this," Grasping onto him further, his head settled against your concealed breasts, you could both only free such heinous cries. Cries that enhance the freedom you could only seek.
"I only want you to be there when we have happy moments," Gifting him a gentle smile, his head beneath your jaw, you run your fingers through his delicate hair — drawing in the tender scent.
"I don't want to subject you to the hardship you felt, when your whole family died," Softening at your words, Eren could only fall to your touch — his heart so gentle and content towards the entirety of it all.
"I just want you to be safe," Eren stills, "Seeing you wither is killing me. It hurts seeing you grow weak, so depressed and trying to submerge yourself with work." His fingers grow ivory with irritation, his demeanour only being calmed whilst you played with his hair.
"I don't want to lie to you, but I don't even think I'm safe with myself," Eren groans at your words, "A-And, lying to you will only make me feel worse." He listens to you huff, only for you to grow aware that he's stilled by the nature of fatigue.
"Who's he?" His tone alters with drowsiness, "I want to know who's making you suffer like this." Eren's whiny words of concern elicit a chuckle from you, particularly with the way he funnily sniffled — heightening your crumpled morale.
"Right now, it's just you and me," Unable to pick up on Eren's tone, you recognise that he had fallen asleep.
"We're both safe here," Sighing with contentment, you continue to beautifully coddle the entirety of him, feeling so safe with him remaining.
Eren had always been there. Even as a child, with you attaining cuts as a child, he would always blissfully patch them up.
Whenever someone would notice the severity of your home situation, plastering you upon the spot, he would only rush you to his home — sheltering you from the dreadful home life you hold. A home life that consisted of screaming, cast-aside objects, tears, broken furniture, and curling upon the ground.
And as a teen, you could only linger in his room, sharing sleepovers with him, unwilling to tear away from his frame.
But when his parents passed away, when he had only turned seventeen, you couldn't help but stay around his home, unwilling to pull from the entirety of his frame.
As his wails grew further contorted, you could only hold him in your arms — placing the covers upon the both of you. Placing the covers whilst you hold him contently. It's a memory you forever cherish.
A few years before the tragic hospital memory, you are settled upon Eren's desk chair — your arms folded whilst he grows distant from you. Grows distant whilst he attempts to intake the mere fact that his heart grows completely sombre towards the presence of his parents fading.
His neck-length hair is rather dishevelled, his viridian eyes low and completely overtaken with sullenness. His fingers carelessly weave with each other, his lips trembling as he intakes the photo of him with the entirety of his family.
Spinning within the chair, you grow aware of his lack of attentiveness — his eyes displaying not an ounce of emotion.
Softly, you can't help but bring yourself to inch closer to him — planting your comforting body in front of him.
You carefully glance down at him, capturing the entirety of his body within your arms. He could only hold you, his hands stretching across your back, his movements limited but heavily aware of your presence.
"I'm here, Eren," You glimpse at the doughnuts you had bought for him, "I'll never leave you to mourn so openly alone." He doesn't spew a single word, only bringing his cries to engulf your shirt. Well, a shirt that is his own, that remains offered to you by him.
"I just want to see them again," His words only cause you to inch closer and closer, pushing him upon the bed with you — swarming him within your arms.
This position is one you always held his troubled self within, coddling him until the morning is to rise. Until all the white flowers are to bloom. Until he rejoices within your arms, failing to depart from such safeness.
"They love you so damn much," You run your fingers through his dishevelled hair, "You're their pride and joy, along with Zeke." He calms at your mention of Zeke, clinging to you further. Clinging before you plant the bed sheets upon the both of you, gifting him a gentle kiss on the top of his head.
"I'll make sure that you are never able to feel a pain like this," Eren stills, "I love you too much to allow you to get hurt," His words plant a warmth within you, allowing you to register the feelings that you hold towards him.
"I also love you so much," You gift him a playful head kiss, "We'll forever be together." He chuckles at your beautiful words, playfully rolling with you — his figure so gentle and warming.
"I'm not leaving you with your thoughts, so I'm holding you until you fall asleep," Eren grins, happily falling into your touch, "If you feel unsafe physically or mentally, wake me up." You finish off, his movements growing so beautiful and content.
Being back within the face of reality, you remain plastered within the flowers, lying down with Eren. Your heart could only grow heavy with sullenness, unable to cope with the thought of him occupying a different destination — his presence no longer remaining for you to comfort.
He had only been able to attain fulfilled happiness through your assurance, in a way that allowed him to register that he'd forever have someone in his corner.
And if he didn't?
"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy," Eren chuckles at your words, "To be abandoned by the one you love is not for the weak." You resist the urge to coddle him, to hold him for old-time sakes, to conceal the sullenness that completely corrodes your demeanour.
"I've seen that through you, and you still haven't even fully recovered through what he's put you through," Eren could only spew a truth you didn't yearn to hear, "He needs to learn to show you he values you, instead of making you cry to realise." His words cause you to curl into yourself, suppressing the fact that you had spent half of your time crying over Armin's actions.
"One day, the world will heal," You sniffle, "He's a broken man, but he still loves me so dearly." Eren shifts at your words, his heart growing content towards the admiration you express towards him.
"How long is it before he creates an extremely broken woman?" Eren admits an unrevealed truth, observing you shift with guilt at his words — realising how lowly you used to value yourself.
"I'm far past the mentally sane point, but I'm getting there," You admit to him.
Your heart grows gleeful towards his words, yet unable to shed the laughter you conceal.
Like old-time friends.
"But if we do run away, we'll leave almost everything behind," Swaying with the movement of the flowers, your eyes widen with tears — your fingers reaching to grasp onto his slightly distant self.
"Every death? Every relative? Everything we know?" Unable to dissipate your sullenness, yet untimely freedom, you direct your eyes towards such an intimate sight of the blissful flowers. Flowers that swayed at their own pace, nothing dictating their unpredictable fates.
"Everything," He murmurs, "Regardless, I'm leaving my old life behind." Eren's tone trembles with engulfing fear, towards his words, incapable of imagining a future deprived of you.
There isn't one.
"I can't live a life without you," Deprived of jolliness, he completely cascades his tears — his tone pliable, yet firm with unaltered disaster. Unapologetic he is, spewing a known truth.
"I can't live my life without you," Bringing your hand to wipe a single tear of his, your heart grows sombre towards his words. Words that hold a much deeper meaning than deciphered.
"I don't even want to cry, to ruin anything for you, but if you are willing to, meet me here at two am with Elara," He stills, "A time where you aren't alone." He finishes off, his movements swaying with the ethereal grass.
"Eren..." Bringing yourself to arise from the grass, you glimpse down at his laying self, "Thank you, I love you." You bring yourself to add on, permitting him to accustom to the shaping of the ground — yearning to be left solitary.
"I love you, too," Eren brings himself to say, observing the sight of a cloudy horizon in front of him — relishing the entirety of this authentic moment.
Journeying home, planted in front of the door, you carefully bring yourself to open it — your heart set upon your fated decision. Not a single ounce of you grows revealing towards your plans, inching into your home — being greeted with the mere sight of an attentive Armin.
His heart grows gentle towards the sight of you, his eyes flitting towards the beauty of your outfit.
A softness falsely coats your eyes, as you grow aware of all you are set to do.
"Armin, I love you," Your words collide with his heart, blissfully bringing him to softly bind his arms around the entirety of you. In a manner that allows you to forever memorise the sensation of his arms, free from the feeling of a completely corroded home.
A home that dwindles within the memories of the past.
"I love you, too, my love," Armin obliviously brings himself to say, so effortlessly feeding into the slight doubts you hold. Doubts that spring your heart to life, one where you are finally loved in a manner that puts you entirely first.
In a way where your lifestyle is secured by the likes of Eren and his connections, along with the safeness he guarantees, the length of the time you've known him, and how abiding your daughter is towards him.
Not a single cry, scream or piece of angst had ever been applied to the entirety of Eren, welcoming a cast-aside love. A casted aside love because of how desperate you grew to invest your time, your presence and safety into a situation that only stirs sadness within you, ptsd, despite the happy moments.
Your heart still aches towards the empty days he welcomed, the empty promises, the lack of care, the solitary hospital visits, and the moments where you doubted if he was ever going to love you.
Even on a few days, he grows guilt towards all he's ever done to you — his hold on you extra firm. Almost as if he's aware of the fact that someone is always forever there to hold you better, to love you better, to cuddle you better, to gift you a clean, sadness-free love. Someone like Eren.
Someone he has always been threatened by. Someone he knows is likely to completely corrode away the toxic bond he has formulated between you and himself.
A bond that lies upon lies and false promises, finally displayed love, so much uncertainty, lack of trust, and frequent panic attacks. Frequent panic attacks of you being displayed within the open. Within the open towards the whole world, something that was never once an option.
As you had never truly been prioritised.
