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chaotic-mystery · 5 months

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Pairing:Joel Miller (jackson era to be specific) x f!reader

Summary: practicing your knife skills goes south when you find yourself hiding in a janitor’s closet with Joel.

Warnings: 18+ only- MDNI. Smut, porn w minimal plot, unprotected piv, big girthy age gap but it’s not specified, forced proximity, knives, cutting panties, fingering, roughness & degradation, cum eating, spitting, dirty talk, Joel is a panty thief once again! No use of y/n. Let me know if I’ve missed anything.

Notes: Big big thank you to @pr0ximamidnight for helping me with the idea & this post inspiring dialogue for it. Also a big thank you to @amanitacowboy for Beta reading it. This is my (late) secret Santa gift to @planet-marz1 ! Hope you like it baby! 🖤 || wc: 1.5k || notif blog ||

Christmas in Jackson was like any other day for Joel, the same shit needing to be done but just a different day of the week. For you on the other hand, you were excited for the lights strung all over the town, kids throwing snowballs at each other, the overall warmth it spread. Joel had other plans for today, practicing your knife skills. The last time you two were on patrol, things got kinda hairy and you almost got stabbed with your own knife. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy having to beat a skull in with a log.

It was going well, stabbing snowmen he built all over the open field next to an old abandoned factory from years ago, when suddenly you could hear rowdy raiders yelling rude remarks towards you and Joel off in the distance. He grabbed your wrist, looking in their direction before going into his stern mode he stopped putting on for the brief moment you had with him. “Don’t ask questions and don’t make a sound, got it?” He rhetorically asks before running inside the dark building with you close behind him on his heels. The quickest solution was to hide inside an empty janitor's closet and make it seem like you ran upstairs to the empty floors or maybe even out the windows.

Joel tucks himself in the corner away from the door with you pressing tightly against him, his hand squeezing over your mouth. The clammy skin made it harder for you to breathe, your chest heaving rapidly with anxiety as you both watched the shadows run past the door.

Joel grunted as he shifted slightly behind you, a bulge pressing against your ass. Though a natural reaction to someone being up against you, he still didn’t want you to notice, not at a time like now. Several minutes go by before you hear any more noise, a voice booming down the hallway and more footsteps running past the door again. You move your ass against him a little more and whimper the faintest bit before he sees your little game.

“Knock it off before you get us found.” He grumbles in your ear and yanks you to him, his other arm holding you against him tightly.

Joel was always someone you wanted but couldn’t have. He never gave into you the way you wanted him to. Joel would flirt the day away with you but when it came down to business, he’d tell you to find someone your age who won’t break your heart. That was easier said than done in an apocalypse.

As soon as Joel doesn’t hear any more movement in the building, his hand slips around your waist and grabs you roughly.

“Santa won’t leave you on the nice list if you keep this up.” Joel's harsh tone shouldn’t be like a symphony to your ears but it is and you need more. He couldn’t get over the fact you were the only person not scared of him, scared to push his buttons to make him snap. His hand doesn’t leave your mouth and he tugs for you to meet his eyes. Your hand follows down your body until you find his, trying to drag it between your thighs.

You grind your ass against his bulge, not looking away from his eyes that glimmered with the faintest line of sunlight from a broken window to the side of you. Pulling your head away so his hand slips off your lips, you meet his eyes once more.

“Maybe then I could get an old man to punish m-” not another letter escapes you before Joel’s lips crash onto yours.

He turns you to face him with his forceful arms tugging your torso against his chest. Clawing at your body like a fully starved man, his breath gets heavier with each kiss to you.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere. Not until I’m finished with ya.” He tuts at you as his hand travels down the front of your pants and discovers how wet you are for him.

“Do you always get like this when someone manhandles you? Fuckin’ Christ you’re so pathetic for me to touch you. Where do you need me, hm?” Joel whispers into the crook of your neck, groaning from the pit of his stomach as he finds your throbbing clit with his index and middle fingers. His freehand grabs your bicep, holding your body against the small table pressed to the wall.

“Right there, pl-please Joel-oh fuck.” you whine out, knees buckling with every rub to your clit.

He matches your moans as his hand on your arm squeezes tighter like you’ll slip through his fingers if he eases up on you for even a second.

“Turn around for me, let me see where I’m gonna bury my cock.” Joel orders in your ear and spins you before you can do it yourself. So desperate for him to keep going, you bend over the table, arms tucked in underneath you. The stale, cold air hits the soaked fabric covering your pussy as Joel rips down your jeans to your ankles and cuts your panties right off you, causing you suck in a sharp breath. His warm tongue covers your clit and dips between your folds until he reaches your entrance. A groan vibrates against you as your head spins, groaning out anything to make him go faster. A smirk grows on his lips as he fiddles with his belt buckle, giving his cock a few tugs with his right hand.

“You’re about to absolutely ruin my life aren’t you? Make me so needy I only want you to fuck me..fuck, Joel.”

He spits on your glossy cunt before standing up, burying his cock deep inside you and grabbing your shoulders to keep himself steady. Your back arches as his hips start to slam into your ass, Joel's groans getting longer with each thrust. Joel tosses the closed pocket knife onto the table in front of you along with your ruined panties.

“I’m gonna fuck every last thought out of this pretty little head, you understand me?” Joel manages out between moans, squeezing your shoulders harder.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” You smart mouth back at him, hoping he’ll lay into you and make you rethink ever wanting him to be so rough on you.

His left hand covers your mouth once more and yanks you against him, your back a deep arch while he continues to fuck into you. Joel’s teeth nibble on your earlobe, panting softly before mumbling, “Doesn’t matter, you’re a filthy fuckin’ girl and I know you’ll enjoy it either way.” The broken sentence slips from his lips.

He was right. It didn’t matter how he gave it to you, you wanted him to shred you apart from the inside out.

You two moaned in sync, his hands roaming all over your clothed chest as he pumped inside you, half-open mouth kisses shared between gasps of air. Joel shoved you down on the table, pushing the side of your head down to keep you still.

“Joel-I’m gonna come, baby i’m gonna come, i’m gonna come-” You chanted, eyes screwing shut as the table squeaked louder from Joel going faster.

“Come on, baby come all over my cock, c’mon baby, c’mon.” He squeezes the back of your neck as his jaw clenches, encouraging you to let go.

With a couple of more snaps of his hips against your ass, you unravel on him, struggling to keep yourself standing as your knees were giving out trying to close your thighs together. The struggle had you whining his name while you grinded against him to ride your high.

Joel barely pulls out in time to come all over your lower back, grunting profanities as he watches his load dribble onto your skin.

“Stay there, stay fuckin’ there.” Joel ordered as soon as he finished letting out every drop of cum from the tip of his cock.

You’re too fucked to argue or move away and within moments you feel his tongue lick up the dribbles of cum from your skin and his freehand turns your head, meeting your eyes with his as he spits into your mouth. A rough kiss follows and you moan in each other's mouth before he goes back for the rest that was left on your back.

“Open.” Joel mutters and pinches your cheeks firmly to part your lips, spitting the rest of his cum in your mouth. You swallow willingly before he kisses you again.

“Think you’re never gettin’ off that naughty list, baby.” He chuckles and presses a few soft kisses to your clothed shoulder blade.

He unpins you from the table and tucks his cock back into his jeans before pulling yours up to your thighs and letting you finish the rest.

“W-what about my panties?” You question as you pocket your knife, looking at him with a smirk.

“Merry Christmas to me, I ‘spose.” Joel kisses your forehead and takes your hand in his, leading you out of the building.

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sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare · 1 year

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A Poet Could Not But Be Gay — part 2

Part 1

Pairing: college!au Ellie Williams x f!reader

summary: You and Ellie text after you like her post and see each other in class again. You talk to each other, slowly growing closer.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: mutual pining, reader has no rizz, anxiety, English class

a/n: M (minors and men) DNI, please! Y'all I can't believe you guys gave me 34 notes on my first-ever fic!!! I'm literally on top of the world and it really motivated me to write another chapter so here it is!! 😁

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Ellie Williams: Hey stalker (;

You were frozen. Your breath had caught in your throat and you felt your entire body burning up as though you'd throw up at any second. Your phone screen had gone black by then and you only had time to blink before another notification came in.

Ellie Williams added you as a friend.

Finally, you were able to breathe. What the fuck is happening!? you thought. She has to be playing some kind of prank on me 'cause no one should be this cool about a random girl like a — how old was it? 5-week-old picture!

