#but now the semester started and i wanna kms again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawbxrryneptune · 3 years

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Today started off great and now its shit so here's some soft Bully Bakugou brainrot cause I wanna kms lol

♡♡

Imagine you're having a really bad day, right ??

You're sitting in class, eyes low, scribbling down random shit, not paying attention even though your professor told you this was an important lesson.

You can't stop your thoughts from running, thoughts of just sinking into the ground and disappearing forever crossing your mind.

Honestly, it's not like anyone would care if I went missing

You think, feeling exhaustion tickling your skull.

You finally bring your head up to look at the clock, and realize it's time to go.

You pack your shit up and lug your bag to the front, grabbing an extra worksheet.

As you make your way out of the classroom, a big hand comes right in front of your face, a booming laugh following it.

"Hey, Klutz. Have my notes?"

You sigh deeply through your nose, willing yourself not to tear up from sheer exhaustion, barely having the energy to reach into your bag to take out the notes you took, handing them over to the rude blonde.

"Aw, you even wrote my name on top. How cute, Klutz, you must really care about me, yeah?"

You stumble past him, wishing he would just shut the fuck up so you'd have a moment of peace.

He doesn't like being ignored, however, and grabs your arm, almost tearing your sweater in the process.

"Hey, I'm talkin' to you, Klutz. You don't need me to slap the sense into you again, d'you?"

You shake your head frantically, looking up at him with glossy eyes, just wanting to go home.

Bakugou frowns, realizing the usual defiance and fire in your eyes isn't there, replaced with fatigue and slight annoyance.

He releases your arm in favor of wrapping his whole body around you, hugging you for the first time since he fucked you in the janitors closet and you got caught, his fully clothed form wrapping around your half naked one, the janitor grumbling about dumb kids before closing the door.

He's warm, and the plush yet hard texture of his body are perfect, his natural scent invading your senses.

You dont realize you've started shaking until he shushes you gently, guiding you to a bench covered by a looming tree, sitting you down on his lap facing him.

"Fuck, Baby. You're not supposed to be this stressed, it's the last semester. It's time to go fucking wild."

You smile at the pet name, knowing he only calls you that when hes being uncharacteristically sweet, like when hes finished pumping load after load into your used pussy, pressing butterfly kisses up your tummy until hes reaching your lips, kissing you slow and sensual until you calm down.

Or when you're curled up into his side after sucking him off, watching a rerun of Seinfeld and getting flushed by how soft he's being, pressing kisses into your hairline and drawing patterns into your arms, dragging your chin up to slide his tongue into your mouth, moaning softly when you suck on it.

He chuckles, muttering a "there she is" before capturing your lips in a deep kiss, thick fingers making their way into your bottoms. The cool metal of his rings contrast with the heat of your plush thighs, digits slipping into your panties to work you towards a sweet release. You mewl into his mouth, hips rocking against his hand as he flicks at your clit, stroking his fingers around your slit before sinking them deep inside, panting against your swollen lips as he maintains eye contact, crimson eyes burning into yours.

You hit your peak fast and hard, arching your back against the bench as he helps you ride it out, bringing up his hand to lick off your essence, kissing you shortly after.

"Let's go."

You trip over your feet trying to catch up to him, and he only looks back and laughs

"Fucking Klutz."

#bakugo smut #bakugou katsuki smut #bakugou smut #katsuki bakugou smut #bakugou thirst #bakugou x reader #bakugou imagine #bubbletalks

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kalims · 2 years

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I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out

ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.

school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.

my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.

it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.

my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears. she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.

and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.

even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.

to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.

I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.

okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.

I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.

I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.

when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.

I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.

I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.

"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.

my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.

for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.

#—rosa talks

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kat-katsuki · 4 years

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Failed Attempts | Iwaizumi x Reader Oneshot

Word Count: 3162

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He carried a vibe around him. And it's intimidating. He's really quiet and focused in class, but he's not the best student. He's quite popular with the boys, but for some reason girls just never really notice him, especially not when he's always around that guy. Iwaizumi Hajime is someone I'd classify as an undiscovered gem. Girls don't seem to see his charm, and they never seem to notice the bright light he's capable of giving off.

As always I sit at the back of class, glancing constantly at the raven haired boy as he scribbled things down into his notebook during math. I've noticed him since the first day I met him, back in our first year of high school. I sat right behind him, but I never talked to him.

He's always busy, I noticed. He's either reading something, talking to someone, or going somewhere. I see him so often, even outside of class. I'd see him on my way to club, he'd be heading to his own club. I'd see him on my way home; he only lives a few blocks away from me. Even though I see him so often, I never actually sat down and talked with him...

Oikawa-san is pretty friendly, he'd greet me whenever we walk by each other in the hall. And whenever I am greeted by Oikawa-san, Iwaizumi would also nod at me. Even though that's a typical 'oh I noticed you' response, every time it happens I somehow get super happy. I don't know what makes him so interesting to me. To be honest I just enjoy watching him completely destroy other boys in arm wrestling, or produce a god-like record in running 1 km, or even be asked to join all the sports team. Around my second year of high school I realized I want to talk to him. It was the first day of our second semester and god granted me this golden chance. First day of the semester we get new seats, and I happened to sit right next to him, to his left. "Good morning Iwaizumi-kun," I greeted, and thank god my voice didn't crack.

"Oh, hi," Iwaizumi replied. Say something, start a conversation, I told myself.

"Long time no see," I made out.

"Mmhm, long time no see," he replied. Good job, great way to start a conversation, I slapped myself in my head. It didn't take me long to realize that Iwaizumi, despite being the vice captain of the volleyball team and always surrounded by boys, is actually quite the introvert. He enjoys his silence, and he likes lone time, which I heard from Oikawa. I'm not really familiar with either of them, but if I had to say who I'm closer to, it'd definitely be Oikawa. He walked with me from class to my club a few times, just to tell me how sad he is that the coach doesn't let him play due to his injuries.

Of course, my attempts to talk to Iwaizumi didn't stop there. After class, I wanted to invite him to eat lunch with me. But the moment I opened my mouth, "Iwa-chan, let's go eat lunch together!" Oikawa called out from the other side of the room. And then all the other volleyball team members would miraculously show up. I nodded my head, Okay, guess that's that. In the end, I ate lunch with my other friends.

From time to time I'd see him in the halls or on the street, but he always seem like he's in a hurry to go somewhere, so I couldn't really bring myself to interrupt his journey. There was once I saw him down the hall on my way to the cafeteria, and since it was lunch time and he was alone I figured I'd invite him to lunch. "Hey, Iwaizumi-kun!" I greeted. "Where are you headed?"

"Oh I'm going to the teacher's office," he said.

"Oh, is that so, well have fun, I guess," I waved and left. Yeah.....so much for inviting him to lunch.....

A few weeks later, after my club activities, I'm in the art club by the way, I saw Iwaizumi walk out of his club room with Oikawa, ready to go home. I was so ready at that time. I gathered up my courage. Today is the day. Today I'm going to ask them if we could walk home together. Then I could talk to Iwaizumi. "Hey! You guys heading home too?" I called out.