"How did it go?" Armin questions, his heart holding a softness towards a dormant calm within you.
A dormant calm that fails to reveal its complexity, halting within a moment that's set to alter the entirety of four different lives.
"He didn't kill himself," A phrase he couldn't help but suppress slips from your lips, particularly with the way you are unable to lie around him. Unable to lie in a way that's able to deceive him, so you splatter the truth.
Yet, the cleanup around it is timely.
"I'm glad he didn't," Armin stills his tone, "I wouldn't want you losing someone so close to you, even if he does like you." His last words cause you to narrow your eyes. Knowing, just knowing, in a few hours, the entirety of this is likely to fade.
To fade all the turmoil that remains. To plant a new seed of peace.
"Don't start another argument," Your lips furrow with a sense of light disdain, "Especially with Elara here," A softness overtakes your demeanour, "When will you ever stop getting jealous, and realise you've always subjected me to way worse?" Armin's eyes widen to a degree you are unable to fathom, particularly as this is all that taints your crazed mind.
He broke you to a point that you grew to appreciate the emotions of a man who has always forever cared for you. Perhaps that's why Elara has grown so fond towards him? So fond because he would always comfort your sombreness, aiding your exhausting pregnancy. A pregnancy that contained so much heartbreak, you grew shocked towards the fact that Elara even survived.
"I'm sorry," His words welcome a frustration within you, allowing you to finally welcome your suppressed thoughts.
Why did you wait so long for someone who took two years to genuinely display you?
"He was the only one that truly took care of me, especially when you abandoned me," Your eyes inherit an ethical disdain, "He was never mean, cared more than you could bring yourself to, and always took me to the hospital, especially when I was struggling with eating, sleeping, doing nothing but working." Armin inherits guilt.
"I understand how you feel, I do, but I'm working on trying to not hurt you and his feelings, even if he does like me," Carefully walking towards the living room, you glimpse at a blanket upon the ground, "But one of you is only going to get hurt, I said what I said." Armin grows light towards your words, knowing that Eren's likely to grow hurt.
"Eren's going to get hurt," Armin ages into an uncomfortable state, "He's too kind to get hurt." His words completely collide with the whole nature of you, dismissing the entirety of your character.
"And I, me, was too nice to be treated like a side chick, hurt so badly mentally, that it fucked me up physically," His lips tremble with fear, "Don't paint me out as a bad person, knowing that you only view yourself as a saint," You inch closer to the kitchen, "Doing everything for the greater good. Because emotions are only temporary." Anger pitches into your demeanour.
You are trying to get yourself to hate him.
"You're such a fucking hero!" A psychotic chuckle slips from your lips, "Thinking about another man's emotions, knowing you abandoned mine." He grows wordless, his eyes completely analysing the tears you begin to spew.
"I just want peace," A nervousness overtakes you, "I'm going to sleep," You glimpse at him, intaking his characteristics, "You're better off helping my mum put together Elara's crib. I want space." He could only sullenly nod at your words, his eyes holding tears.
Tears you wish you could cave into. Yet, you knew this cycle would only bloom once more, inviting heartbreak, sombreness, solitary, and suicide to prosper. Just as your mother said.
"I'll see you and Elara tomorrow morning," Armin brings himself to bundle his fists, aware of how he messed up, "I love the two of you so fucking much," His eyes gleam with an expressive sadness, "I never want the two of you to not know that." He kneads his discomfort, attempting to plaster strength.
"I love you, too," Your eyes fail to greet his own, "But I just need space." Finishing off your words, you inch closer to your room with Elara within.
At the unsound hour of one a.m., you grow heavily cautious — cleverly packing a bag of all of Elara and your things. Though the clothes are a slither of yours, you only needed to prioritise the entirety of your daughter — especially with her asleep against your baby carrier.
But to aid your plan, you leave your phone behind — readying to conceal such an angst-filled lifestyle.
Eren always makes you feel safe.
"Ela-la, mummy loves you so much," Speaking to her slumbering self, you plaster your bags within your hands — grateful for the strength you wield.
To leave this fucked up place behind.
Ensuring she remains asleep, you softly plant a kiss upon her gentle head — carefully inching towards the front door. Aware of the fact that Armin lingers ten minutes away, with the presence of your mother, you grow comfortable with this factor. Comfortable as it ensures that not a single person can exhibit the fact that you are bound to flee from your present love.
Softly opening the front door, after carefully planting a note upon the blanket he leaves, you delicately bring yourself to remain outside — observing the sight of Eren's parked car.
His expression remains timeless towards the sight of you, a softness tinting his beautiful features. The sight of him elicits your past emotions, motioning for your heart to freely be able to swirl — at the mere sight of his welcoming self.
"Be careful," His mouthed words cause you to delicately carry you and Elara down the steps, relishing him positioning himself to help bring the both of you down — instinctively taking hold of your packed bags.
"Eren, Armin's coming soon, so we need to leave," A genuine smile, filled with hope and admiration, tints your lips, "Take us somewhere so beautiful, but very safe for me and my little girl." With Eren carefully opening the door, he brings himself to aid you with Elara — a car seat already placed within.
This very thing awoke her.
"Ela-la, mummy's got you," At your words, Elara softly babbles — her heart growing content towards the mere sight of Eren lingering.
Yet, she grows rather sullen towards the vacant presence of Armin. A presence she grows to instinctively miss.
"Daddy's planning to come visit you soon," Your fibs cause Elara to grow calm, settling into a fit of sleep.
A fit of sleep that welcomes you the opportunity to settle beside her, buckling the both of you up. Buckling you both up whilst a set of peace completely overtakes you, despite the anxiety of growing heavily caught by the entirety of Armin.
At least you left a note. A note that answers questions he already holds the answer to.
"Eren, start driving," Glee frames your healing bones, "Let's live a peaceful life in England, away from where we once were." Completely enthralled by your words, he gifts you a gleeful smile — his soft lips settled within the widest, boyish grin to exist.
"I thought you'd never ask," Eren begins to drive away from the place that once carried a large part of you, one that no longer frames a happiness you wish to attain. An impossible happiness with the entirety of Armin.
"When we get to the home I own, far from everyone else, I'll make sure that Elara will have a comfortable room to sleep in." Eren's words warm your gentle heart, gifting you the comfort of falling asleep beside your daughter.
Finally breaking a generational curse.
"I finally feel...mentally free," Your heart thuds with an discovered joy, "I've only ever felt mentally safe with you, there has never been the thought of anger," A smile caresses your carefree being, "We've always understood each other," You halt, attending to Elara, "I'm sorry that it took so long for the both of us to realise that we're meant for each other." You finish off, your heart tender and content.
"It took so long, but I'm glad we're finally together," Eren's eyes tint with a happiness he had never witnessed beforehand, "I'm never going to let anything harm you and Elara." His words further calm your mind, particularly whilst he further drives off — leaving behind a life the both of you once knew.
The two of you always knew that you were forever meant to be, even through conflicts.
A tender week and a half had skimmed by, and both you and Elara accustomed yourselves within Eren's large home. Never once had you adjusted to such safeness, not a single undisclosed issue rising.
The both of you grew unwilling towards rushing any aspect of the both of you, solely accustoming to the art of it all.
Whilst you grew sullen in your sleep, fearful towards Armin within your dreams, stealing Elara away from you, you fell into a fit of crying. A fit at two am.
But at each tender cry, whilst Eren aided you with Elara, he calmed the nerves you carried — his tender hugs keeping you going.
And even as the both of you left the airport, travelling on a private jet, he allowed himself to wholly take care of a wailing Elara. An Elara who cried towards the thought of her absent father, only to softly calm at a lullaby that Eren proclaimed towards her.
Fatherly things came to him with ease.
Currently, you remain upon your new-found couch, glimpsing at the sight of Eren — observing the entirety of him. Observing him holding Elara, carefully attending to her sleeping self.
It seems she recognises his good nature, so beautifully attending to the entirety of him — treating him almost as if he is Armin. Armin in a way that permits her to register that Armin's no longer set to be present in her life.
"You're a natural, Eren," Intaking the softness of your tone, along with the carefreeness of your demeanour, he offers you a gentle smile.
A gentle smile that amounts to the concept of kisses. The two of you hadn't kissed yet, gotten intimate, or even shared the same bed — he allowed things to specifically flow.
"I know we've run away and everything, but what do you expect from our future?" Eren's cheeks tint towards his words, almost as if he can't help but ultimately register that you finally flourish towards his path of love.
A path that only spews righteousness, familiarity and safeness.
Childhood friends to lovers.
"Just the three of us and peace," Your eyes grow towards him and a content Elara, "I don't want to cry anymore, nor feel like I'm not enough, even if I'm treated almost as if I am." Eren's ears grow attentive towards your words, feeding into his urge to freely engulf you within a gentle cuddle.
