#but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.

[drdemonprince]

all the recent talk about not voting has me a bit worried, for lack of a better word.

on one hand, yes so much yes, stop throwing all your time and energy in the insatiable maw of electoral politics, 5/5, no notes.

but on the other hand, where does that time and energy go then? despite lots of talk about mutual aid it doesn't seem to progress much beyond the abstract (at least in the various leftist groups/communities/etc. in my neck of the woods). it's held up as an ideal and great big important thing, but when there's shit that needs doing, it's *crickets*.

maybe it's because so much mutual aid is care work and thus, and i very much disagree with even though i care not for the label, not real activism i guess? like, a while ago a disabled comrade had ran into housing issues because of their illness, so we rustled up some folks to help clean and unfuck their home. which, yet again, were the same (also disabled) people that always show for those things.

coming of four years and counting of pandemic, that's been a consistent pattern. at a time where mutual aid was so needed, such a vacuum left by a state that didn't and/or wanted to do shit, it still fell on the shoulders of disabled people to do all the actual work while the rest just talked about abstract shit. or, to name another thing, diy hrt initiative where it's just a bunch of poor ass trans people scrounging up money to pay for supplies for trans people who have fuck all access, while the rest debates in the abstract about a more better system or whether it's even something they need to concern themselves about.

and like, yes, not pissing away your energy pleading with assholes who don't give a fuck about you is good, but it should only be the start. it sometimes feels like the big plan is: 1) not vote, 2) ???, 3) glorious anarchism/communism/mutual-aidism. i'm not arguing that they need to have it all worked out, but with so much shit that needs doing in the here and now i get a little worried. because that's going to take real work, not talk, and they're not putting in any of it.

I mean, most people won't do (what gets viewed as) "real activism" either. They don't go to protests, smash windows, call jails to check on the status of incarcerated people, cut supply lines, or anything else. And they don't vote either.

We live in a highly individualistic, atomized society filled with people who have been conditioned into an abiding self-interested apathy, and everyone is overworked and broke as shit and juggling a bunch of disabilities while not having any experience with building genuine community and lacking most of the infrastructural and social tools to do so. The number of people who are avowed leftists is vanishingly small, and among them the people who actually walk the talk or have the education and community ties to even be able to is even smaller. Not disagreeing with your read of the situations you're dealing with here, just putting them within the broader context of many very similar problems that I see touch every single aspect of organizing today. even like the most tepid liberal get out the vote kind of organizing is plagued by this, and of course that is by design.

What gives me hope in the present moment is just how many people are completely fucking done with the prevailing system, and how many are refusing to play along with its rules. A lot of the people who aren't voting are not leftists. At least not yet. Just like many of the people who are quiet quitting and half-assing it at work or just vibing on unemployment for as long as they can are not communists. But they do know that the system is bunk and is failing them, and they are refusing to be compliant within it any longer. I believe that a lot of people's better natures do get inspired during a moment of collapse. I also think there is a profound rot at the heart of settler-colonial states that fills them with people who do not recognize themselves as having any responsibility to others. That's all the more reason for such an empire to fall.

I think you're right to worry for the future, though I don't think the reason to be worried is as simple as people not people caring about disabled folks, or any other group. I always wonder who the mythical abled people are who are abnegating their duty in such an understanding of the world. I sure haven't met any of them. I only meet people who are also disabled and don't realize it.

[sciderman]

im so happy for you that you have a possible reason/cause for your brain itch!!!! i hope the tumor removal goes superduper smoothly. Do they know how long its been present/growing???????? how did you find out??? <- you obviously do not have to answer these personal medical questions lmao im just!!!! so curious and excited for you.

from what i've discussed with the docs it's been there for a LONG time... they say this sort of thing might take up to a decade to develop - it doesn't happen overnight!

i think i started noticing symptoms about maybe... 7 years ago? literally as soon as i started working full-time, maybe. my first job stressed me out so much and i cried underneath the tables at 8pm because i couldn't leave the office, i still had so much to do. i was leading up an entire ass animation department at 20 years old. bad. awful. that's when i started depending on things to get me through the day. my body started feeling awful. i thought it was anxiety, or me just being weak, i guess. i don't know if stress created the tumor, or the tumor created the stress - (well, it's the latter now) i think it's probably both, but all the research i've done and what the doctors have said is that there's just - some people with a genetic predisposition for it.