"Oh hey!" Oikawa noticed me and waved back, big smile on his face. Bless him for his friendliness. I know people call him a playboy, or whatever, but to me he is a god given blessing, my key to approaching Iwaizumi.

"Oikawa, I'm gonna go to Kitagawa right now, I'll see you tomorrow," Iwaizumi said. I stood there speechless. If I remembered correctly, Kitagawa Daiichi is the middle school the two came from, but what business does Iwaizumi have with his middle school? Especially at eight in the evening!

"Okay, I'll see you then!" Oikawa waved at his best friend.

"Bye!" I said to Iwaizumi. He shot me a faint smile. Although it was just one out of courtesy, it killed me inside out. God why is he so handsome? And that smile of his...just unfair! And I watched him leave...again....

"So, wanna go home together? We're in the same direction right?" Oikawa offered.

"Oh yeah, sure!" I replied instantly, hiding my disappointment. To be fair, Oikawa is fun, definitely someone I enjoy being around. He knows how to start a conversation, and is really open and funny. He's slightly arrogant, but that only adds to his charm. I totally understand why girls like him, not just for his face. Either way though, I only see him as a pretty cool friend.

This leaves me wondering, why is it so hard to talk to Iwaizumi?! Every time I see him, he's there and then he's gone, off to do something. It's not that I don't try to talk to him, it's just I don't want to be obvious and I don't want to be rude. When he's talking to someone else, I can't just go in and invite myself into the conversation just to talk to Iwaizumi.... No.... I can't.

Originally I was interested in him as a person, and a possible love interest, since you know...I'm interested. However at this point he just became a challenge I wanted to overcome. I'm actually the type to try to overcome anything I find an obstacle, and at this point I just want to sit down and talk to him, in a real conversation about things like what he likes and what he does on his free time, things like that. I won't be satisfied with things like 'oh isn't the weather nice' NO! I'm. Going. To. Talk. To. Iwaizumi. Period!

Of course, what I decide and what I do doesn't quite line up on the same page....

"Hey~..... Akane-chan!" I walk past Iwaizumi who was in a conversation with Matsukawa, from class 1, and greet my friend from middle school. Akane-chan and I haven't talked much since high school started so she was surprised to hear me call out to her out of the blue, but we ended up chatting up on our lives and catching up. In the end we even ate lunch together and decided to hang out more often. Wow...I even tightened my relationship with an old friend.... And I still haven't talked to Iwaizumi....

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Now, we were in our third and final year. I'm at the stage where if we see each other we'll say hi and bye. That's an improvement....right? At least now he says hi to me without me initiating it.... But then he turns and leaves soon after that, and goes where he needs to go.

"Why are you so obsessed with Iwaizumi? In my point of view I think Oikawa is much better looking," Akane asked during lunch. We were sitting in the courtyard, eating our bentos. Yes, I actually became much closer to her due to my failed attempt of talking to Iwaizumi, she knows this now.

"I don't know, I just can't seem to stop. Ever since day 1 I've been trying to talk to him and fate just doesn't want me to apparently!" I said. "Plus, I don't see Oikawa that way. He's cool and all but not my type. I like someone more... Interesting."

"Like Iwaizumi."

"Well......yeah?" I nodded in an unsure way. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't quite describe the boy as interesting. Sure he's got some quirks, but they're quite typical for a boy, and plus since he's always with the oh so great Oikawa Toru, he just seems kinda plain if you think about it. However, despite all that, he always leaves me wondering what's on his mind. I'm always thinking about where he's going next, where the place that takes him away from me is. I'm always questioning how he's going to respond to my next attempt to talk to him. Iwaizumi Hajime is the boy that keeps me on the tip of my toes. "Yeah," I decided. "Yeah, like Iwaizumi."

"Honestly, I don't even know what to say," Akane chuckled. "Good luck I guess?"

"To be honest I don't even have any hope for a chance with him. I just want to fucking talk to him! Is that so hard?!" I groaned.

I even started going to his games. Seijou is quite the volleyball powerhouse so plenty of our students go to watch the volleyball game. I made it my own duty to go watch his games whenever I can. I gotta say, he really looks best when he's in that volleyball jersey. I love seeing him in that number 4. The way he jumps into the air and smashes down the ball with those muscular arms, whoa. The more I watch him the more obsessed I get. Next time I see him I'm definitely going to say something about his performance in the game.

"Hey Iwaizumi-kun, I saw your game. You were great!" I would say to him.

"Thanks! Hey I didn't know you like volleyball?" he'd say back to me.

"Well, yeah I'm actually quite the volleyball fan, but I don't know much about it."

"Wow, you should watch our practice some time."

"I'd love to. Maybe we could walk home together after your practice and you can tell me some more about volleyball?"

"Sure!"

Yes, that's how it's going to work.

The next day I walk into class, he hasn't arrived yet. I sat my stuff down and started replaying my conversation in my head. And finally, the door slides open and a familiar raven haired boy walks in. His had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to drag himself into the classroom. I hesitated, but I still went up to him and said, "Iwaizumi-kun, I saw your game yesterday. Great job!"

"Oh, thanks," he said and then went to his seat. O...kay...... Not how I imagined it would go. It seemed kind of inappropriate at the time to continue the conversation, so I just decided to go back to my seat. That was embarrassing....

I just can't seem to find the right time and way to talk to him.

Then came what seemed like the chance of my life. Akane and I were sitting in a cafe on the weekend, staring at the menu, and that's when we heard a pleasant voice, "Hey you guys are here too!" Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked over to us from the cafe front door. Of course it was Oikawa greeting us.

"Hey! What a coincidence!" Akane said, excitement in her voice. I could guess the reason behind her excitement. She was probably happy for me, and this god given chance. Knowing that I'd probably screw it up, she was determined to grab this chance for me. "Sit with us! Here for lunch?" Bless her.

"Yeah! Come on Iwa-chan," Oikawa and Iwaizumi sat down at our table. Akane invited Oikawa to sit on her side, leaving Iwaizumi to sit with me. Oh my god..... This is my chance! But what do I do?! I haven't planned anything beforehand...

"Hey, Iwaizumi-kun. Fancy seeing you here!" I mustered out.

"Yeah, didn't think I'd see you here," he replied nonchalantly. Okay, how am I going to respond to that?

"Um, yeah, I actually quite like this place. I come here occasionally," I said.

"Let's order something to eat," Oikawa said. I was thankful for the fact that Oikawa was here. Even though he always seems to take Iwaizumi away when I want to talk to him, he always seems to get me out of an awkward situation with Iwaizumi.

"Actually, I'm not hungry, I'm gonna go now," Iwaizumi stood up.

"Eh? But Iwa-chan, you were the one who was complaining about how hungry you were!" Oikawa said. My eyes widened and I turned to Iwaizumi, who was now towering over our table, cheeks slightly flushed.

"Shut up! Well I'm not hungry anymore, I'll leave now," Iwaizumi said. Huh? But why? Is it because I'm here? Does he not wanna be with me? Is that why he leaves every time I talk to him? Before I could ask him, he started walking out the cafe. I opened my mouth to call his name, but instead I just looked at Akane. According to her later on when I asked, I looked like it was the end of the world at that time.