"I just want to cuddle you, just like the old times," Softly, Eren brings himself to carefully guide Elara towards you — settling upon the couch.
Elara could only meet his delicate eyes, carefully grasping onto his hair — babbling with friendliness.
"Got room for one more?" Eren grows gleeful at your words, staining Elara's eyes upon his own — treating her solely like his own.
She's now his daughter, indefinitely.
"Always got room for this sweetheart,"  His words cause Elara to blissfully babble within his hold, clinging onto him with firmness.
"We've got to build the crib," With a frown coating your lips, his expression inhabits sullenness towards the stress you hold.
"I've already built it, and got another one in your room," Your eyes greet his own, with mellow glee, "I didn't want you to be stressed or sad about it, so I did it whilst you and Elara slept." His words mean more than you can comprehend, prompting you to apply a smile upon his lips — planting an earnest kiss upon his supple cheek.
"Thank you, Eren," Being able to invest in the beauty of his presence solely comforted your being, enabling the idea of you exclusively being optimistic — not an unmarried ounce of turmoil wavering.
"Don't thank me for the bare minimum," His lips perk up with smite. His viridian eyes so lovingly drawn to your own, his lips no more than a tender inch away from your own.
"Shut up," Growing flustered beneath his gaze, you bring yourself to settle your head upon his chest — only for him to confidently pull back, tilting your chin.
"You look very beautiful, sunshine," His words welcome tears within your eyes, particularly with the mere fact that you were never something so welcomed in the morning. Nor had anyone ever once seen you worthy of being accompanied outside.
"Sunshine?" Coddling Elara further, you drift your lips closer to Eren's — the softness of them far from hesitant.
Carefully, you draw your lips closer, nervously grazing his top lip. Nervously grazing his lip before he tilted his head further, allowing his broad nose to brush up on your supple cheek.
"Yes," His lips so effortlessly take comfort upon your own, staining a familiar sensation upon your lips. A familiar sensation that solely welcomes the art of solace and reviving a dormant love.
The softness of his plush lips completely captures your own, drawing your eyes to remain so beautifully sealed — relishing the sparks that blossom from the kisses Eren plants upon your gentle lips. Kisses that you conceal your moans towards, your tears swirling, so in place with the moment.
So in place whilst the tender sun completely adorns many aspects of the both of you, tinting the moment with something so historically beautiful and gifting.
"Our second kiss," You structure your being around his starry eyes, incompetent of comprising your flustered beam, "That was magical." The words you emit endow him with the chance to raise another kiss from you, apprehending the totality of you — storing you with timely butterflies.
"You're so special," Eren draws his lips open, his finger staining his kissed-stained lips, "I'm devoted to you." His words capture your heart, applying the idea of you riddling your fingers upon his broad chest — aiding your slumbering daughter.
"Eren?" His fingers collide with your own, adjusting to the entirety of your manicured fingers.
"Yeah?" The lightness of his tone allows you to effortlessly shy away from his being, your heart swelling so feverishly towards his advances. Towards the nervous crimson hue that he carries upon his potent cheeks. Almost as if he's aware of what you are bound to say.
"Have you ever lost it to someone?" Nervously, his cheeks are effortlessly thundered upon by a crimson hue — he tilts his innocent gaze away.
Tilts his innocent gaze whilst you monitor the entirety of his movements, noticing that he has never been intimate with someone.
"No," Eren's lips thin with slight embarrassment, "I've never done it before." His words tint you with a beautiful amount of hope, one that warms your adjusting heart.
"When it's nighttime, and Elara's in her room, I'll come to yours," His eyes are glossed with a sense of completion, "I...I love you, Eren," He could tell your words hold meaning, especially with the way you cling to Elara — coddling her sleeping self.
She settled so much better, within this fulfilling environment.
Enveloped by a beautiful ivory lingerie set, your demeanour swarming with nervousness, you settle outside of Eren's room — your heart thudding recklessly towards the idea you've painted within your careless mind.
Your eyes sheepishly waver. Your fingers press against your untamed heart, plastering doubt within you — posing your body outside of his door.
Unable to proceed past the metaphorical boundaries, in complete nervousness, your breathing grows scarcely clustered outside of his door. Clustered in a manner as being so freely cherished, your heart grows content towards the thought of facing intimacy with Eren.
Your glee is one you are unable to contain. Contain to express your physique towards him, for the first time.
"I-I..." Failing to muster any coherent words, to slip towards the commotion on the other side, your fingers restlessly tint the ample French door.
"Y/n?" Listening to the spirit of his tone, your heart falls into an uproar, encouraging you to bring a brittle hand to your lips — softly growing discouraged.
"E-Eren?" Barely able to muster a coherent whisper, you grow property to the ground — completely yearning for him to encourage the first move.
"You can—" Eren softly parts his door, his eyes widening at the mere sight of you — along with your angelic lingerie completely compelling with the lunar moon.
The moonlight illuminates the ivory of your lingerie.
It causes his eyes to falter, to draw in every ounce of you. His lips so recklessly quiver. His toned cheeks are completely drowned by a longing crimson. His flitting eyes so dearly waver so effortlessly towards the beauty of your physique.
"Y-Y/n?" With Eren's fingers upon the door frame, his clothes clinging loosely upon him, he's unable to dismiss the thudding of his heart — the beauty of you irreplaceable.
"It's fine if—" Unrest overtaking you, your words grow shunned by his actions, welcoming him to carefully grasp hold of you.
Riddled with all your words, he grabs hold of your plush arms, planting your barely clothed self around his broad waist — his erection so prominent and rather fulfilling.
You know the length of him would be something that completely overrides Armin.
"You're so beautiful," With Eren's words aligning with him concealing his bedroom door, the moonlight tinting his you-smitten features, he guides the two of you upon an ample bed.
His careful hold upon you is featherlight, feverous and scandalous.
"Your face, it's something so beautiful," Enveloped by the entirety of enthralment, rather nervous towards the encounter and his words, you feel his bulgy erection nudge against your inner thighs — eliciting a small moan of nervousness.
"Let's take care of each other," Eren softly plants you upon the gentle bed, observing you sink so effortlessly within the bed, your body sprawled in front of the entirety of him.
You observe his eyes linger upon your features, his cheek tint failing to slip away from your eyes — his body towering over your lone state.
"Always," Gasping at the on-edge tension, you slightly puff your cheeks, so, so, so, exuberant at such an intimate moment.
An intimate moment that frames the blossoming love you've always held for Eren, completely burying it beneath a love you once held for Armin.
"I'm going to take off my shirt," At his words, a careless thud enters between your thighs — welcoming you the chance to bundle them, slightly throwing your head back at the gruffness of his enthralled tone.
"I-I want to see all of you," Biting back your tongue, growing so heavily flustered, you intake his fingers — pinching the edges of his grey shirt, slowly inching upwards.
"I'm fine with giving you all of me," Unable to conceal your grin, you intake his prominent v-line — only to intake the firmness of his revealing abs.
Innately, your eyes dart to meet the sight of his daring pecs, his sculpted shoulders, along with the beauty of each flex of his muscle.
He grew adamant, his smile rather taunting. Taunting whilst his stomach trail completely captures your eyes, leaving you yearning to wrap your lips around his unknown tip.
"I want all of you!" Slightly rolling your hips, you glimpse at him with a feverous need, unable to handle the mere sight of a shirtless him — his trousers not effortlessly close to being peeled down by the entirety of him.
"I'm forever yours," Eren announces while inching closer to a physically vacant you, observing your covet fingers draw to your pooling cunt.
He glimpses at the faint sight of your cunt, stifling back his struggled breaths — only to glimpse at your breasts. Breasts that hold a plumpness to them, startling his erection further.
"Show me that, Eren," Slipping your fingers towards the midsts of your breasts, he cranes in closer to you, softly sinking you further within the bed.
Ethereally, his dexterous fingers dart towards your supple cheek — his viridian eyes and his kiss-deprived lips so attentive towards the sight of you.
Naturally, he places his mesmerising face closer to your own, feeling your hands cling to the sides of his lithe cheeks.
He grows flushed at the sensation, drawing his tender lips upon your moon-filled ones — enchanting the entirety of his heart.
So delicately, his starry eyes mature further into a meaningful state, the silence enveloping you both — whilst your desperate lips so effortlessly collide.
Completion.
The sensation of his lips encapsulates the love you hold for him, welcoming you into further relishing the sensation of his broad nose upon the side of your cheeks.
His supple lips obey a feverishness, enveloping your heart.
Unable to draw away for breath, you sculpt your legs around his toned waist, moaning at each gentle kiss. Effortlessly filled with chemistry, his trained lips conduct themselves into leaving you gasping. To gasp whilst he slips his lips away from your own, planting his lips beneath your jaw — whilst your head remains tilted upwards.
