#caffeine makes me feel like shit

[resetmypatientviolence]

It’s be great if I didn’t have weird ass dreams & be consistently tired despite getting a decent enough-ish about of sleep.

Bout to crawl under my desk and I’m only half joking.

#any tips #like pls #caffeine makes me feel like shit #so I don’t have that to use #only decaf and that lasts all day for one cup #insomnia #kinda #sleeping tips

[theygender]

I love being T4T. My gf has been on estrogen for a couple weeks now and she's been having a rough time with her mood so I'm teaching her about the ancient art of soaking in a bubble bath with a little drink to sip while watching shows on your laptop

#pro-tip for any girls newly on E. this is The Cure for PMS #(which accurately describes what youre going through btw) #other great cures include putting on nice smelling lotion and fuzzy socks and wrapping yourself in a blanket burrito/nest #also eating lots of chocolate or other sweets and drinking your favorite caffeinated beverages #my mom used to always put on lotion and fuzzy socks and drink dr pepper and eat chocolate #my cousin likes to watch netflix in the bath with wine and then get in a blanket burrito with her favorite lemonade tea #if youve got someone to take care of you then you dont even have to come out of the burrito. you can just ask them to bring you things #all of these methods help a lot. we're experts on this you can trust me (family of people with endometriosis) #also if youre having headaches and bloating and stomach pain you might try midol (generic works fine) #it has acetaminophen for pain + caffeine for headaches (like excedrin) + antihistamine for bloating #also to clarify: i said girls newly on E only bc i figured girls who have been on it for a while might have already figured this stuff out #but PMS is by no means exclusive to transfems who have newly started on E #many transfems have reported getting PMS symptoms and even cramps on a monthly basis after being on estrogen for a while #this is bc after a while on E your body can start naturally making more estrogen and this can come with its own hormone cycle #and as a result you can essentially get all of the symptoms of a period just without the actual bleeding #(this can include cramps bc even in cis women the signals for the muscle spasms can sometimes get misdirected to nearby organs— #unfortunately causing stomach issues as well) #so if anyone out there happens to not already know this information and youve been feeling like shit periodically for seemingly no reason #now you know 😅 #its your period #rambling

[syn0vial]

i wish i could enjoy leverage but so much of that show is watching bad people getting their comeuppance in terribly uncomfortable ways and rather than deriving any pleasure from this, my anxious brain just kicks into overdrive of "what if that happened to us"

#i watched a good number of episodes with my friend who's a fan #and that episode where they replace that guy's anxiety medication with caffeine pills and trap him in an elevator? #or something like that? #actually quite upsetting to me. even just remembering that scene makes me feel anxious #i guess shit like that gets under my skin more than say‚ straight-up violence‚ bc it feels more plausible in day-to-day life #like i'm probably never gonna be involved in some john wick style armed brawl #but the thought of someone intentionally driving me into an anxiety attack bc they hate me feels much more real and personal #it's kinda funny bc i think that putting the bad guys in Sensory Hell rather than doing anything ''worse'' #is the show's way of keeping things light-hearted #but for me it's like ''NO THANK YOU‚ I'LL TAKE THE VIOLENCE PLS'' #idk idk i'm weird‚ i just know i'd happily take a pistol whip to the face over caffeine pills during an anxiety attack any day

[lindwurmkai]

people who are lactose intolerant but eat dairy anyway and people who are allergic to animals but hang out with them anyway are braver than the marines and also a complete mystery to me btw

#i only do this with caffeine. it makes my head feel funny in a bad way but sometimes i wish to drink cola as a little treat #doesn't really make my heart race anymore since i started taking meds for that and it also doesn't make me super sleepy anymore #but i do usually get a little tired. it certainly doesn't have any positive effects #however every time i have a bathroom hogging event i am practically traumatised it's so bad #and my regular allergies just make me feel like shit physically and emotionally. i wouldn't be able to ENJOY petting your cat #because i would be busy wondering why i feel the urge to run away and commit murder at the same time #weirdo chronicles