"Go after him!" she shouted at me, as if it was the obvious thing to do like brush your teeth in the morning. Instantly, I dashed off. I ran out the cafe and sprinted towards Iwaizumi. The familiar silhouette looked unnaturally painful to me. I'm so used to seeing him turn his back on me, but this time, I didn't want to stare at him from behind anymore.

"Iwaizumi-kun!" I shouted as I finally grabbed him by the edge of his sleeve. The boy's dark brown eyes widened at me and my actions. "Are you leaving because of me?! Do you dislike me?!" Now his face went blank in disbelief. Suddenly, he was the one who became flustered.

"No! No! Of course not! You're great! How could I dislike you!? I just thought you'd like it if I left you with Oikawa," Iwaizumi said, violently shaking his hand, signally no.

"What? Why would you think that?!" I demanded, slightly appalled by the idea.

"Well, don't you like him?"

"No! What makes you think that?"

"I mean, all girls do. And he seems to like you quite a bit. You guys talk to each other a lot. He even mentions you during practice sometimes. I figure you guys are-"

"Hold it! Hold it! I don't like Oikawa any more than a friend! In fact the person I like is you, not him!" I just blurted things out like an idiot. I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth when I realized that I just confessed to him, out of the blue. That was the thing I swore I wouldn't do. I'm supposed to get to know him, have him get to know me and get him to like me and then confess when I'm sure of his feelings for me. Ugh. Now I just ruined it. Goodbye my chance of ever being together with Iwaizumi. He thinks of me as a creep now.

However, Iwaizumi's reaction was out of my expectations, as always. Instead of showing disgust and horror, his face was flushed red with embarrassment and surprise. He placed a hand in front of his face, as if to hide the blush on his cheeks, but unfortunately the shade has already reached his ears and neck. "O-Oh..." he mustered out after a while. Oh? I just confessed to you and you say 'oh?' I thought. "Um...I'm sorry..." Great, now he's gonna reject me. "I didn't know. I guess I'm kind of clueless when it comes to this..." Ugh...please just reject me already don't keep me hanging. "Um...is it okay if we get to know each other a little bit better first?"

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"I think I should get to know you better...before I give you a reply," Iwaizumi said, face still red as a tomato. I think that's so cute. "Is that okay?"

"Y-...Yes! Yes of course!" I nodded violently. "I'd love that!"

"O...Okay," he seemed to be getting more and more embarrassed at the moment.

"Iwaizumi-kun, could it be...this is your first confession?" I asked. Jackpot. His ears were literally emitting steam now. A smile made its way to my lips. I was already enjoying this side of him. I want to get to know him more, to see more sides of him. "Then, maybe we can start with lunch together?"

"A-Alright...." he nodded.

For the record we didn't go back to the cafe with Akane and Oikawa. We completely forgot about them and decided to go somewhere else, somewhere more....private. With that, we began to talk regularly, exchange texts, and I'd come to watch his practice and games with him noticing.

As if we were always that close, Iwaizumi and I started calling each other by first name basis. And we'd eat lunch together, go home together (with Oikawa) and even hang out on weekends. To be honest I was kind of satisfied with the way we are. Even if in the end he told me he didn't see me as a lover, I'd still be okay with it. Of course, if he said yes and became my boyfriend, I'd be happier than a mouse with cheese.

And so the day came. It was the December 23rd, Friday. I walked out of club that day after school, and there he stood, in front of my club room, as if waiting for me. "Hajime," I called out. He looked up, brown orbs meeting mine. His look told me that he was serious. At that point my heart dropped a little. I knew today was the day. It was the day that would decide whether we'd stay as friends, or god would answer my prayers. I gulped.

"I'm here to give my answer to you," he said to me.

"I'm ready," I told him.

He walked up to me, each step he took made my heart feel heavier and heavier. My breathing literally stopped when he was finally in front of me. He towered over me like a wolf over a rabbit. It was to be expected from a volleyball player such as himself. At that moment, however, he looked the most intimidating out of all the moments I've seen him. A breath, and he parted his lips. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut, bracing myself for what is to come.

"I love you, __________."

A/N: If you like my story, feel free to checkout my wattpad account!

https://www.wattpad.com/user/midnight0406

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi #iwaizumi haijime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #aoba johsai #hq #fanfic #iwaizumi oneshot #hq fanfic #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfic #iwaizumi hajime

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missbeautyandherbeast · 4 years

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Night Moves

Raphael X Biker!Reader

Part One

Summary: Rain prevents you from riding the next few days and you’re growing restless. You wanted to ride. You wanted... to see him. You missed him against your better judgement. But what was wrong with missing him? Nothing at all. What happens when he misses you too?

A/N: As requested a Part Two to Midnight Rider!! I loved the responses on it and I wanted to thank you all for such positive feedback. Here’s something a bit softer and cozy for the hard times. Let me know if you want another part and what you think of this one!! I love you guys! ((P.S. I just finished my last paper-a twelve page research paper-for the semester so now I have more time for creative writing!!))

Bob Seger Vinyl Ft. in this Fic

Tags: @brightlotusmoon @boatloadsofheart @legandarybeauty @crazywritingbug @bitch-kms @ravn-87 @just-a-casual-fangirl-011 @unicornjoos @stuckoutsideofthebox @ilikestuffproductions @whygz @coffee-addicti @sugarspooks15@leslieebee@serperiorkb@blossom-skies@fantastical-67impala-fangirl@coresan @big-banging-red @iceprincess2019 @raphaeladdict @thirstyforvenom @merindagriese @depressedemo-152 @bengewatch @corabmarie @bitemebro522 @tmnt-queen @muleka-loka @violet-sky-96 @curadopordeus @artemismohr18 @thewhisperpen @xjupitermoonsx @bisexualbumblebeesstuff @merindagriese@oceans-daughter-3 @dixonreedusfangirlforever @shanidenise @thegayestfish441 @lovelyyroseee @yourlieberhoe @dolphincommander @molzies-fanfics @fuzzy-panda

Rain pattered against my window as the sun went down leaving New York in total darkness. I sighed and wished for sunshine or a clear night when I could ride again. When I could see him again. It had been a few days of constant rain and I was becoming stir crazy. But I wasn’t stupid enough to go riding in the rain. It wasn’t worth the risk.

I stared out my opened window and watched the raindrops race against each other. Curling up in a large sweater with a cup of tea, I settled down for the night.

A dark form in front of my window made me jump and curse, adrenaline racing. Then I realized who blocked my window. It was my daredevil rider.

I pushed the window open, throwing my hands up in dismay.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I scolded. “It’s raining, it’s not safe to be out there,”

“I had to see you,” Raph admitted sheepish as he ducked in through my window.

I headed to my small bathroom and threw him a towel or two to dry off, turning a light on in my wake. The gentle fairy lights glowed with the candles it accompanied.

“Gotta say, didn’t think your place would look like this...” Raph trailed off, his eyes taking in my studio apartment. “It’s so... cozy,”

“Thank you,” I smiled and stood by his side admiring my handiwork with him.

I had made it cozy. My solace. My safe space.