it's funny - i never miss a deadline, and i'm really really good at my job, always. i never let anyone down, ever, at the cost of my own sanity, and i seem to always, always have it put-together when i'm dealing with people - i have the constant consensus from everybody around me that i'm the most cheerful person to work with on this here planet earth - but apparently, my body was falling apart underneath it all - which i failed to recognise, because outwardly i was holding it together so well, and figured it was just normal to cry all the time when nobody was looking.

i started really noticing it after taking on a lot of freelance work on top of my day job – i was really doing very hot, and did these amazing projects for some really amazing clients who sought me out for being amazing (i am amazing) - but naturally, had consecutive nights of no sleep, and quick deadlines - and INVOICING... screams. and just, realised - after taking those jobs that - my heart did not stop pumping afterwards. my heart was still racing a mile a minute, even after all those jobs were done and dusted and ever-so-loved and appreciated by very happy clients. my heart. wouldn't. stop.

i figured it was MAJOR anxiety, and sought out some counselling sessions, hoping they'd help. i relayed my woes. i said i'm worried i'm not resting enough. i'm not sleeping enough. my heart rate won't go down. they said "oh. not everybody needs 8 hours sleep, don't worry about it. everyone's different." - for some reason that reassured me. i thought it was okay. okay. i don't need rest. maybe my body's just different and doesn't need rest. maybe that's why i wake up at 6am every morning without fail. i just don't need sleep, i guess. (bad advice.)

so – everyone is telling me i'm okay. i should just get on. you're barely sleeping? that's fine, you probably don't need it. your heart is pumping? that's healthy. your heart SHOULD pump, idiot. get back to work.

i felt very unhappy at work - i felt like i was stagnating - so i moved job, last year. i moved job to one that was so, so much more fast-paced. i thought the excitement and change would do me good - but i've been facing maybe - 3 deadlines a day? vs my previous one-deadline-a-month arrangement. and i think it broke me. i needed to depend on so many unhealthy habits to get me through the day. i needed like 6 energy drinks, 3 coffees, i'd have the shakes, i'd have the jitters, i'd feel like i was going to fall apart every single day.

and then, one day, i did.

one week last year i doubled over - my body was in so much pain that i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, and worst off - i couldn't work. it was the first time i'd taken sick leave - i couldn't function. after being on antibiotics that didn't work, i eventually went into the emergency room because i just couldn't sleep. i couldn't do anything. i didn't care if they put me down, i wanted the pain to end.

she was a kidney stone. her name was sharon (sharon stone) - i suspect it was all the energy drinks that made her. i've dealt with her now. but during the process, the doc pulled me aside, and he said "dear. do you have any pain in your other kidney?"

i said... no............... why?

doc said "ah. problem for another time."

so, once sharon was dealt with, obviously i had to chase up on that doctor's ominous warning. i said "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OTHER KIDNEY!!"

you have a tumor, dear. his name is lamar. he's on your right adrenal gland, and we suspect he's messing up all your hormones.

i did my own research, and turns out all these crazy, mysterious symptoms i've been having all line up - so i chased, and chased, and chased.

the doctors didn't take me seriously at first. because i guess i'm not in pain, and i handle it so well. i'm still so strong. i'm a fighter, i guess. whatever. but, turns out...

it's worth it to chase. your life might depend on it. i'm so glad i did, because there's an end to my suffering (dear god, i hope) - but, guys, if your heart won't slow, and you chronically can't relax, and you feel like there are bees in your brain - that's the time to do some research. it isn't normal, actually. and sure - it might not be a tumor, but - kid, you need some support. you need some help. you need to ask some questions. it's not okay for that to be your baseline. your body needs to rest. it needs to rest. even if i have to force it to. it has to rest.

right now i'm in a major stressed way, and i broke down and cried. i'm in the middle of a freelance job, and in the middle of an interviewing process for a new full-time job, and still working my current full-time job with 3 deadlines a day, and my surgery is next week. and i feel like crying. all the time.

i can't wait for rest. i hate that i literally have to be hospitalised to get it. but, i'll get it. i'm going to rest so fucking hard.