You decided that the best thing to do was to respond. She already knew you were online and you would only look more guilty if you ignored her. Ellie had caught you red-handed, sure, but she didn't need to know why you were looking her up. You started typing, probably taking way longer than you should to write a simple text.

you: hey! sorry i was just struggling with the homework and youre the only person i knew from that class so i looked you up

you: how are you handling the last minute assignment she sent us?

Really? A double text seconds after I was caught stalking her? I'm fucking dead. Every second that passed by felt like an hour. You were biting your nails, staring at the screen impatiently. She hadn't even seen it yet and you felt like she was judging you through the phone. After one minute, she opened the chat and started typing. Looking at those three taunting dots, you couldn't help but imagine all the texts she could be writing. Nightmarish thoughts were flying through your brain when her text finally appeared.

Ellie Williams: Oh fuck I hadn't even seen that email! What kind of psychopath of a teacher sends an assignment at 6pm?

You let out a relieved sigh, thankful she hadn't asked any questions regarding your lie. Your shaking thumbs started typing but you received another text.

Ellie Williams: And who even has a favourite poem to write 500 words about

Ellie Williams: Well you definitely do

You had to read that twice. She remembers about my poem. Your small smile grew into a grin, and the little exhale from your nose grew into a fit of giggles. You rolled onto your back before remembering you had to answer her.

you: im glad i was able to tell you about the assignment! and yeah i have a favourite poem and i absolutely LOVE telling people about it but i know how scatterbrained i can be so idk if ill be able to make sense

The two of you texted back and forth for a few minutes but your shyness held you back and your conversation eventually dwindled. After several minutes of radio silence on both ends, your phone vibrated again.

Ellie Williams: Well I'm gonna start writing that paper but I'll see you on Wednesday!

you: good luck with that!

you: cant wait to see you again :)

You held your breath, frightened by your boldness.

Ellie Williams: Don't miss me too much (;

You honestly thought you could have died at that moment. And there was that winking face again. You couldn't believe your clumsy mistake had led you to have an actual conversation! Outside of school! Sure it was mainly about your shared class but now it felt more personal. She wasn't just "Ellie, the hot girl from my poetry class" anymore. She was Ellie Williams, the charming girl you'd met in class and befriended and fell in love with and moved in with and married and — ok now. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I don't even know her favourite colour yet. I don't even know if she likes girls, let alone me!

You decided that the best thing for you to do now was to focus on your assignment. It wouldn't take very long but at least it would keep your mind occupied for a little while.

Though the poem was about the beauty of nature and all it has to offer, you couldn't help but relate every verse to Ellie.

"they / Out-did the sparkling waves in glee" Ellie outdoes everyone and everything. There was not a single thing you could think of that you would rather look at than Ellie. There was no sound you'd rather hear than her laugh and no word you'd rather read than hers. I'm so fucking gay, it's ridiculous, you thought.

Some verses you felt rather poetic about, while others felt like they were describing the slight gay panic you'd had upon first seeing her, "I gazed — and gazed — but little thought". That's exactly how you'd felt. You'd stared at her sheer beauty and focused on nothing but her. The only thing you could remember from your time staring at her was the warmth that had formed in your belly and the tingling in your face.

You had known this girl for barely 8 hours and you could already see her in everything. Fuck, this is gonna hurt.

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Tuesday was somewhat uneventful. You'd been awoken by your alarm once again and had rolled over to check your phone. You were barely awake when you saw that Ellie had changed your name on messenger to "y/n🌸". Has she been thinking about me? you thought with a grin plastered to your face. Before you had time to overthink, you quickly changed her name to "Ellie 😉".

Neither of you texted the other again until Wednesday. It was a cool and cloudy day meaning everything had grey undertones and you refused to let yourself darken because of some stupid clouds. That's why you chose to wear your long sleeve, bright yellow shirt underneath short, green overalls.

The sky might be grey and sad but I'm looking like a ray of fucking sunshine! you told yourself in the mirror. The colour you wore made you feel invincible, as though you could conquer the world and make it bright again.

Eventually, after an interminable lecture, you were sat at your seat in your and Ellie's shared class, awaiting the girl herself. To busy yourself, you started taking out your books and laptop, putting your pens neatly out onto your side of the desk. While you were distracted, Ellie walked into the class.

Ellie's thoughts

Ellie's mind was racing, trying to figure out what to say to you when she saw you. She knew she would say hi; that was a given. But what then? She didn't want to just be an acquaintance to you. She wanted to be on your mind as much as you were on hers, which was constantly. Dreams of you consumed her nights which she loved until she woke up and realized you had barely talked to each other.

When she walked into the classroom, she nearly froze in the doorframe. Of course, she thought, on a gross day like this, she has to look like a ray of fucking sunshine. It was as though you were trying to make her fall head over heels for you.

When she started walking normally again, your head popped up and a genuine smile graced your lips. Ellie felt like the Earth had stopped spinning and smiled back with false confidence. She sat down next to you and told you her scripted, "Hi," in her usual, honeyed voice, adding an improvised, "how you doing?", proud she hadn't stumbled over her words.

"Hi," you answered, voice quieter than hers, "I'm doing pretty good. I actually finished the assignment on time, so the semester's off to a good start!" you said with a laugh.

Ellie laughed back, happy you had initiated a topic so she would get to keep talking with you. "Wow! Three whole days in and no late assignments yet! I'm extremely impressed." she replied, the glee evident in her tone.

You giggled and said, "You should be!"

There was a beat of silence and she was scared you had run your conversation to its course before it had even started. Then you surprised her by asking, "How have you been?"

She looked up at you, taking a few seconds to admire every line and curve in your face. "Oh, you know," she said, "I've been busier now that school started up again but I've been good." She paused for a second and continued, "I haven't been too busy to figure it out though."

A smile crept onto your face and she thanked her lucky stars that she'd kept talking. "Figure what out?" you asked.

With slightly shaking hands she hoped you wouldn't notice, she reached out to your arm and pushed up the sleeve of your shirt to reveal the tattoo you'd shown her. "This," she said looking back up, her eyes boring into yours, "It's Wordsworth right?" You nod and she goes on, "That's a sick name for a poet. I read the poem and I have to say, you've got some good taste, pretty girl." The name just slipped out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and she noticed your smile falter. She pulled away from your arm.

She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure but you spoke before she could, "I feel like with a name like that, he couldn't really go into any other profession, you know." you laughed dryly, clearly trying to ease the tension.

She laughed the same dry laugh and let out a quiet, "Yeah, he had to go into writing."

Luckily, your awkward moment only lasted a short time and Ellie was saved from any further embarrassment as your professor began her lecture.

About 30 minutes into the lecture, Ellie was flipping the pages of her textbook like crazy, trying to find the poem the class was discussing. She figured you had noticed her struggling because you tapped her on the arm and whispered the page number. She thanked you and started flipping to that page. In doing so, however, a page managed to slice through her skin, causing her to flinch and immediately suck on her cut.

She was cursing the paper when you tapped her arm again. She turned to you, finger still between her lips. You gave her a small smile and lifted something in your hand, "Do you need a bandaid?" you whispered. How could she say no when you were looking at her like that, big doe eyes full of concern.

She took her finger out of her mouth and agreed with a low, "Sure". Before she could do anything else, you grabbed her hand and wrapped the bandaid around her injured finger. Ellie could only stare at you, marveling at the care you gave to such a minor cut. "Thanks, y/n" she whispered. She thought she may have caught a glimpse of a blush on your cheeks but you had turned your head too quickly for her to tell for sure.

When she picked up her pen, she got her first good look at what you'd wrapped around her finger and laughed to herself. Of fucking course this personified beam of sunlight would carry around flower bandaids. I'm never taking this off. she thought as she admired her finger.

Back to your thoughts

You were looking up front but your mind was nowhere near whatever subject the professor was talking about. I touched Ellie! you though. Not the other way around! I touched her arm and then her hand! I'm gonna pass out. You were ecstatic, to say the least. You couldn't wait to call Taylor and tell her everything that happened during this second class with Ellie.

Soon enough, the class ended and you started packing your books. You got up, still giddy from excitement, and got ready to say goodbye to Ellie. She stood up after a few moments and spoke first, "So I was thinking," she said, her usual confidence seemingly vanished, "if you wanted to study or do assignments for this class, I'm free in the afternoon on Thursdays. We could meet in the library if you want. Or not even necessarily for this class, like, we could study for any class together if that was something you were interested in."