“How’s your shoulder?” I asked, picking up my mug of tea.

“Fine,” He replied a bit too quickly.

“Well, you’re welcome to come and hang out... if that’s what this is.” I gave him a dopey smile. “I can make tea for you if you want.”

Raph stared at me like I had two heads.

___________________________________

“Not what you were expecting?” A smile played at her lips as she curled up in an armchair.

“Not at all,” Raph muttered.

In his head he had this version of her.

Y/n. Her name forever engraved into his mind.

She was strong, confident, badass. She took no prisoners and always knew what to say. But this?

She was soft, and gentle, and he had seen it the other night in her concern. But what he saw before him, he wouldn’t have imagined. She was kind, and soft behind all of the edge and angst she gave off.

He almost loved it more, knowing that she offered both in who she was.

Y/n,

“So, what brought you around?” She mused, tucking herself under an afghan.

“It’s been raining, I haven’t seen you in a while,” He admitted again, taking a spot on her rug leaning against her couch.

A smile played at her lips and in the soft light, she was just as beautiful as she was in leather on a motorcycle. She didn’t make fun of him either, His brothers did. They thought it was ridiculous that he went to find her. Leo ordered against it. As if.

He had grown bored again with the rain coming down and he wanted to see her.

“You haven’t been riding have you?” She asked, concern coloring her voice.

“No,” It was the truth.

Mainly because he knew that if she found out, she’d have his ass for sure.

“Good,” She seemed pleased.

______________________________

Knowing sleeping had left my short-term plans, I uncurled from my chair and headed over to my record player and started the Bob Seger vinyl that I didn’t put away from earlier.

“You’re a classics fan?” He mused as the music started

“My mom was... I picked it up from her,” I admitted. “Now that I’m up do you want that tea?”

I made my way to the kitchen despite his answer and began to make another cup.

“You like classic rock then?” I asked back, leaning against the counter.

He had shifted so that he could still see me from my vantage point in the small kitchen.

“Zeppelin,” He offered. “Though my vinyl collection isn’t as impressive as yours,” He muttered. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“Why am I not surprised you like Zeppelin,” I laughed. “Find something more original, Bon Jovi, Meatloaf! Hey, you might actually like Meatloaf,” I paused in thought. “Not that I know what you like... it just seems like... a very you band.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He acted offended, but there was a smile on his face.

“I dunno,” I could feel my face flushing. “They just seem like... you.” I gestured. “I can let you borrow my record.”

“No, I can’t ask that.” Raph shook his head, standing in protest.

“You’re not asking, I’m giving it to you.” I smiled and offered him his tea as we both settled back in my living room area.

________________________________

Raph still tried to figure her out. There was still the fire in her veins that he had seen when he rode with her. This was that same fire, but in a softer way. In one that made him take care of himself, and that allowed her to be selfless.

She hummed softly to the music and sipped her tea absentmindedly, lost in thought he presumed.

“How is your family?” She asked after a while. “It’s been a while since you guys have done anything.”

Raph laughed.

“Yeah, there isn’t much to do anymore. It’s why I started to ride again. And we’re okay, I guess. Mikey has vowed to watch ever Doctor Who episode with Donnie and it’s taking them a while to get through it all.” Raph rolled his eyes.

“I should do that.” She murmured. “I haven’t watched it in a while.”

“You like that nerdy show?” He raised an eyebrow.

A laugh bubbled from her lips. It was soft and carefree. Somehow, even though he wasn’t racing through the streets of New York, he still felt free. A sort of freedom that crept in slowly and comforted him like a blanket.

“I do,” She smiled. “You might,”

“You keep saying that,” He challenged.

“Oh?” A smirk grew on her face and a fire in her eyes.

“That I’ll like things when you don’t really know me,” Raph contested.

She went quiet, a smile still on her lips.

“Maybe I don’t know you that well, but I think I have a good idea of what you might like.” She quipped.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, her smile growing.

A clap of thunder shook her windows as lightning flashed. She didn’t flinch. Fear didn’t occupy her features. He knew Mikey was afraid of thunder, and Donnie didn’t prefer it, but she seemed almost at home among it.

_________________________________

“Tell me then,” I whispered. “Who are you?” I moved onto the couch and curled up on the side, waiting and listening.

“What do you wanna know?” His voice held a note of uncertainty.

“How old are you?” I mused. “That’s an easy one.”

“Is this twenty questions now?” Raph raised an eyebrow.

I chuckled. “That would mean yes or no answers, this is just... a conversation.” I decided.

“Alright, but if you get to ask questions, so do I,” He countered.

“Deal.”

“Eighteen, you?”

“Eighteen,”

We went on like that for a while, question after question. His favorite singer was actually Billy Joel; I hated the Beatles; he never thought to read anything other than magazines; I couldn’t remember the last time I had read a book; he had never been out of the state; I had been along the east coast on road trips; he hated spinach and cucumbers; I hated smoothies and tomatoes; he had four brothers; I had one.

“Where did you learn to ride?” He asked as it neared one am.

“My mom,” I yawned, blinking slowly. “She’d take me on her bike when I was little... my dad was a mechanic...” I gave a small shrug. “Why do you ride?” I countered.

“It’s... freedom.” He replied.

I nodded, knowing what he meant. It’s why I loved to ride. No one telling you where to go or what to do or who to be, you could just ride and not stop.

“Did you miss me?” His question came softly and hesitantly.

I nodded, my eyes slipping closed from tiredness. Talking to him like this made me feel safe and more at home than I ever had before. Like I was a child, curled up on a winter night waiting for Christmas as snow fell softly into the quiet of the night. A simpler time.

“I did. It’s not the same when I’m not around you... I looked forward to our rides.”

______________________________

Raphael watched her eyes droop closed as the hours passed. He was on a high learning so much from her and letting his walls down over stupid trivia that had him laughing and her blushing.

But being up late tonight didn’t seem to rest well with her despite their late-night rides the week before. He wondered if it was the rain that lulled her to sleep.

It didn’t really matter what it was, she was all but fast asleep on the sofa above him. Peace washed over her like this, though no smile was on her face, a gentle expression rested in her features.

“Y/n?” He asked softly, standing and stretching. He loved the feeling or her name on his lips.

She hummed a response, not opening her eyes. He wanted to laugh.

“You need to get to bed,” He muttered, taking her mug and his and carefully putting them into her sink, very conscientious of the space around him.

“Too far,” Her voice grew jumbled. “I’ll sleep on the couch,” She seemed resolved about this.

“No, you’re not,” He smiled and shook his head at her antics. “It’s not that far, lazy,” he teased gently.

“M’fine,” She tried again, her words slurring.

Raph stared at her curled-up form and her bed that rested against the back wall of her apartment.

Maybe the rain had calmed him too, or maybe being near her had let him be someone who didn’t thrive on anger and deflecting, but he carefully lifted her from the couch and walked her over to her bed and gently laid her down.

She immediately stretched out and found her way under the covers, cuddling a pillow. Her eyes never opened.

“Thanks,” She mumbled, the faintest smile playing at her lips. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” He promised.

Like my stuff? Here’s my masterlist!