#sci speaks #sighss.... sighshss. #im going to cry some more now i think. it's a stress relief thing. #i say “i don't have anything to stress about” but fact is. i Do actually always have something to stress about. under capitalism. #it's no wonder i have a stress tumor. it's no wonder. in this economy?? #and i know i have it so much better than other people do. so how do other people survive???????????????

[bitethedustfools]

TWST Story Idea (16)

It happened in an instant.

Yuu woke up in a coffin, gasping in desperation and fear. The darkness swallowed him whole, rendering him unable to see.

Escaping that coffin when it was set ablaze by a cat-like monster marked the first adventure for Yuu.

Yuu's first reaction to this new world was like a child setting his gaze upon a brightly lit Christmas tree, eyes sparkling with bright lights and stars.

It was wonderful, colorful, and out of this world. It was like a dream.

His limbs trembled when he stepped into the new world, hands lifted before his eyes as though to question if everything was real.

And it was real. What Yuu felt and experienced was enough to tell that it's all real, and that was enough for him for wanting to stay even though it was just an abandoned ramshackle dorm, far from the luxury he had ever known.

He felt alive as magic burst like fireworks and danced to a rhythm his new friends orchestrated. Even if Yuu was magicless, he was happy all the same.

While it's true that his new life was sometimes faced with foes, obstacles, and antics caused by his friends, he didn't mind it at all. This is what he thought normal life should be like.

The pain that was inflicted on him, he cherished those as well. Perhaps it's strange to keep them as a reminder for most people, but for Yuu, it's not.

Maybe it's borderline crazy or just some weird coping mechanism.

Even if at some points he was asked by his friends about it, Yuu, whose being had been exposed as an anomaly for being magicless and from another world, could only smile.

Let it be his only secret.

Call him a weirdo, call him any other unusual names so hurtful and all Yuu could do is laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world.

And Grim, beloved Grim. Naughty and spoiled, he truly cherished his furry companion. The warmth he emitted and the annoying yet endearing personality.

It can be said that he made Yuu's life even better than before.

What Yuu experienced here was something that he yearned for but could never say out loud. It's not that he didn't have the freedom to do so. It was just the weight of his words was so burdensome.

He let his same wish go out with a puff to every birthday candle snuffed, watched as his hope grew and perished and began anew. The small piece of cake in his mouth tasted bland every year he forced himself to eat.

It was only now that his wish had been heard and granted and he wanted to stay here for eternity where he could live without being scared and weak.

He wanted to have fun every day. He wanted to laugh and eat food that had never been so delicious in his whole life before. He wanted to wake up in his home with Grim snuggling by his side and greet his friends with smiles without worry.

He wanted to do what he couldn't do, to try everything even if he failed miserably, to run and to dance, to explore and feel and wear the most luxurious clothes without the Swords of Damocles dropping over his head at any moment.

He wanted to cry but he had already cried enough, he wanted to smile twice as much without faking it.

He stayed and stayed… . . . …and stayed.

Until what happened during Idia's overblot and Malleus's shook his peaceful life. The seed that was left behind without any water and light burst open from its coat. The plants branched out at the tragedies unfolding before his eyes, poking deep inside his head and heart where he kept the darkness sealed.

It touched the parts Yuu wanted to hide. The dream he lived in wavered and the truth bared its fangs, glinting threateningly.

Yuu began to miss home.

He missed his family who was always by his side, through sorrow and pain, without fail. Even if he knew that they were also a bit unwilling to see him some days.

But Yuu understood. He had no choice but to do so.

Yuu knew his wish was very selfish. Maybe that's why the Blue Fairy didn't grant it at all because Yuu was hesitant in his heart. Because granting that wish meant he had to let go, never to see them again.

It's true that he wished to be happy, never to worry about a thing.

But he also wished that they could be happy too. Together or without…

For the first time in his new life, nothing felt the same anymore. Every adventure had Yuu thinking of his family.

It was not fun anymore.

And Yuu, who wished for things to stay like this forever, finally grew up. A person who used to fit with his peers like puzzles or like a Mad Hatter to Wonderland became Alice who wanted to go home.

He was out of place and out of time.

His heart kept yearning for unreachable things but the first wish was granted so what's wrong with keeping hope that another will be granted as well?