[newwave-lesbian]

they really did just give me all of the dogshit mental illnesses, huh

#i mean what mental illness isn't dosghit #anyways the reason why my depression meds probably don't work is because i'm bipolar #that's what my therapist thinks anyways. and it makes sense considering the lil manic episodes i have #so um. that fucking sucks but it also explains everything so its fine really #like i really really want to do drugs actually #i mean i am just so sad and empty feeling #i'm working on art but nothing i'm making means anything #can i just get permission to do a shit ton of stimulants #i am sooooooo bored #i'm really trying to make myself feel better here but only with things that'll do it instantly #anyways i want to not smoke because i am running out of weed and money #but i'm gonna smoke delta 8 anyways rn because even after all this caffeine etc i feel nothing and i need something #honestly can i just pass away though. i am so pathetic #or can i actually become hypo manic again. because at least i felt something #anyways does anyone want to be friends with me even though i am severely mentally ill #or can someone give me some dopamine/serotonin. i feel like shit #vent

[skitskatdacat63]

Man, I love random chest pain and aches, it's so cool and wonderful 🥰

#please save me #its not so bad that its the onlt thing i can focus on #but its just constant and heavy #like breathing in too much hurts :') #idk what it is #am i just dying? thats fine #like yknow its not bad enough to feel concerning imo but it just makes me feel lethargic ig #and jve been trying to drink more water later cause im afraid the reason why i feel shit a lot is bcs dehydration #but then when im drinking more lately im suddenly just hit w this oppressive feeling #thank you body love you #and to add on my stomach hurts 😭🫠 #but i think thats just bcs i drink too much dairy and caffeine #actually maybe all of it is the caffeine #BUT I DONT DRINK THAT MUCH #it cant be hmmm #catie.rambling.txt

[kraviolis]

anyways i got sidetracked from what i was originally gonna post. now that im off my medication for the foreseeable future (with minor exceptions like whenever my mom shares their adderall with me) ive become more acutely aware than ever before exactly how genetically predisposed to addiction and substance abuse i really am

#krav talks #im actively craving alcohol at any time of the day #and only after i got drunk ONCE #the cravings arent severe but its more of like “man drinking would make me feel so much better rn a drink sounds so good” #sorta the same as basically craving like a donut or something #ive experienced this before with smoking when i was like 15 and stole a pack on my mom's cigarettes #i would have a smoke every morning when everyone was asleep but never developed a full addiction bcus i literally forgot where i put them #but that nicotine craving has never gone away #and ive kept a close eye on it since then bcus FUCK being addicted to nicotine that shit is so expensive #i literally cannot afford to be addicted to anything i can barely buy myself shampoo rn #but if someone offered me a cigarette.... yeah i'd take it #im doin the same thing with alcohol rn. well im being a little more indulgent #bcus alcohol isnt as cancer-inducing as smoking #and its more socially acceptable #but yknow. keeping an eye on it. being self-aware of my own habits. #last night i really wanted to drink but instead i had like 7 coffees so im all good #oh im 100% addicted to caffeine honestly #for a brief moment when i was 18 im pretty sure i was close to an adderall addiction #but then i stayed awake for 72 hours that one time and heard people whispering my name and thought my food was made of maggots & ants #so i cut that shit out for the most part. my brain functions & sleeping habits have never been the same since then :)

[yu-tap]

i drank a monster thinking i would want to stay up longer tonight to make gifs or draw or smth but im kinda pooped out on content. welp. watch youtube videos until i fall asleep it is

#i might actually fall asleep at a normal time tn (at least for me) #also this much caffeine makes me feel like shit idk why i keep on doing this

[feralnumberfive]