Your heart grows so reckless at his heated kisses, resting against your Adam's apple. His grunts and groans, towards the kisses, welcome you to wrap your legs firmer around him — sinking into the time-consuming trails he plants.
"Eren!" Incapable of planting his name elsewhere, you feel his lips slip further down your Adam's apple — enhancing the lust that gathers hold of your desperate lips.
It causes your heart to swirl so effortlessly. The wholeness of it is encapsulated by the warmth, the prosperity of the softness of his lips — welcoming warm trails of gentle kisses.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" The carefulness of his tone settles a sense of comfort within your distorting bones, riddling you with a thudding that fails to dissipate.
That falls into the commotion that collides with your soul.
"More than anything," Swirling with integrity, you feel the sensation of his lips, so precisely slipping towards the sight of your breasts.
His eyes lick upon the sight with such grace, before his lips softly brush upon the supple surface above — a tender moan encouraging his lips further.
Falling into the cage of the blissful, melodious sounds of his favourable kisses and your harsh gasps, you feel his lips trickle down to the volume of your breasts. His lips collide with the roundness of them, the soft skin forgivably at his mercy.
Eren noticeably worships the gentle skin, your breasts swell from your noticeable breastfeeding.
Observing the barely prominent lingerie, he carefully conducts you into falling into his grasp — a single hand of his holding a part of your smaller back.
With his motion in place, he enables his ability to designate his other hand upon the bra clips, completely loosening the entirety of them.
The loosening sensation conducts a sense of fear within you, only for it to calm. To calm at each love-encouraged brush of his exemplary touch.
The sheer fabric remains no more than a shy cover of your supple breasts, only for Eren to bring his ample hand upon the fabric — carefully placing it upon the ground.
Inevitably, his pupils mature heavily wide towards the sight, the first piece of exposure thudding against his pained erection — encouraging your heart to thud rapidly.
Your spilt breasts are displayed, in front of his eyes. His lips grow parted with famish, his body so beautifully restraining itself, resisting the urge to use something that would completely crumple the sanity that your beautiful state upholds.
A beautiful state that grows positively unnerved towards the coveted nature he holds towards your breasts.
Naturally, Eren yearns to ravish them with a beautiful might — completely stirring the entirety of your sanity with his beautiful mouth.
"Your breast milk?" Eren questions with intrigue, his plush lips closing in on your breasts. His features so perfectly hover above your taut nipples, welcoming him to finally part his beautiful lips — wrapping his lips around your perfect-looking bud.
"S-Suck it," Whimpering relentlessly at his movements, you draw your hands to the back of his dishevelled hair — relishing the intensity of his gentle sucks.
His wholehearted sucks welcome you into releasing a slight yelp, your fingers harshly wrapping around his hair — particularly whilst he softly engulfs your breast milk.
"S-So much milk," His nature grows enveloped by this study, leading him to narrow his cheeks, swallowing every ounce — encouraged by the sweetness that tints it.
"Eren!" Stifling back your whims of sensitivity, your eyes flutter with a flustered state.
Giddily, your heart so dangerously thuds — glimpsing at his lips so casually upon your breast. Upon your breast whilst his eyes draw closed. Draw closed at the sound of your moans.
"Shit," He murmurs, pulling back with a harsh popping sound. His breathing is effortlessly reckless, his lips tainted with breast milk — the entirety of your breast swirling with the aftermath of his content sucking.
Eren softly licks his lips, running his tongue upon your leaking nipple, shifting his lips down. He feels you suck in your stomach, your laboured breaths completely at his mercy. Not a single ounce of him fails to infiltrate the pathway of your stomach, planting kisses upon such lithe skin.
His lips caress each squirming spot, hovering so close to an ample scar. A scar that completely overruns a portion of your stomach, leaving you rather self-conscious. Self-conscious of the planted acts of affection.
"I love you, sweetheart," His usage of sweetheart causes you to further shift his hair aside, growing nervous towards his lips casting lower and lower. Lower to the point his warm tongue completely occupied your lingerie that leans against the base of your cunt.
His lips brush upon the fabric, his heart so soft and erratic — tugging at the hems of your beautiful underwear.
"I love you, too," Aging into a smitten state, you draw your lips sealed — feeling his fingers entwine with the heart of the damp fabric. His fingers slowly bundle up the fabric, revealing the arousal that clings so mightily upon the lower midst of the fabric.
"I just want to fuck you so good," Eren whines out, observing the sight of your pooling cunt — a prettiness heavily associated with it.
The sight causes him to grow stunned at the exposure, so grateful for a future like this. A future he only ever saw himself so deeply enveloped within.
"I want you to cum inside of me," The words you spew are words that are completely drowned out the moment he completely rolls the entirety of your lingerie, planting it so effortlessly away from your legs.
"I don't mind that," Eren so desperately parts the suppleness of your legs, his fingers slipping toward s your sopping cunt — parting your completely drenched folds.
Effortlessly, Eren's features grow so heavily into a beautiful look of admiration, all before he welcomes himself into pushing his lips against the slight — his tongue settling so effortlessly upon the soppiness of your cunt.
His tender tongue runs along the frilliness of your folds, the flatness of his tongue introducing itself. The sensation causes you to sow your shaky fingers upon his tender tresses of hair, applying your head back at the tension he applies.
Lovingly, his lips unlawfully travel towards your clit, wrapping so innocently around them — eliciting a moan from you. A moan from your choppily breathing self, unable to steady your lips — an unethical orgasm face slipping upon your features.
"Eren!" Grinding your untamed hips upon his pleased features, he succumbs to his heavenly fate, "Just...like that!" Cooing at the softness of his worthy touch, your head so effortlessly tilts back — your frail heart pounding so accordingly.
"Ah! Mhm! Yes!" Carefully needing the severity of his hair, your whimpers completely encourage the movement of Eren's unfaltering tongue.
His tongue stretches across the severity of your parted folds, sucking so eagerly upon them — relishing the recoil. The recoil whilst you squirm in admiration, grasping, wheezing, writhing, your free hand blessing the heart of the thick bedding fabric.
"You taste so good," He murmurs, his vibrations jolting into your sensitive cunt.
They cause you to further place his head against the momentum of your hips, grasping onto his head to control such an intimate narrative.
"'M all yours!" Your eyes fall into a hive of indefinite tears, safeness overtakes you. Safeness whilst his tongue and lips occupy your thudding clit, painting out a beautiful sensation that moons the beauty of his movements.
Just the messy, intimate sounds of his careful slopping, lapping the entirety of your soppy cunt, further fuels the painful clutter within your haphazardous stomach. The way his lips remain concealed against your cunt, his expression jaded. Jaded so heavily whilst slickness overwhelmed the entirety of his lips and a tint of his jaw.
His broad nose is so gleefully buried within your exuberant pussy, his features gliding with the commandment of your clutching fingers — readied towards his beautiful, intimate acts.
His face remains as no more than a pleasure-inducing supplement for you. A beautiful, flustered face that's eyes flutter — so addicted to the soppiness of your perfect, him-crafted cunt. One that his coated lips are unable to pry from, efficiently stirring a beautiful pounding from his eventless cock.
"'Need more," At your words, Eren draws his nimble fingers towards the heart of your cunt — his fingers so beautifully prodding against the vulnerability of it.
This huge step is encouraged by you, specifically with the way you hint towards being so effortlessly met with a beautiful fullness — encouraging your body to give way for the entirety of him.
The entirety of him splitting you open, welcoming the unearthed heart of another.
Clearing the hesitation he holds towards his ample finger size, his fingers pick up on your raging slickness — softly applying pressure upon your entrance.
At the anticipation, you grow heavily delightful — feeling his fingers slower grow present against you. They begin to stretch out your cunt, welcoming a squeamish sensation to penetrate you — only for a gentle pleasure to envelop you. Envelop you whilst his fingers further make their way within you, splitting you open with each gasp.
Clutching further upon the dishevelled sheets, your head rolls back with such insufferable ease — the fullness of his fingers completely capturing the entirety of you. Capturing you in a way that welcomes many clustered moans, specifically with the manner his fingers embedded within you — granting you warmth.
A warmth that leaves your lips parted.
"So warm," Eren lets out, his lips discovering your clit once more, his fingers beginning to gift you teasing thrusts. Teasing thrusts that welcome you to jolt your hips with enthralment, your moans capturing his ears, tearing through the sanity he holds.
At the monitored scenery of a mewling you, your brows creased, your heart overtaken with love, your eyes clouded, and your mind seized of control, you could only free chaotic moans. Moans that completely stain Eren's erection with further pain, incapable of losing himself within you — for the first time.
Well, with anyone.
"'M gonna cum!" Incapable of handling the warmth of his fingers, pounding your squelching cunt, you grow a moaning mess, thrashing so vigorously — only the terms of a release freeing you from this pleasure-worthy role.