That's what Yuu did and he was back to square one.

Truly, he was a very pitiable person from the beginning.

He kept wishing and wished and wished–

–until Yuu woke up with a gasp, eyes blown wide open only to shut tightly when bright lights penetrated his vision.

A familiar scent of sterilization invaded his nose followed by a numb sensation in all limbs.

People in white coats surrounded his bed while holding certain devices that must have aided in bringing him back to life if the heart monitor that began to stabilize was any indication.

Although muddle-headed, his gaze managed to spot Grim, his beloved doll that was sewn terribly and barely resembled a cat. He was slumped next to the books filled with fairytales set on the desk next to his hospital bed.

Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, and so on…

Yuu knew long ago what it meant to wake up in that coffin.

He was well aware that Twisted Wonderland is just another name for Neverland and Neverland is just another word for the afterlife, where the lost boys go and never grow up until the end of time.

He was ready to accept it but in the end…

He had made another wish and whispered it to the wishing star for the Blue Fairy to hear. A wish similar to Geppetto's yearning for a child, and in respond, Pinocchio, who was made of wood, was brought to life.

And he was indeed back to life. Back to the reality that he was reluctant to face every morning. Back to being a burden, stuck in the bed with white walls and limbs that couldn't move and senses that dulled over time as he festered in that place.

And it's all because Yuu didn't want to see his family cry over his coffin.

Yuu wanted to live even if it was painful. At least, until he's the only one left.

It was closest to a Happy Ending that Yuu could think of for a story like his, one that was truly fitting for a very selfish person.

#twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst #twst yuu #yandere twst #everyone loves yuu #writing prompt #Sick!Yuu #Bunch Of Fairytales here but Pinocchio and Neverland Centric #Inspired by Lost Boys by Ruth B and that Dark Story ver where Neverland is actually an afterlife and Peterpan is guiding the souls. #Did You Guys Realise Something Is Wrong From The Beginning?

[mae-i-scribble]

Seeing that one reblog of yours about the manhwa I Became The Male Lead's Adopted Daughter really intrigued me! Is it a good one? 👀

Funny story about that, after your reblog brought the post to my attention again and after talking with a friend on discord about stories that subvert tropes I just went back and reread that entire manhwa up to the end of season 2 so this is great timing XD. Im summary: It's absolutely worth your time if you're a fan of father/isekaied daughter fantasy, if you're an isekai manhwa fan in general, or if you just want a well made fantasy father daughter story. Its fantastical concepts are handled with a grounded maturity that most stories in the same genre just don't manage to pull off because it takes the time to truly flesh out its characters as human being first and any tropes last.

The long story is below the cut, I'll be discussing vague spoilers throughout seasons 1 and 2. (side note, im using the official TL names for this bc i like em better)

I Became the Male Lead's daughter has a lot going for it, first of which being Pelliot, the cold duke of the north who adopts Lionia from the orphanage. Most manhwa of this nature have the isekaied person be our main pov with brief glimpses into the parent's perspective, usually done more for plots sake or to comment on how strange the isekaied child is acting. Pelliot shares the protagonist spotlight with Lionia because this story is about both of them concurrently- in fact, we don't even get a look int Lionia's head to find out she's been isekaied until chapter 8(i think, either way its after chapter 5). Before that we get to know her from how Pelliot and the people at the estate see her. Which is such a refreshing take for me, especially when you consider that Pelliot while a stereotypical "violent and competent northern duke who becomes a parent" in theory, is actually played out in a grounded way. The reason he even wanted a child is because he's feeling lonely and he sees how his best friend (yes!! our cold duke has friendships!! and they're super sweet!!) is so happy with 2 children, that he goes about getting a child in the most pragmatic way possible. He is violent and regularly commits war crimes, but he isn't cruel to his staff or his knights as is standard fair for these archetypes. (Can't say the manhwa avoids classist tropes, but such is the way when you have noble protagonists and don't want to make them look complicit in a degrading class system but overall things are handled well enough in that regard). Pelliot, in his fatherhood, also avoids falling into trope traps yet again by being a very believable first time parent. He struggles to adjust to Lionia's emotional needs but is learning, he goes to his knights for advice, he's studying Lionia and trying to make sure she gets a proper childhood and does his best to protect her from further exposure to violence beyond what happens with the abusive orphanage staff. They have a believable banter and play off each other to a scary degree, and while he loves her and worries for her he isn't an overbearing protective trope either. I feel like this is already too long but like. He's such a cool protag to have in a genre that tends to have very narrow and singular dynamics of parent/child relationships. And this isn't even talking about the other relationships we see him have with his peers which are just as good.