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fluffydragon22 · 3 years

Text

2.10 : Student Driver

The days went by, i got busy with my college stuff but things felt different surely. Lily gave some different colours to my days ever since she came. Meanwhile the observer never showed up, not until the last two months on that year.

"I wonder how is he doing at the moment." I talked to myself when i was studying for my mid-term exam.

It was a busy mid-year for me. Being in my sophomore year in college gave a lot of different and difficult challenges. Lots of assignments, lots of stuff that i have to follow outside of my academic time, etc.

Meanwhile, Lily started her first semester in college. She got accepted in a college on my hometown, so she could go back home once in a week. She was so busy during the first months that sometimes she forgot to tell me about her days. Of course it felt different compared to the period between that day in July and the last day before she went to college, but i never asked her that much, at least in my own view.

"I met some new friends here, they are so kind." She messaged me someday on the end of August.

"Oh they are? I'm so happy to hear that." I replied.

We were separated by more than 1.000 km at that time. So our communication was through online messaging service. Twice or three times in a week, we would have a video call. But during her first month in college, we rarely send messages to each other let alone made a video call. People said that long distance relationship wouldn't work at all, but we felt like we need to prove them wrong. At least that was how i felt back then.

Two things that i usually did was sending her a good morning text and good night text. Even though i knew that the chance of my messages getting replied was low, i didn't care back then. I just wanted to show her that she crosses my mind everyday, all day and night. So it was like "hey, i'm here if you need anything. You crossed my mind this morning, all the way till the night."

She was so busy with her life and her friends on the college. Sometimes it seemed like i wasn't anyone. So one day, i decided to tell her something, but it was not a good decision.

"Lily, i know you're busy there, but i hope you would tell me one or two things about your day. I'm sorry if i disturb you." I sent her a message on 8 pm.

I waited for about an hour before i got the reply. But it wasn't a pleasant one.

"No, you're not. Everything was fine today." She replied.

"Oh okay, i'm glad to hear that. If you need anything or you wanna talk, let me know." I sent my last reply followed by a love emoji.

It took me a while to calm myself down after receiving her reply. I wasn't expected that kind of short reply. If you read it, of course nothing wrong with what she said, but the tone of her reply felt different from usual. So then i decided to back off.

It was November that year. Lily had started to message me as usual. It was like one day she switched something and she became Lily that i used to know again. I was happy of course. The moment she changed, i instantly forgot everything that had happened before. Perhaps that was one of my strength, or maybe my weakness as well.

Someday during the last week on that month, the observer finally showed up again. I was making my assignment when i suddenly heard a crack on my bed. I turned around and there he was, sitting peacefully while staring at me intensely.

"Where have you been?" I asked him and decided to stop everything i did.

"I wasn't going anywhere, i thought you already knew about it?" He answered. Now he stared at the ceiling.

"But you disappeared for 5 months straight. Then suddenly out of nowhere you appeared just now. Can you explain to me about it?" I asked him back.

"No worries mate, i'm still watching you, even though you couldn't see me." Another empty answer from him.

"Whatever dude." I got a bit annoyed.

"So, how is it going? I can say things went smooth, can't i?" He asked me, obviously about my relationship with Lily.

"I think i have found the missing piece. She completed me in ways that i couldn't do. I can feel the spark inside me is getting lit up again." I answered. Somehow i smiled when i said it.

The observer took a bit of pause before said something in response to my answer.

"I'm so happy to hear that. Let me guess, it's very different, isn't it? And you admit it one year after you lost the previous one. It only took one year!" He told me. Strangely, no trace of smile appeared on his face.

"Very different indeed. Honestly, I never expected this before. Anyway, do you think what will happen within five years ahead? Or one year? Or even two years after that day in July?" I asked him back.

This time, the observer took a walk around the room. For about 10 minutes, the silence filled the air. I wanted to ask him once more but i quickly decided it wouldn't worth my words.

"You better find it out yourself. It's not gonna be a surprise if i tell you. Besides, the observer can't tell you anything about it, don't you remember?" He finally answered. He looked a bit awkward but i thought nothing was wrong.

"But you know, i don't know if she will stay. I'm still learning to give her the right amount of attention, trying to love her the best way i can, that she can feel comfortable with me, even if i have learned since years ago. It's like i'm a student driver even though i have driven for a very long time, do you get what i mean?" I told him.

"I understand how you feel. I understand. For the moment, just go with the flow, okay? After you figure everything out, you will know what step you should take." The observer gave a short answer, then proceeded to disappear.

November changed to December. Our communication became more intense. Then on the last week of December, i decided to came home with the rest of my friends.

"Perhaps by being closer to her, things would be better, don't you think?" I asked Sarah when we were on the plane. I sat in the middle between Naoki and Sarah. I planned to take the window seat but Sarah had already taken it as she checked in before me.

"I don't think so. But you have to find out about it by yourself, and then tell me, okay. Now shut up, i wanna sleep." Sarah answered then fell into her sleep.

"Welp okay then." I told her.

When i was on the air with them, and the rest of the passengers, my mind wandered around. Thinking about what would happen after my plane landed on the airport in my hometown. But before i could continue wandering much farther, i fell into a dreamless sleep.

#Orchid on my Garden

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #245

“i fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again.”