A pleasure-worthy role that completely belittles your cunt with beauty.
"Mhm," Eren flutters out, his fingers aligned with the pace of his clit sucking — warming you so effortlessly.
Just the thought of him, his heart so contagious with love towards you, thoroughly reassures you with a beaming comfort.
A comfort that leaves a sensation that is unable to be strayed away from, pounding in the same way as his fulfilling fingers — havocking within the haven of your stomach. Your stomach in a method that leaves you choppily moaning, your limbs so ethical — in response to his natural gloss of touch.
"I...love you," The thunderous moans that you release plague his ears, all whilst his fingers set a delicate pace within you.
A pace that works up the entirety of your heart, your chest rolling vigorously — his thrusting so beautifully in tune with your nature.
"I love you, too," The knowingness of his word return completely fuels the gentleness within your heart, encouraging you to further relish the sensation of his fingers.
The sensation tugs against the knot you hold within your stomach, tearing away at the sanity you hold.
"Eren!" The phenomenon bleeds further within your stomach, ethically whisking the tension elsewhere — the tension of finishing on his warm tongue.
The pressure encourages you to attempt to warn the entirety of him, only for him to grow continually — grasping onto your thrashing hips.
He holds you with an ethical closeness, his fingers completely embedded within the entirety of your lithesome hips.
The skin grows tamed beneath his touch, unable to shy away — completely submissive to the entirety of him.
"'M gonna finish!" Unravelling such a gentle sensation within you, you throw your head back, your tears so beautifully natural — streaming down your face. Streaming down your features with lulling ease.
With an ease that causes your heart to swirl with peace, an ounce of recklessness overtakes you.
"So good!" Freeing the pent-up sensation, you feel the entirety of it settle upon his tongue — so beautifully applied to his warm tongue. His fingers carefully thrust once more, all before he welcomes a moan from your gentle lips.
At your abruptness, you gasp with a beautifulness, one that completely twirls his stomach with glee. Twirls his stomach whilst he pulls his ample fingers out of you, his cum-glossed fingers and lips, so effortlessly combined.
His viridian eyes fail to waver, intaking the effortlessly breathily sight of you — panting so choppily.
Your lips fail to rejoice, hinting towards the tiredness you have accumulated. From your nervousness, from your joy, from the heart of such an elegant experience.
"I'm...sorry," Eren's viridian eyes widen towards your apologetic words, whilst his vast fingers swirl within his mouth — the sensation something he can't help but relish. But relish whilst your heart grows heavily fond towards the entirety of him, your tears of nervousness helping to aid such a large encounter.
"Don't apologise," Eren inches closer to the entirety of you, his body so attentive towards the shape of your emotions — being sure to puzzle himself in a nature that gifts you comfort.
"You've done so well," His body beautifully cages you, his forehead so set upon your own. Innately welcoming the heart of your emotions and his diligent ones.
"What if it's not enough for you?" Your words cause his worrisome expression to further carve into a state of sadness, his cheeks being grasped upon by the entirety of you.
"You've always been more than enough for me," Eren's breathing hitches so freely, his love so unwavering, "Being with you is the best thing that could have ever happened to me," You listen to him speak of you with such pride, "Everything you do is enough for me to smile, to feel warm, to be in love." His hearty words elicit further tears, only for them to be replaced with gentle kisses.
"Thank you, Eren," Planting a gentle kiss upon his lips, you smear your nose upon his own — your forehead so beautifully upon his own.
In a manner that welcomes you both to relish the sound of the swaying trees and the gentleness of the environment, along with him enabling your emotions — in a way that allows you to also validate him.
"And, am I enough for you?" He teases you back, his closeness igniting a soft chuckle from you — welcoming the beauty of the two of you.
The two of you have always been like this, so beautifully close, along with being so in tune with one another.
"You're more than enough for me," Your fingers tint his cheek further, slightly sinking into the supple skin — observing the crimson hue bloom so effortlessly.
Effortlessly, he cranes his head further towards you — his smitten heart completely enveloping your heart.
He is everything.
"Good," Eren's heart grows fathomable happy towards your words, permitting your heart to swirl so freely. To pierce your heart with the beauty of such known words.
"Eren, I want you to..." Growing embarrassed at your words, Eren could only console you with a beautifulness.
Thrilled, his roaring heart develops into an energetic state towards your words —leaving him to smear gentle kisses upon your lips.
He captures every lone thought you hold.
"I want to give you head, though," Your words cause him to merely smile down at you, his nose crinkling with love — painting him out so gently.
"Not until we have sex," His gentle announcement enables the realism of his words to channel the beauty of the situation, allowing the realness of it all to grow so beautifully known.
"Trousers down, Eren," Pulling away from the entirety of you, he brings himself to exhibit a clear sight of him — his fingers tinting the looseness of the hem of his nightwear.
"Anything for you," Intaking the softness of his words, he brings himself to carefully slip his trousers down.
Carelessly, flustered by the attention you gift him, Eren prospers so egotistically.
He remains flaunting the entirety of his taut muscles, his prominent erection, and the rare beauty of his toned legs — subtle bristles of hair tinting the delicate region.
"Eren..." Your lips equip shock.
Hazy, you observe the mere sight of a nervous him — his precum-stained underwear tinting your adrenaline-enhanced being.
Eren's eyes shift away with nervousness, leaving you aflame with such admiration and respect — so delicately encircled by the sight of his beautifully whittled self.
He honed his angelic traits; his movements so mesmerisingly constructed.
"Don't get nervous now, you're almost there," Smiling at the beauty of his crimson cheeks, you draw your cheeks into a puffy state — basking in the beauty of his unnerved self.
"You're making me nervous," Blooming with a heavenly smile, you intake the sight of Eren — tugging at his navy boxers.
Eren lingers, slightly hesitant before he drags the fabric down — entitling you additional access to his tumultuous v-line.
"And you're making me more nervous, especially with how big you're looking," Eren tilts his gaze with trepidation, his stares growing exceptionally soft.
"I'm apologising for my size," Eren's sincere words cause you to smear your thighs together, watchful towards the scenery of his teasing movements. Movements that work up a temperate gutsiness within you.
"I'll handle it," As your words tumble, at mercy within his pounding ears, he allows himself to finally release his grip on his boxers — revealing his ample size.
A size that causes your brows to crease with slight worry, observant of each twitching vein, his neatly trimmed pubs — along with his beautifully tanned tip.
He's big.
"I'll be there, every step of the way," His tone welcomes a reckless emotion within you, particularly whilst he inches closer, his ample size completely the only thing that controls the emotions you hold.
It causes you to seize hold of his bedsheets, your lips growing distraught with excitement.
"Spoil me," Eren takes your words into account, his body looming over the entirety of you. His demeanour welcomes you into carelessly laying down, the entirety of you so breathlessly beautiful — your features encapsulating the entirety of him.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Softly, Eren's words console any nerves you hold — particularly whilst he spreads a searing kiss upon your lips.
His eyes so effortlessly hold your own, despite the both of your nudity so eagerly on display.
A few years ago, this wouldn't have been possible.
"When have I never been ready for you?" Shifting his lips away from your own, he slightly contorts the entirety of his body —bringing himself to part your nervous legs.
Star-filled, he glimpses at the sight of your pooling cunt. Eren's breaths are so beautifully ragged at the sight.
His only goal is to completely unravel you towards the art of pleasure.
"That's for you to decide," Heavenly moonlight adorns streaks of your goddess-enhanced body; you feel him assure you that your body will be heavily taken care of.
A temple that his heart forever hopes to positively polish, to aid you with the budding commotion within the nature of your life.
"I'm all yours, Eren," So delicately emitting your words, you take note of the designation of his hand, so confidently palming his girth dick.
The sight of it causing your cunt to beat so wholeheartedly. It craves the entirety of him, yet he lingers so close yet so effortlessly far away.
"I know you are," Carefully conducting his movements, he wraps your nimble legs around his toned waist — his perturbation so inevitable.
"Take your time," Slightly gasping at the feeling of his broad tip, tinting the pattern of your folds — softly sinking behind the soppiness of your cunt — he intakes your every motion.
"We'll have many more moments like this," Gasping so effortlessly, at the pressure he emits, you so delicately gesture for him to split the entirety of you further open — welcoming a fullness.
Your brows twitching at the beautiful feeling, your lips splaying open with recklessness, your head throwing so cloudily back, you feel the sensation of his largeness.
Eren's largeness completely breaks the sexual barriers you were once unable to penetrate.
The sensation elicits an array of moans, whimpers, and lustful words from the both of you — the warmth and fullness pairing so effortlessly.
As he further penetrates your wailing cunt, you are unable to conceal the thunderous commotion your stomach creates, your breathing choppy at the breathless fullness.