Moving onto our other protagonist, Lionia, the post made by @living-as-the-enemy-prince HERE (which clearly you have read but in case other curious souls want to look at it) sums a large part of what makes her work. This is a story that fully realizes its concept to the most effective degree. And I love in turn the story addresses the trauma that comes with being reincarnated- not only from a "i miss my home and family and friends" but from the inherent trauma of being an adult only to one day become a child. Lionia didn't get a chance to rest, she was thrown into a life of abuse, all her agency stolen from her, forced to look after the other orphans because she was the only one who could thus she felt responsible. That sort of disruptive event isn't something that can be brushed off, and it shows in the way Lionia is deeply insecure about her relationship to Pelliot. In this way their dynamic is made equivalent from both sides- in many stories its almost one sided, with the parent figuring out this relationship naturally and the isekaied child playing things 'for the story' and only recognizing the relationship theyve built later (thank you wmmap for helping solidify that -_-). It's truly so well thought out and every aspect of the central relationship feels so natural.

As for the story at large, I'm very excited to see what the plot has in store. As of season 2 of the manhwa, we're only just starting to kick things off plot wise, up until now its been far more concerned with relationship building and giving us a foundation on these characters. But things are definitely cooking now that we've heard mention Baria- the protagonist of the novel Lionia read in her past life (I could probably write another blurb about how well that is being handled but this post is so long already so). On that note though, don't be worried about that "oh but i have to follow the original plot against all common sense and reason" trope bc that doesn't matter at all here. Lionia has her concerns when it comes to the story, some of her insecurities stem from the fact that Pelliot never had a daughter in it, mentioned or otherwise, but at the end of the day she doesn't give a shit, she just wants her dad to have a happy and peaceful life.

Tbh anyone who hasn't read this should absolutely give it a chance bc I haven't even mentioned half the things I find cool about it like all the side characters that I love or the empress storyline that I am eyeing with extreme interest, etc etc

#I became the male lead's adopted granddaughter #manhwa #mae rambles #i hold a lot of love in my heart for this so i just went a wittle crazy

[petz5]

it always makes me sad when ppl accuse akane of being homophobic just because she very clearly struggled to accept being bisexual. esp when its used as an argument to say shampoo "has always loved all of ranma" bc she, checks notes, hugs him in girl form sometimes. like bestie??? shampoo did not canonically have a sexuality crisis. ranma's curse is a problem that can be fixed in her eyes instead of an intrinsic part of who he is. shampoo does not see it as hugging another girl, and 9/10 times she pulls out a kettle and changes him back to a guy mid hug anyway

akane couldn't stand guys save for one man who was a very safe choice for a crush (ie completely unrealistic, obviously never going to happen, like gay ppl irl arguing they can't be gay bc they find a celebrity hot), she was basically told by kasumi "if you keep acting like that people will think you're gay", when nabiki told her she thinks ranma's curse is cool akane immediately was like "but what if people see us together and think I'M a pervert too?" LIKE.. this isn't a series where the whole cast can be some flavor of lgbt bc akane coming to terms w being bisexual and ranma coming to terms w being a girl is such an important part of the story and that just falls apart if its totally safe and normalized and they're just being weirdly conservative about it. akane getting to the point where she can say she likes him the way he is (with the curse), and point to him in girl form and lovingly say "that's my fiancé" feels earned bc she had to grow as a person to get to that point and stop worrying abt everyone else's opinion of her. which, again, would not be a problem in a society where homophobia didnt exist. like damn are you gonna call me homophobic next bc when i was 11 and questioning i told a friend if i realized i was gay i'd just keep it to myself and die alone??? most people don't instantly make peace w those kinds of things

#sorry for being insane i am just going to shoot tv tropes dead

[aleenuhs]

Can you make a drabble where the reader asks Arthur for advice? The reader went through a difficult time and she would like to ask Arthur for help. You can do it platonically or romantically, I'd just like a little fluff with angst.