You gave her a quick open-mouthed smile. "Yeah!" you beamed, "Yeah that definitely sounds good. I know a secret spot in the library nobody ever goes to so we won't even need to worry about other people."

"Sounds great. I'll see you tomorrow then."

You both hesitated a little before moving to leave the classroom, and then again in the hallway, not sure of where the other was going. Seemingly amused by this, judging by the smirk on her face, Ellie put her hand on the small of your back, guided you in the direction you'd been headed in, and walked backward in the opposite direction.

"Bye, pretty girl!"

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Part 3

a/n: I got a little carried away in this one... Did you see how much touching there was! Whoo, that was borderline smut! But I told you there would be more talking! Also, I am obsessed with Romantic poetry, specifically William Wordsworth so sorry if there was too much of him in this chapter but I really love his work! You guys should all read "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud". It's a really short poem that may or may not have made me shed a tear. Anyway, leave any ideas you have for this story in the comments! I can't wait to see what you think!!

ps: lemme know if you wanna get tagged in the next one!

tags: @lonelyfooryouonly

#tlou #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x f!reader #wlw #lesbian #wlw fluff #college!ellie williams #not gonna lie this is the best thing I've ever written in my life

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mollisangelus · 2 years

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Red Is My Favorite Color

Yandere! Alpha! KiriBaku x Omega! Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

A/N: Yeahhh, let's get to the juicy parts. I'm so happy you guys stuck around! I'll keep posting every two days!! They're scheduled so- ASKS ARE OPEN BTW

TW: Crying, breakdown, panic attack, depression, anxiety, smothering, slight coercion. We getting heavy now.

♡———♡

They seemed to be around a lot after that, frequenting your cafe, playing with the dogs after a long mission, showing you pictures of Roofus, picking up Miko. Even Denki and Mina seemed to like you even more after that, because they invited you over for cookouts and Miko's birthday party, and you got to know the group. They all felt easy, like it wasn't so much of a chore to talk to them. They ignored your too old clothes, and your greasy hair sometimes. They didn't push you about your slumps or the way your smile faltered. Kirishima and Bakugou became great friends of yours, and you loved the way their relationship worked, their little banter. Playing videogames with them was awesome, and you even got to meet Roofus again at the park, and almost cried when you saw how happy he was. Maybe that's what led you here, sobbs shaking your body as the phone rang against your ear. A part of you hoped they didn't pick up, too embarrassed about the situation. Your heart squeezed and your nerves rattled when you heard a gravelly Kirishima ask, "Hello?" He must have been sleeping, you felt horrible. You tried to stop your crying, you couldn't intrude like this.

"N-nevermind, I'm s-sorry. I shouldn't have called." Before he could reply, you hung up.

You knew you had to get up and move, you had to do something. Yet you could only cry, surrounded by boxes of your things. You felt broken, how did things get this bad? All you did was work, constantly. How did you deserve this? What did you do wrong? The thoughts consumed your mind and sent you to a darker place, and it sent you into a panic. You shook and sobbed under the street light of the parking lot, feeling hopeless and lost. You cried yourself to sleep that night.

You don't know when you fell asleep, and when the guys showed up. You didn't really remember being picked up, in fact, but you thought you died and went to Heaven when you woke. The mattress beneath you was heaven and you cuddled in closer to it, hugging the blanket covering you. Sunlight twinkled in your eyes and you tried to turn so you could get back to sleep, but the light didn't relent.

Then it settled in, a mattress? Was last night a dream? Your bed never felt this good. You fell asleep outside. You shot up, quickly, looking around the place. Your boxed stuff and trash bags of your things were stacked in the room, covering the closet on the side. There were two windows behind you, one closest to the closet and the other right behind the bed you were sleeping in. A nightstand was beside you, your phone plugged in to a charger you didn't recognize. The room was relatively plain, all white walls, and simple grey shades and white bedding. It looked like a guest room. You grabbed your phone quickly, checking the time. Turning it on, several notifications were on your screen. Missed calls from Bakugou and Kirishima, messages as well. They probably hated you now. You pushed that stinging pain to the side, you had to figure out where the hell you were.

You got out of the bed, realizing you were in clothes that weren't your own. A baggy shirt and someone's boxers. It felt weird, but the smell on them was so familiar, it smelled a lot like Bakugou, although you could definitely find Kirishima in there too. Why were you wearing their clothes? Was this their place? Did they undress you?! Your omega didn't care about that, singing to the high Heavens that you were wearing their clothes. You rushed to the door, opening it. Your sudden adrenaline didn't stop your anxiety and fear, so you walked slowly down the hallway. Hushed whispers could be heard, although you couldn't make out what they were saying. It seemed serious whatever it was, so not wanting to intrude, so you went to clear your throat. However, as you got further down the hallway, the delicious smell of food invaded your senses, and it caused your stomach to growl. Both heads shot right into your direction. The kitchen was right off to the side, a large doorway was there, but the hallways continued a little bit into what looked like the living room.

They stood around the kitchen island, Bakugou near the stove and Kirishima seated on the other side, a mug in his hand that he was setting down. You didn't know what to say, where to begin, and apparently, neither did they. You stood frozen for a while until you spoke. "Wh-what… what happened?" It was barely above a whisper, the only thing your voice had to compete with was the crackle of bacon. Before either man could answer though, a familiar little bulldog came bounding around the corner and your face lit up. "Roofus, Buddy!"

You kneeled and allowed him to get in your lap as you pet and kissed him, him returning all the kisses right back. You didn't hear it, but both of them let out a sigh of relief that you didn't seem too freaked out. They were just trying to help you after all.

After greeting him, you stood again and that's when Kirishima spoke. "Why don't you come sit down with me so we can talk..?" He seemed nervous, his eyes flickering to your expression. Bakugou didn't glance at you at all after looking away the first time, focusing instead on the food in front him, which smelled more divine by the second.

Something inside of you made you super nervous. These were two alphas, and they thought you were a beta. It wasn't right for an omega to be here, after all they were also mated. You were invading, like always, a nuisance. How stupid of you to call them, they probably think your weak and dumb now. You felt a little overwhelmed, and the thought of last night just clouded your mind and you couldn't help the tears that started to cloud your eyes. Your silence had gotten Bakugou's attention again, and it made you feel even worse. So there you stood, trying not to crumble before both of these alphas.

Kirishima was the first to move, he couldn't stand the sight. Rushing over to you, and smothering you with his hold, cradling you close like you were the most delicate thing he'd ever touched. It only made you cry harder, here you were, making them worry even more. You sobbed in his chest, for a while. Bakugou had finished the food and set it on the counter before coming over, he didn't want to interrupt or overwhelm you. He knew these types of people all too well. Kirishima on the other hand, was all around you, in your face, whispering in your ear. His calming pheromones practically oozed out of every one of his scent glands.

It helped, partly, but then you started to speak. "I'm s-sorry, I'm so sorry. I d-don't mean to be like this!" You covered your face again. "I j-just needed help, but I i-invaded. I'm so sorry, please don't hate me."

The men were stunned. Why were you sorry? Why would they hate you? Kirishima couldn't help but tear up, hearing that. Who did this to you? He only glided his fingers through your hair, cradling you. "Sh, it's okay. It's okay, you don't have to be sorry. We don't hate you, we could never hate you. Just calm down.."

You did, finally, sobs turning into hiccups. Eventually Kirishima helped you sit up, but didn't make a move to remove you from his lap. His pheromones were still pumping, and you could smell Bakugou pretty strongly too. It was a little dizzying, but it kept you grounded and out of your thoughts, so you were thankful.

Bakugou finally spoke for the first time that morning, "What happened?" Your teary eyes looked up at him, face red and cheeks stained. Your lips were glossy and you just looked… so precious. So beautiful just like that. He had to focus though.

"I got.. kicked out." You whispered, so quietly.

"Why?"

Kirishima shot his partner a glare for being so blunt, but Bakugou ignored it.

"I couldn't pay th-the rent. They doubled it! Again!" You sounded exasperated as you continued, "I got let go at the animal shelter… they were running low on funds since most of it is donation, and couldn't afford all the staff. I'm s-sorry I lied! I just didn't want you guys to worry when you asked why you hadn't seen me… so I just told you I changed shifts and positions.." Kirishima started petting your hair again before you could get worked up.

Bakugou's gaze softened at you, you really did need them. "Well you're staying here from now on." Was all he said, his voice gruff, but softer than usual.

Your head shot up, "No."