Only half of him lodges your cunt, with breathless moans from him, his panting, his whining and whimpering effortlessly caressing him.
The urge to just fill you with his cum fails to clear from his mind, specifically as this sensation is one that completely conceals any sanity the both of you hold.
"Eren!" Feeling him lower his body, to reign the slot beside your neck, he plants his head within the area — softly bucking his hips further.
Safely, he feels the urge to slightly collapse into the safeness of the feeling — his limps yearning to crumble into the sensation of your exuberant cunt. One that stretches so beautifully around him, thudding towards the entirety of your clenching — the soppiness of your arousal pooling against his thick cock.
"Y/n!" Muffling the entirety of your name, he sports open lips, the softness of them tinting your neck. Tinting your neck whilst he adjusts his cock structure towards whenever you yearn to enlist his pounding within your mind.
"Tell me when you are ready," Gulping at the thickness, the closeness, and the safety of him, you grow warm at the fullness of his pulsating dick — especially it resting so safely within your clutching cunt.
"I'm ready," Eren softly kisses your supple neck; his lips momentarily brush upon the curve of your jaw.
"Eren, don't forget," Emotions envelop the conversation, "This is your first time, so I'm going to also love you all over." With your words known to his you-infested ears, he brings himself to carefully pull the entirety of him out of you — abruptly slotting himself inside of your fluttering cunt.
"Eren!" Incapable of intaking the sensation of his dick, you begin to freely moan. Moan at the feeling of him entrusting a pace upon you, his whimpers swarming your ears.
Your heart grows juicy with such ever-growing love, encouraging your eyes to grow lidded — the warmth within your cunt wounding your sanity so deeply.
"Ah! So deep! Yes! Yes!" Feeling his hips gather an athletic momentum, you release a sharp gasp.
Safely, the feeling of him just growing deeper inside of you, at each love-encrusted thrust, warms your abdomen with a pleasurably sore sensation.
"You're so...fucking warm!" Eren cloudily murmurs within your ear, his lips quivering upon the curve of your neck — his hips bucking into your cunt.
You age into a frenzied state, struggling to straighten out your choppy breaths.
His hips collide so beautifully with your cunt, packing it effortlessly with an added fullness — completely winding you of your breathing.
Naturally, you beautifully squirm against the sensation, your lips sculpted into a permanent 'o'. Pathetically, your clustered sounds remain unable to be formed into a coherent word — along with his own.
His brunette tresses of hair completely bury your features with the sensation of him. Down to his gentle scent, his beautiful notions, and his thick dick, nudged between your moulding hips.
His thrusts completely fill you, at each turn. They leave your brows strained, your neck thrown further back, your eyes completely rolled back, your drool so embarrassingly slipping from your lips.
"'Want you... to use me! Fill me!" Whining at the magical thrusts he stuffs you with, you let out a few half breaths, the overwhelming sensation of his cock unravelling every content comment you make.
Your comments hint at your desperation, unable to handle how he had always been so great at everything he did — his intimate gestures completely enveloping your sanity.
"Get me pregnant!" Eren's breathing falters at your words, his thrusts growing rather harsh — bubbling a drunken feeling within you.
The macaroni-imitating sounds, the squelching of your cunt, and the lewdness of his and your moans — completely grow dismissed by your ears.
The sensation is the only thing your mind can focus on.
"Fuck! Don't...tempt me!" His softened whimpers, his gruff mewls of focus, completely allow his words to flow.
They flow with randomness whilst he swirls your cunt with a puffiness, his pounding creating an insufferable warmth — leaving your head to sway side to side. To sway, incapable of handling the largeness of his dick, his pounding, along with the thickness of him so prominent within your stomach.
"Hgh! Too warm!" You weep out, your body too overly warm, attempting to pry away such an overstimulating sensation.
However, you wrap your legs further around Eren's lower back — so desperate to keep his beautiful pounding afloat.
Not once had he wavered, his dick still so effortlessly fucking you so whorishly — dissipating the sense of sanity you hold.
"You're...doing so well, sweetheart," He gruffly let out, his arms now wrapping around your head, his low eyes focusing on the entirety of your cloudy expression.
He observes the horny smile that captures your lips, your eyes barely meeting his own, fuelling the arousal you felt.
"You're...so...ah!" Moaning at the entirety of his harsh thrusts, completely spreading tingles upon you, you grow starry with pleasure.
Your limbs grow rather erratic with the unregistered recklessness, your moans growing unpredictable, ragged, and increasingly vociferous.
Fittingly, your mind grows belonging to someone else — your awareness of the situation narrowing down to this building-up sensation within you.
One that leaves you letting out cries.
"That's...it!" With reality blurred, you grow heavily focused on the planted feeling.
Every fibre of your words is slurred, your boisterous moans being swallowed by the sensation of Eren's lips. Your eyes roll back with ease, the tingly sensation welcoming the pressure to roughly slip from your cunt.
You cry out at the freeing sensation, your limbs growing numb — a silence washing over the entirety of you.
Lazily, you cling to the entirety of a pounding Eren, his coveted pace increasing the sensitivity within you — attacking your love spot.
A spot that completely stole away at the air in your lungs, particularly whilst you are gaining awareness of what occurred — your panting growing to worry his withering state.
He grows rather tired, but a fitting sensation enveloped the entirety of him.
"An...orgasm," The tiredness you hold is completely sensed by him, welcoming him to wholly brand your features with intimacy-enhanced kisses. Kisses that are barely reciprocated by you, particularly with the way you are still so out of it — unable to repair yourself from the orgasm and his continuous pounding.
One you didn't want to stop.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Eren's eyes widen with swiftness, only before growing low once more, the entirety of his body inhabiting a full sensation.
A tightness engulfs his lower half, placing a heaviness to engorge his being.
His sweat-enhance brows swell with intensity, his hips growing so effortlessly rapid, stealing off-guard moans from you. His pants grow so contorted with a rapidness, his eyes welling with tears, spilling upon the entirety of your tear-endured features.
Your parted lips fail to close, especially with another lingering tight sensation. The unbearable sensation leaves him barely coherent, his closeness being encouraged by a completely overwhelmed you.
Your ring of ivory cum coats his cock, beating against the entrance of your pussy. Cream bubbles form within the aflame area, all whilst he continues to treat the puffiness of your cunt — staining it further with the sensation of his hips.
He momentarily stills his hips before taking long thrusts, burying himself to a selfish angle — straining your overstimulated body.
A proud smile overtakes your lips, particularly whilst he glimpses down at you, his hips failing to unravel their franticness.
Letting out an animalistic growl, Eren huffs and puffs, carelessly bucking his lips. His movements are failing to falter, particularly with the way the firmness completely conceals the entirety of his comfort.
His pounding completely leaves you dumb-founded, your expression so whorishly displayed, your never-ending drool so prominent to his viridian eyes. He fails to fully acknowledge the moment, fucking you so deep, holding this deepness — his thick balls slapping against the bottom of your overworked cunt.
He continues to pound so harshly, approving of his lips to vigorously shake — whenever he meets his deepest position.
None of this harmed your being, it only inched you into a series of erratic moans, whimpers, cries, and whines. He could see the pleasurable tears in your glassy eyes, your jaded smile so effortlessly prominent.
The sensation of his engorged lower half falls into a rhythmic twitching, one that fails to find a controlled movement.
His thrusts grow pleasurably rough, his grunting and ample moans completely enveloping his being.
Inherently, his glistening sweat meets his warm forehead. Recklessly, the ample bed trembles so rapidly, the two of you so breathlessly encompassed within the moment.
Feeling the sensation grow so corrupt within him, he pulls back and thrusts his deepest within you, filling you with every inch of his girthy dick. Your stomach churns at the sensation, only before he gifts your barely coherent ears a strained whine, a pulsing sensation entering his cock.
The feeling of his cock twitching within you surrounds your being; a delectable hardness enfolds your desperation.
A series of your groans, whimpers and moans capture the essence of his ears, only before the rapid pulsating grows swapped out with an intensity.
An intensity that resembles a firm shot. A firm shot that causes you to jolt, aware of his sensation of finishing inside of you.
"Ah! Fuck!" Eren beautifully whines out, his features scrunching whilst he views your parted lips — his lips in sync with the motion of your own.
"Y/n..." Eren's mutter causes you to feel a second sentiment within you, another spurt of cum completely overwhelming your soppy cunt.
Multiple substances slowly begin to drip, particularly with the way he collapses against you — redirecting a singular hand to slip his ample dick from your cunt.
The sensation welcomes a wet sound to infiltrate the environment, only for your cunt to twitch on the entirety of nothing — a lonesome sentiment infiltrating your being.
A tender sadness envelopes you, bringing you to relish the sensation of Eren — dressing his arms around a weeping you. One who begins to cry in the aftermath of intimacy, just as you invariably did.