⋆Confide in Me

thank u anon. i am so sorry that i got back this really late, its been a whirlwind of things.

warnings: nun much just fluff and smidge of angst.

Lately you’d been down. Moping around camp and hardly carrying your own weight, so you were having a hard time needless to say.

Barley finishing your chores, your mind was filled with the negativity energy that clouded your judgement. Finding no time to be alone or without your thoughts for even a moment.

Nobody had noticed you and how you carried yourself for the last few days, well, most people in the gang had been out and about the land, hunting — robbing, stealing. Whatever they did outside of camp.

It felt so lonely but crowded at the same time, like you were a ghost in a room full of people.

Your life had been characterized by an overwhelming desire to escape, but a lack of direction harbored you. From your childhood till now, you wanted to leave, find a home. And even around these people who treated you so well, you felt lost. Arthur had tried talking to you, but you quickly ended it, shutting down any opportunity for him to ask if you were okay.

Arthur, had just came back from a hunting trip with the Charles, bringing back 2 deer carcasses.

You were sitting on a flipped over crate, which created something like a seat, which wasn’t to your comfort but you didn’t want to sit on the ground. You needed some kind of break, maybe even someone to confide in.

Arthur was at his tent, moving some stuff around, you looked at him, quickly looking away when his gaze turned back to you. A moment passed by and he kneeled next to you.

“Hey love,” he said, lowering his head to look at you, your gaze was locked to the floor and the blades of grass surrounding. Though it was hot out, the breeze felt nice.

You chose your words, and replied back. “Hi,” you said, barely audible, he had to strain to hear you.

“You doin’ alright there?” He said, still kneeling next you. You looked at him, you nodded, then took it back, shaking your head, tears threatening your eyes. His face contorted into a more worried expression, his hand went to your thigh. “Hey — what’s wrong?” He’d sensed something was up, the way you were hardly talking for the past few days, just finishing up chores. Which you didn’t like to do, but it was your distraction.

“I’ve…” You started, then retired as you could hardly find the words to express what you had been feeling for the longest. You and Arthur were no strangers, you knew him well and he knew you very well, and how he loves you is for eternity. But you could be closed off at times.

“I don’t know Arthur.” You spoke and his eyes looked sad as he looked at you. “I feel so alone, here.”

He brings you closer, taking you into his arms, now sitting on the ground with you in his arms, he slowly brushed your hair away from your face. “Whys that? Is someone making you feel that way?”

You immediately rejected that idea, as it was not true. “No, it’s not that Arthur. I don’t know how to explain it, I feel like I’m just free floating and nobody sees me here, I feel down. And it’s all coming back to me.” You shed a few tears, but you weren’t full fledged sobbing.

He nods, “Understood. Y’know, I see you. Always.” He said calmly, it comforted you like hell. “I’m here for you, come to me.”

“I know, but you’ve been gone for the time being. And I missed you so much.” You admitted.

“I can’t skip my chores or duties here, but if it’s somethin’ like this, I’ll try and stay here for you. You mean s’much to me, if I lost you I’d go mad.” He said stroking your hair. And at once, your problems weren’t gone, but you knew you had a solid rock to lean on. And it was Arthur.

“Yeah. Thank you, Arthur.” You looked up at him, he thumb reaches up to swipe a tear from your cheek, kissing your forehead.

a/n if u liked this pls req more, they’ll be open for a bit (check guidelines and info to see who and what I write for!)

#red dead redemption 2 #fluff #angst #rdr2 #rdr2 fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #red dead redemption two #red dead redemption arthur

[suffarustuffaru]

arc 8 otto gets more and more deranged with every appearance i love it 😭😭😭😭 this chapter was a mainly otto centric one which was fascinating!!! URGH i have many thoughts :((( the whole chapter being about “walking with light”….. where otto acknowledges that:

and this is AFTER julius apologizes to otto and otto emphasizes to julius’s face that. yeah. julius is still an enemy. like yeah theyre exchanging more pleasant words now but otto specifically emphasizes that otto isnt a knight. julius isnt a merchant. julius is in another camp. theyre opposites T^T AND THEN roswaal telling otto that opposing emilia and subarus way of thinking is a poison that Will kill him. BUT THEN OTTO says

he cant walk with light meaning he cant see reality and still choose to be idealistic and noble like julius and emilia and subaru even though hes still trying to support emilia and subaru. :,,,))) and he admits that!!! hes still choosing to walk a darker path than them even knowing hes not as strong as others!!! even knowing that emilia and subaru will never agree with him and vice versa!!! hes walking alone, in a way T^T