You didn't mean to be that agressive, or sound that scared. But you couldn't, they were two alphas, and you still had heats. Mated or not, instincts were instincts. They both looked at you, surprised.

"Why the hell not?" Bakugou shot back, a little hurt by your reaction. Couldn't you see that they wanted to help you?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that- I just, can't." Was all you meaked out.

"Hun, why won't you let us help you..? We're not gonna hurt you..?" Kirishima spoke softly in your ear, although he was hurt too. Bakugou's glare burned into your soul, and you felt guilty. You didn't want to tell them the truth. Maybe you could just try to hide, just shut yourself in your room during your heat.

"I- okay…" You relented.

Both men exchanged a glance, and Kirishima smiled. "Awesome! Why don't we have some breakfast and get cleaned up, and we'll help you unpack."

You smiled at that and nodded. If only you'd known they were just suckering you in.

Taglist: @skylan666

#yandere bnha x reader #katsuki bakugou #kiribaku #mha kirishima #kirishima x you #kirishima x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou x fem!reader #yandere themes #yandere #a/b/o

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deathfavor · 6 months

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ADDRESSING COMMON QUESTIONS because even though I've said and state this in my rules, i want to make it clear by actually writing it out myself.

HOW MANY MEMES CAN I SEND? I genuinely mean it when I say send as many as you want. I've had several people send me 20+ memes at once and i sit there Delighted to see them every time. More memes often means multiple dynamics and different situations, and can give me a lot more to work with if i'm feeling a certain genre of writing. The question is how often do you want to see me in your notifs because i do try to answer all the memes I get. So it's a challenge. You spam me, I spam you. mutual exchange. ( and 4 is NOT spamming okay, you gotta hit at least 8 before you can call it spamming in this establishment. )

YOU REBLOGGED THIS MEME AGES AGO, CAN I STILL SEND SOMETHING IN? My memes don't have any time limits on them. I could have reblogged it back in January and if you want to send it in, go for it. The only ones might be like the 'next ten asks' memes since those are for 10 but the common, typical meme? Go wild.

IS IT OKAY TO TURN THIS INTO A THREAD? I literally write my meme replies with the intention of making it easier for people to continue if they want to. New post, and i try to end my meme responses in a way that lets people continue them with ease. I LOVE threads, I've legitimately had 15+ threads with just one person ( not including all my threads with others). So please, if you want to turn something into a thread, literally just take it and run. I'm genuinely thrilled every time someone is inspired or liked a response enough to continue it.

SOMEONE ALREADY ANSWERED THIS OPEN - CAN I STILL ANSWER IT? Yes! This isn't a lottery ticket or first come first serve. If you see an open and you want to answer it, go for it! I encourage it! People can take one open and make them vastly different and its so fun to see how people interpret or build the scenario or how different characters and dynamics lead to different things even from the same open!

I WANT TO WRITE WITH [MUSE] BUT I DON'T KNOW THEM. CAN I STILL? / DO YOU WRITE CROSSOVERS ? Yes! I'll be honest here. I am FAR, FAR more prone to straight up crossovers than making fandom specific AUs. Sure, I sometimes might. But I love straight up crossovers way more, whether its your muse coming to my world or mine going ot yours. Most of my muses come from sources where ending up in another universe could genuinely happen as well so its not hard to do. I'm always happy to discuss who goes to what world. I think its fun ; plus it makes muse interactions all the more genuine for me in a way since if I don't know the muse, it doesn't somehow influence my muse either. And I'm always happy to share any relevant information to them!

DO YOU WRITE WITH OCS / CANON DIVERGENT / ETC. I do! I genuinely love writing with OCs and I know sometimes it can be hard. I've personally dropped all my OCs because of that. So I try my best to give them attention and build bonds between the characters. And same goes for Canon Divergent! It might need some discussion depending if it effects my muse somehow, but I am genuinely absolutely here for it !

I hope some of this might offer relief to you guys who might have been wondering about these things. I tried to think up common questions / sources of anxiety that people have in the RPC and really write it out here. I'm sure I've missed some and you can feel free to write in the comments or send an ask if there's a question / topic you're wondering about. I definitely feel like i'm missing some pretty obvious ones, but I think these are ones that I've had come up most frequently when interating with new people so maybe this will offer

#i have no idea if this helps at all #but i hope it might help some people #᛭ — [OOC] angst is the game and tears are the currency

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bardofavon · 2 months

Note

Hi! I just recently discovered your blog because of the post about comments.

And it was the most precious thing I ever read.

I suffer from social anxiety, and sometimes even leaving comments on fan fics makes me sweat, but I have managed to cope with it most healthily. Besides, my English has improved a lot, so I can write comments that match better my thoughts and personality.

I recently had an experience with an author,, who even reached me through Tumblr to thank me for a comment I deleted.

The thing is, I had a bad experience with an author, where I mentioned this fan fic they wrote and I enjoyed it so much, that discovering they write for another fandom I adore made me so happy. But, this author took it in the wrong way...

So, going back to the author, that reached me... I deleted my comment because, the fan fic I read of them before, is now orphanded. And, when I commented on this new fan fic (from a totally different fandom), I told them I enjoyed their other work (I even decided not to mention the name of the fan fic, just being cautious) but, I had second guesses and decided to delete my comment.

I never thought the author would send me a DM thanking me for that comment.

It was unexpected, to say the least. But sweet.

Also, I write fan fics. They don't receive a lot of comments, but I don't mind. I'm aware there are a lot of reasons for people not writing comments, but, now I need to think about if I had ever been perceived as rude, intimidating, or scary.

I have a lot to think about.

Sorry I let this sit in my ask box for so long!!!! I felt like it deserved a thoughtful response. ❤️ It was so sweet of you to tell me this. It’s been encouraging to see how many people agree with me, and simultaneously discouraging to see how many readers have had such terrible personal experiences interacting with authors. Obviously I think most authors are kind and receptive to comments, so it’s sad to see how many people might have missed out on kind and thoughtful comments because a handful of people are mean and inflammatory.

Obviously it’s such a nuanced issue, especially when you factor in language barriers, anxiety, neurodivergence, etc. it all feels so much harder than it needs to be.

It was good that author reached out and DM’d you about your comment!!!! I probably would have done the same thing tbh. even when I get triple notifications that someone’s edited their comment a few times I read all the versions and compare, lol.

It’s kind of crazy because back in the day on ffn I got some BRUTAL comments (someone told me my dialogue made my fic unreadably bad 😭) and those people were objectively assholes saying that to someone with “13 years old” in their bio. but also….I would not be the writer I am today without the criticism I received. nowadays if I was averaging dozens of comments a chapter and then I post several chapters with only a handful I have no idea if people have stopped reading/engaging because the problem is with the pacing, they don’t like the direction it’s going, etc. or if life got in the way. if saying your true reactions was still commonplace I’d be able to have a truer gage of what’s going on behind the scenes.

I’m the one posting my work online, and I’m responsible for my own emotional health in terms of reacting to what people say to me. people are allowed to leave mean comments, the internet is public. but I’m allowed to be hurt by them. but also, if I respond rudely, other people have a right to choose not to leave comments on my work in the future.

idk where I’m going with this except to say it’s hard work, both being a reader and being a writer. there’s no solution aside from everyone working together to be more loving and understanding across the board.

my post was originally just a heads up to my followers I know read my fic who might not comment about my personal preferences, not a universal “this is objective and universal for all readers and writers” so it’s been interesting to see it taken as such. crazy how many people can take a post about taking things in good faith in such bad faith!!!! so I’m very glad to hear that it hit for you ♥️ asks like this make the 10,000 angry notes in my activity feed feel worth it 😂

#ao3 #comments

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footnotesandendings · 11 months

Text

I have been off tumblr for a few days for a variety of reasons, some of which are very obvious to some of you (heyyyyy that crew, everything is bad and we're dying, right? right. some scattered thoughts on that thing are under the cut). I'm not fully back but I'm going to make this post, reblog a few things, try to be partially back and just step aside when needed. unfortunately there is non-fannish Stuff that is also too much and awful so that might factor in, but I love you and miss you and hope things calm down soon and also that the thing referenced above and under the cut is less bad.