In fear of being left unattended after intimacy.
"You've done so well, and I love you so much," Eren alters the positioning of the two of you, his body coddling the entirety of your state.
The cries you release dissipate the fact that his thick cum continues to leak out of you, staining the soft sheets you are both positioned upon.
"You've also done so well," Your lips completely enclose the entirety of Eren's, your fingers threading through his hair —despite him safely holding you. Safely planting his hand upon your plush ass.
"Please, just don't leave me," Your eyes well with tears, colliding with an experience you hold, "I just don't want to be left alone after sex." The desperation you spew causes Eren to hold you closer, his heart aching at the irreversible damage Armin had mentally planted upon you — leaving you to fear the entirety of every intimate situation you hold.
Eren has seen the aftermath of what Armin had put you through. Too many times. He wasn't going to lose you, this time.
"You're mine," Eren kisses the top of your head, "You, me and Elara are a family," His words warm your heart ferociously, welcoming your heart towards his genuine words.
"Thank you, Eren," Making sure to also comfort his state, you draw your lips upon his own — so grateful that your life is set to flourish with your best friend.
"Let me get us cleaned up," His carefree nature completely seals over the fears you hold towards your future, your heart growing so calm and set upon the beauty of this budding relationship.
do not copy my work; all rights reserved. vampiified, 2024.
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Decision week pt 2 | Married at First Sight
(Read the whole thing from the beginning here)
The time has come for our couples to make their final decisions. Will they choose to stay married, or will they go their separate ways? They have come a long way in the past five weeks, and now it’s time for them to decide whether or not they want to continue on this journey together.
Welcome to Married at First Sight - the Final.
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Read on AO3.
Snippet below the cut.
Sirius had been right, the house did feel empty without Remus there. It surprised him, in a way, that he had grown used to the presence of someone else so quickly. Before Remus moved in, the only experience Sirius had of living with other people, that wasn’t family, was when he and James had shared a dorm during school.
He was normally fiercely protective of his own space, and he didn’t mind spending time on his own. Whenever he wanted company he would go over to James’ and Lily’s place, he knew he was always welcome there, but one reason he loved visiting them was that he knew that at the end of the day, he could go back home.
He had been tossing and turning all night after he returned from Brighton, unable to sleep. He wondered if Remus did the same, if his mind was also buzzing with thoughts of the big decision they had coming up.
When the clock on his bedside table showed six am, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to stay in bed any longer. He made himself a coffee before heading out into the garden. He sat down in the same place where he and Remus had sat talking about their future and it felt absurd that it had only been a few days ago.
Sirius wanted to call Remus, wanted to check in on him, but they weren’t allowed to have any contact before they met at the studio to make their decision. So, instead, Sirius was left to his own thoughts, his mind whirring a mile a minute.
He was glad that Remus had asked him to come to Brighton. He felt as if he had seen one Remus here, in the house with him in London, and another one when they went up north to meet his parents. The Remus he had seen with his friends was yet another version, and now he could add Brighton Remus as a piece to the puzzle.
It had made sense to see Remus there, and it suited him to walk through the narrow lanes with the small shops and cafés and vintage boutiques. Even the flat had made sense, and Sirius honestly didn’t think that it was as bad as Remus had made it out to be. It was supposed to be a temporary thing anyway, and Sirius had seen much worse places in his youth.
He knew that he might have become a little carried away as he told Remus he could imagine living in Brighton, he was still a London boy at heart, but being close to the beach and the sea had its appeal. Especially if they were going to start a family.
That was the other thing – a family. Sirius wanted one; he wanted to do things differently and break the Black family curse of horrible parents and dysfunctional childhoods. He hadn’t thought too much of the details, he hadn’t been close enough to get what he wanted to properly consider it, but when they had talked about it he had realised it was important to him.
He knew that Remus had said that he would consider it, that he needed to think about it, but what if he decided that it wasn’t for him? Would Sirius be able to accept that, or would it be a deal breaker?
He tried to imagine how it would have felt if Remus had told him that the day before. If Remus had told him straight up that children were out of the question, would Sirius have walked away? He wasn’t sure and that scared him.
When he couldn’t put up with his own thoughts any more he pulled his phone out. It was barely gone eight but he knew that James would be up, they were both far too full of energy to sleep in. Unsurprisingly, James picked up after only two rings.
“Pads! What’s up?”
“Not much,” replied Sirius, sighing softly as he leaned back against the wall behind him. “I just– I’m back home. Alone.”
“Remus back in Brighton?” James’ voice was sympathetic. “That sucks, mate.”
“Yeah,” Sirius exhaled. “I know that we’re supposed to spend this time apart to figure out what we want but…”
He trailed off, and he heard some rustling on the other end before James’ voice came back.
“But you’re worried that thinking is going to give you, or him, cold feet?”
Sirius gave a non-committal grunt.
“I just want to call him but I know that I can’t.”
James didn’t reply straight away, there was another rustling noise and Sirius could imagine James making his way down the stairs and into the kitchen of his and Lily’s house.
“Y’know, we were thinking of going to Hampton Court for the day,” said James as Sirius heard the sound of his coffee machine on the other end of the line. “You should come with us. It’d be good for you to get out a bit, and Harry’s been asking for you.”
Sirius felt his chest tighten with affection for his best friend, grateful that James always seemed to know exactly what he needed, even before Sirius knew it himself.
“Yeah,” he said, exhaling softly. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
Continue on AO3.
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n1ghtwr1ter · 8 hours
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At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.
Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.
And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.
She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.
And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.
But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.
Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.
They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.
And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.
And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.
But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.
It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.
But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
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rexxmako · 1 day
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no because the signs were there. it wasn't just me who thought cx-2 was tech. A LOT OF PEOPLE DID. the signs were THERE
him hacking into phee's ship
the literal significance of him being there at phee's ship!!
THE WAY HE RAN. such a tech run!!
that bit in the trailer where he's at pabu with the troops with that Tech Stance™
DOMICILE
WHO TF ELSE SAYS DOMICILE. NO ONE
and it was mentioned some time ago that tech records everything. he had the recorder thing on his goggles. i thought they'd expand on that and would be able to see what happened to him. (unfortunately not)
it made so much sense. my face fell when cx-2 was just. stabbed. and nothing happened.
and many people have said it's literally kill your autistics at this point. and as an autistic person myself i agree! they implied that tech is autistic or at least neurodivergent (he thinks differently but that doesn't mean he doesn't care) and then killed him off.
i was kind of relieved that he wasn't cx-2 when cx-2 died. but at the same time all my (edit: our, technically!) theories went out the window.
nonetheless tho i am VERY glad the batch got a happy ending and omega joining the rebellion was something i didn't know i needed
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owlsie-hoot · 3 months
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Siegfried Farnon has always been a strong presence, and it’s complicated because he’s her employer, as well. It’s a lot she’s giving up. For a woman who’s in a position where she’s independent, but she’s entirely dependent on her income from that job, and that’s also where she lives, it was a big thing to offer to give all of that up and to go towards something quite unknown. (Anna Madeley)
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averlym · 8 months
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"careful, or i'll quote that"
#adamandi#was going to be normal but then this scene popped into my head and played on loop and like#guys this scene just makes me Miserable. they're so friends now they're so happy and funny and then later in the show#she manipulates him and he tries to kill her and like. my god beatrix vincent friendship. omg.#im so. it kills me. i realise these arent the most accurate character styles but i Had to get it out. oh my god. literally the other day i#i was like ''oh haha im not going to directly draw scenes from the show im going to be Thinky and Extra'' but no actually sometimes the#the scenes from the show just hit. this line the delivery the Situations it kills me. im so hnnghghf about them#something also maybe about rewatching media knowing the whole plot and the extra Tragedy it all brings also. like to know the ending will#break your heart (but be also some sort of stunning catharsis) and to watch it all!!! again!!!! aaagh.#fun facts about the first time i watched adamandi proper after looking through the tumblrs and half-spoiling it for myself.. i went in with#the strangest assumptions of portia dies/ vincent makes a virus that kills the other nominees instead of actually stabby stabby and the#new invented biological thing would make him the winner a-la frankenstein style //. quincy cuts off his hand????? i am not sure where any#of these came from T-T but im glad i was wrong on literally every count.#miscellaneous brainrots from re-watching.. in the very very start i think vincent is wearing a mask in word to the wise?? like it was probs#a covid safety thing but it makes me go teehee for some reason. like the whole infectious thing was foreshadowed LMAO (approx 35 seconds in#also the balloons. and the admin. and the balloons. the way it's horrific and the balloons gently rain down#and you can see them bounce in the stunned silence. ooo that little detail. what a moment.#also at this point? i have been noticing the little inconsistencies in actions btwn shots but a) they're not seeable unless you're looking#Closely like i was for specific moments as references.. and b) it makes u think about the inconsistency of theatre as a medium and how nth#is ever delivered the same two ways which is really just !!!! to me. smth smth so so many ways to intepret characters and how everything is#always in flux every single cycle. theatre medium my beloved.#last side note from now: i am so abnormal about the marmorius society members who were phaethon nominees in their own right and instead#perished helping ambrose with HIS project. like. that is some sort of love there isn't it? like???? yes they're all bullies and awful but.#i've been reaching tag limit really quickly with all the recent posts. rambles i guess. so so many thoughts. well actual tags now i guess!#vincent aurelius lin#beatrix valeria campbell
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deadnamed at my father's funeral
#parental death tw#family death tw#not sure how else to tag this one#yeah december was a very rough month for me :)))#i actually drew this on the way to my hometown a couple days after i got the news that my dad had passed away#fully anticipating that one of the grueling parts of the process would be the incessant deadnaming and misgendering#bc my dad himself never once used my right name after i came out to him. not once#i asked and we even got in fights about it! bc he just REFUSED to do it#didnt want to think of me as a man at all. i was his only daughter and his baby girl and he didnt wanna accept that id changed#in that way#but i do know bc his wife told me that despite not really accepting the truth about my identity#he was very glad that i seemed happy about it#so i think thats whatll be important to me about it#he didnt get it and didnt really accept it for himself but he was happy that i was happy#anyway it was indeed annoying at the service but more people were chill about it than i expected#and i also had to deal with fewer people than i thought i would#was talking to one of his old band friends who i vaguely remembered and joked that 'i was a girl last time u saw me'#and he said 'youre still a girl' and i just went 'no i am not. the sideburns beg to differ.'#then at the end of the service when people were leaving he came and asked for my New name and when i told him#he was like 'ok ill try to remember that'#i like to think he realized instantly the faux pas he made and was like Yikes. This Is Her/His Dads Funeral. Maybe I Should Be Cool.#anyway. the whole affair was exhausting but i got some nice things out of it too#like hanging out w my brothers#then we got home and me and my wife both had covid bc life wasnt done kicking me in the dick i guess!#im good now i think tho. its fine its fine its fine
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sysig · 1 year
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Uh oh he’s also cute (Patreon)
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herawell · 7 months
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.