Good morning to every organ in my body except my stomach. Get your shit together

#went to a pediatrician for 5+ years for stomach issues and was on a medicine for 3+ of those years that sucked the calcium from my bones #just to try to help stop the pain only for her (very kind dr. btw) to really have no idea what was going on and just said it hurt- #when I was stressed (which is very logical for me) but it's such a weird issue #I was tested for celiac disease (which my sister has) but that wasn't it and if I get a small stomach virus it kicks the pain back up- #for weeks before settling back down. I can't have energy drinks anymore because the high amount of caffeine- #makes it feel like I've been punched in the stomach & I'm also cutting down on or completely cutting out red meat in my daily diet because- #my stomach doesn't seem to process it well and my stomach is already highly sensitive to greasy foods #the weekly stomach pain returned months ago and I'm getting real tired of it sometimes the acid reflux medicine doesn't even help either #and I've had symptoms of a stomach ulcer on and off but a lot more recently in the past year or two but I never got scoped to check for one #so now I have to go to my current doctor and talk with her and hopefully I'll get scoped but who knows I don't think it's an ulcer though #my stomach hurt while writing this it knows I'm talking shit lol #personal

[iguessitsjustme]

There is an interesting phenomena happening lately across multiple shows where there has been an increase in viewers of BL reading the novels that the shows are based off of. I’m not entirely sure why that is, I certainly have theories, but I don’t have the data to back any of them up (I am willing to share my theories if asked but they’re not particularly relevant here). But regardless, it’s definitely happening where a large number of viewers will find a translation of a BL novel and read it before watching the show. And don’t get me wrong, that’s amazing! I am certainly not complaining that people are reading these novels. I will always advocate for more reading, especially from authors from different cultures.

I personally do not read the novels for the shows I’m watching. I have done it a couple of times, but it’s extremely rare that I will go out of my way to find the novels. There’s a few reasons for this. First and foremost is that I find the unofficial fan translations difficult to read and I would rather pay for an official translation of the novels that have to go through multiple checks and also I would like to support the authors by purchasing the novels. I know. I know that we’re just not there yet for BL where there are official translations, but I still can’t bring myself to read the unofficial ones. I really struggled getting through the fan translation of Bite Me, and there was a specific reason I read that one, but we’ll get into this in a bit. 

Another reason that I don’t read the novels is because, truthfully, I just want to watch the shows. I enjoy watching week to week and needing to wait to see what happens. I enjoy experiencing these shows along with everyone else watching. Even if I don’t particularly like the show, I enjoy watching and critiquing it along with others. And that is where this issue and clash starts coming into play. 

Whenever I’m watching a show, I watch it with a critical eye. An analytical gaze, if you will. So oftentimes, what happens is I’ll come across a show that I’m enjoying overall, but something about the show isn’t working for me. Whether that be a character, a plot line, soundtrack, etc. That is when I’ll critique the show (different than hate but that’s another post). Now it’s important to note that what I am critiquing is the show, not the novel. I can’t possibly critique the novel that the show is based off of if I haven’t read it. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable critiquing an unofficial translation (again, that’s another post).

So when anyone makes a post critiquing a show, it is actually irrelevant to bring up the novel as an argument against the critique. I understand that the novel might provide additional context that the show is missing, but that’s kind of the point. The show is missing the context. And that’s the clash. The show and the novel are two completely separate pieces of media. By the very nature of the medium that is portraying the story, it’s going to be different. So the show needs to be able to hold up without relying on people having read the novel. If I need to read the novel to get the necessary context for any aspect of any story that I am consuming through the medium of a show (or movie), then that show has inherently failed at what it set out to do. Which is to tell a cohesive story. I’d also argue that a lot of the shows that people constantly like to bring up the novel for, actually do work as a cohesive story and don’t need the context that people are trying to provide. 

A critique of a show doesn’t necessarily mean that the show is bad or missing anything. A critique is simply something that caught someone’s attention when they were watching and reading into the scene. It is a criticism based on a close reading of a scene, a character, etc. And most often, those criticisms are presented by people with the knowledge and skill set to be able to do that. (For instance, I have a degree and professional experience doing close reads of texts). Critiques are not asking for additional context from the novel. They aren’t asking how it is or what happened in the novel (unless explicitly stated that they want to know).