#rezero #arc 8 spoilers #otto suwen #HES SO INSANE FOR ALL OF THIS BUT I TOO AM GOING INSANE OVER THE IDEA OF ‘WALKING WITH LIGHT’… the whole chapter was about it 😭😭 #like i think its kind of like a ‘if no one will step up i have to’ thing for otto. bc yeah ppl like ram and ros share his opinions on the #vollachia situation but ottos been like. Very active and loud about it. almost like a villain to subaru and emilia akdndnd #which is even more compounded by the fact that he punched subaru hard enough to break his hand???? KASNNS #ottos been trying to do shit on his own ever since he brought the damn book of wisdom to priestella and shit akdndn #hes insane 😭😭 im worried it really will kill him 👍👍 #hes choosing to play the villain to subaru and emilias heroism…… #its just. its kind of sad. he asks himself what the meaning of his existence is if he cant have the #grant the power to have everything he wants. #he wants to protect the people that matter most to him but they want to protect Everyone. and otto thinks its not possible but he still want #s to support them. cries. #ottos pulling an arc 4 subaru here and i am Concerned and Intrigued ☝️☝️ #EDIT: otto did not punch subaru but he punched a wall super hard 😭😭 OTTO. UR INSANE.

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[cephalonheadquarters]

Damn. I'm free

#I know i stated a lot before that im not involved with fandoms anymore but like. it just hit me randomly. Im Free #I still absolutely have interests. This is very obvious. But i have no desire of trying to make stuff for others anymore #(except fir my friends hehah) #When i was in the ttcc & pikmin fandoms that was the WORST. Very anxiety inducing year for me because i kept worrying about other people #and what they thought of me and my art #Also those fandoms were just really annoying lol. Toontown more than annoying i cant say anything about it here iuhhh there was #an insane amount of insane things happening with that community its.still happening actualky LOL. I hear about stuff from my friends #But anyways. I just feel so disconnected from everything in a good way if that makes sense #i already got friends and im finally feeling like this blog is mine yaaay #Who gaf about fandoms #Be free..... #This might be because all i care about is my ocs now (& its late and i have a huge burst of energy right now for some reason) #Yes i am very afraid that the focus on them will end but i really dont know what else there is for me to become attached to anymore #Splatoon is my life babeyyy at least it has been for almost 6 years #ill always come back to splatoon❤️ #Touhou and woy are the 2nd and 3rd most thought about interests for me #I dont post about them often as in like. make my own art that much. But i think about them almost as much as splatoon #Grahhh

[bumblingbabooshka]

St Voyager - Ex Post Facto “Maybe I kill myself slowly because I don’t have the courage to do it all at once.”

#I love when Tuvok & Janeway stare silently at each other as a response to something #I also love how the dog in this episode is just a regular earth dog that they call a dog #the only thing remotely 'alien' about it is that its hair is a little wild HEHEH they didnt even try #at least give it a silly name~!!! #'This is a yarnool.' (it looks really similar to a dog) 'I know not what a d o g is! how curious!' #very fun episode I love the noir vibes and the design of the apartment #tuvok saying 'it's rare to find someone as dispassionate as we(vulcans) are' absolutely a dig....and her 'I bet she's a FINE dispassionate #woman :)' ....I liked their interaction #it reminded me of that tiktok audio #'we go by tall grande and venti here.../most/ people know that.' (do I look like most people?) 'absolutely not <3' #the quote is actually 'maybe I kill myself slowly because I dont have the courage to do it quickly' but I don't like slowly-quickly #it sounds too samey #Harry isn't in this episode as much as these screenshots might suggest but I like him so he is here #He has a weirdly stoic energy in this one but I assume it comes from uhhhm.....worry or anger or something idk #it's stressful #st voyager #ex post facto #star trek #episode scrapbook #the way harry & tom stare at her with SUCH confusion after she feeds her dog meat is so funny to me #WHAT is the emotion of that scene??? <- guy who's bad with things like that #it's david lynch levels of incomprehensible to me but I like that <3