What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over the appropriate amount of eye contact I make. What color is your mp3? Hot pink. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeup. Is there a song or lyrics currently super-glued in your head? "Popular Monster" by Falling In Reverse FUCK What can you go a day without doing? Uhhh a lot? I dunno... oh, drink water because I suck at that gah. I've gotten a lot better than I used to be tho. What can’t you go a day without doing? Touching some form of technology. Who do you spend most of your time with? Myself. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? Treat others with kindness. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I definitely think so. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Lol I have some of my own... but let's say it was a clean slate again. I'd put some macabre/gothic art of some sort up, probably. Of COURSE with meerkats making an appearance. What fruit is too sweet to you? Hm, I'm blanking. What was the last contest you have ever won: Uhhhh... I think the giveaway of two Silent Hill: Revelation things? That was forever ago. What was the worst hair cut you have ever had in your entire life: Looking back, the haircut I had before this one (short on the left, faded into still rather long on the right) I don't really like anymore. Looks fine in some pictures, but not most. What was the worst thing you have ever worn in your life: Oh I don't know. Probably some dance costume. Do you like any sort of animes: Yeah, a handful. I'd honestly like to watch more. Have you ever used someone for your own benefits: I don't think so. What is the worst cartoon you have ever seen: Oh boy, idk. There's some dumb ones, a lot that I've only seen peeks of. Do you like to type or write more: TYPE. Writing physically can easily make my carpal tunnel act up. I hated having to hand-write a few essays last semester... I had to stop frequently to roll my wrists and cringe and stuff. What color would you have your skin if you could change it: I'd like pale skin like I have, but I wish it was more flawless/porcelain-ish. SOOOOOO pretty ahahhhhhhhhahhhhhh Do you usually cook your own meals, or does someone cook for you: I usually have to throw something together in the microwave because Mom's barely home, but when she is home, she cooks. If someone cooks for you, do you always thank them for it: YES. YES. NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL. What do you do during the day: Almost without question, SOMEthing on technology/usually computer. As for what I do on technology, boy, a lot a lot. I don't even feel like listing it all. When you are online what do you normally find yourself doing: ... Oh, lmao. Uhhh binging YouTube, writing on or just checking up on KM, dA browsing/cleaning my drowning inbox, Facebook, "working" at the SH and SotC wikis, playing games, roaming Tumblr, check my emails, uhhhhhhh,,,, What is the most hated item you own: I wouldn't... keep it if I hated it? Uhhhh yeah, I honestly don't know. What is your favorite item you own out of all the items you have: My iPod, really. I have over 1k songs on this old-ass nano that I've had since middle school. I guess my laptop is kinda tied, but idk. Like, I don't love this laptop itself, just that it allows me to go online at a decent speed lmao. I guess they're my favorites in different ways. So, do you think that you will get where you want in life currently: Not stopping pushing for it 'til I get it. Why is that so. May I ask: I'm "too" determined. It's been a struggle getting to even where I am, but FUCK, I'm getting there. Do you like Halloween: I can't fwu if you don't. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not to my recollection. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? Personally, I think a simple peck is fine IF that's your thing and it's mutually understood that it's platonic. Ex., I know greeting kisses are normal in some cultures, and I see no reason to shame it so long you're not like making out. Is it okay for girls to hit boys? Fuck no. Unless you're like fighting off an assailant/defending yourself, NO gender hits ANYONE. Do you know a lot of attractive boys personally? I've never thought about it? I'm not gonna dig through all the people I know rn... What happens if you realized you had a crush on somebody? More than anything, I'd be scared of being hurt again, particularly if it's a guy. So I definitely wouldn't make the first move. Do you think you are attractive? No. Which two of your friends would have the cutest baby together? I don't know. How do you feel about your naked body? DON'T COME AT ME WITH THIS QUESTION GO AWAY Have you ever been called obnoxious? No. At least, not to my memory. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No, but a more close-knit one. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. If somebody smacks your butt, you automatically say: I wouldn't say shit, I'd turn around and smack them across the face. How often does your family life conflict with your social life? Pretty much never. Have you ever been emotionally abused? No, thankfully. Do small children like you? They seem to, I guess. If karma is really true, should you be worried? Not very. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? None. Do you have anything hidden in your room? Yeah, some saved money. What do you wish you were doing right now instead of this? It'd be great to talk to Sara. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? Oh I'm going to the fucking hospital for that epidural fren. If I even wanted kids. What was the last thing you ordered online? Uhhh good question. Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? Well, actually the entire time I was ON anti-depressants. Because I'm bipolar, anti-depressants actually ramp up the aggression of bipolarity symptoms. How, I don't recall the science of, but I trust every word that comes out of my psychiatrist's mouth for many reasons. That definitely happened. One also made me gain weight, and the worst instance was in middle school when I was briefly on one that made me SO fucking hyper and happy in the morning but I crashed into an absolute bitchy monster by mid-afternoon. Now a combination of mood stabilizers helps both my bipolarity and depression immensely and are the main reason I'm alive. Are you allergic to any plants? I mean, I'm allergic to pollen. Are you an outdoors person? If the weather is cool, I love it. Does your past bother you? Some parts of it. Do you take risks or play it safe? I tend to play it safe. What forms of art do you like the best? This is an absolutely impossible question. "Art" has such an incredible range of forms, and I enjoy like... all. I guess the one thing I don't particularly care for is abstract art. What forms of art do you want to try? HYPERREALISM IN DRAWING. I REALLY wanna be able to draw/paint/whatever and make it look so true to life, BUT I'd like to add fantasy aspects to what I'm making (for example, my characters). I'd love to do portraits, too. This isn't really a "type" of art, but one thing I desperately want in art is to actually develop my own recognizable style that isn't just a wobbly attempt at realism with shitty proportions. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn's dope. Has a medication ever made you itch? No. What’s your favorite rainy day activity? Cuddle with snacks and like binge a good TV show/YT videos, etc. BUT considering I'm single I'ma just take a nap if I'm actually tired and you can hear the rain on the window. Do you put creamer in your tea? I wonder how many times I'll tell surveys I hate tea lmao by the end of my life lmao. What do you think are some good names for twins? I don't care enough to think about this. What are three things that fascinate you? Animal behavior (particularly social), the paranormal, and genetics. Would you say you live more in the past, present, or future? Present, I think. Have you ever been a victim of a crime? Not me personally, no, but my family. We had our basketball hoop stolen from our front yard and I was mega tilted yo. Does injustice make you angry? More like it infuriates me. Do you have the bad habit of procrastinating? Very badly. Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? I both am and am not afraid of running into Jason. I have a very strong feeling I'd start having a PTSD episode (by that I mean hyperventilating, crying a bit, and shaking at the very least), but simultaneously I just want him to know I'm sorry. Do you have anyone you avoid? No. Do you have the same dreams now that you did as a kid? No. Who’s your crush? I don't really know if I have one right now. My old friend Ian and I started talking, and he's a fucking hilarious dude with similar ethics to mine with great compassion, but I still don't know him well enough to say I like-like him. I'm honestly just happy to have an irl friend again that actually talks to me regularly. Do you trust the government? I believe in WAY too many conspiracy theories to even try to convince anyone I trust the government lmao. Who do you want to meet in Heaven? I don't know exactly what sort of afterlife I believe in (it's not the traditional Heaven though), but I do believe that souls can reunite. The first thing I want to see again is Teddy. Does your school take sports too seriously? Considering we're well-respected in the sports field to the degree we draw in a huge number of foreign athletes, guess you could say yes lmao. Most of the people I even slightly know here came for sports. If there are bruises on your body, how did you get them? There aren’t. Would you ever go back in time to do something over again, but differently? Yes. Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? The airport. Have you thought about your wedding in detail? Not great detail, no. Do you think you could ever really kill someone? In self-defense, I know I could. Do you like Papa John’s pizza? I couldn't even guess the last time I had it. I don't remember. Do you attend school? Yeah. Do you call it a crush, or do you just say you like someone? The latter. Where were you when the ball dropped? In my bed asleep lmao. Where are your siblings? Probably all at work. Waffles, pancakes, or french toast? French toast. Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? Not really, but I WILL wonder to myself if you believe in some of the bullshit just about every religion has somewhere. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? YUP YUP YUP! Mainly irl tho. Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? No. Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? No. Been to one where everyone was high, though. Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? I'd hope the good guy. Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? Ha ha yeah. Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? Yes. Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? Yes, all but one. What do you hear right now? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Proud as fuck because this song was a MASSIVE PTSD trigger at first and even made me cry, but despite it still making me kinda uncomfortable, I can listen to and enjoy it now. If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? The only three people whose opinions would matter there would be Sara, Girt, and Jason. Sara and Jason would fucking break me, while I think Girt would of course make me cry, but I just. Wouldn't be surprised to lose another irl friend. I'd be so fucking hurt by any. OH YEAH, what would I say? I think Sara would have me speechless. I'd probably just choke out, "I don't blame you," to Jason. Girt, my first instinct pondering this was "are you serious?" because he's such a joker while my stomach dropped. What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her, but still feel kinda sad that it wasn't me. What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? If I like the person, I feel very comforted. It like... makes me feel small, safe, and permitted to just let my emotions loose, ex. be "allowed" to cry. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check my phone to see the time. Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? I don't want to answer this. Do the math. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? No. Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? Yeah. Would you date someone three years older than you? Yeah. Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Actually as of recently, the morning. It's a nice way to start the day clean and energized. Could you handle living with the last person you texted? I'd love to live with her. Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was assigned, but I loved it. Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? Not really? Well no, I think I'm being a less procrastinating student and also not fleeing so quickly from situations that invoke my anxiety. Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? SOBS Blockbuster come BACK we NEED u. What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? Eh, it was stupid and something that realistically isn't worth being annoyed by. I was SUPER bored and tired yesterday waiting for Mom to finish her field work while I waited in the library after classes, and I was so ready to go home, but she stayed longer than she thought she would. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? Actually, not really. He's way too motivated and drawn to people who push forward and get shit done, and just in general at least from how I "know" him as a fan I could only realistically see us as friends. But a fangirl can dream ok just let me dream. When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? I'll answer hypothetically if I watched TV: probably something I know I like. Might get adventurous every now and again and try something new, though, especially if it's on a channel I like. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I haven't had to. I juuuuust slightly have enough room where I DID have them grow in. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Uhhh probably the deli, which I got and lasted for two hours my first work day lmao. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What do people tell you your voice sounds like? I dunno, kinda deep for a girl and lacking an accent most of the time. What financial class are you? Lower. What poster is hanging closest to you? A huge Nightmare Before Christmas one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Maybe if Ian did? Idk. It'd be a nice way to get to know more about each other, but I'd only agree to it after we talked a bit longer. Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? Not "a ton." Things we'll eat again though, yes. Favorite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. I haven't watched it. Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? Hell yes. Pretty sure next is collarbones if I could just lose a little bit more weight so they're more visible. Do you love when people remember little things about you? YES OMG!!!!!!!!!! Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Yes, I just think it's common good manner. Even though the reasoning behind it is whatever, it's a societal thing that I just go along with. How many phones have you gone through? Idk, not too many. Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? No.