 It’s important that we, as the viewers, are able to draw that distinction between novel and show because they are ultimately different. A critique for the show might not be the same for the novel, but that’s the point. They are different and they can’t be consumed the same way. I would certainly approach a close reading of a novel very differently than I would a show. I’d actually probably be a lot harsher on a novel than when I’m critiquing a show. Which is another reason I’m not particularly comfortable reading unofficial fan translations. It wouldn’t be fair to the author or the translator to have me read it the way I normally would. 

And that brings me to my last point. I have read a few of these novels and the only one I ever posted about was Bite Me. And I kept those posts on my own blog. I did not go to someone else’s post or blog and “well actually” them about how it happened in the novel. Because they are two separate things and I recognize that not everyone has read the novel nor would want to know and it’s not my place to tell them how to view their media. 

If you want to read the novel, that’s fine, wonderful even! More power to you. I’m so thankful we live in a time where it’s possible and that there are awesome fans out there who put in the enormous amount of work it takes to translate things. But if you do read the novel, please remember: it is not the same as the show, someone critiquing the show is not asking for your opinion on what happened in the novel, and it is always best to make your own posts if you want to talk about the novel. That last point is especially important. People can always filter tags or block/unfollow people that they disagree with or who post novel spoilers, but that doesn’t work when people go to someone else’s post or blog to say it. 

And last but not least, it’s just common courtesy not to give out book spoilers for currently airing shows. It’s 2022 and we should all know better by now. Unless a spoiler is asked for, do not give one. 

#thai bl #japanese bl #korean bl #vietnamese bl #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #I’ve been thinking about this for awhile but didn’t feel like I could write it without being either mean or condescending #so I didn’t write it before but now I’m feeling less…bitter? about this than usual so I figured I’d do it now #I also can’t sleep right now because my dumbass bad caffeine today #as always this is my opinion #feel free to disagree but if you’re going to disagree with me on my post #you cannot be rude about it #there seems to be a misconception about me because I try to be nice and kind and make my tumblr a welcoming and safe space #but I’m actually not I’m quite mean and often very petty #so if you’re rude and try to start shit #you will not like the outcome #but if you’re kind I welcome the dialogue and hearing differing viewpoints #this has been your psa #this is one of the very few things i am actually qualified to speak about #i would also love to get my hands on some data of bl novel readers and when those numbers started to grow #but i have no idea how i would go about doing that #that is something that would be enormously hard to track #it would take me days to hunt down those numbers #but if anyone else is interested i might try to do it #genuinely scared to post this but my friend told me to post it anyway so here goes

[caffeine-high]

hehe

new medication go brrrrr

#i finally started on my report i have been procrastinating for the past three weeks #and even more so the past week #and it doesnt make me feel like shit #like the previous one did #im honestly surprised on how well it works! #and it even lasts for sorta close to what its supposed to #(for reference the 12h releasing one stopped working after 3h) #(while my psychiatrist said that im allowed to take more of this one if it stops working in 4h #and it actually also made it to 3h!) #(so that is a definite improvement!!!) #(cuz i wouldn't have been allowed to take more of the 12h releasing one) #caffeines cackles

[pa-pa-plasma]

sick of this "autistics are the only people who contributed to human evolution" bullshit do yall not realize that you're literally saying the exact same shit about non-autistics as neurotypicals say about ND's?? other disabilites exist. contributing to society isnt what makes a person matter. you should know this. stop acting like disabilities are superpowers challenge (impossible)

#i say this as someone with ADHD & possible autism along with a whole bunch of other shit: SHUT THE FUCK UP #saw a great explanation today actually about why this is so fucking annoying. it boiled down to this #people with ADHD are CONSTANTLY told ''you CAN do if you just TRY!'' #so you can imagine how it feels to have other disabled people suddenly jump on that bullshit bandwagon #i'm sorry but having a panic attack because of sensory overload in public is NOT a superpower #trying to focus physically hurting without an ungodly amount of caffeine or straight amphetamines isnt a fucking superpower #having to force myself to do the extremely uncomfortable act of looking people in the eye or risk being looked down on is NOT a superpower #being unable to do anything but watch 1 cartoon over & over again because everything else makes me wanna die is NOT. A. SUPERPOWER. #''b-b-but in the wild this would've been useful!!1!'' yeah alotta shit that a lot of different kinds of people can do is useful #stop acting like because autism is stigmatized you can go around pushing everyone else down. #in THAT specific situation #you're reinventing supremacy & genocide & you're too caught up in this delusion to see it