I accidentally thought about how last season Adam et al said all that stuff about how yeah people talking shit is hard on Jordan but he always shakes it off and uses it to fuel him so everything is fine. WAS IT. WAS IT FINE. OR DID SOMETHING FINALLY BREAK IN HIS ALREADY MOSTLY BROKEN BRAIN.

like I've said before I don't think he runs his own twitter but whatever PR people do probably report back to him on trends of what people are saying. and while he also probably doesn't get Instagram notifs, people are extremely blunt in his replies and he can't avoid seeing some of them. so yeah having a crowd standing around screaming at you that you're old, useless, deliberately hurting something they love on purpose, and also a pedophile might eventually snap a person. the idea of going to a country where if they call you names it's not in a language you understand might have a certain appeal.

also the history of what he refuses to call severe depression and anxiety. eventually it does catch up to you and ruin your life!!!! am I projecting, maybe, don't look at me.

anyway I can't believe the transfer window doesn't close until September 1. gonna be doing so much stress-vomiting between now and then and hating myself for being overinvested. I thought I learned this lesson many years ago, in bandom. I did so well at not overcommitting in hockey. ugh. the quasi-celebrity men.

time to reblog some things.

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unprocione · 1 year

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name : rian!

pronouns : he/him :)

preference of communication : discord! always discord, i constantly forget tumblr ims exist, and on discord i can remark things as unread, so i don't lose the notification if i can't reply at the time, which helps when i'm burnt out or if my attention span is particularly bad that day.

most active muse : leon & only leon these days!

experience / how many years : i've been writing on tumblr since late 2018! it feels like way longer, i started writing on tumblr when red dead redemption 2 was released and i was writing josiah trelawny while the game was actually still under embargo, scrambling to watch every new playthrough episode i could find while the fandom was setting up. i didn't actually play the game myself until it was released on pc in late 2019!

best experience : i had several really good experiences writing atlas/frank fontaine from bioshock in a western cusp-of-the-nineteen-hundreds american heartland verse, going into alot of topics like industrialism at that time, the american labour movement and american union history, strike tactics & the economics of greed. it was inspired alot from a show on the usa network called damnation that got cancelled, i did a ton of historical research and i mostly wrote with red dead redemption ii muses, did alot of worldbuilding with @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins who is an excellent roleplay partner! i'm working on potentially setting up that verse again but from a different perspective for leon, because i miss it.

rp pet peeves : oh i have alot of opinions but i keep 'em to myself until you give me an opportunity. can't stand people getting cancelled for writing villains as the actual villains they are in canon, or characters generally as more complicated morally, especially when they're referencing content from the actual media and people are losing their minds because they're not the fandom expectation or easy ship material. so many people will have 'mun does not equal muse!!' in their carrds and byfs but will clutch their pearls if you even quote directly from source material, and then harass the fuck out of you, send hate anons, suicide bait, i mean we've all seen it happen or heard about it if it hasn't happened to us directly, definitely so if you're on this site for more than a year, so you know what i mean. i don't like people looking to my writing for moral directives or sifting through all my content to glimpse some kind of agenda, i think that's chronically online behavior. obviously it's different if someone is writing pedophilia or something but i just feel like i shouldn't have to make that disclaimer at all, it feels like common sense but if i don't say something i run the risk of someone messaging me like 'so you support so & so? kill yourself!' y'know.

fluff, angst, or smut : i like all of these in moderation so long as there's depth to it further than just being fluff, angst, or smut for no cause, you know? if it's not signature to our muses, if it doesn't fit narratively, and is just feel-good content, i just get bored, and having any of this in back to back to back to back threads of just one roleplay genre is like being smothered to death with chocolate cake, i only like a little bit once in a while otherwise i get sick of it, y'know.

plots or memes : plotting 100%, but even though i heavily prefer plotting, i don't often have the energy for it? even if i really like the other muse's portrayal. or, alternatively, i will do all of this plotting in my head, and just like. never act on it, or bring it to my roleplay partner, due to this weird ocd-adjacent anxiety symptom i'm trying to break now that i have meds to help me out, where i make alot of social rules and conditions for myself that just overall completely pens me up and isolates me. i don't know what it's called but i've just always had that and it gets in the way of what i love doing all the time.

long or short replies : i don't have a reliable perception of long or short replies! i'm happy with two paragraphs but i'll reply with like six or eight paragraphs average because once i get over my anxiety there's really nothing else stopping me and i like run-on sentences and exposition and scenery and internal monologues!! and i know it's not always appropriate sometimes too, like if we agree on a shorter thread for less pressure, but i've always had a hard time knowing where to stop with anything, i have no perception of an appropriate point to cut off? i need like. a reverse nanowrimo.

time to write : apparently 11:00 pm - 6 am est, since that's when i'm most productive lately.

are you like your muses : god i hope not. i did choose to write leon as gay though because, i'm gay myself and it was more comfortable for me, even though he's pretty heterosexual in canon, but that's less from me wanting to relate with him on a point, and more because i have had some really uncomfortable and bad experiences shipping with female muses who didn't respect boundaries in the past. whether that's projecting attraction on me as a person instead of my muse, or wanting me to write noncon or torture porn, and finding a way to take it out on me when i said no or tried to let them down easy, and it's one of those things where looking back on the memory of it gives me the same tight-chested feelings as alot of people get when they've been involved in intense drama and callouts and stuff. just can't do it anymore! maybe that'll change someday ^^

tagged by: @blitzkriegers & @omniterror thamk u both for tagging :) tagging: @ubcs, @sinibell, @valour-bound, @mycelae

#there might have been more folks who tagged me but i can't remember...#» 🕊️ ﹕ chris redfields arms are bigger than my future. (ooc.) ❧#» 🕊️ ﹕ over here ，stranger. (dash games.) ❧

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dcviline · 7 months

Text

Some important things I want to reiterate for my blogs. Some of these things are already in my rules but keep getting ignored repetitively and by different people so I'm going to clarify, and some of these are new additions. I'm sorry if any of this comes across as too harsh in wording, I am just very very tired & stressed irl due to the time of year so I'm gonna be more careful about curating my tumblr experience for the time being. Please read.

First of all, I can usually tell when you have not read my rules or the info I have on my muse(s). I'm not a hardass and I won't get fussy if you forget something, I don't expect everyone to memorize everything about my rules or portrayals, that's just an insane expectation to have in general so don't worry I am not gonna ask that of anyone lmao. We're all just human beings and a lot of us here have funky little brains so trust me I'm very chill about it. And it's okay if you skim, they are just there for reference if you ever need them. I also understand especially with my multis, I don't have info listed for every muse because I am moving things around a lot and still working on new pages, so it's okay to make mistakes. What I mean is, sometimes it's very easy to tell when someone followed without looking at anything at all. The only thing I ask for is an attempt to respect the guidelines and boundaries I have set for myself and the barest attempt to at least try to understand the muse you're intending to interact with instead of picking them purely for the face you saw or the blog aesthetic or whatever.

On that same note, don't try to interact with my muses just because of their faceclaims. Just . . . don't do this please. I'm honestly shocked about how many times this has happened to me in the past year alone. I do not like the concept of face hunts or wanted opposites based solely on a faceclaim and not the character itself; it makes me very uncomfortable.

All of my blogs are mutuals only. If we are not mutuals, I will not be interacting with you on a roleplay basis. I will not be writing starters or answering ic thread starters in my inbox for non mutuals. This is how I curate my space. It's not personal, but please respect this boundary I have set. I have it on my pinned post that I am private and mutually exclusive, so there is no excuse to ignore this.

I am not fast about following back 70% of the time. I'm cautious about who I follow for the sake of curating my dash space. If you do not have an accessible place with your rules listed at the very least, then I will wait to follow until you do and I have read them. Outside of getting notified about a new follow, I check my new followers once or twice every 2-3 weeks, so yes, it can take a while in some cases, especially if I missed the original notification or if you didn't have your rules / info added at the time. Do not repeatedly follow / unfollow to get my attention. All this does is make me not want to follow at all. Please be patient with me, and if you can't afford me patience in even the littlest things, then this is not the blog for you.

I do have long-term writing partners that get prioritized. These are usually friends I have been writing with for years, so there is a great deal of trust and understanding already built. Of course this does mean that typically my inspiration will gravitate towards these mutually-built plots and dynamics, especially when my energy is low. I'm just a human being, not a writing machine. Having friends and having fun writing with them is not "cliquey", so if you hold this view, this is not the blog for you. (Yes, that has been an issue before.) I always welcome new writing partners! If we are mutuals, I want to write with you. Just understand that I do have a severe anxiety disorder, so I'm always shy when first meeting & getting to know someone new. Again, I am interested, just shy & anxious! So feel free to throw yourself and your muses at me first and I promise I will be elated.