#survey #questions #quiz

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verysadsuggestions · 3 years

Text

I've been off my meds for months and it sucked

And I finally got a refill and started taking again

But then I lost the bottle like a dumbass

And i was too embarrassed to call my provider

I got caught up in finals (thankfully i did well)

Then my mom confronted me about my credit card usage and I had to give it up

So now I can't do one of the few things that gives me pleasure, buying junk food

And now she's constantly monitoring everything I eat

Which sucks

And my provider who's really nice has left me two emails asking to make sure I'm okay but of course like a coward I didn't respond

And a new semester quarter started and I have a writing class that's mandatory for credits

And it's- I have to write FOUR ESSAYS in THREE WEEKS

absolutely madness

Basically the only thing that's going for me is recently I published a few new complete fanfiction and have some WIP but even that's not much because people I message online haven't responded when I asked them to read it which means my lovely brain has decided to tell me on repeat means they hate me ::)

and when messaging with a friend was cut short, a few days later they responded but I was asleep so I woke up to see it, so I CAN'T STOP thinking about how we! just! missed!!! each other and I'm so frustrated because i wanna talk to them so bad but i can't

New lockdown restrictions are also really getting to me

And I can't stop thinking about friends who ghosted me

AND on top of all this my mom says she's thinking about switching therapists for me a.k.a. I have to say goodbye to the person I've been used to for the past 2 years and get to meet a brand new person and I feel like I can't say no

And my mom is criticizing if I buy or eat anything sugary

So basically all this in mind is just making me in the best mood ::)

Makes me wanna kms :::) 🙃

just to be clear my friends are good people (except maybe the ones who ghosted me), they just can't respond all the time because they have actual lives and i know it, I'm just needy and pathetic ::)

#Suidical ideation mention #Vent post #Negative #personal #Verysadsuggestions #self deprecation

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othll · 7 years

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every odd question because I too am extra

yikes yikes yikes this is going under a readmore because this is a lot also rip mobile users i’m sorry

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

I mean i already did this one but it changes with each shuffle so it’s whatever

Miami by Ariane Moffatt— i downloaded it over the summer when i was in Quebec and it makes me think of then it was such a good time i miss it aw

Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots— i am an unapologetic fan of my ukulele scream boys ok

Cliff’s Edge by Hayley Kiyoko— HA GAYYYY

Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)— again by a bunch of fuckin people because it’s from Heathers: The Musical WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING

Fools by Troye Sivan— honestly??? Bless him i love troye

Life Lesson by dodie— my fave what a gal i love her w all my heart she is so???? I could go on for hours about dodie clark

3. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

But i don't wanna moooove the closest book to me is Tipping the Velvet which is that gay one that I’ve been reading if that tells you anything so it’s probably something to do with the main character being Gay™

5. Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that i know of!!

7. What's your religion?

Don’t have one my dude

9. Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

I associate stuff that i’m into with points in time in my life and like… this is such a stereotypically emo response but probably fob and 21p because i was really into them when i was like 13/14 and that was like… when i really and genuinely wanted to die and i’d like to think that their music among other things (my own cowardice potentially, not necessarily a bad thing) is part of why i’m still here.

11. Do you believe in karma?

Yeah but not like “if you do bad things then the almighty god(s) will make you pay” more like, if you’re shitty to someone they’re gonna be shitty back cause that’s just how people work.

13. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Weakness would be like… anxiety probably, cause it’s stopped me from doing a lot of things and talking to a lot of people and it’s getting better over time i think (generally speaking, it’s very fluctuate-y so honestly idk) but there are days when it’s really bad and just!! Stops me from doing stuff and that causes me regretStrength would be, hm.. I’ve learned to force myself to do things pretty well, i think. A lot of the time it’s like.. Forcing myself to talk to people that intimidate me (a lot of people intimidate me yikes) and forcing myself to do homework that i don’t want to do/don’t have the motivation to do because Depression™ but as with anxiety it seems to be (maybe) getting (sort of) better???

15. How do you vent your anger?

Oh boy, i don’t. If i even get so much as frustrated— i.e. pre-anger— my brain throws me into a pit of self-loathing so deep that all i can do is cry because i’m! Really! Bad! At! Processing! Emotion!!!That was really sad i’m sorry a lot of these are sad questions rip

17. Are you happy with the person you've become?

In some aspects, definitely. I’ve pushed myself enough to become an involved student leader and i FINALLY figured out what university i want to go to— past emma started having panic attacks about that when she was 12 so finally getting that shit sorted is BIG for her ok— and i can speak two languages which is super cool and i’ve finally figured my sexuality out which is neat and like…. I have friends and that was quite the foreign concept to my younger self because i was pretty alienated as a little kid for a while there cause i was a little weirdo and now to have MULTIPLE GROUPS of friends is like.. Wow.. beyond my past self’s wildest dreams. While i know i still have a lot of growing to do, i’m happy with the progress i’ve made so far, definitely.

19. What's your biggest "what if"?

Already answered!!

21. Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right: my cat, he’s asleep right beside me— well, not asleep anymore because i just booped his head with my handLeft: nothing tbh

23. What's the worst place you have ever been to?

Anywhere that my dad was at the same time as me lmao

25. To you, what is the meaning of life?

Enjoying yourself and finding success— whatever success means to you personally.

27. What was the last movie you saw?

In general i don’t remember because it was probably some random movie on TV, but seeing-in-theatres-wise it was Fantastic Beasts!!

29. Do you have any obsessions right now?

Hayden…. My dude….. My guy….. U know EXACTLY what i’m gonna say…… i’m not even gonna write it because you KNOW….. EVERYONE knows…….

31. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah lmao i’m lowkey a petty-ass bitch

33. What's the last thing you purchased?

The last thing that i got was a new bullet journal for second semester but my mom bought that technically— the last thing i actually bought was my rugby jacket!!

35. In a relationship?

Nah relationships are weird, I just got out of one fairly recently and— while it was on good terms and went fairly smoothly— i still don’t feel like i’m in the position to get into another one quite yet.

37. What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I don’t have one tbh if someone doesn't like me as me then it isn't worth it— my cat maybe???

39. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Honestly??? I was asleep, yesterday was a lot with school and D&D and it was lit but i ended up pretty tuckered out!!

41. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I would like…. Draw attention to the fact that there was a drowning dog and try my best to get someone to save it but like…….. I don’t wanna get fired my dude

43. What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Anything from Quebec because that was such a good time ahhhhAlso anything with ukuleles i love ukuleles

45. How can I win your heart?

Be cute and into cats and also girls that too cause like… yeah…. And just have similar interests!!Also i love people that are patient, not just with me but with people generally. It’s a really admirable trait, and it’s something that someone would need with me because i’m TERRIBLE at articulating myself vocally and it takes me a while to sort out how i want to convey things, especially when the conversation is emotional/serious.

47. What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Going to Quebec for that thing that i did over the summer. It was just— words cannot describe how amazing it was, the people were amazing, the stuff i got to do was amazing, I fell in love with Quebec all over again and got to practice my second language in an immersive— but supportive!!— setting, what’s not to love?

49. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."

Can you hear,,,,,, my HEART BEAT

51. What is your current desktop picture?

Already answered!!

53. What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

Probably something along the lines of “Are you happy/doing well/etc.” not because the answer is ALWAYS negative but it’s just… very unpredictable the answer changes very frequently and while sometimes the answer is a genuine “yes,” some other potential answers could raise a bit of concern….

55. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Nothing, i would totally fuck something up and cause a butterfly effect so i’m not even gonna choose anything. I choose to not do that no thanks

57. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

No one!! That would be weird!!!! I wouldn't want to sleep with someone that i barely know and am infatuated with!!!!! That’s weird!!!!!!!! ew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

59. Ever been on a plane?

Yep!! I went to Cuba back in 2011, and then I flew to Quebec and back this past summer. They were like, six and two hour flights, respectively.

this took eight years honestly kms bye

#ask meme #pipedreamerss

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ara--jamelia--hala--aurelia · 6 years

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KM told me he had talked to Morris about us earlier yesterday before we went out. Morris told him that - of course - I am being the cold one, and that I accused him of being an asshole in every paragraph of that letter and that I was the one who said I never wanted to talk to him again etc. I don’t know what the fuck made KM bring that up to me today because it completely crushed me. I just started sobbing and bawling my eyes out crying saying “Why are you telling me this right now, I can’t do it anymore, I can’t do this” like I completely broke down. I had a strange night yesterday as it was, like I talked to the boy for the first time in months and now KM tells me everything that was still on his mind. I was so angry with him, with both of them. Like whyyyyyyy, and KM obviously believed him because he came full on hard on me with that. I couldn’t say a thing anymore because I was just so exhausted of proving my side of the story to people, because no one ever believed me in a righteous matter. They all concluded that “both were in the wrong” and I should “just let it go” etc. Like no, that hasn’t helped me at all???? And then he of course felt bad and apologised for having had talked to him at all and continued with saying “I think you should just let it go, you’re doing fine without him” and that’s what rattled me the most. Like bitch, I am not doing fine!!! Just because I don’t talk about how I’ve dreamt of him almost every night in the past 4 months and how I feel like crying almost every day and feel like someone cuts me across my heart every time I see him - just because I don’t talk about it every day, doesn’t mean that that’s not how I feel. I don’t want to annoy you with that all the time, because I’m a respectable human being. But I am not fine. This situation stole 4 months of my life away when I was supposed to be enjoying myself in a new school with new people and new music. I am still in pain. And I didn’t have the energy to explain it all again to KM like I just went downstairs crying and he came down after me like “Honey I really am sorry. Do you want me to write him something?” And I wanted to talk to Morris so much. So fucking much. I just wanted to call him up and sort it out like oh my God. But then KM was like “Honestly though do you feel like you’re gonna achieve anything by talking to him again right now? I think he just wants to bury it all. But can you show me the letter? Can I just read it? From an outside point of view, I want to see if he actually has anything to complain about.” So I did, I gave him the letter and he read it. After 10 minutes he goes “Ok yes, he’s a douchebag. He’s an absolute dumb fuck. There is nothing in this letter but kindness and heart and a centred explanation of your feelings. Like, no girl has ever written me a novelistic calligraphic letter like this. I can’t believe he can’t even appreciate that. I have no words. You didn’t even accuse him of anything, you were very diplomatic about touchy subjects, like his reaction was completely unprovoked.” Then he read it again. “I am actually really pissed off right now. I wanna write him. You wrote such sweet things, like things he didn’t even deserve. I actually think you should be even colder to him. Like fuck him. You don’t deserve this kind of attitude. I understand what you mean now. He is such a cynical empty piece of garbage. The fact that he turned this sweet letter into a personal attack and called it manipulative tricks, is hysterical. I understand everything now. And don’t worry, I will make sure this bites him in the ass. I will talk to him about this. I’ll probably yell at him for this. I sometimes forget that he can be such an immature asshole. I am sorry this happened to you. But you do need to go home and enjoy your freaking holiday and not think one second of this fuckboy idiot. He is so not worth your tears. Please go home and relax with your family and friends, and I’ll make sure to sort this out in school next semester. If I have to do it in front of everyone and embarrass him, I will.” And there are no words describing how relieving his reaction was. For the first time, someone understood the problematic and was passionate about making the wrongs into rights. Someone acknowledged my reasoning behind my pain. It felt good knowing that I wasn’t “just overreacting”. I needed that kind of a strong reminder that he truly ain’t worth shit at the end of the day. That I truly have tried everything and more and that it isn’t on me anymore. That it shouldn’t be something to cry about anymore. It felt good. I don’t expect or want KM to embarrass him in front of everyone during lunch or something, but I truly would appreciate it if he could lighten his looks on a couple of things in private, since KM is one of the rare people who Morris actually respects regarding sociability. I appreciate KM for that, I hope he knows I would do the same for him. We’re that kind of people. But yeah. It was good at the end of the day, that he talked to him and that he talked to me after. Case closed for now. We’ll see how next semester turns out.

#mischasdnevnik #MM

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