#called my mom at 7am out of a desperate need for validation#had a 37 minute long convo that amounted to ‘you should look into therapy’#(in a much nicer and more constructive way it was actually a very good conversation’#and she told me that she’s been in therapy for the last year#and that it did wonders for her mental health#and that she went from being on the verge of divorce#to looking forward to spending her retirement with my dad and expanding her home business to cover health insurance#since my dad is currently unemployed and most likely isn’t getting another job (industry and & age related reasons)#and ofc I’m glad to hear that they’re doing better#but I’m wondering if she got thru everything she needed to in therapy#and if she’s sorry about last winter#when for two days in a row she screamed at me for hours on end#about what a failure I am and how much I’m a drag on the family#how I was responsible for their impending divorce#and she was going to gift my dad divorce papers for Christmas and it would be my fault#how I looked like a clown at my recent graduation#and a bunch of other things#if she’s sorry for how every year since I was 14 she’s screamed at me about how I’m responsible for their being on the rocks#how it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken family and we’ll have to sell the family house of 25 years to pay for the divorce#for when in April 2020 she tried to [redacted] herself in front of me while telling me it was my fault and I’d pushed her that far#all while I whisper-screamed for her to stop bc it was midnight and my siblings weee sleeping in the next room#she has never apologized for any of those and I don’t want to bring it up now#bc I don’t want to relive the past#but I wonder#mother mention cw#negativity cw#divorce cw
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keepthetension · 4 months
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been in the Bad Brain place lately, so i've been struggling to finish writing about why chef mhon's character makes sense to me, because of
a) the long-term effects of the WORLD SHAKING trauma of your life partner abandoning you AND of being unable to feed yourself and your children b) being unable to process said trauma much (if at all), as you then hit the ground running to make a living in the aftermath (in a new city with no support and with who knows what marketable skills) c) the stigma of being a divorced woman in a society that will blame you for being the reason your marriage failed in the first place, and will also blame you for any way your children step out of line d) the difficulties of achieving success as a working mother when employers see women as flakier, less-worthy hires, especially in a male-dominated industry
and how no amount of money or stability will ever seem like enough, and how difficult it is to trust anyone plus how easy it is to see everything as a potential danger to the stability you fought tooth and nail for, and how it makes sense for a traumatized person who never had the time and support to work through their trauma to project all kinds of things onto their kids
but apparently she just kinda. walked it off?
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glitterslag · 9 months
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because I am literally incapable of keeping gossip to myself
#i made out with my ex at the strokes concert#i gave myself permission prior to the event dw dw#it was to be expected#like? it was the strokes! it was a night time outdoor set it was raining we were drunk sharing ciggies new silver eyeshadow etc etc#they played call it fate call it karma you know the rest#kinda iconic in my humble opinion#AND THEN#i went to my friend's house party after and then i went home with a guy from there#again sorta premeditated cause I've been overthinking sleeping w my first new person post the breakup#and I've been passing up opportunities cause i've just been building it up in my head to be this big massive deal#but it had rly gotten to the point where it just needed to happen like rip the bandaid off kinda thing#so i pretty much knew that if i met someone nice there i was gonna just say fuck it#coz like drunk house party guy you'll never meet again is such a chill low stakes thing for an official return 2 the streets#and when i tell you it was bang average like so so soooo bang average which I'm glad abt to be honest#left my red scrunchy at his house tho cause u always gotta give them something to remember you by. the whimsical stranger!!!#and i stole some weed from him#(take something leave something rule - i am a devout follower of this)#and then had to literally travel the entire length of the northern line 2 get home like no joke i literally rode that shit end 2 end#scantily clad unbrushed hair sunglasses on in the tube violently hungover walk of shame vibe#altho by some divine miracle my phone didn't die until i was literally outside my front door so i got to listen to good tunes the whole way#honestly you probably shouldn't romanticise these things but who's gonna fuckin stop me huh!!#feels like julian casablancas would've wanted this for me#anyways what a silly goofy post!!!!!!#dear diary
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kaatiba · 11 months
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good of the day - 06/26/23
ok I'm feeling in turns miserable and furious so
tried an iced strawberry matcha oat latte for the first time and it was pretty good
reading a real book for the first time in a while and thoroughly enjoying it
glass animals continues to be a phenomenal band
dash has some real excellence today
gonna try and channel my angst into writing
summer thunderstorms today match my mood perfectly
short evening shift at work today
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Tayston =‘]
#been meaning to draw smthing like this for a minute#i.e. tayston kiss where maybe simultaneous laughing / [smiling As Good As a laugh] is getting in the way of that kiss but not a problem rly#didn't really want to have to choose between taylor smiling harder / laughing aloud Or Not so i didn't choose between them#winston billions#tayston#corned beef#why Not include affectionate touches but you can believe the hands are also included to emphasize the [heads together Heart Shape] too#yes winston's as undressed as taylor yes i included his glasses b/c i felt like it. might have put them back on after awhile w/o them; might#have only Just removed a tee w/enough room in the collar to not dislodge his glasses as he did so; or i can't stop anyone from imagining#that just out of frame on his shoulder we could see like a spaghetti strap to a tank top. god bless#i also went ''am i gonna be more like subtle/muted or w/e & Not include little sparkles / hearts'' then 5 min later was like lol as though#you Know i'm gonna do it (include the little sparkles and/or hearts)#oh my god lmfao again also with the bi palette. definitely separate pink purple blue in there. all Except the yellow highlights...#like not that that happens accidentally lol like ofc i'm selecting colors to my tastes & who doesn't love blue/pink/purple like what a team#but only after the fact do i recall the bonus lol....Could've ended up say; Not using one of those three colors....but here we are#have been working on this for....nights#me at 5am last night like haha i'm Almost done but better save it for later#and in this final stretch i have definitely been at it since uhh. well it's now two a.m. and i started in on this pre sunset est#not that it was Constant work w/o frequent breaks lol but the lack of sustained focus is itself kind of that constant factor l o l#so it goes. just glad to post it early enough for some other taystonheads to get to see it Now. happy pride
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paskariu · 1 year
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I said that it was a good day too early :)
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eternallys · 1 year
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torchiiko · 1 year
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hold on last thought b4 bed im always torn between destiny vs chance in both tragic and wholesome scenarios
fated to find each other in any universe vs the stars aligning to create a chance encounter that leads to so much more
an inescapable tragedy doomed to occur no matter what vs a string of events leading to misery and the knowledge that if a single thing had gone differently the outcome wouldve changed
i think destiny can be quite compelling and i definitely like it for fiction, but life feels more special if you consider all the things that had to align for certain things to happen imo
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