Most of the muses I write are women or fem-aligned. I do notice when people only try to interact with my men & masc muses and completely ignore all of my women. Please don't be one of these people.

A new addition because of a trend I'm noticing more and more lately: please do not make the majority of your thread and ask replies to me in all caps. A little bit for decoration is fine, but if it's the majority of the reply, the odds are I cannot read it. I am dyslexic and have adhd, and it's extremely hard (if not impossible in some cases) for my brain to get through a piece of writing if it's a giant block of all caps.

I won't follow you if you use templates / psds / etc. from resource creators and do not credit the people who made them. It takes minimum effort to simply acknowledge the people who went out of their way to make these things, and pretending that someone else's work (no matter how heavily you edited it) is your own is theft and overall icky behavior.

If we are mutuals, you are 100% welcome to come throw your muses at mine at any time! You can send ic asks (and continue them) or throw random starters at me whenever the inspiration hits you, the only requirements are don't godmod or forceship. (If you are unsure about anything, come talk to me!) I promise I do not bite <3

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞#will reblog this slowly on my other blogs so I don't clog the dash all at once #some of this is new and needs to be added to my rules too on some blogs

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blueroses789 · 1 year

Text

I wish I could be stronger

Warnings:

Mental health issues

Smut

Angst

Domestic violence

next chapter: Over the edge

Chapter 19/?

Frenzy: Chapter 19

You had woken up in the middle of the night. Almost immediately your body started to shake with superseded emotion. Desperately you reached for the water. It cooled your throat but only helped slightly. Slipping out of bed you went to the window. The street was completely dark. Seeing it was 3:30 am, you tiptoed back to bed. Laying there, you hoped you might sleep. It didn’t come. All you could do was toss and turn until it was unbearable. Cold feet padded the floor. Nervously you passed anxiety spiking. You plugged in the electric kettle. It lit up and you watched the water boil away. It was hot and furious. Just as you felt. Weirdly, it soothed you. If only you could rage and storm, maybe things would be better.

Everything was heavy on your chest.

Your mother Father Eren Mikasa Ymir

More and more names. Each with their own weight in pain. That was when your phone rang.

“What do you mean she’s at the hospital?” Those were the first words you said. It was someone working at the emergency center. All you had been told was that she had a heart attack, and was in intensive care. Forgetting the kettle, you quickly dressed. It was only when outside that you realized there wasn’t a way to get there. So you ran.

Your throat felt like it was bleeding. Every gasp ached. When the hospital lights appeared over the horizon you could have cried with relief. It was busy. Paramedics and patients going back and forth. You walked up to the desk. “Here to see a family member?” The receptionist probably saw people like you every day. Desperate and scared. “M/n L/n. I’m her daughter.” She called over a nurse who took charge. “Right this way.” You followed her, prepared for the worst.

She lay on the bed, as still as a corpse. You let out a sigh of relief. Despite being still, you could tell she was alive. Only sleeping peacefully. The monitor showed a steady heartbeat. “When did it happen?” “Yesterday. Your mother woke up a few hours ago and told us to call you.” “Does my father know.” “I don’t believe so. Is he in her contacts.” “Yeh. I’ll tell him later.” “Are you sure? We can-” “They’re divorced.” Immediately she fell silent. You felt guilty for snapping at her like that. But at that moment your anger had suddenly spiked. The two of you were left alone. You sat down. For the first time in years, you paid attention to your mother's features. She was so thin. Not a natural type of thin, but the type where you’ve been sick for a long time. It was purely on instinct. You had reached for her hand. Shocked, you felt the bones on her frail fingers. Tentatively, your hands reached out for hers. It was just the two of you alone in a room. When was the last time the two of you had been like this? Certainly not since the divorce. You sat in silence for a while. Until the phone rang.

At first, you thought it was yours. But the notifications were completely blank. You realized it was your mother's instead, her clothes on a chair nearby. You walked over and picked it up. It took you several moments to truly process what you had just read.

F/n: M/n pick up right now.

F/n: If you don’t pick up right fucking now I’m gonna come over there.

F/n: Do you really want to face the consequences? Just because we’re not married doesn't mean I tolerate disrespect.

Several missed calls showed up. “What the fuck.” Your mouth barely moved, eyes bulging so much they hurt. What the actual fuck had you just read?! You knew your father could be rough but this was insane. Wanting to know more, yet dreading it all the same, you unlocked the phone. Every scroll through the chat between mom and dad became worse and worse. M/n: I’m really sorry but I can’t make it

F/n: Again with a damn excuses M/n: I just need rest. Please F/n: Go fuck yourself

You seriously wanted to puck. Was that why your mother was here now? You continued scrolling through the messages. Going further down only made it worse.

F/n: I have hardly spent time alone with Y/n. Just because your her mother does not mean you have to be there every time! M/n: I don’t mean to intrude F/n: Then don’t. I don’t need to do this picnic. You come and I will never do something like this for Y/n again.

You looked to the date of that particular text, June seventh. Bile rose in your throat, that was the picnic your father had planned. M/n was supposed to come. When she didn’t you had been horribly hurt. That had been the last time you reached out to her. Looking back, you fathers reaction was odd. He told you to leave it be and he would talk to her. All this time you had resented your mother when it wasn’t her fault. How many other times had you blamed her for something that was your fathers doing? You took a screenshot and sent it to yourself.

F/n had a lot to answer for.

Tag list:

@jaegersdiary

@didiyogo

@jeagersruletheworld

@maya3km

@casinorose

@erenjaegerwifee

#eren jeager #eren x mikasa #eren yeager x reader #eren smut #eren x reader #eren x reader smut #eren x reader fluff #eren #eren x reader angst #aot smut #snk smut #mikasa akerman #mikasa x reader #mikasa akerman x reader #historia x ymir #reiner x reader #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun #get ready for the angst and crack

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m318x2 · 2 years

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why is it even harder for me to socialize on social media than it is in real life. I feel like I've made some progress with talking to people irl but online??? somehow unless I'm posting to an anonymous account I never feel like anything I have to say is wanted? like it feels invasive to just.... stumble across something a stranger said and... speak?? at them?? it's like equivalent to approaching a stranger in a public place who you overheard by accident and talking to them about the thing they didn't intend you to hear in my head. I know a lot of people don't see it that way—and feel like it's more akin to a party or club or something where mingling with strangers is expected and encouraged—though.

idk i think having used it since i was pretty young and also having anxiety so young (I wonder how much of that anxiety was CAUSED by early exposure to social media owl), it irked me in a way I can't fully undo just yet. I'm always afraid that people are judging me no matter how innocuous the post was, and it's just not worth the stress anymore so I just stay like 90% anonymous online. it's better for me. and I'm trying to limit my overall consumption too. I know its better to be wary online to stay safe, but ideally I can be cautious without killing the fun or worrying too much, you know? sometimes it's ok to just. turn your phone off. and not stress about 'staying in the loop' or missing a notification. hell, half the time I see the notifications right away but don't click on them until like a day later or just dismiss them entirely.

he said in a lengthy tumblr post, written after he had been on tumblr for several hours that day. baby steps. I'm still using it less than I used to

#nick-rambling.txt #I wrote this baked as hell and starving lol

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averseunhinged · 9 months

Text

it is the end of the summer and project: secret plan to treat my own anxiety disorder until i can find a semi-local psychiatrist who is both taking patients and not a complete wackadoo has been. you know. hits and misses.

(+) have figured out my newly diversified social media usage to some extent, i.e. where i'm comfortable posting what content

(-) really, really hate juggling bluesky, instagram, tumblr, and the artist formerly known as twitter*. it makes me feel even more scattered than i normally do.

(+) removed most of the social media apps on my phone. it feels more manageable when it's not a constant barrage of notifications. i still have tafkat and bluesky on my phone, at least for now, but the rest are strictly laptop only.

(+) wrote things, both fic and original, with the actual intent to share them

(-) still having phases of massive panic attacks while writing, because i dared contemplate potentially allowing other ppl to read it in some capacity or another

(+) not having them every single time i open up a word document, tho. sometimes it even feels as fun as when i'm handwriting in notebooks.

(+) participated in fandom stuff

(+) sort of

(+) like the bare minimum of participation

(-) and then: panic/horror/despair

(+) but i'm kind of figuring out how it all works in the year of our lord etc. and there is LESS of the aforementioned, which...jesus, i can't even begin to describe how nice it is to be able to do things i really do want to do without the meatsack totally shutting down, because it can't read the room, and thinks i'm for realsies going to die.