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway. #our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!' #we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways

#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point #but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic #the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own #(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write #2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing) #the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die #i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick #but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern. #anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it. #and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around #without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn #such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing #which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence #when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe #and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude #like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????'' #again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it #i just #blahh #the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one

[radelenagreco]

i'm #newtoradblr i've spent so much time these past two weeks scrolling through radfem blogs i knew i had to make an actual radfem side of tumblr blog for my own sanity. the way i "peaked" is kinda funny 3-4 months ago i liked a radfem post without realizing and all of a sudden i had other radfem posts recommended to me by the algorithm and i was so annoyed because i was very anti-terf etc but for a couple days i read through a bunch of radfem blogs and it was actually such a relief to encounter FEMINISM not some watered down version of it but i felt guilty due to 5+ years of conditioning (and also because i had a nonbinary friend sitting right next to me in class as i was doing this) and i also didn't like the prominent use of the word moid? but anyway, 3 months later, i'm not sure why but the mra nature of the trans movement has grown so much more apparent to me i have like three mutuals who are trans men on my other blog and i would find myself rereading the few feminist posts i would reblog/write because these people are literally reblogging shit like "don't think like a terf. men aren't your oppressors, they're your friends/neighbors/brothers/fathers. if you think that any man could harm you you have been fooled by terf rhetoric" like actual morons/meninists. anyway two weeks ago i saw a post made by someone i knew was a radfem on my twitter tl and i don't know why i knew i was ready i went through her blog and through many others and now here i am.

#still dislike the word moid i know it's in response to 4chan people saying shit like femoid but it reads too much like a racist slur for me #to be cool with people saying it #i don't mean it reads like a racist slur towards men i mean it's way too reminiscent of the word negroid #it really made me think people were right about radical feminism being a gateway to being a conservative because...it literally feels #racist to me lmao i don't think i'll ever like it #gonna go follow the few blogs i followed on my main + others now #and i was actually always pretty radical in my feminism i was never what one would call a libfem i just wasn't A RadFem because i was into #the whole trans thing #it's different when you're not on tumblr/not exclusively interacting with trans people on the internet. people taking such an issue with #feminism and claiming that its most basic aspects (men oppress women) are transphobic and terf rhetoric is really only a thing on tumblr #and in those circles it's especially different when you're not talking in english #and i'm pretty sure everyone i follow on twitter supports trans people but the mra nature of trans right activism just has not hit them the #way it has hit tumblr they're still very normal about feminism it's actually so nice to go there and say i hate men with no caveat #the only people who would bother me if they came across my tweets saying that would be: cis men misogynists and people on the far right in #general #crazy that on tumblr it's the most leftist people i'd have to worry about hahaha... #ipost

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#caint sleep because my brain wont shut off and also because its super hot #i just keep. thinking #a lot of it is fake scenarios of telling people off that i hate #other topics include: mentally applying to jobs. worrying about my financial state. remembering how much i love my animals #fantasy high. my summer camp job (a loooot of that). my friend that i have a crush on. my rats being incredibly loud #and more! and then it is so fucking hot in my room. like its all boiling. i might be dying of heat (not actually) #but it was raining earlier so i couldn't open my window (i just opened it so im dying less) and we dont have the ac on and i dont own a fan #its a difficult life that i lead #but most importantly: im moving in less than a month. back to my hometown. and im truly not prepared #very much not packed. the place is in a state of disrepair. its unclean #very sleepy. tired. overwhelmed. etc #but its okay! its all gonna be okay. there are things to look forward to and things that make it okay #in a few weeks im meeting one of my oldest friends who is also a tumblr mutual. i didnt know that could happen. but its happening! #so theres that. and also i have a friend i havent seen in a year but we're gonna be working together this summer!! i get to spend #the whole summer with her! and i have animals that i love. and birds exist. and i have a lot of cool friends #and i live with my sibling who is also moving so that's someone to share the burden with #so its all gonna be okay. it just never feels like that when its 6am and youve been trying to sleep for two hours but cant #okay have a good night everyone i love you