[zosonils]

honestly at the point where i'm considering spending money on flight rising but i'm very very hesitant to let myself get into the habit of In App Purchases even in a game that's not particularly predatory about it

#like as far as web games with premium currency go i think fr is pretty good about making it actually optional instead of pretend optional #but i'm still wary because i think my specific combination of issues puts me at significantly higher risk of getting addicted to stuff #hence why i avoid things like caffeine and gacha games and drugs/alcohol like the fucking plague. better safe than sorry y'know #but maaaaan i have a lot of projects in the works that i need gem items to perfect lmao #and as opposed to almost every other facet of my online experience i actually respect flight rising instead of only begrudgingly using it #so like i wouldn't feel bad about dropping 20-30 dollars on funny dragon game but i really don't want to risk it becoming a habit is all #anyway enough of that anxious overthinking shit lol. do any of you play flight rising do you wanna see my dragons

[milo-is-rambling]

Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*

#and don’t say take your medication #fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you #we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere #between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no #where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck #fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T #THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS #I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing #AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN #I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn #i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy #with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices #but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it #no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop #I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England #Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by #the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now #every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I #feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning #and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and #Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it #I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

[orcelito]

tfw u sleep like 4 hours but then u wake up to piss and then u try to go back to sleep and just. cant.

so im running on 4 hours of sleep when i tried to get 8. perfect for my exam in a few hours haha

#speculation nation #negative/ #i havent been posting as much bc i have been. mentally in a hole. #ive had a headache for days that just isnt going away. sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse #i thought it was caffeine withdrawal but i had Plenty of caffeine yesterday and it still didnt go away #my body's been teasing my period for Days which is REALLY frustrating. a lil spotting like 'haha is it gonna start? is it?' #before not showing anything else for a day before doing it again #like for fuck's sake stop making me waste pads & just get it OVER with #it's probably stress. i fucking hate periods and i fucking hate My periods. my body's so fucking picky #anyways i have a triple shot latte bc i knew i'd need it. trying to do some last minute studying #i really dont want to go to this exam. some part of me just wants to say Fuck It and just stop trying with this class entirely #but if i dont go to this exam im not going to have any chance of passing. and i dont want to waste more money. #i'm just... ugh. it's all school. it's All school. always 100% it's school that makes me feel this way. #anytime im working with no school it's tiring but not as bone-deeply agonizing. i never feel rested when i'm in school. #ugh. i hate it so much #menstruation ment/ #maybe a little tmi but do i give a shit? not really lmao #you can probably see the sleep deprivation clear as day in this post

[imnotverybright]

today was such a good day

i had a fun time at work. i moved some heavy shit so my shift lead went "wow you're so strong!" :). it wasn't too busy but when it was my coworkers were being funny so it wasnt really stressful.

after work i saw two of my friends crossing the street on my way home so i yelled at them then drove ahead of where they were going, then i hid in a bush and scared them. we talked for a few minutes and i got to try their franken-slushy (i thought it was grape flavored because it was purple. it was blue raspberry+watermelon+white monster. not grape)

i went home and sat with the cats for a bit, sardine and salmon were being very sweet

i went to the pool and went night swimming with two other friends, one of which i havent seen for months, and we desecrated a pineapple

now im in bed and sardine is snuggling with me and being sweet

#love #i should make posts likethis more often #it's like a diary entry #reminds me to look at the good that happened in the day #also i listened to some new music and it was good! #at work one of my coworkers was caffeinated so she had a ton of energy and was being weird and infected all of us during the rush #it was so fun and i didnt wanna leave #there were 3 of us dealing with the rush and we all had weird energy and it was a great time #i also got some shit done!! i was a little productive #i demolished my laundry pile and put a ton of things awaya nd now my room feels clear :)