(-) i was for sure using the wrong strain of sativa for a while

(-) white durbin was a bad scene for me

(+) do recommend jack herer and og sour diesel for adhd, tho. they sort of streamline the braining, but don't totally jack me up.

other more personal ups and downs, too. so. progress. ish. not as much as i (unrealistically) wanted, but there was some at least? i don't have a ton of secret plan stuff going into autumn, other than REALLY do it up for the autumn/winter holidays this year, if i'm well enough, because my sister broke off a long term relationship with a guy who was not holiday fun.

more of what i've already been trying to do, i guess. if i have to. which i do. being a very high risk person during the plague times broke my brain (which was already a cesspool of medical trauma, self-conscious anxiety, the sads, and no-longer-medicated adhd), and it's deeply annoying that doing things that make me feel short-term awful makes me feel long-term better.

i'd like to keep doing wip wednesday, but multifandom. i would like to actually finish fic and post it. i would like to do exchanges. i would like to review things. i would like to participate in and contribute to fandom at least to the level i used to. which was pretty minimal in the grand scheme, but it was something.

*if we are friendly here and you would like to be friendly on other hellsites, i think i'm at a point where that's okay. dm me or whatever. i do private life stuff on tafkat (very open about my severe medical problems, so content warning) music/tv/movies/food babbling on bluesky, and mostly use ig to keep up with friends and family, but haven't posted anything myself in years. unfollow amnesty for everything always. we can still be friends, even if you don't want to know my every opinion on trap-infused pop country or whenever i end up almost dead in the hospital for the millionth time.

#what if another psychiatrist who was not an anti-vaxxer started taking patients in my area #what if that was a thing that happened for me #i'm not taking medical advice from a covid denialist #esp one who graduated? from?? medical school???#like how do you become an actual medical doctor without the ability to interpret a peer reviewed study????#idk if this is appropriate content for this hellsite #but dedicated to everyone who's in the shit and halfassed trying to fight their way back out #secret plan to fight anxiety

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beautifulpersonpeach · 2 years

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Hi BPP! You seem kind if level headed about most things so thought you might have some advice. Since getting into bts I've mainly used twitter to keep up with things, but have long found it too stressful with the fanwars, the negativity to bts, some army loving dicourse too much and demands from some about streaming/voting (which I do anyway, but the guilt trip posts start to stress me out) etc plus reactions to anything seem amplified there. I've tried several times to curate my timeline, only follow official accounts and trusted update ones, but still a lot of nonsense ends up reaching me. I've even tried deleting the damn app, but always end up back because I've not found anywhere better for updates yet. Maybe its because I already suffer with anxiety that a lot of these things effect me more then they should, but with all the enlistment stuff I really think I need to find better places to spend my time. I used to use tumblr years ago (before I was into bts) and since blowing the cobwebs off my account and going through my old posts I remembered how much calmer being a fan on here felt, so I'm thinking this might be a good platform to try and spend my time on instead. My only concern is that I'll miss actual news and translations as twitter just seems a better platform for that real time. How do you manage your fandom experience? And are there any good blogs here you'd recommend? I just don't think I can handle each of their enlistment periods putting up with both kmedia nonsense and armys instant reaction to it like you said on one of your previous asks. I know it won't do me personally any good and if I'm just stressed all the time I'll start associating feeling stressed with the boys, which I dont want. Honestly finding your account where you actually discuss things in a calm manner has felt a blessing when I've been both over stressed by twitter and feeling a bit lost on tumblr so thank you.

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Hi Anon,

I hear you on all this, but I think the way I 'manage my fandom experience' might not work for you because going by everything you wrote, I suspect we have very different personalities. Plus the way I stay updated is mostly from actually talking to people, friends in Korea and outside Korea, rather than checking in with update accounts and things like that. Like most of the time I'm online for k-pop, I'm online with friends on Daum... not Twitter or Tumblr. This is what I sort of organically developed over the years and during significantly crazier times in k-pop.

Occasionally I get asks wanting advice on navigating k-pop or fandom in general, and it kinda stumps me because fandom is just a microcosm of wider society so just do what works for you out there, in here. It's a process of trial and error, but eventually you'll create an environment you like staying in.

You're also doing all the right things already. You seem self-aware of your limits and how staying longer in an environment you find toxic could impact other things such as how you view the tannies + the fandom. You mentioned checking out different online platforms and I agree with you that Tumblr better allows you to isolate for what you actually want to see, way better than Twitter does. Tumblr, rather than Twitter, is the best platform to create an echo chamber which is essentially what you're asking Anon. I don't follow many accounts here and most of the accounts I do follow are pics accounts for the rapline and jikook, but one account I'd recommend that updates with current events for all BTS members very promptly, is @jung-koook.

On Twitter, I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts and usually add new events to my calendar right away (but this is also something I do generally for other events to stay organized). The people I follow on twitter outside of official accounts are friends who I've known for an average of 3 years (from all sorts of fandoms), as well as some producers and music magazine editors. I look out for people who seem genuinely interested in the music over anything else. I have a fairly big account on Twitter but I'm also a vintage twitter user (think circa 2007) and so I'm very comfortable navigating the madness happening on there daily. And this brings me to one big point: if you plan to spend any time in fandom, any fandom, you might have to work on your tolerance.

Basically, you can try to curate your online environment as much as you like, but so long as you're dealing with people or are anywhere you expect to interact with strangers, then you need a higher tolerance baseline. I answered another ask recently where I said fandom probably skews higher than the normal distribution of freaks in a population, so no matter the platform you're on, you're just going to have to expect to see weirdos. Like you might be surprised to learn that even with my apparent 'reasonable' approach with this blog open for less than a year on a 'calm' site like Tumblr, I've had my fair share of weirdos and manufactured drama. It's unfortunate, but also just par for the course.

The basics: block people you don't want to interact with, mute words you don't want to see or that add to your anxiety. You don't need to explain yourself, but also understand you'll still see things you don't like. With my personality it's easy for me unlook weird shit and focus on what makes sense to me, but for others I can understand if they need hard limits on that sort of nonsense.

TL;DR

Tumblr is better for creating echo chambers than Twitter. Tumblr is better for controlling what you want to see than Twitter is.

One account I'd recommend following here is @jung-koook who posts frequently and promptly for all the members.

On Twitter I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts. I mostly only interact with a handful of friends on Twitter though I have a fairly big account on there.

There's no shortcut to creating a space that works for you. It's trial and error but you seem to already be doing all the right things.

Develop a higher tolerance for weird. Fandom brings in all sorts of people, pay attention to things you like, block things you don't, and eventually you'll find your people. That's not a platitude, it actually generally works.

Goodluck Anon. 💜

#bts #fandom behavior #bts army #bts fandom #army fandom

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queencvbra · 1 year

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Important things to remember !

I can be slow. I have a life outside of tumblr. Sometimes I will reply in 0.2 seconds, sometimes it will take me a couple of weeks, more or less. It all depends on my energy and what my muse is leaning towards at the moment, plus there are a lot of factors like my irl schedule, my family, or my mental and physical health that can affect how much time and energy I can spare for writing. I literally have things in my drafts from three months ago because I am a Mess. My reply speed isn't a direct reflection of my interest, and if for any reason either of us decides we're not feeling a thread anymore, that's fine. And it IS okay to ask and make sure I got your reply / starter / ask / etc if you think I might have missed it bc I am forgetful and tumblr's notifications suck most of the time, I don't consider that to be pressuring me.

I have bad social anxiety. I'm working on getting better about it and have been for the past several years, but I have a disorder, so sometimes I'm having to actively work against my own funky brain chemistry. I'm not the greatest at reaching out or carrying on conversations; I'm shy, and I blank out a lot. Even if we're friends and have known each other for a while, I still have these moments, and it's never personal. I welcome ooc communication, but I know I'm not always the best at it, and I know I'm not the only one who has to deal with social anxiety so besties I promise you I understand and will never be mad if we're not talking 24/7. I just want the same understanding in return, bc how much I do or do not talk ooc is not an indicator of my interest in you as a person or your muses, it's literally just my anxiety and has nothing to do with you. We're good, I promise.

I suck at plotting things to an extent. I'm better with general directions and ideas of where we want things to go, but leaving things flexible for our muses to do their thing. Some threads do work better with more detailed plotting, but for the most part I'm perfectly fine winging everything, so there's no pressure to have some perfect plotline already scripted out before you come plot with me. Literally just throw a vague idea at me or be like "hey I think x and y should interact" and we can go from there.

I am following you because I like you and your muse(s) and your presence on my dash. I don't follow people just for the sake of following, it makes my dash feel anxious and crowded, so if I'm following you, then yes I am interested in writing with you! You are not here to pad my follower count and I am not here to pad yours. And there is no time limit here, I won't unfollow just because we didn't interact in the first two weeks or whatever. Sometimes it is harder to come up with interactions between certain muses, but if you're a chill person the odds are I'll probably just keep following you anyway because I like reading what you write, too.

I love you <3 You belong here even if you don't feel like it sometimes. If you ever think "I wonder if anyone would actually care if I deleted and left" the answer is yes. Always yes. Take care of yourself. Drink your water, take your meds, and get some rest. Tumblr can get overwhelming so don't be afraid to take breaks when you need them, and remember that just because you decided to take a break it doesn't mean everyone suddenly stopped caring or forgot about you. You matter to the people around you a lot more than you think you do, don't let the general negativity and selfish behavior on this hellsite convince you otherwise. Write with your friends and do what makes you happy, no one is entitled to shit here and this community can only function if we learn to treat each other like people again and not writing machines.

#I just felt like I needed to say it okay now back to the chaos posting #⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞

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fxllen-rxse · 1 year

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Rules

No godmodding.

This blog is 21+ only. Adult/dark/nsfw themes may be present. Mun is 30+ and does not feel comfortable interacting with minors under any circumstances. If you lie about your age you will be blocked.

Selective and mutuals only. Meaning I will only rp if we are following each other. This is mainly to keep my sanity in check. I have anxiety issues and have had bad experiences in the past with non mutuals. That being said, non mutuals can still send in asks, but all I ask is that you do not try to get around this by using anon. I enjoy getting anons. Don't get me wrong, but if you're trying to get around my rules this way then it makes me want to interact less.

For multi-muse blogs, I may not follow back because you may have muses from other Fandoms that I'm either not part of or familiar with. I am very picky about my dash, but if you have a muse I am interested in interacting with then I will make an exception.

Please be patient with me. I work a full time job and don’t always have the muse to be online every day. So replies most likely will not happen super quickly.

I do not practice reblog karma, but I do prefer that memes be reblogged from the source. It can sometimes be a downer if you reblog a meme, get several notifications, only to see that its just others reblogging from you. Especially if we are not mutuals. Doing this persistently will result in a block.

Please do not reblog rp threads if you are not involved in them. It’s ok to leave likes, but if you reblog them I will not hesitate to block.

Personal/non-rp blogs are ok, for now. All I ask is that you do not reblog any of my headcanons, in character, or ooc posts. Doing so will get you blocked with no warnings. This will also include spam liking and reblogging persistently from me. It clutters up my notifications and makes it difficult for me to keep track of stuff I may owe for replies.

If you rp on a sideblog, please let me know or have it stated somewhere on your blog.

With all of the bot stuff that's been going on, if you follow me, but have nothing on your blog, no icon, description, or anything, then I will automatically block. Even if you are not a bot, I have no way of actually knowing this is the case. Especially if there is zero info whatsoever.

There are a lot of fandoms out there that I'm not familiar with, but I do have a few that I WILL NOT interact with. This includes anything that is Disney or Nickelodeon related. While I am familiar with a few things, it's just not my thing. And I would just prefer not to. There are some fandoms that I don't mind reading into a little bit if I'm interested in interacting with a certain muse, but please respect that at least these are a hard no for me.

As far as triggers go, I don't really have any major ones, but I do understand that most do. I will do my best to tag things as appropriately as I can. If something isn't tagged that I missed, feel free to let me know.

DMs are preferably used for ooc talk and plotting. I would prefer not to rp this way, if possible. I do, however, have a discord if anyone wishes to rp there instead. Just shoot me a DM and I'll give you my info. Just bear in mind that I'm not always super active on discord, but I will do my best to keep track of things.

I will do my best to match your length of replies. I am not against small replies or one liners, but I do at least ask that there's enough for me to get a good sense of what's going on.

AU/OC/Crossover friendly. I am very much for interacting with all three. For OC’s (or any rp blog in general), I would prefer there to be a background and info to go off of. If there's not, then I may not be interested in interacting.

Shipping and relationships. Be it romance, platonic, etc., I am down for it. Though, for romantic relationships, I do prefer a bit of chemistry unless discussed otherwise beforehand.

Brief mun info

Zorra Lynn, 36, she/her, GMT-6, married with 2 cats, suffers from anxiety/depression, half Native (Muscogee/Creek), pharmacy clerk, mun of @brxken-arrxw (Hanzo Shimada of Overwatch).

**** Revised as of 11/12/23 ****

#ooc || zorra lynn speaks #rules #do not reblog

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fcllxn-stcr · 3 months

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Rules

Just a heads up, I am not finished with the game. A lot of my portrayal will be researched or headcanon based.

No godmodding.

This blog is 21+ only. Adult/dark/nsfw themes may be present. Mun is 30+ and does not feel comfortable interacting with minors under any circumstances. If you lie about your age you will be blocked.

Selective and mutuals only. Meaning I will only rp if we are following each other. This is mainly to keep my sanity in check. I have anxiety issues and have had bad experiences in the past with non mutuals. That being said, non mutuals can still send in asks, but all I ask is that you do not try to get around this by using anon. I enjoy getting anons. Don’t get me wrong, but if you’re trying to get around my rules this way then it makes me want to interact less.

For multi-muse blogs, I may not follow back because you may have muses from other Fandoms that I’m either not part of or familiar with. I am very picky about my dash, but if you have a muse I am interested in interacting with then I will make an exception.

Please be patient with me. I work a full time job and don’t always have the muse to be online every day. So replies most likely will not happen super quickly.

Please do not reblog rp threads if you are not involved in them. It’s ok to leave likes, but if you reblog them I will not hesitate to block.

If you rp on a sideblog, please let me know or have it stated somewhere on your blog.

With all of the bot stuff that’s been going on, if you follow me, but have nothing on your blog, no icon, description, or anything, then I will automatically block. Even if you are not a bot, I have no way of actually knowing this is the case. Especially if there is zero info whatsoever.

There are a lot of fandoms out there that I’m not familiar with, but I do have a few that I WILL NOT interact with. This includes anything that is Disney or Nickelodeon related. While I am familiar with a few things, it’s just not my thing. And I would just prefer not to. There are some fandoms that I don’t mind reading into a little bit if I’m interested in interacting with a certain muse, but please respect that at least these are a hard no for me.

As far as triggers go, I don’t really have any major ones, but I do understand that most do. I will do my best to tag things as appropriately as I can. If something isn’t tagged that I missed, feel free to let me know.

DMs are preferably used for ooc talk and plotting. I would prefer not to rp this way, if possible. I do, however, have a discord if anyone wishes to rp there instead. Just shoot me a DM and I’ll give you my info. Just bear in mind that I’m not always super active on discord, but I will do my best to keep track of things.

I will do my best to match your length of replies. I am not against small replies or one liners, but I do at least ask that there’s enough for me to get a good sense of what’s going on.

If you wish to continue from an ask, I am most likely down for it! If you reblog one of my ask replies with a response, I will most likely move it to a new post and tag you after that.

AU/OC/Crossover friendly. I am very much for interacting with all three. For OC’s (or any rp blog in general), I would prefer there to be a background and info to go off of. If there’s not, then I may not be interested in interacting.

Duplicate friendly because there's different interpretations and I'm here for all of it! As far as other Astarions go, I'm also all for it, but I do understand that it's not everyone's thing (I have dealt with negative stuff in another fandom regarding this aspect and I definitely get the reluctance). So just know that I don't harbor any hard feelings over it.

Shipping and relationships. Be it romance, platonic, etc., I am down for it. Though, for romantic relationships, I do prefer a bit of chemistry unless discussed otherwise beforehand.

Finally, rac.ism, inc.est, ped.ophelia, pol.itics, downright hate in general are a hard NO. I don't want any part of it and I will not hesitate to block. If I receive anon hate, I will not address it and simply delete. I will not feed into the negativity.

Brief mun info

Zorra Lynn, 36, she/her, GMT-6, married with 2 cats (Chewy and Momo), suffers from anxiety/depression, half Indigenous (Muscogee/Creek), pharmacy clerk.

I am also the mun of Kojiro/James of Team Rocket @fxllen-rxse and Hanzo Shimada @brxken-arrxw of Overwatch (which isn't active at this time).

#ooc || Zorra Lynn speaks #rules page

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